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00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:09,183
[theme music]
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00:00:09,184 --> 00:00:10,487
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
3
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,446
? Gonna have myself a time
4
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,056
- ? Friendly faces
everywhere ?
5
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,927
? Humble folks
without temptation ?
6
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,146
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
7
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,930
? Gonna leave my woes behind ?
8
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,716
- ? Ample parking day
or night ?
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00:00:20,717 --> 00:00:22,630
? People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ?
10
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:23,848
- ? I'm headin' on down
to South Park ?
11
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,851
? Gonna see
if I can't unwind ?
12
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:29,115
- ? [mumbling] ?
13
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,333
- ? Come on down
to South Park ?
14
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,162
? And meet some friends
of mine ?
15
00:00:34,812 --> 00:00:36,861
[twangy music]
16
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,864
[school bell rings]
17
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,954
- Hey, fellas! Fellas!
18
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566
You wanna know what time
I woke up this morning?
19
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,655
- What time?
- Around six-seven!
20
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,005
all: Six-seven!
21
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,528
- Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.
22
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,878
Did you guys do your homework
last night?
23
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:56,490
I tried to, but I got stuck on
problems six and seven!
24
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,100
all: Six-seven!
25
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,320
- [Butters laughs]
26
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,755
Hey, Eric!
27
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,365
- I know, Butters. I know.
Don't do it to me.
28
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:04,324
It's too funny.
- But I just did a six-seven
29
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,369
with Annie and Megan
at the same time!
30
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,110
- Yeah, five minutes ago
I snuck up on Wendy
31
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,503
and totally six-seven'd
her from behind.
32
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:10,721
- Wow!
- Hey, Scott.
33
00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:12,042
How's your diabetes, man?
34
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,597
- My diabetes?
- Yeah, what's your A1C at?
35
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,120
- 6.7.
36
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,818
all: Six-seven!
37
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,123
- [laughs] Oh, my God.
38
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,561
So fucking funny.
39
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:26,172
[indistinct chatter]
40
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,956
- All right, everyone,
listen up.
41
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,915
I've gotten a lot of reports
of disruptions in the classroom
42
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:33,789
and some satanic numerology
shit going on.
43
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,792
So I want to remind you this is
a Power Christian school,
44
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:38,314
and I am
a Power Christian Principal,
45
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:40,011
and we will be PC!
46
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:42,058
So now I want you to hear
from someone
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00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,017
who is the highest authority
on Biblical prophecies.
48
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,846
This person is an absolute
expert on the end of days
49
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,718
and the coming
of the Antichrist.
50
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,503
Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.
51
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,765
[upbeat music playing]
52
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:57,813
- ? Peter Thiel
knows about the Antichrist ?
53
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,858
? Peter Thiel knows about
the Antichrist ?
54
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:06,082
- ? I'm Peter Thiel and I know
about the Antichrist ?
55
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:07,561
SINGERS: ? Let's learn about
the Antichrist today ?
56
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- ? Today
57
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,390
Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel,
and I'm here to talk to you
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00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,132
about the Antichrist!
59
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:14,873
[one person clapping]
60
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,266
OK, so first,
what is the Antichrist?
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00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,355
The Antichrist is a newer,
more human form of Satan
62
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that will soon walk the Earth.
63
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,228
We don't know how soon
it will walk the Earth,
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00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,186
but it could be within
the next six to seven weeks.
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KIDS: Six-seven!
66
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758
- Uh, kay.
67
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,715
Uh, you see,
Satan was a fallen angel
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and God punished him,
69
00:02:33,284 --> 00:02:35,980
and to make sure that Satan
could never have offspring,
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00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,897
the Lord God did shrink
Satan's asshole
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to the size
of a tiny, little pinhole
72
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,643
so nothing could ever penetrate
and ejaculate inside of it.
73
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,342
So Satan could never
have a butt baby until
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00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,648
along came Mr. Donald Trunp,
75
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,824
whose penis is so teeny,
teeny tiny
76
00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:56,654
it could actually fit
in Satan's asshole.
77
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,595
How small is
Donald Trump's penis?
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00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,224
Somewhere between six and seven
centimeters.
79
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:04,706
KIDS: Six-seven!
80
00:03:04,707 --> 00:03:07,055
- Hey, look, this is very
important, people.
81
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,666
OK, the Antichrist is coming.
82
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,321
The Bible refers to the eagle,
which refers to America,
83
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,280
the fourth seal broken,
and hell coming to Earth.
84
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:18,285
It's right here
in Revelations 6...
85
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,763
six-seven.
86
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:22,289
KIDS: Six-seven!
87
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,551
- [laughing]
88
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,336
- Good, and breathe in
through your nose. [inhales]
89
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,033
[exhales]
And out through your mouth.
90
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,732
In-two, three four.
91
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,734
And exhale-two, three, four.
92
00:03:32,735 --> 00:03:34,430
Good.
Let your shoulders soften.
93
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,259
Let your jaw relax.
94
00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:39,000
Now gentle pressure on the hips
as your partner exhales.
95
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,001
Good.
96
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,526
- This is so boring!
97
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702
- How about you shut up
and do your job?
98
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,703
- Ah, come on, Satan!
99
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,096
How about we just go home
and fuck?
100
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:49,968
We haven't had sex in forever.
101
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,275
- That's because it's bad
for the baby.
102
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,495
- Yeah, but fuck the baby.
This is stupid!
103
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,375
- Did you just say
"fuck the baby"?
104
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,716
- Hey, relax, guy.
105
00:03:58,717 --> 00:04:00,674
I didn't mean like
really fuck the baby!
106
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,502
- No, you know what?
You can just go home.
107
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,765
I'll finish this myself.
108
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,825
You can go home
and jack off if you want.
109
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,899
INSTRUCTOR: [exhales]
Perfect.
110
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,432
[belt clinking, zipper opens]
111
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:27,875
[door opens]
112
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,007
- Hello, boss!
113
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,661
- Ah! Shit!
114
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:31,966
- Good news, boss,
115
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:34,751
we just shut down
another abortion clinic.
116
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,710
- Oh, yeah, great.
That's great.
117
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:37,973
- Yes, boss.
118
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,671
You've made all the Christians
so happy.
119
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:44,370
Of course, there is still
one more clinic
120
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329
that will still perform
abortions
121
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,244
right here in town.
122
00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:49,288
[dramatic musical sting]
123
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,941
- There is?
- Oh, yes.
124
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,162
How unfortunate
that some babies
125
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,121
will not be able to be born.
126
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:59,473
As Christians, we can't allow
this to continue.
127
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,779
Perhaps you should go speak
128
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,520
with this abortion doctor
personally.
129
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,132
- Yeah. Yeah!
130
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,311
[knock on door]
- Come on.
131
00:05:11,922 --> 00:05:15,531
- PC Principal,
do you have a minute?
132
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,011
- Sure, Jesus.
What do you need?
133
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,797
- I'm starting to wonder
if I really fit in here.
134
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,451
- Course you fit in.
135
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,583
This school's been a cesspool
of heathen left-wing
136
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,542
little bitches, and only our
faith is gonna set them right.
137
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,979
- Could I ask exactly
138
00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:32,027
what branch of Christianity
are you?
139
00:05:32,028 --> 00:05:33,375
- The kind that
loves his country
140
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,366
and doesn't tolerate
any fucking fags.
141
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,641
- Yeah, see, I-I really think
I don't belong here.
142
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,556
- Look, I understand
it's a tough transition.
143
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,210
You know,
the vice principal here
144
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:44,473
had the same conflict as you,
but she's really come around.
145
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,389
- The vice principal?
Your wife?
146
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,781
- That's right.
147
00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:49,696
Can you send in Strong
Christian Woman, please?
148
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:52,220
She was saying this wasn't
the place for her anymore,
149
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,353
but just this last weekend,
she converted to Christianity.
150
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,225
[knocks]
151
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,922
- You wanted to see me?
152
00:05:57,923 --> 00:05:59,619
- Yeah, Strong Christian Woman,
I was just telling Jesus
153
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:00,670
here about our faith.
154
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,624
- Oh, yes, it's been
such a blessing.
155
00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:06,103
- She converted on Saturday.
What do you think, huh?
156
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,105
You ever seen a more Christian
chick in your fucking life?
157
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543
- Never.
158
00:06:09,544 --> 00:06:11,239
- Look,
I know it's a hard adjustment,
159
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,458
but just stick with it,
160
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,749
and you're gonna fit in here
just fine, Jesus.
161
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,554
- [soft muttering]
162
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,777
[snickers]
163
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,519
[giggles]
164
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,477
- Everything go good at school
today, honey?
165
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,870
- [stifling laughter]
Yep, yep. School was good.
166
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,222
School was pretty good.
[snickering]
167
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,702
- Is everything OK, honey?
168
00:06:38,703 --> 00:06:39,833
- Yeah. Everything's fine.
169
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,269
It's fine.
170
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:43,500
Mom? Uh, could I-
could I ask you something?
171
00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:44,664
- Sure, Eric.
172
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014
- Do you know, um-
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00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,581
do you know on average,
174
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,931
um, at what age kids
lose their baby teeth?
175
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,585
- Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
176
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,804
I guess usually around
six, seven?
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00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:57,852
- [laughing]
178
00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,032
OK.
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00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,245
- Eric, what?
180
00:07:00,246 --> 00:07:01,637
- No, nothing. Nothing.
I'm sorry.
181
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,028
[clears throat]
I'm sorry.
182
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:05,381
I was just, uh-
I was just, um-
183
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,922
I was just thinking about
your menstrual cycle.
184
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,690
- My menstrual cycle?
185
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561
- Yeah, I was just wondering
186
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,302
when you actual menstruate,
Mom.
187
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:17,349
Like, roughly, how many days
does that last?
188
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:18,654
- Well, Eric,
it's usually around
189
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,047
six to seven days
that a woman-
190
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:25,096
- [laughing]
191
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,272
Oh. Oh. [choking]
192
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,753
[laughing, choking]
193
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,451
[retching]
194
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,933
[retching continues]
195
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,110
- Eric? Sweetie?
196
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,287
- [coughs, pants]
197
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:45,203
- Eric, what is going on?
This keeps happening.
198
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,206
- Mom, Mom,
you gotta tell me something.
199
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,555
- Of course, honey.
200
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,731
- Roughly how many nights-
[gags]
201
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,167
have I been throwing up
at dinner?
202
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,777
- I-I don't know, Eric.
203
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,257
It's probably been
six or seven nights-
204
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,086
- [laughing]
205
00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:01,611
[vomiting]
206
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,015
[knock on door]
207
00:08:09,016 --> 00:08:10,619
- Hey, Jesus,
get your stuff, man.
208
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,403
We're going out for drinks.
- What?
209
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:13,622
- Look,
I know it's been hard for you
210
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,928
trying to adjust here
and everything,
211
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,364
so the wife and I were talking
212
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,496
and we found
a nice Christian lady
213
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,671
we're gonna set you up with.
214
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,630
- Oh, I don't think so.
Thanks, but-
215
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,414
- Oh, come on, man.
She's a really great woman,
216
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,373
and she just converted
to Christianity.
217
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:29,683
My wife met her at the same
place that she became Christian.
218
00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:31,597
WOMAN: So then I was like,
"You know what?
219
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,381
I need a new direction
in my life.
220
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,992
It's like I just got so sick of
everyone being such a pussy
221
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,951
all the time,
and all this woke garbage
222
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,693
and women trying to be men.
223
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:41,650
So I just started reading
the Bible, you know?
224
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,173
I mean, I didn't actually
read the Bible,
225
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:44,871
but I listened to
a lot of podcasts.
226
00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:46,568
And once I went through
my transition, I was like,
227
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,136
"This is great,"
228
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,139
only now, guys are always
checking out my Christianity.
229
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:52,792
- Sorry,
could you all excuse me?
230
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272
I need to go to the bathroom.
231
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,926
- Sure thing, Jesus.
232
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496
- He seems nice.
233
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,287
- [sighs]
234
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,166
[light music playing]
235
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:25,041
? ?
236
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:28,045
- Miss Davidson?
237
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:32,615
Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
238
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,182
- Oh, yeah, that's me!
239
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,097
I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.
240
00:09:36,098 --> 00:09:37,532
I'm just here
to get an abortion.
241
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,882
[chuckles]
242
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,322
- The doctor's right in here...
ma'am.
243
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,760
- Hey, doc!
244
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,679
All right, listen,
245
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,768
I need you to perform an
abortion, but it's not for me.
246
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,073
It's for my partner.
247
00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,394
And you can't tell anyone,
248
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,295
not even my partner.
249
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905
- How am I supposed to do that?
250
00:10:01,906 --> 00:10:03,427
- Well, you're gonna come
with me, see,
251
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,951
and we're gonna sneak
into my house,
252
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:08,082
and you're gonna suck that thing
out while everyone's asleep.
253
00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:10,304
- You house wouldn't happen
to be white, would it?
254
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:11,625
- Hey! How do you know that?
255
00:10:11,626 --> 00:10:13,742
- Look, Mr. President,
I've seen the news.
256
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,484
If you got Satan pregnant,
that's your responsibility.
257
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,312
- Well, it's your
responsibility now!
258
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,096
Or else I'll sue you,
how about that?
259
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:22,099
- Even if I wanted
to help you, sir,
260
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,013
I have no idea
how to perform an abortion
261
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581
on the offspring of Satan.
262
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,844
To do that, you'd need some kind
of expert on the Antichrist.
263
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,805
[upbeat music]
264
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,677
SINGERS: ? Peter Thiel knows
about the Antichrist ?
265
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:37,940
? Peter Thiel knows
about the Antichrist ?
266
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:42,858
- ? I'm Peter Thiel and I know
about the Antichrist ?
267
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:45,295
?
268
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,689
All right, listen,
269
00:10:46,690 --> 00:10:48,777
you people have a very serious
problem here.
270
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:51,127
Your students appear to be in
some kind of cult
271
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:52,868
involving the numbers six
and seven.
272
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,697
- All right,
so what should we do?
273
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,699
- I'm going to need access to
all your school's private data-
274
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,919
school records, health records,
and of course,
275
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,355
all security cameras.
276
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,924
- Oh, no, look,
I don't think we need it-
277
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056
- Is this really
what we've come to?
278
00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:08,188
Freely handing people's
personal data over
279
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,139
to some tech billionaire
preaching shit about the Bible?
280
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,500
- You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
281
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:18,589
- Come on, man, you became a
Christian like three months ago.
282
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,330
- Yeah,
I've got fucking faith, dude!
283
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,941
What do you have,
you little bitch?
284
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,159
You wanna throw down, bro?
285
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,813
- OK, hey, hey, hey-
286
00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:25,945
- You wanna see what it feels
like to talk shit
287
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:27,250
about Christians, dude?
288
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,817
[grunting]
289
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,166
- I'll kick your heathen ass,
bro!
290
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:36,565
[mechanical droning]
291
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,002
[loud whirring]
292
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:43,397
[thrumming]
293
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,328
- All right, just try
to be still, Eric.
294
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,184
- Doctor,
could I ask a question?
295
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,576
- Of course.
296
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,535
- About how long-
[stifled laughter]
297
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,102
do you need me to be still?
298
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,973
- Just about ten seconds, Eric.
299
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:55,024
- OK.
300
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,804
So how long now?
301
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,327
- Just another six, seven
seconds, Eric-
302
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,330
- [laughter]
303
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:05,681
[vomiting]
304
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:09,206
[steady beeping]
305
00:12:09,207 --> 00:12:11,164
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman,
but we can't pinpoint
306
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,688
the source of his illness.
307
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:14,602
- [snorting]
308
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:17,214
- If he continues to vomit
this much daily,
309
00:12:17,215 --> 00:12:19,389
I'm afraid it could be
life threatening.
310
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,043
- But, doctor,
311
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,872
if I'm not able
to keep any food down,
312
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,876
roughly how long would it take-
[stifled laughter]
313
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,837
roughly how long would it take
for the human body to die?
314
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,012
- Eric, I'm gonna be very honest
with you.
315
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,839
Without sufficient nutrients,
316
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,754
the body shuts down
after six to seven weeks.
317
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,367
- [laughing]
318
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,369
[vomit splatting]
319
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:44,458
[keyboard clacking]
320
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,677
- Excuse me, that's my computer.
321
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:49,202
- Yes. And your computer
has all the personal data
322
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,133
of the students here.
- It's OK, Jesus,
323
00:12:51,134 --> 00:12:52,640
Peter Thiel knows
what he's doing.
324
00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:54,642
- I've downloaded all
the students' information
325
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,254
and loaded them into an
AI face detection program
326
00:12:57,255 --> 00:12:59,778
so the school's security cameras
can watch their every move.
327
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,519
Now look.
328
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,651
Two students passing each other
in the hallway.
329
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,610
They give each other the sign-
six, seven.
330
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,918
Exactly 67 seconds later,
331
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,182
this odd parka-wearing child
makes the same gesture.
332
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,705
And then
inside the girls bathroom,
333
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:17,099
two girls doing the same thing.
334
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,538
- Wait, why is there a camera
inside the girls bathroom?
335
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,063
- To stop the Antichrist.
336
00:13:23,064 --> 00:13:25,281
Now I'm following the lead
on this girl here.
337
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:28,502
She went home
to 67 Mala Vista Drive.
338
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,460
Going through her family's
medical records,
339
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:33,072
I found that her father has
testicular cancer
340
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:36,990
and 67 days ago,
had one testicle removed.
341
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,514
- That really feels like
none of our business.
342
00:13:39,515 --> 00:13:41,167
- I don't know how
I'm supposed to work
343
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,647
with Nosy Nancy peering over
my shoulder all the time.
344
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,214
- Jesus, let's you and me
have a quick chin wiggle
345
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,390
out in the hall.
346
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,313
[door shuts]
347
00:13:52,609 --> 00:13:54,615
[sinister music]
348
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,313
- I'm getting close.
349
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360
I almost have the key
to stop it from happening.
350
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,143
? ?
351
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,537
- We are running out of time,
Mr. Thiel.
352
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,974
The Antichrist is coming.
353
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:10,283
Satan is shopping for
baby strollers as we speak.
354
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:13,200
- If I'm going to learn
what these numbers mean,
355
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,333
I'm going to need access to
every government database.
356
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,814
- You will have it, Mr. Thiel.
357
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,511
Nothing is more important
than making sure
358
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:24,906
this baby is not born.
359
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,126
?
360
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:30,826
[soft sentimental music]
361
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,481
- Look, man, I know it's tough,
362
00:14:33,482 --> 00:14:35,525
but you gotta understand
that drastic times
363
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:38,006
call for drastic measures.
364
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,706
- I just don't feel good about
treating people this way.
365
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,563
I think the most important thing
still has to be loving
366
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,145
and respecting each other.
367
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,582
?
368
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:50,149
- All right, man,
I need to ask you something
369
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:52,282
and I need you
to tell me the truth.
370
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415
Are you a fag?
371
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:56,155
- No. That has nothing to do
with it. It just-
372
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,765
- Are you fucking sure?
373
00:14:57,766 --> 00:15:00,463
- I'm just trying to say that
I'm really confused right now.
374
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,161
- OK, but confused like you
don't know if you're attracted
375
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,814
to dudes, or like what?
376
00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:07,993
- Like how we can just change
everything about who we are.
377
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,559
- I think you still
just don't understand
378
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,172
what Christians today
are about.
379
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:17,090
Come on. There's someone I think
you should talk to.
380
00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:18,742
WOMAN:
Oh, yes, the Antichrist!
381
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,441
I've listened to a lot
of podcasts about that.
382
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,834
Everyone keeps saying
how the Antichrist is coming,
383
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,401
but I'm like "He already did!
384
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:28,056
I was married to him in 2018!"
385
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,145
But seriously, if he saw
how Christian I was now,
386
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,930
he'd probably shit his pants.
387
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,671
[snorts]
Don't be jealous.
388
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,456
He's so funny.
389
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:42,201
[militaristic music]
390
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:46,945
?
391
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,817
- Hey.
392
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950
Hey, Satan.
393
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919
- Hello, boss.
- Ah! Fuck! Shit!
394
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,659
- Oh, sorry, boss.
395
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,835
I did not know
Satan was sleeping.
396
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,793
- Yeah, that's all he ever does
anymore.
397
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,535
- Poor boss.
398
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:14,233
If you're going to jack off,
shall I fetch your cum rag?
399
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,931
- Hey! I wasn't jacking off!
400
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:16,975
- Sure thing, boss.
401
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,803
I'll go get your cum rag.
402
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,720
[sinister music]
403
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,853
[buttons dialing]
404
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,681
What is taking you so long?
405
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,683
- I'm very close to finding
the secret of the numbers.
406
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,641
I've narrowed it down
to one little boy
407
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,469
who seems more possessed
than the others.
408
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,950
- Then deal with him,
409
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,082
and keep it quiet.
410
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,694
Nobody can know
that we are working together.
411
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,521
When I become president,
412
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:45,265
I will give you full access
to everyone's data.
413
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,528
- I've already spoken
with the mother,
414
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:51,053
and I'm on my way now
to face the child.
415
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:54,055
[eerie piano music]
416
00:16:54,056 --> 00:17:00,019
?
417
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,545
SINGERS: ? Peter Thiel knows
about the Antichrist ?
418
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:08,591
? Peter Thiel knows
about the Antichrist ?
419
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:13,944
- ? I'm Peter Thiel and I know
about the Antichrist ?
420
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,816
SINGERS: ? Let's deal with
the Antichrist today ?
421
00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,558
- ? Today
422
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,298
Is your son home?
423
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,517
- Yes, Mr. Thiel.
424
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:25,000
He's right upstairs.
425
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,785
- [muttering, chuckling]
426
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:37,752
[coughing, sniffing]
427
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:42,103
[stifling laughter]
428
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,368
- Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
429
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,718
I'm here to help our country.
430
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,328
- Uh, OK.
431
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:52,462
- I came to see you...
432
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161
in an Uber, Eric.
433
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,816
- [stifling laughter]
434
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,906
- Would you like to know how
long it took me to get here?
435
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,300
- How long?
436
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,389
- It took...
437
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:08,869
around six or seven minutes.
I'm not really-
438
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,915
- [vomiting]
439
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,135
[laughing]
440
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,136
No way! No way!
441
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,617
[laughing]
442
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:20,402
- You know, they're all just
a bunch of libtards anyways.
443
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,535
I know what's up.
I listen to podcasts.
444
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,537
You wanna know who I think
the Antichrist is?
445
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,061
Greta Thunberg.
446
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,362
With her stupid haircut
and her dumb bangs.
447
00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:30,673
Someone should yank out
whatever's up her ass.
448
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,372
[snorts]
449
00:18:32,373 --> 00:18:33,546
- I can't.
450
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,679
I just can't!
451
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,166
- Everything all right, bud?
452
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,775
- No, everything's
not all right!
453
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,604
I don't know what
I'm doing here!
454
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,258
- You're trying to get with
the program, bro!
455
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,130
Peggy Rockbottom is
a hot Christian girl,
456
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,045
now stop acting gay!
457
00:18:54,046 --> 00:18:56,612
- Look, I don't know what
you think Christianity is,
458
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:59,180
but it has nothing to do
with that.
459
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,703
- What are you saying?
460
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,966
- I'm saying that you
and a lot of other people
461
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,795
seem to have a very warped sense
of what Christianity is.
462
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,450
- Are you questioning my faith?
463
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,364
You wanna fucking go?
464
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,671
- No, I don't want
to fucking go.
465
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:14,152
- You got a problem, bro?
- No, I don't have a problem.
466
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,023
You actually have a problem.
467
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,547
You need a way to bully people
468
00:19:17,548 --> 00:19:19,200
and you're using the Bible
to do it.
469
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,246
[grunts]
470
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:24,511
PC PRINCIPAL: You like that?
Yeah! You want some more?
471
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,297
- I'm not gonna fight you!
472
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:32,188
- Damn right you won't, 'cause
you're a gay little pussy!
473
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,304
Yeah, don't come back!
474
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698
You're gonna get some more,
bitch!
475
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,352
[Cartman coughing]
476
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,354
PETER: Tell me what it means!
477
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,051
- [laughing, coughing]
478
00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:45,879
- The Lord labored six days
479
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,447
and on the seventh, He rested!
480
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:50,145
- [laughing]
481
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017
- You will tell me
the significance!
482
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,674
There's nothing more
I can do here.
483
00:19:57,805 --> 00:20:00,633
I have to take him
to Washington D.C.
484
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,072
- Washington?
Oh, no, he can't travel now.
485
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,899
He's very sick.
486
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:09,904
- Your son is the key to saving
our country, Ms. Cartman.
487
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,906
Everything we hold dear
could end.
488
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,301
We have to unlock the secrets
he holds,
489
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,695
no matter what it takes.
490
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:21,611
["Sister Christian"
by Night Ranger]
491
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:25,267
? ?
492
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:30,533
- ? Sister Christian,
oh, the time has come ?
493
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,842
? And you know
that you're the only one ?
494
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,976
? To say "OK" ?
495
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,501
? ?
496
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:46,766
? Where you going?
What you looking for? ?
497
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:51,075
? You know those boys don't
wanna play no more ?
498
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,512
? With you ?
499
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:56,080
? It's true
500
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:59,345
? ?
501
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,304
[driving beat]
502
00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:07,657
? ?
503
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,443
? You're motorin' ?
504
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,751
? What's your price
for flight? ?
505
00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:21,105
? In finding Mr. Right
506
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:24,717
? You'll be all right tonight ?
507
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:28,112
?
508
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,765
- Fuck yeah, Jesus!
509
00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:31,767
- ? You're motorin'
510
00:21:31,768 --> 00:21:36,991
? What's your price
for flight? ?
511
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:39,385
? In finding Mr. Right? ?
512
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,256
- Let's fucking go, bro!
513
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:45,738
- Yes, baby! Yes!
514
00:21:45,739 --> 00:21:48,611
- ? Tonight
515
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,965
[theme music]
516
00:21:55,096 --> 00:22:01,972
? ?
517
00:22:02,022 --> 00:22:06,572
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