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*Subs By Movie Eye Land*
www.MoviEyeLand.com
1
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In every group of
friends, there's always one guy
2
00:00:14,355 --> 00:00:17,990
who can best be described as
the inappropriate one.
3
00:00:17,992 --> 00:00:20,459
I call that guy a Barry.
4
00:00:20,461 --> 00:00:24,997
A Barry says and does things
other people only think.
5
00:00:24,999 --> 00:00:28,834
And he does not know the word propriety.
6
00:00:28,836 --> 00:00:30,669
There are all kinds of Barrys.
7
00:00:30,671 --> 00:00:32,371
Old Barrys...
8
00:00:34,574 --> 00:00:36,542
young Barrys...
9
00:00:38,879 --> 00:00:41,213
and Barrys all over the world.
10
00:00:44,684 --> 00:00:47,053
And that's me and my three
best friends when we were ten.
11
00:00:47,055 --> 00:00:48,921
The one on the end, that's our Barry.
12
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,990
His name is Barry.
13
00:00:50,992 --> 00:00:53,259
Growing up we thought Barry was hilarious.
14
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:57,196
He played pranks on girls,
he infuriated teachers
15
00:00:57,198 --> 00:00:58,731
and we loved him for it.
16
00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:00,399
But, as we've gotten older,
17
00:01:00,401 --> 00:01:02,935
and started having careers,
wives, and families,
18
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:04,003
he's become an embarrassment,
19
00:01:04,005 --> 00:01:06,739
a detriment to our
livelihoods and reputations,
20
00:01:06,741 --> 00:01:09,208
a social wrecking ball.
21
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:11,043
I believe friendship has no limits.
22
00:01:11,045 --> 00:01:13,879
At least I did...
until Barry went too far.
23
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:10,970
He never, um, passed up a opportunity
24
00:02:10,972 --> 00:02:13,172
to appreciate a moment.
25
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:17,076
My, dad had so many great qualities.
26
00:02:17,078 --> 00:02:20,212
Um... he was loyal.
27
00:02:21,014 --> 00:02:23,849
He always put others before himself.
28
00:02:23,851 --> 00:02:28,521
He made an indelible
impression on... on everyone:
29
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,924
my mom, my son JT, and myself.
30
00:02:31,926 --> 00:02:36,462
Especially during that tough
time after my wife passed away.
31
00:02:36,464 --> 00:02:39,265
So for all these reasons and
32
00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:41,667
really too many more to count...
33
00:02:42,469 --> 00:02:44,370
I'll miss you, Dad.
34
00:02:49,109 --> 00:02:51,443
Thank you so much, Rafe.
35
00:02:51,445 --> 00:02:53,946
Does anyone else have any remembrances
36
00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:57,116
they'd like to honor the deceased with?
37
00:02:57,118 --> 00:03:01,520
Just a simple anecdote or
memory to honor him by?
38
00:03:03,056 --> 00:03:04,523
Really?
39
00:03:04,525 --> 00:03:05,958
Oh, I should say something.
40
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,226
I should say something.
41
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,961
- No you should not.
- Yes, I should.
42
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:11,063
Rafe's dad is not getting
the tribute he deserves.
43
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,698
We gotta celebrate the man's life.
44
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,133
I think it's fine.
It's fine.
45
00:03:14,135 --> 00:03:15,134
Next time, man.
46
00:03:15,136 --> 00:03:16,268
Next time?
47
00:03:17,872 --> 00:03:19,038
- Barry.
- Anyone?
48
00:03:20,141 --> 00:03:21,207
Sir?
49
00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:24,643
Barry, have you thought about
what you're gonna say?
50
00:03:24,645 --> 00:03:26,212
Yeah, for years.
51
00:03:29,816 --> 00:03:30,849
No, no, no.
52
00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:32,785
- Hey, hey, shh.
- No, no.
53
00:03:36,189 --> 00:03:37,323
Thank you.
54
00:03:38,925 --> 00:03:40,092
I don't...
55
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,061
Hi, ev-hi-whoa...
56
00:03:42,063 --> 00:03:43,562
it's louder than I thought.
57
00:03:43,564 --> 00:03:46,265
My name, for those of you
who don't know me,
58
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,334
is, Barry Burke.
59
00:03:48,336 --> 00:03:52,171
And, I been friends
with Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond
60
00:03:52,173 --> 00:03:54,673
since we all went to camp
together in the fifth grade.
61
00:03:54,675 --> 00:03:56,875
It was the best time of my life.
62
00:03:56,877 --> 00:03:59,578
Our motto back then was, "Pals forever,"
63
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,046
and it still is today.
64
00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:02,781
As a matter of fact,
the first time I met Rafe
65
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:04,216
he proved to me what a great pal he was
66
00:04:04,218 --> 00:04:06,585
by pulling Suzy Henchey off me
67
00:04:06,587 --> 00:04:08,587
when she tried to choke me
for kissing her.
68
00:04:08,589 --> 00:04:09,922
Do you remember that?
69
00:04:09,924 --> 00:04:11,957
Her, her reaction
pretty much set the trend
70
00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:14,360
for my present romantic life.
71
00:04:14,362 --> 00:04:15,561
It is not good.
72
00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,931
The point-the point is,
um,
73
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,134
I'd be remiss if I didn't say
a few words about his dad,
74
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,135
because he was such a special
guy to-to all of us.
75
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,971
I remember the time
in sixth grade when he...
76
00:04:25,973 --> 00:04:28,574
he came to our school
and snuck us out of PE.
77
00:04:28,576 --> 00:04:30,976
Took us to our first porno flick.
78
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:32,945
I'll never forget that.
79
00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,680
Kurt, you popped in your pants
right there in the theater.
80
00:04:34,682 --> 00:04:37,916
Kurt the Squirt, that's where
that nickname came from.
81
00:04:37,918 --> 00:04:39,251
That's interesting.
82
00:04:39,253 --> 00:04:40,986
I remember thinking to myself,
83
00:04:40,988 --> 00:04:44,156
"Jeez, Louise, that is a lot
of semen for a ten-year old."
84
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:46,292
I remember... I remember
we all had to clean it up.
85
00:04:46,294 --> 00:04:47,226
Didn't happen.
86
00:04:47,228 --> 00:04:49,061
Talk about leaving an indelible mark.
87
00:04:49,063 --> 00:04:50,996
I'll never forget that one.
88
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:52,097
I think maybe you should...
89
00:04:52,099 --> 00:04:53,599
Yeah, yeah, and I remember this other time
90
00:04:53,601 --> 00:04:55,301
in the seventh grade
91
00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:57,836
when he taught us how to smoke the weed.
92
00:04:57,838 --> 00:04:58,504
No, no, no.
93
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,505
Remember that?
94
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,775
Yeah, he taught us how to
roll it, puff it, pass it.
95
00:05:02,777 --> 00:05:04,743
He taught us how to smoke weed!
96
00:05:04,745 --> 00:05:07,279
You... you got us so blazed, dude.
97
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:10,249
You got us so blazed,
you just... come here.
98
00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:11,817
- Sir
- Oh my God!
99
00:05:11,819 --> 00:05:13,452
Photo-op, hang on,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
100
00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:15,621
You're not supposed to touch the body...
101
00:05:15,623 --> 00:05:20,159
And... and although he may have
had some honey on the side,
102
00:05:20,161 --> 00:05:22,594
he loved you, Mrs. Griggs,
he loved you,
103
00:05:22,596 --> 00:05:25,030
and I don't think there is
a single solitary soul
104
00:05:25,032 --> 00:05:27,466
in this building who doesn't know that.
105
00:05:29,536 --> 00:05:33,172
Now, I could go on, and on,
and on about this...
106
00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:34,740
...fella, but I won't.
107
00:05:36,142 --> 00:05:38,444
We're gonna raise a glass
for you tonight, Mr. Griggs,
108
00:05:38,446 --> 00:05:41,447
'cause we all know how much
you like to get your drink on.
109
00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:43,816
Boom.
110
00:05:43,818 --> 00:05:45,684
Hope they serve up there in heaven.
111
00:05:45,686 --> 00:05:47,853
All right, peace, Space Cowboy.
112
00:05:50,358 --> 00:05:51,690
Why do you push me?
113
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,893
Thank you, Mr. Burke.
114
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:56,195
That was...
115
00:05:56,697 --> 00:06:01,233
Um, if we could all just move
to the reception area,
116
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:06,238
um, very quickly,
just because I... we...
117
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,206
Come on.
118
00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:09,007
What were you thinking Barry?
119
00:06:09,009 --> 00:06:11,710
I thought everybody knew, obviously.
120
00:06:11,712 --> 00:06:14,413
No one knew, least of all my mom.
121
00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:18,717
It sounded do good in my head, Rafe.
122
00:06:18,719 --> 00:06:20,386
- It sounded so regal.
- Regal?
123
00:06:20,388 --> 00:06:21,720
Everyone probably suspected it.
124
00:06:21,722 --> 00:06:23,655
- What does that mean?
- Barry...
125
00:06:23,657 --> 00:06:25,691
Wha... it means that
everyone knows you're too busy
126
00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:27,893
chasing around random skanks
to spend any time with your son.
127
00:06:27,895 --> 00:06:29,228
That is so not true.
128
00:06:29,230 --> 00:06:30,329
Dad?
129
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:32,064
Hey, buddy. You okay?
130
00:06:32,066 --> 00:06:34,400
Are you sad 'cause...
'cause Grandpa died?
131
00:06:34,402 --> 00:06:37,102
I know, buddy.
It's, um, it's sad.
132
00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:40,105
It's really just sad, but...
133
00:06:40,107 --> 00:06:41,073
...do you know what?
134
00:06:41,075 --> 00:06:43,115
Just think of the good times and stuff.
135
00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,712
Hey, hey.
Hey, buddy.
136
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:47,913
Hi, Uncle Barry.
137
00:06:47,915 --> 00:06:49,281
Not doin' to good?
138
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,616
No, me neither.
139
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,418
Do you remember how you and your grandpa
140
00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:53,685
used to get ice cream every Sunday?
141
00:06:53,687 --> 00:06:54,920
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
142
00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:56,255
- Do you want to honor him?
- Yeah!
143
00:06:56,257 --> 00:06:57,456
Well hot dog!
Let's honor the man!
144
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,191
What are we doin' sitting here?
145
00:06:59,193 --> 00:07:00,626
Meet me over at the dessert
tray in two minutes.
146
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:01,527
We'll see who can scarf back
147
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:03,295
three chocolate chip cookies faster.
148
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:04,596
My money's on me, Short Stack.
All right?
149
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:05,964
Oh, and then... and then...
150
00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:08,033
and then we're gonna put some
crumbs in Uncle Dan's jacket
151
00:07:08,035 --> 00:07:09,535
because Uncle Dan is a you know what.
152
00:07:09,537 --> 00:07:11,203
- Scrotum.
- Total scrote-bag.
153
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:14,373
Now go ahead and swing outta
here, you little monkey.
154
00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:16,074
Wow, man, he really loves you, Barry.
155
00:07:16,076 --> 00:07:17,709
Yeah, you just gotta
make it fun, man, you know?
156
00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:18,644
It's not that hard.
157
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:19,878
Rafe, you know, you should go with him.
158
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,980
Yeah, I should.
I'll do that.
159
00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:23,148
Later.
160
00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:24,750
Excuse me. I never got a chance
to thank you.
161
00:07:24,752 --> 00:07:26,785
You run a lovely funeral, and...
162
00:07:26,787 --> 00:07:28,487
You guys are giving me shit?
163
00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,889
He's trying to get laid
at his dad's funeral.
164
00:07:30,891 --> 00:07:31,723
Oh.
165
00:07:31,725 --> 00:07:34,293
It's about the pitch.
I gotta take it.
166
00:07:34,295 --> 00:07:36,762
Let's go.
My feet are killing me.
167
00:07:36,764 --> 00:07:38,330
Okay, well, maybe just one moment longer,
168
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:40,599
you know, for Rafe, because
it's a big day for him.
169
00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:42,734
Well, it's not like we can
do anything for him.
170
00:07:42,736 --> 00:07:44,303
His dad's already dead.
171
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:47,473
I just... I'll give you
another foot massage.
172
00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:49,608
Whatevs.
Just find me when you're ready.
173
00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,310
Alright, I love you...
174
00:07:57,684 --> 00:07:58,984
Oh.
175
00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:03,589
You gotta break up with her, man.
176
00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:04,289
What?
177
00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:05,324
You gotta break up with her.
178
00:08:05,326 --> 00:08:08,126
- Are you on drugs?
- No.
179
00:08:08,128 --> 00:08:09,194
She walks all over you.
180
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:10,496
You... you... you...
you're just too blind to see it
181
00:08:10,498 --> 00:08:11,997
because you're in shock
that she talks to you,
182
00:08:11,999 --> 00:08:13,365
let alone actually dates you.
183
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:16,435
Okay, n... news flash, Desmond
and Rafe love her.
184
00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:17,637
- No they don't.
- Yeah, they do.
185
00:08:17,638 --> 00:08:18,504
No, they don't like her either.
186
00:08:18,506 --> 00:08:19,471
They're just too afraid to tell you.
187
00:08:19,473 --> 00:08:21,707
You deserve better than her.
She's mean.
188
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,308
She's manipulating you with that kiss.
189
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,377
Don't you see that?
I mean, yeah...
190
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:28,146
any guy would gladly get up
to his nuts in her guts, okay?
191
00:08:28,148 --> 00:08:29,314
That's not in dispute here, okay?
192
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,617
He problem is she's a twunt.
193
00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:32,851
It's a new term I'm using.
194
00:08:32,853 --> 00:08:36,054
It's a combo of two words.
Guess which two.
195
00:08:36,056 --> 00:08:37,322
- Twitter?
- Twat and cunt.
196
00:08:38,292 --> 00:08:39,491
Yeah.
Would you prefer cwat?
197
00:08:39,493 --> 00:08:40,492
The terms are interchangeable.
198
00:08:40,494 --> 00:08:43,228
- She's not a twunt or a cwat.
- She's both.
199
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,363
No.
200
00:08:44,365 --> 00:08:45,531
She's the one.
201
00:08:45,533 --> 00:08:47,466
She's the one.
202
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:50,502
Oh, oh...
203
00:08:50,504 --> 00:08:52,070
...oh...
204
00:08:52,072 --> 00:08:53,805
- I did it again, didn't I?
- Yeah.
205
00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:56,475
I'm kidding... I was kidding
about her being a twunt, man.
206
00:08:56,477 --> 00:08:58,877
And about her looking like
an eastern European porn star.
207
00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:01,580
You didn't say anything about her looking
like an eastern European porn star.
208
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,315
Oh, not around you, no.
209
00:09:03,317 --> 00:09:07,386
Okay, you look like...
a western European porn star.
210
00:09:07,388 --> 00:09:09,821
That's what I'm shooting for.
211
00:09:09,823 --> 00:09:11,823
You're the cwunt now, dawg.
212
00:09:11,825 --> 00:09:12,691
What?
213
00:09:12,693 --> 00:09:14,059
Peace.
214
00:09:14,994 --> 00:09:17,329
Cwunt's not even a word, Kurt!
215
00:09:18,565 --> 00:09:20,699
Hey JT.
216
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,434
Let's get to those cookies?
217
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:25,504
Oh, man, I feel so bad
about what I did to Rafe.
218
00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:26,238
It's the only thing I can think about.
219
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,409
Man, you work with a lot of
pretty ladies, don't you?
220
00:09:30,411 --> 00:09:32,411
Barry, look, I know you need
somebody to talk to right now,
221
00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:34,112
but you can't just drop by my office
222
00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,547
whenever you feel like it, okay?
223
00:09:35,549 --> 00:09:37,215
- Yeah, yeah...
- This is an important time.
224
00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:38,450
We're in the last run of this pitch.
225
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,785
I'm up for creative director.
226
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:40,852
Are you listening?
227
00:09:40,854 --> 00:09:42,120
- Yeah.
- Well then...
228
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:43,422
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
229
00:09:43,424 --> 00:09:44,823
Who is the cutey-pie?
230
00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:45,924
Yeah, that's the,
231
00:09:45,926 --> 00:09:47,459
that's the account planner
I was telling you about.
232
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,460
That's her?
233
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:49,628
I'd hate being around that all day.
234
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,129
You'd get horny enough
to go home and screw your wife
235
00:09:51,131 --> 00:09:52,497
every once in a while.
236
00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,634
Excuse me, but Rach and I
have plenty of sex.
237
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,102
Oh, you do?
I... I didn't know that.
238
00:09:57,104 --> 00:09:59,705
When was the last time
you had intercourse?
239
00:10:01,874 --> 00:10:02,874
Um...
240
00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:04,710
My point exactly, Desmond.
241
00:10:04,712 --> 00:10:07,079
Can I... Can I be totally blunt
with you for a sec?
242
00:10:07,081 --> 00:10:08,413
- Can you not be blunt?
- I don't think so.
243
00:10:08,415 --> 00:10:11,149
I tried one time.
I had a migraine for three days.
244
00:10:11,151 --> 00:10:13,318
Your marriage is not
your only problem, okay?
245
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,486
Whatever happened to high school Desmond?
246
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:15,921
He was fun!
247
00:10:15,923 --> 00:10:17,489
He, like, smoked pot
every once in a while,
248
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,458
play the keys, hang out.
249
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:23,128
Now you're like this
unrecognizable workaholic robot.
250
00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:24,563
You won't even go out for lunch with me.
251
00:10:24,565 --> 00:10:25,897
Fine.
252
00:10:25,899 --> 00:10:27,299
We'll get lunch, okay?
253
00:10:27,301 --> 00:10:28,634
Just let me finish these storyboards.
254
00:10:28,636 --> 00:10:30,602
Oh, yeah, of course.
All about the work.
255
00:10:30,604 --> 00:10:32,738
Because if we land this account, dude,
256
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:35,574
it'll be a total game-changer,
you know what I mean?
257
00:10:36,943 --> 00:10:38,176
Barry?
258
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,183
Good morning.
259
00:10:47,687 --> 00:10:49,755
Oh, come on.
Oh my God.
260
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,160
Oh.
261
00:10:55,162 --> 00:10:57,663
- That is a bad combo.
- What's that?
262
00:10:57,665 --> 00:11:00,165
Lox and sausages...
loxages.
263
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,366
Yeah, that's a lot of meat.
264
00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:02,501
- Yeah, don't do it.
- No.
265
00:11:02,503 --> 00:11:04,302
How do you get any work done around here?
266
00:11:04,304 --> 00:11:06,104
Half way to Bonerville.
267
00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:07,339
Where's Bonerville?
268
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:09,441
In my pants.
I'm fighting a semi right now.
269
00:11:09,443 --> 00:11:11,176
- A semi?
- Semi hard on.
270
00:11:11,178 --> 00:11:13,111
I'm half mast from looking at
all this talent around here.
271
00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:15,614
Yeah, well advertising does attract
272
00:11:15,616 --> 00:11:16,682
a lot of good-looking women,
so.
273
00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:17,649
Do you work here?
274
00:11:17,651 --> 00:11:19,518
Actually, I, I own the agency.
275
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,552
- What?!
- Yeah.
276
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,521
Nice moves, man.
277
00:11:22,523 --> 00:11:24,289
Oh, look at that.
It's boner o'clock.
278
00:11:24,291 --> 00:11:25,991
Barry, what are you doing?
Bill, I'm sorry.
279
00:11:25,993 --> 00:11:28,460
No, no, he...
he's cracking' me up.
280
00:11:28,462 --> 00:11:29,394
- Yeah.
- What?
281
00:11:29,396 --> 00:11:30,495
Yes. I was cracking him up.
282
00:11:30,497 --> 00:11:31,963
Just telling him
about how these women here
283
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,365
are giving me a Woodrow Wilson.
284
00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:35,834
Especially that cute brunette
account planner he pointed out.
285
00:11:35,836 --> 00:11:38,570
So, Bill, the pitch is going great.
286
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,272
No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, go ahead.
287
00:11:40,274 --> 00:11:42,808
I don't know what you're talking about.
288
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:45,210
Looka... looka... looka,
there she is right there.
289
00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:47,012
What are you... that one! Her!
290
00:11:47,014 --> 00:11:48,680
Desmond was telling me
that back when he used to
291
00:11:48,682 --> 00:11:49,848
actually have sex with his wife,
292
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:51,717
he used to imagine her instead.
293
00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:53,485
She was his closer, you know what I mean?
294
00:11:53,487 --> 00:11:54,753
And Bill, don't lie to me.
295
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,588
I know you've done the exact same thing.
296
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,589
I bet you I haven't.
297
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,757
Why, because you got ED?
298
00:11:58,759 --> 00:11:59,658
No...
299
00:11:59,660 --> 00:12:00,726
because she's my daughter.
300
00:12:05,198 --> 00:12:06,565
You made her?
301
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:08,600
Des, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.
302
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,402
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
303
00:12:10,404 --> 00:12:11,703
Seven years I put in here, Barry!
304
00:12:11,705 --> 00:12:13,672
I know, listen, I... I... I don't
want you to sweat it, okay?
305
00:12:13,674 --> 00:12:14,740
I'm gonna go back in
and I'm gonna talk to your boss.
306
00:12:14,742 --> 00:12:15,841
I'm gonna sort the whole thing out.
307
00:12:15,843 --> 00:12:17,576
Don't!
You've done enough.
308
00:12:24,717 --> 00:12:26,752
- Des, I need a ride!
- Fuck you!
309
00:12:27,755 --> 00:12:28,887
Yeah.
310
00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:31,223
Kurt, it's Barry, I...
311
00:12:31,225 --> 00:12:32,524
I feel terrible.
312
00:12:32,526 --> 00:12:35,627
Um, I got Desmond fired today
and I... I'm outside your house.
313
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,062
I really need to talk to somebody.
314
00:12:37,064 --> 00:12:39,698
So, I'm just gonna wait here
for you, all right?
315
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:40,265
Um...
316
00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:42,734
...actually I... I remember
where you keep your key.
317
00:12:42,736 --> 00:12:44,402
I think I'm just gonna let myself in.
318
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,037
So, um, I... I'll see you
when you get here.
319
00:12:46,039 --> 00:12:47,572
Okay, thanks, Bud.
320
00:12:51,577 --> 00:12:53,111
Yes.
321
00:13:00,553 --> 00:13:01,686
What?
322
00:13:02,655 --> 00:13:04,189
Okay.
323
00:13:07,727 --> 00:13:08,960
What is this?
324
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:28,680
That was fun.
325
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,448
You look so pretty tonight.
326
00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:31,683
Oh, you keep saying that.
327
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:32,918
Well it's true, you do!
328
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,452
Oh!
329
00:13:34,454 --> 00:13:35,921
I got it.
330
00:13:35,923 --> 00:13:36,955
Thanks.
331
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:38,857
That was a really good restaurant?
332
00:13:40,327 --> 00:13:42,594
What? It's rated one of the best
in the city.
333
00:13:42,596 --> 00:13:43,829
Really?
It didn't seem like it.
334
00:13:43,831 --> 00:13:44,930
Well, it is.
335
00:13:44,932 --> 00:13:46,832
Why are you being so sweet tonight?
336
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,700
'Cause I have a surprise for you.
337
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:51,269
- What kind of surprise?
- You'll see.
338
00:13:53,106 --> 00:13:54,606
- Oh!
- Oh!
339
00:13:54,608 --> 00:13:56,274
Oh!
340
00:13:56,276 --> 00:13:58,777
This is not the surprise
I was talking about.
341
00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:00,779
I'm really sorry about this.
342
00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:02,781
No.
343
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,284
I'm not gonna lie...
344
00:14:06,286 --> 00:14:07,619
...this is exactly
what it looks like.
345
00:14:07,621 --> 00:14:08,787
Okay, put it away.
346
00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:09,688
- Okay.
- Whoa.
347
00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,056
You know what, guys?
I... I am sorry.
348
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,325
Bring it on in for a hug?
349
00:14:13,327 --> 00:14:14,492
Go.
350
00:14:14,494 --> 00:14:16,494
No, no, you can't hug me, no!
351
00:14:16,496 --> 00:14:17,796
Oh!
352
00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,197
- You mean he still had a...
- Boner!
353
00:14:19,199 --> 00:14:21,833
- Oh!
- A raging boner.
354
00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:23,702
So it was less of a hug
and more of a dry hump.
355
00:14:23,704 --> 00:14:26,738
He was practically inside of
her, for crying out loud.
356
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,807
So she dumped me, naturally.
357
00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:30,642
She said if I'm still friends with Barry,
358
00:14:30,644 --> 00:14:32,644
I'm practically as juvenile as he is.
359
00:14:32,646 --> 00:14:33,678
Sorry, bud.
360
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,880
It doesn't matter anymore.
361
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:36,681
Guys, I know we've been friends with Barry
362
00:14:36,683 --> 00:14:40,185
since before we hit puberty, but, um...
363
00:14:40,187 --> 00:14:41,653
I'm over it.
364
00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:42,754
I am over it.
365
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,689
I mean the dude's heart's
in the right place,
366
00:14:44,691 --> 00:14:46,992
but, let's face it, man, he is a menace.
367
00:14:46,994 --> 00:14:50,362
I mean when we were kids it
was great, yeah, it was fun.
368
00:14:50,364 --> 00:14:51,763
We're adults now.
369
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,331
We're trying to have families
370
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:56,334
and careers and relationships, Kurt,
371
00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:58,837
and Barry's making that impossible.
372
00:14:59,872 --> 00:15:01,907
- It's his Barryisms.
- What are you sayin'?
373
00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:04,209
I'm saying that we'll always love the guy,
374
00:15:04,211 --> 00:15:06,778
but... we cannot live
with him anymore.
375
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,613
Yeah, but I mean...
376
00:15:08,615 --> 00:15:10,181
Barry's always there for us.
377
00:15:10,183 --> 00:15:11,616
Yeah, that's the problem.
378
00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:14,119
He's always there screwing everything up.
379
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:16,121
He's a real ragamuffin.
380
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:20,191
What if we were to get rid of him?
381
00:15:20,193 --> 00:15:22,761
Okay...
382
00:15:22,763 --> 00:15:24,696
I think I get what you're saying.
383
00:15:24,698 --> 00:15:26,865
I just wanna clarify something.
384
00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:28,934
I can't kill someone.
385
00:15:28,936 --> 00:15:30,869
I can't. But I wanna help.
386
00:15:30,871 --> 00:15:32,137
I'll dig the...
387
00:15:33,239 --> 00:15:35,073
I'll dig it.
I don't want to, but I'll do it.
388
00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:36,808
We're not talking about
murdering him, Hurt.
389
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,876
- That's not on the table.
- I knew that.
390
00:15:37,878 --> 00:15:40,578
Everyone was... was hashing it...
it out.
391
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:41,713
So what, do you want to disown him?
392
00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:42,914
No, no, that wouldn't work.
393
00:15:42,916 --> 00:15:45,050
He'd just keep coming back
like a zombie or something.
394
00:15:45,052 --> 00:15:45,951
So, like an intervention?
395
00:15:45,953 --> 00:15:47,319
No. He'd relapse.
396
00:15:48,254 --> 00:15:50,588
No, dude, this... this... this
requires something
397
00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:52,324
far more stealthy,
398
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:56,895
I'm talking about making someone else...
399
00:15:56,897 --> 00:15:58,530
...deal with him.
400
00:15:59,231 --> 00:16:01,099
Okay. All right.
401
00:16:01,101 --> 00:16:04,069
So we, we hire someone else to whack him.
402
00:16:04,071 --> 00:16:06,805
That way we're not even
connected to the murder.
403
00:16:06,807 --> 00:16:09,107
We're gettin' away hands clean.
404
00:16:09,109 --> 00:16:12,677
We go down to Mexico, chill
out, drinkin', smokin' weed.
405
00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:15,513
I maybe get addicted
to heroin, but that's cool.
406
00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:18,283
I'm not talking about
whacking him, Ray Liotta.
407
00:16:20,553 --> 00:16:21,820
Obviously.
408
00:16:21,822 --> 00:16:24,656
See, what we need isn't someone
who can put up with Barry,
409
00:16:24,658 --> 00:16:27,192
what we need is someone
who has to put up with Barry.
410
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,960
The type of person who has to put up with
411
00:16:28,962 --> 00:16:32,464
a never-ending stream
of infantile behavior
412
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:33,765
twenty-four hours a day,
413
00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:36,768
seven days a week for their entire life.
414
00:16:36,770 --> 00:16:37,769
A therapist?
415
00:16:37,771 --> 00:16:39,170
A wife... Wife... A wife!
416
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:41,206
Yeah, pop... pop... pop!
417
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,141
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
418
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:44,809
You were locked in a closet as a kid.
419
00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:46,945
I mean he's always talkin' about
he wants to meet someone
420
00:16:46,947 --> 00:16:47,779
anyway, right?
421
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:48,847
We'd just be doing him a favor.
422
00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,148
I like it.
423
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:51,716
Scratch that, I love it.
424
00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,284
I don't know, guys.
I mean, I need him.
425
00:16:53,286 --> 00:16:54,352
What are you talking' about, Rafe?
426
00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:56,988
I mean he babysits JT
every Saturday night.
427
00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,323
That's my prime date night.
428
00:16:58,325 --> 00:16:59,657
In fact, he's with him right now
429
00:16:59,659 --> 00:17:01,726
so I can go meet
the funeral director at nine.
430
00:17:01,728 --> 00:17:03,128
Yes, that's happening.
431
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:04,162
- Hand over fist.
- Don't catch it.
432
00:17:04,164 --> 00:17:05,997
- It's hand over fist.
- No, make a fist.
433
00:17:05,999 --> 00:17:07,465
- I don't like that.
- Yeah.
434
00:17:07,467 --> 00:17:09,000
Lemme ask you a question, Rafe.
435
00:17:09,002 --> 00:17:14,039
When, um Barry's babysitting
JT what exactly do they do?
436
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:15,840
I don't know.
They have a blast, though.
437
00:17:15,842 --> 00:17:17,976
They play video games, watch movies.
438
00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:20,145
Well, looks like Barry just posted
439
00:17:20,147 --> 00:17:21,646
what they're actually doing.
440
00:17:22,748 --> 00:17:24,883
Okay, kid, throw, throw, throw, throw.
441
00:17:24,885 --> 00:17:26,418
Go! Run, run, run, run,
run, run!
442
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,180
Holy shit!
443
00:17:29,055 --> 00:17:29,821
Let's marry off this fucker.
444
00:17:29,823 --> 00:17:32,557
Why are you guys so keen on
finding me a girlfriend
445
00:17:32,559 --> 00:17:33,324
all of a sudden?
446
00:17:33,326 --> 00:17:35,260
- Pals forever, remember?
- Yeah.
447
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,528
Just want you to be happy.
448
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:37,695
Yeah, man, plus you're such a catch
449
00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:39,364
it's a total mystery
how you're still single.
450
00:17:39,366 --> 00:17:40,932
- It's true.
- No, I don't know about that.
451
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,500
Listen, guys, I promise you,
452
00:17:42,502 --> 00:17:44,703
I'm gonna put my best foot
forward today, okay?
453
00:17:44,704 --> 00:17:45,537
Cool, man.
454
00:17:45,539 --> 00:17:48,339
Bring on the vagina.
455
00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:50,909
All right.
456
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:57,282
Okay everyone, let's have a seat!
457
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,883
Hi.
Hi, I'm Leslie.
458
00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:00,185
- Hi, I'm Barry.
- Hi.
459
00:18:00,187 --> 00:18:01,753
Hi.
460
00:18:01,755 --> 00:18:02,954
Next!
461
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,289
- Excuse me?
- Next.
462
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,524
Barry, that's not how speed dating works.
463
00:18:06,526 --> 00:18:07,926
I'm not feelin' it with her.
464
00:18:07,928 --> 00:18:09,394
Are you kidding me?
Is he kidding me?
465
00:18:09,396 --> 00:18:12,130
Listen, no matter what you're feeling...
466
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,032
I'm not feeling anything.
That's the problem.
467
00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:16,968
You're... you're beautiful,
we're just, you know,
468
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,269
we don't have... it.
469
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,637
You have to wait until they ring the bell.
470
00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:22,941
The bell? I gotta talk to her
for the whole five minutes?
471
00:18:22,943 --> 00:18:23,641
Yeah.
472
00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:24,642
I'm sitting across from you.
473
00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:26,277
I hear the words coming out of your mouth.
474
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,379
Look, if it's any consolation,
he's always like this.
475
00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:30,048
- Yeah.
- Nice shirt.
476
00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,416
Do not... hey!
477
00:18:31,418 --> 00:18:32,717
Do not make fun of my friends.
478
00:18:32,719 --> 00:18:33,885
- Fuck you!
- What? I...
479
00:18:33,887 --> 00:18:36,454
What did I do?
I have to live with this!
480
00:18:36,456 --> 00:18:38,223
Quite the mouth on her.
481
00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:39,991
She's got some anger issues.
482
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:43,261
Barry, Barry. Listen to me
very carefully, all right?
483
00:18:43,263 --> 00:18:46,064
When you meet these women,
whatever comes to your mind...
484
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:47,765
- Yeah?
- ...say the opposite.
485
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:48,967
Got it.
486
00:18:48,969 --> 00:18:50,768
Yeah, backwards town.
Got it.
487
00:18:50,770 --> 00:18:52,971
Yeah, yeah, that looks super real.
488
00:18:52,973 --> 00:18:56,074
That shirt does not
give off the impression
489
00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:57,976
that you own several stray dogs.
490
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:02,280
Jesus Christ!
You scared the shit outta me.
491
00:19:02,282 --> 00:19:04,182
I mean...
492
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:08,520
You do not look like a cutter at all.
493
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,488
It's even harder than we thought.
494
00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:12,991
It's time to bring out the big guns.
495
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:17,629
So, Mister Goker, how does
this exactly, um, work?
496
00:19:17,631 --> 00:19:19,998
Well, the brides obviously
don't come in the mail,
497
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,935
but, they do come in
a very small crate on a boat,
498
00:19:23,937 --> 00:19:28,206
and we, of course, make sure
to poke the holes in the box
499
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,008
so they can breathe.
500
00:19:30,709 --> 00:19:32,510
Keep it human.
501
00:19:32,512 --> 00:19:33,511
Oh...
502
00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:37,882
I'm kidding!
503
00:19:37,884 --> 00:19:39,184
We don't put 'em in a box!
504
00:19:39,186 --> 00:19:41,052
What are we, monsters? No!
505
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,588
Just a very small, dangerous boat.
506
00:19:44,657 --> 00:19:46,224
So I guess you're the man
with all the bitches.
507
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,992
Okay... bitch?
508
00:19:47,994 --> 00:19:50,328
Okay, I gotta ask you guys
a question right now.
509
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:52,197
Do you...
510
00:19:52,199 --> 00:19:54,132
...do you guys hate women?
511
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:55,833
No, I love women.
512
00:19:55,835 --> 00:20:00,872
Because I don't sell women
to men who hate women.
513
00:20:00,874 --> 00:20:03,074
We do not sell bitches!
514
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:08,012
If we did, it'd be called
Goker's Mail Order Bitches!
515
00:20:08,014 --> 00:20:11,716
Not Goker's Mail Order Brides!
516
00:20:11,718 --> 00:20:13,084
Okay?
517
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:16,721
Yeah, it was... it was just
a slang term, you know.
518
00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:20,158
I'm just gonna put it out there.
519
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,195
Um, I'm not... I'm not... I'm not
actually looking,
520
00:20:24,197 --> 00:20:25,096
is that okay?
521
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,030
Yeah.
522
00:20:26,032 --> 00:20:28,566
I am not looking to marry
anybody, maybe just a girlfriend.
523
00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:31,869
Unless she's like super,
super-duper cool, then maybe.
524
00:20:31,871 --> 00:20:35,240
Look, let me make something
very clear here, all right?
525
00:20:35,242 --> 00:20:37,443
Here at Goker's we are not
just about business.
526
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:40,578
First and foremost, we are about love,
527
00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:44,382
passion, romance, fucking, okay?
528
00:20:44,384 --> 00:20:47,518
Hot fuck action at a
really reasonable price.
529
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,454
Hot flippin' and flappin'
530
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,223
smackin' ass cracks together, all right?
531
00:20:52,225 --> 00:20:54,192
You ever... you ever slam
your ass crack
532
00:20:54,194 --> 00:20:55,893
against a women's ass crack?
533
00:20:55,895 --> 00:20:57,929
It rivals penetration, guys.
534
00:20:57,931 --> 00:20:59,197
I know you don't believe me,
535
00:20:59,199 --> 00:21:01,299
but you're gonna be able to try
it with one of these women
536
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,735
and find me right.
537
00:21:03,737 --> 00:21:07,939
So, just to be clear, here,
on your old, application.
538
00:21:07,941 --> 00:21:11,109
Now your name is Barry Burke,
your favorite food is fried,
539
00:21:11,111 --> 00:21:12,910
your favorite book is the novelization
540
00:21:12,912 --> 00:21:14,779
of the Bill Murray classic "Stripes,"
541
00:21:14,781 --> 00:21:16,214
it's one of my favorite books.
542
00:21:16,216 --> 00:21:17,949
I did not care for the movie.
543
00:21:17,951 --> 00:21:20,485
And you live off a settlement
you got from the city
544
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,488
for walking into an exposed manhole.
545
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:27,225
Yeah, I actually, I removed
that manhole cover myself
546
00:21:27,227 --> 00:21:29,594
and then intentionally
walked into said manhole,
547
00:21:29,596 --> 00:21:31,829
but that is... that is neither
here nor there.
548
00:21:31,831 --> 00:21:34,399
Oh, no, no, that is both
here and there, my friend.
549
00:21:34,401 --> 00:21:37,068
- That is genius.
- I'm a geniu...
550
00:21:37,070 --> 00:21:38,303
Can you say that to them, please?
551
00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:40,638
All right, Barry...
552
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,173
Prepare to meet...
553
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:45,009
the new love of your life...
554
00:21:45,011 --> 00:21:46,077
Juanita.
555
00:21:46,079 --> 00:21:47,945
- Oh, wow.
- Wow.
556
00:21:47,947 --> 00:21:50,081
Oh my God, she's beautiful.
557
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:50,915
Schwing!
558
00:21:50,917 --> 00:21:55,320
Her village has been
completely ravaged by disease,
559
00:21:55,322 --> 00:21:58,956
flood, famine, and rebels, so
she is very open to meeting
560
00:21:58,958 --> 00:22:01,592
gentlemanly, successful American men.
561
00:22:01,594 --> 00:22:04,796
Okay, well how about
a not-so-gentlemanly,
562
00:22:04,798 --> 00:22:06,597
not-so-successful American man?
563
00:22:06,599 --> 00:22:07,632
Are you kidding me?
564
00:22:07,634 --> 00:22:09,967
She'd marry a raccoon
with an extended asshole
565
00:22:09,969 --> 00:22:12,003
if it got her out of her fucking village.
566
00:22:12,005 --> 00:22:13,137
She's gonna love you, man.
567
00:22:16,175 --> 00:22:19,677
So, how was your plane flight?
568
00:22:19,679 --> 00:22:22,280
Oh, da plane.
569
00:22:23,382 --> 00:22:26,317
Da plane? Bzzzzzz.
570
00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:27,352
Whoosh.
571
00:22:28,788 --> 00:22:31,356
Muy bueno? Good.
Good, good, good.
572
00:22:31,358 --> 00:22:32,223
That's good.
573
00:22:32,225 --> 00:22:35,860
Probably not a lot of planes
where you come from?
574
00:22:35,862 --> 00:22:37,995
Is there not a lot of planes
where you come from?
575
00:22:37,997 --> 00:22:40,231
Cars either?
Probably not a lot of cars.
576
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,800
What do you... what do you use
to get around, a donkey?
577
00:22:42,802 --> 00:22:44,102
Do you ride a donkey?
578
00:22:45,137 --> 00:22:47,071
Yeah, a donkey's probably
safer anyway, you know,
579
00:22:47,073 --> 00:22:48,840
because I bet you like to
throw back the cervezas.
580
00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:50,074
Cervezas.
581
00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:51,409
Cervezas, yeah.
582
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:53,077
Tequila!
583
00:22:55,014 --> 00:22:58,316
I was hoping that we could
make it a little physical
584
00:22:58,318 --> 00:23:00,184
because I notice you carry a...
585
00:23:00,186 --> 00:23:02,720
formidable amount of junk in your trunk.
586
00:23:02,722 --> 00:23:04,088
Junk in trunk?
587
00:23:04,090 --> 00:23:05,323
Face it, guys, it's over.
588
00:23:05,325 --> 00:23:07,225
We'll never find him a wife.
589
00:23:07,227 --> 00:23:10,267
Let's go. I wanna meet up with
that funeral director, anyway.
590
00:23:13,732 --> 00:23:16,868
So, you work at the parks department?
591
00:23:16,870 --> 00:23:19,504
Yeah, I am director of events.
592
00:23:19,506 --> 00:23:21,105
- Wow.
- Yeah.
593
00:23:21,107 --> 00:23:22,607
- What a cool job.
- It is. It's really cool.
594
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:26,110
We do concerts
and Shakespeare in the Park.
595
00:23:26,112 --> 00:23:27,445
- I go to that.
- You do?
596
00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:28,546
I love that.
597
00:23:28,548 --> 00:23:30,715
Oh. I... I have to work
a lot of weekend nights,
598
00:23:30,717 --> 00:23:31,949
but it's fine.
599
00:23:31,951 --> 00:23:33,418
I love it, so, yeah.
600
00:23:34,253 --> 00:23:35,219
I don't wanna freak you out,
601
00:23:35,221 --> 00:23:37,855
'cause this is obviously our first date,
602
00:23:37,857 --> 00:23:40,491
but you're the total package.
603
00:23:41,561 --> 00:23:47,298
Well, yeah, I mean your online
profile was nice and charming
604
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:50,268
and the picture is beautiful but in person
605
00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:51,636
you're just like...
606
00:23:53,439 --> 00:23:54,439
...radiant.
607
00:23:54,441 --> 00:23:55,873
Oh, um...
608
00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:57,375
I think you're pretty great, too.
609
00:23:57,377 --> 00:24:01,412
I like to take things slowly,
if that's all right.
610
00:24:01,414 --> 00:24:03,281
Yes. Couldn't agree more.
611
00:24:03,283 --> 00:24:06,284
I like to take things slow myself.
612
00:24:06,286 --> 00:24:08,487
I... I... I didn't think you were
that type of girl.
613
00:24:10,088 --> 00:24:11,289
What type of girl?
614
00:24:11,291 --> 00:24:13,758
Someone who'd just jump
in the sack on the first date,
615
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:14,926
or whatever.
616
00:24:17,262 --> 00:24:20,798
I... I... I am that type of girl.
617
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,499
I am.
618
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:22,467
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
619
00:24:22,469 --> 00:24:23,768
Yeah, right.
620
00:24:23,770 --> 00:24:24,735
We'd probably be fucking right now
621
00:24:24,737 --> 00:24:27,305
if it wasn't for my situation...
622
00:24:28,273 --> 00:24:29,474
...below deck.
623
00:24:30,742 --> 00:24:32,410
I'll go ahead and give you a hint.
624
00:24:32,412 --> 00:24:35,746
It rhymes with beast inspection.
625
00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:39,617
I think I know, yeah,
I think I know what you mean.
626
00:24:39,619 --> 00:24:43,354
Okay, it's not itchy anymore, but um...
627
00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:45,256
it just probably doesn't smell very good.
628
00:24:45,258 --> 00:24:46,791
Anyway...
629
00:24:46,793 --> 00:24:48,326
So, what kind of music do you like?
630
00:24:48,328 --> 00:24:49,861
I'm mostly into reggae and dub.
631
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:52,463
Dub, ska, dancehall.
632
00:24:52,465 --> 00:24:53,798
My favorite food is fried.
633
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,966
Italian and Mexican.
634
00:24:54,968 --> 00:24:56,701
And Mexican.
635
00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:58,769
Also Italian and Japanese.
636
00:24:58,771 --> 00:25:01,172
Oh, I am a sushi slut.
637
00:25:01,174 --> 00:25:03,107
And how does that manifest itself?
638
00:25:03,109 --> 00:25:04,442
I'm a whore for sushi.
639
00:25:04,444 --> 00:25:06,444
Also...
640
00:25:06,446 --> 00:25:09,947
...wow, I can't believe
you ate that all in one bite.
641
00:25:09,949 --> 00:25:12,149
You're like a boa constrictor.
642
00:25:13,453 --> 00:25:14,485
I'm gonna be straight with you.
643
00:25:14,487 --> 00:25:17,288
You're breasts were a lot bigger
in the photo.
644
00:25:17,290 --> 00:25:19,724
In your photo, you looked a lot taller.
645
00:25:19,726 --> 00:25:20,958
You had more neck.
646
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,660
It was a... like a headshot.
647
00:25:22,662 --> 00:25:24,161
You had less teeth.
648
00:25:24,163 --> 00:25:27,865
And, you looked a lot
more third-worldy...
649
00:25:27,867 --> 00:25:29,668
Mexicany.
650
00:25:30,335 --> 00:25:32,370
You've got hair plugs.
651
00:25:32,372 --> 00:25:34,038
And I don't mind... much.
652
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,474
It is not that I find you unattractive...
653
00:25:36,476 --> 00:25:37,475
...at all.
654
00:25:37,477 --> 00:25:38,709
It's just...
655
00:25:39,311 --> 00:25:40,378
...false advertising.
656
00:25:40,380 --> 00:25:42,813
But it's false advertising.
657
00:25:42,815 --> 00:25:45,583
You have rendered me
completely speechless.
658
00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:46,684
Thank you.
659
00:25:46,686 --> 00:25:49,053
All I can say is wow.
660
00:25:49,055 --> 00:25:50,855
I get that a lot.
661
00:25:50,857 --> 00:25:52,490
Will you excuse me for a second?
662
00:25:52,492 --> 00:25:56,661
I need to shit like that
every time I eat bacon.
663
00:25:56,663 --> 00:25:57,995
It's the middle of dinner.
664
00:25:57,997 --> 00:26:00,831
I'm... I'm not gonna go
take a... shit.
665
00:26:00,833 --> 00:26:02,333
Are you gonna have a piss?
666
00:26:02,335 --> 00:26:04,402
Well since you asked, um,
667
00:26:04,404 --> 00:26:08,039
some urine might actually exit my penis.
668
00:26:08,041 --> 00:26:10,374
I wasn't going to say that.
669
00:26:10,376 --> 00:26:12,777
I felt like it was implied
when I said, "Excuse me."
670
00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:16,981
Just wash your hands 'cause
dick hands, it's just gross.
671
00:26:18,417 --> 00:26:20,618
And be quick 'cause I really need to shit.
672
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:22,500
- Okay, I'm gonna go shit.
- Okay.
673
00:26:28,694 --> 00:26:29,727
El ban... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
674
00:26:29,729 --> 00:26:32,463
You gotta make a fiesta
in el baño, no problem.
675
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,632
Yeah, yeah, poo party.
676
00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:44,542
Oh, excuse me, I'm actually not in line.
677
00:26:44,544 --> 00:26:47,378
Just... wishing I were dead.
678
00:26:47,380 --> 00:26:49,146
Um...
679
00:26:49,148 --> 00:26:51,983
Oh, um...
680
00:27:10,602 --> 00:27:13,337
Si.
681
00:27:41,933 --> 00:27:44,769
Excuse me... If... if you're
waiting for a cab...
682
00:27:44,771 --> 00:27:45,670
I was here first.
683
00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:47,473
Yeah, you got it.
No problem.
684
00:27:50,142 --> 00:27:51,542
- Here we go.
- Hey!
685
00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:53,110
Excuse me, ladies first.
686
00:27:53,112 --> 00:27:54,812
A lady? Yeah, I'll tell you
if I see one.
687
00:27:54,814 --> 00:27:56,113
Really?
688
00:27:56,115 --> 00:27:57,148
Get off!
689
00:27:58,518 --> 00:27:59,550
Excuse me.
690
00:28:02,054 --> 00:28:03,888
Are you kidding me?!
691
00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:05,723
You're kidding me!
692
00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:07,958
Unbelievable.
693
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:08,993
Alright, folks, where to?
694
00:28:12,631 --> 00:28:13,898
Aah!
695
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:16,534
- I guess we're neighbors.
- I guess so. Yippee.
696
00:28:16,536 --> 00:28:18,002
The joy.
697
00:28:18,004 --> 00:28:19,403
I can't wait to run into you.
698
00:28:19,405 --> 00:28:20,471
Yeah, me neither.
699
00:28:20,473 --> 00:28:21,972
It's still the best part of
the neighborhood,
700
00:28:21,974 --> 00:28:24,374
- minus the gentrification.
- Except for the gentrification.
701
00:28:28,213 --> 00:28:29,647
Hey, could you drop me off first?
702
00:28:29,649 --> 00:28:30,981
Really?
703
00:28:31,683 --> 00:28:32,817
Did you fart?
704
00:28:32,819 --> 00:28:35,086
No. I've been trying.
705
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,587
Yeah, 'cause I farted right when we got in
706
00:28:36,589 --> 00:28:37,988
and that is not my brand.
707
00:28:39,157 --> 00:28:41,258
It's pathetic.
I can't smell anything.
708
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:42,927
What, you don't have
a sense of smell you mean?
709
00:28:42,929 --> 00:28:44,595
It's just a terrible fart.
710
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,731
Oh, you're calling my fart pathetic?
711
00:28:46,733 --> 00:28:47,565
Yes.
712
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:50,434
Well, we're dealing with a new issue here.
713
00:28:50,436 --> 00:28:52,603
The issue is that you apparently have gas
714
00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:55,272
and it's gonna come out at some
point during this cab ride.
715
00:28:55,274 --> 00:28:57,074
Trust me, I hope so.
716
00:29:01,413 --> 00:29:03,014
Nothing.
717
00:29:07,420 --> 00:29:08,619
It's called the way there.
718
00:29:10,723 --> 00:29:12,389
- Assholes.
- Hey what?
719
00:29:12,391 --> 00:29:13,758
Watch it, you wanker.
720
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,459
Eat my dick, you fuck face.
721
00:29:15,461 --> 00:29:17,294
- Fuck mouth.
- Paying customer!
722
00:29:17,296 --> 00:29:18,462
Fucking cock breath.
723
00:29:18,464 --> 00:29:20,431
Cock breath...
724
00:29:20,433 --> 00:29:22,166
Oh, that's impressive.
725
00:29:22,768 --> 00:29:24,435
Oh, thanks, you too.
726
00:29:24,437 --> 00:29:25,536
Thank you.
727
00:29:25,538 --> 00:29:26,971
My friends would disagree
728
00:29:26,973 --> 00:29:29,373
and they think my mouth
is my biggest problem.
729
00:29:32,644 --> 00:29:35,146
I think its fine, you just have...
you just have thin lips.
730
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:36,480
No... not...
731
00:29:36,482 --> 00:29:38,616
No, wha... the things I say,
not what my lips look like, no.
732
00:29:38,618 --> 00:29:40,084
Oh, oh, right.
733
00:29:40,086 --> 00:29:41,285
I know I have thin lips.
734
00:29:41,287 --> 00:29:43,354
It's... it's the bane
of my existence.
735
00:29:44,724 --> 00:29:49,093
Loads of guys have dumped me
because they're embarrassed.
736
00:29:49,095 --> 00:29:50,761
- I don't know.
- Oh, dicks.
737
00:29:50,763 --> 00:29:51,662
I don't care.
738
00:29:52,731 --> 00:29:54,799
It's my roommate,
she's always trying to set me up
739
00:29:54,801 --> 00:29:56,267
and find me a husband.
740
00:29:56,269 --> 00:29:57,468
No, tell me about it.
741
00:29:57,470 --> 00:30:00,137
My... my friends just bought me
a wife.
742
00:30:00,139 --> 00:30:01,772
They bought...?
743
00:30:01,774 --> 00:30:03,674
They bought me a wife,
like out of the blue.
744
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:05,109
So, you're married?
745
00:30:05,111 --> 00:30:07,311
N...no, may... maybe.
746
00:30:07,313 --> 00:30:08,612
I don't know.
747
00:30:08,614 --> 00:30:10,314
I... I don't think
it was legally binding.
748
00:30:10,316 --> 00:30:11,148
I'm not sure.
749
00:30:11,150 --> 00:30:13,070
I...I'll have to check
on that one.
750
00:30:15,086 --> 00:30:16,754
What do you do?
751
00:30:16,756 --> 00:30:18,756
Um, I work for the parks department.
752
00:30:18,758 --> 00:30:20,758
- The what?
- Parks department.
753
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,459
- Pox department?
- Parks.
754
00:30:22,461 --> 00:30:23,327
- Parks?
- Parks.
755
00:30:23,329 --> 00:30:24,528
Oh, parks!
Parks department.
756
00:30:24,530 --> 00:30:26,297
Right, right, the parks department.
757
00:30:26,299 --> 00:30:27,131
Got it.
758
00:30:27,133 --> 00:30:28,365
Well that's cool.
759
00:30:28,367 --> 00:30:29,500
It is really cool.
760
00:30:29,502 --> 00:30:30,534
Wanna know what I do?
761
00:30:30,536 --> 00:30:31,836
Not really.
762
00:30:31,838 --> 00:30:33,604
C'mon, take a guess, it's a good one.
763
00:30:33,606 --> 00:30:34,839
- Um, unemployed?
- Yes!
764
00:30:34,841 --> 00:30:36,307
Very good guess.
765
00:30:36,309 --> 00:30:37,875
Be honest, do you think
it was inappropriate?
766
00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:40,144
For you to talk about your
own feminine hygiene issue
767
00:30:40,146 --> 00:30:41,111
at your dinner date?
768
00:30:41,113 --> 00:30:42,680
- Absolutely not.
- Thank you.
769
00:30:42,682 --> 00:30:43,948
- Why would that be weird?
- I know!
770
00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:46,785
I didn't think so, but then I
was, like, questioning myself.
771
00:30:46,786 --> 00:30:47,785
- People are weird!
- Yeah.
772
00:30:47,787 --> 00:30:50,888
Like my date, my wife, walked
out on our date tonight,
773
00:30:50,890 --> 00:30:53,357
I think, because I talked about my balls.
774
00:30:53,359 --> 00:30:54,692
Like one time.
775
00:30:54,694 --> 00:30:56,894
She sounds like a twunt.
776
00:30:56,896 --> 00:30:57,962
What?
777
00:30:57,964 --> 00:30:59,063
I'm sorry.
778
00:30:59,065 --> 00:31:00,531
That's a really ugly word, I'm...
779
00:31:00,533 --> 00:31:01,532
No, no, no, that's not what I meant.
780
00:31:01,534 --> 00:31:02,867
Did you?
781
00:31:02,869 --> 00:31:04,268
I say twunt.
782
00:31:05,704 --> 00:31:07,805
I... No you don't.
783
00:31:07,807 --> 00:31:09,874
I say twunt all the time.
784
00:31:12,811 --> 00:31:15,679
- I thought I made it up.
- I thought I made it up.
785
00:31:15,681 --> 00:31:17,548
Well, I guess we both made it up.
786
00:31:17,550 --> 00:31:18,749
I guess we did.
787
00:31:18,751 --> 00:31:20,684
Oh my God, I love twunt, I love twunt!
788
00:31:20,686 --> 00:31:22,553
Oh, I love twunt.
789
00:31:22,555 --> 00:31:24,855
- I love twunt.
- I love twunt.
790
00:31:24,857 --> 00:31:28,192
Oh, look at that, you great twunt.
791
00:31:28,194 --> 00:31:30,828
- Oh no!
- Oh you twunt.
792
00:31:30,830 --> 00:31:31,929
I can't do a Scottish accent.
793
00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:33,831
Oh, you stinky twunt.
794
00:31:33,833 --> 00:31:35,032
Listen to you!
795
00:31:36,435 --> 00:31:38,769
Would you like some twunt korma?
796
00:31:38,771 --> 00:31:40,504
Buttered... buttered twunt?
797
00:31:40,506 --> 00:31:44,341
And, no, I don't know
why people react to me that way.
798
00:31:44,343 --> 00:31:45,242
I really don't.
799
00:31:45,244 --> 00:31:47,745
It's just I prefer to be honest because...
800
00:31:47,747 --> 00:31:49,880
Everyone wastes so much time being polite
801
00:31:49,882 --> 00:31:52,016
when they could just say what they mean.
802
00:31:52,018 --> 00:31:55,386
Now the question you gotta
ask yourself is...
803
00:31:55,388 --> 00:31:58,055
"Do you feel lucky, twunt?
804
00:31:58,057 --> 00:32:00,791
Well? Do ya?"
805
00:32:00,793 --> 00:32:02,860
No, I got, it was too big
at the end, but you get it.
806
00:32:02,862 --> 00:32:03,861
Yeah.
807
00:32:03,863 --> 00:32:06,397
That was good.
That was really good.
808
00:32:10,468 --> 00:32:11,535
Yeah, here you go.
809
00:32:11,537 --> 00:32:12,803
Door-to-door service.
810
00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:14,905
Thanks, that would almost be chivalrous,
811
00:32:14,907 --> 00:32:16,707
if you didn't just
arm-wrestle me for it.
812
00:32:16,709 --> 00:32:19,743
Well, I have something
very pressing to do at home.
813
00:32:19,745 --> 00:32:20,811
Masturbate?
814
00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:22,413
- Yeah.
- Me too.
815
00:32:23,783 --> 00:32:24,882
Man, get a room.
816
00:32:24,884 --> 00:32:27,151
Just shut your stupid face!
817
00:32:28,287 --> 00:32:29,920
Seriously, shut your stupid face.
818
00:32:29,922 --> 00:32:30,888
Y'all twunts.
819
00:32:30,890 --> 00:32:32,589
Well...
820
00:32:32,591 --> 00:32:35,426
I got a... I got a burp
in my throat.
821
00:32:35,428 --> 00:32:36,794
Let it rip.
822
00:32:37,463 --> 00:32:39,163
- Nice. Nice.
- Yeah.
823
00:32:39,165 --> 00:32:40,764
I hate this job.
824
00:32:40,766 --> 00:32:42,633
Um...
825
00:32:42,635 --> 00:32:44,635
Okay, um...
826
00:32:44,637 --> 00:32:46,170
Goodbye.
827
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,472
- Goodbye.
- See you.
828
00:32:49,674 --> 00:32:51,775
I'll pay for the cab.
Don't worry.
829
00:32:51,777 --> 00:32:53,277
Always planned on it.
830
00:32:53,279 --> 00:32:55,079
Hey! Hey, hey.
831
00:32:56,081 --> 00:32:58,115
You are not as big of a bitch
832
00:32:58,117 --> 00:32:59,883
as I thought you were gonna be.
833
00:33:01,286 --> 00:33:02,152
Thanks.
834
00:33:02,487 --> 00:33:03,988
Yeah.
835
00:33:03,990 --> 00:33:06,757
You're not as big of a
cheese-dick,
836
00:33:06,759 --> 00:33:08,325
Well, you haven't seen my dick.
837
00:33:09,261 --> 00:33:11,128
- Um...
- What's your name?
838
00:33:11,130 --> 00:33:13,797
Oh, God, yeah, I'm Mel...
I'm Mel Miller.
839
00:33:13,799 --> 00:33:16,166
Mel... M... Mel... M...
I'm Melanie Miller.
840
00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:18,202
- I'm Barry Burke.
- Barry Burke, hey.
841
00:33:18,204 --> 00:33:19,436
How do you do?
842
00:33:19,438 --> 00:33:21,872
I do well.
Um...
843
00:33:21,874 --> 00:33:25,009
Maybe I'll run into you
some time, Mel Miller.
844
00:33:25,011 --> 00:33:27,878
Maybe we will, Barry Burke.
845
00:33:31,116 --> 00:33:32,883
Goodbye again.
846
00:33:34,153 --> 00:33:37,021
- Okay, goodnight.
- Yeah, bye.
847
00:34:01,047 --> 00:34:01,979
Hey.
848
00:34:01,981 --> 00:34:03,080
Hey, babe.
849
00:34:04,015 --> 00:34:05,382
This museum pitch is killing me.
850
00:34:05,384 --> 00:34:07,651
I have like zero ideas.
851
00:34:07,653 --> 00:34:10,854
So I thought I would just come
and take a little break...
852
00:34:10,856 --> 00:34:12,589
With you.
853
00:34:16,861 --> 00:34:17,895
Pow.
854
00:34:20,265 --> 00:34:21,826
Pow.
855
00:34:23,735 --> 00:34:24,968
Pshew.
856
00:34:32,710 --> 00:34:34,244
Do do.
857
00:34:34,246 --> 00:34:36,647
Choo ch... choo, ch... choo
858
00:34:53,064 --> 00:34:54,631
Aah!
859
00:34:54,633 --> 00:34:56,800
I'm just gonna do some exercises
860
00:34:56,802 --> 00:34:59,403
to help me, you know, clear my head.
861
00:34:59,405 --> 00:35:00,871
Um...
862
00:35:00,873 --> 00:35:02,606
I do this in my pilates class.
863
00:35:02,608 --> 00:35:04,041
Isn't it fun?
864
00:35:04,043 --> 00:35:05,576
Can I get my...
865
00:35:05,578 --> 00:35:08,779
You're gonna wrinkle up my stuff
on my desk.
866
00:35:08,781 --> 00:35:11,615
Babe, I'm... I'm really trying'
to get some stuff done,
867
00:35:11,617 --> 00:35:12,282
you know what I mean?
868
00:35:12,284 --> 00:35:13,550
You can't do it tomorrow?
869
00:35:13,552 --> 00:35:14,785
You know, I could.
870
00:35:14,787 --> 00:35:16,053
I'd just rather not.
871
00:35:21,426 --> 00:35:22,993
Babe.
872
00:35:22,995 --> 00:35:25,963
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga
choo choo!
873
00:35:25,965 --> 00:35:28,065
Honey, I'm tryin' to...
874
00:35:30,902 --> 00:35:32,102
Babe.
875
00:35:32,104 --> 00:35:34,705
No one's hiring, I have to focus, okay?
876
00:35:38,510 --> 00:35:39,977
I'm sorry.
877
00:35:43,448 --> 00:35:44,648
I miss that guy.
878
00:35:44,650 --> 00:35:45,849
What guy?
879
00:36:01,132 --> 00:36:02,812
That guy.
880
00:36:05,136 --> 00:36:07,171
We all miss that guy.
881
00:36:08,339 --> 00:36:09,740
What in the world?
882
00:36:17,782 --> 00:36:19,116
God damn.
883
00:36:22,987 --> 00:36:24,154
Barry...
884
00:36:24,156 --> 00:36:26,123
I think it's time
to face the fact that you-
885
00:36:26,125 --> 00:36:27,124
that...
886
00:36:27,959 --> 00:36:28,659
That...
887
00:36:28,661 --> 00:36:31,128
- What was I saying?
- Are you high?
888
00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:33,997
Yeah, like I'd find
a year-old blunt
889
00:36:33,999 --> 00:36:36,500
and smoke that and, like,
cough so hard I farted.
890
00:36:36,502 --> 00:36:38,035
Like I did that. Yeah.
891
00:36:38,037 --> 00:36:39,002
- He's high!
- You're high!
892
00:36:39,004 --> 00:36:40,304
Yeah, I'm high, yeah.
893
00:36:40,306 --> 00:36:41,538
I am high as hell right now.
894
00:36:41,540 --> 00:36:42,639
But it's not about me, man.
895
00:36:42,641 --> 00:36:43,874
Let's talk about you, Barry.
896
00:36:43,876 --> 00:36:45,309
I feel like I let you guys down
a little bit.
897
00:36:45,311 --> 00:36:46,076
You definitely did.
898
00:36:46,078 --> 00:36:50,414
I...I... I, actually I did...
I did share a cab ride home
899
00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:52,916
with a pretty awesome girl
after the date, though.
900
00:36:52,918 --> 00:36:54,051
- What?
- And?
901
00:36:54,053 --> 00:36:55,919
And it was... it was awesome.
902
00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:57,154
I don't know, it was...
it was weird.
903
00:36:57,156 --> 00:36:58,388
We had so much in common, you know?
904
00:36:58,390 --> 00:36:59,356
She was just like me.
905
00:36:59,358 --> 00:37:02,092
She was smart, witty,
good-looking.
906
00:37:02,094 --> 00:37:03,694
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
907
00:37:03,696 --> 00:37:04,896
Did you get her phone number?
908
00:37:04,897 --> 00:37:07,064
No, I figured I'd bump into her sometime.
909
00:37:07,066 --> 00:37:08,098
- Dude!
- Oh.
910
00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:09,566
Are you out of your mind?
911
00:37:09,568 --> 00:37:11,101
We've scoured this entire city
912
00:37:11,103 --> 00:37:12,369
to find someone who can tolerate you
913
00:37:12,371 --> 00:37:13,571
for more than three seconds,
914
00:37:13,572 --> 00:37:15,439
then you finally find
somebody that likes you
915
00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:17,007
and you don't even get her fucking number?
916
00:37:17,009 --> 00:37:19,076
- I wanted to play it cool.
- Cool?!
917
00:37:19,078 --> 00:37:20,344
We are way past cool, man.
918
00:37:20,346 --> 00:37:22,112
This shit is desperate!
919
00:37:22,114 --> 00:37:24,715
Can I have a chocolate malt?
I need a malt.
920
00:37:24,717 --> 00:37:26,183
We'll find her.
Just... what was her name?
921
00:37:26,185 --> 00:37:28,118
- Mel.
- Mel what?
922
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,955
- Mel, um...
- Melvin?
923
00:37:31,957 --> 00:37:33,023
Mel Gibson.
924
00:37:33,025 --> 00:37:36,760
Mel, it was like!
The... the... the, like the...
925
00:37:36,762 --> 00:37:38,295
Think, think, think what was her name?
926
00:37:38,297 --> 00:37:39,630
Fuck, Barry!
927
00:37:39,632 --> 00:37:42,065
Well then, heck, Barry,
what's the GD point?
928
00:37:42,067 --> 00:37:44,401
Barry! I will literally
club you with this bar spoon
929
00:37:44,403 --> 00:37:46,236
if you don't tell me who she is.
930
00:37:46,238 --> 00:37:47,104
Tell me!
931
00:37:47,106 --> 00:37:49,106
Wait, I just got it!
932
00:37:49,108 --> 00:37:50,807
- Oh, Mel Miller.
- She's pretty.
933
00:37:50,809 --> 00:37:52,943
Wow. Graduated from
Berkeley.
934
00:37:52,945 --> 00:37:55,112
Volunteers at a dog adoption center.
935
00:37:55,114 --> 00:37:55,994
Is this real?
936
00:37:56,748 --> 00:37:59,116
Or is this some, like,
catfish type situation?
937
00:37:59,118 --> 00:38:00,784
I got her number.
Call her.
938
00:38:00,786 --> 00:38:01,251
Wait!
939
00:38:01,253 --> 00:38:04,121
We only got one shot at this, all right?
940
00:38:04,123 --> 00:38:05,355
Better do it right.
941
00:38:09,594 --> 00:38:11,228
BOO!
942
00:38:13,265 --> 00:38:15,799
- Oh, every time!
- Yeah.
943
00:38:15,801 --> 00:38:20,304
Oh, it is ridiculously hot out there.
944
00:38:20,306 --> 00:38:21,772
Oh.
945
00:38:21,774 --> 00:38:26,910
I am so clammy and sticky and disgusting.
946
00:38:28,613 --> 00:38:30,414
I think I put deodorant on.
947
00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:34,618
- Whoo!
- Are you wearing my bra?
948
00:38:34,620 --> 00:38:35,452
Oh...
949
00:38:36,154 --> 00:38:38,755
- Yeah, I had to borrow it.
- Why?
950
00:38:38,757 --> 00:38:40,257
To match your thong.
951
00:38:40,858 --> 00:38:42,659
Do you want it back?
952
00:38:42,661 --> 00:38:43,694
No.
953
00:38:45,029 --> 00:38:46,229
Oh, you sure?
954
00:38:46,864 --> 00:38:48,165
Actually I might need a hand.
955
00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:49,966
N... no, you keep it.
Really.
956
00:38:49,968 --> 00:38:51,068
Thank you.
957
00:38:52,337 --> 00:38:54,338
It's really stuck up there.
958
00:38:54,340 --> 00:38:55,372
Yeah.
959
00:38:55,374 --> 00:38:58,308
So, you heard anything from the cab guy?
960
00:38:58,310 --> 00:39:00,377
Oh, that guy.
Um, no.
961
00:39:00,379 --> 00:39:02,679
- He hasn't got my number, so...
- Bummer.
962
00:39:02,681 --> 00:39:04,314
I don't care, anyway.
963
00:39:04,316 --> 00:39:06,283
It's better for you if I'm single.
964
00:39:06,285 --> 00:39:06,817
Right?
965
00:39:06,819 --> 00:39:10,220
What would you do without your wing girl?
966
00:39:10,222 --> 00:39:11,822
Get dates.
967
00:39:11,824 --> 00:39:13,123
You wouldn't, Paige.
968
00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:13,857
No?
969
00:39:14,492 --> 00:39:16,360
It's really hard for you.
970
00:39:18,229 --> 00:39:21,198
Babe, you've got to learn
to love yourself,
971
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:22,232
before others can love you.
972
00:39:22,234 --> 00:39:24,301
My self-esteem is fine now.
973
00:39:24,303 --> 00:39:27,571
No, I mean literally love yourself.
974
00:39:27,573 --> 00:39:28,939
You know?
975
00:39:29,374 --> 00:39:31,074
Down there.
976
00:39:31,076 --> 00:39:32,476
Between your legs.
977
00:39:32,478 --> 00:39:34,010
Do you know what I mean?
978
00:39:34,012 --> 00:39:36,046
Try the showerhead.
979
00:39:36,048 --> 00:39:38,315
Try your electric toothbrush.
980
00:39:38,317 --> 00:39:40,584
Yours is a lot more powerful than mine
981
00:39:40,586 --> 00:39:42,185
and really gets in there.
982
00:39:42,187 --> 00:39:44,054
That is really disgusting.
983
00:39:44,056 --> 00:39:45,856
It's not. It's natural.
984
00:39:45,858 --> 00:39:48,225
This is the problem with you, Paige.
985
00:39:48,227 --> 00:39:52,062
Why do you think I spend so long
in the bathroom every morning?
986
00:39:52,064 --> 00:39:54,231
I'm masturbating.
987
00:39:54,233 --> 00:39:56,032
A good hour before breakfast
988
00:39:56,034 --> 00:39:58,735
and usually forty-five
minutes if I can squeeze it in
989
00:39:58,737 --> 00:40:00,370
when I get home.
990
00:40:00,372 --> 00:40:02,839
I'm gonna get you masturbating
if it's the last thing I do.
991
00:40:02,841 --> 00:40:03,740
I'm all good.
992
00:40:10,315 --> 00:40:13,550
Hey, Mel, this is Barry, from the cab.
993
00:40:13,552 --> 00:40:15,085
Oh, um...
994
00:40:18,456 --> 00:40:19,890
It's him, it's the guy.
995
00:40:22,895 --> 00:40:24,928
It's the guy from the cab.
996
00:40:24,930 --> 00:40:27,798
Okay, speak as little as possible.
997
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,520
Okay, okay.
I'm all good.
998
00:40:30,935 --> 00:40:33,203
Hey, so um...
999
00:40:33,205 --> 00:40:36,106
you some kind of pervert
stalker or something?
1000
00:40:36,108 --> 00:40:37,374
Yeah, sometimes.
1001
00:40:37,376 --> 00:40:39,075
- No!
- Just read the cards.
1002
00:40:39,077 --> 00:40:40,977
I can't read Kurt's handwriting.
1003
00:40:40,979 --> 00:40:42,279
What are you talking about?
It says,
1004
00:40:42,281 --> 00:40:43,980
"I was wondering if you're
not doing anything Friday night
1005
00:40:43,982 --> 00:40:45,148
if you'd like to go to dinner with me
1006
00:40:45,150 --> 00:40:46,416
or any other activity."
1007
00:40:46,418 --> 00:40:48,452
Oh my God, could you make it any wordier?
1008
00:40:48,454 --> 00:40:49,719
Who are you talking to?
1009
00:40:49,721 --> 00:40:50,754
I'm talking to you.
1010
00:40:50,756 --> 00:40:53,457
I was wondering if you want me
to come in your... what?!
1011
00:40:53,459 --> 00:40:54,391
No!
1012
00:40:54,393 --> 00:40:56,092
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
1013
00:40:56,094 --> 00:40:58,428
- Speak from your heart.
- Shut up!
1014
00:40:58,430 --> 00:40:59,896
- Are you talking to me?
- Yes.
1015
00:40:59,898 --> 00:41:01,398
Oh, really?
1016
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,666
No, no.
1017
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:04,301
- Read the card.
- You shut up.
1018
00:41:04,303 --> 00:41:05,335
Please don't screw this up.
1019
00:41:05,337 --> 00:41:06,536
You shut up!
1020
00:41:07,071 --> 00:41:08,405
Fuck off.
1021
00:41:08,407 --> 00:41:09,339
Fuck you.
1022
00:41:10,141 --> 00:41:12,275
Are you getting' busy on Friday night?
1023
00:41:12,277 --> 00:41:13,677
I dunno.
1024
00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:15,979
You tell me if I'm getting busy
Friday night.
1025
00:41:15,981 --> 00:41:17,414
What, is English her second language?
1026
00:41:17,416 --> 00:41:18,982
I think so.
1027
00:41:18,984 --> 00:41:22,519
And, ...and we'll talk
about the details later.
1028
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:24,421
Cool... see ya.
1029
00:41:24,423 --> 00:41:25,755
Cool, see ya.
1030
00:41:26,324 --> 00:41:27,591
Oh!
1031
00:41:27,593 --> 00:41:29,426
He got a date!
1032
00:41:29,428 --> 00:41:31,261
Down there.
1033
00:41:31,696 --> 00:41:32,796
I have a date.
1034
00:41:32,798 --> 00:41:34,278
- What?
- Yeah.
1035
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:37,501
I mean we'll see.
I don't know.
1036
00:41:37,503 --> 00:41:38,802
I love him.
1037
00:41:38,804 --> 00:41:41,037
I think I need to go and have a shower.
1038
00:41:42,341 --> 00:41:46,276
I feel so inspired after that,
it was just...
1039
00:41:46,278 --> 00:41:47,511
I know.
1040
00:41:47,513 --> 00:41:49,279
- It's like I'm alive, right?
- I know, I know!
1041
00:41:49,281 --> 00:41:51,281
- I feel alive.
- It's just, it was so real.
1042
00:41:51,283 --> 00:41:53,350
Oh God, this...
this is hands-down
1043
00:41:53,352 --> 00:41:55,352
the best first date I've ever had.
1044
00:41:55,354 --> 00:41:56,987
- Yeah?
- Ever!
1045
00:41:56,989 --> 00:41:58,955
- Mine too.
- Yeah?
1046
00:41:58,957 --> 00:42:03,326
And no one has ever taken me
to a cockfight before.
1047
00:42:03,328 --> 00:42:04,361
I can't believe that.
1048
00:42:04,363 --> 00:42:06,396
You got cockfight written all over you.
1049
00:42:06,398 --> 00:42:07,464
It's so... violent.
1050
00:42:07,466 --> 00:42:09,466
And so bloody, I know.
1051
00:42:09,468 --> 00:42:11,234
Feathers everywhere.
1052
00:42:11,236 --> 00:42:12,369
- Poor little guys.
- Yeah.
1053
00:42:12,371 --> 00:42:15,205
Yeah, but you made
that great call on dinner, so...
1054
00:42:15,207 --> 00:42:16,206
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1055
00:42:16,208 --> 00:42:18,675
Oh, well I'm...
I'm glad you liked it.
1056
00:42:18,677 --> 00:42:22,379
I think they have
incredible cuisine at Hooters,
1057
00:42:22,381 --> 00:42:24,681
but most people don't notice 'cause of...
1058
00:42:24,683 --> 00:42:26,349
all the massive tits.
1059
00:42:26,351 --> 00:42:28,418
I know, the tits are distracting.
1060
00:42:29,387 --> 00:42:31,388
This feels so natural.
1061
00:42:31,390 --> 00:42:32,589
I know.
1062
00:42:35,993 --> 00:42:38,361
It makes me want to spoon your face.
1063
00:42:38,363 --> 00:42:40,096
I wanna...
1064
00:42:40,098 --> 00:42:42,065
I wanna lick the inside of your mouth.
1065
00:42:42,067 --> 00:42:43,587
- You do?
- Yeah.
1066
00:42:44,068 --> 00:42:45,035
Oh God...
1067
00:42:45,037 --> 00:42:47,504
I really hope you taste like hot dogs.
1068
00:42:47,506 --> 00:42:48,572
I do.
1069
00:42:49,106 --> 00:42:50,407
- I always do.
- Yeah?
1070
00:43:02,887 --> 00:43:07,290
Barry, I wanna invite you upstairs, but...
1071
00:43:07,292 --> 00:43:09,526
...this fucking bread factory
between my legs
1072
00:43:09,528 --> 00:43:11,094
is working overtime and...
1073
00:43:11,096 --> 00:43:12,429
- That's cool.
- Yeah?
1074
00:43:12,431 --> 00:43:13,730
- It's cool.
- I'm sorry.
1075
00:43:13,732 --> 00:43:14,931
- It's cool.
- Yeah?
1076
00:43:14,933 --> 00:43:17,267
I hope you don't mind
if I work one out to you later.
1077
00:43:17,269 --> 00:43:18,401
I'd like that.
1078
00:43:18,403 --> 00:43:19,769
Yeah?
1079
00:43:19,771 --> 00:43:21,371
Then I will.
1080
00:43:28,879 --> 00:43:30,614
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
1081
00:43:32,650 --> 00:43:34,551
- Bye.
- Bye.
1082
00:43:46,764 --> 00:43:48,298
This sucks.
1083
00:43:48,300 --> 00:43:50,000
This all sucks.
1084
00:43:50,501 --> 00:43:51,668
Yes!
1085
00:43:51,670 --> 00:43:53,303
What's up?
1086
00:43:53,305 --> 00:43:54,604
That was Barry.
1087
00:43:54,606 --> 00:43:56,172
He and Mel are totally hitting it off.
1088
00:43:56,174 --> 00:43:57,507
Oh my god, that is amazing!
1089
00:43:57,509 --> 00:43:58,775
- I know!
- Oh my God!
1090
00:43:58,777 --> 00:43:59,843
This could be it!
1091
00:43:59,845 --> 00:44:01,144
- Oh my God.
- Yes!
1092
00:44:01,146 --> 00:44:02,679
Oh.
1093
00:44:07,351 --> 00:44:08,785
They're going out again on Friday?
1094
00:44:08,787 --> 00:44:09,953
That's huge!
1095
00:44:09,955 --> 00:44:12,122
Yeah, think of the freedom.
1096
00:44:12,124 --> 00:44:13,490
Zihuatenejo, my friend.
1097
00:44:13,492 --> 00:44:14,858
You realize what this could mean, right?
1098
00:44:14,860 --> 00:44:18,194
Eating at restaurants without
being publicly humiliated.
1099
00:44:18,196 --> 00:44:20,597
Going to sporting events
without fear or ejection.
1100
00:44:20,599 --> 00:44:22,666
Not having people say, "Hey,
you know your friend Barry?
1101
00:44:22,668 --> 00:44:24,768
Don't ever bring him to my
motherfucking house again."
1102
00:44:24,770 --> 00:44:25,869
And that's a woman saying that.
1103
00:44:25,871 --> 00:44:27,303
I'm gonna meet so many more chicks.
1104
00:44:27,305 --> 00:44:29,506
I'm gonna bone Rachel a lot.
1105
00:44:29,508 --> 00:44:30,974
And I'm gonna talk to Camille.
1106
00:44:30,976 --> 00:44:31,975
- Go what?
- What?
1107
00:44:31,977 --> 00:44:36,780
It's time to make right
what once was, um...
1108
00:44:38,482 --> 00:44:40,250
Aw, hell no.
1109
00:44:42,486 --> 00:44:44,487
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
1110
00:44:44,489 --> 00:44:46,189
I didn't even see you over there.
1111
00:44:46,191 --> 00:44:50,060
I... I'd seen you earlier,
but I... I... I...
1112
00:44:50,995 --> 00:44:52,328
- Cool.
- What's up?
1113
00:44:52,330 --> 00:44:55,398
Honestly, I'm not doing so well.
1114
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,033
I just broke up with someone.
1115
00:44:57,035 --> 00:44:58,968
You already got a new boyfriend
1116
00:44:58,970 --> 00:45:00,704
and then... and then
broke up with him?
1117
00:45:00,706 --> 00:45:03,039
It's been, like, eleven days.
1118
00:45:03,041 --> 00:45:05,842
Yeah, I moved on, Kurt.
1119
00:45:05,844 --> 00:45:06,843
Didn't you?
1120
00:45:06,845 --> 00:45:08,545
Yeah, I did.
1121
00:45:08,547 --> 00:45:11,381
I moved on, a lot, to a
lot of different women.
1122
00:45:11,383 --> 00:45:13,983
Wow.
Anyone special?
1123
00:45:13,985 --> 00:45:16,720
No! No... yeah, no,
just it's hard to notice
1124
00:45:16,722 --> 00:45:20,423
'cause there's so many...
so much ass coming my way,
1125
00:45:20,425 --> 00:45:22,826
it's all the clingy bitches and, you know.
1126
00:45:22,828 --> 00:45:25,595
Awesome, well, it was
really nice running into you.
1127
00:45:25,597 --> 00:45:26,996
But I don't really talk to
them anymore, you know?
1128
00:45:26,998 --> 00:45:29,165
They weren't up to my standards, you know?
1129
00:45:29,167 --> 00:45:30,500
- Really?
- Yeah.
1130
00:45:30,502 --> 00:45:31,601
Once you go black, you never go back...
1131
00:45:31,603 --> 00:45:33,470
Doesn't apply.
1132
00:45:33,472 --> 00:45:36,573
He's not dumb enough to pursue that again.
1133
00:45:36,575 --> 00:45:37,741
I don't know.
1134
00:45:37,743 --> 00:45:38,908
Um.
1135
00:45:41,512 --> 00:45:42,512
But, you know what?
1136
00:45:42,514 --> 00:45:43,313
Let's just focus
on the positive, all right?
1137
00:45:43,315 --> 00:45:49,686
We are about to embark on a
brand new chapter of our lives.
1138
00:45:49,688 --> 00:45:51,721
- You're baked.
- What?
1139
00:45:54,258 --> 00:45:56,378
Don't do that.
You're scaring the customers.
1140
00:45:58,028 --> 00:45:59,462
Daddy feels like getting wet!
1141
00:45:59,464 --> 00:46:00,296
Oh!
1142
00:46:00,298 --> 00:46:01,397
You got nothin'!
1143
00:46:08,639 --> 00:46:12,108
Go, go, go, go, go!
1144
00:46:12,110 --> 00:46:13,877
You sure it's okay to do it out here?
1145
00:46:13,879 --> 00:46:17,046
Yeah, nobody's gonna knooow!
1146
00:46:17,048 --> 00:46:18,581
Damn, that shit is good!
1147
00:46:20,118 --> 00:46:23,586
Tell me about, um, your day.
1148
00:46:30,161 --> 00:46:32,428
So funny.
1149
00:46:35,767 --> 00:46:37,500
♪ Oh Barry ♪
1150
00:46:37,502 --> 00:46:38,968
I don't have the words or anything yet.
1151
00:46:38,970 --> 00:46:40,303
But you got Barry in there,
you put Barry in there.
1152
00:46:40,305 --> 00:46:41,538
That's me.
1153
00:46:42,006 --> 00:46:43,439
Throw it up there.
1154
00:46:43,441 --> 00:46:44,808
Yeah, that's good.
1155
00:46:44,810 --> 00:46:47,911
Why don't you try again
here and do a couple,
1156
00:46:47,913 --> 00:46:49,012
do a couple yourself.
1157
00:46:49,014 --> 00:46:50,346
Check it out.
I'll be right back.
1158
00:46:50,348 --> 00:46:52,849
Was that Hatha yoga
you were practicing over there?
1159
00:46:52,851 --> 00:46:55,084
I saw it.
That was incredible!
1160
00:47:03,627 --> 00:47:04,961
Put me down!
1161
00:47:04,963 --> 00:47:06,696
Put me down!
1162
00:47:23,481 --> 00:47:24,447
- Smooth it out.
- Just smooth it out.
1163
00:47:24,449 --> 00:47:25,481
Use some spit.
1164
00:47:25,483 --> 00:47:26,349
I think it's like...
1165
00:47:26,351 --> 00:47:27,784
Use a little spit.
1166
00:47:28,552 --> 00:47:29,719
Yeah, 'cause there's a bigger vein.
1167
00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,554
There's a big vein going, just...
1168
00:47:31,556 --> 00:47:32,655
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1169
00:47:32,657 --> 00:47:34,157
So add a little bit to the base.
1170
00:47:34,159 --> 00:47:35,692
Yeah, yeah.
Here, here, here.
1171
00:47:35,694 --> 00:47:37,134
- Easy fix.
- That looks really good.
1172
00:47:49,807 --> 00:47:51,841
Everybody watch!
This is the big finish!
1173
00:47:51,843 --> 00:47:52,976
Aah!
1174
00:47:52,978 --> 00:47:55,645
Oh, oh!
1175
00:48:00,584 --> 00:48:02,719
Oh, don't touch.
Oh, don't touch.
1176
00:48:02,721 --> 00:48:04,882
Oh it's sensi... oh it's delicate,
it's tender.
1177
00:48:06,724 --> 00:48:08,424
- So?
- So?
1178
00:48:08,426 --> 00:48:09,726
Tell us everything.
1179
00:48:09,728 --> 00:48:11,828
Okay. Mel is amazing.
1180
00:48:11,830 --> 00:48:13,663
She's unbelievable. I...
1181
00:48:13,665 --> 00:48:15,331
The last two weeks have been magical
1182
00:48:15,333 --> 00:48:16,566
and I... I don't wanna get cheesy,
1183
00:48:16,568 --> 00:48:19,168
but deep down in my heart
I feel like she understands me
1184
00:48:19,170 --> 00:48:21,004
as no one else ever has.
1185
00:48:21,839 --> 00:48:23,773
Plus, she's got
a super-wide bush.
1186
00:48:23,775 --> 00:48:24,741
Yeah, I love it.
1187
00:48:24,743 --> 00:48:25,842
This is great news.
1188
00:48:25,844 --> 00:48:27,043
It is! I know, right?
1189
00:48:27,045 --> 00:48:29,612
Most girls wax, but not Mel.
1190
00:48:29,614 --> 00:48:31,547
I like to get lost down there
in some jungle.
1191
00:48:31,549 --> 00:48:33,783
No, I... I meant it's great
news that it's going so well.
1192
00:48:33,785 --> 00:48:34,951
Yeah, not great news about the bush.
1193
00:48:34,953 --> 00:48:35,952
Oh, right. Yeah.
1194
00:48:35,954 --> 00:48:37,220
Well, that too.
1195
00:48:37,222 --> 00:48:38,054
That is going very well.
1196
00:48:38,056 --> 00:48:39,722
Um, but mainly the relationship.
1197
00:48:39,724 --> 00:48:40,924
Well, you haven't seen this bush.
1198
00:48:40,926 --> 00:48:41,925
It's outstanding.
1199
00:48:41,927 --> 00:48:43,927
- Sounds like a real throwback.
- So...
1200
00:48:43,929 --> 00:48:44,727
...moving on.
1201
00:48:44,729 --> 00:48:46,029
What are you guys coin'?
1202
00:48:46,031 --> 00:48:47,697
Dude, can you not put gum
underneath my bar?
1203
00:48:47,699 --> 00:48:50,867
Last time I put it on top
of the bar you flipped out,
1204
00:48:50,869 --> 00:48:52,635
and now I put it under the bar,
which is the next logical step,
1205
00:48:52,637 --> 00:48:54,270
What do you want me to do with it?
1206
00:48:54,272 --> 00:48:55,705
So... you and Mel?
1207
00:48:55,707 --> 00:48:57,707
Seems like you guys are going
the distance?
1208
00:48:57,709 --> 00:48:59,609
Yeah, sounds like you met your soul mate.
1209
00:48:59,611 --> 00:49:00,810
You're intended.
1210
00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:02,412
Could be your future bride.
1211
00:49:02,414 --> 00:49:04,414
Hey, I... I... I don't know.
I don't know.
1212
00:49:04,416 --> 00:49:06,950
I mean, yeah, she is,
she is pretty amazing.
1213
00:49:06,952 --> 00:49:08,084
Did I mention her bush?
1214
00:49:08,086 --> 00:49:08,985
- Indeed you did.
- In detail.
1215
00:49:08,987 --> 00:49:11,888
I can't believe you have
a girlfriend, man!
1216
00:49:11,890 --> 00:49:12,889
Yeah, I know.
1217
00:49:12,891 --> 00:49:13,990
When do we get to meet her?
1218
00:49:13,992 --> 00:49:15,325
We're going to Kurt's cabin this weekend.
1219
00:49:15,327 --> 00:49:16,225
You should bring her.
1220
00:49:16,227 --> 00:49:17,927
Yeah, yeah, Kurt, can I?
1221
00:49:17,929 --> 00:49:19,062
Yeah, it'll be fun.
That'll be cool.
1222
00:49:19,064 --> 00:49:20,630
Yes!
Yeah!
1223
00:49:22,067 --> 00:49:23,299
You're gonna love her.
1224
00:49:23,301 --> 00:49:24,767
You might even get a peek at that bush.
1225
00:49:24,769 --> 00:49:25,969
I don't know.
We'll see what we can do.
1226
00:49:25,971 --> 00:49:27,070
I'm okay with just meeting her.
1227
00:49:27,072 --> 00:49:29,005
Why'd you invite Barry again?
1228
00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:31,007
I told you, he's got
a girlfriend now, so...
1229
00:49:31,009 --> 00:49:32,008
And?
1230
00:49:32,010 --> 00:49:33,910
And it'll be totally different.
1231
00:49:33,912 --> 00:49:35,812
This'll be the kinder, gentler Barry.
1232
00:49:35,814 --> 00:49:38,114
Exactly, she'll keep him on a short leash.
1233
00:49:38,116 --> 00:49:39,749
Yeah, kinda like a buffer.
1234
00:49:39,751 --> 00:49:41,284
A little Barry buffer.
1235
00:49:41,286 --> 00:49:43,286
- Great.
- Oh, there they are.
1236
00:49:43,288 --> 00:49:44,487
Hey!
1237
00:49:44,489 --> 00:49:45,688
Hey!
1238
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:48,925
We knew you were there before the honk.
1239
00:49:48,927 --> 00:49:50,693
- Hello!
- This is Mel.
1240
00:49:50,695 --> 00:49:51,794
Oh, she's so pretty!
1241
00:49:51,796 --> 00:49:54,197
Oh, she looks like an angel from heaven.
1242
00:49:54,199 --> 00:49:55,832
- Hi!
- Hey.
1243
00:49:55,834 --> 00:49:58,334
Hi, I'm Desmond, great to meet you.
1244
00:49:58,336 --> 00:50:00,970
Oh! Okay, the guy who couldn't
get it up for his wife.
1245
00:50:00,972 --> 00:50:01,972
- Yep, wha...?
- That's him.
1246
00:50:01,973 --> 00:50:02,839
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
1247
00:50:02,841 --> 00:50:07,677
So you must be the lucky lady
who's finally getting some.
1248
00:50:07,679 --> 00:50:09,879
That's me.
My name is Rachel.
1249
00:50:09,881 --> 00:50:11,114
You didn't tell me her name was Rachel.
1250
00:50:11,116 --> 00:50:13,850
I used... I had a, um,
a rat called Rachel, yeah.
1251
00:50:13,852 --> 00:50:16,152
- Cool, um, this is...
- That's a detail.
1252
00:50:16,154 --> 00:50:17,353
Wait, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna guess,
1253
00:50:17,355 --> 00:50:19,989
because he has told me
so much about you all.
1254
00:50:19,991 --> 00:50:20,790
Watch this.
Watch this.
1255
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:23,326
Um, skank-magnet...
1256
00:50:23,328 --> 00:50:25,094
ice queen...
1257
00:50:26,030 --> 00:50:27,663
No-balls pushover.
1258
00:50:27,665 --> 00:50:30,700
Yeah, you hit... hit the nail
on the head, there.
1259
00:50:30,702 --> 00:50:33,036
I know, I know, look at her,
she's got some brains up there?
1260
00:50:33,038 --> 00:50:35,972
Not to mention a beautiful
set of knockers right here.
1261
00:50:35,974 --> 00:50:37,473
- Sorry, they're only B-cup.
- Only.
1262
00:50:37,475 --> 00:50:38,475
Well, they're actually...
1263
00:50:38,476 --> 00:50:40,977
I can swell to a C when I'm menstruating.
1264
00:50:40,979 --> 00:50:42,145
That's disgusting.
1265
00:50:42,147 --> 00:50:43,880
Oh my God, I never thought
I'd say this to a lady,
1266
00:50:43,882 --> 00:50:45,602
but I can't wait for your
time of the month.
1267
00:50:46,217 --> 00:50:47,683
But get ready for the three Bs.
1268
00:50:47,685 --> 00:50:49,052
Bloated, bitchy and breasty.
1269
00:50:50,221 --> 00:50:51,921
Oh my God, I'm getting
a little B of my own right here.
1270
00:50:51,923 --> 00:50:53,923
- Check it out.
- I... I looked.
1271
00:50:53,925 --> 00:50:55,892
You know what guys?
I wanna... I wanna drive.
1272
00:50:57,595 --> 00:50:59,028
No, no, no, I wanna drive, I wanna drive.
1273
00:50:59,030 --> 00:50:59,662
I wanna drive.
1274
00:50:59,664 --> 00:51:01,597
Do you wanna get in there
and make out a bit
1275
00:51:01,599 --> 00:51:02,932
before these guys finish packing?
1276
00:51:02,934 --> 00:51:05,201
Yeah, um, if the van's
a-rockin'...
1277
00:51:05,203 --> 00:51:06,736
- Don't come knockin'.
- Nah, I'm kidding.
1278
00:51:06,738 --> 00:51:08,071
It's another joke.
It's another joke.
1279
00:51:08,073 --> 00:51:09,839
- We won't go all the way.
- No, just oral.
1280
00:51:09,841 --> 00:51:11,574
Please don't do that in my car.
Please don't.
1281
00:51:11,576 --> 00:51:12,909
Rafe, put my shit in the back.
1282
00:51:27,925 --> 00:51:29,926
♪ Superconductor ♪
1283
00:51:29,928 --> 00:51:31,961
I'm feeling carsick!
1284
00:51:31,963 --> 00:51:33,496
What?
1285
00:51:33,797 --> 00:51:34,964
Hoo-hoo!
1286
00:51:34,966 --> 00:51:36,933
This sounds like
the soundtrack from Gizmo.
1287
00:51:37,969 --> 00:51:40,203
- This is awful!
- Yeah, it's awesome!
1288
00:51:40,205 --> 00:51:42,905
No, it sounds like what
insanity must feel like.
1289
00:51:42,907 --> 00:51:44,107
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
1290
00:51:44,109 --> 00:51:46,642
Barry, can you maybe turn that song off?
1291
00:51:46,644 --> 00:51:51,547
This music is horrible.
It's making my eardrums bleed.
1292
00:51:51,549 --> 00:51:52,815
- Oh!
- Sorry, sorry.
1293
00:51:52,817 --> 00:51:56,052
Okay, Mister No-taste.
1294
00:51:56,054 --> 00:51:57,386
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
1295
00:51:57,388 --> 00:51:58,521
- That was just a lot.
- Yeah.
1296
00:51:58,523 --> 00:52:00,089
Here we go.
1297
00:52:00,091 --> 00:52:03,059
You know, a playa makin'
money, fuckin' all these bitches
1298
00:52:03,061 --> 00:52:06,062
three at a time,
hydraulics in the switches,
1299
00:52:06,064 --> 00:52:08,998
got these hos and the bitches
licking up my ice cream,
1300
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,001
bitch squeeze the DJ,
come fuck wit my team,
1301
00:52:12,003 --> 00:52:14,270
Oh, make your ass shake,
shake your moneymaker,
1302
00:52:14,272 --> 00:52:17,273
take it to the hotel and show
her how my dick can break her,
1303
00:52:17,275 --> 00:52:20,176
yeah, life ain't shit
without pussy on my dick, no.
1304
00:52:20,178 --> 00:52:22,445
Pussy on your dick... great.
1305
00:52:27,918 --> 00:52:29,438
- Ready?
- Yeah.
1306
00:52:35,493 --> 00:52:39,462
Oh my God.
1307
00:52:41,499 --> 00:52:43,232
- What?
- It stinks!
1308
00:52:44,168 --> 00:52:45,535
- Who did that?
- Who ripped it?
1309
00:52:45,537 --> 00:52:47,103
- That'd be me.
- Are you serious?!
1310
00:52:47,105 --> 00:52:49,438
Are you steaming broccoli in there?
1311
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:50,506
It's tuna.
1312
00:52:50,508 --> 00:52:51,807
- I'll open up the window.
- Fuck!
1313
00:52:51,809 --> 00:52:53,576
- It won't open!
- What's going on?
1314
00:52:53,578 --> 00:52:56,045
Did I accidentally lock the windows?
1315
00:52:56,047 --> 00:52:57,647
I'm not familiar with this car.
1316
00:52:57,649 --> 00:53:00,016
Oh my God, it's in my eyes!
1317
00:53:00,018 --> 00:53:01,717
Oh you stink so good.
1318
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:02,885
Since we're all locked in anyway,
1319
00:53:02,887 --> 00:53:04,153
lemme, lemme add to the party.
1320
00:53:04,155 --> 00:53:05,454
It's gonna be good, listen!
1321
00:53:08,626 --> 00:53:10,026
Oh!
1322
00:53:10,028 --> 00:53:11,727
Oh, there was a high note on that one.
1323
00:53:11,729 --> 00:53:13,062
I'm gonna hurl!
1324
00:53:13,064 --> 00:53:15,031
You guys, I think he's allergic!
1325
00:53:15,033 --> 00:53:16,332
I'm gonna hurl!
1326
00:53:16,334 --> 00:53:18,334
Oh my God.
1327
00:53:18,336 --> 00:53:21,037
They're choking.
Look how great.
1328
00:53:21,039 --> 00:53:22,959
Unlock the windows, Barry!
1329
00:53:24,341 --> 00:53:26,742
- It's gorgeous.
- Isn't it?
1330
00:53:26,744 --> 00:53:28,678
Oh, I can't wait to pork you here.
1331
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:30,046
You're the best porker.
1332
00:53:30,048 --> 00:53:31,347
I know, aren't I?
1333
00:53:31,349 --> 00:53:33,249
I've been wanting to pork you
the whole car ride.
1334
00:53:33,251 --> 00:53:34,350
- The whole ride?
- Yeah.
1335
00:53:34,352 --> 00:53:36,419
How many bedrooms have you got?
1336
00:53:36,421 --> 00:53:37,753
- One.
- Dibs!
1337
00:53:39,090 --> 00:53:40,056
Get up there.
Get up there.
1338
00:53:40,058 --> 00:53:41,157
Rafe, grab my shit.
1339
00:53:41,159 --> 00:53:42,725
This is gonna be fun, guys.
1340
00:53:42,727 --> 00:53:45,494
Yeah... yeah, I'm havin' fun.
1341
00:53:45,496 --> 00:53:47,496
- You guys havin' fun?
- No.
1342
00:53:47,498 --> 00:53:49,565
I can taste that fart.
1343
00:53:49,567 --> 00:53:52,001
I'm so excited to go swimming!
1344
00:53:52,003 --> 00:53:53,703
This is the best part of comin' up here.
1345
00:53:53,705 --> 00:53:55,438
Yeah.
You guys are gonna love it.
1346
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:57,006
I used to go to this
swimming hole all the time
1347
00:53:57,008 --> 00:53:57,707
when I was a kid.
1348
00:53:57,709 --> 00:53:59,709
Is it gonna be cold?
1349
00:53:59,711 --> 00:54:01,777
Yeah, it'll be great!
Come on!
1350
00:54:01,779 --> 00:54:02,779
Yeah, yeah, come on guys.
1351
00:54:02,780 --> 00:54:04,113
Last one in is a rotten piece of shit!
1352
00:54:04,115 --> 00:54:06,082
Woo-hoo!
1353
00:54:06,084 --> 00:54:08,284
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
1354
00:54:08,286 --> 00:54:09,118
Here we go!
1355
00:54:10,888 --> 00:54:12,688
Fresh air feels good on my balls!
1356
00:54:12,690 --> 00:54:14,590
Okay, there's actually some
board games back at the cabin.
1357
00:54:14,592 --> 00:54:15,558
- Oh yeah.
- I'm into that.
1358
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:16,959
I love me some board games.
1359
00:54:16,961 --> 00:54:18,227
What better way to spend a beautiful day?
1360
00:54:18,229 --> 00:54:19,262
Show 'em your bush!
1361
00:54:19,264 --> 00:54:21,597
- It's so nice.
- Yeah, babe.
1362
00:54:21,599 --> 00:54:23,132
Yeah, and this, this one here
1363
00:54:23,134 --> 00:54:25,101
is actually three generations of my family
1364
00:54:25,103 --> 00:54:26,802
standing just out front, so.
1365
00:54:26,804 --> 00:54:29,105
Oh my God!
1366
00:54:30,808 --> 00:54:32,275
Did you see that?
Let me do it!
1367
00:54:32,277 --> 00:54:33,743
I haven't done that in so long.
1368
00:54:33,745 --> 00:54:34,977
Oh my God, all right.
Your turn, your turn.
1369
00:54:34,979 --> 00:54:37,446
No, you gotta let, you gotta
get it all gathered in here.
1370
00:54:37,448 --> 00:54:39,115
Come on Rafe!
Come on, buddy!
1371
00:54:39,117 --> 00:54:40,750
Come on, get out here!
1372
00:54:40,752 --> 00:54:42,385
Not my thing.
Stopped doing that in college.
1373
00:54:42,387 --> 00:54:44,287
Go, go, go. Do it.
1374
00:54:44,289 --> 00:54:45,821
This is a pine needle fort
1375
00:54:45,823 --> 00:54:49,392
I made for the beetle army I was raising.
1376
00:54:49,394 --> 00:54:51,761
Look at this, she's just letting
it slide right down her throat!
1377
00:54:51,763 --> 00:54:53,229
Oh, God, that's sexy.
1378
00:54:53,231 --> 00:54:54,230
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
1379
00:54:54,232 --> 00:54:56,232
Right in the sink.
Do it, do it. Yeah.
1380
00:54:56,234 --> 00:54:59,168
This is one of my,
my old cats we used to...
1381
00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:02,238
...bring up here.
1382
00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:03,139
It's okay, right?
1383
00:55:03,141 --> 00:55:04,473
I got some puke up my nose.
1384
00:55:05,310 --> 00:55:07,310
Are you...?
You don't look too well.
1385
00:55:12,583 --> 00:55:14,150
Honey, breathe, breathe.
1386
00:55:14,152 --> 00:55:15,785
I just wish they would, like,
throw up quieter.
1387
00:55:15,787 --> 00:55:17,227
- Oh.
- Shhh.
1388
00:55:18,655 --> 00:55:21,424
There you go.
1389
00:55:21,426 --> 00:55:23,092
Oh!
1390
00:55:23,094 --> 00:55:24,460
Don't look back there.
1391
00:55:24,462 --> 00:55:25,961
- Don't look back there.
- Oh, God.
1392
00:55:25,963 --> 00:55:28,164
Kitchen blowy, guys.
1393
00:55:28,166 --> 00:55:29,298
This is heaven.
1394
00:55:29,300 --> 00:55:31,300
Oh.
1395
00:55:31,302 --> 00:55:32,201
Okay, come on up.
1396
00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:34,203
Let's just try to enjoy ourselves.
1397
00:55:34,205 --> 00:55:35,204
Yeah.
1398
00:55:35,206 --> 00:55:37,306
Lady up!
1399
00:55:37,308 --> 00:55:38,874
We should play Twister!
1400
00:55:38,876 --> 00:55:40,176
This wine is nice.
1401
00:55:40,178 --> 00:55:41,777
I think the more
you puke, the drunker you get,
1402
00:55:41,779 --> 00:55:43,145
isn't that the way it goes?
1403
00:55:43,147 --> 00:55:45,614
Did I get puke on your cock?
1404
00:55:45,616 --> 00:55:47,496
Don't worry about it.
I like it.
1405
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:50,453
Think that's enough?
1406
00:55:50,455 --> 00:55:53,055
Maybe a few more would be sexier.
1407
00:55:53,057 --> 00:55:54,223
You got it, juicy jugs.
1408
00:55:54,225 --> 00:55:55,825
Let me just check on the gang.
1409
00:55:55,827 --> 00:55:58,361
Make sure everyone is nice and cozy.
1410
00:55:58,363 --> 00:55:59,995
Everybody?
1411
00:55:59,997 --> 00:56:01,297
Everybody doin' okay down there?
1412
00:56:01,299 --> 00:56:02,798
No.
1413
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,233
Yeah, I love sleepin' in chairs.
1414
00:56:04,235 --> 00:56:05,401
All right.
1415
00:56:05,403 --> 00:56:07,203
G'night everybody.
Sleep tight.
1416
00:56:07,205 --> 00:56:09,238
- That is inevitable.
- Love you guys.
1417
00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:11,140
Kurt, do you hear a coyote or something?
1418
00:56:11,142 --> 00:56:14,677
No, this... this is not even
camp, it's Cabin in the Woods.
1419
00:56:18,082 --> 00:56:19,181
Are they fucking up there?
1420
00:56:19,183 --> 00:56:20,316
It's not that bad.
1421
00:56:20,318 --> 00:56:22,651
It's actually kinda romantic
if you think about it.
1422
00:56:26,023 --> 00:56:28,324
- Oh no!
- Get that off me.
1423
00:56:28,326 --> 00:56:29,325
Start slowly.
1424
00:56:29,327 --> 00:56:30,593
Yep. Definitely having sex.
1425
00:56:30,595 --> 00:56:32,528
Slow down, slow down,
or I'm gonna come early.
1426
00:56:32,530 --> 00:56:35,331
Bleh, bleh.
It's in my mouth.
1427
00:56:35,333 --> 00:56:36,499
- Sorry!
- For what?
1428
00:56:36,501 --> 00:56:38,234
- Do you smell something?
- What?
1429
00:56:38,236 --> 00:56:39,268
Yeah! Yeah!
1430
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,207
It looks worse than it is, I think, Kurt.
1431
00:56:45,209 --> 00:56:47,143
It's completely engulfed in flames.
1432
00:56:47,145 --> 00:56:51,046
They're gonna save your place,
I promise you.
1433
00:56:51,048 --> 00:56:53,282
- Your place is toast.
- Shit.
1434
00:56:53,284 --> 00:56:55,751
But I did manage to save
your family albums.
1435
00:56:59,756 --> 00:57:01,357
Well, I tried.
1436
00:57:02,859 --> 00:57:06,729
Oh, man, those albums were old
and you're barely in them,
1437
00:57:06,731 --> 00:57:08,364
and listen, don't worry,
don't worry about it, okay?
1438
00:57:08,366 --> 00:57:10,466
I will rebuild it with my own bare hands.
1439
00:57:10,468 --> 00:57:13,369
- I took wood shop in high school
- Aah! I'm gonna kill you!
1440
00:57:13,371 --> 00:57:15,438
- It was an accident!
- You're an accident!
1441
00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:16,906
I only used that many candles
1442
00:57:16,908 --> 00:57:18,741
'cause it made Mel's body look so fine.
1443
00:57:18,743 --> 00:57:20,376
- I mean, wouldn't you?
- Go away!
1444
00:57:20,378 --> 00:57:21,911
Go away forever and don't come back!
1445
00:57:21,913 --> 00:57:23,779
- You don't mean that.
- Yes he does!
1446
00:57:23,781 --> 00:57:25,181
We all do.
1447
00:57:26,416 --> 00:57:28,117
Rafe?
1448
00:57:28,119 --> 00:57:29,785
I think you should go, Barry.
1449
00:57:29,787 --> 00:57:31,287
Seriously?
1450
00:57:31,289 --> 00:57:32,988
It's not all his fault.
1451
00:57:32,990 --> 00:57:34,990
I am just as responsible, and I...
1452
00:57:34,992 --> 00:57:36,392
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, Mel, no, no.
1453
00:57:36,394 --> 00:57:38,461
It was an accident...
it was an accident.
1454
00:57:38,463 --> 00:57:39,962
Kurt, I promise you
1455
00:57:39,964 --> 00:57:42,431
I am not gonna burn
your cabin down anymore, okay?
1456
00:57:42,433 --> 00:57:43,399
Obviously, Barry!
1457
00:57:43,401 --> 00:57:46,001
That's impossible!
There's only one!
1458
00:57:46,003 --> 00:57:47,136
What about "Pals forever"?
1459
00:57:47,138 --> 00:57:48,804
- Stop saying that!
- Why?
1460
00:57:48,806 --> 00:57:50,673
Because it's just a stupid motto from camp
1461
00:57:50,675 --> 00:57:51,640
and it doesn't mean anything.
1462
00:57:51,642 --> 00:57:52,908
- Des, babe, let's...
- Rachel!
1463
00:57:52,910 --> 00:57:54,310
It means something to me.
1464
00:57:54,312 --> 00:57:56,078
Get it straight, Barry,
1465
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:59,415
you ruined our trip and we want you gone.
1466
00:57:59,417 --> 00:58:02,318
And you can take your inappropriate
girlfriend with you.
1467
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,153
What do you mean
my inappropriate girlfriend?
1468
00:58:04,155 --> 00:58:05,621
She's a train wreck, dude.
1469
00:58:05,623 --> 00:58:07,323
Yeah, nobody likes her.
1470
00:58:07,325 --> 00:58:09,358
She's just as bad as you are.
1471
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,894
Face it, she is a Barry, Barry.
1472
00:58:13,430 --> 00:58:14,830
- What's a Barry?
- What's a...
1473
00:58:14,832 --> 00:58:17,199
I'll tell you what a Barry is, Barry.
1474
00:58:17,201 --> 00:58:20,769
A Barry is a person with no
couth, no sense of propriety.
1475
00:58:20,771 --> 00:58:22,438
It's a person who gets you fired,
1476
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,139
destroys your relationships,
1477
00:58:24,141 --> 00:58:27,610
and pretty much ruins
everything in your entire life!
1478
00:58:27,612 --> 00:58:32,014
Okay, look, I don't care
what you think of me,
1479
00:58:32,016 --> 00:58:34,383
but Barry has been nothing
but an amazing friend
1480
00:58:34,385 --> 00:58:35,584
to you all.
1481
00:58:35,586 --> 00:58:36,852
Oh, really?
1482
00:58:36,854 --> 00:58:38,954
'Cause from where I'm sitting,
he's ruined everything.
1483
00:58:38,956 --> 00:58:40,389
We didn't mean to do it.
1484
00:58:40,391 --> 00:58:42,391
It doesn't matter what you mean to do.
1485
00:58:42,393 --> 00:58:44,793
What matters is what you do do.
1486
00:58:45,730 --> 00:58:47,463
Doo-doo.
1487
00:58:48,164 --> 00:58:49,632
Mel, grow up.
1488
00:58:49,634 --> 00:58:50,833
Come on.
1489
00:58:50,835 --> 00:58:53,035
Guys, guys. It's me.
It's Barry, okay?
1490
00:58:53,037 --> 00:58:55,638
It's your best friend.
Let's... let's talk about this.
1491
00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:57,540
Friends stick by each other
no matter what.
1492
00:58:57,542 --> 00:58:59,475
I mean even... even through
cabin fires, right?
1493
00:58:59,477 --> 00:59:02,545
Well, there's a limit to what
we can handle, Barry.
1494
00:59:02,547 --> 00:59:04,947
Why do you think we tried
so hard to find you a wife?
1495
00:59:06,416 --> 00:59:09,084
It's because we were trying
to get rid of you!
1496
00:59:17,661 --> 00:59:19,995
That's why you did it?
1497
00:59:19,997 --> 00:59:22,097
You guys wanted to get rid of me?
1498
00:59:27,337 --> 00:59:28,604
I see.
1499
00:59:30,674 --> 00:59:32,308
Let's get out of here, man.
1500
00:59:55,465 --> 00:59:57,433
Those guys are assholes.
1501
00:59:57,435 --> 00:59:59,515
No, they're not assholes.
I'm the asshole.
1502
01:00:00,604 --> 01:00:02,471
Well, I think they're assholes.
1503
01:00:02,473 --> 01:00:05,274
Stop calling them assholes.
They're my friends.
1504
01:00:05,276 --> 01:00:07,610
Friends stand by each other, remember?
1505
01:00:07,612 --> 01:00:10,245
So do boyfriends, by the way.
1506
01:00:10,247 --> 01:00:11,413
What?
1507
01:00:12,148 --> 01:00:14,216
Where... where is that
coming from?
1508
01:00:16,553 --> 01:00:17,553
Really?
1509
01:00:18,488 --> 01:00:19,455
What, Mel?
1510
01:00:19,457 --> 01:00:22,891
What... what... what was I supposed to say?
1511
01:00:22,893 --> 01:00:25,661
Well, I don't think you were
supposed to tell me to grow up.
1512
01:00:25,663 --> 01:00:26,962
I see. Okay.
1513
01:00:26,964 --> 01:00:29,231
So this is about you now, obviously.
1514
01:00:29,233 --> 01:00:32,501
My best friends, my lifelong best friends,
1515
01:00:32,503 --> 01:00:33,936
just ripped my heart out of my chest
1516
01:00:33,938 --> 01:00:36,071
and told me that
they never wanna see me again
1517
01:00:36,073 --> 01:00:37,439
- and you're fucking crying?
- I...
1518
01:00:37,441 --> 01:00:38,607
You're hurt?!
1519
01:00:38,609 --> 01:00:40,242
You're the one who's hurt?!
1520
01:00:41,077 --> 01:00:43,545
First of all, I am not crying.
1521
01:00:45,415 --> 01:00:49,485
Barry, I'm not crying,
but my feelings were hurt
1522
01:00:49,487 --> 01:00:51,153
because your lifelong best friends
1523
01:00:51,155 --> 01:00:52,488
said some not very nice things about me.
1524
01:00:52,490 --> 01:00:53,455
That hurt you?
1525
01:00:53,457 --> 01:00:55,758
Yes, it did.
And you didn't say anything.
1526
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:57,159
Wai...
1527
01:00:58,928 --> 01:01:00,429
...did you agree with them?
1528
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:04,700
No.
1529
01:01:07,637 --> 01:01:09,304
That wasn't very convincing.
1530
01:01:09,306 --> 01:01:11,674
Well, maybe there's
a kernel of truth to it, Mel.
1531
01:01:13,977 --> 01:01:15,010
What's that mean?
1532
01:01:15,012 --> 01:01:17,179
I'm saying it can't be a coincidence
1533
01:01:17,181 --> 01:01:19,715
that the... the first time
I bring you up to the cabin
1534
01:01:19,717 --> 01:01:21,150
my friends dump me.
1535
01:01:21,152 --> 01:01:22,351
Oh...
1536
01:01:22,353 --> 01:01:24,887
So, okay, so it's...
this is all my fault.
1537
01:01:24,889 --> 01:01:26,522
Yes, it's your fault, okay?
1538
01:01:26,524 --> 01:01:28,657
My life was perfect before I met you.
1539
01:01:28,659 --> 01:01:29,825
- It was perfection.
- What?
1540
01:01:29,827 --> 01:01:31,493
And now it's a big old pile of shit.
1541
01:01:31,495 --> 01:01:33,996
Barry, did you say your life
was perfect before me?
1542
01:01:33,998 --> 01:01:36,699
Because I thought you had
no job, and no relationship,
1543
01:01:36,701 --> 01:01:38,902
and your friends still wanted
to get rid of you.
1544
01:01:38,903 --> 01:01:40,969
Well that worked for me, Mel.
1545
01:01:40,971 --> 01:01:41,770
Okay?!
1546
01:01:41,772 --> 01:01:44,540
- You're a dick.
- Oh, now I'm a dick.
1547
01:01:44,542 --> 01:01:47,176
Yes, Barry.
You know, if the dick fits.
1548
01:01:47,178 --> 01:01:50,245
Well I think you know the dick fits.
1549
01:01:50,247 --> 01:01:51,480
Please never ever call me again.
1550
01:01:51,482 --> 01:01:52,815
Oh, that's fine.
1551
01:01:52,817 --> 01:01:55,851
I'll neva eva eva call you again.
1552
01:01:55,853 --> 01:01:57,019
I'll neva.
1553
01:01:57,021 --> 01:01:59,054
I wouldn't dream of it, Mel.
1554
01:01:59,056 --> 01:02:00,589
Mel!
1555
01:02:06,896 --> 01:02:08,097
Fuck.
1556
01:02:10,066 --> 01:02:12,000
I kinda feel bad for the guy.
1557
01:02:12,869 --> 01:02:16,071
Look, it's not what any of us
wanted, but it had to happen.
1558
01:02:16,073 --> 01:02:17,873
Yeah, it did.
1559
01:02:17,875 --> 01:02:21,210
Let's face it, our friendship
with Barry has run its course.
1560
01:02:21,212 --> 01:02:22,778
It's just time we move on with our lives,
1561
01:02:22,780 --> 01:02:23,620
you know what I mean?
1562
01:02:27,784 --> 01:02:29,084
Oh.
1563
01:02:29,953 --> 01:02:31,520
Who's that?
1564
01:02:31,522 --> 01:02:33,689
It's one of the, agencies I applied to.
1565
01:02:33,691 --> 01:02:35,624
Be right back.
1566
01:02:35,626 --> 01:02:36,759
Hello?
1567
01:02:38,194 --> 01:02:40,963
They loved my reel
and just won two new accounts.
1568
01:02:40,965 --> 01:02:42,264
I start Monday.
1569
01:02:42,266 --> 01:02:44,133
Oh my God, baby, I am so proud of you.
1570
01:02:44,135 --> 01:02:46,235
- That's awesome.
- I know!
1571
01:02:46,237 --> 01:02:47,536
You go ahead.
I'll be up in a bit.
1572
01:02:47,538 --> 01:02:48,637
What are you gonna do?
1573
01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:50,139
I'm just gonna jot down
some campaign ideas
1574
01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:51,774
before I forget.
1575
01:02:52,208 --> 01:02:53,675
I won't be long.
1576
01:02:57,113 --> 01:02:59,314
This is kind of an unusual date.
1577
01:02:59,316 --> 01:03:03,118
No, it... it's romantic
and... and fun and, you know,
1578
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:04,453
I couldn't find a sitter, so.
1579
01:03:04,455 --> 01:03:06,822
I think he wants to play baseball.
1580
01:03:06,824 --> 01:03:08,891
That's what the mitt's for, Dad.
1581
01:03:08,893 --> 01:03:11,627
Right, but this is something
we all can do together.
1582
01:03:11,629 --> 01:03:14,563
And then when he goes to bed,
you can stick around,
1583
01:03:14,565 --> 01:03:15,564
we'll have some wine.
1584
01:03:15,566 --> 01:03:16,899
- I'm gonna go.
- Why?
1585
01:03:16,901 --> 01:03:19,768
You need to be with your son
and, honestly,
1586
01:03:19,770 --> 01:03:21,770
I'm not ready for this.
1587
01:03:21,772 --> 01:03:22,938
- Bye, JT.
- Bye.
1588
01:03:22,940 --> 01:03:25,841
Sarah, really?
You're seriously leaving?
1589
01:03:31,681 --> 01:03:33,482
I guess it's just you and me, bud.
1590
01:03:33,484 --> 01:03:35,751
- Cool.
- Yeah, cool.
1591
01:03:38,588 --> 01:03:40,455
You wanna just order a pizza?
1592
01:03:40,457 --> 01:03:41,757
Yeah.
1593
01:03:44,161 --> 01:03:47,129
Desmond, the client loves the campaign,
1594
01:03:47,131 --> 01:03:48,297
- so we're a go.
- Awesome!
1595
01:03:48,299 --> 01:03:49,665
I'll drop by your office later
1596
01:03:49,667 --> 01:03:51,099
and we'll talk about
the production schedule.
1597
01:03:51,101 --> 01:03:52,267
- Okay.
- Great job, man.
1598
01:03:52,269 --> 01:03:53,702
Thank you.
1599
01:03:58,541 --> 01:04:01,610
Oh, and Desmond,
this is just a silly formality,
1600
01:04:01,612 --> 01:04:03,645
but because of our new parent company...
1601
01:04:03,647 --> 01:04:05,981
...HR needs you to take
a drug test.
1602
01:04:05,983 --> 01:04:08,884
Okay... no problem.
1603
01:05:42,045 --> 01:05:43,645
Bend your knees a little.
1604
01:05:43,647 --> 01:05:45,247
Elbow up like this.
1605
01:05:45,249 --> 01:05:47,983
You stare down that pitcher,
you stare him in the eye.
1606
01:05:47,985 --> 01:05:49,818
Oh, hey!
1607
01:05:50,620 --> 01:05:52,421
Bases are loaded, bottom of the ninth,
1608
01:05:52,423 --> 01:05:55,624
crowd's on its feet.
Here's the pitch!
1609
01:05:55,626 --> 01:05:57,392
Boom!
1610
01:05:57,394 --> 01:05:58,760
Deep center!
1611
01:05:58,762 --> 01:06:01,797
- Let's do that again!
- Do it again. All right.
1612
01:06:01,799 --> 01:06:03,799
Okay, everybody who has
a pair of scissors near them
1613
01:06:03,801 --> 01:06:05,300
pick them up, all right?
1614
01:06:05,302 --> 01:06:06,802
I'd like you to put them on this finger,
1615
01:06:06,804 --> 01:06:09,438
your index finger right here,
and start twirling.
1616
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:12,274
Do it, do it, get your scissors,
come on, all right?
1617
01:06:12,276 --> 01:06:14,843
This is the exact wrong way to
handle a pair of scissors, okay?
1618
01:06:14,845 --> 01:06:16,411
Don't ever let me catch you doing this!
1619
01:06:16,413 --> 01:06:17,946
Put 'em down. Put 'em down.
1620
01:06:17,948 --> 01:06:20,649
Okay, put it on your finger again.
Spin it around.
1621
01:06:20,651 --> 01:06:23,285
You fail!
I just said don't do that!
1622
01:06:23,287 --> 01:06:24,820
Listen, guys, if you don't
start working harder,
1623
01:06:24,822 --> 01:06:26,521
I'm gonna take each and every
one of you individually
1624
01:06:26,523 --> 01:06:28,403
to the outhouse and I'm gonna
fart on your face.
1625
01:06:52,883 --> 01:06:54,783
Hey.
1626
01:06:55,318 --> 01:06:56,518
Baby, wake up.
1627
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:57,719
What time is it?
1628
01:06:57,721 --> 01:06:59,688
Three a.m.
1629
01:06:59,690 --> 01:07:01,123
What? Is everything okay?
1630
01:07:01,125 --> 01:07:02,324
- Are you all right?
- No.
1631
01:07:02,326 --> 01:07:04,793
- What's wrong?
- I have cotton mouth.
1632
01:07:04,795 --> 01:07:05,994
What?
1633
01:07:05,996 --> 01:07:07,295
I need juice.
1634
01:07:08,131 --> 01:07:11,500
- There's water on the nightstand.
- Juice.
1635
01:07:11,502 --> 01:07:13,135
Okay, I'll get you some from the fridge.
1636
01:07:13,137 --> 01:07:15,737
I need the Golden Acres juice.
1637
01:07:15,739 --> 01:07:18,874
You know, the one with the
organic farm on the label.
1638
01:07:18,876 --> 01:07:21,143
You know, the one that I like.
1639
01:07:22,378 --> 01:07:25,714
Okay, I'll buy some tomorrow.
1640
01:07:25,716 --> 01:07:27,849
I need it now.
1641
01:07:28,684 --> 01:07:30,819
You... you want me to go
get you some now?
1642
01:07:32,389 --> 01:07:33,121
You...
1643
01:07:33,123 --> 01:07:35,891
...just to clarify, you want me
to get up
1644
01:07:35,893 --> 01:07:38,360
and walk eleven blocks
at three in the morning
1645
01:07:38,362 --> 01:07:40,062
to get you specific juice?
1646
01:07:41,064 --> 01:07:43,765
Maybe we shouldn't have
gotten back together.
1647
01:07:43,767 --> 01:07:45,200
What are you saying?
Don't say that.
1648
01:07:45,202 --> 01:07:49,438
Every other boyfriend
woulda done this for me.
1649
01:07:53,910 --> 01:07:55,343
All right.
1650
01:07:55,345 --> 01:07:56,378
Yeah.
1651
01:07:56,380 --> 01:07:57,612
All right, yeah.
1652
01:07:57,614 --> 01:08:00,115
I got ya.
I'm getting up.
1653
01:08:01,551 --> 01:08:04,186
I am getting up and I am getting dressed.
1654
01:08:04,188 --> 01:08:05,320
Thanks.
1655
01:08:05,955 --> 01:08:07,956
And I'm walkin' out the door.
1656
01:08:07,958 --> 01:08:08,890
Thanks, sweetie.
1657
01:08:08,892 --> 01:08:10,725
To my place.
1658
01:08:10,727 --> 01:08:11,927
What?
1659
01:08:11,929 --> 01:08:14,362
You know, Barry was right.
1660
01:08:15,098 --> 01:08:16,965
You don't deserve me.
1661
01:08:17,934 --> 01:08:19,101
Barry's never right.
1662
01:08:19,103 --> 01:08:22,804
Barry, I will admit, he has
a poor batting average,
1663
01:08:22,806 --> 01:08:25,040
but he is right in this instance!
1664
01:08:25,042 --> 01:08:25,974
Why are you getting so angry?
1665
01:08:25,976 --> 01:08:29,878
Because I am a treasure, Camille,
and you're a bad pirate.
1666
01:08:30,613 --> 01:08:31,880
What?
1667
01:08:32,615 --> 01:08:34,116
You're joking, right?
1668
01:08:34,118 --> 01:08:36,084
I'll tell you something else.
1669
01:08:36,086 --> 01:08:38,253
No one, in their right mind,
unless they're insane,
1670
01:08:38,255 --> 01:08:40,422
paints this many pictures of themselves.
1671
01:08:40,424 --> 01:08:41,823
I'm beautiful.
1672
01:08:41,825 --> 01:08:43,959
No, you're a madman.
1673
01:08:43,961 --> 01:08:45,227
I love me.
1674
01:08:45,229 --> 01:08:46,928
Not anymore.
1675
01:08:46,930 --> 01:08:49,898
Last thing, 'cause I know
I've been back and forth a bit,
1676
01:08:49,900 --> 01:08:53,235
no woman who knows her body,
like you claim to do,
1677
01:08:53,237 --> 01:08:55,137
takes an hour and a half to orgasm.
1678
01:08:55,139 --> 01:08:59,007
That's too much work and
I'm down there munching away.
1679
01:08:59,009 --> 01:09:00,809
So look at me now, Camille.
1680
01:09:00,811 --> 01:09:03,145
Look at me, this is what a man looks like.
1681
01:09:03,147 --> 01:09:05,080
This is what it looks like, okay?
1682
01:09:05,082 --> 01:09:06,181
This is what it looks like
1683
01:09:06,183 --> 01:09:08,650
with a man who now has his dignity back.
1684
01:09:08,652 --> 01:09:09,918
Goodbye, Camille.
1685
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:13,155
Now you have to eat your own stew...
1686
01:09:13,157 --> 01:09:14,890
...'cause...
1687
01:09:38,147 --> 01:09:39,781
Wow.
1688
01:09:40,383 --> 01:09:41,716
It seems like you miss him.
1689
01:09:43,686 --> 01:09:45,020
...no.
1690
01:09:45,655 --> 01:09:47,522
No, I don't, not really.
1691
01:09:49,225 --> 01:09:51,126
I just...
1692
01:09:52,195 --> 01:09:54,563
...I never met anyone
I felt so connected to
1693
01:09:54,565 --> 01:09:56,598
in my entire life.
1694
01:09:57,733 --> 01:10:01,937
And, so, it hurts a bit.
1695
01:10:03,172 --> 01:10:06,007
Because I thought he was different.
1696
01:10:06,009 --> 01:10:09,110
But he wasn't and that's fine.
1697
01:10:11,214 --> 01:10:13,715
There's a new tech guy at my office.
1698
01:10:13,717 --> 01:10:15,250
I could introduce you.
1699
01:10:15,252 --> 01:10:16,918
What do ya think?
1700
01:10:19,155 --> 01:10:24,426
I think I am not going to
let myself get hurt anymore.
1701
01:10:24,428 --> 01:10:26,161
But thanks.
1702
01:10:28,097 --> 01:10:29,965
Thank you.
1703
01:10:38,774 --> 01:10:40,542
Hey, what's going on?
1704
01:10:40,544 --> 01:10:43,245
I thought we were gonna sleep in.
1705
01:10:43,247 --> 01:10:45,213
Yeah, I can't sleep.
1706
01:10:45,215 --> 01:10:48,183
My boss wants me to take a drug test.
1707
01:10:48,185 --> 01:10:49,784
I'm gonna lose my job.
1708
01:10:53,122 --> 01:10:54,256
Okay.
1709
01:10:55,225 --> 01:10:56,858
We'll figure something out.
1710
01:11:00,096 --> 01:11:03,732
But you have to promise something.
1711
01:11:03,734 --> 01:11:05,367
What?
What?
1712
01:11:05,369 --> 01:11:06,835
Okay, look, um...
1713
01:11:07,803 --> 01:11:10,905
You love your job just as much
as I love my job.
1714
01:11:10,907 --> 01:11:11,940
Yeah.
1715
01:11:13,142 --> 01:11:15,110
But I feel like things were
just starting to get good again
1716
01:11:15,112 --> 01:11:16,945
and now we're kind of like slipping back
1717
01:11:16,947 --> 01:11:19,281
into that bad place, you know what I mean?
1718
01:11:20,383 --> 01:11:21,583
I do.
1719
01:11:21,585 --> 01:11:22,384
Yeah.
1720
01:11:22,386 --> 01:11:24,819
Okay, so let's just make a deal.
1721
01:11:24,821 --> 01:11:26,121
You don't work weekends
1722
01:11:26,123 --> 01:11:28,323
and we'll both take our vacation days.
1723
01:11:28,325 --> 01:11:29,991
Does that sound good?
1724
01:11:29,993 --> 01:11:31,259
Yeah, yeah.
1725
01:11:31,261 --> 01:11:32,460
That sounds good.
1726
01:11:33,262 --> 01:11:34,629
I love you.
1727
01:11:36,166 --> 01:11:37,399
I'm still gonna get fired.
1728
01:11:37,401 --> 01:11:39,801
No... 'cause I've got a plan.
1729
01:11:42,471 --> 01:11:44,439
Strictly week days?
1730
01:11:44,441 --> 01:11:47,142
We, found some balance.
1731
01:11:47,843 --> 01:11:49,244
- I dumped Camille.
- Really?
1732
01:11:49,246 --> 01:11:51,413
Yeah, I... I think
I can do better.
1733
01:11:51,415 --> 01:11:52,447
Wow.
1734
01:11:52,449 --> 01:11:53,515
We never liked her.
1735
01:11:53,517 --> 01:11:55,250
- Not even a bit.
- Barry mentioned that.
1736
01:11:55,252 --> 01:11:57,819
She was a straight-up
bizznussneeznashnush.
1737
01:11:57,821 --> 01:11:59,854
She offered me a blow job once.
1738
01:11:59,856 --> 01:12:02,090
- Too soon.
- She offered. I said no.
1739
01:12:02,092 --> 01:12:03,158
Rafe, how's dating?
1740
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:04,526
Haven't been.
1741
01:12:04,528 --> 01:12:07,195
Without Barry I've been
spending a ton of time with JT.
1742
01:12:07,197 --> 01:12:08,963
The kid's great.
1743
01:12:08,965 --> 01:12:10,832
He does miss Barry, though.
1744
01:12:10,834 --> 01:12:13,802
I mean I don't, at all, no.
1745
01:12:13,804 --> 01:12:15,637
The guy was a nightmare.
1746
01:12:15,639 --> 01:12:18,206
It's so much easier without him around.
1747
01:12:18,208 --> 01:12:19,641
No more messes to clean up.
1748
01:12:19,643 --> 01:12:20,642
No more hassles.
1749
01:12:20,644 --> 01:12:23,178
No one to apologize for.
1750
01:12:23,180 --> 01:12:25,180
No one to apologize for.
1751
01:12:27,850 --> 01:12:29,284
It kinda sucks.
1752
01:12:29,286 --> 01:12:30,685
Yeah.
1753
01:12:30,687 --> 01:12:32,087
Totally.
1754
01:12:35,157 --> 01:12:36,691
I'm just so bummed, you know,
1755
01:12:36,693 --> 01:12:38,293
not only was she a really fantastic girl,
1756
01:12:38,295 --> 01:12:44,232
but she had... these great,
big juicy jugs, you know?
1757
01:12:44,234 --> 01:12:46,134
Just showstoppers.
1758
01:12:46,136 --> 01:12:47,802
Oh...
1759
01:12:47,804 --> 01:12:49,170
someone's at my door.
I... I gotta go.
1760
01:12:49,172 --> 01:12:50,305
I'll call you later, okay Grandma?
1761
01:12:50,307 --> 01:12:51,906
I love you. Bye.
1762
01:12:55,211 --> 01:12:56,778
Hey.
1763
01:12:58,047 --> 01:12:59,714
What are you guys doing here?
1764
01:12:59,716 --> 01:13:01,116
Can we talk?
1765
01:13:05,821 --> 01:13:07,741
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on in.
1766
01:13:09,525 --> 01:13:12,927
And when we say we are sorry
about everything we said and did
1767
01:13:12,929 --> 01:13:14,262
we really mean it.
1768
01:13:14,264 --> 01:13:15,864
What we said was mean.
1769
01:13:15,866 --> 01:13:17,899
And the stuff we said about Mel, too.
1770
01:13:17,901 --> 01:13:19,267
I mean she didn't deserve that.
1771
01:13:19,269 --> 01:13:21,503
Yeah, she didn't deserve that.
She's a sweetheart.
1772
01:13:21,505 --> 01:13:22,937
But I'll relay that message to her
1773
01:13:22,939 --> 01:13:24,406
if I ever talk to her again.
1774
01:13:25,074 --> 01:13:26,274
We want you back, Barry.
1775
01:13:26,276 --> 01:13:27,909
We're your friends, Barry.
Always.
1776
01:13:27,911 --> 01:13:31,112
No matter what ridiculous,
obnoxious, inane,
1777
01:13:31,114 --> 01:13:32,747
stupid thing you might do.
1778
01:13:32,749 --> 01:13:35,250
Yeah, I probably will do
something like that.
1779
01:13:35,252 --> 01:13:37,352
Barry, will you forgive us?
1780
01:13:38,621 --> 01:13:40,188
I don't think so.
1781
01:13:41,257 --> 01:13:43,425
Now I want you guys to get
out of my house right now.
1782
01:13:43,427 --> 01:13:45,727
Get outta here!
1783
01:13:45,729 --> 01:13:48,229
I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, guys.
1784
01:13:48,231 --> 01:13:49,798
Oh my God I got goose bumps.
1785
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,232
Like, I could barely pull that off.
1786
01:13:51,234 --> 01:13:52,200
Did you guys see that?
1787
01:13:52,202 --> 01:13:53,134
Yeah.
1788
01:13:53,136 --> 01:13:54,269
So, pals forever?
1789
01:13:54,271 --> 01:13:55,303
Dick tattoos, finally?
1790
01:13:55,305 --> 01:13:56,371
- Are we gonna do it?
- No.
1791
01:13:56,373 --> 01:13:59,073
You get a tattoo of a dick on your dick
1792
01:13:59,075 --> 01:14:00,942
and on the tattoo of the dick on your dick
1793
01:14:00,944 --> 01:14:02,277
it says, "Pals forever."
1794
01:14:02,279 --> 01:14:03,378
I'm mainly concerned about the pain.
1795
01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:04,546
That'a the point!
1796
01:14:04,548 --> 01:14:05,747
Asshole!
1797
01:14:07,384 --> 01:14:09,150
I love it when you get this guy.
1798
01:14:09,152 --> 01:14:10,872
Look at you!
1799
01:14:14,757 --> 01:14:18,493
And I knew that if I
just concentrated hard enough,
1800
01:14:18,495 --> 01:14:19,594
believed hard enough,
1801
01:14:19,596 --> 01:14:22,230
You didn't revive the possum, Kurt.
1802
01:14:22,232 --> 01:14:24,666
That's what they do.
They play possum.
1803
01:14:24,668 --> 01:14:26,100
You never heard of playing possum?
1804
01:14:26,102 --> 01:14:28,236
No, why would you wanna play
with a dead animal?
1805
01:14:28,238 --> 01:14:30,004
They're not dead.
They're pretending to be dead.
1806
01:14:30,006 --> 01:14:32,440
You did not revive that animal.
1807
01:14:32,442 --> 01:14:36,110
Rafe, maybe you're not understanding me.
1808
01:14:36,112 --> 01:14:39,280
You don't have the powers
to revive dead animals.
1809
01:14:39,282 --> 01:14:40,315
Whatcha got there, man?
1810
01:14:40,317 --> 01:14:42,450
Hey! Hey, buddy.
1811
01:14:42,452 --> 01:14:43,485
Nothin'.
1812
01:14:43,487 --> 01:14:46,988
Just... oh, I,
1813
01:14:46,990 --> 01:14:48,756
have something here
I've been meaning to give to you
1814
01:14:48,758 --> 01:14:50,758
for a little while.
1815
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:54,195
It's, my share of the mail order bride.
1816
01:14:54,197 --> 01:14:56,331
Or it's a start, anyway.
1817
01:14:56,333 --> 01:14:57,632
Thanks, man.
1818
01:14:57,634 --> 01:15:01,503
I do need a wallet, but for now,
this'll have to do.
1819
01:15:01,505 --> 01:15:04,172
- How are you, man?
- Good, good, good.
1820
01:15:04,174 --> 01:15:05,340
Yeah, I'm really well.
1821
01:15:05,342 --> 01:15:07,809
You know, like, things feel...
1822
01:15:07,811 --> 01:15:10,512
...things feel shitty.
1823
01:15:10,514 --> 01:15:11,513
I can't get over Mel.
1824
01:15:11,515 --> 01:15:12,947
I can't stop thinking about her.
1825
01:15:12,949 --> 01:15:14,816
I'm just...
I'm a wreck.
1826
01:15:14,818 --> 01:15:16,784
You know, I... I...
1827
01:15:16,786 --> 01:15:18,720
Most girls don't understand me, Des.
1828
01:15:18,722 --> 01:15:19,554
They punch me.
1829
01:15:19,556 --> 01:15:22,357
But Mel, she got me.
1830
01:15:22,359 --> 01:15:24,025
And I blew it.
1831
01:15:24,027 --> 01:15:25,460
Well, you got us, man.
1832
01:15:25,462 --> 01:15:27,028
Yeah, I know, I know. And I...
1833
01:15:27,030 --> 01:15:28,796
I'm thrilled that we're all
hanging out together again,
1834
01:15:28,798 --> 01:15:30,431
believe me, I... I just...
1835
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,469
Nobody else makes me feel
the way that she does.
1836
01:15:34,471 --> 01:15:36,070
And that's no slam to you guys, you know?
1837
01:15:36,072 --> 01:15:37,405
Nobody makes me feel that way.
1838
01:15:37,407 --> 01:15:40,174
I... I... I've never even
considered
1839
01:15:40,176 --> 01:15:42,043
spending the rest of my life
with somebody.
1840
01:15:42,045 --> 01:15:43,411
Have you told her this?
1841
01:15:43,413 --> 01:15:45,647
- What do you mean?
- Like, how you feel?
1842
01:15:45,649 --> 01:15:46,748
How would I do that?
1843
01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:49,584
I mean, what you said
sounded pretty darn good.
1844
01:15:49,586 --> 01:15:51,753
No, what?
You think?
1845
01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:53,054
Absolutely.
1846
01:15:53,056 --> 01:15:54,689
- I gotta tell her, don't I?
- For sure.
1847
01:15:54,691 --> 01:15:56,891
I gotta do this. I'm gonna...
we gotta... I gotta do this.
1848
01:15:56,893 --> 01:15:57,926
I'm gonna do it on Monday.
1849
01:15:57,928 --> 01:15:59,561
Well, um, why...
why Monday?
1850
01:15:59,563 --> 01:16:02,497
Monday's way better for me.
The weekend is packed.
1851
01:16:02,499 --> 01:16:03,565
I got... I got grout.
1852
01:16:03,567 --> 01:16:06,000
I gotta transfer all my BluRays to DVD.
1853
01:16:06,002 --> 01:16:07,902
You cannot wait 'til Monday, Barry.
1854
01:16:07,904 --> 01:16:10,204
You've met the woman that you
wanna drive everyone crazy with
1855
01:16:10,206 --> 01:16:11,506
for the rest of your life.
1856
01:16:11,508 --> 01:16:13,708
- Yeah.
- You have to be with her now.
1857
01:16:13,710 --> 01:16:15,343
- I have to.
- Good.
1858
01:16:15,345 --> 01:16:16,611
Do you know where she is?
1859
01:16:16,613 --> 01:16:19,347
- What's today?
- Um, Friday.
1860
01:16:19,349 --> 01:16:21,282
Yeah, I know exactly where she is.
1861
01:16:21,284 --> 01:16:23,217
Let smile the heavens upon this holy act
1862
01:16:23,219 --> 01:16:26,554
that after hours with sorrow chide us not.
1863
01:16:26,556 --> 01:16:28,323
Amen.
1864
01:16:29,024 --> 01:16:31,092
But come what sorrow can.
1865
01:16:31,094 --> 01:16:33,728
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy
1866
01:16:33,730 --> 01:16:36,364
that one short minute gives
me in her sight.
1867
01:16:36,366 --> 01:16:37,565
Do we really need to be running?
1868
01:16:37,567 --> 01:16:39,534
No, it's just more romantic this way!
1869
01:16:39,536 --> 01:16:42,537
Hey, any idea where I could
get some clean urine?
1870
01:16:42,539 --> 01:16:44,872
I have some.
Not mine, but I have some.
1871
01:16:44,874 --> 01:16:46,140
It is my ghostly confessor.
1872
01:16:46,142 --> 01:16:48,376
Romeo shall thank thee for us both.
1873
01:16:48,378 --> 01:16:50,912
As much to him,
else is his thanks too much.
1874
01:16:50,914 --> 01:16:53,615
Juliet if the measure
of thy joy be heaped like mine
1875
01:16:53,617 --> 01:16:55,617
and that thy skill be more to blazon
1876
01:16:55,619 --> 01:16:57,819
the imagined happiness that
both receive and...
1877
01:16:57,821 --> 01:17:00,488
Barry... Barry.
1878
01:17:00,490 --> 01:17:01,456
What?
1879
01:17:01,458 --> 01:17:02,457
There's an entrance.
1880
01:17:02,459 --> 01:17:03,658
No, it's okay, I got in.
1881
01:17:03,660 --> 01:17:05,393
I fell in over here.
1882
01:17:05,395 --> 01:17:06,761
Do you guys know Mel Miller?
1883
01:17:06,763 --> 01:17:08,396
My true love has grown to such excess...
1884
01:17:08,398 --> 01:17:11,065
Anybody seen Mel Miller?
Hey.
1885
01:17:11,067 --> 01:17:12,900
Comes a messenger.
1886
01:17:12,902 --> 01:17:13,735
Sorry.
1887
01:17:13,737 --> 01:17:15,436
Go to, messenger.
1888
01:17:15,438 --> 01:17:16,971
I'll have words with you later.
1889
01:17:16,973 --> 01:17:18,406
Oh!
1890
01:17:18,408 --> 01:17:20,174
Mel Miller?
Mel Miller?!
1891
01:17:20,176 --> 01:17:21,609
Shut up, asshole!
1892
01:17:21,611 --> 01:17:23,978
She's a British blonde
bombshell, works here?
1893
01:17:23,980 --> 01:17:26,581
Listen, they both take suicide pills
1894
01:17:26,583 --> 01:17:27,983
and they die, okay?
It's really sad.
1895
01:17:29,185 --> 01:17:31,519
You just ruined the whole play, you idiot!
1896
01:17:31,521 --> 01:17:32,987
Oh my God. Oh, you didn't
know that?
1897
01:17:32,989 --> 01:17:34,689
Oh you guys didn't know that?
1898
01:17:34,691 --> 01:17:36,124
It's called the eighth grade, dummies!
1899
01:17:36,126 --> 01:17:38,626
Try it some time.
It's Romeo and Juliet.
1900
01:17:38,628 --> 01:17:39,727
There she is, there's...
1901
01:17:39,729 --> 01:17:41,996
I need to talk to you, please come here.
1902
01:17:41,998 --> 01:17:43,498
Pretend it's part of the show,
Barry, please.
1903
01:17:43,500 --> 01:17:45,466
Not until I say some things to you.
1904
01:17:46,636 --> 01:17:48,102
This will just take a moment.
1905
01:17:48,104 --> 01:17:50,304
He's very sick.
I'm so sorry.
1906
01:17:50,306 --> 01:17:52,607
I'm sorry, this is a lovely
setting for Shakespeare.
1907
01:17:52,609 --> 01:17:53,808
Now I just need to say a couple of things.
1908
01:17:53,810 --> 01:17:55,343
No, no, stay here.
I have to do it here!
1909
01:17:55,345 --> 01:17:56,944
I have to do it here!
1910
01:17:56,946 --> 01:17:58,613
- So... sorry.
- Yes.
1911
01:17:58,615 --> 01:18:00,682
- Yes.
- Sorry.
1912
01:18:02,317 --> 01:18:03,618
I...
1913
01:18:04,019 --> 01:18:06,220
I la...
1914
01:18:06,622 --> 01:18:08,556
I love... I love...
1915
01:18:09,124 --> 01:18:11,325
- I love your tits.
- Oh!
1916
01:18:11,327 --> 01:18:12,560
That's...'ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey!
1917
01:18:12,562 --> 01:18:13,961
That's not what I meant.
That's not what I meant.
1918
01:18:13,963 --> 01:18:15,530
I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm not that gross.
1919
01:18:15,532 --> 01:18:17,565
I do love her tits I just...
you got great tits,
1920
01:18:17,567 --> 01:18:19,200
- I love your tits.
- I know that.
1921
01:18:19,202 --> 01:18:22,036
- I can do better, I... I...
- What?
1922
01:18:22,038 --> 01:18:23,905
I love... I love...
1923
01:18:24,406 --> 01:18:26,040
I love your breath...
1924
01:18:26,042 --> 01:18:27,642
even in the morning when it...
when it smells
1925
01:18:27,644 --> 01:18:29,143
like a sweaty sock.
1926
01:18:29,145 --> 01:18:30,478
I love it even more that way.
1927
01:18:30,480 --> 01:18:32,580
I just wanna climb inside
your mouth and live there.
1928
01:18:32,582 --> 01:18:34,048
I love that I could al...
I can always tell
1929
01:18:34,050 --> 01:18:35,750
what you've had for lunch
because I can taste it later
1930
01:18:35,752 --> 01:18:37,385
when we're making out.
1931
01:18:37,387 --> 01:18:39,420
And... and I love... I love that
you're so not into your looks
1932
01:18:39,422 --> 01:18:41,255
that you don't even care that
you have a daddy long legs mole
1933
01:18:41,257 --> 01:18:43,057
growing under your arm
and it's got little whiskers
1934
01:18:43,059 --> 01:18:44,358
and you never pluck 'em.
1935
01:18:44,360 --> 01:18:46,160
- It's disgusting.
- I do.
1936
01:18:46,162 --> 01:18:50,398
And I... and I... and I love, I love that
your accent is so thick I have...
1937
01:18:50,400 --> 01:18:51,666
I literally have no idea
what you're saying to me
1938
01:18:51,668 --> 01:18:53,267
- half the time.
- Is that it?
1939
01:18:53,269 --> 01:18:55,236
Yeah. See, I could barely
even understand that.
1940
01:18:55,238 --> 01:18:58,539
I love that your nose whistles
every time I make you come.
1941
01:18:58,541 --> 01:19:01,242
And I... and I love that your
little nickname for my butthole
1942
01:19:01,244 --> 01:19:02,944
is my smelly button.
1943
01:19:02,946 --> 01:19:05,880
And... and... and I love that you have
to take off all your clothes
1944
01:19:05,882 --> 01:19:07,715
every time you have to take a poo.
1945
01:19:07,717 --> 01:19:08,883
Even in public restrooms.
1946
01:19:08,885 --> 01:19:10,718
It's so adorable.
1947
01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:11,953
It takes forever.
1948
01:19:11,955 --> 01:19:13,521
And I... and I love,
I love that you have
1949
01:19:13,523 --> 01:19:16,090
a... a dedicated savings account
just for future space travel.
1950
01:19:16,092 --> 01:19:18,192
I do. Yeah, I do.
1951
01:19:18,194 --> 01:19:21,028
And... and... and I love
your little mustache.
1952
01:19:21,030 --> 01:19:22,964
I didn't know you noticed it.
1953
01:19:22,966 --> 01:19:25,266
It's my favorite little
mustache I've ever seen.
1954
01:19:25,268 --> 01:19:27,802
Even if that makes me gay.
1955
01:19:27,804 --> 01:19:30,471
I'm gay for your 'stache.
1956
01:19:30,473 --> 01:19:32,373
I'm gay for her 'stache!
1957
01:19:33,609 --> 01:19:34,776
And...
1958
01:19:36,411 --> 01:19:38,179
...most importantly...
1959
01:19:40,716 --> 01:19:42,383
...I love you.
1960
01:19:45,621 --> 01:19:46,888
Barry!
1961
01:19:48,757 --> 01:19:50,758
How am I supposed to stay angry with you
1962
01:19:50,760 --> 01:19:52,827
when you say stuff like that?
1963
01:19:53,729 --> 01:19:55,329
You're not.
1964
01:20:17,853 --> 01:20:21,022
You can tell they make love
really passionately.
1965
01:20:27,629 --> 01:20:28,830
That's enough.
1966
01:20:28,832 --> 01:20:30,698
You're married, we get it.
1967
01:20:33,268 --> 01:20:34,502
There we go.
1968
01:20:34,504 --> 01:20:35,670
What'd you expect?
1969
01:20:35,672 --> 01:20:36,938
I've seen enough.
1970
01:20:36,940 --> 01:20:38,539
I'm never gonna get used to that.
1971
01:20:38,541 --> 01:20:39,674
Tell me about it.
1972
01:20:39,676 --> 01:20:41,509
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
1973
01:20:41,511 --> 01:20:43,477
- I... I... I'm Kurt.
- Paige.
1974
01:20:43,479 --> 01:20:45,680
- Oh, are... are you...
- I'm Mel's roommate.
1975
01:20:45,682 --> 01:20:47,114
Oh, hi.
1976
01:20:49,551 --> 01:20:51,953
Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
I'm on solo duty.
1977
01:20:51,955 --> 01:20:54,055
Oh, same here, I know what you mean.
1978
01:20:54,057 --> 01:20:55,723
Hey, JT, over here!
1979
01:20:55,725 --> 01:20:57,124
Come on, Dad!
1980
01:20:57,126 --> 01:20:58,893
We, ooh...
1981
01:20:59,494 --> 01:21:00,962
Call me.
We'll get coffee.
1982
01:21:00,964 --> 01:21:01,896
But weekdays only.
1983
01:21:01,898 --> 01:21:04,131
Weekends are guy time.
1984
01:21:04,133 --> 01:21:05,399
I really can't wait for, like,
1985
01:21:05,401 --> 01:21:07,201
all these people to get out of my house.
1986
01:21:07,203 --> 01:21:08,736
Yeah, it's a lot of people.
1987
01:21:08,738 --> 01:21:10,304
I think someone's gonna steal something.
1988
01:21:10,306 --> 01:21:12,740
Yeah, I saw a couple people
eyeing some things.
1989
01:21:12,742 --> 01:21:13,741
I saw you talking to Paige.
1990
01:21:13,743 --> 01:21:15,810
Um, yeah, she's nice.
1991
01:21:15,812 --> 01:21:17,812
It might take some getting used to but...
1992
01:21:17,814 --> 01:21:19,814
- Hey, JT.
- What up, bitches?
1993
01:21:19,816 --> 01:21:21,816
- Oh, yo.
- I mean, hey guys.
1994
01:21:21,818 --> 01:21:23,150
I'm still trying to un-teach him
1995
01:21:23,152 --> 01:21:24,819
some of the things that Barry taught him.
1996
01:21:24,821 --> 01:21:26,921
Uncle Desmond, how'd your
science project go?
1997
01:21:26,923 --> 01:21:28,322
What science project?
1998
01:21:28,324 --> 01:21:29,891
The one that you needed my pee for.
1999
01:21:29,893 --> 01:21:32,360
Oh, right, um...
2000
01:21:32,362 --> 01:21:33,828
I aced it, man.
2001
01:21:33,830 --> 01:21:34,929
Yeah.
2002
01:21:34,931 --> 01:21:36,731
That is immoral and illegal.
2003
01:21:36,733 --> 01:21:40,735
- What do we say, buddy?
- Pals forever.
2004
01:21:40,737 --> 01:21:42,837
Hope you guys don't mind.
We kind of adopted it.
2005
01:21:42,839 --> 01:21:44,839
It's plagiarism.
Technically.
2006
01:21:44,841 --> 01:21:47,522
Shoulda checked with us before...
2007
01:21:48,844 --> 01:21:50,778
You realize we're gonna have
to put up with both of 'em
2008
01:21:50,780 --> 01:21:52,213
for the rest of our lives, right?
2009
01:21:52,215 --> 01:21:54,582
I'd say that's the least of our worries.
2010
01:21:54,584 --> 01:21:55,917
What could be worse?
2011
01:21:55,919 --> 01:21:57,418
A little Barry.
2012
01:21:57,420 --> 01:21:58,419
Oh.
2013
01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:28,883
Everyone's got one.
2014
01:22:28,885 --> 01:22:30,952
The inappropriate friend.
2015
01:22:30,954 --> 01:22:33,654
Good.
2016
01:22:33,656 --> 01:22:34,622
Aw, that's terrible.
I don't want that at all.
2017
01:22:34,624 --> 01:22:36,791
The one with no filter.
2018
01:22:36,793 --> 01:22:38,225
Whoo, old man.
2019
01:22:38,227 --> 01:22:40,394
The one you just can't take anywhere.
2020
01:22:40,396 --> 01:22:43,631
Hi. You didn't see me but I had a
great like Bionic Man thing going.
2021
01:22:43,633 --> 01:22:45,066
Fucking good!
2022
01:22:45,667 --> 01:22:47,835
Who the hell is that?
2023
01:22:47,837 --> 01:22:49,003
His name is Sammy.
2024
01:22:49,005 --> 01:22:50,404
He's a counselor at my camp.
2025
01:22:50,406 --> 01:22:51,839
Avoid him at all costs, all right?
2026
01:22:51,841 --> 01:22:54,475
He's the kinda guy that just
constantly says all the wrong things,
2027
01:22:54,477 --> 01:22:56,811
a bull in a china shop, totally
embarrassing to be around.
2028
01:22:56,813 --> 01:22:58,079
What are you gonna do, though?
2029
01:22:58,081 --> 01:22:59,280
There's one in every group.
2030
01:22:59,282 --> 01:23:00,982
- You got that right.
- Hey, man!
2031
01:23:00,984 --> 01:23:01,983
Oh my God, he's coming over here.
2032
01:23:01,985 --> 01:23:02,917
- He's all yours.
- Barry.
2033
01:23:02,919 --> 01:23:04,452
You guys must be Barry's friends!
2034
01:23:04,454 --> 01:23:07,188
Oh my God.
That's Barry's Barry.
2035
01:23:08,490 --> 01:23:11,926
♪ Any friend of Barry
is a friend of mine ♪
2036
01:23:11,928 --> 01:23:14,462
♪ Any friend of Barry
is a friend of mine ♪
2037
01:23:14,464 --> 01:23:15,997
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
144766
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