Original subtitles

[beeping]

♪ bonjour, Sammoiselle ♪

When are you coming To visit me in paree?

God. Look at you two.

You look so happy.

Eh, happy my ass.

We fight All the time.

How are we fighting?

You ate my Fucking croissant.

You said you Didn't want it.

Don't get literal On me.

Anyway, pumpkin. It's the middle Of the night

In chicago, So what's wrong?

I broke up With jason.

Oh, wow!

Uh, did he cheat On you?

No. He's always Nice to me.

We never fight, He lets me do Whatever I want,

He loves me, He respects me, and--

And it's boring As hell.

Yes.

Does this make me A bad person?

No, honey. Look.

Love is a giant Clusterfuck,

And that's why You have to Date people

You can't stand.

Otherwise, It gets boring.

So then I'm doomed?

You're not doomed.

Look. Yesterday Doesn't matter.

Just have to, You know, lower Your expectations,

Like, really, Really low.

[speaking french]

[speaking french]

Ok. Um...

[speaking french Continues]

Every time, I hear you speak,

All I hear is... Bye.

[speaking Mock french]

Kristin diable: ♪ listen close ♪

♪ it's time that I impart ♪

♪ these words of wisdom ♪

♪ on how playing is an art ♪

♪ you'll never ever lose ♪

♪ just follow my rules ♪

♪ you'll have any man You choose ♪

♪ when you follow the rules ♪

♪ just follow The rules ♪

[sam sighs]

"Rule number 74,

"The morning after rule--

Yesterday doesn't matter."

Yesterday doesn't matter.

Crap.

Lizzie, that's a lie. This needs redoing.

Rule number 74-- Never...Look...Back.

Rule number 74, The morning after rule--

Never look back.

Never look back.

Megan jacobs: ♪ my mind, my mind, my mind ♪

♪ now I'm losing my mind ♪

Fuck.

Totsy: ♪ ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ahh, ahh ♪

♪ crash bang, bang, There's a door ♪

♪ ran from the kitchen, Dropped my pone on the floor ♪

♪ dogs barking, people talking ♪

♪ about the way I move, About the way I groove ♪

♪ chop, chop, Got to hurry up ♪

♪ always running From the hands of the clock ♪

♪ too bad Didn't now you before ♪

♪ used to have grace, Used to be bore ♪

♪ uh-oh, there I go ♪

♪ tripping on my feet Like a circus clown ♪

♪ uh-oh, there I go ♪

♪ one little step, And we all fall down ♪

♪ uh-oh, there I go ♪

♪ was on my fleet, Now I'm flat on the ground ♪

♪ uh-oh, there I go ♪

♪ thank god my friends Are still... ♪

Are you having An aneurysm?

No. Sorry. I was just--

I don't really care.

Did the andrews contract Come in?

It did.

I was just about To bring it in.

But instead you wrote Yourself some moronic notes.

What are you, 14?

Clear this crap Off the desk.

♪ ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

[buzzer]

[thud]

Sugar and the hi lows: ♪ bottom line is I love you ♪

♪ when I'm gone, I'm still with you ♪

♪ all the time ♪

♪ I know you are ♪

♪ hard days I know you're trying ♪

♪ I could even see You smiling in the dark... ♪

You have a chance To look over The donaldson files?

I need your summary Before I speak To the client.

Uh, not yet. I'll get it to you By this afternoon.

Something's wrong.

You've lost Your puppy dog Joie de vivre.

I'm a little disappointed To think that that's what I had going for me.

But not surprised.

Sadly...No.

Coffee?

Thank you.

I feel like The human thing For me to do is

To ask you What's wrong.

I'm just going Through a rough time At home.

My girlfriend and I--

See, this is What happens With relationships.

Either they drag on Until both parties Behave like robots,

Or things end,

And someone Is distracted And incapable

Of focusing On what's important.

"Both parties"?

That's a grim view Of love.

I hope some part Of you doesn't Really believe that.

You can hope, But don't bet on it.

[ball hitting window]

[ball bouncing]

Classes At the rec center?

Looks like someone Who's trying to Find herself.

What happened?

Nothing happened.

Ahem.

What?

Prince charming finally Bored you to death.

Have you ever had A conversation With a woman

Who didn't want To strangle you?

You mean, like, Sexual asphyxiation?

Kinky.

I always thought Of you more as A plain missionary jane.

So this mean you're Gonna be extra bitchy

Because you're not Getting laid?

I could barely Tolerate you before.

Namaste.

Namaste. Namaste.

Thank you. It was great.

Thank you. Good luck.

Ben? Oh, my god!

Wow! Crazy small world!

Hey, you.

You just broke My heart.

You don't remember? Sharon.

Sharon. Of course. Yeah, no.

It's totally weird. I was just thinking About you.

You're terrible.

I live right Around the corner.

Um, will you...

Carry my groceries?

I can't. Uh...

Sure. I can help out.

Trev: ♪ I'm gonna Make you bleed ♪

♪ all your love for me ♪

♪ I've got Everything you want ♪

♪ I've got it, Don't you see? ♪

Sharon: are you ok?

Yeah. Ok.

♪ our thing, It's got to be ♪

♪ 'cause you've got Everything I want ♪

♪ you're gonna Have to see ♪

♪ la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la La la la la ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la La la la la ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ hey, hey, my, oh, my ♪

♪ pretty blue eyes Just can't deny ♪

Oh, this is so much More fun than the gym.

♪ 'cause you and I, We're gonna live tonight ♪

♪ hey, hey, my, oh, my ♪

♪ skinny long legs All over my mind ♪

♪ hey, hey, That's all right ♪

♪ 'cause you and I, We're gonna live tonight ♪

Oh, fuck!

You have to Make me stop.

What?

I have a girlfriend.

I can't do this.

♪ oh, oh ♪

[moaning]

Holy shit! Unh!

♪ and all The world can see ♪

♪ just what you do to me ♪

♪ la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la La la la la ♪

I needed that.

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

You can't let me Do this again.

♪ la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la La la la la ♪

Oh, god. Look at your boobs.

Let me just...

♪ hey, hey, my, oh, my ♪

♪ pretty blue eyes Just can't deny ♪

♪ hey, hey, That's all right ♪

♪ 'cause you and I, We're gonna live tonight ♪

No.

I can't do this.

Well, you are.

I have to leave. I'm sorry.

Are you kidding?

I can't do this.

♪ 'cause you and I, We're gonna live tonight ♪

♪ hey, hey, my, oh, my ♪

♪ skinny long legs All over my mind ♪

[door slams]

♪ hey, hey, That's all right ♪

Fuck, ben. You fucking idiot!

♪ you and I, We're gonna live tonight ♪

Rachel: move The lowry deposition To next month.

We've rescheduled 3 times.

They're gonna lose it.

Good. I want them So aggravated

It's easier to Settle than Keep fighting.

Last time, Their attorney suggested

I perform an unnatural act Upon myself.

Jason: hey, you guys. Sorry to interrupt.

Jack, did you call The donaldson people Like I asked you.

No, I haven't Done it yet,

But I'll get To it today.

No, he won't.

I need you to work On the lowry case.

Well, I asked for this A week ago.

Don't you want The donaldson summary By this afternoon?

You'll Figure it out.

Jack, ignore him.

If you're The top dog, You don't chase.

They want A response, Make them wait.

I beg to differ.

You're only as good As your word.

That's how you build The relationships that Can get you ahead.

No, no, no, no. Don't listen To that.

Make them chase you, Make them fear you.

Do the lowry.

Donaldson.

Lowry.

Donaldson.

Lowry.

Be a winner.

Dean: you keep talking Like that,

And I'm gonna tie you Up, you dirty girl.

Yeah. You like it A little rough, Don't you?

No. I'm telling You, dad.

She'll love it.

No. It's all about Dominating.

That's what they like.

[urinating]

Ahem.

Uh...What are you Doing in here?

Relax. Nothing I haven't seen before.

Under the circumstances, I don't doubt that.

Still, I'd like Some privacy.

And I would have liked The donaldson summary

To be up to the level Of your previous work.

I guess we're both Disappointed.

Excuse me?

Jason, I've seen what You're capable of,

And this isn't it.

Get your head In the game.

Otherwise, you're Useless to me.

My head's In the game.

Don't tell me. Show me.

Cajsa silk: ♪ time after time ♪

♪ you're walking by ♪

♪ send me a love song ♪

♪ when the flowers bloom ♪

♪ and words are spoken ♪

♪ why do you feel sorry For yourself? ♪

Conformist.

Excuse me?

Conformist.

You do exactly what They tell you to do.

Why don't you make What you want to make?

The assignment was A bird house.

So?

So if you're not gonna Follow the instructions,

What the hell Are you doing here?

I like--I like Doing my own thing, You know,

Meeting new people.

How you doing? I'm ryan.

It's good to meet you.

What's your name?

Esa.

Ah. That's a pretty name.

You haven't actually Done anything.

I've talked to you.

I think that's something.

♪ maybe there's Another truth... ♪

Do you like soup?

Are you asking Me out for soup?

No, no. I'm not asking You out for soup.

Why would you think-- Why would she think that?

Oh, I must have Misunderstood.

Jesus. What the hell Is wrong with you?

I want soup?

Do you want to come? It's not complicated.

It's not appealing Either.

Trotsky's! That-- See, that's the name Of the place.

I don't know why They named it after a guy

Who got an ice pick In the eye,

But they have great soup.

I'm working.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not a conformist.

Ryan: today you are.

Who knows About tomorrow?

Ugh. There's A bench there.

♪ why do you feel sorry For yourself? ♪

[dance music playing]

[phone ringing]

♪ are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? ♪

♪ are you ready for this? ♪

♪ are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? ♪

♪ are you ready for this? ♪

♪ are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? ♪

♪ are you ready for this... ♪

Jason: hey. You've Reached jason.

I'm not here, But leave me a message...

Don't bother.

♪ it don't take much For me to mardi gras it ♪

♪ and I'm fly regardless ♪

♪ hands in the air ♪

♪ time to get rewarded ♪

♪ and I'm ready for this ♪

♪ and I got a couple drinks That I'm ready to mix ♪

♪ and I'm ready to twist ♪

♪ you won't find it Better than this ♪

♪ so tell me, baby, Is you ready for this? ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ are you ready For this? ♪

[knock on door]

Rachel: it's open.

Hey. I brought Everything you--

Th--this isn't About the files, Is it?

You're quick, jack.

You're about To get lucky...

Very lucky.

Let's get started.

Ok.

Whoa!

What are you doing?

I thought...

You thought what?

I'm your boss, jack.

I--I--I know.

At a law firm.

Right. I just--

You just forgot About that?

Do you have any idea What kind

Of serious Legal ramifications

This type Of behavior has?

No. I mean, yes, I do.

I--I'm sorry.

Oh, jack.

I was so close To writing you a great Performance review.

Stop!

What are you doing?

I thought--

There you go Thinking again, jack.

You know, this is Getting to be a problem.

You're not wearing Any pants, jack.

You're in serious trouble.

Sign here.

Here.

Initial.

Good. Now we're covered.

Legally.

[slurp]

Third time.

Third time what?

Looking At your phone.

[slurp]

You're freaking me out.

Say something.

You just broke up.

I broke up With somebody Last month.

Too many Irritating habits.

[slurp]

Unh!

Oh...Fuck!

Dirtee lektrix: ♪ you know I want you ♪

Don't touch me! Unh!

God!

♪ you can leave it to me ♪

♪ oww oww oww oww oww ♪

Grab my tits. Ok.

Ohh! Fuck!

Ahh! Ugh!

Oh, fuck.

Ohh!

Oh, you like that?

Kiss me.

No, don't! Ok.

Fuck!

♪ play with me ♪

♪ throw me your bone ♪

Oh, yeah.

Ohh, fuck!

♪ ravish me ♪

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

I'm gonna cum. Are you?

No, no. Hang on.

Give me a second. Shut up.

Ohh! Shut up!

Shut up.

Ohh! Aah! Fuck!

Hold up.

Ohh! Ohh. Ahh.

♪ no use denying me ♪

♪ come, baby, I'll have you ♪

♪ I'll have you ♪

Ok.

Stop.

I already, uh-- A little bit more?

What time's My donaldson Meeting tomorrow?

Um, 3:30.

Right.

Who do you work for?

Uh, you.

Good.

Don't forget My coffee.

Ok. Cream and sugar.

Uh-huh. Hot.

Hot.

Get out.

Sam: nothing was wrong.

Ryan: something Was wrong.

How the hell Would you know?

I know things.

You know things?

That makes A lot of sense.

Like what things?

You bought into The whole, you know,

Commercialized Love thing.

Deep down, It's not you.

[slurp]

You know what?

Yeah. You're right.

I tried.

One fucking time, I tried to be normal,

To have a nice, Normal boyfriend

Who does nice things For me

And isn't crazy And doesn't treat Me like shit.

You're right. I can't be with nice guys,

But neither do I want To be with crazy guys Eating soup.

I got to go.

Hey. Wait, wait, wait.

This was awesome.

Do you want to Do this again?

You're kidding, right?

Why would I Kid with you?

Totsy: ♪ I found a road ♪

♪ far from what I've known ♪

♪ sending me somewhere new ♪

♪ but each step I took ♪

♪ I couldn't dare to look ♪

♪ where it was leading to ♪

♪ I haven't always known ♪

♪ where my heart's been thrown ♪

♪ playing fetch with love ♪

♪ but now I feel ♪

♪ that this could be real ♪

♪ all that I dreamed of ♪

♪ blindfolded walking toward ♪

♪ the words I know are yours ♪

♪ trying not to run ♪

♪ for years, I didn't know ♪

♪ my heart was running low ♪

♪ till you brought the sun ♪

♪ home in your eyes... ♪

Hey! You're Finally--

Whoa! Easy, spaz. It's just me.

Oh, my god. Charlie!

Hey.

What are you Doing here?

You gave me a key, Remember?

Yeah, but that Doesn't mean you can Just walk in

Without calling me.

Wow! That's what You've got for me.

What about, "Charlie, my charming

"And handsome Younger brother Here for a visit.

What a delight"?

Errr.

Oh, let me Get you a drink.

Oh, no. I already checked. You're out of beer,

But it's all good.

I brought my own.

Are you ok?

Why are you here?

Yeah. I just came here For a seminar at depaul.

You came to visit me For a seminar at depaul?

Do we have to Do this now?

Well...

I think we Kind of should.

I mean, you just showed up At my apartment.

[sighs]

Me and beth Broke up.

What?! I know. I don't know.

Things Were going great,

And then one day, She just broke up With me

In a text message.

No!

That bitch.

No. She's A sweet girl.

It's just...

I don't want To talk about My love life.

In happier news, What's going on With you and jason, huh?

Things are great.

Really great actually.

Wow! Promise me You'll never Play poker.

Growing up is hard As fuck.

You got that right.

Let's watch A movie tonight.

That is a great idea.

[megan crying]

Oh, no.

She lost another one.

Fire escape!

Ok, spill. What happened?

He never texted Me back.

Fuck him.

You can't let that dude Ruin your night.

Aah!

Megan, it's ok. That's just charlie.

It's my brother.

Charlie, this is megan.

Hey. This is cool.

You guys just Hang out here?

Yeah.

Yeah. We just Hang out here.

It--it's cool, Right?

Uh, what are you Doing here, charlie?

Oh. I am A history grad student,

And there's a seminar I wanted to take nearby.

I love reading About history,

Just getting a sense Of what led To this moment

And where we might Go from here.

That's exactly How I feel.

Ok, kids. Not gonna happen.

Della swiss: ♪ oh, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ I'm coming back ♪

♪ we belong together ♪

♪ oh, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ you're the one ♪

♪ the only one for me ♪

♪ when we met, I knew this was a love ♪

♪ that could last forever ♪

♪ but when I see you so sad ♪

♪ I miss what we had before ♪

♪ oh, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ you're the one ♪

♪ the only one for me ♪

♪ the only one for me ♪

Rachel: you live In chicago

With 2.7 million people.

Half are female.

Take out the ones Who are unavailable

Or out of your league,

And that leaves you With at least 75,000 ladies

To choose from.

Rachel: see that Girl over there?

You leave with her In less than 10 minutes

If you just walk Up to her and say, "Let's go."

"Don't be jaded, Be jade."

It speaks to me As a chick.

How long you been With camilla?

She says you're the best And she can always Count on you.

I always do it Exactly how she likes it.

What do you want, And how do you like it?