Original subtitles

♪ come listen close ♪

♪ there's a rhythm To the night that you should know ♪

♪ I make a plan, I find a man ♪

♪ I lock and load ♪

♪ I've had my eye on you In your good suit ♪

♪ now let me show you How this will go ♪

♪ when you feel the rain ♪

♪ boy, you'd better run for Cover or you'll drown ♪

♪ I'll take you in, I'll let you in ♪

♪ I'll make a sound ♪

♪ like someone from the movies When they sing ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ ohh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ take me or leave me ♪

♪ I'll keep my cool, I've got my rules ♪

♪ I don't have time For your childish ways ♪

♪ this is a game, But it's not ♪

♪ yours to play ♪

♪ ever wondered why ♪

♪ some girls can take And some get left ♪

♪ and lie behind? ♪

♪ it's not a mystery ♪

♪ the truth is you are blind To what you really need ♪

♪ in this life ♪

♪ my daddy always said ♪

♪ play hard to get and never Give what you can keep ♪

♪ I did my time, I play This music in my sleep ♪

♪ you are the jester In my court ♪

♪ and I, I play the queen ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ take me or leave me ♪

♪ I ain't no fool, I got my rules ♪

♪ I don't have time For your childish ways ♪

♪ this is a game, But it's not ♪

♪ yours to play ♪

♪ it's exactly what I mean ♪

♪ don't come in riding on A horse to rescue me ♪

♪ the night is young And full of mystery, you see ♪

♪ I'll take you somewhere You will never want to leave ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ take me or leave me ♪

♪ I'll keep my cool, I've got my rules ♪

Sorry. Sorry.

♪ I don't have time For your childish ways ♪

♪ this is a game, But it's not ♪

♪ yours to play ♪

Aww!

I forgot lipstick. Can I borrow yours?

I got caught in such a dress fuck On the way over here,

I just realized I'm wearing two different Shades of black.

Does this look ok?

It's cute if you're Going to church.

Seriously. Where the Fuck are your tits?

Is this not the most Fucked up double date ever?

It is not that bad. It is that bad.

Can we just ditch 'em?

Ah, I think these guys Are keepers.

But he's so Fucking french!

Yours is, not mine.

Yours is a pussy.

♪ listen close ♪

♪ it's time that I impart ♪

♪ these words of wisdom ♪

♪ on how playing is an art ♪

♪ you'll never ever lose ♪

♪ just follow my rules ♪

♪ you'll have any man You choose ♪

♪ when you follow the rules ♪

♪ just follow The rules ♪

It's totally useless.

What, a philosophy Doctorate?

What are you Gonna do with that?

Oh, I know, I know.

Get a job in A philosophy factory.

No, they're everywhere. You're gonna be great.

Philosophy Is never useless.

Not everything Has to be so logical!

Right, because the idea of you And I together definitely defies logic.

Oh, and so does the idea Of you moving back to paris,

Quitting a full-time job To bum around at a university again.

I'm not going To bum around.

I'm working On my dissertation!

Saved by the check.

So, what do you guys Think of my new place, the new bar?

It's amazing, tyler.

Thank you. It's not done yet.

The bathroom is so nasty, Even lizzie's crabs won't go in there.

Ha ha ha!

True. Yeah, Laugh it up. Ha ha!

Yukka yukka.

Slut. No, really, I appreciate it.

I'm so glad You guys approve.

Well, it has a fully stocked bar. How could I not approve?

Oh, flip.

Now it's A half-stocked bar.

I've gotta find A new bartender.

My turn. Nuh-uh.

Yeah-huh. You Got brunch last weekend.

That's 'cause you were so Nice to get dinner tuesday night.

That is because you were so nice as To get me cupcakes that afternoon.

Oh, my god.

Is this what it's Like for you two in bed?

"No, no, no. But you Went down on me last night."

"No, I know, but you were On top first last week."

"No, no, but you sucked My balls for like 3 whole minutes."

No! No!

Oh, my god, it is.

I gotta have my jones Every morning.

It reminds me of this Place back at home.

I grew up in grosse pointe, but I spent Most of my summers at lake geneva.

Oh, my god! I love switzerland.

Ha ha ha! Funny.

No, no, I mean the one In wisconsin.

Yes, yes. I love that lake.

Oh.

Did you know al capone Used to have a house there?

Really?

Sir, the crabcakes.

Crabcakes. This place Has the absolute best crabcakes.

I could eat them for Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Me, too.

You want one? Have one.

Oh, wait. You're not Allergic, are you?

Don't think so.

Oh, believe me, You'd know. Take one.

Here you go. Go on.

Just...

Oh!

- it's a little hot. - just...

Mmm...

Right?

Delicious!

Delicious.

You know what, have the rest. I'll order another one.

No, you don't Have to.

No, no, no, no.

Ok.

More for me. Yay...

Guys, we are going to check out My friend's art show downtown.

You interested?

His mirrored ... Journey into the subconscious

But with trash.

Sounds cool! On a school night?

No, that's pretty late. Sam, if you want to, we totally can.

Are you fucking Kidding me?

No. I have to file A deposition tomorrow morning.

I'm not gonna stay Up all night looking at trash.

I promise you, I'll get you home Before tomorrow morning.

God, I fucking Hate you.

I fucking hate you, too.

Ok, I'll call you Tomorrow, sam.

Bye.

Oh, my god!

That was really great.

Are you ok?

I'm fine.

So, do you want to Come back to my place?

Can I take A rain check on that?

Oh, ok.

Do you want to call me, Or should I call you?

I will call you.

That sounds awesome.

Check!

Well, That was uncomfortable.

I wouldn't worry Too much about it.

Everybody in A relationship fights,

Especially if you're In a relationship with lizzie.

Yeah, but doesn't That seem different?

That's just their thing.

It's completely normal.

We never fight.

Should I be worried About us?

Why do you have this?

Because you gave it To me, remember?

I totally love it.

But it's Completely useless.

It's not like you go Toil in the fields all day.

You sit at a computer, Jerking off,

So what's the point?

Jerking off?

Oh!

Oh!

Well, why should I let My neck go naked

While you wear Bullshit ties every day?

Fine! Then I'll Tear them up!

Actually, this was A birthday present from my mom.

But what about all Your throw pillows?

What could anyone possibly do with So many throw pillows?

Don't throw those On the floor!

They're not on the floor.

They're on top of your clothes which are Always on the floor.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

Mmm.

Mmm. You know What I hate?

What?

How you always call me every night Before you go to sleep.

Well, I hate That you always pick up.

And I really hate When you--

Oh oh ah.

But I love that.

I love that. Oh, I love that.

Mmm!

Ah, love that.

♪ can you make me feel better? ♪

♪ tell me what to do ♪

♪ tell me, tell me ♪

♪ I wanna feel like you ♪

♪ are you happy? ♪

♪ you look so satisfied ♪

♪ you may be all the trouble That I need ♪

♪ ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah Ah ah ah ♪

♪ listen to the ... ♪

♪ everything so serious ♪

You know what I hate?

What?

You always bring me Breakfast every morning.

Well, then, tomorrow morning, I'll make you dinner.

Ha ha ha!

♪ make me up And make me over ♪

♪ make me high And make me sober ♪

And of course...

I know. You have to Wait for me.

Mmm!

Ok.

Ok.

Uhh!

♪ ...And shut my eyes ♪

♪ make me up And make me over ♪

♪ make me high And make me sober ♪

You were just kidding About my throw pillows, right?

Yeah...

No.

♪ just make me up And make me over ♪

♪ just make me high And make me sober ♪

♪ tell me, tell me, tell me ♪

♪ I wanna feel like you ♪

Fuck's sake!

Are you fucking Kidding me?

♪ you said you'd come in All the way to me ♪

♪ I saw your ..., I knew you'd do it for me ♪

♪ I'm tracking myself To fall on the good fault ♪

♪ to sort the good From the bad ♪

♪ the good from the bad ♪

♪ the decisions, who said That we can make 'em? ♪

♪ in obvious ways, We said we'll take 'em ♪

♪ the easy life Is closer to the ground ♪

♪ and according To that sound ♪

♪ this is where I want to--uh-oh ♪

♪ I wanna take it, I think that I can take it ♪

♪ I take it, I take it ♪

♪ I think that I can Make it ♪

♪ oh, one sharp look, And my heart's on the floor ♪

♪ you say, "Wait, I'm not ready" ♪

♪ and you hear me soar ♪

♪ 'cause you want it, You want it, you want it ♪

♪ I want it, you want it, You want it, you want it ♪

♪ it's a million years I've been waiting for ... ♪

♪ feel the hair on your chest And feel your heartbeat ... ♪

♪ because you want it, I want It, you want it, I want it ♪

♪ you want it, I want it ♪

Hey, lizzie. Where are you?

We were supposed to meet for lunch 10 minutes ago.

I'm sorry, sam. Rain check?

Hangover bangover.

You sound like shit. Where are you?

Still in bed.

You didn't go to work today? Thought you had a dep--

No. It'll have to Wait until tomorrow.

Hi. What can I get for you?

Oh, what do I want?

Grilled salmon, kale Salad, large pink lemonade.

Grilled salmon, kale salad, Large pink lemonade.

Ok.

How do you always know Exactly what I want?

'cause I'm A fucking genius.

♪ gonna kick in the door Of my ... ♪

Moving out Or moving in?

Moving in. Or should I say Moved in?

This is just the last of my stuff From out of storage.

My friend kailey used to live here. She moved to shanghai.

They love tall blondes With big boobs over there.

I'm in 403. We're neighbors.

Oh, so, you're the one with all The throw pillows.

How did you know that?

Thin walls!

I'm sam. I'm megan.

Well, see you around.

Yeah!

Breathe in Through your nose...

And out through your nose.

Now let's have a moment For meditation.

Close your eyes.

Clear your mind...

And keep breathing.

Relax.

Let your mind Go blank.

Namaste.

Fucker!

♪ black moon in a wild sky ♪

Hey, dave?

It's jenna.

Yes.

Listen. Want to grab A drink sometime?

♪ when you hit them keys, You play my heart ♪

♪ like velvet tones In smoky bars ♪

Oh!

I really needed This girls night.

Laurent is driving Me stir crazy.

It's like he's getting Clingier and clingier

The closer it gets To him leaving.

When is he gonna Leave exactly?

Tomorrow afternoon.

And you're spending his last night In chicago with me?

Yep. Well, He's busy packing,

So I will See him later.

Is everything ok?

I don't know.

Actually, I was Kind of thinking

That his leaving might be a good time For us to take a break.

A break?

You guys have been Dating for two months.

Do you want a break, or do you just Want to break up?

Wait a second.

Laurent and I have been together For two months.

That means that you and jason have been Together for 3 months!

Wow, sam! It's your Longest relationship ever!

Shut up! You are my Longest relationship ever.

A-fucking-men. I will drink to that.

Tyler!

Hold on, bitch.

Fuck you, homo.

Oh! My turn.

What are you pouring?

All right, red wine, Manhattan,

Vodka red bull,

And pommageddons.

Uh...

Red wine...Bitch.

Manhattan...Hipster.

Vodka red bull... Oh, definitely douchebag.

And pommageddon...Slut.

Funny, though. I was thinking That the red wine

Would be For the hipster.

Nope, sam's right.

Except the pommageddons--it is Not for the slut over there.

But for the two In front of me right now.

Ooh, ok. I help you cut through All the legal crap

To get permits for this place, And this is how you thank me.

Oh, skank you very much.

Arigato.

Cheers.

Ahh...Plll!

Hi, laurent.

What? No, I don't Have your leather jacket.

I gave it back to you.

Did you check Your suitcase?

Oh, fucking god. I'm sorry, sam.

It's ok. I have to go To the bathroom anyway.

What? What?

Yeah, they have leather jackets in Paris, too, you know.

Oh!

Wait, wait, wait. I can't do this.

You're my buddy's Girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

Hold that.

But still...

Ohh...

Ohh!

It's wrong.

Dave... What's wrong

Is you're about to miss out on the Best fuck of your life

With a super-bendy Yoga instructor

When your "Friend" called you a Self-deluded halfwit behind your back.

He said that?

He did.

Fuck him.

Yeah.

Uhh! Ohh!

Uhh!

Ohh!

Ohh! Yeah! Yeah!

Here, turn me around. I want to watch us in the mirror.

Yes! Yes!

Wait. You're taking pictures?

Get on the ground.

Oh, that's gross.

Do it. Ok.

Oh, oh.

Sam?

Jenna!

Sam?

Oh, hi!

We're kind of in the Middle of something here.

No, we're not.

Pull up your pants. We're done here.

What? You can't Leave me like this.

Out! Before I tell security there's a guy In the girls' room.

Holy shit, sam! It's been ages!

I know! I don't Think I've seen you since...

Since I had you pee On that guy's rug.

Oh, my god. Ben!

Whatever happened to him?

I caught him Cheating on me,

So I'm revenge-fucking All of his friends,

One by one.

Oh. Wow!

Yeah, it's kind Of a hobby.

Anyways, How are you?

What brings you To this hood?

Oh, this is my friend Tyler's new bar.

I'm here with lizzie.

Lizzie.

You're still friends With that toxic bitch?

I guess that answers My next question,

Which is whether or not You wanted to hang out with us.

I'll take a pass on that,

But call me when You and lizzie break up.

That'll never happen.

Hi.

Hi.

I was just watching You sleep.

Mmm.

You're so cute.

Glad that I have you.

Oh, my god.

Lizzie, you scared me.

Oh. I knew it.

I'm so sorry, lizzie.

Sorry about what?

It's the infamous Breakup box, right?

Actually, We didn't break up.

Just the opposite.

I decided I'm heading To europe with him,

And I leave today.

Ha ha ha!

All right, I'll go Make us some xantinis,

And then we can get The pity party started.

Uh, sam?

I'm not kidding.

What about your job?

I'm quitting.

What about your place?

Listing it with an agent To sublease.

What about me?

I'll skype you Every day.

I don't understand.

Just last night You were saying

How much you wanted A break from him,

And now you're Running off to europe?

I know it seems sudden, but I've Been thinking about it for a while.

Last night, we were up and we were Just talking and fighting and fucking

And talking and fucking Some more and...

When you stop growing And changing, you start dying.

And I know I've been Resisting it for a while now,

But I don't want to anymore.

You really have changed For him, and not just your hair color.

I haven't changed for him.

I've changed Because of him.

You guys fight All the time.

Relationships work For two reasons.

The couple either Functions well together

Or dysfunctions Well together,

And we dysfunction Perfectly.

You are making A huge mistake.

Sam...

I have to do this.

Don't!

I have to.

And I wish I could spend More time with you,

But he's coming to pick me up In two minutes, so...

Listen, I need you To do me a favor.

I have some things That I want you to keep.

They're too precious To keep in storage, so...

So...

Of course, My law school diploma.

Can you believe it?

Ha ha!

Um...Oh!

And something very, Very dear to me.

Ha ha!

Dante.

Go easy on him.

And something that I've been Working on for a few months now.

It's...The rules.

And how and why They came to be

And all their Back stories.

Most of them are ours. Ha ha!

And some of them Are sienna's.

And some of them are even Sienna's "Sienna's".

So...

It's the story Of our friendship.

Yeah. It is.

I was gonna give it to you For your birthday.

So there are a couple Of pages that are blank in the back.

Maybe you could write Your own rules.

Ok, that's the honk.

I have to go.

When are you Coming back?

I don't know.

Just...

Ok, come on, girl.

Whoo! Ok.

I love you.

Forget about date night. Call some old friends.

Tell me what you need. I can get it to you in 20 minutes.

Just calling About a hang.

Hang? Who makes that?

I see you here almost Every night this week.

I get into trouble there.

Nothing wrong with A little trouble.

I thought I was done With nympho neighbors.

This is your office, Right?

Yeah, yeah. This is My office.

Jason lutz? Senior counsel?

I'll need you to Clear out of my office.

You're going out With ben tonight?

I thought you two Were broken up.

He found a way To make it up to me.

Sam. Do you want a bj?

That'll be all For now, jack. Thanks.