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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:25,918 In the year of Our Lord 1123, 2 00:00:26,251 --> 00:00:30,793 King Louis VI, known as "The Fat", waged war against his cousin, 3 00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:34,376 Henry I, King of England and Duke of Normandy. 4 00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:38,001 Many brave knights fought beside him. 5 00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:42,710 They believed in God and the forces of Evil. 6 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,001 Your Majesty, 7 00:00:51,335 --> 00:00:52,751 time is of the essence. 8 00:00:52,918 --> 00:00:54,835 Need I remind you we are in their camp? 9 00:00:55,085 --> 00:00:58,126 Silence, Montmirail. Love knows not haste! 10 00:01:09,418 --> 00:01:11,210 Sire Godefroy! 11 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,376 The English! 12 00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:15,043 My vassal sees 13 00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:16,585 horsemen approaching. 14 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,751 We are coming. 15 00:01:19,335 --> 00:01:22,668 I beg of you, Your Majesty, make haste! 16 00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:25,418 Adieu, my sweet. I must join my men. 17 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:26,918 Will I see you soon? 18 00:01:27,418 --> 00:01:30,668 When my cousin, the King of England, makes amends. 19 00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:33,210 Do you love me, Kathleen? 20 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,835 Then accord me one last favor, should I die. 21 00:01:38,626 --> 00:01:40,585 - Hush hush... - Show me your ankles. 22 00:01:46,251 --> 00:01:47,751 I beseech thee, lady-love. 23 00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:54,835 Higher. Up to your knees. 24 00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,876 My God! How beautiful! 25 00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:05,460 Sire... 26 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,460 they're coming. 27 00:02:20,043 --> 00:02:21,335 Come, Sire. 28 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,626 THE VISITORS 29 00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:02,710 This way. 30 00:03:31,626 --> 00:03:33,293 King! I capture thee! 31 00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:35,501 Let me, my King! 32 00:03:36,918 --> 00:03:39,251 Liar! The King is never captured. 33 00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:40,668 Not even in chess. 34 00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:47,835 Toil! Never recoil! 35 00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:15,210 Sound the horns! The King! 36 00:04:58,668 --> 00:05:00,251 Master! You're alive! 37 00:05:00,751 --> 00:05:01,668 God be praised! 38 00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:04,376 I managed to save your horse and your arms. 39 00:05:04,543 --> 00:05:06,418 You managed to flee, as usual. 40 00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:07,835 Castrated clod! 41 00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:09,835 Sire Godefroy, The King summons you. 42 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,501 Castrated clod! 43 00:05:12,668 --> 00:05:14,210 Sires... the King! 44 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,543 My kind knight Godefroy 45 00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:27,085 merits indeed his name "The Hardy". 46 00:05:27,335 --> 00:05:30,251 His baldrick was nary stuckolded. 47 00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:31,668 With his sword, 48 00:05:31,876 --> 00:05:33,835 he yslaked a scurvy English head. 49 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:35,793 Godefroy Amaury de Malfete, 50 00:05:36,251 --> 00:05:38,710 Count of Montmirail, of Apremont, and of Popincourt 51 00:05:39,085 --> 00:05:40,918 I shall thus reward your valor. 52 00:05:41,376 --> 00:05:43,293 Sire, I am your eternal servant. 53 00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,376 I know you desire descendants. 54 00:05:45,626 --> 00:05:48,751 You have one week to fetch 55 00:05:48,918 --> 00:05:50,835 one of the fairest wenches in the Kingdom: 56 00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:54,710 the daughter of the Duke of Puglia. I know you adore her. 57 00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:56,126 She is yours to wed. 58 00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,793 How can I thank thee? 59 00:05:59,168 --> 00:06:01,001 To serve my King is my Honor. 60 00:06:01,585 --> 00:06:02,876 Long live the King! 61 00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,751 Long live the King! 62 00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:06,460 Long live the King! 63 00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:08,710 - Who is he? - Jacquasse the Crass. 64 00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:11,751 My vassal. He should be waiting outside. 65 00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:16,793 He lacks grace, but he sniffs out a trail like a good hound. 66 00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:23,418 We must avoid the Forest of Malcombe, and pass by Montargis. 67 00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:24,543 Avoid the forest? 68 00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:27,876 You know it's haunted, Sire. No one dares penetrate it. 69 00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:28,793 hogwash! 70 00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:30,668 My betrothed must not wait! 71 00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:33,460 What about the Witch of Malcombe? 72 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,460 Ride ahead of The Crass. 73 00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,960 She can turn an army into frog vomit. 74 00:06:55,126 --> 00:06:57,210 At her touch, your skin spits pus 75 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,251 and you pisseth mud. 76 00:07:00,835 --> 00:07:02,335 She can damn 7 generations. 77 00:07:06,335 --> 00:07:07,876 We're doomed! 78 00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:09,876 Doomed! 79 00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:49,168 Per Ansia 80 00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:51,210 Queribus Memorium 81 00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:53,210 "Halt or becometh a slug." 82 00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:55,085 It's Latin and Visigoth. 83 00:07:55,251 --> 00:07:56,460 The Devil's drool! 84 00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:04,126 A Black Sabbath. Let's splitteth! 85 00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:16,876 What does she want? 86 00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:19,751 To make that old hag young again. It's impossible! 87 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:22,751 Drink! Drink! 88 00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:41,001 Where is she? 89 00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,626 Fear not. She'll drop back in. 90 00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:52,168 What a blast to have a virgin's unpolluted body again! 91 00:08:52,335 --> 00:08:53,543 She's plug-ugly! 92 00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:56,043 Just like the day I married her! 93 00:08:57,751 --> 00:08:59,043 It's devildom! 94 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,710 Surrender, She-Devil! 95 00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:27,543 We'll dismember her 96 00:09:27,710 --> 00:09:29,335 and slice out her tongue. 97 00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,335 Let rats gnaw on her innards. 98 00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,001 No lady is tortured on my lands. 99 00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:37,126 Just burn her. 100 00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,001 Thank you, Sire. 101 00:09:39,335 --> 00:09:41,251 Thank you. You are too good! 102 00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,668 At last... my castle. 103 00:09:50,043 --> 00:09:51,793 Unpack our best apparels 104 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:52,960 to honor my beloved. 105 00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,335 - Jacquasse, help me change. - Yes, Sire. 106 00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:57,460 I have no fine apparels. 107 00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:59,293 She won't even see you. 108 00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:03,293 My shoes and my fanciest shell. 109 00:10:03,835 --> 00:10:06,501 Ganelon, sound the horn to announce my arrival. 110 00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:14,668 How thrilled am I, Sire Fulbert, 111 00:10:14,876 --> 00:10:17,001 that my son weddeth your sweet 112 00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,501 and gentle daughter. 113 00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:21,376 I wanted her to weddeth a Duke, 114 00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:23,793 but our Fat King decided otherwise. 115 00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:25,876 Cursed be love. 116 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,043 More wine! Let me piss a-plenty! 117 00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:35,626 Father, you promised nary to burp for my marriage. 118 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,626 The Count of Montmirail! 119 00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:49,418 Frenegonde! Where are you going? Frenegonde! Come back! 120 00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:52,960 Come back this instant! 121 00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:55,460 Frenegonde! Come back! 122 00:10:57,668 --> 00:10:59,335 No Duke's daughter runs after 123 00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:00,668 a mere Count. 124 00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:06,876 You look good and gentle. 125 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,043 And mighty uncomfortable. 126 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,126 Why? 127 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,293 Zounds! The flask falleth all alone. 128 00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,710 Give it to me. My thirst needs a-quenching! 129 00:11:36,168 --> 00:11:37,085 The castle! 130 00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:38,876 Holy scrotums! 131 00:11:40,085 --> 00:11:41,543 It swelleth like a blowfish! 132 00:11:47,376 --> 00:11:48,626 It's wearing a wig! 133 00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,460 Sire Godefroy, are you not well? 134 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:02,335 By what devil-craft? 135 00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:05,626 What's wrong? 136 00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:14,626 Come back, you wicked Wench! 137 00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:15,626 Come back! 138 00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:18,918 Come back, you foul slut! 139 00:12:19,251 --> 00:12:21,293 God shield! A bear is chasing her! 140 00:12:23,626 --> 00:12:24,668 My crossbow! 141 00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:28,335 Come back! 142 00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:29,876 There's no bear. 143 00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:35,251 Steer clear, beloved! Steer clear! 144 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:49,626 Father! 145 00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:57,793 I saw a huge beast. 146 00:13:33,418 --> 00:13:36,460 I'll spend my life in a convent, faithful to you. 147 00:13:36,751 --> 00:13:39,126 I can ne'er wed the man who killed my father. 148 00:13:40,876 --> 00:13:42,710 I understand, my betrothed. 149 00:13:42,876 --> 00:13:44,168 I'll be faithful too. 150 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,210 I shall ne'er marry... 151 00:13:47,376 --> 00:13:48,960 ne'er have descendants. 152 00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:50,960 Don't do me any favors. 153 00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:28,501 What are you up to? 154 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,501 I was praying for his salvation. 155 00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:32,168 Where is my father's wizard? 156 00:14:32,543 --> 00:14:33,918 Eusaebius? 157 00:14:43,543 --> 00:14:44,418 I found him. 158 00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,501 He lives yonder, not far from here. 159 00:14:47,668 --> 00:14:49,168 But they say he's senile. 160 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:52,585 I can make your Duke live again. 161 00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:57,001 But you must know no fear. 162 00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:58,626 Only God can do that! 163 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,710 You are right. Only God can bring back the dead. 164 00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,835 But there is another way. 165 00:15:05,085 --> 00:15:09,876 Time is a mountain, pierced by many hidden tunnels. 166 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:13,626 My magic spells can give you access to them. 167 00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:20,960 Meet Angueran. 168 00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,293 Scarface Angueran. At your service. 169 00:15:23,585 --> 00:15:24,876 And my loyal Ganelon. 170 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,335 You shall return 171 00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,210 just before the Duke's death. 172 00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:33,751 If you find enough force in yourself... 173 00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:37,085 you will be able to change the course of the arrow. 174 00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:38,918 You'll wed your betrothed, 175 00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,418 and have the lineage you desire. 176 00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:44,335 It's sheer lunacy! 177 00:15:44,668 --> 00:15:46,918 Where is my powder of leech? 178 00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:50,168 I haven't done this in ages. I'm a bit rusty. 179 00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:51,835 He's senile! 180 00:15:52,876 --> 00:15:54,335 Here it is. 181 00:15:57,126 --> 00:15:59,460 If you fear not, 182 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,460 Godefroy the Hardy, drink. 183 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:07,501 You'll arrive in the forest just before the accident. 184 00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:09,126 Don't trust the old fool! 185 00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:12,835 If Sire Godefroy doesn't return, we'll lock you in his dungeon 186 00:16:13,251 --> 00:16:14,543 with your Book of Spells. 187 00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:16,085 Trust me. 188 00:16:16,335 --> 00:16:19,210 Don't drink it, Sire. You'll turn into a frog, 189 00:16:19,376 --> 00:16:21,585 or a bat, or a goat, or a nun's ass. 190 00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:24,543 Perhaps you're right. 191 00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:26,543 - Drink first. - Me? 192 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:28,043 I'll see if you 193 00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,501 turn into a nun's ass. 194 00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,668 If you do, I'll seek revenge. 195 00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:32,918 Drink! 196 00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:46,460 So, my Crass? 197 00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:48,710 It tastes like pig excrement. 198 00:16:50,335 --> 00:16:52,585 Candied concoctions are for evil sorcerers. 199 00:16:52,751 --> 00:16:56,293 Drink hastily. I must say the incantation. 200 00:16:56,585 --> 00:16:57,418 If I drank... 201 00:16:58,543 --> 00:16:59,376 am I going too? 202 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,418 Say the incantation. 203 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:03,626 They've gone into the Tunnels of Time! 204 00:18:09,918 --> 00:18:11,043 What's that noise? 205 00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,043 What did you step on? 206 00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:14,543 Rotten eggs. 207 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,835 I forgot the quail eggs. 208 00:18:18,668 --> 00:18:20,293 What a catastrophe! 209 00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:08,001 Stand up, peasant. 210 00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:08,835 Where are we? 211 00:19:09,918 --> 00:19:10,751 And our friends? 212 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,168 This isn't my Forest. 213 00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:14,460 The wizard misled us! 214 00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:17,835 We have two legs, Sire. And two arms. 215 00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,710 'Tis miracle enough. 216 00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:23,168 Fetch me a horse. Make haste! 217 00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,918 Pugh! It stinketh! 218 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:25,668 He's crazy! 219 00:20:29,585 --> 00:20:32,418 Sire! A Moor! 220 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,668 A Moor in the Devil's chariot! 221 00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:47,876 'Tis metal, with no oxen to pull it! 222 00:20:48,376 --> 00:20:49,585 Sire, come see! 223 00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:56,501 Thither, Sire! Thither! 224 00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,001 They're psychos. 225 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:04,585 They're psychos. 226 00:21:11,293 --> 00:21:12,918 Psychos! 227 00:21:51,668 --> 00:21:53,085 Whose shield is this? 228 00:21:54,210 --> 00:21:56,585 Lord our Father, we have sinned. 229 00:21:57,418 --> 00:21:58,668 We'll bear this ordeal 230 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:00,210 to the end. 231 00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,710 Give us the courage never to recoil. 232 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,251 We will obey Thee. 233 00:22:05,251 --> 00:22:06,293 Amen. 234 00:22:19,918 --> 00:22:22,376 It stinketh. We can't breathe! We're doomed! 235 00:22:22,543 --> 00:22:24,210 No, I smell victuals. 236 00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:28,918 More diabolic chariots! 237 00:22:29,376 --> 00:22:30,835 Let's stay in the Forest. 238 00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:31,668 No! 239 00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,876 We can't fight on an empty belly. 240 00:22:35,126 --> 00:22:35,835 Two burgers! 241 00:22:36,835 --> 00:22:39,043 French fries and ketchup! 242 00:22:55,793 --> 00:22:56,960 Yo guys! 243 00:22:57,168 --> 00:22:58,251 Is it Halloween? 244 00:22:58,918 --> 00:23:01,251 You're dressed to go trick or treating! 245 00:23:01,418 --> 00:23:02,751 Silence, strumpet. 246 00:23:02,918 --> 00:23:05,251 Take this and go your way. 247 00:23:07,543 --> 00:23:08,543 Leave us be. 248 00:23:08,710 --> 00:23:11,168 Holy Moses! 249 00:23:11,335 --> 00:23:13,210 Are you TV stars? 250 00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,960 Shove off! Shove off! 251 00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:17,418 I don't want to impose, Ladies and Gents, 252 00:23:17,585 --> 00:23:22,418 but since you're in show-biz, do you know any... big-time agents? 253 00:23:25,001 --> 00:23:26,835 Quiet, peasant, or I'll smacketh you. 254 00:23:27,001 --> 00:23:29,835 It just so happens I studied song and dance. 255 00:23:30,001 --> 00:23:31,835 If you could get me an audition, 256 00:23:32,501 --> 00:23:33,793 it'd change my life. 257 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,418 What's wrong? I'm no worse than Madonna! 258 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,751 Let us leave this vile bawd. 259 00:23:43,418 --> 00:23:44,793 Listen... 260 00:23:55,710 --> 00:24:00,001 Still hanging around, sticky fingers? Give back the steaks! 261 00:24:00,835 --> 00:24:03,918 Watch out! I'm a political refugee! 262 00:24:04,168 --> 00:24:06,501 I'm sick of your shenanigans! 263 00:24:07,751 --> 00:24:09,168 Ho! Innkeeper! 264 00:24:09,335 --> 00:24:11,001 You hit the fairer sex? 265 00:24:11,668 --> 00:24:15,293 What the hell do these two clowns want? 266 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:17,126 This isn't a hobo hideout! 267 00:24:17,293 --> 00:24:19,543 I am Godefroy of Montmirail, Count of Apremont 268 00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:22,460 and of Popincourt. And I lord over my property. 269 00:24:22,626 --> 00:24:24,168 Mr. Vautrot! Help! 270 00:24:26,543 --> 00:24:29,751 Call the cops! The bag lady's bothering Roger again! 271 00:24:32,376 --> 00:24:33,126 Murderer! 272 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,293 Come on, toots! This guy is gun crazy! 273 00:24:36,835 --> 00:24:37,585 Attack, Sire! 274 00:24:38,251 --> 00:24:39,876 On your knees, punk! 275 00:24:40,126 --> 00:24:42,335 Montjoie! St. Denis! 276 00:24:47,210 --> 00:24:48,876 Jacquasse! My Jacquasse! 277 00:24:56,335 --> 00:24:58,126 Easy does it, hot stuff. 278 00:24:58,460 --> 00:24:59,335 Attack! 279 00:25:04,376 --> 00:25:05,876 Montjoie! 280 00:25:06,543 --> 00:25:07,835 Montjoie! 281 00:25:26,585 --> 00:25:27,835 Asylum! 282 00:25:28,335 --> 00:25:28,960 Asylum! 283 00:25:31,043 --> 00:25:32,876 Father, I beseech the right to asylum. 284 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,376 Mi... Mi, honey. 285 00:25:36,543 --> 00:25:38,960 That's it. 286 00:25:39,793 --> 00:25:42,418 Keep on practicing, love. I'll be right back. 287 00:25:45,543 --> 00:25:47,626 Hello, Countess? It's Father Hervé. 288 00:25:47,835 --> 00:25:48,751 Hello, Father. 289 00:25:48,918 --> 00:25:52,210 Yes, well... My mass was interrupted... 290 00:25:52,376 --> 00:25:56,001 by a hooligan dressed in a very peculiar way. 291 00:25:56,168 --> 00:26:00,043 He claims to be the Count of Montmirail etc, etc... 292 00:26:00,210 --> 00:26:03,001 Quite frankly, he seems off his rocker. 293 00:26:03,210 --> 00:26:06,418 The Count of Montmirail? Daddy died in '81. 294 00:26:06,668 --> 00:26:08,543 I know, Béatrice. I buried him. 295 00:26:08,710 --> 00:26:11,210 This one claims to be called "The Hardy". 296 00:26:11,460 --> 00:26:13,751 He has your family arms on his tunic. 297 00:26:14,043 --> 00:26:15,543 Godefroy the Hardy? How absurd. 298 00:26:16,918 --> 00:26:17,710 Come quickly. 299 00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:20,126 He looks ornery. 300 00:26:20,460 --> 00:26:24,043 Hello? Hello?... Father Hervé? 301 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,251 What is this? 302 00:26:32,543 --> 00:26:34,376 It's the UNICEF calendar. 303 00:26:39,126 --> 00:26:39,793 Hurry! 304 00:26:40,751 --> 00:26:41,918 He's busy praying. 305 00:26:42,085 --> 00:26:45,543 He saw today's date and went into a state of shock. 306 00:26:45,710 --> 00:26:48,001 He claims to be born in 1076. 307 00:26:48,376 --> 00:26:49,668 He's a crackpot. 308 00:26:54,293 --> 00:26:55,001 My betrothed. 309 00:26:56,876 --> 00:26:58,376 My betrothed. 310 00:26:59,751 --> 00:27:00,876 You are here? 311 00:27:01,626 --> 00:27:04,335 Frenegonde! My beautiful Frenegonde! 312 00:27:05,543 --> 00:27:07,251 Stop! That totally hurts! 313 00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:09,210 Calm down, you brute! 314 00:27:09,501 --> 00:27:10,168 It is I. 315 00:27:10,335 --> 00:27:11,751 Stop. I don't know you. 316 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:12,668 Frenegonde. 317 00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:16,168 The Countess doesn't know you. 318 00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:17,751 You've made a mistake. 319 00:27:18,043 --> 00:27:19,585 Cease, Father. 320 00:27:21,585 --> 00:27:23,418 Dare I understand? 321 00:27:25,793 --> 00:27:27,585 This fair dame is not my beloved, 322 00:27:28,418 --> 00:27:30,126 but my descendant. 323 00:27:35,793 --> 00:27:37,043 1000 years betwixt us. 324 00:27:37,293 --> 00:27:41,001 Yes. I have to go. I don't know him from Adam. 325 00:27:41,626 --> 00:27:43,710 I'm from the time of Louis VI. Help me. 326 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,168 Shall I call for help? 327 00:27:45,335 --> 00:27:47,876 No, this very nice man won't harm us. 328 00:27:48,793 --> 00:27:50,085 Will 50 francs do? 329 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,335 I must return to my time. 330 00:27:52,501 --> 00:27:53,668 Know'st thou a wizard? 331 00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:57,085 No. Sorry, no wizard. I know the Wizard of Oz. 332 00:27:57,668 --> 00:27:59,501 Where is this "Oz"? 333 00:28:00,043 --> 00:28:02,710 Don't budge. We'll take care of you. 334 00:28:12,251 --> 00:28:13,960 Thank you, my sweet. 335 00:28:15,043 --> 00:28:15,835 It's a miracle. 336 00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:17,626 Okay, call the police. 337 00:28:20,710 --> 00:28:23,001 - It's not very Christian. - Of course it is. 338 00:28:26,168 --> 00:28:27,168 Pugh! How ugly! 339 00:28:27,418 --> 00:28:30,001 Without them, we couldn't watch TV. Here... 340 00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:31,626 Just what the doc ordered. 341 00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:36,793 Thanks, bawd. You're ugly as sin, but good-hearted. 342 00:28:37,043 --> 00:28:38,001 Ever see your nose? 343 00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:41,793 When you sneeze, is it typhoon season? 344 00:28:42,043 --> 00:28:44,501 Your wine is fruity, but a tad watery. 345 00:28:44,668 --> 00:28:46,710 The wine's mine, swine. 346 00:28:51,501 --> 00:28:54,876 What a raunchy eater! You eat the plastic too? 347 00:28:58,043 --> 00:28:59,668 The wizard was senile. 348 00:28:59,876 --> 00:29:01,751 If I catch him, I'll skin him alive. 349 00:29:02,126 --> 00:29:04,085 Don't take it so bad. 350 00:29:04,710 --> 00:29:06,501 Those pigs always get us. 351 00:29:06,751 --> 00:29:08,335 Is your buddy a wrestler? 352 00:29:08,751 --> 00:29:09,793 I saw him on TV. 353 00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:12,918 I wanted to be a singer... 354 00:29:13,168 --> 00:29:15,335 but they're all full of shit in show-biz. 355 00:29:17,376 --> 00:29:18,376 My Sire is a warrior, 356 00:29:18,626 --> 00:29:21,585 a trusted aide of our King. The Count of Montmirail. 357 00:29:21,835 --> 00:29:23,043 Montmirail? 358 00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:24,668 The dentist's old lady? 359 00:29:24,918 --> 00:29:26,585 He couldn't marry her! 360 00:29:26,751 --> 00:29:28,460 That's why we're here. 361 00:29:28,710 --> 00:29:29,835 They're not married? 362 00:29:30,710 --> 00:29:33,376 No kidding! The nerve of that prude! 363 00:29:33,626 --> 00:29:36,335 She acts so holier-than-thou at the rummage sale. 364 00:29:36,501 --> 00:29:37,168 What a bitch! 365 00:29:42,168 --> 00:29:43,293 You came so fast. 366 00:29:43,543 --> 00:29:46,251 Squadron Sergeant-Major Gibon. At your service, Countess. 367 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:48,210 I brought the National Guard. 368 00:29:48,376 --> 00:29:49,418 Where's the offender? 369 00:29:49,668 --> 00:29:51,918 My stars! Your squadron is quite impressive. 370 00:29:52,085 --> 00:29:55,001 He's a bit brutal, but he's just a poor homeless person. 371 00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:56,501 They're back-up. 372 00:29:56,710 --> 00:29:58,335 This is Doctor Bauvin. 373 00:30:00,126 --> 00:30:02,418 First we'll talk to him. Size up the beast. 374 00:30:02,585 --> 00:30:05,251 Let's go, Bauvin. 375 00:30:07,043 --> 00:30:07,751 Good luck! 376 00:30:15,876 --> 00:30:16,751 Where is she? 377 00:30:16,918 --> 00:30:19,085 Enough! Identity papers! Green card! 378 00:30:19,251 --> 00:30:21,168 Psychology, Sergeant-Major. 379 00:30:21,335 --> 00:30:23,626 Hello there. Are you from around here? 380 00:30:23,793 --> 00:30:25,210 Bow down before me, 381 00:30:25,376 --> 00:30:26,460 and I shall be clement. 382 00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:29,085 Why the costume? Are you an actor? 383 00:30:29,335 --> 00:30:30,210 Is this for TV? 384 00:30:32,335 --> 00:30:34,418 Candid Camera? Should I smile? 385 00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:37,085 Where is my descendant? Answer or die! 386 00:30:37,251 --> 00:30:40,085 Let me, Sergeant-Major. He's a sicko! 387 00:30:40,251 --> 00:30:43,251 A little shot and you'll be good as new. 388 00:30:43,418 --> 00:30:45,543 Give me your arm. 389 00:30:52,751 --> 00:30:55,960 Officer, send in your men on the double! 390 00:30:56,126 --> 00:30:58,793 He's a maniac! He took the doctor hostage! 391 00:31:15,793 --> 00:31:17,751 Thanks for coming! 392 00:31:24,585 --> 00:31:26,710 Montjoie! St. Denis! 393 00:31:31,251 --> 00:31:32,793 Toil, toil! Never recoil! 394 00:31:40,418 --> 00:31:43,918 I have a horrible doubt. This tramp just may be part of my family. 395 00:31:44,126 --> 00:31:44,626 What? 396 00:31:44,918 --> 00:31:47,335 "Montjoie" is the battle cry of French knights. 397 00:31:49,335 --> 00:31:53,293 "Toil! Never recoil!" is the motto of Godefroy the Hardy. 398 00:31:53,460 --> 00:31:55,001 It's my family's motto. 399 00:31:55,168 --> 00:31:56,835 Now you have doubts? 400 00:31:57,626 --> 00:31:58,960 He's calmed down. 401 00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:02,251 Hold him down. I'll put him to sleep. 402 00:32:12,043 --> 00:32:13,918 No, my mistake! I never saw him before. 403 00:32:14,835 --> 00:32:16,668 It can't hurt. I killed the nerve. 404 00:32:17,001 --> 00:32:18,251 Jean-Pierre, come here. 405 00:32:18,460 --> 00:32:19,501 Excuse me, ma'am. 406 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:21,251 I'll just be a minute. 407 00:32:22,835 --> 00:32:25,126 Do you remember my cousin Hubert? 408 00:32:25,293 --> 00:32:27,085 Martha's son. Naval Academy. 409 00:32:27,418 --> 00:32:29,376 The race car driver? I never met him. 410 00:32:29,626 --> 00:32:32,751 Obviously. He disappeared in Borneo before our marriage. 411 00:32:33,001 --> 00:32:34,585 - I think he's alive. - What? 412 00:32:34,835 --> 00:32:37,335 As wacky as it sounds, today's Tarzan... 413 00:32:37,501 --> 00:32:39,543 is probably Hubert. He's totally changed. 414 00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:41,126 You said he was a bum. 415 00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:42,793 He had family air. 416 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,918 The sensual nose, the large forehead... 417 00:32:46,168 --> 00:32:49,418 You meet a derelict with a shiny red schnozz, and now... 418 00:32:49,585 --> 00:32:51,418 he's a long-lost sensual cousin! 419 00:32:51,585 --> 00:32:53,126 A cousin with our arms! 420 00:32:53,335 --> 00:32:55,251 Don't just stand there. Come look. 421 00:32:57,835 --> 00:32:59,876 Look. The Montmirail family album. 422 00:33:00,710 --> 00:33:02,668 Here's our first Count, Godefroy The Hardy. 423 00:33:02,835 --> 00:33:04,668 It's the same nose and forehead. 424 00:33:04,876 --> 00:33:08,085 That's a 900-year old drawing. What's the link with Hubert? 425 00:33:08,251 --> 00:33:11,168 I'll call the castle. When Hubert was 19, 426 00:33:11,335 --> 00:33:13,543 he posed for the last family portrait. 427 00:33:13,751 --> 00:33:15,168 A wild-goose chase! 428 00:33:24,251 --> 00:33:26,376 Béatrice Goulard de Montmirail for Mr. Jacquart. 429 00:33:26,585 --> 00:33:29,043 Hello, Countess. It's Frederick. 430 00:33:29,210 --> 00:33:30,793 Fred, is Jacques-Henri there? 431 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,210 One minute. A word of warning: he's repairing the boiler. 432 00:33:34,418 --> 00:33:35,335 He's on edge. 433 00:33:35,501 --> 00:33:36,210 Jacques-Henri! 434 00:33:37,751 --> 00:33:39,585 Why did you jerk the lever so violently? 435 00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:40,918 You asked me too. 436 00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:42,418 Spare me. 437 00:33:42,585 --> 00:33:44,918 My stunning vest is now a filthy rag. 438 00:33:45,085 --> 00:33:46,376 Jacques-Henri! 439 00:33:46,585 --> 00:33:48,418 Why are you shouting? 440 00:33:48,585 --> 00:33:49,710 Béatrice de Montmirail. 441 00:33:49,876 --> 00:33:51,460 What a ball-buster. 442 00:33:51,626 --> 00:33:52,543 Jacquart? 443 00:33:52,710 --> 00:33:53,751 Jacquart? 444 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:54,668 Yes? 445 00:33:54,876 --> 00:33:56,251 Boiler trouble? 446 00:33:56,418 --> 00:33:57,668 The burner is ruined. 447 00:33:57,835 --> 00:33:59,835 Jean-François yanked on the lever. 448 00:34:00,001 --> 00:34:01,168 Oil spurt out. 449 00:34:01,376 --> 00:34:04,293 I was nearly disfigured. Not to mention my jacket. 450 00:34:05,001 --> 00:34:06,501 No one is of any help. 451 00:34:07,835 --> 00:34:09,001 At least no one died. 452 00:34:09,251 --> 00:34:10,293 Thank God. 453 00:34:10,460 --> 00:34:11,501 I have a problem too. 454 00:34:11,668 --> 00:34:13,001 Can I ask you a favor? 455 00:34:15,001 --> 00:34:18,001 Go upstairs to the Gallery. In our last family portrait... 456 00:34:18,168 --> 00:34:20,418 there's a Royal Navy cadet. 457 00:34:20,585 --> 00:34:24,293 Second row. The kepi with a feather. Do you have a Pola? 458 00:34:24,543 --> 00:34:25,126 A what? 459 00:34:25,293 --> 00:34:28,626 A Polaroid, Jacques. The children threw ours in the toilet. 460 00:34:28,793 --> 00:34:32,085 We have no "Pola". And my name is Jacques-Henri, not Jacques. 461 00:34:32,251 --> 00:34:36,876 Try to understand, Jacquart: my cousin is in an insane asylum 462 00:34:37,126 --> 00:34:38,043 by accident. 463 00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:39,668 I can't help your cousin. 464 00:34:39,876 --> 00:34:41,918 We're busy. 465 00:34:42,085 --> 00:34:45,210 The Bernay and Bernay Bank is here for a seminar. 466 00:34:45,376 --> 00:34:47,626 Edgar Bernay will be bathing in cold water. 467 00:34:47,793 --> 00:34:51,043 So, even if I had a "Pola", I wouldn't take your picture. 468 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,460 Okay, I'll hang up. I'll deal with this myself. 469 00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:55,585 Toodle-oo. 470 00:34:57,501 --> 00:34:58,418 Good riddance. 471 00:35:00,168 --> 00:35:00,835 Sir... 472 00:35:01,043 --> 00:35:01,710 Yes. 473 00:35:01,918 --> 00:35:05,251 The rooms are horribly humid. Mr. Bernay is sneezing non-stop. 474 00:35:05,418 --> 00:35:08,376 He wanted to relax after his speech on sponsoring. 475 00:35:08,626 --> 00:35:10,085 So he took a shower. 476 00:35:10,251 --> 00:35:10,918 Ice-cold. 477 00:35:11,126 --> 00:35:12,543 His head is full of shampoo. 478 00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:15,043 If you can't get the hot water back, 479 00:35:15,210 --> 00:35:17,168 we'll have to cut short the seminar. 480 00:35:18,501 --> 00:35:19,960 Does the Instamatic work? 481 00:35:20,210 --> 00:35:22,293 I'm draining Mrs. Pelissier's molar. 482 00:35:22,918 --> 00:35:24,043 It'll be fine. 483 00:35:24,793 --> 00:35:26,876 This is the Montmirail's house. 484 00:35:32,626 --> 00:35:34,501 Take it easy! 485 00:35:36,918 --> 00:35:38,918 They'll bawl us out. Stop! 486 00:35:39,085 --> 00:35:41,210 They'll call the cops for noise pollution. 487 00:35:41,376 --> 00:35:43,168 Try ringing the bell. 488 00:35:47,585 --> 00:35:50,043 Knock it off! They'll kick us out! 489 00:35:59,335 --> 00:36:01,918 Jacquart, why are you dressed like that? 490 00:36:03,501 --> 00:36:04,710 Excuse our excessive chiming, 491 00:36:04,918 --> 00:36:06,293 your Grace... 492 00:36:06,460 --> 00:36:07,418 Lady Frenegonde! 493 00:36:08,543 --> 00:36:10,085 Let me go! You're crazy! 494 00:36:13,001 --> 00:36:14,168 She's my mistress! 495 00:36:14,376 --> 00:36:15,085 What? 496 00:36:15,293 --> 00:36:17,001 Jean-Pierre, come here. 497 00:36:17,168 --> 00:36:19,418 Jacquart is calling me "Frenegonde" too. 498 00:36:19,585 --> 00:36:21,501 You slept with her? Don't worry. 499 00:36:22,210 --> 00:36:25,126 He looks weird but he's pals with Montmirail the stuntman. 500 00:36:25,668 --> 00:36:27,001 Montmirail the stuntman? 501 00:36:27,168 --> 00:36:30,126 You must mean Hubert, the race car driver. 502 00:36:30,376 --> 00:36:31,418 Stuntman, wrestler... 503 00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:32,626 race car driver... 504 00:36:32,793 --> 00:36:33,710 same diff. 505 00:36:33,918 --> 00:36:35,043 But who are you? 506 00:36:36,043 --> 00:36:39,293 Jacquasse The Crass. You don't recognizeth me? 507 00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:42,501 No, I don't recognizeth you. You're Hubert's friend? 508 00:36:42,751 --> 00:36:44,793 Hubert de Montmirail, whatta hunk. 509 00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:46,418 And so considerate... 510 00:36:46,626 --> 00:36:48,626 like you, your Ladyship. 511 00:36:48,793 --> 00:36:50,751 And he gallops like Kerwin Costnère. 512 00:36:51,585 --> 00:36:54,210 Coward that I am, I lost track of my Sire 513 00:36:54,376 --> 00:36:55,210 at the inn. 514 00:36:55,376 --> 00:36:56,668 They got in a brawl 515 00:36:56,835 --> 00:36:58,585 at Remi Vautrot's pit stop. 516 00:36:58,751 --> 00:36:59,751 Whip me... 517 00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:01,585 your Ladyship! 518 00:37:03,710 --> 00:37:04,835 What is it? 519 00:37:06,751 --> 00:37:08,501 - Jacquart? - Thou know'st me? 520 00:37:08,751 --> 00:37:09,460 What? 521 00:37:09,668 --> 00:37:10,793 A Jacquart from hunger. 522 00:37:11,001 --> 00:37:11,835 I'm lost. 523 00:37:12,001 --> 00:37:12,668 Mr. Goulard... 524 00:37:13,126 --> 00:37:14,001 Yes, hello... 525 00:37:14,168 --> 00:37:15,376 He's a friend 526 00:37:15,585 --> 00:37:17,460 of Hubert's. According to her, 527 00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,710 Hubert has become a stuntman and a wrestler. 528 00:37:21,001 --> 00:37:23,418 What horrible teeth! Let's have a look. 529 00:37:26,626 --> 00:37:28,085 I'm no mule! Zounds! 530 00:37:28,251 --> 00:37:30,501 That ass bit me! I need a tetanus shot! 531 00:37:30,710 --> 00:37:32,626 He might even have rabies! 532 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:35,460 It isn't Jacquart. I did his bridge-work. 533 00:37:35,626 --> 00:37:37,710 Obviously, Jean-Pierre. 534 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,835 He proves that Hubert is alive. 535 00:37:40,001 --> 00:37:42,626 We have to get him out of the hospital. 536 00:37:43,376 --> 00:37:44,293 You banged the Countess? 537 00:37:46,418 --> 00:37:47,168 Bitch. 538 00:37:47,335 --> 00:37:50,668 The bum can't come. My car isn't Noah's ark. 539 00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:54,335 Open the window. 540 00:37:54,501 --> 00:37:56,376 His body odor is unbearable. 541 00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,543 He's very, very green. 542 00:38:01,210 --> 00:38:03,126 Stop the car. He's going to vomit. 543 00:38:03,293 --> 00:38:04,418 Wait a second! 544 00:38:04,585 --> 00:38:05,585 Hold it in! 545 00:38:08,376 --> 00:38:09,460 It's coming! 546 00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:16,960 He got it all over. 547 00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,168 What a pig! He puked on my shoes! 548 00:38:20,585 --> 00:38:23,835 Your cousin is very violent. He nearly castrated me. 549 00:38:24,043 --> 00:38:26,251 Castrated clod! 550 00:38:26,585 --> 00:38:27,293 What? 551 00:38:28,001 --> 00:38:29,668 He saved our King's life. 552 00:38:29,835 --> 00:38:30,543 What? 553 00:38:30,793 --> 00:38:31,710 Ah, my youngling. 554 00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:34,001 Why did you abandon me? 555 00:38:35,626 --> 00:38:36,835 Their little red balls 556 00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:37,960 made me sleep. 557 00:38:38,126 --> 00:38:39,876 Master! Master! 558 00:38:40,043 --> 00:38:43,126 Why are you bound? How much is the ransom? 559 00:38:43,335 --> 00:38:44,626 Silence, peasant! 560 00:38:44,793 --> 00:38:46,876 The "little red balls" are Valium. 561 00:38:47,126 --> 00:38:48,960 50 milligrams. He barely slept. 562 00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:54,251 Apothecary, I demand to be released immediately. 563 00:38:54,418 --> 00:38:55,543 Calm down. 564 00:38:56,751 --> 00:39:00,835 I am neither sick nor loony. I come from far, far away. 565 00:39:01,001 --> 00:39:02,043 Yes. 566 00:39:02,251 --> 00:39:05,335 He thinks no one understands who he is. 567 00:39:05,585 --> 00:39:07,001 Persecution mania. 568 00:39:07,210 --> 00:39:10,918 But it's true. He came from Borneo. He had an accident during a rally. 569 00:39:11,668 --> 00:39:12,835 Right, cousin Hubert? 570 00:39:13,210 --> 00:39:13,918 Cousin Hubert? 571 00:39:14,126 --> 00:39:15,960 Yes. Hubert de Montmirail. 572 00:39:16,168 --> 00:39:19,126 It's freaky... he has my father's hands. 573 00:39:20,126 --> 00:39:21,085 You know your name. 574 00:39:22,251 --> 00:39:24,626 He knows nothing. He's completely amnesiac. 575 00:39:24,835 --> 00:39:26,626 He says he's never watched TV. 576 00:39:26,835 --> 00:39:28,626 Amnesiac? How tragic! 577 00:39:40,335 --> 00:39:42,626 His last remaining memories are 578 00:39:42,793 --> 00:39:44,543 a few facts from History class. 579 00:39:44,751 --> 00:39:45,751 Elementary stuff. 580 00:39:46,126 --> 00:39:48,043 It's often the case with amnesiacs. 581 00:39:49,251 --> 00:39:52,335 He speaks a hodgepodge of Latin and Old French. 582 00:39:52,751 --> 00:39:54,335 Verbal diarrhea. 583 00:39:54,501 --> 00:39:55,710 Let him go. 584 00:39:56,460 --> 00:39:58,751 - Pawing at him won't help! - Compose yourself. 585 00:40:00,168 --> 00:40:01,168 Will you free him? 586 00:40:01,543 --> 00:40:04,210 Yes, only because your husband is a doctor, 587 00:40:04,376 --> 00:40:05,793 and he agrees to take 588 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:06,835 full responsibility. 589 00:40:07,251 --> 00:40:08,751 Another relative of yours? 590 00:40:09,501 --> 00:40:10,710 No, not at all. 591 00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:12,501 An old friend of Hubert's. 592 00:40:12,751 --> 00:40:14,043 I belong to the Count. 593 00:40:15,210 --> 00:40:16,168 Souplette, Sire? 594 00:40:16,335 --> 00:40:19,501 Is he a foreigner? I don't understand him. 595 00:40:19,668 --> 00:40:22,001 Yes, that must be it. Come, cousin... 596 00:40:24,918 --> 00:40:28,835 Wait! If you take him, take his outfit too. 597 00:40:29,168 --> 00:40:32,251 It smells like a billy goat here. It's repulsive. 598 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:38,710 Here, take the Valium. 599 00:40:38,876 --> 00:40:41,501 If he gets violent, give him five of them. 600 00:40:41,835 --> 00:40:42,918 Thank you. 601 00:40:45,418 --> 00:40:47,960 Two more lunatics roaming the streets. 602 00:40:48,585 --> 00:40:49,501 Sit down here. 603 00:40:49,668 --> 00:40:52,001 Take care of him. I'll get the car. 604 00:40:56,126 --> 00:40:57,626 Lady Frenegonde is strange. 605 00:40:57,793 --> 00:41:00,293 She is not Lady Frenegonde. She's my descendant. 606 00:41:00,793 --> 00:41:03,960 My great great great great great great granddaughter. 607 00:41:04,501 --> 00:41:06,710 Your great great great great granddaughter? 608 00:41:07,710 --> 00:41:09,126 How terrible! 609 00:41:09,293 --> 00:41:12,918 My Crass, we're a 1000 years old. It's a living hell. 610 00:41:15,793 --> 00:41:17,751 We must search the dungeon. 611 00:41:17,918 --> 00:41:20,668 Angueran swore to lock up the wizard and his Book. 612 00:41:20,835 --> 00:41:24,376 With the book, we can concoct the potion and go back in Time. 613 00:41:24,835 --> 00:41:27,710 Drink that again? Pugh! 614 00:41:28,710 --> 00:41:30,126 You'd rather stay here? 615 00:41:32,751 --> 00:41:33,418 Oh no! 616 00:41:39,585 --> 00:41:41,085 Is this too fast, Hubert? 617 00:41:41,335 --> 00:41:42,543 Do you feel sick? 618 00:41:42,793 --> 00:41:45,751 Open your eyes, Sire Godefroy. You'll get used to it. 619 00:41:46,585 --> 00:41:48,501 Why "Godefroy" and not "Hubert"? 620 00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:50,168 Jean-Pierre, he has amnesia. 621 00:41:50,335 --> 00:41:52,126 Godefroy, Henri, Suzy... 622 00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:55,876 Wait. Who has amnesia? Your cousin or that other skunk? 623 00:41:56,876 --> 00:41:58,210 They both do, Jean-Pierre. 624 00:41:58,376 --> 00:42:00,126 Try being more tolerant. 625 00:42:07,293 --> 00:42:09,293 Their feet reek! It's revolting! 626 00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,168 What an insufferable ride! 627 00:42:11,376 --> 00:42:14,210 Please... I didn't smell anything unusual. 628 00:42:19,043 --> 00:42:20,501 Did the kids behave? 629 00:42:20,668 --> 00:42:22,585 - Yes. - Okay, toodle-oo! 630 00:42:22,751 --> 00:42:25,585 Zounds! What happened to Nature? 631 00:42:26,168 --> 00:42:28,501 Everything is ugly. There's no room... 632 00:42:28,668 --> 00:42:30,001 to go hunting. 633 00:42:30,376 --> 00:42:32,793 The air is heavy. It stinketh! 634 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:33,960 I'll say! 635 00:42:34,126 --> 00:42:36,460 And it'll be worse with the new highway. 636 00:42:38,126 --> 00:42:39,460 Good-bye, Dr. Goulard. 637 00:42:39,626 --> 00:42:40,876 Here you go. 638 00:42:41,210 --> 00:42:43,335 It smells gross. Yeeuck! 639 00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:45,710 Like old socks. 640 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:46,918 Could be. 641 00:42:47,085 --> 00:42:48,376 See you tomorrow, Hilda. 642 00:42:51,418 --> 00:42:52,585 Where is my castle? 643 00:42:52,751 --> 00:42:54,293 We left the castle ages ago. 644 00:42:54,501 --> 00:42:55,418 Unfortunately. 645 00:42:55,585 --> 00:42:57,876 Can you imagine the heating bills? 646 00:42:58,043 --> 00:43:00,335 Anyway, Hubert, make yourself at home here. 647 00:43:00,501 --> 00:43:01,793 I must go to the castle. 648 00:43:02,043 --> 00:43:03,126 Yes! Yes! 649 00:43:03,293 --> 00:43:05,376 That'll be tomorrow's outing! 650 00:43:05,585 --> 00:43:08,376 Count me out. I'm over-booked already. 651 00:43:08,710 --> 00:43:09,501 Dinnertime! 652 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,960 Yes! Souplette! Good hot souplette! 653 00:43:12,126 --> 00:43:15,335 Yes, Mr... Jacques Kass. I'll make you some. 654 00:43:19,543 --> 00:43:20,501 He loves soup. 655 00:43:25,418 --> 00:43:27,876 You live in a pitiful dwelling. 656 00:43:28,168 --> 00:43:29,585 'Tis for peasants. 657 00:43:29,751 --> 00:43:31,751 True, our home is simple. 658 00:43:31,918 --> 00:43:35,293 But it's cozy and has lent itself to some marvelous evenings. 659 00:43:35,460 --> 00:43:36,251 Don't push it. 660 00:43:36,710 --> 00:43:39,001 We weren't counting on having houseguests. 661 00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:40,626 So go easy on us, Hubert. 662 00:43:40,793 --> 00:43:42,043 You're Cousin Hubert? 663 00:43:42,251 --> 00:43:44,210 O! noble Cousin Hubert! 664 00:43:44,751 --> 00:43:46,668 Now he's calling me Hubert! 665 00:43:47,293 --> 00:43:48,543 They're both crazy! 666 00:43:50,876 --> 00:43:51,585 Listen, peon. 667 00:43:51,793 --> 00:43:53,168 I'm Cousin Hubert. 668 00:43:53,335 --> 00:43:54,585 You, Sire? 669 00:43:54,793 --> 00:43:57,751 I don't want to go back to the loonies. 670 00:43:57,918 --> 00:43:59,876 Call me "Cousin Hubert"... 671 00:44:00,043 --> 00:44:02,168 and never "Sire". Understand? 672 00:44:02,668 --> 00:44:03,376 Yes, Sire. 673 00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:08,293 Stop that, or I'll give you the little red balls. 674 00:44:11,460 --> 00:44:13,043 Leg of lamb, my Sire! 675 00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:14,418 Why "my Sire" now? 676 00:44:14,585 --> 00:44:17,168 I don't know, Jean-Pierre. I just don't know. 677 00:44:19,168 --> 00:44:20,543 Mr... Kass, that's for tomorrow. 678 00:44:20,710 --> 00:44:23,293 Tonight is cold roast beef and a salad... 679 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:24,835 and a Cup-a-Soup for you. 680 00:44:25,001 --> 00:44:27,668 If you're still hungry, you can have some left-overs. 681 00:44:27,835 --> 00:44:29,585 Then a shower and off to bed. 682 00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:31,460 Maybe they can start with the shower. 683 00:44:31,626 --> 00:44:32,918 After such a trying clay... 684 00:44:33,085 --> 00:44:34,543 they'll want to wash up. 685 00:44:34,751 --> 00:44:35,585 No servants? 686 00:44:37,293 --> 00:44:39,293 Come wash your hands. 687 00:45:24,835 --> 00:45:25,835 Béa, come look. 688 00:45:26,001 --> 00:45:26,710 What is it? 689 00:45:26,918 --> 00:45:27,876 Come look! 690 00:45:28,043 --> 00:45:29,293 What? 691 00:45:31,543 --> 00:45:33,751 Cousin Hubert, what are you doing? 692 00:45:33,918 --> 00:45:35,793 Can amnesia be this serious? 693 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:37,460 They're boors! 694 00:45:37,668 --> 00:45:39,085 Swimming in the toilet! 695 00:45:40,710 --> 00:45:41,460 Water. 696 00:45:42,668 --> 00:45:43,335 Soap. 697 00:45:43,710 --> 00:45:45,126 Hot. 698 00:45:45,293 --> 00:45:47,085 Cold. Okay? 699 00:45:47,418 --> 00:45:49,085 Thank you, gentle Lady. 700 00:45:50,376 --> 00:45:51,918 Gentle lady... 701 00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:55,835 Sire Godefroy. 702 00:45:57,376 --> 00:45:59,085 Cousin Hubert! 703 00:45:59,251 --> 00:46:01,251 Lady Frenegonde is 1000 years old too? 704 00:46:01,876 --> 00:46:03,960 She's not Lady Frenegonde. 705 00:46:04,126 --> 00:46:05,543 She's Lady Béatrice. 706 00:46:05,710 --> 00:46:07,960 How often must I tell you? 707 00:46:08,918 --> 00:46:10,418 Lady Béatrice. 708 00:46:12,043 --> 00:46:13,585 The descendant. 709 00:46:17,710 --> 00:46:19,668 Jean-Pierre, set the table. 710 00:46:19,835 --> 00:46:20,668 The nice plates 711 00:46:20,835 --> 00:46:21,751 or the normal ones? 712 00:46:21,918 --> 00:46:23,751 Jean-Pierre, use mother's service. 713 00:46:23,918 --> 00:46:24,585 Ridiculous. 714 00:46:27,293 --> 00:46:29,251 Here. Help me, you two. 715 00:46:36,001 --> 00:46:38,126 You stupid idiots! 716 00:46:38,335 --> 00:46:41,460 Béa, they're retarded! They can't even set a table! 717 00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:45,585 Hello! 718 00:46:46,210 --> 00:46:48,793 Don't scream. It's Jacquart. I'm not deaf. 719 00:46:49,168 --> 00:46:52,210 I'm sorry, Jacques-Henri. Béa has some family over. 720 00:46:52,793 --> 00:46:53,918 It's not easy. 721 00:46:54,126 --> 00:46:56,835 Sorry to bother you. I'm here with President Bernay 722 00:46:57,126 --> 00:46:59,168 the younger of the two banking brothers. 723 00:46:59,335 --> 00:47:00,001 A charming man. 724 00:47:00,751 --> 00:47:03,876 Unfortunately, he has a festering abscess. 725 00:47:04,043 --> 00:47:06,085 Due to the humidity in your hotel, 726 00:47:06,251 --> 00:47:08,418 or your "Royal Raspberry" sherbet. 727 00:47:08,835 --> 00:47:10,460 His face is all bloated. 728 00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,418 I'll see your friend Bernie tomorrow at 8:00. 729 00:47:22,668 --> 00:47:24,751 It's Bernay, not Bernie. 730 00:47:27,376 --> 00:47:28,460 Lady-love... 731 00:47:28,626 --> 00:47:30,918 your skin is as soft as a rose petal. 732 00:47:33,460 --> 00:47:34,126 Hubert! 733 00:47:39,376 --> 00:47:40,918 How exciting to touch you... 734 00:47:41,126 --> 00:47:42,251 to lay beside you. 735 00:47:42,585 --> 00:47:44,376 Who does he want to lay? 736 00:47:49,418 --> 00:47:52,460 Jean-Pierre, you're totally on time. Let's clean up. 737 00:47:53,543 --> 00:47:54,918 What were you up to? 738 00:47:55,251 --> 00:47:56,501 You're kissing cousins! 739 00:47:56,668 --> 00:47:57,876 - Not at all! - Sorry! 740 00:48:21,126 --> 00:48:22,043 He'll take him. 741 00:48:22,251 --> 00:48:23,293 He's too bad off. 742 00:48:23,751 --> 00:48:24,668 Hello? 743 00:48:24,835 --> 00:48:26,001 What the shit? 744 00:48:26,793 --> 00:48:27,460 Shit. 745 00:48:27,835 --> 00:48:30,168 Hello, Jean-Pierre? Is that Jean-Pierre? 746 00:48:34,418 --> 00:48:35,251 What the hell? 747 00:48:37,376 --> 00:48:38,626 You were sweethearts. 748 00:48:38,835 --> 00:48:41,251 Not at all. He was much older! 749 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,626 You won't admit you were flirting. 750 00:48:43,835 --> 00:48:47,835 Jean-Pierre, control yourself! What you're saying is totally offensive. 751 00:48:48,251 --> 00:48:49,793 Is this my castle? 752 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:50,668 Yes it is. 753 00:48:50,918 --> 00:48:53,043 Where's my watch-tower? My moat? 754 00:48:53,251 --> 00:48:54,626 My draw-bridge? 755 00:48:55,001 --> 00:48:57,126 Is my dungeon intact? 756 00:48:57,460 --> 00:48:59,793 He doesn't even recognize your castle. 757 00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:02,585 Hub, it was rebuilt after the Revolution. 758 00:49:02,751 --> 00:49:03,460 The what? 759 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:05,001 Christ Almighty. 760 00:49:05,501 --> 00:49:07,918 I must go in my dungeon. 761 00:49:08,668 --> 00:49:10,960 Relax. You're hysterical, Hub. 762 00:49:11,168 --> 00:49:13,876 We'll go tomorrow. But the dungeon is a legend. 763 00:49:14,043 --> 00:49:16,418 Father always thought one existed... 764 00:49:16,585 --> 00:49:18,460 but we never found it. 765 00:49:25,376 --> 00:49:27,251 It's like someone imitating a dog. 766 00:49:28,168 --> 00:49:29,918 Listen. It's strange. 767 00:49:35,626 --> 00:49:37,001 I don't hear a thing. 768 00:49:37,168 --> 00:49:37,835 President Bernay. 769 00:49:46,085 --> 00:49:47,793 Now he's gone too far! 770 00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,460 He better not have woken Florian and Ondine. 771 00:49:52,876 --> 00:49:56,335 No! Béa! He burnt your umbrell-Ahhhhh! 772 00:49:57,251 --> 00:49:58,085 Umbrella. 773 00:49:58,460 --> 00:49:59,710 In the hole. 774 00:50:00,126 --> 00:50:01,251 These eardrops sting . 775 00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:03,335 The dog never complained. 776 00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:06,668 If President Bernay has lost... 777 00:50:06,835 --> 00:50:09,418 just one percent of his hearing, 778 00:50:09,876 --> 00:50:12,251 we'll sue the pants off you. 779 00:50:12,835 --> 00:50:14,126 I've gone deaf. 780 00:50:14,835 --> 00:50:18,251 I'm a little confused... You're a race car driver? 781 00:50:19,251 --> 00:50:21,668 A boxer? A stuntman? 782 00:50:22,085 --> 00:50:23,168 A movie actor? 783 00:50:25,585 --> 00:50:27,501 Who's the star of the movie? 784 00:50:27,835 --> 00:50:29,710 Do I know him? And the director? 785 00:50:31,376 --> 00:50:34,376 Stop the interrogation. You're exhausting them. 786 00:50:34,543 --> 00:50:36,168 Can't we talk? 787 00:50:36,501 --> 00:50:37,418 Am I boring you? 788 00:50:38,085 --> 00:50:38,918 Ay, indeed. 789 00:50:39,210 --> 00:50:40,043 Charming. 790 00:50:40,210 --> 00:50:41,001 You see. 791 00:50:41,835 --> 00:50:43,085 Will this last long? 792 00:50:43,293 --> 00:50:44,293 Day... 793 00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:45,376 Night... 794 00:50:51,376 --> 00:50:54,335 Please, Mr. Kass, that's becoming rather grating. 795 00:50:54,710 --> 00:50:57,210 Can't he join us? It's embarrassing. 796 00:50:57,376 --> 00:50:59,210 He ne'er eats amid nobility. 797 00:50:59,460 --> 00:51:01,793 He is happy to munch our left-o'ers. 798 00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:02,918 Here, boy. 799 00:51:03,293 --> 00:51:04,876 Thank you, Sire Hubert! 800 00:51:05,043 --> 00:51:07,501 He's mashing potatoes into the rug! 801 00:51:07,710 --> 00:51:09,543 Enough! Come sit here. 802 00:51:09,710 --> 00:51:12,043 That would upset him, right Jacquasse? 803 00:51:12,210 --> 00:51:13,585 You want to sit here? 804 00:51:13,751 --> 00:51:15,626 No, Sire Hubert. 805 00:51:15,793 --> 00:51:18,251 In my house, we all eat together. 806 00:51:18,460 --> 00:51:20,043 Nay! Nay! 807 00:51:20,210 --> 00:51:21,293 Obey, peasant. 808 00:51:21,501 --> 00:51:22,751 Your host insists. 809 00:51:22,918 --> 00:51:24,043 It'll be cozier. 810 00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,418 There. 811 00:51:29,793 --> 00:51:31,668 My sweet and pretty youngling... 812 00:51:32,126 --> 00:51:33,418 Yes, dear cousin? 813 00:51:33,585 --> 00:51:35,376 If you live in this poor abode, 814 00:51:35,585 --> 00:51:37,001 who owns our castle? 815 00:51:38,085 --> 00:51:40,001 Jacques-Henri Jacquart. He's... 816 00:51:40,710 --> 00:51:42,876 rather nouveau riche and a bit affected. 817 00:51:43,085 --> 00:51:47,501 - His family farmed our land. - A peasant owns our castle? 818 00:51:48,626 --> 00:51:50,501 - A peasant! - What peasant? 819 00:51:50,918 --> 00:51:52,418 Please! Jean-Pierre is a peasant too. 820 00:51:52,585 --> 00:51:54,335 And he's a good husband. 821 00:51:54,543 --> 00:51:55,710 He's a peasant? Pugh! 822 00:51:59,960 --> 00:52:00,876 I lost my appetite. 823 00:52:01,751 --> 00:52:03,085 This is too much! 824 00:52:03,293 --> 00:52:04,960 I feel like throwing up. 825 00:52:05,126 --> 00:52:06,085 Did you hear that? 826 00:52:07,335 --> 00:52:08,168 Hear what? 827 00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:13,043 Now he's spitting on me. Or didn't you notice? 828 00:52:13,585 --> 00:52:14,418 Excuse the oaf. 829 00:52:14,585 --> 00:52:17,876 He is saddened to hear that a peasant owns my castle. 830 00:52:18,085 --> 00:52:18,793 But Why? 831 00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:20,710 My sweet, radiant youngling... 832 00:52:20,918 --> 00:52:23,085 I shall right this horrible wrong. 833 00:52:23,585 --> 00:52:26,918 Jacquart shall render the castle in exchange for crowns. 834 00:52:27,168 --> 00:52:29,085 If he refuses, I'll disembowel him. 835 00:52:29,251 --> 00:52:33,626 We'll rip off his stalk Like we did the Duke of York 836 00:52:34,376 --> 00:52:37,793 We hacked him up Amid his shrieks and howls. 837 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,835 We hung him up... 838 00:52:40,168 --> 00:52:42,876 alongside his bloody bowels. 839 00:52:46,585 --> 00:52:48,210 Bring in the hens. I'm starved. 840 00:52:48,376 --> 00:52:49,210 Hang who? 841 00:52:49,418 --> 00:52:50,168 Jacquart the Peasant. 842 00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:51,835 Bring the roasted lamb... 843 00:52:52,001 --> 00:52:53,710 the sausage and the beans... 844 00:52:53,918 --> 00:52:54,918 the venison... 845 00:52:55,751 --> 00:52:58,376 Let us feast to forget this injustice! 846 00:52:58,626 --> 00:53:00,710 Bring in kidney beans and kidneys. 847 00:53:00,918 --> 00:53:02,918 A piglet and a roasted goat. 848 00:53:03,085 --> 00:53:05,376 Well-peppered white swans. 849 00:53:05,543 --> 00:53:07,460 Your whets have given me appetite. 850 00:53:07,626 --> 00:53:09,251 You just stuffed your faces! 851 00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:11,418 What's this puddle? 852 00:53:12,835 --> 00:53:14,751 The room is totally flooded! 853 00:53:16,293 --> 00:53:18,501 What happened? 854 00:53:21,585 --> 00:53:24,460 They didn't turn off the water! They're deranged! 855 00:53:24,626 --> 00:53:26,501 They can't shut off the tap! 856 00:53:26,710 --> 00:53:28,501 Send them to the nut house! 857 00:53:28,668 --> 00:53:29,835 Jacquasse, spongeth! 858 00:53:30,043 --> 00:53:30,710 Yes, Sire! 859 00:53:34,918 --> 00:53:35,585 Who is that? 860 00:53:38,626 --> 00:53:42,210 Mr. Kass! Not with your poncho! I'll get some rags. 861 00:53:42,543 --> 00:53:43,501 What is it now? 862 00:53:43,710 --> 00:53:46,585 Sorry to pop in, but President Bernay can't cope. 863 00:53:46,751 --> 00:53:47,710 God knows how, 864 00:53:47,876 --> 00:53:51,835 when Edgar took the phone, a foghorn sounded in his ear. 865 00:53:52,001 --> 00:53:53,001 I'm not an ENT. 866 00:53:53,210 --> 00:53:55,585 But it aggravated his toothache. 867 00:53:55,751 --> 00:53:56,751 Irts trrowwwing. 868 00:53:56,918 --> 00:53:58,001 It's throbbing. 869 00:53:58,168 --> 00:53:59,293 Open your mouth. 870 00:53:59,918 --> 00:54:01,835 How repulsive! Wait here. 871 00:54:02,376 --> 00:54:04,251 I'm going to fix Bernaise's tooth. 872 00:54:04,418 --> 00:54:06,251 It's Bernay. Edgar Bernay. 873 00:54:06,418 --> 00:54:08,710 His abscess is incredibly ugly. 874 00:54:09,001 --> 00:54:10,793 We'll be in my office. 875 00:54:11,335 --> 00:54:14,251 Come on, come on! Everyone join in. 876 00:54:16,585 --> 00:54:20,126 Can raspberry sherbet cause this type of infection? 877 00:54:20,501 --> 00:54:21,543 No idea. 878 00:54:22,168 --> 00:54:25,210 Bad timing, Jacquart. We're in the middle of a flood. 879 00:54:25,418 --> 00:54:28,418 Did the sewer back up? It smells god-awful. 880 00:54:28,585 --> 00:54:31,293 Be totally careful not to knock the bucket over. 881 00:54:31,543 --> 00:54:33,626 Empty the bucket and sponge hardily. 882 00:54:33,793 --> 00:54:35,751 Ay! Take this rag. 883 00:54:35,918 --> 00:54:39,126 He threw a filthy mop on my linen jacket! 884 00:54:39,293 --> 00:54:42,085 Mr. Kass, be careful with Mr. Jacquart's linen jacket. 885 00:54:43,626 --> 00:54:46,751 Mr. Jacquart, meet my cousin Hubert, long-considered dead. 886 00:54:47,001 --> 00:54:47,960 My pleasure. 887 00:54:48,168 --> 00:54:49,960 My jacket is stained now. 888 00:54:50,168 --> 00:54:51,626 A Hartwood original. 889 00:54:56,335 --> 00:55:00,043 You're a less-bloated look-alike of your ancestor, 890 00:55:00,210 --> 00:55:02,751 Godefroy the Hardy. I have his portrait in the castle. 891 00:55:02,918 --> 00:55:04,001 Ay, 'tis I. 892 00:55:08,668 --> 00:55:10,126 Do I have a pimple? 893 00:55:10,793 --> 00:55:13,376 That nose... those slimy eyes. 894 00:55:13,918 --> 00:55:15,918 You're The Crass's descendant. 895 00:55:16,085 --> 00:55:16,960 The Crass? Please... 896 00:55:17,335 --> 00:55:19,335 What a disgrace! 897 00:55:19,501 --> 00:55:21,335 Here, boy. Start a-mopping. 898 00:55:21,543 --> 00:55:22,543 Mr. Kass... 899 00:55:22,710 --> 00:55:25,126 leave Mr. Jacquart be. It's not his flood. 900 00:55:27,335 --> 00:55:29,168 - Mr. Who? - Jacquasse. 901 00:55:29,418 --> 00:55:31,501 What an ugly face! 902 00:55:32,501 --> 00:55:35,460 Your Jacquart is a traitor. His real name is Jacquasse. 903 00:55:35,668 --> 00:55:37,751 I always knew Jacquart as Jacquart. 904 00:55:43,418 --> 00:55:45,876 Unless he changed his name to be more chic. 905 00:55:53,585 --> 00:55:57,293 Jacques-Henri, how long have you had the name "Jacquart"? 906 00:55:57,751 --> 00:55:58,460 Why? 907 00:55:58,793 --> 00:56:03,293 Because you're the spitting image of Mr. Kass... 908 00:56:03,501 --> 00:56:05,126 and your names are similar. 909 00:56:05,293 --> 00:56:08,376 I have nothing in common with this gentleman. 910 00:56:08,543 --> 00:56:10,501 Just look at him. 911 00:56:15,001 --> 00:56:16,793 No relationship at all. 912 00:56:18,293 --> 00:56:21,210 I can't find my pouch in this unholy mess. 913 00:56:21,460 --> 00:56:24,668 Dr. Goulard is a genius. The abscess is... Oh my!... 914 00:56:24,835 --> 00:56:27,418 drained. The President is back in form. 915 00:56:28,668 --> 00:56:30,085 Mr. Jacquart, is this... 916 00:56:30,293 --> 00:56:32,126 - your brother? - He's not my brother! 917 00:56:32,376 --> 00:56:33,335 I'm Jacquasse The Crass. 918 00:56:33,543 --> 00:56:35,251 Sorry, but it's getting late. 919 00:56:35,710 --> 00:56:37,793 I understand. Let's go. 920 00:56:38,335 --> 00:56:39,376 Thank you. 921 00:56:40,043 --> 00:56:40,835 One minute, jester. 922 00:56:42,335 --> 00:56:44,835 Let's make a deal. I'll buy back the castle. 923 00:56:48,918 --> 00:56:49,751 Take this, peasant. 924 00:56:50,418 --> 00:56:51,418 A down payment. 925 00:56:51,585 --> 00:56:54,918 Jacquart, take care of this. We'll be in the car. 926 00:56:56,001 --> 00:56:56,918 I'm coming. 927 00:56:57,251 --> 00:56:59,001 My castle is not for sale, 928 00:56:59,168 --> 00:57:00,251 I own it, Count. 929 00:57:00,418 --> 00:57:01,543 Old gold coins? 930 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,168 I have 5 chests full, and 10 of jewels. 931 00:57:04,335 --> 00:57:06,918 This upstart peasant can't stop me from buying it. 932 00:57:07,085 --> 00:57:09,751 He's got nerve! This is a fucking democracy. 933 00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:11,335 What's "fucking"? 934 00:57:12,335 --> 00:57:15,585 Jacquart, you've gone overboard. That was vulgar. 935 00:57:15,751 --> 00:57:19,543 What nerve! I take care of your Mr. Barbie for a modest fee, 936 00:57:19,710 --> 00:57:23,293 and you humiliate our houseguest. Apologize! 937 00:57:23,460 --> 00:57:25,960 Who does the hygienist think she is? 938 00:57:28,126 --> 00:57:30,918 Shameless liar! If you're proud of your family, 939 00:57:31,085 --> 00:57:32,793 why change your name? 940 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,751 What is the heinous secret? 941 00:57:34,918 --> 00:57:39,001 An ogre? A witch? A child-slayer? 942 00:57:39,210 --> 00:57:41,085 Hands off, Nazi! 943 00:57:41,251 --> 00:57:44,585 If he can't understand why Jacquart sounds better than Jacquasse, 944 00:57:44,793 --> 00:57:46,626 he should see a shrink. 945 00:57:48,043 --> 00:57:50,876 I don't get it. You're Jacquart's brother? 946 00:57:51,835 --> 00:57:52,918 His brother? 947 00:57:54,251 --> 00:57:54,960 Were you serious 948 00:57:55,168 --> 00:57:56,710 about buying back the castle? 949 00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:58,585 A gift for you, my youngling. 950 00:57:59,460 --> 00:58:00,376 I'm tired. 951 00:58:00,543 --> 00:58:01,918 That's right. Bedtime! 952 00:58:03,293 --> 00:58:05,085 How about some herbal tea, Hub? 953 00:58:07,043 --> 00:58:08,376 Amnesia... 954 00:58:09,293 --> 00:58:10,668 Cousin Hubert. 955 00:58:10,876 --> 00:58:13,668 The new Sire of the castle is a Jacquasse? 956 00:58:14,251 --> 00:58:18,585 My God, how can that be? Peasants have become Sires. 957 00:58:19,460 --> 00:58:20,585 Let us pray. 958 00:58:27,168 --> 00:58:28,543 Jacquasse! 959 00:58:44,585 --> 00:58:45,293 Béatrice! 960 00:58:45,876 --> 00:58:47,585 They're praying now! 961 00:58:53,835 --> 00:58:55,543 Don't scream. Let them pray. 962 00:58:55,876 --> 00:58:56,626 Mommy... 963 00:58:56,793 --> 00:58:59,001 There are bums in the living room. 964 00:58:59,210 --> 00:59:00,835 Now they've woken the kids. 965 00:59:03,085 --> 00:59:04,376 The lineage! 966 00:59:13,918 --> 00:59:16,168 Your brother is the Count of Montmirail's valet? 967 00:59:16,376 --> 00:59:17,210 I have no brother! 968 00:59:17,876 --> 00:59:18,668 Older or younger? 969 00:59:18,876 --> 00:59:20,668 We're not brothers! 970 00:59:20,835 --> 00:59:21,626 I'm an only son. 971 00:59:21,793 --> 00:59:23,710 We don't have the same name! 972 00:59:24,251 --> 00:59:25,585 He smells awful. 973 00:59:26,001 --> 00:59:28,460 Still, it was smart to change your name. 974 00:59:28,626 --> 00:59:31,085 I once had a friend named François Twat. 975 00:59:31,251 --> 00:59:33,710 He changed it to Watt. It changed his life. 976 00:59:33,918 --> 00:59:36,210 Jacquasse is just too much! 977 00:59:36,376 --> 00:59:37,293 I'll say. 978 00:59:37,543 --> 00:59:40,918 Sorry, my name is not Jacques Asse, but Jacquart. 979 00:59:41,251 --> 00:59:43,168 They're ugly. They stink. Gross! 980 00:59:43,335 --> 00:59:45,126 Cousin Hubert is not a burglar. 981 00:59:45,293 --> 00:59:47,585 His friend is not a smelly witch. 982 00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:51,418 Cousin Hubert and Mr. Kass, let the children see you. 983 00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,585 Nighty night, kidlings. 984 00:59:58,918 --> 01:00:01,626 Don't stand there! You'll scare them to death! 985 01:00:04,668 --> 01:00:06,085 You scared them, Jean-Pierre. 986 01:00:06,293 --> 01:00:07,126 Come on. 987 01:00:07,460 --> 01:00:09,835 Lather up well. Especially your feet. 988 01:00:10,543 --> 01:00:13,585 Soap and bath salt. Help yourself... please. 989 01:00:14,335 --> 01:00:15,335 I'll leave you. 990 01:00:16,293 --> 01:00:18,335 - What's wrong with our feet? - I don't know. 991 01:00:18,501 --> 01:00:20,543 Another peasant ruse, no doubt. 992 01:00:21,501 --> 01:00:22,751 It boil'st. 993 01:00:25,210 --> 01:00:26,210 The ointments. 994 01:00:55,793 --> 01:00:57,335 Jacquasse, scrub me. 995 01:00:58,043 --> 01:00:58,835 Strange brush. 996 01:00:59,668 --> 01:01:00,626 It'll do fine. 997 01:01:04,626 --> 01:01:05,668 How is it going? 998 01:01:06,460 --> 01:01:08,293 I have finished my ablutions. 999 01:01:09,751 --> 01:01:10,876 Your turn. 1000 01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:12,960 Nay, Sire. I bathed last month 1001 01:01:13,168 --> 01:01:14,376 in the river. 1002 01:01:15,043 --> 01:01:16,960 I said it's your turn. 1003 01:01:17,126 --> 01:01:17,918 It boil'st! 1004 01:01:18,210 --> 01:01:19,710 What are they up to? 1005 01:01:19,876 --> 01:01:21,376 Why the uproar? 1006 01:01:22,251 --> 01:01:24,293 My Jacquasse is a-scrubbing. 1007 01:01:24,585 --> 01:01:26,835 I'll dry off in the chimney corner. 1008 01:01:32,460 --> 01:01:35,168 The entire bottle! 6000 francs down the drain! 1009 01:01:36,001 --> 01:01:37,668 Don't pull the plug! 1010 01:01:38,043 --> 01:01:40,918 I shall miss thee, lady-love 1011 01:01:42,001 --> 01:01:47,293 Whilst I fight in the Crusades 1012 01:01:48,210 --> 01:01:52,835 Leaving you behind, turtle-dove 1013 01:01:54,293 --> 01:02:00,043 Darkens my heart, 'fore I fight 1014 01:02:02,751 --> 01:02:05,668 I can't stand it any more. 1015 01:02:06,001 --> 01:02:06,960 Take a Valium. 1016 01:02:09,168 --> 01:02:10,043 Sire, 1017 01:02:11,043 --> 01:02:13,501 Jacquart... Is he my great great grandson? 1018 01:02:14,251 --> 01:02:15,126 Yes, my Jacquasse. 1019 01:02:15,710 --> 01:02:16,918 Poor you. 1020 01:02:17,085 --> 01:02:18,168 Let's sleep. 1021 01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:22,793 It's mushy like porridge. 1022 01:02:31,751 --> 01:02:32,710 What now? 1023 01:02:32,918 --> 01:02:36,793 Béatrice, tell me about the kingdom since Louis the Fat. 1024 01:02:37,460 --> 01:02:39,460 Now? Are you kidding? 1025 01:02:39,626 --> 01:02:40,460 Jean-Pierre! 1026 01:02:43,918 --> 01:02:46,460 This is an evil book. I like it not. 1027 01:02:46,626 --> 01:02:48,626 It's the encyclopedia. It has everything. 1028 01:02:49,001 --> 01:02:52,293 Nothing on Godefroy de Montmirail, when he saved our King, 1029 01:02:52,460 --> 01:02:54,043 during the Battle of Monthlery? 1030 01:02:54,210 --> 01:02:55,835 Not a word. 1031 01:02:56,001 --> 01:02:56,668 Really? 1032 01:02:56,876 --> 01:02:59,835 But his courage is renown from Poitou to Savoie. 1033 01:03:00,043 --> 01:03:02,751 Godefroy the Hardy, Louis the Fat... no one cares. 1034 01:03:03,626 --> 01:03:06,376 Our most famous family member is Gonzague de Montmirail. 1035 01:03:06,585 --> 01:03:08,710 Born in 1754. Remember? 1036 01:03:08,876 --> 01:03:09,585 No. 1037 01:03:09,751 --> 01:03:12,126 He fought the Revolution against the rich, 1038 01:03:12,835 --> 01:03:15,210 so they'd share their land with the peasants. 1039 01:03:15,376 --> 01:03:16,126 What? 1040 01:03:16,293 --> 01:03:19,126 He helped create the Republic with La Fayette. 1041 01:03:19,335 --> 01:03:21,793 But he wasn't rewarded for his courage. 1042 01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,751 Robespierre had him decapitated. 1043 01:03:25,168 --> 01:03:26,876 A fine man, this Robespierre. 1044 01:03:27,835 --> 01:03:29,293 Why do you say that? 1045 01:03:32,085 --> 01:03:33,751 Why is Mr. Kass spying on us? 1046 01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:35,251 What infamy, my Jacquasse. 1047 01:03:35,418 --> 01:03:39,668 Peasants no longer pay taxes. No more tallage, nor tithers. 1048 01:03:40,626 --> 01:03:43,043 How unfair. We must return home. 1049 01:03:44,835 --> 01:03:46,585 What's that on your finger? 1050 01:03:47,918 --> 01:03:49,168 It's my seal. 1051 01:03:49,710 --> 01:03:50,793 Your seal? 1052 01:03:51,335 --> 01:03:54,085 It's The Hardy Ring! You stole it from the castle? 1053 01:03:54,626 --> 01:03:58,293 Call the police. Or Jacquart may think we're accomplices. 1054 01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,918 Spare me. I'll return the ring. 1055 01:04:01,085 --> 01:04:04,335 Jacquart will understand that Hubert is mentally ill. 1056 01:04:05,126 --> 01:04:08,126 Mentally ill. Lock him up, 1057 01:04:08,293 --> 01:04:09,751 if he's mentally ill! 1058 01:04:10,835 --> 01:04:11,501 Where is Mr. Kass? 1059 01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:12,626 Out there. 1060 01:04:13,710 --> 01:04:15,960 What ripe apples, fair Ginette! 1061 01:04:16,126 --> 01:04:19,418 Come on, no feelies, stud. 1062 01:04:19,626 --> 01:04:23,126 See 'ya. My groupies are getting impatient. 1063 01:04:24,043 --> 01:04:26,001 Here I come, fans. 1064 01:04:28,918 --> 01:04:30,001 Come on, Mr. Kass. 1065 01:04:46,793 --> 01:04:49,751 Ladies and Gents... for the artiste. 1066 01:04:49,918 --> 01:04:51,793 Ladies and Gents... 1067 01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:58,585 This is incredible! 1068 01:04:58,751 --> 01:05:02,085 A minute ago it was gorgeous. Now it's raining cats and clogs. 1069 01:05:02,710 --> 01:05:05,335 I am angered that you think me a bandit. 1070 01:05:05,501 --> 01:05:07,793 I never said "bandit". Don't exaggerate. 1071 01:05:08,001 --> 01:05:11,126 This ring is mine. A silversmith made it for me in Flanders. 1072 01:05:11,293 --> 01:05:12,418 It cost me 100 ducats. 1073 01:05:12,585 --> 01:05:14,168 That's impossible, Hub. 1074 01:05:14,335 --> 01:05:17,085 Father sold that ring with the castle. 1075 01:05:17,251 --> 01:05:18,835 It can't be here and there! 1076 01:05:25,668 --> 01:05:29,085 President Bernay cannot give his speech in that ruckus. 1077 01:05:29,293 --> 01:05:32,418 There's an old ring sizzling in a glass case. 1078 01:05:32,626 --> 01:05:35,251 An old ring sizzling in a case? What next? 1079 01:05:38,210 --> 01:05:41,668 Look! How can we concentrate on the prospecting? 1080 01:05:41,835 --> 01:05:43,210 It's the Hardy Ring! 1081 01:05:46,376 --> 01:05:49,418 Don't just stand there! Get a fire extinguisher! 1082 01:05:58,751 --> 01:06:00,001 Make way! 1083 01:06:02,210 --> 01:06:04,001 Open the case! 1084 01:06:06,001 --> 01:06:07,460 It's burning! 1085 01:06:10,751 --> 01:06:12,001 It's broken. 1086 01:06:12,168 --> 01:06:13,210 What an ass! 1087 01:06:14,210 --> 01:06:16,418 What an ass! I'm blind! 1088 01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:21,876 Hold this. 1089 01:06:24,085 --> 01:06:25,085 This is crazy! 1090 01:06:25,293 --> 01:06:28,251 It's pitch black outside! This is unreal! 1091 01:06:31,626 --> 01:06:33,585 It's hailing now. 1092 01:06:33,793 --> 01:06:36,210 Cheer up, Hub. We'll return the Hardy Ring. 1093 01:06:36,418 --> 01:06:37,835 All will be forgotten. 1094 01:06:38,001 --> 01:06:39,751 He's The Hardy! 1095 01:06:40,418 --> 01:06:43,918 Mr. Kass, sit back. Did you eat old goat cheese for breakfast? 1096 01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:47,501 Sorry to be blunt, but I can't open the window. 1097 01:06:47,710 --> 01:06:49,460 Stay back there, please. 1098 01:06:50,543 --> 01:06:52,835 The closer we get, the darker it gets. 1099 01:06:55,376 --> 01:06:57,085 It works. Easy as pie. 1100 01:06:57,251 --> 01:06:59,210 He's a stupid ass. 1101 01:07:01,376 --> 01:07:02,418 Go ahead. 1102 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:05,460 This extinguisher wouldn't put out a match. 1103 01:07:07,460 --> 01:07:09,293 Get out of here, honey! 1104 01:07:10,418 --> 01:07:11,085 It's going to explode! 1105 01:07:12,418 --> 01:07:13,876 What now? 1106 01:07:14,085 --> 01:07:16,043 You have ants in your pants? 1107 01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:18,918 The ring is a-fire! It's devil work! 1108 01:07:22,626 --> 01:07:24,585 It fell under the seat. 1109 01:07:28,876 --> 01:07:30,335 Stop the chariot, girl! 1110 01:07:38,918 --> 01:07:40,793 Help! Call the Fire Department. 1111 01:07:41,001 --> 01:07:44,918 Perfect timing, Jacquart. Hubert has the Hardy ring, God knows how. 1112 01:07:45,126 --> 01:07:46,376 He brought it back. 1113 01:07:46,585 --> 01:07:49,210 The Hardy ring is here! It's on fire! 1114 01:07:50,168 --> 01:07:51,668 My seal's a-fire! 1115 01:07:56,376 --> 01:07:59,085 How can it be up there? It's down here. 1116 01:07:59,293 --> 01:08:00,668 Leave me alone! 1117 01:08:00,876 --> 01:08:03,418 - 'Tis sizzling and boiling. - 'Tis hissing! 1118 01:08:06,543 --> 01:08:07,501 What are you doing? 1119 01:08:12,126 --> 01:08:13,460 Did you see lightning? 1120 01:08:13,626 --> 01:08:16,168 Wait a sec. My roof looks like a cauliflower. 1121 01:08:22,001 --> 01:08:23,210 The lightning! 1122 01:08:26,460 --> 01:08:29,335 My Range! Godammit! 1123 01:08:32,335 --> 01:08:33,418 What happened? 1124 01:08:33,626 --> 01:08:36,668 It's incredible. It's nice out again. Just unbelievable. 1125 01:08:36,918 --> 01:08:40,918 Jacquasse, look how they changed our beautiful castle! 1126 01:08:41,168 --> 01:08:43,251 Windows galore! We're defenseless! 1127 01:08:43,710 --> 01:08:45,126 A godsend for the Visigoths. 1128 01:08:45,460 --> 01:08:46,251 And the Huttes. 1129 01:08:46,418 --> 01:08:48,335 Pray the dungeon is intact. 1130 01:08:48,835 --> 01:08:50,251 This weather is amazing. 1131 01:08:50,418 --> 01:08:51,710 I don't give a damn. 1132 01:08:54,335 --> 01:08:57,960 My Range! Dammit! A brand new car with all the extras! 1133 01:08:59,001 --> 01:09:01,918 Look! It's ruined! It's completely ruined! 1134 01:09:07,668 --> 01:09:08,585 Jacquart! 1135 01:09:08,793 --> 01:09:10,293 There's no lightning rod? 1136 01:09:10,501 --> 01:09:12,210 That's unheard of! 1137 01:09:12,376 --> 01:09:14,835 The explosion almost maimed the President. 1138 01:09:15,001 --> 01:09:16,043 No one was hurt? 1139 01:09:16,293 --> 01:09:18,501 No, thank God. Just a car. 1140 01:09:18,751 --> 01:09:20,501 Thank God? Thanks a lot! 1141 01:09:21,460 --> 01:09:22,126 My limo? 1142 01:09:22,376 --> 01:09:25,293 No, not your limo. My new Range. 1143 01:09:25,543 --> 01:09:28,710 Don't lie. I can see from here. The hood is burnt. 1144 01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,585 It's not burnt. Not at all! 1145 01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:35,085 Not the roof! The hood, you idiot! 1146 01:09:35,251 --> 01:09:36,043 I'm warning you: 1147 01:09:36,293 --> 01:09:38,835 if it's burnt, we'll see you in court! 1148 01:09:39,085 --> 01:09:41,585 No, it's okay. It's okay! Look! 1149 01:09:41,751 --> 01:09:42,793 Okkk ayyy! 1150 01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:46,001 I'm rubbing it. I'm polishing it! Look! 1151 01:09:46,168 --> 01:09:48,418 It's so clean I can see myself! 1152 01:09:49,418 --> 01:09:50,626 Look! 1153 01:09:51,668 --> 01:09:52,793 It's okkk ayyy. 1154 01:09:53,793 --> 01:09:54,668 What's so funny? 1155 01:09:59,210 --> 01:10:01,710 Come, Jacquasse. Let us go to my chamber. 1156 01:10:02,543 --> 01:10:04,418 ...that hissing ring! 1157 01:10:04,668 --> 01:10:06,876 Give me Claims Division. 1158 01:10:09,126 --> 01:10:10,918 What kind of ring? 1159 01:10:11,085 --> 01:10:12,168 A signet ring. 1160 01:10:12,418 --> 01:10:14,751 You mean the Hardy ring was in its case? 1161 01:10:15,001 --> 01:10:16,293 I don't know. 1162 01:10:16,460 --> 01:10:17,668 Impossible. 1163 01:10:17,918 --> 01:10:18,793 Where the hell... 1164 01:10:19,501 --> 01:10:22,335 Jacqueline, where are you taking these men? 1165 01:10:22,501 --> 01:10:23,793 To the Hardy suite. 1166 01:10:24,418 --> 01:10:26,751 Innkeeper, we'll be here several nights. 1167 01:10:27,251 --> 01:10:29,668 You and your friend? There's just one bed. 1168 01:10:29,918 --> 01:10:32,001 He'll sleep on a mat in the hallway. 1169 01:10:32,168 --> 01:10:33,293 Not here, he won't. 1170 01:10:33,543 --> 01:10:34,793 In the stable, then. 1171 01:10:35,043 --> 01:10:37,960 Pity, Sire! Not the stable. I prefer the forest! 1172 01:10:38,210 --> 01:10:41,710 There is no stable. So pay for the room or go to the forest. 1173 01:10:42,001 --> 01:10:45,710 You understand me, my boy. You're a kind man. 1174 01:10:46,335 --> 01:10:48,001 Don't touch me. 1175 01:10:48,418 --> 01:10:49,585 I'm not a kind man. 1176 01:10:49,835 --> 01:10:51,585 I'm not your friend or your brother. 1177 01:10:51,751 --> 01:10:52,960 So dream on! 1178 01:10:55,043 --> 01:10:57,001 You'd let your brother sleep outside? 1179 01:10:57,251 --> 01:10:58,876 He's not my brother! 1180 01:10:59,210 --> 01:11:00,168 I never saw him! 1181 01:11:00,335 --> 01:11:02,751 So he can sleep where the hell he wants! 1182 01:11:03,418 --> 01:11:04,793 You're so obscene! 1183 01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:06,043 Excuse me, ma'am. 1184 01:11:06,210 --> 01:11:08,376 I'm taking President Bernay his tea. 1185 01:11:08,543 --> 01:11:10,418 What the hell do I care? 1186 01:11:10,585 --> 01:11:11,585 And their deposit? 1187 01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:13,418 No, I... 1188 01:11:14,043 --> 01:11:16,085 You can't stay. It's very pricey. 1189 01:11:16,460 --> 01:11:20,168 The Count of Montmirail sleep'st at Montmirail. 1190 01:11:23,376 --> 01:11:24,751 Keep your rotten coins. 1191 01:11:26,085 --> 01:11:27,168 Outside, scuzzballs. 1192 01:11:28,460 --> 01:11:30,585 Relax, Jacques. Put it on my Visa. 1193 01:11:30,751 --> 01:11:33,960 If Hub feels at home here, it may jog his memory. 1194 01:11:34,126 --> 01:11:35,085 It's worth trying. 1195 01:11:35,251 --> 01:11:39,085 Whatever you say. If you want to pay top price, be my guest. 1196 01:11:39,251 --> 01:11:40,543 You want my picture? 1197 01:11:41,460 --> 01:11:44,001 Don't stand there. Show them to their room. 1198 01:11:44,501 --> 01:11:45,210 This way, Béatrice. 1199 01:11:47,960 --> 01:11:52,585 Sparks are flying! The boss is angry at his brother. 1200 01:11:52,751 --> 01:11:54,585 This is the Godefroy Hardy suite. 1201 01:11:54,751 --> 01:11:56,543 The 10th century chimney is... 1202 01:11:56,710 --> 01:11:58,460 a vestige of the watch-tower. 1203 01:11:58,626 --> 01:12:00,751 Zounds! It's different! 1204 01:12:00,918 --> 01:12:01,960 Excuse me? 1205 01:12:02,293 --> 01:12:03,210 Leave us, wretch. 1206 01:12:04,418 --> 01:12:05,085 What? 1207 01:12:06,168 --> 01:12:07,418 The Book of Spells. 1208 01:12:10,668 --> 01:12:13,460 Holy scrotums! You look drunk as a skunk! 1209 01:12:13,793 --> 01:12:15,335 Is that me? 1210 01:12:15,585 --> 01:12:16,876 That's an old fool! 1211 01:12:22,168 --> 01:12:23,418 Who's this monster? 1212 01:12:27,710 --> 01:12:29,335 Gonzague de Montmirail. 1213 01:12:29,501 --> 01:12:31,376 The Count who helped the peasants? 1214 01:12:31,543 --> 01:12:32,710 A foul creature. 1215 01:12:32,876 --> 01:12:35,293 Nay, a Saintly man. 1216 01:12:36,293 --> 01:12:37,460 Come. 1217 01:12:52,251 --> 01:12:53,460 What are you doing? 1218 01:13:01,585 --> 01:13:03,043 Jean-Pierre, don't scream. 1219 01:13:03,210 --> 01:13:03,960 I'm not screaming. 1220 01:13:04,126 --> 01:13:06,001 It's expensive, but it's for Hub. 1221 01:13:06,168 --> 01:13:10,085 Two rooms at 2600, plus the suite at 3600, comes to 6200 francs a day. 1222 01:13:10,251 --> 01:13:11,168 Breakfast included. 1223 01:13:11,418 --> 01:13:12,293 How much? 1224 01:13:12,543 --> 01:13:14,501 Why three rooms? 1225 01:13:14,668 --> 01:13:16,126 I can't leave him. 1226 01:13:16,293 --> 01:13:16,960 Ridiculous! 1227 01:13:17,126 --> 01:13:18,501 So I took a third room. 1228 01:13:18,751 --> 01:13:19,501 You're staying? 1229 01:13:19,751 --> 01:13:21,585 Hurry. I have other things to do. 1230 01:13:21,751 --> 01:13:24,710 - Béa, you can't do this. - Okay, toodle-oo. 1231 01:13:32,918 --> 01:13:34,376 The torches are rotten. 1232 01:13:34,543 --> 01:13:35,710 Sire, I'm scared. 1233 01:13:37,710 --> 01:13:38,710 What are you doing? 1234 01:13:38,876 --> 01:13:43,418 They called me a wretch and threw me out. Then I heard a noise. 1235 01:13:43,668 --> 01:13:46,168 Open this door immediately! 1236 01:13:46,335 --> 01:13:47,501 Hub! 1237 01:13:53,376 --> 01:13:55,085 Cousin Hubert! 1238 01:13:55,668 --> 01:13:57,460 Mr. Kass! 1239 01:13:57,626 --> 01:13:59,751 They lit a fire! There's soot everywhere. 1240 01:14:00,210 --> 01:14:02,043 You'll pay the dry cleaner! 1241 01:14:05,168 --> 01:14:06,251 They're not here. 1242 01:14:06,418 --> 01:14:07,710 Jacqueline, did they leave? 1243 01:14:07,876 --> 01:14:10,460 No, sir. I swear. 1244 01:14:10,710 --> 01:14:12,293 Don't start blubbering. 1245 01:14:12,460 --> 01:14:13,293 That won't help. 1246 01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:15,543 His friend's room. 1247 01:14:24,918 --> 01:14:26,418 Where did you come from? 1248 01:14:26,585 --> 01:14:28,251 Hub, what happened to you? 1249 01:14:28,418 --> 01:14:29,335 I need a torch. 1250 01:14:29,501 --> 01:14:31,460 Why were you hiding in the chimney? 1251 01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:32,793 The Book of... 1252 01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,251 We were here. Just visiting. 1253 01:14:35,668 --> 01:14:38,251 Visiting... You were visiting the chimney? 1254 01:14:38,501 --> 01:14:43,043 We wanted a fire. A soot ball was blocking the flue. So Jacquasse, 1255 01:14:43,210 --> 01:14:45,210 climbed on my shoulder. 1256 01:14:45,376 --> 01:14:47,168 I started climbing up... 1257 01:14:47,335 --> 01:14:49,043 And we slipped. 1258 01:14:49,210 --> 01:14:49,876 Everything fell. 1259 01:14:50,126 --> 01:14:53,835 No need to explain, Hub. At 6200 francs a night, 1260 01:14:54,001 --> 01:14:56,168 we can expect the chimney to be swept. 1261 01:14:56,460 --> 01:14:59,001 There was no soot ball! 1262 01:14:59,918 --> 01:15:00,668 There's nothing! 1263 01:15:04,876 --> 01:15:06,710 Come on. 1264 01:15:08,918 --> 01:15:12,168 Jacqueline, call the roofer. Tell him I refuse to pay the bill. 1265 01:15:12,418 --> 01:15:14,293 Not if he leaves soot balls! 1266 01:15:14,543 --> 01:15:16,751 Hub, you've got some explaining to do. 1267 01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:21,043 I am not Cousin Hubert. I am Godefroy The Hardy. 1268 01:15:21,210 --> 01:15:24,001 I was born in the year of our Lord 1079. 1269 01:15:24,168 --> 01:15:27,960 I'm Jacquasse The Crass, his vassal. I know not my date of birth. 1270 01:15:28,126 --> 01:15:30,960 You're Godefroy, he's Joan of Arc, 1271 01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:33,168 and I'm the Queen of England. Okay? 1272 01:15:33,585 --> 01:15:34,293 Okkk ayyy! 1273 01:15:34,543 --> 01:15:35,543 This is the Hardy. 1274 01:15:35,710 --> 01:15:38,751 Despite a vague resemblance, he was a fat, hairy macho 1275 01:15:38,918 --> 01:15:42,335 who must have had chronic halitosis... You know... 1276 01:15:43,043 --> 01:15:44,793 Okkk ayyy! 1277 01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:47,126 What are you doing here? 1278 01:15:47,293 --> 01:15:50,668 I asked for a torch. Make haste! 1279 01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:54,501 Hubert, stop telling tall tales. 1280 01:15:55,210 --> 01:15:57,960 And what, pray tell, is this? 1281 01:15:59,126 --> 01:16:00,168 Mere trickery? 1282 01:16:00,585 --> 01:16:01,418 Hub! 1283 01:16:02,543 --> 01:16:04,293 You knew where the dungeon was? 1284 01:16:04,585 --> 01:16:06,710 Maybe we'll find the Montmirail treasure. 1285 01:16:09,085 --> 01:16:10,460 It's pitch black. 1286 01:16:10,668 --> 01:16:12,418 I'll get my flashlight. 1287 01:16:12,626 --> 01:16:13,543 Stay put. 1288 01:16:32,460 --> 01:16:33,293 Yes? 1289 01:16:33,460 --> 01:16:34,543 The torches died. 1290 01:16:35,918 --> 01:16:36,751 Can I help you? 1291 01:16:40,918 --> 01:16:42,876 What on earth happened here? 1292 01:16:44,418 --> 01:16:46,376 Who is responsible for this? 1293 01:16:46,543 --> 01:16:48,168 'Tis a piece o' rubbish! 1294 01:16:48,335 --> 01:16:49,710 You can say that again. 1295 01:16:50,001 --> 01:16:53,876 If your brother sees this, it won't be a picnic. 1296 01:16:54,043 --> 01:16:55,710 Cousin Hubert needs a torch. 1297 01:16:55,876 --> 01:16:57,210 A flashlight. I'll get you one. 1298 01:16:58,085 --> 01:16:59,001 Okkk ayyy! 1299 01:17:02,001 --> 01:17:04,501 Halogen flashlights. A total must. 1300 01:17:07,043 --> 01:17:08,335 Could someone 1301 01:17:08,501 --> 01:17:10,543 serve me a scotch? 1302 01:17:10,876 --> 01:17:13,293 I need a drink before the other brother 1303 01:17:13,460 --> 01:17:15,126 arrives to finish the seminar. 1304 01:17:15,376 --> 01:17:17,460 Edgar and Edouard together aren't easy. 1305 01:17:17,626 --> 01:17:18,960 I'm waiting for Sire's torch. 1306 01:17:19,126 --> 01:17:20,043 Sire? 1307 01:17:21,543 --> 01:17:22,418 Cousin Hubert. 1308 01:17:22,585 --> 01:17:24,710 Hubert de Montmirail is your cousin? 1309 01:17:25,793 --> 01:17:26,710 How amazing. 1310 01:17:26,876 --> 01:17:28,626 So Jacquart is their cousin too? 1311 01:17:29,251 --> 01:17:30,751 Nay nay flay! 1312 01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:32,876 Aren't you Jacquart's brother? 1313 01:17:33,043 --> 01:17:33,710 No. 1314 01:17:34,585 --> 01:17:36,126 Your mother isn't his mother? 1315 01:17:37,251 --> 01:17:38,543 My mother was Gwendolyne. 1316 01:17:38,751 --> 01:17:40,335 She was devoured by wolves, 1317 01:17:40,751 --> 01:17:43,418 because my father, on his way to the tavern, 1318 01:17:43,793 --> 01:17:46,835 fell in the icy lake due to his club foot. 1319 01:17:48,585 --> 01:17:49,376 How awful! 1320 01:17:51,043 --> 01:17:51,918 How freaky! 1321 01:17:52,501 --> 01:17:53,293 Freakkky! 1322 01:17:54,293 --> 01:17:56,960 If I understand correctly, you're Jacquart's half-brother. 1323 01:17:58,710 --> 01:18:00,793 Freakkky! Okkk ayyy! 1324 01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:01,918 Freakkky! 1325 01:18:02,293 --> 01:18:03,501 Freakkky! 1326 01:18:04,335 --> 01:18:06,710 Yes, it sure is freaky. 1327 01:18:07,793 --> 01:18:09,335 Jacquart is so secretive. 1328 01:18:09,543 --> 01:18:11,960 There's no shame in having a handicapped father. 1329 01:18:12,585 --> 01:18:14,376 Okkk ayyy! 1330 01:18:16,043 --> 01:18:17,668 Sorry for your father. 1331 01:18:17,835 --> 01:18:19,210 Thank you. 1332 01:18:19,835 --> 01:18:22,210 Why did that idiot mention my father? 1333 01:18:23,668 --> 01:18:27,085 What are you doing in the garbage, you dirty thief? 1334 01:18:27,710 --> 01:18:28,460 Come here. 1335 01:18:28,626 --> 01:18:32,293 Let go of me, sleazeball. I'm a Chernobyl victim. 1336 01:18:32,460 --> 01:18:33,585 Save it for the cops. 1337 01:18:34,460 --> 01:18:36,376 Lady Ginette! Release her, peasant. 1338 01:18:37,210 --> 01:18:38,585 Lady Ginette is my friend. 1339 01:18:39,501 --> 01:18:41,501 - She is a friend of yours? - Yes. 1340 01:18:41,668 --> 01:18:44,251 She is good-hearted. She is welcome here. 1341 01:18:44,543 --> 01:18:47,751 As you like, Sir. Her head was in the garbage bin. 1342 01:18:47,918 --> 01:18:51,293 If you rummaged in garbage heaps, you'd have a nicer bow-tie. 1343 01:18:53,168 --> 01:18:55,210 People with money to burn 1344 01:18:55,376 --> 01:18:56,835 dump lots of great stuff. 1345 01:18:57,001 --> 01:18:59,126 Like I found these great stockings. 1346 01:19:03,376 --> 01:19:05,251 What a ripe apple! 1347 01:19:07,793 --> 01:19:09,460 You're letting them in? 1348 01:19:09,626 --> 01:19:12,210 Stow it. She's the boss's brother's broad. 1349 01:19:12,376 --> 01:19:13,626 They'll kick us out. 1350 01:19:13,793 --> 01:19:16,876 Fear not. The castle belongs to my family. 1351 01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:18,001 No way! 1352 01:19:18,168 --> 01:19:19,710 I'll give you a tour. 1353 01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:23,418 Ladies and Gents. 1354 01:19:26,376 --> 01:19:27,751 That's the office. 1355 01:19:27,918 --> 01:19:30,376 Hold your tongue, wretch. It is my youngling's office. 1356 01:19:30,543 --> 01:19:32,001 He is kindred. 1357 01:19:35,918 --> 01:19:37,710 What the hell is this? 1358 01:19:39,168 --> 01:19:42,585 Jacqueline, what happened in the hallway? 1359 01:19:43,460 --> 01:19:44,460 It's your "youngling", sir. 1360 01:19:45,335 --> 01:19:48,418 Those garbage heaps fall apart if you sneeze. 1361 01:19:48,626 --> 01:19:50,626 Worry not. 'Tis my specialty. 1362 01:19:53,001 --> 01:19:54,335 It needs oil. 1363 01:19:54,585 --> 01:19:56,460 Who let you in? It's private here. 1364 01:19:56,793 --> 01:20:00,460 I'm showing our castle to Lady Ginette. This is my youngling. 1365 01:20:00,626 --> 01:20:01,293 Hi youngling. 1366 01:20:01,543 --> 01:20:03,293 She scuzzed up the Persian rug. 1367 01:20:03,460 --> 01:20:04,251 The game's over. 1368 01:20:04,418 --> 01:20:06,043 Get out, or I'll call the cops. 1369 01:20:06,418 --> 01:20:08,460 But you're my youngling. 1370 01:20:08,626 --> 01:20:09,501 I love you. 1371 01:20:09,668 --> 01:20:11,376 Thy success makes me proud. 1372 01:20:11,626 --> 01:20:12,876 Let go, scum. 1373 01:20:13,043 --> 01:20:14,085 Freddy, get the dog. 1374 01:20:14,251 --> 01:20:15,043 Brutus? 1375 01:20:15,210 --> 01:20:16,501 There are guests here. 1376 01:20:16,668 --> 01:20:17,710 I don't care! 1377 01:20:18,251 --> 01:20:20,168 Calm thyself, youngling. We're kin. 1378 01:20:20,501 --> 01:20:21,335 Chill out. 1379 01:20:21,626 --> 01:20:23,251 Enough! 1380 01:20:24,710 --> 01:20:25,710 Freddy, let him loose. 1381 01:20:31,001 --> 01:20:33,543 You flubbed. That's not the way out. 1382 01:20:33,793 --> 01:20:35,876 We must find the chapel. My treasure! 1383 01:20:37,043 --> 01:20:38,626 He'll bite off our family jewels! 1384 01:20:38,835 --> 01:20:41,043 The chapel! The chapel! 1385 01:20:41,210 --> 01:20:42,751 The ruined abbey! 1386 01:21:05,460 --> 01:21:06,793 Welcome, Mr. Bernay. 1387 01:21:07,626 --> 01:21:08,835 Long trip. 1388 01:21:11,585 --> 01:21:12,751 Holy smoke! 1389 01:21:17,918 --> 01:21:20,085 Holy Moses! You're loaded. 1390 01:21:23,960 --> 01:21:25,168 What about the pooch? 1391 01:21:25,335 --> 01:21:26,001 Your purse. 1392 01:21:27,293 --> 01:21:28,793 We'll trap him. 1393 01:21:53,293 --> 01:21:54,418 I know him not. 1394 01:21:54,585 --> 01:21:56,001 Surely one of our enemies. 1395 01:22:14,168 --> 01:22:15,043 My youngling! 1396 01:22:16,793 --> 01:22:18,501 Help! 1397 01:22:20,710 --> 01:22:21,751 Hold on, youngling. 1398 01:22:31,793 --> 01:22:34,585 - Without you, I'd have died. - Indeed. 1399 01:22:39,918 --> 01:22:40,960 Leeches. 1400 01:22:42,168 --> 01:22:44,501 Serpent tongues. Rotten fish. 1401 01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:47,376 All the old wizard's potions. 1402 01:22:47,543 --> 01:22:49,126 A book! The treasure is near. 1403 01:22:49,543 --> 01:22:50,585 The Book of Spells. 1404 01:22:58,293 --> 01:22:59,043 All is lost. 1405 01:23:06,918 --> 01:23:08,293 That just opened. 1406 01:23:08,668 --> 01:23:10,668 I'm a little scared. 1407 01:23:13,751 --> 01:23:17,085 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'll go first. 1408 01:23:20,710 --> 01:23:21,501 My youngling! 1409 01:23:25,001 --> 01:23:27,168 Hub! Give me some slack. 1410 01:23:27,793 --> 01:23:30,543 Hub, help me! 1411 01:23:33,543 --> 01:23:34,543 Is there a Book? 1412 01:23:36,668 --> 01:23:37,876 - My God! - What is it? 1413 01:23:38,043 --> 01:23:38,876 There's a note. 1414 01:23:41,251 --> 01:23:42,960 "Godefroy de Montmirail. If you make it here, 1415 01:23:43,126 --> 01:23:45,960 "call immediately, during office hours, 68 77 79. 1416 01:23:46,126 --> 01:23:47,501 "Ask for Mr. Ferdinand." 1417 01:23:53,168 --> 01:23:54,793 In here. 1418 01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,418 Not you. Only the man. 1419 01:23:56,585 --> 01:23:57,918 - Wait. - Sorry, youngling. 1420 01:23:58,210 --> 01:23:58,960 I wanted... 1421 01:24:00,460 --> 01:24:01,126 Great. 1422 01:24:03,626 --> 01:24:06,210 Come closer. Godefroy de Montmirail? 1423 01:24:06,376 --> 01:24:08,376 The first Count to bear that name? 1424 01:24:08,543 --> 01:24:09,251 Yes, 'tis I. 1425 01:24:09,418 --> 01:24:11,126 I've been waiting 30 years. 1426 01:24:11,751 --> 01:24:12,418 Who are you? 1427 01:24:12,793 --> 01:24:16,293 I am the descendant of the wizard Eusaebius. 1428 01:24:16,460 --> 01:24:18,751 I am charged to send you back in time, 1429 01:24:19,043 --> 01:24:20,918 so you can save the life of Eusaebius, 1430 01:24:21,085 --> 01:24:22,585 who is at this very moment... 1431 01:24:22,751 --> 01:24:24,126 being horribly tortured. 1432 01:24:24,710 --> 01:24:27,918 I prepared the potion, following the recipe 1433 01:24:28,085 --> 01:24:30,751 in my ancestor's Book of Spells. 1434 01:24:30,918 --> 01:24:33,918 Leave that. The potion is on the shelf. 1435 01:24:39,543 --> 01:24:41,543 The same ghastly odor. 1436 01:24:42,001 --> 01:24:44,168 My ancestor's diary 1437 01:24:44,335 --> 01:24:46,043 mentions your companion. 1438 01:24:46,293 --> 01:24:48,585 - Where is he? - At the castle. 1439 01:24:48,751 --> 01:24:50,168 You must leave with him 1440 01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:54,126 before midnight. Or else, you'll have to wait 33 years. 1441 01:24:54,376 --> 01:24:56,751 If you don't return to your past, 1442 01:24:56,918 --> 01:24:58,876 another future will take form, 1443 01:24:59,043 --> 01:25:00,793 in which you have no descendants, 1444 01:25:01,501 --> 01:25:04,418 because you never married and fathered children. 1445 01:25:07,793 --> 01:25:08,460 So? 1446 01:25:08,835 --> 01:25:10,585 What was the big secret? 1447 01:25:10,751 --> 01:25:12,043 Let's return to the castle. 1448 01:25:23,751 --> 01:25:25,251 The chariot that arrested me. 1449 01:25:25,876 --> 01:25:27,543 Why the ambulance? 1450 01:25:27,876 --> 01:25:29,960 Ma'am, hurry. It's your husband. 1451 01:25:30,210 --> 01:25:31,335 Jean-Pierre? 1452 01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:34,460 He was furious that you had hung up on him. 1453 01:25:34,668 --> 01:25:37,418 Then the dog bit him. Come this way. 1454 01:25:41,543 --> 01:25:42,876 Jean-Pierre, what happened? 1455 01:25:43,126 --> 01:25:46,418 Jacquart's dog bit me while I was paying the taxi. 1456 01:25:47,043 --> 01:25:49,793 Your husband is baring his ass to this woman. 1457 01:25:50,126 --> 01:25:51,960 She's caressing his bun'lings. 1458 01:25:52,418 --> 01:25:54,751 She's giving him a shot. OK? 1459 01:25:54,918 --> 01:25:56,001 Get him out. 1460 01:25:56,251 --> 01:25:57,835 I want my shot in peace. 1461 01:26:00,293 --> 01:26:01,043 Excuse me, doctor. 1462 01:26:01,293 --> 01:26:02,418 Excuse us. 1463 01:26:02,710 --> 01:26:04,585 Is this Grand Central Station? I should charge admission! 1464 01:26:04,835 --> 01:26:05,626 You're here. 1465 01:26:06,043 --> 01:26:06,710 Yes. 1466 01:26:07,418 --> 01:26:11,876 Did Brutus attack for no reason, or did you excite him first? 1467 01:26:12,585 --> 01:26:13,418 Excite who? 1468 01:26:13,585 --> 01:26:15,876 Excuse me. The dentist hurt himself? 1469 01:26:17,043 --> 01:26:19,043 I'm sick of having my ass stared at. 1470 01:26:20,585 --> 01:26:23,668 Jean-Pierre, you're paranoid. No one is staring. 1471 01:26:25,168 --> 01:26:27,585 I have a phone call for Cousin Hubert. 1472 01:26:28,501 --> 01:26:30,585 Godefroy? 1473 01:26:35,335 --> 01:26:36,751 Montjoie! 1474 01:26:37,335 --> 01:26:41,543 It's Jacquasse, Godefroy. No use shouting at the little box. 1475 01:26:43,168 --> 01:26:44,793 Stop screaming! 1476 01:26:47,251 --> 01:26:50,335 Speak calmly into the little holes. 1477 01:26:50,501 --> 01:26:51,376 Where are you, peasant? 1478 01:26:51,668 --> 01:26:55,501 Bowling Alley. With Lady Ginette. And I'm no longer a peasant. 1479 01:26:55,710 --> 01:26:56,376 Yo, Jacky. 1480 01:26:56,668 --> 01:26:59,501 I roll the ball. I'm having a ball! 1481 01:27:03,710 --> 01:27:05,168 We're having balls. 1482 01:27:06,210 --> 01:27:07,335 You were a good master, Godefroy. 1483 01:27:07,876 --> 01:27:10,001 - Sire Godefroy! - Yes, Godefroy. 1484 01:27:10,876 --> 01:27:12,210 The best master. 1485 01:27:12,418 --> 01:27:13,626 Better than Montfaucon. 1486 01:27:14,710 --> 01:27:15,626 One minute, vassal. 1487 01:27:15,876 --> 01:27:17,460 No vassal. No more vassals. 1488 01:27:17,710 --> 01:27:20,043 Leave your Lord alone, peasants. 1489 01:27:21,501 --> 01:27:23,126 Who does he think he is? 1490 01:27:23,293 --> 01:27:24,960 Peasants? What does he mean? 1491 01:27:25,543 --> 01:27:26,210 Problem, chief? 1492 01:27:26,460 --> 01:27:27,335 No. 1493 01:27:28,085 --> 01:27:28,751 Listen up. 1494 01:27:29,251 --> 01:27:31,210 - We can go home. - Home? 1495 01:27:31,460 --> 01:27:32,835 Beer and Pernod? 1496 01:27:33,001 --> 01:27:34,126 Godefroy, I'm staying. 1497 01:27:34,293 --> 01:27:36,293 The beer and the Pernod: are they for you? 1498 01:27:36,460 --> 01:27:37,585 Okkk ayyy. 1499 01:27:39,293 --> 01:27:40,335 Lady Ginette proposed to me. 1500 01:27:41,126 --> 01:27:42,043 Who's the bozo? 1501 01:27:42,210 --> 01:27:44,126 A lounge lizard with that floozy. 1502 01:27:44,793 --> 01:27:47,043 She's wearing high heels. 1503 01:27:47,376 --> 01:27:48,585 Come back! 1504 01:27:48,876 --> 01:27:50,751 Best wishes to Lady Frenegonde. 1505 01:27:50,918 --> 01:27:53,043 I'll miss you, but I'm too happy here. 1506 01:27:53,251 --> 01:27:56,085 You lunatic! There's nothing for us here. 1507 01:27:57,001 --> 01:27:58,043 I'll make do. 1508 01:27:58,418 --> 01:27:59,751 You're wearing goddamned boots! 1509 01:27:59,918 --> 01:28:02,668 Let me go! I don't want your scummy shoes! 1510 01:28:02,876 --> 01:28:04,835 Return here hastily. 1511 01:28:05,126 --> 01:28:06,085 I refuse. 1512 01:28:06,251 --> 01:28:09,168 Very well. Whatever you say. 1513 01:28:09,418 --> 01:28:10,168 You're not angry? 1514 01:28:10,585 --> 01:28:11,376 No. 1515 01:28:12,168 --> 01:28:13,210 We all must die. 1516 01:28:14,793 --> 01:28:17,793 Yes, I must warn you, Crass One. 1517 01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:19,918 I happened upon a wizard today. 1518 01:28:20,085 --> 01:28:24,210 He told me if you didn't return before the full moon, 1519 01:28:24,376 --> 01:28:25,668 your innards would rot. 1520 01:28:26,043 --> 01:28:27,418 You'll die in great pain. 1521 01:28:28,376 --> 01:28:30,793 I don't believe you. You want to scare me. 1522 01:28:31,710 --> 01:28:33,293 You're already rotting. 1523 01:28:33,793 --> 01:28:36,543 Take as proof the fetid odor in your mouth. 1524 01:28:38,085 --> 01:28:39,626 Come back before twelve, 1525 01:28:40,335 --> 01:28:41,001 or else, 1526 01:28:41,585 --> 01:28:42,668 farewell. 1527 01:28:42,835 --> 01:28:45,210 Sire Godefroy. Sire Godefroy. 1528 01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:54,168 Excuse my abruptness, but I'm o'erjoyed to return home. 1529 01:28:54,335 --> 01:28:55,001 Leaving already? 1530 01:28:55,835 --> 01:28:56,501 How nice. 1531 01:28:56,710 --> 01:28:58,126 Where do you live exactly? 1532 01:28:58,876 --> 01:28:59,543 Home. 1533 01:29:01,460 --> 01:29:02,751 Where is "home"? 1534 01:29:02,918 --> 01:29:04,710 Here and there. You couldn't understand. 1535 01:29:06,043 --> 01:29:07,626 They're plotting something. 1536 01:29:07,793 --> 01:29:09,876 They were nosing around the chimney. 1537 01:29:10,043 --> 01:29:11,501 Really... 1538 01:29:11,668 --> 01:29:15,085 I'll conduct an investigation concerning your strange guest. 1539 01:29:15,293 --> 01:29:16,293 Peasant, come here. 1540 01:29:22,210 --> 01:29:24,168 What the hell, ass-breath! 1541 01:29:24,376 --> 01:29:26,168 You smell like a dead skunk! 1542 01:29:29,835 --> 01:29:30,918 Where is Lady Béatrice? 1543 01:29:31,085 --> 01:29:32,251 She's upstairs changing. 1544 01:29:32,626 --> 01:29:35,626 Your cousin has agreed to dine with Mr. Bernay 1545 01:29:35,793 --> 01:29:37,168 of the Bernay and Bernay Bank. 1546 01:29:37,460 --> 01:29:40,418 Our bank has always appreciated the aristocracy. 1547 01:29:40,626 --> 01:29:43,501 May the Lord bless you, kind Bernay and Bernay. 1548 01:29:44,460 --> 01:29:45,626 Is he teasing me? 1549 01:29:45,793 --> 01:29:46,918 I doubt it. 1550 01:29:52,543 --> 01:29:54,960 To think my ancestors built all this! 1551 01:29:55,126 --> 01:29:57,793 - That dungeon is to die for! - We almost did. 1552 01:29:58,043 --> 01:30:00,710 - What were you doing? - I was showing... 1553 01:30:00,876 --> 01:30:03,251 my all-too-logical husband how we almost 1554 01:30:03,418 --> 01:30:04,710 found the treasure. 1555 01:30:04,876 --> 01:30:06,251 You played doctor there? 1556 01:30:07,126 --> 01:30:08,793 Leave me now. 1557 01:30:12,876 --> 01:30:14,418 You called me, Mr. Bernay? 1558 01:30:15,376 --> 01:30:16,418 Tell me, Jacquart, 1559 01:30:17,418 --> 01:30:18,960 is your cousin Montmirail 1560 01:30:19,251 --> 01:30:21,376 a little la-dee-dah-ish? 1561 01:30:21,543 --> 01:30:22,835 What is la-dee-dah-ish? 1562 01:30:23,168 --> 01:30:27,210 Anyone can have a gay cousin and an alcoholic father. 1563 01:30:27,793 --> 01:30:29,918 There's no cause for embarrassment. 1564 01:30:30,085 --> 01:30:32,501 Who are you to insult my happily-retired father? 1565 01:30:32,668 --> 01:30:34,501 Do I ask if your father farts? 1566 01:30:34,668 --> 01:30:36,751 Or if your wife boozes it up in the closet? 1567 01:30:37,876 --> 01:30:40,418 Talking about his family is a major taboo. 1568 01:30:44,126 --> 01:30:45,335 You know the dungeon? 1569 01:30:46,085 --> 01:30:46,751 What is this? 1570 01:30:47,751 --> 01:30:50,460 You entered my chamber without requesting audience? 1571 01:30:50,626 --> 01:30:53,376 Anything found in the dungeon belongs to the hotel. 1572 01:30:53,876 --> 01:30:55,335 Whatever it's worth. 1573 01:30:55,501 --> 01:30:56,835 What is that? Crack? 1574 01:30:57,085 --> 01:30:58,085 LSD? 1575 01:30:58,251 --> 01:31:00,335 Hand it over. I'll have it analyzed. 1576 01:31:02,751 --> 01:31:04,376 No tricks! I'm armed! 1577 01:31:06,876 --> 01:31:09,251 Hilda? Still there? Lucky me. 1578 01:31:09,626 --> 01:31:13,085 Jump in a taxi and bring me my black cocktail dress. 1579 01:31:13,293 --> 01:31:14,418 We have a dinner. 1580 01:31:15,085 --> 01:31:16,085 Hub, knock first! 1581 01:31:17,835 --> 01:31:18,876 The little red balls. 1582 01:31:21,626 --> 01:31:22,501 What now? 1583 01:31:22,668 --> 01:31:24,501 You want a tranquilizer, Hub? 1584 01:31:24,960 --> 01:31:25,668 What's wrong? 1585 01:31:26,626 --> 01:31:29,543 He's making progress. He realizes he's cracking up. 1586 01:31:29,710 --> 01:31:31,210 Maybe he'll ask to be locked up. 1587 01:31:31,460 --> 01:31:33,293 I am totally disappointed in you. 1588 01:31:34,085 --> 01:31:34,793 I swear. 1589 01:31:35,585 --> 01:31:36,876 Free us immediately. 1590 01:31:37,085 --> 01:31:38,835 I'll reduce the sentence. 1591 01:31:39,001 --> 01:31:41,376 - Swallow, peasant. - Enough's enough. 1592 01:31:44,710 --> 01:31:46,960 Don't bother with me. I'll keep quiet. 1593 01:31:47,210 --> 01:31:49,085 - Is your cousin Hubert joining us? - Soon. 1594 01:31:50,960 --> 01:31:52,918 They stop serving at 9:30. 1595 01:31:53,085 --> 01:31:54,085 Countess. 1596 01:32:08,543 --> 01:32:09,543 Let us eat. 1597 01:32:12,710 --> 01:32:15,168 Did you know this dungeon existed? 1598 01:32:15,460 --> 01:32:17,168 Of course not! 1599 01:32:18,001 --> 01:32:18,835 Help! 1600 01:32:19,418 --> 01:32:20,751 Where is Sergeant-Major Gibon? 1601 01:32:20,918 --> 01:32:22,668 With Jacques-Henri. Go have a drink. 1602 01:32:22,835 --> 01:32:23,751 On the house. 1603 01:32:26,126 --> 01:32:28,585 'Twas much more hospitable in the past. 1604 01:32:28,751 --> 01:32:30,793 We burned entire trees. 1605 01:32:30,960 --> 01:32:33,835 The walls and floors were covered with rugs. 1606 01:32:34,001 --> 01:32:38,418 Not an evening went by without jugglers, minstrels, and trollops. 1607 01:32:39,668 --> 01:32:41,126 I remember one evening, 1608 01:32:41,418 --> 01:32:45,043 the fire-eater set afire Lady Flegmonde's wig. 1609 01:32:45,210 --> 01:32:48,543 We had to throw her into the icy moat, fully-dressed. 1610 01:32:49,251 --> 01:32:51,001 Family souvenirs are so vivid. 1611 01:32:54,085 --> 01:32:57,168 He tells them so well. You feel you're there. 1612 01:32:57,793 --> 01:32:58,460 Where? 1613 01:32:59,710 --> 01:33:01,751 Isn't he the bum from the church? 1614 01:33:07,460 --> 01:33:09,085 Are you okay, sugardaddy? 1615 01:33:09,293 --> 01:33:11,335 I'm still not used to this jalopy. 1616 01:33:11,751 --> 01:33:12,668 Evening, Wench. 1617 01:33:12,835 --> 01:33:13,668 Hiya Missy. 1618 01:33:13,835 --> 01:33:14,793 Sir, ma'am... 1619 01:33:14,960 --> 01:33:16,001 Where's Mr. Godefroy, 1620 01:33:16,418 --> 01:33:17,293 dammit? 1621 01:33:18,626 --> 01:33:19,293 There. 1622 01:33:19,835 --> 01:33:20,876 Ladies and Gents. 1623 01:33:22,251 --> 01:33:24,335 Good evening, ma'am. Good evening, sir. 1624 01:33:29,585 --> 01:33:32,835 My Jacquasse. You came. I am relieved. 1625 01:33:33,001 --> 01:33:33,835 Ladies and Gents. 1626 01:33:34,001 --> 01:33:34,668 Mr. Goulard. 1627 01:33:35,501 --> 01:33:37,668 Come drink to our friends, my Crass. 1628 01:33:38,501 --> 01:33:39,960 Before we leave. 1629 01:33:40,376 --> 01:33:41,126 When is that? 1630 01:33:41,418 --> 01:33:42,376 This evening. 1631 01:33:42,543 --> 01:33:44,335 - Tonight? - Traveling by night? 1632 01:33:44,876 --> 01:33:46,001 Indeed. 1633 01:33:46,501 --> 01:33:49,418 I prefer night-driving. I have 20/20 vision. 1634 01:33:49,585 --> 01:33:51,460 There are fewer road hogs. 1635 01:33:51,668 --> 01:33:52,876 Except in the fog. 1636 01:33:53,126 --> 01:33:54,835 I'm a helicopter-man myself. 1637 01:34:00,085 --> 01:34:01,126 I am not going, Sire. 1638 01:34:01,543 --> 01:34:02,460 We're getting hitched. 1639 01:34:03,210 --> 01:34:05,543 He's too shy to ask you to be best man. 1640 01:34:05,710 --> 01:34:08,835 You can stay too. I have the antidote against rot. 1641 01:34:10,543 --> 01:34:13,043 - Your purse, Ginette. - Hold on, babe. 1642 01:34:13,251 --> 01:34:14,710 My bag's a mess. 1643 01:34:15,293 --> 01:34:17,376 So much room you can shit in it! 1644 01:34:17,668 --> 01:34:18,335 What? 1645 01:34:19,251 --> 01:34:20,835 What do you do, Mr... 1646 01:34:21,918 --> 01:34:23,960 Kass, as in... "gas". 1647 01:34:26,335 --> 01:34:29,126 No rot can resist tooth pate'! 1648 01:34:29,793 --> 01:34:30,460 What? 1649 01:34:30,960 --> 01:34:31,835 Pearly White! 1650 01:34:41,293 --> 01:34:42,460 How 'bout that? 1651 01:34:42,960 --> 01:34:44,751 That was really gross. 1652 01:34:46,126 --> 01:34:47,335 Enough. 1653 01:34:49,043 --> 01:34:50,751 What are you doing, bruiser? 1654 01:34:50,918 --> 01:34:51,960 Throwing him out. 1655 01:34:52,251 --> 01:34:54,543 Let go of him! 1656 01:35:00,543 --> 01:35:01,585 What's going on? 1657 01:35:05,293 --> 01:35:06,418 Are you okay? 1658 01:35:08,043 --> 01:35:09,085 No, Sire! 1659 01:35:16,376 --> 01:35:18,210 You can't force me to go home! 1660 01:35:19,001 --> 01:35:21,543 I'm not a vassal anymore! I'm free! 1661 01:35:22,168 --> 01:35:23,918 Long live the Revolution! 1662 01:35:36,460 --> 01:35:39,001 Look. He's your youngling too. He was a good man. 1663 01:35:39,210 --> 01:35:40,835 He knew about justice. 1664 01:35:41,001 --> 01:35:42,835 They cut off his head, peasant. 1665 01:35:43,001 --> 01:35:43,876 Freddy! 1666 01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,376 Help! 1667 01:35:46,543 --> 01:35:48,293 Who's that? 1668 01:35:48,460 --> 01:35:50,043 Your youngling. 1669 01:35:50,210 --> 01:35:51,126 You jailed him? 1670 01:35:51,460 --> 01:35:53,710 I left it so they'll find him. Drink! 1671 01:35:57,001 --> 01:35:58,210 I'm in pain! 1672 01:36:03,918 --> 01:36:04,751 Hub, it's Béa. 1673 01:36:08,251 --> 01:36:09,710 What happened to Mr. Kass? 1674 01:36:09,876 --> 01:36:11,543 My God! My belly! 1675 01:36:12,001 --> 01:36:13,210 I have no time. Listen. 1676 01:36:13,376 --> 01:36:14,585 I'm listening, Hubert. 1677 01:36:14,751 --> 01:36:16,251 I'm not Hubert. 1678 01:36:16,418 --> 01:36:18,418 I'm Godefroy Amaury de Malfete, 1679 01:36:18,585 --> 01:36:21,001 Count of Montmirail, of Apremont and of Popincourt. 1680 01:36:21,293 --> 01:36:24,876 Son of Aldebert de Malfete and Thibaude de Montfaucon. 1681 01:36:26,418 --> 01:36:27,335 I am your ancestor. 1682 01:36:36,043 --> 01:36:36,876 Torch. 1683 01:36:50,210 --> 01:36:52,376 Fred, it's you. Freddy. 1684 01:36:54,918 --> 01:36:56,543 I beg your pardon, youngling. 1685 01:37:07,418 --> 01:37:10,960 I'm sick of your song and dance. I don't believe a word of it. 1686 01:37:11,335 --> 01:37:13,376 So spill the beans. 1687 01:37:13,585 --> 01:37:15,501 Shit! Damn it! 1688 01:37:18,460 --> 01:37:22,085 You don't believe me? I'll show you something you've never seen. 1689 01:37:22,626 --> 01:37:24,251 That no one has ever seen. 1690 01:37:25,418 --> 01:37:27,168 That you'll never see again. 1691 01:37:29,460 --> 01:37:31,251 Sit thyself down, and watch. 1692 01:37:34,251 --> 01:37:35,876 I'm going to vomit. 1693 01:37:42,210 --> 01:37:43,876 Does your tummy ache? 1694 01:38:12,085 --> 01:38:14,085 Where is Mr. Kass? 1695 01:38:14,251 --> 01:38:15,918 How did "Jacky" get so rich? 1696 01:38:16,085 --> 01:38:17,793 An antique car is no bargain. 1697 01:38:17,960 --> 01:38:20,168 It's his own personal fortune. 1698 01:38:20,668 --> 01:38:25,085 His family owns this joint. He wants us to tie the knot. 1699 01:38:25,251 --> 01:38:27,501 Why didn't you tell me from the start? 1700 01:38:28,043 --> 01:38:29,210 I did. 1701 01:38:30,585 --> 01:38:32,126 You wouldn't listen. 1702 01:38:32,960 --> 01:38:35,335 You're right. I'm sorry Godefroy. 1703 01:38:36,293 --> 01:38:37,751 I'm going, Béatrice. 1704 01:38:38,293 --> 01:38:40,335 I am very happy to have known you. 1705 01:38:41,251 --> 01:38:43,668 Godefroy, I'm so moved. What can I say? 1706 01:38:44,126 --> 01:38:45,960 We'll never meet again. 1707 01:38:47,001 --> 01:38:49,710 It is so unique to be able to touch you, 1708 01:38:50,418 --> 01:38:53,543 my youngling, my ever-so-young youngling. 1709 01:38:55,960 --> 01:38:56,876 You know, 1710 01:38:58,085 --> 01:38:59,751 I lied. 1711 01:39:00,210 --> 01:39:04,585 I was not searching for a treasure, but for the magic potion. 1712 01:39:05,043 --> 01:39:05,751 Pardon me. 1713 01:39:06,168 --> 01:39:08,835 No treasure can replace our having met. 1714 01:39:09,001 --> 01:39:09,668 Indeed. 1715 01:39:10,001 --> 01:39:12,501 Nothing can equal meeting one's descendants. 1716 01:39:16,835 --> 01:39:17,585 Béa? Are you there? 1717 01:39:20,001 --> 01:39:23,043 My life will seem so boring now. 1718 01:39:23,210 --> 01:39:24,751 You must forget me. 1719 01:39:25,043 --> 01:39:26,460 You have your children. 1720 01:39:27,376 --> 01:39:30,543 Give Florian and Ondine a big kiss from an old ancestor. 1721 01:39:32,085 --> 01:39:35,001 And deep in your soul, keep 1722 01:39:35,168 --> 01:39:37,043 a memory of me. 1723 01:39:39,251 --> 01:39:40,751 I love you, my Béatrice. 1724 01:39:41,126 --> 01:39:42,376 I love you too. 1725 01:39:55,751 --> 01:39:57,793 A secret passage. This way! 1726 01:39:58,710 --> 01:39:59,918 Sergeant-Major Gibon? 1727 01:40:00,626 --> 01:40:02,210 Are you okay? You're not hurt? 1728 01:40:02,376 --> 01:40:03,543 No, Jean-Pierre. 1729 01:40:03,918 --> 01:40:05,251 Where did Hubert go? 1730 01:40:05,418 --> 01:40:07,460 You're too rational to understand. 1731 01:40:07,793 --> 01:40:11,501 Spare me your lame interpretations. Answer me, please. 1732 01:40:11,835 --> 01:40:12,751 Where is your cousin? 1733 01:40:13,001 --> 01:40:14,918 He left with Mr. Kass. 1734 01:40:17,835 --> 01:40:19,043 Is the sheriff gone? 1735 01:40:19,210 --> 01:40:21,418 What are you saying? Mr. Kass is here. 1736 01:40:21,585 --> 01:40:22,751 Mr. Kass! 1737 01:40:23,043 --> 01:40:26,043 Hush! I must find Lady Ginette. 1738 01:40:29,835 --> 01:40:31,751 Who left with...? 1739 01:40:33,126 --> 01:40:33,835 Shit! 1740 01:40:56,210 --> 01:40:57,626 A bear is chasing her! 1741 01:41:00,543 --> 01:41:02,918 Steer clear, beloved! Steer clear! 1742 01:41:03,668 --> 01:41:04,460 Come back! 1743 01:41:08,001 --> 01:41:10,668 If you find enough force 1744 01:41:11,501 --> 01:41:12,376 in yourself, 1745 01:41:12,543 --> 01:41:13,876 you will be able 1746 01:41:14,168 --> 01:41:16,085 to change the course of the arrow. 1747 01:41:29,251 --> 01:41:30,043 Holy scrotums! 1748 01:41:30,460 --> 01:41:31,835 You almost pierced'st me! 1749 01:41:32,793 --> 01:41:35,501 Slay the father of my lady-love? 1750 01:41:35,668 --> 01:41:37,668 Your absence was an eternity, 1751 01:41:37,835 --> 01:41:38,710 dear Godefroy. 1752 01:41:42,210 --> 01:41:44,001 - It's hard! - Sorry, beloved. 1753 01:41:44,418 --> 01:41:46,251 Jacquasse, where are you, peasant? 1754 01:41:46,751 --> 01:41:48,210 Fetch my crossbow. 1755 01:41:48,668 --> 01:41:49,543 He's here, Sire. 1756 01:41:49,793 --> 01:41:51,335 A-snoring in clown clothes. 1757 01:41:55,168 --> 01:41:56,251 Where are we? 1758 01:41:59,085 --> 01:41:59,876 Where's Freddy? 1759 01:42:02,251 --> 01:42:03,335 Who are you? 1760 01:42:05,335 --> 01:42:08,251 Take my crossbow. Oil it at the castle. 1761 01:42:08,585 --> 01:42:09,626 What are you doing here? 1762 01:42:10,126 --> 01:42:11,835 Jump in the river. You stinketh. 1763 01:42:22,376 --> 01:42:25,251 So Crass? Have you been sucking up wine? 1764 01:42:28,335 --> 01:42:30,001 What the hell is going on? 1765 01:42:30,876 --> 01:42:34,168 Obey your Lord. I don't want to whip you on his wedding day! 1766 01:42:36,710 --> 01:42:37,585 Indeed! 1767 01:42:39,751 --> 01:42:41,376 Obey hastily, my Jacquasse. 1768 01:42:41,918 --> 01:42:42,751 Shit! 1769 01:42:43,668 --> 01:42:45,001 Fuck! 1770 01:42:46,668 --> 01:42:47,876 Freakkky! 1771 01:42:49,085 --> 01:42:49,793 Okkk ayyy! 1772 01:42:52,168 --> 01:42:53,918 Hand over your jewels! 1773 01:42:59,043 --> 01:43:01,960 Cousin Hubert! What is this nightmare? 1774 01:43:05,626 --> 01:43:07,501 What the hell is going on? 1775 01:43:09,793 --> 01:43:11,376 I'm hallucinating! 1776 01:43:12,376 --> 01:43:14,751 What the hell is going on? 1777 01:46:32,376 --> 01:46:34,710 Subtitled by Andrew Litvack 1778 01:46:34,876 --> 01:46:38,001 Subtitling by Eclair Group - Paris 1779 01:46:38,960 --> 01:46:40,293 A little hello to credit-lovers! 113269

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