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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,692 --> 00:00:24,856 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru. 2 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:32,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 3 00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:43,629 Ahem. 4 00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:45,632 They're ready for you. 5 00:00:48,152 --> 00:00:50,052 Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. 6 00:00:50,052 --> 00:00:51,290 Bournemouth. 7 00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:53,011 But you don't know the others. 8 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,130 No, but I'm familiar with you. 9 00:00:55,131 --> 00:00:57,650 Why do you want to be an MP? 10 00:00:57,651 --> 00:01:00,129 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are, 11 00:01:00,130 --> 00:01:03,411 and rather than sit back and moan I'd prefer to do something about it. 12 00:01:04,451 --> 00:01:05,729 Go again from the top. 13 00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:09,249 I don't know why anyone's surprised the world's number one teen idol 14 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:10,809 has become a Scientologist. 15 00:01:10,810 --> 00:01:12,369 Speed up the autocue, please. 16 00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:14,529 Pop stars do believe in weird things. 17 00:01:14,530 --> 00:01:17,929 'Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly...' 18 00:01:17,930 --> 00:01:19,169 They said show you this. 19 00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:20,651 This happened just now? 20 00:01:20,652 --> 00:01:21,330 Mm-hmm. 21 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,810 Gladwell? 22 00:01:22,811 --> 00:01:25,529 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns," - capitals - 23 00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:27,449 "over Twitter porn pics scandal." 24 00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:28,969 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 25 00:01:28,970 --> 00:01:31,249 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked, 26 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:34,249 "resignation statement admits inappropriate correspondence 27 00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,449 "with a 15-year-old girl." 28 00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:38,449 So tweeting dick photos is correspondence now, is it? 29 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,369 "Departure triggers a by-election 30 00:01:40,370 --> 00:01:42,809 "in his Stentonford and Hersham constituency." 31 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,331 Well, you get to use the Gladwell stuff. 32 00:01:44,332 --> 00:01:45,370 Mm-hmm. 33 00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,611 Bump it all up to the top of the monologue. 34 00:01:47,612 --> 00:01:49,291 Anyone seen Jamie? 35 00:01:55,091 --> 00:01:56,170 Rach? 36 00:01:56,171 --> 00:01:58,449 'You really shouldn't be calling me any more. 37 00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,171 'You need to sort yourself out.' 38 00:02:00,172 --> 00:02:01,690 I am. 39 00:02:01,691 --> 00:02:04,171 'Focus on Waldo, that's going well for you.' 40 00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:05,450 But it is not... 41 00:02:05,451 --> 00:02:07,330 'He's a hit, Jamie.' 42 00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:09,810 "He." Not me, "he". 43 00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:11,450 'Just do your show.' 44 00:02:11,451 --> 00:02:13,291 I will. I mean, hon, if you'd just... 45 00:02:14,531 --> 00:02:16,091 Jamie? 46 00:02:17,251 --> 00:02:18,851 Jamie, hurry up. 47 00:02:19,891 --> 00:02:22,371 What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 48 00:02:22,372 --> 00:02:24,090 Safe Tory seat. 49 00:02:24,091 --> 00:02:27,531 So, realistically, I know there's not much of a chance, but... 50 00:02:27,532 --> 00:02:30,370 So, it's a stepping stone for you? 51 00:02:30,371 --> 00:02:31,931 Yes. 52 00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:36,529 Obviously, I wouldn't say that outside of this room, 53 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,609 but, well, you want me to be honest. 54 00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:40,329 There's no point in pretending. 55 00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:44,731 Is there anything in your past that might conceivably cause problems? 56 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,131 No. 57 00:02:47,371 --> 00:02:48,971 Except... 58 00:02:50,091 --> 00:02:52,731 I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 59 00:02:52,732 --> 00:02:54,730 between 1999 and 2003. 60 00:02:54,731 --> 00:02:56,331 But apart from that... 61 00:03:00,171 --> 00:03:02,610 Well, thank you, Gwendolyn. 62 00:03:02,611 --> 00:03:04,531 If you could leave via that door. 63 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,290 Oh, that door? 64 00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,331 We like to keep the candidates separate. 65 00:03:09,371 --> 00:03:10,891 Right, yes. 66 00:03:21,811 --> 00:03:25,091 Idiot. Idiot! 67 00:03:26,651 --> 00:03:30,171 Shamed super groomer and all-round pillock of the community 68 00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:33,290 Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, 69 00:03:33,291 --> 00:03:36,970 saying he could no longer maintain his position. 70 00:03:36,971 --> 00:03:39,251 That position, presumably, being hunched over 71 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,450 wanking madly at school kids. 72 00:03:41,451 --> 00:03:42,971 'A pal of Gladwell said...' 73 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:43,890 You ready? 74 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,170 Uh-huh. 75 00:03:45,171 --> 00:03:47,290 How old the girl wasn't. 76 00:03:47,291 --> 00:03:48,929 That's the sort of feeble excuse 77 00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:51,649 'only a naive school kid would swallow - 78 00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:53,531 'which, presumably, was the idea. 79 00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:57,569 'Anyway, the bad news is he's resigned in disgrace.' 80 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,811 The good news is he's now free to pursue a full-time career 81 00:04:00,812 --> 00:04:03,491 in the disgraced paedophile industry. 82 00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:07,651 Personally, I don't understand why anyone's surprised... 83 00:04:07,652 --> 00:04:09,930 Um, small change to the intro. 84 00:04:09,931 --> 00:04:11,010 What? 85 00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:14,089 - Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko gag for the monologue, so... - That was my bit. 86 00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:16,809 - There is the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. - Bit politics. 87 00:04:16,810 --> 00:04:17,691 You can do politics. 88 00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,210 I do piss-taking. 89 00:04:19,211 --> 00:04:20,330 Go be Waldo. 90 00:04:20,331 --> 00:04:21,530 Yes, commander. 91 00:04:21,531 --> 00:04:23,449 'R Kelly believed he could fly, 92 00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:26,771 'and Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified...' 93 00:04:26,772 --> 00:04:28,850 Big ball blue bear bollocks. 94 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,649 And now it's time for our final visit 95 00:04:30,650 --> 00:04:33,089 to the world of educational children's programming 96 00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:34,689 courtesy of everyone's favourite, 97 00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:38,091 and only occasionally inappropriate cool kids' TV character, 98 00:04:38,092 --> 00:04:39,451 Waldo. 99 00:04:42,371 --> 00:04:44,970 Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. 100 00:04:44,971 --> 00:04:47,731 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 101 00:04:47,732 --> 00:04:51,090 Well, Conor, in my big pink cave this week 102 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:54,089 I had former Minister for Culture Liam Monroe. 103 00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:56,011 Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he? 104 00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:58,290 I was hoping he'd nosh me off! 105 00:04:58,291 --> 00:05:00,091 Want to see how it panned out? 106 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,730 I think we should. 107 00:05:01,731 --> 00:05:03,091 Run VT! 108 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,410 Hey, everybody! 109 00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:19,370 It's Waldo time! 110 00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:20,850 Yeah! 111 00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:22,410 Cool! Cool! 112 00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:25,370 Waldo-rrific! 113 00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:26,770 Ha-ha-ha! 114 00:05:26,771 --> 00:05:30,250 Hey, kids, my guest this week is Mr Monroe. 115 00:05:30,251 --> 00:05:31,850 Hello, Mr Monroe. 116 00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:33,130 Hello, Waldo. 117 00:05:33,131 --> 00:05:36,291 Mr Monroe is a politician. 118 00:05:40,451 --> 00:05:42,930 So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 119 00:05:42,931 --> 00:05:44,849 Well, a politician is someone 120 00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:47,531 who tries to make the world a fairer place. 121 00:05:47,532 --> 00:05:49,090 Like Batman. 122 00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,050 Not exactly like Batman. 123 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,890 Do you beat people up? 124 00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:54,329 No, I don't beat people up. 125 00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:55,851 Oh, you're a pussy then? 126 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,651 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what... 127 00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:02,211 You don't know what pussy is? 128 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,491 OK, this is clearly some kind of joke. 129 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,090 No joke, sorry, let's move on. 130 00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:11,371 Friends again? 131 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,450 Oh, hello, mate, great show. 132 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,609 Well done, really good. 133 00:06:24,610 --> 00:06:25,849 So, we'll bring him over. 134 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:27,689 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 135 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,291 'Now, he comes across...' 136 00:06:29,292 --> 00:06:30,810 Jamie! 137 00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:32,850 What you want, Miss Tamsin? 138 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,009 Behind me, man in glasses talking to Jack Napier. 139 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:37,089 - Jack freaks me out. - Yeah, ditto, 140 00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:40,410 but he owns the company and the man he's with is important and wants to talk to you. 141 00:06:41,371 --> 00:06:42,930 He's from the channel. 142 00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:44,490 Go on. 143 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,649 - 'Honestly, all I'm saying...' - 'Is he shy?' 144 00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:48,889 'No, all I'm saying is he's a terrific guy...' 145 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:50,131 Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim. 146 00:06:50,132 --> 00:06:51,250 How do you do? 147 00:06:51,251 --> 00:06:52,450 Jim, Jack, James. 148 00:06:52,451 --> 00:06:53,770 Jamie. 149 00:06:53,771 --> 00:06:56,210 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 150 00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:59,211 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 151 00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:01,690 Toys out the pram. 152 00:07:01,691 --> 00:07:03,050 And that's...? 153 00:07:03,051 --> 00:07:04,410 Good press. 154 00:07:04,411 --> 00:07:06,649 It's so tough to get a breakthrough these days, 155 00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:09,329 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 156 00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:11,769 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe. 157 00:07:11,770 --> 00:07:15,051 You know, all those twats, it's punk, it's... it's... 158 00:07:15,052 --> 00:07:16,410 'Jack?' 159 00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:17,771 Excuse me. 160 00:07:19,251 --> 00:07:22,531 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo, loves him. 161 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:27,051 Look, I know the show's coming back again next year, 162 00:07:27,052 --> 00:07:29,451 but we want to see more of Waldo. 163 00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:33,011 They want to do a pilot. 164 00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:33,970 A Waldo pilot? 165 00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:36,131 Yeah. I mean, how does that sound? 166 00:07:36,132 --> 00:07:38,290 Yeah. Sounds good. 167 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,490 Sounds stormin' Norman, fucking stormin'. 168 00:07:41,491 --> 00:07:42,971 Going to give it to 'em. 169 00:08:02,851 --> 00:08:05,609 But look, we can't do sketches without Waldo. 170 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,569 It's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 171 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,169 it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 172 00:08:09,170 --> 00:08:11,929 Realistically, there isn't the budget for other animations. 173 00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:14,129 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 174 00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:16,009 What about the Brown Knight? 175 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,569 What, the crap crusader? 176 00:08:17,570 --> 00:08:19,409 We can look into the Brown Knight. 177 00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:22,131 But right now let's find more Waldo ideas. 178 00:08:23,731 --> 00:08:27,089 The problem is, any guests we book will be in on it. 179 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,451 They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise is gone. 180 00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:31,410 So, we think round that. 181 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,891 Hey, boys and girls! It's Waldo time! 182 00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,051 Yeah! Ha-ha! 183 00:08:37,331 --> 00:08:39,130 He's awesome, isn't he? 184 00:08:39,131 --> 00:08:42,851 I mean, look - sod name in lights, you're an app now, my brother. 185 00:08:45,211 --> 00:08:48,129 All right, Sara? How's the think tanking going, good shit? 186 00:08:48,130 --> 00:08:50,131 Um, yeah, yeah, we're making headway. 187 00:08:50,132 --> 00:08:51,610 Good. 188 00:08:51,611 --> 00:08:53,929 I see our friend Monroe is in the news again, 189 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:56,649 running in the Stentonford by-election. 190 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:58,251 We should get Waldo down there. 191 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:01,287 Hey, that's not a bad idea, actually. 192 00:09:01,288 --> 00:09:04,489 We get a van with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 193 00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:05,688 Like it. 194 00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:07,927 And then, when Monroe's doing a meet and greet, 195 00:09:07,928 --> 00:09:09,807 we just turn up and just get under his skin. 196 00:09:09,808 --> 00:09:11,047 I love that, I love it. 197 00:09:11,048 --> 00:09:11,887 We've done Monroe. 198 00:09:11,987 --> 00:09:13,266 But it was a great bit. 199 00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,786 I'm not dumb or clever enough to be political... 200 00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:19,146 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 201 00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:21,466 - Get people to vote for him? - He's not real. 202 00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:23,946 But people have stood as fictional characters before. 203 00:09:23,947 --> 00:09:26,266 Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 204 00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,546 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 205 00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:30,846 No-one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 206 00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:34,019 The point is, we get to hang around, we're there for the count. 207 00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,701 Well, go on then, Sara, whack it up there. 208 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,783 'He's with a mum and baby group.' 209 00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:59,463 OK. Going live in five... four... three two... 210 00:09:59,464 --> 00:10:02,142 'Thank you so much for joining me this morning.' 211 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,782 It's been incredibly informative 212 00:10:03,783 --> 00:10:06,984 and I think we should have a little round of applause for the children, 213 00:10:06,985 --> 00:10:08,943 who were fantastic. 214 00:10:08,944 --> 00:10:11,463 Thank you, Naomi. 215 00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:13,344 Thank you for your time. 216 00:10:16,304 --> 00:10:17,783 Hey! 217 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,343 Hey, it's me Waldo. 218 00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,783 Oh. I like your trainers, man! 219 00:10:22,784 --> 00:10:25,302 I'd wear trainers myself but I can't cos I haven't got feet. 220 00:10:25,303 --> 00:10:26,344 I've got stumps. 221 00:10:27,824 --> 00:10:28,623 He's out. 222 00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:30,703 Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe. 223 00:10:30,704 --> 00:10:32,822 Hey! Did you get off with any of the mums? 224 00:10:32,823 --> 00:10:34,944 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 225 00:10:34,945 --> 00:10:37,423 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe! 226 00:10:37,424 --> 00:10:39,183 He said it! 227 00:10:39,184 --> 00:10:41,623 Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me! 228 00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:43,542 - I'm sorry about this, Liam. - Hey, I'm being snubbed! 229 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,262 Hey, don't ignore me. Don't just get in your car. 230 00:10:46,263 --> 00:10:48,502 It's a death trap anyway, look at it! 231 00:10:48,503 --> 00:10:50,544 Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing. 232 00:10:50,545 --> 00:10:51,544 Sure. 233 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,544 Mr Monroe. Oi! 234 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,943 'Stentonford Labour Party.' 235 00:10:59,944 --> 00:11:01,864 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 236 00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:07,183 so just choose one from there. Then you put your name in there. 237 00:11:07,184 --> 00:11:08,864 This is like bloody Moonpig. 238 00:11:10,184 --> 00:11:11,864 Don't knock the free mail out. 239 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:16,904 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher-Price leaflet app. 240 00:11:16,905 --> 00:11:18,424 He doesn't have to. 241 00:11:24,304 --> 00:11:27,102 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham, 242 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,942 and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 243 00:11:29,943 --> 00:11:32,822 The license fee is something that's very close to my heart... 244 00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:35,224 'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh! Look at me Mr Monroe, please!' 245 00:11:35,225 --> 00:11:37,823 Hey, over here! Hey, over here... 246 00:11:37,824 --> 00:11:39,823 Look over here, Mr Monroe... 247 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,622 The Conservative Party have been, er... 248 00:11:41,623 --> 00:11:45,222 Have been arguing for a reduction of the license fee for... 249 00:11:45,223 --> 00:11:47,182 - Good morning, everybody. - Pardon? 250 00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:48,624 Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe? Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 251 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:49,863 I beg your pardon. 252 00:11:49,864 --> 00:11:51,943 I'm sorry. It's rather loud. 253 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:53,462 We have argued for a further reduction in the license fee... 254 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,382 Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 255 00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:57,182 Mum with a pushchair - drag her into it. 256 00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,624 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. 257 00:11:58,625 --> 00:12:02,623 Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 258 00:12:02,624 --> 00:12:04,863 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 259 00:12:04,864 --> 00:12:08,263 'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo done to you?' 260 00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:11,824 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 261 00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:15,144 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 262 00:12:16,984 --> 00:12:18,743 'I'm not ignoring you.' 263 00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:20,943 Yeah, you were, you upset me. 264 00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,063 You made Waldo sad. 265 00:12:23,064 --> 00:12:26,584 Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ah. 266 00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:31,944 Well, obviously, I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset... 267 00:12:31,945 --> 00:12:34,144 WA-A-A-A-A-A-A... 268 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,304 Let him get a word in. 269 00:12:40,584 --> 00:12:44,063 I'm not ignoring you because there is no you. 270 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,903 You are an image voiced by a comedian - 271 00:12:46,904 --> 00:12:48,782 an alleged comedian, more accurately. 272 00:12:48,783 --> 00:12:50,902 If I'm not real, why you talking to him? 273 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:52,864 And by "him" I mean me, knobber! 274 00:12:55,224 --> 00:12:57,744 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 275 00:12:57,745 --> 00:13:00,543 Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship! 276 00:13:00,544 --> 00:13:03,944 Thy flowery language doth give me a right throbbing bone-on! 277 00:13:03,945 --> 00:13:05,704 Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh! 278 00:13:07,224 --> 00:13:09,103 Uh-er-ha-ha! 279 00:13:09,104 --> 00:13:11,223 Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh! 280 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,783 Uh-uh-uh-oh! Huh! 281 00:13:14,784 --> 00:13:16,184 Finished. 282 00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:25,303 Drink? 283 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,904 I've got e-mails. 284 00:13:33,424 --> 00:13:36,503 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 285 00:13:36,504 --> 00:13:37,784 The Labour candidate. 286 00:13:39,624 --> 00:13:41,384 Did you read my background doc? 287 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:42,544 Yes. 288 00:13:44,104 --> 00:13:46,584 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 289 00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:59,424 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first... 290 00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,463 Are you my dad? 291 00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:04,384 Apparently not. See you tomorrow. 292 00:14:06,184 --> 00:14:09,422 '..Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 293 00:14:09,423 --> 00:14:11,942 'The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign 294 00:14:11,943 --> 00:14:14,784 'in typically loud and crowd-pleasing style...' 295 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,064 Someone's bold? Do I know you? 296 00:14:20,065 --> 00:14:22,423 Nice way to greet a voter... 297 00:14:22,424 --> 00:14:24,383 Sorry, I thought you were... 298 00:14:24,384 --> 00:14:27,383 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 299 00:14:27,384 --> 00:14:30,942 "Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?" 300 00:14:30,943 --> 00:14:32,182 You're good at that! 301 00:14:32,183 --> 00:14:33,302 Because I am that. 302 00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:34,424 What? You're that thing? 303 00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:37,783 Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear. 304 00:14:37,784 --> 00:14:42,143 Liam Monroe calls him worse. Nice work there, by the way. 305 00:14:42,144 --> 00:14:45,664 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 306 00:14:45,665 --> 00:14:46,783 Another one? 307 00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,224 OK. One. 308 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:55,624 The way you describe it, it's like you're doing this for a showreel... 309 00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,663 No... 310 00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:59,384 like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show... 311 00:14:59,385 --> 00:15:00,423 Shh! 312 00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:02,802 But your party leader has to show up because it's a... mid-thing... 313 00:15:02,891 --> 00:15:04,090 Midterm by-election. 314 00:15:04,091 --> 00:15:05,132 Terminology tits. 315 00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,331 You are 12! 316 00:15:06,332 --> 00:15:08,290 So because leaderballs is there, 317 00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:11,330 suddenly it's walk-on in a Ricky Gervais sketch show 318 00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:12,690 so it's good exposure. 319 00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:15,210 - You're not going to win, you know you're not going to win... - Come on, shh. 320 00:15:15,211 --> 00:15:17,252 You're not going to win though. 321 00:15:17,253 --> 00:15:18,291 Of course not. 322 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,490 So, why not be honest? 323 00:15:19,491 --> 00:15:21,530 Say, "You arseholes aren't going to vote for me, 324 00:15:21,531 --> 00:15:22,970 "so here's what I think anyway."? 325 00:15:22,971 --> 00:15:26,412 - It doesn't work like that. - Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed. 326 00:15:26,413 --> 00:15:29,611 You're angry, for someone who's doing well. 327 00:15:29,612 --> 00:15:33,531 I'm the voice of a blue bear... 328 00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:36,292 if that's, "doing well," then we are doomed! 329 00:15:40,412 --> 00:15:41,491 I can't see! 330 00:15:41,492 --> 00:15:43,012 Hang on, there's a thing. 331 00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:49,892 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 332 00:15:54,332 --> 00:15:56,532 Well, don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 333 00:15:56,533 --> 00:15:57,892 Shit, really? 334 00:16:14,772 --> 00:16:15,811 You're amazing. 335 00:16:15,812 --> 00:16:16,971 Sorry? 336 00:16:16,972 --> 00:16:18,811 You're amazing? 337 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,452 Oh, thank you! 338 00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:45,851 What's up? 339 00:16:45,852 --> 00:16:47,411 Nothing. 340 00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:48,732 Are you sure? 341 00:16:53,732 --> 00:16:55,172 It's just... 342 00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:01,892 I haven't been happy in a while... 343 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:06,691 and this is good, you know? 344 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,732 Hm. 345 00:17:17,892 --> 00:17:20,732 Can I... have your number? 346 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,172 Yes! 347 00:17:43,372 --> 00:17:45,092 Where's our mark this morning? 348 00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:46,611 We're out on the road. 349 00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:48,732 Ooh... bien sur. 350 00:17:52,252 --> 00:18:00,011 Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe. Vote for me and keep things shitty. 351 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:02,092 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 352 00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:30,372 Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo! 353 00:18:33,092 --> 00:18:34,692 'You're right. Strong Tory.' 354 00:18:34,693 --> 00:18:35,971 'I warned you.' 355 00:18:35,972 --> 00:18:39,572 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 356 00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:43,012 I'm voting Waldo! 357 00:18:46,652 --> 00:18:48,971 I met Waldo last night. 358 00:18:48,972 --> 00:18:50,892 Jamie, the guy who plays him. 359 00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:52,011 He's fun. 360 00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:53,611 Fun? 361 00:18:53,612 --> 00:18:54,652 Mmm-hmm. 362 00:18:56,612 --> 00:18:59,212 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 363 00:18:59,213 --> 00:19:00,771 Not really. 364 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,412 Not really or no? 365 00:19:03,932 --> 00:19:05,172 Er, not really. 366 00:19:06,136 --> 00:19:07,335 Look, he's OK. 367 00:19:07,336 --> 00:19:08,535 He's a comedian - 368 00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:10,976 he's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 369 00:19:13,016 --> 00:19:15,935 His act is all f-this and penis jokes. 370 00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:17,015 But... 371 00:19:17,016 --> 00:19:18,896 Don't see him again. 372 00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:28,576 OK. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 373 00:19:29,656 --> 00:19:32,694 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing. 374 00:19:32,695 --> 00:19:34,694 They've asked Waldo to join the panel. 375 00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,774 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 376 00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:39,014 It's students, you'll walk it. 377 00:19:39,015 --> 00:19:40,774 I can't answer serious questions... 378 00:19:40,775 --> 00:19:44,016 No-one wants you to! You're the comic relief, lighten up. 379 00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:59,536 Erm, just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there... 380 00:20:02,056 --> 00:20:07,336 Are there any particular issues that you're concerned about at all? 381 00:20:22,816 --> 00:20:24,055 Hey. 382 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,095 Oh, hi. 383 00:20:25,096 --> 00:20:27,294 - I thought we were going to...? - Sorry - I've had a tough day... 384 00:20:27,295 --> 00:20:28,536 Right. Not even one? 385 00:20:28,537 --> 00:20:30,175 Sorry. 386 00:20:30,176 --> 00:20:31,736 Well, what about tomorrow? 387 00:20:33,176 --> 00:20:35,776 - Look, I can't, when this is happening, I can't see you. - What do you mean? 388 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:36,896 I'm sorry. 389 00:20:49,438 --> 00:20:51,958 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 390 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,998 Yeah. It looks politicsy. 391 00:20:55,518 --> 00:20:57,437 Check the host. 392 00:20:57,442 --> 00:20:58,602 Jailbait Dimbleby. 393 00:21:06,162 --> 00:21:10,322 When it comes to addiction and addicts, we should sympathise, 394 00:21:10,362 --> 00:21:12,520 but we shouldn't patronise. 395 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:15,919 You know, serious drug use is a criminal of fence, that is 396 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,521 committed voluntarily and for pleasure... 397 00:21:19,721 --> 00:21:22,039 Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 398 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,399 Waldo, what do you think? 399 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,041 Mr Monroe, are you addicted? 400 00:21:25,042 --> 00:21:26,760 No. 401 00:21:26,761 --> 00:21:28,681 Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead? 402 00:21:31,481 --> 00:21:32,999 I think we have to ask ourselves... 403 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,479 I think we have to ask ourselves, what is this for? 404 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,401 And why do we waste our time with animated trivialities like him? 405 00:21:42,161 --> 00:21:43,240 I mean why? 406 00:21:43,241 --> 00:21:44,400 Why? I mean why? 407 00:21:44,401 --> 00:21:46,400 I mean why? I mean why? 408 00:21:46,401 --> 00:21:47,919 I mean why? I mean why? 409 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,399 This is just the kind of thing... rather than see you laugh... 410 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,959 They laugh at you, Limbo. 411 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,439 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage. 412 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,761 Who is scared to engage, who hides behind a children's cartoon. 413 00:21:59,762 --> 00:22:02,560 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 414 00:22:02,561 --> 00:22:07,400 I'm... I'm... I'm speaking about James Salter. 415 00:22:07,401 --> 00:22:08,681 Hm? 416 00:22:10,161 --> 00:22:12,440 Don't worry about it. 417 00:22:12,441 --> 00:22:14,520 That's your name, isn't it? 418 00:22:14,521 --> 00:22:17,041 James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 419 00:22:17,042 --> 00:22:19,960 He's 33 years old, 420 00:22:19,961 --> 00:22:23,799 a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly. 421 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,319 You were in a sketch troupe 422 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,719 that enjoyed minor success about six years ago, 423 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,799 and the others moved on to better things, 424 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,559 but your main achievement seems to have been playing 425 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,239 the part of a corn on the cob 426 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,241 in a high-interest personal loan commercial. 427 00:22:38,681 --> 00:22:40,559 I notice you keep that pretty quiet. 428 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,719 And now of course operating this sort of teddy bear thing. 429 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,561 Which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. 430 00:22:46,562 --> 00:22:53,040 See, this is... this is the thing. It's easy, what he does. 431 00:22:53,041 --> 00:22:54,560 He mocks. 432 00:22:54,561 --> 00:22:57,079 And when he can't think of an authentic joke, 433 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,881 which is actually quite often, he just swears. 434 00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:04,999 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases the 435 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:09,079 process of debate, and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. 436 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:13,679 So I return to my original question, is that really what this is for? 437 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,761 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 438 00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:19,560 Prove me wrong. Hm? 439 00:23:19,561 --> 00:23:21,640 Speak, Waldo. 440 00:23:21,641 --> 00:23:25,841 Please. Come on. Speak up. 441 00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:31,280 There you see, nothing. 442 00:23:31,281 --> 00:23:32,521 Oh, go fuck yourself. 443 00:23:34,641 --> 00:23:36,400 It's more swearing. 444 00:23:36,401 --> 00:23:37,680 You're a joke. 445 00:23:37,681 --> 00:23:38,959 You look less human than I do 446 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,121 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 447 00:23:44,401 --> 00:23:48,440 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 448 00:23:48,441 --> 00:23:51,359 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 449 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,719 No-one takes you seriously, that's why no-one votes. 450 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,039 The vast majority do vote. 451 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:55,879 It's bullshit. 452 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,199 Surely this is enough? 453 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,799 You think you deserve respect. 454 00:23:58,800 --> 00:23:59,879 Just common courtesy. 455 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,359 Because you went to public school 456 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,519 and believed you were entitled to everything. 457 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,639 - Perhaps we could get back... - Ad hominem nonsense... 458 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,719 Gwendolyn Harris... 459 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,839 Something's got to change. No-one trusts you lot cos they know 460 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,519 you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble. 461 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,239 What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher? 462 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,039 You knew him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like? 463 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,121 No, of course not. 464 00:24:19,122 --> 00:24:23,520 Yeah, cos you're all just front, like him, sly and pretending, 465 00:24:23,521 --> 00:24:25,521 and in that way you're all the same. 466 00:24:25,522 --> 00:24:30,320 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 467 00:24:30,321 --> 00:24:32,800 Well, of course I think no... 468 00:24:32,801 --> 00:24:35,760 Oh, shut up, you're worse! 469 00:24:35,761 --> 00:24:37,639 Seriously, she's faker than him. 470 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,719 - For once I agree with Liam Monroe in that this... - Are you going to win? 471 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,919 Doesn't get us anywhere and there's no point in us continuing... 472 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,399 Tell them why you're here. 473 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,921 If we can't have anything resembling a deba... 474 00:24:46,922 --> 00:24:48,961 Tell them why you're here. 475 00:24:52,121 --> 00:24:54,240 She's here to build a showreel. 476 00:24:54,241 --> 00:24:56,799 I'm not kidding, that's literally it. 477 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,041 Knows she's not going to win. This is all experience, 478 00:24:59,042 --> 00:25:00,320 to get on telly. 479 00:25:00,321 --> 00:25:02,919 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here than 480 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,321 he does, because he'll actually have to represent you. 481 00:25:05,322 --> 00:25:06,520 Am I wrong? 482 00:25:06,521 --> 00:25:10,520 A career politician. Someone else less real than me, 483 00:25:10,521 --> 00:25:11,801 and I can do this. 484 00:25:16,001 --> 00:25:17,881 Can I just make a couple of points? 485 00:25:17,882 --> 00:25:19,600 Oh, shut up, you pebble. 486 00:25:19,601 --> 00:25:22,319 What is this for? That's what you wanted to know, Mr Monroe. 487 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,321 And the truth is, none of us know any more, thanks to you. 488 00:25:25,322 --> 00:25:28,520 What are you for? What are you for? 489 00:25:28,521 --> 00:25:30,321 Thank you and goodnight. 490 00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:23,041 Jamie. 491 00:26:24,841 --> 00:26:26,001 Jamie? 492 00:26:27,641 --> 00:26:29,961 Jack's here. He wants to see us. 493 00:26:31,361 --> 00:26:32,441 You can't avoid it. 494 00:26:37,801 --> 00:26:41,081 Get dressed, he'll meet us outside. 495 00:26:55,481 --> 00:26:57,641 'And yet accusations of vapidity aside, 496 00:26:57,642 --> 00:26:59,960 'it's clearly tapped a nerve. 497 00:26:59,961 --> 00:27:02,719 'In just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 498 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,639 'The video of his clash has already been viewed over a million times 499 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,961 'on YouTube. There are Facebook groups calling on Waldo 500 00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:12,760 'to form a national party.' 501 00:27:12,761 --> 00:27:14,480 'You're a joke. 502 00:27:14,481 --> 00:27:17,519 'You look less human than I do and I'm a made-up bear with 503 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,719 'a turquoise (BLEEP) What are you? 504 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,399 'You're just an old attitude with new hair. 505 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,361 'Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously. 506 00:27:26,362 --> 00:27:29,161 'No-one takes you (BLEEP) seriously.' 507 00:27:37,361 --> 00:27:39,559 Oh, look, here he is the man of the moment! 508 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,281 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 509 00:27:41,282 --> 00:27:42,281 Shitifying. 510 00:27:43,801 --> 00:27:45,399 You are everywhere, my son. 511 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,521 Twitter, the news... Have you seen the poll? 512 00:27:47,522 --> 00:27:49,720 You're in third place, mate. 513 00:27:49,721 --> 00:27:51,359 You overtook that Lib Dem prick... 514 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,001 - Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. - This is an opportunity, Jamie. 515 00:27:54,002 --> 00:27:56,040 He knows my name now. 516 00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:57,839 We could really do something here. 517 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,199 You know, everyone's pissed with the status quo. 518 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,041 And Waldo gives that a voice. 519 00:28:02,042 --> 00:28:04,800 Waldo's a bear. A blue bear. 520 00:28:04,801 --> 00:28:06,400 Tell him, Tams. 521 00:28:06,401 --> 00:28:08,640 We've been asked on Consensus. 522 00:28:08,641 --> 00:28:12,041 It's a ten-minute one-to-one interview with Phillip Crane. 523 00:28:12,042 --> 00:28:13,160 Pitbull Crane? 524 00:28:13,161 --> 00:28:14,239 Big guns for big guns. 525 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,519 Hello? I'm not a politician, OK? I don't want to be a politician. 526 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:18,879 We know that you hate politics. 527 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,439 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 528 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,159 You don't need to be interested in them. 529 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,481 You just need to be Waldo. 530 00:28:25,921 --> 00:28:29,401 And when Crane asks something tricky and I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? 531 00:28:29,402 --> 00:28:31,480 You'll know the answer. 532 00:28:31,481 --> 00:28:33,241 Because you have a producer. 533 00:28:33,242 --> 00:28:36,720 Look, I can tell you what to say. 534 00:28:36,721 --> 00:28:39,639 I can live Google any facts, give you stats, quotes, 535 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:40,679 whatever else you need. 536 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,919 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 537 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,481 and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep. 538 00:28:45,482 --> 00:28:47,520 You'll piss all over Crane. 539 00:28:47,521 --> 00:28:49,599 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 540 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,199 Yeah good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 541 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,281 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just more honest about it. 542 00:28:55,282 --> 00:28:57,721 Now come on. What d'you say? Eh? 543 00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,181 Jamie! Jamie! 544 00:29:02,182 --> 00:29:03,420 Why would I want to do this? 545 00:29:03,421 --> 00:29:06,460 Look, the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 546 00:29:06,461 --> 00:29:07,940 I don't know what you're on about. 547 00:29:07,941 --> 00:29:10,860 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young don't 548 00:29:10,861 --> 00:29:13,860 give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films. 549 00:29:13,861 --> 00:29:16,620 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 550 00:29:16,621 --> 00:29:20,220 Yeah, yeah I do actually. Look, they care about Waldo. 551 00:29:20,221 --> 00:29:21,580 They'll vote for Waldo. 552 00:29:21,581 --> 00:29:23,060 The video was a hit for a reason. 553 00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:25,380 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 554 00:29:25,381 --> 00:29:27,300 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate - 555 00:29:27,301 --> 00:29:29,500 Doesn't matter. Or funny, which is almost worse. 556 00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:30,780 We can build on that. 557 00:29:30,781 --> 00:29:31,860 Waldo's not real. 558 00:29:31,861 --> 00:29:35,660 Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home. He's not real, 559 00:29:35,661 --> 00:29:37,220 but he's realer than all the others. 560 00:29:37,221 --> 00:29:38,900 He doesn't stand for anything. 561 00:29:38,901 --> 00:29:41,342 Yeah, well, at least he doesn't pretend to. 562 00:29:41,343 --> 00:29:43,861 Look we... we don't need politicians, 563 00:29:43,862 --> 00:29:46,700 we've all got iPhones and computers, right? 564 00:29:46,701 --> 00:29:50,260 So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. 565 00:29:50,261 --> 00:29:54,020 Let the people vote thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. 566 00:29:54,021 --> 00:29:56,900 That's a democracy. That's a... that's an actual democracy. 567 00:29:56,901 --> 00:29:59,900 So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most 568 00:29:59,901 --> 00:30:03,942 popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 569 00:30:06,022 --> 00:30:07,861 Well, today it's Waldo. 570 00:30:07,862 --> 00:30:10,541 No. It's still the dog. 571 00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:13,180 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 572 00:30:13,181 --> 00:30:15,220 if we fuck the politicians out the equation? 573 00:30:15,221 --> 00:30:17,742 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 574 00:30:23,742 --> 00:30:25,781 Do you know who owns Waldo? 575 00:30:25,782 --> 00:30:26,982 I do, I own the rights. 576 00:30:29,542 --> 00:30:30,821 He's my character. 577 00:30:30,822 --> 00:30:32,462 Yeah, written for my show. 578 00:30:33,502 --> 00:30:38,221 You're too frightened to take to the next level. Fine. I understand. 579 00:30:38,222 --> 00:30:40,101 But also, fuck off! 580 00:30:40,102 --> 00:30:41,062 And watch me fly. 581 00:30:41,063 --> 00:30:43,502 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 582 00:30:46,182 --> 00:30:49,742 Eh, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh? 583 00:30:51,902 --> 00:30:53,182 Pretty close, I'd say. 584 00:30:58,852 --> 00:31:01,051 What's happenin'? Ahh! 585 00:31:01,058 --> 00:31:04,777 Waldorific, yeah! Yeah! 586 00:31:04,778 --> 00:31:06,136 Why is it going off left again? 587 00:31:06,137 --> 00:31:06,856 Because the... 588 00:31:06,857 --> 00:31:09,218 - I know! I've got my... - Put your thumb in the white thing. 589 00:31:09,219 --> 00:31:11,137 I got that. In there? OK. 590 00:31:11,138 --> 00:31:12,818 That's not how that works. 591 00:31:21,778 --> 00:31:26,137 First tonight, a figure - or more accurately a character - 592 00:31:26,138 --> 00:31:29,776 who's been causing an upset in the Stentonford by-election. 593 00:31:29,777 --> 00:31:33,136 Unlike the other candidates, he has no party affiliation. 594 00:31:33,137 --> 00:31:35,016 He doesn't even have a surname. 595 00:31:35,017 --> 00:31:39,418 He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a comedy show. 596 00:31:39,419 --> 00:31:43,057 Today, an official mascot for protest voters. 597 00:31:43,058 --> 00:31:44,217 Vote Waldo. 598 00:31:44,218 --> 00:31:47,576 Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain 599 00:31:47,577 --> 00:31:50,378 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 600 00:31:53,018 --> 00:31:55,696 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised, aren't you 601 00:31:55,697 --> 00:31:58,938 ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? 602 00:32:00,138 --> 00:32:02,056 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 603 00:32:02,057 --> 00:32:05,496 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 604 00:32:05,497 --> 00:32:07,498 Dangerous? You think the public can't be trusted? 605 00:32:07,499 --> 00:32:08,577 No. 606 00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:10,058 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 607 00:32:10,059 --> 00:32:11,057 No, I... 608 00:32:11,058 --> 00:32:12,137 Bell-ends then? 609 00:32:12,138 --> 00:32:13,736 Did you come for a discussion or... 610 00:32:13,737 --> 00:32:16,936 You're snooty for a glorified Punch And Judy man, Phil. 611 00:32:16,937 --> 00:32:19,776 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months cos I'm here. 612 00:32:19,777 --> 00:32:22,576 To even get close to the figures I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 613 00:32:22,577 --> 00:32:25,416 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 614 00:32:25,417 --> 00:32:27,056 Make a nice prawn cocktail. 615 00:32:27,057 --> 00:32:29,216 Could we make a serious political point that is... 616 00:32:29,217 --> 00:32:31,136 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 617 00:32:31,137 --> 00:32:33,016 - Would you like to have a look at it? - Oh, God. Thank you. 618 00:32:33,017 --> 00:32:35,776 Great work tonight. Look at... Look at this, look at this. 619 00:32:35,777 --> 00:32:38,936 It's The Waldo polling app. Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS 620 00:32:38,937 --> 00:32:40,776 so that when you're at a polling station, 621 00:32:40,777 --> 00:32:42,338 it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 622 00:32:42,339 --> 00:32:46,337 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 623 00:32:46,338 --> 00:32:47,496 It's good, isn't it? 624 00:32:47,497 --> 00:32:48,936 Who's this guy we're meeting? 625 00:32:48,937 --> 00:32:52,858 I dunno. But he's from Washington and he's got my restricted number. 626 00:32:56,218 --> 00:32:58,937 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 627 00:32:58,938 --> 00:32:59,577 Hey. Hey. 628 00:32:59,578 --> 00:33:00,856 And I'll leap right in. 629 00:33:00,857 --> 00:33:03,458 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 630 00:33:03,459 --> 00:33:04,777 From "the agency"? 631 00:33:04,778 --> 00:33:08,458 Yeah, listen. Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 632 00:33:08,459 --> 00:33:09,937 Waldo The Bear. 633 00:33:09,938 --> 00:33:12,976 The bear, people like. The fact he's a bear is an assist. 634 00:33:12,977 --> 00:33:14,496 - An assist? - It helps. 635 00:33:14,497 --> 00:33:16,736 Right. You look at human politicians, 636 00:33:16,737 --> 00:33:19,576 you're instinctively like, "brrrr" - uncanny, right? 637 00:33:19,577 --> 00:33:20,776 Like the girls in porn. 638 00:33:20,777 --> 00:33:23,296 You know something's wrong, cos why else are they doing it? 639 00:33:23,297 --> 00:33:24,976 It's usually daddy issues, eh? 640 00:33:24,977 --> 00:33:27,296 Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 641 00:33:27,297 --> 00:33:29,778 You already know he's not real, so no personal flaws. 642 00:33:29,779 --> 00:33:31,257 I'm a person. 643 00:33:31,258 --> 00:33:33,136 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 644 00:33:33,137 --> 00:33:36,778 He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic. 645 00:33:36,779 --> 00:33:38,737 The honesty thing works. 646 00:33:38,738 --> 00:33:43,017 Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. 647 00:33:43,018 --> 00:33:44,938 At the moment he's anti-politics, 648 00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:48,017 which is a political stance itself, right? 649 00:33:48,018 --> 00:33:50,936 But he could deliver any brand of political content, 650 00:33:50,937 --> 00:33:53,816 minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 651 00:33:53,817 --> 00:33:57,696 In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, 652 00:33:57,697 --> 00:33:59,696 then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats 653 00:33:59,697 --> 00:34:02,898 and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 654 00:34:02,899 --> 00:34:05,217 He's the perfect assassin. 655 00:34:05,218 --> 00:34:06,938 We won't win, though. 656 00:34:10,658 --> 00:34:12,657 You guys are so British. 657 00:34:12,658 --> 00:34:16,776 No, of course he won't win. You started out too coarse off the bat. 658 00:34:16,777 --> 00:34:19,978 There's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the whole 659 00:34:19,979 --> 00:34:24,377 nihilist "democracy sucks" thing, yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo, 660 00:34:24,378 --> 00:34:28,857 but with a targeted, hopeful message, which we can provide, 661 00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:32,056 energising the disenfranchised without spooking the middle 662 00:34:32,057 --> 00:34:36,538 via your new platform... You got a global political-entertainment 663 00:34:36,539 --> 00:34:39,058 product people actually want. 664 00:34:40,578 --> 00:34:42,418 You could roll this out worldwide. 665 00:34:42,419 --> 00:34:44,337 Like Pringles. 666 00:34:44,338 --> 00:34:45,738 Absolutely. 667 00:34:50,578 --> 00:34:54,177 It's, er... It's interesting stuff though. 668 00:34:54,178 --> 00:34:55,976 When you're done with Stentonford, 669 00:34:55,977 --> 00:34:58,578 there may be an opportunity in South America. 670 00:34:58,579 --> 00:35:00,217 Se puede hablar espanol? 671 00:35:00,218 --> 00:35:02,657 Vivi en Madrid tres anos. 672 00:35:02,658 --> 00:35:04,498 Excelente. 673 00:35:23,458 --> 00:35:24,578 What? 674 00:35:25,978 --> 00:35:27,537 He's not coming. 675 00:35:27,538 --> 00:35:30,137 But he's the party leader! 676 00:35:30,138 --> 00:35:31,258 It's too toxic. 677 00:35:34,858 --> 00:35:37,256 Meanwhile, as support for Gwendolyn Harris 678 00:35:37,257 --> 00:35:38,536 appears to be dwindling, 679 00:35:38,537 --> 00:35:42,416 Labour denies the party is losing faith in their young candidate. 680 00:35:42,417 --> 00:35:45,098 But Miss Harris spent most of the day locked in crisis talks 681 00:35:45,099 --> 00:35:46,338 at party headqu... 682 00:35:50,018 --> 00:35:54,298 In the Stentonford by-election, Waldo the cartoon bear continues... 683 00:35:55,538 --> 00:35:58,016 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 684 00:35:58,017 --> 00:36:00,098 She looks like she's been poisoned. 685 00:36:00,099 --> 00:36:02,497 Because he's gonna overtake her. 686 00:36:02,498 --> 00:36:03,896 We're still way ahead. 687 00:36:03,897 --> 00:36:07,218 If that thing is the main opposition then the whole system looks absurd. 688 00:36:09,898 --> 00:36:12,377 Which it may well be. 689 00:36:12,378 --> 00:36:13,898 But it built these roads. 690 00:36:22,018 --> 00:36:23,858 Just come in, Roy. 691 00:36:30,098 --> 00:36:31,858 I'm sorry, OK? 692 00:36:33,338 --> 00:36:35,776 It was wrong to speak to you like that and... 693 00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:38,218 After the campaign, I would've called you. 694 00:36:39,378 --> 00:36:41,337 After the campaign! 695 00:36:41,338 --> 00:36:43,498 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 696 00:36:44,618 --> 00:36:48,456 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting to represent... 697 00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:51,416 Well I don't know! Not just "bollocks to everything". 698 00:36:51,417 --> 00:36:54,096 If you were preaching revolution, well that'd be something, 699 00:36:54,097 --> 00:36:57,178 but you're not because that would require courage and a mindset. 700 00:36:58,418 --> 00:36:59,818 And what have you got? 701 00:37:01,378 --> 00:37:02,578 Who are you? 702 00:37:04,018 --> 00:37:05,618 What are you for? 703 00:37:12,578 --> 00:37:13,858 Morning. 704 00:37:23,778 --> 00:37:25,657 So, final push. 705 00:37:25,658 --> 00:37:27,296 You remind everyone that's got the app 706 00:37:27,297 --> 00:37:31,098 that if they recommend it to a friend it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 707 00:37:31,099 --> 00:37:32,178 We're here. 708 00:37:35,058 --> 00:37:37,377 Attention, shoppers. 709 00:37:37,378 --> 00:37:40,778 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 710 00:37:40,779 --> 00:37:42,938 Come over here and listen. 711 00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:48,577 Don't vote for me. I'm an insult. 712 00:37:48,578 --> 00:37:49,977 Seriously. 713 00:37:49,978 --> 00:37:53,137 Vote for Monroe or Harris or, I dunno, UKIP, 714 00:37:53,138 --> 00:37:55,017 or even that Lib Dem guy. 715 00:37:55,018 --> 00:37:56,617 He's a prick! 716 00:37:56,618 --> 00:38:00,296 Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 717 00:38:00,297 --> 00:38:01,456 What is this? Irony? 718 00:38:01,457 --> 00:38:03,176 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 719 00:38:03,177 --> 00:38:04,896 He's from the Harris campaign. 720 00:38:04,897 --> 00:38:07,176 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 721 00:38:07,177 --> 00:38:09,378 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 722 00:38:09,379 --> 00:38:11,297 Don't vote for me! 723 00:38:11,298 --> 00:38:12,978 Don't vmmmf! 724 00:38:15,338 --> 00:38:16,497 Shut up. 725 00:38:16,498 --> 00:38:18,456 No. Don't boo him, he's right! He's right! 726 00:38:18,457 --> 00:38:19,618 What are you doing? 727 00:38:19,619 --> 00:38:21,138 - Resigning. - Jamie! 728 00:38:22,738 --> 00:38:24,537 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 729 00:38:24,538 --> 00:38:27,697 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 730 00:38:27,698 --> 00:38:30,096 You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news. 731 00:38:30,097 --> 00:38:31,456 - He's funny! - He's not. 732 00:38:31,457 --> 00:38:34,016 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ahh! 733 00:38:34,017 --> 00:38:37,616 So remember, the polls are open, and if you've got my app, you can 734 00:38:37,617 --> 00:38:40,978 unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little hat 'n' that. 735 00:38:40,979 --> 00:38:45,377 Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me so question the status quo! 736 00:38:45,378 --> 00:38:46,617 Kill it! Kill it! 737 00:38:46,618 --> 00:38:48,497 Kick them where it hurts. 738 00:38:48,498 --> 00:38:51,176 The first man to hit him gets 500 quid! 739 00:38:51,177 --> 00:38:54,618 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 740 00:38:54,619 --> 00:38:56,057 Smash it! 741 00:38:56,058 --> 00:38:58,217 Yeah! Yeah! 742 00:38:58,218 --> 00:39:02,578 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah... 743 00:39:11,858 --> 00:39:13,136 I, the undersigned, 744 00:39:13,137 --> 00:39:15,256 being the returning officer for the Stentonford 745 00:39:15,257 --> 00:39:18,936 and Hersham constituency, hereby give notice that the total number 746 00:39:18,937 --> 00:39:22,378 of votes recorded for each candidate at the election is as follows. 747 00:39:23,578 --> 00:39:27,377 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 748 00:39:27,378 --> 00:39:29,538 2,449. 749 00:39:32,738 --> 00:39:36,137 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 750 00:39:36,138 --> 00:39:38,418 11,237. 751 00:39:42,018 --> 00:39:46,297 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 752 00:39:46,298 --> 00:39:48,738 19,161. 753 00:39:55,418 --> 00:39:57,498 Waldo, Independent. 754 00:40:00,858 --> 00:40:03,458 16,784. 755 00:40:07,138 --> 00:40:11,256 Ladies... Ladies and gentlemen, please! I declare that Liam Monroe 756 00:40:11,257 --> 00:40:14,178 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 757 00:40:16,418 --> 00:40:18,817 Hey, hey! Everyone! 758 00:40:18,818 --> 00:40:21,298 500 quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 759 00:40:51,738 --> 00:40:54,017 Up you get, come on. 760 00:40:54,018 --> 00:40:55,298 Come on! 761 00:41:04,178 --> 00:41:05,858 Come on. Out you go. 762 00:42:02,258 --> 00:42:03,618 Oi! 763 00:42:04,978 --> 00:42:06,218 Agh! 764 00:42:33,746 --> 00:43:17,867 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru. 765 00:43:18,305 --> 00:44:18,678 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 57613

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