Original subtitles

- Such a bold exploration

of gluteal form.

Note the tonal palate, the compositional form,

the undercurrent of defiance!

One could be forgiven for characterizing

this painting as... cheeky!

(chips crunching)

Ah! A young artisan eating ketchup chips!

- 'Sup?

- I haven't seen a butt painted in such detail

since Genevieve Plum's "Wall of Bums."

- I paint cheeks flat, the way Creator intended.

- I sit on the board of admissions

for the prestigious Arts University for the Learned,

located in Moncton, New Brunswick.

- The Paris of the Maritimes?

- Truly! If you could put a portfolio together,

I would see to it myself that it would get into the right hands!

- Hey! You there, art dweeb!

"No Aristocrats!"

Go on, get! And take your no-arm glasses back to Moncton!

Artsy-fartsy snob, wouldn't last five minutes in Stoney!

(theme music)

(speaking Cree)

- Ho is the new water guy now,

and is behind the wheel of the truck as we speak.

Which is kind of scary,

because he doesn't have his license.

So if you're out on the road, look out!

He's still ironing out the kinks.

- Fuck, boy!

- So, you're going, right?

- I just finished school, why would I go to another one?

- Because at this one,

you can just fuck around and draw pictures.

- In Moncton, New Brunswick.

- Way better than Old Brunswick!

- I do love fucking around.

(laughter): And look at how deadly these kids

look in the pamphlet! This could be you!

All sad and tortured.

- Okay, I'll do it!

(Brother and sister): Moncton! Moncton!

- Okay, but I'm gonna do it on my own terms.

Art shouldn't be locked up in museums, confined by walls.

My art's for the people!

- Yo, look at this pamphlet.

- It says, "Be Bear Smart."

And there's a picture of a man running from a bear.

- What's with you guys and pamphlets?

(Brother and sister): Pamphlets! Pamphlets! Pamphlets!

- How many band councillors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

- How many?

- None. They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw us!

(laughter)

- He hey! Lightbulbs!

(laughter)

They get real hot too,

and then sometimes you burn your hands on them!

(laughter) - What?

- Beat it, you big round rat!

- You're just mad at me because I stole your job,

and now you have to be the sewage driver!

- Oh! Fucking genius, here!

- Why don't you go away?

- You're just mad at me, because you only think I got this job

from sleeping around with Councillor Rose

all the time! Ha!

- Yeah, you think?

- Well, the joke's on you!

Because ever since we had the baby, I've had sex zero times!

- Oy! - Oh...

Sorry about that.

- Yeah, I hope that picks up for ya.

- Wait, fuck you, man!

Go back to sitting by yourself!

- Fine! But I'm gonna try fitting in

with you guys so hard!

- We got big budget negotiations

with Chief and Council coming up.

- Yeah, so?

- So, this guy wants to fit in so bad,

he told us about his love life!

Imagine what he would tell us about Chief and Council!

(laughter)

(clinking mugs)

(slurping coffee) - Oi! Fuck, that's hot!

- Hey boss, need your signature.

- Yeah, man.

- Missed, but uh, I'm sure it's okay.

- Hey! Uh,

so my friends and I were curious

if we could use the store to play

a Wizards and Windigoes campaign?

- Is that like where you pretend to kill dragons

in some kind of little dungeon?

- No, it's actually a pen and paper role-playing game.

We would use our usual place,

but it's being fumigated for wolves.

- Scary wolves! - Yeah!

- One second.

Alright, you know how Yeah Man's got this

badass biker bar feel to it?

- Sure. Of course, bro.

- Yeah well, these nerdlingers are gonna kill that cool vibe.

- We can hear you!

- Mmm. (chuckles)

- We can pay cash.

(laughter) - Good one, Willy!

- Hey, uh, what are you guys talking about over here?

- Oh, you don't wanna hear about this.

- No, no, no, I'm one of you guys now!

- We were just talking about how Chief and Council's

been busting our balls at the bargaining table.

- She says there's no more money for public works.

- Man! That's just like Rose!

- Hmm. - Just stingy!

Did you know that she only lets me have two wieners,

when I know for a fact that there's 12 motherfuckers

that come in a package?

- You know what?

Maybe there is something you can do for us.

Oh actually, ahh, no, no, no.

- No, no, no, no! - N-n-never, never mind.

- What is it? - No! Willy said never mind.

- No! I always mind! I never not mind!

- Well, maybe when you go home,

you could get some info from Rose?

- Yeah, something to help us negotiate.

- Hmm.

- I mean, we're practically family, right?

You, water, me, garbage.

Trudy, shit!

Just maybe, you could come and sit with us at the big table!

- The big table!

(laughing): Oh! You got yourselves a deal!

Wow.

- I call it "Le Macaroni de Lips."

- His eyes follow you around like a pervert at a gas station.

- How come he's got a macaroni on his lip?

- Cause he showed up to school one day with a macaroni

on his lip. That's why they call him Lips.

Oh, I need pics for my portfolio.

Hey, I'm gonna go grab my camera.

- Critical hit, roll for damage!

- So those cheap little dudes, those are the good guys?

- Sage is a kung-fu monk.

And Sonia is a druid, who uses land-based magic.

- Ahh. Kung-fu monk, eh?

Pretty cool, I guess.

- They just finished slaying an evil orc,

and now they're rummaging through his stuff

to find some clues.

- Rummaging, hey? Sounds cool, I guess.

- Deal us in!

- What's the buy in?

- Sorry guys, our session ended anyways.

But uh, if you want, you can join us tomorrow.

- Yeah, that'd be cool! - We'd love to!

- I mean, uh-- - Yeah.

- Yeah, sure. Whatever.

- If you haven't seen the Lips painting,

get your jeets down there!

I've laughed at Lips pretty hard before,

but never this hard!

- Code Beige, officer humiliated!

(sirens blaring)

- Hey, babe! (loud gasp)

- Oh, you scared me!

- Yeah! I didn't want to wake up PJ!

- Oh, he's out with your mom right now.

- Cool, cool.

So uh, why don't you tell me about your work,

and spare no details?

- You never ask about work!

- I'm a working man now!

I love talking work stuff with my baby!

- Well--

(cellphone ringing)

Oh, it's Dee Dee, I have to take this.

Willy wants more?

I know we have a surplus, but they don't know that!

- Surplus?

(sigh)

- Well, he hasn't seen the budget,

so we don't have to worry about that.

- Budget?

- Since when do you dust?

- Dust?

(camera flashes) - Break it up!

(laughter) Go home!

There's nothing to see here!

- Look, Lips has a macaroni on his lip,

just like in the painting!

(laughter)

- Ow! Stop laughing!

This is a violation of the law!

- What, what are you, hey! Hey!

That's my painting!

- It's graffiti.

- I need that for art school!

- Effective immediately,

I'm banning all forms of graffiti, under threat of BCR.

- Stupid fucking pamphlet.

- Sweetie bird!

Is everything okay?

- That's the last time I try to be a sad painter in Moncton!

- Hmmm. Let me tell you a story.

When I was young,

I wanted to be an actor.

Just like Michelle Kennedy on North of 60.

- That's oddly specific. (laughter)

- The point is, I never followed my dreams.

- Hmm. - And I always regretted it.

- I see.

- So, screw Lips!

And you do whatever you need to do to be whoever you want to be.

- Thanks, Kookoo. I love you.

- Mmm. Muah!

- Now if you'll excuse me,

I have some expressing myself to do!

- Mmm! (laughter)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast!

- Come on, then. Let's hear what you got.

- I'm sorry, I couldn't find nothing!

- Then this seat's... taken!

- For fuck! I really tried!

But all she kept going off on was budget and surplus,

blah blah blah! - Wait, what?

- Rose said the reserve was broke!

- We're gonna kill them in negotiation!

(laughter) - I'm really sorry!

Please, just give me one more chance,

and I promise that I'll show you--

- Hey, oh, yo, hey, whoa! Why don't you have a seat?

- No fooling?

- No, it's all yours, big guy!

(laughter)

- You guys seeing this? The table!

(knocking)

Wow!

Jealous?

We should tell some jokes...

- I am Geezhiga,

the fastest barbarian in the land.

And, a magnet of babes!

- I am Zaycan, the enchanter!

And I too, am a magnet of babes!

- What? I am the magnet of babes!

- There can be two magnets.

- Nerds!

- Okay! Let's start.

So, you're all in the desert,

when a huge fire-breathing dragon just rips

through the air. You look to follow it--

- And I jump 500 feet, and I punch the dragon!

- You'd die from the fall damage!

- Nuh-uh! I have an amulet of slow fall!

- Doh!

- Aha!

- You guys are too much!

- Yes.

- One wiener. (chuckles)

Two wiener. Three wiener?

- Hey, babe.

- I was just kidding!

Today was brutal!

Willy and Trudy would not take no for an answer.

All the extra money we had saved got eaten up by their demands.

- Really, eh?

- It's like they knew about the surplus.

- How could they know? I ask you, how?

- You know what you could do for your babe?

Actually, never mind!

- No! What is it? Tell me!

- Maybe, when you go to work,

you could get some information for me?

- You want me to spy on my casual work acquaintances!

- I'm not sure I'm saying that.

- That's, that's enough wieners for two whole days!

- Get dirt at any cost.

Seduce them if you have to!

- It has been a long battle.

- Four hours long!

- So you finally chase down Manamon's spy to a small church.

Zaycan, the hero of the party, strides up to a fallen Orc.

- I cast Fireball at the spy.

- Fireball is a 20-foot ball of fire!

You're in a small church.

- I cast...

Fireball. (evil laugh)

- Everyone is weak from the fight.

- Fireball!

- Yeah!

- Fine! You cast Fireball!

You kill everyone in the room.

- Yes!

- TPK! Is that what you want?

(snaps fingers)

(door closing)

- Shit! Maybe we went too far?

- Yeah, maybe.

Wanna go again?

- Yeah! - Alright!

- Oh, hey guys!

Is it me?

Or is it getting...

hot in here!

- It's actually a perfect temp.

- Really? Then why am I...

so sweaty?

- It's because you have four t-shirts underneath there!

- Oh my! You noticed!

So,

do you guys enjoy the sex?

- What?

- Nothing, I was just kidding! No. Or, was I?

- Stop fucking around and sit down!

We took Chief and Council for a ride!

- Yeah, all that surplus shit paid off.

- We don't even need all the money we're getting!

- Said we needed new trucks, new uniforms, new...

everything! (laughter)

- And they had no choice but to pony up!

Suckers!

- Come with us to the band office later,

watch us sign the deal!

- I would, but I have-- - Hey.

Your own funny work mug.

- Get it. - And those aren't tentacles.

It says Mug Life? Like Thug Life?

- It's because we love coffee so much, get it, get it?

(laughter)

- Oh wow! - Take that, Lips!

- Why does that pig have tentacles?

- I don't think that's a pig.

- And those aren't tentacles.

- Holy! I didn't know men had those!

- Hey! - Oh shit, it's the fuzz!

- Hey! Stop right there! - Run!

- No fucking way! - Halt! In the name of the law!

- Come on, Lips. Lighten up. Why do you hate art?

- I don't hate art, I hate vandalism.

I'm actually more of a film guy.

- Really?

- We'll discuss this later. You're in big trouble.

- Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it?

- What am I gonna do? You're BCR'd.

- What? - Whoa!

- That's what I'm gonna do! - No!

- Okay. Contract's on the table,

all it needs is your signatures.

(laughter) (loud yawn)

- Take a look at this, babe!

- I even brought my best pen for this!

- It's nothing personal, it's just business.

- Actually, speaking of business.

- What?

- What did you do that for?

- I have it on good authority

that Public Works doesn't even need all that money

you asked for. - Not true!

- Trucks are up to date,

uniforms in good shape.

You even have funny mug money!

- Who told you about the funny mug money?

- Who told you about the surplus?

- Mama!

- Mama!

- I knew we couldn't trust this fucking guy!

- How could you?

- Even me! Your baby mama and babe?

- No! I ratted both sides. Evenly!

- I want the mug back!

- Make him the shit guy!

- That's it. You're down to two hot dogs a day!

- Hey! Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?

- Oh, stop it!

- Well, we wouldn't even be here if you guys knew

how to openly talk with each other!

You all used me!

Yeah!

You should all be ashamed of yourselves,

making me resort to my sexy tactics!

(chuckling)

I want you all to sit down,

and talk about what you all did! While I leave the room!

(chuckling)

- Wait.

He's right.

I told Paul to get info on you guys.

- We said the same thing.

- We bribed him. With chairs, and mugs.

- How about we all take a look at the numbers together?

In a good way.

- In a good way, hey?

- We haven't tried honesty and kindness yet!

- My two favourite things!

- Babe, we have work to do.

(chuckling): So uh...

What do I get for bringing everyone together?

Ooh, a brand new funny mug? (gasp)

Four wieners?

(Trudy, Willy and Rose): Out! - Yeah.

- Hey. Just came to get our game.

- Hey! I'm glad you guys came back.

- Yeah, we wanted to say sorry.

And give you this Scroll of Apology.

- It's not a real thing, but...

thanks.

That's so sweet. Okay, let's go, guys.

- Hey, so look. I know we got carried away

and destroyed the whole village.

- That was too much. But, we loved this game so much.

- Is it a crime to love this game so much?

- We can change, I swear!

- Give us one more campaign,

and you will see.

We are different now.

- Okay, how about this?

Every Wednesday, we'll come back and have a game night.

But you have to promise to be chill!

- We're as cool as a plus two Frost Dagger!

- Roll initiative, for Round Two?

(everybody): Excelsior!!

- Leave her alone, Lips!

- Sorry, Hilda. You do the crime, you do the time.

- Wait!

She didn't paint it.

- It's okay!

- No, it's not! I painted it!

- Nice try.

- She's lying, I painted it.

- I painted it, too.

- So did I!

- I also painted it!

- That's impossible!

- Looks like everyone painted it.

- You're all BCR'd!

(crowd gasps)

- Why don't you take a look at the painting first,

take it in?

- Use your damn eyes, Lips!

- Alright, fine.

- Why does the pig have tentacles?

- I don't think that's a pig.

- And those aren't tentacles!

- Oh my God, I understand it now!

- You do?

- Laws are just threats,

made by the ruling class to hold on to power.

- Uh, yeah man.

- I've seen enough. You're all free to go!

- Hey!

- I too have seen enough!

This is true art.

There is a voice inside of you that must be heard,

not bottled up here in Grouse Lake.

Applications be damned!

I'm prepared to offer you a full scholarship.

The world needs to see this bird fly!

(applause)

(cheering)

(knocking on door) - Chickadee?

- You think she went to Moncton?

- There's a note.

"Hey dickheads,

I want you to know that I turned down the art school.

I'm gonna travel and see all the art I can,

like a badass.

I'll be back at some point,

so don't take my shit!"

- Well, she did say, "Don't take my shit."

But, she didn't say anything about not using it. Right?

- Nope!

- Well, these games ain't gonna play themselves!

(theme music)

Subtitling: difuze