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-�Such�a�bold�exploration
of�gluteal�form.
Note�the�tonal�palate, the�compositional�form,
the�undercurrent�of�defiance!
One�could�be�forgiven for�characterizing
this�painting�as...�cheeky!
(chips�crunching)
Ah!�A�young�artisan eating�ketchup�chips!
-�'Sup?
-�I�haven't�seen�a�butt�painted in�such�detail
since�Genevieve�Plum's "Wall�of�Bums."
-�I�paint�cheeks�flat, the�way�Creator�intended.
-�I�sit�on�the�board�of admissions
for�the�prestigious�Arts University�for�the�Learned,
located�in�Moncton, New�Brunswick.
-�The�Paris�of�the�Maritimes?
-�Truly!�If�you�could�put�a portfolio�together,
I�would�see�to�it�myself�that�it would�get�into�the�right�hands!
-�Hey!�You�there,�art�dweeb!
"No�Aristocrats!"
Go�on,�get!�And�take�your�no-arm glasses�back�to�Moncton!
Artsy-fartsy�snob,�wouldn't�last five�minutes�in�Stoney!
(theme�music)
(speaking�Cree)
-�Ho�is�the�new�water�guy�now,
and�is�behind�the�wheel�of�the truck�as�we�speak.
Which�is�kind�of�scary,
because�he�doesn't�have his�license.
So�if�you're�out on�the�road,�look�out!
He's�still�ironing�out the�kinks.
-�Fuck,�boy!
-�So,�you're�going,�right?
-�I�just�finished�school, why�would�I�go�to�another�one?
-�Because�at�this�one,
you�can�just�fuck�around and�draw�pictures.
-�In�Moncton,�New�Brunswick.
-�Way�better�than�Old�Brunswick!
-�I�do�love�fucking�around.
(laughter):�And�look�at�how deadly�these�kids
look�in�the�pamphlet! This�could�be�you!
All�sad�and�tortured.
-�Okay,�I'll�do�it!
(Brother�and�sister): Moncton!�Moncton!
-�Okay,�but�I'm�gonna�do�it�on my�own�terms.
Art�shouldn't�be�locked�up in�museums,�confined�by�walls.
My�art's�for�the�people!
-�Yo,�look�at�this�pamphlet.
-�It�says,�"Be�Bear�Smart."
And�there's�a�picture�of a�man�running�from�a�bear.
-�What's�with�you�guys and�pamphlets?
(Brother�and�sister):�Pamphlets! Pamphlets!�Pamphlets!
-�How�many�band�councillors�does it�take�to�screw�in�a�lightbulb?
-�How�many?
-�None.�They�don't�screw�in lightbulbs,�they�screw�us!
(laughter)
-�He�hey!�Lightbulbs!
(laughter)
They�get�real�hot�too,
and�then�sometimes�you�burn your�hands�on�them!
(laughter) -�What?
-�Beat�it,�you�big�round�rat!
-�You're�just�mad�at�me�because I�stole�your�job,
and�now�you�have�to�be the�sewage�driver!
-�Oh!�Fucking�genius,�here!
-�Why�don't�you�go�away?
-�You're�just�mad�at�me,�because you�only�think�I�got�this�job
from�sleeping�around�with Councillor�Rose
all�the�time!�Ha!
-�Yeah,�you�think?
-�Well,�the�joke's�on�you!
Because�ever�since�we�had�the baby,�I've�had�sex�zero�times!
-�Oy! -�Oh...
Sorry�about�that.
-�Yeah,�I�hope that�picks�up�for�ya.
-�Wait,�fuck�you,�man!
Go�back to�sitting�by�yourself!
-�Fine!�But�I'm�gonna�try fitting�in
with�you�guys�so�hard!
-�We�got�big�budget�negotiations
with�Chief and�Council�coming�up.
-�Yeah,�so?
-�So,�this�guy�wants�to�fit�in so�bad,
he�told�us�about�his�love�life!
Imagine�what�he�would�tell�us about�Chief�and�Council!
(laughter)
(clinking�mugs)
(slurping�coffee) -�Oi!�Fuck,�that's�hot!
-�Hey�boss,�need�your�signature.
-�Yeah,�man.
-�Missed,�but uh,�I'm�sure�it's�okay.
-�Hey!�Uh,
so�my�friends and�I�were�curious
if�we�could�use the�store�to�play
a�Wizards and�Windigoes�campaign?
-�Is�that�like�where�you�pretend to�kill�dragons
in�some�kind of�little�dungeon?
-�No,�it's�actually�a�pen and�paper�role-playing�game.
We�would�use our�usual�place,
but�it's�being�fumigated for�wolves.
-�Scary�wolves! -�Yeah!
-�One�second.
Alright,�you�know how�Yeah�Man's�got�this
badass�biker�bar�feel�to�it?
-�Sure.�Of�course,�bro.
-�Yeah�well,�these�nerdlingers are�gonna�kill�that�cool�vibe.
-�We�can�hear�you!
-�Mmm. (chuckles)
-�We�can�pay�cash.
(laughter) -�Good�one,�Willy!
-�Hey,�uh,�what�are�you�guys talking�about�over�here?
-�Oh,�you�don't�wanna�hear about�this.
-�No,�no,�no, I'm�one�of�you�guys�now!
-�We�were�just�talking�about�how Chief�and�Council's
been�busting�our�balls at�the�bargaining�table.
-�She�says�there's�no�more�money for�public�works.
-�Man!�That's�just�like�Rose!
-�Hmm. -�Just�stingy!
Did�you�know�that�she only�lets�me�have�two�wieners,
when�I�know�for�a�fact that�there's�12�motherfuckers
that�come�in�a�package?
-�You�know�what?
Maybe�there�is�something you�can�do�for�us.
Oh�actually, ahh,�no,�no,�no.
-�No,�no,�no,�no! -�N-n-never,�never�mind.
-�What�is�it? -�No!�Willy�said�never�mind.
-�No!�I�always�mind! I�never�not�mind!
-�Well,�maybe�when�you�go�home,
you�could�get�some�info from�Rose?
-�Yeah,�something to�help�us�negotiate.
-�Hmm.
-�I�mean,�we're�practically family,�right?
You,�water,�me,�garbage.
Trudy,�shit!
Just�maybe,�you�could�come�and sit�with�us�at�the�big�table!
-�The�big�table!
(laughing):�Oh! You�got�yourselves�a�deal!
Wow.
-�I�call�it "Le�Macaroni�de�Lips."
-�His�eyes�follow�you�around like�a�pervert�at�a�gas�station.
-�How�come�he's�got�a�macaroni on�his�lip?
-�Cause�he�showed�up�to�school one�day�with�a�macaroni
on�his�lip. That's�why�they�call�him�Lips.
Oh,�I�need�pics for�my�portfolio.
Hey,�I'm�gonna go�grab�my�camera.
-�Critical�hit,�roll�for�damage!
-�So�those�cheap�little�dudes, those�are�the�good�guys?
-�Sage�is�a�kung-fu�monk.
And�Sonia�is�a�druid, who�uses�land-based�magic.
-�Ahh.�Kung-fu�monk,�eh?
Pretty�cool,�I�guess.
-�They�just�finished�slaying an�evil�orc,
and�now�they're�rummaging through�his�stuff
to�find�some�clues.
-�Rummaging,�hey? Sounds�cool,�I�guess.
-�Deal�us�in!
-�What's�the�buy�in?
-�Sorry�guys, our�session�ended�anyways.
But�uh,�if�you�want, you�can�join�us�tomorrow.
-�Yeah,�that'd�be�cool! -�We'd�love�to!
-�I�mean,�uh-- -�Yeah.
-�Yeah,�sure.�Whatever.
-�If�you�haven't�seen the�Lips�painting,
get�your�jeets�down�there!
I've�laughed�at�Lips pretty�hard�before,
but�never�this�hard!
-�Code�Beige, officer�humiliated!
(sirens�blaring)
-�Hey,�babe! (loud�gasp)
-�Oh,�you�scared�me!
-�Yeah!�I�didn't�want to�wake�up�PJ!
-�Oh,�he's�out�with�your�mom right�now.
-�Cool,�cool.
So�uh,�why�don't you�tell�me�about�your�work,
and�spare�no�details?
-�You�never�ask�about�work!
-�I'm�a�working�man�now!
I�love�talking�work�stuff with�my�baby!
-�Well--
(cellphone�ringing)
Oh,�it's�Dee�Dee, I�have�to�take�this.
Willy�wants�more?
I�know�we�have�a�surplus, but�they�don't�know�that!
-�Surplus?
(sigh)
-�Well,�he�hasn't�seen the�budget,
so�we�don't�have to�worry�about�that.
-�Budget?
-�Since�when�do�you�dust?
-�Dust?
(camera�flashes) -�Break�it�up!
(laughter) Go�home!
There's�nothing to�see�here!
-�Look,�Lips�has�a�macaroni on�his�lip,
just�like�in�the�painting!
(laughter)
-�Ow!�Stop�laughing!
This�is�a�violation�of�the�law!
-�What,�what�are�you,�hey!�Hey!
That's�my�painting!
-�It's�graffiti.
-�I�need�that�for�art�school!
-�Effective�immediately,
I'm�banning�all�forms�of graffiti,�under�threat�of�BCR.
-�Stupid�fucking�pamphlet.
-�Sweetie�bird!
Is�everything�okay?
-�That's�the�last�time�I�try to�be�a�sad�painter�in�Moncton!
-�Hmmm.�Let�me�tell�you�a�story.
When�I�was�young,
I�wanted�to�be�an�actor.
Just�like�Michelle�Kennedy on�North�of�60.
-�That's�oddly�specific. (laughter)
-�The�point�is,�I�never�followed my�dreams.
-�Hmm. -�And�I�always�regretted�it.
-�I�see.
-�So,�screw�Lips!
And�you�do�whatever�you�need�to do�to�be�whoever�you�want�to�be.
-�Thanks,�Kookoo.�I�love�you.
-�Mmm.�Muah!
-�Now�if�you'll�excuse�me,
I�have�some�expressing myself�to�do!
-�Mmm! (laughter)
-�Whoa,�whoa,�whoa.�Not�so�fast!
-�Come�on,�then. Let's�hear�what�you�got.
-�I'm�sorry, I�couldn't�find�nothing!
-�Then�this�seat's...�taken!
-�For�fuck!�I�really�tried!
But�all�she�kept�going�off on�was�budget�and�surplus,
blah�blah�blah! -�Wait,�what?
-�Rose�said�the�reserve was�broke!
-�We're�gonna�kill�them in�negotiation!
(laughter) -�I'm�really�sorry!
Please,�just�give me�one�more�chance,
and�I�promise that�I'll�show�you--
-�Hey,�oh,�yo,�hey,�whoa! Why�don't�you�have�a�seat?
-�No�fooling?
-�No,�it's�all�yours,�big�guy!
(laughter)
-�You�guys�seeing�this? The�table!
(knocking)
Wow!
Jealous?
We�should�tell some�jokes...
-�I�am�Geezhiga,
the�fastest�barbarian in�the�land.
And,�a�magnet�of�babes!
-�I�am�Zaycan,�the�enchanter!
And�I�too,�am�a�magnet�of�babes!
-�What?�I�am�the�magnet of�babes!
-�There�can�be�two�magnets.
-�Nerds!
-�Okay!�Let's�start.
So,�you're�all�in�the�desert,
when�a�huge�fire-breathing dragon�just�rips
through�the�air. You�look�to�follow�it--
-�And�I�jump�500�feet, and�I�punch�the�dragon!
-�You'd�die�from the�fall�damage!
-�Nuh-uh!�I�have�an�amulet of�slow�fall!
-�Doh!
-�Aha!
-�You�guys�are�too�much!
-�Yes.
-�One�wiener. (chuckles)
Two�wiener.�Three�wiener?
-�Hey,�babe.
-�I�was�just�kidding!
Today�was�brutal!
Willy�and�Trudy�would�not take�no�for�an�answer.
All�the�extra�money�we�had�saved got�eaten�up�by�their�demands.
-�Really,�eh?
-�It's�like�they�knew about�the�surplus.
-�How�could�they�know? I�ask�you,�how?
-�You�know�what�you�could�do for�your�babe?
Actually,�never�mind!
-�No!�What�is�it?�Tell�me!
-�Maybe,�when�you�go�to�work,
you�could�get some�information�for�me?
-�You�want�me�to�spy�on my�casual�work�acquaintances!
-�I'm�not�sure�I'm�saying�that.
-�That's,�that's�enough�wieners for�two�whole�days!
-�Get�dirt�at�any�cost.
Seduce�them�if�you�have�to!
-�It�has�been�a�long�battle.
-�Four�hours�long!
-�So�you�finally�chase�down Manamon's�spy�to�a�small�church.
Zaycan,�the�hero�of�the�party, strides�up�to�a�fallen�Orc.
-�I�cast�Fireball�at�the�spy.
-�Fireball�is�a�20-foot�ball of�fire!
You're�in�a�small�church.
-�I�cast...
Fireball. (evil�laugh)
-�Everyone�is�weak from�the�fight.
-�Fireball!
-�Yeah!
-�Fine!�You�cast�Fireball!
You�kill�everyone in�the�room.
-�Yes!
-�TPK!�Is�that�what�you�want?
(snaps�fingers)
(door�closing)
-�Shit!�Maybe�we�went�too�far?
-�Yeah,�maybe.
Wanna�go�again?
-�Yeah! -�Alright!
-�Oh,�hey�guys!
Is�it�me?
Or�is�it�getting...
hot�in�here!
-�It's�actually�a�perfect�temp.
-�Really? Then�why�am�I...
so�sweaty?
-�It's�because�you�have�four t-shirts�underneath�there!
-�Oh�my!�You�noticed!
So,
do�you�guys�enjoy�the�sex?
-�What?
-�Nothing,�I�was�just�kidding! No.�Or,�was�I?
-�Stop�fucking�around and�sit�down!
We�took�Chief�and�Council for�a�ride!
-�Yeah,�all�that�surplus shit�paid�off.
-�We�don't�even�need�all the�money�we're�getting!
-�Said�we�needed�new�trucks, new�uniforms,�new...
everything! (laughter)
-�And�they�had�no�choice but�to�pony�up!
Suckers!
-�Come�with�us�to�the�band office�later,
watch�us�sign�the�deal!
-�I�would,�but�I�have-- -�Hey.
Your�own�funny�work�mug.
-�Get�it. -�And�those�aren't�tentacles.
It�says�Mug�Life? Like�Thug�Life?
-�It's�because�we�love�coffee�so much,�get�it,�get�it?
(laughter)
-�Oh�wow! -�Take�that,�Lips!
-�Why�does�that�pig have�tentacles?
-�I�don't�think�that's�a�pig.
-�And�those�aren't�tentacles.
-�Holy!�I�didn't�know�men had�those!
-�Hey! -�Oh�shit,�it's�the�fuzz!
-�Hey!�Stop�right�there! -�Run!
-�No�fucking�way! -�Halt!�In�the�name�of�the�law!
-�Come�on,�Lips.�Lighten�up. Why�do�you�hate�art?
-�I�don't�hate�art, I�hate�vandalism.
I'm�actually more�of�a�film�guy.
-�Really?
-�We'll�discuss�this�later. You're�in�big�trouble.
-�Yeah?�Well,�what�are�you�gonna do�about�it?
-�What�am�I�gonna�do? You're�BCR'd.
-�What? -�Whoa!
-�That's�what�I'm�gonna�do! -�No!
-�Okay.�Contract's�on the�table,
all�it�needs is�your�signatures.
(laughter) (loud�yawn)
-�Take�a�look�at�this,�babe!
-�I�even�brought�my�best�pen for�this!
-�It's�nothing�personal, it's�just�business.
-�Actually, speaking�of�business.
-�What?
-�What�did�you�do�that�for?
-�I�have�it�on�good�authority
that�Public�Works�doesn't even�need�all�that�money
you�asked�for. -�Not�true!
-�Trucks�are�up�to�date,
uniforms�in�good�shape.
You�even�have�funny�mug�money!
-�Who�told�you�about the�funny�mug�money?
-�Who�told�you�about the�surplus?
-�Mama!
-�Mama!
-�I�knew�we�couldn't�trust this�fucking�guy!
-�How�could�you?
-�Even�me!�Your�baby�mama and�babe?
-�No!�I�ratted�both�sides. Evenly!
-�I�want�the�mug�back!
-�Make�him�the�shit�guy!
-�That's�it.�You're�down to�two�hot�dogs�a�day!
-�Hey!�Is�it�me, or�is�it�getting�hot�in�here?
-�Oh,�stop�it!
-�Well,�we�wouldn't�even�be�here if�you�guys�knew
how�to�openly�talk with�each�other!
You�all�used�me!
Yeah!
You�should�all�be�ashamed of�yourselves,
making�me�resort to�my�sexy�tactics!
(chuckling)
I�want�you�all�to�sit�down,
and�talk�about�what�you�all�did! While�I�leave�the�room!
(chuckling)
-�Wait.
He's�right.
I�told�Paul to�get�info�on�you�guys.
-�We�said�the�same�thing.
-�We�bribed�him. With�chairs,�and�mugs.
-�How�about�we�all�take�a�look at�the�numbers�together?
In�a�good�way.
-�In�a�good�way,�hey?
-�We�haven't�tried�honesty and�kindness�yet!
-�My�two�favourite�things!
-�Babe,�we�have�work�to�do.
(chuckling):�So�uh...
What�do�I�get for�bringing�everyone�together?
Ooh,�a�brand�new�funny�mug? (gasp)
Four�wieners?
(Trudy,�Willy�and�Rose):�Out! -�Yeah.
-�Hey.�Just�came to�get�our�game.
-�Hey!�I'm�glad you�guys�came�back.
-�Yeah,�we�wanted�to�say�sorry.
And�give�you�this�Scroll of�Apology.
-�It's�not�a�real�thing, but...
thanks.
That's�so�sweet. Okay,�let's�go,�guys.
-�Hey,�so�look.�I�know�we�got carried�away
and�destroyed the�whole�village.
-�That�was�too�much.�But,�we loved�this�game�so�much.
-�Is�it�a�crime�to�love this�game�so�much?
-�We�can�change,�I�swear!
-�Give�us�one�more�campaign,
and�you�will�see.
We�are�different�now.
-�Okay,�how�about�this?
Every�Wednesday,�we'll�come back�and�have�a�game�night.
But�you�have to�promise�to�be�chill!
-�We're�as�cool�as a�plus�two�Frost�Dagger!
-�Roll�initiative, for�Round�Two?
(everybody):�Excelsior!!
-�Leave�her�alone,�Lips!
-�Sorry,�Hilda.�You�do�the crime,�you�do�the�time.
-�Wait!
She�didn't�paint�it.
-�It's�okay!
-�No,�it's�not!�I�painted�it!
-�Nice�try.
-�She's�lying,�I�painted�it.
-�I�painted�it,�too.
-�So�did�I!
-�I�also�painted�it!
-�That's�impossible!
-�Looks�like�everyone painted�it.
-�You're�all�BCR'd!
(crowd�gasps)
-�Why�don't�you�take�a�look�at the�painting�first,
take�it�in?
-�Use�your�damn�eyes,�Lips!
-�Alright,�fine.
-�Why�does�the�pig have�tentacles?
-�I�don't�think�that's�a�pig.
-�And�those�aren't�tentacles!
-�Oh�my�God, I�understand�it�now!
-�You�do?
-�Laws�are�just�threats,
made�by�the�ruling�class to�hold�on�to�power.
-�Uh,�yeah�man.
-�I've�seen�enough. You're�all�free�to�go!
-�Hey!
-�I�too�have�seen�enough!
This�is�true�art.
There�is�a�voice�inside�of�you that�must�be�heard,
not�bottled�up�here in�Grouse�Lake.
Applications�be�damned!
I'm�prepared�to�offer�you a�full�scholarship.
The�world�needs�to�see this�bird�fly!
(applause)
(cheering)
(knocking�on�door) -�Chickadee?
-�You�think�she�went�to�Moncton?
-�There's�a�note.
"Hey�dickheads,
I�want�you�to�know�that I�turned�down�the�art�school.
I'm�gonna�travel�and�see all�the�art�I�can,
like�a�badass.
I'll�be�back�at�some�point,
so�don't�take�my�shit!"
-�Well,�she�did�say, "Don't�take�my�shit."
But,�she�didn't�say�anything about�not�using�it.�Right?
-�Nope!
-�Well,�these�games�ain't�gonna play�themselves!
(theme�music)
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