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1
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,470
Oh, I-I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to...
2
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,846
Shh.
3
00:00:13,846 --> 00:00:16,433
["Un Homme Et Une Femme"
by Francis Lai]
4
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,293
[music continues]
5
00:00:47,171 --> 00:00:50,758
[Drew sighing]
Uh, it's pepperoni with,
black peppers
6
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:54,678
and onions,
and New York crust.
7
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,598
You win.
8
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,486
- That was incredible.
- Yeah.
9
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,824
Wanna do it again?
10
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,826
Damn, I'm not a machine.
11
00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:44,455
[chuckling]
12
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,794
What the hell, let's, uh...
13
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,629
...let's get the can opener.
14
00:02:57,593 --> 00:02:58,928
["Cleveland Rocks"]
15
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:06,227
♪ All this energy callin' me ♪
16
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:09,355
♪ Back where it comes from ♪
17
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,483
♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪
18
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:15,569
♪ It's back where it belongs ♪
19
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:18,823
♪ All the little chicks
with the crimson lips go ♪
20
00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:22,159
♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
21
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:25,538
♪ Livin' in sin
with a safety pin goin' ♪
22
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,415
♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
23
00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:31,752
♪ Cleveland rocks ♪
24
00:03:31,752 --> 00:03:32,795
Ohio!
25
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:38,800
(Nigel)
Mimi, Mimi.
26
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,054
Mimi, look, I'm sorry
I came up with this
27
00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:43,473
whole phony
sexual harassment idea.
28
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,807
Can't you just
drop this suit
29
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,600
and we can go back
to being friends?
30
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,727
I don't know.
31
00:03:48,852 --> 00:03:50,855
I'll give you a big kiss.
32
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,774
On the lips
or free-range?
33
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,360
Oh, forget it.
34
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,654
You'd just be doin' it
for all the wrong reasons.
35
00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:02,032
Please, I'll do anything.
I just want it to stop.
36
00:04:02,032 --> 00:04:05,787
Well, maybe if you just
do one little thing for me
37
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,081
and read this over the PA.
38
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:12,001
Fine.
39
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,590
Attention, everyone,
I have an announcement to make.
40
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:24,806
"I'm a mamma's boy with girly
hands and ample pasty hips.
41
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,184
When I'm spanked by German girls
I like to wear a slip."
42
00:04:31,645 --> 00:04:33,398
Alright, I thought about it.
43
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:36,650
No!
44
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:40,321
And that was reading from
Drew Carey's private diaries.
45
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,114
Tomorrow,
the high school years.
46
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:44,784
"Why is everyone fuzzy,
but me?"
47
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,708
I'm lookin' for Mimi Bobeck.
48
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,587
Who's askin'?
49
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,589
The best sexual harassment
lawyer in Cleveland.
50
00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:02,802
Hey. I'm talkin'
to you too, babe.
51
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,096
What attracted
to your specialty?
52
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:10,184
I'm the one that called you.
I'm Mimi Bobeck.
53
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,312
Bobby Marchetti,
nice to meet you.
54
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:14,897
You can sit here.
55
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,232
Pig's still out to lunch.
56
00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,321
Okay, here's the deal.
57
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:25,157
I wanna take this place
for two million bucks.
58
00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:27,618
Hey, you and me both, but this
is not an open and shut case.
59
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,454
First of all,
you look like a whack job.
60
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:34,334
Oh, ow. That really hurts
coming from Tom Cruise.
61
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,505
At least you talk straight.
I like that.
62
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,841
Whatever you do,
don't make that face in court.
63
00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:44,260
What face?
64
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:51,016
Look, I am what I am
and one more comment like that
65
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,560
and I can change who you are.
66
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,522
I'm sorry, Ms. Bobeck,
I don't think I can help you.
67
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,566
You won't get sympathy
from a jury.
68
00:05:59,858 --> 00:06:01,526
You're right.
69
00:06:01,526 --> 00:06:04,571
It's just that, sometimes
I have to put on a tough face
70
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:06,574
to hide the pain.
71
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:09,118
I just haven't had an easy life.
72
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,412
I just, I don't know
where to turn.
73
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,127
Hey, I'm sorry.
74
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:20,087
So how was that?
75
00:06:20,087 --> 00:06:22,756
I'll take the case.
76
00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:24,508
Mimi, what are you doin'
in my cubical? Who's this?
77
00:06:24,508 --> 00:06:25,592
Her lawyer.
78
00:06:25,592 --> 00:06:26,969
Is this the guy
who touched you?
79
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,346
No. If he was the one
who touched me
80
00:06:29,346 --> 00:06:31,224
I wouldn't need a lawyer,
I'd need a corner
81
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,058
'cause I'd have to kill myself.
82
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,435
Oh, really?
83
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,686
- Touch, touch, touch.
- Stop it!
84
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:37,897
Hey, hey, hey,
restrain yourself.
85
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,442
Mrs. Louder is on her way up
86
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:42,985
and I heard it's about
your promotion.
87
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,862
Oh, my gosh.
How do I look?
88
00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,739
- Ready for a let down.
- Yeah.
89
00:06:48,115 --> 00:06:51,285
Carey...
Oh, O'Brien, how are you?
90
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,580
Don't waste my time answering.
91
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,291
Carey, you're invited
to Mr. Louder's
92
00:06:57,291 --> 00:07:00,002
birthday party,
Friday night.
93
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,629
A birthday party for Mr. Louder?
94
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,631
Well, that sounds great.
95
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,091
He's been dead for years,
she's lost her mind.
96
00:07:06,091 --> 00:07:09,553
I know my husband is dead,
and I'm not deaf, either.
97
00:07:09,553 --> 00:07:12,264
Every year, I invite
Cleveland's A-list
98
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:13,975
to celebrate his birthday.
99
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:17,687
And of course, Mr. Louder
makes a short speech.
100
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,148
- Aww, of course he does.
- Yeah.
101
00:07:21,648 --> 00:07:23,567
He recorded them before he died.
102
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:25,778
We had him cryogenically frozen.
103
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,031
You had him preserved?
104
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,825
Yes, and he'd still be frozen
105
00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:34,495
if I had bought
a damn surge protector.
106
00:07:38,165 --> 00:07:40,500
But a 180 pounds of bad Louder
107
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,837
you don't wanna keep
that around the house.
108
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:46,507
The point is that
every year we pick
109
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:50,135
two or three up-and-comers
to toast Mr. Louder.
110
00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:53,431
And, Carey, this year
you are one of them.
111
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,558
Wow, after 12 years
I'm a up-and-comer.
112
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,683
Nobody else wanted
to do it, huh?
113
00:07:56,683 --> 00:07:59,812
- Yes.
- Alright.
114
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,564
Well, I'd work hard
on that toast.
115
00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:04,859
Because this year
the best one wins
116
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:08,695
five hundred shares of stock
in Winfred-Louder.
117
00:08:08,695 --> 00:08:10,322
Five hundred shares?
118
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:15,328
The party at 7 sharp, and
you're expected to bring a date.
119
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,206
If worse come to worse,
I've got a sister.
120
00:08:20,957 --> 00:08:22,168
Fresh or frozen?
121
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,217
Come on, guys,
I gotta leave in 15 minutes.
122
00:08:30,217 --> 00:08:32,386
I still haven't found anything
nice to say about Mr. Louder.
123
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:36,307
I got somethin', it says here
he invented the word Sweatshop.
124
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,559
Really?
125
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,770
Mr. Louder was a crusader
for worker's rights?
126
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,147
Well, not exactly,
he's quoted as saying
127
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:46,108
"I wanna see my workers
sweat so much in my shop
128
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,819
"I can call them Sweatshops.
129
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,614
"Or maybe stink-boxes.
130
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,991
"Oh, hell, I don't care,
I hate workers.
131
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,242
"Hey, where's my hat?
132
00:08:55,242 --> 00:08:56,868
I think I'm gonna be sick."
133
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:58,788
Huh, oh, he was a drinker too.
134
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,832
Kate, you got
anything about him?
135
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,335
Well, kinda, did you know
he invented the cubical?
136
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,170
- No way!
- Yeah.
137
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,380
Originally it was a cage,
but he experimented
138
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:09,631
and found out you
only need three walls
139
00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:11,884
and people are trapped
in their minds.
140
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:16,596
Oh my god,
I could just walk out.
141
00:09:16,596 --> 00:09:19,308
Drew, are you sure you
wanna toast this sleaze bag?
142
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,643
Hey, he's dead and
I need the shares of stock.
143
00:09:21,643 --> 00:09:23,270
I need a nest egg.
144
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:24,855
I had a nest egg,
but I lost to gambling.
145
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,648
I was bettin'
I'd be dead by now.
146
00:09:26,648 --> 00:09:28,108
So what are you gonna say?
147
00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:29,402
I don't think
any of this stuff
148
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,736
is gonna help
you get that stock.
149
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,947
Oh, I guess I have
to rely on jokes.
150
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,824
Now, listen, officially
you guys are there
151
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,367
to run the lights and
projectors.
152
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,912
But, unofficially, you're
now my designated laughers.
153
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,623
Well, we've been workin'
on a couple of options.
154
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:43,915
First, there's
the Country Club laugh.
155
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:46,085
[laughing]
156
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,796
The Boss Just Told
A Bad Joke Laugh.
157
00:09:49,796 --> 00:09:51,549
[laughing]
158
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,177
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
159
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,887
Hey, you've heard my material,
I could get some laughs.
160
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,431
[laughing]
161
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,099
Seriously.
162
00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:04,019
- Yeah, Drew.
- Sure you can.
163
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:05,854
Okay, listen,
do the Boss one.
164
00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:07,398
[laughing]
165
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,567
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
166
00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:11,943
Hey, uh, Nicki,
if you give me a few seconds
167
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:14,654
I'm just, uh,
butterin' up my toast.
168
00:10:14,654 --> 00:10:17,825
Hey, butter, toast.
That's good, write that down.
169
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,786
Um, Drew, I was thinking,
I don't feel so well.
170
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,120
Maybe, you should go without me.
171
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,497
Oh, why?
What's wrong?
172
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,999
Drew, I didn't realize
how much weight I gained
173
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,375
till I put this dress on.
174
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,377
Oh, come on,
I'm sure you look great.
175
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,133
Oh my god!
176
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,845
You look beautiful.
177
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,311
Oh, come on, when you
go through those doors
178
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,772
you're gonna be the biggest
thing there since...
179
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,861
I am never going out
in public again.
180
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,070
You're being
too hard on yourself.
181
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,614
You look great.
182
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,158
And that slit
in the back is very sexy.
183
00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:01,285
What slit?
184
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:03,996
Oh my god!
185
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,248
Can nothing contain me?
186
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,250
Oh, come on, honey.
187
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,919
I like the way you look.
188
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,504
So you got a little
junk in your trunk.
189
00:11:12,921 --> 00:11:13,839
[screams]
190
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,341
Drew! Drew!
191
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,425
You miss sleepin' alone?
192
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,635
- No.
- Get out of here.
193
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:19,804
- Be gentle.
- Ugh.
194
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:27,561
- You okay?
- No.
195
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,563
You know, when Drew
and I first started dating
196
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,566
I used to wear his
T-shirts as bed shirts.
197
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,568
Now, I wear them as T-shirts.
198
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,323
Believe me, you're much
more aware of this
199
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,615
than anybody else.
200
00:11:40,615 --> 00:11:42,242
Really?
201
00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:43,410
You know, maybe you're right.
202
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:44,745
I'm being oversensitive.
203
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,496
I mean, every woman's
got something.
204
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:47,998
I've got my weight.
205
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,750
You've got your hair.
206
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,546
Thanks, Kate.
207
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,548
Oh, I'm glad to make
you feel better.
208
00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:00,886
Guess what?
209
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:03,180
I'm gonna go
with you after all.
210
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,306
In-in that?
211
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,516
Well, that's great!
212
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,019
[knock on door]
213
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,480
Oh, that must be Charlie
looking for one of his angels.
214
00:12:16,359 --> 00:12:17,319
Drew.
215
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,745
Oh.
216
00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:31,792
Well, you and Nicki
217
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,418
left these keys at
the bar last night.
218
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:34,420
Wow! I've been looking
all over for these.
219
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,545
Where'd you find 'em?
220
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:37,131
We asked
around the bar
221
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,007
some people said they belong
to that good-lookin' couple.
222
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:40,593
See?
223
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,802
So we went to their house...
224
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,347
...and they said they
belong to the chubby couple.
225
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,807
See ya, man.
226
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,729
I'm fat... and ugly.
227
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:52,854
I gotta go.
228
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:53,898
Nicki, come on.
229
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,946
Boy, women are so touchy
about their weights.
230
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,781
You wouldn't catch me
runnin' out of the room
231
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:04,741
cryin' just 'cause of
an extra ten pounds.
232
00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:06,201
Hmm, I'm glad you
said that, buddy.
233
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:08,037
Because, I've been
meanin' tell ya
234
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,621
you're gettin' a little flabby
around the middle there.
235
00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:10,622
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
236
00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:11,665
Oh.
237
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,719
N-now you see, that's the way
a guy deals with it.
238
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,191
I called Nicki's house,
I paged her.
239
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,693
I even have 17 cars out in
the streets lookin' for her.
240
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,777
You called the cops?
241
00:13:40,777 --> 00:13:42,279
No! Dominos.
242
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,822
Oh.
243
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,365
Oswald and Lewis
here yet?
244
00:13:45,365 --> 00:13:47,200
Yep. They're in
the balcony setting up.
245
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,827
Wait till you
hear the music.
246
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,871
What music? I didn't
ask for any music.
247
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,831
Oh, yeah.
It's a surprise.
248
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:53,832
(Drew)
'Oh, there's Mrs. Louder.'
249
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,916
Hey, Mrs. Louder.
250
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:56,919
[trumpet music]
251
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,630
What the hell is that?
252
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,340
Oh, y-you triggered
the music cue.
253
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:04,343
That's a negative on
the cue, good buddy. Over.
254
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:08,013
What're you guys tryin'
to do to me?
255
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,932
It was Lewis' idea.
256
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,641
I thought it was stupid.
I-I said so too.
257
00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:12,934
Yeah.
258
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,019
You know better than to
259
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,312
trust Lewis
on this kinda stuff.
260
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:16,938
If Lewis said,
I don't know like
261
00:14:16,938 --> 00:14:18,315
"Shoot a confetti cannon
at Drew's head
262
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:19,649
at the end of his speech."
263
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,151
Would you have
listened to him then?
264
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,361
'Course not.
265
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,613
That would be
dangerous and stupid.
266
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:25,822
I copy that, Oswald.
267
00:14:25,822 --> 00:14:26,866
Kill the cannon.
268
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,287
Oh, hey.
269
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:34,164
Some tux...
270
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,457
...here
and some tucks here
271
00:14:36,457 --> 00:14:38,210
and you wouldn't look
like such a fat pig.
272
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,006
Mimi, what're you
doin' here?
273
00:14:43,006 --> 00:14:45,091
Company's suckin' up
to me big time
274
00:14:45,091 --> 00:14:46,634
'cause of the lawsuit.
275
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:48,012
They even sent
the car for me.
276
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,305
Oh, too bad it missed.
277
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,144
Take you seats, people.
278
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,146
We're about to begin.
279
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:02,317
'Now, we'll begin
the round of toasts.'
280
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:05,445
May I introduce
a promising new employee
281
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:09,158
Randall C Johnson from shoes.
282
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,164
Drew, forgive me.
283
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,123
On, Nicki!
You're here, that's great.
284
00:15:17,123 --> 00:15:19,376
Oh, I was being
stupid and selfish.
285
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,710
I just want you to know,
I'm here for ya.
286
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,254
I'm gonna go in
the back and watch.
287
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,381
No, no, no, I want you to
sit right here, next to me.
288
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:26,591
Oh, come on, you don't
wanna be seen with me.
289
00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:29,178
Wow, that is so sad.
290
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:32,097
And to think that was
my pickup line for years.
291
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,182
Well, it worked on me.
292
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,019
I'm up.
Wish me luck.
293
00:15:38,019 --> 00:15:39,480
Go get 'em, baby.
294
00:15:40,355 --> 00:15:41,356
Hey, uh...
295
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:43,233
I really have to
cheer her up so
296
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,068
go get Oswald and tell him
when I go like this...
297
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:46,111
to put the spotlight on her.
298
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,154
Got it.
299
00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:50,240
And now the man who's here...
300
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:54,203
...only because we needed
three speakers.. Drew Carey.
301
00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:01,251
Thank you, for that
touching introduction.
302
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,253
[laughter]
303
00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:09,509
I'll have some of what
the boys up there are having.
304
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:12,012
[laughing continues]
305
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,305
But seriously...
306
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,306
[laughing stops]
307
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,229
...it's an honor to be here
to give this toast.
308
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,272
I hope you like your toast dry.
309
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,483
I prefer mine buttered myself.
310
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:31,531
Okay, I better get on
with the toast...
311
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:34,743
Listen, before I do,
I just wanna tell ya
312
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,370
that win or lose
313
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,621
I'm the luckiest guy alive.
314
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,247
'Cause I'm...
315
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:41,541
...here with the most
beautiful woman in the room.
316
00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:44,127
A woman who doesn't even know
how beautiful she is.
317
00:16:44,127 --> 00:16:47,130
My girlfriend, a real lady.
318
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:48,132
Nicki Pfeiffer.
319
00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:53,262
(Drew)
'Uh..'
320
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:56,473
Did I mention,
she plays the chicken?
321
00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,393
Okay, back to me.
322
00:17:00,393 --> 00:17:01,729
(Drew)
Alright! Over here, guys!
323
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,065
Would you get that
damn thing off of her?
324
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,359
[trumpet music]
325
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,902
What're you guys,
tryin' to get me fired?
326
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,362
You heard the man!
Fire!
327
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,405
Okay.
328
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:20,955
There.
329
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:21,999
Top that.
330
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,419
[trumpet music]
331
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,305
[music continues]
332
00:17:41,809 --> 00:17:43,353
Nicki!
333
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,993
(Mrs. Louder)
'Drew, this is Mrs. Louder.'
334
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,412
'I just want you to know
that Anderson got up there'
335
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,830
'after you left, totally drunk'
336
00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:06,042
'offending every ethnic group,
age, and sex in the room'
337
00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:08,002
'exposed himself'
338
00:18:08,002 --> 00:18:10,463
'and still beat you handily.'
339
00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:11,548
'Goodnight.'
340
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:33,570
Nicki...
341
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:36,573
...what're you doin' out here?
342
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,867
Counting the stars.
343
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,077
Just shoot around me.
344
00:18:43,329 --> 00:18:45,748
Look...
345
00:18:45,748 --> 00:18:48,293
I'm really sorry about
what happened tonight.
346
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,837
What're you sorry about?
347
00:18:50,837 --> 00:18:53,799
You weren't the one
playing the chicken.
348
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,927
God help me, Drew, later on I'm
accompaning myself on the ham.
349
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,055
So what?
350
00:19:01,055 --> 00:19:04,601
You know, you're not
what you think you are.
351
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,812
What do you think
I think I am?
352
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,647
I think you're beautiful.
353
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,148
- And?
- And I think you're funny.
354
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,483
- And?
- And I think you're smart.
355
00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,402
And, and?
Just say it!
356
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:15,778
Oh, pfft, alright,
I'll say it.
357
00:19:15,778 --> 00:19:16,988
You're moderately
overweight.
358
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:18,323
Say it.
359
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,450
Okay.
360
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,492
Alright, why
shouldn't I say it?
361
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:22,494
There's no shame
in sayin' it.
362
00:19:24,579 --> 00:19:25,955
You're fat.
363
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,416
Oh.
364
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,501
Okay, but so what?
365
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,377
You know what, "fat"...
366
00:19:31,377 --> 00:19:32,379
...it's great.
367
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,132
Listen...
368
00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:39,386
I mean, think of all
the famous, fat couples.
369
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,930
Dan and Rosanne.
370
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,183
Tom and Rosanne.
371
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:47,978
Ben and Rosanne.
372
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,438
Ben and Jerry,
and Rosanne.
373
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:55,610
Yeah, but it's
different for you.
374
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,487
You have fun fat.
375
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,363
Oh, so do you.
376
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:00,824
My fat wouldn't
like your fat
377
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,075
if it was all
stuck-up and snooty.
378
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:08,498
What're you save me
the joys of living large now?
379
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:11,626
There's a lot of things great
about bein' overweight.
380
00:20:11,626 --> 00:20:13,169
We're sittin' out here
in the freezin' weather
381
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:15,172
but are we cold? No.
382
00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,634
'Cause we're fat.
383
00:20:19,634 --> 00:20:21,136
If Oswald and Lewis,
was, was out here
384
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,595
they'd freeze to death.
385
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:23,680
And then, you know
what we'd do?
386
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:24,932
We'd eat 'em and
we'd get fatter.
387
00:20:28,643 --> 00:20:30,437
Look, um...
388
00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:33,106
...what I'm tryin'
to say is
389
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,650
that, I...
390
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,236
I love you.
391
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:40,322
'Cause, baby,
you're the fattest!
392
00:20:46,786 --> 00:20:49,831
You're the best
boyfriend in the world.
393
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,542
But, Drew, I-I gotta try
and lose some weight.
394
00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,962
Well, alright.
395
00:20:55,962 --> 00:20:58,131
I'm gon-I'm gonna
Miss Naked Nacho night.
396
00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,508
Oh, I can still watch.
397
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,385
Oh. So, technically,
I guess that'd be uh...
398
00:21:02,385 --> 00:21:03,595
...snackurbation.
399
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,476
That's right, baby.
400
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:11,353
Eat for me.
401
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:12,980
Save it for the kitchen.
402
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:23,991
Mail call!
403
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:28,244
Lopez, paycheck.
404
00:21:28,244 --> 00:21:30,246
By the way, there's
been a lot of missing
405
00:21:30,246 --> 00:21:31,748
paychecks this morning.
406
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,958
Oh, no.
407
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:36,336
But here's
the weird coincidence.
408
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,671
Contributes to my Sexual
Harassment Legal fund
409
00:21:38,671 --> 00:21:41,717
are the only ones who's
checks magically re-appear.
410
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,011
Oh.
411
00:21:45,011 --> 00:21:48,306
Abracadabra, what's that
behind your ear?
412
00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:50,892
I said a contribution,
not a couple of coins.
413
00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:55,439
Voila.
414
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:57,941
[chuckles]
26995
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