All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show (1995) - S03E14 - He Harassed Me He Harassed Me Not (720p WEB-DL x264 8bit AAC 2.0 DJPitaB).eng

Morning, Mimi.

You look sexy today!

I look sexy every day.

What the hell is goin' on?

I need to talk to you.

No, no. Not my office.
It could be bugged.

We need to find somewhere
private. A dead zone.

Somewhere management doesn't
even know exists.

- Drew's cubicle?
- Perfect.

Now, Mimi...

...I want to sexually
harass you.

Ready.

- Do you need a minute?
- Mimi.

Not now, not here.
Not really.

Then why the yank?

It's part of my plan to get
back at Winfred-Lauder.

They are going
to fire me.

But you're beautiful.

Unless, of course, they are
firin' all the beautiful people.

Holy cripes, I'm next!

No, no, no,
it's just me. Here.

Look at this confidential
memo I accidentally found

while rifling through
Mrs. Lauder's purse.

"Agenda for Friday,
reschedule board meeting.

"Third world labor
getting too expensive

"look for fourth world.

Oh, my God! Celebrate Mr. Wick's
firing next Friday."

Celebrating!

They are celebrating
the fortune they're saving.

Fired me a month before
I'm vested for pension.

I'll lose everything
and be deported.

So, what you're telling me
is that you wanna do it with me

before you go back
to that sexless country?

There's a little
more to it.

I sexually harass you,
you sue the company.

I confess.

And you win millions.

Then we split the money
and live a life of luxury

in some remote
tropical island.

What do you say?

Slow the boat,
mister. Huh.

I ain't gonna lie
about sexual harassment.

Damn.

You're gonna actually
have to do it.

Damn.

I mean great.

And after we do it
and we rehearse a little...

Well, we're gonna
need a witness.

Someone gullible.

Yes, a real stooge.

Someone easily manipulated.

Now, who do I have
in the palm of my hand?

I know, Henderson.

Henderson's practically
300 years old.

Can't hardly remember
to put pants on.

- Burkhalter.
- Oh, no.

Not since his stroke.
He called me Churchill

in the elevator this morning.

- What about Lee?
- No.

- O'Connor?
- No.

- Leder?
- No.

- Naegle?
- No.

- Madeline?
- No.

- Firestein?
- Oh, no.

- Graham?
- No.

- Mulroy?
- No.

Hmm. Then what about
Cooter in Accounting?

No. I know, what about him?

Brilliant!

Lewis, this hamburger is great.
Where'd you get it?

Uh, from the Drug Co.
cafeteria.

Actually, it's more
of a test kitchen.

Test kitchen, huh?

Lot of words I like
to hear before kitchen.

Grandma's...

Fully stocked...

'Mama Leone's..'

"Test" isn't one of 'em.

This is a real hamburger?

You tell me.

See, I get, uh, 20 bucks for
each questionnaire I fill out.

Now, do you feel
any, uh, bloating

mood swings...

...loosening of teeth?

I'll give you some loose
teeth if you don't tell me

what's in this hamburger.

Oh, it's a big 10-4
in the mood swings.

Stooge has landed.
Show time.

So, that's why you wanted
to keep me through lunch?

So, you could
get grabby?

That's sexual harassment, mister.

Mimi, if you want
a promotion

the ladder to the top
goes through my pants.

Oh!

Hey, did you hear that?

What?

This ringing in my ears.

I can't hear anything,
but ring in ears.

And how come
I can only whisper?

Oh, that's probably
the secret sauce.

Don't worry, it'll go away
in a few seconds

and be replaced by
a feelin' of pleasure.

Oh, come on. What do
you take me...

Oh, yeah.

He didn't see us. Let's go
into my office and try it again.

No way. Screw subtlety.

We gotta go for it
right here.

Alright.

Oh, now you're talkin'.

But he still
can't see us.

Move with me.

Drew! Drew, look!

What's eight inches tall and
makes me really, really happy?

Just about anything.

No.

My new shoes.

I'm so hip
it hurts, baby.

Who do I re...
Who do I remind you of?

Robocop.

Oh, yeah? Watch me walk away
and tell me it's not sexy.

Uh-huh?
Oh!

You okay?

'Yeah, this letter
opener broke my fall!'

(Mr. Wick)
'I don't care who sees.'

'I'm the boss, you'll
do what I want.'

And I want you right now
on Terry's desk.

Oh, my God, the hamburger
must have killed me.

I'm in hell.

Get him off me!

[grunting]

Let go!

- Unhook your ankles.
- Oh, oh.

Sorry, I was tryin' to kick him
but my heels locked.

You listen to me, Carey.
You didn't see this.

[Mimi crying]

He just came at me, Drew.

I can't believe I used
to have a crush on him.

Why would he do this to me?

I'm sure it's a question
lot of people

are gonna be asking, Mimi.

[continues crying]

Don't worry, I-I saw
the whole thing.

He's not gonna
get away with it.

Thanks. I always knew
you had a big heart.

I just thought
it was medical.

I have to get some air.

Oh, well, what happened
to Mimi?

Well, I think it was either
early childhood trauma

or inbreeding.

Oh, you mean
this morning?

Uh, I had her transferred
to another department

till this whole
thing works out.

So listen, Joanne, you realize
when you volunteered

for this job that
Mr. Wick has been accused of

but not convicted
of sexual harassment.

Hey, I've been working
in the cafeteria for 30 years.

I just wanna sit, huh?

Mail call!
Mail call!

Hey, Johnson, air-mail.

What's the idea?
I'm a trained professional.

Replaced me with
the Slop Lady.

I had no choice. The anti-Christ
was afraid to sit at your desk.

How's the new
job going, Mimi?

It sucks.

Did you talk
to the lawyer?

Oh, yeah.
Your ass is so grass.

When we cash in...

...I'm gonna hire a gardener
to mow the grass on my arse.

Uh, Mr. Wick, I'm sorry but
as head of Human Resources

I-I can't have
you anywhere near Mimi.

That's right, your punishment
is to stay far away from Mimi.

Your punishment is to stay
far away from Mimi.

Boy, no matter how many times I
say that, it still sounds weird.

I gotta go, anyway.

- Hey, Kosar.
- Yeah.

Letter from the World League.
They still say no.

Uh, Mr. Wick.

Listen, there's something
I wanna know.

There's things men
will do for power

there's things men
will do for desire

there's things men
will do on a dare...

...but what the hell is that?

I know it's wrong but
I just can't help myself.

Oh, why am I telling you?
You'll just repeat it in court.

You, of all people,
should understand.

It started when she took care
of me during my breakdown.

I began fantasizing
about her night and day.

Naughty, dirty
little fantasies.

Licking that make-up
off of her face

Stop, stop.

Mr. Wick, if you don't want my
testimony all over your suit

you'll stop it right now.

Carey.

We need to talk about this
sexual harassment lawsuit

between Wick and Bobeck.

Don't worry, Mrs. Lauder,
I saw the whole thing.

I'm gonna testify and make
sure it never happens again.

I like your spirit.

Now, let's see what
we can do to break it.

- You are not going to testify.
- What?

With you, they have
an open-and-shut case.

It could cost
the store millions.

Look, I-I know what I saw
and I can't lie.

Alright.

That's fair.

Oh, by the way...

Wanna buy a new Mercedes
for 10 bucks?

I will not take a bribe.

There's a new pizza oven
up in House Wares

with your name on it.

Forget it! I'm gonna testify.

Fine. Then here's
your choice.

Change your mind right now
or I'm demoting you

back to the Sales floor
where you started.

Fine. Then demote me.

I'm givin' up
my job for Mimi.

That's right, I'm givin'
up my job for Mimi.

I am giving up
my job for Mimi.

Boy, no matter how many times I
say that, it still sounds weird.

Yeah, you're working
in furs now, Carey.

This ain't some salary job
up on the fifth floor

where you can sit
on your can all day.

Down here, commission is king.

I guess it's no different
than selling, like, you know

leather shoes or belts.

Except your belt does
have a face on the end of it.

[chuckling]

Here, this pamphlet
will help.

Explains why it's good
to buy a fur.

You see, in the wild, they die
some horrible violent deaths.

But these furs,
are raised on the farm.

They get their own little
wire cage. Three squares a day.

And then in the end, a
very humane anal electrocution.

Well, he does seem to be
enjoyin' in this cartoon here.

Hi, can you help me?

My parents said
I could buy a fur but...

...shouldn't the fur stay
on the animal?

Oh, no. I mean, look,
he's a little embarrassed

to be in his underwear,
but otherwise he's fine.

Well, okay.

Okay. You convinced me.

Let's see here.

I'll take these three.

Three! Wow. Three, that's great.

Ha ha. Boy, you can't go wrong
with a coat made out of...

That looks like Benji,
doesn't it?

I'll just get my credit card.

Hey, Larry. Check out my
first day's commission.

Fur is murder! Fur is murder!
Fur is murder!

Well, I, I guess it's okay.

I mean, you know,
since you're buyin' 'em.

- Fenderman!
- Almada.

I, I didn't know
she was a protestor.

And you, young lady.
This isn't a credit card.

It's a card from Baskin Robbins.
Coupon for free ice cream.

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to confiscate this.

So, where'd you find those?
Your mommy's dresser?

No. Your wife gives them away
free if you buy her a drink.

Please, you don't even
need the drink.

Oswald!

Hey, Larry. Nice to see
you're dating again.

Hey, Drew. I came down as soon
as I heard about it.

Are you okay man?

Actually I'm lookin forward
to my anal electrocution.

What's this?

It's a package for
Mimi and Wick.

Mimi and..from the
Cayman Islands Bank Of Trust.

That's weird.

Huh, Cayman Islands.
Money launderer to the world.

How do you know that?

Says so right on the stamp.

I think we should open this.

Nope. Can't do. Federal crime.

If you touch that

I'm authorized to
borrow a gun and shoot you.

What if it gets
open by accident?

- Happens all the time.
- Whoops.

It's a toaster.

A breakfast king 2000 with
bread alignment and tele-toast.

Boy, there's nothin' like that
new toaster smell, I tell you.

Well, it's a gift for
opening a new account

and not just any account.

A joint account
for future deposit.

Hmm... Mimi, Wick,
joint accounts.

Cayman islands free toaster.
Somethin's goin' on here.

She yelled "Bald is murder"
then ran away.

(Oswald)
'Boy, it sure is spooky
in this old store at night.'

Yeah, can't believe old man
McPherson didn't see us slip in.

What are we
doing at Mimi's desk

when she's in the mailroom now.

She hasn't cleared all her stuff
out yet. Just keep lookin'.

Oswald, go see if the
guard's still asleep.

[imitating Scooby Doo]
Right, right, Raptain!

Let's see here.
Aerial photos of my house.

Electrical blueprints
for my house.

Antidote. I don't know what this
is for. But I better keep it.

Yeah.

Still asleep.

Look at this. It's full of
years and years of messages

that Mimi never gave you.

Ah, man I can't believe Jenny
called me back all these times.

"Call me. Please call me.
I'm waiting.

"I'm waiting with a bowl of
cherries. I'm naked and horny."

Hey, wait. There's one more.

"Waited for you all night.

"I've got a good mind to sleep
with one of your best friends."

Well, here's something.

It's a newspaper story on ten
ways to get spots out.

Wait a minute.

This could be the
key to everything...

Spot. Spot. X marks the spot.

X marks the spot
on buried treasure.

Pirates.
Pirates come from the Caribbean.

Caribbean Cayman Islands.
Okay, I'm halfway there.

Famous pirates. Black beard.
No. Blue beard.

Blue eye shadow. Mimi!
She's his beard.

Okay, I've got it. Mr. Wick and
Mimi are working together in a

sexual harassment scam to clean
the company out of millions.

- Hold it. Turn it over.
- What?

No. It's just somethin'
about a boss and a secretary

who made millions off a
false sexual harassment suite.

But they are from Minnesota.
This is totally different.

Hey, it should be Mimi.
Everybody down.

(Oswald)
'You're on my ralls!
You're on my ralls!'

I'm sorry, buddy.

Hey Joanne.
Just like in the cafeteria

everything you serve up is hot.

You know, I could have sworn at
one point you called me mommy.

Hey, what's the deal
with that, huh?

Sorry. When I'm spanked,
it comes out naturally.

Speaking of which,
how would you like to accompany

your naughty boy
to a tropical island.

Oh, what about your lawsuit?

Trust me. One way or another,
I'm going to win.

Carey's candy drawer.

Sweet for my sweet.

[laughing]

That's it.

No one puts his hands
into Drew Carey's drawers

and pulls out his goodies.

You know what I mean.

[laughing]

What're you gonna do?

You can't let Wick
and Mimi get away with this.

Don't worry.
By the end of the night

I'm gonna blow this thing
wide open.

Good idea. But first
you better stop by the airport.

Why?

Your parents have been there
for about a week.

[knock on door]

Hello, Mimi.

Oh, jeez. I get a call to come
over. It's 11 o'clock at night.

The house is dark. If I hear
somethin' unzip, I'm outta here.

Oh, I got somethin' for you.

I got a great big...

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

What? It's not my birth...
okay, where are my presents?

Here's your present.

It's a toaster from a bank
in the Cayman islands

for openin' an account.

♪ Bum pum paa ♪

Now... here's the phone.

I want you to call,
Mrs. Lauder at home. Right now.

And tell her the truth
so I can get my job back.

I can't.

Fix it, Mimi. It's over.
You're not gonna get your money.

I didn't do it for money.
I did it for love.

Love of toast?

No you big, dumb bag of Duh!

I did it for Mr. Wick.

We're gonna split the money and
run away to a tropical island.

Just the two of us.

So leave us alone so that
we can live happily ever after.

So... you two were
gonna go together?

Yes.

Look, uh, I don't know why I
don't like tellin' you this

but, uh, Mr. Wick's gonna take
Joanne to the tropical island.

You lie.

Come on, Mimi.
Would I pass up a chance

to send you
to a tropical island?

[sobbing]

Jeez, Drew. All your parties
turn out crappy.

[knock on door]

Oh... that must be Mr. Wick.
Should I let him in?

Yeah. And lock the door
behind him.

Alright.

You got me to come to your house
in the middle of the night.

Why is it so dark?

If I hear a belt being
unbuckled, I'm outta here.

What do you people think of me?

Surprise.

Mimi... what are you doing here?

Oh!

Same thing you're doin' here.
We know everything.

Oh!

Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you.
She knows about Joanne.

And I know what you do with my
candy bar. Uh-huh! I saw ya.

Mimi, I...I know why you're
upset. But I have good news.

Remember how the memo said that
they were celebrating my firing.

Well, it turns out they were
celebrating

how much I saved them with,
with all my firings.

I'm not getting fired.
I'm getting a raise.

And you're getting your
old job back.

And Carey's getting his job back

and we'll all be one big
happy family again.

Doesn't that bother you?

I know I've made
some mistakes here, but Carey...

...time will heal
our differences.

And if time doesn't,
I'm sure time and a half will.

Hey, I'm gonna get
crap and a half. Whoo!

And, Mimi, all I ask
is that you forgive me.

Oh, damn. With a face like that,
how could I be mad?

Oh, you got a
little somethin' right here.

Oh!

I ain't droppin'
the harassment suit.

What?

Nobody screws with my heart.

Oh... by the way, I accidentally
dented your car on the way out.

Hey, uh, who's ready for cake?

Wow. Slapping.
Baseball bats. Cake.

Drew, this is your
best party ever.

Hey, uh, Mr. Wick.

You gotta little somethin'
on your lip right there.

Oh, that's just a little blood.
Oh, my.

Uh... this is for Mimi.

And the candy.
But mostly the candy.

Oh, Mimi must've been
saving these for years.

Oh, man. I wish you
would've got this one.

Michael Jordan called.

Said he tried Buzz Beer
and he loves it so much

he wants to endorse it for free.

Hey, Kozar. This one's for you.

NFL called. Said you're gonna
be the new owner of the Browns.

Whoo-hoo!

Just kiddin'. They didn't call.

Drew, you shouldn't make
fun of the dreams

of ex NFL quarterbacks.

Oh, really? Why?

Oh!