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1
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[instrumental music]
2
00:00:01,917 --> 00:00:04,170
- 'Guess who?'
- Heh. O.. Mm...
3
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,088
Oswald, you're here again!
4
00:00:06,088 --> 00:00:08,174
Yeah, I know.
It's been a whole hour.
5
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:10,593
But I was delivering this
human heart to the hospital
6
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,095
and I thought...
7
00:00:14,263 --> 00:00:18,100
I should go see my sweetheart.
8
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,643
Oh, my God!
You have a heart in there?
9
00:00:19,643 --> 00:00:21,395
What, are you crazy?
Get out of here!
10
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[chuckles]
I'm just kidding.
11
00:00:22,771 --> 00:00:23,857
I brought you lunch.
12
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,608
They let me keep the...
13
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:28,319
They let me keep the cooler
after I delivered the heart.
14
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:31,697
- Thanks, honey.
- Sure.
15
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,615
Listen, when you came by
this morning
16
00:00:33,615 --> 00:00:36,118
and delivered that
registered kiss, that was cute.
17
00:00:36,118 --> 00:00:37,286
[chuckles]
18
00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:39,330
And when-when...
19
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,166
And when you made me sign
for the hug, that was cute.
20
00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,751
- Heh-heh.
- But you know what?
21
00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:46,045
I think we'll appreciate
each other even more
22
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if you don't visit during
work hours quite so much.
23
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,800
Oh, my God. I'm getting clingy.
24
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,095
Please tell me I'm not clingy.
25
00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:56,848
Is he bothering you?
26
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,516
Yes, we're seeing each other.
27
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,226
Seeing each other?
28
00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:02,729
Open your mouth!
29
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,438
No.
30
00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:06,566
I'll give you a dollar.
31
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That's all I needed to know.
32
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What a dope.
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Here's your furry little
crap machine.
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Excuse me, Mimi, but this is our
boss' furry little crap machine.
35
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And his crap is worth
more than you make in a year!
36
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There's a law that says
you're supposed
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to pick up after your dog.
38
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Here's a map
of everywhere he went.
39
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Fine. Leave it on Carey's desk.
40
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,777
W-what kind of,
let's say, dog is that?
41
00:01:51,777 --> 00:01:55,323
It's Lucky. Mrs. Louder's
champion Hungarian Puli.
42
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,074
I know he looks mangy,
but his unique coat
43
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is what makes him
such a lovely breeder.
44
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:02,705
I promised I would take care of
him as if he was my own child.
45
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:07,418
Now, where's Carey? I'm dumping
the old bat's hairball on him.
46
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,170
Um, don't you remember,
you sent him to teach
47
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,963
that seminar in Toledo,
so you could charge him
48
00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:13,049
for a sick day
and not pay him for it.
49
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,968
Oh, yes. Huh.
50
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:17,845
Perhaps you could take the dog
for a few days.
51
00:02:17,845 --> 00:02:20,931
I have a lady house guest
who simply adores me
52
00:02:20,931 --> 00:02:22,558
if you know what I'm saying.
53
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:24,352
- But she's allergic to dogs.
- Hm.
54
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,145
Huh. How long
is your mom staying?
55
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About ten days. Minutes.
56
00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:31,150
Look, I-I'd love to take the dog
57
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,860
but they don't allow pets
in my building.
58
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:35,487
Uh, um, I guess I could
drop him off at Drew's place.
59
00:02:35,487 --> 00:02:37,240
Thank you.
60
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,866
He needs to be walked
every three hours.
61
00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:40,702
And he likes
to have his belly rubbed.
62
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,995
Also, he's horribly allergic
to something.
63
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:45,623
Very common.
Begins with the letter A.
64
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:49,085
I-if he eats it, he'll vomit
all over the floor and then die.
65
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,337
Oh, well, I'll call
if I think of it.
66
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,131
[theme song]
67
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♪ Aah-aah-aah aah-aah-aah ♪
68
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♪ Aah-aah-aah ♪
69
00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,264
♪ All this energy callin' me ♪
70
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,392
♪ Back where it comes from ♪
71
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♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪
72
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,397
♪ It's back where it belongs ♪
73
00:03:10,397 --> 00:03:13,734
♪ All the little chicks
with their crimson lips go ♪
74
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:16,696
♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
75
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:20,366
♪ She's livin' in sin
with a safety pin going ♪
76
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:23,577
♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
77
00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:25,622
♪ Cleveland rocks ♪
78
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[echoing]
Ohio!
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00:03:30,709 --> 00:03:32,629
[instrumental music]
80
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,591
Hey, Speedy. I brought you
a little friend here.
81
00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:38,926
And I'm not gonna leave
until I'm sure
82
00:03:38,926 --> 00:03:40,303
the two of you will get along.
83
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,971
Now play nice.
84
00:03:44,139 --> 00:03:45,975
Well, why don't you
put your nose there?
85
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,852
I guess you're friends.
86
00:03:49,144 --> 00:03:50,313
Drew!
87
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,982
Drew, Xena, the Warrior Princess
is here
88
00:03:53,982 --> 00:03:57,195
with pizza and beer,
and she wants to party!
89
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,950
Definitely not home.
90
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,077
[door opens]
91
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,913
[telephone ringing]
92
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,499
(Drew on answering machine)
'Hey, it's Drew.
This machine sucks.'
93
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,208
'Wait for the sound of a
beep that kind of fizzles out.'
94
00:04:11,208 --> 00:04:13,378
'Then a crackling sound and
then there is a kind of a pop.'
95
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,837
'Then you can leave
your message.'
96
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:15,880
[answering machine beeps]
97
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,716
[crackling]
98
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,134
(Oswald on answering machine)
'Drew, it's Oswald,
I'm out of gas'
99
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,636
'and I need a ride back
from the Huntley Hotel.'
100
00:04:22,636 --> 00:04:25,222
'Hey, remember Barbara, that
cheerleader from high school?'
101
00:04:25,222 --> 00:04:26,766
'She's here
and she's hittin' on me.'
102
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,184
- Oh, really?
- 'I told her, back off!'
103
00:04:29,184 --> 00:04:30,978
'I'm in love
with the most beautiful girl'
104
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:32,563
'in the whole wide world.'
105
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,232
Oswald, I'll be there
in 20 minutes.
106
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,025
(Oswald)
'Oh, hi, Kate!
Stop it, Barbara.'
107
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,902
[chuckling]
'Oh, my neck isn't tight.'
108
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,487
I'll be there in five.
109
00:04:42,990 --> 00:04:44,492
I am telling you,
that was the best seminar
110
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,368
on paperwork reduction
I evergave.
111
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:48,745
I swear, for the last two hours,
the audience didn't even blink.
112
00:04:48,745 --> 00:04:49,956
Are you sure
they weren't just sleeping with
113
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,125
eyeballs painted
on their eyelids?
114
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,544
- No.
- That would be impossible
because...
115
00:04:55,544 --> 00:04:56,796
Bastards!
116
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:08,141
Hey, Drew, when did your mop
start breathing?
117
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,478
What the hell is that?
Is that a dog?
118
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Hey.
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00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:17,608
Well, there's no tags either.
120
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,152
- And his hair is all matted up.
- I'll call the animal shelter.
121
00:05:20,152 --> 00:05:22,572
No! No, no, wait. Let's, uh...
122
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,240
Maybe I should just keep him,
you know?
123
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,702
If we take him to the pound,
you know, they'll just...
124
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,787
- What?
- Well, you know...
125
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:33,040
[gasps]
Oh, yeah, they'll take him
to Doggy Island
126
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,294
where all the dogs run free
and eat big steaks, right?
127
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,217
- Doggy Island?
- Yeah.
128
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,345
Where they took Skipper
when I was eight.
129
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,265
Oh, yeah, y-yeah.
130
00:05:50,265 --> 00:05:53,894
Just like they took your gerbil
to Gerbil Island, right?
131
00:05:53,894 --> 00:05:57,440
No, he died and we
threw him out. How old are you?
132
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,443
[instrumental music]
133
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,823
Hey, you know what, I think
the little guy's a lot happier
134
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,574
now we got him all cleaned up
and had the vet check him out.
135
00:06:07,574 --> 00:06:09,911
Yeah. And I don't have
kennel cough.
136
00:06:12,621 --> 00:06:15,374
Hey, Drew. How's Lucky doing?
137
00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:18,419
Pretty good. How's Goofy doing?
138
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:19,670
Not bad.
139
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:24,383
No, Lucky, the dog I left here.
140
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:26,093
You mean that wasn't a stray?
141
00:06:26,093 --> 00:06:28,804
No. Didn't you read my note?
142
00:06:28,804 --> 00:06:30,765
Where's Lucky? Is he alright?
143
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:51,994
Please don't tell me
that this is Mrs. Louder's dog.
144
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:55,081
No. Please don't tell me
this is Mrs. Louder's dog.
145
00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:58,542
Mr. Wick was dog-sitting and he
146
00:06:58,542 --> 00:06:59,918
asked me to drop it off
with you.
147
00:06:59,918 --> 00:07:01,879
It's a prize-winning
Hungarian Puli!
148
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:05,466
He was supposed to look
that way! What have you done?
149
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:07,176
Well, he was hot.
150
00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:14,266
You don't understand! This dog
is a stud. He's worth a fortune!
151
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,809
He's a breeding dog!
152
00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:17,102
Well, what are we
so worried about?
153
00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:19,355
I mean, hair grows back,
doesn't it?
154
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:27,363
We also had something done
to him that doesn't grow back.
155
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,212
You're not lucky at all,
are you?
156
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,549
[instrumental music]
157
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,594
Yeah, hi, doc. Yeah. It's
Drew Carey. I was just in there.
158
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:53,013
Yeah. See, listen, I-I have
kind of an unusual question.
159
00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:57,935
Um, when you fix a dog,
do you keep anything?
160
00:08:01,104 --> 00:08:02,565
Oh, if that's the stupidest
question you ever heard
161
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,984
your world is pretty small.
162
00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:09,614
Lucky's charms are gone.
163
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,829
Um, it's okay, little fella.
164
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:20,040
Think of it this way,
it's one less thing to clean.
165
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,043
Yeah, that'll save you
an hour a day.
166
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:32,135
Don't you guys see
what's going on here?
167
00:08:32,135 --> 00:08:33,345
Monday morning
I'm gonna go to work.
168
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:34,888
- And Mr. Wick's gonna fire me.
- Hey.
169
00:08:34,888 --> 00:08:36,723
Maybe Mrs. Louder
won't be as upset as you think.
170
00:08:36,723 --> 00:08:39,268
I mean, looks don't matter
so much when you love your pet.
171
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:43,897
Remember Lewis' dog last year?
He was ugly.
172
00:08:43,897 --> 00:08:46,691
- That wasn't a dog.
- Huh? Then what was I feeding?
173
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:50,821
That was Chester, the cat
from DrugCo. on gene therapy.
174
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,614
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. He's a bear now.
175
00:08:52,614 --> 00:08:54,533
Oh!
176
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:58,329
Drew, you're saved!
I found purebred Pulis for sale.
177
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:01,123
Oh. "Champion lineage, 5K."
178
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:04,252
Wow! That must be a good dog
that they can run at 5K.
179
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,338
[banging on door]
180
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:10,549
- I wonder who this is.
- Well...
181
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,175
I've heard of
animals finding their way home.
182
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:14,303
Maybe it's Lucky's testicles.
183
00:09:22,352 --> 00:09:24,146
Hey, there were two knocks.
184
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,235
Well, we were close.
185
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,408
I assume that was an insult.
I'm here to get Lucky.
186
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,205
Oh, sir, I like you
and everything--
187
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,707
Oh, no. Lucky, the dog.
188
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:46,210
My mummy's not coming, so I can
take him back. Where is he?
189
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,962
Here, boy! Here, Lucky!
190
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,673
Carey, there's no other way
to say this
191
00:09:51,673 --> 00:09:53,759
but your dog is butt-ugly.
192
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,263
Now where's Lucky?
193
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,766
Uh, sir, th-that is Lucky.
194
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:01,934
Oh.
195
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,314
- There's more.
- Well, technically, less.
196
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,735
There's no good way
to put this, sir
197
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:13,445
but there's no more ding-dongs
198
00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:15,281
in Lucky's lunchbox.
199
00:10:18,575 --> 00:10:20,286
I know what you're up to.
This is all a plan!
200
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,246
You're trying to get me fired,
so you can have my job!
201
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,330
I'm gonna get fired, too!
202
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:24,831
I didn't say it was a good plan
203
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,709
ya Yankee clipper!
204
00:10:28,835 --> 00:10:31,046
Good news, I.. Mr. Wick!
205
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:34,675
Drew, what did you do
to that dog?
206
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,301
- He knows.
- Oh.
207
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,553
Anyway, I just found
purebred Pulis for sale
208
00:10:38,553 --> 00:10:41,515
but the lowest
the guy would go was $4500.
209
00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:43,558
Forty-five-hundred dollars.
Might as well be a million.
210
00:10:43,558 --> 00:10:45,269
Where am I gonna get $4500?
211
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:48,105
I don't even know anybody
who can lend me $4500.
212
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:54,319
Unless he's rich and British
213
00:10:54,319 --> 00:10:56,364
and doesn't know
when to jump in.
214
00:10:58,615 --> 00:11:01,160
Drew, ask Mr. Wick.
215
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:08,083
Carey, this isn't easy,
there's something
216
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:10,293
you don't know about me. I...
217
00:11:10,293 --> 00:11:12,879
I make good money,
but I can't touch a penny of it.
218
00:11:12,879 --> 00:11:14,715
Why not?
219
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,216
I have a passion for the ponies.
220
00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:20,512
A passion for ponies?
That's disgusting!
221
00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:22,514
I bet on them, ya moron!
222
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,808
And after years, I've learned
I can't be trusted with my money
223
00:11:24,808 --> 00:11:27,811
so the court appointed me
a financial guardian.
224
00:11:27,811 --> 00:11:29,188
So can't you just ask them
for the money?
225
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,399
- No, mummy's very strict.
- Oh.
226
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,610
Well, you could always sell
your body for money.
227
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,487
[chuckling]
Sell the...
228
00:11:40,907 --> 00:11:43,160
Hold on a second.
That's not so stupid.
229
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,370
That's like those guys we saw
in that movie, "The Full Monty."
230
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:46,747
I'll do it.
231
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,253
You mean, you're gonna make
your money by stripping?
232
00:11:53,253 --> 00:11:54,505
I'll do it.
233
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,509
Yeah! Those guys made a fortune.
They weren't so good-looking.
234
00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:01,094
Hey, the only reason those guys
made all that money
235
00:12:01,094 --> 00:12:03,179
is 'cause they had
to go all the way.
236
00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:04,306
- Well?
- I'll do it.
237
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,100
I'll do it right now.
238
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,937
Who are you?
239
00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,731
Look, I know we're all desperate
and I can't afford
240
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:14,942
to lose my job either, but
I just don't think I can do it.
241
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,903
It's just so Benny Hill!
242
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,696
Listen, if I'm doing it,
you're doing it.
243
00:12:19,696 --> 00:12:21,031
We wouldn't even be in this mess
if it wasn't for you
244
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,240
dumping that dog on me.
245
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,576
Besides, my best friends
are doing it.
246
00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:27,120
- Huh?
- They don't even have to.
247
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:32,001
Drew, what if some of us
have surprisingly red hair?
248
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:38,298
That's great!
We have a Ferrari.
249
00:12:38,298 --> 00:12:40,217
Come on, Mr. Wick.
You're in great shape.
250
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,718
There's nothing
to be ashamed of.
251
00:12:41,718 --> 00:12:43,345
'Cause I'm doing it.
252
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,808
You don't understand.
253
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,811
(Wick)
After I was born, I wasn't...
254
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:54,607
Well, let's just say, my captain
still wears his cap to dinner.
255
00:12:55,815 --> 00:12:58,736
[instrumental music]
256
00:13:01,571 --> 00:13:02,698
[indistinct chatter]
257
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,700
[crowd cheering]
258
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:09,996
Calm down! Calm down. Trust me,
it'd be worth the wait.
259
00:13:09,996 --> 00:13:12,708
Keep drinking,
we'll look a lot better.
260
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,044
Okay, now it's ours
for the night.
261
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,420
Just tell me on thing, man,
we're not gonna make
262
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,171
complete idiots of ourselves
up there, are we?
263
00:13:18,171 --> 00:13:20,799
Oh, relax, Drew, we practiced,
we know what we are doing.
264
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,760
And the human body is the most
natural thing in the world.
265
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,595
Besides, we get to be naked!
266
00:13:25,595 --> 00:13:27,097
[laughs]
267
00:13:28,765 --> 00:13:30,309
Who the hell are you?
268
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,605
I'm ready for ya.
269
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:42,529
Just wanna warn you, Mimi,
once that music starts
270
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:44,907
and I'm on stage,
I might lose control.
271
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:48,785
I might just improvise
a little lap dance.
272
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:52,790
Here's my 20 bucks. Keep your
punching bag out of my face.
273
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:01,590
You guys are gonna do great.
I'm gonna go grab a seat.
274
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,552
What? You can't stay. I thought
you were just dropping us off.
275
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,219
What are you
so worried about, Drew?
276
00:14:06,219 --> 00:14:09,598
You wore a Speedo at the lake.
I've seen everything.
277
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,892
And I'm dating Oswald,
so there's no surprise there.
278
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:15,896
All that's left
is the captain and big red.
279
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,195
- I'm not doing it.
- Why not?
280
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,822
- It's not the hair, is it?
- No, it's not that.
281
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,283
I was so nervous,
it went gray overnight.
282
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,120
I'm nervous, Lewis.
I need you up there, man.
283
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,163
I need the,
I need "The Silver Fox."
284
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,750
You mean Charlie Rich?
285
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,002
Call it what you will.
286
00:14:39,627 --> 00:14:43,549
I'm sorry, Drew. I, I can't do
the baby elephant walk.
287
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:45,885
It's just wrong.
288
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,889
Great. Now we're down a man.
289
00:14:50,597 --> 00:14:52,307
Hey, Drew.
290
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:53,683
Nicki, w-w-what are you
doing here? No.
291
00:14:53,683 --> 00:14:55,144
You're not supposed to be b-back
till Monday.
292
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,062
- Surprise! I'm back early.
- Huh.
293
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,106
Mwah! I came here to find you.
Can you believe it?
294
00:15:00,106 --> 00:15:02,484
I heard a bunch of schlubs
are gonna strip down to nothing.
295
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,194
[both laughing]
296
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,613
Uh, I guess they have
their reasons. Uh...
297
00:15:06,613 --> 00:15:09,241
Oh, my God. It's you!
298
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,076
Look, Nicki,
I'm really sorry. I-I...
299
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,620
What, you-you-you better be!
I mean, I haven't got a camera.
300
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,622
I-I didn't call my girlfriends...
Oh, my God!
301
00:15:15,622 --> 00:15:18,375
It's grandma's birthday!
She would've loved this!
302
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,881
Hey, Carey. Heard
one of your boys got cold feet.
303
00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:27,050
Larry. When did you
get out of jail?
304
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,844
This morning. I got probation.
305
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,679
I'm a first-timer
and a responsible member
306
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,431
of the community.
Here's the deal.
307
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,600
I'll take my clothes off
for a 100 bucks.
308
00:15:36,059 --> 00:15:37,811
What do we need you for?
309
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:41,690
You wanna see what I bring to
the party? Step into my office.
310
00:15:57,664 --> 00:15:58,707
You're in.
311
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,795
Geez, you think
you'd be more popular.
312
00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,508
Alright, everybody, can I have
your attention please?
313
00:16:08,508 --> 00:16:10,219
[women cheering]
314
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,638
Calm down, calm down.
315
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,722
We'll be starting
in just a few minutes.
316
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,098
We just have to go change.
317
00:16:15,098 --> 00:16:17,142
- 'Yeah!'
- 'Alright! Take it off!'
318
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:20,479
Oh, and no flash photography.
It upsets Kong.
319
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,528
I-I'm just here
'cause I came in by accident.
320
00:16:28,528 --> 00:16:31,281
Oh, oh, and I'm just here
to support my boyfriend.
321
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,826
- I'm-I'm not, I'm not--
- Quit your yappin'.
322
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,077
I don't wanna miss
any of the meat.
323
00:16:36,077 --> 00:16:38,789
["You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet"
by Bachman–Turner Overdrive]
324
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:41,792
[cheering and laughter]
325
00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:56,273
[cheering and applause]
326
00:16:58,858 --> 00:17:01,778
[women cheering]
327
00:17:05,364 --> 00:17:08,285
[cheering and applause]
328
00:17:11,737 --> 00:17:12,822
[song stops]
329
00:17:12,822 --> 00:17:14,699
Sorry, ladies! The show's over!
330
00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:17,744
- No!
- No!
331
00:17:17,744 --> 00:17:21,456
I'm sorry, but the Warsaw is not
zoned for this kind of thing!
332
00:17:21,456 --> 00:17:23,541
- Oh...
- Wait a second!
333
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:24,668
Here they've all paid
for their tickets.
334
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,044
We're just having fun here.
335
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,962
Hey, take it up
with the city council.
336
00:17:27,962 --> 00:17:30,465
- Maybe I will!
- Come on.
337
00:17:30,465 --> 00:17:33,801
- Aw...
- Boo!
338
00:17:33,801 --> 00:17:36,429
How are you guys keeping
those packages on anyway?
339
00:17:36,429 --> 00:17:38,765
We've got Velcro.
340
00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:40,517
You guys got Velcro?
341
00:17:42,101 --> 00:17:44,980
[instrumental music]
342
00:17:48,399 --> 00:17:50,318
Thank you, Mr. Zackler,
for making this
343
00:17:50,318 --> 00:17:52,445
a better neighborhood.
God bless you.
344
00:17:52,445 --> 00:17:55,449
[applauding]
345
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:00,787
- Alright. Who's next?
- Drew Carey, sir.
346
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:04,332
Uh, we're the ones who wanna
expose ourselves in the bar.
347
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,877
Uh, to raise money
for a dog we castrated.
348
00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:10,755
Mr. Carey, the zoning ordinances
349
00:18:10,755 --> 00:18:13,966
strictly forbid stripping
in your area.
350
00:18:13,966 --> 00:18:15,468
In fact, you may be
the exact reason
351
00:18:15,468 --> 00:18:17,262
why these laws were created.
352
00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:21,391
Okay, first of all, there's
another adult-oriented business
353
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,143
in the area, the Adam And Eve
Bookstore is right down
354
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,769
the street,
it's open seven days a week.
355
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:28,398
Uh, uh, half a day on Sunday.
356
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,483
Oh, you just happen
to know that.
357
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:33,069
No, it's where I buy
my pornography.
358
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:38,908
But still,
that business complies
359
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:40,618
with zoning regulations.
360
00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:43,287
There's no live entertainment.
Only magazines.
361
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:45,040
And on a personal note,
those people work out
362
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,126
every once in a while.
363
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,128
[clears throat]
If I may interject, in Europe
364
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,088
nudity is commonplace.
You see it all the time.
365
00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:54,257
- On the beaches.
- No! Not just on the beaches.
366
00:18:54,257 --> 00:18:57,510
Uh, all over the place. Movie
theaters, cafes, restaurants.
367
00:18:57,510 --> 00:19:00,764
That's not true. I've been
to Europe, they don't do that.
368
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,057
Been to Asia?
369
00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:05,768
Look, I don't see
what the big deal is.
370
00:19:05,768 --> 00:19:08,730
You're born naked
and you die naked. End of story.
371
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,898
You don't die naked.
372
00:19:10,898 --> 00:19:12,859
If you plan it right, you do.
373
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:19,490
All I'm saying is,
one way or another
374
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,493
somebody's gonna see me naked.
375
00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:27,123
You want to see
what I bring to the party?
376
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:28,416
Oh, come on!
377
00:19:31,919 --> 00:19:33,963
Your Honor,
we wanna go on record
378
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:35,506
to shout it
from the mountaintops
379
00:19:35,506 --> 00:19:38,259
that on this Wednesday,
November, 1997
380
00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:42,347
we stood up for our right
to see these men naked!
381
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,224
Alright then, for the record,
what are your names?
382
00:19:45,224 --> 00:19:47,561
- Lucy.
- Ethel.
383
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:51,898
Alright, alright,
now we've all had our fun
384
00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:53,650
and now it's time for me to say
request denied
385
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,276
bang my little wooden thing.
386
00:19:55,276 --> 00:19:57,696
Wait a second.
This is so unfair.
387
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,115
How can you decide on something
without even seeing it?
388
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,866
Don't-don't you guys
wanna see it?
389
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:02,909
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
390
00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:03,951
Whoo!
391
00:20:03,951 --> 00:20:06,078
[applauding]
392
00:20:06,078 --> 00:20:09,082
Lewis, buddy. Finally over
that hair problem?
393
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,501
Hey, no hair, no problem.
394
00:20:13,961 --> 00:20:16,882
["Free Ride" by The Edgar Winter Group]
395
00:21:24,230 --> 00:21:25,565
Forty-six-hundred and
ninety-nine, forty-seven-hundr...
396
00:21:25,565 --> 00:21:27,943
I bet there's almost $4800 here.
397
00:21:27,943 --> 00:21:29,402
What should we do
with the extra?
398
00:21:29,402 --> 00:21:32,154
I say we put the money
into new costumes.
399
00:21:32,154 --> 00:21:33,907
- And then--
- No, we gotta do what's right.
400
00:21:33,907 --> 00:21:36,201
We gotta give this money
to the people who earned it.
401
00:21:40,538 --> 00:21:43,541
Sorry you had to see my butt.
Sorry you had to see my butt.
402
00:21:43,541 --> 00:21:46,210
Sorry, sorry. So...
403
00:21:46,210 --> 00:21:48,504
Wait a second,
I had to see your butts.
404
00:21:48,504 --> 00:21:51,007
[applauding]
405
00:21:52,216 --> 00:21:53,260
[instrumental music]
406
00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:56,680
[instrumental music]
29091
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