All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show (1995) - S03E07 - Batmobile (720p WEB-DL x264 8bit AAC 2.0 DJPitaB).eng

[instrumental music]

- Morning, Mimi.
- Morning.

What's with your pajama's,
Hugh Hefner?

I'm having a dream.

Cool.

Come on over
to the window.

Let's see
if you can fly.

Gee, I wondering why
this dream is taking so long?

Oh, my God. I bet I forgot
to set my alarm.

Quick, I gotta wake up.
Scare me.

Okay, when you wake up,
you're still gonna be you.

No, I need something
really frightening.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Huh, didn't work.

Hey, maybe deep down
I'm sexually attracted to you.

Boy in real life
you'd pay for that kind

of ammunition, wouldn't ya?

I'll tell you
what I'd pay for!

I'd pay for a dead rat
to get the taste

of your breakfast
out of my mouth.

Carey.

Yeah, you big sacky
Yorkshire pudding.

A women on the third floor says
that on the way up here

you showed her your bum?

Yeah, it's my dream,
I guess I can show my bum

to whoever I want.

Shut up and kiss me.

Whoa, wait a second.

If I don't wake up,
what does that say?

This is the craziest party
there could ever be.

Drew, they're talking about you
all over the store.

Oh, God, you finally outgrew
all the rest of your clothes.

No, I'm just having a dream.

What? You're what?

It's some kind
of crazy dream.

I'm going through
some leftover fries

I come across
this game card that says

I'm an instant winner.

I never win anything
in my life.

All of a sudden
I win the Batmobile?

Hey, you wanna see a naked dance
before I wake up?

Oh, my God, Drew! You really did
win the Batmobile!

Yeah, right.

My scale was right when it said

I lost ten pounds
this morning.

No, I forgot to tell you

we broke it last night.

Lewis was trying to figure out

how much he weighs
when he jumps.

Hey, everybody!
I won the Batmobile!

I won the Batmobile!
I...

Get out of the way.
I'm gonna fly.

Drew, you're not dreaming.

I know, I kissed Mimi.

♪ Ah ah ah ♪

♪ All this energy calling me ♪

♪ Back where it comes from ♪

♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪

♪ It's back where it belongs ♪

♪ All the little chicks
with the crimson lips go ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Livin' in sin
with a safety pin go ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks ♪

Ohio!

Really appreciate you guys
hanging out with me

till the Batmobile gets here.

It's the coolest thing
that's ever happened to me.

Hey, look.

There's thirty pictures
left in this camera.

I want you to get
every emotion that comes

over my face
as the day goes by.

Okay.

Let's start
with anticipation.

[camera shutter clicks]

So, you gonna let us take it
for a little spin?

Sorry, there's no way.

Hey, look.

I got selfish.

I'll give you a ride in it
but I don't know when.

I've to meet Nicki's
parents tonight.

Sounds like
it's getting serious.

When's the big day?

Well, it's not that serious.
They haven't even had sex yet.

Who told you?

- Kate.
- Oh.

Do they plan to soon?

Well...

...Nicki wants to
wait a while.

She wants to make sure...

She wants to make sure
that the moment is just right.

Hmm.

How does Drew
feel about that?

Well, Drew respects
that but...

You know, it's been
a while for him too.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

If you ask me, he's a little
afraid about going the distance.

- Uh-hmm.
- Um-hmm.

Well, you know,
what I heard?

- Um.
- What?

Just about about enough
out of you two jackasses.

[laughs]

Hey, look.

Performance anxiety.

[laughing]

Um, is the car here yet?

No, but keep next Friday open
'cause we're gonna be

the coolest couple
in the video arcade.

We're going out
in the Batmobile?

Yeah, how cool is that?

Drew, I read it somewhere,
it's 30 feet long

with flashy neon lights.

That's why the chicks
dig it.

Um, no.

That's why the chicks meet
Batman at the theatre.

- Hey, I got a idea.
- Hmm.

Why don't we take it to some
secluded little spot and park?

And, uh, make out?

Sure, even better.

You just wanna sit
in the car?

It's the Batmobile.

If I didn't wanna use it,
I would have taken the money.

- What money?
- $200,000.

[spitting]

They offered you
$200,000 or the Batmobile?

And you took
the Batmobile?

Oh, and I suppose you would
have taken the cash, right?

- Well...
- Yes.

Oh, I guess that explains
why I'm where I am

and you guys...
are where you are.

He's right.

- You know where we are?
- Huh?

We're at the house of a guy
who just gave away $200,000!

Lewis. No.

Let me put that in terms

you can understand, Rockefeller.

That's 300,000
peanut clusters.

Let-let me go.
What're you doing?

You think
I don't know that?

Almost 25,000 peaches,
over two million meat balls

150,000 gallons of gravy,
I did the math!

You think they'd
offered me $200,000

if the Batmobile wasn't
worth a lot more, huh?

Well, what if you're wrong?

What if it went down
a third in value

as soon as Batman
drove it off the lot.

[knock on door]
This is it. This is it.

This is gonna be
the coolest thing ever.

For once, I'm gonna get
some color in my life.

I'm here for the carpool.
Where's the Batmobile?

It's not my carpool day, Mimi.
Beat it.

Wrong again, Dynamic Duo.

I switched with Johnson.

Now, I get a ride in
the coolest car in the world

or Wick hears about
your little trip to Florida

on the company dime.

I didn't go to Florida,
you did.

No, I didn't.
Drew Carey did.

Good thing your name like
your body is gender neutral.

[doorbell ringing]

It's the front door.

Quick, to the Batmobile.

Nothing's gonna ruin this.
Not Mimi getting the first ride.

Not passing up a load of money.
Nothing.

Okay.
How do we look?

There's probably gonna be
a lot of photographers.

There's probably gonna be
a media circus out there.

Okay.

You, Drew Carey?

Back you animals, back.

You'll all get your chance.

- I'm Drew Carey.
- Good.

Here's, your Bat-manual,
Bat-keys, Bat-warranty

Bat-no-spill coffee mug.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

Sign here.

Wait a second.
Where's...

Where's all the fan fair?

I mean, where's all
the photographers?

Oh, I-I guess they are with
my super model girlfriend

in my house
at the beach.

Well, now that all
the hoopla's died down...

...quick to the fat-mobile.

[engine revving]

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

I'm Batman.

Watch the road, pig.

Relax, I'm only goin'
five miles an hour.

Come on,
open this baby up.

I could barely feel
the wind on my face.

Maybe the wind's been avoiding
your face, ever think of that?

Oh, wow,
there's my neighbor Clemens.

He thinks he's so hot
on his riding mower.

This is gonna really
burn his ass.

Holy weed-whacker, Clemens.

Looks like you could be working
on that lawn all year long.

I heard you won some kind
of special car, Carey.

Where is it?

Killing,
ain't it, Clemens?

Your neighbor Drew Carey
has the Batmobile.

Not only that but look
I caught the Joker.

Woo-oo-oh, hi, Drew,
cool car.

Hey, you haven't introduced me
to your new girlfriend?

I'll bring her by as soon as I
get this out of the car.

You think I'd date him
for free?

It's costing him
a 100 bucks an hour.

He's a freak, I tell you.
A stoned freak.

You'll pay
for that, Three-face.

- By the way, you buckled up?
- Why?

[whooshing]

[instrumental music]

Okay...

...for dinner tonight
with my folks

the dress that says,
"Hi, mom and dad, I'm happy."

Or the dress that says,
"Hi, mom and dad, Drew's happy."

Oh, you've been shopping at our
get-a-load-of-these department?

I'll go with the blue.

Ah, and a...
it goes without saying

but... you'll pick me up
in the Buick, right?

No way, I don't wanna look
like some geeky nerd.

I wanna drive up
in Batman's car.

Drew, it's just my last few
boyfriends have been kind of

out there and I don't know,
I just really want my folks

to see I'm dating
a nice normal guy.

Oh, yeah, I can hear
your folks now.

Well, your new boyfriend has no
future and he drinks too much

but he does have that
'91 Buick LeSabre.

Dad and I say go for it.

Look, it's just that my family
is... real uptight.

And they just wouldn't get
how cool the Batmobile is.

Alright, we'll take
the other car.

But-but, you know,
I-I want you to understand

that you shouldn't be
jealous of the Batmobile.

I just like it different
than I like you, that's all.

[instrumental music]

Yeah-yeah, hi.
Look-look.

Third time I called.

I walked in the house
for five minutes

I go out,
my new car was stolen.

Okay, now before I tell you
what kind it is...

...let me just say the last
two people hung up on me.

Now, I'm dead serious.
It's no joke.

It's the Batmobile.

Damn it.

[door closing]

Drew, I drove all around
looking for your car

and I couldn't find it anywhere.
I'm really sorry.

Why the car?

Why didn't they take
the house?

Well, there's nothing more
we can do here.

As soon as we get to the
restaurant we'll call again.

The restaurant,
I can't eat now.

Drew, my parents
are waiting.

I know it's
an expensive car but--

It's not about the money.

This is about
a regular guy...

...who finally gets a break

and wins something
that makes him special.

You know, this isn't the
Beverly Hillbillies Jalopy.

It's not the Munster Mobile.

It's-it's not the
Oscar Mayer Wiener Wagon.

Although, that will
be pretty cool.

[knock on door]

Oh, this could be them.

Oh, I can't wait to get my hands
on the creeps that did this.

Officer, am I glad to see you.
Did you find it?

Yeah, do these two
belong to you?

Oh, my God.

Look at you.

Drew, please don't
send us to prison.

Not in these costumes.

So, you wanna press charges?

No, the walk home from here
in those costumes

will be punishment enough.

- Oh.
- Thanks, Drew.

Take the long way.

I want a matchbook
from the biker bar.

Alright, let's go.

W-w-whoa, you're not
still thinking

about taking
the Batmobile, are you?

I can't leave it here
to get stolen again.

I-I'm not gonna have you
sitting at the dinner table

checking out the window
every five minutes.

No, hey, look that's crazy.

We'd dinner with your
parents in shifts.

I gotta go to the bathroom then
you gotta go to the bathroom

then I go to check out
the desert cart...

Wait a second,
I'm really gonna do that.

But then...

...you can meet an old
friend at the lounge.

His name is Fred, Herb.

Nicki, come on,
we can work this out.

You're really special to me.

You're really close to the car,
watch the buckle on your purse.

(Nicki)
'Oh, you're driving
me nuts, Drew.

Hey, you wanna start leaving
your stuff here? That's great.

[instrumental music]

I'm... sorry about stealing
the Batmobile last night, Drew.

Hope you're not still mad.

I'm not happy about it.
You made me so paranoid.

I stayed up all night
watching it.

Well, it's the Batmobile.
Doesn't it have an alarm?

Well, technically no.

But if somebody messes with it
it projects

a Bat-signal
up into the sky.

So, $200,000 car is protected
by a flashlight?

Hey, did the sun
just come out?

- Drew, boy blunder...
- Uh-huh.

Go ahead and have
your little laugh

but for an hour at the Euclid
Square Mall radio shack...

...I was a God.

So, uh,
what are you doing here?

I guess you got
my flowers, huh?

I wanna talk Drew and I'd
like to do it over dinner.

L-listen, I really care
about you.

You're always gonna come first
before some silly car.

I don't know--

Listen, baby from now on
it's all about you.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

What's the matter?

Nothing.

[thinking]
Must stay here.

Must fix relationship.

Must ignore Bat-signal.

Excuse me, Master Carey.

I-I need to see you and
Master Dick in the library.

I'm afraid you'll have to handle
Master Dick by yourself.

I have my hands full.

Uh... okay.

Listen, I have to leave
work early anyway.

Why don't we go
to some place

you know, where we can
talk in private?

What'd you have in mind?

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

There, now we can talk.

I think we can really work
this Batmobile thing out

if we just set up
some ground rules.

I can't believe we're
having this conversation

sitting in the Batmobile.

And it really handles well.

I mean, it took those corners
without even slowing down.

Plus I didn't see
and the windshield's so dark

we're lucky to be alive.

Okay, so rule number one

we just don't talk
about the Batmobile.

Mm-hm.
Oh, what's this do?

Oh, man, that's the coolest
thing in the car.

It's the button that makes
the Batwings open and close.

Can I try it?

Sure.

[revving]

[whirring]

Oh, Drew.

I had no idea.

So, uh, another thing.

I want to make it up
to your parents

by taking them out to dinner
anywhere they want, on me.

Oh, Drew.
That is so sweet.

And you look so good
behind the wheel of this car.

Really sexy.

Oh, yeah?

[dramatic music]

What'd you think of that?

- Wow.
- It came with the car.

You know, uh, of all
the fantasies I've ever had...

...in the Batmobile is the one
that I'd never considered.

Really?
Our-our first time?

Here?
Wait a second.

Let me check my utility
belt for protection.

[both chuckling]

Oh, Batman.
I mean, Drew.

I don't care.

What the hell? Is that
the Batmobile over there again?

Looks like it.

Those two guys
we busted yesterday.

Look what they're up to now.

Let's go.

[siren blaring]

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Hey... Drew.

I know you couldn't
say anything at the station

but, uh, was it
"Batman Forever" or...

And I hope you remember
our little talk

and that the crusader
was caped.

I'll bet you're glad
it was a "Dark Knight."

I got nothing.

Can you guys, shut up.
That was really embarrassing.

Especially, when the cops
shine a light on you

and you're in mid ka-pow.

[clearing throat]

I, uh, I got you all
the way to mid "Ka-pow?"

What did it then,
biff or the blam?

[laughing]

- Hey, Mr. Carey.
- I'm glad you're back.

You know, I think Val Kilmer
left his watch in the car.

I was wondering if
you'd give it to him?

Uh, no.

I'm taking the car back
'cause you defiled it.

What?
Who told you that?

Well, the cops called
the fast food chain

to see if you were
really the owner.

When they heard what you did
they decided to take it back.

Uh, it's all part
of the morals clause.

Batman's car had
a morals clause?

He kept a young boy
in a cave.

Don't you people get it?

The Batmobile belongs
to all of us

and we don't want you
butt naked in it.

Now, give me the keys.

Alright... fine.

I'll just take
the 200,000 then.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, sure, sure.
We'll send you a check.

Uh, let me
get the address.

It's Drew Carey...

- Yes.
- Right.

Okay. And that's
166, No-Chance-Lane.

[laughing]

You can't do this to me.

You can't take my money.

You can't take my car.
I'm gonna fight this.

I'm gonna fight this
all the way...

Where does a guy go to
fight something like this?

Wait a minute, here.
Drew, cheer up.

Now, you got to do something

that most men only
dream about.

You got to defile
the Batmobile.

And there's always plenty
of fast food contests.

Who knows? This time next year
you could be doing it

on the bridge
of the Enterprise.

See?

I'd say thanks, but I got
200,000 reasons not to.

Hey, hey, hey, that's not
the Drew Carey I know, huh?

What do you do when life gives
you stale French fries, huh?

You throw them away, no.

You salt 'em, you wrap 'em
in a damn paper towel

you reheat 'em
and you enjoy 'em.

So what do you suggest I do?

- I don't know, I got nothing.
- Alright.

- Hey, uh, Nicki...
- Hmm.

This is gonna be one of those
"Was it good for you" questions

but I noticed the only time
you really seemed to be...

...turned on was when
we were in the Batmobile.

I mean, that's not
the only thing

you find exciting
about me, is it?

Well, to be honest.
It's mostly you but...

it didn't hurt that
it was a little dangerous.

This house is
a little dangerous.

Got a couple of
loose floorboards

the lights out
in the fridge...

Drew, I never knew.

You know something?
I think the penguins are large.

This is a great idea.

Breakfast in bed
always cheers Drew up.

Breakfast always
cheers Drew up.

- Could you pass the salt?
- Yeah.

[instrumental music]

Thanks.

He likes 'em
over easy, right?

I think so.

Hey, how's that toast coming?

Almost ready.

Hey guys, what you doing?

Oh, we're making Drew
breakfast in bed

in our Batman
and Robin outfits.

Good for you.