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1
00:00:00,791 --> 00:00:02,334
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:02,334 --> 00:00:04,003
Would you look at the spread?
This is the biggest
3
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,338
Bust-A-Gut night
the Warsaw's ever had.
4
00:00:06,338 --> 00:00:08,425
Yeah. That's why
they had to hire us.
5
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,386
Yeah. We get 25 bucks off
the rent on our place upstairs
6
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,847
and they get two world-class
gourmet chefs.
7
00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:17,267
(in unison)
Ow! Grease burns!
8
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,646
Alright. Lay down the tarps
and get out the safety goggles
9
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:25,650
'cause I'm gonna eat
until the cows come home.
10
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,485
Then he's gonna eat the cows.
11
00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:30,779
This must be getting serious.
12
00:00:30,779 --> 00:00:33,365
Drew's never brought a date
to Bust-A-Gut Night before.
13
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,660
He said it was too many
conflicting urges.
14
00:00:37,411 --> 00:00:39,414
Wow. Look at this...
15
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,750
Buffalo wings,
chicken legs, beef ribs...
16
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,503
Looks like someone dipped
Noah's Ark in a deep fryer.
17
00:00:48,422 --> 00:00:50,132
I know it can be
kind of overwhelming at first
18
00:00:50,132 --> 00:00:52,176
but there's a technique, see?
19
00:00:52,176 --> 00:00:54,136
You have to start
with a starter plate.
20
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:58,140
Lay down a solid layer
of meats and cheeses.
21
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,809
Remember, you're not
a sprinter
22
00:01:00,809 --> 00:01:02,895
you're a
long distance runner.
23
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,939
Drew, I can't eat this.
24
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:06,732
Wha..? Look, I know
it's your first trip to the moon
25
00:01:06,732 --> 00:01:09,319
but don't worry, you're with
Neil-freakin'-Armstrong.
26
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,324
I guess it's time
I told you something. I...
27
00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:22,039
I used to be different.
I mean...
28
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,417
...there used to be
more of me.
29
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,003
Oh.. Oh, my god.
30
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,883
Nicki-Nick, Nicki-Nick...
31
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,554
No-no, Drew, I'm a woman.
32
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,848
Just, what I meant
to say was
33
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,725
I used to be overweight.
34
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,226
You? No way.
35
00:01:42,226 --> 00:01:45,313
Yeah. Over the last two years
I have lost 85 pounds.
36
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:46,855
Wow.
37
00:01:46,855 --> 00:01:48,941
I'm down to my last
couple of pounds. It's just...
38
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:50,693
I'm trying to eat
healthier, so
39
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,779
if-if you don't mind,
I'll pass.
40
00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:56,782
Oh, you don't mind
if I eat, do you?
41
00:01:56,782 --> 00:01:58,826
No, no, trust me.
I know the worst thing
42
00:01:58,826 --> 00:02:01,871
to do to someone who loves
to eat is to nag them about it.
43
00:02:03,372 --> 00:02:06,417
Wow. Hey, listen, if you can
support me like that
44
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,918
I'm gonna support you.
45
00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:11,130
I'm gonna lose five pounds
for every pound you lose.
46
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:14,008
Besides, how hard can it be
to lose ten pounds, huh?
47
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:17,387
Ten pounds? That's easy, just
wipe the crumbs off your mouth.
48
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,932
Mimi, this is my girlfriend,
Nicki.
49
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:24,144
Nicki, this is the thing
that goes bump in the night.
50
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,856
Girlfriend, huh?
When I clap my hands
51
00:02:28,856 --> 00:02:30,858
you're gonna wake up
and regain your eyesight.
52
00:02:30,858 --> 00:02:32,402
[clapping]
53
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,826
Carey...
54
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,369
...and some girl
Carey's bothering.
55
00:02:42,369 --> 00:02:43,704
What're you doing here, sir?
56
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:46,040
Well, uh, I always
hang out here.
57
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,625
Look, there's an
American jukebox.
58
00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:50,795
These are the Dutch big wigs.
There's been some concern
59
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,172
that since I go the Jaguar,
I've lost touch with the people.
60
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:55,258
Just play along.
61
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,844
(Wick)
Come on, boys, let's go
and get urine-faced.
62
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,806
Boy, a British accent
just makes everything
63
00:03:02,806 --> 00:03:04,350
sound classier, doesn't it?
64
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:07,519
Oh, listen,
I'm gonna get rid of this stuff.
65
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:08,813
I'll be right back.
66
00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:14,277
Hey, do you mind not calling me
"fat" in front of my girlfriend?
67
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,655
I'd do it behind your back, but
I don't wanna take that walk.
68
00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:23,619
Trust me, there's no way
you're gonna lose ten pounds.
69
00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,205
I could do it in two weeks.
70
00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:29,208
Willing to bet on it?
71
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,252
I'll bet 20 bucks.
72
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:34,213
Oh, how about 20 bucks a pound?
73
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,507
You're on.
74
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,551
Just to show you how serious I
am, I'm not gonna try to salvage
75
00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:42,472
that even thought the rib isn't
technically touching the floor.
76
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,684
When's the floor
ever stopped you?
77
00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:49,312
I've seen you eat Cheetos
out of a dust pan.
78
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:54,566
Hey, Drew, did you try
the bacon-wrap sausages yet?
79
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:57,070
You can almost feel your heart
slow down. It's really cool.
80
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,950
None for me, thanks.
I'm done eating for the night.
81
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:08,205
What about beer?
82
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:09,999
Oh, I'm still gonna have beer.
83
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:18,174
♪ Aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah aah ♪
84
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,469
♪ All this energy callin' me ♪
85
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:23,346
♪ Back where it comes from ♪
86
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,391
♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪
87
00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:30,352
♪ It's back where it belongs ♪
88
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:33,397
♪ All the little chicks
with the crimson lips ♪
89
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:35,149
♪ Go "Cleveland Rocks" ♪
90
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,151
♪ "Cleveland Rocks" ♪
91
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,904
♪ Livin' in sin
with a safety pin ♪
92
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,864
♪ Goin' "Cleveland Rocks" ♪
93
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,490
♪ "Cleveland Rocks" ♪
94
00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:49,914
♪ "Cleveland Rocks"
"Cleveland Rocks" ♪
95
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,791
♪ "Cleveland Rocks" ♪
96
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,544
♪ Ohio ♪
97
00:04:57,921 --> 00:04:59,966
[instrumental music]
98
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,096
Gather round, all,
it's story time.
99
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:10,476
Make yourselves comfortable.
Close your eyes.
100
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:14,813
Open your hearts
and prepare for a magical tale.
101
00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:18,109
Once upon a time,
Hopkins was fired...
102
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:30,120
...and everyone else
lived happily ever after.
103
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,041
Except, a little more scared.
Right, back to work.
104
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,376
Drew, we're gonna
be millionaires.
105
00:05:36,376 --> 00:05:38,463
Great! I'm outta here.
Hey, everybody
106
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,922
tell Mr. Wick I quit.
107
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,882
Don't you wanna know why?
108
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:44,176
No, I've learned long ago
to trust you people.
109
00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:46,554
Whoo! I'm gonna be
a millionaire.
110
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:50,140
Well, just so you know,
we're gonna get a booth
111
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:52,309
at the Harvest Festival
and we're gonna sell
112
00:05:52,309 --> 00:05:53,978
Buzz Beer hotcakes.
113
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:57,398
Hey, I'm back!
114
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,859
No-no, no, no, seriously.
115
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,444
You gotta try 'em.
116
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,780
Alright, just one bite,
'cause I'm on a diet.
117
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,952
[retching]
118
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,290
So?
119
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,253
That was so good, I thought
I'd share some with my hand.
120
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,089
- Hi, guys.
- 'Hey'.
121
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,716
Drew, are you ready
to go to lunch?
122
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,719
Oh, yeah. Hey, we're doin'
this salad bar thing.
123
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,513
It's an amazing concept.
You go in and eat the salad
124
00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:31,265
and then you just stop.
125
00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:37,313
Hey... Buzz Beer salad dressing.
126
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:40,482
Then people won't know
you're drinking at lunch.
127
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:42,068
[laughing]
128
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,530
So, I'd ask you how you're doin'
on your diet
129
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:49,157
but I know how that used to bug
me, so I'm not gonna.
130
00:06:49,157 --> 00:06:51,869
Ask away 'cause
I'm well under 200.
131
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,622
(weighing machine)
'You weigh 210 pounds.'
132
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,377
Mimi...
133
00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:02,338
Don't let her get to you, Drew.
You're doing great.
134
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,673
You could lose 20 pounds
if you wanted to.
135
00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:06,759
See if you still
feel like that in an hour
136
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,593
when he's tearing through
the salad bar
137
00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:10,763
like a lion through a gazelle.
138
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,392
Going to lunch, Carey?
139
00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:18,020
- Yes, sir.
- Looking forward to it?
140
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,772
Oh, I'm not
going to lunch, am I?
141
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,691
Oh, I wanted to say that.
142
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,611
Why don't I bring you
something back?
143
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,864
- What'd you like on your salad?
- Pie.
144
00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:35,079
I'll surprise you.
145
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:41,919
Oh, I thought
you were goin' on a diet
146
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:45,005
'cause you wanted to lose weight
but you're goin' on a diet
147
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:47,300
'cause your girlfriend
wants you to lose weight.
148
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,594
Boy, have you got it backwards.
I'm tryin' to help her.
149
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:51,971
She used to have a weight
problem and I'm doin' this
150
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,347
for moral support.
151
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,184
Get a clue,
Sir Laurence Obliviae.
152
00:07:58,018 --> 00:08:00,187
Blondie never had
a weight problem.
153
00:08:00,187 --> 00:08:01,689
She's just tryin' to trick you
into losing weight
154
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,398
'cause she's embarrassed
about you.
155
00:08:03,398 --> 00:08:05,902
I mean, wake up
and smell the coffee cake.
156
00:08:06,943 --> 00:08:08,612
How do you know?
157
00:08:08,612 --> 00:08:10,948
The world's full of people
who want to change you.
158
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:15,077
If it's not your hair, it's your
make-up or your clothes.
159
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,581
Oh, you've been through
the same thing, huh?
160
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,751
Hey, I was a teenager.
I had an awkward stage.
161
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:31,051
Let me tell you something.
I'm sure there's people
162
00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:33,429
who were never satisfied
with the way you are
163
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,348
but that's not Nicki.
You're wrong about her.
164
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:38,309
You're wrong about the diet
and you're wrong
165
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,102
about everything
you've ever worn.
166
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,773
So you're gonna try
and diet, huh?
167
00:08:44,773 --> 00:08:47,735
This is gonna be the easiest
$200 I ever made.
168
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,612
Oh, I'm sure Ripley's must've
paid you somethin'
169
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:52,281
for somethin'.
170
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,369
[engine rattling]
171
00:08:57,369 --> 00:08:59,496
[explosion]
172
00:08:59,496 --> 00:09:01,415
[loud rattling]
173
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:06,045
[coughing]
174
00:09:08,672 --> 00:09:10,465
Okay, surprise, surprise!
175
00:09:10,465 --> 00:09:14,011
The beer-powered lawn mower
was a bad idea.
176
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,347
But the good news
is that beer powered Oswald
177
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,890
is runnin' just fine.
178
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,602
Okay, you guys, we still need to
think of somethin' to grab
179
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,396
people's attention
at the festival.
180
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,691
Hey, you know what?
I read about this thing called
181
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:30,068
the "Backwards
completion principle".
182
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:32,946
What you do is, you envision
your moment of success
183
00:09:32,946 --> 00:09:36,075
then you work your way backwards
to figure out how you got there.
184
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,743
Okay, okay...
185
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,204
We're in the newspaper
because we've done
186
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,373
something amazing
with Buzz Beer.
187
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,874
Okay, what am I wearing?
188
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:47,169
The brown suit with the stain.
189
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:50,047
Okay, you mean the white suit
with the clean spot. Alright.
190
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:53,759
Am I holdin' anythin'?
191
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:56,261
Yeah, a trophy.
192
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:57,721
I got it.
193
00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:59,432
- 'We're in the paper..'
- Yeah?
194
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:03,561
...because we've created
the world's largest mug of beer.
195
00:10:04,811 --> 00:10:06,772
That's brilliant.
196
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,273
We should do
everything backwards.
197
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,483
Agree I.
198
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,527
Yeah, look...
199
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,237
You're right.
It doesn't always work.
200
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,574
- Kitchen in the.
- Shut up.
201
00:10:17,574 --> 00:10:18,909
- Kay-O.
- Up shut!
202
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,956
Hey, you know, Drew's still
asleep. What's on Pay-Per-View?
203
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,874
Uh, it's "How to make
an American quilt".
204
00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:29,378
Oh, I love those sensitive
women's movies.
205
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,339
Sometimes they get
together and get naked.
206
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,842
Do you think Drew'll notice it
on his bill?
207
00:10:35,842 --> 00:10:38,345
Oh, who cares?
The fun part is watchin' him
208
00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:40,306
call the cable company
and bitch.
209
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:47,313
Oh, my God, there he is. This
came on all by itself, Drew.
210
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,941
Hey, you should call the cable
company and rip 'em a new one.
211
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:54,111
Uh-oh, the silent treatment.
He must really be mad.
212
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,697
[scoffing]
I can't enjoy the quilt
with this kind of tension.
213
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,911
(Oswald)
Hey, we-we're sorry, Drew.
We'll pay you back.
214
00:11:06,706 --> 00:11:10,419
Wait. Something's wrong here.
He's not wearing his glasses.
215
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,963
And he's using a plate.
216
00:11:18,218 --> 00:11:19,762
Drew?
217
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,430
Drew...
218
00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:24,934
Oh my God, he's sleep-eating.
219
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,980
Hey, let's see
if we can guide his dreams.
220
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:33,567
Drew, you're bein' attacked
by a flock of birds...
221
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,112
[cawing]
222
00:11:38,113 --> 00:11:39,740
Okay, now there's
a beautiful woman
223
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,116
wearing hot-pants approaching
224
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:43,077
and she wants a bite
of your sandwich.
225
00:11:46,788 --> 00:11:48,874
You guys, come on, come on.
He's screwing up his diet.
226
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,876
I know what'd wake him up,
a vegetable.
227
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:55,548
We have the celery left over
from our Bloody Mary night.
228
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,882
Let's watch.
229
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,470
[spitting]
What the hell?
230
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,641
Hey, what're you guys
doin' at Pamela Lee's house
231
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,268
on New Year's Eve?
232
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,731
Drew.. Drew, you were eating
in your sleep.
233
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:15,984
Oh, man, no wonder
this diet isn't workin'.
234
00:12:15,984 --> 00:12:18,612
Uh, I don't know why
I'm killin' myself anyway.
235
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,155
If Nicki doesn't like me
the way I am
236
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:21,823
it's over no matter what I do.
237
00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:24,243
Wow, where does that come from?
238
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,495
Mimi. She said that Nicki
lied about being overweight
239
00:12:27,495 --> 00:12:29,414
just to get me
to go on a diet.
240
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:31,333
I was willing
to go to a salad bar for her.
241
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,127
I thought she was the one.
242
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:39,090
Look, I-I know it's hard
to imagine Nicki overweight
243
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,719
and sometimes people do
manipulate people
244
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,929
in very subtle ways.
Oswald...
245
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,015
Huh?
She's right.
246
00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:49,559
I-I don't think Nicki
is that kind of person.
247
00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,144
I just think Mimi
just made you paranoid.
248
00:12:51,144 --> 00:12:52,772
- Oswald.
- She's right.
249
00:12:54,689 --> 00:12:56,275
So what're you gonna do?
250
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,027
- 'Oswald.'
- He's right.
251
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:02,489
I don't know, but somehow
I gotta find a way
252
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:04,324
to figure out
if she was ever really fat.
253
00:13:04,324 --> 00:13:05,367
[oven dinging]
254
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,744
What's that?
255
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,418
You not only eat in your sleep,
you bake.
256
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,299
Step right up
and have your picture taken
257
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,177
with the world's largest mug
of beer. Only two dollars.
258
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:27,013
That's right, folks. It's got
over 2,000 gallons of Buzz Beer.
259
00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:29,308
That's enough to kill
over two million brain cells
260
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,476
and destroy 17 marriages.
261
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:33,896
It makes you wanna pee, just
lookin' at it, don't it?
262
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,772
Step right up, sir.
263
00:13:35,772 --> 00:13:37,149
Step right up.
264
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,693
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
265
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,528
Where did you
get this thing?
266
00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:43,947
Oh, at the Drug Co.
They only used it
267
00:13:43,947 --> 00:13:45,783
for one experiment.
So wasteful.
268
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,409
So I, uh, scrubbed it down
269
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,453
and it's as good as new.
270
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,080
Oh, that's weird.
271
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,540
I lost another fingernail.
272
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:57,419
Uh, Drew...
Drew, Drew, Drew...
273
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,921
Hand me that net, will ya?
274
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,130
Another duck?
275
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,674
Yeah, they're mean
when they're drunk.
276
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,426
So, did you find out
if Nicki really was fat?
277
00:14:05,426 --> 00:14:07,137
No, and I can't just
come out and ask her.
278
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,638
It'd be just like
accusing her of lying.
279
00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:10,598
[ducks quacking]
280
00:14:10,598 --> 00:14:12,309
Alright, buddy
281
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,687
you don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
282
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,191
Don't worry, Drew.
I have a plan.
283
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,068
Hey, Nicki, I'm, uh...
284
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,153
I'm havin' a little trouble
with this crossword puzzle.
285
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,779
I wonder if you can help me.
286
00:14:24,779 --> 00:14:29,701
"Fatty, fatty, two by four,
blank blank blank blank
287
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:32,246
blank blank door."
288
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:37,710
Okay, I'll find out if she
was fat. Watch the master.
289
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,880
Boy, I, uh,
I love calliope music.
290
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,549
Shall we?
291
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,092
Shall we what?
292
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,220
- What's he goin' for here?
- I don't know.
293
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:51,348
'Loose skin, stretch marks..'
294
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,101
Believe me,
we'll be back to the puzzle.
295
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,730
Oh, what're you doing?
296
00:14:59,647 --> 00:15:02,150
It's a sad state of affairs
when a man has to explain
297
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,611
why he wants a woman
to dance at a carnival.
298
00:15:04,611 --> 00:15:06,238
Adieu.
299
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,698
[mouthing]
I don't know.
300
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:14,538
Guys, we've got trouble
in the mug.
301
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,415
- What? What's wrong?
- There's a leak in the bottom.
302
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,125
Somebody's gotta go down
and plug it.
303
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,459
- I'll do it.
- Hey!
304
00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:21,419
Hey, hey, hey!
305
00:15:21,419 --> 00:15:24,924
You've got someone
who loves you. Give me this.
306
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:32,765
Hey, this is ironic.
Twelve steps.
307
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,605
No cannon balls.
308
00:15:43,358 --> 00:15:46,277
There's one man who's achieved
one of his three lifetime goals.
309
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:48,488
God bless you.
310
00:15:48,488 --> 00:15:51,324
Oh, look, we're finally
getting a crowd.
311
00:15:51,324 --> 00:15:54,161
Step right up.
Get your picture taken with...
312
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,121
...Beer Boy.
313
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,081
(Oswald)
That's right.
The Amazing Beer Boy...
314
00:15:58,081 --> 00:15:59,833
His mother was Hops,
his father was Barley.
315
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,626
'He longed for the love
of a human woman'
316
00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:04,796
yet he's destined
to drink alone for eternity.
317
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:09,551
Oh, look. The Beer Boy is
evolving before our very eyes.
318
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,971
Here he is...
But don't stand too close.
319
00:16:13,513 --> 00:16:17,559
Hideous gases
may be building in his body
320
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:21,730
after years
of beer habitation.
321
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:26,610
I can only survive 20 minutes
in your oxygen rich atmosphere.
322
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,780
Wait. I must take
another breath.
323
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:37,454
Ah, there.
Now Beer Boy feel good.
324
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,540
[applause]
325
00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:45,462
Hey, look, it's Beer Boy. I hear
he has an indestructible liver
326
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:48,715
and the false confidence
of ten men.
327
00:16:48,715 --> 00:16:50,509
I must have my picture
taken with him.
328
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,968
Mm, maybe later.
329
00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:54,221
Right now I have to exhale
like a race horse.
330
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,852
Oh my gosh, Nicki Fifer?
331
00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:03,229
It's Jody Phillips,
Class of '82, remember?
332
00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:04,856
Hi...
333
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:06,316
You went
to high school with her?
334
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:07,650
Boy, how'd you even
recognize her?
335
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,069
'Cause I hear
she changed quite a bit.
336
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,404
[clearing throat]
337
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,531
Nope, she looks
exactly the same.
338
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,616
(Jody)
'Right down to the hair.'
339
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,577
Ooh, way to hang on
to a look, huh?
340
00:17:17,577 --> 00:17:20,247
[chuckles]
341
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,665
I'm gonna go get a beer.
342
00:17:22,665 --> 00:17:25,711
If you really wanna see a look,
be here when I get back.
343
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,799
I guess that's it.
344
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,968
The thin lady sang.
345
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:35,511
I'm sorry, Drew.
346
00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:38,848
(man over P.A.)
'Ladies and gentlemen,
the watermelon eating contest'
347
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:43,019
'is about to begin.
Beat the champ and win $300.'
348
00:17:43,019 --> 00:17:44,771
Did someone just say
349
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:46,815
"Drew Carey, get over here
and win a contest"?
350
00:17:48,691 --> 00:17:50,485
You're actually
gonna enter that thing?
351
00:17:50,485 --> 00:17:53,238
Why not? The diet's over.
The relationship's over.
352
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,823
I might as well win
the money to pay Mimi back
353
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:57,117
after she wins the bet.
354
00:17:57,117 --> 00:18:00,287
Eating's just another word
for nothing left to lose.
355
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:05,458
Wait a second, he's not gonna go
break up with her, is he?
356
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,586
Yeah, she lied about being
overweight in high school.
357
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,920
It's a long story.
358
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,505
Do you want your picture taken
with Beer Boy?
359
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:12,924
She really was overweight
in high school.
360
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:15,135
I guess I'm still mad because
she completely blocked me out
361
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:16,928
of the senior picture.
362
00:18:16,928 --> 00:18:20,640
But she did lose
like a hundred pounds.
363
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,685
We're not just talkin'
fatty-fatty fo-fatty
364
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,772
we're talkin'
fatty boom-ballatty.
365
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,941
Yeah. Well, anyways...
366
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,859
Will you tell her
that I'm sorry?
367
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,236
Yeah. Oh my God,
we've gotta tell Drew
368
00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:36,156
that Nicki really was fat
before he breaks up with her.
369
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,575
You go. Beer Boy must stay
and make drunken phone calls
370
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,285
to old girlfriends.
371
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:48,334
(male announcer)
'Our next contestant
is Drew Carey challenging'
372
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:51,796
'the North American Champion,
Big Walter.'
373
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:53,590
[applause]
374
00:18:57,093 --> 00:19:00,639
Get ready, pig, I'm gonna blow
your house down.
375
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:03,851
Gee, I hate to see family
go at it like this.
376
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:10,648
Snouts down, ears back, go!
377
00:19:10,648 --> 00:19:12,943
- 'Come on, Drew!'
- 'Come on, Drew!'
378
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,738
[cheering]
379
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:24,997
[cheering continues]
380
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,835
[applause]
381
00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:36,299
Who's the pig now, baby?
Who's the pig now?
382
00:19:36,299 --> 00:19:39,845
(male announcer)
The winner and new champion,
Drew Carey.
383
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,522
[applause]
384
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,695
Hey, you won.
385
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,450
The word "proud" comes to mind
then quickly vanishes.
386
00:20:03,159 --> 00:20:04,577
I figured what the hell,
you're embarrassed
387
00:20:04,577 --> 00:20:06,287
about the way I look anyway.
388
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:08,623
Drew, I'm not embarrassed...
389
00:20:08,623 --> 00:20:11,460
I'm not embarrassed
about the way you look.
390
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,087
Uh, Drew, I have something
important to tell you.
391
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:27,141
Hey, guess what? I just, uh...
I just ate half a pound
392
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:29,770
of nature's tastiest laxative
for no reason whatsoever.
393
00:20:31,354 --> 00:20:32,605
Drew...
394
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,316
Look, uh...
395
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,067
I thought you were lyin'
to me about bein' heavy
396
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:38,402
just to get me
to go on a diet.
397
00:20:38,402 --> 00:20:40,280
I mean, you know what it's like
when you're overweight.
398
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,866
Sometimes the fat just gets in
your brain and makes you crazy.
399
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:47,120
Look, Drew, when I was
overweight, I always thought
400
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,706
I was being judged too,
but you gotta believe me
401
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,416
I like you the way you are.
402
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,921
You're solid, you're jolly and
you're shade on a Summer's day.
403
00:20:58,881 --> 00:21:01,593
Next time something's
botherin' you, talk to me.
404
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:04,054
Don't try to work it out
with barnyard animals.
405
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,140
Attention please.
406
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:12,312
Will the owner of Beer Boy
please go to the Lost And Found?
407
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:17,109
And if you have his pants,
please bring those too.
408
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:21,988
Well, I better
go save Beer Boy.
409
00:21:21,988 --> 00:21:24,449
Without his pants,
he's just Creepy Drunk Guy.
410
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,249
I'm not done yet.
411
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:39,965
- I just realized somethin'.
- What?
412
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,841
How're we gonna get outta here?
413
00:21:41,841 --> 00:21:43,677
Why would we wanna get
outta here at all?
414
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:46,554
I mean, what's out there but
disappointment and heart-break?
415
00:21:46,554 --> 00:21:49,683
In here, it's nice, safe.
416
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:52,810
Goodnight, Oswald.
417
00:21:52,810 --> 00:21:54,271
Goodnight, Lewis.
29856
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