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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.LT 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT 3 00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:11,708 ♪ It's Christmas Eve and snow is on the ground ♪ 4 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:21,875 ♪ Mistletoe and holly all around ♪ 5 00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:27,540 ♪ Yes, all the world is happy ♪ 6 00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:30,999 ♪ but since you went away ♪ 7 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,207 ♪ my Christmas will be just ♪ 8 00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,082 ♪ another lonely day... 9 00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:40,290 Oh, it's cold! I need to pee. 10 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,582 Oh, golly gee. 11 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,915 I'll be right back! 12 00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:45,124 Please stop. 13 00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:47,207 That's your sister! Look. 14 00:00:47,208 --> 00:00:48,415 Don't punch your sister. 15 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,415 Please stop! 16 00:00:50,416 --> 00:00:53,499 All three of you are gonna get in so much trouble. 17 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,790 Hold on. 18 00:00:54,791 --> 00:00:56,415 Hi. Can I help you? 19 00:00:56,416 --> 00:00:58,207 Hi. Do you mind 20 00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,665 if I have a word with your kids? 21 00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:02,082 Uh, sure. 22 00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:04,874 Okay, kids, I couldn't help but notice 23 00:01:04,875 --> 00:01:09,457 that your mommy here is trying very hard to keep you happy, 24 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:13,832 and I just wanted to say that, um, you really should be nicer to her. 25 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,665 Okay? 26 00:01:15,666 --> 00:01:19,208 Because someday she's going to be dead. 27 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,083 Merry Christmas. 28 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,832 Oh, don't look at me like that. 29 00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:29,957 Scrooge gets famous for being grumpy around the holidays, 30 00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:32,874 and I'm not entitled to one little outburst? 31 00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,165 - Bye. - Come to think of it, 32 00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,665 where are the holiday movies about moms? 33 00:01:35,666 --> 00:01:37,915 I can name a dozen about men, easy. 34 00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:40,624 There's Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life, 35 00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:43,790 The Santa Clause, Home Alone, Elf, 36 00:01:43,791 --> 00:01:46,499 this one, that one, that guy, this guy, 37 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:47,832 him, them. 38 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:50,249 Heck, Steve Martin is some kind of hero 39 00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:52,749 because he spends a few days trying to get home 40 00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,624 in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. 41 00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:56,499 And what does his beautiful wife get? 42 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,790 You know, the woman at home who's been taking care of the kids, 43 00:01:58,791 --> 00:02:00,790 cooking and cleaning. 44 00:02:00,791 --> 00:02:03,582 Around 89 seconds of screen time. 45 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:07,665 They need to make a movie about the true heroes of the holidays: 46 00:02:07,666 --> 00:02:09,540 moms. 47 00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:14,832 I was all prepared for my favorite holiday, Christmas. 48 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:17,249 I'd been planning it since January 1st... 49 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:21,374 ...and I was watching my number one TV program, Zazzy Tims. 50 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:24,249 And, folks, stay right here, because after the break, 51 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,207 we'll be joined by Chef Emeril Lagasse, 52 00:02:27,208 --> 00:02:30,332 and he's gonna tell us how to cook a beautiful Christmas turkey 53 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:32,249 with a little Cajun twist. 54 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,665 Bam! Oh, and don't forget, 55 00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:37,957 the annual Zazzy Tims Holiday Mom Contest is upon us. 56 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:42,957 And you've got one day left to nominate your very own holiday mom 57 00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:48,582 to win an all expenses paid Christmas trip out to Burbank to be a guest on my show. 58 00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,415 {\an8}It's your chance to show your mom 59 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:52,165 {\an8}how special she is. 60 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:55,124 So get those applications in before it's too late. 61 00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:07,583 I don't need this. 62 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:10,915 - Hey, hon. - Hey. 63 00:03:10,916 --> 00:03:13,249 Oh, my God, you're just starting that? 64 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,665 Honey, it's gonna take me 45 minutes to an hour tops to build this thing, okay? 65 00:03:16,666 --> 00:03:18,707 And Ben and Lucy are gonna love it. 66 00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:20,624 That's a lot of parts. Good luck. 67 00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:22,165 So I'm gonna run errands. 68 00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,957 - You need anything? - Nope, I'm good. 69 00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:25,249 Just drive safe. 70 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:30,041 Hey, the kids haven't mentioned the, um, Zazzy contest to you, have they? 71 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:32,957 Because I've sent them messages about it. 72 00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:34,415 Um, I definitely did. 73 00:03:34,416 --> 00:03:35,749 Contest? 74 00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,540 The Holiday Mom Contest? 75 00:03:37,541 --> 00:03:39,124 Your kids have to submit you. 76 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:41,166 It's... it's a whole thing. 77 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:45,665 Did you... tell them to submit you? 78 00:03:45,666 --> 00:03:48,707 I can't ask them to submit me. 79 00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:50,790 That would be cheating. 80 00:03:50,791 --> 00:03:52,749 I want them to want to submit me. 81 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:57,457 I mean, who cares? It's just a silly little contest. 82 00:03:57,458 --> 00:04:00,374 It's really not that important to me. 83 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,790 I see it. 84 00:04:02,791 --> 00:04:05,499 I see it on your face. 85 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,291 I suppose I could text them one more time. 86 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,749 Couldn't hurt. 87 00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:28,499 ♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 88 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:32,083 ♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 89 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:37,790 ♪ So I'm-a sending you this Christmas card ♪ 90 00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:41,541 ♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 91 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:46,915 ♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 92 00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:50,582 ♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 93 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:53,957 ♪ So hop aboard your turntable ♪ 94 00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:59,375 ♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 95 00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:03,915 ♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 96 00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:07,415 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 97 00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:09,249 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪ 98 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,165 ♪ Come along with me ♪ 99 00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:12,915 ♪ Step into Christmas ♪ 100 00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:16,000 ♪ The admission's free ♪ 101 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:19,540 Channing is my oldest. 102 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:23,290 {\an8}She, her husband Doug and their twins, Lucy and Ben, 103 00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:26,749 {\an8}live just a few hours away in Austin. 104 00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:30,415 {\an8}Makes me so happy to have her close by. 105 00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:35,832 {\an8}She's her own woman now, but I still make an extra stop at Schultz's every year 106 00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,624 {\an8}just so she can have her pfeffernuss. 107 00:05:37,625 --> 00:05:40,124 {\an8}- Hello! - She loves pfeffernuss. 108 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:41,540 {\an8}Hello! 109 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,874 {\an8}Mom? 110 00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:45,540 {\an8}- The Christmas tree! - Dad? 111 00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:47,207 {\an8}- So cool. - Ding-dong. 112 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:50,457 {\an8}She hasn't gotten rid of a single decoration since we were kids. 113 00:05:50,458 --> 00:05:51,749 {\an8} That one's mine. 114 00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:53,374 {\an8} Hey, don't touch the presents. 115 00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,832 {\an8}Mom? 116 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,290 {\an8}- I'm here! - Hi, Mom. 117 00:05:56,291 --> 00:05:57,624 {\an8}Hello! 118 00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,040 {\an8}- Grandmama Claire! - Come here! 119 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,540 {\an8}I have missed you two so much. 120 00:06:00,541 --> 00:06:02,832 {\an8} Hey, I thought I heard voices. 121 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,624 {\an8}- Little Bean! - Oh, hey, Dad! 122 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,082 {\an8}- Hey. - Hey. Hey! 123 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:07,957 {\an8}- Hey, handsome. - Hi, beautiful. 124 00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:09,582 {\an8}- How are you? Thanks for having us. - I'm good. 125 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:11,582 {\an8}- So happy to see you. - I'm gonna squeeze upstairs. 126 00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:13,124 {\an8}- Excuse me. Keep talking. - Oh, you want a hand with those bags? 127 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:14,999 {\an8}- I don't need a hand. I am very-- - Let me give you a hand. 128 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,874 {\an8}- Nope. Nick, I got it. Nick. Nick. - Yeah, come on. Especially this big one. 129 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,499 {\an8}- It's too big for you. - You guys... 130 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:21,790 Hey, you guys haven't heard of this show, um, 131 00:06:21,791 --> 00:06:24,749 the, uh-- So You're a Dancer, have you? 132 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:26,082 - It's our favorite show. - I got it. 133 00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:28,999 - Here we go. Come on. - I am so relieved, 134 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,415 because I have been wondering... 135 00:06:30,416 --> 00:06:35,624 ...what to do with all these tickets that are burning a hole in my pocket 136 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,874 for the So You're a Dancer Holiday Tour, 137 00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:42,499 coming to Houston tomorrow, and we are all going! 138 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,207 Yay! 139 00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:46,624 Here you go, pal. All set? 140 00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,165 - Thank you so much. Appreciate it. - All right. 141 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:49,707 - Thank you. - You got it from here? 142 00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:51,375 Got it from here. I'll take it. 143 00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,749 Hey, did anyone find Barnaby? 144 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,915 Who's Barnaby? 145 00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:03,290 Barnaby is the Elf on the Shelf 146 00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:09,415 who is hiding somewhere in or around this very house. 147 00:07:09,416 --> 00:07:14,999 And at night, he flies back to the North Pole and reports back to Santa 148 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,290 on who's being naughty or nice. 149 00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:19,207 Yeah, we-we know how it works, Mom. 150 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,457 We have an elf at home, too. 151 00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:23,707 His name is Sneaky Pete. 152 00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,832 Ew, Sneaky Pete? 153 00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:26,457 That's so creepy. 154 00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:28,208 Yeah. Sneaky is creepy. 155 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,707 Okay. Go, go, go, go, go! 156 00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:32,874 - He's hidden very well. - Come on, guys, let's check downstairs 157 00:07:32,875 --> 00:07:33,999 and see if he's down there. Come on! 158 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,124 - And you better hurry. - Let's see if we can find him. 159 00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,207 - Yay! - Come on. 160 00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:38,332 - They're so cute. - Where is he? Where is he? 161 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,915 Yeah, they are. 162 00:07:39,916 --> 00:07:42,249 It is so good to see you. 163 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,333 Hey. 164 00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:51,749 Hot, hot, hot, hot! Watch out. 165 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,374 Mmm. 166 00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:54,790 So how are you? 167 00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:56,915 I'm-I'm good. Yeah, you know-- 168 00:07:56,916 --> 00:07:59,040 - Are you hungry? - No, I'm okay. 169 00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:01,040 - We-we had some-- - Here, have some carrots. 170 00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:02,124 Okay. 171 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,707 Oh, thanks. 172 00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,082 Tell me everything. 173 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:08,832 My little girl, weight of the world on her shoulders. 174 00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:12,332 Things are a little unhinged right now with the... 175 00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:14,874 No one warns you how the older your kids get, 176 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:18,415 the harder it is to have an informed opinion about their lives. 177 00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:19,832 That's so great. 178 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,290 No, it's-it's not... not great. 179 00:08:22,291 --> 00:08:25,374 It-It's just, I've never written a murder mystery before. 180 00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,957 It's the, it's the trickiest thing I've ever tried to plot and-- 181 00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:31,124 I'm sure you will do a good job. You're so smart. 182 00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:33,832 I mean, you know, you just-- you'll make something up. 183 00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,249 Oh, that reminds me, um, 184 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,624 I bumped into Julie Sager, 185 00:08:38,625 --> 00:08:43,290 and she said you never reached out to her daughter Alyssa. 186 00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:44,665 I know. I know. 187 00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:48,665 'Cause it-it didn't make, it didn't make any sense what you were asking. 188 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:51,082 Alyssa writes about the stock market. 189 00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:54,540 I write novels. It's totally different. 190 00:08:54,541 --> 00:08:55,624 Well, okay. 191 00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:58,249 Well, could you at least send her 192 00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:01,124 one of those... free copies? 193 00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:05,124 They're called galleys, and no, they're for trade reviewers. 194 00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:06,540 How do you know she's not one? 195 00:09:06,541 --> 00:09:08,540 'Cause she's not. 196 00:09:10,541 --> 00:09:11,708 Candles. 197 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,958 You've got to smell these candles. 198 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:21,165 Mom. 199 00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:24,332 That is the scent of dusk. 200 00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,874 - No. - Uh, Zazzy Tims-- 201 00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:27,540 you know, Zazzy-- 202 00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:30,332 well, she did a whole segment on them. 203 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:33,707 They're called Monochrome candles. 204 00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:35,665 It's a luxury aesthetic. 205 00:09:35,666 --> 00:09:40,207 I'm giving one of these to that Jeanne Wang-Wasserman across the street. 206 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:43,082 Well, I'm sure she'll love it, Mom. 207 00:09:48,708 --> 00:09:50,208 Thanks. 208 00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:55,332 - Uncle Sammy's here! - He's here! 209 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,249 Uncle Sammy's here! 210 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,332 Yay! 211 00:09:58,333 --> 00:09:59,665 Uncle Sammy's here! 212 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,415 - He's here! - We're gonna surprise him when he comes. 213 00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:02,707 Uncle Sammy's here! 214 00:10:02,708 --> 00:10:06,124 Sammy is the baby of the family. 215 00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,832 He lives in Portland with his soulmate Mae-bell, 216 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,540 who we are finally getting to meet. 217 00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,415 I'm not going. 218 00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:13,915 What? Why? 219 00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:17,624 For one, I want to go to Los Angeles to see my family. 220 00:10:17,625 --> 00:10:19,707 - You see your family all the time. - And two, 221 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:22,249 - I-I think we should break up. - Okay. 222 00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:24,290 Is there a third thing? 223 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,957 I know this is not what you expected. 224 00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,457 I can't believe you're doing this. 225 00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,415 We had sex last night. 226 00:10:30,416 --> 00:10:32,207 I don't really see how that's relevant. 227 00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:33,957 We had sex this morning. 228 00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:35,707 We're young, Sammy. That's what we do. 229 00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:38,582 But I'm in love with you, Mae-bell. 230 00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:41,540 And I think you're great, too, 231 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,290 but... I want more. 232 00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:47,082 What more could you possibly want? 233 00:10:47,083 --> 00:10:49,124 You don't have a job. 234 00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,040 I do have a job. 235 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,790 A camp counselor? For three months of the year? 236 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:55,582 What happened to the other nine? 237 00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:56,665 Mae-bell, listen to me. 238 00:10:56,666 --> 00:11:00,624 You're cool and fun, and I just can't imagine my life without you. 239 00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:04,458 So, please, I'm begging you, don't do this. 240 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:06,874 ♪ Welcome home ♪ 241 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,374 ♪ Uncle Sammy ♪ 242 00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,499 - ♪ If you want to eat a-- ♪ - Mae-bell dumped me. 243 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,957 - Aw. - I'm a husk of my former self. 244 00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:14,249 I need a cinnamon roll. 245 00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,874 - Sorry, Sammy. Come, come. - Come on. 246 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,624 Sweetie... 247 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:20,540 listen to me. 248 00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:23,540 You are wonderful and fantastic in every way, 249 00:11:23,541 --> 00:11:27,582 and if Mae-bell doesn't see that, well, that's her loss. 250 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,832 Uh, you don't know that. 251 00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,207 It's competitive out there. 252 00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:32,415 People have options these days. 253 00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,124 Exactly. Options. 254 00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:36,290 Get back out there. Meet new people. 255 00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,249 These cinnamon buns taste different. 256 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,582 Take a pottery class. 257 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:41,124 What's different about them? 258 00:11:41,125 --> 00:11:43,458 She's trying Zazzy recipes again. 259 00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:48,457 You could go on one of those Club Med vacations for singles. 260 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,832 Mom. 261 00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:53,082 That or apply to grad school, you know, open a savings account. 262 00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:54,332 You know, take some time 263 00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,040 - to work on you, Sammy. - Mm-hmm. 264 00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:58,082 - Taylor's here! Taylor's here! - Taylor's here! 265 00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:59,166 Taylor's here? 266 00:11:59,958 --> 00:12:02,290 Taylor is my middle child. 267 00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:05,040 - Every year for the past ten years... - Hi! 268 00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,124 ...she's brought home a different woman for the holidays. 269 00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,707 And every year, we act excited... 270 00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:10,915 Hi! 271 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:12,707 ...because we love her, and that's family. 272 00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:15,374 All right, all right, family. Hold up. 273 00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:19,749 Let me introduce you to someone very special to me. 274 00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:24,540 The most beautiful, best emcee in all of Minneapolis... 275 00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:30,250 ...my girlfriend, DJ Sweatpants. 276 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:34,749 - Aw, that's great. - Aw. 277 00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:37,582 Also, you can call me DJ Sweatpants or Sweet-P or... 278 00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:38,957 - Yeah. - ...even just Donna. 279 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,082 Mm-hmm. 280 00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:41,915 I told y'all she was the best, huh? 281 00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,540 - Welcome to Texas! - Ah! 282 00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:45,415 - Whoo! Yeehaw! - Hi! 283 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,207 - Hey, honey. - I missed you guys. 284 00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,290 - Hi. - Hi. 285 00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:50,707 - What's up? - So nice to meet you. 286 00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,082 Hi, Channing. Oh, I've heard so much about you. 287 00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,208 I missed you. 288 00:12:58,791 --> 00:13:00,624 Wow. 289 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:03,290 Claire! Let's say hi! 290 00:13:03,291 --> 00:13:05,249 Hi, Jeanne! 291 00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,499 - Hi. - Jeanne Wang-Wasserman, 292 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,374 my impossibly perfect neighbor. 293 00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:13,165 One of those people who make you feel like you're somehow always falling short. 294 00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,249 Merry Christmas! 295 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:17,290 You remember my kids, right? 296 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,082 Astrid, Elizabeth, 297 00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,416 Marcus, Gar and his sweetheart Diane. 298 00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,332 Of course. Hello. 299 00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:26,832 So nice to see you. 300 00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:28,707 Merry Christmas, Jeff. 301 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,708 Nick. Merry Christmas. 302 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:33,332 It is a merry Christmas. 303 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,915 I see you took my advice 304 00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:37,665 and went sans lawn inflatables this year. 305 00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:43,249 I think I speak for everyone on the block when I say that we all really appreciate 306 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:46,624 that you decided not to put them up this year. 307 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:52,374 Oh, well, actually I'm still in the decision-making process, so... 308 00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:54,249 Well, okay. 309 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,040 I better let you all get to your dinner. 310 00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,582 - Bye. - Blessings! 311 00:13:57,583 --> 00:13:58,832 - See ya. - Bye. 312 00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,290 - Blessings. - Blessings. 313 00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:02,082 See ya. 314 00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,082 - Blessings! - Blessings. 315 00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:07,208 Blessings! 316 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,124 Blessings. 317 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:12,165 Sammy, Doug, go get the lawn inflatables and the air pump out of the shed now. 318 00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,958 - Speed walk? - Go. 319 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:24,624 ♪ Silent night ♪ 320 00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:28,041 ♪ Holy night ♪ 321 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:34,040 - ♪ All is calm ♪ - ♪ All is calm ♪ 322 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,790 ♪ All is bright ♪ 323 00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:38,957 ♪ Ooh ♪ 324 00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:43,290 - ♪ Round yon virgin ♪ - ♪ Virgin ♪ 325 00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:47,957 ♪ Mother and child ♪ 326 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:51,374 ♪ Holy infant ♪ 327 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:54,707 ♪ so tender and mild ♪ 328 00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,915 ♪ So tender and mild ♪ 329 00:14:56,916 --> 00:15:00,040 ♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪ 330 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:05,790 ♪ peace ♪ 331 00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:09,999 ♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪ 332 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,499 ♪ peace ♪ 333 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:17,707 Aw, oh, God! 334 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,250 Beautiful. 335 00:15:30,166 --> 00:15:31,833 Barbaric. 336 00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,082 - Hey, Mrs. C. - Hey, Donna. 337 00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:48,582 Inflatables are up. 338 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:51,707 ♪ They say she may be beaten, but I know... 339 00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:53,999 Taylor, feet off the furniture, please. 340 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,375 I just cleaned that table. 341 00:15:57,083 --> 00:16:01,040 I didn't realize Mom's old wooden table was a family heirloom. 342 00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:03,083 Ooh, snap. 343 00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:07,499 ♪ Met a man in Beirut... 344 00:16:14,125 --> 00:16:16,332 Channing tells me that you're getting into photography. 345 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,582 Is that true? 346 00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:21,249 Uh, I-I mean, I guess I told her 347 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:24,915 that I picked up, like, an old camera at a yard sale. 348 00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:27,165 - But, I mean, kind of. - That's so cool. 349 00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,166 That's-that's how it starts, the old habit. 350 00:16:31,666 --> 00:16:33,124 Poor Doug. 351 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,999 He's an only child. 352 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,749 No natural defenses against my kids. 353 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,707 I keep expecting he'll build some up, 354 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,915 but at this point, I don't know what it'll take. 355 00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:46,124 Yeah, I don't know if she mentioned it, but, you know, I'm, uh... 356 00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:49,041 was a bit of a shutterbug myself. 357 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:51,290 Huh. 358 00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:53,749 No, no, she never told me that you were 359 00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:56,290 - a shutterbug yourself. - Really? 360 00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,749 So funny. She didn't tell you. 361 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,415 If you ever... 362 00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:03,040 whatever, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here... 363 00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,124 Yeah. 364 00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:05,665 ...to talk about it with you. 365 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,499 Hey, did I ever tell you I, um... 366 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,540 um, I kissed this guy in high school once? 367 00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:14,374 And he-- 368 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,999 I'm gonna go and get some more wine. 369 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,333 - Right now. - Yeah. 370 00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:21,415 Sorry. 371 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,457 ♪ Wise men better get themselves together... 372 00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:28,166 So you're a shutterbug? 373 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,707 Hmm? 374 00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:32,291 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 375 00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,249 - Oh, my God, is that Taylor? - Yeah. 376 00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,415 - She looks exactly the same. - I know. 377 00:17:37,416 --> 00:17:40,124 - And there... Sammy. - Oh, oh. 378 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,832 Oh, I didn't recognize him with his glasses on. 379 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,749 - Yeah. - And who's that? 380 00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:50,582 Oh, that is, um, Taylor's old foreign exchange student friend Mia. 381 00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:53,041 Right. 382 00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:58,415 ♪ Why not start it up with Christmas Day? ♪ 383 00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,541 ♪ Merry ♪ 384 00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:05,749 ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪ 385 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,582 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 386 00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:09,540 ♪ Merry, merry ♪ 387 00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:14,415 ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪ 388 00:18:14,416 --> 00:18:16,499 ♪ Merry Christmas... 389 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,374 - Hey, Mom. - Hmm? 390 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:21,790 Donna is a vegan, and I forgot to tell you. 391 00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:22,874 Taylor. 392 00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,750 We're eating sirloin. 393 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,915 I mean, whatever you can make for her is totally fine. 394 00:18:28,916 --> 00:18:31,665 Like, as long as it's vegan, yeah. 395 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,374 Don't mind me. 396 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,082 Mom, did you get the pfeffernuss? 397 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,499 Yes, yes, I did. 398 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,540 It's in the, um, uh... 399 00:18:40,541 --> 00:18:42,165 Just one second. 400 00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,707 - Who's that? - Kate. 401 00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:46,749 - She was sweet. - And, uh, she is...? 402 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,540 Oh, Isabelle... I think her name was. 403 00:18:49,541 --> 00:18:52,499 - Who is that? - Patricia. Also sweet. 404 00:18:53,541 --> 00:18:54,999 And who's that? 405 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,957 - That's, um, Rebecca. - She's pretty. 406 00:18:56,958 --> 00:18:59,415 Yeah. 407 00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,040 Taylor didn't like her knees. 408 00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:02,665 Oh. 409 00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:06,874 But I bet your knees are very nice knees. 410 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,582 Uh... 411 00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:10,665 Yeah. I mean, they're just... 412 00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:12,457 they're normal knees. 413 00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:13,832 Pfeffernuss! 414 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,082 - And that is...? - Want a cookie? 415 00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:16,540 - Erin. - Thank you. 416 00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:18,082 She was very into conspiracy theories. 417 00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:19,415 Yeah, awesome. 418 00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,374 - Oh. - Thanks. 419 00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:22,749 - Who can blame her? - Mmm. 420 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,832 I mean, obviously Taylor, 421 00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,665 who apparently broke up with her. 422 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,625 Doug. 423 00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,332 - Hey, hon? - Hey. 424 00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,915 Do you know where the fire huffer-puffy thing is? 425 00:19:35,916 --> 00:19:37,915 Oh, yeah. It's, uh, in the big basket behind the chair. 426 00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:38,999 Oh, great. 427 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,582 Ah, there it is. 428 00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,249 All right. Hey, Doug. 429 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,499 Hey, Nick. 430 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,165 Got the TV working, huh? 431 00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:46,499 {\an8}Oh, wow. 432 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,665 {\an8}What's going on up there? 433 00:19:47,666 --> 00:19:50,624 You guys, uh, watching anything you like these days? 434 00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,290 Yeah, I only watch PBS documentaries. I don't watch regular TV. 435 00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:55,999 It's all junk. 436 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,582 That's why I love the LBJ documentary that PBS did. 437 00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:01,124 - Uh-huh. - I mean, it's 18 hours. 438 00:20:01,125 --> 00:20:02,124 - Whoa! - Hey, guys. 439 00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:04,040 - Hey. Whoa. - Here they go. All right! 440 00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:06,124 - Hey, dinner's almost ready. - Get over here. 441 00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,415 Twenty minutes. 442 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,332 - Twenty minutes? Honey, we're starving. - Aw, Mom, come on. 443 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,707 Okay, ten. Ten. 444 00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:14,290 Sammy, play a little Christmas tune while we wait. 445 00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:16,874 A little holiday cheer. 446 00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:18,415 - Yeah, Sammy. - Liven things up a bit. 447 00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:19,624 - Yeah, Sam. - Yes. 448 00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:24,374 See, this why you guys got to learn an instrument later. 449 00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:25,665 - I know. - So you can do this. 450 00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:26,749 Bring joy and mirth. 451 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:27,874 - You guys ready? - All right. 452 00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:28,957 - Yeah! - Whoo! 453 00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:29,999 - Let's go! - Come on. 454 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,415 Do it! 455 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:52,457 ♪ On the first day ♪ 456 00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,832 ♪ of Christmas ♪ 457 00:20:54,833 --> 00:20:59,125 ♪ my true love gave to me ♪ 458 00:21:00,208 --> 00:21:02,915 ♪ a partridge ♪ 459 00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:06,166 ♪ in a pear tree ♪ 460 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,874 ♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪ 461 00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:18,915 ♪ my true love gave to me ♪ 462 00:21:18,916 --> 00:21:23,040 ♪ two turtledoves ♪ 463 00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:26,082 ♪ and a partridge ♪ 464 00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:30,332 ♪ a partridge, a partridge ♪ 465 00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:35,082 ♪ I never said I wanted a partridge ♪ 466 00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:39,040 ♪ in a pear tree ♪ 467 00:21:39,041 --> 00:21:42,457 ♪ No-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪ 468 00:21:42,458 --> 00:21:44,540 - ♪ In a pear-- ♪ - Dinner's ready! 469 00:21:44,541 --> 00:21:46,124 Hey! Come on, guys! 470 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:47,207 - Yay! - Wow. 471 00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:49,290 You know how Mom gets right after she calls us. 472 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,874 - Really good. - Good job, son. 473 00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:52,874 - Come on, guys. - Come on, Samster. 474 00:21:52,875 --> 00:21:55,583 - Last one's a rotten egg. - ♪ Partridge ♪ 475 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,249 Don't you guys want to hear the whole song? 476 00:22:17,666 --> 00:22:19,874 I would like to make a toast. 477 00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:21,957 Ooh, a toast. 478 00:22:21,958 --> 00:22:23,915 - Claire? - Mom, s-sit down for the toast. 479 00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:25,207 - Honey. - G-Get a glass of wine. 480 00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:26,665 - Get some wine. - Claire, sit. Sit, honey. 481 00:22:26,666 --> 00:22:27,790 - Mom, sit next to me. - Come on, sit down for a minute. 482 00:22:27,791 --> 00:22:29,124 - Come on. Sit. - All right, 483 00:22:29,125 --> 00:22:30,249 - but only for a minute. - Sit. Okay. 484 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:33,707 - Okay. Yeah. - Everybody have, um, something? 485 00:22:33,708 --> 00:22:35,707 - Kids, you can use water. - Did you get my messages? 486 00:22:35,708 --> 00:22:37,999 - All righty. - Oh, thank you so much, Doug. 487 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,207 Claire, honey? 488 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:41,624 - The ones, um, you know, about Zazzy. - What? 489 00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:42,915 Claire. 490 00:22:42,916 --> 00:22:45,207 - Yeah, probably. I don't know. - Honey, are you paying attention? 491 00:22:45,208 --> 00:22:46,457 Oh. 492 00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:47,583 Ready? 493 00:22:49,166 --> 00:22:52,540 - Mm-hmm. - I would like to make a toast 494 00:22:52,541 --> 00:22:55,374 to a very special person... 495 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:56,999 - Mm. - ...somebody that I think is 496 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,499 the heart and soul of this operation, 497 00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:05,957 and somebody that I think embodies the true spirit of Christmas. 498 00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:10,207 Somebody that I really believe... 499 00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,624 - Here we go. - Where is he going? 500 00:23:11,625 --> 00:23:12,874 ...maintains the Christmas spirit. 501 00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:14,040 - Dad! - Uh-oh. 502 00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,540 Somebody who just gives and gives... 503 00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:16,915 - Dad, why'd you leave the room? - ...selflessly. 504 00:23:16,916 --> 00:23:19,540 Some people might call this person a saint. 505 00:23:19,541 --> 00:23:21,374 - What are you up to? - And I'd agree 'cause 506 00:23:21,375 --> 00:23:23,540 - it's Santa Claus! - Yay! 507 00:23:23,541 --> 00:23:26,915 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho! 508 00:23:26,916 --> 00:23:28,874 - Santa Claus! - Merry Christmas, everybody! 509 00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:31,749 - Dad. What the heck? - Ho, ho, ho! 510 00:23:31,750 --> 00:23:33,457 - Merry Christmas! - That is so good! 511 00:23:33,458 --> 00:23:36,165 Ho, ho, ho! 512 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,957 - Ho, ho, ho. There we go. - Cheers. 513 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,207 - Cheers to Kris Kringle. - Cheers to Kris Kringle! 514 00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:41,415 Kris Kringle! 515 00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:42,832 - Cheers! - Okay. 516 00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:45,957 To Santa Claus, everybody. 517 00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:51,500 I'm sorry, but why does Saint Nick get all the credit? 518 00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:55,457 {\an8}-The elves make toys in their workshop... 519 00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:58,124 ...and the reindeers pull the sleigh. 520 00:23:58,125 --> 00:24:02,165 And nobody mentions what Mrs. Claus does. 521 00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:04,040 I told her I was a shutterbug. 522 00:24:04,041 --> 00:24:06,415 What am I, from the 1930s or something? 523 00:24:06,416 --> 00:24:09,415 It's like I forget how to have a normal human conversation with her. 524 00:24:09,416 --> 00:24:11,707 It's like-- She's really cool. 525 00:24:11,708 --> 00:24:14,999 And intimidating, and I just-- sometimes I just think that she doesn't like me. 526 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,999 She's not that cool. 527 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,374 I mean, guess who didn't order 528 00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,332 Mom's Cheese of the Month Club Christmas present. 529 00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:23,040 - No. - She can't be trusted. 530 00:24:23,041 --> 00:24:24,290 So where's the cheese? 531 00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:26,249 No cheese. 532 00:24:33,083 --> 00:24:37,249 George Washington: The Legacy, a 40-hour PBS series 533 00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:40,749 where we will explore the mysteries of the Founding Father. 534 00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,207 Were his teeth really wooden-- 535 00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:44,083 ...American made-- 536 00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,500 How could you? 537 00:24:48,916 --> 00:24:51,124 No, no, no, no. Not with him. 538 00:24:51,125 --> 00:24:54,207 Look, I mean, it's really nice that she bought the tickets and everything, 539 00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:56,624 but she didn't even ask. 540 00:24:56,625 --> 00:24:58,874 The moves these dancers do, 541 00:24:58,875 --> 00:25:01,249 it's not really suitable for young kids. 542 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:04,290 There's a... there's a lot of pelvic action. 543 00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:06,749 Yeah. 544 00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:10,540 I mean, should I, should I say we don't want to go? 545 00:25:17,125 --> 00:25:20,040 I-I don't know if I'd... I'd want to say that. 546 00:25:27,666 --> 00:25:29,582 Beddy-bye. 547 00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:31,249 - Let's get in! - Oh! 548 00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:32,457 Oh! Oh, my God. 549 00:25:32,458 --> 00:25:34,249 Doug? You okay? 550 00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,624 Sneaky Pete's not creepy. 551 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:44,957 Not at all. 552 00:25:44,958 --> 00:25:47,999 Barnaby is way creepier. 553 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,957 It's like the name of a serial killer. 554 00:25:50,958 --> 00:25:52,290 Barnaby. 555 00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:55,832 "My name's Barnaby, and I'm... 556 00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:58,790 gonna kill you." 557 00:25:58,791 --> 00:26:01,875 "My name's Barnaby..." 558 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:04,832 That's scary as heck. 559 00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:07,332 "Barnaby..." 560 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,916 The one thing I really wanted for Christmas. 561 00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:56,833 And I couldn't even get it for myself. 562 00:27:01,291 --> 00:27:03,582 ♪ Frosty the Snowman ♪ 563 00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:06,832 ♪ Was a jolly, happy soul ♪ 564 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:10,457 ♪ With a corncob pipe and a button nose ♪ 565 00:27:10,458 --> 00:27:13,582 ♪ and two eyes made out of coal ♪ 566 00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:18,582 ♪ Oh, Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale, they say... 567 00:27:18,583 --> 00:27:20,582 Psst. 568 00:27:20,583 --> 00:27:22,415 Nick, are you up? 569 00:27:22,416 --> 00:27:23,915 Psst. 570 00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:26,499 Nick. Psst. 571 00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:28,290 Are you up? 572 00:27:30,333 --> 00:27:31,582 Hi, honey. 573 00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:34,541 You're awake. I wasn't sure if you were awake. 574 00:27:35,625 --> 00:27:36,875 Yeah. 575 00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,249 It's Christmas Eve. 576 00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:46,208 Can you believe it? 577 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,415 Okay. 578 00:27:49,416 --> 00:27:51,250 Everything okay? 579 00:27:52,708 --> 00:27:54,333 No. 580 00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:57,708 I'm pouting. 581 00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:01,665 We missed the deadline. 582 00:28:01,666 --> 00:28:04,082 - To the Zazzy contest. - Oh. 583 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:05,957 Poof. 584 00:28:05,958 --> 00:28:08,291 - Gone. - Oh, hon, I'm sorry. 585 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:10,999 I wouldn't take it personally. 586 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,999 I mean, they're our kids. 587 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,582 You've met 'em, right? 588 00:28:16,166 --> 00:28:18,458 I really wanted that trip. 589 00:28:19,541 --> 00:28:21,416 I deserved that trip. 590 00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:24,540 I know, honey. I'm sorry. 591 00:28:24,541 --> 00:28:27,040 You know what? 592 00:28:27,041 --> 00:28:29,540 I'll take you on a trip. 593 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,040 Okay? I'll take you... 594 00:28:32,041 --> 00:28:36,124 take you on a trip someplace like we've never been before, you know? 595 00:28:36,125 --> 00:28:38,332 Like, Florence. Florence, Italy. 596 00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:43,165 He's so sweet, but it didn't make me feel any better. 597 00:28:43,166 --> 00:28:44,707 I'll tell you another place we could go. 598 00:28:44,708 --> 00:28:46,790 Boston, like, where we first met. 599 00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,207 Like, Fenway. Fenway Park. You never went there, honey. 600 00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,082 No, no. Not for baseball. 601 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,874 Honey, they have concerts there. 602 00:28:53,958 --> 00:28:55,665 The Doobie Brothers are playing there this summer. 603 00:29:01,208 --> 00:29:02,290 See ya, Channing. 604 00:29:02,291 --> 00:29:03,999 - Hey. - Hold up. 605 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,415 Hold up. Remember, we need to leave the house 606 00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:08,457 by noon at the latest if we're gonna make it 607 00:29:08,458 --> 00:29:10,124 - to the dance show on time. - Okey dokey. 608 00:29:10,125 --> 00:29:11,749 Morning. 609 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,041 Hey. 610 00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:26,041 You like this sweater? 611 00:29:27,125 --> 00:29:28,832 - Mm-hmm. - It look okay on me? 612 00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:31,250 - Yeah. Yeah. - What are you working on? 613 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:37,207 On my book that I am writing that I get paid for. 614 00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:40,082 Gosh, don't you ever get a break? 615 00:29:40,083 --> 00:29:43,833 Surely your book people know it's Christmas. 616 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:48,165 Damn it. The "little something." 617 00:30:02,791 --> 00:30:05,915 - Hi, Jeanne. - Good morning, Claire. 618 00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:07,165 Happy Christmas Eve. 619 00:30:07,166 --> 00:30:09,374 Happy Christmas Eve to you. 620 00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:14,124 I was out on my walk, and I figured I'd swing by and bring you a little something. 621 00:30:14,125 --> 00:30:16,082 Thank you, Jeanne, and I have 622 00:30:16,083 --> 00:30:17,582 a little something for you. 623 00:30:17,583 --> 00:30:19,707 Oh. 624 00:30:19,708 --> 00:30:22,040 - You go first. - No, you go first. 625 00:30:22,041 --> 00:30:24,374 You go first. I insist. 626 00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:25,707 Hi, Jeanne. 627 00:30:25,708 --> 00:30:27,540 Hi, Channing. 628 00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,916 Oh. 629 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,040 - It's a...? - Monochrome candle. 630 00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:41,999 That's what they're called. 631 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,332 Isn't it beautiful? 632 00:30:43,333 --> 00:30:44,457 Smell it. 633 00:30:44,458 --> 00:30:45,915 That's right. 634 00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:47,665 Breathe in the dusk. 635 00:30:47,666 --> 00:30:51,790 Wow, it's lovely, and so many wicks. 636 00:30:51,791 --> 00:30:54,707 I guess now I'll open your "little something." 637 00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:56,332 Wait. Stop. 638 00:30:56,333 --> 00:31:00,457 I just realized, um, that's not yours. 639 00:31:00,458 --> 00:31:01,624 It has my name on it. 640 00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:05,624 Uh, yeah, I have two friends named Jeanne, and this is for the other one. 641 00:31:05,625 --> 00:31:07,583 Mom, you-you just showed me-- 642 00:31:11,125 --> 00:31:13,207 And if it's okay with you, 643 00:31:13,208 --> 00:31:18,415 I'll just swing by a little later and give you your "little something." 644 00:31:18,416 --> 00:31:19,665 Okay. 645 00:31:19,666 --> 00:31:21,249 Okay. Okay. See you soon. Bye, now. 646 00:31:21,250 --> 00:31:23,791 - Blessings! Blessings! - Blessings. Blessings. 647 00:31:25,958 --> 00:31:27,082 Oh, that was close. 648 00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:28,249 What was that? 649 00:31:28,250 --> 00:31:30,875 You have a gift for Jeanne. You made me stick my nose in it. 650 00:31:31,625 --> 00:31:34,500 I got her a one-wick candle. 651 00:31:35,666 --> 00:31:39,415 You can't give someone a one-wick candle who got you a three-wick candle. 652 00:31:39,416 --> 00:31:41,749 - It's logic. - Mom, I think it's fine. 653 00:31:41,750 --> 00:31:43,207 No, no. 654 00:31:43,208 --> 00:31:44,665 Get dressed. We're going to the mall. 655 00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:47,249 The-the mall on Christmas Eve? 656 00:31:47,250 --> 00:31:49,499 W-Well, what about the show? 657 00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:52,082 - The twins are so excited. - We'll be quick. 658 00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:54,249 Come on. It'll be... 659 00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:55,749 - Fun. - Mm. 660 00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:04,582 Hi there. Welcome to Crate & Barrel. 661 00:32:04,583 --> 00:32:09,082 Hi. Do you have any candles with more than three wicks? 662 00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:11,415 More than three? It has to be more? 663 00:32:11,416 --> 00:32:12,499 Yes, of course. 664 00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:14,915 - Well, candles are over there... - Okay. 665 00:32:14,916 --> 00:32:19,207 ...right by the potpourri. 666 00:32:19,208 --> 00:32:20,582 Sorry. 667 00:32:20,583 --> 00:32:22,332 Oh. 668 00:32:24,916 --> 00:32:27,540 - All right, good point. - Sorry. 669 00:32:27,541 --> 00:32:30,707 We're going to tighten these one-eighth-inch screws, 670 00:32:30,708 --> 00:32:33,332 then fit together the brace brackets... 671 00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,290 - Okay, I'm trying. - ...with the eyelets, 672 00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:38,749 grommets, rivets, set spacers and mini hex spacers. 673 00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,040 You know what I'm talking about. 674 00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:41,249 Easy stuff. 675 00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:45,207 Then we're going to tighten the plastic lattice panel. 676 00:32:45,208 --> 00:32:48,832 You should see that you have installed all 13 posts. 677 00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:50,749 Congratulations to you on that one. 678 00:32:50,750 --> 00:32:53,457 Uh, now, in the next 27 steps... 679 00:32:55,750 --> 00:32:57,540 Hey, sleepyhead. 680 00:32:57,541 --> 00:32:59,749 How's it going? Everything cool? What's up? 681 00:32:59,750 --> 00:33:01,665 Oh, man, I'm still kind of waking up. 682 00:33:01,666 --> 00:33:02,832 Yeah. 683 00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:04,749 Hey, where is everybody? 684 00:33:04,750 --> 00:33:07,999 Uh, Channing and your mom went to the mall, Nick's in the garage, 685 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,207 and Sammy and DJ Sweatpants went to play tennis. 686 00:33:11,208 --> 00:33:14,915 I'm just here working on my world-famous pecan crunch. 687 00:33:14,916 --> 00:33:16,082 That's weird. 688 00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:18,041 Tenn-- They don't even play tennis. 689 00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:28,082 I, um... was curious. 690 00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:33,374 When did you know that you were going to make your life about hairstyling? 691 00:33:33,375 --> 00:33:34,957 How did you know that hairstyling-- 692 00:33:34,958 --> 00:33:37,208 Oh, you know, it's so crazy. 693 00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:40,999 Uh, I-I got to go outside, 694 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:47,082 because I usually do my morning meditation and my sun salutations, 695 00:33:47,083 --> 00:33:48,915 but we'll-we'll catch up. 696 00:33:48,916 --> 00:33:50,707 - I'll see ya. - Okay. 697 00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:55,582 Okay. 698 00:33:55,583 --> 00:33:57,832 - Guys. - Hey, we get here on time? 699 00:33:57,833 --> 00:33:59,165 - Thanks for coming, man. - Yep. 700 00:33:59,166 --> 00:34:00,707 Merry Christmas. 701 00:34:00,708 --> 00:34:01,874 Hey, boss. 702 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,582 - Take a look at this. - What you got? 703 00:34:04,583 --> 00:34:06,874 Believe this? 704 00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:08,499 All day. 705 00:34:08,500 --> 00:34:11,166 All day I been looking at this thing. 706 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,582 Seven thousand million pieces. 707 00:34:14,583 --> 00:34:16,165 We got you. 708 00:34:16,166 --> 00:34:17,874 I need part BP-01. 709 00:34:17,875 --> 00:34:19,290 BP-01. 710 00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:20,332 It's insanity. 711 00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:22,290 What are these, and why are there so many of them? 712 00:34:22,291 --> 00:34:24,040 - The specs have to be off. - Will you please-- 713 00:34:24,041 --> 00:34:25,332 If we just put the stickers on it-- 714 00:34:25,333 --> 00:34:27,624 Like that's gonna solve everything? Putting stickers on everything? 715 00:34:27,625 --> 00:34:28,707 What is this slide? 716 00:34:28,708 --> 00:34:30,790 The slide goes from one room to the other right there. 717 00:34:30,791 --> 00:34:32,749 - That's how they slide into the pool. - Yeah. 718 00:34:41,458 --> 00:34:43,415 - Hey, honey. - Hi. 719 00:34:43,416 --> 00:34:44,832 - How's it going? - Good. 720 00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:45,915 - The kids? - Huh? 721 00:34:45,916 --> 00:34:46,999 Are-are the kids okay? 722 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,082 They're just doing kid stuff and hanging out. 723 00:34:49,083 --> 00:34:52,707 - Great. - Uh, and I'm just sort of sitting here, 724 00:34:52,708 --> 00:34:57,665 you know, cooking the pecans and just bombing with your sister as-as usual. 725 00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,124 Mom's driving me crazy, and it's only the second day. 726 00:35:01,125 --> 00:35:04,040 - Mm. - I can't keep doing this much longer. 727 00:35:04,041 --> 00:35:08,290 I think we really need to have the talk. 728 00:35:08,291 --> 00:35:10,749 It is up to me to break the cycle. 729 00:35:10,750 --> 00:35:11,832 Whoa. 730 00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:15,707 I know. It's... it's scary, but I have to do it. 731 00:35:15,708 --> 00:35:17,665 - Okay, bye. - Bye, hon. 732 00:35:20,166 --> 00:35:23,999 When the cat's away, the mice will play. 733 00:35:36,583 --> 00:35:38,083 Get inside. 734 00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:42,040 - And look at this one. - Oh, my God. 735 00:35:57,916 --> 00:35:59,458 - We'll just go upstairs. - Yeah. 736 00:36:00,541 --> 00:36:02,624 - It looks amazing. - Yeah. 737 00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:04,624 So, when are you gonna tell Donna? 738 00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:06,415 I don't know. 739 00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:08,124 I got to figure out how I'm gonna tell her. 740 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,708 Hey. 741 00:36:17,583 --> 00:36:18,749 Hey, Mom. 742 00:36:18,750 --> 00:36:20,249 Hmm? 743 00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:23,832 There's, um, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. 744 00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,082 Uh-huh? What's that? 745 00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:31,040 Well, Doug and I were thinking-- rather, I was thinking: 746 00:36:31,041 --> 00:36:34,540 What if, next year, we did something else? 747 00:36:34,541 --> 00:36:36,707 What-What's that mean? "Something else"? 748 00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:38,499 I'm not following. 749 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,165 What if we didn't come home for Christmas next year? 750 00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:43,374 What if we did our own thing? 751 00:36:43,375 --> 00:36:44,415 Like skiing. 752 00:36:44,416 --> 00:36:45,874 Skiing? 753 00:36:45,875 --> 00:36:48,290 - You don't ski. - That's my point. 754 00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:51,290 I mean, we don't have to do the same exact thing till we die. 755 00:36:51,291 --> 00:36:54,082 It's a lot having us all home for the holidays. 756 00:36:54,083 --> 00:36:57,874 It might be easier on you if-if you didn't have all this to worry about. 757 00:36:57,875 --> 00:37:00,082 Oh, I see. 758 00:37:00,083 --> 00:37:01,749 So, you're doing us a favor. 759 00:37:01,750 --> 00:37:06,250 Right, and the nice part is everyone can do something they actually want to do. 760 00:37:07,333 --> 00:37:11,332 I mean, Sammy is always saying he thinks Christmas is just a corporate holiday, 761 00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:16,290 and-and Taylor, well, I assume these women she dates have families, too, 762 00:37:16,291 --> 00:37:18,665 and you and Dad could enjoy some quiet time. 763 00:37:18,666 --> 00:37:20,457 - Yeah. - Just the two of you. 764 00:37:20,458 --> 00:37:22,249 What do you think? 765 00:37:22,250 --> 00:37:23,332 Hmm. 766 00:37:23,333 --> 00:37:26,332 I figured she'd already put down the deposit on the old folks' home. 767 00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,291 - Sound nice? - You know what I think? 768 00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:31,541 I think we'd better get looking for that candle. 769 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,290 Okay. 770 00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:36,000 Find the candle. 771 00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:40,832 I think I might be one of those people that peaked in the fourth grade. 772 00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:44,082 Like, after the fourth grade, I just stopped being cool. 773 00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:46,082 Feel like a Fruit Roll-Up. 774 00:37:46,083 --> 00:37:47,957 Honestly, Sammy, you just need to be true to yourself. 775 00:37:47,958 --> 00:37:49,082 You'll be fine. 776 00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:52,000 Yeah. That's good advice. 777 00:37:53,083 --> 00:37:55,541 Isn't that one of those neighbors from across the street? 778 00:37:57,125 --> 00:37:58,541 Yeah, it's one of Jeanne's kids. 779 00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,415 Her name's Elizabeth. 780 00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:03,874 We went to school together, like, forever. 781 00:38:03,875 --> 00:38:06,332 - She's cute. - Oh, yeah. 782 00:38:06,333 --> 00:38:10,040 Plus she was, like, the best hurdler in the state of Texas our senior year. 783 00:38:10,041 --> 00:38:12,624 And class president. 784 00:38:12,625 --> 00:38:14,875 She's basically perfect. 785 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,165 So what about asking her out? 786 00:38:18,166 --> 00:38:19,332 Get back in the game. 787 00:38:21,291 --> 00:38:23,040 Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman? 788 00:38:23,041 --> 00:38:25,540 That's hilarious. 789 00:38:25,541 --> 00:38:27,625 I doubt she even remembers my name. 790 00:38:28,708 --> 00:38:30,457 Hi, Sammy. 791 00:38:32,333 --> 00:38:33,625 Hey. 792 00:38:38,125 --> 00:38:39,540 Oh. 793 00:38:42,375 --> 00:38:43,457 Oh, my God. 794 00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:44,915 Look at that. 795 00:38:44,916 --> 00:38:46,582 Careful. 796 00:38:46,583 --> 00:38:48,666 It's perfect. 797 00:38:50,750 --> 00:38:52,707 - Next guest. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 798 00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,832 We are not waiting in that. 799 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,208 Mom? Mom? 800 00:38:58,208 --> 00:38:59,457 Mom, you can't just take that. 801 00:38:59,458 --> 00:39:00,957 - Excuse me, ma'am! - Mom, you can't take it. 802 00:39:00,958 --> 00:39:02,957 - You have to pay for that! - Happy holidays! 803 00:39:02,958 --> 00:39:04,915 Ma'am, you have to pay for that! 804 00:39:04,916 --> 00:39:07,957 - What are you doing out there? - I was just outside there. 805 00:39:07,958 --> 00:39:09,957 Okay, go back to the kid stuff. 806 00:39:09,958 --> 00:39:12,207 See you later. Yeah. 807 00:39:12,208 --> 00:39:13,875 Just gonna go... 808 00:39:14,875 --> 00:39:16,249 This is illegal. 809 00:39:16,250 --> 00:39:18,207 I'll come back and pay for it later. 810 00:39:18,208 --> 00:39:21,665 Mom, you cannot give Jeanne Wang-Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas. 811 00:39:23,666 --> 00:39:27,207 I-I don't want to alarm you, but those two mall cops are following us. 812 00:39:27,208 --> 00:39:28,582 What do we do? 813 00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:29,624 Run. 814 00:39:29,625 --> 00:39:31,457 Ladies, halt! 815 00:39:48,291 --> 00:39:50,624 - Woo-hoo! - All right, let's keep moving! 816 00:39:50,625 --> 00:39:52,540 Channing, grab my keys. 817 00:39:52,541 --> 00:39:53,665 - My keys. - Where? 818 00:39:53,666 --> 00:39:56,249 They're in my bag. Where else would they be? 819 00:39:56,250 --> 00:39:58,499 - I can't find them. - Oh, my God, are you even looking? 820 00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:00,165 - Yeah, I'm looking. - What is wrong with you kids? 821 00:40:00,166 --> 00:40:02,040 "Where's the peanut butter?" "Where's my gym socks?" 822 00:40:02,041 --> 00:40:04,165 - How about right in front of your f-- - Found 'em. 823 00:40:08,625 --> 00:40:09,915 - Hi. - Hi. 824 00:40:09,916 --> 00:40:12,207 - How are you? Mm, brother-in-law. - Okay. 825 00:40:12,208 --> 00:40:15,040 Uh, I'm gonna go to my room. Merry Christmas. 826 00:40:15,041 --> 00:40:16,750 You, too. 827 00:40:29,166 --> 00:40:30,416 Oh, God! 828 00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:34,874 You want to party, lady? 829 00:40:34,875 --> 00:40:36,082 I'll party. 830 00:40:38,250 --> 00:40:40,790 Mom! Oh, my God! 831 00:40:40,791 --> 00:40:42,874 - Settle down. - Mom. 832 00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:47,082 You're gonna mess with the eagle, you got to learn how to fly. 833 00:40:52,125 --> 00:40:53,000 Mom! 834 00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:54,999 Mom! 835 00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,707 All units, all units. 836 00:41:05,708 --> 00:41:07,582 They're multiplying! 837 00:41:15,291 --> 00:41:17,415 The pecan crunch! 838 00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:21,374 No, no. No, no, no, no. 839 00:41:21,375 --> 00:41:23,624 Oh, God. 840 00:41:38,125 --> 00:41:39,832 Whew! That was close. 841 00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:44,165 Oh. Oh. Good. We're making great time. 842 00:41:44,166 --> 00:41:47,790 We'll just grab a little lunch when we get home and head out to the show. 843 00:41:47,791 --> 00:41:49,416 Might even get there early. 844 00:41:50,416 --> 00:41:53,540 ♪ It's my life ♪ 845 00:41:53,541 --> 00:41:55,665 We're gonna be late for the dance show! 846 00:41:55,666 --> 00:41:58,415 Taylor! DJ Sweatpants! 847 00:41:58,416 --> 00:42:00,624 Hey, honey, what do you think? Hat or no hat? 848 00:42:00,625 --> 00:42:02,707 - No hat, no hat, no hat. - Honey, you haven't even seen it yet. 849 00:42:02,708 --> 00:42:03,874 Look, look. 850 00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:05,165 Kids, you go with your mom and dad, 851 00:42:05,166 --> 00:42:07,540 and, Taylor, DJ Sweatpants, we'll go in your car. 852 00:42:07,541 --> 00:42:08,749 Okay, I'm gonna pull my car around. 853 00:42:08,750 --> 00:42:09,874 - Here, take these. - Okay. 854 00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:11,332 - All right. - In case we get separated. 855 00:42:11,333 --> 00:42:12,832 - Which car am I going in, Mom? - Um, either one. 856 00:42:12,833 --> 00:42:14,874 Taylor, we're about ready to go! 857 00:42:14,875 --> 00:42:17,124 You don't want to get left behind! 858 00:42:17,125 --> 00:42:22,540 This could be the last Christmas we all are together as a family, ever! 859 00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:24,207 What is going on with you? Why would you say that? 860 00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:26,332 Now everyone's gonna think you're dying or something. 861 00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:27,457 Oh, no! 862 00:42:27,458 --> 00:42:30,957 Did I just blurt out something worrisome and alarming? 863 00:42:30,958 --> 00:42:33,250 Mom, we can just talk about it! 864 00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:35,415 I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! 865 00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:36,749 Nobody's seen my shoes? 866 00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:37,957 Taylor, where are my shoes? 867 00:42:41,958 --> 00:42:45,832 Mom, you cannot give Jeanne Wang-Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas. 868 00:42:47,166 --> 00:42:48,999 Damn it. 869 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,707 "A little something." 870 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:06,249 Doug, how many... how many tickets do you have? 871 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,832 Doug, how many tickets do you have? 872 00:43:07,833 --> 00:43:09,332 I have one, two, three, four. 873 00:43:09,333 --> 00:43:10,540 - I have four. - Okay. All right. 874 00:43:12,250 --> 00:43:13,499 No, I got five. I got five. 875 00:43:25,083 --> 00:43:26,374 We're leaving! 876 00:43:26,375 --> 00:43:28,332 - See you there! - Bye! See ya! 877 00:43:28,333 --> 00:43:29,665 - Let's go. - Bye! 878 00:43:30,916 --> 00:43:32,916 Bye! 879 00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:35,957 Oh, hi. Claire. 880 00:43:35,958 --> 00:43:37,040 Hi, Jeanne. 881 00:43:37,041 --> 00:43:39,582 I just thought I'd pop by and drop off your "little something." 882 00:43:39,583 --> 00:43:41,082 - Here you go. - Oh. 883 00:43:41,083 --> 00:43:42,124 Wait. 884 00:43:42,125 --> 00:43:44,166 Aren't you gonna stay while I open it? 885 00:43:44,750 --> 00:43:45,790 Sure. 886 00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:47,207 Let's go, guys! The first car already left! 887 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,540 - We're gonna be late! - Come on, guys. 888 00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:49,957 - Let's go, let's go. Come on. - Ready. 889 00:43:49,958 --> 00:43:52,124 Ready, ready, ready, ready. Go. 890 00:43:52,125 --> 00:43:54,415 - I made it myself. - Really? 891 00:43:54,416 --> 00:43:57,582 It looks just like the kind they sell at the store. 892 00:43:57,583 --> 00:44:01,249 It seems like you just dumped some out of a metal tin into this bag. 893 00:44:01,250 --> 00:44:04,333 No, I made it from scratch. 894 00:44:05,416 --> 00:44:06,874 From scratch, huh? 895 00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,624 Can you share the recipe with me? 896 00:44:09,625 --> 00:44:10,999 Sure. 897 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,707 It's chocolate, 898 00:44:12,708 --> 00:44:16,290 and then you just crunch up a shit ton of candy canes, 899 00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:20,415 and you shake it all up like you're making shake and bake chicken. 900 00:44:20,416 --> 00:44:22,040 Then what? 901 00:44:22,041 --> 00:44:23,875 Then you eat it, Jeanne. 902 00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,291 Where is your family going? 903 00:44:57,416 --> 00:45:00,207 ♪ Have yourself ♪ 904 00:45:00,208 --> 00:45:06,332 ♪ A merry little Christmas ♪ 905 00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:11,041 ♪ Let your heart be light ♪ 906 00:45:13,125 --> 00:45:15,457 - Hello? - ♪ Next year ♪ 907 00:45:15,458 --> 00:45:19,082 ♪ all our troubles will be ♪ 908 00:45:19,083 --> 00:45:22,541 - Hello? - ♪ out of sight ♪ 909 00:45:24,125 --> 00:45:26,125 Anybody here? 910 00:45:29,291 --> 00:45:32,165 - Nick? - ♪ Have yourself ♪ 911 00:45:32,166 --> 00:45:34,290 - Channing? - ♪ a merry ♪ 912 00:45:34,291 --> 00:45:37,707 ♪ little Christmas ♪ 913 00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:41,332 ♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪ 914 00:45:44,166 --> 00:45:46,790 - ♪ Next year ♪ - Channing, hey. Channing, over here! 915 00:45:46,791 --> 00:45:49,540 ♪ all our troubles ♪ 916 00:45:49,541 --> 00:45:53,083 ♪ will be miles away ♪ 917 00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:01,207 ♪ Once again... 918 00:46:01,208 --> 00:46:02,957 Hey. Taylor. 919 00:46:02,958 --> 00:46:04,249 Where's Mom? 920 00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:05,374 Huh? 921 00:46:05,375 --> 00:46:06,540 Where is Mom? 922 00:46:06,541 --> 00:46:08,416 What? 923 00:46:10,791 --> 00:46:12,208 Forget it. I see her. 924 00:46:13,291 --> 00:46:18,165 ♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪ 925 00:46:18,166 --> 00:46:24,833 ♪ will be near to us once more ♪ 926 00:46:29,166 --> 00:46:30,750 Mom? 927 00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:36,290 Mom, I'm... 928 00:46:36,291 --> 00:46:38,582 I'm sorry about what I said before. 929 00:46:38,583 --> 00:46:41,915 I mean, not that I said it but that I blurted it out like that. 930 00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:43,332 I... 931 00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:46,625 I should've been more grown up about it and asked to talk to you. 932 00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:49,957 It was inconsiderate, and I'm-I'm sorry. 933 00:46:53,458 --> 00:46:54,957 Oh. 934 00:46:54,958 --> 00:46:57,583 Sorry, lady. I don't speak English. 935 00:46:58,291 --> 00:47:00,875 You're an odd woman. 936 00:47:01,291 --> 00:47:02,374 Right. 937 00:47:02,375 --> 00:47:03,665 Ladies and gentlemen, 938 00:47:03,666 --> 00:47:05,832 - please welcome the So You're a Dancer... - Okay. Okay. 939 00:47:05,833 --> 00:47:07,582 ...Holiday Tour. 940 00:47:24,541 --> 00:47:26,458 Damn, Santa's jacked. 941 00:47:37,583 --> 00:47:38,957 Where's Mom? 942 00:47:38,958 --> 00:47:41,165 Uh, Taylor said you were with her. 943 00:47:41,166 --> 00:47:42,540 No, it wasn't her. 944 00:47:42,541 --> 00:47:44,040 - Oh. - Where is she? 945 00:47:44,041 --> 00:47:45,915 - I don't know. So-- - What do you mean you don't know? 946 00:47:45,916 --> 00:47:47,999 Well, she was, she was in your car, right? 947 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,749 - No, she went with you. - She wasn't in my car. 948 00:47:49,750 --> 00:47:51,124 - She was in your car. - No, she was with you. 949 00:47:51,125 --> 00:47:52,374 - Oh, my God. - Dad, we lost Mom? 950 00:47:52,375 --> 00:47:54,165 - We got to go. We g-- - We got to go. 951 00:47:54,166 --> 00:47:55,290 Hey, guys, Sammy, 952 00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:56,833 - everybody, we got to go. - Come on. 953 00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,874 - Taylor, Taylor. - We got to go. 954 00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:15,541 Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. 955 00:48:49,458 --> 00:48:51,790 - Claire? - Mom? 956 00:48:51,791 --> 00:48:53,374 Honey? 957 00:48:53,375 --> 00:48:55,165 - Check the garage and downstairs, too. - Mom? 958 00:48:55,166 --> 00:48:56,457 Mom? 959 00:48:56,458 --> 00:48:58,832 We got you a promotional tote bag! 960 00:48:58,833 --> 00:49:00,124 And a water bottle. 961 00:49:00,125 --> 00:49:01,832 Grandma? 962 00:49:01,833 --> 00:49:03,415 Anything? Anybody? 963 00:49:03,416 --> 00:49:04,499 Mom? 964 00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:06,207 I had nothing to do with it. 965 00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:08,082 Hell. 966 00:49:08,083 --> 00:49:09,582 Downstairs? 967 00:49:09,583 --> 00:49:12,415 No. And her... her car's gone. 968 00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:23,457 Thirty-five years of marriage, 969 00:49:23,458 --> 00:49:25,790 and I have never lost your mother, not once. 970 00:49:25,791 --> 00:49:28,790 I'm not sure that's quite the triumph that you think it is, Dad, 971 00:49:28,791 --> 00:49:31,207 but... congratulations. 972 00:49:31,208 --> 00:49:33,915 No need to lump us into your sinking ship, Dad. 973 00:49:33,916 --> 00:49:36,040 I mean, we're her kids. She has to love us. 974 00:49:36,041 --> 00:49:37,457 Sammy's right. 975 00:49:37,458 --> 00:49:39,499 You're less of a sure thing. 976 00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:40,790 No offense. 977 00:49:40,791 --> 00:49:43,083 Give her a little bit of time and she'll come back. 978 00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:47,082 Taylor's right. She's making complete sense, okay? 979 00:49:47,083 --> 00:49:50,874 She's gonna come back, and when she does, we will just admit we screwed up, 980 00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:53,707 say we're sorry, we'll own it, and until that point, 981 00:49:53,708 --> 00:49:58,832 I want everybody to just suck it up and act like adults. 982 00:49:58,833 --> 00:50:02,790 I'm in charge now, and I just want rational thinking here, okay? 983 00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:06,040 Everybody, just stay cool, calm and-- 984 00:50:06,041 --> 00:50:07,749 What the hell am I talking about? 985 00:50:07,750 --> 00:50:09,249 I can't do anything without your mother. 986 00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:10,290 - Dad? - Oh, my God, what are we gonna do? 987 00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:11,540 - Oh, God. - Dad. 988 00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:12,915 Is she gonna come back? Oh, my God. 989 00:50:12,916 --> 00:50:13,999 - All right. - Dad? 990 00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:15,582 - Need some water? - You okay? - What am I gonna do without your mother? 991 00:50:15,583 --> 00:50:18,540 I'm lost without her. What am I gonna do? 992 00:50:18,541 --> 00:50:21,040 ♪ Communication is the problem ♪ 993 00:50:21,041 --> 00:50:22,832 ♪ To the answer ♪ 994 00:50:22,833 --> 00:50:24,624 ♪ You've got her number ♪ 995 00:50:24,625 --> 00:50:27,665 ♪ and your hand is on the phone ♪ 996 00:50:27,666 --> 00:50:28,832 ♪ The weather's turned ♪ 997 00:50:28,833 --> 00:50:30,540 ♪ and all the lines are down ♪ 998 00:50:30,541 --> 00:50:34,999 ♪ The things we do for love, the things we do for love ♪ 999 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,124 ♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪ 1000 00:50:38,125 --> 00:50:39,833 ♪ when there's nowhere to ♪ 1001 00:50:48,916 --> 00:50:51,040 Okay, anybody got to pee? 1002 00:50:51,041 --> 00:50:53,082 Anybody got to pee? All right. 1003 00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:54,665 Okay, good. 1004 00:50:54,666 --> 00:50:56,749 Oh, it's cold! I need to pee. 1005 00:50:56,750 --> 00:50:58,624 Oh, golly gee. 1006 00:50:58,625 --> 00:51:00,832 So let me see if I got this straight. 1007 00:51:00,833 --> 00:51:05,874 A grown woman got in her car, with luggage, and drove away from you 1008 00:51:05,875 --> 00:51:09,082 after you forgot her while going to an event she planned? 1009 00:51:09,083 --> 00:51:11,124 Yep, that's what happened. 1010 00:51:13,625 --> 00:51:15,124 Right. Look. 1011 00:51:15,125 --> 00:51:17,957 We see this a lot with moms around the holidays. 1012 00:51:17,958 --> 00:51:20,000 Next time, try a head count. 1013 00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:23,832 You can give us another call if she's not back by New Year's. 1014 00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:28,540 Merry Christmas. 1015 00:51:28,541 --> 00:51:30,625 - Thank you. - Bye. 1016 00:51:33,291 --> 00:51:35,790 ♪ The winter's flaking, snow is brushing... 1017 00:51:35,791 --> 00:51:38,207 So, I got in my car, 1018 00:51:38,208 --> 00:51:41,332 and now I'm here, sitting next to you, 1019 00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:44,416 drinking a very strong cup of coffee. 1020 00:51:46,125 --> 00:51:48,957 Being a parent is a wonderful gift, but-- 1021 00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:51,707 Mm-hmm. But where's the gift receipt? 1022 00:51:51,708 --> 00:51:55,374 Excuse me, but I'd like to make an exchange, please. 1023 00:51:58,125 --> 00:51:59,958 Nice chatting with you. 1024 00:52:01,583 --> 00:52:03,416 Hold on a second there. 1025 00:52:04,750 --> 00:52:06,665 - Take my coat. - No. No, no, no. 1026 00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:07,999 - I couldn't do that. - I insist. 1027 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,874 My own mama would come back to life just to hunt me down 1028 00:52:10,875 --> 00:52:15,333 if she knew I let you go out there freezing like that, so... 1029 00:52:17,125 --> 00:52:18,457 Thank you. 1030 00:52:18,458 --> 00:52:20,291 My pleasure, ma'am. 1031 00:52:22,916 --> 00:52:25,499 I need to be worried about you? 1032 00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:27,415 Well, nobody else is. 1033 00:52:27,416 --> 00:52:29,750 Don't know why it ought to start with you. 1034 00:52:31,458 --> 00:52:36,040 Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? 1035 00:52:36,041 --> 00:52:39,790 Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. 1036 00:52:43,791 --> 00:52:44,790 What the hell is that? 1037 00:52:44,791 --> 00:52:48,415 The same thing we have every Christmas Eve. 1038 00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:50,999 We're doing Christmas the way Mom planned it. 1039 00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,749 - Okay? - I followed the recipe that Mom wrote down 1040 00:52:53,750 --> 00:52:55,999 to the letter, so if there's a problem, 1041 00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:57,707 you should take it up with Mom... 1042 00:52:57,708 --> 00:52:59,165 ...'cause it's her fault, 1043 00:52:59,166 --> 00:53:01,165 not mine. 1044 00:53:01,166 --> 00:53:02,540 Here we go again. 1045 00:53:02,541 --> 00:53:04,041 What's that supposed to mean? 1046 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:10,040 Okay, uh... you try to distance yourself from Mom 1047 00:53:10,041 --> 00:53:13,915 because your similarities to her trigger a deep-seated sense of insecurity 1048 00:53:13,916 --> 00:53:17,165 inside of you that you've obviously yet to confront. 1049 00:53:17,166 --> 00:53:19,499 First of all, 1050 00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:21,415 if we're psychoanalyzing now, 1051 00:53:21,416 --> 00:53:25,957 Taylor, you're a love addict who abandons any shred of responsibility 1052 00:53:25,958 --> 00:53:27,874 every time you meet a new woman, which is-- 1053 00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:32,207 let me check my calendar-- oh, yeah, all the time. 1054 00:53:32,208 --> 00:53:34,832 Geez, Channing, don't you think wrecking Christmas is enough for one year 1055 00:53:34,833 --> 00:53:36,332 without destroying love, too? 1056 00:53:36,333 --> 00:53:38,957 You think I screwed up Christmas? 1057 00:53:38,958 --> 00:53:40,415 Uh, yeah, kind of. 1058 00:53:40,416 --> 00:53:42,082 "Get your life together, Sammy." 1059 00:53:42,083 --> 00:53:43,665 "Apply to grad school, Sammy." 1060 00:53:43,666 --> 00:53:45,915 News flash: I got a mommy and a daddy. 1061 00:53:45,916 --> 00:53:48,124 I don't need you jammed up my butt playing parent, too. 1062 00:53:48,125 --> 00:53:50,624 Well, I'm sorry, but somebody's got to be honest with you, 1063 00:53:50,625 --> 00:53:52,415 'cause it's sure as hell not gonna be Mom. 1064 00:53:52,416 --> 00:53:55,582 Patting you on your head and stuffing cinnamon buns in your face 1065 00:53:55,583 --> 00:53:58,874 and lying to you about how perfect you are! 1066 00:53:58,875 --> 00:54:00,332 Are you gonna back me up here? 1067 00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,957 Channing's kind of right. Mom babies you. It's-it's weird. 1068 00:54:02,958 --> 00:54:04,540 I see how it is. 1069 00:54:04,541 --> 00:54:06,165 Two against one, right? All right. 1070 00:54:06,166 --> 00:54:07,999 - You want to fight? Let's fight! - Yeah, yeah! 1071 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,082 - Bring it on! - Come on. 1072 00:54:09,083 --> 00:54:10,207 Hey. Hey! 1073 00:54:10,208 --> 00:54:11,957 Mustard or ketchup? 1074 00:54:11,958 --> 00:54:13,790 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Stop, stop, stop. 1075 00:54:13,791 --> 00:54:15,582 Everyone, stop. 1076 00:54:15,583 --> 00:54:18,540 - Take you anytime. - Lighten up. It's been a long day, okay? 1077 00:54:18,541 --> 00:54:20,707 Let's, uh, all just take a deep breath... 1078 00:54:20,708 --> 00:54:23,665 ...and go to our happy place, all right? 1079 00:54:23,666 --> 00:54:24,874 I-I'll go first. 1080 00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:26,707 I'm going to Corpus Christi. 1081 00:54:26,708 --> 00:54:28,457 Great tubing. 1082 00:54:28,458 --> 00:54:29,749 Feel better already. 1083 00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:31,374 Taylor, your turn. 1084 00:54:31,375 --> 00:54:33,249 Oh, my God! Doug! 1085 00:54:33,250 --> 00:54:34,415 Shut up! 1086 00:54:34,416 --> 00:54:36,749 Don't tell Doug to shut up! 1087 00:54:36,750 --> 00:54:38,208 No one cares what you have to say! 1088 00:54:41,208 --> 00:54:45,540 I try really hard to be your friend. 1089 00:54:45,541 --> 00:54:48,665 But no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to be good enough, 1090 00:54:48,666 --> 00:54:50,290 and I don't understand what the problem is. 1091 00:54:50,291 --> 00:54:52,083 You're boring. 1092 00:54:53,166 --> 00:54:54,874 I don't know if I'd say boring. 1093 00:54:54,875 --> 00:54:56,249 Maybe I'd say dry, but... 1094 00:54:56,250 --> 00:54:58,249 If "small talk" were a noun, 1095 00:54:58,250 --> 00:54:59,582 it'd be you. 1096 00:54:59,583 --> 00:55:01,540 - "Small talk" is a noun. - We get it. 1097 00:55:01,541 --> 00:55:03,374 You write books now, so you think you're smarter than all of us. 1098 00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,957 Well, guess what, Channing. 1099 00:55:04,958 --> 00:55:07,790 Your books are too long, and some of your dialogue's wooden. 1100 00:55:07,791 --> 00:55:11,790 "Wah-wah," cries the man baby whose girlfriend dumped him 1101 00:55:11,791 --> 00:55:14,165 'cause he's eternally stuck at summer camp. 1102 00:55:14,166 --> 00:55:15,832 You leave 1103 00:55:15,833 --> 00:55:17,665 Camp Derryberry out of this! 1104 00:55:17,666 --> 00:55:20,124 Donna, Taylor had another woman in her room today 1105 00:55:20,125 --> 00:55:22,040 while you were out playing tennis with Sammy! 1106 00:55:22,041 --> 00:55:23,665 - I saw the whole thing! - What? 1107 00:55:23,666 --> 00:55:25,165 - Is-is that true? - Donna-- 1108 00:55:25,166 --> 00:55:26,874 - Oh, my God, it is true. - Yeah, I-I saw the whole thing. 1109 00:55:26,875 --> 00:55:28,332 - I did. - No. What are you doing? 1110 00:55:28,333 --> 00:55:29,457 You're mean. 1111 00:55:29,458 --> 00:55:31,040 What do you mean there was somebody in the room? 1112 00:55:31,041 --> 00:55:32,249 - We were gone for two hours. - No, it's not-- 1113 00:55:32,250 --> 00:55:33,790 - Donna, it's not how that happened. - Oh, my God. 1114 00:55:33,791 --> 00:55:35,582 - Are you kidding? - He's completely misconstruing it. 1115 00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:36,915 Listen, listen. Let me tell you. 1116 00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,124 No, she's mean! She had a woman-- 1117 00:55:38,125 --> 00:55:40,290 He wasn't in her business all the time-- 1118 00:55:40,291 --> 00:55:42,874 All right! Hey! 1119 00:55:42,875 --> 00:55:44,332 Enough! 1120 00:55:44,333 --> 00:55:45,790 Everybody, be quiet. 1121 00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:49,208 Nobody utter another word. 1122 00:55:53,166 --> 00:55:55,665 You know what? Thank you, everyone. 1123 00:55:55,666 --> 00:55:56,957 This entire week has been 1124 00:55:56,958 --> 00:56:00,666 the most memorably mortifying experience of my entire life. 1125 00:56:03,666 --> 00:56:07,832 Except her because she's a guest, but nobody else utter a word. 1126 00:56:07,833 --> 00:56:10,374 God, no wonder you have no siblings. 1127 00:56:10,375 --> 00:56:11,499 Loser. 1128 00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:13,165 - Donna! - That's not how it works. 1129 00:56:13,166 --> 00:56:14,457 You know what? Your mother's right. 1130 00:56:14,458 --> 00:56:17,082 You kids, you can't do anything right. 1131 00:56:17,083 --> 00:56:19,207 - I should've gone with her. - Screw this. 1132 00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:23,707 I'm going to the bar, I'm getting drunk, and I don't want to see any of you there! 1133 00:56:23,708 --> 00:56:25,290 Sammy, you can't go to the bar. 1134 00:56:25,291 --> 00:56:28,040 - It's-it's Christmas Eve. - No, it's not. 1135 00:56:28,041 --> 00:56:31,374 It's just another Tuesday without Mom here doing things for us. 1136 00:56:31,375 --> 00:56:32,499 Do you want a ride? 1137 00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:34,583 I got my bike. 1138 00:56:36,416 --> 00:56:37,915 Okay. 1139 00:56:44,791 --> 00:56:46,415 Ow. Damn it! 1140 00:56:46,416 --> 00:56:48,165 Come on. 1141 00:56:48,166 --> 00:56:49,458 Geez. 1142 00:56:52,583 --> 00:56:55,750 I was with my friend Geraldine, who is straight. 1143 00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:01,082 She makes really great jewelry, 1144 00:57:01,083 --> 00:57:03,916 and I had her make you a ring. 1145 00:57:04,625 --> 00:57:07,165 And I was hoping... 1146 00:57:07,166 --> 00:57:10,249 I could propose to you with it. 1147 00:57:10,250 --> 00:57:11,833 What? 1148 00:57:20,833 --> 00:57:23,332 Come on, Donna, you can't listen to Doug. 1149 00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,499 Nobody listens to Doug. 1150 00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:27,874 He's like the weird family ghost that hangs around and haunts us all. 1151 00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:31,958 But... it's only been like three months. 1152 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,540 I mean, how could you possibly know how you feel-- 1153 00:57:35,541 --> 00:57:40,707 I have a gut feeling about us, a strong gut feeling. 1154 00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:43,207 Here I'm giving your brother relationship advice, 1155 00:57:43,208 --> 00:57:44,790 saying, "Be true to yourself, Sammy." 1156 00:57:44,791 --> 00:57:48,540 Meanwhile, I'm... not being true to myself. 1157 00:57:48,541 --> 00:57:53,624 The truth is I'm actually kind of old-fashioned. 1158 00:57:53,625 --> 00:57:57,832 I'm a DJ, but I hate staying up late at night. 1159 00:57:57,833 --> 00:57:59,999 I'm a morning person. 1160 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,957 And-and I want to date someone without feeling like I'm competing 1161 00:58:03,958 --> 00:58:07,832 with the cast of an entire first episode of The Bachelor. 1162 00:58:07,833 --> 00:58:09,125 Hmm. 1163 00:58:13,041 --> 00:58:14,291 I'm sorry, Taylor. 1164 00:58:16,208 --> 00:58:18,208 I thought I could handle you, but... 1165 00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:21,290 ...I can't. 1166 00:58:38,375 --> 00:58:40,375 - Hey. For Donna? - Yes, ma'am. 1167 00:59:14,916 --> 00:59:16,999 Please. I'm exhausted. 1168 00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,540 Are you sure you don't have one tiny little room open? 1169 00:59:20,541 --> 00:59:23,207 No, two. Two rooms. Two little rooms. 1170 00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:25,874 Okay. 1171 00:59:25,875 --> 00:59:27,457 Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. 1172 00:59:27,458 --> 00:59:30,540 I am a mother. It is Christmas Eve. 1173 00:59:30,541 --> 00:59:32,499 Do you have any idea what that means? 1174 00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:35,374 It means that I haven't slept 1175 00:59:35,375 --> 00:59:38,540 for more than three hours in a row in over a week. 1176 00:59:38,541 --> 00:59:41,874 And I'm a delivery driver on Christmas Eve. 1177 00:59:41,875 --> 00:59:44,540 Do you have any idea what that means? 1178 00:59:44,541 --> 00:59:48,665 I mean, jingle all the way, but your girl is tired. 1179 00:59:48,666 --> 00:59:50,915 Okay. 1180 00:59:50,916 --> 00:59:53,790 I always keep one room available 1181 00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:57,374 just in case a big celebrity like Ryan Seacrest show up. 1182 00:59:57,375 --> 01:00:01,165 But for you, I'll make an exception. 1183 01:00:01,166 --> 01:00:03,041 Thank you! Thank you! 1184 01:00:04,083 --> 01:00:05,415 - Oh, thank you, thank you. - Go, go. 1185 01:00:05,416 --> 01:00:07,665 Uh, you-you mean to share that? 1186 01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:09,457 Y-You mean to share it? 1187 01:00:09,458 --> 01:00:10,958 Yeah, and? 1188 01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:15,458 Well, I will if you will. 1189 01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:26,750 - Hey, hon. - Hey. 1190 01:00:30,958 --> 01:00:32,707 - Mind if I join you? - No. 1191 01:00:32,708 --> 01:00:35,416 - How you doing? - Okay. 1192 01:00:41,791 --> 01:00:46,540 Did I ever tell you the story about how me and your mom first met? 1193 01:00:46,541 --> 01:00:48,790 Yes. Like a thousand times. 1194 01:00:48,791 --> 01:00:51,082 - Oh. - But I want to hear it again. 1195 01:00:51,083 --> 01:00:53,249 Oh, yeah? 1196 01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:54,500 Okay. 1197 01:00:56,208 --> 01:01:02,290 So, I was working as a stock boy in this Boston pub called... 1198 01:01:02,291 --> 01:01:04,707 Hanrahan's. 1199 01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,332 Correct. 1200 01:01:06,333 --> 01:01:08,957 And I'm... I was such an obnoxious kid. 1201 01:01:08,958 --> 01:01:10,832 I just thought I knew everything. 1202 01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:14,457 I was always mouthing off and always getting my ass kicked. 1203 01:01:14,458 --> 01:01:19,374 And this particular night, I had a big juicy shiner. 1204 01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:23,832 I mean, this whole side of my face looked like some kind of swollen ham. 1205 01:01:23,833 --> 01:01:27,999 And I'm carrying two cases of paper towels into the cellar, 1206 01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:34,458 and I pass the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. 1207 01:01:35,458 --> 01:01:37,499 And she takes one look at me, and she said-- 1208 01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:39,874 "You remind me of a Picasso." 1209 01:01:39,875 --> 01:01:42,165 Exactly. 1210 01:01:42,166 --> 01:01:45,249 Yeah, for a second, I'm like, "Who's this Picasso guy? 1211 01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:48,249 I want to find him... 1212 01:01:48,250 --> 01:01:49,457 beat the crap out of him." 1213 01:01:49,458 --> 01:01:52,916 And then I look into those eyes, and I'm just like... 1214 01:01:54,416 --> 01:01:55,832 I was done. 1215 01:01:55,833 --> 01:01:59,874 I was done in that very moment. 1216 01:01:59,875 --> 01:02:02,666 And, uh, the truth is, without her... 1217 01:02:03,750 --> 01:02:07,374 ...I'd probably still be stocking paper towels at... 1218 01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:08,749 Hanrahan's. 1219 01:02:12,375 --> 01:02:13,916 Okay, baby. It's all right. 1220 01:02:20,583 --> 01:02:22,165 - Dad? - What? 1221 01:02:22,166 --> 01:02:24,083 Is that Jeanne? 1222 01:02:27,541 --> 01:02:28,832 Is she smoking a cigarette? 1223 01:02:28,833 --> 01:02:31,957 Oh, my God. 1224 01:02:31,958 --> 01:02:34,625 Your mother would kill to see this. 1225 01:02:38,375 --> 01:02:40,375 Where do you think she could be? 1226 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,208 I don't know, hon. 1227 01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,874 Everyone loves Santa, but let's face it, Santa's... 1228 01:02:50,875 --> 01:02:52,332 What's your deal, lady? 1229 01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:54,915 You forget your kid at home in your mansion, 1230 01:02:54,916 --> 01:02:58,749 and now you're on some crazy cross-country journey to make sure 1231 01:02:58,750 --> 01:03:01,082 you make it back to them in time for Christmas? 1232 01:03:01,083 --> 01:03:02,915 Yeah. Right. 1233 01:03:02,916 --> 01:03:04,790 No. 1234 01:03:04,791 --> 01:03:11,332 Believe me, I'm trying to get as far away from my family as possible. 1235 01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:12,624 Mm. 1236 01:03:12,625 --> 01:03:14,624 What about you? 1237 01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:16,374 What about me? 1238 01:03:16,375 --> 01:03:19,500 Where's your family? You got any plans for Christmas? 1239 01:03:20,083 --> 01:03:21,249 Lady... 1240 01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:25,582 - ...I'm working. - Oh, right, of course. 1241 01:03:25,583 --> 01:03:28,082 - I'm sorry. - Are you kidding me? 1242 01:03:28,083 --> 01:03:29,540 I love it. 1243 01:03:29,541 --> 01:03:31,624 I got my true crime podcast. 1244 01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,624 I got my solitude. 1245 01:03:33,625 --> 01:03:38,082 I even got to see the Grand Canyon, the Carlsbad Caverns 1246 01:03:38,083 --> 01:03:41,374 and the world's largest pistachio all in a month. 1247 01:03:41,375 --> 01:03:43,457 And I got me some good selfies. 1248 01:03:43,458 --> 01:03:46,790 Come on, now! Where they do that at? Okurrr? 1249 01:03:49,750 --> 01:03:52,249 Mm-hmm. 1250 01:03:52,250 --> 01:03:55,624 Uh, thank God for Shark Tank. 1251 01:03:55,625 --> 01:04:00,165 I mean, they rag on Mr. Wonderful, but he's actually got a heart of gold. 1252 01:04:00,166 --> 01:04:01,415 Mm. 1253 01:04:02,916 --> 01:04:04,540 Hey. 1254 01:04:04,541 --> 01:04:05,915 It's midnight. 1255 01:04:05,916 --> 01:04:07,874 It's Christmas. 1256 01:04:07,875 --> 01:04:09,832 Merry Christmas, lady. 1257 01:04:09,833 --> 01:04:12,332 Merry Christmas. 1258 01:04:12,333 --> 01:04:15,249 - Good night. - Good night. 1259 01:04:17,583 --> 01:04:19,790 Tired. Oof. 1260 01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:38,749 ♪ I'm trying ♪ 1261 01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:40,040 ♪ I'm trying to... 1262 01:04:40,041 --> 01:04:41,999 Alone on Christmas Eve. 1263 01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:45,708 ♪ Part of the day that I cannot sleep away ♪ 1264 01:04:46,791 --> 01:04:49,582 ♪ I'm trying ♪ 1265 01:04:49,583 --> 01:04:51,457 ♪ I'm trying to ♪ 1266 01:04:51,458 --> 01:04:53,749 ♪ drink away part of the day ♪ 1267 01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:56,833 ♪ that I cannot sleep away ♪ 1268 01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:10,915 I, uh... I have trouble falling asleep. 1269 01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:14,040 I like to keep the TV on. 1270 01:05:14,041 --> 01:05:17,040 Just-just hearing the voices just keeps me company. 1271 01:05:17,041 --> 01:05:18,957 It helps me sleep. I hope you don't mind. 1272 01:05:18,958 --> 01:05:20,999 No, no, that's fine. 1273 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,207 - Okay. - Good night. 1274 01:05:23,208 --> 01:05:26,040 Okay. 1275 01:05:28,791 --> 01:05:30,374 ...but we're not gonna agree on a valuation, then. 1276 01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:32,415 What about a different structure? 1277 01:05:32,416 --> 01:05:34,290 I-I need it kind of loud. 1278 01:05:34,291 --> 01:05:36,124 Mr. Wonderful, how about we do this? 1279 01:05:36,125 --> 01:05:39,999 How about you do 200,000, you make 50% of the profit, 1280 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,040 but once you get your money back... 1281 01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:44,499 ...you drop down to ten percent, and that remains your equity. 1282 01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:46,540 Are those... 1283 01:05:46,541 --> 01:05:48,207 Is that whales? 1284 01:05:48,208 --> 01:05:50,207 Yep. It's for relaxation. 1285 01:05:50,208 --> 01:05:52,165 I have to play that, too. 1286 01:05:52,166 --> 01:05:54,249 It helps with my blood pressure. 1287 01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:58,499 Well, well, well. 1288 01:05:58,500 --> 01:06:01,665 Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman, as I live and breathe. 1289 01:06:01,666 --> 01:06:03,165 Lizzie. 1290 01:06:03,166 --> 01:06:06,249 No one calls me Elizabeth anymore except for my parents. 1291 01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:07,707 Okay, Lizzie. 1292 01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:09,666 Is this seat taken? 1293 01:06:13,333 --> 01:06:15,457 So... 1294 01:06:15,458 --> 01:06:18,249 Dive bar. Christmas Eve. 1295 01:06:18,250 --> 01:06:20,082 You needed a break from your mom? 1296 01:06:20,083 --> 01:06:22,915 Good old Cardigan Queen Jeanne. 1297 01:06:22,916 --> 01:06:24,874 Yep. 1298 01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:27,249 She makes my mom go mental. 1299 01:06:27,250 --> 01:06:29,915 Care Bear Claire has a similar effect. 1300 01:06:29,916 --> 01:06:31,957 Care Bear Claire? 1301 01:06:31,958 --> 01:06:35,082 Yeah, women get wild when they get old. 1302 01:06:35,083 --> 01:06:37,665 Can't wait to see what kind of psycho bitch I turn into. 1303 01:06:38,750 --> 01:06:41,207 It's gonna be sick. 1304 01:06:41,208 --> 01:06:45,999 You know, this is the longest conversation you and I have ever had. 1305 01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,790 Despite being in the same class since the third grade. 1306 01:06:48,791 --> 01:06:51,582 First, actually. 1307 01:06:51,583 --> 01:06:53,499 First what? 1308 01:06:53,500 --> 01:06:55,749 First grade. 1309 01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:58,499 You sat behind me. 1310 01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:02,415 You had one of those horrible, like, turtlenecks that's just a bib, and, like, 1311 01:07:02,416 --> 01:07:04,624 you don't-- it's not attached to anything. You just push it in the sweater. 1312 01:07:04,625 --> 01:07:05,915 A dickie? 1313 01:07:05,916 --> 01:07:07,957 - What? - The little turtleneck things. 1314 01:07:07,958 --> 01:07:10,165 Th-They're called dickies. 1315 01:07:10,166 --> 01:07:14,416 It's a really unfortunate name for a really unfortunate accessory. 1316 01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:16,750 I loved that accessory. 1317 01:07:59,250 --> 01:08:01,332 Mm. 1318 01:08:01,333 --> 01:08:03,832 I'm doing business school and law school at the same time. 1319 01:08:03,833 --> 01:08:05,624 Impressive. 1320 01:08:05,625 --> 01:08:07,040 Thanks. 1321 01:08:07,041 --> 01:08:10,290 I got fired from a Starbucks once. 1322 01:08:10,291 --> 01:08:12,290 Impressive. 1323 01:08:14,500 --> 01:08:17,457 ♪ At the sun, see... 1324 01:08:17,458 --> 01:08:21,082 How come we never, uh, hung out in school ever? 1325 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,415 'Cause I didn't want to. 1326 01:08:23,416 --> 01:08:26,082 Cool. Glad I asked. 1327 01:08:27,916 --> 01:08:30,333 I had a really big crush on you. 1328 01:08:36,625 --> 01:08:38,082 Oh, my God, I love this song. 1329 01:08:38,083 --> 01:08:39,957 I love this song. Do you know this song? 1330 01:08:39,958 --> 01:08:41,499 Yeah, of course. Who doesn't know this song? 1331 01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:44,082 I love this song. 1332 01:08:44,083 --> 01:08:45,957 ♪ It's funny how ♪ 1333 01:08:45,958 --> 01:08:47,540 - I love this song. - ♪ I find myself... 1334 01:08:47,541 --> 01:08:48,874 Oh, my God. 1335 01:08:48,875 --> 01:08:50,124 - Please dance with me. - No. 1336 01:08:50,125 --> 01:08:51,249 - Please. Please, please. - Lizzie. 1337 01:08:51,250 --> 01:08:53,874 - No. - It's Christmas Eve! 1338 01:08:59,375 --> 01:09:02,790 ♪ If I could buy my reasoning ♪ 1339 01:09:04,833 --> 01:09:07,958 ♪ I'd pay to lose ♪ 1340 01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,458 ♪ One half won't do ♪ 1341 01:09:19,833 --> 01:09:21,999 ♪ And I asked myself ♪ 1342 01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:24,749 ♪ How much do you ♪ 1343 01:09:27,625 --> 01:09:30,749 ♪ commit yourself? ♪ 1344 01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,665 ♪ Oh, it's my life ♪ 1345 01:09:33,666 --> 01:09:36,665 ♪ Don't you forget ♪ 1346 01:09:37,958 --> 01:09:39,415 ♪ It's my life ♪ 1347 01:09:41,750 --> 01:09:46,416 - ♪ It never ends ♪ - ♪ It never ends ♪ 1348 01:09:56,625 --> 01:10:01,957 ♪ Funny how I blind myself ♪ 1349 01:10:01,958 --> 01:10:05,000 ♪ I never knew ♪ 1350 01:10:07,833 --> 01:10:09,082 Hey! 1351 01:10:09,083 --> 01:10:11,499 Hey, hey! There's someone in here! 1352 01:10:11,500 --> 01:10:13,915 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle all the way... 1353 01:10:15,541 --> 01:10:18,249 Help! Help! 1354 01:10:18,250 --> 01:10:20,207 Are you kidding me?! 1355 01:10:22,208 --> 01:10:23,874 Hey! Hey! 1356 01:10:23,875 --> 01:10:25,207 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 1357 01:10:25,208 --> 01:10:28,749 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse... 1358 01:10:28,750 --> 01:10:30,874 No! Stop! 1359 01:10:30,875 --> 01:10:33,290 - Wait, wait, wait, wait! - ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 1360 01:10:33,291 --> 01:10:35,583 ♪ on a one-horse open ♪ 1361 01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:41,499 Can I help you? 1362 01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:42,957 Did you not see me in there? 1363 01:10:42,958 --> 01:10:45,624 I was in the car that you towed. 1364 01:10:45,625 --> 01:10:46,957 I'm sorry, ma'am. 1365 01:10:46,958 --> 01:10:48,040 Rules are rules. 1366 01:10:48,041 --> 01:10:49,749 Here. You want some cash? 1367 01:10:49,750 --> 01:10:51,749 - I can give you cash. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1368 01:10:51,750 --> 01:10:53,540 Keep your blood money, lady. 1369 01:10:53,541 --> 01:10:55,290 You parked in a yellow stripe zone. 1370 01:10:55,291 --> 01:10:57,207 Striped like that for a reason. 1371 01:10:57,208 --> 01:10:59,582 Now, you can take it up with the parking bureau Monday morning. 1372 01:10:59,583 --> 01:11:00,665 - No. Please. - I got to go. 1373 01:11:00,666 --> 01:11:02,249 I-I can't wait till Monday. 1374 01:11:02,250 --> 01:11:03,582 There's nothing I can do. 1375 01:11:03,583 --> 01:11:07,374 Once those wheels leave the ground, out of my jurisdiction. 1376 01:11:07,375 --> 01:11:10,999 Now, you have a very merry Christmas, okay? 1377 01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:13,290 Can I at least get my things? 1378 01:11:40,458 --> 01:11:41,791 Thanks. 1379 01:12:05,416 --> 01:12:10,124 So, this year for Christmas, I got a '76 AMC Pacer. 1380 01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:16,708 But what did I really want? 1381 01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:29,499 ♪ The snow is falling down ♪ 1382 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:34,332 ♪ Gets colder day by day ♪ 1383 01:12:34,333 --> 01:12:37,041 ♪ I miss you ♪ 1384 01:12:39,791 --> 01:12:43,207 ♪ Our hearts were singing ♪ 1385 01:12:43,208 --> 01:12:48,000 ♪ It felt like Christmastime ♪ 1386 01:12:50,125 --> 01:12:56,666 ♪ It must be Christmastime ♪ 1387 01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,332 Okay. Here we come. 1388 01:13:18,333 --> 01:13:20,124 Hey, Taylor, can you move that stuff for me? 1389 01:13:20,125 --> 01:13:24,874 This is something that Santa brought 1390 01:13:24,875 --> 01:13:26,707 special for you guys. Ready? 1391 01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:29,332 Three, two, one. 1392 01:13:29,333 --> 01:13:31,250 Yeah! 1393 01:13:32,125 --> 01:13:34,125 Here it is. 1394 01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:40,000 What is it, Grandpa Nick? 1395 01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,582 Wh-What do you mean what is it, kid? 1396 01:13:42,583 --> 01:13:44,374 It's a friggin' Dreamhouse. 1397 01:13:44,375 --> 01:13:47,166 What happened to the roof? 1398 01:13:54,750 --> 01:13:55,957 Ugh! 1399 01:13:55,958 --> 01:13:57,665 Geez! 1400 01:14:00,583 --> 01:14:02,082 Forget it. 1401 01:14:02,083 --> 01:14:03,374 Who's next? 1402 01:14:03,375 --> 01:14:05,374 Come on, Taylor. 1403 01:14:05,375 --> 01:14:06,540 You're up. 1404 01:14:06,541 --> 01:14:09,082 Nah, I'm good. 1405 01:14:09,083 --> 01:14:11,207 Fine. I'll do it. 1406 01:14:11,208 --> 01:14:12,832 I'll be the elf. 1407 01:14:12,833 --> 01:14:14,582 Mom's usually the elf. 1408 01:14:14,583 --> 01:14:16,790 Yeah, but Mom's not here, so you got me. 1409 01:14:16,791 --> 01:14:18,207 Right. 1410 01:14:18,208 --> 01:14:20,666 This one is from Doug. 1411 01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:23,415 Oh. 1412 01:14:23,416 --> 01:14:25,582 Is it the last 24 hours of my life back? 1413 01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:28,540 Oh, wait. Is my girlfriend in there? 1414 01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:31,082 It's something that I got for you that I thought you'd like. 1415 01:14:31,083 --> 01:14:32,374 It's a T-shirt. 1416 01:14:32,375 --> 01:14:33,875 Oh. 1417 01:14:45,250 --> 01:14:46,915 Dad, your turn. 1418 01:14:46,916 --> 01:14:48,415 Do you want a present? 1419 01:14:48,416 --> 01:14:50,749 I'm not opening any presents till your mother gets back. 1420 01:14:50,750 --> 01:14:52,207 I'll feel sick to my stomach. 1421 01:14:52,208 --> 01:14:56,207 Can you guys please just at least, you know, try to get it together? 1422 01:14:56,208 --> 01:14:57,415 Yeah? You know? 1423 01:14:57,416 --> 01:15:00,082 I mean, Christmas, it-it's supposed to be fun. 1424 01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,499 Do you know how few Christmases we get in life? 1425 01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:04,540 With this group of people? 1426 01:15:04,541 --> 01:15:06,749 - I mean, it's a finite number. - Where's Sammy? 1427 01:15:06,750 --> 01:15:08,708 I mean, is he gonna sleep all morning? 1428 01:15:10,625 --> 01:15:11,665 Sammy? 1429 01:15:11,666 --> 01:15:13,790 He's not in his room! 1430 01:15:13,791 --> 01:15:16,582 You got to be kidding me. We lost another one? 1431 01:15:16,583 --> 01:15:19,540 Uh, I could be mistaken, but is that Sammy's bike 1432 01:15:19,541 --> 01:15:21,207 in the Wang-Wasserman front yard? 1433 01:15:21,208 --> 01:15:23,415 Where? 1434 01:15:23,416 --> 01:15:25,833 Oh, my God. 1435 01:15:37,541 --> 01:15:41,540 ♪ Maybe it's true what they say about ♪ 1436 01:15:41,541 --> 01:15:45,749 ♪ Maybe we can't make the ends meet ♪ 1437 01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:49,790 ♪ Maybe we'll all have to do without ♪ 1438 01:15:49,791 --> 01:15:54,332 ♪ Maybe this world's just incomplete ♪ 1439 01:15:54,333 --> 01:15:58,582 ♪ Well, we all look for truth in this life... 1440 01:16:01,083 --> 01:16:02,749 - Can I help you? - Yes. 1441 01:16:02,750 --> 01:16:05,750 I'm here for The Zazzy Tims Show taping. 1442 01:16:06,833 --> 01:16:09,457 Are you a VIP? This is the VIP entrance. 1443 01:16:09,458 --> 01:16:12,040 Uh, no. 1444 01:16:12,041 --> 01:16:13,165 Um, I'm just-- 1445 01:16:13,166 --> 01:16:15,915 Okay, so you're gonna have to come through here and circle back around, all right? 1446 01:16:15,916 --> 01:16:18,082 - This is the VIP only entrance. - Mm-hmm. 1447 01:16:18,083 --> 01:16:20,457 You're gonna want to go over to general admission and reenter there. 1448 01:16:20,458 --> 01:16:21,749 That's gate number two. 1449 01:16:21,750 --> 01:16:23,666 Okay. Thank you. 1450 01:16:27,375 --> 01:16:31,749 ♪ Some see the road as clear ♪ 1451 01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:35,832 ♪ Some say the end is here ♪ 1452 01:16:35,833 --> 01:16:38,749 ♪ They say it's a hopeless fight ♪ 1453 01:16:38,750 --> 01:16:43,083 ♪ But I say I gotta try now ♪ 1454 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:48,249 ♪ Oh, I've got to try, baby ♪ 1455 01:16:48,250 --> 01:16:52,749 ♪ Maybe it's too much to think about ♪ 1456 01:16:52,750 --> 01:16:56,999 ♪ Maybe there ain't nothing left to say ♪ 1457 01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:01,082 ♪ But if our time is really running out ♪ 1458 01:17:01,083 --> 01:17:04,207 ♪ then this ain't no time to run away ♪ 1459 01:17:16,708 --> 01:17:19,040 And welcome back for this very spectacular, 1460 01:17:19,041 --> 01:17:22,207 very extraordinary Christmas episode. 1461 01:17:22,208 --> 01:17:26,540 You know we've been doing the Zazzy Christmas Special for five years now? 1462 01:17:26,541 --> 01:17:28,540 That's right, five years! 1463 01:17:30,208 --> 01:17:35,790 And what makes it such a special tradition in my heart is you, our audience, 1464 01:17:35,791 --> 01:17:39,749 which is why every member of the audience 1465 01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:44,624 will be going home today with a beautiful Monochrome candle! 1466 01:17:48,750 --> 01:17:53,124 But first, you've sent in your video, submitted your nominations, 1467 01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:56,165 a record number of applications this year. 1468 01:17:56,166 --> 01:17:57,999 Eight thousand! Can you believe that? 1469 01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:00,124 - Excuse me. - Yes! 1470 01:18:01,958 --> 01:18:06,999 Eight thousand caring, generous mothers who were all so deserving. 1471 01:18:08,291 --> 01:18:10,332 Yeah. 1472 01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:15,165 We heard stories of moms from Pasadena all the way to Nairobi. 1473 01:18:15,166 --> 01:18:17,332 People could not tell us 1474 01:18:17,333 --> 01:18:19,249 - enough good things about their mamas. - Can I put this on? 1475 01:18:19,250 --> 01:18:22,249 - And we can't wait to meet them. - Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah. 1476 01:18:22,250 --> 01:18:25,624 Here onstage, we're gonna have a mom who adopted 19 children! 1477 01:18:25,625 --> 01:18:28,874 Yeah. She's got her hands full. 1478 01:18:28,875 --> 01:18:30,500 - And, uh, we also have another-- - Yeah, you're good. 1479 01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:33,832 - Hey. - Hi! Hey! 1480 01:18:33,833 --> 01:18:34,915 - Merry Christmas. - Hi. 1481 01:18:34,916 --> 01:18:36,290 You here for Sammy? 1482 01:18:36,291 --> 01:18:37,540 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1483 01:18:37,541 --> 01:18:38,791 You can come in. 1484 01:18:39,875 --> 01:18:41,333 Oh, Dad. 1485 01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:46,790 - Good tidings. - Hi. 1486 01:18:53,166 --> 01:18:54,707 Unbelievable. 1487 01:18:54,708 --> 01:18:56,582 Sammy, get up! 1488 01:18:56,583 --> 01:18:59,415 You're passed out in Jeanne's house! 1489 01:18:59,416 --> 01:19:01,749 Nicholas Samuel Derwin Clauster the Third, 1490 01:19:01,750 --> 01:19:05,250 get your B-U-T-T out of this house before I kick it there. 1491 01:19:07,750 --> 01:19:09,665 Sammy. Sammy. 1492 01:19:12,208 --> 01:19:14,208 Stop. Ow. 1493 01:19:16,833 --> 01:19:18,749 - Sammy, go. - Go. Let's go. 1494 01:19:18,750 --> 01:19:20,832 Come on. Just-- 1495 01:19:22,250 --> 01:19:23,499 We got him. 1496 01:19:23,500 --> 01:19:25,874 Okay. 1497 01:19:25,875 --> 01:19:28,415 Uh, your home is so beautiful. 1498 01:19:28,416 --> 01:19:30,207 - Thank you. - ...Christmas episode, 1499 01:19:30,208 --> 01:19:33,124 - I'm gonna introduce you to some wonderful women. - Oh, look, it's... it's Zazzy. 1500 01:19:33,125 --> 01:19:35,040 - Mom's favorite show. - We received a record number 1501 01:19:35,041 --> 01:19:36,749 of applications this year. 1502 01:19:36,750 --> 01:19:37,915 - Guess how many. - Wait. 1503 01:19:37,916 --> 01:19:41,124 - Eight thousand applications! - The-the Holiday Mom Contest. 1504 01:19:41,125 --> 01:19:42,457 She's been texting and... 1505 01:19:42,458 --> 01:19:44,415 - emailing me about this for weeks. - Yeah! 1506 01:19:44,416 --> 01:19:47,082 - Oh, me, too. - Mm-hmm. - Same here. 1507 01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:49,207 I never responded. Did you? 1508 01:19:49,208 --> 01:19:51,374 - No. Me, neither. - Ditto. 1509 01:19:51,375 --> 01:19:53,165 Without further ado, let's give a warm Zazzy round of applause... 1510 01:19:53,166 --> 01:19:54,707 None of us responded. 1511 01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:56,749 ...to the fabulous winners 1512 01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:59,415 of the Holiday Mom Contest! 1513 01:20:00,583 --> 01:20:02,040 - Oh, my God! - Here we go! 1514 01:20:02,041 --> 01:20:04,332 Come on. You got this. 1515 01:20:04,333 --> 01:20:06,332 Hey, come on. Dance your heart out. 1516 01:20:06,333 --> 01:20:07,665 Let's go, let's go! 1517 01:20:17,791 --> 01:20:19,915 Oh, I love this! 1518 01:20:19,916 --> 01:20:22,666 Welcome, moms! 1519 01:20:23,666 --> 01:20:25,082 How did you guys get here? 1520 01:20:25,083 --> 01:20:27,957 - I'm a nominee. - You're a-- And who nominated you? 1521 01:20:31,291 --> 01:20:33,832 Oh, my God, that's Mom. 1522 01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:35,249 Welcome, welcome! 1523 01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:37,874 I told her not to go off those hormones. 1524 01:20:37,875 --> 01:20:39,957 ♪ Heaven... 1525 01:20:39,958 --> 01:20:41,499 Jess? Uh, Jess? 1526 01:20:41,500 --> 01:20:45,790 Who's that woman doing the Cabbage Patch and waving to camera two? 1527 01:20:45,791 --> 01:20:47,749 I don't know? 1528 01:20:47,750 --> 01:20:49,874 Let me check. 1529 01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:51,082 Hmm. 1530 01:20:51,083 --> 01:20:52,665 - My children! - Oh, my God. 1531 01:20:52,666 --> 01:20:54,290 She's got 19 children! 1532 01:20:54,291 --> 01:20:56,457 Who nominated you, honey? 1533 01:20:56,458 --> 01:20:58,165 Oh, my-my son. 1534 01:20:58,166 --> 01:20:59,624 Oh, her son! 1535 01:20:59,625 --> 01:21:01,290 My son! 1536 01:21:01,291 --> 01:21:03,499 - Who nominated you? - My husband. 1537 01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:06,040 Oh, your husband must love you. 1538 01:21:06,041 --> 01:21:08,124 Where'd she get that jacket? 1539 01:21:08,125 --> 01:21:09,707 - You think she'll let me borrow it? - Wow. 1540 01:21:09,708 --> 01:21:11,665 Your mom is a great dancer. 1541 01:21:11,666 --> 01:21:13,082 Hey. 1542 01:21:13,083 --> 01:21:15,582 Last night, did we, uh... 1543 01:21:15,583 --> 01:21:17,915 I can't decide if she's an icon or a train wreck. 1544 01:21:17,916 --> 01:21:19,790 Icon. 1545 01:21:19,791 --> 01:21:21,665 No. You got so drunk, and you threw up on my shoe, 1546 01:21:21,666 --> 01:21:24,624 and then I had to walk you and your bike home ten blocks. 1547 01:21:24,625 --> 01:21:25,707 Oh. 1548 01:21:25,708 --> 01:21:28,374 Oh, wow! 1549 01:21:28,375 --> 01:21:30,957 Oh, I'm really here. 1550 01:21:30,958 --> 01:21:33,290 - It's really you. - Whoo! 1551 01:21:33,291 --> 01:21:35,957 Hi! So, how did you get here? 1552 01:21:35,958 --> 01:21:37,624 Oh. Oh, gosh. 1553 01:21:37,625 --> 01:21:40,832 Um, uh, well, the short answer is that I... 1554 01:21:40,833 --> 01:21:43,374 I tried to get my kids to nominate me... 1555 01:21:43,375 --> 01:21:46,999 ...for the Holiday Moms Contest, and, well, they blew that off. 1556 01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,957 - Oh. - And then, um, 1557 01:21:48,958 --> 01:21:52,707 I got my whole family tickets to a dance show, 1558 01:21:52,708 --> 01:21:54,915 and they forgot me. 1559 01:21:54,916 --> 01:21:57,499 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, yeah. I just, I just got in my car 1560 01:21:57,500 --> 01:21:59,707 and said, "Fuck it." 1561 01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:07,500 She'll be here in a minute. 1562 01:22:10,958 --> 01:22:12,790 Ah, you got her! 1563 01:22:12,791 --> 01:22:14,332 Glad that's over. 1564 01:22:14,333 --> 01:22:16,457 Oy vey. We did it. 1565 01:22:16,458 --> 01:22:18,082 - Great show, Zazzy. - Awesome. 1566 01:22:18,083 --> 01:22:20,040 It's Cameron, right? 1567 01:22:20,041 --> 01:22:22,040 Uh, actually, it's Claire. 1568 01:22:22,041 --> 01:22:25,458 Do you know why I started the Holiday Mom Special? 1569 01:22:26,541 --> 01:22:28,415 Was it to launch your-- 1570 01:22:28,416 --> 01:22:33,457 It's because I've been buying myself Christmas gifts for the last 15 years. 1571 01:22:33,458 --> 01:22:35,290 - Oh. - Just so that I could have something 1572 01:22:35,291 --> 01:22:38,874 to open while my family tears into the gifts I bought them 1573 01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:41,415 like a pack of coked-up howler monkeys. 1574 01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:44,332 You know what my husband got me last year? 1575 01:22:44,333 --> 01:22:46,207 An upholstery cleaner. 1576 01:22:46,208 --> 01:22:49,624 Yeah. And my son, he got me, uh-- 1577 01:22:49,625 --> 01:22:54,457 oh, an autographed basketball by one of the Harlem Globetrotters. 1578 01:22:54,458 --> 01:22:56,874 Not even the lady one. I would've liked that. 1579 01:22:56,875 --> 01:22:58,957 Yeah. Oh, and my daughter made me pancakes. 1580 01:22:58,958 --> 01:23:00,374 Oh, well, that's sweet. 1581 01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:01,666 I hate pancakes. 1582 01:23:02,750 --> 01:23:03,915 And she knows that. 1583 01:23:03,916 --> 01:23:05,624 - Oh. - So I thought, 1584 01:23:05,625 --> 01:23:08,332 "Why not get the things I actually want?" 1585 01:23:08,333 --> 01:23:09,832 You know? 1586 01:23:09,833 --> 01:23:11,374 So now I play Santa to myself. 1587 01:23:11,375 --> 01:23:13,040 Same. 1588 01:23:13,041 --> 01:23:14,832 My stocking looks like a limp penis. 1589 01:23:14,833 --> 01:23:16,124 So depressing. 1590 01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:18,082 - It just hangs there. - Oh. 1591 01:23:18,083 --> 01:23:20,499 No love. Her family just lets it dangle there. 1592 01:23:21,583 --> 01:23:22,707 Yeah. 1593 01:23:22,708 --> 01:23:24,707 And we can admit that, you know? 1594 01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:26,332 But let me tell you something else. 1595 01:23:26,333 --> 01:23:29,040 - Here, I'm a boss bitch. - Yes, you are! 1596 01:23:29,041 --> 01:23:31,915 But at home, I'm everybody's bitch. 1597 01:23:31,916 --> 01:23:33,790 We're all just little bitches. 1598 01:23:33,791 --> 01:23:35,832 But what you did was spectacular. 1599 01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,915 - They never turn off a light. - Ugh. 1600 01:23:39,916 --> 01:23:42,290 Never. They-they can't close the fridge door. 1601 01:23:42,291 --> 01:23:44,374 They can't close any door. They let all the bugs in. 1602 01:23:44,375 --> 01:23:46,249 - Mm-hmm. - They come home, 1603 01:23:46,250 --> 01:23:48,790 and it's like, why so much toothpaste everywhere? 1604 01:23:48,791 --> 01:23:50,374 - In globs of blue. - Ugh! 1605 01:23:50,375 --> 01:23:52,624 It's disgusting. I use my fingernails. 1606 01:23:52,625 --> 01:23:55,040 My husband always tells me, 1607 01:23:55,041 --> 01:23:57,290 "Don't worry. It'll all get done. 1608 01:23:57,291 --> 01:23:59,082 It always does." 1609 01:23:59,083 --> 01:24:01,249 I tell him, "Yes, I know it does. 1610 01:24:01,250 --> 01:24:02,540 Because I do it!" 1611 01:24:02,541 --> 01:24:03,624 Mm-hmm. 1612 01:24:03,625 --> 01:24:04,957 - That's right. - 'Cause you do it. 1613 01:24:04,958 --> 01:24:06,540 Yep. Uh-huh. 1614 01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:08,124 I got four kids. 1615 01:24:08,125 --> 01:24:10,540 I carried them, I birthed them, I fed them. 1616 01:24:10,541 --> 01:24:14,332 You know? I've had one partially successful vaginoplasty, 1617 01:24:14,333 --> 01:24:16,415 and-and I bug them? 1618 01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:18,290 You know why? Because that's the score. 1619 01:24:18,291 --> 01:24:21,040 - Mm-hmm. - That's the score. 1620 01:24:21,041 --> 01:24:23,124 Mm. 1621 01:24:23,125 --> 01:24:25,082 That's tight. 1622 01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:28,208 What? My vagina or the metaphor? 1623 01:24:29,041 --> 01:24:30,249 Whole situation. 1624 01:24:33,791 --> 01:24:36,332 ♪ On the radio, whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1625 01:24:36,333 --> 01:24:38,707 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1626 01:24:38,708 --> 01:24:40,540 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1627 01:24:40,541 --> 01:24:42,165 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1628 01:24:42,166 --> 01:24:44,874 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1629 01:24:44,875 --> 01:24:46,249 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1630 01:24:46,250 --> 01:24:47,915 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1631 01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,457 - It's a strong table. - ♪ Now, now ♪ 1632 01:24:49,458 --> 01:24:54,500 ♪ Don't it kinda strike you sad when you hear our song? ♪ 1633 01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:08,749 Mazel, delivery drivers. 1634 01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:10,999 We hope you get to sleep in tomorrow. 1635 01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:13,832 On that note, it's time for my Mazel of the Week. 1636 01:25:13,833 --> 01:25:19,207 And this one goes out to a mom who made her big broadcasting debut. 1637 01:25:19,208 --> 01:25:22,374 It's the Houston mother who drove through the night 1638 01:25:22,375 --> 01:25:25,499 just to appear on The Zazzy Tims Show. 1639 01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:29,874 I don't know if you guys saw this video, but I cannot stop watching it. 1640 01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:32,749 She put on an impromptu dance show. 1641 01:25:32,750 --> 01:25:37,540 And for that, Claire Clauster, you are Mazel of the Week. 1642 01:26:00,333 --> 01:26:03,083 Just wanted to say that I'm sorry. 1643 01:26:04,250 --> 01:26:06,124 Do you want to talk about it? 1644 01:26:06,125 --> 01:26:08,499 What is there to talk about? 1645 01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:11,082 Mom's gone, Channing thinks I'm an irresponsible love addict, 1646 01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:14,624 and you... you told the love of my life that I cheated on her, 1647 01:26:14,625 --> 01:26:16,332 after which she walked out on me. 1648 01:26:16,333 --> 01:26:17,457 Forever! 1649 01:26:17,458 --> 01:26:21,166 So, no, Doug, I don't really feel like talking to you right now. 1650 01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:26,374 You said I was boring. I had to defend myself. 1651 01:26:26,375 --> 01:26:30,832 ♪ Better stop before it goes too far... 1652 01:26:30,833 --> 01:26:32,665 You can't hate me forever. 1653 01:26:32,666 --> 01:26:34,375 Family forgives. 1654 01:26:35,583 --> 01:26:37,166 No matter what. 1655 01:26:40,208 --> 01:26:43,999 ♪ Sometimes I feel like... 1656 01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:47,249 I'm sorry I called you a man baby. It was mean. 1657 01:26:47,250 --> 01:26:49,207 I'm sorry that I said your books are too long. 1658 01:26:50,416 --> 01:26:51,707 That's not true. 1659 01:26:51,708 --> 01:26:52,915 They're just the right size. 1660 01:26:52,916 --> 01:26:55,707 And the dialogue wooden? 1661 01:26:55,708 --> 01:26:57,749 - Hmm? - Well, you said 1662 01:26:57,750 --> 01:27:00,624 too long and the dialogue is wooden. 1663 01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,790 - You remember? - Yeah. 1664 01:27:02,791 --> 01:27:06,374 And I just said they're not too long at all. 1665 01:27:06,375 --> 01:27:07,999 Just the right length. 1666 01:27:27,791 --> 01:27:31,040 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 1667 01:27:31,041 --> 01:27:34,541 ♪ that I love you? ♪ 1668 01:27:35,791 --> 01:27:39,040 ♪ Sometimes I feel like... 1669 01:27:39,041 --> 01:27:40,665 Channing? 1670 01:27:40,666 --> 01:27:42,582 You think I'm gonna end up alone? 1671 01:27:42,583 --> 01:27:44,582 No. 1672 01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,624 - You've got us. - Yeah. 1673 01:27:46,625 --> 01:27:49,707 Till you all forget me on the side of the road like our own mother. 1674 01:27:49,708 --> 01:27:50,957 Oh, God. 1675 01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:53,415 We really can be the worst. 1676 01:27:53,416 --> 01:27:58,207 ♪ That fell down here to lay... 1677 01:28:01,041 --> 01:28:02,708 - You all right? - Yeah. 1678 01:28:06,250 --> 01:28:08,082 - "Great kids"? - Yes, yes! 1679 01:28:08,083 --> 01:28:09,665 - That's it! You got it! Yeah, that's it! - I did? Oh, my God! 1680 01:28:09,666 --> 01:28:11,874 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 1681 01:28:11,875 --> 01:28:13,957 Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes! 1682 01:28:16,166 --> 01:28:17,249 - Fantastic. - Oh, my God. 1683 01:28:17,250 --> 01:28:20,415 Sixty-three thousand one hundred dollars. 1684 01:28:20,416 --> 01:28:21,915 Oh, my God. 1685 01:28:21,916 --> 01:28:23,624 Congratulations! 1686 01:28:23,625 --> 01:28:26,083 Oh, my God. What? 1687 01:28:27,166 --> 01:28:29,374 - Okay, car leaves in 30 minutes. - Hey. 1688 01:28:29,375 --> 01:28:30,582 Who are you? 1689 01:28:30,583 --> 01:28:32,499 I'm Trish from The Zazzy Tims Show. 1690 01:28:32,500 --> 01:28:34,499 Oh, you do not look ready yet. 1691 01:28:34,500 --> 01:28:35,665 Oh, please come in. 1692 01:28:35,666 --> 01:28:38,749 The car leaves in 30 minutes, and we really got to move. 1693 01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:42,624 I doubt she has shoes, so if we could please get those Jimmy Choos on her. 1694 01:28:42,625 --> 01:28:45,082 Fix this stuff in her hair. It's kind of-- 1695 01:28:45,083 --> 01:28:47,624 What's all the-- What's going on? 1696 01:28:47,625 --> 01:28:49,875 Did you not check your phone? 1697 01:28:51,375 --> 01:28:54,082 Zazzy wants you back on the show today. 1698 01:28:56,083 --> 01:28:59,207 Happy Boxing Day. Have we got a great show for you. 1699 01:28:59,208 --> 01:29:03,624 We have a live in-studio performance by the incredible band the bird and the bee, 1700 01:29:03,625 --> 01:29:06,832 and Emeril Lagasse is back to show us 1701 01:29:06,833 --> 01:29:09,957 how to make a gumbo that'll kick us right into the new year. 1702 01:29:09,958 --> 01:29:13,874 But first, by popular demand, we are bringing back 1703 01:29:13,875 --> 01:29:17,999 the most relatable mama in America, Claire Clauster! 1704 01:29:20,500 --> 01:29:22,665 - Great to see you again. - Oh. 1705 01:29:22,666 --> 01:29:24,457 Great to see you, too, Zazzy. 1706 01:29:24,458 --> 01:29:26,707 Now, for those of you just tuning in, 1707 01:29:26,708 --> 01:29:30,749 Claire's family forgot her on Christmas Eve. 1708 01:29:30,750 --> 01:29:32,040 Can you believe that? 1709 01:29:32,041 --> 01:29:36,749 But the funny thing is a lot of women have connected to your story. 1710 01:29:36,750 --> 01:29:38,666 Can you tell me why that is? 1711 01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:44,040 Um, I bet a lot of women probably feel... 1712 01:29:44,041 --> 01:29:46,290 overlooked, Zazzy. 1713 01:29:46,291 --> 01:29:47,374 Mm-hmm. 1714 01:29:47,375 --> 01:29:49,207 - Unappreciated. - That's right. 1715 01:29:49,208 --> 01:29:51,999 Taken for granted, you know. 1716 01:29:52,000 --> 01:29:54,124 That's pretty much year-round. 1717 01:29:54,125 --> 01:29:58,624 I'd say during the holidays most of all. 1718 01:29:58,625 --> 01:30:01,874 You know, it's just all the behind-the-scenes stuff that moms do 1719 01:30:01,875 --> 01:30:05,165 so that everyone can have a good time. 1720 01:30:05,166 --> 01:30:07,290 It's a lot of work to have fun. 1721 01:30:07,291 --> 01:30:10,832 Yeah, and somebody's got to do that work. 1722 01:30:10,833 --> 01:30:15,082 And, well, most of them don't want to do it, 1723 01:30:15,083 --> 01:30:18,499 and, you know, they just don't want to step up. 1724 01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:20,249 So true. 1725 01:30:20,250 --> 01:30:22,666 You know who steps up? 1726 01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:25,707 - Moms. - Moms. 1727 01:30:25,708 --> 01:30:27,540 - Moms. - And... 1728 01:30:28,875 --> 01:30:30,750 ...I miss my mom so much. 1729 01:30:31,666 --> 01:30:36,291 And I really wish that instead of rolling my eyes... 1730 01:30:37,833 --> 01:30:40,457 ...thinking she was silly, that I... 1731 01:30:40,458 --> 01:30:45,374 I-I just said those three little words that mean so much to moms. 1732 01:30:45,375 --> 01:30:46,999 "I love you." 1733 01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:48,874 "Can I help?" 1734 01:30:48,875 --> 01:30:51,040 Oh. 1735 01:30:51,041 --> 01:30:54,999 And then I'd just give her a big bear hug while I still had the chance, 1736 01:30:55,000 --> 01:31:00,082 because, you know, all she was trying to do was make things joyous for us, 1737 01:31:00,083 --> 01:31:03,249 and there is nothing silly about joy. 1738 01:31:03,250 --> 01:31:05,375 Wow. 1739 01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:07,665 Well... 1740 01:31:07,666 --> 01:31:09,665 that was so beautiful, Carmen. 1741 01:31:09,666 --> 01:31:12,457 - Claire. - But guess what. 1742 01:31:12,458 --> 01:31:16,749 We are not done yet, because we have an in-studio surprise, 1743 01:31:16,750 --> 01:31:18,457 a Zazzy Tims exclusive. 1744 01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:22,290 They've traveled through the night, and we convinced them to come on the show. 1745 01:31:22,291 --> 01:31:24,915 A group of people I think we can all agree 1746 01:31:24,916 --> 01:31:28,124 owe you a big, huge apology! 1747 01:31:28,125 --> 01:31:29,707 - Hey. - Sorry, Grandma Claire. 1748 01:31:29,708 --> 01:31:31,500 Hey, hon. 1749 01:31:32,666 --> 01:31:34,832 Hi. Hey. 1750 01:31:34,833 --> 01:31:36,540 - How are you? We're so sorry. - I'm okay. 1751 01:31:36,541 --> 01:31:38,165 - They're the Clauster family! - Oh, hey. 1752 01:31:38,166 --> 01:31:40,165 - We're sorry. - We love you, Mom. 1753 01:31:40,166 --> 01:31:41,499 Yes! 1754 01:31:41,500 --> 01:31:43,582 - We're sorry. - Hi, Channing. 1755 01:31:43,583 --> 01:31:44,874 - Hey, Mom. - Oh, my goodness. 1756 01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:47,374 Reunited right here on the show. 1757 01:31:47,375 --> 01:31:48,499 Don't go away. 1758 01:31:48,500 --> 01:31:51,332 When we're back, we've got the bird and the bee. 1759 01:31:51,333 --> 01:31:53,124 And cut to commercial! Back in five! 1760 01:31:53,125 --> 01:31:54,249 We're moving it to our stage. 1761 01:31:54,250 --> 01:31:56,999 - Honey, you look so great. - Oh, thanks. Thank you. 1762 01:31:57,000 --> 01:31:59,374 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1763 01:31:59,375 --> 01:32:01,165 We're so sorry about this whole thing. 1764 01:32:01,166 --> 01:32:03,041 - Yeah, it was nice seeing you all. - Yeah. 1765 01:32:03,875 --> 01:32:06,332 Enjoy the sun, if you're into that sort of thing. 1766 01:32:06,333 --> 01:32:07,499 Where you going, hon? 1767 01:32:07,500 --> 01:32:09,790 This has been a nice little publicity stunt and all, 1768 01:32:09,791 --> 01:32:13,040 but... what's really changed? 1769 01:32:13,041 --> 01:32:16,624 I'm sorry you came all this way, but Mom's closed up shop. 1770 01:32:16,625 --> 01:32:19,000 For good. Peace out, y'all. 1771 01:32:20,500 --> 01:32:22,040 Is she allowed to do that? 1772 01:32:22,041 --> 01:32:24,958 I don't know. I think she's-- Hon? 1773 01:32:26,041 --> 01:32:27,290 Mom? 1774 01:32:27,291 --> 01:32:29,124 Mom? 1775 01:32:29,125 --> 01:32:30,457 What is going on? 1776 01:32:30,458 --> 01:32:33,832 I-I just, I just-- I wasn't expecting that, you know? 1777 01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:35,832 Well, I know. They reached out to us. 1778 01:32:35,833 --> 01:32:37,374 It was all very last-minute. 1779 01:32:37,375 --> 01:32:39,749 We were going for grand gesture. 1780 01:32:39,750 --> 01:32:40,832 Yeah, well, I don't know. 1781 01:32:40,833 --> 01:32:44,499 Maybe I'm just not quite done being mad yet. 1782 01:32:44,500 --> 01:32:45,957 I-I get that. 1783 01:32:45,958 --> 01:32:48,665 The last three days have... 1784 01:32:48,666 --> 01:32:50,290 - been a lot. - I know. 1785 01:32:50,291 --> 01:32:52,207 For us, too. 1786 01:32:52,208 --> 01:32:55,040 Y-You're right. We-we didn't support you. 1787 01:32:56,416 --> 01:32:59,415 You asked us to do this one thing for you, and we completely ignored it, 1788 01:32:59,416 --> 01:33:00,790 which is terrible. 1789 01:33:00,791 --> 01:33:02,707 I mean, it's-it's unforgivable. 1790 01:33:02,708 --> 01:33:05,833 And I'm... well, I'm so sorry, truly. 1791 01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:11,082 And I know that what I said about doing the holidays separately next year, 1792 01:33:11,083 --> 01:33:12,624 it hurt your feelings. 1793 01:33:12,625 --> 01:33:14,832 And I'm sorry about that, too. 1794 01:33:14,833 --> 01:33:19,833 But... well, sometimes I want to have my own special traditions. 1795 01:33:21,125 --> 01:33:22,915 With my family, you know? 1796 01:33:22,916 --> 01:33:25,749 Is that so wrong? 1797 01:33:25,750 --> 01:33:27,291 No, honey. 1798 01:33:28,541 --> 01:33:30,999 There's nothing wrong with that at all. 1799 01:33:31,000 --> 01:33:34,124 It's just that... sometimes... 1800 01:33:36,875 --> 01:33:41,625 ...I feel like you don't support me, either. 1801 01:33:45,541 --> 01:33:50,040 And I... I just had to say that. 1802 01:33:50,041 --> 01:33:53,749 'Cause it's like you're so in awe of Taylor. 1803 01:33:53,750 --> 01:33:56,207 I mean, I mean, we all are. 1804 01:33:56,208 --> 01:33:59,957 And-and... you still act like Sammy is a baby. 1805 01:33:59,958 --> 01:34:01,832 Uh, don't get me wrong. 1806 01:34:01,833 --> 01:34:07,207 I'm glad, but-but I have a family and a career I love, 1807 01:34:07,208 --> 01:34:10,874 and I'm actually doing pretty okay at it. 1808 01:34:10,875 --> 01:34:13,833 You just brush right over all of it. 1809 01:34:16,000 --> 01:34:19,041 Like it doesn't even matter. 1810 01:34:20,125 --> 01:34:25,457 I think maybe, subconsciously, if you, if you weren't gonna be impressed by me, 1811 01:34:25,458 --> 01:34:27,875 then I-I wasn't gonna be impressed by you. 1812 01:34:30,625 --> 01:34:34,790 The-the truth is your... your opinion means... 1813 01:34:34,791 --> 01:34:36,916 it means more to me than anything. 1814 01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:40,916 Anything. 1815 01:34:43,416 --> 01:34:45,500 My Little Bean. 1816 01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:51,957 I am so impressed with you there aren't even words. 1817 01:34:55,458 --> 01:34:59,874 I don't know, maybe I'm-I'm-I'm afraid of, um, 1818 01:34:59,875 --> 01:35:02,624 if I tell you that, that... 1819 01:35:02,625 --> 01:35:06,582 if I let the cat out of the bag, that... 1820 01:35:06,583 --> 01:35:10,916 then you'll know that you don't need me anymore... 1821 01:35:13,416 --> 01:35:14,624 ...and I'll lose you. 1822 01:35:14,625 --> 01:35:16,624 Yeah, maybe that's it. I think that's what it is. 1823 01:35:16,625 --> 01:35:19,375 Uh, that's my biggest fear. 1824 01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:25,207 And maybe I'm always gonna need you to need me 1825 01:35:25,208 --> 01:35:28,207 just... a tiny little bit. 1826 01:35:29,375 --> 01:35:31,000 Is that so wrong? 1827 01:35:34,583 --> 01:35:36,625 You'll never lose me, Mom. 1828 01:35:38,500 --> 01:35:39,875 I'm sorry. 1829 01:35:45,458 --> 01:35:47,207 Honey? You there? 1830 01:35:47,208 --> 01:35:48,582 Honey, you in there? 1831 01:36:05,291 --> 01:36:07,207 There we go. 1832 01:36:07,208 --> 01:36:11,999 ♪ Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river ♪ 1833 01:36:12,000 --> 01:36:15,915 ♪ Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea ♪ 1834 01:36:15,916 --> 01:36:17,124 ♪ You lay your bets... 1835 01:36:17,125 --> 01:36:18,707 Ah, honey, I was so scared. 1836 01:36:18,708 --> 01:36:21,290 Oh, don't be dramatic. 1837 01:36:21,291 --> 01:36:23,040 - No-- - You weren't going to starve to death. 1838 01:36:23,041 --> 01:36:24,832 You could always make yourself a sandwich. 1839 01:36:24,833 --> 01:36:28,290 No, no, no, that's not it. See... 1840 01:36:28,291 --> 01:36:32,207 40 years ago, I caught my luckiest break, 1841 01:36:32,208 --> 01:36:36,207 and I swore to myself if I got you, I would never take it for granted. 1842 01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:39,124 And... come to find out, 1843 01:36:39,125 --> 01:36:41,874 complacency snuck up on me. 1844 01:36:41,875 --> 01:36:44,374 - Right? - Mm. 1845 01:36:44,375 --> 01:36:47,707 So thank you for the wake-up call, and I want you to know 1846 01:36:47,708 --> 01:36:51,875 that wh-what you do for us, for all of us... 1847 01:36:53,333 --> 01:36:55,083 ...is never behind-the-scenes. 1848 01:36:57,208 --> 01:36:59,124 ♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪ 1849 01:36:59,125 --> 01:37:02,999 ♪ Then she says she wants to make up ♪ 1850 01:37:03,000 --> 01:37:07,457 ♪ Ooh, you made me love you ♪ 1851 01:37:07,458 --> 01:37:12,165 ♪ Ooh, you've gone away ♪ 1852 01:37:12,166 --> 01:37:16,290 ♪ Ooh, you had me crawling ♪ 1853 01:37:16,291 --> 01:37:19,374 ♪ up the wall ♪ 1854 01:37:42,500 --> 01:37:45,790 ♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪ 1855 01:37:45,791 --> 01:37:47,582 ♪ when there's nowhere to go ♪ 1856 01:37:47,583 --> 01:37:53,374 ♪ and you're feeling like a part of you is dying ♪ 1857 01:37:53,375 --> 01:37:57,874 ♪ And you're looking for the answer in her eyes ♪ 1858 01:37:57,875 --> 01:37:59,249 ♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪ 1859 01:37:59,250 --> 01:38:01,624 ♪ Then she says she wants to make up... 1860 01:38:01,625 --> 01:38:03,499 Sammy, hi. 1861 01:38:03,500 --> 01:38:05,790 Mae-bell. How'd you get in here? 1862 01:38:05,791 --> 01:38:08,332 Oh, my friend Brian has an internship with the art department. 1863 01:38:08,333 --> 01:38:10,499 - He snuck me in. - Okay. 1864 01:38:10,500 --> 01:38:11,665 Cool. 1865 01:38:11,666 --> 01:38:14,957 Anyway, I saw your mom on Zazzy, and ever since then, 1866 01:38:14,958 --> 01:38:18,249 I've been thinking about us nonstop. 1867 01:38:18,250 --> 01:38:20,332 That was, like, half an hour ago. 1868 01:38:20,333 --> 01:38:24,957 I know, and I immediately texted Brian and jumped in an Uber. 1869 01:38:24,958 --> 01:38:28,957 It's just, Sammy, I wish I knew how to quit you. 1870 01:38:28,958 --> 01:38:31,290 - Isn't that from Brokeback Mountain? - It doesn't matter. 1871 01:38:31,291 --> 01:38:34,707 What matters is I came here because 1872 01:38:34,708 --> 01:38:37,040 when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody-- 1873 01:38:37,041 --> 01:38:39,290 Sorry. My phone. 1874 01:38:39,291 --> 01:38:42,915 ♪ The things we do for love, the things we do for love ♪ 1875 01:38:42,916 --> 01:38:44,374 ♪ The things we do for love... 1876 01:38:44,375 --> 01:38:47,207 ...you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 1877 01:38:47,208 --> 01:38:49,207 Sorry, what? 1878 01:38:49,208 --> 01:38:52,957 I said, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody-- 1879 01:38:52,958 --> 01:38:55,957 Oh, yeah. That's, uh, uh, When Harry Met Sally... 1880 01:38:55,958 --> 01:38:57,790 Oh, congrats, Sammy, you watch a lot of movies. 1881 01:38:57,791 --> 01:38:59,582 I'm saying we should get back together. 1882 01:38:59,583 --> 01:39:01,832 You know what? I think it's okay. 1883 01:39:01,833 --> 01:39:03,374 We're probably better off this way. 1884 01:39:03,375 --> 01:39:05,374 You will be fine. I will, too. 1885 01:39:05,375 --> 01:39:07,457 Oh, my God, are you breaking up with me now? 1886 01:39:07,458 --> 01:39:10,540 No, you definitely broke up with me first. 1887 01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:12,832 Hug it out? 1888 01:39:12,833 --> 01:39:15,457 ♪ The things we do for love ♪ 1889 01:39:15,458 --> 01:39:17,541 Blessings. 1890 01:39:30,083 --> 01:39:33,999 So, Channing got to have her Christmas ski trip, 1891 01:39:34,000 --> 01:39:36,999 and we all came along as well... 1892 01:39:38,375 --> 01:39:41,790 ♪ Lawn inflatables in the yard, December's got my tinsel tangled... 1893 01:39:42,875 --> 01:39:46,915 ...as did Sammy and his new love, which means... 1894 01:39:46,916 --> 01:39:50,165 the Cardigan Queen is still never far away. 1895 01:39:50,166 --> 01:39:53,790 I'm so happy our families could do this ski trip together. 1896 01:39:53,791 --> 01:39:56,040 Yeah, me, too, Jeanne. Me, too. 1897 01:39:56,041 --> 01:39:57,166 - Blessings! - Blessings. 1898 01:39:59,375 --> 01:40:02,707 It is nice to try new things. 1899 01:40:04,541 --> 01:40:07,249 Mind, some old habits do persist. 1900 01:40:07,250 --> 01:40:10,874 Guys, guys, everybody, this is my new girlfriend Serena! 1901 01:40:10,875 --> 01:40:12,915 Welcome to the family! 1902 01:40:12,916 --> 01:40:15,707 ♪ Shake, shake, shake the snow globe... 1903 01:40:15,708 --> 01:40:17,790 But you know what? 1904 01:40:17,791 --> 01:40:20,540 The whole family used those three little words, 1905 01:40:20,541 --> 01:40:25,874 and I had so much help that they shooed me away for a little me time. 1906 01:40:25,875 --> 01:40:28,707 ♪ This Christmas... 1907 01:40:28,708 --> 01:40:30,707 Don't worry. 1908 01:40:30,708 --> 01:40:32,916 I'll head back inside in a minute. 1909 01:40:34,000 --> 01:40:36,624 But until then... 1910 01:40:36,625 --> 01:40:38,415 cheers, moms. 1911 01:40:38,416 --> 01:40:42,665 May your hearts always be full this time of year, 1912 01:40:42,666 --> 01:40:44,999 even if your stockings aren't. 1913 01:40:45,000 --> 01:40:47,582 Merry Christmas. 1914 01:40:47,583 --> 01:40:49,207 - ♪ Merry, merry ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1915 01:40:49,208 --> 01:40:50,832 - ♪ Very, very ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1916 01:40:50,833 --> 01:40:54,833 ♪ Very merry Christmas ♪ 1917 01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:57,915 - ♪ Merry, merry ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1918 01:40:57,916 --> 01:40:59,415 - ♪ Very, very ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1919 01:40:59,416 --> 01:41:03,458 ♪ Very merry Christmas ♪ 1920 01:41:04,916 --> 01:41:06,415 - ♪ Merry, merry ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1921 01:41:06,416 --> 01:41:08,165 - ♪ Very, very ♪ - ♪ Ho! ♪ 1922 01:41:08,166 --> 01:41:11,958 {\an8}♪ Very merry Christmas ♪ 1923 01:41:16,250 --> 01:41:22,290 {\an8}♪ I heard the bells on Christmas Day ♪ 1924 01:41:22,291 --> 01:41:28,915 {\an8}♪ Their old familiar carols play ♪ 1925 01:41:28,916 --> 01:41:35,040 {\an8}♪ and wild and sweet the words repeat ♪ 1926 01:41:35,041 --> 01:41:37,999 {\an8}♪ of peace on Earth ♪ 1927 01:41:38,000 --> 01:41:42,957 {\an8}♪ goodwill to men ♪ 1928 01:41:42,958 --> 01:41:45,707 {\an8}♪ I thought how ♪ 1929 01:41:45,708 --> 01:41:50,374 {\an8}- ♪ as the day had come ♪ - ♪ The day had come ♪ 1930 01:41:50,375 --> 01:41:55,957 {\an8}♪ the belfries of all Christendom ♪ 1931 01:41:55,958 --> 01:41:58,457 {\an8}♪ had rolled along ♪ 1932 01:41:58,458 --> 01:42:01,874 {\an8}♪ the unbroken song ♪ 1933 01:42:01,875 --> 01:42:05,082 {\an8}♪ of peace on Earth ♪ 1934 01:42:05,083 --> 01:42:08,665 {\an8}♪ goodwill ♪ 1935 01:42:08,666 --> 01:42:12,957 {\an8}♪ to men ♪ 1936 01:42:12,958 --> 01:42:15,124 {\an8} Oh! 1937 01:42:24,958 --> 01:42:28,457 {\an8}♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 1938 01:42:28,458 --> 01:42:32,291 {\an8}♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 1939 01:42:33,750 --> 01:42:37,790 {\an8}♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪ 1940 01:42:37,791 --> 01:42:42,458 {\an8}♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 1941 01:42:43,875 --> 01:42:46,832 {\an8}♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 1942 01:42:46,833 --> 01:42:50,499 {\an8}♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 1943 01:42:50,500 --> 01:42:53,790 {\an8}♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪ 1944 01:42:53,791 --> 01:43:00,415 {\an8}♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 1945 01:43:00,416 --> 01:43:03,874 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1946 01:43:03,875 --> 01:43:07,457 {\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1947 01:43:07,458 --> 01:43:10,915 {\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1948 01:43:10,916 --> 01:43:16,999 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1949 01:43:17,000 --> 01:43:21,165 {\an8}♪ Take care in all you do next year ♪ 1950 01:43:21,166 --> 01:43:26,624 {\an8}♪ and keep smiling through the days ♪ 1951 01:43:26,625 --> 01:43:30,624 {\an8}♪ If we can help to entertain you ♪ 1952 01:43:30,625 --> 01:43:35,083 {\an8}♪ oh, we will find the ways ♪ 1953 01:43:36,458 --> 01:43:39,457 {\an8}♪ So merry Christmas, one and all ♪ 1954 01:43:39,458 --> 01:43:42,832 {\an8}♪ There's no place I'd rather be ♪ 1955 01:43:42,833 --> 01:43:46,332 {\an8}♪ than asking you if you'd oblige ♪ 1956 01:43:46,333 --> 01:43:53,374 {\an8}♪ stepping into Christmas with me ♪ 1957 01:43:53,375 --> 01:43:56,540 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1958 01:43:56,541 --> 01:44:00,124 {\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1959 01:44:00,125 --> 01:44:03,582 {\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1960 01:44:03,583 --> 01:44:09,207 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1961 01:44:17,291 --> 01:44:20,790 {\an8}♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 1962 01:44:20,791 --> 01:44:25,999 {\an8}♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 1963 01:44:26,000 --> 01:44:30,124 {\an8}♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪ 1964 01:44:30,125 --> 01:44:35,166 {\an8}♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 1965 01:44:36,208 --> 01:44:39,082 {\an8}♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 1966 01:44:39,083 --> 01:44:42,874 {\an8}♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 1967 01:44:42,875 --> 01:44:46,165 {\an8}♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪ 1968 01:44:46,166 --> 01:44:52,832 {\an8}♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 1969 01:44:52,833 --> 01:44:56,124 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1970 01:44:56,125 --> 01:44:59,749 {\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1971 01:44:59,750 --> 01:45:03,207 {\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1972 01:45:03,208 --> 01:45:08,290 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1973 01:45:08,291 --> 01:45:09,832 {\an8}♪ Oh ♪ 1974 01:45:09,833 --> 01:45:11,374 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas ♪ 1975 01:45:11,375 --> 01:45:13,165 {\an8}- ♪ Let's join together ♪ - ♪ Let's join together ♪ 1976 01:45:13,166 --> 01:45:16,749 {\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1977 01:45:16,750 --> 01:45:18,499 {\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪ 1978 01:45:18,500 --> 01:45:20,415 {\an8}- ♪ Come along with me ♪ - ♪ Oh, come along ♪ 1979 01:45:20,416 --> 01:45:25,458 {\an8}♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1980 01:45:35,416 --> 01:45:37,416 {\an8} 139502