Original subtitles

?Are you ready kids-

:(KIDS (VOICEOVER .Aye, aye, Captain

.I can hear you-

:(KIDS (VOICEOVER !Aye, aye, Captain

!Oh-

THEME SONG: Who lives in ?a pineapple under the sea

!SpongeBob SquarePants

Absorbent and yellow .and porous is he

!SpongeBob SquarePants

If nautical nonsense ,be something you wish

,SpongeBob SquarePants then drop on the deck

.and flop like a fish

!SpongeBob SquarePants

?Ready

,SpongeBob SquarePants ,SpongeBob SquarePants

,SpongeBob SquarePants !SpongeBob SquarePants

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: Ah, the Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom's

premiere daytime eatery, where it

will be closing .time right about

.Now, 8 o'clock-

.So long, suckers

I got a hot date with a little .lady, and her name is clarinet

?What

?Are you open-

.Read the sign-

I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe- .and a double chilli kelp fries

.No you won't-

.I can't hang out here all night

.I've got a life

Well, fine, if you- .don't want my money

?Money-

You mean, if we ,stayed open later

?you'd give us your money

.Sure-

Mr. Squidward, welcome- .to the night shift

From now on, the Krusty .Krab is open 24 hours a day

?What-

!Yay-

.Wow-

Now we never have .to stop working

.Mr. Krabs-

.See you in the morning boys-

.I can't hang out here all night

.I got a life

.Mr. Krabs-

,Isn't this great, Squidward- ,just you and me, together

.for hours and hours and hours

.And then the sun will come up

.And it'll be tomorrow

.And we'll still be working

Ahh, it'll be just ,like a sleepover

only we'll be sweaty .and covered with grease

Are you ready to ?rock, Squidward

.No-

Good, because- .we've got customers

.Here-

Please hit me as .hard as you can

Psst, Squidward, I'm working in- .the kitchen [LAUGHS] at night

.Don't hold back-

?Hey, Squidward, guess what-

.I'm chopping lettuce at night

Look at me, I'm swabbing .the bathroom at night

.Ow, I burned my hand at night

,Night, night, night, night ,night, night, night, night

,night, night ,night, night, night

.nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh night

!Night

?Will you please-

Here, give me a moment's .peace and take out the trash

All right, taking- .out the trash

.Taking out the trash at night

?You mean outside

That's where the- .dumpster is, yes

.I don't know, Squidward-

.It's kind of dark out there

But I thought you- .liked the night shift

.You're right-

!For the Krusty Krab

[SCREAMING]

.Piece of cake

?So you're not afraid-

.Pfft, nah-

Well, I am, especially- .after-- [GULP] well, you know

?What-

?What do I know

?You don't remember-

.It was all over the news

.Tell me-

.Tell me

No, no, no, I, I- .probably shouldn't

It would ruin the .night shift for you

?What happened-

?What happened

?What happened

You mean you've- never heard the story

?of the Hash Slinging Slasher

?The Slash Bringing Hasher-

?The Hash Slinging Slasher

The Sash Ringing, the Trash- ,Singing, Mash Flinging

,the Flash Springing, Ringing .the, the Crash Dinging-- duh

.Yes, the Hash Slinging Slasher-

But most people just !call him the Haa-- uah

Because that's all they have time

!to say before he gets them

!Ahhh-

.Tell me the story

Years ago, at this- ,very restaurant

the Hash Slinging Slasher used to be a fry

cook, just like .you, only clumsier

And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties it

.happened

?He forgot the secret sauce-

.No-

?He didn't wash his hands-

.No-

.Irregular portions-

!No-

He cut off his own- .hand by mistake

?You mean like this-

?Or like this

?Or this

?Or this

?But what about this

?Or this

?Or this

?Or this

.Except he wasn't a sponge-

?So-

!So it didn't grow back-

!Ahh-

And he replaced his hand- .with a rusty spatula

.And then he got hit by a bus

,And at his funeral .they fired him

?So now every-- what day is it

.Tuesday-

Tuesday night his ghost- returns to the Krusty Krab

.to wreak his horrible vengeance

!Oh-

.But tonight's Tuesday night

.Then he'll be coming-

?How will we know-

There are three- signs that signal

the approach of Hash .Slinging Slasher

First, the lights will .flicker on and off

.Next

?Dude, can I have some ketchup-

.Oh, here you go-

Next, the phone will ring, and .there will be nobody there

And finally, the Hash Slinging Slasher

arrives in the ghost of .the bus that ran him over

Then he exits the bus and crosses the street

,without looking both ways !because he's already dead

Then he taps on the window .with his grizzly spatula hand

.No-

.He opens the door-

[CREAKS]

He slowly approaches !the (ECHOING) counter

?And you know what he does next

?What-

?You really want to know-

?What-

?Are you sure you want to know-

?What-

?What

?What does he do

.He gets you-

[SCREAMS]-

[LAUGHS]-

[LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING]

.Oh, right-

.Heh hoo

[SCREAMS]-

.SpongeBob-

[SCREAMS]-

.SpongeBob, I was-

[SCREAMS]-

.I was just-

[SCREAMS]-

.I was just-

[SCREAMS]-

!SpongeBob, I was joking-

?What-

.It's not true-

None of it's true

?It's not-

.Of course not-

.Nobody has a spatula for a hand

.It was all a joke

.Oh-

[LAUGHS]

[HOOTING]

[GHOSTLY MOANS]

[CREAKING]

[PLOINKS]

[SCRATCHING]

[PLOINKS]

[SCRATCHING]

[PLOINKS]

[SCRATCHING]

[PLOINKS]

[SCRATCHING]

[PLOINKS]

[SCRATCHING]

?Isn't this great, Squidward-

!Ahh-

There's never time to wash- .the ceiling during the day

!Gahh-

,Open 24 hours a day .what a stupid idea

Who wants a Krabby Patty .at 3:00 in the morning

[ALARM]

.Oh, boy, 3:00 AM-

.Just look at this place-

.It's like a ghost town in here

.Very funny, SpongeBob

?What-

And the lights will flicker on- .and off, just like the story

.I get it

,Hey, Squidward- how are you doing

?that without moving the switch

.I'm not doing it-

,It must be the stupid .faulty wiring in here

This place isn't built .to run 24 hours a day

[PHONE RINGING]

?What

?What

?Hello

?Hello

?Hello

.Nice try, Squidward-

?Nice try what-

The phone well ring, and- .there will be no one there

.Oh, you crack me up

.SpongeBob I'm not doing this-

.Oh, oh, calm down, calm down

?All right, what was it

There was the lights .and the phone

[PHONE RINGING]

And the walls will !ooze green slime

.Oh, wait, they always do that

?But what was that third thing

I didn't know the- .buses ran this late

.They don't-

Well, they're- .dropping someone off

[SCREAMS]-

The Sash Ringing, the, the Flash !Singing, the Bash P-pinging

!The Hash Slinging Slasher-

[CRYING]

.At last you understand-

.We're doomed

.No, that's not it-

I am just so touched that you would go to trouble to dress up

as a ghostly fry cook and stand on the other side of the street

.just to entertain me

.You must really like me

SpongeBob, there are two- .problems with your theory

.One, I hate you

And two, how can that be me ?when I'm standing right here

[SCREAMS]-

TOGETHER) The Hash)- !Slinger Slasher

.Get away from me-

!Oh, going to get me

!Get away

!Get away

SpongeBob, no matter- ,what I've said

.I've always sort of liked you

Squidward, I used your- .clarinet to unclog my toilet

?Huh-

!Get away-

!Get away

.Get out of here

!You're not welcome here

?Can I have a job application-

.I brought my own spatula

I called earlier, but I hung .up, because I was nervous

?Do you have references-

.Wait-

If that was you on the phone and you on the bus, then

.who was flickering the lights

!TOGETHER) Nosferatu)-

[MUSIC PLAYING]

,La da dee, stitch one- .pearl two, da da dee do

.Da day dee da dee do

[What? [SNIFFS ?What's that smell

!The register

!SNIFFS] $49.08]

!That's a penny short

[SOBBING]

.Oh, no, not a penny-

.Help, somebody help us

.It's just a penny, sir-

.It doesn't matter

!Doesn't matter-

It's money that makes .the world go round, boy

It's money that keeps .your pants square

It's money that keeps .Squidward in frilly soap

.SNIFFS] Lilac]-

It's money that paid for- .all them renovations we did

No, nothing in all the seven seas

could matter more, not even .that scrumptious, curvy cutie

.I see her, Mr. Krabs-

A Krabby Patty with .cheese, the classic

,Not the sandwich- boy, the curvy cutie

.holding the sandwich

Hey, that's my driving- .teacher, Mrs. Puff

?Mrs. Puff-

.Oh, she's married

.Oh, no, Mr. Krabs-

.She's single

.Then what happened to Mr. Puff-

She doesn't like .to talk about it

Oh, what I wouldn't give to- have a lass like that on me

.claw

.Hey, I know-

Why don't I take you ?over and introduce you

.No, no, no-

,I'm, I'm, I'm too old, boy .too hard-shelled for love

Besides, I ain't .properly dressed

.Ah, come on, Mr- .Krabs, you look great

,FLIES BUZZING] You wait here] .while I go break the ice

.SpongeBob, no, wait-

.I'm too nervous

.Ooh

.Hi, Mrs. Puff-

!Ahh-

.Hit the breaks, SpongeBob

.Ah, watch the tree

!Left

,Wait, Mrs. Puff- .we're not driving

.Oho, I'm sorry, SpongeBob-

.I didn't expect to see you here

.I work here, Mrs. Puff

?Want to meet my boss

.Well, I'm not-

.Don't move-

.Ohh-

Mrs. Puff, I'd like to- .introduce you to mister

Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce .you to my boss, Mr. Krabs

.Uh, hello-

[RAPID PANTING]-

.Psst, Mr. Krabs, say hello-

.Gyah ooh ooh-

,No, no, Mr. Krabs- .just say, hello

!Ell ahh oh-

Hm, perhaps another- .time would be

!No-

Wait, he's trying to- .tell you something

.Mr. Krabs-

.Yaghy blagh boogu blah-

.I don't understand-

.Wubby wub-

.Uh, don't bleeb eh oh blag

Oh, I think Mr. Krabs- is saying that he'd

.like to hit you with a rake

!Goodness-

!No-ooh-

.Ming, blagh ooh yab dod it

.Try to guess your weight-

!Well-

.Hah voor rah voor-

No, wait, he- --wants to take you

.Gah bu bada ba-

.on a date-- -

.Ooha-

?Is that true, Mr. Krabs-

Do you want to ?take me on a date

.Aye-

?What do you say

?What do I say-

LAUGHS] I say, you have a] .way with words, Mr. Krabs

.I still got it-

.Heh heh

SPONGEBOB: Ready for ?your date, Mr. Krabs

KRABS: I'm always ready when .it comes to dating, lad

?SPONGEBOB: Breath spray

.Check-

?Lucky hanky-

.Check-

.Giant rusty anchor-

?Huh-

?Anchor

?Anchor

I can't find me !giant rusty anchor

.LAUGHS] Relax, Mr]-- .Krabs, just a little joke

.Good luck with you know who

?Who's that-

.Mrs. Puff-

.Oh, yeah-

.Well, wish we luck, lad

Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner- .has been so wonderful

The coral was cooked .to perfection

Oho, I don't think I .could eat another bite

Oh, I doubt that, my- .little shrimp boat

[LAUGHS]-

.You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs

I mean, foot rubs ,between courses

.caricatures, imported music

Nothing's too good for- .you, my prickly peach

Oh, what I'm trying to- .tell you Mr. Krabs is

Uh, sir, your fancy-pantsy- .limousine is here

.Wonderful-

Puffily-poo, your .chariot awaits

.Well-

[WHISTLES]-

!Ahh-

You'll never have to walk- .again, my little lobster bib

.Ehhh, argh

.Your bill, sir-

?What-

!100$

Well, this can't !possibly be correct

.Oh, my mistake, sir-

.Thank you for pointing that out

.This is your bill

[SCREAMS]

[SOBBING]

.I don't understand, Mr. Krabs-

How can you spend .100,000 in one night$

Oh, SpongeBob, I couldn't- help but spend every cent

.I had on her

.I couldn't control myself

?What are you going to do-

.I don't know boy-

.I've got another date tomorrow

I'm caught in the middle of .me two great loves, sweet Mrs

!Puff and the rest of me money

[CRYING]

I wish there was- .some way I could help

.Perhaps there is, boy-

I'm putting you in .charge of me money

.I don't get it, Mr. Krabs-

You come with me on- the date and don't

.let me spend any money

Now remember, we keep it .cheap by going to the park

And no matter how ,much I ask you

you don't give me .any of me money

.Now give me a dollar

.Nope-

.Good boy, you'll do fine-

?MRS. PUFF: Who is it

It's me, my- .beautiful bell buoy

[MRS. PUFF: [LAUGHS .Just a minute

!Flowers-

.Flowers, boy

.Go get flowers

.But you said-

SpongeBob, you can't- call on a classy lady

.like Mrs. Puff empty-handed

We ain't talking .about this or this

.We're talking about this

.MRS. PUFF: Almost ready

.Hurry, boy, get the flowers-

Mrs. Puff, you're as .beautiful as ever

Aheh, that's funny, I thought- .I heard SpongeBob's voice

.Uh, you did-

.He'll be right back

He's our personal .assistant for the day

.Oh-

E-excuse me, I have to .call my insurance agent

.Of course, my beautiful Puff-

.Ahh haahh

Mr. Krabs, I got the- .flowers you wanted me to buy

?What's that-

I got the flowers- .for Mrs. Puff

.We had an agreement, boy-

You ain't supposed to .spend any of me money

.But you said-

.MRS. PUFF: Here I come

.For you, Mrs. Puff-

.Oh, flowers-

.Oh, how thoughtful

.And here's a box of chocolates-

SpongeBob, where's .the chocolates

Mr. Krabs, the budget- .doesn't allow for

SpongeBob, you can't- go to Mrs. Puff's house

.without chocolates

!Hurry

!Hurry

I bought the- .biggest box they had

,Buy, buy, buy- ,spend, spend, spend

?is that all you can think about

.MRS. PUFF: Oh, Eugene

Here's those chocolates- .I bought for you

?What do we do today, Mrs. Puff

Dinner, dancing, a ?trip to the moon

Psst, Mr. Krabs, we're just- ,going for a walk in the park

?remember

Actually, a walk in- .the park sounds perfect

.It's a beautiful day

I'll just need to .get a sun hat and

Mrs. Puff needs a- .sun hat, SpongeBob

.Well, I think she-

The sun is beating down- .on poor Mrs. Puff's head

As your financial- .advisor, I suggest

There's no time- .for suggestions

!Go buy a hat

.But-

.Today-

.Don't worry, Mrs .Puff, I'll shade you

!SpongeBob, hurry

.One shady hat-

.Good job, lad-

.Oh, well, uh, thank you-

.But you didn't need to buy one

.I have a hat in the closet

?Didn't need to buy one-

?You hear that, boy

.We didn't need to buy a hat

Aren't you supposed ?to be saving me money

.I'm trying, Mr- Krabs, but you keep

telling me to buy .things for Mrs. Puff

.It's all really confusing

.SpongeBob, I'm sorry-

.This is my fault

.I'm not thinking clearly

,I'm making a sailor's promise ,boy, from this moment on

I won't ask you to buy .anything for Mrs. Puff

.NARRATOR: A few moments later

SpongeBob, Mrs. Puff- !needs a new fur coat

[PANTING]-

!You're spending all me money-

.Puffy needs a new pair of shoes

[PANTING]-

!You're breaking me, boy-

.She needs fine jewellery

[PANTING]-

!KRABS: Not that fine

.SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

.SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

.SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!Bob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

[PANTING]-

SpongeBob, I'm- .glad I caught you

.I want you to buy Mrs. Puff

!Wait-

.Don't tell me

You want me to run down the store

and buy Mrs. Puff ,something she doesn't need

then you want me to run back ,here so you can say, argh

SpongeBob, you're .spending all me money

,And then I'll say ,but Mr. Krabs

!I'm only doing what you said

Then you'll say, we're not .talking about this or this

!We're talking about this

[PANTING]

.But lad, this time's different-

.Mrs. Puff needs this

?Are we going to the park soon-

.Please, lad, I'm begging you-

I'm a lonely, old .crustacean who's found love

.Don't let me lose her

[SOBBING]

,Mr. Krabs, don't- .don't cry, Mr. Krabs

.Come on

.OK, I'm going to get it, see

Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, here's .that washing machine you wanted

?Cheer up-

How can I cheer up when you're spending

!all me hard-earned cash

.See, you just did it again-

Lad, I can't help it if you're- loose with other people's

.money

Do you think Mrs. Puff will need ?a dryer to go along with that

Well, Mr. Krabs, do you- ?want to know what I think

[SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS] .Mr. Krabs

[SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS] .wallet

[SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS] .spend

[SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS]

.Oh-

:SPONGEBOB [SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS]

!Mr. Krabs' wallet [SHOUTING FAKE CURSE WORDS]

I didn't know SpongeBob had- .such a colourful vocabulary

Actually, there's something I'd .like to say, too, Mr. Krabs

I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable

.accepting all these gifts

I'd rather go Dutch .if you don't mind

.OK-

You're a very sweet- .man, Mr. Krabs

.Ooh-ahh-

[END THEME MUSIC]