Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Hi, mailman!

Okay, see you tomorrow.

Hey, the mail's here.

What did you get?

Let's see...

Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary...

Hey, a magazine!

That's funny, I don't remember

subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.

Whoa!

Look at these glossy depictions

of a higher standard of living.

This guy's so rich

he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool.

This guy's got shoes!

Give me that!

Stealing my mail, eh?

You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!

Hey, Squidward,

how do those people get all that money?

They're entrepreneurs... They sell things to people.

What kind of things?

How should I know?

Things people want to buy!

Now, keep your paws off my mail.

That's it, Patrick!

We got to become entrepreneurs!

Is that gonna hurt?

Quick, if you could have anything

in the world right now, what would it be?

Uh... more time for thinking!

No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.

A chocolate bar?

That's a great idea, Pat!

We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen.

Fancy living...

here we come!

Make way for a couple of "entrepe-nooers"!

Okay, Patrick, this is it,

the first step on our road to living fancy.

Just follow my lead.

Good afternoon, sir.

Could we interest you in some chocolate?

Chocolate?

Did you say "chocolate"?

Yes, sir!

With or without nuts?

Chocolate?

Chocolate?!

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

Okay, that first guy didn't count.

This is our real first step.

Good morning, sir.

Would you like to buy some chocolate?

Chocolate bars, eh?

Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen.

A couple a mediocre salesmen, if you ask me.

That's no way to carry your merchandise.

No, no, no, wrong.

You guys want to be goodsalesmen, right?

Oh, most certainly sir!

Well, no self-respecting candy bar salesman

would be caught dead without one of these!

Wow... what is it?

It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead!

It's specially designed

to cradle each candy bar

in velvet-lined comfort.

But...

I'm wasting my time.

You don't need these bags.

We need them! We need them!

So long, boys!

Happy hunting!

Suckers!

♪ Fancy living, here we come

♪ La-la, la-la, la... ♪

Let's try next door.

Yes?

Huh?

Say, weren't you the same guy

who sold us these candy bar bags?

I... don't recall.

But it looks to me

like you fellas have got a lot of bags there.

You two lady-killers are too smart to be

without one of my patented candy bar bag carrying bags.

We'll take 20!

Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?

We're selling chocolate bars.

Like to buy one?

That sounds heavenly.

I'll take one.

One chocolate bar coming up!

Huh?

Eh...

Huh?

Huh?

Uh, uh, uh...

I know they're in here somewhere!

I don't have time for this.

I got it!

One chocolate bar for the nice...

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

Chocolate!

We're not doing so well, Patrick.

We need a new approach...

a new tactic!

Huh...

I got it... let's get naked!

No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate.

There must be something!

What was the reason we bought those bags?

He said we were mediocre.

That's it... He made us feel special.

Yeah, he did.

I'm going back to buy more bags!

No, wait, Patrick!

Why don't we try being nice?

Oh... okay.

Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer.

Make him feel good.

Hello?

I love you.

You laid it on a teensy thick there, old pal.

Let me try.

Please. Go away!

Um...

Uh, uh, how ya doin'?

How am I doing?

Wanna buy some chocolate?

We got him now!

Sorry, chocolate has sugar,

and sugar turns to bubbling fat.

Isn't that right, lover boy?

It tickles!

As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.

You can keep that for five bucks.

I'll take ten!

We haven't sold one chocolate bar.

I have a feeling we're too easily distracted.

Huh?

Let's make a pact right now

that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.

What?

Let's shake on it.

Did you say something?

Remember, Patrick, focus.

Yes?

Good afternoon, sir.

We're selling chocolate bars.

Why is Chubby here staring at me?

Focusing.

Back up, Jack!

Nice place you got here.

I can't understand what we're doing wrong.

I can't understand anything.

There must be something to this selling game

that we're just not getting.

Other people do it, I mean, look at that!

"Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious."

They are most certainly not delicious!

Not the way I use them.

Yet they sell millions of bags a day.

Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth,

they wouldn't sell as many.

That's it, Patrick!

We've got to stretch the truth!

Chocolate!

We'll work as a team.

Let me get this customer warmed up

and then you come in for the kill.

The kill.

Yes?

Hello, young lady.

We're selling chocolate.

Is your mother home?

Mom!

What? What?

What's all that yelling?

You just can't wait

for me to die, can you?

They're selling chocolate.

- Chocolate? - Yeah!

What? What are they selling?

Chocolates!

What? Chocolates!

I can't hear you!

They're selling chocolates!

They're selling chocolate?

Yeah!

Chocolate?

I remember when they first invented chocolate.

Sweet, sweet chocolate.

I always hated it!

Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating.

It's for...

You rub it on your skin

and it makes you live forever!

No, no, no...

Live forever, you say?

I'll take one.

Come on, you lazy Mary.

Start rubbing me with that chocolate!

I hate you.

If we keep exaggerating the truth,

we'll be fancy-living in no time!

Hooray for lying!

It'll make your hair grow.

Great!

My wife's trying to grow a beard.

It'll make you sound smart.

I'll take 20!

It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.

Just in time.

They make you fly.

You'll fall in love.

They'll bring world peace!

You'll walk through walls!

You'll rule the world!

This'll be the best lie yet!

Yeah!

This guy will feel so sorry for us,

he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!

What can I do for you boys?

Hello, would you like to buy a chocolate bar?

We need an operation.

Really?

Small world.

What's the matter with you guys?

Uh...

We've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding.

Some guys have all the luck.

I was born with glass bones and paper skin.

Every morning I break my legs

and every afternoon I break my arms.

At night I lie awake in agony

until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

Oh, no!

Ow.

Quick, Patrick, let's help him.

Careful.

Put him down gently.

Ow...

Poor, poor man.

If there's anything... anything...

We can do to help you...

There is one thing.

As you can well imagine,

my medical bills are extremely high,

but luckily I'm able to keep myself alive

by selling... chocolate bars.

Such nice boys.

It does my heart good...

to con a couple of class-A sucker-roonies like those two!

Don't get me wrong, Patrick,

it's great that we helped him out,

but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.

Whoa!

Let's face it, Patrick, we're failures.

I can live with that.

Let's change our names to "Why" and "Bother."

Chocolate!

No, no, don't hurt us! Please...

Finally!

I've been trying to catch you boys all day!

Now that I've got you right where I want you...

I'd like to buy all your chocolate.

Thank you for your patronage.

Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?

Not yet, pally.

First we got to spend all the money.

But what are we going to spend it on?

Hmm...

Good evening, sir.

Table for one, please.

Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented

to a private party.

But it's my only night to be fancy!

Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?

Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their dates.

So, how long have you two ladies known each other?

What?

What did he say?

In a familiar restaurant in a familiar part of town,

a call goes out in frustration.

Will you hurry up?!

A call that would normally be answered

by Bikini Bottom's semiretired champions...

If they weren't the ones causing the problem.

Now, let's see.

I want a... no...

I want a... uh...

Uh, no... uh... hmm.

Sir, will you please order already?

You're holding up the line.

Uh...

Psst... hey, Mermaidman, get a Krabby Patty.

I've made my decision!

One Krabby Patty for me

and a Pip-squeak Patty for the boy.

Now, wait just a darn minute.

I don't want a Pip-squeak Patty!

I want an adult-sized Krabby Patty!

The Krabby Patty is too big for you.

You'll never finish it.

Don't you see what you're doing?

You're treating me like a child!

The boy's eyes are bigger than his stomach!

And that's another thing!

I'm not a boy!

I'm so old I've got hairs

growing out of the wrinkles on my liver spots!

One Pip-squeak Patty...

And your bib and high chair.

I'm 68 years old and I want a Krabby Patty!

Your Pip-squeak is getting cold.

Shall I feed you?

Feed this, old man!

Ooh!

I'm tired of playing second banana

to a man who wears a bra!

From now on, I want to be called Barnacleman!

And I'm through with protecting citizens

that don't respect me!

I respect you, Barnacleman!

That's Barnacleboy, I...!

I mean man!

Oh...

Forget you people.

I say if you're not going to give me

any respect as a hero,

then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain.

A villain who is... evil.

Evil?

Evil?

Evil!

I'm crossing over to the dark side.

I should waste money lighting the whole store?

Did someone say "evil"?

Holy oil spill!

It's Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's arch enemies,

Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble!

Nighty-night, you old goat!

Nighty-night.

Will you tuck me in?

We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives

for this special news break.

Man Ray...

the Dirty Bubble...

And now, playing for the dark side, Barnacleboy...

Barnacleman!

Have been committing a series of crimes throughout Bikini Bottom.

Shh!

I'll get you crazy kids!

These three have named their new alliance...

otherwise known as EVIL!

What can we do?

When will this crime wave end?

How will we defeat the EVIL?

Why am I asking you all these questions?

Mermaidman, where are you?

I'm right here!

Don't worry, good citizens,

nothing will stop me from defeating the EVIL!

Nothing!

Ice cream?

I love ice cream!

A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles.

Mmm!

Goes right through me every time.

You might as well give up, Mermaidman.

There's three of us and only one of you.

You don't stand a chance.

Are you okay, Mermaidman?

Oh, how are you going to beat

all three of those guys by yourself?

You're right.

I give up.

You can't give up.

What if we help you?

No, no, that's a terrible idea.

But what if you help me?

Okay.

So, who wants to save the world?

I do!

I do!

I do!

I don't.

Oh, yes, you do.

No world means no money.

Now, go save the world or you're fired!

Then it's settled!

To the Mermalair!

Wow!

The Mermalair.

These costumes belonged to the original

International Justice League of Super Acquaintances!

Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were the most heroic heroes ever!

And you had the best lunch box, too.

Once you put on these costumes,

their fantastic powers will become yours!

Wow... I didn't think super-powers worked that way.

Sure.

Power's all in the costume.

Why else would we run around in colored undies?

I can think of three good reasons.

The Quickster...

With the uncanny ability to run really... quick!

Want to see me run to that mountain and back?

You want to see me do it again?

Captain Magma...

Get him angry and he's bound to erupt!

Krakatoa!

The Elastic Waistband...

Able to stretch his body into fantastic shapes and forms!

I can finally touch my toes!

And Miss Appear... Now you see her, now you don't!

Does this outfit make me look fat?

The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances!

A subsidiary of Viacom.

So, it's agreed...

We'll get one cheese pizza,

one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives.

Super Acquaintances, we need your help.

Holy halibut... it's the Chief!

Thank you for the introduction, Quickster,

but we all know who Iam.

More to the point, we've got news on the whereabouts of EVIL.

The whoseabouts of what?

You just tell us where they are, Chief,

and we'll hog-tie them faster than you can say "salsa verde."

Our sources last saw EVIL

harassing teenagers up at Make-Out Reef.

You know, Make-Out Reef.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Floppin' flounder, Mermaidman... Make-Out Reef!

Those fiends!

Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!

Ahh... Make-Out Reef.

Good times, good times.

To Make-Out Reef!

Away!

Does this mean we're not getting pizza?

Stop it! Leave us alone!

Please, stop! Please!

John and Nancy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Oh, shine the flashlight in that car, Man Ray!

With pleasure.

Hey, man, that's not cool.

Leave those young lovers alone!

Well, if it isn't Milkmaid Man.

You've saved us the trouble

of tracking you down.

You fiends can't win!

You're outnumbered!

You senile bag of fish paste!

There are three of us and only one of you!

Make that two!

The Quickster!

Three!

Captain Magma!

Four!

The Elastic Waistband!

Five!

M-M-Miss Appear?!

And me makes ten, I think.

Uh-oh.

I don't feel so good about this.

Oh, there goes our toy deal.

Super Acquaintances, attack!

Oh, no!

Please, mercy!

Krakatoa!

Get it off, get it off!

Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

I'll save you, Quickster!

What...?

Whoa!

Whoa...!

I'll cool you off, Quickster, with one of my water balls!

Uh... ah...

Uh... ah... uh... ah...

Ah-ha!

Huh?

No-no, no-no!

I'm not the Quickster,

I'm Captain Mag... ma.

Well, I guess it's up to me.

I'll just sneak over, unseen, and catch them by surprise.

Get it off!

Get it off! Get it off!

Whew, glad that's over.

We... we did it, we won.

This day belongs to EVIL!

You've lost, Mermaidman.

And the superhero- super-villain rules say

you have to give in to my demands.

Okay, what do you want?

World domination!

Tell him we want world domination!

Oh, and make him eat dirt!

In addition to the domination thing.

Number one: I want to be treated like a superhero,

not a sidekick.

Number two: I want to be called Barnacleman.

And number three...

Come on, domination.

I want an adult-sized Krabby Patty.

Did you hear him say

anything about eating dirt?

Need a hand?

Super pal?

Good to have you back on the side of justice, Kyle.

Let's go get you that Krabby Patty.

Was that it?

I feel sick.

Oh, this reminds me of the time

I went to Cancún with the Killer Shrimp.

Oh, they had these papaya drinks...

Oh, Neptune, shut up!

Mmm.

How's that adult-sized Krabby Patty

treating you,

Barnacle... man?

Actually, it's pretty big.

I'm not sure I can finish the whole thing.

And NICKELODEON

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org