Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Ah, observe the majesty of the mighty iceberg.

This frozen giant,

normally found floating in polar regions,

can sometimes stray into warmer waters,

causing dramatic changes in climate

for tropical undersea life.

Yes, it seems Old Man Winter paid us a visit late last night,

and he brought with him not a pillow or a sheet

but a blanket... a blanket of snow!

Yes, from Jellyfish Fields...

to residential abodes...

to bustling downtown...

it's nothing but the white stuff.

Whoopee!

And local residents are taking notice.

Hmm...

Hey!

What's this?

Drops of rain frozen into ice crystals?

I shall harness their energy and rule the world!

Aah... oh! Stop!

I wish to rule you!

Snow angel!

Oh...

Hey!

Thanks a lot, SpongeBob!

While you were just standing there whistling,

someone threw a snowball at me!

Oh, really, Patrick?

Did the snowball look like this?

Yeah.

This is serious, SpongeBob.

Someone's after me.

I think I better leave town.

Patrick, I threw it.

We're having a snowball fight.

Don't you get it?

Snowball fight?

I want to play! I want to play!

Well, first, you have to make a snowball.

Oh, yeah! A snowball.

Ooh, this is going to be great!

Huh?

Wha...?

Aw...!

SpongeBob?

Can you help me make a snowball?

Sure, pal.

Thanks, buddy.

Patrick!

How could you?!

It's a snowball fight, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Ah, yes...

Warm fire, cozy slippers,

and a piping hot cup of tea with a lemon wedge.

Aah!

Why do I even bother?

Would you two

please keep it down?!

Squidward! You're just in time to enlist in my army!

Join me and together we'll defeat the Pink Menace!

That's me!

You start off as a buck private,

but with hard work, perhaps you can rise through the ranks

and become a regular private!

Thanks, but no, thanks, Major Stupidity.

You and General Nonsense over there will have to fight without me.

Got 'em both.

Patrick, you fool!

This was over before it started!

I will now consider your unconditional surren...

der.

So, that's how he wants it to go down.

Ooh.

Ha! You missed me!

Ooh.

Score one for the boys back home!

Yes? Oh, Patrick.

What an unpleasant surprise.

Oh, boy, nothing like a game of charades.

I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow,

but the snow melted and turned into water

and I drank all the water; now I'm better.

Fascinating.

Now, where was I?

What?

Can I use your bathroom?

Patrick, go use your own bathroom.

I won't make it. Please?

No.

Please?

No.

Please?

No.

Please!

Make it quick.

That's okay.

Aha!

Aiding the enemy!

I caught you Squidward!

Look, SpongeBob, I was just...

SpongeBob! Oh!

Yay! Squidward's on my side!

I most certainly am not!

Then that means he's on my side!

No, SpongeBob, I'm not on your side either!

I'm on nobody's side.

Snowball fights are for immature children,

and I will not stoop to your level.

If you two want to knock each other's brains out with snowballs,

kindly leave me out of it.

SpongeBob, let's go knock each other's brains out!

I'm ready!

Hmm.

Okay, Patrick, it's out.

Now, there's something I'd actually like to see.

Nothing wrong with getting a front-row seat, I suppose.

Ah.

What's this?

Wha... I... No!

What are you doing?

You're supposed to be knocking each other's brains out!

We signed a peace treaty, Squidward.

You were right... Fighting is for children.

No, no, I misled you, it's for adults, too.

Give me that peace treaty!

There! Let the war continue.

Squidward, that wasn't the peace treaty.

That was a copy of the peace treaty.

Look, you two are giving up too easily.

Now, Patrick, pretend I'm SpongeBob.

And who am I?

You're Patrick.

Can I be Mr. Krabs?

No! Wait, why?

He's a good leader.

Would you butt out?!

Hey, you can't talk to Mr. Krabs

like that, Squidward!

I'm SpongeBob! You're Patrick!

Now, what are you going to do?

Patrick, why didn't you hit SpongeBob?

You said you were SpongeBob.

It's true!

Now, get back to work!

Oh, boy. All right, I can see where this is going.

Let's just say for all intents and purposes

that I, Squidward, am now part of this war. Now...

Where's your fort?

I don't have one, okay? Now...

You need a fort, Squidward.

Forts win wars, Squidward.

Okay, fine! You want a fort?

There, there's your fort! Now...

That fort's too small.

It's okay, Patrick.

It's just a demonstration. Now...

He's right, Squidward.

That thing would never protect you.

It's downright puny.

Trust me, it's fine!

See? It is too small.

Not if I crouch down!

You didn't let me crouch down!

See? Down here, I am perfectly...

Exposed.

Would you two please...

stop throwing...

snowballs?!

Squidward returned fire!

Then it's war!

No, no, wait, wait.

I was just giving a demonstration!

All right, that's it!

You guys asked for it!

I got him! Ha! I got him.

In your face, SpongeBob!

That was actually kind of... exciting!

Why, I've never felt so alive!

He got you good, SpongeBob!

Ooh!

Take cover!

Take that! I got you!

Yeah, oh, I got you!

Oh, take that!

Whoa, I got you that time!

Oh, yeah.

Incoming!

Hey, SpongeBob.

Yes, Patrick?

I think Squidward's taking this really seriously.

That last one had his clarinet in it!

Hmm, looks like it's time for Plan B.

What's going on?

The snowballs have stopped falling.

I better take advantage of this momentary cease-fire.

What?! My left flank is exposed!

That bloated starfish is going to run right through me!

I'll just fix that right now.

Wait, that makes my north wall a weak spot. Ha!

Here we go. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Oh, oh, oh!

But if they attack from the rear, I'm a goner.

There. Ha-ha!

But what about the possibility of an aerial attack?

I guess that ought to do it.

Fort Squidward is now all but impenetrable!

Now, where are those fools?

Ha! The first shot has been fired!

Take this, Patrick!

Taste my frozen fury!

Victory is mine!

Whee!

I got you now!

Did you hear something, Patrick?

Nope.

Ah, a yard sale.

You know the old saying:

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Disposable?!

Phooey.

For Mr. Krabs, all trash is treasure.

Open for business.

See anything you like?

Give you $1.50 for this umbrella.

$1.50 for that?!

But it's an antique!

It belonged to a queen.

Ten bucks.

Ten bucks?!

It's full of holes!

It was the queen of Switzerland.

A queen, you say? That's...

Wait a second, they don't have a queen.

Okay, Mr. Bargain Hunter.

Five bucks.

Deal!

Ah, the sweet smell of an all-day sucker.

They taste even better.

Hi, Mr. Krabs.

What you doing?

I'm having an antique sale.

Have a look around.

Hey, Patrick, look at this thing.

Pretty cool, huh?

That looks like the toilet plunger I threw out yesterday.

That ain't no toilet plunger.

This here's an antique!

It, uh... um... uh... a 17th-century soup ladle, see?

Man, was I using mine wrong.

How much?

Five bucks.

I've only got seven.

Deal!

Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.

Wow! Look at this neat-o soda-drinking hat.

Oh! It must've belonged to someone who was number one.

There's only been a handful of number ones

in the entire history of forever.

That's right, SpongeBob, and you're one of 'em.

Really?

This hat says "Hey, I'm number one

and I let gravity do my drinking."

This hat was made for you, boy.

You were born to wear this hat!

Eee... ooh...!

A perfect fit, eh, son?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Krabs!

Thank you for bringing us together!

How can I ever repay you?

With ten dollars.

All I have is five.

Well, I guess it's no deal.

I'll be right back.

Ah!

Mr. Krabs, I found 68 cents.

But maybe you could take the other $4.32

out of my paycheck.

What do you say?

Well... I don't know...

Uh... okay!

But only 'cause you look so dashing in that hat.

Thanks, Mr. Krabs!

Don't mention it, boys!

What a couple of rubes.

Excuse me, sir, but are you

the purveyor of this curio stand?

Yes, I am.

I understand you're selling

this rare novelty drink hat.

Fresh out.

Let me explain.

I'm prepared to give you $500 for that drink hat.

Fi-fi-fi-fi-fi...

Not so fast.

I'll give you $1,000 for such a hat.

I'll give you

$100,000 in cash for said hat.

Sir, I'll give you a million dollars for that hat!

SpongeBob!

There he is with me million-dollar hat.

I got to get it back

before he finds out how much it's worth.

Ah! My bubble production has increased twofold.

Thanks to you, Hatty.

SpongeBob!

Mr. K! How's the antique biz treating you?

Never mind that. Listen...

I didn't want to say this in front of Patrick.

That hat makes you look like a girl.

Am I a pretty girl?

Oh, well, um...

You're... you're beautiful.

Uh... heh-heh.

All right, now give me the hat back.

But, Mr. Krabs, you said it yourself...

I was born to wear this hat.

I don't want to give it back.

I can't part with this hat now.

Not after all we've been through.

Thanks, Mr. Krabs!

I'll call you Hatty.

And that's when you showed up.

Aw, forget it!

And you're not beautiful either.

I'm not?

SpongeBob, just the man I wanted to see.

Still playing with that dumb old hat, eh?

Yep.

Not sick of that boring old hat yet?

Nope.

Not tired

of that old piece of junk?

Uh-uh.

Not even a teensy, tiny bit?

Nope.

Then I guess

you don't want to see what's in my bag.

What is it?

Novelty hats.

How about this air-conditioned one?

Seems a little dangerous.

The Juicer?

Ooh...

Foxy Grandpa?

So, what do you say?

Your silly hat for all these hats.

No deal, Mr. Krabs.

I'm sticking with Hatty.

Thanks for the offer, though.

I thought the Foxy Grandpa would get him for sure.

I didn't want to have to do this

but he leaves me no other option.

I'm going to have to scare it off of him.

This'll scare him.

Oh, my gosh!

A floating shopping list!

I'm not a shopping list...

I'm a ghost...!

Now, listen, SpongeBob.

How do you know my name?

Who are you?!

I am the Ghost of Soda Drink Hats.

And I'm here to tell you

that that soda drink hat you possess is cursed.

Cursed?

Yes! It once belonged to some guy who's dead now.

What guy?

Uh... Smitty something.

Smitty what?

Uh, Smitty... Werben...

Jaegerman... Jensen.

He must have been number one.

Number one in Bogeyland!

Now, listen...

a curse will descend on you

unless the hat is returned to its owner immediately.

Immediately?

Immediately...

To its owner?

Yes...

Right now?

Yes, yes!

It must be returned to its owner right now!

Hey, Mr. Krabs.

Ahh! SpongeBob!

Uh, uh, what are you doing here?

I was returning the cursed soda drink hat

to its original owner: Smitty Werben Jaegerman Jensen.

What? There is no Smitty Werben Jaegerman Jensen.

Sure there is!

He's buried out in Floater's Cemetery.

How did? I just...

You did... I would...

Give me that shovel!

It was his hat Mr. Krabs.

He was number one!

Huh?!

Ahh!

Hold yourself together, Krabs.

It's just a boneyard... filled with bones.

Ahh!

What's that?

It's Squidward.

What's he doing here?

Ohh...

"Here lie Squidward's hopes and dreams."

What a baby. Where was I?

Oh, yeah! Gotta find Smitty Whatsajipster.

Nope... nope... no... no...

No... uh-uh... no... no... uh-uh... nope, not there...

I've checked every headstone in this cemetery

and there's no Smitty Wabbablabba buried here.

Think, Krabs.

Maybe something SpongeBob said will give you a clue.

Remember, licking doorknobs

is illegal on other planets.

No, not that!

You'll never guess

what I found in my sock last night.

Go ahead, guess!

No! No! No! No! No!

It was his hat, Mr. Krabs.

He was number one!

Ahh! Barnacles!

I'll never find...

The grave!

Am I really going to defile this grave for money?

Of course I am!

Jackpot!

Ooh. It's beautiful.

Come to Papa.

Huh?

Come on, Smitty, let go.

Rest in pieces, Smitty.

I got the million-dollar hat!

Hey, man, that's my hat.

Give it back.

What? No way.

Just crawl back into your hole, bone boy.

Go ahead, play dead.

I guess I'm going to have to take it from you.

Yeah, right. You and what army?

Only the army of the living dead.

Oh, no! I've seen this on the late show.

You ghoulish fiends hold me down

and take turns nibbling on my innards.

Then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards.

That's disgusting.

We just want the hat back.

No flipping way!

Back up! Back up, I say!

Attack.

Tallyho!

Look at me, I'm Errol Fin!

You're falling apart, marrow brain!

You must be kidding!

Back to oblivion!

Hup-ho! How's your sister?

All right, boneheads, playtime's over.

Yee-hoo!

Wa-ha!

A million dollars.

I've got a million dollars!

Oh, there you are.

Well, I got it.

The rare novelty soda drink hat.

Let's start the bidding at $1 million.

Yeah, you want that all at once?

A million dollars!

You got to be kidding!

Hey! The poor sap's not kidding.

Didn't you hear?

They found a whole warehouse full of them.

They're worthless!

Let's give Mr. Krabs a big hand!

Now, that's worth a million dollars!

Hey, kid, wait up!

I saw him first!

I'll give you $1 billion!

Well, that's a spirit breaker.

What a baby.

Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org