Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

Kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

[and NICKELODEON]

Here you go, sir.

A King Size Ultra Krabby Supreme with the works

double batter-fried on a stick.

Thanks!

Barnacle head.

Pardon me?

You forgot your mayonnaise.

Thanks.

Look at them eating that garbage.

It's disgusting.

They're sickening.

I hate Krabby Patties.

Good one, Squidward!

Good what?

Like you don't know.

Saying "I hate Krabby Patties."

That's hilarious!

Everyone loves Krabby Patties.

Yeah, well, not me.

You're good at that.

Hey, everyone!

Squid says he doesn't like Krabby Patties. Ha!

Good one, Squidward!

Don't encourage them!

They'll never leave.

Sorry, Squidward.

It's just so funny.

You know what we say:

The only people who don't like a Krabby Patty

have never tasted one.

That's me.

Never had one, never will.

What?

What?

What did you say?

I've never had a Krabby Patty

and never will.

I'm sorry... I don't...

I've never had a Krabby Patty.

Those words!

Is it possible to use them

in a sentence together like that?

I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty!

Never had a Krabby Patty?

Well, you've gotta have one right now!

No wonder you're always so miserable!

Here, try this!

Get that garbage outta my face!

If you try it, you'll love it!

Try one of those radioactive sludge balls you call food?

Next I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick.

Sorry, Patrick.

Come on, you're gonna...

No.

Open up the tunnel.

Here comes the train.

Choo-choo...

No!

Whoop! What's that in your ear?

Quit it.

Come on, open wide!

SpongeBob, if I were trapped

at the bottom of a well for three years

with nothing to eat but that Krabby Patty

I'd eat my own legs first!

And not just the extra ones.

But it's good for you!

Good for you?

That thing is a heart attack on a bun!

No, Squidward, I meant... good for your soul.

Oh, puh-leez! I have no soul.

Okay, just half.

No.

A quarter?

No.

One bite?

Just smell it.

If I didn't want it out there

what makes you think I'd find it

more appealing in here?!

Come on, Squidward.

No.

One bite.

No.

You won't be sorry.

No!

It's delicious...

SpongeBob, how long are you prepared to keep this up?

Give me that!

When I die... you stay away from my funeral.

Ohh... do I really...

Ah...

Ooh...

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

Why... this Krabby Patty may be the most...

Horrible!

Putrid!

Poorly prepared! Vile!

Unappetizing!

Disgusting excuse for a sandwich

it has ever been my displeasure

to have slither down my throat!

But..

And I curse this Krabby Patty

and all who enjoy them to an early

and well-deserved grave!

Get it?

But it doesn't make any sense

The Krabby Patty is an absolute good.

Nobody is immune to its tasty charms.

Nobody but me.

Are you sure?

Does this look unsure to you?

No.

Good!

Now go spread the word.

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Ah...

Still alive!

Oh, so delicious!

Oh...! The wasted years!

I got to have more. I got to have more!

But wait!

After that performance

he'd never let me live it down!

I gotta sneak one, just one...

then I'm off the stuff for good!

I didn't think it was possible

but I guess some people just don't like Krabby Patties!

Uh, SpongeBob?

Yes, Squidward?

I need a Triple Krabby Supreme on a kelp bun

with extra sea pickle and, and burn it to a crisp, okay?

Coming right up!

Listen, Squidward.

I want to apologize for before.

I was only trying to make you happy.

But now I've learned

there's room for all kinds of people...

and they don't all have to like the same things.

Don't go.

While I strongly disagree

with your decision, I accept it.

You know, it's not often I get to make one like this.

I want to see the look on their face

when they take that first bite.

Triple Krabby Supreme!

Triple Krabby Supreme!

Did somebody order a Triple Krabby Supreme?

Huh? They must have left.

Well, uh, why don't you just uh, leave it out here

in case they come back.

Nope, a patty this special should be eaten fresh

and... well... I haven't had one of these babies

in over 20 minutes so...

Well, whoever they were, they had great taste!

Mm, mm-hmm-hmm, mm-hmm-hmm-hmm...

Ah, they don't know what they're missing.

Well, back to work.

What do I have to do?

Eat one out of the garbage?

I wish I could eat this, but I'm so darn full.

Oh well.

I had to say garbage... but okay!

Bleah...

Oh no, what's this doing here?

This patty should be cremated!

I know you didn't like him

but it means so much that you came.

Honey?

What? Oh...

I have got to get my hands on a Krabby Patty!

And no one's going to stop me.

There it is...

Holy shrimp!

I don't know where to start.

All that matters is that

it's just you... and me... and nobody...

Squidward?

Is that you?

SpongeBob?

Uh, uh, uh... what are you doing here?

I always come to work at 3:00 a.m.

This is when I count the sesame seeds.

What are you doing here?

Uh... I forgot my...

And why is the patty vault open?

And why are you holding a patty behind your back?

I... I... I... no, I didn't do...

And why are you acting so nervous?

And why are you sweating so much?

And why do you look so hungry?

No, wait... it's not what you think.

Th-this is a big misunderstanding.

You've got to believe me, I...

Listen, I am telling you...

You better listen to me, SpongeBob.

You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?

Yes! Yes! I admit it, SpongeBob!

I loveKrabby Patties!

I knew it all along, Squidward.

No one can resist a Krabby Patty.

Squidward! How many are you eating?

Squidward!

Squidward, you can't eat all those patties at one time!

Squidward!

What's gonna happen?

Am I gonna blow up?

No, worse... it'll go right to your thighs...

My thighs?

And then you'll blow up.

Yeah...

I remember my first Krabby Patty.

Excuse me, Miss.

I don't want to have to report you again.

I was just wondering....

Is it the "homework pencil" on the left side of the paper

next to the "quiz pencil"

or over on the right side, all by itself... or...

I think it goes stuck inside your...

Wait! I got it!

The "quiz pencil" goes right over here

next to the "essay" pencil.

And the "essay" pencil gets turned sideways

towards the notepad.

Just in case I have to write an essay.

Good morning, class!

Sorry I'm late...

I got caught in traffic on the way here

when that whole "I'm gonna be doing this for the rest of my life" thing

reared its ugly head

and I...

Anyway, we have a new student starting today.

So let's all put on a happy face

for Flats the Flounder.

Tell the class something about yourself, Flats.

Well, I like to kick people's butts.

What a card.

Now, Flats, it's time to pick your seat.

Just go ahead and sit anywhere you like.

Okay, class, as you remember last week...

Hi, I'm SpongeBob.

Hi, SpongeBob.

I'm gonna kick your butt.

Whoa!

That joke was almost funnier the second time.

No... I mean it.

That time it almost seemed like...

you did mean it.

Mrs. Puff.

Yes, SpongeBob?

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Why no, SpongeBob.

I'm in the middle of a coffee- fueled sermon right now.

You can't afford to miss this information.

Yes, Mrs.Puff.

Sorry, Mrs. Puff.

Now... can I please have a volunteer

to come up to the board?

How about you, Flats?

Please draw for us a diagram

of a basic four-way intersection, Flats.

Please turn and show the class

what you drew, honey.

My! How very creative!

We have an artist in the class!

I just don't understand.

Why would Flats want to kick mybutt?

I haven't said two words to the guy!

Hi, I'm SpongeBob.

One... two...

Oh no, that's three!

What am I gonna do?

What's that?! Someone's coming.

They're getting closer.

I just got to act natural.

Oh, that's real nice.

Whew! I thought for sure that was gonna be...

Flats?!

Uh, hello, um... sir.

Uh... kicked any good butts lately?

Yeah, I remember last week

I was kickin' this guy's butt real good...

and he leans over and says...

"Hey, ya know... life's like a bucket of wood shavings,

"except for when the shavings are in a pail...

then it's like a pail of wood shavings."

Hey, that story really speaks to me.

Really? What's it say?

It says now I'm gonna kick your butt twice as hard.

It says now I'm gonna kick your butt twice as hard.

And I'll leave Gary's water bowl to Gary

and my curtains to...

Oh, Neptune, I just can't do this!

Death row. "Next-in-line" speaking.

Hi! I'd like to place an order for delivery.

Patrick! Is that you?

Yeah. Hey, Mario.

Let me get a large, double olive, double...

Patrick, listen! It's me, SpongeBob!

I need your help.

You're working at Pizza Castle now?

What? No... listen!

I'm in big trouble.

There's a new guy at school here and he wants kick my butt.

Listen, you're big and strong.

Do you think you can come down here...

maybe rough him up a bit, just to get him off my back?

Please, Patrick!

I'm so scared it feels like I'm gonna throw up.

No, they're not closed...

I know, you want olives...

Patrick? You there?

Oh, I'm sorry, SpongeBob.

I was just talking to my old community college buddy, Flats.

I bumped into him at the soda store, isn't that funny?

It must have been years since we've seen each other.

Well, let me get going.

He's got to go back to school soon.

He says he's got to kick somebody's butt.

Aah...!

Hello? Is this Pizza Castle?

Aah...!

Come in, SpongeBob.

Mrs. Puff, can I be in a different class?

But why?

I can't tell you.

Why ever not?

I just can't, Mrs. Puff.

My physical being is at stake.

Let's just leave it at that.

SpongeBob, you can tell me anything.

You've got to believe that.

Well... okay.

But only if you promise to keep it between us.

Of course.

Flats says he's gonna kick my butt!

What?! There shall be no butt-kicking

in any class of mine.

This is an adult program.

SpongeBob, just leave it to me.

Aw, thanks, Mrs. Puff.

I knew I could count on you.

Have a nice lunch, SpongeBob?

Yes, Mrs. Puff.

Psst! SpongeBob!

I talked to Flats for you.

I used your name.

It was all a misunderstanding.

You what?!

He was never going to kick your butt at all.

You see, SpongeBob, Flats is from a town

where "kicking someone's butt"

means that he wants to be your friend

and maybe play

some sports with you on weekends. and maybe play

some sports with you on weekends.

I got diarrhea.

Huh?

Are you Flats's Dad?

Why, yes, I am.

Okay, see...

I didn't know where else to turn!

Patrick couldn't help me

and Mrs. Puff only made it worse!

I sit next to your son Flats in school

and he is a fine boy and all

and I don't want you to take this the wrong way

but he wants to kick my butt.

Dad, what are you doing?

Uh, nothing, son.

What did I tell you

about talking to strangers?

Now he's going to kick mybutt.

Aah...!

Out of my way! Out of my way!

Can't you see he's going to kick my butt?!

Hi there, young people!

Nice day today.

So you like kickin' butts, do ya?

Well, we'll show you, old man.

Okay, okay, I got to skip town!

Start a new life! Live under an assumed name!

BobPants SpongeSquare! Yeah, that's good.

Grow a beard and then shave it off....

and live happily ever after.

Yeah, except you forgot the part

where I kick your butt!

Whoa...!

Hey, Flats.

You feeling better?

Wh-wh-hat? Where am I?

Why, you're in the hospital.

This young boy saved your life.

He performed CPR for five hours straight.

Yeah... they said you'd be okay after the first few minutes

but I just wanted to be sure.

Wow! I'm touched.

I'll have to remember that when I'm kicking your butt.

Those flowers for me?

Aah...!

He's still gonna kick my butt!

How many times do we have to

teach you this lesson, old man?

I love the young people.

Aah...!

Oh Gary! I'm too young to have my butt kicked.

There are so many things in life that I haven't gotten to do!

Hang on... I'll transfer your call.

Who is it?

Aah...! Flats!

It's butt-kicking time.

Gary, there's something I want you to know.

But I'm too scared to remember what it is.

Let's do it.

Go away, Gary.

I don't want you to see this, it'll be ugly.

Are you ready?

Hold on.

Okay, I'm ready.

I said, I'm ready.

Huh?

Didn't you hear me?

I said I'm ready.

That tickled!

Gary! I'm absorbing his blows

like I was made of some kind of spongy material!

And do you know what that means?

I get to go to work tomorrow!

Do you have any sevens?

Flats? Are you okay?

Do not cheer me, my fellow adult classmates.

Flats was the real victim here.

A victim of a society

that's riding down a violent road to nowhere...

a road I call "Violence Road."

Sorry I'm late, class.

I...

SpongeBob!

I can't believe you beat up a new student!

I'm going to kick your butt!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

[Captioned byThe Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]