Original subtitles

?Are you ready, kids

:Kids !Aye, aye, Captain

.I can't hear you

:[louder ] !Aye, aye, Captain

♪ ...Oh

♪ Who lives in a pineapple ?under the sea ♪

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow .and porous is he ♪

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be ...something you wish ♪

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪

♪ Then drop on the deck .and flop like a fish ♪

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants♪

♪ ?Ready !SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants

♪ !SpongeBob SquarePants

[laughs heartily ]

Captioning sponsored by THE] [U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION[ plays airy tune

[and NICKELODEON

:SANDY ...You know, SpongeBob

sometimes it's nice to hang up my hang glider

and just watch the clouds .roll by

.Yep. And just relax

...Yeah

.relax

!Ooh! Ooh! Ooh You know what that ?cloud looks like

?What

.A flower

,They all look like flowers .SpongeBob... all the time

.They sure do

You know, normally I'd offer to race you

to the top of Coral Cliffs

but I don't want to miss out

on a second of this .beautiful beauty

.Me either

Who wants to get ?all dirty anyway

.Yeah... and sweaty

Besides, I think we know .who'd get to the top first

.Yeah

[both laugh ]

:BOTH .Me

.That's funny, Sandy

It sounded like you said

you could beat me .in a climbing contest

!'Course I can

!I'm a squirrel

!See

I thought that meant .you were nuts

Nope. It means I'm !a natural born climber

I'm from the surface world

and nothing prepares you for climbing

like growing up .on good old dry land

[laughs ]

!Land-shmand

It's all about .finger strength, baby

And if there's anything we've got plenty of down here

.it's finger strength

[grunting ]

,What do you say to that ?Miss Mittens

I say I'm already !halfway there

!Aah

[panting ]

[grunting ]

!No fair, Sandy

!You got a head start

!Sorry, SpongeBob

That's the way !the coral crumbles

!Hey

!Ohh

!You did that on purpose

.Yeah, but this is a accident

!Aah

Too bad you forgot .your umbrella

♪ !...I didn't

[laughing ]

Well, it's about time .you showed up

...But you were ...I saw you... I

!I want a rematch

First one to the Krusty Krab .is the winner

Ain't no way a sea critter

can run faster !than a land critter

.I can underwater

...I'm

!hydrodynamically designed

Think you can win a fair race

in that clunky ?tin tube

Why don't you ask ?my be-hind

...That is .if you can catch it

,What do you say to that ?Hydropants

I say, I'm already ...halfway there

...halfway there

...halfway there ...halfway there

!Hey

[laughing ]

!Thanks for the face lift

[laughing ]

You see, I told you ...you didn't have a

!There you are

Ain't that just like a land creature

...to keep a sea creature

!waiting...

[laughing ]

I thought y'all !wanted a rematch

I did! And I took !a head start like you did

I was just funnin' !with ya that time

But I guess all y'all underwater !don't have to play fair

,I guess we don't !air breather

!Water sucker

!Tree climber

.Gulf streamer

!Kite flier

!Chum chewer

[gasps ]

...Take that back, you .not... wet... person

Aha! You can't even come up !with another name

!That proves it

?Proves what

That land critters are .better than sea critters

?Better at what

,Oh, durn near everything .I guess

Cattle ropin and pie eatin' and wood choppin'

.and flyin'

What's she ?blabbering about

She says land creatures .are best

Only 'cause .it's true

We're best at horseridin' .and fur stylin' and rowin'

Y'all got us licked in swimmin'

but we got corn shuckin'

and hay bailin' and barn raisin'

!and... fishin'

[all gasp ]

And name callin' .fer sure

!And drowning !Don't forget drowning

[laughs ]

!Good one, Squidward !Whoo

,Not on your life .sport

.I'll admit

You've got some pretty .good moves, for a squirrel

[...all laughing ]

[laughter stops ]

But you're still .just a land creature

Squirrels can do !anything they want to

I bet you can't eat a Krabby .Double Deluxe in one bite

[gulps ]

...Ah

!Give me that

They don't call me Cheeks .for nothin'

[all laugh ]

.Well, that's just one thing

?Can you do this

Everyone in my family !can do that

...Uh... uh

?How about this, huh

?Can you reproduce by budding

?Can ya

?Can ya

?Can ya

?Can ya

!No

Most importantly

?can you do this

[gasping ]

Well, what would I want to do

any of that dumb stuff ?for anyway

--Admit it, Sandy

you can't do anything !us sea creatures can do

In fact, if it wasn't for that suit

you couldn't even !live down here

[laughing ]

...Well, you don't

[laughing ]

...I don't need to

[laughing ]

...Grr

!I'll show y'all

!I don't need this suit

!Yah

[all gasp ]

And I don't need !this helmet neither

!Neptune preserve her

How long can she ?stay like that

.I don't know

?Sandy's a girl

.Wow, Sandy

.You sure proved us wrong

I guess land creatures .are better

At least, until they need ...to breathe

[all chuckle ]

.Yep, won't be long now

[groans ]

?Feeling lightheaded yet

:[groans ] .Uh-uh

?Remember this

[breathing deeply ]

:KRABS !It's free

[breathing deeply ]

[...groaning ]

[gasps, gurgles ]

[gasping ]

[others laughing ]

!Stop laughin' at me

!I knew it

There was no way "some "airhead

was going to win anything !against a water breather

...Airhead

[laughs ]

?Huh

:ALL !...Sea creatures rule

!Water! Water! Water

,All right .all right

You had your .little laugh

But now !it's my turn

Y'all think you're ?such hot stuff, don't ya

Swimmin' around with !your fancy gills 'n such

But none of you wet heads .would last a minute on my turf

!Dry land

Do we have to wear ?pickle jars

[all laugh ]

Nope, nothin' but the clothes !on your backs

?One minute !No problem... landy

[all laugh ]

[continue laughing ]

[continue laughing ]

?Well, so are you going or not

:ALL ...Uh... well... we... uh

...Actually... uh ...you know... uh

...We can't... uh ...because

We're... late ...for... um

!Our fitting

Oh, you mean ?for your chicken costumes

[gulps ]

!Hey... we are not chicken

!gasps] My popcorn ]

,Yeah, we're not chicken .we'll do it

!There! Mission accomplished

Look, unless you can stay above water for one measly minute

you forfeit the contest

and prove that land creatures !are better than sea creatures

.No way, San-day

We can take on .your challenge

:OTHERS !Yeah

We're not afraid of .your dumb old land

:OTHERS !Yeah

!We're sea creatures

:ALL !Yeah

.Okay

.Well, this is it

!Wait, boy

.Make it last

[gulping ]

.Thanks, Mr. Krabs

...Okay

[gulps ]

!Here I go

[gasping ]

[breathing more easily ]

!Hey... this isn't so bad

!We can do this

!Hey, Patrick, come on up

!The air is fine

I'm gonna do it quick .and get it over with

!...Cannonball

!Hey, I lost my trunks

!Hi, SpongeBob

!All right, Pat !You made it

!Mr. Krabs

,Come on up !Mr. Krabs

,All ashore that's goin' ashore !Mr. Squidward

!Land... ho

,Lookin' good !Mr. Krabs

!Yeah, whoo-hoo

,Come on !Squidward

You're missing .all the dry

,Come on !Squidward

:ALL !Squidward! Squidward

...Well, I'll do it .but I won't like it

...Squidward! Squidward! Squid

?What

!Well, here we are

:SQUIDWARD !This is pretty easy

:PATRICK I may keep a second rock !up here

:KRABS ,Once you get your land legs !it's not so bad

We're the masters

!of land and sea

!Hey, it's a local. Hi

!We're from underwater

?Do you know Sandy Cheeks

...Three, two, one

!Well, tan my fur

!They made it

!Better go congratulate them

?SpongeBob

?Patrick

Hmm, where did those ?critters get to

[all screaming ]

!Holy Guacamole

,You can't eat my friends !you rats with wings

!Hi-yah

[grunting and karate-yelling ]

[splash ]

Uh, thanks for .saving us, Sandy

You know everyone's .best at something

But no one's best .at everything

Sorry I made you take off .your helmet, Sandy

Sorry I made you go up .on dry land, SpongeBob

Three cheers for feeling !sorry for ourselves

...Hip-hip

:ALL !Hooray

...Hip-hip

:ALL !Hooray

...Hip-hip

:BOTH ...Hooray

:NARRATOR Ah... the Bikini Bottom Zoo .is having its annual free day

...Free balloons

...free drinks

?free light bulbs

!Aha

!Top 'o the mornin', boys

[laughs nervously ]

.Whew! Next stop.. gift shop

--There it is .Oyster Stadium

Not only do they have

the largest oyster held in captivity

.it also does tricks

:[dramatic voice ] He spits a giant pearl

100 feet in the air

!like a cannon ball

Why are we hanging around !?watching a cheap imitation

!Let's get over there

:BOTH This is the greatest day !of our lives

[...snoring and gurgling ]

This is the greatest ?day of our lives

.Boring

,You're right, Patrick ...we came to see

!pearls 100 feet in the air ?Right

.I'll try my oyster call

[...gibbering and trilling ]

.Well, I'm outta here

,Thanks for nothin' .SpongeBob

[snoring and gurgling ]

,Come on, come on !wake up already

[grunts ]

[gurgling ]

!I think it's working

[gurgling ]

[grunting anxiously ]

!Hey, Patrick, it's waking up

?Oh boy, did I miss it

No, the show's ...about to begin

[whimpering ]

[...wailing loudly ]

What's wrong ?with Clamu

[...wailing ]

,Easy, girl, it's me ?Joe, remember

[snarling ]

[screaming ]

!Now, this is a show

:[.MAN [ on p.a .Attention, zoo patrons

Clamu The Giant Oyster !is on an emotional rampage

Please scream and .run around in circles

[all scream ]

.Thanks for coming

[...snarling and wailing ]

You boys better get !out of this area, pronto

There's nothing more dangerous

than an emotionally .disturbed oyster

You didn't do anything

that might have caused ?this tragedy, did you

...Uh

No way! Only a jerk .would upset a gentle giant

?Right, SpongeBob

.Right

[...wailing ]

:PATRICK Man, if I ever see the guy who upset Clamu

I'd have a few choice words ...for him, like

..."you"... and... "are" "!and... "a jerk

Are you sure you didn't see ?anything suspicious

,I already said I didn't !Patrick, sheesh

Hey, lets investigate this crime

and catch the lowlife .who's responsible

!Give it a rest, Patrick

There's no crime to investigate

!Now go home

...Stupid Patrick !I didn't do anything wrong

Aw, what am I getting ?so worked up about

I'm sure that by tomorrow

this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory [chuckles ]

Our top story :tonight

giant oyster has !its feelings hurt

The only clue that could be found

!was this lone peanut

,And as you can hear the oyster continues

to emit its horrible cry

A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world

A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier

it breaks the hearts !of our citizens

,What kind of cruel careless, evil person

would deliberately upset one of ?Neptune's most gentle creatures

[meows ]

!Aah

No, Gary! How would I know ?anything about the oyster

[meows ]

Defensive? I'm not !being defensive

,Barnacles! What is this ?20 questions or something

[...Clamu wailing ]

This is getting .a little out of hand

.All I did was throw a peanut

I didn't mean !to make the oyster cry

I just wanted to see it !perform spectacular stunts

!Aw, everyone's going to hate me

.I, I need some advice

...Now, let's see now

who could never hate me ?no matter what I do

!Squidward

!Squidward! Oh Squidward

SpongeBob! Do you have ?to knock so loudly

!Sorry, neighbor

Oh... that overgrown clam

is giving me !a headache

I can't even take my afternoon !beauty nap

[laughs nervously ]

Funny thing you should mention that old oyster

...Because I... uh ...was kind wondering, um

Let's say I know this guy

who may have something .to do with the oyster

!?You know the guy who did it

[gulps ]

!Oh, this is great

You and I can go !turn him in

,And then I'll get so much sleep !I'll be gorgeous

...Um, actually, I .I'm just talking hypothetically

You don't ?know who did it

!Well, um, I, uh, no

?Squidward

!Gotcha

!Aah

Where were you ?on the day of today

Don't play games !with me, mister

,Hey, Patrick ?what are you doing

!Oh hi, SpongeBob

I'm just continuing my investigation

!of the great Clamu Caper

Um... have you found out ?anything

!Yes

.No, wait... um... no

But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious

!and so does this rock

And I've got a few questions !for this little piece of grass

,Don't worry, SpongeBob !Patrick's on the case

The truth will be !revealed

,I'd better go see Sandy !she'll know what to do

!Clamu wailing...]Ohh, I can't stand it anymore ]

,That poor !poor critter

What kind of inconsiderate person

would upset ?such a gentle creature

Uh, that's kind of what I ...wanted to talk to you about

Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain

!No more jiggery pokery

[grunting ]

Now, what was it you wanted ?to talk about, SpongeBob

[gibbering ]

Hey, SpongeBob, how come ?you're all twitchy like that

?Twitchy? Twitchy ?Who's twitchy

!I'm not twitchy

,Sorry, Sandy ...I have to um, um

.go get my hair cut

...SpongeBob doesn't have hair

?or does he

[panting and whimpering ]

!Hey, SpongeBob

!This is it

All of the clues !are coming together

I followed these footprints right to this exact spot

and then, right ...where you're standing

I found this bag !of peanuts! Ha

Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime

!I can almost taste it

...Mmm

Boy, crime-fighting sure makes me hungry

and this yellow popsicle !hits the spot

Okay, uh, good luck with all that, Patrick

...and, uh !I'll see you later

[chattering and whimpering ]

:MAN !Open up !This is the police

!Uh, uh, just a second

?Are you SpongeBob SquarePants

?Y-y-yes

Put those eyeballs .back in your head, son

We've got a few .questions for you

Were you at the zoo

on the day of the ?oyster incident

!Um, um, um, yes

Did you, or did you not take part

in various activities ?of zoo-time merriment

...Yes

...And are you familiar with ?this peanut

!Yes

...Just one more question

Is it true that you were at the oyster's lair

?with a Mr. Patrick Star

:[crying ] !Yes! Yes! It's true

!It's all true

,The merriment ...the peanut

!the Patrick

!That's all we need to know, son

!Let's book him

!Wow, you guys are good

I'm the last person I would have suspected

but I was looking for me !all the time

!It's the perfect crime

Yeah, yeah, tell it !to the judge, pinky

Oh no! Patrick's too sensitive !for the big house

[siren wailing ]

!Wait, stop

!I'm the one you want

!I am the criminal

[...crowd yelling and booing ]

Hey, everybody, let's throw peanuts at him

!and see how he likes it

[crowd yelling ]

!I get what I deserve

[gulping ]

!Ouch

[crowd booing ]

!Wait

!Hold your peanuts

!Patrick Star is innocent

I have come here !to reveal the truth

They say that truth and honesty

will be rewarded !with trust and forgiveness

humming ] [...dramatic theme

I'm here to lay my cards on the table

to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life

to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face ...of truth! I

Hey! Just get on !with it

I am the one .who threw the peanut

I know now that what ...I have done is wrong

,and so I say, I am sorry !giant performing oyster

.I am sorry, Patrick

,I am sorry citizens of Bikini Bottom

[Patrick stops humming ]

Hey! Let's throw peanuts !at both of 'em

[crowd yelling ]

.Wait! Here's the real criminal

?Uh... top of the morning

!Mr. Krabs

[crowd gasps ]

!I knew it

Mr. Krabs stole a very important item

!from the oyster

...Behold

[crowd groans in disgust ]

...Wait a minute

!Behold

!The oyster's pearl

[crowd gasps ]

.Here you go, girl

[sniffing ]

[crowd cheering ]

[crowd gasps ]

:[gurgling ] !Mama! Mama

!Mother of pearl

!The oyster's a mother

.And that pearl's no pearl

!It's an egg

:[gurgling ] !Mama! Mama

[gurgling ]

[both gurgling happily ]

:ALL ...Aw

!But it's... free day

[crowd yelling ]

and NICKELODEON

Captioned byThe Caption Center [WGBH Educational Foundation