Original subtitles

?THEME SONG: Are you ready kids

!Aye, aye, Captain

.I can't hear you

!Aye, aye, Captain

!Oh

Who lives in a ?pineapple under the sea

!SpongeBob SquarePants

Absorbent and yellow !and porous is he

!SpongeBob SquarePants

If nautical nonsense be something

you wish-- SpongeBob !SquarePants

Then drop on the deck !and flop like a fish

!SpongeBob SquarePants

?Ready

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

[LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TV ANNOUNCER: The new adventures of Mermaid Man

.and Barnacle Boy

,We join Bikini Bottom's noblest boldest, oldest superheroes

as they bravely .prepare for vacation

But wait, while our heroes relax at Leisure

Village, who will ?watch the Mermalair

--ManSponge-

.And BoyPatrick-

:SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK .Reporting for duty

.Yeah, yeah, follow me-

:SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK !Up, up, and away

!Evil-

Now, we want you boys- .keep an eye on the place

--Water the plants and make sure

!Oh my gosh, Patrick-

This is the greatest wall of !superhero secret gadgetry ever

I'm gonna play with !the Cosmic Ray

.I get the Aqua Glove-

.Hold on there, boys-

.You cannot play with this stuff

What about the- ?Orb of Confusion

.Duh

.Doy

.Duhhh

!No-

!No

Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion

.will give you confusion

What about the- ?invisible boat mobile

Especially not the- .invisible boat mobile

When we say don't ,touch anything

.we mean don't touch anything

?Do you understand

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK: Loud and .clear, Trusted Boy Companion

.BARNACLE BOY: Oh, great

.Here are the keys

.We'll see you in a week

!Up, up, and away-

Come, Boy Patrick, while- ,our heroes are away

!we will keep evil at bay

!Ha

!Dah

.Hoot, hoo-

?Huh

--Ma-- ma-- ma-- ma-- ma-- ma

?What is it Trusted Sidekick-

--Ma--ma-- ma--ma- --ma--ma-- ma--ma

--ma--ma--ma-- ma--ma --ma--ma-- ma

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK: Ma ma --ma ma-- ma--ma--ma-- ma-- ma

--ma--ma--ma-- ma--ma-- ma--ma !ma-- ma--ma-- Man Ray

[SCREAMING]

Hey, SpongeBob, how- ?come he's not chasing us

It looks like he's- .frozen or something

--F--f-- fr--fr-- fro- --fro-- fro-- fro

It appears to be some- sort of prison chamber

.made out of frozen tartar sauce

.This is incredible

Next to the Dirty Bubble, the evil Man Ray

is the all-time greatest arch nemesis

.of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

I have so many .questions to ask him

[BEEPING]

[LAUGHING]

?Pat, what are you doing-

We're not supposed .to touch anything

But you said you- .had a question

.We could get in trouble-

,SPONGEBOB: Oooh .that's not a question

SPONGEBOB: They said ,not to touch anything

and that includes .unfreezing a super villain

!MAN RAY: I'm free

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

Uh, actually, Mr., uh, Man Ray- .sir, only your head is free

By the supreme- ,authority of wickedness

,I, the evil Man Ray command you to release me

.from this frozen prison at once

Well, uh, Mr. evil Man- .Ray sir, we can't do that

?Why not-

.Because you're evil-

,You mean, if I was good- ?then you'd let me go

?Yeah, sure, why not-

Then, uh, in that- .case, I am good

?Really-

.Yes, really-

?Really, really-

.Yes, yes, really really-

?Really, really, really-

!Yes, yes, already-

!I'm good

!I'm good

Now let me out of here, or you'll

.suffer dire consequences

Well, that's good- .enough for me

[BEEPING]

!You, fools-

.Prepare to be eradicated

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

?MAN RAY: What's wrong with me

What is this laugh ?infernal contraption

SPONGEBOB: Don't .play dumb, Man Ray

You know that's the Tickle Belt Mermaid

Man used on you on .episode number 17

TV ANNOUNCER: As .seen in episode 17

.Oh, I loved that episode-

.Oh, me too-

.Me too

I will never get out of here- wearing this belt. [LAUGHING] I

need an evil plan that will .trick them to take it off me

LAUGHING] Time for those] .acting lessons to pay off

[LAUGHING]

Remember that part when- --Mermaid Man and Barnacle

[SOBBING]

!Oh, sob-

!Oh, cry

!Oh, woe is me

You don't know what it's .like being evil for so long

!Oh

.I wish to be good

If only some kind heroes would .show me the path to decency

[GASPING]

We could teach- ,you how to be good

.and then we'll let you go

.Oh, that would be fantastic-

I'll fake my way through this .just like I did in high school

[LAUGHING]

OK, Man Ray, are you- ready for your first day

?at goodness school

.Pat, get your wallet out

.OK, goodness lesson number one

You see someone .drop their wallet

,WHISPERING) Patrick) .drop the wallet

?Now what would you do

MAN RAY: Excuse me, sir, but I do

believe you've .dropped your wallet

.It doesn't look familiar to me-

?What-

.I just saw you drop it

.Here

.Nope, it's not mine-

.It is yours-

I-- I'm trying to be a good .person and return it to you

?Return what to who-

[SLAPPING FACE]

?Aren't you Patrick Star-

.Yup-

.And this is your ID-

.Yup-

.I found this ID in this wallet-

,And if that's the case .this must be your wallet

.That makes sense to me-

.Then take it-

.It's not my wallet-

[GROANING]

You, dimbolt, take- ,back your wallet

!or I'll rip your arms off

.SPONGEBOB: Uh-uh

.Wrong

[LAUGHING]

Good people don't rip- .other people's arms off

[LAUGHING]

!Oh, stop-

.OK, goodness lesson number two-

You see someone struggling .with a heavy package

?What do you do

.Hello, friend-

I noticed you were .struggling with that package

Would you like some !help with-- ow

.Oops-

.Sorry

?Can I start over

!I noticed you were-- ow-

!Oops-

.Gotta start again

!Ow-

.Oops-

[SCREAMING]

.You butterfingered pink thing-

?What's in that box anyhow

.My wallets-

[SCREAMING]

!No-

!SpongeBob, tickle him

[LAUGHING]

[GROANING]

[INAUDIBLE]

All right, goodness- .lesson number three

.Let's see

.I've got one-

I'm thinking of a number .between one and 100

?What is it

?Um, 62-

.Wrong-

[LAUGHING]

!Stop-

!Stop

Hey, Patrick, that's got- .nothing to do with being good

.Let go of it, SpongeBob-

Pat, we've got to use- .it only when he's bad

!Let go-

!No, you let go-

!Let go

[LAUGHING]

.Frequency rising-

.Be-- belt out of control

.LAUGHTER] Tickling my DNA]

!Make it stop

!Please

?Did you hear that, Patrick-

.He said the P word-

?Peanuts-

.No-

.Please

Well, that's good- .enough for me

.I guess he's reconstituted

.WHISPERING) Rehabilitated)-

.Gesundheit-

.It's graduation day, Man Ray-

.This is the key to your future

[LAUGHING]

[SIGHING]

--Just look at him, Patrick- .the picture of goodness

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

Um, we're not supposed- .to touch that stuff

.Ooh-

We're not supposed- .to touch that either

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

We are really not supposed- .to touch those, sir

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

Good people have no use- !for weapons such as-- those

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

The only thing I'm- .good at is being evil

!So long, suckers

?What's that smell, SpongeBob-

That, Patrick, is- .the smell of defeat

.Good-

I thought it was my skin

Forget about your- .skin, Patrick

Man Ray is still bad, and .someone has to stop him

--This is a job for Mermaid Man

.And Barnacle Boy-

.To the invisible boat mobile-

!Ignition on-

!Wait-

.I don't have a licence

Well, this is an- ?invisible boat, right

So you need an .invisible licence

You're the best sidekick- .ever, Barnacle Boy

[LAUGHING]

[CRASHING]

Thank goodness for- .invisible seat belts

.Out of my way, fools-

You no longer have .control of me

And now this town .belongs to Man Ray

!Not so fast, arch villain-

We still have the .orb of confusion

!Take this

.Duh

.Doy

.Duhh

.Well, that was easy-

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

!All right, people-

Everybody stand .right where you are

[GASPING]

--I want you to, uh-

[GIGGLING]

[GIGGLING]

!No-

!No

Stop giggling, or I'll [have to-- [GIGGLING

[GIGGLING]

!Stop laughing, you fools-

?What can I do for you, sir-

?Huh-

.I'll tell you what you can do

--Give me all of your, uh

[GIGGLING]

Gi-- give me-- give me all of- --your-- [GIGGLING] G-- give me

,GIGGLING] Ah, the belt is gone] .but I still feel its tickle

.The urge do bad is gone

SIGHING] I guess I'll just] .open a checking account

[INAUDIBLE]

[GASPING]

!Man Ray-

No need to be- .alarmed, SpongeBob

Your teachings have .transformed me

Besides, I have checks with .little poodles on them

.I won't be needing this anymore

.Farewell, fellow do-gooder

!Bye, Man Ray-

!Wow

We did it, just like the real .Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

!We saved the day

?Isn't it incredible, Patrick

?Patrick

.Uhhhhhhh-

Patrick, you know that- ?thing's turned off, right

?Patrick

?Yoo-hoo

!Patrick

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

,MR. KRABS: OK .everybody settle down

.Welcome to the Komedy Krab

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Now please give a warm- ,welcome to our first comic

the indiscernible .Doogie Williams

.Good evening, folks-

,I'm gonna skip the jokes and get right to the part

.where I throw pies at you

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

I hope I do as- .good as that guy

Man, those people- .will laugh at anything

.Hey, don't sweat it, kid

.I got 'em all warmed up for you

[LAUGHING]

MR. KRABS: Put your fins together

.for SpongeBob SquarePants

.SANDY: Go get 'em, SpongeBob

!Woo-hoo-

,Hey, hey, hey- .ladies and jelly fish

Have you ever ?noticed salt shakers

I mean, ya fill 'em up ,every night at closing

and, I mean, where ?does it all go

?Huh

?You know what I mean

[CRICKET NOISES]

And tomatoes, what's- ?the deal on those things

,LAUGHING NERVOUSLY] I mean] ,ya chop 'em up into slices

,but what are they ?vegetables or fruit

?And what does that make ketchup

!Oh, brother-

!This guy stinks

!Hey, hey, funny guy-

.I got a joke for you

What smells rotten and ?puts people to sleep

?Um, noxious gas-

!No, your act-

[LAUGHING]

Did you ever- --notice how-- forks

?AUDIENCE: Forks

.Come on

[BOOING]

:(SPONGEBOB (VOICEOVER ,SpongeBob

.make a witty observation

[BOOING]

!AUDIENCE: Get outta here

Did you ever notice how- ?big squirrels' teeth are

[LAUGHING]

.That's true-

?Huh-

I mean, hey, you could land- .a plane on those things

[LAUGHING]

And what's up with- ?that squirrel fur

I guess fleas need ?a home too, huh

[LAUGHING]

!Squirrel fur-

.And they smell-

But, hey, you'd stink too if you spent

.three months buried in dirt

[LAUGHING]

Hey, why does it- take more than one

?squirrel to change a light bulb

?Why-

.Because they're so darn stupid-

[LAUGHING]

?That's a good one, eh, Sandy-

.Uh, yeah-

[LAUGHING]

.That was fantastic, boy-

.You really knocked them out

I think I'll do this joke night again

.with you as the headliner

I never thought I could be a- .headliner-- whatever that is

The headliner's the one who- .cleans up after the show

Well, at least I don't- .have to clean up my act

[LAUGHING]

Stick with the- .squirrels jokes, boy

!Now get busy

,Hm, mops, mops, mops- ?what's up with those things

?I mean, really

!Oh, hey, Sandy

.Howdy, SpongeBob-

?Did you like the show-

.Well, actually, SpongeBob, no-

,Those jokes are hurtful .and you know it

,Come on, Sandy- .I was just joking

I mean, everybody knows you're the smartest

.one in Bikini Bottom

.Well, I can't argue with that-

We all got to laugh at- .ourselves once in awhile

.I do it all the time

[LAUGHING]

.You're right, SpongeBob-

I was being a little .too sensitive

.No hard feelings

.OK, deodorant

.Huh

.Let's see

?Roll on or stick

.I think she should buy both-

[LAUGHING]

?Huh-

!Hey, look, guys-

.It's the stupid squirrel

I know, let's try and- .communicate with it

.ALL: Duhhhhh

[LAUGHING]

.Huh-

.Hello, little critter-

?What's your name

Don't stand too close- .a squirrel, Billy

.You'll catch its stupid

.OK, mum-

Stupidity isn't a virus, but- .it sure is spreading like one

!AUDIENCE: SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!La la la la la la la la-

,Squirrelly ,squirrelly, squirrelly

.squirrelly, squirrel

.Because they're stupid

.Because they're stupid

?Hey, uh, SpongeBob-

.Oh, hi, Sandy-

Um, I need to talk to you- .about them squirrel jokes

We already talked- ?about that, remember

[LAUGHING]

.SpongeBob, this is serious-

Since you've been ,telling them jokes

people have been .treating me different

.SpongeBob, five minutes-

.TALKING SLOWLY) Hello, Sandy)

.Me Patrick

?Do you understand

.Squirrels

?Ya see-

.That's what I'm talking about

INAUDIBLE] that's]-- .just Patrick

.He's just foolin' around

I'm just asking you as a- friend, please layoff them

?squirrel jokes, OK

Tell some of them .other jokes you got

?Other jokes-

.I got a million of them

.Thanks, SpongeBob-

.I knew you'd understand

!AUDIENCE: SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

MR. KRABS: Put your fins !together for SpongeBob

.SquarePants

[CHEERING]

!All right-

.Um, hi-

Did you hear about the ?goldfish who went bankrupt

.Now he's a bronze fish

?What-

?What did he say-

.I guess you head that one-

.SANDY: I haven't heard it

!Good one, SpongeBob

.Thank you-

.You're too kind

?Hey, what about this water

.I mean, this stuff's everywhere

PATRICK: Tell the one about the .squirrel and the light bulbs

[STUTTERING]

?Hey, what about this thing-

?Huh

?Huh

!Get on with the squirrel jokes-

!AUDIENCE: Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

--Squirrel

:(SPONGEBOB (VOICEOVER ?What do I do

?What do I do

SpongeBob, you've .got a choice to make

?Your friends, or your career

!AUDIENCE: Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

!Squirrel jokes

[GASPING]

!Howdy, y'all-

[CHEERING]

How come it takes- more than one squirrel

?to screw in a light bulb

AUDIENCE: Because !they're so darn stupid

[LAUGHING]

!My people-

,But, seriously folks, I want to give

a special thanks to .my friend, Sandy

[LAUGHING]

?Sandy, don't you see-

.The crowd loves these jokes

?Am I right

[CHEERING]

?Don't you see, Sandy-

We're laughing with .you, not at you

?Do you understand now, Sandy

?Huh

?Do you

I understand exactly- .what's going on, SpongeBob

.Great-

I knew sooner or later .you'd understand

.What a great sport

.Let's give a big hand to Sandy

,But clap slow, because !remember, she's a squirrel

[CHEERING]

.Thank you-

You've been a .wonderful audience

!And, uh, good night

.Dah

Another spectacular .performance, SpongeBob

?Ooh, what's this

?A fan letter

SANDY (VOICEOVER): You .were right, SpongeBob

.Those jokes are funny

Come on over to the .Treedome and celebrate

.Sandy

.You did it, SpongeBob-

You get to keep your .career and your friends

[KNOCKING]

I'm glad that Sandy can finally- .see the genius in my comedy

.Good morning, Sandy

!Well, howdy-

Sandy, are you- ?feeling all right

I'm just being my au- .naturel squirrelly self

.Duh-

!Well, come on in-

Y'all must be tired from telling .them funny jokes all the time

?Why don't you take a load off

Sandy, I think something's- .wrong with this seat

!No-

I just done put glue on it .so you wouldn't fall off

GASPING] Are them] ?flowers for me

.You even done got me a vase

--But Sandy that-- that's not a-

?Ain't that purdy-

--Sandy, I need wa-

.Oh, that's right-

.You's a sea critter

Now what was that thing ?sea critters need

.Uh, um, let's see

--Sea critters need, uh

--Wa-

.SANDY: Oh, wait, don't tell me

.I know this one

--Wa-

.A wallet-

.A watch

.Waffles

!Sandy-

!Water

Well, why didn't- ?you just say so

.Here you go

Yup, us squirrels .sure is stupid

!Sandy-

.Dumb, dumb, dumb-

.Squirrels is dumb

!SPONGEBOB: Sandy

.OK, Sandy, I get it

?What's that-

?You want more

Okie dokie, more water .for the sea critter

!OK, Sandy-

!OK

!I get it

.No more squirrel jokes

!AUDIENCE: SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

!SpongeBob

.Thank you-

.Thank you very much

,Well, on my way over here .I ran into a squirrel

,And I said, hey why don't you go

get a couple of your squirrel friends

and we'll go change .a light bulb

[CHEERING]

.But seriously, folks-

The only thing dumber than .a squirrel is a sponge

[WHISPERING]

I mean, we're so dumb, we- .don't even have a vertebrae

!LAUGHING] Look at me]

.I got no bones

[LAUGHING]

.That's true-

[LAUGHING]

.Crabs, oh, brother-

They're so cheap, they .can't even pay attention

[LAUGHING]

.It's true-

.I am cheap

Now let me tell you- .about those fish

.Boy, are they smelly

!Woo-hoo

How could a creature who spends so much

?time in the water smell so bad

.I mean, really

.Soap

.Soap

?What is soap

[LAUGHING]

SPONGEBOB: And don't even .get me started on starfish

[MUSIC PLAYING]