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In 1979, on a school skiing trip,
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00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,640
PE teacher Tony Mammoth
was engulfed by an avalanche.
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00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,960
Perfectly preserved under the snow,
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00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,520
he was found and miraculously
brought back to life
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00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,800
over 40 years later.
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00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,840
Make it sparkle, please, boys.
7
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,520
What you doing...?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,400
Fists only,
and shake hands afterwards.
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00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,120
Ah, Mr Mammoth, glad I caught you.
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00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,600
I just wondered if there was
possibly an option
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00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,240
for you to cover my lesson later?
12
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,280
I've got a bit
of an emergency at home,
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00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,200
and you're the only one
with a free lesson.
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00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,320
No. No.
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00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,240
Cheers.
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00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,560
There's bits in that.
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00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,360
Of course padel is a sport, Mammoth.
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00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,640
Plus, the kids like it.
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00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,000
And more importantly, the head
of department, me, likes it.
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00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,720
I think we should get the equipment.
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00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,800
Padel! It's just tennis for fatties
and old people.
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00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,800
What our department needs
is new sand in the long jump pit.
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00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,240
Hey, where you going? Staff meeting.
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00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,920
I got an arrangement with Cowley.
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00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,920
Everyone else goes to the staff
meetings, I work on my golf swing.
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00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,840
Yeah, well, Cowley's not here.
27
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,960
What?
He's been signed off.
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00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,200
Stress.
29
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,320
Stress?!
What's he got to be stressed about?
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00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,240
Certain members of staff.
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00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,800
Oh, Mr Evans, isn't it?
I'll kill him.
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00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,600
The LEA have brought in
a short-term interim head.
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00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,640
We've got a new bloke filling in.
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00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,240
Good morning, team!
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00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,760
My name's Mr Reynolds,
but you can call me Gus.
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00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,240
I've heard great things
about the crack squad
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00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,080
here at Nowlan High School,
and it is an honour to be driving
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00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:39,400
this ship forward as Mr Cowley
takes some much-needed rest time.
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00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,280
Right, shall we have a look
at your department action plans?
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00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,520
No, thank you.
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00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,400
Mammoth.
Sorry, Mr, erm...?
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00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,600
Mammoth.
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00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,800
Mr Mammoth.
This is an all staff meeting.
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I've got an arrangement with Cowley.
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00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,880
Yeah, and that's great, but I...
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00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,520
I'd really love it to be
an all staff meeting.
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00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,280
Cheers, buddy.
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00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,880
Buddy?
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00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,440
Well, er, I think I speak
for everyone
50
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,600
when I say I'm really excited.
51
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,640
I feel like we need
a fresh change around here.
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00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,680
The Skipper had this place
running like a well-oiled machine.
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00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,000
Well, he didn't address any of my
concerns about staff
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00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,680
in my department.
Now, now, team,
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00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,440
I'm sure we're all pulling
in the same direction, yes?
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00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,760
Mr Mammoth,
maybe you'd like to share
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00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,280
the PE department's action plan.
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00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,840
Oh, here we go.
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00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,320
The plan is...
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00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,040
..excellent PE.
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00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,440
Er, could you, er, elaborate
on that?
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00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,360
Excellent physical education.
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00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,960
STAFF CHUCKLE
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00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,000
Yes, well, I think you might want
to brush up on that a little bit,
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Mr Mammoth.
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LAUGHTER
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Do you know what?!
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00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,280
I'm not putting up with this!
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00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,880
You may think you've won the battle,
mate, but you haven't won the war.
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00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,760
The revolution starts today.
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00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:58,840
Who's with me?
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Surprise!
73
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,480
God! Please don't do that!
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00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:18,040
Aww, my baby, my big, strapping,
handsome 18-year-old.
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00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,160
It feels like only yesterday
I was kissing that face goodnight
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00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,360
and tucking you in.
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00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,520
You did do that yesterday.
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00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,560
Now, we can't get
the photographer today,
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00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,800
but they're going to come tomorrow.
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00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,080
Oh, Mum...
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00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:31,800
What? It's tradition! You love
our mum and son photoshoots.
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00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,040
Did you open your present
from your grandad?
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00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,840
Yep.
Urgh!
84
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,040
Well, I'd better go.
I'm going to be late for school.
85
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:43,280
School, on your birthday?!
Oh, I don't think so, mister.
86
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,240
I've already phoned them
and said you've got measles.
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00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,200
High five! It's Borat!
88
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,000
Now, I know you said you didn't
want me to arrange anything...
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00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,080
Yeah, because I don't.
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00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,760
But you can't not have a party
on your 18th.
91
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,600
What would you like to do
more than anything in this world?
92
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,000
Oh, there is actually a new
manga exhibition at...
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00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,000
That's right - hedge maze.
94
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,640
I've found this great one
at a National Trust house.
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00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,720
What's that? Has it got a tea room?
96
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,120
Er, let me think, only the best
bloody tea room on Tripadvisor.
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00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,960
I liked hedge mazes
when I was a kid.
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00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,800
I'm not really into them any more.
99
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,880
Right, fine, OK, we'll cancel it,
if that's what you want.
100
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,240
Yes, please.
101
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,120
I'm lying. We're going.
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00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,360
It's going to be great.
103
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,080
Beep-boo!
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00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,520
I don't think that balance spring's
seen WD40
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00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,000
since I was in short trousers.
106
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,560
I think you've got your work
cut out there, Peter.
107
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,440
Good job I've plenty
of time on my hands, John.
108
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,080
It's very therapeutic, though.
109
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,720
God, I haven't done anything
like this for years.
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00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,080
I just feel a total sense of calm.
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Skipper!
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Mr Mammoth.
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00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,200
How did you find me?
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00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,480
Mrs C told me where you were.
115
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,840
Not straight away. I told her
it was an important police matter
116
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,040
and you were facing some very
serious allegations.
117
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,800
What?
I'm in the middle of something.
118
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,120
What, playing with toys?
What, what is this place?
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00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,320
It's a share and repair group.
120
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,720
People bring in broken things
and we fix them.
121
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,240
This cannot pay you more than
a headteacher's salary.
122
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,000
I'm not being paid.
123
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,000
Well, they're taking advantage
of you.
124
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,640
You ought to be ashamed of
yourselves! Running a sweatshop!
125
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,320
No! It's just relaxing, mindful.
126
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,000
Well, for Christ's sake, Peter.
127
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,600
Meanwhile some young buck's
in your school taking your job.
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00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,360
Great, they found someone.
129
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,760
Oh, they found someone all right.
130
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,160
Oh, you'd better believe it, yeah.
A right piece of work.
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00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,600
The way he spoke to me,
like I was shit on his shoes!
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00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,680
I've seen power corrupt.
133
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,960
Oh-ho-ho!
This Reynolds, he's something else.
134
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,720
Miss Mansford?
135
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:56,800
Mr Reynolds.
136
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,680
Gus, please.
137
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,480
Er, is it all right
if I call you Lucy?
138
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,000
I thought you might like
a little flat white.
139
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,600
Er, you're a padel enthusiast?
Me too.
140
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,920
Well, I was actually thinking
of getting some padel equipment
141
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,320
for the school,
only it's not on the curriculum.
142
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,640
Curriculums are flexible.
143
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,920
Lucy, I think that's a great idea.
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00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,400
And if you're passionate
about something, I will back you.
145
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,360
You get that equipment ordered.
146
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,360
Even give you a little game, yeah?
147
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,160
OK. Bye. I love you.
148
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,520
Er, I mean... I mean thanks.
149
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,680
We need you back, Skipper!
150
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,600
But I've been signed off.
151
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,360
Doctor says I need a break
from work.
152
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,680
Rubbish.
153
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,960
Do you know how many headteachers
I've worked under over the years
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00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,040
that have had mental breakdowns?
Hmm?
155
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,760
All of them.
156
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,600
I know a nutter when I see one
and you are not a nutter.
157
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,800
I think people, myself included,
158
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,160
find the word "nutter"
extremely problematic.
159
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,320
I've got no problem with it.
160
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,000
It's very important for men
to look after their mental health.
161
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,360
Blokes don't have to talk about
that sort of stuff, OK?
162
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,440
Just bottle it up
and get on with it.
163
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,720
My dad never talked about his mental
health and he fought in the war.
164
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,640
All right, he didn't like getting on
boats and didn't like loud noises,
165
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:14,240
had to keep him in the house
on Guy Fawkes night with the dog.
166
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,880
Sometimes he would go on a bender
for two or three weeks at a time.
167
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,200
Never really spoke to me,
Mum, or my sister.
168
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,480
Never once slept through
a whole night.
169
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,400
But, er... But you know what?
170
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,200
He never once complained.
171
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,400
Stiff upper lip.
172
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,960
Now, I know what you need
to de-stress.
173
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,800
I'd really rather stay here, Tony.
174
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,240
What was wrong with
the old ring pulls?
175
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,720
They're antique clock hands.
176
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,080
Oh!
177
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,880
Oh, that did it.
178
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,840
Peter, why don't you and your friend
finish up now and call it a day?
179
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,000
Yeah, lovely. Cheers.
180
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,640
18! Oh!
181
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:09,160
Seems like only yesterday
you were just little boys.
182
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,840
Yeah, mad how things change.
183
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,920
Can you believe I'm your boss now,
Auntie Mel?
184
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,280
Don't ruin it, Nathan.
185
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,160
I've written down a few words
to mark the occasion.
186
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,520
Is Mammoth coming?
187
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,760
I'm only here
because he said I had to be.
188
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,160
Theo!
189
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:30,560
18 years ago,
you were just a little tiny acorn.
190
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:33,240
Look at you now.
191
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,680
You have grown into a mighty oak.
192
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,440
Thanks, Mum. Please stop.
193
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,160
Yes.
194
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,720
The mighty oak has a point.
195
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,000
Sorry, this...
196
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,160
Oh!
197
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,120
It's a lot of emotion
going on right now.
198
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,480
Come here, you.
199
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,640
Oh!
200
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:56,720
Now, we are going to have an
a-maze-ing time.
201
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,720
Room for two more?
202
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,680
Hello, sir.
203
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,360
Hello, Theo. Many happy returns.
204
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,480
Grandad, why have you brought
my headteacher?
205
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,200
I'm destressing him.
206
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,120
Between us,
he's had a massive mental breakdown.
207
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,040
Gone a bit crackers,
haven't you, Skip?
208
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,480
Well, I think you know
everyone here, Mr Cowley.
209
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,200
Except Harry. He's a stripper.
210
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,640
Oh, you found the place, good lad.
211
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,280
Why did you hire me a male stripper?
212
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,560
That was all they had left.
213
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,840
It was that or nothing.
214
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,440
Nothing would've been fine.
215
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,600
So do you want to me
to strip now or...?
216
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,600
Oh, no, no. No stripping today,
thank you.
217
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,720
But do you want to join us
in the hedge maze?
218
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,480
Oh, sure. I mean, you paid
for the hour. Might as well.
219
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,000
So do you want me
to strip in the maze or...?
220
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,120
No, keep your clothes on, Harry.
I cannot stress that enough.
221
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,600
This is the worst birthday ever.
222
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,840
No, it's not.
223
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,680
It's the best!
224
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,760
Right, guys, first one to the middle
is the championey!
225
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,040
Come on!
226
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,920
Sorry I didn't get you anything,
Theo,
227
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,880
but I didn't know I was going to
be here until Mr Mammoth.
228
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,440
Don't even worry about that.
I get it.
229
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,360
You can't smoke that in here.
230
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,000
In where? We're outside.
231
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,200
If you want my advice...
232
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,120
If I wanted your advice,
it'd be about being a bellend.
233
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:20,600
Hey, fun day out, a bit of fresh
air, be raring to get back to work.
234
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,480
Kick that cuckoo out of your nest.
235
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,320
All right, try again.
236
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,600
ENGINE STARTS
237
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,360
Hey, school trip's back on!
238
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:30,720
Come on!
239
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,040
Let's go! Come on, kids!
240
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,040
Argh, this is a dead end.
241
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,400
Shouldn't we go back?
242
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,360
No, here's good.
243
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,960
I need a break from Mum. Honestly,
I swear she's getting worse.
244
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,160
Do you want me to say something
to her at work?
245
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,760
I can make it official.
Verbal warning.
246
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,840
No, thanks.
247
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,120
Oh, there he is! The birthday boy.
248
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,680
Hi, Mum. How'd you find me?
249
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,560
I'm your mum,
I always know where you are.
250
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,840
It's a little thing
called mother's intuition.
251
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,320
She put a tracking tile
in your back pocket.
252
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,520
Thanks a lot, Harry.
253
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,160
Grass!
254
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:14,520
OK, so now that we're all here
together, let's focus on the maze.
255
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,680
Which way, birthday boy?
I don't care.
256
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,400
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo... Please,
Mum. ..catch a tiger by its toe...
257
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,080
Yeah, if we just get to the middle
we can go home...
258
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,000
..if it squeals let it go...
..you know, because I can't,
259
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,400
I just can't do this any more!
260
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,320
What's the matter with you?
Is it drugs?
261
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,120
County lines?
262
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,800
If you're in a gang, Theo,
so help me...
263
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,040
I'm just fed up of you
treating me like a child.
264
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,800
Aww... All right, I'm 18 years old,
and I don't want you
265
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,160
fussing over me any more!
266
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,240
I don't want to do the mother and
son photoshoots. I hate hedge mazes!
267
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,640
I'm going for a coffee.
268
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,320
Oh... How am I supposed to
get out of this place?!
269
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,200
Oh, we made it.
270
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,120
Yay, championeys.
271
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,560
CHAINSAW REVS
272
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,840
What's that noise?!
273
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,880
Oh!
274
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,000
Found the middle, Skipper!
275
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,760
I really don't think
you should've chainsawed
276
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,240
through the maze, Mr Mammoth.
277
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,640
Bit late for that.
278
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,480
What's the matter with you?
Is it him?
279
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,840
I've paid you to take your kit off,
Harry.
280
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,640
If she wants them off,
they've got to come off.
281
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,760
You can't be shy, pal,
not in your game. Come on.
282
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,280
HE BEATBOXES
283
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,480
Nathan, no.
284
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,920
Hey!
285
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,360
I made you a coffee in a keep cup
to take to school.
286
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,560
Right.
287
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,760
I put your name on it in case you
lose it. I know what you're like.
288
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,880
OK, so shall I see you at pick-up?
289
00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,040
That's OK, Mum.
290
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,280
What? You can't walk home,
not with your shin splints.
291
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:05,680
The doctors told you
I don't have shin splints.
292
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,560
I think I know my son's body
better than any GP.
293
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,120
God, I can look after myself,
you know?
294
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,240
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
295
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,440
Don't be down on yourself.
296
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,080
Theo's a man now.
He doesn't need you any more.
297
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,440
Soon he'll leave home
and you'll have done your job.
298
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,120
You can sit down there
and wait to retire.
299
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,840
Maybe get a cat.
I'm allergic to cats.
300
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,880
Well, a dog, then. Something.
301
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,720
You'll need something
to deal with the loneliness,
302
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,760
because you will be lonely
when Theo goes.
303
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,040
My friend Paul, when his kids
left home, he bought a pet tiger.
304
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,360
What?
Raised it from a cub.
305
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,840
Went everywhere together.
306
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,200
Absolutely inseparable, they were.
307
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,360
Then in 1976, they changed the law,
and he had to get it destroyed.
308
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:50,960
Yeah.
309
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,320
So that's that, then.
310
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,200
HE KNOCKS
311
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,760
Skipper in?
312
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,600
Oh, hello again, Mr Mammoth.
Do you mean Peter?
313
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,040
Everyone calls him Skipper.
314
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,240
Shouldn't you be teaching?
It's Tuesday morning.
315
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,240
Don't worry about it.
I've got it covered.
316
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,880
Cast your minds back
to the summer of 1977.
317
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,960
The premier footballer
of his generation, Mr George Best,
318
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,800
and the premier PE teacher
of his generation, me,
319
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,120
walk into Soho's famous
Raymond Revue bar
320
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:41,000
with a couple of absolute stunners,
and I mean stunners.
321
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,040
Well, I'm afraid he's gone fishing.
322
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,560
He's been a bit tense
since yesterday.
323
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,480
Had a bit of a stressful day.
324
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,800
Really? Something must've happened
after I left.
325
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,960
Just when I was starting to get him
feeling like himself again.
326
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,240
That's a shame.
327
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,840
But don't you worry,
Tony's going to look after him.
328
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:02,640
Can't have you married
to some nutter, eh, Mrs C?
329
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,480
See you later.
330
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,000
Oh, God.
331
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,800
Ahoy, Skipper!
332
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,360
Oh!
333
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,600
Hey, hey!
334
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:07,880
Tony?
335
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,800
You're...here.
Of course I am!
336
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,720
Hey, you don't need to thank me.
337
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,000
So, er, what are you fishing for?
338
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,160
Mullet, actually.
339
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,280
Look, I don't want to sound
ungrateful, but, really,
340
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,520
I'm here for the solitude.
341
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,920
You and me both.
342
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,360
What could be better, eh?
343
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,800
Two likely lads on the open lake,
doing a spot of fishing.
344
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,520
Soon have that brain of yours
sorted.
345
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,560
Then you can march back in that
school with your head held high
346
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,320
and kick that pretender
out of your throne.
347
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,840
God only knows
what he's up to right now.
348
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:43,840
W-w-when I, er, j-j-j-joined this,
er, s-school, er,
349
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:48,080
I d-d-didn't think I would
r-r-r-really be,
350
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,680
be able to f-f-fit in.
351
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:58,480
A-all of you helped me try to
become the best version of myself.
352
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,000
APPLAUSE
353
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,040
Oh, God.
354
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,560
We need you back, Skipper!
355
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,000
What are you using for bait?
356
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,360
Maggots.
357
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,240
The man in the shop said
they're the best for mullet.
358
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,120
Woo-hoo-hoo!
He saw you coming.
359
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,080
They are rubbish.
360
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,680
No, I've got just the thing.
361
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,440
Now, if I remember correctly,
the mullet is a very, very
362
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,440
easily distracted fish.
You must get their attention.
363
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,200
That is why I always bring...
364
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,800
..one of these.
365
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,200
HORN BLARES
366
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,520
Hey, hey, hey.
367
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,120
Good sharp blast on that
every couple of seconds,
368
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,640
they'll be flying into your net.
Get it in the water.
369
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,480
HORN BLARES
370
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,200
I'm sure it was catching mullet.
371
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,640
Or was it scaring bears?
372
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,920
Hmm.
373
00:18:55,920 --> 00:19:00,040
HORN BLARES
374
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,160
Oi, sad case.
375
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,720
How was your birthday party?
376
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,520
I heard Cowley was there.
377
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,040
Could you be any more tragic?
378
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,840
You need to get a life, you wanker.
379
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,240
Oi, Darren!
380
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,200
If I wanted advice from you,
it'd be about being a bellend.
381
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,560
What did you just say?
382
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,360
Um, oh, God.
383
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,800
It's...
384
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,360
Distraction!
385
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,560
One minute
they're a baby in your arms,
386
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:37,120
next minute they don't need you
any more.
387
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,760
You got kids, Ashley?
388
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,120
No, I'm 16.
389
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:42,760
Oh, that's a shame.
390
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,000
Mum! Help!
391
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,360
Theo!
392
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,960
Hey, hey, hey, hey! What the bloody
hell do you think you're doing?!
393
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,960
Get out of my way!
I'm going to batter him.
394
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,480
You should be ashamed of yourself,
Darren Malone.
395
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,280
I know who you are. I know your
mum, she goes to my Zumba class.
396
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,760
I recognise you from your trip
to Disneyland.
397
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,200
What are you talking about?
398
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,800
Your mum shared a picture
on the WhatsApp group.
399
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,720
You were crying your little eyes out
400
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,360
because there was wasps
all over your ice cream.
401
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,040
I mean, it'd be a shame
if one of those pictures ended up
402
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,080
on another WhatsApp group,
wouldn't it?
403
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,800
Like a Year 13 one.
404
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,040
I'm in Year 10.
405
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,240
Whatever. Hey, hey, hey...
406
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,120
Don't mess with the taekwondo,
Darren.
407
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,600
I did two weeks straight in 2022.
408
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:28,440
I enjoyed it but it clashed with
Theo's clarinet lessons, but...
409
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,080
..Sensei said I was a natural.
410
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,000
You're weird.
411
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,280
You're weird.
412
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,760
Buzzzzz!
413
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,960
Thanks, Mum.
Oh, it's no biggie.
414
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,000
So do you want to go
get a coffee together?
415
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,720
No, can we just go home?
416
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,760
Maybe then we can get
that photo done together.
417
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:56,840
Mm.
418
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,560
Yes.
419
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,920
I can't believe
we didn't catch any fish.
420
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,680
Well, I caught a few,
421
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,360
before you started getting
the mullets' attention.
422
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,640
Must've been on the lake for, what,
six hours?
423
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,240
About that.
424
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:13,800
Before the police turned up.
425
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,760
Yeah. Anyway, my round.
426
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,280
He doesn't stop.
427
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,040
There's no off switch.
428
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,200
Roger, how do you do it?
429
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,480
Roger?
430
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,400
Er, sorry, what did you say?
431
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,520
Mr Mammoth. It's harder now
than it was when I was at school.
432
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,520
At least then he left at 3.00.
433
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,200
I don't know what to do.
434
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,360
How do you put up with him?
435
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,200
Ha! It was harder in the past.
436
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,160
But these days...
437
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,400
Hearing aids?
438
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,200
That's what Mammoth thinks too.
439
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,600
No, they're just headphones.
An absolute godsend.
440
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,400
I'm currently listening to a
playlist called Relaxing Rainforest.
441
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,960
I just want him to,
respectfully, go away.
442
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,680
Ha! Good luck with that.
443
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,640
I had a good run.
40 years without him.
444
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,080
But then I always knew
he'd come back.
445
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,680
Godspeed, Peter.
446
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,960
Right, here we go.
447
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,600
Now, Skipper, I've been thinking
about your old, er...
448
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,120
HE WHISTLES
449
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,920
Back in the day, when me or one
of the boys felt a bit down,
450
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,400
needed to just perk our spirits up,
maybe unwind, blow off some steam,
451
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,280
we'd have a big weekend away,
and I mean a BIG weekend away.
452
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,840
We're talking Magaluf, Las Vegas,
Tenby,
453
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,640
but whatever it takes, Skipper...
454
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:41,760
PAN PIPES PLAY
455
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,360
Whatever it takes,
I'm going to be there for you.
456
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:56,040
Tony Mammoth is going to be
by your side.
457
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,720
Like a shadow, but like a shadow
that's there all the time,
458
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,360
even in the night-time.
Like a moon shadow,
459
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:02,920
but not the Cat Stevens song.
460
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,040
Oh, God, I can't do this!
461
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:09,200
OK, OK, I'll come back to school.
Just please leave me alone!
462
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,960
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Good man.
463
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,720
Well done. Well done, you,
and well done, us.
464
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,520
What a team. What a team.
465
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:17,920
Cheers.
466
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:28,400
Now, I'm sure we're all grateful
for the wonderful job Mr Reynolds
467
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,320
has done, but I am returning
full-time as of today.
468
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,640
Three cheers for the Skipper!
Hip, hip!
469
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,720
Thank you, Mr Mammoth.
470
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,800
Now, there's some good news
and some bad.
471
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,280
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to reverse a number of the projects
472
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,520
undertaken in my absence,
473
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,560
including returning the new
padel equipment.
474
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,240
You've got to be kidding me.
475
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,360
The good news - we have managed
to find the resources
476
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:03,240
to refresh the sand
in the long jump pit.
477
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,000
HE CHUCKLES
478
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,120
Any questions? No? Great.
479
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,360
Welcome back, Skipper.
480
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:12,840
Welcome back.
481
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,880
Shall I top up the car, sir?
482
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,560
Cheers, Ben.
Yes, sir.
483
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,680
Can't I just practise my long jump,
sir?
484
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,240
Obviously not, because when the
sun's out, just run about, remember?
485
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,920
Cheers.
486
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,160
Skipper! Having a think
about sports day.
487
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,520
I think we need to bring back
metal javelins.
488
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,760
We're not going to break any records
with foam ones.
489
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,000
PAN PIPES PLAY
490
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,000
Great.
491
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,840
# Beach baby, beach baby,
give me your hand
492
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,800
# Give me something
that I can remember
493
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:21,240
# Just like before, we can walk
by the shore in the moonlight
494
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,200
# Beach baby, beach baby,
there on the sand
495
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,920
# From July to the end of September
496
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:35,240
# Surfin' was fun, we'd be out
in the sun every day... #
56232
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