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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:27,416 And what the case here clearly needs is... 2 00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,666 My daughter! He's got my daughter! 3 00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:32,416 Judge, you're mistaken. 4 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,541 The only need is me. 5 00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,583 [suspenseful music] 6 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,250 -This way! -No. This way. 7 00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,750 [high-octane music pumping] 8 00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:10,250 Hey! 9 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,708 Where's her daughter? 10 00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:27,250 Watch out! It's gonna blow! 11 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,000 [explosion] 12 00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:36,833 [director] Cut there. 13 00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:37,916 -[flames flickering] -[assistant] Reset. 14 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,291 -[bell ringing] -What are you doing? 15 00:01:41,416 --> 00:01:42,958 You know me. I never do my own stunts. 16 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:44,041 Clarky boy. You're up. 17 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:46,125 Well, maybe if you worked out once in a while, Brad. 18 00:01:46,916 --> 00:01:48,666 Some of the biggest stars do their own stunts. 19 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,875 Not this big star, but if you wanna talk about it further over drinks? 20 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,875 Mm. Can my husband and two small children come too? 21 00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:57,041 You're cute. I'll take a rain check. 22 00:01:57,125 --> 00:01:58,750 -Alf. -Brad. 23 00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,125 Wonderful work today. 24 00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:05,000 It's a Killing Time 7'sgonna be fresher than4and5. 25 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,083 Well, thanks, buddy. 26 00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:08,458 But I still have concerns over scene 22. 27 00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,625 I think I'm coming off a little... unlikeable, 28 00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,208 and the woman's really underwritten. 29 00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:14,041 -Well, I may... -Not now, sugar. 30 00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:16,083 You know what? I'm gonna sort that for you. 31 00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250 You're my man. 32 00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,166 [Alf] Stand by, everyone. 33 00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,125 Good luck, Maggie. 34 00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:25,625 It's Martha. 35 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,416 [loud explosion] 36 00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,583 Who cares? 37 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,250 [light music playing] 38 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,208 Hey. 39 00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:45,375 I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac, but would you say it, please? 40 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,791 The only need... is me. 41 00:02:49,916 --> 00:02:52,041 I'm going to miss these movies. 42 00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:54,541 Miss? What do you mean, miss? 43 00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:57,625 I don't believe it. They don't wanna makeKilling Time 8? 44 00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,666 Still. You had a good run. 45 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,291 We only made seven films. 46 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,458 Each one better than the last. 47 00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,833 You know what, forget it. Fine. 48 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,041 What's next? 49 00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:10,791 Listen, Brad, I'll level with you. 50 00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,500 There is no next. 51 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:16,041 Er, the bottom line is people don't want to hire you. 52 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,750 What? Why? 'Cause I'm too expensive? 53 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,666 Er, because you're difficult. 54 00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:25,000 You're late on set, and you refuse to do your own stunts. 55 00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:26,291 You don't remember names. 56 00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,750 You failed your medicals. 57 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,916 Oh, my God. How many times do I have to say it? 58 00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,041 It was the day after the Super Bowl. 59 00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:34,458 When me and the boys get together, stuff goes down. 60 00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,333 There's gotta be some kind of romcom I can do. 61 00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,416 Or a biopic. 62 00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,166 We could use this as an opportunity for me to really stretch. 63 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:47,833 With the right makeup artist, I could play Barack Obama. 64 00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,125 Christ. 65 00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,666 Yeah. Probably still too young, huh? 66 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,791 Look, there is one thing knocking around. 67 00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:54,875 What? 68 00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,958 Theatre in England. 69 00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,250 In front of a live audience? 70 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:01,333 Exactly. 71 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:04,208 Well, it's something I've always wanted to do, but... 72 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,875 you and I both know I only ever took that one film acting class. 73 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:12,333 I mean, I might be a natural, but theatre kind of scares me. 74 00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:14,833 -You, scared? -I've only ever done films. 75 00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:18,375 Well, it's exactly the same. Just louder. 76 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,333 -Really? -Yeah. 77 00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:21,916 Are you sure that's it? 78 00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,666 Trust me. 79 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,041 Huh. 80 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:26,875 Louder. 81 00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,583 You know what? Count me in. 82 00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:33,875 Great. Now we are talking about a very traditional production, 83 00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:36,000 but with your name on the marquee, it'll sell out in seconds. 84 00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,125 Me, a sell out! 85 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,750 You said it, kid, not me. 86 00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:41,500 And doesn't your daughter live in England? 87 00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,875 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to see her as much any more. 88 00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:46,833 Well, this is a chance to reconnect. 89 00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:50,458 We're connected. I just don't get to see her as much as I want to. 90 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,500 So. Theatre in England? 91 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,916 Yes! 92 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000 You know what? 93 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:57,916 We're gonna show the whole world what Bradley Mac can do. 94 00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,625 Because when push comes to shove... 95 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,208 the only need is me. 96 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,708 Oh, Jesus. 97 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,708 [exhilarating music playing] 98 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,541 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 99 00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,041 Would you like to have a look at the menu, sir? 100 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:27,833 [music fades] 101 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,958 I'm sorry to disturb you, 102 00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:40,041 but we've been watching you the whole flight. My husband and I... 103 00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:46,791 We're just huge fans of theKilling Timemovies. 104 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,916 Thank you. That's very kind. 105 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,750 It's so inspiring to see 106 00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:55,000 a man of your age still throw themselves around. 107 00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,750 In-in all fairness, I like the first one 108 00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:02,750 much more than the last one, but who cares? 109 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,666 -They're fun! -Yeah. 110 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,333 What kind of woman doesn't love a cuddly older man? 111 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:13,166 -Chocolate chip cookie? -No. I'm good, thanks. 112 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:14,708 Have a good flight. 113 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,125 [aeroplane landing] 114 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,541 Hello, Mr Mac. 115 00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:22,500 Hi. 116 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,541 Hi again. I'm just in the limo. 117 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,416 -Rented, but still a limo. -Where are you? 118 00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:30,625 No, I'm outside. 119 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,875 I've got a sign. You won't miss me. 120 00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:33,958 Where outside? 121 00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,875 Just outside arrivals, mate. 122 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,375 [airport Tannoy announcement] 123 00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,750 Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand. 124 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,500 Here to take you to the Savoy. 125 00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,250 The Savoy again. 126 00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:49,208 I gotta say, I'm a huge fan. 127 00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,083 I just lovedTop Gun. 128 00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,916 Oh, heated seats as requested. 129 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,000 Oh, and here's your natural volcanic water, sir. 130 00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,041 Thank you. 131 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:06,875 [Christmassy music] 132 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,625 ♪Snow is falling all around me ♪ 133 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,333 ♪Children playing, having fun♪ 134 00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,875 ♪ It's the season ♪ 135 00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:27,791 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 136 00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,750 ♪Merry Christmas, everyone♪ 137 00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:36,750 ♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪ 138 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,333 ♪ People dancing all night long ♪ 139 00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:46,625 {\an8}♪ Time for presents And exchanging kisses ♪ 140 00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:50,708 {\an8}♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪ 141 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,500 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 142 00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,708 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl Underneath the mistletoe ♪ 143 00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,208 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 144 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,208 ♪ The room is swaying Records playing ♪ 145 00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:11,958 ♪ All the old songs we love to hear ♪ 146 00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:17,166 ♪ Oh, I wish That... every day was Christmas ♪ 147 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:21,416 ♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪ 148 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,500 ♪ Whoo, yeah ♪ 149 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,833 And on your left, Mr Mac, you're gonna see... 150 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,041 Mr Mac? 151 00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,916 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 152 00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,708 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl Underneath the mistletoe ♪ 153 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,375 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 154 00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,708 ♪ Snow is falling ♪ 155 00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:56,583 ♪ All around me ♪ 156 00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:01,458 ♪Children playing, having fun♪ 157 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500 ♪ It's the season ♪ 158 00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,666 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 159 00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:10,583 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 160 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,416 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 161 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:20,416 {\an8}♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 162 00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:32,125 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 163 00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:37,041 {\an8}♪Children playing, having fun♪ 164 00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:39,250 {\an8}♪ It's the season ♪ 165 00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,916 {\an8}♪ Love and understanding ♪ 166 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,208 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 167 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,208 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 168 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,583 {\an8}♪Children playing, having fun♪ 169 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,833 {\an8}[fading]♪ It's the season ♪ 170 00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,000 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 171 00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:05,541 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 172 00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,416 ♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪ 173 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,750 -[music stops] -[keys jangle] 174 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,541 All right. Mr Mac. 175 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:24,875 Mr Mac. 176 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,250 Mr Mac, we're here. 177 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,083 [yawns] 178 00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,041 What are you talking about? 179 00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:46,666 Where's Big Ben? 180 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,250 Harrods? Downton Abbey? 181 00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,750 Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead. 182 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,541 But welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy. 183 00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,583 Now there is currently no running water, 184 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,166 but you don't mind skipping a shower day, do you? 185 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,708 Is this some kind of a joke? 186 00:11:02,791 --> 00:11:04,291 Is what a joke? 187 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,291 Where the hell's London? 188 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,916 Well, it's three hours that way, sir. 189 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,416 [laughs] 190 00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,166 -You are good, my friend. -[chuckles] 191 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,416 So this is some kind of hidden camera show. 192 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,666 I got it from here. 193 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:25,541 Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out from wherever you're hiding, dude. 194 00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:33,166 Yeah. Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac. 195 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,916 All the big turns stay at the Savoy Guest House 196 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,583 when they're performing at Stoneford's Theatre Royal. 197 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,541 Yeah. I'll-- I'll show you. 198 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,791 Fine. I'll play along. 199 00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:54,791 -[Christmassy music tinkling] -[toy train whistles] 200 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,291 [Nigel chuckles] 201 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,333 -Wow. -What the... 202 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,291 ♪ It's beginning to look A lot like Christmas ♪ 203 00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:11,541 [boy] There he is! 204 00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,750 [children] Get him! Get him! 205 00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:20,541 [children calling out in excitement] 206 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:27,291 [indistinct chatter] 207 00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,750 Excuse me. Hello. Um... 208 00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:42,125 Darling, Brad, here you are at last. Erm... 209 00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:47,000 -Welcome to Stoneford, -[all chant] Welcome to Stoneford. 210 00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:49,041 He's even more gorgeous in the flesh. 211 00:12:49,125 --> 00:12:52,500 I'm Callum. The prince. Massive fan, mate. 212 00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:55,083 The only need is... yeah. 213 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,416 Yeah. 214 00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,666 Not exactly sure what's going on here, 215 00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,750 but obviously there's been 216 00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:02,333 -some kind of-- -Brenda. Fairy godmother. 217 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,375 Izzy, Cinderella. 218 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,041 -Fanny. -And Annie. 219 00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,791 -We're the ugly stepsisters. -We do it every Christmas. 220 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,708 -Yeah, and on birthdays. -Oh, you are filthy! 221 00:13:14,791 --> 00:13:15,625 [laughter] 222 00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:19,541 Bababa, Bababa. Russell. Baron Hardup. 223 00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:21,708 Hilda from box office. [giggles] 224 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,875 Jean the cleaner. 225 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:27,208 Jonty on sound. 226 00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:29,375 Frank on lights. 227 00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:31,875 Neigh. 228 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,416 Your distinguished director, Cassandra Collins, OBE, 229 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,291 -under me, over me. -[all laugh] 230 00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,791 -And you are? -Jill, the choreographer. 231 00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,750 And I hate to be a realist, but we've only got a few days 232 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,291 to get this show on the road. 233 00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,000 So if everyone's finished fawning, 234 00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,625 let's take it from the top of act one. 235 00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458 You'll need these tap shoes. 236 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:57,916 Er, stop. Everybody. Just stop for a second, please. 237 00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,916 Again, not sure what's happening here. 238 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,041 But I definitely did not sign up for this. 239 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:04,708 Sorry, for what, duck? 240 00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,958 This, whatever this is. What is this? 241 00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,250 A low-rent production ofCats? 242 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,833 Darling. It's a pantomime. 243 00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,333 A panto-what? 244 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:14,958 [extravagantly] Cinderella! 245 00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,000 And you are our Buttons. 246 00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,875 Oh, no, I'm not! 247 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,791 [all] Oh, yes, you are! 248 00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,500 Is it the large padded horse that's throwing you off? 249 00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:30,000 Okay. Uh, Brenda, darling, why don't you show him? 250 00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,333 Show me what? 251 00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:35,708 -[Christmassy music] -[indistinct chatter] 252 00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:44,666 Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short, 253 00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,625 is an annual British tradition. 254 00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,875 A quintessential part of Christmas. 255 00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,708 Think fairy tales, but fun! 256 00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:57,500 Aladdin, Cinderella, Dick Whittington... 257 00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,208 I beg your pardon? 258 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,958 You've got men dressed as women. Women dressed as men. 259 00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:07,625 Horses played by people plus pop songs and pyrotechnics. 260 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:08,583 [explosion] 261 00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,500 Always a happy ending 262 00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:16,416 with an enormous explosion covering the whole auditorium. 263 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,791 Brenda, try not to be so crude. There are children present. 264 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,666 Double entendres too, Brad, you like those, I'm sure. 265 00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,416 Mind you, 266 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,583 there're a lot to get your mouth around. 267 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:35,333 [theatre voice] Alright, my darlings, we begin. 268 00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:38,291 [jaunty music] 269 00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,208 Oh, my God. 270 00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:48,458 ♪ You look like fun to me ♪ 271 00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:52,625 ♪ You look a little like Somebody I know ♪ 272 00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:53,958 Come on, sheeple! 273 00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:59,041 ♪ How this ends because I'll be in your head all weekend ♪ 274 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,625 ♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪ 275 00:16:01,708 --> 00:16:05,625 ♪ I get the shivers When I look into your eyes ♪ 276 00:16:05,708 --> 00:16:08,708 ♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪ 277 00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:11,291 ♪ Because I can hear Your heart beating ♪ 278 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:14,291 ♪ Padam, padam, padam ♪ 279 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,458 ♪ I hear it and I know ♪ 280 00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:20,333 ♪ Padam, padam, I know you wanna take me home ♪ 281 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:23,916 Keep up the energy. Remember, people are paying for this. 282 00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,916 ♪When your heart goes padam♪ 283 00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,750 It'll all make sense eventually, dear. 284 00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:34,125 ♪ I know you wanna Take me home, padam ♪ 285 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:37,500 ♪ And take off all my clothes, Padam, padam ♪ 286 00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:41,541 ♪ When your heart goes padam ♪ 287 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166 -[delighted] Ha-ha! Yes! -Right. Thank you. 288 00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:46,708 Thank you. 289 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,916 Thank you for wasting my time. 290 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,041 Good luck. 291 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,041 Never say good luck in the theatre, Brad. 292 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,083 Yeah. 293 00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,708 We're cursed. 294 00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,166 Brad. What's the problem? 295 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,083 You're kidding. What's the problem? 296 00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,291 Okay, here's the problem. I'm stuck here in Hookeyville 297 00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,500 somewhere north of nowhere, surrounded by singing sheep 298 00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:11,708 and ageing alcoholics. Okay. You are my agent. 299 00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:14,708 You need to get me out of here as quickly as possible. 300 00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:18,250 Oh, but Brad, you did read the script, right? 301 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,750 No, not, not... 302 00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,125 -And the terms of the contract? -[horn honks] 303 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,458 Get out of the road, you idiot. 304 00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,625 Exactly. Look, honey, 305 00:17:26,708 --> 00:17:29,416 I've been your agent for years, and the fact of the matter is, 306 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,708 you're lazy, ungrateful, 307 00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:33,375 and I've had just about enough rider requests for one lifetime. 308 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:36,833 Nobody needs a new pair of briefs every single day. 309 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,833 Brad Apollo Mac, it gives me the greatest of pleasures 310 00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:44,083 to finally say, you're fired. 311 00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:47,833 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are fired. 312 00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:49,666 Too late, buster. You're already off the books. 313 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,416 You're gonna hear from my lawyer. 314 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,625 Who cares? Your lawyer hates you, too. 315 00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:55,583 Merry Christmas, Buttons. 316 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,583 I wouldn't worry about it, mate. Gandalf's done it too. 317 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,000 -He still does, in fact. -Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime? 318 00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,000 Oh, yeah. All the big names. 319 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:13,208 David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson, Barry offEastEnders. 320 00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,083 -Eh? -[mutters] I'm dead. 321 00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:20,583 All right then. Here we are. 322 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:23,833 Wow. 323 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,250 I-- I don't really need a themed room, 324 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,291 a regular one'll do. 325 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,625 What you mean, themed? 326 00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,250 -[car door slams] -Hello, girls. 327 00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,125 Kieran, what are you doing here? 328 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,666 I'm not gonna let you walk home in the dark on your own, am I? 329 00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,500 -So jump in the motor. -It's a short walk. We're fine. 330 00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:51,625 It's winter, Jill. 331 00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:53,291 There's a lot of naughty people knocking about. 332 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,541 You know, like burglars. 333 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,291 Oh, you've heard about that, have you? 334 00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:59,000 Of course, I have. Everyone's talking about it. 335 00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,250 Yeah, well, I hope you're not mixed up in any of it. 336 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,000 Put the top up, Kieran. It's freezing. 337 00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:05,416 How's my baby? 338 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,083 I'm 13. 339 00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:09,291 Well, you'll always be my baby. 340 00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,125 You're looking forward to spending Christmas 341 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,458 with your old dad this year? 342 00:19:12,791 --> 00:19:14,375 -What? -It's my turn. 343 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:16,666 She's got a part in the panto. 344 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,208 We discussed this. 345 00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,583 Well, that was before I knew that you were both working 346 00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:22,166 with that, uh,Killing Timemug. 347 00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,708 So, yeah. Christmas with all your London cousins. 348 00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,291 You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara? 349 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,750 [police siren in the distance] 350 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,750 Oh, well, I'll give you a bell. 351 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,333 Love you, baby. 352 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:52,583 [water gurgles] 353 00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:56,000 No, that's disgusting. 354 00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:57,916 [phone rings] 355 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,416 Oh, crap. 356 00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,041 -Hey, Grace, how are you? -Oh, Brad, are you in England? 357 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:14,291 Er, yeah, I'm at a silent shamanic retreat. 358 00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:16,333 Mmm. 359 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,916 Mmm. 360 00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,416 Mmm. 361 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,791 Any plans to see your daughter at all? 362 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,208 Can't really talk right now. Gotta stay quiet. 363 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:28,833 -Convenient. -Emma, darling, it's Daddy. 364 00:20:28,916 --> 00:20:32,291 Okay, fine, Grace. I was supposed to do a play here. 365 00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,916 Okay? In the theatre. 366 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,500 Exciting times. Who's the playwright, Brad? 367 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,250 -Oh, Spencer, you're there too? -Marlow? Jonson? 368 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,416 It's gonna be down in Stoneford, okay? 369 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,375 Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart. 370 00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:46,875 Hi, Dad. Mum says you're in England. 371 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,375 [British accent] That's right, governor. 372 00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:49,458 Don't do the accent. 373 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,958 Yeah. Okay. Look, sweetheart, the sad thing is, 374 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:54,125 I don't think I'm gonna be able to see you on this trip. 375 00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,125 Well, but you said that last time. 376 00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,166 -And the time before that. -And the time before that. 377 00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:02,458 I know, I know, okay? But this time is not my fault. 378 00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:03,833 I'm not gonna be here long. 379 00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:05,375 I've been conned. 380 00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:06,916 They weren't even gonna give me a Winnebago. 381 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,416 But what about Christmas? 382 00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:11,083 [sighs] Christmas. 383 00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:13,958 Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry. 384 00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:16,041 I promise I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? 385 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,583 Hey, you liked that Amazon gift card I gave you last year, right? 386 00:21:19,666 --> 00:21:21,500 That way you can get exactly what you want. 387 00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,583 Don't worry, Dad. 388 00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:25,041 Mum always told me to manage my expectations. 389 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,958 A pretty good life lesson, actually. 390 00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,166 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 391 00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:32,458 Please don't be mad at me, okay? I promise, I will make it up to you. 392 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,291 But now you sleep tight, my little angel. 393 00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,666 [alarm clock beeps] 394 00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,958 [church bell rings in distance] 395 00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:53,125 Oh no, this is actually happening. 396 00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:56,291 [whimpers] 397 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500 [Nigel] Wait, Mr Mac. 398 00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,916 I gotta say, Mr Mac, 399 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,500 I'm surprised you didn't flee in the middle of the night. 400 00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:12,416 [laughs] 401 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,333 Imagine that. 402 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,666 Mad dash to the airport, straight onto a private jet. 403 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:20,125 But then again, I know you wouldn't do that to us. 404 00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:24,875 That's a big bag for a rehearsal, innit? 405 00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,833 [man] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 406 00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,708 Excuse me? 407 00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:39,416 Sign in please, Mr Mac. 408 00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:43,458 It's ten past ten. You are late. 409 00:22:43,541 --> 00:22:45,458 It's fine. I won't be staying. 410 00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,291 Why is my name not at the top of the list? 411 00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,041 Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac. 412 00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:53,416 Huh. 413 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,125 The name's Albert, by the way. 414 00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,125 Albert with an A. 415 00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,583 I know your game. 416 00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,291 Yeah. 417 00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:10,041 [sighs] 418 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:14,625 Pbrrr. 419 00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,541 -Ciao, Brad. -Yeah, I know. Hello. Goodbye. 420 00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:22,625 So sad. 421 00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:24,583 Now, I take it you've read the script. 422 00:23:24,666 --> 00:23:27,791 Sandra, if I had read this script, I wouldn't have gotten on the plane. 423 00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:29,666 You are hilarious. 424 00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,375 So we're gonna be starting with scene three. 425 00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:32,708 It's a tricky one, mind. 426 00:23:32,791 --> 00:23:35,458 Wonderful. Places, please, darlings. 427 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,166 Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are. 428 00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,291 Weren't you supposed to be with the fairy in the dairy? 429 00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:42,500 The fairy in the dairy, Fanny? 430 00:23:42,583 --> 00:23:44,708 That's right, Annie. Far better than being on the hunt-- 431 00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:47,041 Wait a second. Why is there plastic on the floor? 432 00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,333 And why are you wearing a wig? In the script it says-- 433 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:51,416 [squelching] 434 00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,333 -[punch lands] -[thudding] 435 00:23:54,416 --> 00:23:55,750 [furious] Son of a bitch! 436 00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,291 You should have known from my contract. 437 00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,541 I don't do my own stunts. Somebody call me a car! 438 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,791 -You're a car. -You're a jerk. 439 00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:05,916 Don't worry, Bradders. It was an absolute honour 440 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,500 to be punched in the face by you. 441 00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:11,000 -You can even do it harder next time. -Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard. 442 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:11,916 Ooh, Fanny. 443 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,541 Okay, that's it. I quit. I'm on the red eye tonight. 444 00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:17,416 [Jean] Have you got pink eye, darling? 445 00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,625 I've got a cream that's good for that. 446 00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,333 What's wrong with you people? 447 00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:24,416 Actually, Brad, darling, you, erm, you can't quit. 448 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:29,000 -[chuckles] Excuse me? -Oh, yes. Cassie's right, darling. 449 00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:32,041 Your clever little agent added in a liability clause. 450 00:24:32,125 --> 00:24:32,958 Yep. 451 00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,416 If you fail to perform even just one show, 452 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,541 you're liable to be sued for loss of proceeds for the entire run. 453 00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:42,625 Ooh, I think I might be able to muster the six bucks. 454 00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:46,083 Mm. The last time I looked, I think it was two million pounds. 455 00:24:46,166 --> 00:24:47,875 Three million, actually. 456 00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,333 You see, Christmas pantomimes make the money 457 00:24:50,416 --> 00:24:52,041 that keeps theatres open all year round. 458 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,666 Without that revenue, a lot of theatres would be forced 459 00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:57,041 to close down. This one included. 460 00:24:57,166 --> 00:25:00,916 Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. That is £3,000,000, not dollars. 461 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,458 Okay, darling. 462 00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:06,208 I'm gonna need some privacy. 463 00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:09,375 Oh. Please don't go, Brad. 464 00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:14,916 Hate you, Brad? No. Why would I hate you? 465 00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,458 Your NDAs alone paid for my new pool. 466 00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:19,333 Okay, good. Good. 467 00:25:19,416 --> 00:25:22,916 That's great. So... am I free? 468 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,250 Well, sadly, Brad, the contract's pretty tight. 469 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:31,375 Unless there's some kind of force majeure. 470 00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:34,666 An explosion, tsunami, collapse of the Western world, 471 00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:37,375 which, let's face it, isn't far away. 472 00:25:37,958 --> 00:25:39,666 You're doing this, I'm afraid. 473 00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,375 No, no, no, Sukie, please. I can't. 474 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,583 Why is this happening to me? 475 00:25:44,666 --> 00:25:47,375 Well, your agent made a pretty solid deal. 476 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,833 Judas. 477 00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:50,833 No, Julie. 478 00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,916 You really gotta get better at remembering people's name. 479 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,833 Hey... 480 00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:01,250 What if I just walked, got on a plane and went home? 481 00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:04,625 Oh, then they will sue and trust me, they will win. 482 00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:07,333 But, hey, look on the bright side, Brad, 483 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,916 this pantomime thing's surprisingly well paid. 484 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:10,833 It is? 485 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,708 Sure, and given the state of your finances, 486 00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,208 I would stay put if I were you. 487 00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,958 What about my finances? 488 00:26:19,041 --> 00:26:20,375 Oh, Brad, please. 489 00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:25,916 Five houses, one divorce, 200k a year on tulips. 490 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,708 -Your spending is out of control. -Why can't anyone get this right? 491 00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,500 It was $200,000 over two years. 492 00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:35,666 And they weren't tulips. They were orchids from Namibia. 493 00:26:35,750 --> 00:26:39,708 Well, Namibia it in the butt, pal, because the bottom line is, 494 00:26:39,791 --> 00:26:42,875 it's Buttons or bust. 495 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,375 [whimpers] 496 00:26:51,708 --> 00:26:52,958 I'm screwed. 497 00:26:56,541 --> 00:26:57,958 [indistinct chatter] 498 00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,291 Everybody's a comedian. 499 00:27:02,041 --> 00:27:04,708 Right then, what can I get you? Oh, hello, Brad. 500 00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,541 -So you work here too? -Course I do. 501 00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,666 Cost of living, mate, can never have too many jobs. 502 00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:10,708 You're telling me. 503 00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:14,000 I used to be the face of Breitling, Gucci, Constipate. 504 00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:15,708 Exactly as it sounds. 505 00:27:15,791 --> 00:27:18,333 Anyways, I'll have a sparkling kombucha, 506 00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,375 a pistachio quinoa power bowl, 507 00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:23,166 and a side order of organic kale, low-alkaline please. 508 00:27:23,250 --> 00:27:25,291 -Yeah, we don't have that. -Which part? 509 00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:26,458 Any of it. 510 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:31,291 Fine. I'll take your average, run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you. 511 00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,833 Hi, Brad. 512 00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,125 Hello, teenage girl. 513 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,958 I'm in the pantomime. Cara. 514 00:27:42,041 --> 00:27:44,333 [disinterested] Of course, you are. 515 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,166 For the Gram. 516 00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,791 Oh, God. I wish I had a gram right now. 517 00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:50,583 [camera shutter clicks] 518 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,750 Listen, Brad, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday 519 00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:01,250 for being a bit rude. 520 00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,500 It's just we don't have much time to rehearse. 521 00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:06,375 And you being five days late wasn't exactly helpful. 522 00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:09,791 -I'm five days late? -Oh, like you didn't know that. 523 00:28:09,875 --> 00:28:12,500 Of course not. 'Cause I'm not supposed to be here. 524 00:28:12,583 --> 00:28:14,000 My agent tricked me. 525 00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:16,250 I'm supposed to be playing Macbeth at the Globe. 526 00:28:16,791 --> 00:28:21,666 Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off. That place doesn't even have a roof. 527 00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:26,458 Okay. This was my chance to be taken seriously as an actor. 528 00:28:26,750 --> 00:28:30,958 -And now that's not gonna happen. -Pantomime is serious. 529 00:28:31,041 --> 00:28:33,541 I'm starting to think you might be a little serious. 530 00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,541 You have a daughter, don't you, Brad? Emma. 531 00:28:37,625 --> 00:28:39,333 Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it. 532 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,583 Can you just imagine her looking at you on the stage 533 00:28:43,666 --> 00:28:46,583 putting massive smiles on everyone's faces? 534 00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:48,458 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 535 00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:51,041 Not exactly the world's greatest dad right now. 536 00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,500 Kids are for life, Brad, not just for Christmas. 537 00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:57,833 And think of Stoneford too. 538 00:28:57,916 --> 00:29:00,625 Do you honestly think anyone's gonna care? 539 00:29:01,250 --> 00:29:04,791 -Er, hello. Look around. -[camera shutters clicking] 540 00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:08,791 So if you're thinking of leaving us, Mr Mac, better do so soon 541 00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:11,083 'cause we'd need to find another Buttons. 542 00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:15,208 -What the hell is that? -Sushi. 543 00:29:15,291 --> 00:29:16,333 I googled it. 544 00:29:17,125 --> 00:29:18,333 [doors swing open] 545 00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,416 Well, it looks like you win. 546 00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,166 I, Bradley Mac, three-time Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons. 547 00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:31,291 -Bravo! -Marvellous! 548 00:29:31,375 --> 00:29:33,041 Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad. 549 00:29:33,125 --> 00:29:34,458 Welcome to the madhouse, darling. 550 00:29:34,541 --> 00:29:36,750 -Who wants a gin? -Brenda. Not now. 551 00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,166 First things first. 552 00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,541 I wanna start with the motivational speech 553 00:29:39,625 --> 00:29:41,125 between Buttons and Cinderella. 554 00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:45,166 Er, sorry, darling... Erm, motivational speech? 555 00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,875 Yeah. Where he tells her to stay strong 556 00:29:46,958 --> 00:29:48,125 in the face of adversity. 557 00:29:48,458 --> 00:29:50,958 I've done it a hundred times. Remember?Killing Time 2. 558 00:29:51,041 --> 00:29:53,416 -I was four when that came out. -Yeah, same. 559 00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,791 All I have to do is get my head in the character 560 00:29:56,875 --> 00:29:59,000 and it should be smooth sailing from there. 561 00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,041 Absolutely, darling, give us your best shot. 562 00:30:05,583 --> 00:30:08,416 Oh, heavens. He's gonna go all Method on us, Brenda. 563 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:09,708 He's not the only one. 564 00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,875 [softly] Don't cry, Cinderella. 565 00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:19,166 Your stepmother and stepsister are mean because that's their nature. 566 00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:21,041 Things will get better. 567 00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:23,041 You just have to believe. 568 00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,500 And magic will happen. 569 00:30:30,208 --> 00:30:33,791 Can I just, er, stop you for a moment, Brad? 570 00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:36,333 Too good? I don't wanna show up the others. 571 00:30:36,541 --> 00:30:38,666 -Almost too good. Yup. -Ah. 572 00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,500 Now, Brad, darling, you are used to film 573 00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:44,166 where the camera can give you a lovely big close-up 574 00:30:44,250 --> 00:30:45,916 with the microphone and the edits. 575 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,375 Hey, I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Mac. 576 00:30:48,458 --> 00:30:50,208 No one's interested in your muscles, Callum. 577 00:30:50,291 --> 00:30:52,625 -Speak for yourself, love. -Want a go on that? 578 00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:54,666 But on stage, it is completely different. 579 00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:58,625 You have to project. You have to go big. 580 00:30:58,708 --> 00:30:59,541 I know that. 581 00:30:59,666 --> 00:31:00,500 I know that. 582 00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:01,666 Louder. 583 00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:04,708 Louder. Okay. Big, big. 584 00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,166 Gorgeous. 585 00:31:06,958 --> 00:31:09,958 And... action! 586 00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,583 [sobbing] Don't cry, Cinderella! 587 00:31:13,666 --> 00:31:16,000 Your stepmother and stepsisters are mean to you 588 00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:17,791 because it's their nature! 589 00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,708 Things will get better! [sobbing continues] 590 00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:24,125 Something like that? 591 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,250 Mm-hmm. Mm. 592 00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:27,333 We're screwed. 593 00:31:29,250 --> 00:31:31,250 [phone buzzes] 594 00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:35,000 Grace. How's my favourite ex-wife? 595 00:31:35,083 --> 00:31:36,500 Oh, what do you care? 596 00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:40,375 Now, listen, you can pick Emma up tomorrow. 597 00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,875 You should consider yourself very lucky. 598 00:31:42,958 --> 00:31:44,416 -Tomorrow? -Yes. 599 00:31:45,041 --> 00:31:47,791 And do not let her down this time. 600 00:31:47,875 --> 00:31:50,166 -What do you mean, this time? -Oh, come on, Brad. 601 00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:51,333 Forget the Oscars. 602 00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:54,583 You are literally first in line for Worst parent of the year award. 603 00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:58,125 Some parents are just so selfish, aren't they? 604 00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,083 What the...? 605 00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:02,833 -I'll be there. -Good. 606 00:32:03,791 --> 00:32:05,416 [exhilarating music] 607 00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:11,875 Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate. Come here. 608 00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:13,208 -Don't. -Yeah, no, fair enough. 609 00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:15,416 -We've been broken into. -What? 610 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,166 Yeah. Your suite's been ransacked. 611 00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,500 Why don't you just get me another room with a bigger lock? 612 00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:22,708 I would love to, but we, we are chock full of Santas 613 00:32:22,791 --> 00:32:24,166 and we're the only hotel in town. 614 00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:27,125 Well then, Mr Mac, 615 00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:29,125 you'd better come and stay at my place. 616 00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:32,291 Thank you, Albert. But I don't want to put you out. 617 00:32:32,375 --> 00:32:34,333 Oh, it's fine. 618 00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:38,000 We'll find a way to, uh, squeeze you in. 619 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,250 I could bring whatever's left of your stuff. 620 00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,125 Thanks, Nigel. 621 00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,083 Yeah, you're welcome, mate. 622 00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:50,166 Stay safe. 623 00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:03,208 Wow. It was very thoughtful of you, Alby. 624 00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:05,083 Hey, Albert, please. 625 00:33:05,666 --> 00:33:08,583 Really like the electric car too. Very green of you. 626 00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,208 What's all this? 627 00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,791 This is my life, 628 00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:15,833 my whole life. 629 00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:18,625 -Huh. -[bells jingle] 630 00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:22,666 Er-- er, you're upstairs. 631 00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,166 Er, first floor. 632 00:33:39,583 --> 00:33:41,916 -I've got a question. -The answer is yes. 633 00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:46,041 Madly in love with each other, but no, neither of them has a clue. 634 00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,708 [both laugh] 635 00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:49,958 -I'll get it. -Yeah. 636 00:33:50,041 --> 00:33:51,041 I'll get it. 637 00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:54,625 Right. Brad. Dare I say, we're gonna attempt to put you in. 638 00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:56,500 -God help us. -Fine. Just remember, 639 00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:58,000 I don't do my own stunts. 640 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,875 You don't do your own stunts. Got it. 641 00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:03,916 Right. To save time, we're gonna divvy up 642 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,958 some your lines to other people. 643 00:34:08,416 --> 00:34:09,708 I'm a light tenor. 644 00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,916 How about you? 645 00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,291 A little heavier, but I can sing. 646 00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:17,250 Jill, is this a good time to tell you that I can actually sing 647 00:34:17,333 --> 00:34:18,833 and I'm a pretty good dancer? 648 00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,500 Of course, you are. 649 00:34:21,708 --> 00:34:24,000 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 650 00:34:24,916 --> 00:34:25,750 Callum. 651 00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:35,500 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 652 00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:41,208 ♪ With the kids jingle belling And everyone telling you ♪ 653 00:34:41,291 --> 00:34:43,333 ♪ Be of good cheer ♪ 654 00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:49,541 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 655 00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:56,291 ♪ It's the hap-happiest season Of all ♪ 656 00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,583 ♪ With those holiday greetings And gay happy meetings ♪ 657 00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,958 ♪ When friends come to call♪ 658 00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:10,750 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 659 00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:15,458 ♪ There'll be parties for hosting Marshmallows for toasting ♪ 660 00:35:15,541 --> 00:35:18,291 ♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪ 661 00:35:18,375 --> 00:35:22,250 ♪ There'll be scary ghost stories And tales of the glories ♪ 662 00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:26,208 ♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪ 663 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,125 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 664 00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:37,500 ♪ There'll be much mistletoeing And hearts will be glowing ♪ 665 00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:40,250 ♪ When loved ones are near ♪ 666 00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,416 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 667 00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,583 ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪ 668 00:35:47,666 --> 00:35:51,666 ♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪ 669 00:35:52,375 --> 00:35:56,541 ♪ Of the year ♪ 670 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,875 -Bravo! -[applause] 671 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:04,083 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 672 00:36:04,166 --> 00:36:07,541 ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪ 673 00:36:07,625 --> 00:36:13,375 ♪ It's the most wonderful time Of the year ♪ 674 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:14,916 [cheers and applause] 675 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,875 Ah, this is gonna be our best panto ever. 676 00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,416 Yeah, that was supposed to be my song. 677 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,250 Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry. 678 00:36:21,333 --> 00:36:23,791 -You can take a lead on another one. -Yeah. Only if I get to pick. 679 00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:27,458 I'd like to do Engelbert Humperdinck's 680 00:36:27,541 --> 00:36:29,625 Lonely Is a Man Without Love. 681 00:36:30,208 --> 00:36:33,541 -Hmm. That'll really get them going. -It used to, darling. 682 00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:37,583 -[whispering] Izzy. What's going on? -Oh, no. It's all right, Brad. 683 00:36:37,666 --> 00:36:39,958 -We don't have to do this. -Do what? 684 00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,541 Well, I know you like to date your co-stars, 685 00:36:42,625 --> 00:36:45,875 but seriously, you're old enough to be my granddad. 686 00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:47,583 Wow. 687 00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:50,416 Wow. 688 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,333 Truth is, I was just gonna ask you 689 00:36:52,416 --> 00:36:54,416 what's going on between you and Callum. 690 00:36:54,500 --> 00:37:00,333 Oh, oh, sorry. That, erm, well, nothing, I guess. 691 00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:02,541 Every year we do the panto 692 00:37:02,625 --> 00:37:05,333 and every year we just sort of grow apart. 693 00:37:05,416 --> 00:37:07,125 Too much brawn, not enough brains. 694 00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:09,000 I hate those guys. 695 00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,000 Well, at least I now know what I need to ask Santa for. 696 00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:14,500 What, brains? 697 00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:17,958 No. Something to stuff your stocking with. 698 00:37:18,083 --> 00:37:21,250 [chuckles] It's double entendre. You're getting it. 699 00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:24,416 No, you're getting it from Callum. [chuckles] 700 00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,250 Too much? 701 00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:28,916 Bren, darling. What's the matter? 702 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,875 -It's my digs. I've been broken into. -No, not another one. 703 00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,416 Digs is what they call the accommodation actors stay in. 704 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,000 Gosh. Thanks, Gillian. 705 00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:42,166 -Hey, don't call me Gillian. -Stoneford just isn't what it was. 706 00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:44,750 I mean, we were a community once. 707 00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,958 Now look, blighted by petty crime. 708 00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,208 Yeah, we all know who's behind that. 709 00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,916 How else can he drive that car? Hey, Kieran! 710 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,833 Leave him, Brenda, please. 711 00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,250 I don't know why you are sticking up for him. 712 00:37:58,333 --> 00:37:59,166 [emphatically] Jill. 713 00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:04,541 Jill, that ex-husband of yours is a bad 'un if ever there was one. 714 00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:06,750 Right then, who's getting this round? 715 00:38:06,833 --> 00:38:08,458 Are you serious? You work here too? 716 00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:10,208 Yeah, cough up, rich boy. 717 00:38:10,291 --> 00:38:12,500 Oh, 200 grand for orchids. 718 00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:16,125 It was a hundred grand a year, and they were from Namibia. 719 00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:17,500 -Oh. -Oh. 720 00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:21,125 -Another round for everybody on me. -[cheers and applause] 721 00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:27,000 Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess. 722 00:38:27,083 --> 00:38:30,208 Yeah. Not too many late night bars around here, are there? 723 00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:32,166 Around here? Nah. 724 00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:34,583 I do have a bottle of wine in the fridge though. 725 00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,458 Oh. Erm... 726 00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,208 Mind you, hey, carbs innit. 727 00:38:43,041 --> 00:38:45,208 Right. Gotta look after the temple. 728 00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:46,291 Yeah. 729 00:38:50,166 --> 00:38:52,041 -Here he is. -Oi, oi! 730 00:38:52,125 --> 00:38:54,250 Stoneford's action hero. Look at him. Look. 731 00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375 Come on then, show us some of your moves, huh? 732 00:38:56,458 --> 00:38:57,625 The only need is me. 733 00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,375 -I don't want any trouble. Come on. -Course you don't. You know why? 734 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000 'Cause you're a little scaredy cat, ain't you? 735 00:39:03,666 --> 00:39:05,375 You couldn't even block that... 736 00:39:05,458 --> 00:39:06,916 [all laugh] 737 00:39:07,541 --> 00:39:09,291 No wonder you ended up in this dump. 738 00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:14,250 -You're a hopeless loser. -Go home, Kieran. Now. 739 00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:16,041 I'm having a laugh, Jill. 740 00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:18,666 Let's go, boys. 741 00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:20,333 -Alright, Kieran, come on. -[sighs] 742 00:39:20,416 --> 00:39:21,500 [laughing] 743 00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:26,833 Jill. 744 00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,250 I'll see you tomorrow, Brad. 745 00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,166 [muttering] Never do nothing right. 746 00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:41,208 All you have to do is stand up for yourself. 747 00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:44,250 Huh? 748 00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:47,333 -Hey! -[suspenseful music] 749 00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,333 -Stay where you are! Stop! -[man] Leg it! 750 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,291 Somebody stop them! 751 00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:55,166 -[music crescendos, stops] -[panting] 752 00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,458 What's going on? 753 00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:02,375 He's behind you. 754 00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,750 Don't come any closer. 755 00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:11,916 Ah! Ah, ah, me sole! 756 00:40:13,625 --> 00:40:16,250 -Stay down. -[man] Mate, you saved us! 757 00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,166 -I got it all on video too. -[grunting, groans] 758 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,500 Well done, sir. Nice one. Thank you. 759 00:40:22,583 --> 00:40:25,375 Arms behind your back. Police. We've got his accomplice as well. 760 00:40:25,458 --> 00:40:27,416 Looks like the Stoneford crime spree's over. 761 00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,250 Hang on a minute, aren't you...? 762 00:40:31,333 --> 00:40:32,250 I am. 763 00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,291 [man] I think I broke it. 764 00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:37,250 247 to base. You'll never guess who I've just seen. 765 00:40:37,333 --> 00:40:38,875 [woman]Go ahead, 247. Surprise me. 766 00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:42,208 {\an8}Hollywood movie star, Brad Mac, put his trademark action moves 767 00:40:42,291 --> 00:40:43,708 {\an8}into action last night. 768 00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:45,791 {\an8}Not on some Hollywood studio lot, 769 00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:49,541 {\an8}but here in the sleepy town of Stoneford in England. 770 00:40:49,625 --> 00:40:51,875 {\an8}Mr Mac may not have been kung fu fighting, 771 00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:55,583 {\an8}but his unusual routine is said to have been inspired by this: 772 00:40:55,666 --> 00:40:57,583 {\an8}Stoneford's Theatre Royal, 773 00:40:57,666 --> 00:41:00,958 where in just a few days' time, Brad Mac takes to the stage 774 00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:03,291 -as Buttons inCinderella. -[reporter 2] Here he is! Here he is! 775 00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:06,625 Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask exactly what happened? 776 00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:10,708 Well, I think I did what any concerned citizen would do. 777 00:41:10,791 --> 00:41:15,000 Er, I saw two men trying to rob, uh, a home, and I chased them. 778 00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:16,416 And apprehended them? 779 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,375 No, the police did that. 780 00:41:18,458 --> 00:41:20,541 But I like to think that I did my part. 781 00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:22,541 Two men are now in custody. 782 00:41:22,625 --> 00:41:24,125 It turns out they were part of a criminal gang 783 00:41:24,208 --> 00:41:26,625 that have been targeting towns in the local area. 784 00:41:26,708 --> 00:41:29,250 Police are confident that further arrests will follow, 785 00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:31,333 and that the gang's crime spree has been put to a stop. 786 00:41:31,416 --> 00:41:32,875 All thanks to you, Brad Mac. 787 00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:36,083 -How's the panto going? -Oh, great. Thank you for asking. 788 00:41:36,166 --> 00:41:39,166 Thank you. Erm, yeah, strength to strength like my career. 789 00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:41,208 And if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go spend 790 00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,833 the rest of the day with my daughter. Thank you. 791 00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:43,750 Thank you. 792 00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:45,041 [journalist] Mr Mac? 793 00:41:45,125 --> 00:41:46,958 {\an8}Quick, Brenda, why don't you tell them 794 00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:49,666 {\an8}about your one night encounter with Ozzy Osborne in 1985? 795 00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:52,125 {\an8}Oh, with pleasure. 796 00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:57,000 [gentle melody] 797 00:42:11,041 --> 00:42:12,458 [doorbell chimes] 798 00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,250 -Spencer. -Grace! 799 00:42:20,166 --> 00:42:21,416 Spider-Man's here. 800 00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,541 -Wasn't inSpider-Man. -No? 801 00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:26,250 I wouldn't know. I don't watch mainstream movies. 802 00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,458 I prefer Cinéma Français. Films with subtitles. 803 00:42:30,541 --> 00:42:32,208 I like French films. 804 00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,375 [In French] But I don't need subtitles. 805 00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:37,166 Move, Spencer. 806 00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:44,083 Dad, you finally made it! 807 00:42:44,166 --> 00:42:47,333 Oh, sweetheart, I am so happy to see you. 808 00:42:47,416 --> 00:42:49,208 We're gonna have a fabulous day, okay? 809 00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:51,375 When do you need her back? 810 00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:52,791 Oh, after lunch is fine. 811 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,666 Well, that's not gonna give us a lot of time. 812 00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:57,083 After lunch on Monday. 813 00:42:58,041 --> 00:42:59,541 Three whole days! 814 00:42:59,958 --> 00:43:00,958 Yeah! 815 00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:04,000 Can Daddy talk with Mummy privately please? 816 00:43:04,083 --> 00:43:05,666 Oh, let's. 817 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,500 [whispering] We'll be right back. 818 00:43:12,625 --> 00:43:14,291 Okay. I can't do three days. 819 00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:15,375 I'm rehearsing. 820 00:43:15,458 --> 00:43:16,291 I'm sure you can get 821 00:43:16,375 --> 00:43:18,333 one of your little minions to sort it out. 822 00:43:18,416 --> 00:43:21,375 Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons. Everyone knows that. 823 00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:24,250 No, no, no. Tough, tough, tough. 824 00:43:24,333 --> 00:43:28,291 We are going to Paris because, newsflash: we are exhausted. 825 00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:30,666 Yeah. I only get a bonus four times a year. 826 00:43:30,750 --> 00:43:34,500 Okay. Newsflash: Spencer, your bonus is $25,000 a month 827 00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:37,708 I pay her in alimony. Grace, you cannot spring this on me. 828 00:43:37,791 --> 00:43:40,916 [Grace] You haven't seen her twice in the last two years. 829 00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:43,583 This is finally your chance. 830 00:43:43,666 --> 00:43:47,041 -I'm working. -You're always working. 831 00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,916 You're a big boy. 832 00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:50,333 Figure it out. 833 00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,750 Well, kiddo, looks like it's you and me for three whole days. 834 00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,875 -Where are we going? -To the North, me little mucker. 835 00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:15,583 -Dad! -I know. 836 00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:16,875 Come on. 837 00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:19,416 [Christmassy music] 838 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,833 So this is it. 839 00:44:33,916 --> 00:44:36,125 Stoneford Theatre Royal. 840 00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:38,708 [delighted] You're in a pantomime? 841 00:44:38,791 --> 00:44:40,541 Yeah. Sorry. 842 00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:43,666 What do you mean, sorry? I love panto. 843 00:44:43,750 --> 00:44:44,750 You do? 844 00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:49,166 But why are you so young? Is it set in the past? 845 00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,750 How dare you! 846 00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,458 -Ah! -[giggles] 847 00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,083 I wanna introduce you to a man named Albert. Come on. 848 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,416 Oh, hello, Emma. 849 00:44:59,791 --> 00:45:01,416 My name's Albert. 850 00:45:01,791 --> 00:45:04,625 Yeah, well, come on in, love. Make yourself at home. 851 00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:06,750 Thank you. 852 00:45:38,666 --> 00:45:39,500 Wow. 853 00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:41,333 Talk about a hint of colour. 854 00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,791 I like it. 855 00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:46,750 Yeah, 856 00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:49,958 we should probably close it up. 857 00:45:54,250 --> 00:45:56,333 -[indistinct chatter] -[laughter] 858 00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:20,041 Don't worry, sweetheart. Happens wherever I go. 859 00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,250 Dad? It's December. 860 00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:25,875 You're right. 861 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,916 Thank you. 862 00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,500 It's that awful man from those dreadful films. 863 00:46:36,791 --> 00:46:39,333 -Brad. Hi. -Gillian. 864 00:46:39,416 --> 00:46:42,041 -Jill! -Big fan of your work. 865 00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:44,916 Oh, thank you very much. This is my daughter Emma. 866 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,541 This is my daughter Cara and her friend Bella. 867 00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:48,958 -Hiya. -Hi. 868 00:46:49,041 --> 00:46:50,791 Do you wanna go and grab hot chocolates? 869 00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:53,333 -Yeah, sure. Dad? -Yeah, of course. 870 00:46:53,416 --> 00:46:54,875 -I'll catch up. -Great. Let's go. 871 00:46:55,833 --> 00:46:57,250 Jill. Can I have a word? 872 00:46:57,333 --> 00:47:00,166 So Emma's here all weekend, right? But we're rehearsing. 873 00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:03,291 And I'm really scared she's just gonna be so bored. 874 00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:06,083 Don't worry. Cara can look out for her. 875 00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:08,041 -Really? -Yeah. 876 00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:09,958 She can hang out with all the kids backstage 877 00:47:10,041 --> 00:47:13,208 and then we'll get her on the stage for that big ballroom scene. 878 00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:17,041 Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic. You are a lifesaver. 879 00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,333 Whoa. 880 00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,500 Actually, Brad, I have a favour to ask you. 881 00:47:23,583 --> 00:47:24,833 -Yeah? -Yeah. 882 00:47:24,916 --> 00:47:27,125 On Monday, the school's holding an event. 883 00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,333 The choir will be singing carols. 884 00:47:29,416 --> 00:47:32,291 -There's a tombola. -Is that like Ebola? 885 00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,666 Not quite. One's an African disease. 886 00:47:34,916 --> 00:47:38,000 Erm, then there'll be a prize-giving, like, fun things, 887 00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,708 like Best Christmas jumper. 888 00:47:39,791 --> 00:47:40,708 What? 889 00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,750 Oh, no, jumper means sweater. 890 00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,458 Oh, thank God. 891 00:47:45,958 --> 00:47:48,833 Little dark for Christmas, right? Aha. Splat. 892 00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:53,000 So we were hoping someone real famous might wanna hand out the prizes. 893 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,375 Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee? 894 00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,875 Er, cup of tea and a bourbon. 895 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,125 Huh. You're cute. I don't drink when I work. 896 00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:04,041 Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts! 897 00:48:04,125 --> 00:48:07,916 -Nigel. Don't you sleep? -Of course not, mate. On the house. 898 00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:10,041 -Thank you. -[hollers] Hot nuts. 899 00:48:10,125 --> 00:48:12,416 Warm your hands on me hot nuts. 900 00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:19,833 One and two and three and four and five. 901 00:48:19,916 --> 00:48:21,083 -Ah. -[Jill] Okay. Stop. 902 00:48:21,166 --> 00:48:24,833 Stop. I want Prince Charming, but it's a bit Prince Alarming. 903 00:48:24,916 --> 00:48:28,833 Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet. Toned feet, but... 904 00:48:28,916 --> 00:48:30,666 No, it's me. Really. 905 00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,083 Callum, do you mind? 906 00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,375 Jill, may I? 907 00:48:36,458 --> 00:48:39,791 -From the top. -Right. Okay. Watch and learn. 908 00:48:42,083 --> 00:48:44,333 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 909 00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,416 Oh. 910 00:49:41,625 --> 00:49:43,625 [cheers and applause] 911 00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:45,166 Bravo, Jill! 912 00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,708 Brenda, please. I wasn't even warmed up. 913 00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:50,416 All right, my darlings. Back to the top. 914 00:49:50,750 --> 00:49:52,750 ['Santa Can't You Hear Me' plays] 915 00:49:57,250 --> 00:50:00,125 ♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪ 916 00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,083 Come on, let's go! 917 00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,708 ♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪ 918 00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333 Oh, this is the best casting! 919 00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,000 Come on, hurry up! 920 00:50:13,166 --> 00:50:14,750 -Jill. -Thanks, Richard. 921 00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:21,708 Yeah, come on! Let's go! 922 00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,916 ♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪ 923 00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,416 ♪ Was nothing I got ♪ 924 00:50:29,500 --> 00:50:35,458 ♪ And Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 925 00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:40,208 ♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪ 926 00:50:40,291 --> 00:50:45,000 ♪ I don't need a thing ♪ 927 00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,125 ♪ I sent a letter to you ♪ 928 00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:53,208 ♪ On how to make my dreams come true, Yeah, yeah ♪ 929 00:50:53,291 --> 00:50:57,916 ♪ What I want for Christmas ♪ 930 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,250 ♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪ 931 00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:06,000 ♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪ 932 00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:09,291 ♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪ 933 00:51:09,375 --> 00:51:11,375 ♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪ 934 00:51:11,458 --> 00:51:15,208 ♪ Unless below is what I need ♪ 935 00:51:15,291 --> 00:51:17,166 ♪ What I need ♪ 936 00:51:17,250 --> 00:51:20,750 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 937 00:51:20,833 --> 00:51:24,916 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 938 00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,041 [laughing happily] Yes! 939 00:51:28,375 --> 00:51:31,083 [cheers and applause] 940 00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:34,833 You was amazing today. 941 00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:36,125 You were too. 942 00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:39,375 Can I buy you a drink? 943 00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:41,375 Sure. 944 00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:43,875 Great. 945 00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:58,791 Good morning, Albert. 946 00:51:59,666 --> 00:52:01,041 Yeah. Morning, Brad. 947 00:52:01,416 --> 00:52:03,166 How's young Emma doing? 948 00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:07,250 She's good, thank you. I think she's really enjoying herself. 949 00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,375 -Ah. -She'll be down in a minute. 950 00:52:09,541 --> 00:52:12,166 -May I? -Yeah, of course. Yes, of course. 951 00:52:14,666 --> 00:52:15,500 Wow. 952 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,083 [chuckles] 953 00:52:21,666 --> 00:52:24,166 -Albert, can I ask you a question? -Yeah. 954 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,166 When did she pass? 955 00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:29,416 Your wife? Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs. 956 00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:34,750 My husband passed nine years ago. 957 00:52:35,791 --> 00:52:39,583 New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage. 958 00:52:41,541 --> 00:52:44,416 Malcolm and I were pantomime dames. 959 00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,458 Rivals at first. 960 00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:50,958 But, er, 1979... 961 00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:54,125 we got asked to work together. 962 00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,791 Cinderella,Oldham Coliseum. 963 00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:01,083 He was a cocky little thing. 964 00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:03,583 I suppose that's why I liked him. 965 00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,625 -Cheeky, like you. -[chuckles] 966 00:53:07,583 --> 00:53:09,458 We toured every year. 967 00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,375 Made all our own frocks. 968 00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,333 Birmingham. 969 00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:17,916 Newcastle. 970 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,166 Hull. 971 00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:20,958 Nottingham. 972 00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:24,541 Until 1992. 973 00:53:24,625 --> 00:53:26,458 What made you stay in Stoneford? 974 00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:31,416 Oh, we were so damn popular, they put us in every year. 975 00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:35,291 Most pantomimes have one dame, you see? 976 00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,875 But here, there were always two. 977 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,791 And people in the town, oh, God, they loved us. 978 00:53:44,875 --> 00:53:46,916 We couldn't go anywhere. 979 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,583 Year round, autographs. 980 00:53:49,666 --> 00:53:51,750 Then selfies. 981 00:53:52,291 --> 00:53:55,541 -The Stoneford Christmas lights. -[laughing] 982 00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,000 Until that Christmas. 983 00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,291 Last show of the year. 984 00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:10,666 Poor Malcolm. 985 00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,666 As the final curtain fell, 986 00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:17,041 he was out like a light himself. 987 00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:21,916 I never went on stage again. 988 00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:26,041 Albert, I'm so sorry. 989 00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:33,708 Why do you work the stage door? You don't need the money. 990 00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,291 Theatre's not about money, lad. 991 00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:42,250 Theatre's about love, passion, people. 992 00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,500 I devoted my whole life to it, 993 00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:54,416 and I haven't regretted it for one single moment. 994 00:54:57,208 --> 00:54:59,083 Come on, Dad. Let's get you to rehearsals. 995 00:54:59,166 --> 00:55:00,250 Good morning, Albert. 996 00:55:00,750 --> 00:55:02,833 Good morning, my dear. 997 00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,625 Thank you, Albert. 998 00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:09,000 Thank you. 999 00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:10,083 Take care. 1000 00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,333 You are a complete waste of space, Buttons. 1001 00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:22,291 I have no idea why we pay you. 1002 00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:24,041 But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup. 1003 00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,416 That's because I am hard up. 1004 00:55:25,500 --> 00:55:26,875 [both, comically] Oh, matron. 1005 00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,208 Yeah. Why do you need money anyway, Buttons? 1006 00:55:30,291 --> 00:55:34,333 Yeah, that's right. We all thought: The only need is me! 1007 00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:35,500 What? 1008 00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:37,583 Why else would you be killing time in panto land? 1009 00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,750 Yeah, we're not in Hollywood now, are we, Buttons? 1010 00:55:39,833 --> 00:55:42,166 Yeah, that's right. Has anyone seen your career? 1011 00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:44,000 [both, comically] It's behind you. 1012 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,583 Why are you saying that? Stop it. 1013 00:55:45,666 --> 00:55:48,041 Oh, no, darling. It's just topical jokes. 1014 00:55:48,125 --> 00:55:50,166 It's the same with the star turn in every panto. 1015 00:55:50,250 --> 00:55:51,666 Just a little light ribbing, dear. 1016 00:55:51,750 --> 00:55:54,208 Well, I'm proud of those films, okay? So you can take that out now. 1017 00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:55,708 What are you gonna do? Quit? [chuckles] 1018 00:55:55,791 --> 00:55:57,666 -I don't think so, ducky. -[laughter] 1019 00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,750 Oh, that's right. Swan off to your agent. 1020 00:56:00,833 --> 00:56:03,500 -What agent? -[both laugh wickedly] 1021 00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:04,666 Oh, he's gone. 1022 00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,875 Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac? 1023 00:56:10,958 --> 00:56:12,958 -Sign out, Mr Mac. -[Emma] Wait! 1024 00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:16,291 Miss Mac. Er... Miss Mac! Uh... 1025 00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,000 Dad. 1026 00:56:27,125 --> 00:56:29,458 Emma, please just go back inside. Okay? 1027 00:56:29,541 --> 00:56:32,166 No. I'm starting to think that Mum was right about you. 1028 00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,208 All you care about is yourself. 1029 00:56:34,291 --> 00:56:35,333 What? 1030 00:56:35,416 --> 00:56:36,833 She says you keep trying to run away. 1031 00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:40,416 I didn't really understand until now. 1032 00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:42,875 That's not true, okay? And it's not fair. 1033 00:56:42,958 --> 00:56:44,458 Come back in, okay? 1034 00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:47,375 For me, please. 1035 00:56:48,291 --> 00:56:50,041 [soft emotive music playing] 1036 00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:03,458 Hey. 1037 00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:06,291 Ah. 1038 00:57:08,291 --> 00:57:10,750 I really want to thank you for making me come back inside. 1039 00:57:11,708 --> 00:57:14,958 You know, I wanna do this play because of you 1040 00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,166 and I think I really had fun. 1041 00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:18,666 You were really good, Dad. 1042 00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:19,875 Thank you. 1043 00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:22,458 Salted caramel surprise? 1044 00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,125 What's the surprise? 1045 00:57:24,208 --> 00:57:26,583 Erm, soft in the centre. 1046 00:57:26,666 --> 00:57:27,958 Ha ha ha. 1047 00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:32,291 Maybe they could go a little easier on me with the jokes about my career. 1048 00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:33,708 They were really funny. 1049 00:57:35,666 --> 00:57:38,625 I might be being oversensitive about this, 1050 00:57:38,708 --> 00:57:41,375 but I just don't think that I'm ready to start joking 1051 00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,541 about the career I'm about to lose. 1052 00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:44,916 What are you talking about, Brad? 1053 00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:47,958 The jokes only work because you are a star. 1054 00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:49,958 It's a thing we do in England. 1055 00:57:50,041 --> 00:57:51,625 It's called taking the piss. 1056 00:57:52,291 --> 00:57:55,166 Now come on, it's time for the school prize-giving. 1057 00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,791 Not quite the Oscars, but we should get going. 1058 00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:58,916 You ready? 1059 00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,041 ♪ Deck the halls With boughs of holly ♪ 1060 00:58:04,125 --> 00:58:06,958 ♪ Fa la la la la la, la la la♪ 1061 00:58:09,375 --> 00:58:11,375 [indistinct chatter] 1062 00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,666 Mr Mac, this is an honour. 1063 00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,791 Martin. The head. 1064 00:58:26,875 --> 00:58:27,708 Pleasure. 1065 00:58:27,791 --> 00:58:29,041 -Mulled wine. -Actually-- 1066 00:58:29,125 --> 00:58:31,083 It's a British tradition, Mr Mac. 1067 00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,166 Well, German. But still. 1068 00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,583 Hey, Cara. Why don't you show Emma around. 1069 00:58:36,666 --> 00:58:37,500 Thank you. 1070 00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:40,541 Gonna earn my keep. 1071 00:58:41,416 --> 00:58:42,250 Good luck. 1072 00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,666 [loudly] Hello, Stoneford! 1073 00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:51,875 Today I'd like to welcome Hollywood actor Brad Mac... 1074 00:58:51,958 --> 00:58:54,041 -[cheering, applause] -...who is here 1075 00:58:54,125 --> 00:58:55,875 to present our Christmas awards. 1076 00:58:55,958 --> 00:58:58,666 [cheers and applause continuing] 1077 00:58:58,750 --> 00:59:00,208 Now, it's so important 1078 00:59:00,291 --> 00:59:03,708 that children be inspired by the theatre. 1079 00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:07,458 That's why our students take their annual trip to London 1080 00:59:07,541 --> 00:59:11,500 to see the best theatre this country has to offer. 1081 00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:15,333 Macbethat Shakespeare's Globe. 1082 00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:16,916 Emma. 1083 00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:21,916 Still, if you're looking for something a little more fun 1084 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,250 this Christmas, be sure to catch Mr Mac 1085 00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:27,041 in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime. 1086 00:59:27,125 --> 00:59:29,125 [cheers and applause] 1087 00:59:29,208 --> 00:59:31,708 Now, shall we get the prize-giving underway? 1088 00:59:34,583 --> 00:59:37,791 Let's get things started with this year's highly coveted prize 1089 00:59:37,875 --> 00:59:39,375 for most improved attendance. 1090 00:59:39,458 --> 00:59:41,583 -And the winner is... -Where's my daughter? 1091 00:59:41,666 --> 00:59:42,583 Grace? 1092 00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,458 Emma's around here somewhere. 1093 00:59:45,541 --> 00:59:47,125 -Jill. -Who? Who's Jill? 1094 00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:48,958 Because she was meant to be home at 12 o'clock 1095 00:59:49,041 --> 00:59:51,166 and your phone is off and it's half past three. 1096 00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:53,000 -I was rehearsing. -Because the hotel said you'd left 1097 00:59:53,083 --> 00:59:54,458 and I can't get a hold of your agent 1098 00:59:54,541 --> 00:59:56,250 because it turns out you don't have an agent any more. 1099 00:59:56,333 --> 00:59:59,208 -[Emma] Mum. -Oh, darling. Oh, sweetheart. 1100 00:59:59,291 --> 01:00:01,458 [Grace] Oh, okay. 1101 01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,250 Sweetheart, we're gonna go to London now. 1102 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:04,583 Grace, please don't do this. 1103 01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:06,916 We're having such a good time, right, Em? 1104 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,208 -I'm going to be in the pantomime. -[panicked] No, no, no, no. 1105 01:00:10,291 --> 01:00:11,875 That's not something to be proud of, Em. 1106 01:00:11,958 --> 01:00:14,041 What is it we say about pantomimes, Spencer? What's the... 1107 01:00:14,125 --> 01:00:15,583 Lowest common denominator entertainment. 1108 01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,333 Well, that's not true. They're hugely popular. 1109 01:00:17,416 --> 01:00:19,333 That's good you're popular somewhere, eh, Brad? 1110 01:00:19,416 --> 01:00:20,875 Come on, let's go. 1111 01:00:20,958 --> 01:00:22,250 I don't want to. 1112 01:00:22,333 --> 01:00:23,375 I'm sorry? 1113 01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:25,583 I want to stay with Dad. 1114 01:00:26,541 --> 01:00:28,708 Your father abandoned you, Emma. 1115 01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,208 So he could stay in Hollywood and make sequel after sequel, 1116 01:00:32,291 --> 01:00:34,833 and buy orchid after orchid. 1117 01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,333 He promised. 1118 01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:40,083 But your father makes a lot of promises, Emma. 1119 01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:43,750 Promises he always breaks. 1120 01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:49,166 So, no, you will not be in the pantomime. 1121 01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:52,125 He probably won't even make it to opening night, will you? 1122 01:00:52,875 --> 01:00:53,958 So, come on, let's go. 1123 01:00:54,041 --> 01:00:55,833 Grace, please just stop. 1124 01:00:55,916 --> 01:00:57,500 This is not fair. 1125 01:00:57,583 --> 01:01:00,333 We both agreed Emma would stay with you because you told me 1126 01:01:00,416 --> 01:01:02,125 that's what was best for her, 1127 01:01:02,416 --> 01:01:04,916 and now I'm just starting to think that that's what's best for you. 1128 01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,041 I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay? 1129 01:01:08,125 --> 01:01:13,458 Thoughtless, selfish. Emma, I promise that stops now. 1130 01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:16,375 I will never run away from you again. 1131 01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,375 Most improved attendance. 1132 01:01:22,041 --> 01:01:22,875 It's ironic. 1133 01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:30,958 Mr Mac. 1134 01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:38,791 -Rachel McDonald. -[man] She's not here. 1135 01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:40,000 Not again. 1136 01:01:43,041 --> 01:01:45,041 [quiet conversation] 1137 01:01:58,708 --> 01:01:59,791 How are you? 1138 01:02:02,458 --> 01:02:03,375 Read that. 1139 01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,625 'From Hero to Zero. Washed-up B-list movie star 1140 01:02:09,708 --> 01:02:11,958 ends career with not a bang, but a whimper.' 1141 01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:15,125 Where did this come from? 1142 01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:19,416 My ex-agent didn't like the good press that I was getting, 1143 01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,416 so she gave them an alternative narrative. 1144 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,041 I was hoping that coming here would change my life and boy has it, 1145 01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:30,458 it has made it worse. 1146 01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:34,000 Come on, cheer up. 1147 01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:35,625 Things will get better. 1148 01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,333 No, not for me. Not here. I'm done. 1149 01:02:39,416 --> 01:02:41,750 I'm going home. I don't care what it costs. 1150 01:02:43,083 --> 01:02:44,250 And what about us? 1151 01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,458 This is our life here, Brad. This is who we are. 1152 01:02:49,291 --> 01:02:51,208 If you run away and leave us in the lurch, 1153 01:02:51,291 --> 01:02:53,041 we are the ones who end up paying the price. 1154 01:02:53,125 --> 01:02:55,041 I'm being humiliated, Jill. 1155 01:02:57,750 --> 01:03:00,708 But look at Albert on stage door putting you up for nowt. 1156 01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,000 Cassandra, holding your hand through every step of the process. 1157 01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:08,458 And then me. Muggins... 1158 01:03:08,625 --> 01:03:10,041 Along for the ride. 1159 01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:13,958 Okay. Forget it. 1160 01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:16,583 Because it's all about you, Brad. 1161 01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:18,791 'Cause that's how it's always been. 1162 01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:20,750 Your wife's right. 1163 01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,208 Ex-wife. 1164 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,250 Yeah. I'm not surprised. 1165 01:03:30,458 --> 01:03:32,541 Bar person, one more for the road. 1166 01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,208 Oh, where's Nigel? 1167 01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:41,750 It's his day off. 1168 01:03:41,833 --> 01:03:42,666 Oh. 1169 01:03:43,250 --> 01:03:46,083 Only joking. [laughs] 1170 01:03:46,166 --> 01:03:47,875 As if I'd get a day off. 1171 01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:52,375 Anyway, mate, you wanna take it easy, yeah? 1172 01:03:52,583 --> 01:03:54,625 You gotta turn on the Christmas lights. 1173 01:03:54,708 --> 01:03:56,375 What do you think I'm dressed for? 1174 01:03:58,625 --> 01:04:01,041 [energised Christmassy music] 1175 01:04:08,125 --> 01:04:09,000 Hello. 1176 01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:11,000 Ich bin... 1177 01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458 German. 1178 01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,250 Jesus. 1179 01:04:15,791 --> 01:04:18,291 Brenda, you're a connoisseur of fine liquid entertainment. 1180 01:04:18,375 --> 01:04:22,875 The biggest turnout we've had for a Christmas light switch on ever. 1181 01:04:24,416 --> 01:04:25,833 I think you might have had enough. 1182 01:04:25,916 --> 01:04:29,125 Welcome to the stage the mayor of Stoneford! 1183 01:04:29,708 --> 01:04:31,166 It worked for Burton. 1184 01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:35,833 So let's give the cast ofCinderellaa huge Stoneford wel-- 1185 01:04:36,125 --> 01:04:37,708 Thank you, Mr Mayor. 1186 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,250 Hello, Stoneford. 1187 01:04:40,333 --> 01:04:43,125 Oi, Buttons! Gonna have another meltdown? 1188 01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:46,041 -Shut up, you loser. -Ooh. 1189 01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:48,083 I'm Bradley Mac-- Ow! 1190 01:04:48,166 --> 01:04:50,625 [all laugh] 1191 01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:58,333 So that's how it is now. 1192 01:04:58,416 --> 01:05:00,833 I'm just a joke to you all. 1193 01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:02,291 Spiderman's here. 1194 01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:03,666 Okay. 1195 01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:06,125 -[Kieran shouting] -[all laugh] 1196 01:05:06,791 --> 01:05:09,958 -How's this for laughs? -[man] Whoa! 1197 01:05:10,041 --> 01:05:11,291 I can be funny. 1198 01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,500 Son of a bitch! 1199 01:05:13,583 --> 01:05:15,041 I can be the clown. 1200 01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:16,000 You're fired. 1201 01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,916 It seems like the only thing I can't be is... a good actor. 1202 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,875 -Something like that? -We're screwed. 1203 01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,833 Good father. 1204 01:05:24,916 --> 01:05:28,333 You are literally first in line for worst parent of the year award. 1205 01:05:28,916 --> 01:05:30,916 Even a good person. 1206 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:31,875 But he promised. 1207 01:05:31,958 --> 01:05:34,875 But your father makes a lot of promises, Emma. 1208 01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,208 Promises he always breaks. 1209 01:05:38,458 --> 01:05:41,958 -Anyone seen your career? -[both] It's behind you. 1210 01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:44,958 What are you looking at? What are you looking at?! 1211 01:05:46,083 --> 01:05:47,333 [explosions] 1212 01:05:49,416 --> 01:05:52,541 You want a villain? I'll be your villain. 1213 01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:54,166 Yeah. 1214 01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,708 Here's this. 1215 01:05:59,541 --> 01:06:00,875 Merry Christmas. 1216 01:06:07,958 --> 01:06:09,208 Aargh! 1217 01:06:09,291 --> 01:06:10,541 -[all gasp] -[electricity fizzles, blows] 1218 01:06:11,083 --> 01:06:12,166 [shocked gasps] 1219 01:06:14,708 --> 01:06:16,083 [laughs] 1220 01:06:16,333 --> 01:06:19,833 [groans] 1221 01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:23,833 [Nigel] Mr Mac. You are under arrest. 1222 01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,375 And before you ask, yep, community police officer. 1223 01:06:28,333 --> 01:06:29,875 Help me up. 1224 01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:31,875 -Yeah. -[groans] 1225 01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,750 [policeman] Mr Mac. 1226 01:06:35,583 --> 01:06:37,500 I'm up. I'm up. 1227 01:06:40,791 --> 01:06:42,833 I need to talk to my lawyer. 1228 01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,625 They've been contacted. And they want you to know they're on the way. 1229 01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:47,500 When are they getting here? 1230 01:06:48,125 --> 01:06:49,208 No idea. 1231 01:06:54,083 --> 01:06:56,541 Er, listen, do you mind if I have a selfie? 1232 01:06:59,125 --> 01:06:59,958 Sure. 1233 01:07:00,041 --> 01:07:00,875 Cheers. 1234 01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:06,916 -Oh... Smile. -[camera shutter clicks] 1235 01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:08,000 Cheers. 1236 01:07:10,708 --> 01:07:11,708 Are you all right? 1237 01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,833 No. 1238 01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,708 Yesterday I had everything. 1239 01:07:19,958 --> 01:07:21,500 Friends, a job. 1240 01:07:22,958 --> 01:07:24,500 My daughter loved me. 1241 01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,250 And I screwed it all up. 1242 01:07:30,708 --> 01:07:32,250 What's gonna happen now? 1243 01:07:32,791 --> 01:07:35,333 Well, you're up in front of the magistrates Wednesday morning, 1244 01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,333 and normally you'd remain in police custody until then. 1245 01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:41,041 However, on this occasion, 1246 01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:44,208 a respectable member of the community has come forward and vouched for you, 1247 01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,791 so we're happy to release you into their care until the hearing. 1248 01:07:49,916 --> 01:07:52,500 A respectable member of the community? 1249 01:07:52,583 --> 01:07:53,416 Yeah. 1250 01:08:02,166 --> 01:08:05,166 Hey, sorry about what I said at the pub. 1251 01:08:05,250 --> 01:08:08,416 Well, you're probably right. Whatever it is you said. 1252 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000 Officer. 1253 01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:12,750 Downstairs. 1254 01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,583 I'll make us a brew. 1255 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,750 [groaning] Oh... 1256 01:08:18,875 --> 01:08:20,500 I was so stupid. 1257 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,916 When Grace took her away, the way she looked at me. 1258 01:08:24,458 --> 01:08:26,708 I'll never get it outta my head. She was so disappointed. 1259 01:08:26,791 --> 01:08:28,875 She'll understand. In time. 1260 01:08:28,958 --> 01:08:31,708 That's the thing. With Emma, I'm running out of time. 1261 01:08:31,791 --> 01:08:33,375 If I'm convicted and I get a record, 1262 01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:34,666 they won't let me back in the country. 1263 01:08:34,750 --> 01:08:36,625 It'll be years before I can see her again. 1264 01:08:36,958 --> 01:08:39,916 I'm spiralling downward and I don't know why. 1265 01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,291 'Cause this pantomime, with Albert and-- and Emma, 1266 01:08:44,375 --> 01:08:47,208 [laughs] even the ugly sisters, 1267 01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,666 this is the best time I've ever had 1268 01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:52,000 and it's 'cause of you. 1269 01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,125 [knock on door] 1270 01:08:56,333 --> 01:08:57,250 Thanks. 1271 01:08:59,291 --> 01:09:00,875 Cara. Cara! 1272 01:09:00,958 --> 01:09:01,958 She's out. 1273 01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,500 You're not supposed to have a key, Kieran. 1274 01:09:05,083 --> 01:09:06,708 [Kieran] I just wanna see my daughter, Jill. 1275 01:09:07,416 --> 01:09:09,166 [Jill] Well, she's not here, 1276 01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,375 so you gotta leave. 1277 01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:12,708 Got him here with you? 1278 01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,333 It's not what you think. 1279 01:09:15,416 --> 01:09:17,166 Since when do you care about what I think? 1280 01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:20,416 I wanna take Carla down to London with me. 1281 01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:23,208 No, the pantomime is opening tomorrow night. 1282 01:09:23,291 --> 01:09:25,541 -You promised. -Yeah. 1283 01:09:25,625 --> 01:09:27,125 That was when your head was straight 1284 01:09:27,208 --> 01:09:28,708 and not full of all this Hollywood rubbish. 1285 01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,166 She's my daughter as well, Jill. 1286 01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,666 She's my daughter as well. 1287 01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:45,166 Only days ago I was standing outside Stoneford Theatre Royal. 1288 01:09:45,250 --> 01:09:48,750 But there's a rather different stage set for today; Stoneford Courthouse, 1289 01:09:48,833 --> 01:09:50,541 {\an8}where the fate of Brad Mac 1290 01:09:50,625 --> 01:09:52,875 {\an8}and the local pantomime will be decided. 1291 01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:56,750 Sweetheart, you sure you're not gonna join us? 1292 01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:01,166 I don't think I can face it and I have to fetch Cara from ballet. 1293 01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:04,208 -So I'll just meet you here later. -What if Brad goes down? 1294 01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:07,083 Then you'll have to get Pierce Brosnan on the phone. 1295 01:10:07,166 --> 01:10:08,208 Hm... mh. 1296 01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,833 Hm, alright, darling, see you later. 1297 01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,291 {\an8}Brad's fearsome legal team flew in overnight 1298 01:10:14,375 --> 01:10:16,666 on an actual private jet from Hollywood. 1299 01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:20,750 That's right, carbon destroyers, but hopefully not career destroyers. 1300 01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,083 Back to you in the studio. 1301 01:10:22,166 --> 01:10:24,083 [indistinct chatter] 1302 01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:43,791 We got this, Brad. Fear not. 1303 01:10:43,958 --> 01:10:48,500 You know I'm the best defence lawyer in California. I'm also the cheapest. 1304 01:10:49,791 --> 01:10:51,833 -Really? -Oh, no, no. 1305 01:10:51,916 --> 01:10:54,166 I'm just making a joke to lighten things up. 1306 01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,250 All rise. 1307 01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,166 Will the defendant please stand. 1308 01:11:08,125 --> 01:11:11,291 Mr Theobald Washington, you have been charged-- 1309 01:11:11,375 --> 01:11:12,208 Objection. 1310 01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:14,625 Who the hell is Theobald Washington? 1311 01:11:14,708 --> 01:11:15,750 That's my real name. 1312 01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,958 Theobald. 1313 01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:18,666 For real? 1314 01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,541 You chose Brad Mac? 1315 01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,583 I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald. 1316 01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:23,791 Oh. 1317 01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:26,000 Carry on, Basil. 1318 01:11:26,083 --> 01:11:29,500 ...with the destruction of city property and being drunk 1319 01:11:29,583 --> 01:11:31,041 and disorderly in public. 1320 01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:32,833 How do you plead? 1321 01:11:33,166 --> 01:11:36,625 -Not guilty. -[cheers and applause] 1322 01:11:36,708 --> 01:11:38,041 Well done, Brad! 1323 01:11:38,250 --> 01:11:40,250 [cheers and applause] 1324 01:11:40,333 --> 01:11:42,791 Silence! 1325 01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:44,791 Thank you. 1326 01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:48,916 Your Honour, my name is Sukie Huntington III 1327 01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,750 from the Los Angeles law firm 1328 01:11:50,833 --> 01:11:54,458 Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson, Ashwell, Lopez, and... 1329 01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:59,083 erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington. 1330 01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:01,333 Proceed. 1331 01:12:01,416 --> 01:12:03,375 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-- 1332 01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:06,000 Er, this is a magistrate court, Miss Huntington. 1333 01:12:06,291 --> 01:12:07,375 There's no jury. 1334 01:12:07,625 --> 01:12:10,041 It's Ms. I'm divorced. 1335 01:12:11,125 --> 01:12:14,875 Just like this court. Divorced from reality. 1336 01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,458 For my client has numerous mitigating circumstances. 1337 01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:21,791 -[phone buzzes] -Not only is he a celebrity, 1338 01:12:21,875 --> 01:12:24,458 he is also a member of a minority. 1339 01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,541 Which minority are you referring to? 1340 01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,541 He's American, Your Honour. 1341 01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:34,833 Mr Magistrate, can I please say a few words? 1342 01:12:34,958 --> 01:12:35,958 If you must. 1343 01:12:37,041 --> 01:12:40,208 Two weeks ago, I didn't even know Stoneford existed. 1344 01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:42,875 And then someone will throw a plate 1345 01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:45,958 of shaving foam directly into your face. 1346 01:12:46,041 --> 01:12:47,000 -And then... -[dialling tone] 1347 01:12:47,083 --> 01:12:49,208 Mr Brosnan? 1348 01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,291 Mr Brosnan? 1349 01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:54,000 [Brad] I certainly didn't know what a pantomime was. 1350 01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:56,916 And, er, so to find myself on stage playing Buttons 1351 01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:59,625 inCinderellacame as quite a shock. 1352 01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,916 That's not an excuse for losing control. 1353 01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:07,125 More my attempt at an explanation. 1354 01:13:07,625 --> 01:13:09,708 You have to let him off, Your Honour. 1355 01:13:09,791 --> 01:13:14,250 The Panto needs Brad Mac. Stoneford needs Brad Mac. 1356 01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,083 Don't be too hard on him, Your Honour. 1357 01:13:16,166 --> 01:13:19,125 -Yeah, that's our job. -Don't bang up Buttons! 1358 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:21,583 [all] Don't bang up Buttons! 1359 01:13:21,666 --> 01:13:23,333 Don't bang up Buttons! 1360 01:13:23,416 --> 01:13:24,875 Don't bang up Buttons! 1361 01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:26,250 [judge] Silence! 1362 01:13:26,333 --> 01:13:28,416 I've had quite enough of this nonsense. 1363 01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,791 [both] Oh, no, you haven't. 1364 01:13:29,875 --> 01:13:31,500 Oh, yes, I... have. Enough! 1365 01:13:31,583 --> 01:13:32,750 [both laugh] 1366 01:13:32,833 --> 01:13:35,208 You're turning this courtroom into a pantomime, 1367 01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:36,791 and this case into a joke. 1368 01:13:36,875 --> 01:13:38,375 Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour. 1369 01:13:38,458 --> 01:13:39,375 Excuse me? 1370 01:13:41,541 --> 01:13:42,666 The pantomime. 1371 01:13:42,750 --> 01:13:44,041 It's not a joke. 1372 01:13:44,916 --> 01:13:48,208 The Christmas pantomime brings entire communities together, 1373 01:13:48,291 --> 01:13:49,458 young and old. 1374 01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,041 For the young people, it's probably the first time 1375 01:13:52,125 --> 01:13:53,333 they'll ever see a theatre. 1376 01:13:53,750 --> 01:13:56,958 And for the older people in the community, like myself, 1377 01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:00,750 it gives us a chance to reconnect with the young ones 1378 01:14:01,916 --> 01:14:03,833 through a shared smile or a laugh. 1379 01:14:04,958 --> 01:14:06,958 Besides, the Christmas pantomime makes enough money 1380 01:14:07,041 --> 01:14:09,583 to keep Stoneford's theatre going all year round. 1381 01:14:10,166 --> 01:14:12,166 Without the pantomime, the theatre would probably close 1382 01:14:12,250 --> 01:14:13,500 and be gone forever. 1383 01:14:14,625 --> 01:14:15,875 Thank you, Mr Mac. 1384 01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,166 Can I please just say one more thing? 1385 01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:25,458 I know you think the panto is silly, and-- and in places it is, by design. 1386 01:14:27,541 --> 01:14:29,916 But I beg you to come seeCinderella, 1387 01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,291 not just to see what's happening on stage, 1388 01:14:32,375 --> 01:14:35,125 but to look around at the faces of the audience. 1389 01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:38,000 You'll see something that's so special, so... 1390 01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:40,291 rare. 1391 01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:42,541 You'll see pure joy. 1392 01:14:44,166 --> 01:14:45,750 And at the end of the day, Your Honour, 1393 01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:48,416 isn't that what Christmas is supposed to be about? 1394 01:14:48,500 --> 01:14:50,083 Nice words, Mr Mac, but shall we get back 1395 01:14:50,166 --> 01:14:51,000 to the matter in hand? 1396 01:14:51,083 --> 01:14:52,083 [Brad] Yes, sir. 1397 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,541 And I have no intention of banging up Buttons. 1398 01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:56,666 I never have. 1399 01:14:56,750 --> 01:14:58,791 The crimes he's charged with aren't even jailable. 1400 01:14:58,875 --> 01:15:02,375 -Really? -Public intoxication: £200. 1401 01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:04,333 [dramatically] Justice at last! 1402 01:15:04,416 --> 01:15:05,958 [cheers and applause] 1403 01:15:06,041 --> 01:15:07,750 -[cheering] -For heaven's sake, clear off. 1404 01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,750 My daughter, he's got my daughter! 1405 01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:16,791 [all] Oh, no, he hasn't! 1406 01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:18,916 What is wrong with you? 1407 01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,958 It's Kieran. He's got Cara. 1408 01:15:21,125 --> 01:15:23,166 Jill, I'm here for you. Whatever you need. 1409 01:15:25,083 --> 01:15:25,916 This way. 1410 01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:27,666 No, this way. 1411 01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:30,500 No, Brad. It's literally this way. I'm tracking his phone. 1412 01:15:33,791 --> 01:15:36,000 Nigel, we need your help to save Cara. 1413 01:15:36,083 --> 01:15:36,916 You got it, boss. 1414 01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:40,083 -Everybody in. -Come on. Hurry up. 1415 01:15:40,666 --> 01:15:41,958 [dramatic invigorating music] 1416 01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,583 Can you go a bit faster? 1417 01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:47,125 He's heading for the motorway. 1418 01:15:49,666 --> 01:15:52,875 Emma, darling, time for pottery class. 1419 01:15:52,958 --> 01:15:53,791 Emma? 1420 01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:55,166 Emma. 1421 01:15:55,708 --> 01:15:56,541 Emma! 1422 01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:57,958 She's gone. 1423 01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,875 She's gone. Spencer, get the car! We're going to Stoneford! 1424 01:16:03,791 --> 01:16:05,083 [dramatic invigorating music] 1425 01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:11,708 Brad, I just wanna say I'm very grateful you're doing this. 1426 01:16:11,791 --> 01:16:13,291 Of course, we're friends. 1427 01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,375 -Cara could be dead. -Dead? 1428 01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:17,375 -Dead? -What? 1429 01:16:17,458 --> 01:16:19,000 I thought it was only a custody battle. 1430 01:16:19,625 --> 01:16:21,833 Somebody say custard? [laughs] 1431 01:16:21,916 --> 01:16:24,000 'Cause custody. No? No. 1432 01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:28,583 [Danny] We've left Cassandra behind. 1433 01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:32,625 A part in next year's pantomime. 1434 01:16:32,708 --> 01:16:33,541 Are you serious? 1435 01:16:33,625 --> 01:16:36,375 -Absolutely, darling. -I mean, that would be wonderful. 1436 01:16:36,458 --> 01:16:38,625 I've always thought there might be a pantomime in me. 1437 01:16:38,708 --> 01:16:40,583 And I've always thought the same... 1438 01:16:41,250 --> 01:16:42,458 -about a judge. -Hm. 1439 01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:46,000 -[elevator bell dings] -[judge] Mm-hmm. 1440 01:16:46,083 --> 01:16:47,166 [Cassandra] Hm. 1441 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,291 That's his car. 1442 01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:07,333 Everybody stay here. 1443 01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,125 Cara. 1444 01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:11,416 Cara. 1445 01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,083 Cara. 1446 01:17:14,916 --> 01:17:17,541 [all] Cara! Cara! Cara! 1447 01:17:17,625 --> 01:17:19,750 -What's all the shouting about? -[shouts for Cara continue] 1448 01:17:19,833 --> 01:17:21,000 Where's her daughter? 1449 01:17:21,541 --> 01:17:22,375 What do you mean? 1450 01:17:22,458 --> 01:17:24,208 Tell me where her daughter is, now. 1451 01:17:24,458 --> 01:17:25,958 What are you talking about? 1452 01:17:26,041 --> 01:17:28,083 Stop screwing around, Kieran, or so help me God. 1453 01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,458 Or what? You gonna go and get your stuntman? 1454 01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:35,416 Yah! 1455 01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:40,250 What are you doing? 1456 01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,791 Under arm. 1457 01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,708 -[grunts, groans] -Get him, Brad! 1458 01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:48,750 [dramatic Christmassy music playing] 1459 01:17:54,958 --> 01:17:55,791 [thud] 1460 01:17:55,875 --> 01:17:56,958 -[laughter] -[shocked gasps] 1461 01:17:57,791 --> 01:17:58,791 What are you doing? 1462 01:17:59,041 --> 01:18:00,250 That's humiliating. 1463 01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,666 [dramatic choral chanting] 1464 01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,833 -Ooh! -Ooh! 1465 01:18:07,916 --> 01:18:08,791 [gasping] Ooh! 1466 01:18:10,083 --> 01:18:10,916 [groans] 1467 01:18:14,833 --> 01:18:15,791 [all] Ooh! 1468 01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:24,208 [groans] 1469 01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:30,583 -Why are we doing this? -Because you kidnapped Cara. 1470 01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,291 What are you talking about? 1471 01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,625 I just dropped her at the train station. 1472 01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,333 What? 1473 01:18:36,833 --> 01:18:38,666 Train... Where is she going? 1474 01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:42,041 Nowhere. She said she had to meet a friend. 1475 01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:43,250 Yeah, I don't believe you. 1476 01:18:43,333 --> 01:18:45,291 I heard you tell Jill you were taking her to London. 1477 01:18:46,291 --> 01:18:47,125 I was. 1478 01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,083 It's my turn to have her this year. 1479 01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,875 Promised her she could do the pantomime. 1480 01:18:53,958 --> 01:18:55,500 I didn't wanna disappoint her. So... 1481 01:18:57,750 --> 01:18:59,083 I'm a crap dad to Cara 1482 01:19:00,250 --> 01:19:02,083 and I was a crap husband to Jill. 1483 01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,250 You're not a crap dad, okay? 1484 01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,250 You're there for her. 1485 01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:12,375 That's a lot better than I can say for myself over the last five years. 1486 01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,166 One thing I learnt here in Stoneford, 1487 01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,708 life isn't gonna go the way you want it. 1488 01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,458 It is what it is and you cannot run away from it. 1489 01:19:22,541 --> 01:19:25,375 You just have to embrace it for all its unpredictability 1490 01:19:25,458 --> 01:19:26,875 with everything you've got. 1491 01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,166 Well... you know, Cara was doing the panto and... 1492 01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,166 I would love to see her on stage, 1493 01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,083 if it's okay. 1494 01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:45,458 Of course. 1495 01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,166 Oh, crap, we gotta go. 1496 01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:55,708 Oh... 1497 01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,000 Cara went to see a friend, she'll meet us at the theatre. 1498 01:20:02,666 --> 01:20:03,916 [sighs of relief] 1499 01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:08,791 Let's go! 1500 01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:27,000 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1501 01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:32,458 ♪ Oh I can't wait to see those faces ♪ 1502 01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:38,625 ♪ I'm driving home for Christmas Yeah ♪ 1503 01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:42,791 ♪ I'm moving down the line ♪ 1504 01:20:43,041 --> 01:20:45,500 [laughter] 1505 01:20:45,583 --> 01:20:48,166 ♪ It's been so long ♪ 1506 01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:51,833 ♪ But I will be there ♪ 1507 01:20:51,916 --> 01:20:53,625 ♪ I sing this song ♪ 1508 01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,375 ♪ To pass the time away ♪ 1509 01:20:57,875 --> 01:21:00,250 ♪ Driving in my car ♪ 1510 01:21:00,791 --> 01:21:02,875 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1511 01:21:06,791 --> 01:21:10,666 ♪ Gonna take some time But I'll get there ♪ 1512 01:21:13,458 --> 01:21:19,333 [cheers and applause] 1513 01:21:23,708 --> 01:21:25,541 Er, you're a big movie star, Mr Mac. 1514 01:21:25,666 --> 01:21:27,166 Isn't the role of Buttons a small part for someone 1515 01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,125 of your stature? 1516 01:21:28,208 --> 01:21:29,708 Well, I'll quote the great Stanislavski. 1517 01:21:29,791 --> 01:21:31,583 There are no small parts, just small actors. 1518 01:21:31,666 --> 01:21:33,208 And how are you enjoying your time in Stoneford? 1519 01:21:33,291 --> 01:21:34,166 [Emma] Dad! 1520 01:21:34,791 --> 01:21:37,000 Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart! 1521 01:21:37,208 --> 01:21:39,208 -What are you doing here? -[Cara] Mum! 1522 01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:41,041 [Emma] I snuck out of the house and took the train. 1523 01:21:41,125 --> 01:21:42,375 Cara met me at the station. 1524 01:21:42,458 --> 01:21:46,791 Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy to see you, but you're 12 years old. 1525 01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:49,791 You cannot take a train across the country by yourself, okay? 1526 01:21:50,625 --> 01:21:51,833 Next time, just call me. 1527 01:21:52,416 --> 01:21:53,250 Come here. 1528 01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,250 I see you're getting the hang of proper parenting. 1529 01:21:56,333 --> 01:21:57,541 Better late than never. 1530 01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:01,000 Oh, on that subject, it's time to get into costume. Ready? 1531 01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:02,083 Show time. 1532 01:22:05,833 --> 01:22:08,000 -[indistinct chatter] -[Christmassy music] 1533 01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:20,916 It's my first theatre. 1534 01:22:23,833 --> 01:22:27,583 [Brenda] Once upon a time in a magical land... 1535 01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:30,833 Oh, that must be Buttons. 1536 01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,500 My oldest and dearest friend. 1537 01:22:33,583 --> 01:22:35,916 I can always rely on Buttons. 1538 01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:42,041 I said, I can always rely on Buttons! 1539 01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:46,875 -[woman] Has anyone seen... -You'll do fine. 1540 01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,125 Needed the lipstick. 1541 01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,000 One, two, three. 1542 01:22:53,541 --> 01:22:55,333 [all] Buttons! 1543 01:22:58,291 --> 01:23:00,333 [cheers and applause] 1544 01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:17,541 Don't worry, mate. She's been killing time. 1545 01:23:17,791 --> 01:23:19,333 [laughter] 1546 01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:22,000 -Cinderella. -Hmm? 1547 01:23:22,083 --> 01:23:24,833 -I have a secret. -[gasps] A secret. 1548 01:23:24,916 --> 01:23:25,916 What is it? 1549 01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:27,666 Well, a secret's something you tell someone 1550 01:23:27,750 --> 01:23:29,416 that you don't want anyone else to know. 1551 01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:31,875 -[modest laughter] -I'd stick to movies, mate. 1552 01:23:32,791 --> 01:23:35,166 Do yourself a favour and shut your mouth. 1553 01:23:35,458 --> 01:23:37,875 I almost forgot my big run-up. 1554 01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,708 [all] Ooh. 1555 01:23:40,833 --> 01:23:43,625 [all laugh] 1556 01:23:44,416 --> 01:23:46,333 I do my own stunts now. 1557 01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:52,333 Just like the other big stars. 1558 01:23:52,583 --> 01:23:53,541 Whoo! 1559 01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:01,958 They're booing you, Fanny. They're booing you. 1560 01:24:02,375 --> 01:24:04,833 You shan't go to the ball, Cinderella. 1561 01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,916 [both] You shan't, you shan't, you shan't. 1562 01:24:08,333 --> 01:24:10,333 -Yeah, rip it, rip it. -[both laugh] 1563 01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:13,708 All you have to do is believe and magic will happen. 1564 01:24:17,833 --> 01:24:20,916 You shall go to the ball, Cinderella. 1565 01:24:21,125 --> 01:24:24,000 [cheers and applause] 1566 01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:26,625 Tell you what, mate, there'll be somebody good looking in here 1567 01:24:26,708 --> 01:24:27,916 you can have a little chat with. 1568 01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,583 Let's see if we can find-- let's see if we can find a good-looking fella. 1569 01:24:30,666 --> 01:24:32,500 -There'll be some in here. -Let's have a little look 1570 01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:35,625 for a good looking fella, we can find a good-looking fella. 1571 01:24:35,708 --> 01:24:38,208 -See if we can find a... -Has to be a good-looking fella. 1572 01:24:38,291 --> 01:24:39,708 -A good-looking fella. -Has to be a good-looking fella. 1573 01:24:39,791 --> 01:24:43,583 Oh, you, sir. You, sir. Can you see any good-looking fellas in here? 1574 01:24:43,666 --> 01:24:45,791 [all laugh] 1575 01:24:45,875 --> 01:24:47,125 [joyous music playing] 1576 01:24:57,500 --> 01:25:01,916 [both speaking over each other] 1577 01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:03,541 [all laugh] 1578 01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:09,708 Pop it on. The doctor says I've got the feet of an athlete. 1579 01:25:09,791 --> 01:25:11,791 No, he said you've got athlete's foot, it's different. 1580 01:25:11,875 --> 01:25:12,875 [all laugh] 1581 01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:15,583 -Toes are curled. -Look at those chubby feet. 1582 01:25:15,666 --> 01:25:17,375 Hey, you can't say chubby. That's-- you're fattist. 1583 01:25:17,500 --> 01:25:19,833 I think you'll find you're the fattest. [laughs] 1584 01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,166 Sorry about this, Your Highness. 1585 01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:26,083 -Yes! -Oh! 1586 01:25:26,208 --> 01:25:29,041 -[uplifting music] -[cheers and applause] 1587 01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:34,500 -So we didn't get our prince. -Never mind. 1588 01:25:34,583 --> 01:25:37,708 -Who's ready for the big finale? -[cheers and applause] 1589 01:25:38,250 --> 01:25:41,791 Thanks, everybody. We'll see you later. Bye! 1590 01:25:47,166 --> 01:25:50,666 ♪ I used to bite my tongue And hold my breath ♪ 1591 01:25:50,750 --> 01:25:54,500 ♪ Scared to rock the boat And make a mess ♪ 1592 01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:57,458 ♪ So I sat quietly ♪ 1593 01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,833 ♪ Agreed politely ♪ 1594 01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:05,000 ♪ Guess that I forgot I had the choice ♪ 1595 01:26:05,083 --> 01:26:08,166 ♪ I let you push me Past my breaking point ♪ 1596 01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:11,250 ♪ I stood for nothing ♪ 1597 01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,666 ♪ So I fell for everything ♪ 1598 01:26:15,250 --> 01:26:18,041 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1599 01:26:18,666 --> 01:26:21,208 ♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪ 1600 01:26:21,291 --> 01:26:24,250 ♪ You hear my voice You hear that sound ♪ 1601 01:26:24,625 --> 01:26:27,208 ♪ Like thunder Gonna shake the ground ♪ 1602 01:26:27,333 --> 01:26:29,791 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1603 01:26:30,291 --> 01:26:32,375 ♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪ 1604 01:26:32,458 --> 01:26:35,250 ♪ I see it all, I see it now ♪ 1605 01:26:35,625 --> 01:26:38,541 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1606 01:26:38,625 --> 01:26:42,625 ♪ A fighter Dancing through the fire ♪ 1607 01:26:42,708 --> 01:26:45,416 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1608 01:26:45,500 --> 01:26:49,625 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1609 01:26:49,708 --> 01:26:53,416 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1610 01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:56,041 ♪ Cause I am a champion ♪ 1611 01:26:56,375 --> 01:27:00,000 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1612 01:27:00,083 --> 01:27:02,500 [cheers and applause] 1613 01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:11,166 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1614 01:27:17,541 --> 01:27:21,708 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1615 01:27:28,958 --> 01:27:32,041 ♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪ 1616 01:27:32,500 --> 01:27:36,333 ♪ Roar, roar ♪ 1617 01:27:36,416 --> 01:27:39,041 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1618 01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:42,708 ♪ A fighter Dancing through the fire ♪ 1619 01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:45,625 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1620 01:27:45,916 --> 01:27:49,541 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1621 01:27:49,625 --> 01:27:53,208 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1622 01:27:53,291 --> 01:27:55,750 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1623 01:27:55,833 --> 01:27:59,333 ♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1624 01:28:06,625 --> 01:28:10,083 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1625 01:28:16,375 --> 01:28:21,833 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1626 01:28:21,916 --> 01:28:27,833 [rapturous cheers and applause] 1627 01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:35,000 [emotive music] 1628 01:28:38,583 --> 01:28:41,916 [cheering and applause continues] 1629 01:28:51,583 --> 01:28:52,416 So... 1630 01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:55,833 Look, 1631 01:28:56,625 --> 01:28:59,666 I'm no good at talking about feelings and stuff like that. 1632 01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:00,875 Shut up. 1633 01:29:05,375 --> 01:29:06,208 Wow. 1634 01:29:09,833 --> 01:29:11,791 My God. My hands are still shaking. 1635 01:29:12,208 --> 01:29:15,541 Ah! Darlings, you were marvellous! 1636 01:29:15,625 --> 01:29:17,125 Thank you, Albert. That means the world to me. 1637 01:29:17,208 --> 01:29:19,000 Coming from a true panto legend. 1638 01:29:19,083 --> 01:29:20,458 [laughs] You both were. 1639 01:29:21,166 --> 01:29:25,416 Well, that's it. From here on in, I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it. 1640 01:29:25,500 --> 01:29:27,625 Well, that's good 'cause you still got... 1641 01:29:27,708 --> 01:29:29,666 49 more shows to go. 1642 01:29:29,916 --> 01:29:32,208 What? Are you insane? 1643 01:29:32,291 --> 01:29:34,208 Forty-nine more shows? I can't do that. 1644 01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,416 Just kidding. 1645 01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,291 I can't wait. 1646 01:29:40,916 --> 01:29:42,541 [chuckles] 1647 01:29:43,916 --> 01:29:44,916 [bells jingling] 1648 01:29:45,416 --> 01:29:46,416 [sprightly music] 1649 01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:34,583 Brad, wonderful work today. 1650 01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,125 It's a killing field 7. 1651 01:30:37,958 --> 01:30:39,208 [laughs] 1652 01:30:42,541 --> 01:30:46,375 Oh, the brake went down. Sorry. No, I can't... 1653 01:30:46,458 --> 01:30:48,333 Buttons. There you are. 1654 01:30:48,541 --> 01:30:50,750 Weren't you supposed to... [babbles incoherently] 1655 01:30:50,833 --> 01:30:54,000 If all else fails, just dramatically faint. 1656 01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:55,458 Really? 1657 01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:58,375 You've missed a bit. 1658 01:30:58,458 --> 01:30:59,958 Oh, God. She's not even good at cleaning. 1659 01:31:00,041 --> 01:31:01,958 -Oh, she's rubbish. -Oh, ugly as well. 1660 01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,416 -Ugh. Ugh. -Ugh. Ugh. 1661 01:31:03,500 --> 01:31:04,458 Uh, you've sweeped... 1662 01:31:04,541 --> 01:31:06,541 It's in my direction! I've got allergies! 1663 01:31:06,625 --> 01:31:09,583 -Look at the state of her. -Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me. 1664 01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:13,083 Again, not exactly sure what's happening. 1665 01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:14,833 Show me what? 1666 01:31:16,375 --> 01:31:18,458 That was much better, wasn't it? [laughs] 1667 01:31:18,916 --> 01:31:22,208 [pondering] Ooh. Mmm. Mmm. 1668 01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:29,125 -What's happened to Brenda? -[laughter] 1669 01:31:29,750 --> 01:31:31,958 -We've left Cara behind. -[all laugh] 1670 01:31:32,041 --> 01:31:34,208 Cassandra, Cassandra. 1671 01:31:34,291 --> 01:31:35,750 Katy Perry just called. 1672 01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,333 She said, I wanna see it again. 1673 01:31:38,416 --> 01:31:39,750 I'm gonna fly to Stoneford. 1674 01:31:40,666 --> 01:31:42,125 -[still pondering] Mmm. -Oh, no. 1675 01:31:42,208 --> 01:31:46,083 -Oh, no, behave! -[laughs] 1676 01:31:46,666 --> 01:31:50,333 Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad. That was marvellous. 1677 01:31:51,083 --> 01:31:53,541 [groans] 1678 01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,291 [groaning] Why are we doing this? 1679 01:31:59,416 --> 01:32:01,125 Because they're paying us. 1680 01:32:07,291 --> 01:32:09,666 -I'm so sorry. -[laughter] 1681 01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,083 Sorry. 1682 01:32:13,166 --> 01:32:15,708 Finally, a blooper you can't use. 139314

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