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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,403
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
2
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,276
We wish you a Merry Christmas
3
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,711
We wish you a Merry Christmas
4
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,480
We wish you a Merry Christmas
5
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:17,083
And a Happy New Year
6
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,552
Good tidings we bring
7
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,221
To you and your kin
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,557
We wish you a Merry Christmas
9
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,060
And a Happy New Year
10
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,334
Now bring us a figgy pudding
11
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,136
Now bring us a figgy pudding
12
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,405
Now bring us-
13
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,607
(GROANS)
14
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,475
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
15
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,778
They're still up. His lights.
He's just forgotten they're
there.
16
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,548
Oh, and just remembers
to turn them on every night?
Timer.
17
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:52,018
Ah! No. That's what I thought,
but different times every night.
18
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:56,489
This evening, 6:59.
Before that 6:57. Before that 6
:42.
19
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:59,392
Before that 6.53,
6:42, 6:53, 6:47, 6:59-
20
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,527
I like them.
I'm telling you...
21
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,830
he's got it in for me, Laura.
22
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,700
First it was the whole the
thing, wasn't it, about the car.
Neil...
23
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,469
For the last time,
the car thing...
24
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,138
could've been anyone.
The entire street would like to
see
25
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:14,073
the back of that heap.
Eight years it sat there,
26
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,076
not a dicky bird,
but the second that he moved
in...
27
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,379
Why would he, of all people,
28
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,814
complain to the council
about an "eyesore"?
29
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,484
Because no one
would suspect him.
30
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,354
WOMAN: (OVER VIDEO CALL)
Chicken soup. Argh.
31
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,124
Err, custard.
Ey.
32
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,061
Beans with sausage.
Oh, perfect.
33
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,796
Just what I'm
after. Thanks, Hol.
34
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,465
Dad... You are looking
after yourself? Yeah?
35
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,101
"Looking after myself"?
There's sausage in these beans.
36
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,071
I'm living like a king!
Hm... OK.
37
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,439
(RHYTHMIC KNOCK AT DOOR)
38
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,207
I'd know that knock anywhere.
39
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,376
It's him.
Dad. No, wait just promise me-
40
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,412
I'll be on my best behaviour.
Anyway, got to go.
41
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,280
Love you Holly. See you later.
Dad, wait!
42
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,116
Bye-bye. Bye.
Mwah. Bye.
43
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,721
Hello?
Hello Scott.
44
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,790
Um... It's me.
Me?
45
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,126
Neil.
"Neil"?
46
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,729
Across the road.
Oh yeah, Neil. Got ya.
47
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,397
What can I do for you?
48
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,066
It's about the lights.
49
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:15,535
Lights?
The Christmas lights. On your
roof.
50
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,639
Oh, they still up are they?
You may remember from...
51
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,308
our conversation on January 2nd,
and my follow up text
52
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,211
of February 5th, and the 12th,
that they shine brightly
53
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,615
into my top window, so I'd
really appreciate it, if you
don't mind-
54
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,316
Yep, say no more Neil.
55
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,785
I will have them taken down
first thing in the morning.
56
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,454
You have my word.
57
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:37,123
...Good tidings we bring
58
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:39,492
To you and your kin
59
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:43,296
(DISTORTED, SLOWS)
We wish you a Merry
Christmas...
60
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:44,330
Git!
61
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,799
(JOLLY MUSIC)
62
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:56,009
When the snowman
brings the snow
63
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,479
He might just like to know
64
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:05,418
He put a great big smile
on somebody's face
65
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,257
When you jump into your bed
66
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,727
Pull the covers
right over your head
67
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,696
But don't you lock the doors
68
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:22,135
You know Santa Claus
is on his way-ay-ay
69
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:26,373
I wish it could be Christmas
every day
70
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:34,281
When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play
71
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:42,389
Oh, yes, I wish it could be
Christmas every day
72
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:51,464
Let the bells ring out
for Christmas
73
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,300
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
74
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:58,238
When we're skating in the park
75
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,107
And the storm
cloud paints it dark
76
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:07,413
Well, your rosy cheeks
are gonna light my merry way
77
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,415
Oh, now
78
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,818
When the frosticles appear
79
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,488
And they've frozen my beard
80
00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:21,094
So we'll sit by the fire
and let the heat melt 'em
away...
81
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,830
You were supposed to be getting
her flute! Thirteen minutes.
82
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,698
He hasn't even invited her in.
Do you hear me?
83
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,735
She's 74 with a fake knee.
Get the poor woman a chair.
84
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,404
Look at her under his spell,
he's not even listening.
85
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,707
You'd think she'd see through
him, but no she's baked him a
carrot cake.
86
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,376
How do you know it's carrot?
87
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,378
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH HEADPHONES)
88
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,280
Well... that's normal.
89
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,781
Can you get to school, please?
90
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,483
Get a life, please?
Don't backchat me.
91
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,285
And don't cut through the park!
92
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:50,857
Neil. Look at me. Look at me.
I know you've had a difficult
time
93
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,426
the last few months.
Why'd you keep saying that? I'm
fine.
94
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,862
You're not fine. You're
distracted, you're short
tempered.
95
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,731
You've barely noticed your
daughter. I noticed the
attitude.
96
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,301
Well, what do you
expect. Look...
97
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,370
What Graham did was wrong.
You were best friends...
98
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,506
We weren't friends,
we were business partners.
99
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,408
Look whatever.
The whole Parnes Alarms thing
100
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:12,345
has clearly affected you.
All you do is work, sleep, and
this.
101
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,380
It's not healthy.
Right, two things.
102
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,716
Firstly, bit of hard work
never killed anybody.
103
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,619
Your Uncle Fred had
a pre-existing heart condition.
104
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,722
And secondly, I don't need
a best friend because I'm not
nine,
105
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,824
and this is
completely unrelated.
106
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,126
This is about him
messing with the wrong "hombre".
107
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,462
Morning April! Morning Scott.
Morning, Euan!
108
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,298
Cake was delicious, by the way.
OK fine. Fine.
109
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,267
If you think you're fine, fine.
110
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:36,836
But if everybody else
thinks he a nice normal guy,
111
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,539
easy to get on with, and it's
only you who think he's some
sort of
112
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,075
mad, evil psychopath,
what does that tell you?
113
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,144
That he's winning.
114
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,547
Oh! (GROANS)
115
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,182
(CURIOUS MUSIC)
116
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,421
That's my bin.
117
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,440
(GASPS)
118
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,142
Who's there?
119
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,214
(GRUFFLY) Postman! I thought
you were out, so I was just
lea...
120
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,583
Parnes Alarms?
Neil?
121
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,323
Hello, you two.
122
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,662
(GRUFFLY) Alright mate,
I was just delivering these.
123
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,832
(NORMAL VOICE) Oh,
I can take those.
124
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,370
(GRUFFLY) 'Ere.
125
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,574
(NORMAL VOICE)
Cheers. OK, Merry Christmas.
126
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,276
(GRUFFLY) Right.
127
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,412
And to you, both.
128
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,058
Postie gone has he?
Yep, /yeah he's gone.
129
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,562
So what brings you over here,
this time? In a word...
130
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,429
..."bins".
131
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,299
It looks like our green bins
have got mixed up.
132
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,302
Again.
Does it matter?
133
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:19,272
Well, yeah.
One of them has got a crack in
it.
134
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,207
And it's got, like,
sentimental value has it?
135
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,310
No, yours has got a crack in it.
136
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,514
So I'll... I will just...
137
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:31,685
swap these bins over, again.
138
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:36,556
And hopefully,
that will be the end of it.
139
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,024
Well, fingers crossed.
140
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,196
You can't trust them you know,
Parnes Alarms.
141
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,399
I used to work with him. Graham.
142
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,102
Yeah. Out for himself.
He's a bad egg.
143
00:07:49,103 --> 00:07:51,438
Oh, he seems alright to me.
I do his accounts.
144
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,743
Well, I hope you're
both very happy.
145
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,478
We are.
146
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,754
So, what's he sent you then?
Mr Parnes?
147
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,690
Oh, you know. Just
some... lights.
148
00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:15,128
Lights?
Security lights.
149
00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:18,298
April was concerned about
my home security so I thought,
150
00:08:18,299 --> 00:08:20,833
a few more lights couldn't hurt.
Oh, come off it.
151
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,802
What have you got
against me? Eh?
152
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,171
The flashing lights,
swapping the bins,
153
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:29,376
and I know it was you that
complained to the council about
my Sierra.
154
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,111
Those complaints are anonymous.
155
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,813
How d'ya know if
you didn't complain?
156
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,682
Common knowledge.
Argh...
157
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,784
You wheedle your way in here,
don't you? Eh?
158
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:40,787
Convincing everyone round here
you're all sweetness and light.
159
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,690
People baking you cakes,
laughing at your little jokes.
160
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,825
Years I've lived here
without an issue,
161
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,660
but the second you move in...
162
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,696
Oh. You need to
open your eyes more.
163
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,699
Excuse me? You know what
they call you round here?
164
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,568
What?
Petty.
165
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:58,004
Nonsense.
Yeah. Tom Petty they call you.
166
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,173
Rubbish.
Petty Davis.
167
00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:02,809
That's not true. Jean-Paul
Petty. You're making these up.
168
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,644
The Petty'sburg address.
They don't say that.
169
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,813
Alpha-petty-spaghetti.
That doesn't make sense.
170
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,816
Dainty little petty coat. I'm
very well respected. Very
popular.
171
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,719
Ah well, where's your cake then?
Well, it's not in the bin.
172
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,588
Oh, I haven't got time for this.
173
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,491
Neighbourhood watch tonight.
You mean nosey parkers.
174
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:21,628
It's like Parnes Alarms,
no substitute for the real
thing.
175
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,563
Well, tonight's the big night.
176
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,865
April's standing down
as coordinator.
177
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,567
It's the vote to
find a replacement.
178
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:31,671
And, you know, I'm thinking
of standing, given my
popularity.
179
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:34,507
Oh, come off it.
You wouldn't stand a chance.
180
00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:38,211
Wouldn't I?
No, you wouldn't.
181
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:41,214
Wouldn't I?
No, you wouldn't!
182
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,051
Wouldn't I?
183
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,392
(CURIOUS MUSIC)
184
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,094
Euan.
185
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,596
Bin's again. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
186
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,208
(SNIFFLING)
187
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,278
Alright?
Fine!
188
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,780
Good stuff.
189
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,849
(DOOR OPENS)
(PHONE CHIMES)
190
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,785
(DOOR CLOSES)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
191
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,587
Ah, well, good for business.
192
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,557
There you go darling.
193
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,527
Have you heard this?
What?
194
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:28,861
It's nothing. Just leave it.
195
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,563
She's been mugged.
Mum...
196
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,565
You just said you were fine.
I am fine!
197
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,535
Ashleigh Brennan stole her ear
buds. The ones I bought her?
198
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:38,504
I had those engraved.
Doesn't matter. I don't even
care.
199
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,473
When was this?
Just now in the park.
200
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,675
Oh, I told you
not to cut through the park!
201
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,611
That's it? That's your response.
202
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:47,614
It's fine, and I'm fine,
so can we just leave it?
203
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,651
(HURRIED FOOTSTEPS)
(SCOFFS) Well?
204
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,553
(DISTANT DOOR SLAMS)
What do you want me to do?
205
00:10:53,554 --> 00:10:55,788
I don't know.
Call the police or something.
206
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,724
You don't call the police
on the Brennans.
207
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,859
They're not the kind of people
you want to upset.
208
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,463
What about Chloe? Upsetting her?
209
00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:06,666
Go and apologise to her.
Go and find her, make sure she's
OK.
210
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,501
Be her Dad.
211
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,843
(LAUGHTER)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
212
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,511
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
213
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,716
I'm just gonna, erm...
214
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,318
I'm... I'm just...
215
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,258
(TENSE MUSIC)
216
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,663
(DOOR BUZZES)
217
00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:46,172
WOMAN: Ashleigh.
218
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,674
Big Barry.
219
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,076
Little Barry.
Eek!
220
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,414
You know, cos... three years,
Mum. (CHUCKLES)
221
00:11:54,415 --> 00:11:56,216
Ah...
222
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,391
Right Brennans,
let's get to work.
223
00:12:05,326 --> 00:12:08,294
I told you to ditch the balloon.
(INDISTINCT ARGUING)
224
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,796
Just get in!
225
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,735
Oh. Lovely to see you Scott.
226
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,438
And the tea is in
your left hand.
227
00:12:18,439 --> 00:12:21,741
Oh. In the cup-shaped thing.
I've got you. Thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
228
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,343
Just this way Scott.
229
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,112
Scott. Hi.
230
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:29,616
Oh, hey, Sabrina. How are you
doing? Hi. Yeah, I'm good
thanks.
231
00:12:29,617 --> 00:12:31,818
New shirt?
Oh, yeah. Pressie from my
daughter.
232
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,553
Oh, lovely...
Yeah.
233
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:35,221
Matches your eyes.
Yeah.
234
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,290
What, you mean it doesn't work?
235
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,726
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Sorry.
236
00:12:39,727 --> 00:12:41,461
No, that's alright. Um...
237
00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:43,830
There's a seat next
to me if you want to...
238
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,633
Oh, um... No, I'm with these
guys here, you know, I'd
better...
239
00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:47,734
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, OK.
240
00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:49,769
APRIL: Everyone, settle down.
Yeah. See you later.
241
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,638
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
242
00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:54,574
Right, then, thank
you everybody.
243
00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:57,711
Well. There's no avoiding
the elephant in the room.
244
00:12:58,412 --> 00:13:03,316
As everyone knows, I'm stepping
down as community coordinator.
245
00:13:03,317 --> 00:13:05,785
(GROUP AWs)
It's been very fulfilling...
246
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:09,055
but, without John
to share the load...
247
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,292
...it's time to
pass on the torch.
248
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,726
(GROUP AWs)
249
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:16,562
Which brings me
to the small matter of my
successor,
250
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,566
and we have a wealth of talent
on the shortlist.
251
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,802
There's Bill and Janet.
(APPLAUSE)
252
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,007
The two Sues.
(APPLAUSE)
253
00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:30,443
And, of course,
our current bursar, Evelyn.
254
00:13:30,444 --> 00:13:32,278
(APPLAUSE)
255
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:35,582
So, unless anybody else
is thinking of standing...
256
00:13:36,717 --> 00:13:40,053
...the vote will be
a simple show of hands.
257
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,156
(GROUP GASPS)
Neil?
258
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,459
This is an unexpected...
259
00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:47,560
Unexpected.
260
00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,796
Well, you know,
I knew it was your big day,
April.
261
00:13:49,797 --> 00:13:51,531
I wanted to see you go.
262
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:53,700
I mean, mark the occasion.
263
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:56,202
Out with the old...
not that you're old!
264
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:59,239
I mean "old guard",
a lynchpin, a big beast.
265
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,275
Not that you're big, you know,
you've lost a lot of um...
266
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,777
How's John?
He's dead. I'll sit down.
267
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:06,579
(MURMURING)
268
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,782
Yes, um... Where were we?
269
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,784
Ah, voting!
270
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:17,090
So, I will list each candidate
in turn and ask for a show of
hands.
271
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:20,193
Oh, Scott. Have you, uh...?
272
00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:23,496
Um, yes April.
Um, I've been thinking...
273
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,333
...just about how
incredibly welcoming
274
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,768
this community has been to me.
275
00:14:28,769 --> 00:14:32,472
How kind and
accepting and, well...
276
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,142
...just about the help and
support that you've all given to
me
277
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:39,412
when I've really needed it.
And... (GROUP AWs)
278
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:41,748
...if I could give something back
to all the people
279
00:14:41,749 --> 00:14:43,549
that have given so much to me.
280
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,352
And if the role of coordinator
might allow me to do that,
281
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,054
and if you
were to put your trust in me...
282
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,824
...then it's a mantel
I'd be honoured to take on.
283
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:53,826
(GROUP AWs)
284
00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:56,162
Well, thank you Scott.
285
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:59,098
I will certainly
add your name to the list.
286
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,400
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
287
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,603
I vote for Scott.
288
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,073
Mm, I'm out. And so's Sue.
289
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,042
Oh. Bill, Janet?
290
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,810
No. No.
No. Right...
291
00:15:10,811 --> 00:15:13,713
So, as there are
no other hats in the ring...
292
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:15,415
Wait!
293
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:16,749
(GROUP GASPS)
294
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,686
Neil? I would like to put
myself into April's ring.
295
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,822
My hat into the ring.
296
00:15:24,825 --> 00:15:28,294
As a professional
in home security...
297
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,831
Causes for Alarms,
I could not be better suited,
298
00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:35,201
or indeed, better qualified,
for the role.
299
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,638
And I would be honoured to share
300
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,541
that experience,
and expertise...
301
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:45,312
(MURMURING)
302
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,815
And...
303
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:51,818
a generous affiliate
discount of 20%
304
00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:55,455
off all home security products
for committee members.
305
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:57,023
(MURMURING)
306
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,261
30%?
WOMAN: Forty!
307
00:16:01,262 --> 00:16:05,865
40%!
Oh, I vote for discount man.
308
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:08,568
Yeah.
Right...
309
00:16:08,569 --> 00:16:11,671
Well, we appear
to have a two horse race.
310
00:16:11,672 --> 00:16:13,707
So, let's put it to the vote,
shall we?
311
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,276
Show of hands for Scott...
312
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,013
And for Neil?
313
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,619
What are the chances?
314
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:30,223
It would seem that we have...
315
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,393
...a tie.
(MURMURING)
316
00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:39,732
Seriously? I mean, do I have
to point out the obvious here?
317
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:42,135
It's supposed to be
Neighbourhood "Watch".
318
00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:44,337
(GROUP GASPS)
319
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,308
I'm mean surely there must be
rules for this sort of thing.
320
00:16:48,309 --> 00:16:49,743
Who has the casting vote?
321
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,519
(MAGICAL TWINKLING)
322
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,221
You have got to be kidding me.
323
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,691
What's happening?
I think John's voting.
324
00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:07,594
I thought John was dead.
He is.
325
00:17:07,595 --> 00:17:10,530
OK, OK. So, I
think he would want
326
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:14,201
the role of community
coordinator to go to...
327
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,603
both of you.
328
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,172
Jointly.
(APPLAUSE)
329
00:17:21,742 --> 00:17:23,310
No, no, no, no, no.
330
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,514
Bye Scott.
Bye-bye, take care.
331
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,184
(LAUGHS) Merry Christmas.
332
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,421
OK, what are you playing at?!
So, you're not as popular
333
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,557
as you thought are, eh?
You don't even want the job!
334
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,659
The people have
spoken and you lost!!
335
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:40,893
It was a draw!
336
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:44,063
Only on paper maybe. But I'm
the only one with the skillset.
337
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,833
So, why don't you take your
little badge, go back to your
little house-
338
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:49,469
They're all the same size.
And let me do what I've done
339
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,271
my whole adult life.
340
00:17:51,272 --> 00:17:54,240
What, act like a child?
Home security.
341
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:57,610
Causes for Alarms.
We are very popular.
342
00:17:57,611 --> 00:18:00,446
Shouldn't it be
"Cause" for Alarms?!
343
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,248
It works.
344
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,651
Oh, and number one rule, hm?
345
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:07,254
This year... TAKE
YOUR LIGHTS DOWN!
346
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,026
OK, I'll take my lights down.
347
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,830
Oh, look at that.
348
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:21,534
Yeah. Quality plastic that,
and all our alarms are
hardwired,
349
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,770
so you won't have
to change the batteries.
350
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:26,072
And, seeing as it's Christmas,
Evelyn,
351
00:18:26,073 --> 00:18:28,174
I'm gonna throw in a free mug.
352
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,510
Ha, catch? Only joking.
353
00:18:30,511 --> 00:18:32,812
Bone china. Well, made in China.
354
00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:35,481
And all with-
Yes, all with 40% off.
355
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,116
I'm a man...
356
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,518
What the hell?!
357
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:42,121
WOMAN: Careful, Scott!
(GASPS)
358
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,123
Sign that.
Oh!
359
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:47,560
MAN: Come down Scott, you'll
fall! (ALL GASP)
360
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,696
I'm fine. Nothing to see here.
361
00:18:49,697 --> 00:18:51,531
I'm OK. Honest.
362
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:52,799
Ooh!
363
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,101
(WHIMPERING)
364
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:57,337
ALL: Woah! (SHRIEK)
365
00:18:57,338 --> 00:18:58,805
Scott! Please, don't move!
366
00:18:58,806 --> 00:19:01,441
Honestly. I'm... fine!
367
00:19:01,442 --> 00:19:03,042
(ALL SCREAM)
368
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:04,744
(YELLING)
369
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:06,579
Still fine.
SABRINA: If you want more
370
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:10,083
decorations up, we can do that.
You're gonna get yourself
killed!
371
00:19:10,084 --> 00:19:14,120
I'm not putting them up,
I am taking them down!
372
00:19:14,121 --> 00:19:16,122
What? Why?
373
00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:20,627
Neil told me to
take my lights down.
374
00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:23,196
What?!
Did you, Neil?
375
00:19:23,197 --> 00:19:25,298
No.
376
00:19:25,299 --> 00:19:27,600
Well, yes, but, you know,
I didn't me...
377
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:30,470
I didn't mean now,
obviously not now, it's
Christmas!
378
00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:32,772
SUE 1: Right. Step aside.
SUE 2: Coming through!
379
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:36,242
You've got the wrong end of
the... You know. Keep the
lights!
380
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,810
More lights I say!!
381
00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:40,313
We'll have you down
in no time cockleshell.
382
00:19:40,314 --> 00:19:43,549
Thanks Sues.
Right, come on.
383
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,151
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
384
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,556
That's it. Careful,
yep, that's it.
385
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,125
(CROWD GASPS)
386
00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:53,627
(PANICKED CHATTER)
387
00:19:55,896 --> 00:19:57,864
I've got your right ankle.
388
00:19:57,865 --> 00:19:59,699
We Wish You a Merry Christmas
389
00:20:05,172 --> 00:20:07,707
If it's lights you want,
I'll give you lights.
390
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,410
I'll show them
who's Mr Christmas.
391
00:20:10,411 --> 00:20:12,412
You wait to see what I can do.
392
00:20:12,413 --> 00:20:15,648
Mum. Is dad having a breakdown?
393
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,350
LAURA: Yeah, looks like it.
394
00:20:20,187 --> 00:20:23,356
(SIREN WAILING)
Roll up, guys. Come on down!
395
00:20:23,357 --> 00:20:25,025
(SIREN WAILING)
396
00:20:27,127 --> 00:20:31,631
Roll up. Roll up for
the great Staplethorne Close
397
00:20:31,632 --> 00:20:33,466
Christmas switch-on! Ha-ha!
398
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,703
Sponsored by Causes for Alarms!
399
00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:40,473
(SIREN WAILING)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
400
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,244
Yeah. Sorry, Evelyn,
I probably don't need this.
Um...
401
00:20:44,245 --> 00:20:45,779
(MEGAPHONE CLATTERS)
402
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,781
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
So, I am very aware
403
00:20:48,782 --> 00:20:51,218
of the, um, little...
404
00:20:52,219 --> 00:20:54,220
...confusion earlier today,
405
00:20:54,221 --> 00:20:58,758
regarding my attitude
to the community,
406
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:01,494
or some persons therein,
407
00:21:01,495 --> 00:21:05,732
indeed, the whole
of the festive season.
408
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:08,601
I am delighted
to address this matter,
409
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:12,672
in a way that demonstrates
how wholeheartedly affectionate
410
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:17,177
I feel about this
most wonderful time of the year.
411
00:21:18,245 --> 00:21:19,746
(DISTORTED) You
better watch out
412
00:21:19,747 --> 00:21:20,713
You better not cry
413
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,283
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why
414
00:21:23,284 --> 00:21:26,419
Santa Claus is coming to town
415
00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:27,587
He's making a list
416
00:21:27,588 --> 00:21:28,621
And checking it twice
417
00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:31,291
Gonna find out who's...
(MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS)
418
00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:33,126
(CROWD GASPS)
419
00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:37,630
(CAR ALARMS WAILING)
420
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,232
(PANICKED CHATTER)
421
00:21:41,201 --> 00:21:42,769
Are they on?
422
00:21:42,770 --> 00:21:44,371
(AIR HISSING)
423
00:21:45,205 --> 00:21:46,673
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
424
00:21:50,544 --> 00:21:52,579
(ANGRY CHATTER)
425
00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:55,115
We don't know for certain
that it was my fault.
426
00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:00,787
Excuse me. Do we know
when the power will be back on?
427
00:22:00,788 --> 00:22:02,322
Well, he...
428
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:06,159
the surge clipped the mains ring
for the whole street,
429
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,594
which burnt out part of the sub.
430
00:22:07,595 --> 00:22:10,196
So, we'll be done
here by 5:00 ish.
431
00:22:10,197 --> 00:22:13,499
But, with the off-site work,
you're looking at a couple of
days.
432
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,535
What?!
But it's Christmas Eve!
433
00:22:15,536 --> 00:22:18,705
They'll work as fast as they
can, but I wouldn't hold my
breath.
434
00:22:19,373 --> 00:22:22,242
If I were you I'd make
other plans for Christmas.
435
00:22:22,243 --> 00:22:23,710
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I'm sorry.
436
00:22:23,711 --> 00:22:26,046
Excuse me.
437
00:22:29,616 --> 00:22:31,351
Well, Neil?
438
00:22:31,352 --> 00:22:34,721
Look, we're all in the same
boat. My power's off too.
439
00:22:34,722 --> 00:22:37,857
We're just gonna have to stay
with a friend or family.
440
00:22:37,858 --> 00:22:39,726
It's just a couple of days.
441
00:22:39,727 --> 00:22:42,629
But who's going
to spritz my Epipremnum?
442
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:44,764
And who's gonna feed Mr Baldwin?
443
00:22:44,765 --> 00:22:48,134
Look, we just... Who?
My cat.
444
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:52,138
Obviously, there-there are going
to be things that we need to-
445
00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:53,440
SCOTT: I'll do it.
446
00:22:55,509 --> 00:22:57,110
(MAGICAL TWINKLING)
447
00:22:57,111 --> 00:23:00,280
I'll feed Mr Baldwin
and keep Evelyn's whatsit moist.
448
00:23:00,281 --> 00:23:03,182
But there's no
power. You'll freeze.
449
00:23:03,183 --> 00:23:05,652
I've got jumpers. And it's
not like I need the lights on.
450
00:23:06,353 --> 00:23:10,290
And I had no plans,
so it's fine, honest. Besides...
451
00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:13,426
somebody should stay and keep
an eye on the place, so to
speak.
452
00:23:13,427 --> 00:23:15,028
(LAUGHTER)
453
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,631
And, of course, as co
- coordinator of the
Neighbourhood Watch,
454
00:23:18,632 --> 00:23:21,200
I do feel duty bound
to ensure that our homes
455
00:23:21,201 --> 00:23:23,703
remain safe over
the festive period
456
00:23:23,704 --> 00:23:28,608
regardless of who is to blame
for our current predicament.
457
00:23:28,609 --> 00:23:30,543
You know, that is, after all,
458
00:23:30,544 --> 00:23:34,681
what any decent
co-coordinator should do.
459
00:23:36,283 --> 00:23:37,751
(MURMURING)
460
00:23:39,553 --> 00:23:42,622
And of course, as co...
461
00:23:42,623 --> 00:23:45,458
co-coordinator, I will, um...
462
00:23:45,459 --> 00:23:50,830
gladly match Scott's kind offer
463
00:23:50,831 --> 00:23:53,600
and share those...
464
00:23:53,601 --> 00:23:55,168
responsibilities.
465
00:23:56,370 --> 00:23:58,171
Gladly.
466
00:23:58,172 --> 00:23:59,673
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
467
00:24:01,675 --> 00:24:04,210
Looks like we're imposing
on my mum again.
468
00:24:04,211 --> 00:24:06,012
Yeah. About that.
469
00:24:06,847 --> 00:24:10,817
Turns out I'm going to have
to stay, sort of,
470
00:24:10,818 --> 00:24:14,054
here for Christmas.
What? Why?
471
00:24:15,522 --> 00:24:17,423
Well, Scott sort of offered.
472
00:24:17,424 --> 00:24:20,627
Oh, Scott, yeah, of course.
Should have known.
473
00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:22,862
Not content with ruining
Christmas, you're what,
474
00:24:22,863 --> 00:24:25,298
you're now abandoning
us as well?
475
00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:27,066
And somehow that's all...
476
00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:29,235
that's all Scott's
fault too, yeah?
477
00:24:29,236 --> 00:24:32,105
Well, we could all stay here.
478
00:24:32,106 --> 00:24:34,641
You know,
sort of camp out in the house.
479
00:24:34,642 --> 00:24:37,043
Bit of an adventure.
Might be fun.
480
00:24:39,112 --> 00:24:41,681
Alright, think of Chloe.
I'm sure she'd rather stay here
481
00:24:41,682 --> 00:24:45,318
as a family, than schlep off to
Gran- Grandma's please!
482
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,787
(SIGHS)
483
00:24:50,624 --> 00:24:52,192
Maybe it's a good thing.
484
00:24:52,893 --> 00:24:54,794
Few days apart.
Some time to think.
485
00:24:56,163 --> 00:24:58,298
What do you need to think about?
No...
486
00:24:58,299 --> 00:25:00,767
Not me. You.
487
00:25:00,768 --> 00:25:02,635
For you to think...
488
00:25:02,636 --> 00:25:05,538
about what's more important:
your family or your obsession
489
00:25:05,539 --> 00:25:07,140
with the bloke over the road.
490
00:25:15,449 --> 00:25:17,017
(TENSE MUSIC)
491
00:25:19,686 --> 00:25:23,690
So, you want a thin, continuous
line and apply firm, but equal-
492
00:25:23,691 --> 00:25:26,292
STACEY: Ashleigh.
You can't avoid police attention
493
00:25:26,293 --> 00:25:28,361
AND be an influencer.
(DISTANT CLATTERING)
494
00:25:29,062 --> 00:25:31,064
Aye, aye! There it
is, there it is.
495
00:25:31,065 --> 00:25:32,565
I've got about
four... four quid.
496
00:25:32,566 --> 00:25:34,601
I told ya. They all use the app.
497
00:25:34,602 --> 00:25:38,137
Seriously, Does no one in this
family know how to steal
anymore?
498
00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:40,473
Uh, I nicked these
off some girl in the park.
499
00:25:41,575 --> 00:25:43,143
Take 'em down pawn shop?
500
00:25:44,344 --> 00:25:45,812
They're engraved, genius.
501
00:25:45,813 --> 00:25:47,480
Oh.
502
00:25:48,849 --> 00:25:50,183
Chlo-Chlo-Pops.
503
00:25:50,184 --> 00:25:54,020
TV REPORTER: ..that left the
entire street without
electricity.
504
00:25:56,823 --> 00:26:01,394
I was in the middle of making
tea, and suddenly everything
went black.
505
00:26:02,462 --> 00:26:04,564
It was absolutely astounding.
506
00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:08,034
Everything went out.
The whole electricity,
507
00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:10,203
the power, everything. Gone.
508
00:26:10,204 --> 00:26:11,704
Barry.
BOTH: Yeah?
509
00:26:11,705 --> 00:26:13,473
Not you junior, Big Barry.
Oh.
510
00:26:13,474 --> 00:26:15,408
Come here. Have you seen this?
511
00:26:15,409 --> 00:26:18,278
What is it, Stace?
Everything was lovely and
suddenly,
512
00:26:18,279 --> 00:26:22,315
poof, bang, everything black.
513
00:26:22,316 --> 00:26:24,450
No electricity, nothing.
514
00:26:24,451 --> 00:26:27,220
No lights.
Why do we care about that old
bag?
515
00:26:27,221 --> 00:26:29,555
Oi. Show some respect...
516
00:26:29,556 --> 00:26:32,091
It's not about the old bag,
it's what she's saying.
517
00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:38,131
...the entire street has had
to up-sticks and make other
plans.
518
00:26:38,132 --> 00:26:42,302
The entire street is shipping
out for Christmas. Which
means...
519
00:26:42,303 --> 00:26:45,071
an entire road of empty houses.
520
00:26:45,072 --> 00:26:48,675
Oh...
No.
521
00:26:48,676 --> 00:26:49,643
I dunno, love.
522
00:26:50,577 --> 00:26:52,612
You've only just got out.
523
00:26:52,613 --> 00:26:54,847
If you do this
and you get pinched for it,
524
00:26:54,848 --> 00:26:56,649
they're gonna throw
the book at you.
525
00:26:56,650 --> 00:26:59,019
Yeah. But no-one's
getting pinched.
526
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,088
Power's out, you see.
527
00:27:02,089 --> 00:27:07,294
So it's not just "no witnesses",
it's no lights, no alarms...
528
00:27:08,295 --> 00:27:10,096
...and no security cameras.
529
00:27:11,264 --> 00:27:13,533
(MENACING MUSIC)
It's a Christmas miracle.
530
00:27:13,534 --> 00:27:16,002
(LAUGHS)
BOTH: Sound.
531
00:27:23,577 --> 00:27:25,145
(DOWNBEAT MUSIC)
532
00:27:27,681 --> 00:27:29,249
SUE 1: Thanks for nothing!
533
00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:35,789
(DISTANT LAUGHTER)
534
00:27:38,859 --> 00:27:40,493
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
535
00:27:44,398 --> 00:27:46,366
So, wet in the morning,
dry at night.
536
00:27:47,134 --> 00:27:51,271
Huh? Oh sorry, um, pouch in
the morning, dry food at night.
537
00:27:51,272 --> 00:27:53,806
Oh yeah, got ya.
Understood, no problem.
538
00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:55,808
Scotty boy's on it.
539
00:27:55,809 --> 00:27:57,810
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY, SIGHS)
540
00:27:57,811 --> 00:27:59,679
Are you sure you're gonna be OK?
541
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,149
Oh, we'll be fine, won't we
mate? (CAT PURRING)
542
00:28:03,150 --> 00:28:05,685
This is him, yeah?
Yeah, that's him.
543
00:28:07,321 --> 00:28:09,522
Only, um...
544
00:28:09,523 --> 00:28:11,625
I could always... stay?
545
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:15,161
You know, if you needed
some company or, um...
546
00:28:15,162 --> 00:28:18,598
I could just cook or.
No, no, no, no, no, it's fine.
547
00:28:18,599 --> 00:28:22,101
OK. I've got to water the cat
and feed the plants. You know...
548
00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:23,603
Yeah
549
00:28:23,604 --> 00:28:26,006
You just, um...
550
00:28:27,274 --> 00:28:29,342
Have a nice Christmas.
Oh, oh, you too.
551
00:28:40,687 --> 00:28:42,255
We will be OK, won't we Laura?
552
00:28:56,703 --> 00:28:58,271
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
553
00:29:07,147 --> 00:29:08,615
(EAGLE SQUAWKS)
554
00:29:11,585 --> 00:29:13,786
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RESUMES)
555
00:29:13,787 --> 00:29:16,356
(WIND WHISTLES)
(GUNSHOT)
556
00:29:16,357 --> 00:29:18,258
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
557
00:29:30,570 --> 00:29:33,673
(WHISTLING TO TUNE OF
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed
Reindeer)
558
00:29:36,777 --> 00:29:38,345
Ah! Ah... Ooh!
559
00:29:40,380 --> 00:29:42,015
Ah!
560
00:29:44,885 --> 00:29:46,519
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
561
00:29:51,158 --> 00:29:54,661
Extra large, double pepperoni,
thin crust, with some mushrooms.
562
00:29:55,696 --> 00:29:59,399
Have you got some ice?
You know, not on the pizza.
563
00:30:00,767 --> 00:30:02,302
Ha-ha.
564
00:30:03,537 --> 00:30:05,538
(EXHALES)
565
00:30:05,539 --> 00:30:07,407
Woah!
566
00:30:07,408 --> 00:30:08,742
(LAUGHS)
567
00:30:10,344 --> 00:30:12,078
(SIGHS)
568
00:30:13,447 --> 00:30:14,647
(GLASS SHATTERS)
569
00:30:14,648 --> 00:30:17,350
(SLURPS, CHUCKLES)
570
00:30:17,351 --> 00:30:19,019
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
571
00:30:20,587 --> 00:30:22,155
Pizza.
572
00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:26,693
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, same to you.
573
00:30:30,130 --> 00:30:31,598
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
574
00:30:39,172 --> 00:30:41,641
'Twas the night before Christmas
575
00:30:41,642 --> 00:30:45,812
and I've got a feeling
that no one was home...
576
00:30:45,813 --> 00:30:47,447
So, let's do some stealing!
577
00:30:48,649 --> 00:30:51,017
(LAUGHS) Yes!
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
578
00:30:54,855 --> 00:31:00,060
...every fairytale comes real
579
00:31:01,495 --> 00:31:04,130
I've looked at love that way
580
00:31:07,634 --> 00:31:11,537
But now it's just
another show-
581
00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:13,273
(COMPUTER CHIMES)
582
00:31:16,510 --> 00:31:18,612
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
BIG BARRY: Ha-ha!
583
00:31:19,446 --> 00:31:21,247
Right, Brennans.
584
00:31:21,248 --> 00:31:23,249
We split up and do a sweep.
585
00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:24,817
Check for any stragglers.
586
00:31:24,818 --> 00:31:27,754
We've got too many houses
and not enough time,
587
00:31:27,755 --> 00:31:32,625
so look for easy ways in:
old locks, open windows-
588
00:31:32,626 --> 00:31:34,794
Signs that say
"burglars stop here".
589
00:31:34,795 --> 00:31:37,830
(LAUGHS)
Alright, keep the noise down.
590
00:31:37,831 --> 00:31:40,300
(RADIO BLEEPS)
Comms on channel 7. Any
questions?
591
00:31:40,301 --> 00:31:42,135
Do we get a break?
592
00:31:42,136 --> 00:31:43,637
Yeah.
593
00:31:44,338 --> 00:31:48,141
You had three years off,
ending last Thursday.
594
00:31:49,843 --> 00:31:51,478
(CAT PURRING)
595
00:31:52,512 --> 00:31:54,447
(CAT YOWLS)
596
00:31:54,448 --> 00:31:56,583
Filthy things.
597
00:31:56,584 --> 00:31:58,184
Chicka-boom!
598
00:32:03,123 --> 00:32:04,724
(CAT PURRING)
599
00:32:06,193 --> 00:32:08,661
See, no power.
600
00:32:08,662 --> 00:32:10,763
No evidence.
No prison.
601
00:32:10,764 --> 00:32:14,067
Not this time.
(LAUGHS)
602
00:32:14,068 --> 00:32:16,102
Hello, woo-hoo!
603
00:32:16,103 --> 00:32:17,637
(LAUGHS)
604
00:32:18,672 --> 00:32:20,139
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
605
00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:21,641
(WHISTLING)
606
00:32:25,279 --> 00:32:27,347
Ooh, hello. What've we got here?
607
00:32:29,549 --> 00:32:31,484
(GASPS)
608
00:32:31,485 --> 00:32:33,019
(PANTING)
609
00:32:34,688 --> 00:32:36,556
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
610
00:32:36,557 --> 00:32:39,459
Nearly. (CHUCKLES)
Right.
611
00:32:39,460 --> 00:32:43,796
Eenie-meenie-mini-mo,
catch an elf by the...
612
00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:45,531
Ooh!
613
00:32:45,532 --> 00:32:48,334
That is a big telly. (CHUCKLES)
614
00:32:48,335 --> 00:32:52,839
I'll be coming back for you,
my precious.
615
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,507
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
616
00:33:00,147 --> 00:33:01,848
Oh, here we go.
617
00:33:01,849 --> 00:33:04,183
(AS LAURA)
"Share your pizza with him".
618
00:33:04,184 --> 00:33:05,685
No.
619
00:33:10,123 --> 00:33:12,125
OK, fine!
620
00:33:15,228 --> 00:33:16,696
(TENSE MUSIC)
621
00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:22,035
(RADIO CRACKLES)
All clear at number 8.
622
00:33:22,036 --> 00:33:24,537
Have you checked the back?
No. Doing it now.
623
00:33:24,538 --> 00:33:26,506
Ugh, typical.
624
00:33:26,507 --> 00:33:28,308
Carol of the Bells
625
00:33:34,081 --> 00:33:36,549
Hiya, I've got a pizza. No.
626
00:33:36,550 --> 00:33:39,118
Hiya, I've got too
much pizza. Ugh.
627
00:33:39,119 --> 00:33:42,022
Hi, I was going to put this
pizza in the bin. Don't mention
the bins!
628
00:33:46,660 --> 00:33:47,594
(BARRY GRUNTS)
629
00:33:49,496 --> 00:33:51,064
(GROANS)
630
00:33:59,273 --> 00:34:00,740
(SNIFFLES)
631
00:34:01,675 --> 00:34:05,211
PODCAST HOST: Welcome to this
week's edition of We Don't Like
Cricket,
632
00:34:05,212 --> 00:34:07,614
and we're discussing
the series that's just taken
place
633
00:34:07,615 --> 00:34:08,882
between England
and New Zealand.
634
00:34:08,883 --> 00:34:11,784
We're going to chewing the cud
all about this. My name is Ivan,
635
00:34:11,785 --> 00:34:13,486
joined as always
by the one and only...
636
00:34:16,490 --> 00:34:19,158
PODCAST HOST 2: In many ways
scoring 99 is better than
scoring 100.
637
00:34:19,159 --> 00:34:21,728
Loads of people score hundreds,
not many people get out on 99.
638
00:34:21,729 --> 00:34:22,696
Nobody tracks them.
639
00:34:26,566 --> 00:34:29,035
Hey, Stace.
This side doors got a lock that
640
00:34:29,036 --> 00:34:32,238
looks like I could have fitted
it. I think we've got a winner.
641
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:36,810
Look, we're both grown-ups,
it's Christmas...
642
00:34:37,844 --> 00:34:39,779
...you probably like pepperoni...
643
00:34:39,780 --> 00:34:42,215
so why don't we, you know...
Why don't we just...
644
00:34:45,285 --> 00:34:47,053
Nope. Can't do it.
645
00:34:50,891 --> 00:34:54,728
Parnes Alarms. Get your mate
Graham to buy you a pizza.
646
00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:57,330
Stick it on his invoice.
647
00:35:04,538 --> 00:35:06,706
England and New Zealand
really put on a show. Mm-hm.
648
00:35:06,707 --> 00:35:08,441
Absolutely, both
teams showcased...
649
00:35:08,442 --> 00:35:10,243
(ASHLEIGH GRUNTS)
I like this house.
650
00:35:10,244 --> 00:35:12,078
Great, Barry.
Let's try and get in it.
651
00:35:12,079 --> 00:35:13,813
Give me some...
Put your weight on here, mate.
652
00:35:13,814 --> 00:35:15,482
Three, two, one, go...
653
00:35:16,717 --> 00:35:18,785
England are really missing
Jimmy Anderson.
654
00:35:18,786 --> 00:35:20,687
(GRUNTS)
STACEY: (OVER RADIO) Hold up...
655
00:35:20,688 --> 00:35:22,689
Open window at number 4.
Get over here.
656
00:35:22,690 --> 00:35:25,491
What?
Number 4.
657
00:35:25,492 --> 00:35:27,459
Number 4, OK.
(RADIO SCREECHES)
658
00:35:27,460 --> 00:35:31,131
PODCAST HOST 2: England'll
continue to miss Jimmy Anderson
until the heat death of the
universe.
659
00:35:32,232 --> 00:35:33,766
Alright, kid?
(RADIO CRACKLES)
660
00:35:33,767 --> 00:35:35,702
Sound.
Sound. Keep quiet.
661
00:35:35,703 --> 00:35:37,470
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
662
00:35:38,538 --> 00:35:40,139
You'd know if you could count.
663
00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:42,509
Uh, he can roller-skate
and you can't...
664
00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:44,811
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
665
00:35:48,582 --> 00:35:51,084
Won't budge.
Must be on the night latch.
666
00:35:51,085 --> 00:35:52,785
(CHUCKLES)
Aye!
667
00:35:52,786 --> 00:35:55,055
There's a knack to
these. Hold that.
668
00:35:55,789 --> 00:35:58,091
Today. Thank you.
669
00:35:58,092 --> 00:36:01,461
Right. All it is, is...
670
00:36:01,462 --> 00:36:03,363
Just need...
671
00:36:03,364 --> 00:36:05,064
Just a little...
672
00:36:05,065 --> 00:36:07,734
And then, you're...
673
00:36:09,803 --> 00:36:11,137
(GASPS)
674
00:36:12,072 --> 00:36:13,640
...in.
675
00:36:13,641 --> 00:36:16,643
Ah, well.
Thank God we had an expert.
676
00:36:22,849 --> 00:36:26,719
(PHONE PINGS)
Call. Tom. Petty.
677
00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:29,722
AUTOMATED VOICE: Calling Tom
Petty. Shh!
678
00:36:29,723 --> 00:36:31,858
(LINE DIALLING)
(PANTING)
679
00:36:31,859 --> 00:36:34,027
(PHONE PLAYING
"Halloween Theme")
680
00:36:42,269 --> 00:36:45,038
Pick up. Pick up... Oh, pick up!
681
00:36:45,039 --> 00:36:47,674
(PHONE CONTINUES PLAYING
"Halloween Theme")
682
00:36:48,642 --> 00:36:50,677
(PHONE BLEEPS)
Pick up, pick up, pick up...
683
00:36:50,678 --> 00:36:52,178
You useless git!
684
00:36:52,179 --> 00:36:54,614
Seriously? Has it come to this?
Neil!
685
00:36:54,615 --> 00:36:57,216
No, no, no. Listen, listen.
(LINE CUTS OFF)
686
00:36:57,217 --> 00:36:58,851
Hello?
687
00:36:58,852 --> 00:37:01,788
Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no
688
00:37:01,789 --> 00:37:03,690
Oh, very mature.
(PHONE BLEEPS)
689
00:37:04,491 --> 00:37:07,460
You see this is why
you don't get any pizza!
690
00:37:07,461 --> 00:37:09,429
(WHIMPERS)
691
00:37:09,430 --> 00:37:11,031
(CAT PURRING)
692
00:37:11,732 --> 00:37:13,300
(DOOR CREAKING)
693
00:37:24,544 --> 00:37:26,112
(PANTING)
694
00:37:27,180 --> 00:37:28,315
(BANG AT DOOR)
695
00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:35,388
(PANTING)
696
00:37:39,192 --> 00:37:41,094
Well, this is new.
Oh... (PANTING)
697
00:37:42,095 --> 00:37:45,198
There's somebody next door.
At Bill and Janet's house.
698
00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:46,833
Somebody's broken in!
699
00:37:48,268 --> 00:37:51,037
No they haven't.
They have! I heard them.
700
00:37:51,838 --> 00:37:53,707
Heard what?
Smashing glass!
701
00:37:55,242 --> 00:37:58,077
It'll be a fox in the
greenhouse. No, no, no.
702
00:37:58,078 --> 00:38:01,080
There was a radio I think,
like a... (MIMICS RADIO
SQUEALING)
703
00:38:01,081 --> 00:38:03,549
Like a... Like a squeal.
It'll be a fox.
704
00:38:03,550 --> 00:38:05,518
I-It wasn't a fox!
705
00:38:05,519 --> 00:38:07,353
Come on, we should
at least check it out.
706
00:38:07,354 --> 00:38:09,155
We're the Neighbourhood Watch.
707
00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:12,492
Fine! I'll take a look.
708
00:38:15,128 --> 00:38:16,663
Woah, woah, woah, wait for me.
709
00:38:20,133 --> 00:38:21,568
Here we go.
710
00:38:22,302 --> 00:38:24,638
What are you doing?
I'm knocking.
711
00:38:25,372 --> 00:38:28,608
Why?
Because you think someone's in
there.
712
00:38:28,609 --> 00:38:30,443
And if I'm right,
it's armed robbers!
713
00:38:30,444 --> 00:38:32,045
What if they answer?
714
00:38:32,946 --> 00:38:36,749
Well, I don't know! I thought
you were a security expert.
715
00:38:36,750 --> 00:38:40,620
I sell alarms, I don't
personally take down criminals.
716
00:38:40,621 --> 00:38:43,523
What you've done there
is confuse me with a SWAT team.
717
00:38:44,725 --> 00:38:46,293
Fat lot of good you are.
718
00:38:47,861 --> 00:38:49,529
Well, what would you suggest?
719
00:38:51,298 --> 00:38:52,766
Shh.
720
00:38:56,303 --> 00:38:57,804
BIG BARRY: That's
an answerphone.
721
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,508
(GASPS)
Not an answerphone, it's...
722
00:39:02,509 --> 00:39:04,611
Oh...
723
00:39:04,612 --> 00:39:06,579
When you used to...
LITTLE BARRY: Answer-what?
724
00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:09,216
Have you got cake in your ears?
Come on!
725
00:39:10,450 --> 00:39:12,051
We need to call the police.
726
00:39:12,052 --> 00:39:14,621
Ow!
Watch the bins!
727
00:39:14,622 --> 00:39:16,590
You wouldn't want to crack it!
Not now...
728
00:39:18,492 --> 00:39:20,060
Kill the torch.
729
00:39:23,764 --> 00:39:26,566
I thought you said you'd checked
number 8, you lazy git!
730
00:39:26,567 --> 00:39:28,234
I did!
731
00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:31,705
Yeah. What with, your eyes shut?
There's someone home.
732
00:39:32,839 --> 00:39:35,074
I'll sort it...
733
00:39:35,075 --> 00:39:37,244
Ooh. Don't tell your mum.
Don't tell Mum.
734
00:39:37,878 --> 00:39:41,448
(SNORING)
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING OVER
SPEAKER)
735
00:39:50,891 --> 00:39:52,759
(TAPE RIPS)
736
00:39:57,864 --> 00:40:01,501
Look, I know Christmas is a bit
different this year, and I'm
sorry.
737
00:40:02,703 --> 00:40:04,204
It's fine.
738
00:40:05,539 --> 00:40:07,107
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
739
00:40:09,576 --> 00:40:12,245
I just think your dad's
just having a bit of a wobble.
740
00:40:12,246 --> 00:40:15,815
You know, it's ben a tricky time
this year, with the whole
741
00:40:15,816 --> 00:40:18,284
Cause for Alarms business...
It's "Causes"...
742
00:40:18,285 --> 00:40:20,287
And I think
he just needs some time...
743
00:40:22,089 --> 00:40:24,457
But look, what I do know
is that whatever happens,
744
00:40:24,458 --> 00:40:26,359
however this plays out...
745
00:40:27,227 --> 00:40:29,029
...it's gonna be OK. Alright?
746
00:40:30,297 --> 00:40:32,365
Promise.
Yeah.
747
00:40:35,836 --> 00:40:38,638
I think the best thing that you
and I can do for Dad right now,
748
00:40:38,639 --> 00:40:40,206
is to give him some space.
749
00:40:40,207 --> 00:40:42,709
Some quiet time,
to get his head together.
750
00:40:43,410 --> 00:40:45,812
Burglars! At least
two! Maybe more!
751
00:40:45,813 --> 00:40:47,580
Definitely not foxes!
752
00:40:47,581 --> 00:40:50,149
Not foxes! How long will you be?
753
00:40:50,150 --> 00:40:52,118
OK, just please, hurry!
(HANGS UP PHONE)
754
00:40:52,119 --> 00:40:54,320
Wish it was foxes...
The police are on their way.
755
00:40:54,321 --> 00:40:56,456
They just said stay in the
house. keep out of sight.
756
00:40:56,457 --> 00:40:58,625
No one will even know we're in
here. (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
757
00:40:58,626 --> 00:41:01,328
LITTLE BARRY: I know
you're in there. (BOTH GASP)
758
00:41:02,195 --> 00:41:03,663
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)
759
00:41:10,337 --> 00:41:11,805
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
760
00:41:16,843 --> 00:41:19,446
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(PHONE BLEEPS)
761
00:41:36,196 --> 00:41:39,098
Oi, are you letting me in,
or are we gonna play a game?
762
00:41:39,099 --> 00:41:41,768
Oh, no... (GASPS)
763
00:41:41,769 --> 00:41:43,370
Woah!
764
00:41:44,371 --> 00:41:46,472
Little Barry Brennan!
765
00:41:46,473 --> 00:41:48,708
Who? The Brennans.
"The Devils of Davenport"?
766
00:41:48,709 --> 00:41:51,545
Don't you read the papers?
Oh no, I mean, not so much.
767
00:41:52,613 --> 00:41:54,581
Local crime family.
Hard as nails.
768
00:41:54,582 --> 00:41:56,516
And that out there
is the big one.
769
00:41:56,517 --> 00:41:58,184
What? "Little Barry"
is the big one?
770
00:41:58,185 --> 00:42:00,253
Yes. Son of Big Barry.
How big's Big Barry?
771
00:42:00,254 --> 00:42:02,789
Oh, he's tiny. It's very
confusing. But they're
psychopaths,
772
00:42:02,790 --> 00:42:05,058
the lot of them! You know,
for a home security expert,
773
00:42:05,059 --> 00:42:08,428
you are not massively
reassuring. Come on, you don't
wanna wind me up.
774
00:42:08,429 --> 00:42:09,862
Last warning!
775
00:42:09,863 --> 00:42:12,131
Security! It's an X-50!
776
00:42:12,132 --> 00:42:13,600
What is?
The front door.
777
00:42:13,601 --> 00:42:15,168
I fitted an X-50,
top of the range!
778
00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:19,339
That is a double-skinned,
reinforced, tri-bar, steel
trough rim lock door,
779
00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:21,541
with a 12-point dog latch
and a five-lever mortice.
780
00:42:21,542 --> 00:42:23,443
A whole army couldn't
get through that thing!
781
00:42:26,813 --> 00:42:29,349
(DOOR BANGS)
Did you leave it on the latch?
782
00:42:29,350 --> 00:42:31,017
I think you know
the answer to that.
783
00:42:38,558 --> 00:42:40,126
I know you're here!
784
00:42:49,836 --> 00:42:51,638
To the safe room.
Oh, you beauty.
785
00:42:52,439 --> 00:42:54,007
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)
786
00:42:57,811 --> 00:42:59,646
Mind the stairs!
(THUD)
787
00:43:01,214 --> 00:43:03,249
Wait! My phone!
788
00:43:03,250 --> 00:43:04,751
Leave it!
789
00:43:13,593 --> 00:43:16,162
Quick! Lock it!
It doesn't lock.
790
00:43:16,163 --> 00:43:18,064
I thought this was
the "safe room"?
791
00:43:18,065 --> 00:43:20,600
No, it's the room
that we keep the safe in.
792
00:43:21,735 --> 00:43:25,071
(SIGHS)
You have got to be kidding me.
793
00:43:25,072 --> 00:43:27,407
Are you sure you're in
home security? Are you sure you
know
794
00:43:27,408 --> 00:43:29,643
what home security means?
Hello? Shh, shh, shh.
795
00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:45,025
(PHONE CHIMES)
796
00:44:00,073 --> 00:44:01,541
(CHUCKLES)
797
00:44:02,876 --> 00:44:04,511
(PHONE WHOOSHES)
798
00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:08,281
(PHONE CRACKS)
799
00:44:08,282 --> 00:44:09,783
(PHONE BUZZES, CHIMES)
800
00:44:14,755 --> 00:44:16,556
(TENSE MUSIC)
801
00:44:16,557 --> 00:44:18,124
Little pig...
802
00:44:19,092 --> 00:44:20,560
Little pig...
803
00:44:22,129 --> 00:44:23,597
Let me come in.
804
00:44:24,731 --> 00:44:26,366
He's on the stairs.
805
00:44:26,367 --> 00:44:28,001
Stop hiding, little pig.
806
00:44:28,802 --> 00:44:30,603
Where the hell are the cops?
807
00:44:30,604 --> 00:44:34,207
The average police response time
is 16.4 minutes.
808
00:44:35,375 --> 00:44:37,076
It's a good stat for sales.
809
00:44:37,077 --> 00:44:39,078
It's not a good stat for us!
810
00:44:39,079 --> 00:44:41,514
What have you got
that could be a weapon? Nothing.
811
00:44:41,515 --> 00:44:45,819
It's a spare room.
Just caps, alarms, a big box of
mugs.
812
00:44:48,755 --> 00:44:52,025
Little pig, little pig...
813
00:44:54,461 --> 00:44:56,763
Hang on... "Little pig".
814
00:44:56,764 --> 00:44:59,699
What?
Not "little pigs", "little pig".
815
00:44:59,700 --> 00:45:01,801
Singular.
So?
816
00:45:01,802 --> 00:45:03,637
He thinks there's
only one of us.
817
00:45:05,472 --> 00:45:09,142
Come on little pig...
Don't make me blow it down.
818
00:45:09,143 --> 00:45:11,744
OK! OK, I give up.
819
00:45:11,745 --> 00:45:13,747
Just open the door.
It's not locked.
820
00:45:18,652 --> 00:45:21,488
Just take what you want.
I don't want any trouble.
821
00:45:22,089 --> 00:45:24,657
Sorry mate,
you've seen my face now.
822
00:45:24,658 --> 00:45:26,359
No. No, I haven't.
823
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:30,496
I can't see anything, I'm blind.
Yeah, right.
824
00:45:30,497 --> 00:45:33,600
What do I look
like, some sort of-
825
00:45:33,601 --> 00:45:35,168
(MUGS SHATTER)
826
00:45:37,137 --> 00:45:39,105
"Mug"?
Did you get him?
827
00:45:39,106 --> 00:45:40,607
Yup!
Yes! Come on!
828
00:45:40,608 --> 00:45:42,209
Run Rudolph Run
829
00:45:47,848 --> 00:45:49,449
Mind the stairs! Oh!
830
00:45:53,654 --> 00:45:55,421
Run, run, Rudolph
831
00:45:55,422 --> 00:45:57,390
Santa ain't too far behind...
832
00:45:59,626 --> 00:46:01,494
We need to leg it.
Grab hold.
833
00:46:01,495 --> 00:46:03,096
(BOTH WHIMPERING)
834
00:46:03,830 --> 00:46:05,732
What's happening?
Oh, more Brennans.
835
00:46:05,733 --> 00:46:07,667
Change of plan. We need to hide.
836
00:46:09,169 --> 00:46:10,637
In the Sierra!
837
00:46:11,738 --> 00:46:13,473
Woo!
Get in!
838
00:46:13,474 --> 00:46:15,075
Owwww!
839
00:46:18,512 --> 00:46:22,616
Said Santa to a boy, "Child,
what have you been longing for?"
840
00:46:25,218 --> 00:46:28,755
"All I want for Christmas
is a rock and roll electric
guitar"
841
00:46:30,691 --> 00:46:32,825
And then away went Rudolph...
842
00:46:32,826 --> 00:46:34,160
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
843
00:46:34,161 --> 00:46:35,495
Oh...
What's that noise?
844
00:46:35,496 --> 00:46:36,796
I don't know.
845
00:46:36,797 --> 00:46:38,831
Oh God,
I'm going to die in a Sierra.
846
00:46:38,832 --> 00:46:40,467
(SIREN WAILING)
847
00:46:53,246 --> 00:46:54,714
(BOTH GRUNTING)
848
00:46:57,184 --> 00:46:59,285
Oh, thank God.
Woah, woah, woah!
849
00:46:59,286 --> 00:47:02,522
Let's actually wait until
they've arrested the big angry
man
850
00:47:02,523 --> 00:47:05,191
who wants to kill us, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
851
00:47:09,463 --> 00:47:11,164
It really must be Christmas.
852
00:47:11,165 --> 00:47:13,500
They've only gone
and sent the PCSOs.
853
00:47:14,134 --> 00:47:16,803
"Hobby Bobbies".
"Hobby Bobbies"?
854
00:47:29,883 --> 00:47:31,151
I'll call for back up.
855
00:47:34,855 --> 00:47:36,689
Merry Christmas, officers.
856
00:47:36,690 --> 00:47:41,061
Evening sir. We received a
report of a disturbance at this
address.
857
00:47:41,829 --> 00:47:44,164
Someone heard
something being smashed.
858
00:47:44,865 --> 00:47:47,300
Did they? Smashed, you say.
859
00:47:47,301 --> 00:47:50,637
Um, well, no, no.
860
00:47:50,638 --> 00:47:53,473
It's probably nothing sir,
but perhaps we could just pop in
861
00:47:53,474 --> 00:47:55,642
and check your windows?
Make sure you're safe.
862
00:47:55,643 --> 00:48:00,780
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no...
863
00:48:00,781 --> 00:48:03,783
because...
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
864
00:48:04,851 --> 00:48:06,486
Oh!
865
00:48:08,622 --> 00:48:10,823
Good evening, officers.
866
00:48:10,824 --> 00:48:12,492
That's my lady wife.
867
00:48:12,493 --> 00:48:14,294
Bit of a collision.
868
00:48:14,295 --> 00:48:16,162
No lights, you see.
869
00:48:16,163 --> 00:48:18,064
Are you alright
to be here on your own?
870
00:48:18,065 --> 00:48:22,302
Absolutely. Yep.
What with no lights, no heating?
871
00:48:22,303 --> 00:48:25,772
Yeah, no, well, what it is
actually is we're not actually
staying here
872
00:48:25,773 --> 00:48:28,308
because our daughter
is on her way.
873
00:48:28,309 --> 00:48:29,809
From Frome.
874
00:48:30,443 --> 00:48:35,549
Yes. So, we're going to stay
with them until the 27th or
28th.
875
00:48:36,150 --> 00:48:38,551
In Frome.
Or the 29th.
876
00:48:38,552 --> 00:48:40,787
Then we shall be coming home.
877
00:48:40,788 --> 00:48:42,322
BOTH: From Frome.
878
00:48:42,323 --> 00:48:45,091
Well, if you're sure you're OK?
879
00:48:45,092 --> 00:48:46,759
Yes, fine.
Very happy.
880
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:48,762
Fine, thank you.
Very... Yes.
881
00:48:51,331 --> 00:48:53,333
Merry Christmas!
Ta-ta.
882
00:48:56,603 --> 00:48:58,171
I'll tell you what...
Huh?
883
00:48:59,139 --> 00:49:02,041
The Sarge knocks off at 6:00,
lives on Rowan Avenue.
884
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:04,644
I'll ask him to swing by on his
way home, check everything's OK.
885
00:49:04,645 --> 00:49:06,279
Oh, no. That's fine.
There's no need.
886
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,415
He might be a bit tipsy,
but he won't mind at all.
887
00:49:09,416 --> 00:49:11,517
Merry Christmas, take care.
Merry Christmas!
888
00:49:11,518 --> 00:49:12,786
BOTH: Merry Christmas!
889
00:49:19,459 --> 00:49:21,661
The... The police are leaving!
890
00:49:21,662 --> 00:49:23,396
What? Well, stop them then!
891
00:49:25,365 --> 00:49:27,500
Ah! It won't unlock!
892
00:49:27,501 --> 00:49:29,335
Oh... This is a terrible car!
893
00:49:29,336 --> 00:49:31,671
Hang on! Wait! Wait!
894
00:49:31,672 --> 00:49:34,808
Here. Try mine!
It's central locking! It
won't...
895
00:49:35,842 --> 00:49:37,577
You've got your hand on the...
Ow!
896
00:49:37,578 --> 00:49:39,279
(DOORS UNLOCK)
897
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,048
(GASPS)
898
00:49:42,049 --> 00:49:43,750
He's back!
Who is? Big Barry?
899
00:49:43,751 --> 00:49:45,619
No, Little Barry: the big one.
900
00:49:47,587 --> 00:49:49,522
We need to get out of here.
901
00:49:49,523 --> 00:49:52,725
I say we make a run for it.
With the whackjob Waltons out
there?
902
00:49:52,726 --> 00:49:54,727
No, thank you.
Well, what shall we do then?
903
00:49:54,728 --> 00:49:56,863
I don't know.
904
00:49:56,864 --> 00:49:58,831
(GASPS)
905
00:49:58,832 --> 00:50:02,769
I don't suppose this rust bucket
has got airbags and an alarm,
does it?
906
00:50:02,770 --> 00:50:05,805
It's got all the extras.
It's a top of the range rust
bucket.
907
00:50:05,806 --> 00:50:07,440
I've got an idea...
908
00:50:07,441 --> 00:50:09,042
(SNEAKY MUSIC)
909
00:50:14,848 --> 00:50:16,649
(ALARM BLARING)
910
00:50:16,650 --> 00:50:20,787
BIG BARRY: (OVER RADIO) Whatever
that is, shut it up! I'll sort
it.
911
00:50:27,494 --> 00:50:29,062
Gotcha.
912
00:50:38,872 --> 00:50:43,776
We're walking in the air
913
00:50:43,777 --> 00:50:47,780
We're floating
in the moonlit sky...
914
00:50:47,781 --> 00:50:49,716
Snow escape, bozo!
915
00:50:53,153 --> 00:50:54,621
(GRUNTING)
916
00:50:56,790 --> 00:50:58,558
Is he secure?
917
00:50:58,559 --> 00:51:00,293
Yes!
918
00:51:00,294 --> 00:51:02,362
Quick, in the shed.
(MUFFLED YELLING)
919
00:51:02,363 --> 00:51:05,198
I'm just saying that if we leave
a couple of houses, that would-
920
00:51:05,199 --> 00:51:07,533
...defeat the object.
We go big or go home...
921
00:51:07,534 --> 00:51:10,103
And we're not going home.
Ash, bring the van round.
922
00:51:10,104 --> 00:51:11,804
But we've got the
dibble at 6:00.
923
00:51:11,805 --> 00:51:13,706
I don't think we've
got enough time.
924
00:51:13,707 --> 00:51:15,308
Then we split up.
925
00:51:16,310 --> 00:51:18,178
What, over this?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
926
00:51:19,246 --> 00:51:22,015
I don't want to.
I love you, Stace.
927
00:51:24,851 --> 00:51:27,153
No. I mean I'll take
this end with Fanny-Anne,
928
00:51:27,154 --> 00:51:29,188
and you boys take number five.
929
00:51:29,189 --> 00:51:31,358
Oh, right. Ooh, the big telly!
930
00:51:32,092 --> 00:51:34,260
Yeah, I'll get the big telly.
On your own?
931
00:51:34,261 --> 00:51:36,362
It's the same size as you.
(RADIO CRACKLES)
932
00:51:36,363 --> 00:51:39,699
Junior, can you get backside
over to number five please?
933
00:51:40,667 --> 00:51:43,370
Your dad's about to wreck
a very nice television.
934
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,043
We're here, in you go.
(LAUGHS GLEEFULLY)
935
00:51:50,044 --> 00:51:52,078
Ah, yes!
Watch your head.
936
00:51:53,513 --> 00:51:56,115
What now?
Yeah, well, I was just thinking
that.
937
00:51:56,116 --> 00:51:59,085
Right, my plan would be...
to wait here...
938
00:51:59,086 --> 00:52:02,088
Right?
Until it gets light.
939
00:52:04,558 --> 00:52:08,261
That's it? That's your plan?
They're out there ransacking
940
00:52:08,262 --> 00:52:10,563
our entire street
and you just want to hide in
here?
941
00:52:10,564 --> 00:52:13,266
We need to do something.
We are the Neighbourhood Watch.
942
00:52:13,267 --> 00:52:16,836
Exactly. Neighbourhood "Watch".
It's not Neighbourhood "Do", is
it?
943
00:52:16,837 --> 00:52:19,038
And even if it was,
we've done plenty.
944
00:52:19,039 --> 00:52:21,441
We phoned the police, for all
the good they were, and we have
945
00:52:21,442 --> 00:52:23,509
gaffer-taped a thug to a Sierra.
I think we've done
946
00:52:23,510 --> 00:52:25,812
more than our fair share,
and now its time
947
00:52:25,813 --> 00:52:28,081
for a little self preservation,
thank you very much.
948
00:52:28,082 --> 00:52:30,516
But our neighbours-
Are insured! And will completely
949
00:52:30,517 --> 00:52:33,119
understand our desire
to remain alive.
950
00:52:34,221 --> 00:52:35,689
(SIGHS) Fine.
951
00:52:36,790 --> 00:52:39,792
OK. If you can live with that.
952
00:52:39,793 --> 00:52:41,561
Yeah. I can.
953
00:52:42,329 --> 00:52:44,497
Ooh, I can see
the headlines now:
954
00:52:45,665 --> 00:52:51,238
"Security expert hides in shed
while own street ransacked". Ha, yeah.
955
00:52:52,806 --> 00:52:54,707
That wouldn't be a headline.
It's too long.
956
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,577
"Alarm Coward's Shed Shame".
957
00:52:57,578 --> 00:53:00,113
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, that's better.
958
00:53:00,114 --> 00:53:02,282
Ooh, he'd probably frame it,
you know...
959
00:53:03,583 --> 00:53:05,151
In his shop.
960
00:53:08,355 --> 00:53:09,823
Graham.
961
00:53:11,858 --> 00:53:13,460
We need a plan.
962
00:53:15,162 --> 00:53:17,297
(EXCITING MUSIC)
963
00:53:29,743 --> 00:53:33,079
BIG BARRY: Come
on. Come to Daddy.
964
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,181
Resistance is futile.
965
00:53:35,182 --> 00:53:37,183
(DOOR CLOSES)
966
00:53:37,184 --> 00:53:38,851
Oh, finally!
967
00:53:38,852 --> 00:53:43,256
Come give us a hand son.
Or maybe you could give us a
hand?
968
00:53:45,392 --> 00:53:48,628
In fact, make it both of them.
969
00:53:50,530 --> 00:53:51,765
Who the hell are you?
970
00:53:52,899 --> 00:53:54,501
BOTH: Neighbourhood Watch.
971
00:53:56,336 --> 00:53:59,005
Blimey. You lot got serious.
972
00:54:00,274 --> 00:54:02,842
Cuff him, Rocco.
Um, yeah.
973
00:54:02,843 --> 00:54:05,445
Do you think
it would be better if maybe
you...
974
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,182
Actually, yeah.
975
00:54:09,183 --> 00:54:11,284
I'll cuff him. You cover him.
976
00:54:25,565 --> 00:54:27,767
Keep still sunshine.
977
00:54:33,307 --> 00:54:35,608
This doesn't need to hurt.
(GRUNTS)
978
00:54:35,609 --> 00:54:38,645
(YELPS)
(GRUNTING)
979
00:54:39,846 --> 00:54:42,181
(BOTH GROANING)
980
00:54:42,182 --> 00:54:44,450
Grab him! Get him off me! Gah!
981
00:54:44,451 --> 00:54:46,286
Grab him!
982
00:54:46,287 --> 00:54:47,787
(HEROIC MUSIC)
983
00:54:49,723 --> 00:54:52,425
(YELLS)
984
00:54:52,426 --> 00:54:54,360
I've got him!
I've got him!
985
00:54:54,361 --> 00:54:57,664
No, I've got him!
No! He's got me. I've got him!
986
00:54:58,332 --> 00:55:01,100
LAURA: There's nothing there.
Well, she's deleted it now,
987
00:55:01,101 --> 00:55:02,735
but you could see Dad's Sierra
988
00:55:02,736 --> 00:55:04,837
Well, there are other
Sierra's in the world.
989
00:55:04,838 --> 00:55:08,474
Not in that condition.
And he's used the wrong "your".
990
00:55:08,475 --> 00:55:10,276
He's put "your"
instead of "you are".
991
00:55:10,277 --> 00:55:13,046
Chloe, he says he's fine.
The last thing we need is
another
992
00:55:13,047 --> 00:55:16,215
delusional neurotic in the
family. Just... stop fretting.
993
00:55:16,216 --> 00:55:18,418
Ah, forget it.
Chloe...
994
00:55:18,419 --> 00:55:20,320
(TENSE MUSIC)
995
00:55:22,289 --> 00:55:24,757
STACEY: Looks like we've
got ourselves some witnesses
996
00:55:24,758 --> 00:55:28,061
I've seen nothing. I'd make
a terrible witness me, awful.
997
00:55:28,062 --> 00:55:30,597
I don't know who any of you are.
Seriously?
998
00:55:30,598 --> 00:55:33,700
You're cosying up to the
Brennans. Well, he knows who we
are now.
999
00:55:34,434 --> 00:55:38,137
Oh, brilliant. Another
masterclass from the so called
expert.
1000
00:55:38,138 --> 00:55:39,806
Expert at what?
1001
00:55:39,807 --> 00:55:42,142
Evidently nothing.
(BOTH GROAN)
1002
00:55:43,176 --> 00:55:45,044
Cause for Alarms?
1003
00:55:45,045 --> 00:55:46,779
(WEAKLY) Causes.
1004
00:55:46,780 --> 00:55:48,815
You didn't tell me
these were branded!
1005
00:55:48,816 --> 00:55:50,450
Shut up, Graham!
1006
00:55:50,451 --> 00:55:52,118
Eh? Graham?
1007
00:55:52,119 --> 00:55:54,354
One of your cameras...
1008
00:55:54,355 --> 00:55:58,592
put me behind bars
for three years, Neil.
1009
00:55:59,393 --> 00:56:02,662
I can only apologise
for the excellent resolution.
1010
00:56:02,663 --> 00:56:05,565
No apology necessary.
1011
00:56:05,566 --> 00:56:08,168
It makes all this a lot easier.
1012
00:56:09,202 --> 00:56:15,008
So, shall we get started?
1013
00:56:16,777 --> 00:56:19,246
We've only got a few hours,
they're going nowhere.
1014
00:56:19,980 --> 00:56:23,816
You're right. Let's finish the
job, then we'll finish them.
1015
00:56:23,817 --> 00:56:25,518
I'll be back.
1016
00:56:27,321 --> 00:56:30,290
Right, I'll take this telly.
(STRAINING) Come here love.
1017
00:56:30,291 --> 00:56:32,726
Oh, yeah.
1018
00:56:35,095 --> 00:56:36,796
Oh, quality, that.
1019
00:56:37,831 --> 00:56:40,633
Friend of yours?
Not really.
1020
00:56:40,634 --> 00:56:43,003
Shame... You'll be
seeing him soon.
1021
00:56:50,577 --> 00:56:52,145
(LIGHT FESTIVE MUSIC)
1022
00:57:36,857 --> 00:57:39,359
We could be in a
nice warm shed now.
1023
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,094
Sitting pretty.
1024
00:57:41,095 --> 00:57:45,164
But oh, no,
you had to act the big hero.
1025
00:57:45,165 --> 00:57:48,668
Me?! None of this would have
happened if you hadn't tried
1026
00:57:48,669 --> 00:57:51,704
to blow up the whole street.
Well, I had to try something
1027
00:57:51,705 --> 00:57:54,807
after you'd turned the whole
neighbourhood against me.
1028
00:57:54,808 --> 00:57:57,677
Oh, I think you did that
all on your own, mate.
1029
00:57:57,678 --> 00:57:59,579
Don't you "mate" me!
1030
00:58:00,380 --> 00:58:05,051
Everything was fine until you
moved in with your weird little
vendetta.
1031
00:58:05,052 --> 00:58:09,656
No one gave a damn about my
Sierra until you started
stirring things up.
1032
00:58:09,657 --> 00:58:14,861
I mean, why? You can't even see
it! Why does it matter to you
1033
00:58:14,862 --> 00:58:17,697
what I put on my own front
drive- It wasn't me!
1034
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,436
What?
It wasn't me...
1035
00:58:24,805 --> 00:58:26,640
...who complained about the car.
1036
00:58:28,342 --> 00:58:29,376
It was John.
1037
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:35,682
He said he got sick of it
sitting there rusting away.
1038
00:58:36,883 --> 00:58:38,785
It was him that
phoned the council.
1039
00:58:40,654 --> 00:58:42,222
Why didn't...
1040
00:58:43,557 --> 00:58:45,725
Well, why didn't
you say something before?
1041
00:58:45,726 --> 00:58:47,561
I thought about it...
1042
00:58:49,596 --> 00:58:51,164
...but you've seen it.
1043
00:58:52,332 --> 00:58:53,800
How people are with me.
1044
00:58:54,701 --> 00:58:56,469
Yeah, they're nice.
1045
00:58:56,470 --> 00:58:58,838
Bringing in your shopping,
taking you to the pub,
1046
00:58:58,839 --> 00:59:01,174
helping with your lights...
1047
00:59:02,342 --> 00:59:03,543
It's kind is it?
1048
00:59:04,511 --> 00:59:06,079
And why are they so nice?
1049
00:59:07,881 --> 00:59:09,282
Is it cos I'm nice?
1050
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:16,456
People just treat you different
when you're... different.
1051
00:59:18,525 --> 00:59:21,160
Well, not everyone.
I mean, Suki always took people
1052
00:59:21,161 --> 00:59:24,231
as she found them.
Who the hell's Suki?
1053
00:59:25,666 --> 00:59:27,667
My wife...
1054
00:59:27,668 --> 00:59:30,070
Well, late wife.
1055
00:59:31,071 --> 00:59:32,539
(ANGELIC MUSIC)
1056
00:59:35,108 --> 00:59:37,577
She was funny, warm.
1057
00:59:38,779 --> 00:59:40,347
But straight-talking.
1058
00:59:41,481 --> 00:59:42,649
My daughter's the same.
1059
00:59:44,851 --> 00:59:46,486
Oh. I-
Holly.
1060
00:59:47,554 --> 00:59:49,555
She's studying Law at Leeds.
1061
00:59:49,556 --> 00:59:52,158
That's why I moved here.
Just to be a bit closer.
1062
00:59:54,094 --> 00:59:57,063
And don't get me wrong,
they're nice around here.
1063
00:59:57,064 --> 00:59:59,198
But I could take a dump
in their living room,
1064
00:59:59,199 --> 01:00:01,668
and they'd be like, "Oh,
don't worry about that, that's
OK."
1065
01:00:01,669 --> 01:00:04,538
they were gonna let me run the
Neighbourhood Watch, for God's
sake.
1066
01:00:06,807 --> 01:00:10,143
You can almost smell the
sympathy sometimes... But not
you.
1067
01:00:11,244 --> 01:00:13,146
You didn't give a toss.
1068
01:00:13,914 --> 01:00:16,215
I mean in my defence,
I've been going through
1069
01:00:16,216 --> 01:00:18,484
quite a bad time
over the last few months
1070
01:00:18,485 --> 01:00:20,153
No, it's good.
1071
01:00:20,154 --> 01:00:23,356
I think I need it,
a bit of that, now it's just me.
1072
01:00:25,359 --> 01:00:28,161
(SIGHS) So, maybe I let you
think the worst of me.
1073
01:00:28,162 --> 01:00:31,298
Kept things a bit difficult
between us. Like a guarantee.
1074
01:00:32,099 --> 01:00:34,667
That I'd always be
that git over the road...
1075
01:00:34,668 --> 01:00:37,503
and you'd never start talking to
me like I'm the poor blind guy
1076
01:00:37,504 --> 01:00:40,139
from number 3.
Because I'm not, you know.
1077
01:00:40,140 --> 01:00:42,809
I am Scott Patrick Dixon,
and I nicked your bin.
1078
01:00:43,610 --> 01:00:45,078
I bloody knew it!
1079
01:00:50,651 --> 01:00:52,219
(ANGELIC MUSIC)
1080
01:00:55,822 --> 01:00:57,290
Sorry you lost your wife.
1081
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:02,329
(SIGHS)
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.
1082
01:01:09,503 --> 01:01:11,471
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
1083
01:01:11,472 --> 01:01:13,640
Right. Push against me.
1084
01:01:14,341 --> 01:01:17,510
What's happening?
We are getting out of here.
1085
01:01:17,511 --> 01:01:19,812
Oh, now you're talking!
On 3...
1086
01:01:19,813 --> 01:01:21,314
2...
BOTH: 1!
1087
01:01:21,315 --> 01:01:22,816
(BOTH YELLING)
1088
01:01:25,519 --> 01:01:27,821
Right. Now bounce to your right.
OK!
1089
01:01:29,356 --> 01:01:31,791
What are you doing?
Well, your right or my right?
1090
01:01:31,792 --> 01:01:33,793
No, no! Not my right. Your left!
1091
01:01:33,794 --> 01:01:35,728
Sorry. How far?
1092
01:01:35,729 --> 01:01:38,164
Oh, follow me, just...
This isn't working!
1093
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:41,701
(BOTH PANTING)
1094
01:01:41,702 --> 01:01:44,437
I think we can burn
through the cable ties, but...
1095
01:01:44,438 --> 01:01:47,440
Do you think you can catch a
lighter? I'm a pretty good catch
mate.
1096
01:01:47,441 --> 01:01:49,342
I play a bit of cricket.
But you're...
1097
01:01:49,343 --> 01:01:50,610
Yeah, I know. It's a thing.
1098
01:01:51,578 --> 01:01:53,546
OK. Here we go then,
1099
01:01:53,547 --> 01:01:55,815
Right.
Ready? Yep...
1100
01:01:55,816 --> 01:01:57,484
Now!
1101
01:01:58,452 --> 01:01:59,852
Well, did you catch it?
1102
01:01:59,853 --> 01:02:02,121
Oh it was very wide...
1103
01:02:02,122 --> 01:02:04,724
but, luckily,
one of us is a professional!
1104
01:02:04,725 --> 01:02:07,060
Oh, you little beaut!
1105
01:02:08,095 --> 01:02:09,329
Stay still.
1106
01:02:11,598 --> 01:02:13,767
Oh!
(BOTH PANTING)
1107
01:02:14,668 --> 01:02:17,037
Right. They said a few hours.
1108
01:02:17,705 --> 01:02:20,340
Which means we haven't got long.
Do you think it's enough time?
1109
01:02:21,642 --> 01:02:25,211
Maybe. If we just...
you know, work together.
1110
01:02:25,212 --> 01:02:26,679
I'm game if you are.
1111
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,748
Do you reckon we could get them
back to my place?
1112
01:02:28,749 --> 01:02:31,651
I've got a few ideas but
it would need to be on home
turf,
1113
01:02:31,652 --> 01:02:35,021
where I know my way around.
Back to yours it is. Oh, and...
1114
01:02:35,789 --> 01:02:39,225
...while we're being honest,
that postman, the other day...
1115
01:02:39,226 --> 01:02:41,027
that was me.
1116
01:02:41,762 --> 01:02:43,129
How stupid do you think I am?
1117
01:02:44,331 --> 01:02:45,665
I know more about
what's going on
1118
01:02:45,666 --> 01:02:47,234
around me
than you will ever realise.
1119
01:02:49,836 --> 01:02:52,772
Oh!
What are you doing? Eh! Eh!
1120
01:02:53,740 --> 01:02:55,541
Get off! Idiot!
1121
01:02:55,542 --> 01:02:57,143
(EXCITING MUSIC)
1122
01:03:14,161 --> 01:03:15,629
(DRILL WHIRRING)
1123
01:03:16,863 --> 01:03:19,265
All we need now
is some burglars.
1124
01:03:19,266 --> 01:03:20,633
(DRILL WHIRRS)
1125
01:03:20,634 --> 01:03:22,202
(SNORING)
1126
01:03:23,103 --> 01:03:25,138
(GRUNTING)
Shh! Shh!
1127
01:03:25,139 --> 01:03:27,674
Shh...
Listen, Little Barry.
1128
01:03:27,675 --> 01:03:31,011
If we take this out your mouth,
do you promise not to scream?
1129
01:03:31,845 --> 01:03:33,480
OK.
1130
01:03:35,649 --> 01:03:38,752
Mum-m-m-m!
1131
01:03:41,688 --> 01:03:43,456
Alright, I owe you a tenner.
1132
01:03:43,457 --> 01:03:46,126
Oi, you two. Go find him!
1133
01:03:47,694 --> 01:03:49,262
RAY CHARLES: Mess Around
1134
01:03:56,837 --> 01:03:58,004
BIG BARRY: There!
1135
01:04:02,809 --> 01:04:04,377
Son?
(GRUNTING)
1136
01:04:08,782 --> 01:04:10,483
Barry?
1137
01:04:12,319 --> 01:04:14,654
(YELLS)
(SCREAMS)
1138
01:04:14,655 --> 01:04:17,657
I'm blind!
Join the club.
1139
01:04:17,658 --> 01:04:20,226
Where's the walkie? I can't find
it! (GRUNTS)
1140
01:04:20,227 --> 01:04:21,761
(SCREAMS)
This way big man.
1141
01:04:21,762 --> 01:04:24,197
Try not to be so clumsy.
1142
01:04:25,532 --> 01:04:28,668
Dad down, number
three. Come here!
1143
01:04:29,636 --> 01:04:31,170
...They did the boogie-woogie
1144
01:04:31,171 --> 01:04:32,505
With a steady roll
1145
01:04:32,506 --> 01:04:34,107
They mess around
1146
01:04:35,008 --> 01:04:37,077
They doin' the mess around...
Oi! Come 'ere!
1147
01:04:39,146 --> 01:04:40,713
(SHRIEKS)
1148
01:04:40,714 --> 01:04:41,814
(SCREAMS)
1149
01:04:41,815 --> 01:04:43,716
Come here!
No!
1150
01:04:43,717 --> 01:04:45,318
Stop it. Argh!
(STRAINING)
1151
01:04:46,453 --> 01:04:48,288
Oh, don't... Here!
1152
01:04:48,289 --> 01:04:50,823
No point struggling. I've done
rodeo. (SCREAMS)
1153
01:04:50,824 --> 01:04:52,759
What are you doing?!
1154
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:54,327
Argh!
1155
01:04:55,295 --> 01:04:58,464
No! What are you doing?!
1156
01:04:58,465 --> 01:05:01,201
Give me my legs.
Give me my legs back!
1157
01:05:02,036 --> 01:05:04,704
(LIGHTS PLAYING "Jingle Bells")
Dad! Dad!
1158
01:05:04,705 --> 01:05:07,440
Huh?!
Dad! Dad!
1159
01:05:07,441 --> 01:05:10,610
OK. Dad...
OK. Pull!
1160
01:05:10,611 --> 01:05:12,712
(SHRIEKS)
1161
01:05:12,713 --> 01:05:14,614
Dad? Dad...
1162
01:05:15,582 --> 01:05:16,816
You!
(LAUGHS)
1163
01:05:16,817 --> 01:05:18,551
Get me out!
(GROANS)
1164
01:05:18,552 --> 01:05:20,520
Dad?
Come here, you!
1165
01:05:21,855 --> 01:05:23,556
Dad? Dad!
1166
01:05:23,557 --> 01:05:25,559
(YELLS, THEN GRUNTS)
1167
01:05:30,530 --> 01:05:33,166
Argh! What are you doing?!
Taking what's mine!
1168
01:05:33,167 --> 01:05:34,801
Well, Chloe's.
1169
01:05:34,802 --> 01:05:37,103
And stealing something...
1170
01:05:37,104 --> 01:05:40,039
No, no, not my
phone! Not my phone!
1171
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:42,575
You started this!
Put it back!
1172
01:05:42,576 --> 01:05:44,244
Put my phone back now!
1173
01:05:44,245 --> 01:05:46,713
What's your code?
As if I'd tell you!
1174
01:05:46,714 --> 01:05:49,015
Fine. I'll use your face!
(STRAINING)
1175
01:05:54,288 --> 01:05:55,755
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
1176
01:06:02,129 --> 01:06:03,230
(GRUNTS)
1177
01:06:04,498 --> 01:06:05,798
Go get 'em mum!
1178
01:06:05,799 --> 01:06:07,667
Ow!
1179
01:06:15,175 --> 01:06:16,643
Carol of the Bells
1180
01:06:22,082 --> 01:06:23,683
(GROANS)
1181
01:06:23,684 --> 01:06:26,119
I know every floorboard
in this room.
1182
01:06:26,853 --> 01:06:31,291
Every creak, every crack,
every squeak of a nail.
1183
01:06:32,192 --> 01:06:36,162
So why don't you come over here,
and try and take this wicket...
1184
01:06:37,264 --> 01:06:39,232
I dare you.
1185
01:06:52,846 --> 01:06:55,114
Ooh! (GROANS)
1186
01:06:55,115 --> 01:06:57,250
(LAUGHS)
1187
01:06:57,251 --> 01:06:58,752
(BONES CRACK)
1188
01:06:59,853 --> 01:07:01,821
(GROWLS)
1189
01:07:11,298 --> 01:07:14,534
Ah! (GROANING)
Had enough yet?
1190
01:07:14,535 --> 01:07:17,203
Ahhh...
1191
01:07:17,204 --> 01:07:19,072
(GROANS)
1192
01:07:19,073 --> 01:07:20,707
Mm...
I'm waiting.
1193
01:07:20,708 --> 01:07:22,209
(GROWLS)
1194
01:07:40,694 --> 01:07:43,196
(GROANS)
1195
01:07:43,197 --> 01:07:45,865
Couple of googlies?
(GROANING)
1196
01:07:45,866 --> 01:07:48,768
(SHRIEKS, THEN GROANS)
1197
01:07:52,472 --> 01:07:54,607
Yes, yes, yes, that's right.
1198
01:07:54,608 --> 01:07:58,011
Yeah, it's 3 Staplethorne Close.
1199
01:08:00,580 --> 01:08:02,415
It's over!
1200
01:08:02,416 --> 01:08:05,652
I'm on the phone to the police
right now, so you may as well...
1201
01:08:05,653 --> 01:08:07,254
(PHONE BUZZING)
1202
01:08:11,091 --> 01:08:12,592
(WHISTLES)
1203
01:08:15,896 --> 01:08:19,265
There ain't no one
coming to rescue you now, pal.
1204
01:08:19,266 --> 01:08:21,368
It's just you and me
1205
01:08:29,109 --> 01:08:30,710
Where do you think you're going?
Narnia?
1206
01:08:32,746 --> 01:08:34,314
(YELLS)
1207
01:08:47,694 --> 01:08:49,362
£200 plus VAT.
1208
01:08:49,363 --> 01:08:51,464
But you can't put
a price on peace of mind.
1209
01:08:51,465 --> 01:08:53,767
Oh, and close the door
when you're using the bathroom
eh?
1210
01:08:56,603 --> 01:08:58,171
(GRUNTING)
1211
01:08:59,273 --> 01:09:00,740
No!
1212
01:09:04,378 --> 01:09:06,012
No!
1213
01:09:07,614 --> 01:09:10,216
I've done my time!
1214
01:09:10,217 --> 01:09:13,653
(SCREAMS)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1215
01:09:15,889 --> 01:09:17,524
(DISTANT THUDDING)
1216
01:09:24,631 --> 01:09:26,833
(GROANS)
Mum! Mum!
1217
01:09:26,834 --> 01:09:29,269
Help me, my legs, my legs!
1218
01:09:31,104 --> 01:09:34,574
Scott!
Neil! Absolutely smashed it
mate.
1219
01:09:34,575 --> 01:09:36,743
That was amazing!
Is there anything we can't do?!
1220
01:09:36,744 --> 01:09:39,779
High five!
Yeah!
1221
01:09:39,780 --> 01:09:41,481
Help me...
1222
01:09:41,482 --> 01:09:43,416
Barry is that you?
Give us a hand.
1223
01:09:43,417 --> 01:09:46,620
Would you... Everyone just like
to stop talking at once, please?
1224
01:09:51,692 --> 01:09:53,260
Are you alright?
Hm!
1225
01:09:56,496 --> 01:09:58,265
No, no, no!
(YELLS)
1226
01:10:01,868 --> 01:10:04,037
(GROANS)
1227
01:10:04,038 --> 01:10:06,206
You stay with her.
I'll get the van.
1228
01:10:07,574 --> 01:10:09,175
We're getting out of here.
1229
01:10:11,545 --> 01:10:13,279
It's the mum.
She's getting away!
1230
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:16,750
Oh, no, no, no. Not on our
watch. No chance. Come on!
1231
01:10:20,253 --> 01:10:21,788
Get in the car!
Oh, not again!
1232
01:10:24,524 --> 01:10:27,360
Hello. It's us again. (GROANS)
1233
01:10:29,262 --> 01:10:31,497
Right, what are we doing?
Reversing the car,
1234
01:10:31,498 --> 01:10:35,034
blocking the drive, stopping the
van. In-In this thing?! Are you
mad?
1235
01:10:35,035 --> 01:10:37,337
This hasn't moved anywhere in
years. It's falling apart.
1236
01:10:37,338 --> 01:10:40,707
Even I can see that! It'll
start. Trust me, it's top of the
range.
1237
01:10:40,708 --> 01:10:42,742
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)
1238
01:10:42,743 --> 01:10:45,278
(STRAINS)
Well come on, turn it on then!
1239
01:10:45,279 --> 01:10:47,714
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)
It'll start!
1240
01:10:47,715 --> 01:10:50,350
Oh, I told ya! John's got
more life in him than this car.
1241
01:10:53,854 --> 01:10:56,723
HOUSE OF PAIN: Jump Around
(GASPS) In your face John!
1242
01:10:56,724 --> 01:10:59,593
Ha-ha! Woo-hoo!
1243
01:11:00,594 --> 01:11:02,295
(YELLING)
1244
01:11:02,296 --> 01:11:04,864
Scott! Grab the wheel!
Which way?
1245
01:11:04,865 --> 01:11:07,033
I don't know!
Busy getting killed here!
1246
01:11:07,034 --> 01:11:08,268
Woah!
1247
01:11:09,670 --> 01:11:11,571
Put it in first!
OK, which way?
1248
01:11:11,572 --> 01:11:12,839
Right!
You're right or my right?
1249
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:14,441
They're both the same!
Oh, yeah!
1250
01:11:19,079 --> 01:11:20,547
Reverse!
OK, reverse!
1251
01:11:23,383 --> 01:11:24,751
Mind the cat!
1252
01:11:26,453 --> 01:11:27,620
(CAT YOWLS)
Argh!
1253
01:11:27,621 --> 01:11:29,856
You told me to steer!
Barry's got the wheel!
1254
01:11:29,857 --> 01:11:31,825
I've got the wheel.
We've all got the wheel!
1255
01:11:40,267 --> 01:11:41,701
(MUSIC STOPS)
1256
01:11:53,180 --> 01:11:55,415
(TYRES SCREECHING)
1257
01:11:55,416 --> 01:11:57,217
(SCREAMING)
1258
01:12:01,088 --> 01:12:03,023
Mum-m-m!
(SCREAMS)
1259
01:12:05,225 --> 01:12:06,626
(HORN HONKING)
1260
01:12:09,096 --> 01:12:11,164
(GROANS)
1261
01:12:16,870 --> 01:12:19,005
(BOTH YELLING)
1262
01:12:20,207 --> 01:12:23,443
(SCREAMS)
1263
01:12:23,444 --> 01:12:25,378
(GROANS)
1264
01:12:28,815 --> 01:12:29,816
(GRUNTS)
1265
01:12:29,817 --> 01:12:31,484
(TENSE MUSIC)
1266
01:12:35,889 --> 01:12:37,524
Well, well, well.
1267
01:12:44,398 --> 01:12:47,100
(GROANING)
1268
01:12:47,868 --> 01:12:50,170
Any last words?
Ow...
1269
01:12:51,538 --> 01:12:54,608
It's really hard to think of
something when you're under
pressure.
1270
01:12:55,376 --> 01:12:58,811
I'll give you Cause
for ruddy Alarm!
1271
01:12:58,812 --> 01:13:00,347
(SCREAMING)
1272
01:13:03,850 --> 01:13:05,452
It's "Causes".
1273
01:13:08,622 --> 01:13:10,323
(ANGELIC MUSIC)
1274
01:13:14,261 --> 01:13:16,196
Oh my God!
1275
01:13:19,166 --> 01:13:20,634
That was...
1276
01:13:21,402 --> 01:13:24,337
What are you...
I thought you were in trouble.
1277
01:13:24,338 --> 01:13:27,007
(SIGHS)
Dad...
1278
01:13:29,343 --> 01:13:30,777
I cut through the park.
1279
01:13:32,145 --> 01:13:33,647
I don't care!
1280
01:13:38,619 --> 01:13:40,186
Chloe, is that you?
1281
01:13:40,187 --> 01:13:41,488
Hi, Scott!
1282
01:13:43,490 --> 01:13:45,025
I think she just saved my life!
1283
01:13:45,860 --> 01:13:50,030
Ha-ha-ha! Have you ever thought
of joining the Neighbourhood
Watch?
1284
01:13:52,699 --> 01:13:55,235
(LITTLE BARRY
SCREAMING, MUFFLED)
1285
01:13:55,236 --> 01:13:57,804
Oh, stick a sponge in it you.
1286
01:14:02,876 --> 01:14:04,511
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
1287
01:14:06,480 --> 01:14:08,815
Stay still. Stay still.
1288
01:14:08,816 --> 01:14:11,184
Stay still.
You've had a mild concussion.
1289
01:14:12,319 --> 01:14:16,022
Yes, sarge. I can confirm it's
all four of the Brennan family.
1290
01:14:19,159 --> 01:14:23,196
...All for the little ones'
Christmas joys
1291
01:14:23,197 --> 01:14:26,099
Stop, stop, please. Stop!
1292
01:14:26,100 --> 01:14:29,168
Stop! Stop! (SCREAMS)
1293
01:14:29,169 --> 01:14:31,304
Stop it!
So it's, uh, Graham?
1294
01:14:31,305 --> 01:14:33,673
No, it's Scott.
This is... This isn't mine.
1295
01:14:33,674 --> 01:14:36,243
We, um...
We don't talk about Graham. OK.
1296
01:14:40,213 --> 01:14:42,115
No way!
My dad.
1297
01:14:42,116 --> 01:14:44,350
My daughter.
No way! No way!
1298
01:14:44,351 --> 01:14:48,154
That's my phone! That's... my
phone! Come on. Come on!
1299
01:14:48,155 --> 01:14:51,357
Stop filming. Stop filming!
1300
01:14:51,358 --> 01:14:54,060
Excuse me,
I'd like to report a robbery!
1301
01:14:54,061 --> 01:14:55,695
Come on.
1302
01:14:55,696 --> 01:14:57,864
I know my rights!
Do you hear me?
1303
01:14:57,865 --> 01:14:59,866
Get in the van. Come on.
1304
01:14:59,867 --> 01:15:04,638
...Down through the chimney
with old Saint Nick...
1305
01:15:05,306 --> 01:15:07,574
At least we're
together for Christmas.
1306
01:15:08,675 --> 01:15:12,579
It's Christmas Day, and we are
live at Staplethorne Close.
1307
01:15:12,580 --> 01:15:15,148
And I'm joined by...
Scott.
1308
01:15:15,149 --> 01:15:18,351
Chloe.
Neil Beesley.
1309
01:15:18,352 --> 01:15:20,520
Causes for Alarms.
1310
01:15:20,521 --> 01:15:22,122
Shouldn't it be-
No, don't.
1311
01:15:22,990 --> 01:15:25,491
Christmas is indeed
a time for giving...
1312
01:15:25,492 --> 01:15:28,228
Chloe! Up you get,
we're doing presents.
1313
01:15:30,163 --> 01:15:33,166
Now, tell me Scott, would you
describe yourself as a hero?
1314
01:15:33,167 --> 01:15:36,069
I would say that Chloe
is the real hero here, er,
1315
01:15:36,070 --> 01:15:38,238
would you say so Neil?
Yeah.
1316
01:15:38,239 --> 01:15:41,741
But I think that "Christmas
Miracle" pretty much sums it up.
Mum!
1317
01:15:42,676 --> 01:15:45,445
And do you have a message
for our viewers at home?
1318
01:15:45,446 --> 01:15:46,846
Merry Christmas!
1319
01:15:46,847 --> 01:15:48,515
Hi, Holly!
1320
01:16:00,727 --> 01:16:02,195
Chloe?
Mum!
1321
01:16:02,196 --> 01:16:04,531
Oh my God! Are you alright?!
Yeah, I'm fine.
1322
01:16:19,746 --> 01:16:21,748
I'm sorry.
1323
01:16:34,795 --> 01:16:37,063
I am. I'm really, really sorry.
1324
01:16:37,664 --> 01:16:39,532
You're an idiot.
I know.
1325
01:16:42,636 --> 01:16:44,237
But I love you.
1326
01:16:49,443 --> 01:16:52,211
Ow, what's that?
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1327
01:16:52,212 --> 01:16:54,347
I didn't get a chance
to wrap it but, uh...
1328
01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:57,216
Ta-da!
Thank you! Thank you!
1329
01:16:57,217 --> 01:16:59,519
Oh!
Come on, let's go in.
1330
01:17:00,220 --> 01:17:02,355
Why are you dressed like that?
Long story.
1331
01:17:02,356 --> 01:17:03,856
I'll tell you over pizza.
1332
01:17:03,857 --> 01:17:05,525
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1333
01:17:08,895 --> 01:17:10,463
Hang on a sec.
1334
01:17:15,569 --> 01:17:17,537
Scott, you were amazing.
Thanks so much.
1335
01:17:17,538 --> 01:17:19,806
Thanks Melanie,
and Merry Christmas, guys.
1336
01:17:19,807 --> 01:17:21,674
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas to you too.
1337
01:17:21,675 --> 01:17:23,476
Indeed.
Scott...
1338
01:17:23,477 --> 01:17:25,445
Neil.
1339
01:17:26,580 --> 01:17:28,281
I was just wondering,
I've, uh...
1340
01:17:28,282 --> 01:17:30,383
It's not very festive,
but I've got a...
1341
01:17:31,218 --> 01:17:33,820
...three-quarters of
a room temperature
1342
01:17:33,821 --> 01:17:35,789
pepperoni pizza...
Sounds good to me.
1343
01:17:37,457 --> 01:17:39,158
Come on mate, lead the way.
1344
01:17:39,159 --> 01:17:40,594
(GENTLE FESTIVE MUSIC)
1345
01:17:41,662 --> 01:17:43,296
What a night!
1346
01:17:43,297 --> 01:17:45,532
I couldn't have
done it without ya.
1347
01:17:46,166 --> 01:17:48,268
Well, I couldn't have done it
without you!
1348
01:17:48,269 --> 01:17:49,703
Ha. Yeah, I know.
1349
01:17:51,305 --> 01:17:53,406
Merry Christmas, Scott.
1350
01:17:53,407 --> 01:17:55,041
Merry Christmas, Neil.
1351
01:18:00,881 --> 01:18:02,515
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1352
01:18:28,575 --> 01:18:30,010
Ha-ha!
1353
01:18:30,711 --> 01:18:34,213
Would you like a mince pie?
One of mum's specials.
1354
01:18:34,214 --> 01:18:36,482
Oh, lovely.
Chloe? Chloe?
1355
01:18:36,483 --> 01:18:39,152
Go on. Try some. Join in.
1356
01:18:39,153 --> 01:18:40,587
Save one for Holly.
1357
01:18:42,322 --> 01:18:45,191
Dad, Sabrina.
Did somebody say mistletoe?
1358
01:18:53,266 --> 01:18:56,336
Right everyone, look this way.
Big photo. Big poses.
1359
01:18:56,337 --> 01:19:00,307
In 3...
ALL: 2, 1...
1360
01:19:01,575 --> 01:19:03,176
Cheers!
(ALL EXCLAIM)
1361
01:19:04,444 --> 01:19:06,112
(ALL CHEERING)
1362
01:19:22,663 --> 01:19:25,498
Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus
1363
01:19:25,499 --> 01:19:28,334
Right down Santa Claus Lane
1364
01:19:28,335 --> 01:19:31,137
Vixen and Blitzen
and all his reindeer
1365
01:19:31,138 --> 01:19:33,840
Are pulling on the reins
1366
01:19:33,841 --> 01:19:36,743
Bells are ringing,
children singing
1367
01:19:36,744 --> 01:19:38,778
All is merry and bright
1368
01:19:39,412 --> 01:19:42,415
Hang your stockings
and say your prayers
1369
01:19:42,416 --> 01:19:44,517
Cos Santa Claus
comes tonight...
1370
01:19:48,889 --> 01:19:52,392
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