Original subtitles

Uh, it's Ben.

I'm working the festival.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hey.

Wake up!

I didn't drink it.

They gave us tea and told us to wait. I...

I didn't have any.

This way, boys.

They should be fast asleep.

All right, OK. Get them all tagged and moved into holding.

Wait, hang on, we had a late cancellation.

We won't need one of the boys.

Him, the redhead.

No, no! Get off me, please!

Help! Help! No!

Help! Get off! No!

Please help me!

Please, please, don't hurt me!

Please!

Help! Please, help!

Let go!

- Who's this? - Administrative error.

Really? It's a big bloody error.

Please, please, please, don't hurt me.

Please, don't hurt me.

Hey, hey, shh. Calm down.

Just breathe, breathe through your nose.

Root yourself.

Aww, that's it. Good boy.

Down-regulate your stress response.

Oh, but what are you doing?

It's eucalyptus balm.

You're at, like, an 11, yeah?

Ooh, honey, we need you at, like, a three.

OK.

OK.

Ow! Uhh!

Ow, fuck!

I... appreciate... you.

Alright, today's guest on the Conspiracy Minute Podcast

sent us 500 emails

just begging us to come on the show.

We were supposed to have the flat-earthers on, but they--

Fell off the face of the Earth?

Zing! So, yeah, we caved, and instead,

here to tell us all about their high sea adventure is...

- Um, Jamie Walsh. - Vivian Lim.

But first, a reminder

of how this section of the show works. Kylo?

OK, cool, yeah, so we give our guests 60 seconds

to share with us their interesting theories like,

"What if yoga positions are a secret way

of worshipping Satan?"

"And does drinking sparkling water

actually turn you gay?"

Oh, fizzy!

We shoot the shit, apply critical thought,

and then we decide if their theories

are the real deal or if it's just...

Bullshit!

Right, here we go then. Truth fears no trial.

Right, um, seven months ago we were working on a Velorum cruise ship.

I went on there to try and find out what happened to my sister,

Pippa Walsh.

They say she jumped overboard. She didn't.

Velorum had her killed because she uncovered something.

Some of the first-class guests were paying to murder the crew.

We saw what was going on, and we shut it down.

- We got off the ship and then... - And then it was all covered up.

They called it a disruptive event.

They made our uprising look like a protest over conditions.

When we got to the port, there were lawyers waiting with fat checkbooks.

I mean, nobody is listening.

This is happening on every single one of the ships. Every single one of them.

The police, governments, they're all in Owen Devereaux's pocket.

The Devereaux family owns Velorum--

And that is time.

Right, OK. Well, um, that really is... something.

Um, I'm gonna jump in, though. Where are your friends?

Colleagues? Other people who saw what was going on?

Too scared to speak out. Or they...

they took hush money payouts. Velorum paid a lot of people off.

We actually have a statement here from Thomas Devereaux,

Velorum's CO, that I'm gonna read out. - Oh?

"Mr. Walsh's colleagues aboard the Sacramentum

confirm his story is...

- a fantasy." - Aww.

"Mr. Walsh committed serious identity fraud to board our ship.

However, we understand his actions

were a result of mental ill health

and we have chosen not to press charges at this time."

What is this? Let me see.

- D'you fancy a holiday, Kylo? - Always.

Good, because Velorum are also sharing

a special discount code exclusively with our listeners.

They're giving us a 10% discount on any Velorum voyage.

All you've got to do is use the code

"I want to believe" at checkout.

That is "I want to believe."

We are telling the truth!

Call it, my friend.

Bullshit!

Someone really needs to take podcasts away from straight men.

We've got Velorum nervous.

Your optimism is actually disturbing sometimes.

They're always gonna use the sellouts against us.

Someone from the ship will do the right thing.

We just keep begging them to speak up.

I'm expecting a call from Brian.

Who the hell is Brian?

Gloria? Hole?

The drag queen from the Sacramentum.

Right, yeah.

What is wrong?

I'm just played out, Jamie.

I'm broke as a joke, and work caught me stealing food.

Do you know how degrading it is

trying to hide a calzone in your cycle shorts?

I mean, I knew we'd make sacrifices going after Velorum,

but it's been seven months, and we've got fuck-all to show for it.

Not one bit of evidence.

I can't go back to my parents.

That is never gonna happen.

Alright? I won't let it.

Look, we can't give up now.

We are edging so close, I can feel it.

If Brian speaks up, others from the Sacramentum will follow.

Edging?

You sister want you edging for the rest of your life?

Oh, my God.

Can we not talk about edging and my sister, please?

Look, it's not all about Pippa.

It's literally always been about her.

You're not ready to let go.

You still got her bench in your bedroom.

I... I haven't found a place for it yet. - Right.

Look, we are doing this for all the lives that they destroyed.

- Mm-hm. - For what they did to you.

I know your right. It's...

I just want us to know when it's time to call it.

It's Brian.

- Yeah. - Hello?

Jamie, I'm just finishing up a story time.

I read the little ones Angela's Ashes.

They loved it.

Have you, uh, have you had a chance to-- - I'll stop you there, twinkle.

Don't preach to the converted.

Shh!

He said, "Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?"

I've been a coward, Jamie.

I've held me tongue for far too long.

But, you know, after everything that happened on that ship,

I just wanted to forget, you know?

I haven't had a full night's sleep in God knows how long.

I have bags under me eyes the size of Tipperary.

I shouldn't have taken Velorum's blood money.

I know that now, so I'm in.

Whatever you need. I'm just... I'm sorry it wasn't sooner.

Great, that's, um, that's amazing.

Uh, we-we should meet up.

I have this brunch to get to.

Mama needs to earn her daily bread.

But, uh, I'll call you after.

- You won't regret this. - Let's nail these bastards.

Yes!

Who's there?

Is that you, Miss Minge?

Oh.

Jesus.

Front door was unlocked.

Sorry.

Cormac, um, it's me here.

Listen, I don't know where you are,

but we could really do with you and Rosie's support, so just...

Just call me back, please.

Anything from the staff whistleblowers?

Um, Naomi, of the Lunar Princess ship,

has blocked me.

Um, Mario, air steward,

says he's down for hooking up, but I don't think

he's actually understood what whistleblowing is.

Uh, but Ben, the sound engineer,

he's being sent to the festival in Slovenia.

He's gone a few days early to scope it out.

Hungry?

The police just called.

Brian's dead.

Who?

"51-year-old drag performer Brian Doyle

died this morning of a suspected overdose

whilst appearing at a library storytelling event."

I... We just spoke on the phone a few hours ago.

"One witness took to Twitter and said,

'The world's gone mad. Doyle died

in a highly sexualized manner

inappropriate for children'."

Vivian, call me back.

I think it's happening. It's them.

Wait, where are you going?

Brian took hush money and look where it got him.

He was keeping quiet and they still went after him.

How do you know it's Velorum?

It's them.

D'you have Sophia's address?

Sophia? Why?

Everyone who took a payout has been in our way.

This is our chance to show that they're not safe.

Velorum weren't buying their silence, they were buying time.

They could be coming after all of us.

OK. I'm coming with.

OK, where... where are you going?

Nervous wee.

Sorry, Jamie, can you slow down a bit,

'cause I can't walk at gay miles per hour.

Sophia's lot aren't even allowed to talk to us,

they all signed NDAs.

NDAs aren't gonna save them from what's coming.

What do you want?

Look, uh...

- Hm? - Absolutely not. No.

You can't be here.

Look, we need to talk. There's been-- - No!

You need to stop darkening our doorstep

and piss off back to Zone 4.

You homo harbinger of doom.

Spending your blood money wise, eh?

Oh. No, Sophia's paying for all this.

I bought crypto.

Bye!

Jamie.

Jamie! Wait!

Jamie! Jamie!

Hey. We're going for drinks if you wanna come.

Um...

I can't.

Sorry.

Yeah, sure. Um... maybe another time?

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Uh, dinner.

Thanks.

Night, Vivian.

Um, I'll...

I'll lock... I'll get... I'll lock up.

- Right. - Yeah.

Night.

You back already?

Des?

Des?

Des?

Cormac!

Rosie.

What the hell are you doing here?

You're being hunted.

Again.

Can you leave?

Jesus.

Seriously, Amy, stop.

You're really annoying me tonight, actually.

We don't have time for this.

- Oh, my God. - Whoa!

Oh, my God! Fish boy!

Beth?

And Laura!

Lauren.

How are you guys?

I haven't seen you in so long.

Ye gods. How are you?

What have you been up... Did you used to have a beard?

Did you not used to have a...?

Oh, my God!

Guys, wait right there, I'll be back!

Wait for me! Wait for me!

It's my song!

I know how she spent her money.

Watered-down vodka cranberry?

- Olly! - Hey, Lauren.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Um...

I'm gonna... Yep... I'll... I'll leave you guys to...

- Yeah. - OK.

Just... how...

Carry on.

Be over here.

How have you been?

Yep, fine. You?

Uh, yeah, no, really good, yeah.

Good.

You look stressed.

It's just my face.

I've missed your face.

So, um, Sophia?

Since when were you guys pals?

Not many people have been through what we have.

They get it. They're, uh, trying to move on.

It's easier to move on when you've sold your soul for all this.

I never took any money.

This isn't moving on.

It's... it's disassociating.

Sorry, you of all people

talking about disassociating.

You literally disassociated from life.

From me.

I never wanted to walk out on you.

On Operation Burn Velorum.

But there wasn't a lot of burning going on.

You're unknowable.

Brian's dead.

Who's Brian?

For me, though, I just like the natural look.

I just had some tiny treatments, you know.

Brow lift, eye lift, lip filler, chin shave,

ear thinning, buccal fat removal,

tummy tuck, laser resurfacing, shoulder implants,

because the business of showbiz, very competitive.

Come on, it's bedtime.

It was so nice to meet. Definitely give me a call.

- We should definitely... - Beth, you need to get up!

Definitely call me!!

- Can you hear something? - Oh, not again.

They're here.

I can hear them in the walls.

Shut her up!

- What'd you want me to do? - Are we back on the ship?

They're inside...

Sorry, can you put your phone away, please?

Beth, we're going to go to bed now.

OK? She's fine.

Hamish, I can hear them so loudly. How can you not hear them?

Beth, we're gonna go now. Get your hands off her!

They're inside the walls!

Come on. You're fine.

One more step, let go of the boy. Let go of the nice man. Up we go.

Fuck's sake.

Right, that's it!

Party's over.

Everyone out. Come on.

Yeah. Off we go.

You, too.

That's my fucking jacket,

so you can leave that at the door, thank you very much.

Lauren, it's happening here at the festival.

You guys have to do something.

Someone's coming. I need to go.

You're on the run?

Velorum letting us go...

just didn't sit right,

so we went off-grid.

Moved into my mum's attic back in Ballybough.

It's been a challenging time.

Thoughts and prayers.

Yesterday,

I'm in the shed.

Yeah, I know.

And this big terrifying bastard jumps me.

He's wearing one of those plastic quacky masks.

Rosie. Rosie!

I fucked him up and got Rosie out of there.

It's them, Vivian.

They're coming for us.

We couldn't call.

He thinks they might be tracking us.

Of course they are!

Look, we tried your place first, but there's nobody there.

Sophia, just hear me out, please.

Gloria's dead.

Brian from the Sacramentum.

Yes, I know who Gloria is, dick shit.

So, is that what you came here to tell us?

I read about it on Pink News.

What? As an ally, it's my duty to stay informed,

OK?

It's awful.

I liked Brian, but...

he wasn't murdered.

What, so he just took his own life, did he?

We've heard that one before, haven't we?

He took a payout just like you did.

He was keeping quiet and they still went after him.

It's not too late if you speak up

and show that Velorum bought you off.

Nobody bought us off.

Is that not a Banksy?

Look.

It's a miracle we ever got off that ship.

Disaster turned to opportunity, and we took it.

We know what they're capable of.

Pardon us for just trying to stay alive.

Yes, Brian, he was keeping quiet,

so if it was them...

I don't know why they turned on him.

Do you want to wait to find out?

Hey, guys, it's your boy, Hamish.

Now, there are no shortcuts to getting rich,

but there are smart ways to go about it.

So, why be poor,

when you can live the full fantasy?

Okurrr...?

They won't miss it.

You need a lift?

- Oh, please. - We'll get a taxi, thanks.

Oh, uh, sure, right. Um...

I guess I'll just see you guys round.

Guess so, yeah.

You need to see this.

- Sorry, can you just...? - Yeah.

Um, Ben the whistleblower mentioned earlier,

he's in Slovenia for the festival.

He sent me this.

This is it, Jamie.

This could be what we need.

Stop scrolling.

Let me help you to level up.

Real talk, sis.

I'm slaying the game and making serious dollar

in my sleep.

For just ££599, you can, too.

Beth?

Hamish?

You better not be playing soggy biscuit again.

This a no-carbs household.

Hamish.

Hello?

Sophia! Please, don't be annoyed but I've blocked the toilet.

I'm sorry. Please, don't be cross.

It's the cranberry juice, it goes straight through me.

Argh!

Ow!

It's taking forever.

This looks bad.

Are they...?

Dead?

No. They're drugged.

You said after what we did on the ship

maybe it put off stabby-cruise enthusiasts.

Right, well, what if it did?

And-and what if this festival is Velorum diversifying.

Move!

Get in!

Drive!

What the fuck was that?

Who was that?

Are you sure we shouldn't just try the police?

No, no. No, we can't trust anyone.

Jamie! Jamie.

You alright?

- You OK? - Yeah, you?

- You alright? - You OK?

- Yeah, are you? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- Great to see you. - Sophia's OK.

She's getting looked at.

You guys got phones on you?

You need to get rid of them right now.

They'll be halfway here by now.

- We... We need to move. - We're safe here.

No, no. Nowhere is safe, Oliver.

And statistically speaking,

you're more likely to die in a hospital than anywhere else.

We need to hide.

Cormac, no. I'm done hiding.

Rosie's right. We can't hide forever.

This is us or them.

We're not just a threat anymore. We've embarrassed them.

We need to hit back.

They're untouchable.

How have none of you realized that yet?

Exodum?

Slovenia?

"An exclusive invite-only platform

for visionaries and changemakers."

Velorum's new venture.

Elite wellness for the new world order.

I usually go private.

I still clapped for you guys.

Every night.

Hey. Can I get a Xanny?

Hello, Barbie.

No! No! No!

We didn't say anything.

I did what you told us to do.

Shh.

Come on, Barbie.

I just want to play a little game of doctors and nurses.

Oh, I've been waiting for this for a long time!

Did you miss me?

Did ya?!

Get off!

- Oh, Jesus! - Go, go, go!

Go!

Go!

They probably sent Beaker 'cause he knows who he's looking for.

I hate that molest-a-tache prick.

But who's the other one? The tall one?

I mean, there could be dozens of them out there looking for us.

Show them.

Um, look, so I have been

speaking to Velorum staff on the inside,

and this guy... Oh, uh...

I...

Sorry, um, on the inside there's this guy, Ben.

He's a sound engineer.

He's in Slovenia at Exodum now, look.

These are people they are lining up for slaughter.

They need help.

And we need solid proof, and I think we're looking at it.

We've asked him if he can get us in.

There it is.

You want us to go to Slovenia.

It's not gonna be like the ship, alright?

We won't be stuck. He said if we can get there

by tomorrow, he can get us in the back.

What? Whoa! Whoa! Hang on.

There's no way, OK? Not a chance.

Think about it, there's nowhere that's safe!

But, this-this festival, it...

I mean, it is the last place he'd look for us.

- In their own house. - Exactly.

How do you know this Ben?

Well, I've been speaking to him for months,

and... he's-he's really nice.

Oh, yeah! Well, if he's nice...

Look, we gave it all we could out here. We tried.

And...

Yeah, your lot took the money, you made things difficult.

But we wouldn't have needed you if we had evidence.

We help those people because no one else will.

We get proof of whatever fucked-up game

Velorum are playing, and we get out.

Vivian's right, this only ends if we end them.

I know we can do this.

And Beaker the creeper?

I mean, how long before he catches up?

I think I might know someone who can help.

Where is he?

He'll be here.

OK, your cover is you're on my sound team.

You won't have to do much, shift speakers,

chat shit about sensorial input.

I need you here first thing.

So, go to the back gate, wait for me.

I know a guy working in security,

I mentioned the, uh, the Sacramentum,

and he didn't have a clue

who you are, so that's something.

I'm, uh, I'm looking forward to finally meeting you, Lauren.

Someone's got to nail these cun--

♪♪ I was walking down the street When out the corner of my eye ♪♪

♪♪ I saw a pretty little thing Approaching me ♪♪

♪♪ She said, I've never seen A man ho looks so all alone ♪♪

♪♪ Could you use A little company? ♪♪

♪♪ If you pay the right price Your evening will be nice ♪♪

♪♪ And you can go and send me On my way ♪♪

♪♪ I said you're such a sweet Young thing ♪♪

♪♪ Why'd you do this To yourself? ♪♪

♪♪ She looked at me And this is what she said ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, there ain't no rest For the wicked ♪♪

- The Baby hates me. - No, he doesn't.

He does! He's weird with me.

Looks at me like I've insulted his whole bloodline or something.

They're tracking you.

I told you!

- Did I not? Yeah. - Yes.

Could I get your phones? Sorry. Sorry.

Cheers.

- Thanks. - Passports.

Thank you so much. Honestly, we really appreciate this.

They're gonna come after you.

Let them try.

The Baby, that's a sick ride, man.

Just leave it.

Let's go, Oliver.

What?

He's, um...

He's giving me a ride.

So...

What?

I'll only ask once, Jamie.

Don't do it.

Don't go to that place.

Just-just leave Velorum.

Leave it alone and maybe they'll stop.

You know, it can't be any less crazy a plan

then what you're about to do.

We need you.

No, you don't.

Um, come on.

Let's just give them a minute, yeah?

- I need you. - No, you don't.

Not now, anyway.

It doesn't matter where we go.

We traveled halfway around the world.

They won't drop this.

They won't...

or you won't?

I love you. Jamie, I... I'm sorry how we ended up.

I am.

But I can't do this.

Um, take the van.

Where... where will you go?

Um, my sister's.

- You're just scared-- - Yeah, yeah.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified.

Of-of them, of-of letting you go.

But I can't follow you blindly.

I left 'cause I was an afterthought.

And I can't do that again.

I can't follow someone who doesn't...

...who doesn't see me.

I see you. Of course I see you.

Right now...

you only see one thing.

I will finish this.

And I'm gonna come find you, OK?

How do we know they won't recognize us as soon as we rock up?

We don't.

But the first sign that something is off, we get out of there.

Yeah.

D'you know, maybe he thinks I'm somebody else. Maybe that's it.

Who?

The Baby.

Oh, mate, just drop it. You need to let that go.

I just can't get my head around it. What is it, like?

I just think he's amazing and he just hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

He does hate me. You saw the way he looked at me.

Cherilyn.

Cherilyn?

Circassian.

We're trying to think of aliases for the festival.

I think we should try and keep it simple.

Uh, maybe, Royals?

I can be Meghan.

Jamie, you can be Will.

Vivian, Kate.

Uh, Liz.

Um, Andrew.

Fuck off am I being Andrew.

Jesus Christ.

I know.

How about Bethany-May.

Hamish.

Danny.

Amy.

Gloria.

And Pippa.

- Where is he? - He'll be here.

Have you ever actually seen him?

No, but...

Well, no, no, but, like, I have an idea of what he looks like.

Like, in my head, so.

Hey. You all right?

You'll be OK, you know.

I mean, we're gonna be in, out.

Back with him before you know it.

Fuck!

Oh, God.

- Lauren? - Ben!

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, shall we... shall we crack on?

Yeah, sorry, just... can't believe you're here.

Head through.

Guests don't arrive until tomorrow,

so it's just the staff signing in.

Follow the signs for the staff cabins, I'll meet you there.

There's security all over the place,

so if anyone bothers you, just tell them you're with me.

Unless it's looking like you're rumbled,

in which case, we've never met.

Welcome to Exodum.

Right, we all keep a low profile

until we get the lay of the land.

- OK. - And we stick together, always.

And trust nobody.

Oh, there's a spa.

You don't have time for a gel polish.

Watch it, dickhead.

Sorry.

Sorry, obviously.

Can you just keep going, please?

We need to get to these fucking cabins.

- Get to the cabins. - Stop, stop the van.

Cormac, stop the van!

What?

Jamie!

What's he doing? Jamie?

- Jamie? - Jamie?

- What's he doing? - Jamie.

- Jamie, what you doing?

♪♪ You say it's time to ride ♪♪

♪♪ In the dead of night ♪♪

♪♪ Strange canyon roads ♪♪

♪♪ Strange look in your eye ♪♪

♪♪ You shut them as we fly ♪♪

- ♪♪ As we fly ♪♪ - Fuck's sake.

♪♪ Stark, hollow town ♪♪

♪♪ Carson City lights ♪♪

♪♪ Baby, let's get high ♪♪

♪♪ Spend Johnny's cash ♪♪

♪♪ Hitch another ride ♪♪

♪♪ We laugh until we cry ♪♪

♪♪ You say go fast ♪♪

♪♪ I say hold on tight ♪♪

♪♪ In the dead of night ♪♪

♪♪ Dead of night ♪♪

♪♪ See ♪♪

♪♪ See the boys As they walk on by ♪♪

♪♪ See ♪♪

♪♪ See the boys As they walk on by ♪♪

- ♪♪ As they walk on by ♪♪ - Pippa.

♪♪ As they walk on by ♪♪

♪♪ As they walk on ♪♪

♪♪ It's enough To make a young man ♪♪