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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:31,098 And what the case here clearly needs is... 2 00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:34,234 My daughter! He's got my daughter! 3 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:38,205 Judge, you're mistaken. The only need is me. 4 00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:47,749 -This way! -No. This way. 5 00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:14,576 Hey! 6 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,313 Where's her daughter? 7 00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,725 Watch out! It's gonna blow! 8 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:40,802 [director] Cut there. 9 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,169 [assistant] Reset. 10 00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:45,339 What are you doing? 11 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:46,741 You know me. I never do my own stunts. 12 00:01:46,808 --> 00:01:48,610 Clarky boy. You're up. 13 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,511 Well, maybe if you worked out once in a while, Brad. 14 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,179 Some of the biggest stars do their own stunts. 15 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,480 Not this big star, but if you wanna 16 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,449 talk about it further over drinks? 17 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:58,586 Mm. Can my husband and two small children come too? 18 00:01:58,653 --> 00:02:00,688 You're cute. I'll take a rain check. 19 00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:02,489 -Alf. -Brad. 20 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,525 Wonderful work today. 21 00:02:05,093 --> 00:02:08,796 It's A Killing Time 7's gonna be fresher than 4 and 5. 22 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,197 Well, thanks, buddy. 23 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:11,833 But I still have concerns over scene 22. 24 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,201 I think I'm coming off a little unlikeable 25 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,004 and the woman's really underwritten. 26 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,572 -Well, I may... -Not now, sugar. 27 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,941 You know what? I'm gonna sort that for you. 28 00:02:20,008 --> 00:02:21,241 You're my man. 29 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,879 [Alf] Stand by, everyone. 30 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,915 Good luck, Maggie. 31 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,416 It's Martha. 32 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,420 Who cares? 33 00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:43,230 Hey. 34 00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:48,770 I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac, but would you say it please? 35 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,472 The only need is me. 36 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,877 I'm going to miss these movies. 37 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,244 Miss? 38 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,478 What do you mean, miss? 39 00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,348 I don't believe it. They don't wanna make Killing Time 8? 40 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,383 Still. You had a good run. 41 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,086 We only made seven films. 42 00:03:05,153 --> 00:03:07,522 Each one better than the last. 43 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,925 You know, forget it. Fine. 44 00:03:10,992 --> 00:03:12,026 What's next? 45 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,729 Listen, Brad, I'll level with you. 46 00:03:15,163 --> 00:03:16,731 There is no next. 47 00:03:16,798 --> 00:03:19,567 Er, the bottom line is people don't want to hire you. 48 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,470 What? Why? 'Cause I'm too expensive? 49 00:03:23,538 --> 00:03:25,506 Er, because you're difficult. 50 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,810 You're late on set and you refuse to do your own stunts. 51 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,111 You don't remember names. 52 00:03:30,178 --> 00:03:31,646 You failed your medicals. 53 00:03:31,713 --> 00:03:33,815 Oh, my God. How many times do I have to say it? 54 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,783 It was the day after the Super Bowl. 55 00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:38,619 When me and the boys get together, stuff goes down. 56 00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:41,989 There's gotta be some kind of rom-com I can do. 57 00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:44,158 Or a biopic. 58 00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,493 We could use this as an opportunity 59 00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:47,962 for me to really stretch. 60 00:03:48,029 --> 00:03:49,897 With the right makeup artist, 61 00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,766 I could play Barack Obama. 62 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,634 -Christ. -Yeah. 63 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,435 Probably still too young, huh? 64 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,739 Look, there is one thing knocking around. 65 00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,041 What? 66 00:04:00,108 --> 00:04:04,112 -Theatre in England. -In front of a live audience? 67 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:05,213 Exactly. 68 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,315 Well, it's something I've always wanted to do, 69 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,650 but you and I both know I only 70 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,753 ever took that one film acting class. 71 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:15,990 I mean, I might be a natural, but theatre kind of scares me. 72 00:04:16,057 --> 00:04:18,593 -You, scared? -I've only ever done films. 73 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:22,230 Well, it's exactly the same. Just louder. 74 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,198 -Really? -Yeah. 75 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,800 Are you sure that's it? 76 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,668 Trust me. 77 00:04:28,136 --> 00:04:29,369 Huh. 78 00:04:29,971 --> 00:04:31,005 Louder. 79 00:04:32,507 --> 00:04:34,208 -You know what? Count me in. -Great. 80 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:37,111 Now we are talking about a very traditional production, 81 00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:38,546 but with your name 82 00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:39,981 on the marquee, it'll sell out in seconds. 83 00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,048 Me, a sell out! 84 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,550 You said it, kid, not me. 85 00:04:42,617 --> 00:04:45,086 And doesn't your daughter live in England? 86 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,623 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to see her as much any more. 87 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,457 Well, this is a chance to reconnect. 88 00:04:50,525 --> 00:04:52,093 We're connected. 89 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,361 I just don't get to see her as much as I want to. 90 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,564 So. Theatre in England? 91 00:04:56,631 --> 00:04:57,832 Yes! 92 00:04:57,899 --> 00:04:59,167 You know what? 93 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:02,036 We're gonna show the whole world what Bradley Mac can do. 94 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,372 Because when push comes to shove, 95 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,374 the only need is me. 96 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,946 Oh, Jesus. 97 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,387 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 98 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,423 Would you like to have a look at the menu, sir? 99 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,508 I'm sorry to disturb you, but we've been 100 00:05:40,575 --> 00:05:42,677 watching you the whole flight. 101 00:05:43,044 --> 00:05:44,078 My husband and I... 102 00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:50,751 We're just huge fans of the Killing Time movies. 103 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,787 Thank you. That's very kind. 104 00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:56,090 It's so inspiring to see a man of your age 105 00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:58,559 still throw themselves around. 106 00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:03,731 In all fairness, I like the first one much more than 107 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:06,701 the last one, but who cares? 108 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,502 -They're fun! -Yeah. 109 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:13,241 What kind of woman doesn't love a cuddly older man? 110 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:17,545 -Chocolate chip cookie? -No. I'm good, thanks. 111 00:06:17,612 --> 00:06:18,880 Have a good flight. 112 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,452 Hello, Mr Mac. 113 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:26,687 Hi. 114 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,191 Hi again. I'm just in the limo. 115 00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:33,460 -Rented, but still a limo. -Where are you? 116 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,795 No, I'm outside. 117 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,931 I've got a sign. You won't miss me. 118 00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:37,865 Where outside? 119 00:06:37,932 --> 00:06:39,867 Just outside arrivals, mate. 120 00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:46,473 Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand. Here to take you to the Savoy. 121 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,609 The Savoy again. 122 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:53,614 I gotta say, I'm a huge fan. 123 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,082 I just loved Top Gun. 124 00:06:56,350 --> 00:07:00,087 Oh, heated seats as requested. 125 00:07:01,022 --> 00:07:05,026 Oh, and here's your natural volcanic water, sir. 126 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,127 Thank you. 127 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,701 [Christmassy music] 128 00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:21,676 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 129 00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:26,514 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 130 00:07:27,415 --> 00:07:28,516 ♪ It's the season ♪ 131 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:31,886 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 132 00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:35,856 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 133 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:40,728 ♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪ 134 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:45,433 ♪ People dancing all night long ♪ 135 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,638 ♪ Time for presents and exchanging kisses ♪ 136 00:07:50,705 --> 00:07:54,542 ♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪ 137 00:07:56,210 --> 00:08:00,548 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 138 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:05,086 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl underneath the mistletoe ♪ 139 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,221 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 140 00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:11,359 ♪ The room is swaying, records playing ♪ 141 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:16,197 ♪ All the old songs we love to hear ♪ 142 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:20,935 ♪ Oh, I wish that every day was Christmas ♪ 143 00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:25,306 ♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪ 144 00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:26,874 ♪ Whoo, yeah ♪ 145 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,057 And on your left, Mr Mac, you're going to see... 146 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,127 Mr Mac? 147 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,897 ♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪ 148 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:55,069 ♪ I'm gonna find that girl underneath the mistletoe ♪ 149 00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:56,670 ♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪ 150 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,407 ♪ Snow is falling ♪ 151 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:01,709 ♪ All around me ♪ 152 00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:05,980 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 153 00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,715 ♪ It's the season ♪ 154 00:09:07,782 --> 00:09:11,018 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 155 00:09:11,085 --> 00:09:14,922 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 156 00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:19,860 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 157 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:24,732 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 158 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:37,445 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 159 00:09:37,512 --> 00:09:41,916 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 160 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,518 ♪ It's the season ♪ 161 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,387 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 162 00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:50,424 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 163 00:09:51,392 --> 00:09:55,896 ♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪ 164 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:59,568 ♪ Children playing, having fun ♪ 165 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,769 ♪ It's the season ♪ 166 00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:05,172 ♪ Love and understanding ♪ 167 00:10:05,239 --> 00:10:09,511 ♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪ 168 00:10:09,578 --> 00:10:12,146 ♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪ 169 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:26,827 All right. Mr Mac. 170 00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:29,598 Mr Mac. 171 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,866 Mr Mac, we're here. 172 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,373 [yawns] 173 00:10:46,981 --> 00:10:48,716 What are you talking about? 174 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:50,751 Where's Big Ben? 175 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,587 Harrods? Downton Abbey? 176 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,723 Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead, 177 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:58,959 but welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy. 178 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,796 Now there is currently no running water, 179 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,266 but you don't mind skipping a shower day, do you? 180 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,736 -Is this some kind of a joke? -Is what a joke? 181 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,640 Where the hell's London? 182 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,275 Well, it's three hours that way, sir. 183 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,314 [laughs] 184 00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:22,283 You are good, my friend. 185 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,586 So this is some kind of hidden camera show. 186 00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:25,753 I got it from here. 187 00:11:26,521 --> 00:11:29,957 Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out from wherever you're hiding, dude. 188 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:37,364 Yeah. Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac. 189 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,234 All the big turns stay at the Savoy Guest House 190 00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:43,237 when they're performing at Stoneford's Theatre Royal. 191 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,778 Yeah. I'll show you. 192 00:11:53,682 --> 00:11:55,282 Fine. I'll play along. 193 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,893 -Wow. -What the... 194 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:13,434 ♪ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ♪ 195 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:16,270 There he is! 196 00:12:17,338 --> 00:12:19,273 Get him! Get him! 197 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,479 [children calling out in excitement] 198 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,286 [indistinct chatter] 199 00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:41,663 Excuse me. Hello. 200 00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:46,133 Darling, Brad, here you are at last. 201 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:51,305 -Welcome to Stoneford, -[all] Welcome to Stoneford. 202 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,307 He's even more gorgeous in the flesh. 203 00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:57,044 I'm Callum. The Prince. Massive fan, mate. 204 00:12:57,612 --> 00:13:00,147 The only need is... yeah. 205 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,348 Yeah. 206 00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:03,117 Not exactly sure what's going on here, 207 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,586 but obviously there's 208 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,954 -been some kind of... -Brenda. Fairy godmother. 209 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,959 Izzy, Cinderella. 210 00:13:13,728 --> 00:13:15,296 -Fanny. -And Annie. 211 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,164 -We're the ugly stepsisters. -We do it every Christmas. 212 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,734 -Yeah, and on birthdays. -Oh, you are filthy! 213 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:24,038 Bababa, Bababa. Russell. Baron Hardup. 214 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,240 Hilda from box office. 215 00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:29,043 Jean the cleaner. 216 00:13:30,745 --> 00:13:31,979 Jonty on sound. 217 00:13:32,714 --> 00:13:33,947 Frank on lights. 218 00:13:35,449 --> 00:13:36,785 Neigh. 219 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,754 Your distinguished director Cassandra Collins, OBE, 220 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:40,888 under me, over me. 221 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,890 [all laugh] 222 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,094 -And you are? -Jill, the choreographer. 223 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:51,098 And I hate to be a realist, but we've only got a few days 224 00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:52,900 to get this show on the road. 225 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,201 So if everyone's finished fawning, 226 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,003 let's take it from the top of act one. 227 00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:57,739 You'll need these tap shoes. 228 00:13:57,806 --> 00:14:02,376 Er, stop. Everybody. Just stop for a second, please. 229 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,779 Again, not sure what's happening here. 230 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,081 But I definitely did not sign up for this. 231 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,283 Sorry, for what, duck? 232 00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:12,119 This, whatever this is. What is this? 233 00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,921 A low-rent production of Cats? 234 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:14,922 Darling. 235 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,357 It's a pantomime. 236 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,525 A panto-what? 237 00:14:17,592 --> 00:14:19,527 Cinderella! 238 00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:21,428 And you are our Buttons. 239 00:14:21,495 --> 00:14:23,163 Oh, no, I'm not! 240 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,099 [all] Oh, yes, you are! 241 00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:28,603 Is it the large, padded horse that's throwing you off? 242 00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:34,509 Okay. Brenda, darling, why don't you show him? 243 00:14:34,576 --> 00:14:35,943 Show me what? 244 00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:40,414 [indistinct chatter] 245 00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:49,356 Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short, 246 00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:51,992 is an annual British tradition. 247 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,261 A quintessential part of Christmas. 248 00:14:54,696 --> 00:14:56,964 Think fairy tales, but fun! 249 00:14:57,030 --> 00:15:01,001 Aladdin, Cinderella, Dick Whittington... 250 00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:04,171 I beg your pardon? 251 00:15:04,506 --> 00:15:07,374 You've got men dressed as women. Women dressed as men. 252 00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:12,279 Horses played by people plus pop songs and pyrotechnics. 253 00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,850 Always a happy ending 254 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:20,822 with an enormous explosion covering the whole auditorium. 255 00:15:21,756 --> 00:15:25,259 Brenda, try not to be so crude. There are children present. 256 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:31,198 Double entendres too, Brad, you like those, I'm sure. 257 00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:36,069 Mind you, there're a lot to get your mouth around. 258 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:40,007 Alright, my darlings, we begin. 259 00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:43,477 [jaunty music] 260 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,549 Oh my God. 261 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,020 ♪ You look like fun to me ♪ 262 00:15:53,555 --> 00:15:57,057 ♪ You look a little like somebody I know ♪ 263 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,492 Come on, sheeple! 264 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,461 ♪ How this ends because ♪ 265 00:16:00,528 --> 00:16:03,263 ♪ I'll be in your head all weekend ♪ 266 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,568 ♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪ 267 00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:09,938 ♪ I get the shivers when I look into your eyes ♪ 268 00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:13,140 ♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪ 269 00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:15,877 ♪ Because I can hear your heart beating ♪ 270 00:16:15,944 --> 00:16:19,313 ♪ Padam, padam, padam ♪ 271 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,381 ♪ I hear it and I know ♪ 272 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,853 ♪ Padam, padam, I know you want to take me home ♪ 273 00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:25,954 Keep up the energy. 274 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,723 Remember, people are paying for this. 275 00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:31,492 ♪ When your heart goes padam ♪ 276 00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:35,295 It'll all make sense eventually, dear. 277 00:16:35,897 --> 00:16:38,566 ♪ I know you want to take me home, padam ♪ 278 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:42,336 ♪ And take off all my clothes, padam, padam ♪ 279 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:46,240 ♪ When your heart goes padam ♪ 280 00:16:47,241 --> 00:16:48,743 Ha-ha! Yes! 281 00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:50,177 Right. Thank you. 282 00:16:50,712 --> 00:16:51,746 Thank you. 283 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,782 Thank you for wasting my time. 284 00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:55,984 Good luck. 285 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,653 Never say good luck in the theatre, Brad. 286 00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,721 Yeah. 287 00:16:59,787 --> 00:17:01,623 We're cursed. 288 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,626 Brad. What's the problem? 289 00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:06,861 You're kidding. What's the problem? 290 00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:08,596 Okay, here's the problem. 291 00:17:08,663 --> 00:17:10,698 I'm stuck here in Hookeyville somewhere north of nowhere, 292 00:17:10,765 --> 00:17:14,434 surrounded by singing sheep and ageing alcoholics. 293 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,270 Okay. You are my agent. 294 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,273 You need to get me out of here as quickly as possible. 295 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,911 Oh, but Brad, you did read the script, right? 296 00:17:22,977 --> 00:17:24,211 No, not, not... 297 00:17:24,278 --> 00:17:25,647 And the terms of the contract? 298 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:26,781 [horn honks] 299 00:17:26,848 --> 00:17:28,650 Get out of the road, you idiot. 300 00:17:28,716 --> 00:17:30,417 Exactly. 301 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,119 Look, honey, I've been your agent for years, 302 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,289 and the fact of the matter is, you're lazy, ungrateful, 303 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,925 and I've had just about enough rider requests 304 00:17:36,991 --> 00:17:38,125 for one lifetime. 305 00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,193 Nobody needs a new pair of briefs 306 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,864 every single day. 307 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:46,768 Brad Apollo Mac, it gives me the greatest of pleasures 308 00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:48,603 to finally say, you're fired. 309 00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:52,406 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are fired. 310 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,274 Too late, buster. You're already off the books. 311 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,143 You're gonna hear from my lawyer. 312 00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,245 Who cares? Your lawyer hates you too. 313 00:17:58,312 --> 00:17:59,781 Merry Christmas, Buttons. 314 00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:08,155 I wouldn't worry about it, mate. Gandalf's done it too. 315 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,456 He still does, in fact. 316 00:18:09,524 --> 00:18:11,391 Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime? 317 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,460 Oh, yeah. All the big names. 318 00:18:13,528 --> 00:18:16,296 David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson, 319 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,066 Barry off EastEnders. 320 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,701 -Eh? -I'm dead. 321 00:18:22,336 --> 00:18:24,038 All right then. 322 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,439 Here we are. 323 00:18:27,542 --> 00:18:28,710 Wow. 324 00:18:30,778 --> 00:18:32,780 I don't really need a themed room, 325 00:18:32,847 --> 00:18:34,682 a regular one'll do. 326 00:18:34,749 --> 00:18:36,450 What you mean, themed? 327 00:18:46,828 --> 00:18:47,862 Hello, girls. 328 00:18:47,929 --> 00:18:49,631 Kieran, what are you doing here? 329 00:18:49,697 --> 00:18:51,966 I'm not gonna let you walk home in the dark on your own, am I? 330 00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:54,936 -So jump in the motor. -It's a short walk. We're fine. 331 00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,470 It's winter, Jill. 332 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:58,338 There's a lot of naughty people knocking about, 333 00:18:58,405 --> 00:18:59,641 you know, like burglars. 334 00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:01,743 Oh, you've heard about that, have you? 335 00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:03,077 Of course I have. 336 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,579 -Everyone's talking about it. -Yeah. 337 00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:06,213 Well, I hope you're not mixed up in any of it. 338 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,750 Put the top up, Kieran. It's freezing. 339 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,785 How's my baby? 340 00:19:10,852 --> 00:19:11,919 I'm 13. 341 00:19:11,986 --> 00:19:13,721 Well, you'll always be my baby. 342 00:19:13,788 --> 00:19:16,223 You're looking forward to spending Christmas 343 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,525 with your old dad this year? 344 00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:19,226 -What? -It's my turn. 345 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,428 She's got a part in the panto. 346 00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:22,730 We discussed this. 347 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,099 Well, that was before I knew that you were both working 348 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,934 with that Killing Time mug. 349 00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:28,235 So, yeah. 350 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,237 Christmas with all your London cousins. 351 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,406 You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara? 352 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:36,010 [police siren in the distance] 353 00:19:36,077 --> 00:19:37,779 Oh, well, I'll give you a bell. 354 00:19:38,746 --> 00:19:40,280 Love you, baby. 355 00:19:57,397 --> 00:20:01,102 No, that's disgusting. 356 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,469 [phone rings] 357 00:20:04,105 --> 00:20:05,338 Oh, crap. 358 00:20:10,578 --> 00:20:12,113 Hey, Grace, how are you? 359 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,548 Oh, Brad, are you in England? 360 00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:19,252 Er, yeah, I'm at a silent shamanic retreat. 361 00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:20,988 Mmm. 362 00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,256 Mmm. 363 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,126 Mmm. 364 00:20:25,193 --> 00:20:27,327 Any plans to see your daughter at all? 365 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,064 Can't really talk right now. Gotta stay quiet. 366 00:20:30,131 --> 00:20:31,199 Convenient. 367 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,534 Emma, darling, it's Daddy. 368 00:20:33,601 --> 00:20:37,138 Okay, fine, Grace. I was supposed to do a play here. 369 00:20:37,205 --> 00:20:38,606 Okay? In the theatre. 370 00:20:38,673 --> 00:20:41,441 Exciting times. Who's the playwright, Brad? 371 00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,911 -Oh, Spencer, you're there too? -Marlow? Jonson? 372 00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:46,413 It's gonna be down in Stoneford, okay? 373 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,282 Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart. 374 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,451 Hi, Dad. Mum says you're in England. 375 00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:52,754 [British accent] That's right, governor. 376 00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:55,556 -Don't do the accent. -Yeah. Okay. 377 00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:57,424 Look, sweetheart, the sad thing is I don't think 378 00:20:57,491 --> 00:20:58,726 I'm gonna be able to see you on this trip. 379 00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:00,928 Well, but you said that last time. 380 00:21:00,995 --> 00:21:03,865 -And the time before that. -And the time before that. 381 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:07,168 I know, I know, okay. But this time is not my fault. 382 00:21:07,235 --> 00:21:08,870 I'm not gonna be here long. 383 00:21:08,936 --> 00:21:10,403 I've been conned. 384 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,906 They weren't even gonna give me a Winnebago. 385 00:21:11,973 --> 00:21:14,341 But what about Christmas? 386 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,343 [sighs] Christmas. 387 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,713 Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry. 388 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:20,982 I promise I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? 389 00:21:21,048 --> 00:21:23,050 Hey, you liked that Amazon gift card 390 00:21:23,117 --> 00:21:24,619 I gave you last year, right? 391 00:21:24,685 --> 00:21:26,419 That way you can get exactly what you want. 392 00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:27,889 Don't worry, Dad. 393 00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,891 Mum always told me to manage my expectations. 394 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,026 A pretty good life lesson, actually. 395 00:21:32,093 --> 00:21:33,828 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 396 00:21:33,895 --> 00:21:35,530 Please don't be mad at me, okay? 397 00:21:35,596 --> 00:21:37,464 I promise I will make it up to you. 398 00:21:37,899 --> 00:21:40,400 But now you sleep tight, my little angel. 399 00:21:47,275 --> 00:21:48,776 [alarm clock beeps] 400 00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,580 [church bell rings in distance] 401 00:21:54,682 --> 00:21:57,785 Oh no, this is actually happening. 402 00:21:59,053 --> 00:22:00,922 [whimpers] 403 00:22:07,995 --> 00:22:09,564 [Nigel] Wait, Mr Mac. 404 00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:13,234 I gotta say, Mr Mac, 405 00:22:13,301 --> 00:22:16,304 I'm surprised you didn't flee in the middle of the night. 406 00:22:16,403 --> 00:22:17,805 [laughs] 407 00:22:17,872 --> 00:22:20,407 Imagine that. Mad dash to the airport, 408 00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:22,210 straight onto a private jet. 409 00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:24,979 But then again, I know you wouldn't do that to us. 410 00:22:27,748 --> 00:22:30,417 That's a big bag for a rehearsal, innit? 411 00:22:35,623 --> 00:22:37,558 [man] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 412 00:22:40,995 --> 00:22:42,029 Excuse me? 413 00:22:42,563 --> 00:22:43,798 Sign in please. 414 00:22:43,865 --> 00:22:44,932 Mr Mac. 415 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,336 It's ten past ten. You are late. 416 00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:50,271 It's fine. I won't be staying. 417 00:22:50,938 --> 00:22:53,307 Why is my name not at the top of the list? 418 00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:56,077 Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac. 419 00:22:57,712 --> 00:22:58,746 Huh. 420 00:22:59,814 --> 00:23:03,351 The name's Albert, by the way. 421 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:07,822 Albert with an A. I know your game. 422 00:23:12,459 --> 00:23:13,861 Yeah. 423 00:23:13,928 --> 00:23:15,462 [sighs] 424 00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:24,505 Ciao, Brad. 425 00:23:24,572 --> 00:23:25,539 Yeah, I know. 426 00:23:25,606 --> 00:23:26,841 Hello. Goodbye. 427 00:23:26,908 --> 00:23:28,009 So sad. 428 00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,510 Now, I take it you've read the script. 429 00:23:29,577 --> 00:23:30,912 Sandra, if I had read this script, 430 00:23:30,978 --> 00:23:32,647 I wouldn't have gotten on the plane. 431 00:23:32,713 --> 00:23:34,081 You are hilarious. 432 00:23:34,148 --> 00:23:36,350 So we're gonna be starting with scene three. 433 00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,753 It's a tricky one, mind. Wonderful. 434 00:23:38,819 --> 00:23:40,521 Places, please, darlings. 435 00:23:41,188 --> 00:23:43,490 Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are. 436 00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:46,260 Weren't you supposed to be with the fairy in the dairy? 437 00:23:46,327 --> 00:23:48,162 -The fairy in the dairy, Fanny? -That's right, Annie. 438 00:23:48,229 --> 00:23:49,964 Far better than being on the hunt with... 439 00:23:50,031 --> 00:23:51,999 Wait a second. Why is there plastic on the floor? 440 00:23:52,499 --> 00:23:55,703 And why are you wearing a wig? In the script it says... 441 00:23:59,307 --> 00:24:00,708 Son of a bitch! 442 00:24:01,142 --> 00:24:03,544 You should have known from my contract. 443 00:24:03,611 --> 00:24:05,146 I don't do my own stunts. 444 00:24:05,212 --> 00:24:06,647 Somebody call me a car! 445 00:24:06,714 --> 00:24:08,049 You're a car. 446 00:24:08,115 --> 00:24:09,951 -You're a jerk. -Don't worry, Bradders. 447 00:24:10,017 --> 00:24:12,520 It was an absolute honour to be punched in the face by you. 448 00:24:12,586 --> 00:24:14,388 You can even do it harder next time. 449 00:24:14,522 --> 00:24:16,057 Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard. 450 00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:17,058 Ooh, Fanny. 451 00:24:17,124 --> 00:24:18,626 Okay, that's it. I quit. 452 00:24:18,693 --> 00:24:20,594 I'm on the red eye tonight. 453 00:24:20,661 --> 00:24:22,563 [Jean] Have you got pink eye, darling? 454 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,332 I've got a cream that's good for that. 455 00:24:24,398 --> 00:24:26,233 What's wrong with you people? 456 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:29,303 Actually, Brad, darling, you, erm, you can't quit. 457 00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:31,305 [chuckles] Excuse me? 458 00:24:31,372 --> 00:24:32,606 Oh, yes. 459 00:24:32,673 --> 00:24:33,874 Cassie's right, darling. 460 00:24:34,342 --> 00:24:36,844 Your clever little agent added in a liability clause. 461 00:24:36,911 --> 00:24:38,079 Yep. 462 00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:39,914 If you fail to perform even just one show, 463 00:24:39,981 --> 00:24:41,549 you're liable to be sued for 464 00:24:41,582 --> 00:24:43,317 loss of proceeds for the entire run. 465 00:24:43,384 --> 00:24:47,822 Ooh, I think I might be able to muster the six bucks. 466 00:24:47,888 --> 00:24:49,123 Mm. The last time I looked, 467 00:24:49,190 --> 00:24:50,791 I think it was two million pounds. 468 00:24:50,858 --> 00:24:52,727 Three million, actually. 469 00:24:53,094 --> 00:24:54,996 You see, Christmas pantomimes make the money 470 00:24:55,062 --> 00:24:56,931 that keeps theatres open all year round. 471 00:24:56,998 --> 00:24:58,833 Without that revenue, a lot of theatres 472 00:24:58,899 --> 00:25:01,202 would be forced to close down. 473 00:25:01,268 --> 00:25:02,303 This one included. 474 00:25:02,370 --> 00:25:03,838 Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. 475 00:25:03,904 --> 00:25:05,906 That is three million pounds, not dollars. 476 00:25:06,607 --> 00:25:07,842 Okay, darling. 477 00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:11,412 I'm gonna need some privacy. 478 00:25:11,479 --> 00:25:14,215 Oh. Please don't go, Brad. 479 00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:20,054 Hate you, Brad? No. Why would I hate you? 480 00:25:20,121 --> 00:25:22,223 Your NDAs alone paid for my new pool. 481 00:25:22,289 --> 00:25:23,824 Okay, good. 482 00:25:23,891 --> 00:25:28,062 Good. That's great. So am I free? 483 00:25:29,330 --> 00:25:33,768 Well, sadly, Brad, the contract's pretty tight. 484 00:25:33,834 --> 00:25:36,370 Unless there's some kind of force majeure. 485 00:25:36,437 --> 00:25:39,673 An explosion, tsunami, collapse of the Western world, 486 00:25:39,740 --> 00:25:42,410 which, let's face it, isn't far away. 487 00:25:42,877 --> 00:25:44,712 You're doing this, I'm afraid. 488 00:25:44,779 --> 00:25:46,614 No, no, no, Sukie, please. 489 00:25:46,614 --> 00:25:47,848 I can't. 490 00:25:48,449 --> 00:25:49,750 Why is this happening to me? 491 00:25:49,817 --> 00:25:52,720 Well, your agent made a pretty solid deal. 492 00:25:53,254 --> 00:25:54,622 Judas. 493 00:25:54,622 --> 00:25:56,624 No, Julie. You really gotta get better 494 00:25:56,657 --> 00:25:58,959 at remembering people's name. 495 00:26:00,327 --> 00:26:01,629 Hey... 496 00:26:03,631 --> 00:26:06,233 What if I just walked, got on a plane and went home? 497 00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:09,804 Oh, then they will sue and trust me, they will win. 498 00:26:09,870 --> 00:26:12,139 But, hey, look on the bright side, Brad, 499 00:26:12,206 --> 00:26:15,076 this pantomime thing's surprisingly well paid. 500 00:26:15,142 --> 00:26:16,343 It is? 501 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:20,549 Sure, and given the state of your finances, 502 00:26:20,648 --> 00:26:22,650 I would stay put if I were you. 503 00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:24,218 What about my finances? 504 00:26:24,285 --> 00:26:25,319 Oh, Brad, please. 505 00:26:25,686 --> 00:26:28,523 Five houses, one divorce, 506 00:26:28,656 --> 00:26:31,125 200 K a year on tulips. 507 00:26:31,192 --> 00:26:33,360 Your spending is out of control. 508 00:26:33,427 --> 00:26:35,463 Why can't anyone get this right? 509 00:26:35,530 --> 00:26:37,164 It was $200,000 over two years. 510 00:26:37,231 --> 00:26:40,768 And they weren't tulips. They were orchids from Namibia. 511 00:26:41,235 --> 00:26:43,104 Well, Namibia it in the butt, pal, 512 00:26:43,170 --> 00:26:48,242 because the bottom line is, it's Buttons or bust. 513 00:26:52,046 --> 00:26:53,214 [whimpers] 514 00:26:57,218 --> 00:26:58,252 I'm screwed. 515 00:27:01,789 --> 00:27:03,257 [indistinct chatter] 516 00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:05,392 Everybody's a comedian. 517 00:27:07,027 --> 00:27:10,097 Right then, what can I get you? Oh, hello, Brad. 518 00:27:10,698 --> 00:27:12,534 -So you work here too? -Course I do. 519 00:27:12,601 --> 00:27:14,603 Cost of living, mate, can never have too many jobs. 520 00:27:14,702 --> 00:27:18,172 You're telling me. I used to be the face of Breitling, 521 00:27:18,239 --> 00:27:19,306 Gucci, Constipate. 522 00:27:19,874 --> 00:27:20,908 Exactly as it sounds. 523 00:27:21,275 --> 00:27:23,545 Anyways, I'll have a sparkling kombucha, 524 00:27:23,612 --> 00:27:25,614 a pistachio quinoa power bowl, 525 00:27:25,713 --> 00:27:27,414 and a side order of organic kale, 526 00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:28,782 low-alkaline please. 527 00:27:28,849 --> 00:27:30,484 -Yeah, we don't have that. -Which part? 528 00:27:30,552 --> 00:27:31,986 Any of it. 529 00:27:34,488 --> 00:27:35,723 Fine. I'll take your average, 530 00:27:35,756 --> 00:27:37,391 run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you. 531 00:27:40,194 --> 00:27:41,228 Hi, Brad. 532 00:27:41,729 --> 00:27:43,097 Hello, teenage girl. 533 00:27:44,765 --> 00:27:47,334 I'm in the pantomime. Cara. 534 00:27:47,868 --> 00:27:51,238 -Of course you are. -For the Gram. 535 00:27:51,305 --> 00:27:53,941 Oh, God. I wish I had a gram right now. 536 00:27:54,875 --> 00:27:56,110 [camera shutter clicks] 537 00:28:01,516 --> 00:28:04,952 Listen, Brad, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday 538 00:28:05,019 --> 00:28:06,453 for being a bit rude. 539 00:28:06,521 --> 00:28:08,489 It's just we don't have much time to rehearse. 540 00:28:08,557 --> 00:28:11,759 And you being five days late wasn't exactly helpful. 541 00:28:11,792 --> 00:28:12,826 I'm five days late? 542 00:28:12,893 --> 00:28:15,062 Oh, like you didn't know that. 543 00:28:15,129 --> 00:28:17,765 Of course not. 'Cause I'm not supposed to be here. 544 00:28:17,765 --> 00:28:19,033 My agent tricked me. 545 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,670 I'm supposed to be playing Macbeth at the Globe. 546 00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:24,171 Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off. 547 00:28:24,238 --> 00:28:26,541 That place doesn't even have a roof. 548 00:28:27,841 --> 00:28:31,680 Okay. This was my chance to be taken seriously as an actor. 549 00:28:32,012 --> 00:28:34,583 And now that's not gonna happen. 550 00:28:34,649 --> 00:28:36,217 Pantomime is serious. 551 00:28:36,283 --> 00:28:40,221 I'm starting to think you might be a little serious. 552 00:28:40,287 --> 00:28:42,790 You have a daughter, don't you, Brad? Emma. 553 00:28:42,790 --> 00:28:44,559 Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it. 554 00:28:45,159 --> 00:28:49,096 Can you just imagine her looking at you on the stage putting 555 00:28:49,163 --> 00:28:51,832 massive smiles on everyone's faces? 556 00:28:51,899 --> 00:28:53,367 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 557 00:28:53,434 --> 00:28:56,070 Not exactly the world's greatest dad right now. 558 00:28:56,605 --> 00:28:59,406 Kids are for life, Brad, not just for Christmas. 559 00:29:00,975 --> 00:29:03,010 And think of Stoneford too. 560 00:29:03,077 --> 00:29:05,813 Do you honestly think anyone's gonna care? 561 00:29:06,615 --> 00:29:08,082 Er, hello. Look around. 562 00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:10,918 [camera shutters clicking] 563 00:29:10,985 --> 00:29:12,654 So if you're thinking of leaving us, Mr Mac, 564 00:29:12,721 --> 00:29:14,021 better do so soon 565 00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:16,423 'cause we'd need to find another Buttons. 566 00:29:18,325 --> 00:29:20,629 -What the hell is that? -Sushi. 567 00:29:20,695 --> 00:29:21,929 I googled it. 568 00:29:26,100 --> 00:29:28,836 Well, it looks like you win. 569 00:29:29,970 --> 00:29:31,438 I, Bradley Mac, 570 00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:34,341 three-time Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons. 571 00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:36,877 -Bravo! -Marvellous! 572 00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:38,279 Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad. 573 00:29:38,345 --> 00:29:39,748 Welcome to the madhouse, darling. 574 00:29:39,847 --> 00:29:41,882 -Who wants a gin? -Brenda. Not now. 575 00:29:41,949 --> 00:29:43,350 First things first. 576 00:29:43,417 --> 00:29:45,119 I wanna start with the motivational speech 577 00:29:45,185 --> 00:29:46,655 between Buttons and Cinderella. 578 00:29:46,721 --> 00:29:48,856 Er, sorry, darling... 579 00:29:48,889 --> 00:29:50,725 Erm, motivational speech? 580 00:29:50,858 --> 00:29:52,661 Yeah. Where he tells her to stay strong 581 00:29:52,727 --> 00:29:54,328 in the face of adversity. 582 00:29:54,395 --> 00:29:55,996 I've done it a hundred times. Remember? Killing Time 2. 583 00:29:56,063 --> 00:29:58,966 -I was four when that came out. -Yeah, same. 584 00:29:59,567 --> 00:30:02,036 All I have to do is get my head in the character 585 00:30:02,102 --> 00:30:04,471 and it should be smooth sailing from there. 586 00:30:04,539 --> 00:30:07,941 Absolutely, darling, give us your best shot. 587 00:30:11,078 --> 00:30:13,748 Oh, heavens. He's gonna go all Method on us, Brenda. 588 00:30:13,814 --> 00:30:15,182 He's not the only one. 589 00:30:17,951 --> 00:30:20,054 [softly] Don't cry, Cinderella. 590 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,022 Your stepmother and stepsister are mean 591 00:30:22,089 --> 00:30:23,824 because that's their nature. 592 00:30:25,125 --> 00:30:27,562 Things will get better. 593 00:30:27,629 --> 00:30:29,163 You just have to believe. 594 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,535 And magic will happen. 595 00:30:35,670 --> 00:30:39,273 Can I just, er, stop you for a moment, Brad? 596 00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:41,909 Too good? I don't want to show up the others. 597 00:30:41,975 --> 00:30:44,178 Almost too good. Yup. 598 00:30:44,244 --> 00:30:47,948 Now, Brad, darling, you are used to film where the camera 599 00:30:48,015 --> 00:30:49,517 can give you a lovely big close-up 600 00:30:49,584 --> 00:30:51,285 with the microphone and the edits. 601 00:30:51,352 --> 00:30:53,887 Hey, I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Mac. 602 00:30:53,954 --> 00:30:55,489 No one's interested in your muscles, Callum. 603 00:30:55,557 --> 00:30:58,158 -Speak for yourself, love. -Want a go on that? 604 00:30:58,225 --> 00:31:00,227 But on stage, it is completely different. 605 00:31:00,294 --> 00:31:04,298 You have to project, you have to go big. 606 00:31:04,365 --> 00:31:05,366 I know that. 607 00:31:05,432 --> 00:31:06,166 I know that. 608 00:31:06,233 --> 00:31:08,068 Louder. Louder. 609 00:31:08,135 --> 00:31:11,372 -Okay. Big, big. -Gorgeous. 610 00:31:12,473 --> 00:31:15,510 And... action! 611 00:31:16,544 --> 00:31:19,012 Don't cry, Cinderella! 612 00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:21,248 Your stepmother and stepsisters are mean to you 613 00:31:21,315 --> 00:31:22,950 because it's their nature! 614 00:31:23,951 --> 00:31:26,153 Things will get better! 615 00:31:28,556 --> 00:31:29,657 Something like that? 616 00:31:30,057 --> 00:31:32,993 -Mm-hmm. Mm. -We're screwed. 617 00:31:34,796 --> 00:31:36,997 [phone buzzes] 618 00:31:38,566 --> 00:31:40,668 Grace. How's my favourite ex-wife? 619 00:31:40,735 --> 00:31:41,736 Oh, what do you care? 620 00:31:42,369 --> 00:31:46,039 Now, listen, you can pick Emma up tomorrow. 621 00:31:46,106 --> 00:31:48,610 You should consider yourself very lucky. 622 00:31:48,676 --> 00:31:50,077 -Tomorrow? -Yes. 623 00:31:50,512 --> 00:31:52,980 And do not let her down this time. 624 00:31:52,980 --> 00:31:54,549 What do you mean, this time? 625 00:31:54,616 --> 00:31:55,617 Oh, come on, Brad. 626 00:31:55,683 --> 00:31:56,984 Forget the Oscars. 627 00:31:56,984 --> 00:31:58,285 You are literally first in line 628 00:31:58,352 --> 00:32:00,588 for Worst parent of the Year award. 629 00:32:01,221 --> 00:32:03,558 Some parents are just so selfish, aren't they? 630 00:32:04,726 --> 00:32:06,026 What the...? 631 00:32:07,361 --> 00:32:09,096 -I'll be there. -Good. 632 00:32:14,602 --> 00:32:17,171 Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate. Come here. 633 00:32:17,237 --> 00:32:18,873 -Don't. -Yeah, no, fair enough. 634 00:32:19,006 --> 00:32:21,074 -We've been broken into. -What? 635 00:32:21,141 --> 00:32:22,677 Yeah. Your suite's been ransacked. 636 00:32:22,744 --> 00:32:25,078 Why don't you just get me another room with a bigger lock? 637 00:32:25,145 --> 00:32:28,415 I would love to, but we, we are chock full of Santas 638 00:32:28,482 --> 00:32:30,017 and we're the only hotel in town. 639 00:32:30,718 --> 00:32:34,622 Well then, Mr Mac, you'd better come and stay at my place. 640 00:32:35,289 --> 00:32:37,892 Thank you, Albert. But I don't want to put you out. 641 00:32:38,025 --> 00:32:39,828 Oh, it's fine. 642 00:32:40,461 --> 00:32:43,330 We'll find a way to squeeze you in. 643 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:48,770 I could bring whatever's left of your stuff. 644 00:32:48,837 --> 00:32:50,070 Thanks, Nigel. 645 00:32:51,205 --> 00:32:53,040 Yeah, you're welcome, mate. 646 00:32:54,909 --> 00:32:56,143 Stay safe. 647 00:33:05,753 --> 00:33:08,823 Wow. It was very thoughtful of you, Alby. 648 00:33:08,890 --> 00:33:10,758 Hey, Albert, please. 649 00:33:11,325 --> 00:33:12,760 Really like the electric car too. 650 00:33:12,827 --> 00:33:14,328 Very green of you. 651 00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:16,230 What's all this? 652 00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:21,168 This is my life, my whole life. 653 00:33:22,369 --> 00:33:23,403 Huh. 654 00:33:26,641 --> 00:33:28,141 You're upstairs. 655 00:33:28,208 --> 00:33:29,744 Er, first floor. 656 00:33:45,359 --> 00:33:47,494 -I've got a question. -The answer is yes. 657 00:33:47,929 --> 00:33:49,296 Madly in love with each other, 658 00:33:49,363 --> 00:33:51,398 but no, neither of them has a clue. 659 00:33:52,266 --> 00:33:54,201 [both laugh] 660 00:33:54,268 --> 00:33:55,302 I'll get it. 661 00:33:55,369 --> 00:33:56,905 -Yeah. -I'll get it. 662 00:33:56,971 --> 00:33:58,405 Right. Brad. 663 00:33:58,472 --> 00:34:00,240 Dare I say, we're gonna attempt to put you in. 664 00:34:00,307 --> 00:34:01,609 -God help us. -Fine. 665 00:34:01,676 --> 00:34:03,711 Just remember, I don't do my own stunts. 666 00:34:04,211 --> 00:34:05,880 You don't do your own stunts. 667 00:34:05,947 --> 00:34:06,981 Got it. 668 00:34:07,515 --> 00:34:09,717 Right. To save time, we're gonna divvy up 669 00:34:09,784 --> 00:34:11,485 some your lines to other people. 670 00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:17,190 I'm a light tenor. How about you? 671 00:34:18,225 --> 00:34:20,193 A little heavier, but I can sing. 672 00:34:20,762 --> 00:34:21,963 Jill, is this a good time 673 00:34:22,030 --> 00:34:23,130 to tell you that I can actually sing 674 00:34:23,196 --> 00:34:24,632 and I'm a pretty good dancer? 675 00:34:25,132 --> 00:34:26,300 Of course you are. 676 00:34:27,702 --> 00:34:30,170 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 677 00:34:30,237 --> 00:34:31,506 Callum. 678 00:34:35,910 --> 00:34:40,815 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 679 00:34:42,817 --> 00:34:47,354 ♪ With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you ♪ 680 00:34:47,421 --> 00:34:48,957 ♪ Be of good cheer ♪ 681 00:34:49,691 --> 00:34:55,697 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 682 00:34:56,631 --> 00:35:01,435 ♪ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪ 683 00:35:03,270 --> 00:35:07,207 ♪ With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings ♪ 684 00:35:07,274 --> 00:35:09,476 ♪ When friends come to call ♪ 685 00:35:10,177 --> 00:35:16,283 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 686 00:35:17,351 --> 00:35:19,419 ♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪ 687 00:35:19,486 --> 00:35:21,254 ♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪ 688 00:35:21,321 --> 00:35:23,992 ♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪ 689 00:35:24,058 --> 00:35:26,293 ♪ There'll be scary ghost stories ♪ 690 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,195 ♪And tales of the glories of ♪ 691 00:35:28,228 --> 00:35:32,000 ♪ Christmases long, long ago ♪ 692 00:35:33,034 --> 00:35:37,805 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 693 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:43,377 ♪ There'll be much mistletoeing and hearts will be glowing ♪ 694 00:35:43,443 --> 00:35:46,480 ♪ When loved ones are near ♪ 695 00:35:46,547 --> 00:35:49,584 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 696 00:35:49,651 --> 00:35:53,320 ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪ 697 00:35:53,387 --> 00:35:58,225 ♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪ 698 00:35:58,225 --> 00:36:01,996 ♪ Of the year ♪ 699 00:36:02,063 --> 00:36:04,732 -Bravo! -[applause] 700 00:36:06,433 --> 00:36:09,704 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 701 00:36:09,771 --> 00:36:13,508 ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 702 00:36:13,574 --> 00:36:18,680 ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ 703 00:36:19,881 --> 00:36:21,248 [cheers and applause] 704 00:36:21,281 --> 00:36:23,383 Ah, this is gonna be our best panto ever. 705 00:36:23,450 --> 00:36:25,252 Yeah, that was supposed to be my song. 706 00:36:25,252 --> 00:36:26,621 Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry. 707 00:36:26,688 --> 00:36:28,488 You can take a lead on another one. 708 00:36:28,556 --> 00:36:30,124 Yeah. Only if I get to pick. 709 00:36:30,625 --> 00:36:33,260 I'd like to do Engelbert Humperdink's 710 00:36:33,260 --> 00:36:35,262 Only With a Man Without Love. 711 00:36:35,262 --> 00:36:38,132 Hmm. That'll really get them going. 712 00:36:38,265 --> 00:36:39,801 It used to, darling. 713 00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:40,902 Izzy. What's going on? 714 00:36:40,968 --> 00:36:42,537 Oh, no. 715 00:36:42,603 --> 00:36:44,939 It's all right, Brad. We don't have to do this. 716 00:36:45,006 --> 00:36:46,040 Do what? 717 00:36:46,774 --> 00:36:49,844 Well, I know you like to date your co-stars, but seriously, 718 00:36:49,911 --> 00:36:51,779 you're old enough to be my granddad. 719 00:36:52,847 --> 00:36:53,881 Wow. 720 00:36:55,550 --> 00:36:56,483 Wow. 721 00:36:56,551 --> 00:36:57,985 Truth is, I was just gonna ask you 722 00:36:58,052 --> 00:37:00,121 what's going on between you and Callum. 723 00:37:00,188 --> 00:37:02,590 Oh, oh, sorry. 724 00:37:02,657 --> 00:37:06,493 That, erm, well, nothing, I guess. 725 00:37:06,928 --> 00:37:08,295 Every year we do the panto 726 00:37:08,361 --> 00:37:10,865 and every year we just sort of grow apart. 727 00:37:10,932 --> 00:37:13,167 Too much brawn, not enough brains. 728 00:37:13,300 --> 00:37:14,635 I hate those guys. 729 00:37:16,137 --> 00:37:19,040 Well, at least I now know what I need to ask Santa for. 730 00:37:19,107 --> 00:37:20,208 What, brains? 731 00:37:20,575 --> 00:37:23,845 No. Something to stuff your stocking with. 732 00:37:24,411 --> 00:37:26,914 [chuckles] It's double entendre. You're getting it. 733 00:37:26,981 --> 00:37:30,518 No, you're getting it from Callum. [chuckles] 734 00:37:31,085 --> 00:37:33,121 Too much? 735 00:37:33,187 --> 00:37:34,522 Bren, darling. What's the matter? 736 00:37:34,589 --> 00:37:37,491 It's my digs. I've been broken into. 737 00:37:37,558 --> 00:37:39,160 No, not another one. 738 00:37:39,227 --> 00:37:41,963 Digs is what they call the accommodation actors stay in. 739 00:37:42,029 --> 00:37:43,564 Gosh. Thanks, Gillian. 740 00:37:43,631 --> 00:37:45,398 Hey, don't call me Gillian. 741 00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:47,869 Stoneford just isn't what it was. 742 00:37:48,636 --> 00:37:50,738 I mean, we were a community once. 743 00:37:51,338 --> 00:37:53,741 Now look, blighted by petty crime. 744 00:37:53,808 --> 00:37:55,977 Yeah, we all know who's behind that. 745 00:37:56,043 --> 00:37:58,579 How else can he drive that car? Hey, Kieran! 746 00:37:58,646 --> 00:38:00,915 Leave him, Brenda, please. 747 00:38:01,448 --> 00:38:04,351 I don't know why you are sticking up for him. 748 00:38:04,417 --> 00:38:05,452 Jill. 749 00:38:05,887 --> 00:38:09,056 Jill, that ex-husband of yours is a bad 'un 750 00:38:09,123 --> 00:38:10,525 if ever there was one. 751 00:38:10,591 --> 00:38:12,560 Right then, who's getting this round? 752 00:38:12,627 --> 00:38:14,228 Are you serious? You work here too? 753 00:38:14,361 --> 00:38:15,462 Yeah. Cough up, rich boy. 754 00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:18,132 Oh, 200 grand for orchids. 755 00:38:18,199 --> 00:38:21,903 It was a hundred grand a year and they were from Namibia. 756 00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:23,838 -Oh. -Oh. 757 00:38:23,905 --> 00:38:26,107 Another round for everybody on me. 758 00:38:26,174 --> 00:38:27,775 [cheers and applause] 759 00:38:29,610 --> 00:38:32,680 Well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess. 760 00:38:32,747 --> 00:38:36,050 Yeah. Not too many late night bars around here, are there? 761 00:38:36,117 --> 00:38:37,685 Around here? 762 00:38:37,752 --> 00:38:40,054 Nah. I do have a bottle of wine in the fridge though. 763 00:38:42,957 --> 00:38:43,991 Oh. Erm... 764 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,296 Mind you, hey, carbs in it. 765 00:38:48,863 --> 00:38:50,965 Right. Gotta look after the temple. 766 00:38:51,032 --> 00:38:52,399 Yeah. 767 00:38:56,137 --> 00:38:57,404 Here he is. 768 00:38:57,437 --> 00:38:59,240 -Oi, oi! -Stoneford's action hero. 769 00:38:59,307 --> 00:39:00,675 Look at him. Look. 770 00:39:00,741 --> 00:39:02,243 Come on then, show us some of your moves, huh? 771 00:39:02,409 --> 00:39:03,443 The only need is me. 772 00:39:03,511 --> 00:39:05,112 I don't want any trouble. Come on. 773 00:39:05,179 --> 00:39:06,614 Course you don't. You know why? 774 00:39:06,681 --> 00:39:09,050 'Cause you're a little scaredy cat, ain't you? 775 00:39:09,584 --> 00:39:11,953 You couldn't even block that... 776 00:39:12,019 --> 00:39:13,420 [all laugh] 777 00:39:13,453 --> 00:39:15,623 No wonder you ended up in this dump. 778 00:39:16,557 --> 00:39:20,261 -You're a hopeless loser. -Go home, Kieran. Now. 779 00:39:20,728 --> 00:39:22,429 I'm having a laugh, Jill. 780 00:39:23,531 --> 00:39:24,932 Let's go, boys. 781 00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:27,635 [sighs] 782 00:39:31,906 --> 00:39:32,940 Jill. 783 00:39:34,709 --> 00:39:36,476 I'll see you tomorrow, Brad. 784 00:39:43,651 --> 00:39:46,020 Never do nothing right. All you have to do 785 00:39:46,087 --> 00:39:47,555 is stand up for yourself. 786 00:39:49,323 --> 00:39:50,558 Huh? 787 00:39:51,292 --> 00:39:52,526 Hey! 788 00:39:53,828 --> 00:39:56,530 -Stay where you are! Stop! -Leg it! 789 00:39:56,597 --> 00:39:58,465 Somebody stop them! 790 00:40:03,337 --> 00:40:04,906 What's going on? 791 00:40:06,874 --> 00:40:07,975 He's behind you. 792 00:40:09,610 --> 00:40:10,945 Don't come any closer. 793 00:40:17,018 --> 00:40:18,085 Ah, me sole! 794 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,123 -Stay down. -[man] Mate, you saved us! 795 00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:24,592 I got it all on video too. 796 00:40:25,793 --> 00:40:28,461 Well done, sir. Nice one. Thank you. 797 00:40:28,529 --> 00:40:29,764 Arms behind your back. Police. 798 00:40:29,830 --> 00:40:31,198 We've got his accomplice as well. 799 00:40:31,265 --> 00:40:33,634 Looks like the Stoneford crime spree's over. 800 00:40:34,568 --> 00:40:37,470 Hang on a minute, aren't you...? 801 00:40:37,538 --> 00:40:38,806 I am. 802 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:40,775 [man] I think I broke it. 803 00:40:40,841 --> 00:40:43,311 247 to base. You'll never guess who I've just seen. 804 00:40:43,377 --> 00:40:45,079 [woman] 247. Surprise me. 805 00:40:45,146 --> 00:40:47,815 Hollywood movie star Brad Mac put his trademark action moves 806 00:40:47,882 --> 00:40:49,784 into action last night. 807 00:40:49,850 --> 00:40:51,652 Not on some Hollywood studio lot, 808 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:53,254 but here in the sleepy town 809 00:40:53,321 --> 00:40:55,222 of Stoneford in England. 810 00:40:55,690 --> 00:40:58,092 Mr Mac may not have been kung fu fighting, 811 00:40:58,159 --> 00:40:59,660 but his unusual routine 812 00:40:59,727 --> 00:41:01,629 is said to have been inspired by this, 813 00:41:01,696 --> 00:41:04,031 Stoneford's Theatre Royal, where in just 814 00:41:04,098 --> 00:41:07,101 a few days' time, Brad Mac takes to the stage 815 00:41:07,168 --> 00:41:08,569 as Buttons in Cinderella. 816 00:41:08,636 --> 00:41:10,171 Here he is! Here he is! 817 00:41:10,237 --> 00:41:12,707 Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask exactly what happened? 818 00:41:13,374 --> 00:41:16,711 Well, I think I did what any concerned citizen would do. 819 00:41:16,777 --> 00:41:21,148 Er, I saw two men trying to rob a home and I chased them. 820 00:41:21,215 --> 00:41:22,550 And apprehended them? 821 00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:23,951 No, the police did that. 822 00:41:24,018 --> 00:41:26,587 But I like to think that I did my part. 823 00:41:26,654 --> 00:41:28,356 Two men are now in custody. 824 00:41:28,422 --> 00:41:30,057 It turns out they were part of a criminal gang that have been 825 00:41:30,124 --> 00:41:32,226 targeting towns in the local area. 826 00:41:32,293 --> 00:41:34,395 Police are confident that further arrests 827 00:41:34,462 --> 00:41:35,796 will follow and that the gang's 828 00:41:35,863 --> 00:41:37,398 crime spree has been put to a stop. 829 00:41:37,465 --> 00:41:39,066 All thanks to you, Brad Mac. 830 00:41:39,133 --> 00:41:40,134 How's the panto going? 831 00:41:40,201 --> 00:41:42,036 Oh, great. Thank you for asking. 832 00:41:42,103 --> 00:41:45,106 Thank you. Erm, yeah, strength to strength like my career. 833 00:41:45,172 --> 00:41:47,575 And if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go spend the rest of 834 00:41:47,608 --> 00:41:48,909 the day with my daughter. Thank you. 835 00:41:48,976 --> 00:41:49,777 Thank you. 836 00:41:49,844 --> 00:41:51,145 [journalist] Mr Mac? 837 00:41:51,212 --> 00:41:52,713 Quick, Brenda, why don't you tell them 838 00:41:52,780 --> 00:41:53,914 about your one night encounter 839 00:41:53,981 --> 00:41:56,017 with Ozzy Osborne in 1985? 840 00:41:56,083 --> 00:41:58,185 Oh, with pleasure. 841 00:42:17,338 --> 00:42:19,206 [doorbell chimes] 842 00:42:22,843 --> 00:42:25,613 -Spencer. -Grace! 843 00:42:26,347 --> 00:42:27,516 Spider-Man's here. 844 00:42:27,615 --> 00:42:28,616 Wasn't in Spider-Man. 845 00:42:28,682 --> 00:42:30,618 No? I wouldn't know. 846 00:42:30,684 --> 00:42:32,486 I don't watch mainstream movies. 847 00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:37,324 I prefer C inéma Français. Films with subtitles. 848 00:42:37,391 --> 00:42:38,359 I like French films. 849 00:42:38,426 --> 00:42:40,961 [speaks French] 850 00:42:42,063 --> 00:42:43,197 Move, Spencer. 851 00:42:48,869 --> 00:42:50,638 Dad, you finally made it! 852 00:42:50,704 --> 00:42:53,674 Oh, sweetheart, I am so happy to see you. 853 00:42:53,741 --> 00:42:55,843 We're gonna have a fabulous day, okay? 854 00:42:56,477 --> 00:42:57,411 When do you need her back? 855 00:42:57,478 --> 00:42:58,646 Oh, after lunch is fine. 856 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,415 Well, that's not gonna give us a lot of time. 857 00:43:01,482 --> 00:43:04,251 After lunch on Monday. 858 00:43:04,318 --> 00:43:05,853 Three whole days! 859 00:43:06,287 --> 00:43:07,321 Yeah! 860 00:43:08,089 --> 00:43:09,824 Can Daddy talk with Mummy privately please? 861 00:43:09,890 --> 00:43:11,759 Come on, let's. 862 00:43:12,493 --> 00:43:13,761 We'll be right back. 863 00:43:18,799 --> 00:43:20,134 Okay. I can't do three days. 864 00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:22,103 I'm rehearsing. 865 00:43:22,169 --> 00:43:24,539 I'm sure you can get one of your little minions to sort it out. 866 00:43:24,672 --> 00:43:26,440 Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons. 867 00:43:26,508 --> 00:43:27,675 Everyone knows that. 868 00:43:27,942 --> 00:43:30,244 No, no, no. Tough, tough, tough. 869 00:43:30,311 --> 00:43:34,315 We are going to Paris because, newsflash, we are exhausted. 870 00:43:34,381 --> 00:43:36,817 Yeah. I only get a bonus four times a year. 871 00:43:36,884 --> 00:43:40,688 Okay. Newsflash, Spencer, your bonus is $25,000 a month 872 00:43:40,688 --> 00:43:42,056 I pay her in alimony. 873 00:43:42,123 --> 00:43:43,991 Grace, you cannot spring this on me. 874 00:43:44,058 --> 00:43:47,294 [Grace] You haven't seen her twice in the last two years. 875 00:43:47,728 --> 00:43:49,797 This is finally your chance. 876 00:43:49,864 --> 00:43:53,801 -I'm working. -You're always working. 877 00:43:53,868 --> 00:43:55,136 You're a big boy. 878 00:43:55,504 --> 00:43:56,770 Figure it out. 879 00:44:13,087 --> 00:44:15,823 Well, kiddo, looks like it's you and me for three whole days. 880 00:44:17,391 --> 00:44:20,227 -Where are we going? -To the North, me little mucker. 881 00:44:20,294 --> 00:44:21,729 -Dad! -I know. 882 00:44:22,496 --> 00:44:23,731 Come on. 883 00:44:38,580 --> 00:44:39,614 So this is it. 884 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,752 -Stoneford Theatre Royal. -You're in a pantomime? 885 00:44:44,785 --> 00:44:48,623 -Yeah. Sorry. -What do you mean, sorry? 886 00:44:48,756 --> 00:44:49,790 I love panto. 887 00:44:49,857 --> 00:44:51,058 You do? 888 00:44:52,193 --> 00:44:55,863 But why are you so young? Is it set in the past? 889 00:44:55,930 --> 00:44:57,164 How dare you! 890 00:44:57,498 --> 00:44:58,533 -Ah! -[laughs] 891 00:44:59,133 --> 00:45:01,435 I wanna introduce you to a man named Albert. Come on. 892 00:45:03,605 --> 00:45:06,240 Oh, hello, Emma. 893 00:45:06,307 --> 00:45:07,775 My name's Albert. 894 00:45:08,175 --> 00:45:09,476 Yeah, well, come on in, love. 895 00:45:09,544 --> 00:45:11,011 Make yourself at home. 896 00:45:12,146 --> 00:45:13,180 Thank you. 897 00:45:45,179 --> 00:45:45,980 Wow. 898 00:45:46,046 --> 00:45:47,848 Talk about a hint of colour. 899 00:45:49,216 --> 00:45:50,251 I like it. 900 00:45:52,319 --> 00:45:56,190 Yeah, we should probably close it up. 901 00:46:00,629 --> 00:46:02,896 [indistinct chatter] 902 00:46:23,652 --> 00:46:26,387 Don't worry, sweetheart. Happens wherever I go. 903 00:46:28,956 --> 00:46:30,858 Dad? It's December. 904 00:46:31,392 --> 00:46:32,426 You're right. 905 00:46:37,599 --> 00:46:38,600 Thank you. 906 00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:41,902 It's that awful man from those dreadful films. 907 00:46:43,203 --> 00:46:45,740 -Brad. Hi. -Gillian. 908 00:46:45,873 --> 00:46:48,375 -Jill! -Big fan of your work. 909 00:46:48,442 --> 00:46:51,111 Oh, thank you very much. This is my daughter Emma. 910 00:46:51,178 --> 00:46:53,947 This is my daughter Cara and her friend Bella. 911 00:46:54,014 --> 00:46:55,282 -Hiya. -Hi. 912 00:46:55,349 --> 00:46:57,117 Do you wanna go and grab hot chocolates? 913 00:46:57,184 --> 00:46:59,754 -Yeah, sure. Dad? -Yeah, of course. 914 00:46:59,887 --> 00:47:01,488 -I'll catch up. -Great. Let's go. 915 00:47:02,423 --> 00:47:03,558 Jill. Can I have a word? 916 00:47:03,625 --> 00:47:05,527 So Emma's here all weekend, right? 917 00:47:05,593 --> 00:47:07,194 But we're rehearsing. 918 00:47:07,261 --> 00:47:09,798 And I'm really scared that she's just gonna be so bored. 919 00:47:10,264 --> 00:47:12,801 Don't worry. Cara can look out for her. 920 00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:14,435 -Really? -Yeah. 921 00:47:14,502 --> 00:47:17,171 She can hang out with all the kids backstage and then 922 00:47:17,237 --> 00:47:20,174 we'll get her on the stage for that big ballroom scene. 923 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,009 Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic. 924 00:47:22,076 --> 00:47:23,310 You are a lifesaver. 925 00:47:23,944 --> 00:47:25,179 Whoa. 926 00:47:27,549 --> 00:47:29,917 Actually, Brad, I have a favour to ask you. 927 00:47:29,983 --> 00:47:31,318 -Yeah? -Yeah. 928 00:47:31,385 --> 00:47:34,054 On Monday, the school's holding an event. 929 00:47:34,121 --> 00:47:35,590 The choir will be singing carols. 930 00:47:35,657 --> 00:47:38,926 -There's a tombola. -Is that like Ebola? 931 00:47:38,992 --> 00:47:41,328 Not quite. One's an African disease. 932 00:47:41,395 --> 00:47:43,464 Erm, then there'll be a prize-giving, 933 00:47:43,531 --> 00:47:46,300 like fun things, like Best Christmas jumper. 934 00:47:46,367 --> 00:47:47,401 What? 935 00:47:48,235 --> 00:47:50,204 Oh, no, jumper means sweater. 936 00:47:50,839 --> 00:47:51,840 Oh, thank God. 937 00:47:52,339 --> 00:47:55,342 Little dark for Christmas, right? Aha. Splat. 938 00:47:55,943 --> 00:47:57,779 So we were hoping someone real famous 939 00:47:57,846 --> 00:47:59,547 might wanna hand out the prizes. 940 00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,949 Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee? 941 00:48:02,349 --> 00:48:04,385 Er, cup of tea and a bourbon. 942 00:48:04,451 --> 00:48:07,488 Huh. You're cute. I don't drink when I work. 943 00:48:07,555 --> 00:48:10,424 Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts! 944 00:48:10,491 --> 00:48:13,828 -Nigel. Don't you sleep? -Of course not, mate. 945 00:48:13,961 --> 00:48:15,396 -On the house. -Thank you. 946 00:48:15,462 --> 00:48:16,397 Hot nuts. 947 00:48:16,463 --> 00:48:18,966 Warm your hands on me hot nuts. 948 00:48:22,336 --> 00:48:26,373 One and two and three and four and five. 949 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,242 -Ah. -[Jill] Okay. Stop. Stop. 950 00:48:28,308 --> 00:48:31,245 I want Prince Charming, but it's a bit Prince Alarming. 951 00:48:31,311 --> 00:48:35,449 Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet. Toned feet, but... 952 00:48:35,517 --> 00:48:37,117 No, it's me. Really. 953 00:48:37,184 --> 00:48:40,688 Callum, do you mind? Jill, may I? 954 00:48:42,791 --> 00:48:46,193 -From the top. -Right. Okay. Watch and learn. 955 00:48:47,729 --> 00:48:50,297 ['It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' plays] 956 00:49:18,459 --> 00:49:19,493 Oh. 957 00:49:48,790 --> 00:49:50,190 [cheers and applause] 958 00:49:50,257 --> 00:49:51,826 Bravo, Jill! 959 00:49:52,359 --> 00:49:54,228 Brenda, please. I wasn't even warmed up. 960 00:49:54,294 --> 00:49:56,063 All right, my darlings. 961 00:49:56,096 --> 00:49:57,297 Back to the top. 962 00:49:57,364 --> 00:49:59,534 ['Santa Can't You Hear Me' plays] 963 00:50:03,838 --> 00:50:07,542 ♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪ 964 00:50:07,609 --> 00:50:09,777 Come on, let's go! 965 00:50:10,277 --> 00:50:13,247 ♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪ 966 00:50:13,313 --> 00:50:16,784 Oh, this is the best! 967 00:50:18,085 --> 00:50:19,687 Come on, hurry up! 968 00:50:19,754 --> 00:50:21,723 -Jill. -Thank you. 969 00:50:25,158 --> 00:50:28,730 Yeah, come on! Let's go! 970 00:50:30,598 --> 00:50:34,067 ♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪ 971 00:50:34,134 --> 00:50:36,470 ♪ Was nothing I got and ♪ 972 00:50:36,538 --> 00:50:41,509 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 973 00:50:43,176 --> 00:50:46,480 ♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪ 974 00:50:46,548 --> 00:50:51,619 ♪ I don't need a thing ♪ 975 00:50:51,686 --> 00:50:54,421 ♪ I sent a letter to you ♪ 976 00:50:54,488 --> 00:50:59,627 ♪ On how to make my dreams come true, yeah, yeah ♪ 977 00:50:59,694 --> 00:51:04,532 ♪ What I want for Christmas ♪ 978 00:51:04,599 --> 00:51:07,936 ♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪ 979 00:51:08,002 --> 00:51:12,974 ♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪ 980 00:51:13,041 --> 00:51:16,410 ♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪ 981 00:51:16,476 --> 00:51:18,478 ♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪ 982 00:51:18,546 --> 00:51:21,950 ♪ Unless below is what I need ♪ 983 00:51:22,016 --> 00:51:24,318 ♪ What I need ♪ 984 00:51:24,384 --> 00:51:27,154 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 985 00:51:27,220 --> 00:51:31,593 ♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪ 986 00:51:32,894 --> 00:51:34,896 Yes! 987 00:51:34,963 --> 00:51:37,732 [cheers and applause] 988 00:51:40,167 --> 00:51:41,836 You was amazing today. 989 00:51:41,903 --> 00:51:43,170 You were too. 990 00:51:43,838 --> 00:51:46,239 Can I buy you a drink? 991 00:51:47,609 --> 00:51:48,643 Sure. 992 00:51:49,844 --> 00:51:50,878 Great. 993 00:52:04,291 --> 00:52:05,593 Good morning, Albert. 994 00:52:06,426 --> 00:52:07,695 Yeah. Morning, Brad. 995 00:52:08,362 --> 00:52:09,597 How's young Emma doing? 996 00:52:10,999 --> 00:52:12,332 She's good, thank you. 997 00:52:12,399 --> 00:52:14,002 I think she's really enjoying herself. 998 00:52:14,068 --> 00:52:15,069 Ah. 999 00:52:15,202 --> 00:52:16,203 She'll be down in a minute. 1000 00:52:16,236 --> 00:52:17,872 -May I? -Yeah, of course. 1001 00:52:17,939 --> 00:52:19,206 Yes, of course. 1002 00:52:21,542 --> 00:52:22,577 Wow. 1003 00:52:28,348 --> 00:52:30,217 Albert, can I ask you a question? 1004 00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:31,485 Yeah. 1005 00:52:32,053 --> 00:52:33,621 When did she pass? Your wife? 1006 00:52:33,688 --> 00:52:36,256 Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs. 1007 00:52:37,558 --> 00:52:41,562 My husband passed nine years ago. 1008 00:52:42,630 --> 00:52:46,466 New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage. 1009 00:52:48,402 --> 00:52:51,739 Malcolm and I were pantomime dames. 1010 00:52:51,806 --> 00:52:53,373 Rivals at first. 1011 00:52:54,575 --> 00:53:01,448 But, er, 1979 we got asked to work together. 1012 00:53:01,516 --> 00:53:04,719 Cinderella, Oldham Coliseum. 1013 00:53:05,553 --> 00:53:07,722 He was a cocky little thing. 1014 00:53:08,488 --> 00:53:10,457 I suppose that's why I liked him. 1015 00:53:11,258 --> 00:53:16,263 Cheeky, like you. We toured every year. 1016 00:53:17,397 --> 00:53:19,332 Made all our own frocks. 1017 00:53:21,969 --> 00:53:25,006 Birmingham, Newcastle. 1018 00:53:25,073 --> 00:53:26,306 Hull. 1019 00:53:26,874 --> 00:53:28,676 Nottingham. 1020 00:53:28,743 --> 00:53:31,311 Until 1992. 1021 00:53:31,378 --> 00:53:33,313 What made you stay in Stoneford? 1022 00:53:34,115 --> 00:53:36,884 Oh, we were so damn popular, 1023 00:53:36,951 --> 00:53:38,285 they put us in every year. 1024 00:53:38,351 --> 00:53:41,889 Most pantomimes have one dame, you see? 1025 00:53:42,557 --> 00:53:45,827 But here, there were always two. 1026 00:53:46,828 --> 00:53:52,299 And people in the town, oh, God, they loved us. 1027 00:53:52,299 --> 00:53:53,935 We couldn't go anywhere. 1028 00:53:54,001 --> 00:53:57,038 Year round, autographs. 1029 00:53:57,105 --> 00:53:59,140 Then selfies. 1030 00:53:59,207 --> 00:54:02,409 The Stoneford Christmas lights. 1031 00:54:04,444 --> 00:54:06,313 Until that Christmas. 1032 00:54:13,386 --> 00:54:17,658 Last show of the year. Poor Malcolm. 1033 00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:20,528 As the final curtain fell, 1034 00:54:21,195 --> 00:54:23,831 he was out like a light himself. 1035 00:54:26,768 --> 00:54:28,636 I never went on stage again. 1036 00:54:31,371 --> 00:54:32,907 Albert, I'm so sorry. 1037 00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:39,247 Why do you work the stage door? 1038 00:54:39,346 --> 00:54:40,748 You don't need the money. 1039 00:54:41,414 --> 00:54:44,351 Theatre's not about money, lad. 1040 00:54:45,418 --> 00:54:49,356 Theatre's about love, passion, people. 1041 00:54:52,359 --> 00:54:54,427 I devoted my whole life to it 1042 00:54:56,130 --> 00:55:01,068 and I haven't regretted it for one single moment. 1043 00:55:04,005 --> 00:55:06,240 Come on, Dad. Let's get you to rehearsals. 1044 00:55:06,373 --> 00:55:07,642 Good morning, Albert. 1045 00:55:07,708 --> 00:55:09,610 Good morning, my dear. 1046 00:55:10,511 --> 00:55:11,746 Thank you, Albert. 1047 00:55:14,916 --> 00:55:15,983 Thank you. 1048 00:55:16,050 --> 00:55:17,084 Take care. 1049 00:55:25,059 --> 00:55:27,394 You are a complete waste of space, Buttons. 1050 00:55:27,394 --> 00:55:28,963 I have no idea why we pay you. 1051 00:55:29,030 --> 00:55:31,098 But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup. 1052 00:55:31,165 --> 00:55:33,801 -That's because I am hard up. -[both] Oh, matron. 1053 00:55:33,868 --> 00:55:37,071 Yeah. Why do you need money anyway, Buttons? 1054 00:55:37,138 --> 00:55:38,405 Yeah, that's right. 1055 00:55:38,471 --> 00:55:41,209 We all thought: The only need is me! 1056 00:55:41,275 --> 00:55:42,910 What? 1057 00:55:42,977 --> 00:55:44,512 Why else would you be killing time in panto land? 1058 00:55:44,579 --> 00:55:45,847 Yeah, we're not in Hollywood now, 1059 00:55:45,913 --> 00:55:47,582 -are we, Buttons? -Yeah, that's right. 1060 00:55:47,648 --> 00:55:49,217 Has anyone seen your career? 1061 00:55:49,283 --> 00:55:50,551 [both] It's behind you. 1062 00:55:50,618 --> 00:55:52,620 Why are you saying that? Stop it. 1063 00:55:52,687 --> 00:55:54,722 I know, darling. It's just topical jokes. 1064 00:55:54,789 --> 00:55:56,924 It's the same with the star turn in every panto. 1065 00:55:56,991 --> 00:55:58,693 Just a little light ribbing, dear. 1066 00:55:58,759 --> 00:56:00,127 Well, I'm proud of those films, okay, 1067 00:56:00,194 --> 00:56:01,229 so you can take that out now. 1068 00:56:01,295 --> 00:56:02,597 What are you gonna do? Quit? 1069 00:56:02,663 --> 00:56:04,464 I don't think so, ducky. [laughs] 1070 00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:07,768 Oh, that's right. Swan off to your agent. 1071 00:56:07,835 --> 00:56:09,971 -What agent? -[both laugh] 1072 00:56:10,905 --> 00:56:11,939 Oh, he's gone. 1073 00:56:15,309 --> 00:56:17,712 Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac. 1074 00:56:17,778 --> 00:56:19,947 -Sign out, Mr Mac. -Wait! 1075 00:56:21,082 --> 00:56:23,450 Miss Mac. Miss Mac! 1076 00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:33,460 Dad. 1077 00:56:34,161 --> 00:56:36,330 Emma, please just go back inside. Okay? 1078 00:56:36,463 --> 00:56:39,499 No. I'm starting to think that Mum was right about you. 1079 00:56:39,567 --> 00:56:42,336 -All you care about is yourself. -What? 1080 00:56:42,469 --> 00:56:43,971 She says you keep trying to run away. 1081 00:56:44,739 --> 00:56:47,474 I didn't really understand until now. 1082 00:56:47,474 --> 00:56:49,210 That's not true, okay? 1083 00:56:49,277 --> 00:56:50,544 It's not fair. 1084 00:56:50,611 --> 00:56:54,649 Come back in, okay, for me, please. 1085 00:57:09,997 --> 00:57:11,032 Hey. 1086 00:57:12,499 --> 00:57:13,734 Ah. 1087 00:57:15,369 --> 00:57:18,306 I really want to thank you for making me come back inside. 1088 00:57:18,806 --> 00:57:22,143 You know, I wanna do this play because of you 1089 00:57:22,209 --> 00:57:24,278 and I think I really had fun. 1090 00:57:24,345 --> 00:57:26,180 You were really good, Dad. 1091 00:57:26,247 --> 00:57:27,315 Thank you. 1092 00:57:27,381 --> 00:57:29,283 Salted caramel surprise? 1093 00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:31,218 What's the surprise? 1094 00:57:31,285 --> 00:57:33,521 Erm, soft in the centre. 1095 00:57:33,554 --> 00:57:35,823 Ha, ha, ha. 1096 00:57:35,890 --> 00:57:37,959 Maybe they could go a little easier on me 1097 00:57:38,025 --> 00:57:39,627 with the jokes about my career. 1098 00:57:39,694 --> 00:57:41,028 They were really funny. 1099 00:57:42,730 --> 00:57:45,533 I might be being oversensitive about this, 1100 00:57:45,533 --> 00:57:47,034 but I just don't think 1101 00:57:47,101 --> 00:57:49,236 that I'm ready to start joking about the career 1102 00:57:49,303 --> 00:57:50,538 I'm about to lose. 1103 00:57:50,571 --> 00:57:52,573 What are you talking about, Brad? 1104 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,176 The jokes only work because you are a star. 1105 00:57:55,943 --> 00:57:58,913 It's a thing we do in England. It's called taking the piss. 1106 00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:02,183 Now come on, it's time for the school prize-giving. 1107 00:58:02,249 --> 00:58:04,919 Not quite the Oscars, but we should get going. 1108 00:58:04,986 --> 00:58:06,120 You ready? 1109 00:58:07,955 --> 00:58:11,359 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 1110 00:58:11,425 --> 00:58:14,061 ♪ Fa la la la la la, la la la ♪ 1111 00:58:28,476 --> 00:58:31,645 Mr Mac, this is an honour. 1112 00:58:31,712 --> 00:58:34,648 -Martin. The head. -Pleasure. 1113 00:58:34,715 --> 00:58:36,417 -Mulled wine. -Actually... 1114 00:58:36,484 --> 00:58:38,586 It's a British tradition, Mr Mac. 1115 00:58:38,652 --> 00:58:41,188 Well, German. But still. 1116 00:58:41,255 --> 00:58:43,958 Hey, Cara. Why don't you show Emma around. 1117 00:58:44,025 --> 00:58:45,059 Thank you. 1118 00:58:46,627 --> 00:58:47,995 Gonna earn my keep. 1119 00:58:48,629 --> 00:58:50,364 Good luck. 1120 00:58:50,431 --> 00:58:53,000 Hello, Stoneford! 1121 00:58:55,036 --> 00:58:59,740 Today I'd like to welcome Hollywood actor Brad Mac, 1122 00:58:59,807 --> 00:59:03,110 who is here to present our Christmas awards. 1123 00:59:03,177 --> 00:59:05,880 [cheers and applause] 1124 00:59:05,946 --> 00:59:07,615 Now, it's so important 1125 00:59:07,681 --> 00:59:10,951 that children be inspired by the theatre. 1126 00:59:11,385 --> 00:59:14,055 That's why our students take their annual trip 1127 00:59:14,121 --> 00:59:15,623 to London to see 1128 00:59:15,623 --> 00:59:18,793 the best theatre this country has to offer. 1129 00:59:19,528 --> 00:59:22,496 Macbeth at Shakespeare's Globe. 1130 00:59:22,630 --> 00:59:25,666 Emma. 1131 00:59:25,733 --> 00:59:27,902 Still, if you're looking for something 1132 00:59:27,968 --> 00:59:29,904 a little more fun this Christmas, 1133 00:59:29,970 --> 00:59:31,806 be sure to catch Mr Mac 1134 00:59:31,872 --> 00:59:34,708 in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime. 1135 00:59:34,775 --> 00:59:36,210 [cheers and applause] 1136 00:59:36,277 --> 00:59:38,946 Now, shall we get the prize-giving underway? 1137 00:59:41,415 --> 00:59:44,852 Let's get things started with this year's highly coveted prize 1138 00:59:44,919 --> 00:59:46,654 for most improved attendance. 1139 00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,722 -And the winner is... -Where's my daughter? 1140 00:59:48,789 --> 00:59:52,259 Grace? Emma's around here somewhere. 1141 00:59:52,693 --> 00:59:54,328 -Jill. -Who? Who's Jill? 1142 00:59:54,395 --> 00:59:56,063 Because you know, she was meant to be home at 12 o'clock 1143 00:59:56,130 --> 00:59:58,199 and your phone is off and it's half past three. 1144 00:59:58,265 --> 01:00:00,067 -I was rehearsing. -Because the hotel said you left 1145 01:00:00,134 --> 01:00:01,669 and I can't get a hold of your agent 1146 01:00:01,735 --> 01:00:03,037 because actually it turns out 1147 01:00:03,104 --> 01:00:04,371 you don't have an agent anymore. 1148 01:00:04,438 --> 01:00:05,372 -Mum. -Oh, darling. 1149 01:00:05,439 --> 01:00:06,440 Oh, sweetheart. 1150 01:00:06,508 --> 01:00:08,476 Oh, okay. 1151 01:00:09,009 --> 01:00:10,911 Sweetheart, we're gonna go to London now. 1152 01:00:10,978 --> 01:00:12,313 Grace, please don't do this. 1153 01:00:12,379 --> 01:00:14,215 We're having such a good time, right, Em? 1154 01:00:14,281 --> 01:00:16,383 I'm going to be in the pantomime. 1155 01:00:16,450 --> 01:00:17,785 No, no, no, no. 1156 01:00:17,852 --> 01:00:19,554 That's not something to be proud of, Em. 1157 01:00:19,620 --> 01:00:21,388 What is it that we say about pantomimes, Spencer? What the... 1158 01:00:21,455 --> 01:00:23,090 Lowest common denominator entertainment. 1159 01:00:23,157 --> 01:00:24,825 Well, that's not true. They're hugely popular. 1160 01:00:24,892 --> 01:00:26,694 That's good you're popular somewhere, eh, Brad? 1161 01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:27,928 Come on, let's go. 1162 01:00:27,995 --> 01:00:30,731 -I don't want to. -I'm sorry? 1163 01:00:31,632 --> 01:00:33,100 I want to stay with Dad. 1164 01:00:34,135 --> 01:00:35,703 Your father abandoned you, Emma. 1165 01:00:36,237 --> 01:00:39,574 So he could stay in Hollywood and make sequel after sequel, 1166 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:42,209 and buy orchid after orchid. 1167 01:00:43,344 --> 01:00:44,712 He promised. 1168 01:00:44,778 --> 01:00:46,714 But your father makes a lot of promises, 1169 01:00:46,780 --> 01:00:51,418 Emma, promises he always breaks. 1170 01:00:52,052 --> 01:00:55,990 So, no, you will not be in the pantomime. 1171 01:00:56,657 --> 01:00:59,960 He probably won't even make it to opening night, will you? 1172 01:01:00,027 --> 01:01:01,328 So, come on, let's go. 1173 01:01:01,762 --> 01:01:03,197 Grace, please just stop. 1174 01:01:03,264 --> 01:01:04,832 This is not fair. 1175 01:01:04,899 --> 01:01:06,568 We both agreed that Emma would stay with you 1176 01:01:06,635 --> 01:01:09,336 because you told me that's what was best for her, 1177 01:01:09,737 --> 01:01:11,005 and now I'm just starting to think 1178 01:01:11,071 --> 01:01:12,840 that that's what's best for you. 1179 01:01:12,907 --> 01:01:15,109 I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay? 1180 01:01:15,176 --> 01:01:20,615 Thoughtless, selfish. Emma. I promise that stops now. 1181 01:01:21,448 --> 01:01:23,751 I will never run away from you again. 1182 01:01:26,086 --> 01:01:27,755 Most improved attendance. 1183 01:01:29,356 --> 01:01:30,391 It's ironic. 1184 01:01:36,864 --> 01:01:38,365 Mr Mac. 1185 01:01:42,469 --> 01:01:45,973 -Rachel McDonald. -[man] She's not here. 1186 01:01:46,508 --> 01:01:47,975 Not again. 1187 01:02:06,293 --> 01:02:07,328 How are you? 1188 01:02:09,830 --> 01:02:11,065 Read that. 1189 01:02:13,568 --> 01:02:15,169 'From Hero to Zero. 1190 01:02:15,236 --> 01:02:17,171 Washed-up B-list movie star 1191 01:02:17,238 --> 01:02:20,007 ends career with not a bang, but a whimper.' 1192 01:02:21,008 --> 01:02:22,510 Where did this come from? 1193 01:02:23,077 --> 01:02:25,580 My ex-agent didn't like the good press 1194 01:02:25,647 --> 01:02:27,047 that I was getting, 1195 01:02:27,114 --> 01:02:30,050 so she gave them an alternative narrative. 1196 01:02:32,419 --> 01:02:34,455 I was hoping that coming here would change my life 1197 01:02:34,522 --> 01:02:37,726 and boy has it, it's made it worse. 1198 01:02:39,026 --> 01:02:41,428 Come on, cheer up. 1199 01:02:41,495 --> 01:02:42,830 Things will get better. 1200 01:02:43,397 --> 01:02:46,534 No, not for me. Not here. I'm done. 1201 01:02:46,601 --> 01:02:49,270 I'm going home. I don't care what it costs. 1202 01:02:50,572 --> 01:02:51,606 And what about us? 1203 01:02:52,439 --> 01:02:55,476 This is our life here, Brad. This is who we are. 1204 01:02:55,909 --> 01:02:59,079 If you run away and leave us in the lurch, we are the ones 1205 01:02:59,146 --> 01:03:00,749 who end up paying the price. 1206 01:03:00,848 --> 01:03:02,850 I'm being humiliated, Jill. 1207 01:03:05,152 --> 01:03:08,657 But look at Albert on stage door putting you up for nowt. 1208 01:03:08,723 --> 01:03:10,124 Cassandra, holding your hand 1209 01:03:10,190 --> 01:03:12,393 through every step of the process. 1210 01:03:12,860 --> 01:03:17,097 And then me. Muggins. Along for the ride. 1211 01:03:20,568 --> 01:03:21,603 Okay. Forget it. 1212 01:03:22,236 --> 01:03:24,171 Because it's all about you, Brad. 1213 01:03:24,673 --> 01:03:26,574 'Cause that's how it's always been. 1214 01:03:27,074 --> 01:03:28,309 Your wife's right. 1215 01:03:28,777 --> 01:03:29,877 Ex-wife. 1216 01:03:29,943 --> 01:03:31,378 Yeah. I'm not surprised. 1217 01:03:38,018 --> 01:03:40,087 Bar person, one more for the road. 1218 01:03:45,025 --> 01:03:47,895 Oh, where's Nigel? 1219 01:03:47,895 --> 01:03:49,229 It's his day off. 1220 01:03:49,296 --> 01:03:50,197 Oh. 1221 01:03:50,532 --> 01:03:55,069 Only joking. [laughs] As if I'd get a day off. 1222 01:03:57,071 --> 01:03:59,073 Anyway, mate, you want to take it easy. 1223 01:03:59,139 --> 01:04:01,909 Yeah, you've gotta turn on the Christmas lights. 1224 01:04:01,975 --> 01:04:04,144 What do you think I'm dressed for? 1225 01:04:15,790 --> 01:04:17,458 Hello. 1226 01:04:17,525 --> 01:04:18,793 Ich bin... 1227 01:04:18,926 --> 01:04:20,094 German. 1228 01:04:20,928 --> 01:04:21,929 Jesus. 1229 01:04:22,664 --> 01:04:25,933 Brenda, you're a connoisseur. of fine liquid entertainment. 1230 01:04:25,999 --> 01:04:28,001 The biggest turnout we've had 1231 01:04:28,068 --> 01:04:31,105 for a Christmas light switch on ever. 1232 01:04:31,939 --> 01:04:33,575 I think you might have had enough. 1233 01:04:33,641 --> 01:04:36,944 Welcome to the stage the mayor of Stoneford! 1234 01:04:36,977 --> 01:04:38,946 It worked for Burton. 1235 01:04:38,946 --> 01:04:41,783 So let's give the cast of Cinderella 1236 01:04:41,850 --> 01:04:43,618 a huge Stoneford wel-- 1237 01:04:44,151 --> 01:04:45,520 Thank you, Mr Mayor. 1238 01:04:46,688 --> 01:04:48,021 Hello, Stoneford. 1239 01:04:48,088 --> 01:04:50,725 Oi, Buttons! Gonna have another meltdown? 1240 01:04:51,158 --> 01:04:53,628 -Shut up, you loser. -Ooh. 1241 01:04:53,695 --> 01:04:55,797 I'm Bradley Mac-- Ow! 1242 01:04:55,864 --> 01:04:58,966 [all laugh] 1243 01:05:04,371 --> 01:05:08,510 So that's how it is now. I'm just a joke to you all. 1244 01:05:08,576 --> 01:05:09,644 Spiderman's here. 1245 01:05:10,645 --> 01:05:12,079 Okay. 1246 01:05:12,146 --> 01:05:13,480 -[Kieran shouting] -[all laugh] 1247 01:05:14,181 --> 01:05:17,585 -How's this for laughs? -Whoa! 1248 01:05:17,652 --> 01:05:19,019 I can be funny. 1249 01:05:19,687 --> 01:05:21,088 Son of a bitch! 1250 01:05:21,155 --> 01:05:22,557 I can be the clown. 1251 01:05:22,624 --> 01:05:23,691 You're fired. 1252 01:05:24,491 --> 01:05:28,328 It seems like the only thing I can't be is a good actor. 1253 01:05:28,395 --> 01:05:31,365 -Something like that? -We're screwed. 1254 01:05:31,432 --> 01:05:32,667 Good father. 1255 01:05:32,734 --> 01:05:34,301 You are literally first in line 1256 01:05:34,368 --> 01:05:36,303 for worst parent of the year award. 1257 01:05:36,370 --> 01:05:39,373 -Even a good person. -But he promised. 1258 01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,009 But your father makes a lot of promises, Emma. 1259 01:05:42,042 --> 01:05:46,079 Promises he always breaks. 1260 01:05:46,146 --> 01:05:49,149 -Anyone seen your career? -[both] It's behind you. 1261 01:05:49,216 --> 01:05:52,620 What are you looking at? What are you looking at?! 1262 01:05:57,057 --> 01:06:00,093 You want a villain? I'll be your villain. 1263 01:06:00,895 --> 01:06:02,162 Yeah. 1264 01:06:03,130 --> 01:06:04,364 Here's this. 1265 01:06:07,034 --> 01:06:08,469 Merry Christmas. 1266 01:06:15,409 --> 01:06:16,611 [screams] 1267 01:06:17,177 --> 01:06:20,314 [all gasp] 1268 01:06:21,716 --> 01:06:23,651 [laughs] 1269 01:06:23,718 --> 01:06:27,054 [groans] 1270 01:06:28,756 --> 01:06:31,593 [Nigel] Mr Mac. You are under arrest. 1271 01:06:31,659 --> 01:06:35,462 And before you ask, yep, community police officer. 1272 01:06:36,129 --> 01:06:37,665 Help me up. 1273 01:06:37,732 --> 01:06:39,501 -Yeah. -[groans] 1274 01:06:40,300 --> 01:06:41,603 [policeman] Mr Mac. 1275 01:06:42,837 --> 01:06:45,540 I'm up. I'm up. 1276 01:06:48,510 --> 01:06:50,110 I need to talk to my lawyer. 1277 01:06:50,177 --> 01:06:51,813 They've been contacted. 1278 01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:53,180 They want you to know they're on the way. 1279 01:06:53,247 --> 01:06:55,115 When are they getting here? 1280 01:06:55,517 --> 01:06:56,784 No idea. 1281 01:07:00,889 --> 01:07:03,591 Er, listen, do you mind if I have a selfie? 1282 01:07:07,094 --> 01:07:08,095 Sure. 1283 01:07:08,128 --> 01:07:09,429 Cheers. 1284 01:07:11,533 --> 01:07:13,768 Oh. Smile. 1285 01:07:13,835 --> 01:07:14,769 [camera shutter clicks] 1286 01:07:14,836 --> 01:07:16,103 Cheers. 1287 01:07:18,238 --> 01:07:19,473 Are you all right? 1288 01:07:21,709 --> 01:07:22,744 No. 1289 01:07:24,746 --> 01:07:29,249 Yesterday I had everything. Friends, a job. 1290 01:07:30,852 --> 01:07:32,754 My daughter loved me. 1291 01:07:32,820 --> 01:07:36,223 And I screwed it all up. 1292 01:07:38,425 --> 01:07:40,127 What's gonna happen now? 1293 01:07:40,427 --> 01:07:42,329 Well, you're up in front of the magistrates 1294 01:07:42,396 --> 01:07:43,965 Wednesday morning, 1295 01:07:44,032 --> 01:07:46,166 and normally you'd remain in police custody until then. 1296 01:07:46,233 --> 01:07:47,569 However, on this occasion, 1297 01:07:47,635 --> 01:07:50,004 a respectable member of the community 1298 01:07:50,137 --> 01:07:52,172 has come forward and vouched for you, 1299 01:07:52,239 --> 01:07:53,975 so we're happy to release you 1300 01:07:54,042 --> 01:07:56,276 into their care until the hearing. 1301 01:07:57,679 --> 01:08:00,147 A respectable member of the community? 1302 01:08:00,213 --> 01:08:01,448 Yeah. 1303 01:08:09,724 --> 01:08:12,961 Hey, sorry about what I said at the pub. 1304 01:08:13,027 --> 01:08:16,731 Well, you're probably right. Whatever it is you said. 1305 01:08:16,798 --> 01:08:17,832 Officer. 1306 01:08:19,667 --> 01:08:21,002 Downstairs. 1307 01:08:21,069 --> 01:08:23,705 I'll make us a brew. 1308 01:08:23,771 --> 01:08:25,673 Oh... 1309 01:08:26,507 --> 01:08:29,711 I was so stupid. When Grace took her away, 1310 01:08:29,777 --> 01:08:31,378 the way she looked at me. 1311 01:08:31,445 --> 01:08:34,348 I'll never get it outta my head. She was so disappointed. 1312 01:08:34,414 --> 01:08:36,884 She'll understand. In time. 1313 01:08:36,951 --> 01:08:39,486 That's the thing. With Emma, I'm running out of time. 1314 01:08:39,554 --> 01:08:40,855 If I'm convicted and I get a record, 1315 01:08:40,922 --> 01:08:42,489 they won't let me back in the country. 1316 01:08:42,557 --> 01:08:44,491 It'll be years before I can see her again. 1317 01:08:44,559 --> 01:08:47,729 I'm spiralling downward and I don't know why. 1318 01:08:48,930 --> 01:08:50,665 'Cause this pantomime, 1319 01:08:50,732 --> 01:08:55,003 with Albert and Emma, even the ugly sisters, 1320 01:08:55,469 --> 01:08:59,807 this is the best time I've ever had and it's 'cause of you. 1321 01:09:00,808 --> 01:09:02,209 [knock on door] 1322 01:09:03,945 --> 01:09:05,212 Thanks. 1323 01:09:07,214 --> 01:09:09,851 -Cara. Cara! -She's out. 1324 01:09:09,917 --> 01:09:12,654 You're not supposed to have a key, Kieran. 1325 01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:14,522 [Kieran] I just wanna see my daughter, Jill. 1326 01:09:14,989 --> 01:09:18,960 [Jill] Well, she's not here, so you gotta leave. 1327 01:09:19,027 --> 01:09:22,764 -Got him here with you? -It's not what you think. 1328 01:09:23,230 --> 01:09:25,465 Since when you care about what I think? 1329 01:09:25,533 --> 01:09:27,969 I wanna take Carla down to London with me. 1330 01:09:28,036 --> 01:09:31,072 No, the pantomime is opening tomorrow night. 1331 01:09:31,139 --> 01:09:33,273 -You promised. -Yeah. 1332 01:09:33,340 --> 01:09:34,742 That was when your head was straight 1333 01:09:34,809 --> 01:09:37,244 and not full of all this Hollywood rubbish. 1334 01:09:37,244 --> 01:09:41,481 She's my daughter as well, Jill. She's my daughter as well. 1335 01:09:48,756 --> 01:09:52,560 Only days ago I was standing outside Stoneford Theatre Royal. 1336 01:09:52,627 --> 01:09:55,096 But there's a rather different stage set for today. 1337 01:09:55,163 --> 01:09:58,265 Stoneford Courthouse, where the fate of Brad Mac 1338 01:09:58,331 --> 01:10:01,869 and the local pantomime will be decided. 1339 01:10:01,936 --> 01:10:04,271 Sweetheart, you sure you're not gonna join us? 1340 01:10:05,540 --> 01:10:06,808 I don't think I can face it 1341 01:10:06,874 --> 01:10:08,743 and I have to fetch Cara from ballet. 1342 01:10:08,810 --> 01:10:10,578 So I'll just meet you here later. 1343 01:10:10,645 --> 01:10:12,113 What if Brad goes down? 1344 01:10:12,479 --> 01:10:14,682 Then you'll have to get Pierce Brosnan on the phone. 1345 01:10:16,984 --> 01:10:18,686 Alright, darling, see you later. 1346 01:10:19,687 --> 01:10:22,156 Brad's fearsome legal team flew in overnight 1347 01:10:22,222 --> 01:10:24,424 on an actual private jet from Hollywood. 1348 01:10:24,491 --> 01:10:26,359 That's right, carbon destroyers, 1349 01:10:26,426 --> 01:10:28,462 but hopefully not career destroyers. 1350 01:10:28,529 --> 01:10:29,964 Back to you in the studio. 1351 01:10:30,031 --> 01:10:32,600 [indistinct chatter] 1352 01:10:49,217 --> 01:10:51,686 We got this, Brad. Fear not. 1353 01:10:51,753 --> 01:10:54,287 You know I'm the best defence lawyer in California. 1354 01:10:54,354 --> 01:10:56,289 I'm also the cheapest. 1355 01:10:57,592 --> 01:10:59,627 -Really? -Oh, no, no. 1356 01:10:59,694 --> 01:11:02,029 I'm just making a joke to lighten things up. 1357 01:11:07,201 --> 01:11:09,103 All rise. 1358 01:11:09,170 --> 01:11:10,905 Will the defendant please stand. 1359 01:11:15,910 --> 01:11:19,080 Mr Theobald Washington, you have been charged... 1360 01:11:19,147 --> 01:11:20,413 Objection. 1361 01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:22,216 Who the hell is Theobald Washington? 1362 01:11:22,349 --> 01:11:23,751 That's my real name. 1363 01:11:23,818 --> 01:11:25,586 Theobald. 1364 01:11:25,653 --> 01:11:26,554 For real? 1365 01:11:26,621 --> 01:11:28,355 You chose Brad Mac? 1366 01:11:28,388 --> 01:11:30,725 I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald. 1367 01:11:30,792 --> 01:11:32,260 Oh. 1368 01:11:32,359 --> 01:11:33,828 Carry on, Basil. 1369 01:11:33,895 --> 01:11:37,098 ...with the destruction of city property and being 1370 01:11:37,165 --> 01:11:39,100 drunk and disorderly in public. 1371 01:11:39,567 --> 01:11:42,236 -How do you plead? -Not guilty. 1372 01:11:42,369 --> 01:11:44,471 [cheers and applause] 1373 01:11:44,539 --> 01:11:45,973 Well done, Brad! 1374 01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:48,109 [cheers and applause] 1375 01:11:48,176 --> 01:11:50,745 Silence! 1376 01:11:51,378 --> 01:11:52,680 Thank you. 1377 01:11:53,114 --> 01:11:56,684 Your Honour, my name is Sukie Huntington III 1378 01:11:56,751 --> 01:11:58,719 from the Los Angeles Law firm of 1379 01:11:58,786 --> 01:12:02,523 Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson, Ashwell, Lopez, and... 1380 01:12:04,091 --> 01:12:06,994 erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington. 1381 01:12:08,395 --> 01:12:09,630 Proceed. 1382 01:12:09,697 --> 01:12:11,098 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-- 1383 01:12:11,165 --> 01:12:14,202 Er, this is a magistrate court, Miss Huntington. 1384 01:12:14,268 --> 01:12:15,203 There's no jury. 1385 01:12:15,269 --> 01:12:18,105 It's Ms. I'm divorced. 1386 01:12:18,940 --> 01:12:22,710 Just like this court. Divorced from reality. 1387 01:12:22,777 --> 01:12:26,581 For my client has numerous mitigating circumstances. 1388 01:12:26,647 --> 01:12:29,650 -[phone buzzes] -Not only is he a celebrity, 1389 01:12:29,717 --> 01:12:32,520 he is also a member of a minority. 1390 01:12:33,420 --> 01:12:35,656 Which minority are you referring to? 1391 01:12:35,723 --> 01:12:38,458 He's American, Your Honour. 1392 01:12:39,794 --> 01:12:42,830 Mr Magistrate, can I please say a few words? 1393 01:12:42,897 --> 01:12:44,031 If you must. 1394 01:12:44,966 --> 01:12:48,002 Two weeks ago, I didn't even know Stoneford existed. 1395 01:12:48,069 --> 01:12:52,306 And then someone will throw a plate of shaving foam 1396 01:12:52,439 --> 01:12:54,275 directly into your face. 1397 01:12:54,342 --> 01:12:55,475 -And then... -[dialling tone] 1398 01:12:55,543 --> 01:12:59,080 Mr Brosnan? Mr Brosnan? 1399 01:12:59,146 --> 01:13:02,316 [Brad] I certainly didn't know what a pantomime was. 1400 01:13:02,449 --> 01:13:05,953 Er, so to find myself on stage playing Buttons in Cinderella 1401 01:13:06,287 --> 01:13:07,487 came as quite a shock. 1402 01:13:08,022 --> 01:13:10,858 That's not an excuse for losing control. 1403 01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:14,962 More my attempt at an explanation. 1404 01:13:15,029 --> 01:13:17,565 You have to let him off, Your Honour. 1405 01:13:17,632 --> 01:13:22,069 The Panto needs Brad Mac. Stoneford needs Brad Mac. 1406 01:13:22,136 --> 01:13:24,272 Don't be too hard on him, Your Honour. 1407 01:13:24,338 --> 01:13:25,472 Yeah, that's our job. 1408 01:13:25,472 --> 01:13:27,474 Don't bang up Buttons! 1409 01:13:27,474 --> 01:13:29,543 [all] Don't bang up Buttons! 1410 01:13:29,610 --> 01:13:31,178 Don't bang up Buttons! 1411 01:13:31,245 --> 01:13:33,114 Don't bang up Buttons! 1412 01:13:33,180 --> 01:13:34,515 Silence! 1413 01:13:34,582 --> 01:13:36,384 I've had quite enough of this nonsense. 1414 01:13:36,483 --> 01:13:37,585 [both] Oh, no, you haven't. 1415 01:13:37,652 --> 01:13:39,486 Oh, yes I... have. Enough! 1416 01:13:39,553 --> 01:13:40,988 [both laugh] 1417 01:13:41,055 --> 01:13:43,490 You're turning this courtroom into a pantomime, 1418 01:13:43,490 --> 01:13:44,759 and this case into a joke. 1419 01:13:44,825 --> 01:13:46,394 Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour. 1420 01:13:46,493 --> 01:13:47,494 Excuse me? 1421 01:13:47,528 --> 01:13:48,996 The pantomime. 1422 01:13:50,497 --> 01:13:51,999 It's not a joke. 1423 01:13:53,100 --> 01:13:54,368 The Christmas pantomime 1424 01:13:54,502 --> 01:13:56,070 brings entire communities together, 1425 01:13:56,137 --> 01:13:57,571 young and old. 1426 01:13:57,638 --> 01:13:59,507 For the young people, it's probably 1427 01:13:59,540 --> 01:14:01,709 the first time they'll ever see a theatre. 1428 01:14:01,776 --> 01:14:05,212 And for the older people in the community, like myself, 1429 01:14:06,180 --> 01:14:09,083 it gives us a chance to reconnect with the young ones 1430 01:14:09,984 --> 01:14:11,819 through a shared smile or a laugh. 1431 01:14:12,353 --> 01:14:14,989 Besides, the Christmas pantomime makes enough money 1432 01:14:15,056 --> 01:14:17,625 to keep Stoneford's theatre going all year round. 1433 01:14:18,059 --> 01:14:19,860 Without the pantomime, the theatre would 1434 01:14:19,927 --> 01:14:21,729 probably close and be gone forever. 1435 01:14:22,697 --> 01:14:23,931 Thank you, Mr Mac. 1436 01:14:24,532 --> 01:14:26,600 Can I please just say one more thing? 1437 01:14:28,536 --> 01:14:30,671 I know you think the panto is silly, 1438 01:14:30,738 --> 01:14:32,974 and in places it is, by design. 1439 01:14:35,009 --> 01:14:37,545 But I beg you to come see Cinderella, 1440 01:14:37,578 --> 01:14:39,413 not just to see what's happening 1441 01:14:39,547 --> 01:14:42,783 on stage, but to look around at the faces of the audience. 1442 01:14:43,851 --> 01:14:48,389 You'll see something that's so special, so rare. 1443 01:14:48,456 --> 01:14:51,759 You'll see pure joy. 1444 01:14:51,826 --> 01:14:53,794 And at the end of the day, Your Honour, 1445 01:14:53,861 --> 01:14:56,430 isn't that what Christmas is supposed to be about? 1446 01:14:56,564 --> 01:14:58,966 Nice words, Mr Mac, but shall we get back to the matter in hand? 1447 01:14:59,033 --> 01:15:00,368 [Brad] Yes, sir. 1448 01:15:00,935 --> 01:15:03,704 And I have no intention of banging up Buttons. 1449 01:15:03,771 --> 01:15:05,740 I never have. The crimes he's charged with 1450 01:15:05,806 --> 01:15:07,008 aren't even jailable. 1451 01:15:07,074 --> 01:15:08,209 Really? 1452 01:15:08,275 --> 01:15:10,611 Public intoxication, 200 pounds. 1453 01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:12,313 Justice at last! 1454 01:15:12,380 --> 01:15:13,447 [cheers and applause] 1455 01:15:13,581 --> 01:15:15,916 For heaven's sake, clear off. 1456 01:15:20,154 --> 01:15:23,157 My daughter, he's got my daughter! 1457 01:15:23,224 --> 01:15:24,992 [all] Oh, no, he hasn't! 1458 01:15:25,726 --> 01:15:26,927 What is wrong with you? 1459 01:15:26,994 --> 01:15:28,929 It's Kieran. He's got Cara. 1460 01:15:28,996 --> 01:15:31,799 Jill, I'm here for you. Whatever you need. 1461 01:15:33,367 --> 01:15:35,002 This way. 1462 01:15:35,069 --> 01:15:36,037 No, this way. 1463 01:15:36,103 --> 01:15:37,506 No, Brad. It's literally this way. 1464 01:15:37,605 --> 01:15:39,006 I'm tracking his phone. 1465 01:15:41,842 --> 01:15:43,978 Nigel, we need your help to save Cara. 1466 01:15:44,045 --> 01:15:45,980 You got it, boss. 1467 01:15:46,047 --> 01:15:48,249 -Everybody in. -Come on. Hurry up. 1468 01:15:51,919 --> 01:15:55,222 Can you go a bit faster? He's heading for the motorway. 1469 01:15:57,792 --> 01:16:01,195 Emma, darling, time for your pottery class. 1470 01:16:01,262 --> 01:16:02,630 Emma? 1471 01:16:02,696 --> 01:16:04,932 Emma. Emma! 1472 01:16:05,534 --> 01:16:06,634 She's gone. 1473 01:16:07,068 --> 01:16:09,270 She's gone. Spencer, get the car! 1474 01:16:09,336 --> 01:16:11,005 We're going to Stoneford! 1475 01:16:16,143 --> 01:16:18,479 Brad, I just want to say I'm very grateful 1476 01:16:18,547 --> 01:16:19,680 that you're doing this. 1477 01:16:19,747 --> 01:16:21,348 Of course, we're friends. 1478 01:16:23,651 --> 01:16:24,553 -Cara could be dead. -Dead? 1479 01:16:24,652 --> 01:16:25,853 -Dead? -What? 1480 01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:27,221 I thought it was only a custody battle. 1481 01:16:27,556 --> 01:16:32,226 Somebody say custard? [laughs] 'Cause custody. No? No. 1482 01:16:34,962 --> 01:16:36,864 [Danny] We've left Cassandra behind. 1483 01:16:38,833 --> 01:16:40,901 A part in next year's pantomime. 1484 01:16:40,968 --> 01:16:42,770 -Are you serious? -Absolutely, darling. 1485 01:16:42,837 --> 01:16:44,438 I mean, that would be wonderful. 1486 01:16:44,506 --> 01:16:47,074 I've always thought there might be a pantomime in me. 1487 01:16:47,141 --> 01:16:51,245 And I've always thought the same about a judge. 1488 01:16:53,214 --> 01:16:54,815 -[elevator bell dings] -Mm-hmm. 1489 01:16:58,285 --> 01:16:59,687 That's his car. 1490 01:17:14,503 --> 01:17:15,769 Everybody stay here. 1491 01:17:16,571 --> 01:17:17,805 Cara. 1492 01:17:18,772 --> 01:17:20,007 Cara. 1493 01:17:21,775 --> 01:17:22,977 Cara. 1494 01:17:23,043 --> 01:17:25,412 [all] Cara! Cara! Cara! 1495 01:17:25,813 --> 01:17:27,882 What's all the shouting about? 1496 01:17:27,948 --> 01:17:29,216 Where's her daughter? 1497 01:17:29,717 --> 01:17:30,985 What do you mean? 1498 01:17:31,051 --> 01:17:32,621 Tell me where her daughter is, now. 1499 01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:34,288 What are you talking about? 1500 01:17:34,355 --> 01:17:36,724 Stop screwing around, Kieran, or so help me God. 1501 01:17:36,790 --> 01:17:39,727 Or what? You gonna go and get your stuntman? 1502 01:17:41,729 --> 01:17:43,230 Yah! 1503 01:17:47,268 --> 01:17:48,769 What are you doing? 1504 01:17:52,873 --> 01:17:54,108 Get him, Brad! 1505 01:18:05,620 --> 01:18:07,388 What are you doing? 1506 01:18:07,454 --> 01:18:08,756 That's humiliating. 1507 01:18:15,129 --> 01:18:17,097 Ooh! 1508 01:18:18,199 --> 01:18:19,767 [groans] 1509 01:18:23,237 --> 01:18:25,039 [all] Ooh! 1510 01:18:36,083 --> 01:18:38,986 -Why are we doing this? -Because you kidnapped Cara. 1511 01:18:39,053 --> 01:18:40,788 What are you talking about? 1512 01:18:40,821 --> 01:18:42,790 I just dropped her at the train station. 1513 01:18:43,924 --> 01:18:45,627 What? Train... 1514 01:18:45,993 --> 01:18:47,061 Where is she going? 1515 01:18:47,529 --> 01:18:50,632 Nowhere. She said she had to meet a friend. 1516 01:18:50,699 --> 01:18:52,233 Yeah, I don't believe you. 1517 01:18:52,299 --> 01:18:54,636 I heard you tell Jill you were taking her to London. 1518 01:18:54,703 --> 01:18:55,803 I was. 1519 01:18:56,437 --> 01:18:58,405 It's my turn to have her this year. 1520 01:19:00,874 --> 01:19:02,810 Promised her she could do the pantomime. 1521 01:19:02,876 --> 01:19:04,945 I didn't wanna disappoint her. So... 1522 01:19:06,013 --> 01:19:07,682 I'm a crap dad to Cara 1523 01:19:07,815 --> 01:19:11,018 and I was a crap husband to Jill. 1524 01:19:11,085 --> 01:19:13,387 You're not a crap dad, okay. 1525 01:19:15,624 --> 01:19:16,725 You're there for her. 1526 01:19:17,424 --> 01:19:19,994 That's a lot better than I can say for myself 1527 01:19:20,060 --> 01:19:21,328 over the last five years. 1528 01:19:21,395 --> 01:19:23,831 One thing I learnt here in Stoneford, 1529 01:19:23,831 --> 01:19:26,166 life isn't gonna go the way you want it. 1530 01:19:26,233 --> 01:19:29,003 It is what it is and you cannot run away from it. 1531 01:19:30,639 --> 01:19:33,907 You just have to embrace it for all its unpredictability 1532 01:19:33,974 --> 01:19:35,510 with everything you've got. 1533 01:19:40,481 --> 01:19:44,519 Well, you know, Cara was doing the panto and... 1534 01:19:46,588 --> 01:19:50,457 I would love to see her on stage, if it's okay. 1535 01:19:52,893 --> 01:19:54,128 Of course. 1536 01:19:56,698 --> 01:19:58,299 Oh, crap, we gotta go. 1537 01:20:03,237 --> 01:20:04,872 Oh... 1538 01:20:07,542 --> 01:20:10,411 Cara went to see a friend, she'll meet us at the theatre. 1539 01:20:16,283 --> 01:20:17,318 Let's go! 1540 01:20:33,200 --> 01:20:35,202 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1541 01:20:37,304 --> 01:20:40,608 ♪ Oh, I can't wait to see those faces ♪ 1542 01:20:43,745 --> 01:20:47,047 ♪ I'm driving home for Christmas, yeah ♪ 1543 01:20:48,783 --> 01:20:51,352 ♪ I'm moving down the line ♪ 1544 01:20:52,654 --> 01:20:54,355 [laughter] 1545 01:20:54,421 --> 01:20:56,624 ♪ It's been so long ♪ 1546 01:20:58,158 --> 01:21:00,094 ♪ But I will be there ♪ 1547 01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:02,096 ♪ I sing this song ♪ 1548 01:21:03,464 --> 01:21:05,834 ♪ To pass the time away ♪ 1549 01:21:06,367 --> 01:21:08,469 ♪ Driving in my car ♪ 1550 01:21:08,536 --> 01:21:11,639 ♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪ 1551 01:21:15,476 --> 01:21:19,279 ♪ Gonna take some time but I'll get there ♪ 1552 01:21:22,550 --> 01:21:25,152 [cheers and applause] 1553 01:21:31,959 --> 01:21:33,961 You're a big movie star, Mr Mac. 1554 01:21:33,994 --> 01:21:35,329 Isn't the role of Buttons a small part 1555 01:21:35,396 --> 01:21:36,865 for someone of your stature? 1556 01:21:36,964 --> 01:21:38,265 Well, I'll quote the great Stanislavski. 1557 01:21:38,332 --> 01:21:40,067 There are no small parts, just small actors. 1558 01:21:40,134 --> 01:21:41,569 And how are you enjoying your time in Stoneford? 1559 01:21:41,636 --> 01:21:45,472 -Dad! -Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart! 1560 01:21:45,973 --> 01:21:47,307 -What are you doing here? -Mum! 1561 01:21:47,374 --> 01:21:49,309 I snuck out of the house and took the train. 1562 01:21:49,376 --> 01:21:50,845 Cara met me at the station. 1563 01:21:50,978 --> 01:21:53,548 Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy to see you, 1564 01:21:53,615 --> 01:21:55,382 but you're 12 years old. 1565 01:21:55,449 --> 01:21:59,019 You cannot take a train across the country by yourself, okay? 1566 01:21:59,086 --> 01:22:00,988 Next time, just call me. 1567 01:22:00,988 --> 01:22:02,489 Come here. 1568 01:22:02,557 --> 01:22:04,793 I see you're getting the hang of proper parenting. 1569 01:22:04,992 --> 01:22:06,393 Better late than never. 1570 01:22:06,460 --> 01:22:08,362 Oh, on that subject, it's time to get into costume. 1571 01:22:08,429 --> 01:22:11,098 -Ready? -Show time. 1572 01:22:14,903 --> 01:22:16,403 [indistinct chatter] 1573 01:22:28,315 --> 01:22:29,717 It's my first theatre. 1574 01:22:32,319 --> 01:22:36,724 [Brenda] Once upon a time in a magical land... 1575 01:22:36,791 --> 01:22:39,661 Oh, that must be Buttons. 1576 01:22:39,727 --> 01:22:42,029 My oldest and dearest friend. 1577 01:22:42,062 --> 01:22:44,599 I can always rely on Buttons. 1578 01:22:47,401 --> 01:22:50,538 I said, I can always rely on Buttons! 1579 01:22:53,373 --> 01:22:54,609 [woman] Has anyone seen... 1580 01:22:54,676 --> 01:22:55,710 You'll do fine. 1581 01:22:57,946 --> 01:22:59,480 Needed the lipstick. 1582 01:22:59,547 --> 01:23:01,916 One, two, three. 1583 01:23:02,049 --> 01:23:03,651 [all] Buttons! 1584 01:23:06,621 --> 01:23:09,524 [cheers and applause] 1585 01:23:23,538 --> 01:23:26,406 Don't worry, mate. She's been killing time. 1586 01:23:26,473 --> 01:23:28,108 [laughter] 1587 01:23:29,276 --> 01:23:30,845 -Cinderella. -Hmm? 1588 01:23:30,912 --> 01:23:32,079 I have a secret. 1589 01:23:32,079 --> 01:23:33,648 [gasps] A secret. 1590 01:23:33,715 --> 01:23:35,082 What is it? 1591 01:23:35,082 --> 01:23:36,416 Well, a secret's something you tell someone 1592 01:23:36,483 --> 01:23:38,118 that you don't want anyone else to know. 1593 01:23:38,185 --> 01:23:41,255 I'd stick to movies, mate. 1594 01:23:41,321 --> 01:23:43,691 Do yourself a favour and shut your mouth. 1595 01:23:44,124 --> 01:23:46,493 I almost forgot my big run-up. 1596 01:23:46,561 --> 01:23:48,228 [all] Ooh. 1597 01:23:49,998 --> 01:23:52,867 [all laugh] 1598 01:23:52,934 --> 01:23:55,102 I do my own stunts now. 1599 01:23:58,372 --> 01:24:00,909 Just like the other big stars. 1600 01:24:00,975 --> 01:24:02,242 Whoo! 1601 01:24:07,281 --> 01:24:10,552 They're booing you, Fanny. They're booing you. 1602 01:24:10,618 --> 01:24:13,521 You shan't go to the ball, Cinderella. 1603 01:24:13,588 --> 01:24:16,691 [both] You shan't, you shan't, you shan't. 1604 01:24:16,758 --> 01:24:18,760 -Yeah, rip it, rip it. -[both laugh] 1605 01:24:18,826 --> 01:24:22,429 All you have to do is believe and magic will happen. 1606 01:24:26,501 --> 01:24:29,837 You shall go to the ball, Cinderella. 1607 01:24:29,904 --> 01:24:32,974 [cheers and applause] 1608 01:24:33,041 --> 01:24:35,175 Tell you what, mate, there'll be somebody good looking in here 1609 01:24:35,242 --> 01:24:36,878 you can have a little chat with. 1610 01:24:36,945 --> 01:24:39,847 Let's see if we can find a good-looking fella. 1611 01:24:39,914 --> 01:24:41,616 Let's have a little look 1612 01:24:41,683 --> 01:24:44,451 for a good looking fella, we can find a good-looking fella. 1613 01:24:44,519 --> 01:24:46,588 -See if we can find a... -Has to be a good-looking fella. 1614 01:24:46,654 --> 01:24:48,422 -A good-looking fella. -Has to be a good-looking fella. 1615 01:24:48,488 --> 01:24:50,157 Oh, you sir. You, sir. 1616 01:24:50,190 --> 01:24:51,893 Can you see any good-looking fellas in here? 1617 01:24:51,960 --> 01:24:54,596 [all laugh] 1618 01:25:05,974 --> 01:25:11,178 [both speaking over each other] 1619 01:25:11,244 --> 01:25:12,847 [all laugh] 1620 01:25:15,717 --> 01:25:18,352 Pop it on. The doctor says I've got the feet of an athlete. 1621 01:25:18,418 --> 01:25:20,655 No, he said you've got athlete's foot, it's different. 1622 01:25:20,722 --> 01:25:21,923 [all laugh] 1623 01:25:21,990 --> 01:25:23,925 -Toes are curled. -Look at those chubby feet. 1624 01:25:23,992 --> 01:25:26,561 Hey, you can't say chubby. That's-- your fattist. 1625 01:25:26,628 --> 01:25:28,362 I think you're the fattest. [laughs] 1626 01:25:29,030 --> 01:25:30,898 Sorry about this, Your Highness. 1627 01:25:32,299 --> 01:25:34,936 -Yes! -Oh! 1628 01:25:35,003 --> 01:25:37,538 [cheers and applause] 1629 01:25:39,841 --> 01:25:43,077 -So we didn't get our prince. -Never mind. 1630 01:25:43,210 --> 01:25:45,212 Who's ready for the big finale? 1631 01:25:45,278 --> 01:25:46,714 [cheers and applause] 1632 01:25:46,781 --> 01:25:48,816 Thanks, everybody. 1633 01:25:48,883 --> 01:25:52,520 We'll see you later. Bye! 1634 01:25:55,890 --> 01:25:59,594 ♪ I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath ♪ 1635 01:25:59,661 --> 01:26:03,363 ♪ Scared to rock the boat and make a mess ♪ 1636 01:26:03,430 --> 01:26:06,400 ♪ So I sat quietly ♪ 1637 01:26:07,101 --> 01:26:09,671 ♪ Agreed politely ♪ 1638 01:26:10,538 --> 01:26:13,741 ♪ Guess that I forgot I had the choice ♪ 1639 01:26:13,808 --> 01:26:17,477 ♪ I let you push me past my breaking point ♪ 1640 01:26:17,545 --> 01:26:20,480 ♪ I stood for nothing ♪ 1641 01:26:20,548 --> 01:26:23,283 ♪ So I fell for everything ♪ 1642 01:26:23,851 --> 01:26:26,688 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1643 01:26:26,754 --> 01:26:29,991 ♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪ 1644 01:26:30,058 --> 01:26:31,258 ♪ You hear my voice ♪ 1645 01:26:31,324 --> 01:26:33,460 ♪ You hear that sound ♪ 1646 01:26:33,528 --> 01:26:35,530 ♪ Like thunder gonna shake the ground ♪ 1647 01:26:35,596 --> 01:26:38,465 ♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪ 1648 01:26:38,933 --> 01:26:41,169 ♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪ 1649 01:26:41,268 --> 01:26:43,871 ♪ I see it all, I see it now ♪ 1650 01:26:44,605 --> 01:26:47,742 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1651 01:26:47,809 --> 01:26:51,478 ♪ A fighter, dancing through the fire ♪ 1652 01:26:51,546 --> 01:26:53,948 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1653 01:26:54,015 --> 01:26:57,752 ♪ And you're going to hear me roar ♪ 1654 01:26:58,418 --> 01:27:02,190 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1655 01:27:02,289 --> 01:27:04,625 ♪ Cause I am a champion ♪ 1656 01:27:04,692 --> 01:27:08,462 ♪ And you're going to hear me roar ♪ 1657 01:27:08,963 --> 01:27:11,933 [cheers and applause] 1658 01:27:15,636 --> 01:27:19,974 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1659 01:27:26,748 --> 01:27:31,318 ♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪ 1660 01:27:37,658 --> 01:27:41,596 ♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪ 1661 01:27:41,662 --> 01:27:45,166 ♪ Roar, roar ♪ 1662 01:27:45,233 --> 01:27:48,536 ♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪ 1663 01:27:48,603 --> 01:27:52,206 ♪ A fighter, dancing through the fire ♪ 1664 01:27:52,339 --> 01:27:54,642 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1665 01:27:54,709 --> 01:27:58,179 ♪ And you're going to hear me roar ♪ 1666 01:27:58,246 --> 01:28:02,116 ♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪ 1667 01:28:02,183 --> 01:28:04,585 ♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪ 1668 01:28:04,652 --> 01:28:08,355 ♪ And you're going to hear me roar ♪ 1669 01:28:15,196 --> 01:28:19,634 ♪ You're going to hear me roar ♪ 1670 01:28:26,040 --> 01:28:31,279 ♪ You're going to hear me roar ♪ 1671 01:28:31,378 --> 01:28:36,551 [cheers and applause] 1672 01:29:00,775 --> 01:29:01,809 So... 1673 01:29:03,978 --> 01:29:07,114 Look, I'm no good at talking about feelings 1674 01:29:07,181 --> 01:29:08,683 and stuff like that. 1675 01:29:08,749 --> 01:29:09,884 Shut up. 1676 01:29:14,421 --> 01:29:15,623 Wow. 1677 01:29:18,425 --> 01:29:20,928 My God. My hands are still shaking. 1678 01:29:21,428 --> 01:29:24,165 Darlings, you were marvellous! 1679 01:29:24,232 --> 01:29:26,167 Thank you, Albert. That means the world to me. 1680 01:29:26,234 --> 01:29:27,969 Coming from a true panto legend. 1681 01:29:28,035 --> 01:29:29,436 You both were. 1682 01:29:30,304 --> 01:29:31,839 Well, that's it. From here on in, 1683 01:29:31,906 --> 01:29:33,875 I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it. 1684 01:29:33,941 --> 01:29:38,713 Well that's good 'cause you still got 49 more shows to go. 1685 01:29:38,779 --> 01:29:41,182 What? Are you insane? 1686 01:29:41,249 --> 01:29:42,216 Forty-nine more shows? 1687 01:29:42,283 --> 01:29:43,517 I can't do that. 1688 01:29:46,254 --> 01:29:47,622 Just kidding. 1689 01:29:48,356 --> 01:29:49,523 I can't wait. 1690 01:29:49,590 --> 01:29:51,458 [chuckles] 1691 01:30:40,942 --> 01:30:43,811 Brad, wonderful work today. 1692 01:30:44,145 --> 01:30:46,147 It's a killing field 7. 1693 01:30:47,315 --> 01:30:48,916 [laughs] 1694 01:30:51,552 --> 01:30:55,389 Oh, the brake went down. Sorry. No, I can't... 1695 01:30:55,455 --> 01:30:57,558 Buttons. There you are. 1696 01:30:57,625 --> 01:30:59,627 [babbles incoherently] 1697 01:30:59,994 --> 01:31:03,564 If all else fails, just dramatically faint. 1698 01:31:03,631 --> 01:31:04,865 Really? 1699 01:31:06,600 --> 01:31:07,702 -You've missed a bit. -Oh, God. 1700 01:31:07,768 --> 01:31:09,070 She's not even good at cleaning. 1701 01:31:09,136 --> 01:31:11,539 -Oh, she's rubbish. -Oh, ugly as well. 1702 01:31:11,605 --> 01:31:12,974 -Ugh. -Ugh. 1703 01:31:13,040 --> 01:31:14,542 And you've sweeped, it's in my direction! 1704 01:31:14,575 --> 01:31:15,710 I've got allergies! 1705 01:31:15,776 --> 01:31:17,378 Look at the state of her. 1706 01:31:17,445 --> 01:31:18,846 Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me. 1707 01:31:18,913 --> 01:31:22,550 Again, not exactly sure what's happening. 1708 01:31:22,984 --> 01:31:24,151 Show me what? 1709 01:31:25,586 --> 01:31:27,555 That was much better, wasn't it? [laughs] 1710 01:31:28,556 --> 01:31:31,592 Ooh. Mmm. Mmm. 1711 01:31:35,830 --> 01:31:38,466 -What's happened to Brenda? -[laughter] 1712 01:31:38,866 --> 01:31:41,168 -We've left Cara behind. -[all laugh] 1713 01:31:41,235 --> 01:31:43,337 Cassandra, Cassandra. 1714 01:31:43,404 --> 01:31:45,006 Katy Perry just called. 1715 01:31:45,072 --> 01:31:47,575 She said, I wanna see it again. 1716 01:31:47,575 --> 01:31:49,210 I'm gonna fly to Stoneford. 1717 01:31:49,276 --> 01:31:51,712 -Mmm. -Oh, no. 1718 01:31:51,779 --> 01:31:55,683 -Oh, no, behave! -[laughs] 1719 01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,052 Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad. 1720 01:31:58,119 --> 01:31:59,286 That was marvellous. 1721 01:32:00,354 --> 01:32:02,823 [groans] 1722 01:32:05,960 --> 01:32:07,762 Why are we doing this? 1723 01:32:08,796 --> 01:32:10,598 Because they're paying us. 1724 01:32:16,604 --> 01:32:19,607 -I'm so sorry. -[laughter] 1725 01:32:21,375 --> 01:32:22,610 Sorry. 1726 01:32:22,676 --> 01:32:25,079 Finally, a blooper you can't use. 124874

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