All language subtitles for Our Cartoon President s02e08_English

[man] Welcome to night one
of the first

Democratic presidential debate.

[applause]

Good evening.
I'm Lester Holt,

the last living good man.

Also joining me,
Savannah Guthrie,

Jose Diaz‐Balart, Rachel Maddow,
and Chuck Todd,

who, even next to 20
presidential candidates,

seems like an ego‐maniac.

Hey, if everyone's saying
you're worse than shit,

you're doin' something right.

Let's meet
the candidates.

Audience, please withhold your
"Is this the best we can dos"

until the end.

Mayor de Blasio.

I'm Mayor Bill de Blasio,
and if I have one weakness,

it's that I work too little.

I'm Tim Ryan.
I can't stop blinking.

And every second
feels like an hour.

Julian Castro asked to reserve
his introduction time

to later destroy
Beto O'Rourke.

‐Wait, what?
‐Senator Booker?

I'm Cory Booker.
If you don't vote for me,

I'm come to your home,
knock on your door,

and ask, "Why not?"

I'm Elizabeth Warren,
the healthy salad place

that you should eat at,
but Chipotle is right there.

I'm Beto O'Rourke.
A bunch of people

told me to run,
and I'm still not sure why.

I'm Senator Amy Klobuchar,
and I'm not the monster...

ominous music
my former assistants

make me out to be.

I actually have a lot of
[voice deepens] good ideas.

[screaming]

[man] Jesus Christ!

[Holt] And there's
crazy Russian plant,

possibly a retired Canadian
football player,

and bald guy.

I am so confident,
I will attempt to speak Spanish

without ever having
studied it.

Estado unedos
es moy bueno e guapo.

You won, Julian.
Now stop!

Julian, even I think
you're being too harsh,

and I once made an intern
swallow a battery.

Oh, man! Everyone here
is really smart.

Jesus, I'm kicking
everyone's ass,

and I still can't
stop shaking.

Hey, whoever's in charge
of the audio

is definitely the dumbest one
here, right?

He's gonna get the reputation
of being the dumb guy.

No doubt about it.

[Holt] Welcome to night 2.

Different ingredients, same
burrito you found in the trash.

Let's meet the candidates.

I'm Marianne Williamson,
and I want to be

the first quack president
of the United States, baby.

[Holt] I think it's safe
to skip the next two

unless the audience objects.

Moving on.

I'm Mayor Pete Buttigieg.

I'm so committed to being
president that I've allowed

my city to descend into
a den of racial animus.

Shouldn't you
go back there?

Yeah, I'm gonna leave
Miami for South Bend.

Oh‐ho‐kay, bitch.

Please don't call
me bitch.

Vice President Biden?

I promise that as president,

no pile of shit will
go un‐stepped in.

I'm Bernie Sanders.

My first action as president

will be to clean up
the White House.

Pine‐Sol the floors,
put Formula 409 in the tubs,

and Windex all the windows.

You are not going
to be able to breathe

in there for a month!

I'm Senator Kamala Harris.

I have a black father,
Indian mother,

and I'm a women.

I'm a tasty turkey leg in a trap
ready to catch Trump.

Okay, let me see who's left.

And we're good.

Joe Biden, I'm gonna
bus you into the forest

and leave you there.

[Sanders]
Get him, Kamala!

[Biden] All right,
look, look, look.

Look, look, look, look, look.
Folks, look.

Oh, that's my time.

[Buttigieg] If you need someone
to calm tensions between

Joe and Kamala,
I am [chuckles] not the guy.

[Williamson] Let's focus on
the real issue.

A cat's in my car and refuses
to unlock the door.

Why isn't anyone asking
Marianne Williamson's

position on busing?

[Sanders] If Jane was not
in the picture,

I would send a crystal
to Marianne Williamson

with a note saying,
"From your secret admirer."

Everybody come on out.
Everyone.

You too, Tim Ryan,
let's go!

I want each of you
to listen to me.

Next debate, you need to get
your shit together.

You're running
for president here.

[all] Sorry.
Sorry, baby!

[Holt] It's okay.
Joe, I think we're good.

If you want, we can
all pretend you never ran.

Get you a nice podcast.

[Biden]
Are you kidding?

I'm setting myself up
for 2024!

From all of us here at NBC News,
God help us all.

Karma isn't real, losers.

Oh!

Three white people
on a couch

It's "Fox and Friends"

You're a good person,
so nothing you do is bad!

It's "Fox and Friends"!

Well, the
the Intergovernmental Panel

on Climate Change
just released another report

saying climate change
is real. What?!

Climate change
isn't real!

I know because
the mountain on my

computer background is still
covered in snow.

If the climate is changing,
how come every day this year

has been the hottest
one on record?

Speaking of hotty‐boom‐bodies,
President Trump

is delivering comments on
the climate report right now.

Calm down.
The Earth isn't heating up.

The sun's just bloated
from a big lunch.

Mister President,
why are you drenched?

I just watched
"The Perfect Storm."

That's not how
movies work.

Fuck you!

Today was a hot one,

and that means President Trump
looked absolutely disgusting.

[groans]
According to sources,

the sweat wanted to roll down
his face,

but there was just
too much sweat already there,

so it retreated
into his eardrums.

Is President Swamp‐ass
finally feeling the effects

of climate change?

You're...

President...

Swamp...

Eh...

It's too hot, forget it.

[groans]

What's your strategy for
the debate tonight?

I'm thinking of jumping
on a bunch of stuff.

I'm going to keep
announcing policies that

for some reason
people call unlikable.

I'm just gonna say
what everyone else says,

but vaguer and louder.

That was my idea,
fuck‐nuts!

Hey, who's that guy over there
whispering to his saltines?

[grunts]

Pretty good.
That's a good batch.

Oh, it's Bernie.
Poor guy.

‐[sighs]
‐Yeah.

‐Yeah.
‐Yeah.

Isn't he
a front runner?

‐That doesn't sound right.
‐It's still early!

Look, I feel bad
for the old man.

I mean, he's got to be, what,
ten months older than I am?

I'll go keep
him company.

Hey, Bernie,
what's shakin'?

This economy is completely
rigged against working people.

Jesus, save it
for the debate.

I'm sorry.
It's just that the economy

is completely tilted against
everyday working class‐‐

Just hey, why don't you
come hang with us?

Cory's showing us a picture
of his girlfriend,

and, I swear to God,
it's the first Google result

for "hot girlfriend."

Uh, I don't belong over there
with you combed‐hair types.

You're a front runner,
Bernie.

Maybe it's time to start
looking the part.

Get a haircut, buy a suit
you didn't find in a railyard,

scrape off the lozenges
stuck to your necktie.

[laughter]

I would, but I have to do
my pre‐debate ritual

where I go through all
75 punch cards in my wallet.

Yesus H. Kripes.

Has anyone
seen the President?

‐No.
‐Nope.

[panting]

I thought it might be
cooler under the table,

but Pompeo's ankles
are like space heaters.

Hey, is global warming real,
or is it just a scary story

you tell your kids so they ask
to sleep at their mom's?

Unlike my shit wife's
"film career," it's real.

Okay, who doesn't believe
global warming is real?

So, the four dumbest
people in the room?

Okay, it's real.

Oh, what's
the difference?

By the time it kicks in,
we'll be dead or living in

space mansions having zero
gravity bunga bunga parties.

How would you get enough
leverage to perform?

Velcro, you idiot.

You think I didn't
think of that?!

Let him go.
It's not worth it.

[ice cream truck music plays]

Oh! The ice cream truck!

Oh, thank God!

[cackles]

Ice Cream!
Huh?

[stereo clicks, music stops]
Hello, Donald.

Mad Dog Mattis?
Sad Dog McMaster?

Third Dog Kelly?
What are doing here?

We hit save on our tell‐alls
to warn you about

the biggest threat
to our national security.

Dashboard hula girls
coming to life

and yanking your
steering wheel into a ravine?

Climate change.

Oceans are rising,
and, had you listened

to briefings, you'd know
naval bases are on the water.

And if troops launching
World War Three while wearing

water wingies doesn't trouble
you, take a look at this.

[beeping]
What's that‐‐

a big sweet roll?

That, sir,
is your face.

If global warming continues
at its current rate,

here it is
in five years.

Ten years.
And twenty years.

Aah! My face!

I'd only be body‐hot!

Sir, if you don't do something
about climate change and fast,

you will be the most
uncomfortable,

disgusting person
on the face of this Earth.

More disgusting than‐‐

Chris Christie, yes,
even Chris Christie.

I'm Chuck Todd, and NBC won't
give me a parking space.

Tonight, the Democratic
candidates compete to represent

the party against
President Donald Trump.

They will be given one minute
to spout poll‐tested buzzwords

that I will give
zero pushback on.

Let's meet the candidates.

[coughs]

Sorry I am late.

I left my ThinkPad
at the pharmacy.

Hey! Pump your
brakes, chief.

This is for presidential
candidates only.

Hello, operator, I am
a presidential candidate.

Yeah, there's no way
a presidential candidate

has relish on his shirt.

That's why I went
to the pharmacy,

to get a new shirt.

[Todd] And please welcome
the Senator from Vermont.

You know this guy ‐‐
Bernie Sanders.

That's me!
Now you let me on that stage,

or you're getting
a knuckle sandwich, pal,

heavy on the relish.

Senator Bernie Sanders?
Is he here?

He's probably at home
watching the movie,

"The Socialism Network."

[audience member coughs]

Sorry.

[siren wails]
I know why you're doing this!

Because there's a profit motive
in our prison system!

Watcha doing, Dad?

Thinking about how freaking
huge Andre the Giant was?

I'm just thinking about
how to combat climate change...

and I do my best thinking
sitting in an idling car

inside an idling plane...

on an idling boat.

[boat horn blows]
I don't know if I can

solve this issue.

There's no easy fix
like running a full page ad

saying climate change should
get the death penalty.

When you're not
feeling up to it,

remember that you're doing it
for the next generation.

Oh, no, I'm doing this
for something important ‐‐

me feeling slightly
more comfortable.

Right, but you're also
doing it for your children.

You're putting words
in my mouth.

Just say,
"You can do it, Dad."

You can do it, Dad!
You can do it, Dad!

He's totally
doing it for us.

No, I'm not!

[announcer] And now,
a message from

the President of
the United States.

My fellow overheated Americans,
for years, the party I hijacked

as a vanity project refused
to accept the science

behind global warming.

Today, that changes because
I've been getting

really frickin' sweaty,
and I'm sick of it!

Okay, let's go to
our first caller.

We don't have callers?

That's a mistake!

I'm here with volatile
tech‐freak Elon Musk

to encourage all Americans to
embrace electric vehicles.

Come on, let's take
a look inside!

Oh, sorry
for the mess.

You can push the cups
out of the way.

[trash clatters]
Wow, folks!

You can see right
through the glass!

Now, why isn't it
going vroom, vroom, vroom?

This is
an electric car.

It's just as fast
as a gas one,

but even more future and cool
for me. [chuckles awkwardly]

Whoa, no stops
at gas stations?

That's the best part.
You pick up a Gatorade,

off‐brand gummy worms
in a bag sealed with a staple,

squeeze by a rack of dirty
sodas to hit the john.

You can still go to
the gas station to get, like,

a Sprite or lighter to
light your cannabis joints.

Forget it.
Let me know when you

crack the code on
gas‐powered electric cars.

[knock on door]

This old vagrant says
he knows you.

Sorry for not
calling ahead.

My assistant's getting
her hip replaced.

So you need my help
to improve your look?

You always look
so handsome,

and I look
like a ragamuffin.

Meals on Wheels won't stop
chasing my campaign bus.

Hmmm, in 2024, it would be
easier to beat a socialist

than a political dynamo
like Julian Castro.

Heh? You have to speak
at 90 decibels into this ear

at this angle.

Uh, sure, I'll help you.

Looking classy is simple.

Every equinox,
I re‐lacquer my whole body

and induce a coma
so I get five weeks

of rejuvenating bedrest.

You sleep in a bed?

Not three mismatched sofa
cushions laid end to end?

Right. I also rotate
my teeth every 6,000 bites.

Slow down, Jesse Owens.

I gotta take some notes
here on my ThinkPad.

[ThinkPad whirring]

God damnit,
it's still updating.

Gonna be about
300 minutes.

[camera shutters clicking]

The meat people are making
the planet hot,

so I need the country
to stop eating cows nose to anus

and start eating
veggie burgers.

Cory Booker just showed up
because he's a vegetarian.

Actually, I'm a vegan,
and it would be unethical

to not support the President's
leadership on this issue.

As Gandhi once said‐‐

Always with the Mahatma!

Let's get this over with.

[munching]

What is happening?!

[screaming]
Oh, my...

Aaaaah!

[screams]

[screams]

[gasps]

Uh, side‐table burger...

I had a terrible dream
I had to talk to Cory Booker.

[Sanders] One percent of one
percent of one percent

of one percent of one percent
of one percent of one

Percent of one

[hacking]

Sorry, doctor says
the mucus is too close

to my heart
so they can't operate.

On the trail, you're‐‐

One percent
of one percent of

[snaps]
Bernie, listen!

It's important to show
voters that you don't

eat every meal
with a spoon.

Obviously, I can still
eat sandwiches with a spoon.

You are
one odd‐duck animal.

The next thing is you need
to pull back the accent.

Just talk
like a computer.

I told you the god damn
thing is still updating!

[ThinkPad whirring]
Why is it so hot?!

Here's the key.
Just be agreeable.

Stop saying what you think

and start saying what
they think back to them.

So I should stop
cutting off everyone

mid‐sentence to shout,
"You're wrong!"

Ah, fine, but if this
goes kaput,

I get all the fruit
in your fridge.

Huh. I wonder who sent
a soaking wet package

from the White House.

Aah!
Aah!

I can't eat anymore
of those goddamn peanuts!

I can't be seen
with you!

Quick, put a tailored
women's blazer on.

No one can
find out we met,

or Hannity will die
of a broken heart.

I'm embracing
the green lifestyle,

and my body
is rejecting it

like the fiftieth
packing peanut.

How do you do it?

I don't live that
green a lifestyle.

I eat burgers,
ride in SUVs.

You two‐faced hypocrite!

You're probably not even
committing white genocide.

I promise I'm committing
white genocide.

I just recognize that
it takes collective action

to move the needle
on climate change.

So I can live my life

while still supporting
the Green New Deal.

You're saying I can
cool the planet,

solve my sweating problem,
and I don't have to give up

my natural
spring water toilet?

I am supporting
the Green New Deal,

which will halt global warming,
watershed moment,

blah, blah, blah,
and, most importantly,

stop forcing me to change
my undershirt every three hours

because it turned from white
to canary yellow.

And I was just about
to support the Green New Deal!

We both know
that's a lie.

Okay.

There's no way any Republican
will go along with this.

Climate change is real,
and it's all our fault, folks.

Thousands of scientists
are saying it.

If that many scientists
told me to stop resting my head

behind tires I would,
but so far only three have.

It feels weird to support
the president and Mark Ruffalo.

I feel like I'm speeding
down the highway in reverse.

We all knew one day the
president would save the planet.

But I assumed he'd do it
by piloting

the Statue of Liberty
right into an alien

spaceship's landing dock.

He's a god, Hannity!

Tie my shoes together,
push me down an escalator,

and let me assist him
from the clouds.

I am done here!

Ha! I was right.

There was no way
Bernie Sanders was showing up

to a pharmaceutical
industry mixer.

Just be patient.
He said he'd be here.

I'm not waiting
here any longer.

The CEO of Pfizer
is drunkenly playing hacky sack

with his checkbook.

[man] Ladies and gentleman,
the honorable Senator

from Vermont, Bernie Sanders.

[audience gasps]

He's gorgeous!

Senator...
you look beautiful.

Yeah, sure.
Please tell me my table

is not where
the air is blowing.

It dries up my gums,
and I can't eat.

Remember, be agreeable
and say what they want to hear.

Shall we?

I mean, we got to split up
these tech companies.

Kids ‐‐ they need to stop
watching "The Social Network"

and start watching
"The Socialism Network."

[clears throat]

Yeah, how's it feel?
Sucks, huh?

This Green New Deal
has been driving me bananas.

What's more pressing,

human extinction
or bipartisan civility?

Scientists say we have
12 years before

humanity is wiped out,
so what's the rush?

That's three
Olympics away!

Bernie,
what do you think?

[Romney] Be agreeable.

Hmm...

And for Pete's sake, taste
your food before you salt it.

That way you know if
it even needs salt.

I agree
with you guys.

‐Uh‐huh.
‐Uh‐huh.

The private sector
is perfectly capable of...

s‐solving climate change.

‐Uh‐huh!
‐Uh‐huh!

I was just about to
say what Bernie said.

Shut up, Cory.
Bernie, I must say,

you keep this up,
the Democratic Party

might just have to board
this crazy train.

I'll toast to that.

‐To Bernie!
‐To Bernie!

I'd also like
to toast to Bernie.

Cory, you know when
someone wants something so bad

so that's the only reason
you don't give it to them?

90 degrees yesterday,
80 degrees today.

Should be a breezy 70
by tomorrow,

then we can shitcan
this Green New Deal.

Good news, President Awesome,
the G‐20 nations

are putting together
a ceremony in your honor.

I'm not surprised.
Has anyone in world history

done more to solve
their sweating problem?

And there's two young men
who'd like to say "thank you."

Come on in guys.
Don't be shy.

"Dear Mister President,

thank you for stopping
global warming.

You are
a good president.

Did you always want
to be president?

Love,
Donald Junior Trump.

P.S. What time
is it there?"

"Dear Mister Pres‐‐"

Shut the hell up, Eric.

Kellyanne, what is this?

You put future generations
ahead of yourself,

and now every child
will want to hug your leg.

Yaayyy.

dramatic music

The most important policy
we can have is unity.

Now I can take a few questions,
but, please, don't get too close

to the mic.
That foam thing's a Petri dish.

[man] Hey, why'd you say all
that lame stuff on tape?

‐Yeah!
‐That sucked!

What are these kids
talking about?

They're supposed to like me.

And another thing.
99% of Americans

are dependent upon government
and believe that they are

entitled to healthcare,
food, pre‐schools

not owned by Walmart,
you name it.

‐Yeah!
‐You said it, Bernie!

If you don't make
$150,000 a year,

you should not be
allowed to vote.

[crowd chanting] Bernie!
Bernie!

I agree with
what Bernie said.

Shut up, Cory!

What the hell
was I thinking?

I got applause from
one guy without a man bun,

and I just went nuts.

[knock on door]
Don't come in here unless

you're Scott Baio with a trench
coat full of cool watches.

Are you okay?

Did you remember
that you accidentally

kept the XFL offices
operational ten years

after the league folded?

It's cool outside,
but I still started sweating.

How is that possible?

Sometimes we start
sweating because of

our feelings
on the inside.

Not me, of course.

I've scooped those out
like pumpkin guts.

Tell me how to control
my feelings on the inside.

I beg you!

So, uh...
Uhhh...

You can control
your feelings...

With this magic...

Chandelier!

Great.
How's it work?

Uh, whenever you're
feeling worried, just...

Shake it!

You guys
are life savers.

Can someone get
some chandelier clippers?

I'm ruined,
and it's all your fault!

Hold on there, Mister.

Everything you said
was right.

The only thing you left out
is that people who own

fewer than five horses
should be sterilized.

I don't believe that,
and the only reason I said

any of those things was
because of your bad influence.

Dad, is everything
all right?

I heard loud voices like
in a gangster film!

Of course it is, Tagg.

Daddy and Uncle Bernie
are just talking.

Your daddy is a real
piece of shit.

Holy Store Brand
Baloney!

Bernie, it's time
to leave.

Tagg, please walk Bernie
down the stairs,

through the library,
past the kitchen,

around the second kitchen,
past the spa,

down the steps, through
the garden to his car.

[cheers and applause]

As long as I have
the chandelier, I'll be fine.

[announcer] And now
children from around

the world unite in song
in honor of Mr. Trump.

[man] Oh, yes!

If we want
to save the world

And for Mother Earth's
health

We must think of
the children

[glass clinks]

Instead of ourselves

So let's start riding bikes

And stop private planes

And recycle our plastics

To cut down on waste

And we'll wash our own
clothes

And we'll eat
meat‐free meals

And we'll grow our own kale

I'm flying back
to the White House

to pack up my shit
before he gets back.

Excuse me, pardon me,
out of my way!

I'll strike you
in the throat!

So think of the children
instead of yourselves

Stttooopppp!

Shut up! Shut Up!

I don't care about you kids.

I care about my skin
not making a peeling sound

every time I get out
of a leather chair!

I'm pulling out of
the Green New Deal!

[audience gasps]
Oh, no!

I'm replacing it with
the Green No Deal!

If you're not blowtorching
your way through

Glacier National Park,
we're gonna bury you underground

until you're coal.

Enjoy the heat!

[thuds, audience gasps]

[laughter]

After President Trump
fell unconscious,

the deeply offended
G‐20 leaders cheered on

the children as they
drew messages of hope

on the President's face.

The president's sweat caused
the ink to run,

so they all agreed to
tattoo the images instead.

[camera shutters clicking]

‐Bernie!
‐Mr. Sanders!

‐What were you thinking?
‐Is this the end

of your campaign?

If it is, I will retire

and make it my duty
to tell people on ferries

not to lean on the railings.

There's nothing you can't see if
you take one step back, folks.

‐Bernie!
‐Bernie!

You're pretty lucky your son
has extensive experience

getting tattoos of dicks
removed from his face.

Boys, the Green New Deal
is toast,

and my face is
melting like butter.

Maybe you can put
the butter on the toast?

Eric, we're gonna go ahead
and reinstate that

"one sentence per day"
policy.

I need to stop sweating,
but I want to do it

without leaving even
a single scrap of planet

for the next generation.

Wait a second.
Does the Green New Deal

specify how the money
is allocated?

Don, it's
a spending bill.

It's like the government
passed out in a whorehouse

and everyone has until daylight
to root through its pockets.

[grunts]

The one day I forget
my tailbone pillow.

Room for one more
human man?

[exhales sharply]
I'm sorry about what

I said, Mitt, and for
calling you

a piece of blue‐blood shit
in front of your son, Tagg.

[sighs] His bedwetting
has returned,

but luckily we never
took off the plastic sheets.

How do I do it, Mitt?

How do I look like a nominee
and stay true to myself?

You know, when I was
governor of Massachusetts,

I betrayed my principles
when I passed Romneycare.

Sure, it guaranteed our
residents would never die

due to lack of
health insurance,

but it nearly killed
my presidential chances.

I vowed to never betray
my principles again,

and look at me now.

I won the Senate
Punctuality Award.

Well, I shared it
with John Thune, but still.

[thudding in distance]

What in General Mills'
Rice Chex was that?

Thank God you
heard that, too.

I thought my sinuses
collapsed again.

[Donald Jr.] Thanks to that
Green New Deal cash,

this mega air‐conditioning
unit will cool

the entire
White House grounds.

Whether inside or outside,
you shalt not sweat.

You forgot the best part.

It's terrible for
the environment.

A/C begins in
three...

[whirring]
...two...one.

Should we be worried about
that plume of CO2 gas?

In my experience,
nothing bad's ever happened

involving
the word "plume."

You're watching a massive
air‐conditioning unit

cool the White House
as it shoots deadly gas

into the atmosphere.

Meanwhile, the average global
temperature is already rising.

Bad news day.

But let's get to
the important point.

How will horses dying en masse
affect the electoral horse race?

Coming up, analysis from
a former Reagan speechwriter.

[Sanders] Oh, no.

If it gets too hot,
my tomato plants are done for.

Alright, I'm gonna go
stop that air conditioner.

Give me some of your pomade
so I can get past security.

Bernie, you don't
need that pomade.

You've demonstrated that
you can hang with

the mainstream political class
by hanging with me,

a quarter billionaire
whose religion

was invented
after baseball.

You be yourself.

I'll help you get
through security.

You know when the temperature
is like, you're not sweating,

but you're worried
about sweating?

Yeah, you want me to
turn up the A/C?

If you're getting up.

[A/C beeps]

[rumbling]

Sick plume!

Oh, hello,
jackbooted pigs.

I'm the 99% here to
confront the President.

Americans should have
clean water for their bongs.

Also, as is customary
for a government moocher,

I've pooped my pants.

Isn't that Mitt Romney?

That guy fired my uncle!

Let's kick his ass!

Ow, oh, ow!

Your grandchildren will
thank you for this, Mitt.

All 84 of them.

Brrr. It's getting
a little chilly.

Mind throwing another
tire on the fire?

We're out,
so Styrofoam it is.

Stop right there, mister!

Ha! What do you want,
Crazy Bernie?

To leech off my
air‐conditioning unit?

Maybe if you stopped
looking for handouts,

you'd work hard enough
to get taxpayers to buy

you a giant
air‐conditioner.

Donald, you and I have
a lot in common.

We both support gun rights,
our base would rather die

than see a woman president,
we both remember

the jitterbug,
but mainly we are outsiders

who wound up
in the mainstream.

And it's been
uncomfortable.

But we can still pursue
our goals while sticking

to our
outsider principles.

How do I do that and still
stop my sweating?

Okay, hear me out.
Mesh suits.

Sorry, Bernie.

This is just slightly
easier for me,

so it's kind of
a no‐brainer.

[ThinkPad jingles]

Oh, it finished updating
just in time.

I'm gonna hack into the A/C
and shut it down for good.

Bernie, your laptop
is glowing white hot.

Do you know if a '94 ThinkPad
can run on the X‐P?

She's gonna blow!

ThinkPad, looks like you're
going to be rebooting in Heaven,

which is, of course,
a made up place

only an idiot would
believe in.

[grunts]

[beeps, electricity crackles]

Whoa!
Bernie, I'm mad

you blew up my air conditioner,
but I'm happy to finally see

a mushroom cloud.

And I'm happy that
you've accelerated

this country's decline
so that a class revolution

is basically
a foregone conclusion.

Aww, my face is beet red,

and it's not just the Freon
sizzling my skin.

[Donald Jr.]
Dad, you're missing it!

After Mass‐Extinction‐Gate,
the President won't have

the political capital necessary
to solve the climate crisis.

Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders
is back at the front

of the Democratic pack.

I wonder if he's had time
lately to watch the movie

"The Social‐‐
The Socialism Network"?

If I hadn't said it wrong, it
would have gotten a big laugh.

Aww. That Freon did a number
on my throat.

Should have never
scraped off those lozenges.

Bernie, that was amazing
what ya did.

‐You're my hero.
‐We all agree you did good.

Nice job, fucko.
Why don't you come

get plastered with us
in Kamala's hotel room?

I stole a prisoner's
toilet wine.

Thanks, guys, but I still
got a few dozen more

punch cards
to go through.

Now, let's see here.
I've got an unused ticket

to Staten Island Ferry,
beer parlor two‐for‐one,

Walter Matthau's business card,
a half a dozen half dollars?

That's why this
thing's so heavy.

The important thing is
you tried to save the world

for us, Dad.

I don't care if you live
or die, but thanks.

Dad, you're not sweating
like a hog anymore!

You did it!
I sure did,

and all it took was
blowing up half the White House

to get this great
cross‐breeze going.

Whew!

Whoa! Shit ton of
squirrels in here, Dad.

Don't worry, Don.

They'll be extinct
in no time.

['80s‐style pop music plays]

Donald Trump
is the president

Donald Trump
is the president

Is Donald Trump
the president?

Yes, he is

Yes, he is,
we elected him president

Is Donald Trump
the president?

Yes, he is

We had a vote
and elected him president

Donald Trump
is the president

Donald Trump

He is our president

We made him president

We did it

Donald Trump
is the president

We elected Donald Trump

Donald Trump
is the president

Donald Trump
is the president

Yeah

Trump!