All language subtitles for Hustle - 01x06 - The last gamble.DVDRip UNCUT.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

I didn't get to where I am without
knowing how the world works, son.

I understand that, Arthur.

And I'm used to getting what I want, so
why don't you just tell me what it'll take?

I'm sorry.

Don't prat about, son,
just give us the bottom line.

I'm afraid l...

My theme park
is the biggest in the north of England...

most of it built with these hands.

In five years
we'll be the biggest in Europe.

- Yes, but...
- No buts, son.

Just tell me what I have to give you
and Joe 90 here to win that tender.

I'm afraid the tenders are all sealed.

Sealed, my ass. Harry.

What's this?

That's my tender.

But it's blank.

That's because you're going to
fill it in for me.

You read all the other tenders
by the deadline.

Whatever's the highest,
add �1 and write the figure down there.

I can't do that.

There's �25,000 there.

I won't be beat by some bloody Yank
dressed up as a mouse.

Well, this is most irregular.

Are we doing business, or what?

Like I said, I usually get what I want.

Once the deadline has passed, we can
get working on having it moved for you.

This will put us right up there
with the big boys.

I'm sure it will.

All I'm saying is, you know,
if I was a bird, well, I'd shag me.

Can you hear yourself?

I reckon she's gotta be a lesbian, ain't she?

Just because she knocked you back?

Listen, mate,
I don't get knocked back, okay?

Unless they're either
A: Lesbian, or B: Frigid.

- Or both.
- Exactly.

- Maybe she's got a boyfriend.
- So?

Well, maybe she's happy with him.

Mate, happy, so what?
Why go for second best?

Mick, straight off, okay?

If you was a bird, would you shag me?

He's having a crisis of confidence.
The new receptionist blanked him.

It's very simple. Yes or no?

No.

Well, that's because you'd be a lesbian.

- We split the take yet?
- Yeah, envelopes are in the case.

Danny.

- Ash.
- Ta.

- Stacie.
- Thank you.

- What's the cut?
- �13,000 each.

�13,000?
I thought we made �105,000 altogether.

We've got expenses, Danny.

- What's five 13s?
- Sixty-five.

Yeah? So how did you get
�40,000 worth of expenses?

What is this?

Hang on, mate.
I'm entitled to ask, aren't I?

I did put six weeks' work into this.

There's the costs for the hotel,
there's set-up costs for the wheel.

- Albert's pension.
- Yeah. June's medical fees.

Maybe I should do them from my cut.

No, you will not do that.
We will not squabble about money!

This conversation's finished.

Ash, I didn't mean anything.

It's all right.

I am entitled to ask!

We're supposed to be a family, Danny.
You know, we look after each other.

I thought you'd learned that by now.

What do you want me to do, Mickey?

- Do you want me to stand in the corner?
- Danny!

All right, leave it, mates, it's okay.
I'll say it for you.

Shut up, Danny.

Stacie, what's our working capital like?

Yeah, it's healthy. Why?

Albert's got a bite.

Enough, enough now! Fat cats out!

There he is! Come on.

Sir Anthony Reeves.

Until this morning, he was CEO
of one of the major utility companies.

Huge losses and under-investment
in infrastructure...

led to a rise in utility bills up to 39%...

and calls for his resignation.

His reward for
this inept piece of mismanagement...

was a golden handshake of �500,000.

Sir Anthony borders on the xenophobic.

Staunch defender of the pound,
hates anything European.

He has a healthy disregard
for the man in the street.

He refers to anyone who earns
less than �100,000 a year...

as "a member of the great unwashed."

Nice man.

Apartment in the city
and a rather nice country home...

which he shares with his wife Janice
and two dogs.

How did you find him, Albert?

We're both members
of the same gentleman's club.

We were on nodding terms until I learnt
recently about his new fortune.

So you became firm friends?

The best.

And he has two dirty little secrets
he hides from his wife.

A hankering for prostitutes.

No, please.

Don't worry, my dear...

it's the second little vice
I think we should use.

Which is?

I discovered it
when I borrowed his newspaper.

He likes the gee-gees.

Better still,
his wife disapproves of gambling.

Who's a naughty boy then?

- The wire.
- The wire?

Nobody's worked the wire in 100 years.

Last time I saw that was in The Sting.

It's an old-time scam, it's pre-1900.

Racing results used to go
from east to west...

by Western Union telegraph.

All you had to do was convince the mark...

that you had someone on the inside
who could delay the results...

until you got the bet on.

Danny.

- Are you listening?
- Yes, Mickey.

Ash, can we make it work?

Yeah, but everyone watches races live
these days.

- Yeah, but not in person.
- No.

The principle still holds good, I suppose.

Just have to use video link
instead of telegraph.

Albert?

It's big.

So are we.

What can I get you?

- I'm looking for someone.
- Aren't we all?

Danny Blue. You know him?

Sorry, mate, never heard of him.

- That won't help.
- What won't?

You know, that thing
where you get your wallet out...

and you keep putting tenners
on the bar so it'll refresh me memory.

Please to hear of it.

On the off chance you meet him
in the next few days...

could you give him this for me?

I'll keep the tip,
seeing as you gave us the tour of London.

- Yeah, thanks.
- Yeah? Thank you.

You've got a chip on your shoulder.

You should lose it,
or you'll always feel on the outside.

What's new?
I've been on the outside all my life.

In a good crew,
that will make you a liability.

- I know that.
- Then deal with it.

Will you be lunching with us,
Mr. Winstone?

No, thank you, my colleague and I
have some business to discuss.

- The library is free.
- Lovely.

How do you remember all your names?

I don't need to.

In places like this,
it's their job to remember them.

This is a guaranteed winner, Uncle James.

You have just got to take my word on it.

I'm sure you're right, dear boy,
but I'm afraid I don't gamble.

Anthony, I thought you'd be in hiding.

Nasty business.

That's the problem
with the great unwashed.

They hate to see
a fellow make a few pounds.

I'm sorry, Anthony, this is Peter,
the son of a very old friend of mine.

- How do you do, sir?
- How do you do?

Anthony's having a bit of trouble
with the press.

You're joking.
They are scumbags, aren't they?

You've had dealings with them?

Not personally, sir.
My dad did, a few years back.

He was an activist
in the anti-euro campaign.

- Press were all over him.
- Really?

Now, best forgotten, Peter.
Anthony, won't you join us?

Here, take my seat, sir, I'm just off.

No need on my account.

No, really, I only popped in here
to make Uncle James a few quid.

But as ever, he weren't interested.

Horses for courses, dear boy.

Anyway, we'll talk later.
Nice to meet you, sir.

Goodbye, Uncle James.

Say hello to your mother for me.

I will, definitely. Bye-bye.

Black sheep of the family
through his teens...

but has turned out
to be a rather nice young man.

He's in investments?

God, no. Horses.

- Horses?
- You know, the racing variety.

Had a "hot tip"
or whatever it is they call it.

Did he mention the name?

- Name?
- Of the horse.

Yes. It's...

No, it's gone.

But just as well, Anthony.
A fool and his money are soon parted.

Some coffee? Paul!

- All right?
- Yeah.

What's a nice place like this
doing with a girl like you?

- I take it it went well.
- Yeah.

You'd have been proud of me.
I was a real team player.

Your round, Danny.

Hello. I was wondering if you could tell me
what won the last race?

Anywhere.

That's excellent. Thank you.

I heard you got blanked
by some bird at the hotel.

I did not get blanked, okay?
She's a lesbian.

Right.

Had some bloke in here earlier,
looking for you.

What bloke?

He didn't leave his name,
but he left his number here somewhere.

It seems it's true, what you say.

About a fool and his money.

There's a chap in here.

He was apparently conned into believing
he was buying the London Eye.

Really?

Apparently turned up to take possession.

- What was he thinking of?
- I can't imagine.

Thank you.

Problem is,
some people don't deserve money.

When chaps like us earn a few bob...

they call us fat cats.

I mean, I don't moan when
one of the plebs wins the lottery, do I?

I could hardly put it better myself.

Providing he doesn't move in next to me,
of course.

Margo's Girl.

I'm sorry?

That horse you asked me about,
Margo's Girl, 1:00 p.m.

It just came back to me.

Where was it running, do you know?

I have no idea.

I wonder if it won?

It's easy enough to find out.

Paul, there was a horse running today,
Margo's Girl.

Could you see how it did for me,
there's a good chap.

- You'll be sick if it won.
- I never gamble.

There's nothing wrong
with an occasional flutter.

I don't know one end of the horse
from the other.

It's the sport of kings, old chap.

You haven't lived
till you've seen your horse...

running up that hill at Cheltenham.

I'll have to take your word for it.

Margo's Girl won, sir.

- Price?
- 12-to-1.

Good Lord.

This nephew of yours,
what does he do exactly?

Tell you the truth, I'm not sure.
Just something to do with horses.

I'd very much like to meet him again.

Well, I'm sure that can be arranged.

You must be Danny.

- Wasn't sure you'd come.
- Well, I was curious.

Listen, mate, I ain't got all day,
so who are you and what do you want?

The name's Ray Fordham.

Are you as good
as they say you are, Danny?

What are you then? Cop?

Do I look like a cop?

Well, they come in all shapes and sizes,
don't they?

I'm a grifter, just like you.

Are you?
How come I never heard of you then?

You have. Scottish Ray?

You're Scottish Ray?
But you ain't even Scottish.

The name came from my first big con.

I took a �50,000 down payment
on Edinburgh Castle.

Yeah, I've heard about that.

'94, weren't it?

'95.

I took another �20,000
for putting in double-glazing.

Don't you just love the Yanks?

Yes, they've got romance in their soul.

All right, I'm glad to meet you, Ray.

Likewise.

So what can I do for you, mate?

I'm putting a new crew together.

Yeah? Well, I know some people.

I don't want people, Danny. I want you.

Well, I'm already working.

- Mickey Bricks' outfit?
- Yeah.

Then you're a small cog in a big machine.

If what I heard about is true,
you're better than that.

You come with me,
you'll be running the whole show.

I don't know.

I'm in town for three days.
You give me a call.

Your own crew, Danny.

If you're what I think you are...

you'll have been dreaming about that
for a long time.

Here it is.

Call me.

Well, I think we've hooked him in enough
to give him a convincer.

Ash, what about this place you've found?

Well, it has to be a build.

Okay, but let's make it good.
How long do you think?

Couple of days, if I can get enough bodies.

Yeah, do it.

You should have been here
half an hour ago.

Sorry.

Right, Albert will set up the meet
with Danny for the day after tomorrow.

- You have to be ready by then.
- I will be.

Stacie, work out the costs with Ash,
then double up with Danny later on.

Questions?

Okay, let's do it.

Problem?

No.

If I'm hard on you sometimes,
it's because I have to be.

It's not personal.

You wouldn't be here
if I didn't want you to be.

I'm suitably humble.

A friend of mine down here tells me
you can find anyone.

If who you're looking for is in London,
I can find them.

How much is that going to cost me?

Depends who it is...

and what you're going to do
when you find them.

Two conmen, one black, one white.

I'm gonna kill them.

Make sure you leave enough room
for the cables. Around a foot at the back.

Over there.

How's it going?

Decoration's easy enough, but we
need to start getting the hardware in.

What's the setup?

Five or six furlong races are the best bet.

Means the race is over in a minute
to a minute-and-a-half.

- Good. You've got everything you need?
- Yeah. You'll know when I haven't.

Steady with those.
Teddy wants them back.

James, what a lovely surprise.

Anthony invited us down.

This is Peter,
and his young friend, Yvonne.

Come in, I'll fix you some drinks.
Anthony's in the lounge.

- James, welcome.
- Pleasure.

- Peter, nice to see you again.
- Sir.

And who is this vision of beauty?

This is Yvonne.

I'm delighted to make your acquaintance,
my dear.

Sir Anthony.

Do you mind if I steal this young man?

Be my guest.

James tells me you're a betting man.

Not really, sir.

Playing dumb?
Let's see if a few drinks will loosen you up.

That's what I like to see.

A mark
who does all the hard work himself.

Okay. We get the TV feed in here
showing us the live race.

Obviously we can't fix the races,
they're legit.

But this little baby holds up the pictures
until the end of the race.

When we've got a winner,
we'll give it to you.

You've got two minutes to put a bet on...

before we start feeding it
through the front.

As far as anyone is concerned,
they're watching the race live.

Two minutes isn't very long.

You slow up the pictures any more,
our man might smell a rat.

It'll have to do.

Right. The main area is fully functioning.

I've tapped into a streetlight
for electricity...

re-routed mains water for the toilets.

As long as he doesn't kick the walls...

they should stay up long enough
for the job.

It's a work of art.

Yeah. I've got 20 grifters coming in
as punters.

When they're here,
it will be the doggie's whatsits.

- Okay, then we can start tomorrow.
- Yeah.

What on earth
are those two talking about?

I have no idea.

Anthony does go on.

Perhaps I should go
and rescue your nephew.

Janice,
Anthony tells me you're a keen rider.

- How many horses do you have?
- Do you ride?

- I did my first gymkhana when I was 6.
- Oh, really?

All I'm asking
is that you throw the odd tip my way.

It's more than my job's worth.

You did it for James.

Yeah, but he's virtually family.
I mean, he'd do anything for me.

With all due respect, sir,
I hardly even know you, do I?

James will vouch for me.

Will he, now?

So what are you? A racing man, are you?

I think I'm what you'd call
an enthusiastic amateur.

Listen, what I'm about to tell you
mustn't go any further.

You have my word.

I work for a syndicate.

We buy racehorses.

I knew it. You've got inside knowledge.

It's slightly more than that.

Last year the company that I work for
teamed up with three other syndicates.

Then at Kempton last year,
we realized that between them...

they owned all the runners
in a single race.

Really?

From there it's just a short step
to being able to determine...

which horses are going to win
certain races.

You mean, fix them?

I'm not saying fix them. I'm just saying
they know who's going to win...

before they start.

And you can get the names
of the winning horses?

Me? No.
I'm much too far down the food chain.

But the horse you told James about.

Well, that came from Yvonne.

Your girlfriend.

Can I be honest with you?

- Absolutely.
- Come here.

Listen, I'm trusting you completely here.

I hope Uncle James
ain't got you all wrong.

I can assure you he hasn't.

Now, the truth is...

Yvonne and me aren't really together.

She's a high-class escort.
Absolutely lovely.

I mean,
I take her out every now and again.

Last week, I gave her number to my boss.

She spends a bit of time with him.
She overhears him talking on the phone.

Now the thing is,
he's got a bit of a crush on her.

So he wants to see her again.

I don't blame him.

So, I gets to thinking
maybe I can find out a few more winners.

I went to Uncle James because, basically,
I ain't got the funds to finance it.

So you're looking for a backer?

Well, we wouldn't be having
this conversation if I weren't.

I mean, the most I could raise last time
was �1,000.

- But you got �12,000 back.
- Well, yeah.

But what if I'd had �10,000?

Looks like we have a nibble.

I'm gonna have another crack at Frosty.

All right? Chatty as ever.

See you.

Hey, that's quite a team.

Stacie Monroe, Albert Stroller,
"Three Socks" Morgan...

and the great Mickey Bricks.

What are you doing here?

I just wondered
if you'd made your mind up yet.

We're in the middle of a score.

And what's your cut, Danny?

Who's calling the shots?

See, all you're doing is using your talent
to make Mickey Bricks look good.

Big up his reputation.

I'm learning off him.

And as long as you're doing that,
he'll treat you like a kid.

Clock's ticking, Danny.

It ain't that easy. I owe them.

Well, the choice is yours.
You know where I am.

You're never gonna move up in class,
not until you break free.

We need to keep an eye on Danny.

- Mickey's giving him a hard time.
- Yeah, I know.

It wouldn't be the same without him,
would it?

Yeah, I know that, too,
but what can I do about him?

- Well, they're both crazy about you.
- No.

Mickey doesn't know what he wants,
he just likes the idea of me. And Danny...

he's just fascinated because he thinks
it would put Mickey's nose out of joint.

Yeah, well, whatever the reasons...

use it to keep this thing together,
all right?

- Your stake.
- Thanks.

How you feeling?

This is what you've always wanted, Danny.

To play the biggest cons.

For what it's worth,
that's what you get from Mickey.

Try not to lose sight of that.

All set?

You're sure a bet of this size
will go unnoticed?

Listen, there's a private gambling club
the syndicate uses sometimes.

I'm a member there.

Strictly for high rollers.

It's all cash, no questions asked.

I've seen people place bets
of up to �250,000 there.

No one even bats an eyelid.

If we stick to one bet a day,
no one's gonna notice us.

I'm going to put in all my winnings
from last time.

All �12,000?

Why not, when you know you can't lose?

Where to?

No worries.

Okay, guys. Car's pulled up.

Okay, everyone...

showtime.

Stacie, out of sight.

This is my card.

You wouldn't even know
this place was here.

It's strictly members only.

It gets me away from the damn press.

We've got roulette and blackjack
through there.

Can you believe it?
�20,000, beaten by a neck.

Next time remind me to back a giraffe.

This is the poker room.

- Peter.
- Mike.

- How you doing?
- Hello. Long time no see.

Good seeing you. How you doing?

- This is my guest Anthony Reeves.
- It will be a pleasure to take your money.

Not today, Mike. We're feeling very lucky.

Yeah. You and everyone else in here.

That's Mike Taylor, the manager.

He seems very full of himself.

Yeah, but not for long, right?

Okay, Yvonne will call
as soon as she gets the horse.

It's going to be close to the start,
so you get your bet on...

as soon as it comes through.

All right. Here you go.

There's my money.

Well?

The last two, the odds are too high.

Stacie?

If they win too much
it'll break us before we start.

Take 3-to-1 or less.

And on the stands,
Flak Jacket coming through.

Flak Jacket coming home alone
on the near side.

Flak Jacket gets up the wind
from Sober Jones, in third...

Flak Jacket.

- Price?
- 2-to-1.

Okay, go.

- Hello.
- Put it on Flak Jacket.

Right.

�50,000. Dancing Ridge to win in the next.

�50,000 to win. Thank you, sir.

- Here you are, sir. Thank you.
- Thank you.

�24,000 to win.
Flak Jacket in the next race.

�24,000 to win. Thank you very much.

Here we are, sir, thank you very much.

They're ready. That's it.
And they're racing.

They're off.

Flak Jacket, 2-to-1.

Go on, son, come on.

Just relax.

Come on, Flak Jacket.

Come on, son.

- Get your whip out, boy.
- He's coming.

That's it! Go to the rail!

Come on, Flak Jacket!

Show him the whip. Come on.

Come on, my son! Yes!

What did I tell you?

Beautiful.

You little beauty.

It hasn't been confirmed yet, sir.

That's �48,000, plus your stake.
That's �72,000 in all.

�20,000, �30,000, �40,000...

�50,000, �60,000, �70,000 and...

�2,000. Here we are, sir.

What's your maximum bet, mate?

- We have no maximum, sir.
- Lovely.

Let's do it again.

No, one race a day. We agreed.

- One more won't make any difference.
- We'll draw attention to ourselves.

Now let's just go, okay?

Here you go. Good luck, mate.

Flak Jacket.

I can't believe it was that easy.

You wouldn't believe what I had to do
to get that horse's name.

I don't know.

Try me.

Listen, the thing is,
if we want to make real money...

we need to put one big bet on
while Yvonne's still on the inside.

There's no rush, surely?

Well, what if he calls the agency
and asks for another girl?

He'd be mad.

No, Yvonne's right.
We don't want to take that risk.

And anyway, when all this is over...

you two lovebirds get to spend
the week together, don't you?

- Just as promised, Tony.
- So we do.

So what do you think?

He wants one smaller bet,
just to make sure.

- Wonderful!
- It wasn't Danny's fault.

The pot is empty, we can't pay out.

Everything was geared to taking him
for the big one next time.

- He's this close.
- Close does not cut it, Danny.

It can't be helped.
We'll have to shut him out.

You know,
sometimes the desire for perfection...

can be misinterpreted as criticism.

- Is that so?
- Yeah.

Why so grumpy?

I don't know.

Is it Rachel?

I had the decree nisi.

It's all over.

Why didn't you say?

How would that have helped?

Could have reminded you
that everyone here loves you.

Maybe after this one,
we should take a break for a while.

I think we should do �50,000.

Whatever you say.

Hello.

Put it on Mostarsil.

Run it now, before he gets to the window.

Mostarsil in the next. �50,000 to win.

The race has started, sir.

- No, I said it before they started.
- I'm sorry, sir.

Problem?

- I was trying to place a bet.
- The race has started, sir.

No more bets. Try the next race.

Come on, Mostarsil!

Christ!

- 10-to-1, that's �500,000!
- I didn't get the bet on.

- What?
- I didn't have time.

That's �500,000.

Shit!

No, wait. I want to see what they're doing.

Okay, so he's gone for the bait,
and we're all set for tomorrow.

Stacie, Danny, go reel him in.

Any thoughts?

Think you've covered everything.

Then go bring him in.

And no mistakes this time.

I know, but I'm teaching him.

You're smothering him.

Give him his head.

Maybe you'll see in him what I did.

What I saw in you once.

We've got a problem,
we're gonna have to meet up.

Yeah, okay. What about 6:30?

All right. Thanks, Anthony.

This country's got stalking laws,
you know.

Just thought I'd let you know
I'm heading back tomorrow.

I check out of the hotel at 3:00.

That's fine,
but I haven't made a decision yet.

You'll be there.

What?

The syndicate's being investigated.

- Why?
- I don't know, all right? It is.

Someone got wind of it. It's all off.

- It can't be.
- I'm telling you, it is.

They're gonna do one tomorrow,
then pulling the plug.

Wait. You said they're doing one more.

It's already set.

- Why can't we do it, too?
- Are you having a laugh?

The authorities will be
watching that race like hawks.

They'll be watching the syndicate, not us.

I don't know. What do you think?

Risky.

He who dares and all that.

Surely it's worth the risk?

If we're gonna do this...

it has got to be a big bet.

Because I'm telling you,
this is the last chance.

Absolutely.

The most I can raise
is probably going to be about �30,000.

You've got to be joking.
I'm not risking getting caught for that.

So how much would it take?

�500,000.

- What?
- �500,000.

Even if we only get 2-to-1 again,
we'd clear �1 million.

It's too rich for my blood, I'm afraid.

We could have a wonderful week
with �1 million in the bank.

I'm sorry, no.

Well, if you're not up to it...

It's not a question of not being up to it...

I just can't afford
to lose that kind of money.

How could you lose?

I mean, you've seen how it works.

Even so.

�500,000.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I mean, it's now or it's never.

Remember:
"A faint heart never won a fair maiden."

Okay, I'm in.

Okay, gentlemen, in conclusion...

this is what we might call in America...

"The Super Bowl of Con."

All right, you heard the man.
Let's get this right and then get out.

- They're on their way, Mick.
- Let's go.

Bank manager thought I was insane.
I had to threaten to close my account.

He'll calm down
when you pay double back in.

You're sure they'll take a bet this size?

You heard the man. No limit.

Gentlemen. Feeling lucky again?

I think we'll be okay.

Think so?

I do hope that's full of money.

We'll soon wipe that smile off his face.

Just ignore him.

Yvonne will phone the horse through,
and then she'll meet us here.

I'll get us a drink.

- Anything?
- Favorite won the last.

- We've gotta try and get bigger odds.
- Wait.

... Kieren Fallon has gone two or three
in front of Roofer and Dennis El Menace...

battling on...

Got it.

Place it all on Roofer in the next race.

Yeah, I'll see you there.

Roofer.

8-to-1. That's �4 million!

They're in the stalls. Get the bets on!

Last one to go on the inside.

Here you go.

Roofer in the next race.

�500,000 to win.

- Is there a problem?
- One moment, sir.

What's wrong, Paul?

This gentleman wants to place
a large bet, sir.

How large?

�500,000.

- Price?
- Roofer. 8-to-1.

I understood there was no limit.

- Take the gentleman's bet.
- I haven't got time to count it.

Take the case.
If the horse wins, we'll count it...

and pay out on whatever's there.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you very much.

- That's it.
- Yes.

So, you get it on all right?

Roofer, �500,000 to win.

To win? I told you "place."

- What?
- I said "place."

The syndicate went for a place
to throw everyone off the scent.

That's what I told you.
I said, "Place it on Roofer."

That horse finishes third.

There's been a mistake.
I want my money back.

- Sir?
- I meant to say "place," not "win."

The race has started, sir.

I don't care, I want my money back!

- House rules dictate that...
- Give me my money.

Come on, take it easy.

What the hell is going on?

You don't understand.
There's been a mistake.

There was no mistake, sir.
Your horse just lost.

Get off me!

Aren't you Sir Anthony Reeves?
Boys, get some shots.

This is what you're doing
with your golden handshake, sir?

Gambling with the taxpayers' money?

I'm not betting, I don't gamble.

- Did this man place a bet with you, sir?
- That's confidential.

Can you explain to our readers
why you're in a private gambling club, sir?

I'm visiting a friend.

Do you think it's fair that the taxpayers
should fund your gambling habit?

Come on, sir, what have you got to say
to our readers?

...more important to the taxpayer, sir?

It's a nice car. Did you fund that
out of your winnings, sir?

There it is.

Well done, everyone.
All right, let's get out of here.

Wages in Eddie's Bar tomorrow night.
Let's go.

- Well done, mate.
- All right.

Look, Mick.

Now this is all over,
there's something I need to tell you.

The thing is...

Look at you. Rats in a sewer.

Eyesight better? What was it? Laser?
I hear they're very good.

What can we do for you, Arthur?

What can you do for me?

You could try dropping to your knees,
kissing my feet...

and begging me
not to paint the walls with you.

But I'll settle for what you've just taken
off the last mug.

I'm sorry,
I don't know what you're talking about.

You've got 10 seconds.

Give him the money, Danny.

- Hold on a minute.
- Shut up.

No.

I'm sick of him telling me
when I can speak and when I can't.

- I'll handle this.
- Like you do with everything?

I'm sorry, Mickey,
but unless I've missed something here...

you've just led us up shit creek
and forgot to pack the paddles.

And that's what this is all about,
isn't it, Danny?

'Cause you think you could do better.

Everything you've done since you got
out of nick has been down to me.

Down to you?

Except for the parrot impressions:
You do them yourself.

You were a short con artist, Danny...

working the clubs and bars for drinks
till I took you in.

Yeah, you gave me a shot,
and I'm grateful for that...

but I've been carrying you ever since.

No, the only thing you've been carrying
is an over-inflated ego.

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, son.
You do have some qualities.

Is that it?

That's it, huh, Mick?

The answer to all your problems.

Things ain't going quite your way,
take a swing.

Lash out.

You're over the hill, pal.

You're yesterday's man.

Come on, prove me wrong.

Show everyone here
just how good you are.

I mean, how are you going
to sort this little mess out?

You screwed up.

Now give the man his money back
and move on.

I was gonna do it when you started this.

You were going to give him
the case of funny money.

It's what he asked for.

And how long would it take him
to realize this cash is crap...

come back here and kill us?

Well done. Brilliant. He didn't know
it was fake until you just told him, genius.

You don't think he's gonna find out?

This stuff, mate,
wouldn't pass in a corner shop!

So what would you do?
Give him our money?

If it's a straight choice
between that and death? Yes!

That would clean us out.

Mickey, he's holding a shotgun!

We'd have nothing!

Fine. If you wanna get killed, for what...

�60,000, �70,000, go ahead.

Do it, Mick.

For once in your life, do the right thing.

What happened to you?

What's in the drawer, Ash?

Like you said, �60,000, �70,000, tops.

Pay the man.

I suggest you do
what the young man says.

And make sure there's
none of that funny money in there.

I'm sorry, Mick.

�50,000 profit in four days, not bad.

Like I told you boys,
I usually get what I want.

Did you feel it?

Amazing.

- I'm dripping...
- I'm sorry.

Taking your revenge.

All right, come on, everybody,
let's get out of here now!

Did you have a good day, dear?

Conmen, my ass. They thought
they were dealing with a bloody idiot.

Some country boy from up north,
still wet behind the ears.

They won't make that mistake again.

Take more than a bunch of
Southern Jessies to get the better of me.

You all right, boss?

Right. Just wait a second.

Wait.

I'm going now,
so I won't be pestering you anymore.

Okay, that's it. So the thing is,
what I really wanted to know is...

I've been in counseling for years.
Very low self-esteem. It's killing me.

My counselor said to me
any setback would be crippling.

I guess what I really wanted to know is...

why you wouldn't go out with me.

'Cause you're a lesbian. Yes!
There's nothing wrong with that.

I bloody knew it.

- No.
- Yes. Absolutely, yeah.

- Danny, you wanted to talk to me.
- When?

Before Arthur came in you said
there was something you had to say.

Oh, that. It was nothing.

- Sure?
- Positive.

Only I thought you were going to tell me
you were joining Scottish Ray's new crew.

- You knew that?
- I know everything.

- Are you two still squabbling?
- Time to go.

Right.

- We'll be gone for a while.
- Have a well-earned rest.

- But we know what you're thinking.
- Gap in the market.

- Think you might try your luck?
- Easy when you know how.

But if you do...

You gotta remember
the first rule of the con.

You can't cheat an honest man.

- Can't happen.
- Impossible.

Find someone
who wants something for nothing.

Which shouldn't be hard.

And then give them nothing
for something.

Thank you, captain.

You know, I've been thinking.

I'm not getting any younger.

Maybe I should retire. Bow out gracefully.

- You're serious?
- Absolutely.

- It'd be a crying shame, Albert.
- You'll find someone else.

There's no one quite like you, Albert.

Albert, it's your choice.
Whatever you decide.

Thank you, Michael.

...so I said to this guy, "You're crazy.

"My old man leaves me $3 million...

"and I'm going to invest in molasses?"

I told him.
I said, "I don't know nothing about shoes."

Do you want me to hold your drink
for you, Albie?