All language subtitles for American Princess s01e09_English

Previously on
"American Princess"...

I have given everything.
It's time I put myself first.

Maggie: I went to the city,
auditioned for a musical.

Save your gasp.
I didn't get it.

These aren't traffic fine
envelopes.

These are jail envelopes.

[ Sighs ] My parents want
custody of Lil Boy.

I think I know somebody
who can help.

Brett?
It's me.

I am awarding sole legal custody
to Delilah Quaid.

-Oh!
-Yes!

With joint
physical custody

to be shared with
Art and Alma Quaid.

[ Gavel bangs ]

I think that
we should cool it.

Why?
Because you have
a girlfriend.

I want to break up.

Oh, I didn't realize
we were together.

Hey!

That is Delilah's lawyer.

He came here because
he's her lawyer.

Uhh, okay.

Thank you.

You know, Amanda's ex.

I mean, how else
could Delilah get him?

♪♪

[ Man singing in Italian ]

Mm!

-Mm.
-Mm, mm.

-Come on.
-Mm-hmm.

-Hmm?
-It's good.

-So, the tiramisu?
-It's amazing.

I just love tiramisu.

I mean, it has everything.

Coffee, alcohol,
cookies, cheese.

The four food groups.

[ Laughter ]

It's true.

And I love this.

Our dessert.

Call it by its name.Cake.

-Aww.
-[ Laughs ]

Millefoglie.

Mille-fog-lia. Millefoglie.

You're not saying the "g,"
though.

I know.
We acknowledge the "g,"

and then we walk
right past it.

Okay, but it's written --
okay, fine.

Mille-fog--He's not gonna get it.

[ Laughter ]

-It's so fun.
-So fun.

So fun.

-Ohh.
-I was close.

No.

-Molto grazie.
-Okay.

So, you guys had the bistecca,
the branzino...

Should we split it?

Yes.
The burrata.

Great,
let's go halfsies.

-Mm.
-Halfsies?

Yeah.
It's so much easier.

-Yes, but --
-Right?

Restaurant math is the worst.
-[ Groans ]

-But it's --
-No, it's perfect.

Halfsies it is.

♪♪

Now remember, just because
Eve ate the apple

doesn't mean
all women are evil.

Yes, Mama.

And Jesus may have had
a couple of good ideas,

but that doesn't mean
everything he said was right.

Okay, Mama.Oh, and don't forget
that Christmas

just happens to fall
on the same day

as the Winter Solstice
every year.

Coincidence?
Nope.

Come here, my spiritually
evolved little smartie.

They keep Squirt and Funyuns
in a cooler

under the front porch.

Oh, I almost forgot!

Can you give this
to Rat Cat?

Your possum can read?

It's a goodbye note so he knows
that I'll be back.

He looked sad
this morning.

♪♪

Of course.

But, honey, I don't --
I don't think Rat Cat's

gonna come around
when you're not here.

You know, you won't be there
waiting with treats

and snuggles or anything.

Which is why you have
to tell him

I love him
and not to worry.

I'll tell him so hard.

And I told him not to poop
on your pillow again.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

Okay.

Delilah.

Mother.

Come on in, Zeb Jr.

Or Lil Boy,
whatever you prefer.

Come on.

♪♪

Bye, Mama.

Love you, Mama!Love you, too,

my little baby
precious angel boy!

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

I burned all those
old court summons.

Summonses?
Summons?

I don't know.
Anyway, I burned 'em.

It felt good.
Right?

I once did that
with my boyfriend's

A-E-Pi's T-shirt
collection.

God, it was cleansing.

Not that it's the same.

I mean, you're dealing with
joint custody,

visitation rights,

being away from your child
for the first time.

Whereas I was dumping
Dylan Schwenker --

who was
an emotional child --

but again,
not the same -- same.

Lil Boy's gonna be fine,
right?

More than fine, yeah.
Yeah.

He's being exposed to another
culture, like a summer abroad.

Only instead of
metropolitan Paris,

he's in
Western Pennsylvania.

I just can't stop
thinking about him.

I don't think I slept
a wink last night.

I know it's hard.

Literally all my friends grew up
going back and forth

between two houses.

How'd they turn out?

Great. Yeah!

Yeah, they're all great.

Want me to "Titanic" you?
It always makes you feel better.

Yeah?

I'm the Queen
of the Faire!

Oh! Get down.
-Oh!

♪♪

Aunt Vaganya.

Margaret.

Do you have time
for a reading?

For the Queen
of the Faire?

Always.
Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]
I sense you are...uneasy.

Ugh, can you help?

Have I ever failed you
before?

He's the love of your life.

I see many children.

Kajagoogoo!

He's not gay.

I like that Mark Fuhrman.

A Palm Pilot.

It's not cancer.

A dog is like a child.

He's gay.

High colonics.

Essential oils.

CBD.

There's no such thing
as bisexual.

Hillary Clinton!

You can always trust
your Vaganya.

Agree to disagree,
but let's do this, anyway.

I'm feeling...

u-unsatisfied
and unhappy,

but I don't know why.

The cards know, huh?

Ace of Swords,

Four of Pentacles,
the Lovers.

Mm.

Three of Swords
and The Hermit.

Hmm.What do they mean?

The Swords reveal betrayal
and heartbreak,

but also opportunity.

And the Pentacles say that you
are withholding something.

Love, it seems.

From who?

This is a mystery you conceal
even from yourself, hmm?

You must find the one from whom
you withhold your love,

and the path to happiness
will be made clear.

Your heart
must be your guide.My heart?

My heart can barely be trusted
to get me through a Pilates DVD.

Fine. Ignore advice,
continue sadness.

[ Sighs ]

You used to give
more specific answers.

You used to ask
more specific questions.

So this is my fault?

Yes.

How?
It says in the --

It's in the circle here?If you can read it the way
that I read,

trust that
it's your fault.

Don't touch the cards.

♪♪

Hey, wait up.

What's your schedule today?

Pretend to be English,
sell beer. Why?

Well, per your
marketing suggestion,

we have a corporate
group coming in.

Yay!
See? I told you.

The words "team building
opportunity" can be used

to justify
almost any expense.

Massages, paintballing,
orgasmic meditation.

Ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's their itinerary.

Have fun.

You want me
to take them around?

You speak their language.

Yeah, I mean, but I'm not even
totally fluent in this one yet.

Granted, they're
mostly thous and thees

and double entendres,
but still.

Yeah, fine, grab Pizzle.

Excuse me?

Oh, David. Right.

See?
Double entendre.

♪♪

I got the crème fraîche.

Pardon?I hid it in the back.

What are you talking
about?

The employee
food request sheet.

I recognized your handwriting
and your sophisticated palate.

Oh, right, yes.

That was for Brian.

This is me.

"With added calcium."
Oh.

That's smart.

Bones.

♪♪

They're...important.

♪♪

So I guess they're from
"Earth Hole," whatever that is.

"Earth Hole."
"Earth Hole."

[ With fake lisp ]
Sounds like I'm lisping.

Maybe we should get Helen
to escort them.

Yeah, maybe.
You guys could swap stories.

♪♪

I'm not saying
they aren't nice.

I'm saying
they took advantage.

I'm sure that's not how
they were looking at it.

Well, they should have been.
They're a throuple.

They have
an extra set of eyes.Okay.

Did you notice Stephen didn't
even finish his branzino?

No.
I did.

I made a mental note as soon
as he ordered it.

Why?Because it's the most
expensive thing on the menu.

Who does that?

People who like branzino?No, no.

People who like branzino order
it, eat it, and pay for it.

People like Stephen order it,
leave half,

and get other people
to pay for it.

Aren't there more
important things

than a couple dollars
between friends?

Ourswere couple dollars.

Theirs
were throuple dollars.

[ Both chuckle ]

You really like
hitting the throuple part.

Well, it's the labradoodle
of relationships.

I mean, I get there
are advantages,

but it still feels
artificial.

Oh!

Hey, you guys.

♪♪

Speaking of artificial...

♪♪

So, should we have a sign
or something?

Or would that make us look
like limo drivers

at JFK baggage claim?

Pretty sure we don't look
like limo drivers.I know that.

I'm just saying, we don't know
what they look like,

and they don't know
what we look like.

They're bourgeois workers.
Look for khakis and polos.

They're not
from Best Buy.
Fine.

Okay, what is going on
with you?

I guess I'm confused.No. Confused is, like,
"Huh, what?"

You're more like, "Ugh, grr,"
which is mad.

So if you don't know
the difference, then okay,

maybe you are confused.I'm confused
why you didn't tell me

that the lawyer you got for
Delilah is your ex-fiancé.

Oh.

Well...

I guess because he's a lawyer,
and she needed a lawyer,

so I got her a lawyer.

You think it's weird
I didn't mention it.

Do you think it's weird?I didn't, otherwise,
I would have mentioned it.

So if it had been weird,
you would have brought it up.

Yes.But because it wasn't weird,
you kept it a secret.

Exactly.
Ahh.

Okay, now it feels weird.

This is gonna be so good.
Let's go!

Let's go!
-Whoo-hoo!

[ Scoffs ]

They don't work at Best Buy,
David, you moron.

Shut up!
-I got it!

Got it, guys!
Come on!

Whoo, let's do this!

[ British accent ]
Toot, toot, beep, beep,

we have touched down
in Merry Old England.

[ British accent ] Welcome to
Shropshire, Mistress!

Yes!Oh, thanks a bunch.

[ Normally ]
Jazzed to be here.

Sherl Wardak, Earth Hole.

Ophelia Feelsgood.Oh, yes, she does.

-Oh!
-Ohh. Yes.

Pizzle Humpsalot.

Okay, yes.

-Yes.
-Humpsalot?

Ooh, I like it here already.

Whoo.
-Come on in, "Sher-el."

Okay.
"Sherl," it's "Sherl."

When we humping?

O0 C1
♪♪

Uhh...hey.

José.

I -- I want you to know
how much I have enjoyed

our time
together this season.

Same, same.

But also how much I regret
using you, um,

for taking from you
without giving to you.

I shared my bed,
but never my heart.

Uh...okay.

Do you love me?What?

Do you love me,
and do you want me to love you?

Oh, shit.
You're pregnant?

No.I support your right
to choose.

No, José, I am not capable
of having a child.

Oh, me, neither.

Physically capable.

Same.
Plus mentally.

No, what I mean is --I can drive you.

Drive me where?

To the clinic.Clinic?

Yeah, to get an a-b...o--

Ugh, José, no!

Okay, then, let's do it.

You have it, and we'll
raise it like it's ours.

But can we name it Bear?
I had a hamster named Bear.

Oh, for God's sake,
never mind!

As you were.

Well, whatever you decide,
I'll be right here.

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Crunch! ]

Woman: Uh-oh.
That's not good.

I know which one.

Very attractive.Ooh, yes.

Oh, I spotted a shoe!

Whoo!
Ooh, yes.

My goodness.
Ooh, yes!

Whoa.
And what is your name?Sam!

[ Gasps ]
That's my husband's name.

It's short for Samantha.

So's my husband.
Short, that is.

Comes up to about here.[ Laughter ]

Ooh, led you up
the garden path, he did.

'Cause I thought
he was a gnome.

[ Laughter ]

And you know
what they say.

Both:
There's no players like gnomes.

There's no players like gnomes.
Get it?

Like the "Wizard of Oz"?"No place like home."

Also has short people
in it.

Nope, okay.
Right over the head.

Still, my husband
gave me seven,

sweet, beautiful,
miniature children.

[ Laughter ]And how many
children do you have?

Zero.[ Gasps ] Zero?

Zero, as in none?

Can you even imagine
having zero children?

♪♪

Prunella?

It was a rhetorical question,
so you don't have to imagine it.

And if you are imagining it,
please stop.

Prunella?

Guess we hit a nerve.

She's going through
some stuff.

Sam, how are you
at washing?

Uhh, we could
grab a movie.

[ Gasps ]
Yes, the new "Avengers,"

the one with all of them.

I don't think
it's all of them.

No, it is all of them.
Spoiler alert.

Okay, well, how do you define
"all of them"?

[ Gasps ] Hey, you two.

Hey.
Hey, you three.

We had such a good time
last night.

-So fun.
-So fun.

-So fun.
-Yeah.

-So fun.
-Actually, we were thinking --

We're seeing a movie,

if that's what
you were thinking.

The new Nancy Meyers movie?
What's it called?

-Umm, umm --
-"As Long As You're At It."

Yes. Right, wait.

How funny does Steve Martin

look as Diane Keaton's son?[ Laughter ]

-Come on.
-That's crazy.

Very funny, but...

we were planning on seeing
the new "Avengers."

Mm-hmm.
The one with all of them.

-Huh.
-Oh, okay.

Uh, should we vote?

On what?On what movie
we're all gonna see.

"As Long As You're At It"
or "Avengers."

-All of us?
-Yeah, okay.

So whoever wants to see "The
Avengers," raise your hands.

No.

Put that hand down.Right.

You automatically have
the majority vote.

What's next?

We pay for half a popcorn,
but only get two-fifths of it?

-You sound crazy.
-You can't pick up half a check,

and then claim more than half
the votes on what movie to see.

I mean, who does that?
Wh-Who does that, people?

No, not good people, okay?
That's insane.

That's insane. Not me.
No. That's insane.

Especially when you weren't
even invited to the movie

in the first place.

[ Huffs ]

I was gonna vote
for "The Avengers."

Sherl: I make my own barbecue
sauces and everything.

Amanda: Really?
Yeah.

What flavors?Oh, barbecue.

So, Earth Hole.

Is that like an eco-conservation
company?

Ah, sorta.
We use a hydraulic process

to extract clean-burning gas
and petroleum from shale.Cool.

Wait,
isn't that fracking?

It's not-not fracking, but
we don't call it that anymore.

Did you know
they're a fracking company?

No, but I don't get told
a lot of stuff.

Is that directed at me because
I didn't tell you about Brett?

Because the reason I didn't
tell you about Brett

is because there's nothing
to tell, okay?

Okay.
Really?

No! Honestly, are you
so self-involved

that you can't even see my point
of view just a little bit?

Self-involved?Yes!

Self-involved.

And what was
the other part?

Sherl: Hey! You two!

Are we gonna hurl hatchets
or what?

Okay, Earth Holes, here's where
you get your axe handed to you.

[ Laughter ]Hold it like this!

Keep your eyes on the target.

If it helps,
instead of a hay bale,

you can picture somebody who
said they were totally into you,

but then backed off
because you had a girlfriend.

But then, while you were
breaking up with your girlfriend

to be with them,

they got back in touch
with their ex

and kept it on the down low![ Axe thuds ]

Die, Linda!

[ Cheering ]Yeah.

That technique really works.

♪♪

Have you seen Delilah?

No. What's going on?Oh, poor thing.

Middle of our show, she just
went fully mommy meltdown.

She just froze up
and took off.

Oh, no.
Yeah.

I can't find her anywhere,

and we still have
a second show to do.

Well, don't worry.
I'm sure she'll be there.

That might be worse.

I can't do it with her.
I can't do it without her.

What do I do?

Maybe it's time for that
one-woman feminist piece

you've been working on.This audience isn't ready

for "Me Too,
Time's Up, You're It!"

[ Sighs ]
You guys
don't have understudies?

Do you?
Touché.

Nobody knows our show
like we do.

Not entirely true.

O0 C1Remember, he will be
wearing a red thong.ing ]

♪♪

I need a hint.Hint? [ Chuckles ]

I am fortune teller,
not murder mystery party host.

But maybe
for a few coins...

Taffy!No, n-not Taffy.

Not Taffy.
No, no.

Taffy, begone.

Ugh.

Oof.

I -- I say you are
withholding love,

but love can come
in many forms, huh?

Sexual, familial, fraternal,
platonic.

You feel me?

I believe I do.

Brian!

I love you.

Oh, dear.

Maggie,
we've been through this.

[ Laughs ]
Not like that, you peacock.

As a friend.
Oh!

Well, blessed be.

I love you, too,
in that way.

Mm.

Where's this sudden affection
coming from?

'Cause last time, it was a fifth
of cinnamon schnapps

and a heated debate
about Rupert Everett.

[ Laughs ]
I had a Tarot reading done

that revealed I've been
withholding love from someone,

but I don't know who.

That's ridiculous.
You're a very loving person.

I think so!

Who could it be?

Oh!

Your sister.

I love Siobhan.Do you?

Of course. [ Sighs ]All right.

But you haven't spoken --Well, that's on her.
I called last.

She owes me.

Okay.

Look around.

You adore everyone here,
and they adore you.

I know.Except Amanda.

Except Amanda.

Oh, God.You don't think?

No, it can't be.
It's absurd.

Speaking of absurd,
let me ask you something.

Five people go to dinner.

The check comes.
Who pays?

Is this a riddle?

Someone dead,
and it turns out

they were standing
on a block of ice?

No.
Was the weapon
an icicle?

No, it's not a riddle.Oh, good.
I hate those things.

Why should I be made
to feel a fool

because I can't think
of an ice weapon?

Exactly.
Oh, but here's a good one.

What's small and brown and has
a head and a tail, but no legs.

Oof.
I shudder to think.

A penny.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, that is good.

Yeah.

Mm.

Anyway, you were saying?

No idea.

♪♪

Man: I got this.[ British accent ] Lords and
ladies, welcome to 1585,

when the battle of the sexes
couldst only be won

with turkey legs!
-Yeah!

Get ready, get set --
lords versus ladies!

Compete!

Eat that meat!
-Yeah!

I can't believe I broke up
with Callie for you.

You can't put that
on me.

I didn't force you
to break up with her.

Oh, no.
You just backed off,

and then you made it clear
that she was the reason.

That's called
having scruples.

Oh, scruples, right.

I forgot that those and honesty
were mutually exclusive.

[ Spits ]
I was not being dishonest.

I was taking things slow.With me or Brett?

With you, you moron!
Are you really this dumb?

I don't know.Are you really
this immature?

You play in the mud under
the name "Pizzle Humpsalot."

We make out once, and you go
break up with your girlfriend.

Your last
"real relationship"

was with a married
high school teacher,

so you do not get to
lecture me about maturity.

Because
the real problem here

isn't that I didn't tell you
about Brett.

It's that you need
to grow the hell up!

[ Turkey leg clangs ]

♪♪

No! The problem is,
you need to quit yakking

and get snacking, princess.

I'm not losing my parking space
to Dirk in marketing!

[ Chanting ] Eat that meat!
Eat that meat!

Eat that meat! Eat that meat!
Eat that meat!

[ High-pitched voice ] Ooh!
Ooh, I like this one!

He's a tall drink of water!

[ High-pitched voice ]
That's why I chose him!

'Cause you know
what always comes

with a tall drink
of water!

Both: A long straw!

[ Laughter ]Whoo!

You're a naughty one,
Griselda!

A naughty one?

How dare you!

I'm a naughty six!

Whoo![ Laughter ]

And if it's dark enough,
I can pass for seven!

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheering, laughter ]Got to be real dark.

All those hours
running lines with them.

Now we have understudies.Uh-huh.

-Pretty good ones, too.
-Uh-huh.

We might even be able to take
a break once in a while

if we're feeling...

overwhelmed?

♪♪

Well, now what?

And what is this term paper
you would have me right?

Does term mean terminal?
Do you have the plague?

Oh, oh!
Away with you.

I must work on my new play,

"A Midsummer's Night Dream 2:
Lysander's Revenge."

[ Chuckles ]
That was funny.

How many plays did
Shakespeare write?

37.

And somehow,
you're more dramatic.

They forced my hand.

No, sweetie.

Youforced your hand.

All you had to say was "Maybe
some other time, we have plans."

Propriety in the face
of impropriety

has never worked for me.

So you've tried it?

My whole life, bottling up my
feelings to spare others theirs

and still being
taken advantage of.

And it sucked.

Fine, so I'm dramatic.
So what?

Most of the time,
I also happen to be right.

"Why, what is pomp, rule, reign,
but earth and dust?

And, live we how we can,
yet die we must."

Are you...

Are you quoting me to me?

We get one go-around,
Brian.

You want to spend it enjoying
food, friends, and movies?

Or you want to spend it
penciling out

who had the branzino?

♪♪

The first one.
Yeah.

♪♪

Do they think
I'm a monster?

No.
I smoothed things over.

Nice cap flip, by the way.

Thanks.
I've been working on it.

You can tell.

So how'd you leave things?

Are we all going to see
"As Long As You're At It"?

No.
Oh, thank God.

We're having dinner again.

♪♪

Juan!

O0 C1Hey.
Oh, hey.

Mud guy, right?

Big plastic balls guy,
right?

I prefer "Guy who owns the Orbs
of Fury Attraction," but yeah.

Alden.
Cheers. David.

You make good money,
shoving kids in those things

and letting them
roll around?

I do all right.
What about you?

You make good money
doing mud stuff?

Good money, no, no.
It's not good.

And apparently,
it's not very mature,

so you looking for investors
or anything like that or...?

Investors, no,
but franchisees? Yes.

If you're interested,
give me a call.

Yeah, okay.

Cheers.

Earth Holers:
♪ Let's make an Earth Hole

♪ Find out what
it's worth-hole ♪

♪ Pumping in the water

♪ And sucking out the gas

-♪ Hey
-♪ Let's make an Earth-hole

♪ Find out what
it's worth-hole ♪

♪ Are we moving mountains?

♪ You bet your frackin' ass

[ Laughter ]

Guess who's making
regional manager?

Who?Me, man.

What?
That job was mine.

Sorry, bro.
Gotta hustle.

More like "gotta be
a white dude."

[ Laughs ]

What did you say?Nothing.

Did you say
I only got the job

'cause I'm sleeping
with Kristeem, huh?

'Cause I'm not.
-Okay.

That's what you said,
isn't it?

-No.
-Yes, it is.

No, it isn't, Wade.

He said it's 'cause
you're white.

Dude.And obviously it's not
'cause you're white.

It's 'cause you're white
andsleeping with Kristeem.

Oh, screw you, man.

-Ugh!
-Oh!

Oh!
I'm sorry, man.

I'm s-sorry.

-Hey, guys.
-Oh!

[ Thud ]

[ Yelling ]

♪♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Frackers, stop!

You'll never beat the Scots!

Oh!
-David!

♪♪

Hey.
Hi.

Oh. No.

S-Sorry, I'm not into,
umm, frackers.

Ugh!
Ooh!

[ Yelling continues ]

[ Screams ]

[ Panting ]

I guess we should have stopped
serving them sooner.

You think?

Umm, I-I'll get Lee?

I'll cover you.Okay, thanks.

[ Yelling continues ]

♪♪

-God save the queen!
-God save the queen!

Oh, damn it.

Arise, mistress.

And how fare you
this day?

Very well, your grace,
but I've got --Walk with me.

Now?
Please.

Man: Hi, Your Majesty!

Our time together at this faire
is nearly at an end.

And while we have not
always shared the same
vision towards landscape,

there can be no disputing your
commitment to its community.

Grammercy.

I do say you now feel as though
you've received love from me.

No.
Oh, fair enough.

So if that's all?It's not.

Damn it.

I think it important
that we attempt

to improve our fellowship.

Particularly if we're both
heading to the same faire next.

Oh!

Well, yeah, it would be.

I mean, if we were,
which we could be,

or I could be
headed home soon.

At least that's what my family
thinks is happening.

Everyone seems to be knowing
what I'm doing next but me.

I'm surprised.
I thought you were committed.

I am.
No, I am to thisfaire.

But just because you go to one
awesome show,

it doesn't mean you have
to follow the band

around the whole country,
you know?Oh, God, do I.

Three words --
Bel Biv Devoe.

So, you were planning on me
sticking around, huh?

Well, you know what
they say. Hope for the
best, plan for the --

[ Glass breaking, shouting ]What the hell
is going on there?!

[ All screaming ]

Oh, God.
Lee.

Excuse me!

[ Screaming continues ]

♪♪

Drunks.

Lee!

Delilah?

[ Sobbing ]

First my son gets
taken away from me,

[sniffles] and then my show
gets taken away from me?

Oh, honey.

They're my babies,
Lu.

Two things I created
all on my own.

You did have some help.

Oh, please.

Zeb did five,
maybe six minutes of work.

I meant our show.

Oh, right, yes.

You were
very helpful there.

That's true.

And they're not being
taken away from you.

They're just broadening
their horizons.

But what if they like
the other horizon better?

What if the other horizon
isbetter?

What if everything changes, and
nothing stays the same forever?

De.

It just hurts.

[ Sighs ]
Lil Boy
only has one mama.

That is never changing.

And nobody does our show
like we do.

Damn straight,
they don't.

[ Sniffles ]You're just taking
a little time off work.

Big deal.

Except for me
it's not work.

It's my joy.

Okay. Well, then, let's go
get your joy back.

Oh, I want to.

But, Lu, it's kidnapping.

Again, I was talking
about...the show.

Show. Yes.

Let's go do that.All right.

♪♪

Yeah.
Yeah.

[ Men moaning ]

♪♪

Thanks.You're welcome.

Aah!

Sorry I called you moron.

That's okay.

I'm sorry I said
you were immature.

And self-involved.And self-involved.

And I shouldn't have said
that you have the worst case

of Peter Pan Syndrome
I've ever seen.

You didn't say that.I didn't?

Pretty sure.

Oh.
I also didn't think it.

Thanks.

I wasn't trying to hide Brett
from you,

but I can
see how it looked.

I shouldn't have said that I
broke up with Callie for you.

Even though you did?Which I totally did.

I like you.

Like, likelike?

Or, like, like?

Well, real sorry
about all this.

Got a bit of a rowdy crowdy
out here.

Had a couple of b-holes ruin
all the fun.

I hate that.
Uh, but you know what?

If you ever need a large
bore well drilled,

this'll get you 10% off.

Notyou!

You.Thank you.

I, uhh, put my personal number
on the back there.

In case.

I got a hot tub.

All right.

♪♪

Digits. Sweet.

And a large bore
drilling discount.

Well, it looks like
she like likes you.

Well, I'm likeable. It's nice.
You don't get punched as much.

What,
so I'm not likeable?

No, you're very likeable,
but in a punchable kind of way.

A likeable,
punchable mudbeggar.

Triple threat.

Mud's been good to me.

But I have been thinking
about what you said.

Maybe it is time
to grow up.

Maybe I should --Go to law school.

What? No.
Diversify.

Like, I was gonna buy a game
or a booth or something.

I don't know.
Why would I go to law school?

No, you wouldn't.

I just thought,
where I come from,

that's what people do when
they give up on their dreams.

[ Horn playing ]

[ Bell tolling ]

Make way, make way!

Make way
for Sir Leaf Pygion

and his bride-to-be,
Lady Callie!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Horse huffing ]

♪♪

They're getting married?

How long have they known
each other?

Probably long enough
to discuss everything

they both know
about anything.

So like a day, maybe?

Roughly.

We're mean.

I'm mean.
You're likeable.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Delilah: To the well!

Ophelia,
come support the sisterhood!

Coming!No, no, no, no. Oh.

♪♪

Hey, mud guy.Hey, balls guy.

Uhh, so, how much
for a franchise?

If you have to ask,
you can't afford it.

I'm kidding.
5 grand.

For that
you own it, operate it,

and get full legal use
of the name Orbs of Fury.

-5 grand, huh?
-Plus suffocation insurance.

♪♪

[ High-pitched voice ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
don't try this at home!

We're
trained professionals!

[ High-pitched voice ]
Technically, we're not trained.

Well, technically,
this isn't a profession.

Technically you're not
even wenches!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
these are imposters!

Impersonators!Charlatans!

[ Crowd boos ]

And this isn't
a drag show!

It's a rag show!
Whoo!

[ Laughter, applause ]

-Huzzah!
-Okay, folks, where were we?

So, Leaf and Callie.
Good for them.

Uh, yeah.It'll never last.

Mnh-mnh, nope.

They'll have good-looking
babies, though.

Long and strong.
Yeah.

But a relationship based
on looks alone

is not sustainable.No.

You need common interests,
you know, things to talk about,

the ability to talk about
your common interests.

If you ask me --

♪♪

Ahh.
The Moon.

This tells of a truth you hide,
even from yourself.

[ Speaking with lisp ]
Why does The Moon mean that?

Because each day,
it hides from us.

Each night,
the sun hides.

Do The Sun and the Moon
mean the same thing?

No. No.

No. [ Clears throat ]
Sun means success, happiness.

Moon, mysterious.

The Sun is --
Hot.

Yes.

So hot.[ Clears throat ]

Now, you must follow your heart
to find this truth

that you conceal
from yourself.

Follow your heart, find the
truth you conceal from yourself?

Where have I heard that
before?

Margaret.Don't "Margaret" me.

I came to you
for soothsaying,

and you gave me patter.
Why?

Because you can't
handle the sooth.

You're a fraud.

An old woman in a costume
putting on an accent,

pretending to possess a power
she doesn't really have.

Pot, kettle.

Kettle, pot.

How dare you?Huh!

People see what they want
to see,

believe what they want
to believe,

and hear what
they want to hear.

Or need to hear.

There are only seven stories
in the world.

Why should yours
be unique?

♪♪

So...are we done?

O0 C1AI was not only ableg
to access my feminine side,

I was also untethered
from the self-imposed vocabulary

restrictions established by
the character of Stick.

Dude.

All I said was,
"That was fun, wasn't it?"

♪♪

-Knock, knock.
-Enter.

Uhh, hey, Maggie.

You have a message
from Sanjeep

from the Myron J. Shapiro
agency.

Said he's been trying
to call you.

And I've been trying
to ignore said calls.

Yeah, but they said somebody
fell out of the chorus,

and the producers want you
to put a song on tape.

I mean,
that sounds pretty big.

Not interested.
Why?

Because it is big,

and small fish fare better
in small ponds.

Okay, but you're not
a small fish.

You're a big fish
who deserves a big pond.

Actually, you know what?
Scratch that.

Big pond deserves you.

Do you really think so?

Yeah, I've thought so
for a long time.

Oh, Lee.
Yes?

How could I be so blind?

There issomeone I've been
with holding my love from.

It's me--It's myself!

Uhh...w-what?

Self love.

The most important kind.
Oh, Lee.

Thank you for showing me
the sort of confidence

I should have been
showing me.

I won't forget this.

Me, neither.

So, do you mind?
I need to return this call.

Oh, yeah.
Duh.

You gotta do that, and the
faire's not gonna run itself.

[ Chuckles ]
I got to, uhh -- Jesus.

Okay, bye.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Both panting ]

Hey!

This is where I slept
the first night.

This is where I sleep
every night.

Why are you being competitive
about sleeping?

Natural male instinct.

I'll stop.
Thanks.

But I'm better at sex
than you.

Ew.
That was a joke.

I know.

Whoa!

Bet you're not.

♪♪

I'm proud of you.

Don't be.

No, I am.
This is hard for you.

Well, you showed me
the way.

We eat. They eat.
We pay half.

They pay half.

It's a numbers game.

What? No.

It's about letting go
of the numbers.

You say potato,
I say truffle potato.

-Brian.
-And what can I bring you?

Yes. I will have...

the blue crab cocktail,

the, uh,
lobster mac and cheese.

That sounds good.

Umm, the porterhouse for two,

oh, with a side of
the pipi'i loa foie gras.

[ Laughs ]
I am so hungry!

[ Laughs ]

Mm!

Should we get something
for the table?

[ Toilet flushes ]

♪♪

We...

[ Gulps ]

...win.

Are you done?

♪♪

Yes.

Not done.

[ Vomits ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪