All language subtitles for Growing Pains s01e16 The Seavers vs. the Cleavers

It's 8 .30, guys. The 8 o 'clock bus
will be here in 10 minutes.

I've still got to get ready.

Ben, school.

I forgot to give you guys this. It's a
letter from the Parents Association.

Ixnay on the Adderley, Carol.

Let me see that.

Dear fellow parents, our program of
weekly dances is in jeopardy owing to

fact that many of you have not fulfilled
your parental responsibilities and made

yourselves available for chaperoning.

You know who you are, and more
importantly, we know who you are.

Sincerely, Mrs. Adolf Hitler.

June Hinckley, president of the Parent
Association.

Nice tone.

Now, come on. Now, busy people like you
guys have far better things to do than

to hang around and smell gin.

Embarrassing, Mike. Yeah, I know.

Embarrassed? That was her word, not my
word, Mom.

I don't care if they chaperone dances.

Bye.

Because you've never been to one.

Mike, did you get one of these letters?

Yeah, sure.

Well, where is it?

Come on, Mom, give me some kind of
credit here.

Look, I'm not going to bother you guys
with a stupid letter like that.

Look, I try to screen these things for
you guys.

You know, cut down on the junk mail.
Protect your valuable time.

Suck to the ceiling of the boys' jar.

again.

Ben, the bus.

Use it or lose it.

Come on, Ben, I think you're spending
far too much time studying and not

enough horsing around.

Hey. I'm kidding. Ben knows when the old
dad is kidding.

Right, Ben?

I'm a lord.

I'm a lord?

It's the Robin Hood. That's the school
play this year.

Oh, you mean you weren't calling me my
lord as a measure of respect?

That's funny, Dad.

See, he does know when... His old dad's
kidding.

This year, I'm going to get a part.

Well, let's hope. But I remember last
year's auditions, how heartbroken you

were. Come on, Dad. I was just a kid.

Ah, I see. So this year is the only
adult in the third grade. You ought to

a big edge.

That's how I figure it. Well, good luck.

Bye, honey.

Break a leg.

What?

Figure of speech.

Jason, when you were Mike's age, would
you have been afraid or embarrassed to

have your parents chaperone?

Oh, sure. I went through that stage. My
dad volunteered to chaperone one of our

class trips.

I begged him not to.

The dad, but I'm not going to do
anything. He said, well, that's fine.

can not do it with me there.

You're looking good, Dad. Vicious
ensemble, Mom.

Let's have a nice day night here.

Mom,

I might miss that darn bus.

Open the coat.

Who went?

Mike, do you really think you dressed
appropriately for school?

Heck no. Why would I want to do that?

Change now.

Dad. Mike.

Now, Mike, if you think that this
conveys the proper image, not just for

yourself, but for the family you
represent, then by all means, go ahead

a rubber fowl on your stomach.

See ya.

Jason.

I don't know why that works, but it's
really starting to burn me up.

You know, um, you shouldn't judge the
school by the first day.

And you have to... Overlook all the
average people.

It is a public school.

Well, I'm used to that, Carol.

You'd be surprised how many average
people there are in Los Angeles.

My old science teacher wouldn't even let
me build a small model of a

thermonuclear device for a science
project.

Fission or fusion?

Oh, fusion, of course.

Of course.

I plan to fit in at this school.

I've already joined the dance decoration
committee.

Oh?

Will you be, um, at the dance then
tomorrow night?

Sure.

Will you, um, be dancing?

I haven't made up my mind yet.

I might just observe.

Hi, Mike.

Here's gunk breath.

Brother.

That's what all my patients said.

required rehearsing this part won't
interfere with your study.

That's the best part.

I can be in the play, go to all the
parties, and all I have to do is lay

My son, the rock.

Yeah.

Now, Jason, I want to talk to you about
this shirt. Now, this is the proper

image you wish to convey, not only for
yourself, but for the family you

represent. Okay, all right.

All right. It's a shame, though.

I was thinking of wearing it. this when
your mom and I chaperone your school

dance.

What?

You're not really going to chaperone.

Had you going there for a second, didn't
I?

Hey,

wait a minute. What's this?

What? For the first time in your life,
you two agree on something.

That's better.

I thought you said you didn't care
whether they chaperoned or not.

Hey, Carol, you don't even go to these
dances.

Well, I might go to this one. I'm
keeping my options open. And she just

go because that geek out on the front
porch wants to go.

He's not a geek. He's from Los Angeles.

You're breathing heavy for him, Carol.

You know, you're just afraid that if Mom
and Dad chaperone, you won't be able to

wear makeup and go slow dancing and run
off into the parking lot with that goon.

Hey, Cole!

Parking lot?

My little girl?

Heavy breathing?

Los Angeles?

Don't listen to him, Dad.

You know, chaperoning is not all bad.

What? Dad, I'm not gonna do anything.

Fine. Then you cannot do it with me
there.

If you want to hit me, I won't stop you.

Oh, see.

I knew it. I can't wear this. Chaperones
are supposed to look stodgy and

respectable. Well, why don't you wear
this one?

You think that dress is stodgy?

This one?

Stodgy? I'm kidding.

I love this dress. It's my favorite
dress.

I have dreams about this dress.

Oh, sweetheart, I haven't had the chance
to tell you how surprised and happy I

was that you changed your mind and
agreed to do this.

It shows real maturity.

Well, that's me, mature yet curiously
juvenile.

And, of course, the fact that Carol's
going had nothing to do with it. Carol

who?

It's okay.

It's okay.

I love you when you're hopelessly old
-fashioned. Mm -hmm.

You realize this is exactly the sort of
behavior we're supposed to prevent

tomorrow night.

But this is tonight.

Isn't life crazy?

I mean, I meet you for the first time
yesterday, and then I find out that

on the same decorating committee.

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

My parents are chaperoning tonight.

I'm sorry.

Thank you. It was quite a shock.

I can imagine.

My parents chaperoned once.

How was it?

It was mortifying.

They... Carol, they danced.

My father started flailing his arms like
some huge thrashing machine.

My mother, she kind of hopped and
clapped and yelled, hey, in time to the

What a nightmare.

Ward? Mrs. Hinkley.

You've done our school proud, as usual.

Thank you, Ward.

If all the ladies... and the Parents
Association were like you, it would sure

change my life.

Thank you.

Uh, we loved your chaperone letter.
Really did the trick.

Wonderful. Who is chaperoning tonight?

The Seavers.

Ward. Uh, yes?

I don't know.

Maybe it's okay for a man to run a
psychiatric practice out of the home,

maybe it's all right for a woman to go
back to work just when her children need

her most.

Maybe letting our offspring run wild is
hunky -dory.

Maybe I'm just old -fashioned.

Could be.

Ward.

Ward, I'm worried about deceivers.

I mean, the type of people we need for
chaperone should be able to control

own children.

Wow, that's a pretty high standard.

Boy, your parents sound worse than mine.

Hi, honey.

Hi. You're home early.

Slow news day.

Oh, well, then the lord and lady of the
manor have the castle all to themselves.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, guys, how you doing?

I'll get it.

That does it. I quit the play.

Oh, Ben, you're not going to be a rock
after all?

No way.

Friar Tuck sits on me all through act
two.

That's okay. Then we can chaperone
another time. Mm -hmm.

Well, uh, thank you for calling, Mrs.
Hitler. Hankley.

All right.

Bye.

You mean we aren't chaperoning? No.

Oh, somebody pinched me. I'm dreaming.
This is great.

No, it's not.

What are you, nuts?

Forget it. I already know the answer.

Did she tell you why?

Well, apparently they've double -booked
the chaperones this week.

Well, she lied to you.

The reason you're not chaperoning is
because you're unacceptable parents.

Unacceptable parents?

Carol, you heard this?

Not just me.

Scotty Siegler heard every word of it.

All right!

I don't get it.

She said, I have a mother who abandoned
me, a brother who's a delinquent, a

father who runs a mental ward at home.

She made...

of the week.

I'll kill her.

Maggie, don't get upset.

Jason, how can you stand there so
calmly?

Actually, I have deeply rooted feelings
of anger and hostility.

I just refuse to give vent to them until
we find out if there's some

misunderstanding.

I'll give her a vent.

So you're all over school by tomorrow?

Oh, Carol, it will not. How's anybody
going to hear?

Norman, I'm not kidding. That's what
they said.

Unacceptable.

I have someone else on the other line.

Mike, this is nothing to brag about.

I know, Jerry.

Hello? Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, you heard.

Yeah. You know, my parents have been a
mile of that.

I'll never live this down.

Just a minute. Yesterday, you were
embarrassed because we were acceptable.

Exactly.

Now, do you see what you're putting me
through?

This is absolutely unbelievable.

Yeah, regardless.

is to hold your temper. Yes. Are you
lying? Yes.

Boom.

Hi -ho. You must be the Seavers.

Call me Jimbo.

Hi -ho.

Go on in. I have BBQ detail tonight.

See, these are reasonable people.

Mr. and Mrs.

Seaver, how nice of you to insist on
dropping by.

Yes, well, uh, hello, my name's Jason.
Uh -uh -uh.

How do you do? Now, what's all this
crud? Uh, we won't take up much of your

time, Mrs. Hinkley. We just thought we
should come by and clear up a little

misunderstanding.

Well, won't you sit down?

Yes. Yes, we will. Thank you very much.

Well, the thing is that we heard this
crazy rumor that you said, and this is

probably all wrong, but that you said
something about us being unacceptable

parents.

Oh, dear. I'm afraid that wasn't meant
for your ears.

So you did say that?

Oh, yes.

Because we're... When the hell do you
get off ruining our reputation?

We don't use that word in our home.

Damn it! How can you say that one?

Well, I have two more words you won't
like, June.

Yeah?

No. No, I won't. Now I'm getting carried
away here. It's okay, Jason. Get

carried away. No, no. I would like to
make one more attempt at some real

communication here.

I...

One goes out for an evening. One dresses
properly for the occasion.

Oh, but Mother, look. You know what
Mother likes.

Nuts. Excuse me?

Yes, Mother.

Children.

Hold on to your slipcovers, June,
because I'm a... Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,

what's the point?

We're not on the same planet here. And
if we stay any longer, we're just going

to make ourselves crazy.

And we probably will end up hurling
obscenities at this woman, and what

that accomplish?

Oh, what the heck, let's give it a shot.

Junebug, these burgers are very close.

Where's your sister?

In her room.

Where's the couch?

I don't know. It was here a minute ago.

Okay, I'll clean it up.

Nah, nah, don't clean it up. Don't be...
Don't worry. Come here. Put those feet

up here. Leave those shoes on. Be a kid.

This is the way I like Ben.

Sloppy, lazy.

A real kid.

And if we're such bad parents, how did
Carol turn out so well? That's right.

Mike. Mike's perfect.

out my head.

But the point is, nobody says we did a
bad job raising our kids. And nobody

tells us we can't chaperone.

I'm surprised that they made it a crime
to talk to my parents.

Well,

I guess you wore the right dress.

Hey, a nice day.

The fact that you're here doesn't make
you chaperone.

And the fact that you're here doesn't
mean you're here.

Okay, now let's go way back and do a
little tribute to our ancestors.

Here's some ginny wine for you, Rock,
and that means our chaperones must

as you brought it up

stigma phase after a year or two.

You know, actually, your parents aren't
too bad.

Look.

Hey, are those your parents dancing?

Uh, no, no, my parents couldn't make it
tonight. They may have to leave the

country.

Oh, no, that's them.

Who? The ones with all the moves.

Parents are reasonably cool.

he walks me home?

Sure. But Dad!

Oh.

Okay. Thanks.

Okay.

You guys got away with it once.

I don't want this to go to your heads.

This is a hot dress, Mom.

Please don't ever wear it in front of my
friends again.

Foggy rock, indeed.

Well, let's go, Foggy.

Let's rock.