All language subtitles for Dont.Tell.Larry.2025.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264 (SDH)

(♪♪♪)

(GROANS)

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

(MAN SCREAMS)

Yes.

Wednesday at seven.

Perfect.

I will see you there.

(CHUCKLES)

(♪♪♪)

(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)

WOMAN 1:
Good morning Good Lakes Cruises

(♪♪♪)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

BRUCE:
The strangest thing,
my vertigo started back up

when I got in the wrong car.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Yeah?

No, I'm not.

I just want to stop spinning,
is all I'm looking for.

Well, you can see
why I'm confused.

He said,
"Put this in your rear."

I-- I didn't know
he meant put it in your ear.

Yeah. Okay.

Bye-bye.

-Susan.
-(PHONE BEEPS)

Morning, Bruce.

Good morning, Pumpkin.

(PUMPKIN GROWLS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Do you want the good news
or the great news?

-You didn't.
-I did.

I convinced the Takadashi Group
to meet with us on Wednesday.

Fantastic.

And don't forget,
we have the rehearsal

at the restaurant tonight
at 7:30.

And I brought you a coffee.

Look at you. You're fantastic.

One for me and one for Larry.

Oh, that one's actually mine.

(SLURPS)

-Mm.
-Who's Larry?

Larry, come on in here.

Meet Susan.
She got you some coffee.

Good morning,
Good Lakes Cruises.

You brought this coffee for me?

Uh, yes. Yep.

Got that for you.

Larry, meet Susan. Susan, Larry.

Isn't she great?

Bruce, I didn't know
we were hiring.

He's my surprise hire
before I retire.

Susan has been our top
associate for eight years.

She's going to be our new CEO.

What? Oh, wow.

Want you two to get close,
but not in an intimate way.

I'll get as close
as possible without--

without being intimate.

-(AWKWARD CHUCKLE)
-(BRUCE LAUGHS)

BRUCE:
What do you think
about that picture?

This is a great surprise.
Look behind you.

BRUCE:
Look at that picture
with me and the cat.

Do you like that?

Aye, that's one of my favorites.

Always. It's been
one of my favorites.

My God, you and that cat
look exactly alike almost.

You're gonna like this guy.

Is the cat that big?

-No, Pumpkin's right there.
-BRUCE: No. Can you see?

-She'll come out in a second.
-Oh.

BRUCE:
She'll warm up to you.

I'd take a bullet
for that beautiful cat.

Pumpkin loves me, so...

BRUCE:
Look at that face.

Look at the shayne punim
on this one.

Look at you.

Thank you, Bruce.

Cheers.

-Oh! (LAUGHS)
-Cheers.

How come you don't have
any coffee?

(SLURPS, GULPS)

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

This place. This place.

So how long have you been
working in the travel industry?

Thirty-seven minutes.

Oh, a newbie.

Raisins. Oh, my God.

I love these.
Supposedly, my dad does too.

Are they free?

Of course.

(RAISINS RATTLE)

I love this place.

Yeah.

I love it.

(INDISTINCT SPEECH
IN BACKGROUND)

MAN 1:
Thank you for calling
Good Lakes Cruises.

It's your one-stop shop...

So, did you apply to work here?

No. What happened was
I got an anonymous email

from Good Lakes Cruises saying
that if I got a job here,

I'd find what I was looking for.

So maybe I'll find my dad.

(♪♪♪)

(MUNCHES)

(♪♪♪)

Am I a bad person--

-Sometimes.
-Thank you, but let me finish.

If--if I don't invite
the weird new guy

to Bruce's surprise
retirement party tonight?

No.

Okay. Good.

Oh, my--

Hey, what's the ticket
override code?

Nine-em-six-four-pound.

What an amazing coincidence.

Wait, why do you need it?

I want to meet Jake Jacobson.

Kitt Justice.

(GROANS)

He bought tickets for Friday,
but I want to change

his delivery option
to in-office pickup

instead of mail order.

Okay, you can't just force
a stranger

to come into the office.

Very weird, Patrick.

No, it's not.

I've always wanted to meet him,
ever since I was a kid.

Well, it's still dishonest.

As dishonest as not inviting
the new guy to Bruce's party?

Okay, did you meet that guy?

I need tonight to be chill,
okay?

So I'm changing
your ticket order back--

No! No, no, no, no.
Don't, please.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'll make you a deal.

Anything you ask,
I won't say no.

I swear on my life.

Fine.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're welcome, welcome.

Everyone likes champagne, right?

-Yeah, I guess so.
-Good.

A nice bottle of champs

will still make Larry
feel welcome.

And it's good karma.

Surprise!

Hold on. Hold on, my vertigo.

Ooh!

Okay. Oh, there we go.

You're always there to make sure

-(CHANTING) Bruce! Bruce!
-Aw.

(CHANTING)
Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!

-Aw. Surprise.
-Good job. Good job.

ALL:
Cheers.

(GLASSES CLINK)

Let's get a selfie.

Okay. Hi.

Selfie meant something
very different in the Navy.

-Oh, Bruce.
-Oh, wow.

-Classic Bruce.
-You'd be in your bunk bed...

Ohh.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey.

Where's your lady friend?

Debra was married.

Oh, no! That sucks. I'm sorry.

CAROL:
Six months down the drain.

It is what it is what it is.

-Get it, Carol.
-Whoo!

That's not how that saying goes.

That's how Debra always said it.

I'm really good at this.

-Oh!
-(LAUGHS)

This party's amazing.

I'm having the time of my life.

Yay! Aww.

I love you all.
I love you, man.

-Love you, too.
-Love you, Bruce.

-We're gonna miss you.
-I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

I'm gonna write you.

Maybe I shouldn't retire.

-Oh, my!
-Just kidding.

(GEARS SHIFT)

(TAKES A DEEP BREATH)

A few more days.

I'll make you proud, Grandpa.

(GEARS SHIFT)

(♪♪♪)

SUSAN:
So splitting our revenue 80/20
with the Takadashi Group

will still allow us to have
a profit margin of absolutely--

Why wasn't Larry at my party?

(PUMPKIN MEOWS)

Oh. Um, he just seems
a little off,

and I decided not to invite him.

Mm.

So tomorrow night,
I think the Takadashi Group

is gonna counter
with a 70/30 split.

I made a mistake.

Uh... you know,
every hire can't be a home run.

I wouldn't sweat it, Bruce.

We'll figure it out. (CHUCKLES)

No, Susan. Forty years ago,

I made a mistake
when I had a one-night stand

with a cocktail waitress
named Cheryl.

You know what
a one-night stand is, right?

Yeah, Bruce, I'm familiar.

Good. Nine months later,

she called to claim
I was the father of her child.

A little boy named Larry.

Oh.

Yeah.

So I hung up the phone,
changed my number,

pretending the whole thing
didn't happen.

I went into hibernation
like a dwarf lemur.

But then a few months ago,
I saw Cheryl's obituary,

and I realized it was time
to reveal myself to Larry.

So I tracked him down

and reached out
to him anonymously.

Well, you need to tell him,
because he clearly doesn't know.

I know, but I've abandoned him
his whole life.

I'm not sure when the right time
is to tell him.

Unless when I tell him
that he's going to be

the new CEO of Good Lakes.

What?

I'm going to make Larry
the new CEO of Good Lakes.

You already told me
I'm going to be

the new CEO of Good Lakes,
so that-- that doesn't work.

I know, but your party
last night changed my mind.

It was, as you kids say,
dope as fuck.

I was having the time
of my life,

but after four Mai Tais
and three shrimp cocktails,

I realized
I couldn't have any fun

without Larry being there.

So you decided to make him
the CEO?

I mean that's the dumbest
reason I've ever heard.

You don't even know
he wants to be the CEO.

(SCOFFS) It's a great job.

Trust me,
he's not going to turn it down.

I know it's a great job.

That's why I've wanted it
for eight years.

I know, Susan.

No one deserves it
more than you.

So give me the job.

Easy. Easy, breezy.

But my guilt of being
an absent father

outweighs what you've done
to be my best employee.

I hope you understand.

You're-- you're making
a huge mistake.

You know, treating me like this

is gonna bring you bad karma.

CEO is my destiny.

Mine!

I'm your best employee!

I'm on your wall!
Eight freaking times!

Calm down, Susan. Relax.

No, I won't relax.

There are more photos
in this office of me

than there are of you.

Yeah, but under my picture,
it says "CEO."

-(GRUNTS)
-(GLASS CRACKS)

What the fuck?

Uh...

He fired you?

Yeah!

Wobbly prick gave me
an hour to clean out my desk.

Oh.

Well, silver lining,

at least now
you don't have to tell Larry

why you didn't invite him
to the party.

Hate to be a fly on the wall
for that conversation.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing.

Why didn't you invite me
to the party?

I just remembered
I have a meeting, so...

Don't--don't leave yet, Preston.

It's Patrick.

Stupid Larry.

This is why people
don't invite you

to social gatherings.

Larry, Larry.

It was Bruce.

Who didn't want you invited.

Bruce Waters
didn't want me invited

to his own surprise party?

Our boss is so paranoid
about his vertigo,

but he loves surprises,
so he plans the party,

I host it, and he shows up
"surprised."

Seems so weird.
That seems so weird.

Well, I got really upset.

I-- I cracked his window.

And then he fired me
because I fought f-for you.

You did that?

Uh-huh. I did that.

That's so crazy.

Yeah, so crazy.

I don't even believe you at all.

Every crazy story
has a nugget of truth,

just like a Tootsie Pop.

If you keep tonguing it,

and you should keep tonguing it,

you will get to that
sticky truth center.

So this is all
Bruce Waters' fault.

-Yep.
-Oh my god.

I mean, show him some manners.

Teach him a lesson.

Mm.

Teach him a lesson.

Bruce Waters made a mistake.

Teach him a lesson.

Exactly.

Wow.

I've never made best friends
this fast before in my life.

-Best friends?
-Best friends?

Yes, Susan, because
you told me the truth.

And, Patrick,
you're my other best friend

because you didn't stop her
from telling me the truth.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Larry, this is between you
and Susan.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Patrick, actions speak
louder than words,

and the actions
that you didn't take

spoke way louder
than the words you didn't say.

Thank you both.

Oh. Uh, you guys want
the door open or closed?

-SUSAN: Closed.
-PATRICK: Closed.

-(DOOR SLAMS)
-What is wrong with you?

Nothing. I'm a genius.

Bruce is about to see
what a maniac his son is,

and he's gonna be begging
for me to come back.

Wait. Larry is Bruce's son?

-(GLASS SHATTERS)
-(BRUCE SCREAMS)

(DISTANT THUD)

(SIREN WAILING)

(♪♪♪)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(SIGHS)

Hey, buddy. You doing all right?

MAN 2:
Oh, my God. Bruce is dead.

This is just day two.

I better buckle up
for day three.

Larry, please tell me
you didn't kill Bruce.

What? Me?

I-- I didn't kill Bruce.

You just walked in
and this? Magic?

I just walked into his office
to teach him a lesson,

like you told me to.

I didn't tell you to walk
with gusto to--

-It's okay.
-It's not okay.

This is not okay.
Nothing about this is okay.

You did something.

I literally walked in there
and he screamed and fell.

Through that cracked window,
that crack that you made.

I'm not blaming you.

-Just saying.
-Fuck.

Oh god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

No no, no, please.
Don't be such a worrywart.

There was still plenty of time
for Bruce to learn his lesson

as he fell from the window
to the ground.

I'm sure of that.

One thousand, two one thousand,
three one thousand. Yeah, yeah.

He had enough time.

Hey. Bruce Waters
didn't invite me to the party,

and he fired you.

So...

he kind of got what he deserved.

As long as our best friend
Patrick isn't a tattletale,

you can go back inside

and continue working
at your desk.

And I can keep searching
for my dad.

It's not like he's gonna
just fall out of the sky.

Hey, at least no one else knows
you cracked that window.

Here you go.

(SIGHS)

Hey, Susan?

Uh.

(CLEARS THROAT)

GLORIA:
Can I have the rest
of the day off to,

you know, like,
really mourn and stuff?

I'm shook.

Why are you asking me, Gloria?

Well, now that our boss
legit died,

I assumed you'd be taking over.

Wait, there's a ladybug
on your shoulder.

Check it.

Oh, my God,
that is totally good luck.

So can I have the rest
of the day off?

Sure, Gloria.

Take the rest of the day.

Oh, my god, thank you.

You're a good boss.

(CHUCKLES)

(FOOT FALLING)

(BOTTLES CLANKING)

(GRUNTS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(♪♪♪)

-Susan Newmar?
-Oh. Mm-hm.

Cody Powell.

Legal counsel
for Good Lakes Cruises.

-Oh.
-Oh, uh,

my condolences for your loss.

Thank you.

Because of recent events,
company bylaws default me

to pick the next CEO ASAP.

Oh. Well, look no further.

-Here she is.
-Oh.

(LAUGHS) Sorry, I've just, yeah,
I've been working my way up.

I mean, looks like you
practically grew up here, huh?

I sure did. Yeah.

Yeah, well, none of that matters
anymore since I'm here.

Oh, I think it matters to the...

to the whole company.

Well, you know, sometimes
what you think matters

doesn't really matter.

I think it matters.

To you, not to me,
and I'm the one kind of here

picking next CEO, so...

Bruce was just this close
to promoting me to CEO.

If Bruce was going
to promote you,

I'm pretty sure
I would have heard about that.

Did he mention anyone?

Look, Bruce kept me in the dark
about a lot of things.

I mean, I understand now
that it's because...

it's because he was in
a very dark place himself.

Yeah.

I know it's a hard time.

If you need to use
my lava lamp...

They're very healing.

Thank you. Thank you.

So you're back?

-Sshh.
-Mmmm. Mmmm?

I'm back.

I guess Bruce
never had a chance to...

Let anyone know.

Yeah.

So what do you do
if someone has questions?

I'm not sure, but...

at least I have some time
to get my story straight.

-Excuse me.
-Huh?

Detective Kim Hammer.

Mind if I ask you
a few questions?

Seven seconds.

Forensics found cracks
in the window that were created

before Bruce Waters fell,

which means there is a pusher
and a cracker.

I'm sorry, I'm not following.

Well, first someone
cracked the window

and then someone pushed
your boss through it.

You've really seen that before?

Franklin Heights, 2008.

A love triangle gone wrong.

A disgruntled landlord breaks
into his lover's apartment

and cracks a window.

One hour later,
in a heated debate,

the lover "accidentally"
pushes her husband

into that cracked window.

The glass shatters.

The husband plummets
to his death.

Clearly, the pusher was more
guilty than the cracker.

Not according to the judge.

They both got 25 to life.

Twenty-five?

Whack.

What if Bruce was both
the cracker and the pusher?

(SCOFFS)

He had vertigo.

What if he stumbled
so hard into the glass,

he cracked it
and smashed through it?

It's not as crazy as it sounds,

because we had a surprise party
for him last night,

and it was amazing,

but he got so startled
that he almost fell over.

(LAUGHS) From a surprise!

Huh. Okay, then what might
have triggered his vertigo?

Pumpkin.

Pumpkin?

Pumpkin is his cat,
who's always in his office.

Can you put a cat in jail?

(LAUGHS) I'm sorry.

It's not funny.

Okay.

-Well, thank you.
-Mm-hm.

If you think of anything else,
then you call me.

Absolutely.

I'm an open book.

Hm.

One more question.

Mm-hm.

If you knew your boss
had vertigo,

then why throw him
a surprise party?

He really loves surprises.

I don't--I don't know.

It is what it is what it is.

(SCOFFS)

My wife always butchers
that saying too.

(♪♪♪)

Vertigo killed Bruce?

Why didn't you just tell her
Larry did it?

Why didn't you just tell her
Larry did it?

Because if Larry finds out
I'm the one that ratted him out,

I'll be the next one flying out
that window.

Ain't gonna happen.

Well, if I told her,

I'd have to admit I got fired
and I'm the cracker.

I'm sorry, the what?

(SIGHS)
I cracked Bruce's window.

If I hadn't done that,

he wouldn't have fallen out
when Larry, you know,

which I basically convinced
him to do.

-(PUMPKIN MEOWS)
-Pumpkin?

What is he doing with that cat?

(♪♪♪)

(ENGINE REVS)

We have to stop Larry
from hurting that cat.

Do you want to die?

Oh, this is all my fault.

I'm gonna suffer real
bad karma for all this.

Susan, it has been a rough day,

but I doubt you'll suffer
any bad karma.

Just calm down.

What? What?

Where's my car?

Ugh, my car got stolen.

OFFICER 1: (ON PHONE)
Don't worry, ma'am.
We'll find your car.

Thanks again, officer.

We need to get Larry fired.

No, you need to get Larry fired.

No, no, no. You owe me.

Whatever you need me to do,

the next thing you ask,
I will not say no,

literally anything
I swear on my life.

Touché.

Yeah.

Hey, hey. Save some for me.

I'm stressed, okay? Don't judge.

You know what? Hm.

What are you doing?

(HUMMING)

This is not a time
to get high. Ugh.

If you're getting high,
I'm getting high.

We are doing this together.

I'm not high. I don't do drugs.

You're doing them now, sweetie.

(BLOWS)

Oh, my god! Oh my god! I'm high.

Not yet, but you'll know
when you are, believe me.

Oh.

Wait...

this could get someone
in trouble.

This is so Watergate.

-SUSAN: What?
-PATRICK: Watergate.

-PATRICK: Read a book.
-SUSAN: Oh, I'm fine.

Just make yourself useful.
Get some paper.

Are you sure
we won't get caught?

Definitely. This place is so old

there are no cameras.

Good, because
I can't go to jail.

My hands are too supple.

-Okay.
-Heads up.

(PAPER RUSTLES)

SUSAN:
Found this

on Larry's desk.

Whoa.

What?

(LAUGHS)

Whoa.

Oh. Oh.

They're having fun.

(LAUGHING)

(LAVA LAMP BLOOPING)

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Susan.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Ew.

Thanks for telling me
to teach him a lesson.

Great call.

Leave me alone.

(SCREAMS)

Hey, didn't I fire you?

I deserve to be the CEO.

You deserve to be in jail
because the cracker

is just as bad as the pusher.

I am a good person.

Then, why'd you bang my wife?

(ECHOING)

MAN 3: (ON TV)
Larry Kitt Justice, help!

Watch this.

I'm gonna get
my vengeance right now.

No.

He's about to get
Doctor Malpractice.

Case closed, baby.

Case closed, baby.

Ah!

SUSAN:
Oh, my god.

(PATRICK LAUGHS)

(GROANS)

Looks like that doctor
is gonna need a second opinion.

-(LAUGHS)
-Wow.

-PATRICK: Kitt Justice.
-SUSAN: Uh-huh.

♪ Kitt Justice ♪

Just, wow.

♪ Kitt Justice ♪

I know it's cheesy,
but it's nostalgia.

Yeah, we all know. Wait.

Didn't this guy get arrested
for grand theft auto?

Hey, that was just a rumor.

(MUNCHES)

You want to see something cool?

-SUSAN: Yeah, please.
-Let me hear you say,

"Yeah."

(LAUGHS)

You could be a little more
excited once you see this.

Mm.

(VOCALIZES)

What is it?

Limited edition gavel pipe.

Oh, I'm good.

Jake Jacobson is going to flip
his lid when he sees this.

(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

Wait a minute.

How-- how do you even know
that it's the same guy?

It is not a common name.

Who else do you know
named Jake Jacobson?

Like four or five.

You don't know anyone named
Jake Jacobson as Kitt Justice.

SUSAN:
Why are you still obsessed
with this person?

He was the only consistent thing
I had growing up.

He was on TV after school
every afternoon at 4 p.m.

no matter
which foster home I was in.

Okay.

I got a personal question
for you.

What?

You think it's weird you live
in Abraham Lincoln's log cabin?

No.

My grandpa and I
have lived here forever.

Yeah, huh-huh.

Yeah, huh-huh.

Going sailing was our favorite
thing to do.

PATRICK:
Mm.

SUSAN:
We had the best memories

just being out on
the lake together.

He loved it there.

He moved here after the war,

and just like never wanted
to leave.

Mm, a war hero.

I've always wanted to meet one.

Is he around?

(MUNCHES)

Mm, stabbed me.

Yeah, he's...

I am so sorry.

I don't know he was right there
behind that wall sleeping.

Sshh.

I'll keep my voice down.

You don't have to.

Hmm?

(♪♪♪)

CAROL:
A heart made of gold.

His body went down, down, down.

Up, up his spirit.

(MAN COUGHS)

Thanks, Carol,
for that nice haiku.

And-- and I'll make sure
all the gifts

for the orphans
in the donation box

will be made in loving memory
of Bruce Waters.

CODY:
That is so kind, Carol.

MAN 4:
Amen.

Larry's still a no-show.

Maybe he's already fired.

A word from Gloria.

Well, just give me a second
to live stream.

Hey, bee-bees,
it's your girl, Gloria,

and I'm here today to share
some sad news about my boss.

Now you all knew him
as the rando with the cane.

He died yesterday,
and this is really sad for me

because I've never met anyone
who has died before.

-Mm-hm.
-GLORIA: So if you want tips

on how to look good
during a sad situation,

I am hosting a live tutorial
at 5:00.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Thanks, Gloria,
for whatever that was.

(CLEARS THROAT)

And now, a moment of silence.

(♪♪♪)

-Pumpkin?
-Pumpkin?

Larry, your hat looks
just like Pumpkin.

-Yes.
-Cool.

-Holy shit.
-Holy shit.

-Wow.
-CAROL: Wow.

Larry, that kind of dedication
is promotion-worthy.

Whoa.

And that's good to know
because I am promoting someone

to CEO on Friday.

But before that happens,
someone's getting fired

for smoking a joint
in the office.

-MAN 5: Shit.
-CODY: Larry, come here.

Do you know the company policy
on marijuana use?

No, but you must tell me.

We have a zero-tolerance policy,

so we're gonna drug test you...

LARRY:
Okay.

CODY:
And everybody else here today...

LARRY:
Whoa.

CODY:
To weed out
who violated company policy.

Duncan is here.

Duncan's urine testing
and more

to administer the tests.

-DUNCAN: Go Brewers!
-(CODY CHUCKLES)

So obviously
this is an urgent matter,

and you will have 90 minutes
to turn in your urine.

-Otherwise, you're in trouble.
-(EMPLOYEES CHUCKLE)

And will be fired.

(TIMER BEEPING)

Amy? Hi, yeah.
It's Susan Newmar.

Uh-huh.

No, yeah, I-- I
got you a couple Daq-A-Ritas

at Applebee's a few years ago.

Sure. Yeah.

Hey,
do you still live in Franklin?

Cool, cool!

When's the last time
you did drugs?

(CALL DISCONNECTED)

Hello?

-PATRICK: Yes--
-SUSAN: Shit.

PATRICK:
Service has been a blessing.

Amen.

Hey, listen, Pastor Carl,
I'm just gonna jump right to it.

I need clean urine ASAP.

Can you help?

Hello?

Well, hallelujah to you.

My sources are dry.

Mine too.

Hey,

what if we switch our pee
with someone else's pee

and kill two birds
with one pee stone?

Hm.

Duncan.

Is that your name? Duncan?

Yes. Duncan.

Duncan. What a name.

-Thank you.
-Wowee.

Um, hey,

any relation to the donut
and coffee company?

Can I help you?

Yes, you sure can.

So okay, with lady parts,

how would I go ahead
and pee in this?

Do I sit on it?

-You serious?
-Mm-hm.

I would love a demonstration

because I'm really
not understanding.

I'd love for you to show me.

You-- you just put--
you put the cup underneath you.

-Uh-huh.
-Right?

-Is that--?
-Yeah, oh, no.

Gosh, I've been doing it wrong
for years.

-That's so funny.
-Really, years?

Yes, I had no idea you went in
from the back side.

(LAUGHS)

Can you imagine?

-No, I can't actually.
-What kind of biology class

did I get?

(SUSAN LAUGHS)

-SUSAN: I don't know.
-That's--that's really weird.

DUNCAN:
How have you not been doing it
right for years?

SUSAN:
I don't know. Faulty education.

This is, um...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Can we just dance a minute?

No, I actually don't like
the touching.

SUSAN:
Dunc? Dunc?

Like a slam dunk, that's you.

Do you get this question a lot?

About...?

Catching pee in a cup?

No, it's first time.

(RATTLING)

Ooh.

(MOANS)

(MOANING)

(SMOOCHES)

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Are you a Scorpio?

I'm a Capricorn.

That works too.

(♪♪♪)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(DOOR OPENS, SQUEAKS)

Let's do this.

(DOOR SHUTS)

-Hurry up.
-Oh, god.

(GROANS)

Susan, Susan, Susan.

If you get any of Larry's
hot piss on me,

I will kill you.

Don't worry, I got this.

-Hurry up.
-Okay.

(DOOR OPENS)

What are you guys doing?

-PATRICK: Nothing.
-SUSAN: Nothing.

-God, ugh.
-Yeah.

No one tells you that real fur
is so itchy.

Oh!

(SIGHS)

Ah! Behind my back?!

My two best friends
drinking beer

-without me?
-No!

This isn't-- this is not beer.

This is not beer.

What is it then?

-This is...
-Um...

Um...

Yellow.

It's yellow.

-Special blend.
-PATRICK: Special blend of--

Of-- of-- of what?

-Kombucha.
-Kombucha. Cool.

-Kombucha.
-Kombucha.

-Yes.
-Oh, I don't like kombucha.

Good.

I love kombucha.

-Oh, oh, oh.
-Oh, no, please.

-No, no.
-No, no, no, no.

-Please, Larry.
-Give it to me.

-No.
-LARRY: Give it to me.

God damn it.

-Oh, my god.
-Oh!

-Ooo, it's a little warm.
-Mmm.

Must have been sitting out
in the sun.

Larry, that's not for you.

-No.
-LARRY: but best friends share.

Well, too bad there's not a way
to share this.

-Yeah, you just hand that back.
-Oop, problem solved.

-Okay.
-Here we go.

Just pour a little there.

Okay.

(POURS)

-There you go.
-Mm-hm.

For you. Take it.

Take it with your hand.

With your hands, take it.

Come on, dude.

(SNIFFS)

Is it just me, or does that
smell a little like pee?

-No.
-No, it's you.

-Yeah?
-It's not.

Okay, just checking.

-Oh, Larry, please!
-Oh, no, no, no, no.

-No, no, no, no!
-Oh, god, geez!

(GULPING)

What is it--

(CLEARS THROAT)

(GULPING)

What is it about stuff that's
supposed to be the best for you

that it always tastes
a little like urine?

Mm.

-(LARRY BURPS)
-PATRICK: Oh, god.

Yeah.

(BOTH GROANS)

-Drink up.
-Okay.

Come on, drink.

Drink, drink, drink.

(CHUCKLES)

All the way.

I've got to be able to see
that you're drinking.

You're holding it
to your cheek right now.

That's not your mouth.

Come on. It's not like
we're drinking pee.

Mm, yum, yum, yum.

Ahh.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

I just drank piss?

No, Larry. No, no, no, no.

This is, this is kombucha.

-Yes.
-And it,

and we are gonna have it
right now.

-Uh, we are?
-Come on.

(GLASS CLINKS)

Tell me this kombucha
doesn't taste like pee.

(COUGHING)

LARRY:
Got a little kick to it,
doesn't it?

-Tastes kind of salty.
-(GROANS)

LARRY:
Come on, let's get a picture.

Ah, best friends getting healthy
in the closet together.

It's just like home school.

-SUSAN: Oh.
-Except without the hand jobs.

-Larry!
-LARRY: Yeah?

Susan and I are in here

because we are in need
of a bit of privacy,

so if you don't mind
just exiting the room?

-Let's go.
-Privacy?

Yes.

Oh, ho, ho.

Secret lovers.

My two best friends are dating?

-Yes.
-Mm.

-Why didn't you tell me?
-Oh.

-You freaks!
-Oh, okay.

Okay, I'm gonna get out of here.

Oh, darn it.
I just broke glass everywhere.

Now you can't make love
on the ground.

No. It's fine, though.

-Let me clean it up for you.
-No, no, no, no.

-Please come on.
-Larry, just go. It's okay.

You don't have to worry
about that.

Just leave it. Leave it.

-Larry, leave it.
-I'll take that.

Would it be hotter if I watched?

-No!
-No!

For you guys?
No, for you guys, not for me.

-Not for us.
-I won't be attracted to it.

-We're private. Thank you.
-No, no.

Okay, okay.
I'll be very quiet.

-LARRY: Okay.
-No, please go. Go.

PATRICK:
Have a great afternoon.

-(DOOR SHUTS)
-Okay.

-PATRICK: Is that clean pee?
-SUSAN: Yeah, and that's dirty.

-Yes.
-Okay. Right.

Okay, make sure it's tight.

It's tight. Gotta go.

Now.

(♪♪♪)

(TIMER BEEPS)

Just in the nick of time.

Oh.

Seems like the both of you
may have had some challenges.

No challenges.

An easy time.

Not one challenge.

Actually, it was a breeze.

That part.

But you know
what's not challenging?

Joining me for lunch.

My roommate's uncle works
as a bartender at Applebee's.

He can hook us up
with Daq-A-Ritas free.

So sorry about that.

I'm gay.

(♪♪♪)

(SPLASHES)

Noooo!

(BOTH GARGLING, SPITTING)

Just because you're gay means
you can't have lunch with a guy?

Why wasn't the lid on
tight enough?

It was tight to me.

I didn't go to pee school, okay?

I don't know.
Maybe this is a sign,

like Larry isn't supposed
to get fired.

Yeah, and let's wait
for the universe

to give us another damn sign.

(EXPLOSION)

CAROL:
My car is on fire.

(SIREN WAILING)

CAROL:
When the dealership called me
about bringing my car in

because it was a matter
of life or death,

I thought it was just
a sales tactic.

Carol, this is just awful.

No, what's truly awful

is the gifts I had
were destroyed too.

The orphans have been
waiting for those for months.

Well, they can be re-donated,

and the kids
will get new ones soon.

CAROL:
I wish that were true,

but their cancer
has progressed so fast,

I don't think
they'll live that long.

Jesus.

Right.

The children can open
their gifts with Jesus,

in heaven.

I'm usually in my car at 12:30

but today I was late
because of the drug test.

(CHUCKLES)

I am so lucky.

I-- I should play
the Midwest lottery.

Ow.

MAN 6:
Carol... (INDISTINCT SPEECH)

Uh, we need to make sure
that guy gets into jail

before he tries to kill
anyone else.

What are you guys talking about?

Nothing.

You guys want to hear a secret?

Carol was being a naughty girl.

What do you mean?

CAROL:
None of this makes any sense.

She tried to get me fired.

She left a joint on Cody's desk,
and then she almost exploded.

Raisin?

No, thank you.

So you think Carol tried
to get you fired?

LARRY:
Uh-huh.

There was a note on her stupid
rose notepad.

When I confronted her about it,
she played dumb.

-Raisin?
-Oh, no, thanks.

I'm trying to quit.

You know, it's just crazy
that Carol would do that...

and all by herself.

-Yeah.
-Which is just--

What's crazy is that
a three-time jar-sealing winner

of the Sheboygan County Fair
had his pee container lid

fall off by itself.

-Huh?
-Yeah.

Everyone's out to get me,
except for you two.

I don't know. Maybe I should
just move away from the city

and give up looking for my dad.

(♪♪♪)

It's always good
to have a new start.

That's it.

-You're right.
-Yeah.

I'm so lucky to have both
of you in my life.

I love you guys.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Love you back.

Larry, life is about finding out
where your feet belong.

Yeah.
But you gotta get walkin'.

You're right.

My feet belong here.

I'm gonna teach a lesson
to whoever tampered with my pee.

Thanks
for the reverse psychology.

That was really good.

Larry, you don't know
someone tampered with your pee.

Oh, I do. I know that.

You don't know that.

I know that.

The only thing
I don't know is who,

but I'm gonna find out.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna find out tonight.

What the hell does that mean?

I don't know, but, um,

it won't matter
when he's in police custody.

Okay, just...

So you're claiming
Larry rigged a bomb to a car?

Yes, and he killed our boss.

I thought vertigo
killed your boss.

Well, things changed.

Here's evidence.

Oh.

What is that?

Larry turned Pumpkin
into this hat

as an act of revenge.

See, he's a killer.

-You have to put Larry in jail.
-PATRICK: Lock him up.

This was made in China.

PATRICK:
That's impossible.

We saw Larry kidnap Pumpkin.

You guys are wasting my time.

We don't have evidence.

-PATRICK: Lock him up.
-SUSAN: Just lock him up.

He's a danger to Carol
and everyone.

I can't do that, but I'll get
all the information I need

from the security cameras.

I've worked in this building
for a long time,

and I know for a fact
there are no cameras.

No cameras.

Really?

Elevator, stairwell, hallway,

and some of these
are inside Good Lakes.

This was all installed
two weeks ago.

Oh, my God. Bruce's office.

You can just watch
the footage of Larry

pushing him out the window.
I mean, that's even better.

I mean, focus on that,

and then you don't have
to worry about anything else.

Well, unfortunately,
we checked in there yesterday.

There was no cameras.

Oh, god.

Oh, shit.
Is that the conference room?

Yes.

And all of this footage
gets recorded

on this external hard drive,
which...

huh, strange.

The hard drive that was here
yesterday is missing.

Another officer
must have taken it.

Or Larry took it.

Who now has access to everything

over the past two days.

And that's how
he's gonna get his answer...

-Tonight.
-Tonight.

You have to search Larry
and you'll find that hard drive.

I can't search anyone
without a warrant.

Can't you just do the search

and worry about
the warrant later?

-Please.
-Please, please, please.

Bend the rules.

(SIGHS)

Shorewood. 2012.

A Bible study gone wrong.

A priest is accused
of stealing a member's ring.

After she begged me
to bend the rules,

I searched a priest
without a warrant.

Later that day,

that same woman found her ring
in a Applebee's bathroom,

and I was put on
a six-month probation.

(PHONE RINGING)

Shouldn't you get that?
I mean, maybe that's someone

who can help fast-track
the warrant.

Yeah.

Nah, it's just my
soon-to-be ex-wife.

She's just upset because
I changed the locks on her.

Found out
she was cheating on me.

Oh no...

If she needs a place to stay,

she can call the homewrecker
who ruined our marriage.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

That's awful.

KIM:
You're damn right.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)

(ZIPS BAG)

SUSAN:
Bingo.

Mm.

I bet my life Larry's never
gonna let that thing

out of his sight.

I should really stop saying
things like that.

BRB.

CAROL:
Hi, I-- I would like to
purchase a lottery ticket.

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

Susan! There you are.

Hi.

There is a meeting
on the calendar tonight

with the Takadashi Group.

-Mm-hm.
-Seven-thirty. Steak Michigan.

I want you to join us.

I set up that meeting,

and I already have planned
a presentation,

so I will be there.
I promise.

Well, good, because it's gonna
be a great opportunity for me

to see if you are C...

EO material.

Ah. That took a long time. So...

(CHUCKLES)

Great. Chuckle factory. Okay.

Oh, hey, Jamal.
I need to talk to you, bud.

-What are you looking for?
-(GASPS)

Oh, gosh. Um...

I knew you'd change your mind.

The raisins always win.

Take it. They're free.

You told me that.

(RATTLES)

Yeah, eat some.

-In front of you?
-Please.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

You distract him.

I'll go get the hard drive
in the backpack.

You distract him. Fine. Okay.
Then you gotta enter the van--

I am not entering
that man's car.

Hey, I don't have time
to argue with you.

I have to make it
to the Takadashi dinner tonight.

Oh, well, that sounds like
a Susan problem.

That doesn't sound like
a Patrick problem.

Do you want to be alive
on Friday

to meet Jake Jacobson?

Larry, my guy.

-(LAUGHING)
-LARRY: What's going on, homie?

Oh, Larry, Larry,
rhymes with Barry.

Likes to see the brother
and Jerry.

That's my Larry.
Oh, I love that.

I gotta have you over
to my property for dinner

so you can sing more for me.

Oh, well, tonight, I can't.

I'm sorry, I'm busy.

LARRY:
Patrick, there's no apostrophe
"t" in can.

-Larry.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, you can close the door
with a button?

Can you also open the door
with a button?

I can also hit
the child-proof locks.

PATRICK:
Oh, God.

LARRY:
Can't be too careful.

A couple months ago,
a guy broke into my car.

It all worked out.

A day later, he tripped off
a highway overpass.

Oh, that's horrible.

Yeah.

All right. Bye.

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

♪ I'm just a raisin,
an itty bitty raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin,
an itty bitty raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin.
No, I'm not a grape ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin,
an itty bitty raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin,
an itty bitty raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin... ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin,
an itty bitty raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin,
a silly little raisin ♪

♪ I'm just a raisin.
No, I'm not a grape ♪

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(♪♪♪)

(PADLOCK UNLOCKS)

(CRICKET CHIRPING)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(SIGHING)

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

(GROWLS, CRIES)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(TAKES A DEEP BREATH)

(PHONE CHIMING)

(♪♪♪)

(PHONE THUDS)

(♪♪♪)

Shit.

(♪♪♪)

(WINDOW SQUEAKING)

LARRY:
Hey! What's going on in there?

(DOOR SQUEAKS)

LARRY:
I can see you.

I said, I can see you!

NANA:
I can see you.

LARRY:
I can see you.

NANA:
I can see you.

I can see you.

Let's get you up. Come on, Nana.

Let's get this on you, okay?

There we go.

Okay, you look good.

Let's get you going, okay?

There's someone else
in this room with us right now.

LARRY:
Okay. Nana, Grampy was
taken by the Lord years ago.

You know that.

It's just you and me
in here, okay?

NANA:
Check under the bed.

LARRY:
Okay. I'll check.

No one under the bed, okay?

NANA:
Check behind the door.

LARRY:
Okay.

(DOOR CREAKS)

LARRY:
No one behind the door, Nana.

Check the closet.

LARRY:
No.

NANA:
Check the closet.

No, I don't like your tone.

No. No.

Check the closet.

LARRY:
Okay.

Mwah! I love you.

See? Nobody in the closet.

You stay put.
I'm gonna make dinner.

I love you, Nana.

I love you, Nana!

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(CUTLERY CLANKING)

(WATER RUNNING)

(LARRY HUMMING)

♪ I'm just a raisin ♪

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

Tried to get away, did you?

Well, I will always find you,

and I will always devour you.

What's that?

You're sorry?

Well, I forgive you.

Stupid potato.

I never forgive.

(THUDS)

(ALARM BLARING)

Now is not the time
to ghost me, Susan.

(PHONE CHIMES)

(SIGHS)

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

PATRICK:
Ah.

(STRAINS)

GENE:
Stop!

Neighborhood patrol.

Get down from that gate.

Uh, good evening, officer.

First of all,
I would just like to say

this is not what it looks like.

Well, it seems like
you're trying to break

into this home

or make sweet,
delicious love to that gate.

Die, die, die, die, die,
die, die, die, die, die.

Die, die, die, die, die,
die, die, die, die.

Die, die, die, die,
die, die, die, die.

I just want to get a look
at this stunning property.

Oh, what a beautiful property.

I'll take it. Thank you.

-Sir.
-Yes?

Don't make me use this mace.

Oh no, sir,
that won't be necessary.

GENE:
Hey! Hey!

(GENE STAMMERS)

Stop. Stop.

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

Larry!

Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!

Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!

What the hell are you doing?!

You're supposed to be
waiting in the car.

It's been over 20 minutes.

Where is your shirt?

-I have been through the fire--
-Put your hands on the car!

-Put your hands on the car!
-Okay, wait. No, no, wait.

This is a big misunderstanding.

-I will spray your face.
-Okay, okay, okay.

GENE:
This is perfect.

Less than a week on the job
and I...

I struck gold, hm?

Milwaukee PD, hm?

They're gonna feel
really stupid, eh,

when they find out
that the guy that they fired

arrested two criminals,
got them red-handed.

What are you guys doing here?

Do you know these two?

You kidding me, Gene?

Susan and Patrick
are my best friends.

-Hey, Larry.
-Larry.

Yeah, well. Your friends?
They're up to some shady shit.

Oh yeah. Just this morning,

I caught them trying
to open up a can of sex

in the supply closet at work.

You were trying to sneak
across the gate so

the two of you could--

(SQUEAKS)

-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.

Look, Patrick
couldn't even wait.

He had to take his shirt off.

-So hot.
-And so chiseled.

Take her to pound town.

-Yeah.
-Uh-huh.

And then you would be like,

Oh, teach me something,
big boy. Teach me.

-Uh-huh.
-Yeah.

And then suddenly,
mm-hm, you're coming.

(MOANS)

And you're just like,
"Put it on me.

Put it on me.
I'm a bad one over here.

Teach me and then you kill me.

I'm a bad one."

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

I'm going to go.

I will never,
ever be a cock blocker.

Please. We would love you
to block our cocks.

-Yeah.
-Please. Stay as you are.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Spank bank, initiated.

-Come back, come back!
-Come back!

-Come back, come back!
-No, just...

No, no.

(GENE CHUCKLE)

(GROANS)

Gene's so silly.

He took pictures of all of us.

You know,
the police force let him go

when they found him masturbating
during a raid.

You know, that explains so much.

Man, it's such a coincidence
that you guys wound up

on my property trying to bone.

You must be starving.

I made a really special
potato salad with raisins.

-Come on, come inside.
-Oh.

I have that business dinner
with Cody.

Yeah, yeah.

So I gotta get...

Wish we could.

Someone's on their way
to being the new CEO.

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

I can't wait for you
to boss me around.

Hey, Larry, get my lunch.

Larry, answer my phone.

"Larry, come watch me
and Patrick have sex

-so you can learn about sex."
-Uh-huh, yeah.

It'll definitely be
just like that.

-Yeah.
-Well, Patrick,

I guess you get another
opportunity to sing for me.

-Come on.
-Oh, I would love to,

but I also have to take Susan
because her car was stolen.

So sorry, Larry,
I'm on official business.

Fuck.

Okay.

What the hell?

-My hard drive.
-Oh.

How did I not lock my backpack?

I must have really not screwed
my head on straight

this morning.

Like mother, like son.

Well, it's too bad
you guys aren't free.

It would've been really fun
to watch the security footage.

Nice group activity.

Did you say
you made potato salad?

(LARRY GULPS)

(♪♪♪)

(GULPS)

Patrick, that shirt
looks great on you.

Thanks.

We can't have you topless
around Nana.

Her heart would explode...

if she senses
your exposed nipples.

Well, pretty quiet dinner.

Are you two always this weird
around the dinner table?

A couple weirdos.

(CHUCKLES)

I love how a raisin was just
a grape abandoned in the sun,

but it's transformed
into something sweeter.

Stronger. Indestructible.

Like me.

(SNIFFLING)

The intruder's back!

No, Nana.

These are just my work friends.
Remember?

I put up a picture of them.

They like to have sex
with each other.

NANA:
Huh?

LARRY:
They have sex with each other.

This sweet woman raised me

after my mother was taken
away to Clark County.

God, I ate so many raisins
that day.

(VOCALIZING)

All right.
Let's do this, you freaks.

Oh, why don't we just try to
find something to watch on TV?

There's a Kitt Justice
marathon on.

Kitt Justice?
I remember that show.

-He's great.
-Hm.

I was more of a Barry
the bailiff guy myself.

Barry the bailiff?

That guy tried to kill
Kitt Justice with a long sword.

He's a psychopath.

No, he was just misunderstood.

You know, something like this
might make you angry,

and you don't want to be angry.

-No.
-LARRY: Why not?

What's wrong with being angry?

When my mom used to get angry,

I'd hide myself in a hole
in the backyard

to keep myself safe.

I would just lay there
for hours,

holding my breath
and playing possum.

My mom's anger taught me
I could survive anything.

See? Anger is a good thing.

(GASPS)

Oh! There's me.

Larry, as your friend--

Best friend.

No good is gonna come from this.

The truth will come from this.

And the truth is always
a good thing.

(KEYBOARD CLACKS)

You don't need to watch
any of this.

Just skip on through
any of that.

Yeah, nothing happening.

We need to watch
every second, Susan.

-(TAPS TABLE)
-Oh.

Why are you two trying
to keep me from the truth?

Someone is messing with me.

If someone tried to mess with
one of you, my best friends,

I'd kill that person.

Patrick, would you kill for me?

Kill for you?

Yeah, you'd kill for me.

-Would you kill for me, Susan?
-Uh...

Right, you would.

Oh, my god.

Susan is first basing
with the pee guy.

Patrick, did you know
about this?

Uh, yeah, Larry,
I knew all about it.

-It's fine.
-Yeah, it's fine. He's secure.

(SOFT CREEPING MUSIC)

Wow.

You guys kept a really
big secret from me.

(♪♪♪)

-(BOWL SHATTERS)
-(SUSAN GASPS)

Are you keeping
any other secrets from me?

No.

I believe you. It's okay.

Now let's catch this fucker
red-handed.

(♪♪♪)

Oh! Man, whats wrong with you?

Oh! No, no, no.

Oh!

Oh. Nana.

Oh.

Oh, damn it.

Oh.

(♪♪♪)

Sorry we didn't get
to figure out

who tampered with your pee.

Yeah, next time, buddy.

Yeah.

(GROANING)

(SIGHS)

Guys, this was so much fun.

-Was it?
-What a joy!

-Oh, my goodness.
-This was a blast.

You're a wonderful host.
We gotta go.

-Love everything.
-Yeah.

-Bye, Nana.
-Bye, Nana.

-Okay.
-Okay.

(SUSAN PANTS)

SUSAN:
Oh, my god.

(CAR DOORS SHUT)

(PANTING)

Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

Can I have a minute, please?

We were legit almost murdered
in there.

I know, but we weren't.

And I don't know
what's happening,

because it's almost 8:00,
and if we leave now,

I can make it
to the Takadashi dinner.

Maybe we should just give up--

-Oh, my g--
-while we're still alive.

No. We are this close, okay?

Drive.

I would have died a loser
whose main life goal

was just to meet the star
of a cheesy kids' show.

I'm pathetic.

Excuse me.

You are not a loser.

You are a hero,
like Kitt Justice.

I'm nothing like Kitt Justice.

Are you kidding me?

You just saved us in there.

You knocked over
that sippy cup like a hero.

I'm lucky to know a hero
like you.

Yes, I am.

Now, I want you to repeat
after me.

I'm a hero.

(SCOFFS)

I'm a hero.

Okay.

I'm gonna need you to give me
a little bit more here.

Juice it up.

I'm a hero.

Okay, now louder,
and start the car.

(SIGHS)

I'm a hero.

Yeah.

-I'm a hero.
-Yep.

I am a hero.

Yes, you are.

I'm a hero!

I'm not a loser,

and I'm gonna meet Kitt Justice
on Friday.

-Whoo!
-Whoo!

(♪♪♪)

(TIRES SCREECHES)

(CAR DOOR SLAMS)

Susan.

Hey, I've been trying
to call you.

I'm so sorry, Cody.
My phone broke.

Everyone at the Takadashi Group

was so offended
that you weren't there,

they refused to even talk
about business at all.

Oh, no.

The deal fell through?

You might think so with the way
you boned it,

but luckily,
while we were waiting for you,

Carol thought to tell that story

about the orphan gifts
getting destroyed in her car.

Who knew Mr. Takadashi
was an orphan?

-What?
-He was so moved at the table,

he signed the contract
right there.

Ninety-ten revenue split.

Ninety-ten?

Thousands of tourists
will exclusively use Good Lakes

to tour the Great Lakes.

(GIGGLES)
Who knew I'd be responsible

for the biggest deal
in Good Lakes history?

Well, soon everyone's
going to know,

because on Friday,
I'm announcing

that Carol's gonna be
the new CEO of Good Lakes.

-CAROL: Me?
-CODY: You.

CAROL:
My god, me! Me?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CAROL & CODY LAUGHING)

-Susan, do you hear me?
-What?

I said you should take a picture
of this life-changing moment

for Carol.

You can put your arm around me
if you want.

All right.

Sure.

LAWYER: (ON TV)
If your dealership
keeps calling you

about this very
disturbing recall,

this is not just another
sales tactic.

I'm a lawyer.

My name is Larry.

Mm.

Well, the doctor said that
if he pulls out the nail,

I'll die.

But if we leave it in,
I'll live.

So how does it feel
to have a second chance at life?

MAN 7:
Pretty good.

Celebrated with my brother,
Larry.

Come on.

Larry, you don't have
to do this.

You're a bailiff, not a killer.

Save me, Kitt Justice.

Case closed, baby.

Hiyah!

(GRUNTS)

JUDGE CARLSON: (ON TV)
Good job, Kitt Justice,

but technically,
you just committed a felony.

You're right, Judge Carlson.

Please. Court's not in session.

Just call me Larry.

(SCREAMS)

The guilt is eating me alive,

and that's why
I'm confessing to you.

I'm completely responsible.

Please leave everyone else
out of it.

Sincerely, Larry.

No detective
is ever gonna buy that.

We need to just let all this go.

Give that back.

If forging a confession
won't work,

we're gonna have to record him
saying it, okay?

So we'll just steer
the conversation.

Susan, you need to let it go.

It's the only way
we're gonna get rid of him.

Who are we getting rid of?

No one.

Oh, that's a shame.

-(CLEARS THROAT)
-(SUSAN SIGHS)

Because just this morning,

I discovered that
one of my car doors

wasn't double locked,

which means that Nana's theory
about the intruder is true.

So now I believe Nana.

(SNIFFING)

I believe women.

Larry, I don't trust this smell.

Nana, that's just Susan
and Patrick.

Please forgive Nana for not
remembering who you are.

Sleeping zaps
her short-term memory,

which can be a blessing,

since one time I came
out of the shower

and she reached
for the remote, and...

I'll spare you the details.

Don't worry.

She grabbed my penis.

But the next morning
at family photos,

she didn't remember a thing.

That's fortunate.

Yeah.

Hey, Larry, is it just
a crazy coincidence

that all this bad stuff
is happening in the office

this week?

Bruce Waters dying
and Carol's car exploding

weren't coincidences.

Then what was it?

Karma.

(SCOFFS)

Larry, have you ever--

(GULPS)

killed anyone?

What?

Uh, is the sky pink?

Sometimes,
when the sun is setting.

Larry, you had killed Bruce.

Susan, you told me
to teach him a lesson,

so maybe you're feeling
your own sense of guilt.

Larry, you killed Bruce!

Call the police.

Nana, come on.

Let's go downstairs and get you
a cherry pop to cheer you up.

Someone's being a grumpy
little Nana baby.

(BEEPS)

We're never gonna get a straight
confession out of him.

We have to take care
of Larry ourselves.

Are you crazy?

Larry is not Old Yeller.

You can't just take him out back
and shoot him dead.

Why not?

We're the only ones that
knew Larry was Bruce's son.

We planted the weed on his desk,
we tampered with his pee, and

we broke into his house
last night.

If Larry finds out any of that,
he's gonna kill us.

(SIGHS)

I should've just invited Larry
to the party.

I knew it.

Larry!

Ow-ow-ow. Ooh, Nana bites.

Okay. We just gotta hide her,

and then she'll forget
everything she just heard.

Oh, and your plans
have worked so well for us.

Damn it, Nana.

Nana.

Nana, is that you?

(NANA SCREAMS)

Hey, Larry.

Shut up!

-Okay.
-Hey, bee-bees.

As you can see, my brows clearly
have a mind of their own.

This lighting...

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, we're trapped.

-What are we gonna do?
-We leave her here.

No, we're not leaving her.

-Yes, we can leave her.
-We can't leave her.

Yes, we can.

We have to find a place for her.

-Just leave her.
-No, we're gonna go.

Drop the wheelchair, Susan!

You listen to me!

You listen to me!

(GASPS) You listen to me!
You're being crazy.

Let me go.

You've lost your mind

but you're not taking me
down with you.

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

Take your hands off me.

You have lost your mind
and you're going down...

(DOOR SHUTS)

-NANA: Larry!
-(LOUD THUDS, GLASS SHATTERING)

(NANA SCREAMS)

(LOUD THUDS, GLASS SHATTERING)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(♪♪♪)

Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit!

That one.

You look ridiculous.

I am not here, I am not here.

-I am not here.
-You are here.

Here you go.

-All right.
-Hey, hey.

Just gotta get a
firm grip on it like that,

aim, slowly squeeze the trigger.

Bang!

You shot your load.

Yeah, it seems as easy enough.

Excuse us.

-A word.
-No, wait. Come on. No.

Hey. Excuse me.

It's either him or us.

Ugh, you're right.

(♪♪♪)

Freeze!

Drop your weapons.

(GUNS CLATTER)

Okay. I--I know this looks bad,

but we're here to--

Hands in the air!

Respectfully, it's just us,

Patrick and Susan
from Good Lakes Cruises--

-It's us.
-your one-stop shop

for all your Great Lakes
travel needs.

-Shut up. I know.
-It's fine.

I've been following
you two dipshits.

-Oh.
-Oh.

You two are under arrest
for the conspiracy

to commit murder.

Anything you say can and will
be used be against you

in a court of law.

So, no. No, actually,

we're just here
to defend ourselves,

because Larry
is trying to kill us.

He's trying to kill us
and we're just trying to help.

Yes, just like he killed
our boss.

Yes.

-Really?
-Really.

Two pumps of foundation.

KIM:
See, Larry goes to the office,
but he stays in this one spot.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

No-- No, this is impossible.

There has to be something
we're missing.

Your boss is startled
and falls out the window

on his own.

Your original bullshit story
wasn't actually bullshit.

Your boss was the cracker
and the pusher.

Larry didn't kill Bruce Waters.

He watched the man die.

This trauma may have triggered
some strange behavior,

but it doesn't make him
a killer.

No, it doesn't mean
he's innocent.

What about Carol's car?

A nearby apartment
had security footage

from yesterday.

Proves without a doubt that
Larry never touches the car.

See? Boom!

-Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.
-No.

No.

The make and model
of your coworker Carol's car,

it's been all over the news.

Huge, huge recall.

You mean he's actually innocent?

Larry's not a murderer
or an arsonist,

and he didn't turn Pumpkin
into a hat.

That hat didn't even look
like a cat.

Larry actually returned Pumpkin

to the Waters family
two days ago.

We're the bad guys.

I am the crazy one.

And I'm your homewrecker.

No.

The second I found out
Debra was married,

I ended it.

I'm sorry.

I've been so focused on my job,

I didn't even realize
my own wife

was cheating on me.

I'm such a bad detective.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean, I got so wrapped up
in work

I've like ruined my life.

I'm a horrible person.

Looks like we have
something in common.

We're just two
ambitious women

who care about their jobs.

I'm such a Capricorn.

I'm a Capricorn too.

Hm.

I see what Debra saw in you.

I definitely see
what Debra saw in you.

-Your eyes are incredible.
-Yours are these glowing...

orbs.

Goddamn.

(SUSAN CHUCKLES)

You're like a fresh bar of soap.

You're like a redwood tree
I want to climb.

You-- you make me want
to just give to charities.

I would match you dollar
for dollar on that charity.

(♪♪♪)

What is happening here?

What's happening is

we're all going to get
a second chance.

(CHUCKLES)

Everything's gonna be okay.

(GROANS)

There you are.

(THUDS)

Oh, my god.

-Oh, my god.
-Oh, god.

-(SWORD CLANKS)
-Wow. She dropped quick.

-(KEYS JINGLE)
-Ow. Excuse me.

(GRUNTS)

I almost didn't rescue you guys
from getting arrested.

Larry, what the hell
is wrong with you?

Um, you're welcome.

You're welcome.

Oh, god.

Okay, here we go.

(GRUNTS)

Patrick, you grab her arms.

Susan, get her legs.

SUSAN:
What are we doing?

We're going Applebee's
for dinner.

I'm kidding.
We're gonna bury a dead body.

Unless you guys really want to.
We can go after.

The pee guy's roommate's uncle,

he can get us free Daq-A-Ritas.

Don't tell me you're gonna
turn that down.

No, we're not going anywhere.

Not with you.

You guys,
if we don't clean this mess up,

we're all going to jail,

and then Patrick's gonna
get passed around

like Thanksgiving gravy.

Come on, best friends.

Chop, chop.

Don't make me pick up the sword
and use the sword again.

(♪♪♪)

Can't leave this laying around.

Someone could slip
and fall on it.

(♪♪♪)

This is some quality time. Huh?

Gotta remember this.

Just a couple friends
burying a body.

(GRUNTS)
That's bucket-list stuff.

The detective was a good person.

She didn't have to die.

My Nana didn't have to die.

She was a good person.

Larry, we're so, so sorry.

Sorry?

We didn't mean for Nana to die.

It was an accident.

(SHOVEL THUDS)

You two killed Nana?

No, no, no, no.

That's not what we're saying.
Calm down.

Larry, she rolled herself
down the stairs.

I mean, technically,
she killed herself.

Susan slapped me first.

Larry, Larry, we just had
to get her somewhere

so she would fall asleep,

so she'd forget
what she just heard.

What did she find out, Susan?

-(SHOVEL CLANKS)
-Oh!

-(THUDS)
-(PANTS)

This is all your fault.

Because you couldn't handle

not being invited
to a stupid party.

I just wanted to know
why Bruce didn't want me there.

Bruce did want you there.

I didn't.

I planted the joint.

I tampered with your pee.

I broke into your house
to stop you

from watching
the security footage.

Because I deserve to be CEO!

(SOBS)

So you never were my friend.

(CRIES)

Susan, hurry up. Shoot him!

Oh!

-(GUNSHOT)
-(GROANS)

You shot my leg!

Oh, no.

(COUGHS)

Why did you leave me behind?

(♪♪♪)

(SUSAN GROANS, CHOKES)

No. No.

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill you, Dad.

I'm not your dad.

Bruce Waters was your dad.

What?

Case closed, baby.

(GRUNTS)

(♪♪♪)

(CLINKS, SHATTERS)

(PANTS)

(GUNSHOTS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

Why didn't you tell me that
Bruce Waters was my dad?

I didn't know he was your dad

when I didn't invite you
to the party.

Why didn't you invite me
to the party?

Why didn't you invite me
to the party, Susan?

You think I'm crazy, huh?

I don't think
you're crazy, Larry.

You don't?

I think you're fucking insane.

(LAUGHS)

(GUN CLICKING)

-(GRUNTS)
-(THUDS)

(SHUDDERING)

(♪♪♪)

(GRUNTS, THUDS)

Patrick.

Oh, my god.

-(GRUNTS)
-Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You owe me.

Oh, god.

So what now?

We make sure this never
gets back to us.

(♪♪♪)

PATRICK:
Ow. My arm! Jesus.

(GRUNTS)

SUSAN:
Okay, pop that in there.

Sorry. Hi.

-DRIVER: Hi.
-SUSAN: Hi, thank you.

It's-- we're fine.

DRIVER:
Yeah.

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

You all right, my man?

(GROANS)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

Hi.

-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
-You okay?

Jake Jacobson.

Oh, no. No, sorry.

(JAKE CHUCKLES)

You're losing a lot of blood.

Hey...

Case closed, baby.

Holy shit. What?

-Case closed, baby.
-SUSAN: Oh my god.

You know what's funny?
I have the same car.

I hope you don't mind
coming into the office

to pick up your tickets.
It couldn't be avoided.

Yeah. I think
you got me confused

with another Jake Jacobson.

Mm-mm.

It's a common name, you know.

Tickets for what?

First class cruise
on Lake Michigan.

Oh, that's-- yeah, you're right.
Yeah, yeah.

This is my car.

This is me.

This is my grandpa.

Would you stop
harassing this man?

-SUSAN: No.
-Hey, Jake.

Can I get a selfie with you?

Yeah, my man.
Let's do a selfie real quick.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-All right.

I need you to lean
out of the way.

SUSAN:
Ow!

Yeah, this is your car.

(CARS WHOOSHING)

We're fine. Everything's fine.

Okay? Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

Okay.

Good job.

Okay. Okay.

Everything's fine.

We're doing really good.

We're doing actually
really good here.

-Yes.
-We're here.

We're here, and we're good.

-All right.
-Okay.

Clean slate.

Clean slate.

See you later, Jake Jacobson.

(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

I cannot keep living like this.

Maybe I was never meant
to be a CEO.

(PHONE RINGS)

OPERATOR: (ON PHONE)
Milwaukee PD,
how may I direct your call?

I'd like to speak
with a detective.

OPERATOR: (ON PHONE)
Hold, please.

We're doing the right thing.

Hey, everyone!
She's here. She's here.

What the hell happened
to you guys?

It's a long story.

But it's one you need to hear.

Great. Tell me later,

because you--

(IMITATES TRUMPET)

--are our next CEO!

(CHEERING)

MAN 8:
Congratulations.

I get the corner piece
with the flower.

Dibs on the other corner piece.

What about Carol?

Carol can go to hell.

I'm sorry, that was--
that was inappropriate.

Um, Carol...

Carol quit this morning.

Apparently, she won
the Midwest lottery last night.

She won the what?

Guess that karma that
she got from helping those kids

just keeps paying off.

But whatever.

Susan, you're next in line.

(♪♪♪)

DETECTIVE MERIN: (ON PHONE)
Yeah? Detective Merin here.

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

Hmmm.

You shouldn't have.

I didn't.

It was for Larry.

Oh. Right.

Mm-hm.

Come on, Susan. Please don't.

This is bad karma.

If karma were real,

don't you think
we would have already

been stopped by now
by something?

(CHUCKLES)

-(POPS)
-Huh.

It's okay. It's my office.

(POURS WINE)

(♪♪♪)

I guess you're right.

It is what it is what it is.

Cheers to the new CEO.

I want to talk about a raise.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHTER)

Mmm.

I'm, serious.

(♪♪♪)

(♪♪♪)

(SWORD CLANKS)