All language subtitles for TheBestYouCan20251080pAMZNWEB-DLDDP51H26420SDH[_29057]

The age difference?
No, it's never an issue.

I mean, just to give you
a sense of things,

I was in my 30s at the time.

I was a practicing physician.
I own my own condo.

I wasn't some flaky kid.
[CHUCKLES]

But then I met Warren.

And at 57,
he was in his absolute prime.

He was handsome and vigorous

and doing important things

with the kind of wisdom
and empathy

you only acquire
living in the world that long.

Mm-hm.

CYNTHIA:
Warren was a man...

a fully evolved,
remarkable man.

WARREN:
Okay. I'm back.

-Did she bring the dessert menu?
-Ah...

WARREN: Trust me,
you have never in your life

tasted a crème brûlée
like the one they make here.

Unless you've been to Paris,
of course.

-CYNTHIA: No, not our table.
-It's not?

No, no, no.

Come on.
We were just sitting here.

No, we weren't
just sitting here. Yeah.

-Oh.
-Here.

Terribly sorry.

-[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
-Mm!

I went to the ladies room by
mistake. I guess I'm on a roll.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

Deep breath.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

No.

You didn't even give me a chance
to exhale. Motherfuck.

[GROANS]

What, are you having
a smoke back there?

-Pick up the pace.
-Try to relax.

Yeah. I might have to wait until
your fist is out of my goddamn--

[GROANS]

Enlarged prostate.

Fairly common at your age.

Yeah? That why it takes me
a half hour to piss?

Yes. The gland is exerting
pressure in the urethra.

Picture a garden hose
being stepped on.

I don't want to do that.

Just fix it, man.
I'm begging you.

I do security patrol.
I'm in a car all night.

I gotta pee every second.
I'm going to people's bushes.

You urinate in people's bushes?

When I do vacation checks.
It's fine.

Flomax. It should give you some
relief, but see a urologist.

At your age
with these symptoms,

there's a significant risk
of prostate cancer.

Nice to meet you too.

[♪♪♪]

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

WARREN: I really like that
Quinto fella at dinner.

It was very smart of you
to add him to your practice.

These African doctors are--
they're really more empathetic.

That's been my experience.

You did mention that in the car,
sweetheart, but thank you.

That means a lot that you feel
that way. It really does.

Oh-- Oh.

There you are.

Where's that voicemail button?
They keep moving.

Okay, you just took
a screenshot.

Trying to get
this voicemail.

Um... Let's just move you
here. Thanks.

[ON VOICEMAIL]
Hey, it's Steve Lucas.

So, Warren,
I finally heard back

from Leslie
at Simon and Schuster.

Sorry to say
she passed on the pitch.

They're just not looking
for Watergate stuff right now.

"Watergate stuff?"

It's goddamn history.

-This is monumental history.
-Sorry, honey.

I was assistant chief counsel to
the Senate committee, Cynthia.

We exposed the crimes
of a sitting president.

Are you telling me
that that story

is not relevant today?

I'm not. No.

Worked hand in glove
with the great Sam Ervin.

On the Zoom,
that Leslie character

didn't even know who he was.

Kept calling him Julius Erving.

God.

[SIGHS]

When did I fall off
the edge of the earth?

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

[CELL PHONE DIALS]

-[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
-[YAWNS]

FaceTime? For real, Dad?

Well, you don't return
a goddamn voicemail.

Oh, God. Yeah.

Glad to see you're alive.
Somewhat.

Is it, um,
morning or afternoon?

Try again.

-That explains the darkness.
-Sammi, what are you doing?

Are you singing at all?
Open mic nights. Anything?

I-- I've been writing,
mostly, but, ugh...

I've gotta go, Dad.

I'm starting to feel sick
from whatever I did last night.

Okay, okay.
Well, come over tomorrow.

I'll get Chinese from next door.

You love
the boiled squid, right?

Oh, God.

[GAGGING]

STAN:
Such a delicate flower.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[DISTANT THUD]

Oh, come on, Mr. Prostate.
Come on.

[INCONSISTENT TRICKLING
OF URINE]

-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-[GRUNTING]

-Oh, Christ on a bike.
-[CELL PHONE THUDS]

[GRUNTS]

BPSP,
Officer Olszewski speaking.

MAN [OH PHONE]: Hey. Yeah. Um, uh,
we live across from the Rand house.

228 Lawrence.

My wife said she just saw
some guy hopped a side gate.

I don't know, you might want
to go check that out.

On my way, sir.

Mother of ass.

-[ZIPPER ZIPS]
-[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

[ON VOICEMAIL] Warren Rand.
I'm not available right now.

Shit.

[DISTANT THUMP]

Oh, fuck a duck.

-[CLATTER]
-[GASPS]

-[WARREN SNORING]
-CYNTHIA: Warren.

[BARKING]

There's someone in the house.
Warren.

[DOG BARKING]

[GRUNTS] Oh!

[GASPS]

Man, do I have to pee.

[♪♪♪]

-Get out!
-[GROANS]

Get out!
I have a gun.

-BPSP. BPSP.
-BPSP? What are you saying?

Brooklyn private
security patrol.

The alarm company?

No. Private security. Ex-cops.
You pay for it monthly.

Oh, right.
God, I forgot.

We signed up for that,
like, three years ago.

It's on auto pay,
so I don't...

Why didn't you
announce yourself?

I was about to when you--

-You had an intruder, ma'am.
-I know.

I don't walk around
with a lamp all night.

He fled, but I need
to check the house.

Can you wait here
with the dog, please?

Anything in there?

-No.
-Oh. Okay.

So, what do you think
happened?

You think he came in
through that window?

Ma'am, can you please
wait there?

Could you
take your shoes off?

-What?
-We're a shoes-off household.

[SIGHS]

Okay. Yeah, sure. Sorry.

Oh, my God, and I just
realized something.

The alarm didn't go off.

-Not set.
-Not even set.

My husband always sets the
alarm. Always. He never forgets.

-He forgot.
-He did.

Yes, he did. And I didn't
even think to check.

You know how when
you're not in the habit

of doing something
every day?

-Yeah.
-I mean, brushing your teeth?

You're not going to forget that.
But setting an alarm is...

Wow. You know,
they say that you feel violated

when you get robbed?

I think I feel that way,
but it's all so recent.

I haven't had a chance
to process it.

-Is this your room?
-Yeah.

Is he usually such
a sound sleeper?

Yes.

He's older than me.
Than most people.

Ma'am, this is
very unprofessional,

but I need to urinate
immediately.

May I use your bathroom,
please? Thank you.

Of course. The powder room
is right downstairs.

Yep.

[♪♪♪]

[LOUD BANGS ON DOOR]

Hey,
I just remembered something.

A young guy rang our doorbell,
like, a week ago,

raising money for
a school basketball team,

but it sounded kind of fake.

He kept forgetting
the name of the school.

Could that have been
him casing us?

Do you have a video?

A video?
Did I take a video of him?

That would be weird.

I meant,
do you have a doorbell camera?

Oh, no.

Everybody has those now.

Would that have taken a video?
How does that work, exactly?

Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry.

I've been having
some difficulty lately.

-Would you mind very much not...
-Not what?

-Speaking.
-Oh, sorry.

Of course.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-Have you seen a urologist?
-Not yet.

I'm a urologist,
that's what I do.

I'm at Riverview in Manhattan.
Call the office tomorrow.

-I'll get you in right away.
-Okay.

Doctor Cynthia Rand. But don't
go through the main desk.

As for my personal scheduler,
Yolanda,

-she can be a little girl.
-Ma'am.

Sorry.

I'm gonna put my card
in your shoe.

[INCONSISTENT TRICKLING
OF URINE]

[GUN CLICKS]

Oh, God.

Oh! Lieutenant Murphy.

All's well
on deck tonight, sir.

She's like a lake.

Great. Okay. Um,
if everything's good, then...

-Yeah. So, I'll send my report.
-Great. That's fine. Fine.

You know,
don't get your hopes up.

No, I get--
Yep, yep. Got it.

I understood. Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Good night.

[♪♪♪]

[SNIFFLES]

CASHIER: And the receipt is in your
bag, sir. Have a nice day.

Hey, copper. The only register
open, so you can't avoid me.

-How you doing?
-You know, just crushing it.

How about you?
How's the crime fighting going?

Lady beat the shit out of me
with a lamp,

but otherwise, fine.

Look, CJ. I'm really sorry.

I know I said
I would call you after...

-We fucked? Oops.
-Come on. Hey.

Oh. Come on.

It's okay.
Just missed you as well.

Hey, are you down for a little,
uh, morning sext?

You wanna sext with me?
Seriously?

Yeah. Why not?
I have a break at 8:30.

I mean, you were just
going to go home

and jerk off anyhow,
right? To me?

-Sure. Now.
-Well, then that's that.

What do you want with me,
anyhow?

I don't know. You got
this hot old guy thing going,

and it turns me on.

And the big pistol?

Yes, please.

8:30.

You're the boss.

[♪♪♪]

Sharp six UroMax dilator,
please. Thank you.

I need some suction,
Javier.

I heard you were robbed
last night, Doctor Rand.

Not a big deal.
No one was hurt.

Nothing even stolen.

I need a sponge, please.

[♪♪♪]

I gotta see a man
about a horse.

[BARKING]

It's me, shit-for-brains.
What were you expecting?

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Oh, my little blue buddies.

-[PILLS CLATTER]
-[GULPS]

So, did Warren
scare him off?

Stop asking, please.

STAN: All right,
now you own half a cinder block.

It'll make a nice weekend
getaway. Come on, we gotta go.

Well done, folks.
Thank you.

8:15? Shit!
I have a meeting.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, okay.

[GRUNTS]
Okay.

[CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY]

-Is he on?
-He's on.

Hi. Hi. Hi, Doug.

-Cynthia.
-Hey, there.

Hey. Look at you.
A sight for sore eyes.

-How you been?
-Good. Good.

I, uh-- Sorry.
I'm just disheveled.

I just got out of surgery.

Oh. Well, you look beautiful,
even in scrubs.

Yeah, especially in scrubs.
They augment.

Oh. Okay.

What's up? What's going on?

Um, Doug, you remember
my husband, Warren?

Yeah, the great Warren Rand.
Of course.

At the moment,
he's possibly entering

a phase
of mild cognitive decline,

so I thought I'd reach out
to you, expert of experts,

to get a sense of what
exactly is going on.

-How old is he now?
-83.

Ooh, Jesus. Heh.

He's in great health.

You mean
other than the dementia?

Dementia? Whoa. That's a big
word to throw around.

I haven't even told you
the specifics of...

Memory loss?

Well, a little, yeah,
but I have that too.

Ha. This morning,
I couldn't remember the name

of one of
the Charlie's Angels.

-The one Kate Jackson played.
-There you go.

-Special agent, uh...?
-Yeah. Couldn't help you.

So, what else would you consider
a sign of, um...

dementia?

Easily agitated.

Well, he's always been a feisty
guy, but maybe more now. Yeah.

-Disoriented at times.
-Yes.

Actually, last night...

Sabrina Duncan.
Special agent Sabrina Duncan.

That would have bothered me
all day.

[STAN PLAYING UKELELE]

STAN:
♪ ...we do, baby, without us ♪

♪ What would we do, baby
Without us ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing ♪

♪ We can't help
Each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby
Without us ♪

Oh, come on.

Flake.

♪ Sha-la-la-- ♪

Oh, fuck it.

Move.

[SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE BUTTONS CLACK]

Hello, Elyse.

Hmm.

[SNIFFLES, HUMS]

Get lost.

So just lay it out for me,
Doug. Okay?

What do the next five years
of my life look like?

At some point, he will need
full time care

at home or a facility.

No. At home. I mean,
the man stays in his home.

Yeah, that may or may not be
the best way to go.

At a facility,
he can socialize,

do the different activities.

[GROANS]

You can get on
with your life.

I don't want to
get on with my life.

My God, he's my husband.

You seem so shocked at this.
You didn't expect this at all?

No, no. The man was a lion
when I met him.

He ran five miles a day.

He didn't seem like
the dementia type.

Still with
the big age difference,

you didn't think
in 20, 30 years...

I wasn't doing the math!

[CLATTERS]

[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]

-[GRUNTING]
-[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]

Oh, boy...

[MESSAGES CONTINUE CHIMING]

Mm-hm.

[GROANS]

[♪♪♪]

CYNTHIA:
Warren?

Warren, honey, where are you?

In my study.

-Oh.
-Oh, hello, darling.

-How was it?
-Listen to me.

You're going to write your book
immediately.

Screw the big publishers.

They just do celebrity crap
anyway.

I've told you,
I'm not self-publishing.

It's demeaning.

Don't worry about that part.

You just need
to start working.

Writing every day.

I'm even going to get you
a research assistant.

I mean, I am-- I did.
I already did. Um...

This is Henry.

Brilliant, third year
PhD student of American...

-History.
-History.

Mr. Rand,
it's such an honor.

I'm actually writing
my doctoral thesis right now

on the Nixon administration.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Later.
-Can I just--

-Later. Later.
---tell him about the thesis?

What's gotten into you?

I love you so much,
Warren. So much.

Please. Please trust me.
You just have to get

that fantastic mind of yours
working again

and write the book.

Now, write the book.
I'm begging you.

I beg you. I beg you.

Doesn't matter
how good you are,

you got to be inside the clubs,
playing live

six, seven nights a week...

-Stop eating so fast.
-...playing your own stuff.

Singing backup.
Watching, learning.

Can you at least swallow?

You're 45 minutes late.
I gotta get to work.

I did an open mic
a few weeks ago.

Oh, well,
why didn't you say so?

Oh, because
it was degrading, Dad.

The club owner was putting off
this vibe the whole time.

Like you don't exist anymore.
Bitch, we own you now.

And I so badly wanted to say
you will never own me, asshole.

But I couldn't say that.

Because he didn't say
the first part?

No, because
I really wanted the spot.

And I had to grovel to
some slimy fuckhead to get it.

Oh, well, why didn't you
just show him

your golden ticket
to the stars?

Why do you have to diminish me?

Well, stop saying stupid shit
and I won't diminish you.

Come on, Sammi. All of
these guys are slimy fuckheads.

That is a given.

You are so goddamn good.

Show them!

Show them.
What are you so scared of?

[SCOFFS]

What is this?

STAN: Nothing you
would be interested in

unless you get high
from peeing fast.

Which at this point,
I think I might.

Okay. Seriously, Dad.
Why are you taking these?

-My prostate is enlarged.
-From what?

From eating pastrami.
How the hell should I know?

I got the name of a urologist.
I'll go when I got time.

You need to make time.

Prostate cancer
is very dangerous.

I'm aware that cancer
is dangerous, thank you.

And maybe
before you lecture me,

you start taking care
of yourself, huh?

Ugh!
I am not on drugs, Dad.

I do drugs.
There's a difference.

[SCOFFS]

I knew this was
such a stupid idea.

No. Wait, wait, whoa! Hey, wait.
Where are you going?

And I'm not fucking scared.

I don't know why
you say those things to me.

Take your dog.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Fuck!

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN:
Mr. Olszewski?

I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
Nurse takes my fluids.

15 minutes later,
you're looking at the results.

It's a nifty operation
you got here.

So, uh, these tests,
would they say if I had one?

I mean, would they tell you
if it was like a can--?

-What?
-What?

Your birthday.

-Uh, what about it?
-It's same as mine.

December 24th.
Same year too.

Which we will not mention,

-but wow.
-Okay.

This is so crazy.

Hey,
when you were a kid,

did you get cheated
out of Christmas presents

because your birthday
was so close?

One year I got a Barbie
Dreamhouse for both, combined.

That was it.

-Do I have cancer?
-Oh, sorry. Uh...

These tests can't tell me that.
But let's not jump ahead.

I'll examine you first,
and then

we'll talk about everything
in my office.

Is that normal? I mean,
for a female doctor to--

Male gynecologists
treat women right?

-You go to a male gynecologist?
-No.

Right here.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, you know
what it's called

when two people are born
on the same day?

Connascence. Fun fact.

This story, your discovery
of Nixon's taping system.

Hugely important addition
to the historical record.

So cool that you finally
decided to write a book.

I've never had the time.
Now, nothing but.

Okay. I'm ready.

Let's talk about the
monumental events of June 1973.

Uh, June 23rd.

John Dean testifies
in front of your committee

implicating
Haldeman, Mitchell,

and, of course, Nixon

in a conspiracy
to obstruct justice.

Oh, it was beautiful,
as was Dean's wife.

Very attractive woman.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Right. And then
a couple weeks later,

Nixon's attorney,
Fred Buzhardt,

sends a letter
to your committee,

which I printed out for you.

Ah.

So what was
your reaction

to seeing this letter
on that fateful day?

Tell me what came next
in the room where it happened?

Well, this letter
is a cataclysm.

He accuses Dean of perjury,
insists he was outright lying

about what was said
at those Oval Office meetings.

He goes on to provide detailed
accounts of those meetings,

which contradict Dean's version
with quotes.

Uh-huh?

Verbatim quotes
from those mee-- meetings.

Where did these quotes
come from, Henry? Huh?

Did one of Nixon's thugs
scribble down

every word
like some steno girl?

I think not.
Don't you see?

Buzhardt gives away
the entire game right here.

The meetings were taped,
Henry. There were tapes.

Oh, um--
Where are you going?

To see Sam Ervin at the Capitol.
We have subpoenas to issue.

Okay.
But that's my jacket, actually.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

CYNTHIA: Okay. You have a pretty
angry prostatitis going on,

bacterial infection.

Maybe it's the whole story,
maybe not.

Won't know until it's gone.

I'm giving you
a super duper antibiotic.

Start tonight please.

-Stay on the Flomax.
-Okay.

And come back
and see me in a month.

Okay, but say I'm feeling
great in a month.

Do I have to come back?

Do you have to come back?

Yeah. I mean...

Say I'm peeing gangbusters,
like I'm 16 again,

-like: shee-ooo!
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

That's not going to happen.
And yes, you have to come back.

Let's do this right,
Mister Ols-uh...

-Zuski?
-Olszewski.

Yeah. See, the thing is,
is that my insurance

doesn't really travel
to Fancy Town, you know?

I was going
to pay cash today,

but I can't afford
to keep coming back.

-I can't.
-Oh, okay.

Um, let's do
a friends and family rate.

Just the base co-pay.
Does that work?

-What? No. That's like charity.
-Oh, please.

My husband and I
might not be alive right now

if it wasn't for you,

Officer Olshansky.

No, that's Irish.

Yeah. Look,
I appreciate it, but...

Let me help you
with this, Stan, okay?

Let me help you.

-Okay.
-Good.

-Thank you.
-Good.

-I'll see you in a month.
-Yeah.

And, hey, you know,

I work nights.
You got my cell.

So if anything's
got you squirrely.

Strange noise,
drunk kids on motorbikes,

you just shoot me a text,

I will zip right over
and check it out.

-That's so nice. Thank you.
-It's my job.

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]
Hmm.

-Left and a left.
-Yeah.

[CAR ENGINE IDLING, STOPS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Henry. I thought
you were leaving at 4?

I know, I know.
I just. um--

Mr. Rand, your husband,
he got, uh, confused.

He left the house.

-To go where?
-Washington, um, D.C.

[CHUCKLES]
The nation's capital.

-Is he there now?
-No, no. I got him back inside.

I pretended
to be Sam Ervin.

And that worked?

I actually do
a very good impression.

[IMITATING] "Uh, Warren,
let's do our lawyer work in here."

Sorry. Listen,
I think you might need...

But I don't want to say this
the wrong way, but, like--

Like a nurse?
Or not-- not a nurse,

but like an attendant?

You're definitely saying it
the wrong way.

-Sorry.
-It's fine. It's fine.

I know this must be hard
for you, so I'll go.

You can just Venmo me.

We'll figure
something out.

[SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[ON VOICEMAIL] Hey, it's Sammi.
Don't leave a message. That's lame.

[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]

I guess I'm lame, heh.

Hope you're good, Sam.

I love you.

[♪♪♪]

CYNTHIA: Warren, have you noticed
this beat up car right in front?

Old cutlass.

My secretary at the firm
used to drive one of those,

uh, Melody
something or other.

It's been sitting in front
of our house for two days.

Melinda something or other.
Melinda. That's it. Yeah.

-Don't worry, I'll set the alarm.
-No, I set it.

I set the shit out of it.

[CELL PHONE BUTTONS CLACKING]

[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]

[SCOFFS]

Squarely?

Oh, God. Squirty?

Oh. That's worse.

What the hell?

So...

So, what do you think?

Someone abandoned their car
in front of my house?

That would really
creep me out.

It's like finding a dead body
or something.

-He's an Uber driver.
-How do you know?

Receipt from a rideshare place
on the seat.

He leaves his regular car here,
takes a bus down to Bay Ridge.

Rent an Escalade
or whatever.

Why does he park here?

Well, if he's working
a couple of days straight,

he knows that around here,

he's less likely to get
a ticket or get jacked.

People drive Ubers
for two days straight?

Yeah, if they got another job,
the other five, sure.

It's rough out there.

Wow. Now I feel bad
for calling you.

No. No, it's definitely
worth checking out.

That's why they pay me
the big bucks.

[CHUCKLES]

And get that
doorbell camera.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Sorry. How do I even--
Who installs those?

Me. I'll text you
which one to get.

You let me know when it comes
and I'll hook her up.

Really? Thanks.

Yeah. You'll be in good shape
with that. Plus a loud dog.

Oh, yeah. Dodger. Mm.
He's the best.

Dodger.

-Nice name.
-Thank you. Thank you.

-Do you have a dog?
-Me?

-Uh, sort of, I guess.
-Sort of?

Yeah. My kid rescued a mutt,
left it with me one day.

Won't take it back,
so I guess I have a dog.

Well, it's good that you do.
It's important.

Whenever I'm sad or upset,
Dodger ambles over

and he plops down in my lap
and soothes me.

He really, really soothes me.

-Does yours?
-Not at all.

He paces. Whines.

Pretty sure he'd smoke
cigarettes if he could.

Oh, poor thing.
Was he abused?

I certainly hope so.

Otherwise, he's got
no excuse for that shit.

-[LAUGHS]
-Oh, watch out.

Oh.

Anyway, so I'm freezing.

-Yeah, go, go. Go inside.
-Yes, I will.

Thank you, Officer.
You're very good at your job.

Hey, right back
at you, Doc.

You take care of me,
I'll take care of you, huh?

Oh, sounds like
a win-win relationship.

My first ever.

[CHUCKLES]

-Good night.
-Good night.

[WHISTLING]

CYNTHIA: So, Pramila,
it's the basic stuff

I'm sure
you've done before.

Getting him his meals
and taking him for walks.

Okay.

Also, um, I don't really
want him driving anymore.

So, you know, taking him to
the doctor and running errands.

Okay.

And also, this is a little
off the beaten trail.

I need you to pretend

you're a PhD student
in American history.

Okay.

You're to help him
write a book

about the 1973
Senate Watergate hearings.

Okay.

He's not delusional or anything.
I mean, he was there.

Assistant Chief Counsel.

Taught at two law schools.
He was a big deal.

I Googled him. Yeah.

And I get it.

Right now,
we're supporting

the transition
that he's going through.

Yes. That's...

Yes.

Funny story,
I once took care of a woman

and had to pretend
I was her husband.

And her husband was alive
and in the room quite a bit.

So you can imagine.

I can't at all. No.

[♪♪♪]

Yeah. Doorbell camera.

[MESSAGE CHIMES]

Oh.

[MESSAGE CHIMES]

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

-[MESSAGE CHIMES]
-[EXHALES]

[♪♪♪]

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

WARREN:
Cyn? Coming up?

-You're missing John Oliver.
-I'll be right up.

CYNTHIA:
So you're a night shift guy.

I had to do that for a year
when I was a resident.

-You like it?
-STAN: I do.

Sometimes I go
two, three days

without talking
to another human.

That's special.

CYNTHIA:
Hmm.

I never had
that luxury in the E.R.

When someone walks in
with a knife in their neck,

you pretty much have
to have a conversation.

STAN:
Oh, one sided, I'm guessing.

WARREN:
Cynthia, what's taking so long?

I'm making tea.

[SPOON CLANKS]

WARREN:
I'll have a cup too.

♪ The wind
It's cold and absurd ♪

♪ But, man, you gave her
Your word ♪

♪ And meanwhile
The house is empty ♪

CYNTHIA:
Wow. What a talent.

STAN: Yeah,
she blew the roof off that place.

But they gave first prize
to some dipshit baton twirler.

-I'm still pissed.
-CYNTHIA: No, seriously, Stan.

-She's unique. So gorgeous.
-STAN: Like her mom.

Luckily, I didn't pollute
the gene pool too much.

CYNTHIA: She want to
sing professionally?

STAN:
Yeah, but nothing yet.

-Blames the world. Mostly me.
-[APPLAUSE]

CYNTHIA: I'm around a lot
of young people at work.

-They can be touchy.
-STAN: Thank you.

They think all standard
bullshit in life

is an insult
to them personally.

CYNTHIA: My parents
accepted no finger pointing.

If I failed at something,
it was on me.

Luckily, I never did.

STAN:
Well, I failed all the time

and I didn't get
to point shit.

Life's tough, kids.
Suck it up.

CYNTHIA: Geez,
I'm glad no one else is reading this.

A mob of 20 somethings would
be pounding down our door.

STAN: Waving torches and demanding
to charge their cell phones.

[♪♪♪]

CYNTHIA:
So you said Sammi blames you?

For what, if I may ask?

Shit.

Oh, God.

-Give me some bubbles.
-WARREN: Cynthia.

-Uh, right up.
-[SPOON CLANKING]

Oh.

[MESSAGE CHIMES]

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

WARREN: Lorna Doone with my
tea, please.

Sorry.

I'm sorry,
we can't take Canadian money.

Hey, can I talk to you
for a second?

[SIGHS]
Order something.

Yeah. Give me a half-caf
Grande venti coffiato.

So I showed your tape
to this lady last night.

Really cool, educated lady.
She was blown away.

-Was she an agent? A booker?
-Urologist.

But her reaction
got me jazzed

so I started
asking around at work,

and I found this guy
who was a drummer on the side,

and he gave me
the name of three clubs

that he says
are well-run, quality owners.

No bullshit
or less bullshit. Anyway...

Come on, kid. Push.

It's out there.

And room for cream
on the bottom.

Shame about that first young
fellow was helping me write.

Uh, emergency neck surgery?
Sounds like no fun.

-Oh, geez. Ouch.
-You didn't know?

I thought you were both
in the same PhD program?

Um, we are.

But we don't have a lot of
classes together. Just, uh, gym.

Uh, we were looking
at the Buzhardt letter.

We can't seem to find it
right now.

I'm drowning
in all this crap here.

[MUTTERS]

We exposed the crimes
of a sitting president.

What the hell is this?

Gas bill.
What do we need that for?

[♪♪♪]

-Warren?
-WARREN: Oh, come on.

-What is this picture?
-Huh?

Oh, that's a 59 Millrose Games,
Madison Square Garden.

Yours truly,
second from the left.

-Wow. Amazing.
-Mm.

-Do you remember it well?
-I can still smell that place.

Smelled like
elephant shit.

The circus was in town
at the garden.

Tell me what else you remember.

I'd never run
on a wooden track before.

Oh, the sound of it. Wow.
Like explosions.

Twelve of us
striking those boards...

Tug-tug-tug-tug-tug-tug-tug.

Like tribal drum music.

And the final 200--

that drumbeat turned
into a goddamn frenzy.

-What were you feeling?
-Pain.

[LAUGHS]

Goddamn agony.

Legs cramping, lungs burning.

Well, that's the whole
raison d'etre

of distance racing, you see.

Deplete the body...

and then see what you can do
on sheer will.

So, what happened?

STAN:
Got any kids?

CYNTHIA:
As in sprung from my loins?

No, but I do have
a stepdaughter named Rosemary.

STAN:
Are you close?

CYNTHIA: Eh,
it's been a tricky relationship.

I'm only 12 years older.
Plus, she hates my guts.

STAN:
For marrying Daddy?

CYNTHIA:
For marrying Daddy,

for moving into
her childhood home.

Which was not my choice,
by the way.

It was supposed to be
only a few months

while we house hunted.

It's now been 300 months.

As long as we're on
the messy stuff...

Want to tell me
about your ex-wife?

STAN: Uh, moody. Paranoid.
Poorly suited to relationships.

Same as me. That means
we couldn't make it work.

CYNTHIA:
Still in touch with her?

STAN:
Only by voodoo doll.

[LAUGHS]

♪ A girl can see
From Brooklyn Heights ♪

♪ What a crazy pair! ♪

♪ But they're cousins ♪

♪ Identical cousins
All the way ♪

-CYNTHIA: Remember now?
-STAN: Vaguely.

She played identical twins,
right?

CYNTHIA:
Cousins. Identical cousins.

Good God, man,
listen to the lyrics.

STAN: Different as night and day.
Got it.

CYNTHIA: No. You have to understand,
this show rocked my world.

I was raised to be like Kathy.
Very proper and conventional.

But inside, I felt like Patti.
Just a kook, you know?

STAN:
So, they ever make out?

CYNTHIA:
Tooter Turtle?

STAN: Tooter was a maniac.
Always wanted to do dangerous shit.

Be a gladiator, a paratrooper,
a bullfighter.

So he'd go to his friend,
Mr. Wizard, and say,

"Make me a bullfighter."

Mr. Wizard would do
a magic chant

and bam,
Tooter's a bullfighter.

He's in the ring.

He's got the whole outfit.

Doing great. Crowd loves him.

But then,
everything starts unraveling.

He's about to get the shit
kicked out of him.

He screams,
"Help me, Mr. Wizard!

I don't want to be
a bullfighter."

So Mr. Wizard
does another chant:

"Drizzle, drazzle,
druzzle, drone,

time for this one
to come home."

And he yanks Tooter
out of trouble

at the last possible second.

The same thing, every episode.

Stupid decision turns to shit,
saved by Mr. Wizard.

Exactly like my own life.

Except no Mr. Wizard.

Did you ever want to have
your own kids? You ever tried?

CYNTHIA: Ugh, deep down,
I never wanted children.

But I thought that was
a shameful character flaw

-I had to hide from the world.
-STAN: I got a few of those.

CYNTHIA: So I did get pregnant,
basically to please my mother.

But then I miscarried

and needed
an emergency hysterectomy.

-STAN: So it all worked out.
-Kind of. Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Sammi was 12
when the marriage blew up.

It was a rough time.

I went west,
I didn't see her for two years.

-CYNTHIA: Two years?
-I know. I fucked up.

You didn't need to use
all caps.

CYNTHIA:
Sorry.

So have you two talked about it
since then?

-STAN: No.
-No?

STAN:
Stop with the caps, please.

CYNTHIA:
Sorry.

-STAN: What do you mean, ever?
-Yeah.

-STAN: Scotch. Airplane glue.
-CYNTHIA: Valium.

-STAN: Quaaludes.
-CYNTHIA: Wellbutrin.

-White wine. Klonopin.
-STAN: Xanax.

-CYNTHIA: Lexapro. Zoloft.
-Prozac.

STAN:
Truckloads of weed.

[GRUNTS]

STAN:
Lately, a lot of Advil.

-Who was your favorite Beatle?
-STAN: Pete Best.

-Oh, my God.
-Pathetic, huh?

You're hot.

You're looking at one angry,
self-destructive misfit

right there.

Well, you rocked

angry
and self-destructive,

let me tell you. Wow.

[BLOWS NOSE]

-Send me yours.
-What? My mug shot? Heh.

Whatever, the high school
picture or something.

-Fair is fair.
-No, it's not fair at all.

I'm sorry, but I was not what
you would call a pretty girl.

Well, you're pretty now,
so you must have been somewhat.

Well, whatever I had then
was totally mismanaged.

You remember that song, um...

Voulez vous coucher
avec moi ce soir,

Lady marmalade?

I used to stand
in front of the mirror

and do the bump with myself.

That was a Saturday night.

Still waiting on that photo.

All right.

Nice knowing you.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

-Did it come through?
-Yes.

Okay. This is humiliating.
I'm hanging up.

Sorry. Wow.

You look... very smart.

-Hanging up.
-No, no, no, no, no.

It... Look, I definitely
would have sought you out.

What, to do your homework?

I didn't give a fuck
about that.

What then, to date?

You were into geeky smart girls,
like a fetish?

There was one.

Rhonda Melnick,
cantor's daughter,

struggled with her weight.

We had a nice thing
for a while.

Talk on the phone after
her parents had gone to sleep

about all kinds of shit.

Books, movies.

I remember we both loved
Raymond Carver.

She was the first person
to ever call me intelligent.

You're very intelligent,
Stanley.

Hey, you're the second.

Thanks, Cynthia.

Coming from you,
that means a lot.

So how did the thing

with the cantor's daughter
finally end?

Abruptly.

One day, her dad walked in on us
in his study.

Having sex?

Heh. The variety
usually referred to

with a two digit number,

draped in his prayer shawl.

Oh, my God.

[LAUGHS]

Heh. That was a time
when I really could have

used Mr. Wizard.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, wait. This thing is
instead of our old doorbell?

Are you very attached
to your doorbell?

I hated it, actually.

WARREN:
How goes it?

Uh, pretty much done,
Mr. Rand.

WARREN: Oh, remind me your
name, please, son?

Olszewski. Stan Olszewski.

Oh.

How many Polacks does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

A Polack joke?

Three. One to hold the bulb
and two to turn the ladder.

-I love that.
-[LAUGHS] He knows.

What do we owe you for your
fine service, Mr. Olszewski?

Oh, no. No. Nothing, sir.

It's good to do a little work
in the fresh air.

Well, then, Cynthia,

sounds like we need to buy
this man a steak dinner.

-How's Thursday night?
-STAN: No, no, no.

You know,
you don't have to do that.

No, indeed we do.

And bring the missus.

-Not married.
-Well, then bring your best girl.

God knows you don't want to
stare at the two of us

-the whole time.
-[CHUCKLES]

Let's make a night of it.

-Okay.
-Okay?

[♪♪♪]

[STAN READING ONSCREEN TEXT]

CYNTHIA: Yes.
I've been on it for two hours.

This thing is addictive.

Watched a family on bikes
screaming at each other.

Little girl threw her helmet.
Wildly entertaining.

STAN: And you can
rewatch at any time.

CYNTHIA: Hey, are you sure you're
okay doing that dinner Thursday?

I know Warren
put you on the spot.

STAN: Big old steak?
Hell yes, I'm okay.

[MESSAGES CHIMING]

[DEVICE PINGS]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

Oh, my!

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

-There was a name I gave him?
-Oh, yeah.

No, you did, you did. Yeah.
Just a little...

-Just a little bit late.
-I need the address.

No. It's fine.

STAN:
Hey.

So sorry we're late.

Warren, Cynthia,
this is C.J.

Hi. It's so nice
to meet you both.

Hi, C.J.

What was the name?
Seejay? Indian?

No. Like C.J., the letters.
The initials.

Ah. Oh, like Y.A. Tittle.

I don't know
what you just said.

New York Giants,
great quarterback.

-Oh.
-He knows.

Yes. Still random.
Sit, sit.

How about we get
some drinks going?

-I feel like we're behind.
-Waiter.

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Bottom line,
handcuffed to a drainpipe

is not the way that I wanted
to lose my virginity.

No. Why would you?
[LAUGHS]

My first time was in
a Newport News whorehouse.

And the prostitute told me
I reminded her of her grandson.

[LAUGHING]

STAN: That's a home run right there.
All right, C.J.?

Um, well, I lost mine at 15
to my 13-year-old cousin. Mm.

And as you might imagine,
it was magical, heh.

-[LAUGHS]
-[GROANS]

Whoa. Oh. [LAUGHING]

Cynthia?

Uh...

Okay. I was 22.

I was with my boyfriend,

a med school classmate
in his dorm room.

You really must learn
to embellish, Cynthia.

-It's what happened.
-WARREN: Okay.

He lit a candle. That help?

Well, kids,
if you'll excuse me,

I have to use
the little boys room.

Such is my curse
these days. Excuse me.

[CLICKS TONGUE]
So fucking sexy.

Rugged. A man's man.

Um, that's a mermaid.

Well, actually,
I identify as a mermaid.

Okay, fine.

-Oh. Oh, you're still waiting.
-Yeah.

I was going
to use this one,

but a tiny female
pulled rank.

Oh. Usually single toilets
are for anybody these days.

Well, I guess some places still
adhere to the traditional belief

that men are disgusting.
[CHUCKLES]

-So, C.J., she seems great.
-Yeah.

Yeah. Fun, lively
and very mature,

considering her brief number
of years on this earth.

-Which is what? Thirty years.
-Nearly.

[LAUGHS]
Oh, still in her 20s.

Yeah, you know what I say.
So what? So... So what?

Oh. Yeah, honestly,
the main thing.

I'm just happy to find out
you're not lonely after all.

Lonely? No.

I mean, you said you were lonely
in a text, like a week or two.

Hey, whatever.
Point is, you're not lonely.

And that is fantastic.

You two are speaking
very loudly.

Go on.

Hey, this is just like
the night we met, remember?

Stop speaking, please.

Eventually, we pieced together
all the evidence

and made an irrefutable case

that Nixon had violated
his oath of office

and the trust of a nation.

-Well, then what happened?
-He resigned.

No fucking way.

-Can I just say one thing?
-STAN: Nope.

I find it very odd

that after having shared
many personal things...

Nope, nope. Nope!

...with each other
over the past few weeks,

like my menopause issues,

I would have hoped
we'd developed

a degree of trust
and mutuality.

And yet somehow you never
thought to mention--

Stop talking.

--that you have
a tattooed baby girlfriend!

Oh, shit.
She's not my girlfriend.

We're just having a good time.
It's not a serious...

Oh, you might want
to tell her that.

Tell her what? You think
she wants to get married?

You think she wants
to be wiping oatmeal

out of my beard
in 20 years?

She's not doing the math.

Can I please take
a goddamn whiz?

Who's stopping you?

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES]

-You know what I think?
-Uh-huh.

I think
you're not really mad at me.

I think you're mad at yourself.

Oh, fascinating,
thank you, Dr. Young.

Because when you were
her age,

you had the exact same
daddy issues.

Yes, I know what you meant.
Totally different situation.

But while we're on the subject
of unconscious motivation,

maybe you should examine why

you completely avoided
the CJ topic with me.

Think about that
and get back to me.

Now go resume your four-hour
attempt to urinate.

That is
a very unprofessional comment.

Too bad,
I'm off the clock.

♪ We were wild and young
And restless ♪

♪ Too cute, too stylish
But... ♪

♪ You want me bad
I know you do ♪

♪ Don't go, stay close ♪

♪ I'm feelin' so powerful
Right now ♪

♪ The sky... ♪

[PHONE RINGING]

YOLANDA: Doctora,
Mr. Olszewski on line one.

-Really?
-Yes. You want to take it?

Uh... Sure.

-Hello?
-STAN: So?

Okay.

For starters,
I had too much to drink.

That needs to be factored in

because honestly,
I think it's fine.

You can date
whoever the hell you--

I was just taken aback
by her youngness.

Just called
for my lab results.

Told you to call today.
I did.

YOLANDA:
I have it right here. Need it?

Oh, Yolanda, heh.

Still on the line?
No, thanks, I got it.

Okay. Uh, PSA. Six. Better.

Um, not great, but better.
Stay the course.

Thank you.

[MUTTERING]
Oh, my God.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[STAN READING ONSCREEN TEXT]

[WHIRRING]

♪ I'm the new
Newest little fish ♪

♪ In the big blue sea ♪

♪ Everybody's talking
And they're looking at me ♪

♪ Saying, what you gonna do
With your life? ♪

♪ You know, you gotta do it soon
And you gotta do it right ♪

♪ Well, I get what they want
I understand ♪

You hate it.
Do you think it's corny?

No, no, no, no, no,
it's cool.

I just wonder,
maybe you might try

with just
a little bit more tempo.

Give it kind of like a groove.
Almost like a, like a...

Boom.

Boom, boom. Boom.

Really?

-Let me try it higher.
-Try it, try it, try it.

Yeah.

♪ I'm the newest little fish
In the big blue sea ♪

♪ Everybody's talking
and they're looking at me ♪

♪ Saying, what you gonna do
With your life? ♪

♪ You know, you gotta do it soon
And you gotta do it right ♪

♪ Well, I get
What they want-- ♪

Uh, no. Ooh.

♪ Well, I get it I got it
I understand ♪

♪ You can't screw up
'Cause you got one chance ♪

♪ Supposed to get a job
And then follow the plan ♪

♪ But then how in the heck
Could I be who I am ♪

From the chorus.

♪ And I'ma be all right
I'ma be okay ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it happen
Either way ♪

♪ So it doesn't really matter
What you think or say ♪

♪ I'm a B-E-L-I-E-V-A ♪

♪ Oh-oh, whoo-ooh ♪

Well?

Yeah. Well, it's great.

It's weird, but in a good way.
Like you.

It's you. It's great.

Oh, I'm fucking terrified.

But, you know, I'm gonna make
a demo and send it around and...

Yeah. Okay.

Shit, I gotta go.

Thanks, Daddy.

Hey, Sam.
Can I talk to you for a second?

What?

Yeah. It's not a big deal
or anything.

You know, I just wanted
to say that, um...

What? I gotta go.

I made a big mistake, Sammy.

Going to Colorado.

I mean, I should have
stayed here for you,

no matter what else was.

But, you know, I gave into
my own stupid, hurt feelings,

and I hurt you in the process.

I mean, you're the only person
in the world.

Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry. Uh... I love you.

It's a great song.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[♪♪♪]

[GLASSES CLINKING]

-Cynthia.
-Rosemary.

-Right here.
-Oh! I didn't see you there.

Where's the turkey baster?

When I was a kid,
it was always in this drawer.

Oh, shoot.
I don't think we have one.

Don't worry, it's fine.
Luckily, I packed one.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.

Green Bay
is about to score, so.

I had no idea
you were a Packers fan.

Well I'm not.
I'm a fan of making

the 40-point over,
so it's so close.

Listen, you can watch in
Warren's study if you wanted to.

Oh, yeah. No. That's okay.

Rosemary wants me to be here
so I can, you know, socialize.

God damn,
you catch that ball!

[GRUNTS]

Grandpa,
want to play checkers?

Sure I do.

-How do you play?
-Mom?

Grandpa forgot
how to play checkers.

Maxwell.
Grandpa didn't forget.

He's just a little tired
right now.

Maybe Grandma Cynthia
wants to play.

Oh, no.

Come on, come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on, come on.

Will you join
your children, please?

Yes, yes. Ahem.

Oh, it's so good
to see you, Popsie.

We're moving to Cleveland soon
for Rob's new job, remember?

-We'll be closer.
-I want to stay in Phoenix.

Howell,
Cleveland's beautiful.

Remember we looked at
the picture of the big lake?

-I hate lakes.
-Nobody hates lakes.

-Ah!
-Dad.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Last second field goal.

It-- Fuck me
with a crowbar.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
Cynthia.

My dad has slid so far
since last time.

-He has.
-It's like a different person.

I hate not being nearby.

Well, when you guys
are settled in Cleveland,

you're just a quick flight
away, right? [SOBS]

I mean, you can-- Oh.

Are you okay?

We were sitting
in the kitchen.

He asked me, when
is your mother getting here?

He thought she was alive.

Oh. That's hard.
What did you say?

I said 4:30.

You gave him a time?

I know, I guess I got lost
in the fantasy too.

The three of us
were together again.

Okay.

Look, I wanted
to talk to you about

how best to handle
his situation going forward.

Sure. I mean, um, things
are stable at the moment.

I've got Pramila here
every day. He adores her.

I think he should be in Cleveland.
What?

There's a wonderful facility
10 minutes from our new house

called The Arbors.

I went there
for my friend's mother's 90th.

-I loved it. They had a piñata.
-Okay, wait a minute.

What are you even saying?
Cleveland.

Cynthia. This makes sense.

As he declines,
he'll need family around.

Don't you agree?

Well, I'd like to think
of myself as family.

You have him
with a stranger all day.

-You just said it yourself.
-I work, I have a job.

Well, that's exactly why
this makes sense.

I can be with him every day
because I don't work

and the boys can visit him
after school.

They're not going to.

-You can fly out on the weekend.
-Rosemary.

We're not going
anywhere right now.

I need to think this through.
I see how things develop.

Of course, this is just
for when the time comes.

Although we do need
to visit the place right away

to get on the waiting list.

So I've arranged a tour
a week from Saturday.

Just so we're ready
when the time comes.

-But wouldn't the time--
-Start saying that!

[♪♪♪]

[ROLLS LIPS]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-Hey. What's up?
-SAMMI: Hey.

So I maybe have a gig
at one of those places

that your friend
told you about.

-Baby! That's fantastic.
-Yeah. Maybe. Maybe.

I don't know. I sent the owner
my demo, and he liked it,

and he said he wanted
to meet me and...

Oh, um, can you come down here?

SINGER:
One. Two. Three. Four.

[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ We used to sing
Now we speak in tongues ♪

♪ We only drink
To wash down the drugs ♪

♪ We were born to melt down ♪

♪ Natural therapy ♪

♪ We were born to melt down ♪

♪ That's just how
We're meant to be ♪

-[LAUGHS] You the daddy.
-I am.

Hi, Daddy.

Your daughter here,
she sings like an Afghani!

Thank you.
I assume that's a compliment.

Hi.

Thursday night, I got
a good crowd for her.

Two sets, 200. Hasan.

Sounds great.
Right, Sam?

There's no stage, no riser.

I got no riser.

Yeah, I think
a lot of clubs don't.

Dad, there should be
a riser.

Not just for proper staging,

but out of respect
for the artist.

I mean, the people
are right there.

-Dad, look.
-Hey.

-Can you get a riser?
-No. Is she gonna do it?

Yes. She'll do it.

Just, uh, put all
the small people up front.

[LAUGHING]
This guy got jokes.

-Sammy. Sammy!
-Hey! Fatherhood, huh?

Life's greatest adventure!

Are you serious?

Are you really going
to walk away from this

over a fucking riser?

I don't feel comfortable
singing from the floor.

-I can't help it.
-So fight it.

Face your fears.
That's how you get better.

I don't need you
to tell me that.

That's not what I need
from you. You know, you dumped

this emotionally manipulative
bullshit on me.

You're so sorry that you
vanished for two fucking years.

But you don't mean it.

If you meant it,
you would support me

at least one goddamn time.

What?
When you sabotage yourself,

would you bail
because something rubs up

against your way-too-
sensitive feelings again?

-Yes.
-No, no, no.

I can't support that.

That's what I do.
And look what happens.

Here's where that ends up,
okay?

I'm nowhere. I'm nothing.

You're my father.
At least be that.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Shit!

-[SNIFFLES]
-Yeah. DeShawn.

OFFICER [OVER PHONE]: I'm stretched
thin here brother. For real.

Where the fuck are you?

Yeah. I'll...
Hang-- Hang on, hang on.

Sammy!

[♪♪♪]

CYNTHIA [CHUCKLES]:
Are you kidding me?

ROSEMARY: What do you want me to say?
Howell has the flu.

Now Maxwell's sneezing.

I can't leave sick children
with just Rob.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Rosemary,
we could have rescheduled.

What's the difference?

I've been to The Arbors.
I love it.

You're the one
who has to be satisfied.

[GROANS]
Rosemary.

Honestly, Cynthia,
this is a blessing in disguise.

Seeing it alone will give you
a chance to really--

Okay. Stop, stop!

You've won the most
passive aggressive person

on Earth award. Move on.

[CELL PHONE BEEPS OFF]

God! Kidding me? Ridiculous.

[THUD]

[GRUNTS]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

What now?

[GRUNTING]

Rosemary's not coming.
Her stupid kids are sick.

And now I'm in Cleveland
and I have to go

to that place by myself
tomorrow.

This is bullshit.
I want my dog.

Pramila took Warren
to the movies.

Just put the mail
in the planter.

Thanks.

[GRUNTS]

God.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[ALARM RINGING]

-[GROANING]
-[RINGING CEASES]

Mm.

[GRUNTS]

Good morning.
Do you need a taxi?

No thank you.
I ordered an Uber. Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

I don't-- I don't...
I don't even know what to say.

But you did this,
drove all night.

I drive all night every night.

I just went in a straight
line this time. [LAUGHS]

Crazy.

Capacity is 175.
We're at about 150 right now.

Mm-hmm.

This part of our facility

is dedicated to
our assisted living residents.

Seniors that may need
some minimal care

but are essentially
self-sufficient.

-Oh. Very nice.
-Hi, Diane.

-Oh, hello.
-Oh. [CHUCKLES]

WOMAN: This is our
Memory Care Neighborhood.

This is where your husband
would reside.

[RECEPTOR BEEPS, BUZZES]

Here is our main activity room.
Very spacious, as you can see.

Perfect timing on your visit,

here is our regular
Saturday morning bingo game.

N-41!

That lucky for anyone?

Jerry. Don't think I haven't
noticed your haircut.

WOMAN: Betty does
such a wonderful job.

The residents
absolutely adore her

and she brings
the best snacks.

Now, this week, she brought
homemade Christmas cookies to...

VOICE:
Alice?

[♪♪♪]

-Alice?
-Oh, hmm-mm. No.

Every day our residents play
games, do art projects, yoga,

whatever physical exercise
they can tolerate.

We strive to keep their bodies
and minds active and engaged.

So they can get better
and go home? [SCOFFS]

["JINGLE BELLS"
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

Hey!

CYNTHIA:
Yes. Yes.

Let me know
if you have any questions.

Oh, yes, I will.

Oh thank you.
Thank you so much.

Thank you.

CYNTHIA:
Could this possibly be

what awaits
the great Warren Rand

Connect-the-dots and Bingo?

The man wrote
federal housing legislation.

A brilliant innovator,

always figuring out
ways to help people.

It was thrilling to ride shotgun
with a man like that.

Oh, the bastard's leaving.
It's just me again.

And me is just...

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Nothing to show
for my stupid life.

-Oh, come on.
-Come on yourself.

You, you made
a beautiful child.

I never even made
one of those.

["ONE AND ONLY GIRL" PLAYING]

♪ Oh, girl, oh, girl
You ♪

♪ You're my one
And only girl ♪

♪ I would never trade
For the world ♪

-What's going on?
-Wedding.

♪ I love you
So glad I found you ♪

Wanna be my plus one?

-♪ You ♪
-[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

I can't crash a wedding.
I'm a urologist.

♪ ...girl... ♪

Oh, look. Come on.
They're checking invitations.

This is ridiculous.
Oh!

Oh, hey. Hi.
How you doing?

I feel like Jack and Rose
in Titanic.

Good analogy.

Oh!

♪ You
You're my one and only girl ♪

Hey. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is a wedding, okay?

And if you attend
someone's wedding uninvited,

you should look like
a human being.

Okay?
Let's at least do this.

-Okay.
-Thank you.

[GRUNTS]

♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪

♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪

Hey. How you doing?
Love that jacket.

From Dodge City. I love
what you've done with the place.

-CYNTHIA: Oh, such a lovely day.
-STAN: Hey.

CYNTHIA: Pretty dress.
Where's the alcohol?

♪ Girl, you know I need you
I'll stand in line ♪

CYNTHIA:
Yeah. Best thing for that

is a heating pad
and cranberry juice.

You'll be fine
by the honeymoon phase.

♪ You're more than
A pretty face ♪

Your standard quarter.
Nothing special. See?

Blow on that.
Whoop. Disappear. Oh!

It's in your sleeve.

♪ I'll take all the rings
For you ♪

-♪ For you ♪
-♪ For you ♪

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

♪ One and only girl
One and only girl ♪

They seem so right for
one another, don't you think?

Yeah.
They really do.

Although, you know, in marriage
there are no guarantees.

-Ours is a bloody shambles.
-Shambles.

Oh, I don't know, honey.
That's a bit strong. Maybe.

But these two, they have as much
a chance to make it as anyone.

Which is 50/50. Pick them.

["LADY MARMALADE"
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

-[GASPS]
-♪ Hey, sister, go sister ♪

♪ Soul sister, go sister ♪

"Lady Marmalade." They're
playing "Lady Marmalade."

That's my bump song.

You ever done it
with a real person?

-Not yet.
-Come on.

♪ He met Marmalade
Down in old New Orleans ♪

♪ Strutting her stuff
On the street ♪

♪ She said, "Hello, hey, Joe
You wanna give it a go?" ♪

♪ Hmm, hmm
Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da ♪

♪ Gitchi gitchi ya ya here ♪

♪ Mocha chocolata, ya ya ♪

♪ Creole Lady Marmalade ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪

♪ He stayed in her boudoir
While she freshened up ♪

♪ The boys drank
All her magnolia wine ♪

♪ On her black satin sheets
Where we started to freak ♪

♪ Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da ♪

♪ Creole Lady Marmalade ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪

♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪

-♪ Voulez vous... ♪
-[HUMS]

Well, this is me.

-Wow. Great.
-Anyway. Thanks again.

This was so much fun.
I haven't danced in so long.

It's great to spend some
relaxing time for a change.

Really.
Thank you so much.

-Yeah.
-Anyway--

[♪♪♪]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[EXHALES]

[♪♪♪]

[GROANS]

CARTOON CHARACTER:
Oh, Mr. Wizard.

[MUFFLED OVERLAPPING VOICES]

CYNTHIA: No. No. Okay.
Where are you right now?

Are you with him? Okay.

No, no, no.
You did the right thing.

Okay, okay. No, no, no, no,
that's not, um--

Just, just, just, just,
just tell me the readings

when you first got to the ER.

Right.

Okay.

Pramila, he's stable.
I have a 7:30 flight.

I'm on my way.

[♪♪♪]

[THUMP]
[GASPS]

Sorry.

[VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER DISPATCH RADIO]

CYNTHIA:
Okay.

We're going to bring you
to the house now.

Okay.

CYNTHIA:
Oh, Pramila, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea
you were waiting down here.

No. It's fine.
I ate some of the Kegel.

It's kugel.
[CHUCKLES]

-How's he doing?
-Oh. It's better.

It took a while
to get him settled up there.

Oh, that man
is as tough as nails.

But this stroke. Wow.

I know
you must be exhausted,

but I wanted to talk to you
for just a moment

regarding my work here.

Oh. I'm sorry. I haven't even
had a second to think about it.

You know, from now on,
he's going to need,

you know, nursing care.

Oh, no, no, no,
I figured all of that.

Um, I meant with the book.

The book?

The book.
Your husband's book.

You're actually working
on the book?

I recorded
everything he said,

I transcribed it
and I edited it.

-It's a book.
-What? About Watergate?

Sometimes.

It's not a history book.
It's just a book.

-Can I have this?
-[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

-Hey. Sorry to keep you waiting.
-Yeah. No problem.

I thought we were going to do
an exam like usual,

but they brought me
right in here.

Yeah, I thought
we should, um, discuss.

Hey, how's Warren?

He's, um, so-so. It was, um,
bad stroke. Thanks for asking.

Yeah. I mean,
I didn't want to text.

Anyway, just give him
my best, will you?

I will, I will, I will. Okay.
Uh, down to business.

I'm just running very late today.
Okay.

Okay. It's looking like the
infection is gone. That's good.

Yeah.
Peeing better for sure.

Not going to win
a state fair, but--

Yeah, PSA is still high,
though. It is still high.

Okay.

The next step in the protocol
would be a biopsy, Stan.

I'm not saying
it's urgently called for,

but I certainly would
recommend it at this point

just to get a clear answer
on that issue.

Wow. Um... Okay.
Sure. Let's do it.

Actually, my partner,
Dr. Kaseman,

is going to do the procedure.

He's wonderful.

Oh, but I mean, you're going
to be there, though, right?

Uh... I won't be
at the procedure. No, no.

Are you still my doctor?

You know, I really think
it would be best

if Dr. Kaseman took over
at this point.

Same financial arrangement
we had. He's the best.

Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Is this
because of Cleveland?

That doesn't mean you can't
be my doctor, does it?

Actually, it does.
It's an ethics issue.

Ethics? Come on.
It was one night of partying.

It never happened.

Honestly, I can't even
remember Cleveland.

Where's that?
I've never been.

-Dr. Kase--
-Oh, fuck him. And fuck you.

[GASPS]

That's quite a nifty
one-two punch

you hit me with
this afternoon.

Listen, Stan. I'm sorry.

Clearly,
this is a shitty situation.

We became friends.

Close friends,
and that was wonderful.

But I let it get too far,
and I take full responsibility.

Oh, do you?
Okay, well, sure,

because I had no say
in it, right?

I'm just your hot guy in
a uniform doll by Mattel.

You never got over
that stupid text.

Doesn't matter.

Okay, Cynthia, because I am
out of your life right now

as per your wishes.

Now, maybe you meet
a cute furnace guy

and start
a whole new thing, huh?

And you know what?
I can take responsibility

for my own fuckups.

Thank you. I've had
a lot more practice than you.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[EXHALES]

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[♪♪♪]

[VOICES VOCALIZING]

[MACHINES WHIRRING]

[STAPLE GUN CLICKING]

-What's that?
-A riser.

[GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR
PLAYING]

♪ Have faith
Promises were made ♪

♪ You just take care
And behave ♪

♪ You left
Now you are saved ♪

♪ The path
It walks you away ♪

♪ Meanwhile
The house is empty ♪

♪ The legs, naked and weary ♪

♪ Walls barely hanging on ♪

♪ Carry on
As she waits for you ♪

♪ She can't hear
Anything he's saying ♪

♪ She can't believe
What is true ♪

♪ It doesn't make sense
What they're saying ♪

♪ She can't see anyone
But you ♪

I love you.

♪ Last night
You left like a bird ♪

♪ Fly away
And never to be heard ♪

♪ The wind
It's cold and absurd ♪

I love you.

♪ But man
You gave her your word ♪

♪ Meanwhile
The house is empty ♪

♪ The legs, naked and weary ♪

♪ Walls, barely hanging on ♪

♪ Carry on
She waits for you ♪

♪ She waits for you ♪

♪ She waits ♪

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

-Yeah!
-Damn right! Woo hoo! Yeah!

Thank you.
That was for my dad.

["O HOLY NIGHT" PLAYING]

[CHURCH BELL RINGING]

Goddamn kids.
Who knocks over Santa?

You know, they do
make inflatable ones.

-Another option.
-No way, man.

They're just gonna steal them,
take them home,

do all kinds of sick shit
to them.

You know
what I'm talking about.

[CELL PHONE PINGS]

Excuse me.

[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]

Goddamn It!

[GROANS]

[TAKES A DEEP BREATH]

You know, it's funny, um,

when you fall in love
with someone...

whatever it is
that draws you to them,

whatever they represent to you
at that moment,

it gets kind of locked in.

And that's who they are
forever.

To me, Warren was strength.

You know, it's not
a very feminist thing to say,

but, heh,
Warren made me feel safe.

Sorry. It's true.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I loved Warren's strength.
I-I, I relied on his strength.

So, when that strength
began to fade,

when his body and mind stopped
being what they once were.

I felt abandoned.
I felt angry.

Not proud of that,
but it's what I felt.

Pramila Mahesh knew Warren only
at the end. And what a gift.

Because Pramila,
without any expectations,

listened to Warren...

in a way
that I had stopped listening.

And bless her,
she recorded his words

and made this remarkable book

that I can't even begin
to describe

what reading this book
has opened up for me.

I mean, I knew
most of the stories already.

I knew that he ran in
the Millrose Games

when he was 19,
as part of his legend.

But he-- he wasn't a legend.

Not then. He was a boy.

A boy who wanted
to win that race so much,

who ran so hard,

who took the lead
with a lap to go.

And lost.

This second plane trip,
the one back home,

was bent in the back row
in tears.

One night
about a week ago, um...

I got into bed
and Warren woke up for a moment

and looked at me.

[VOICE CRACKING]
And there he was, the boy.

I saw in his eyes

the pain that he was feeling
at age 19

and now again, 65 years later,

the pain of falling short
of what he wanted to be.

And in that moment,

I loved the great Warren Rand
more fully

than I'd ever loved him before.

And I'm so glad I got to do that
before he left.

Thank you.

[INDISTINCT MURMURING]

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Warren. I'm home.

Warren.

Warren, honey?

Oh, you're still here?
I, uh...

I wanted to know
what it feels like

not to hear him answer.

How's it feel?

I feel like
I let him down, Stan.

I mean, if he was being honest,
totally honest,

would he say
I was a good wife?

Would he say
I was there for him

in the way he needed
all these years?

I don't know. I--

I truly do not know.

[IMITATING CARTOON]
Help me, Mr. Wizard.

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

I took Sammi camping once,
up in the mountains.

She was like 10 or so.
And she didn't want to go.

But I said, "We're going.

We're going to have
a great time,

so shut the fuck up."

Such was my sensitive
parenting style.

So, we go.
She won't stop complaining.

"It's cold. The food's gross.
It's raining really hard."

It wasn't even raining
that hard.

If it wasn't for
the big hole in the tent,

she never would have noticed.
[CRYING SOFTLY]

And then she starts
complaining that her ears hurt

because of the altitude.

And I remember that her mom
used peroxide for that.

So I get some
out of the first aid

and I tilt her head
to the side

and I pour a capful
in one of her ears,

which, as it turns out,
is way too much,

and most of it rolls out down
right into her eye

and she starts screaming.
Screams of the "God help me,

I'm being burned alive"
variety.

[CRYING]

So now I'm thinking, "Holy shit,
did I just blind my kid?"

Nearest hospital
is like two hours away.

We're in
the Adirondacks.

So to get some sense
of the damage, I take--

And I'm not defending
this move, mind you.

--I take a capful
of the peroxide--

And I'm not
defending this.

--pour it into my own eye
to see how bad it really is.

Turns out, very bad.
Like sulfuric acid.

So now I'm thinking I do need
to get her to a hospital,

not to mention myself.

So, I scoop her up
in her pajamas.

But I'm half blind.

I'm running
towards the car

and I don't see
the picnic table

at the exact height
of my balls.

[SOBBING]

I feel like you're
getting ahead of the story,

but yeah, I go slamming
into the picnic table,

Sammi goes flying.
She lands in a big pile of mud.

I'm grabbing my gonads,
keeled over next to her.

And there we are
in the mud...

cold, wet,
eyes burning.

And the only thing
I can think of to say is...

"I'm sorry, Sammi."

And she looks at me...

with this muddy,
squinty face...

and she says,
"It's okay, Dad.

You're doing
the best you can."

And I definitely, uh...

backhanded compliment,
given the circumstances.

But still,
for some reason...

she chose that moment
of all moments...

to let me be human.

-Mr. Wizard.
-Hm.

STAN:
And, uh, happy birthday.

CYNTHIA [CHUCKLES]:
Happy birthday.

["BELIEVA" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm the newest little fish
In the big blue sea ♪

♪ And everybody's talking
And they're looking at me ♪

♪ Saying, "What you gonna do
With your life?" ♪

♪ You know
You gotta do it soon ♪

♪ And you gotta
Do it right ♪

♪ Well, I get it, I got it
I understand ♪

♪ Can't screw up
'Cause you got one chance ♪

♪ Supposed to get a job
And then follow the plan ♪

♪ But then how in the heck
Could I be who I am ♪

♪ Whoa, oh-oh, whoo-ooh ♪

♪ I don't think
They understand ♪

♪ That I'ma be all right
I'ma be okay ♪

♪ No, I'm not there yet
But I'm on my way ♪

♪ So it doesn't really matter
What you think or say ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a B-E-L-I-E-V-A
All right ♪

♪ I'ma be okay ♪

♪ No, I'm not there yet
But I'm on my way ♪

♪ So it doesn't really matter
What you think or say ♪

♪ 'Cause
I'm a B-E-L-I-E-V-A ♪

♪ Whoa, oh-oh, whoo-ooh ♪

[SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ I'm a B-E-liever ♪

♪ P-E-O-P-ple pleaser ♪

♪ That says she can
So you best believe her ♪

♪ Put your hands up
You're a dreamer ♪

♪ A B-E-liever ♪

♪ A P-E-O-P-ple pleaser ♪

♪ She says she can
So you best believe her ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm ♪

♪ I'ma be all right
I'ma be okay ♪

♪ No, I'm not there yet
But I'm on my way ♪

♪ So it doesn't really matter
What you think or say ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a
B-E-L-I-E-V-A, all right? ♪

♪ I'ma be okay ♪

♪ No, the best is yet
To come my way ♪

♪ So it doesn't really matter
what you think or say ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a B-E-L-I-E-V ♪

♪ I said, B-E-L-I-E-V
Get a B-E-L-I-E-V ♪

♪ Get a B-E-L-I-E-V
Get a B-E-L-I-E-V-A ♪

SAMMI:
It's my dad!

[CHEERING]

Whoo!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

-That's my kid!
-Yeah!

My daughter!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING
CONTINUE]

Come on! Do it!

["ONE AND ONLY GIRL" PLAYING]

♪ Oh, girl, oh, girl
You ♪

♪ You're my
One and only girl ♪

♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪

♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪

♪ So glad I found you ♪

-♪ You ♪
-♪ You ♪

♪ You're my
One and only girl ♪

♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪

♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪

♪ So glad I found you ♪

♪ Baby, you are my melody ♪

♪ You put my words
In harmony ♪

♪ Now, come on
I wanna feel ya ♪

♪ Girl
You know I need ya ♪

♪ I'll stand in line
Just to get your love ♪

♪ You're more
Than a pretty face ♪

♪ You take my heart
To many places ♪

♪ I'm waiting
For your kiss, girl ♪

♪ I'll take all the rings
For you ♪

-♪ For you ♪
-♪ For you ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ One and only girl
One and only girl ♪

♪ You're my only girl ♪

♪ Ooh, girl, whoo! ♪

♪ My one and only girl ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Girl ♪

[PLAYFUL MELODY ON HORN]

♪ My only girl
My only girl ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Hey, my only girl ♪

-♪ You ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

♪ You're my
One and only girl ♪

♪ My one and only ♪

♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪

♪ Never, never, never ♪

♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪

-♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
-♪ So glad I found you ♪

-♪ Oh, girl, you ♪
-♪ Hey ♪

♪ You're my
One and only girl ♪

♪ My one girl ♪

♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪

♪ Never, never, never ♪

♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪

♪ So glad I found you ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

[♪♪♪]

Good night!