All language subtitles for Pushing.Daisies.S02E09.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST

At this moment,
a father and daughter...

...were on a camel trip
across the Rub al Khali...

...the 600-mile-long body of sand...

...in the vast, harsh wilderness
known as the Arabian Desert.

In truth, young Chuck should have
been floating on a sea of dreams...

...but at 8 years,
8 months, 21 days old...

...she was kept awake
by the varicella-zoster virus...

...also known as chickenpox.

Her father, Charles Charles...

...hoped this magicaljourney
was the antidote...

...to his daughter's discomfort.

Indeed, it eased the girl's itch...

...and replaced it
with a burning desire for adventure:

Adventures her father promised
to take her on someday.

Sadly, someday's adventures
would never come...

...for in a month,
Charles Charles would die...

...and young Chuck would learn
the sad lesson that, try as one might...

...one can never recapture
what once was...

...until Charlotte Charles
would again have her father.

- Hello.
- Only, having him back...

...meant lying
to the Pie-Maker she loved.

When Ned touches you, you play dead.

Say, you got a squatter
in your old digs over there?

Hmm?

Chuck?

- I was worried. I thought...
- Charlotte?

- It's okay, Dad.
- "Dad"?

You kept your father alive.

This looks bad.
It is bad. It's horribly bad.

It can't be that bad. Not like
I'm the first ghost he's ever seen.

Please say something.

- He's up here.
- Lily?

- Come on.
- Dad, quick.

No! Get out!

Lily, Vivian, is that you?

You know good and well
who we are...

...and we are spitting pissed at being
served up a steaming plate of door.

I don't get pissed. A gypsy told me
it brings on hemorrhoids.

- Why can't I just go out and talk to her?
- Shh. No. After you were gone...

...Lily and Vivian moved
into our old house to look after me.

- They can't know we're alive again.
- They're your aunts, button-button.

Except one of them is my mother.

So you know?

And you're okay?

Yeah?

Can we get back
to your rude reception?

- I thought you were invaders.
- Why did you say my name?

- I didn't.
- I heard it.

- Must've been your bad eye... Ears.
- You came over...

...and didn't resurface,
Lily assumed the worst.

And brought two barrels of backup.

Hey, no squatters.
No anyone. Let's all go home.

- What was that?
- That was me.

No!

Ugh. Oh!

Get it away!

- No, no.
- It's all right.

Lily's been petrified of clowns since our
grandpapa chased her with one of those.

It was Charlotte Charles
whose strategic placement of the toy...

...prevented her mother
from strong-arming her way...

...further into the closet.

We need to talk.

You don't wanna hear
what I have to say.

A low-pressure system
moving in from the coast...

...threatened Papen County
with its first winter storm...

...but for the Pie-Maker and Chuck,
it was as if the tempest had already hit.

If I were thinking clearer, I'd...

I'd give you space
to process everything...

...but I haven't slept
since all this happened.

Since I made it happen.

If your dad's alive,
someone else had to die.

- Who was it?
- Dwight Dixon.

We found him
with a rifle in the cemetery.

What?

Emerson thinks that he was planning
on killing both you and me...

- ...the night we re-alived my dad.
- Emerson knows?

He helped me bury Dwight
in my dad's empty grave.

He wanted me to tell you,
but I begged him:

"Please, just wait
until I know what to say"...

...and then you found me first.

- What would've happened if I didn't?
- I'd have brought you up here...

...and told you
that I was reckless and selfish.

Yes, you were.

I can say I'm sorry for deceiving you.
I will say that forever...

...but I can't say
that I'm sorry my dad's alive...

...because I'm not.

It is so overwhelming,
and I am so grateful.

I don't know how to explain it.

You acted on an impulse
so poignant and deep...

I know what it feels like.
I felt it with you.

And I'll never be sorry I did it, either.

- I'll let you breathe in a minute. Promise.
- I'm good.

So, what's next?

The reality is your dad's back.

In swaddling bandages,
but he's back...

...and if we're gonna be one big
happy-albeit-unconventional family...

- ...there's a lot we need to discuss.
- I've already covered first touch: life...

...second: death.
Digby and I: only other alive-agains...

...to be alive longer than a minute.

Then that leaves figuring out
what to do with your dad.

The only way
we can do that is together.

- Are we together?
- Mm.

We're so gethered,
electrons couldn't get between us.

You're beaming.

I'm not the only one.

What is that?

The body of Nora McQuoddy
was what that was.

Mere moments earlier, the meticulous
Papen Harbor lighthouse keeper...

...obsessing over a stubborn smudge,
would make a fatal mistake...

...because what Nora didn't notice
was her killer...

...who wanted everyone to notice her.

Coroner's office.

At this time, the prime suspect...

...seen fleeing from the scene
in a yellow fisherman'sjacket...

...has been identified
as the lighthouse keeper's husband...

...Merle McQuoddy.

That's some shady shadow puppet.

Merle McQuoddy.

Out of all the enigmatic, esoteric
local ghost stories...

...his is my absolute fave.

Merle McQuoddy was a salty sailor
who left his lighthouse-keeper wife...

...and young child
on a fishing voyage 10 years ago...

...only to vanish without a trace.
Bum-ba-buh-bah.

Mariners swear his ghost
haunts the sea caves by the harbor...

...and when the lighthouse shines...

...you can hear his ghoulish moans...

...as he cries out for someone,
anyone, to guide him home, and...

- Boo!
- Aah!

Booed you.

In actual fact, the facts were these:

Merle McQuoddy did indeed
leave his wife and child...

...on a voyage 10 years ago.

His boat, the Knockout Nora,
was loaded down with Dungeness...

...when it was knocked out
by the Category 5 Typhoon Tyrone.

For nine years,
11 months and five days...

...the presumed ghost,
Merle McQuoddy...

...was very much alive and alone
on a deserted island.

All the while, Nora kept watch...

...praying that one day,
her husband would come home...

...and life would return
to the way it once was.

After a near-decade of waiting,
herprayers were answered...

...when Merle was rescued
by a gay family cruise ship.

But Merle McQuoddy
was not the man he used to be.

He'd roam the beaches at midnight...

...flew into rages,
shunned indoor plumbing...

...and now
he's a murderer at large, and...

Mr. Cod?
I was told I could find you here.

My name is Elliot McQuoddy.

Elliot McQuoddy?
Son of urban legend Merle McQuoddy.

Please, you have to clear my father
of my mother's murder.

My entire life savings.

Everything I ever found combing
the shore with my metal detector.

By all means, bring me up to tempo
on what happened tonight.

Mom dropped me off at the movies...

...with a batch
of homemade peanut brittle.

Afterwards, when I didn't see
the minivan, I walked home.

Cops were everywhere.

They told me she was dead,
and Dad was nowhere to be found.

Want it à la mode?
The power's out.

The ice cream
won't be so much ice as cream soon.

Lots and lots, please.

Who knows when I'll get another meal
without Mom to make it.

Oh, you poor boy.

There, there.

Not here, here.

Sorry, kid.

Eyewitnesses say they saw
Merle McQuoddy running from the scene.

All they saw was a yellow raincoat.
There's no way he'd hurt my mother.

After 10 years of waiting,
our family was finally reunited.

I don't know where my dad is,
and even if I find him...

...they'll take him away.

Excuse me.

Well, hate to be a bitch...

...but ain't no way in the world
I'm taking this case.

You think Merle murdered Nora?

Merle McQuoddy's ship returned
minus a few oars...

...making it an easy leap
from captain to killer.

Nothing this kid had to say
makes me think otherwise.

Plus, I don't work in the rain.

- You don't hate being a bitch that much.
- I'll kick you my third of the cut...

...and if you're doing
my third of the work...

...I'm gonna take a personal day
to deal with personal...

...persons.

Well...

...look like Papa's gonna need
a new raincoat...

...and leather conditioner.
You see this water damage?

- These wingtips were custom cobbled.
- Can we hurry?

I'm supposed to see Chuck's father.
I want a welcome-back-to-life gift.

Oh, I got the perfect gift:
tap Dad back to the grave.

- Why would you say that?
- You're in over your head.

You can put a leash on a dog.
You know why? It's a dog.

But you can't put one on a war veteran
that was cut down in his prime.

Before long, he's gonna break free...

...and he'll be running the streets,
telling the world what you can do.

Tap that.

This is Chuck's chance
at having a family again. I can't...

..."tap that."

So make it look like an accident.

Trip over an ottoman
and Dick Van Dyke that ass.

Fine, I said my piece.

Let's get face to face
with Lighthouse Lady.

Whoa!

What happened to her face?
She's been effaced.

Nora McQuoddy,
present conditions are cold, rainy...

...with a 100 percent chance
of "you're dead."

We're hoping that you can tell us
who killed you.

Oh, hell. We got a melty mouth.

- "Yes" or "no" questions, then.
- She can't nod. How can she nod?

What is that tapping?

I don't think she's tapping.
I think she's talking in Morse code.

- You know Morse code?
- Charles taught it to Chuck and me...

...so we could communicate from
our bedroom windows with flashlights.

Mrs. McQuoddy,
who committed your murder?

P, C, H, S.

Is that all?

Time's up.

P-C-H-S.

Pick-iss.

Pakiss.

Peaches.

It's an acronym, fool.

Papen County Historical Society.

An old lighthouse like Nora's?
Bound to have interest.

"Peaches."

- What are you doing here?
- Finding you two, which was a cinch...

...because I'm such an ace
junior PI in-training.

Look what Mama got Papa.

I bought one for you too, Ned,
heh-heh-heh...

...and one for me too, of course...

...because together,
we're a crime-fighting team.

What do you say, Papa?

Uh, I think you and Papa
are gonna have a grand old time...

...while I take care of a thing.

- But...
- Hey, Mood-Swing Sally...

...anchors aweigh.

Dad, are you sure
you don't want pie?

Thanks, button, but I'll have cake.

Since when do you eat pie?
You hate pie.

What?

Well, this is the one that won me over.

So no cake? At all? Oh, well.

But let's not worry about pie.

This family
has bigger things to discuss.

To that end...

"Move Mr. Charles from Ned's childhood
home to Ned's apartment."

You killed a tree for this?
I'm happy as a clam right here.

The problem is,
Lily and Vivian are here.

For a couple of agoraphobes,
they get around.

We can't risk them discovering you...

...thereby discovering the truth
about all of us.

From there, it's a hop,
skip and a jump...

...to angry mobs
with pitchforks and torches and...

If I bunk with you, you'd kill me again
just by passing the pepper.

There are safeguards already in place.

Truth be told, you touching me
doesn't scare me as much...

...as the thought of you
doing that to my daughter.

Sir, I could never hurt Chuck.

Sure you could, Deadly Nedly.
You could forget she's behind you...

...and stop to tie your shoe,
or trip over a newspaper.

No number of redundant precautions...

...can assure you won't
inadvertently kill her for good...

...unless you're not in the same vicinity,
which is why we're gonna make a deal.

I go quietly and play by your rules...

...and you never see Charlotte again.

The first family of Papen County.

Bunch of blond-over-blue
Children of the Corn.

Which one we gonna grill first?

Gus, the Rosemary Kennedy
of the clan.

Brothers one through four run the
family's commercial real-estate empire...

...and South Asian call centers.
All he got was the Historical Society.

Ah.

- Olive Snook?
- Mr. Papen.

Welcome to The Pie Hole.
Did you get my application...

...to declare our wonderful establishment
a historical monument?

That application was denied the moment
you destroyed an exemplary specimen...

...of beaux-arts architecture...

...with the addition
of a stucco-crust overhang.

Told you. Well,
since you're already here...

...you mind answering a few questions
about Nora McQuoddy?

Have they found
the bloodthirsty husband?

Merle? No.

But what is Nora's connection
to the P.C.H.S.?

With her husband lost at sea, Nora
couldn't afford the lighthouse upkeep.

I used my family influence to declare it
a protected historic monument.

I appointed the McQuoddys its guardian
until the family line dies out...

...or the sun swallows the Earth
in a solar flare, killing us all.

That means Elliot's in charge
of the lighthouse now.

Other than that,
I didn't really know Nora.

If you wanna learn more,
talk to Annabelle Vandersloop.

They volunteered together
in the diorama exhibit.

Such a depressing word, "diorama."

It has "die" in it.

I like "rama."

Okay, so this is so we can keep
in constant contact in the present...

...and this is so you can
regain contact with your past.

Well, I'll be...

Thank you, button.

Um...

Right, well, I'll leave you to settle in.

Digby, come on.

- There's milk.
- You didn't have to go to all that trouble.

I wanted to. It's a huge adjustment.

Big of you, kid. We won't get anywhere
without teamwork.

That's a perfect segue
to our playbook.

Everything that pertains
to the lifestyle...

- ...with your particular situation...
- You mean my corpse face?

...Corpse face taken into consideration.

In short, stay inside with the door locked
and the curtains drawn.

Deliveries are verboten.
Telephone use is unrestricted...

...as long as you choose
from the list of aliases...

...when communicating
with the world.

For the first month,
I would recommend wearing latex gloves.

Already got gloves on.

No harm in double-bagging it, eh?

Sir, I'm really trying here.

Instead of buttering me up...

...why don't we deal
with the elephant in the room?

You killed me.

I knew your parents. You were
raised right. How about an apology?

I'm sorry.

"AII's forgiven"
is gonna be a long time coming.

You need to respect that.

All right?

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got a bunch of reading to do.

While Charles Charles was reading...

...Olive Snook and
the private investigator were listening...

...to one Annabelle Vandersloop.

- Nora and I were best friends.
- Mm-hm.

We met through
the Notable Widows of Papen County.

We pay tribute to our notable husbands'
notable deaths...

...through the miniature medium
of diorama.

I love dioramas.
How could I get involved?

- Are you a widow? Oh.
- No. Unfortunately, I'm single...

...but I do have a beloved horse
who bought the farm.

- I could dioram that.
- Sorry. Expired spouses only.

For example, my late husband...

...munitions manufacturer
Adolph Vandersloop...

...went out with a bang.

An errant Fourth of July rocket...

...flew into an open window
while he was taking inventory.

Oh.

One can never add enough glitter
to a husband's memory.

Ms. Snook,
do you see how your pony death...

...might make a mockery
of our legitimate efforts?

Do you see how you have cotton balls
stuck to your ass?

- Oh, I was looking for those.
- Well, I'm looking for something:

Information on whether
Nora McQuoddy's husband...

...made himself a notable widower.

I was with sweet Nora
when she heard the news...

...that the homosexual boat
had rescued Merle.

Can you imagine the joy of starting over
with a husband you thought you'd lost?

No, you can't.

Well, anyway,
Nora was the first to admit...

...she was an overprotective mother,
but with Merle home...

...and Elliot so desperate
to bond with him...

...it quickly became two against one.

- She finally had to put her foot down.
- On what?

Crazy things, like, you know,
father-son sailing trips around the world.

She absolutely forbade it...

...and I guess
that was the final straw...

...before Merle snapped, killed her,
and went AWOL.

Ugh. Sometimes I just think to myself,
"Life. You can't make this crap up."

Yeah, well, thanks for your time.

- Thank you, thank you. Oh.
- Thank you.

Oh.

Speaking of crap,
Elliot seems to be full of it.

We met a heartbroken mama's boy
who never mentioned feuds with Mama.

- What gives?
- That's just what we gonna ask him.

Don't bother signing in.
The open house is off.

- Who are you?
- Willie Gerkin, Smiley Realty.

Aww. You lost your smile, pickle.

I thought it was too good to be true.
This lighthouse lands in my lap...

...and now I find out I can't sell it...

...because it's a protected
historical monument!

This is so not the way
The Secret is supposed to work.

- Where's the owner?
- Elliot?

That little bowl cut split...

...but not before I advanced him
10 grand against the sale.

He and his father were going
out of town and needed cash.

- Is that legal?
- How should I know?

I just got my license.

Screw it.

I'm going back to personal training,
where there's respect.

- Excuse me.
- Sorry.

Hey, try this on for size.

So Merle kills Nora...

...and then Elliot hires me
to take the suspicion off Merle.

And then Elliot goes
and gets the funds so they can take...

- ...their little father-and-son trip.
- But if they did score a sloop...

...there's no way they're taking it out
in this. They must be hiding.

Let's smoke them out.

I can't believe you got me
working in this downpour.

What's up with that anyway,
rain hater?

I mean, I'd get it if you were a cat,
or had hair.

Or got dumped.

Back in the day, my ex and I used to
hole up with a bottle of brandy...

...and some tomato soup, and we
wouldn't come out until the sun did.

Now whenever the drops fall...

...it reminds me of everything I lost
and ain't gonna get back. Happy?

Let's wait it out here a bit.

I've always wanted to see this place...

...but you can't get much of a feel for it
trying to peek inside.

Are you trying to give me
the heebie-jeebies or something?

Or a theory as to where
the murderous McQuoddys are holed up.

Remember the sea caves Merle's ghost
supposedly haunted with his howls?

There's nothing haunted about them.
The sound is when the wind...

...rushes in off the water.
Kind of like:

Elliot knows those caves
like the back of his hand.

Yeah, well, if he's in there,
he's gonna get the back of mine.

Ha-ha-ha. Boo-yah! Let's go.

Sugars have been re-sugared,
creamers have been re-creamed.

Is there anything else to do before
I head to the store? Dad gave me a list.

Um, slippers, mouthwash,
and the last 20 years of my life back.

- He's so funny.
- Hilarious. Bad enough we can't touch.

Now I'm not allowed to see you.
How is that possible?

We don't have to stop seeing
each other. Just when Dad's around.

Which is limited to your apartment.
He can't go anywhere else.

I'm not embarrassed to say I'm scared
of your father. Petrified, actually.

And... Stop smiling.

I can't help it. Something's happening
I never thought would happen.

- My dad's torturing my first boyfriend.
- Yay.

Exactly. We get to be the teenagers
we never thought we'd get to be.

You were locked up in boarding school.
I was shut up with my shut-in aunts.

Now you get to be
the studly varsity quarterback...

...and I get to be
the flirty head cheerleader.

- Mm.
- Hm.

Which means we can break curfews,
and mislead our parents...

...and generally sneak around.

I may need some more convincing.

- I'll meet you later behind the bleachers.
- Bring your pom-poms.

Hello, Nedly.

You were necking with my daughter.
You promised to keep your distance.

- You can't be here. Go back upstairs.
- Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

Everybody out. We have a gas leak
caused by radon emission.

Chock-full of asbestos. Safety first.

Cover your eyes. Everybody out!

Seriously. No cake at all?

- I made you a cake.
- I'm not one for chocolate.

Who's not for chocolate?
Everyone at least tolerates it.

Mr. Charles, you can't be in public.
If someone sees you...

I'll say I'm a burn victim.
Do I need to say anything at all?

I've been walking around for an hour,
and no one's looked at me twice.

I wonder if I get one of those
handicapped parking placards.

There's no driving.
That's rule number 17.

Why am I supposed to play by the rules
when you don't, Romeo?

- I'm just trying to keep you safe.
- Look, kiddo, you may scare Charlotte...

...with stories of mobs
and pitchforks and torches.

I know the truth.
The villagers aren't coming for me.

No, they're coming for
the guy with the magic finger.

Charles, no one cared about
Dr. Frankenstein.

They were after his monster.

Regardless, my priority
is your daughter's well-being.

If you walk out that door,
you put her life in jeopardy.

As her father, I'll be the judge of that.

You're not leaving.

- Not bad for a dead guy, huh?
- Don't touch me.

As the tide turned for the Pie-Maker...

...a turn of the tide allowed
Emerson Cod and Olive Snook...

...to turn their investigation
toward a sea cave.

If the McQuoddys are barnacled
up in here, we'll have them cornered.

If McQuoddy is here, I'll just die.

Not because he's a killer,
but because he's a...

Easy there. Friend, not foe.

Yeah, but we foe for sure.
Emerson Cod, PI...

...here to trawl your ass downtown.
Where's Elliot?

Gathering supplies.

We know all about
the McQuoddy family killers' cruise.

- You two murdered Nora.
- You're mistaken, matey.

When she died, I was here.

Why you bunked up al-grotto?

For the past month, Nora and I...

...had been trying to put
our marriage back on its old course.

But 10 years apart
leaves you different people.

The other night,
while Elliot was at the movies...

...Nora confessed to me that she'd
found her bearings with another man.

- Bewildered, I sought shelter here.
- Why not just clear things up...

- ...with the authorities?
- Because I'm a ghost...

...with an alibi as thin as fishing line.

It was Elliot's idea to set sail from here.

Said he'd garner the funds,
and I would prep the vessel.

Just one hole in your story.

Elliot never mentioned
Nora's new squeeze.

Nora never told him.

You better cough up a name,
or we hauling your buoy in.

She didn't tell me his name,
but I found this in her personal effects.

Ah. A Dutch love spoon.
Men gave it to women...

...as a symbol of the sweetness
they'd feed each other forever.

- I've read the entire Harlequin library.
- I didn't give my wife this spoon.

No, her lover did. A lover
who murdered her in a jealous rage...

...before she had a chance to tell him
she was leaving her husband.

See? Engraving says,
"A.P. hearts N.M."

N.M. is Nora McQuoddy.
But who in the hell is A.P.?

Papen is a Dutch name.

Scurvy, there's 50 Papens
in this county alone.

But only one Augustus.

Gus Papen.

I think I was first.

- What happened?
- Your dad came down...

...and we had a little tussle.

- What do you mean a "tussle"?
- More like a scuffle.

Charlotte.

- Oh, my God.
- Wait, wait, I... Let me explain. It...

Oh, my God.

- Ned, oh, my God.
- Oh.

- Come here.
- The light...

...is so bright.

- Are you okay?
- My wrist...

- What?
- I think I need to ice it.

- You go upstairs, and I'll be right there.
- Okay.

- That was an act.
- An act of foolishness.

Why'd you bring him to The Pie Hole?

I didn't.
He left of his own accord...

...wandered for an hour,
grabbed a seat at the counter.

He wouldn't. He knows the rules.

Your dad's not one
for chocolate or rules.

So from this point on,
he's gonna be doing his own thing.

All right, I will go upstairs
and I will talk to him.

We said we'd handle this together.

- I'm coming with you.
- You're upset.

- I'm not having you fighting again.
- He's a big boy. He can handle it.

- Yeah, well, maybe I can't.
- Chuck...?

I get it. My dad is strong-willed
and he's stubborn...

...but it's just a normal father-daughter-
daughter's boyfriend dynamic.

- No, it's not.
- Why not?

Because he's been dead
for 20 years? Just...

Pretend he's been in a coma.

I don't have the luxury of pretending
he's in a coma, or that this is normal.

Because Charles Charles
has no problem exposing our secret...

...to the world.

- We need to stop this.
- How? Re-deading him is not an option.

I never said that.
I've tried everything to make this work.

You don't wanna
work together anymore? Fine.

You take care of it.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Come here, button. What I have here...

...is a cookbook of culinary treasures
from around the world.

Close your eyes, tap the page...

...and where the spoon lands
is where you and I are gonna go tonight.

No, Dad. It was a misunderstanding
that went out of control.

- Leaving is not the answer.
- Mm-hm.

Well, is this better? Let's see.

"Rule 21:
When crossing rooms simultaneously...

...Party A shall announce 'coming, '
at which point Party B shall pause...

...then commence movement
with the response 'going."'

This is how you live? Huh?

Charlotte, you may have
grown up without me, but I am back.

I'm never gonna stop
trying to keep you safe.

My little girl would've never settled
for a lock-and-key existence.

- No, she was destined for adventure.
- But my life is here.

This isn't a life. This is a freak show.

We're only freaks in Ned's world.

Away from Ned,
we could do anything, be anything.

Dad, I just want things
to be how they used to be.

Then come with me, button.

A pie is simple.

It's limited,
just a bit of pastry and filling.

Cake is complex.

Layered with treasures
waiting to be discovered.

Which one do you choose?

Gus and Nora were an item?

Could he have had
something to do with her murder?

- You didn't hear it from me.
- Oh, my God.

Miss Snook, I almost forgot.
I told the notable widows your story...

...and it made us realize
how very blessed we are.

'Tis better to have loved and lost
than to be you.

Well, you'll have to excuse me.
I have an appointment to get to.

Ta, sad Miss Snook.
See you at Tuesday's potluck.

Not on the Savile Row
glen-plaid cashmere.

It's just papier-mâché paste.
It'll come right out.

- See you at the potluck on Tuesday.
- Ta.

- You get anything from Vandersloop?
- Just a good riling.

Because I found something
snooping around in Gus Papen's office.

"A proposal to redevelop
Papen Harbor Lighthouse."

Check the next page.

- Ooh, a waterslide.
- He got a green light.

The runt of the litter found a way to go
toe-to-capitalistic-toe with his brothers.

Merle's sudden return
gave him a McQuoddy twofer.

Kill Nora, and then frame
the crazy captain with the crime.

With them out, he's free to redevelop
to his bank account's content.

- Provided he can get rid of Elliot...
- Elliot McQuoddy?

Confirming a meeting with Gus
at the lighthouse tonight.

Oh, hell, no.

All right, Papen.
Step away from the boy.

- Help!
- If I do, he'll die.

Is that reverse psychology?
That's exactly what you want.

- What I want is to save him.
- Is that reverse-reverse psychology?

- He didn't do this.
- Then who the hell did?

"Who the hell did"
was Elliot McOuoddy himself.

Realizing the severity
of the impending nor'easter...

...Nora's son struggled
to do his dead motherproud...

...by raising the signal flags...

Mommy!

...And failed.

- Thank you.
- It's okay, Elliot.

So wait a minute. You weren't trying
to wipe out the McQuoddy line...

- ...and take over this lighthouse?
- Of course not. I wanna save it...

I don't like the looks of this.

I don't like the looks of him.

"Welcome to the Papen Lighthouse
Resort and Day Spa"?

I'll be your candle on the water

My love for you will always burn

I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting

Don't give up
You'll have somewhere to...

Shut the a cap-hell up.

And that's how our cocktail hour begins:
with a bang and a song.

Followed by a gourmet meal
and dancing here in the lamp room.

That's why I called Elliot.
To pitch him.

This feels really, really wrong.

How can a symbol of love be wrong?

So you and my mom...?

She wanted to tell you,
but then your father returned.

We tried to put our feelings aside...

...to give them
a shot at recapturing the past...

- But they couldn't.
- Let's have something good...

...come out of this tragedy.

Oh, if that's the plan,
please nix the glitter.

Who'd you get to decorate?
Annabelle Vandersloop?

Wait a minute.
What if crazy craft lady was up here...

...but instead of a hot-glue gun,
she brought a stone-cold harpoon?

Mrs. Vandersloop was my mother's
best friend. Why would she kill her?

Because Nora wasn't the only squeeze
Papen here was squeezing.

Turn around there, shortstop.

Oh! Papier-mâché.

You were getting down
with the diorama dame.

I damned that dame
every time she made an advance.

Like tonight, in my office,
and a dozen nights before.

Come on.
You two must have been swapping...

...something other than
historical factoids.

Once. Years ago
at the Historical Society Christmas party.

So spurned lover
spears her best friend...

...and frames ghost husband
to take the fall.

Let's rubber cement her ass
to a prison bed.

Aw, Tell me you guys
are missing a baritone.

Oh. A full house.

So much for keeping
the innocent-victim count down.

Seriously, does she toot glitter?

Oh, that ain't glitter.

- That's gunpowder.
- She's going to blow us up.

You remember my husband, Adolph,
the munitions manufacturer?

I inherited the remaining inventory.

Said I'd save it for a rainy day,
and look, it's here.

- Annabelle, why?
- You tossed our love aside...

- ...like it never happened.
- It was one night.

What we had was so much more special
than anything you had with Nora.

When Merle returned,
it was the answer to my prayers...

...but even then you couldn't let go.

So I had to eliminate her.

- I still love Nora.
- Shut up.

That's why you've left me no choice.

I don't understand how killing us
is gonna solve anything.

I do, I do. Um...

When you called me "sad Miss Snook,"
oh, it really honked me off.

But now I realize
that you recognize sadness in me...

...because you had it in you.

The rest of you don't know what it's like
to know you belong with somebody.

If you could only eliminate
everybody else...

...maybe he'd finally grasp
what you've been trying to show him.

That feeling
you've been dying to recapture...

- If only for a moment.
- That moment never comes.

What do you do? Not love Ned?

- Gus.
- Gus, Gus. See? I've tried that.

- Me too.
- Did it work?

- Heck, no.
- Heck, no. So you know what I say?

Annabelle Vandersloop did move on.

She was no longer sad
about losing Gus's love...

...since a 30-yearprison sentence...

...gave her something
to be truly sad about.

Merle and Elliot McQuoddy
moved on as well...

...becoming partners
in Gus Papen's lighthouse hotel.

They used the profits
for a trip around the world...

...and found on the high seas
the route back to their father-son bond.

Meanwhile,
Private Detective Emerson Cod...

...was afloat
in a sea of reward money...

...given by
the Papen County Historical Society...

...which he shared with
a junior Pl in-training.

- Nice work, Snook.
- Thanks, Cod. I learned from the best.

Hold on, now. We ain't done.

You remember when you said
you were still in love with Ned?

That wasn't just for
wicked widow's benefit, was it?

No. Oh, Emerson.
I thought I'd stomped out that flame...

...or at least
brought it down to a smolder, but no.

I still burn and yearn for him
now more than ever.

Mm-hm. Do I need to be concerned
that any of my Pie-Hole peeps...

- ...are gonna be eliminated?
- Meaning...

...am I gonna harpoon Chuck
so Ned will finally love me?

No.

Well, if the day finally comes...

...that being around
Pie Boy and his Pie Girl...

...make your suffering insufferable...

...I just want you to know
that there's a place for you...

...right here
in this professional establishment.

- All you have to do is ask.
- Emerson Cod...

...I think I may be winning you over.

Itty Bitty,
you made me love a rainy day again.

You've gotta understand.
When I was a little girl...

...I used to compare my dad
to all the other dads on our street.

I probably wasn't very objective,
because I was convinced...

...he was the strongest and bravest,
the most fun man in the neighborhood.

I can say, objectively,
he was all those things.

When he was gone,
that's how I remembered him.

I put him on a paternal pedestal.

And now...

- Now he wants me to leave.
- Leave? Where?

Anywhere the spoon lands.
He promised me an adventure...

...like the ones he told me about
when I was a kid.

All I have to do
is choose cake over pie.

Oh.

He's trying to be the dad
I always dreamed of.

Someone who could
keep his little girl safe and happy.

Except I'm...

I'm not a little girl.

Which is why I told him
the spoon lands here.

I already feel safe and happy.

And besides,
we have adventures every day.

What did he think of your decision?

- He's waiting for you upstairs.
- With a gun?

With an apology.

He wants us all to start afresh.

Then he's a good dad.

Mm-hm.

And you're a good man.

Heh.

Come on.

Dad? Come on, grab your hat.

We're taking hot toddies up to the roof
to watch the snow.

Chuck?

No! Dad!