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1
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Previously on Pushing Daisies:
2
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,048
Who the hell are you?
3
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,051
Dwight Dixon. I was a friend
of your father's 25 years ago.
4
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:11,221
- I'm actually trying to find him.
- I'm afraid we lost touch.
5
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:13,723
I haven't seen
or heard from the man in 20 years.
6
00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:16,434
I'm here for something:
a common brass pocket watch.
7
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,603
Looked a lot like this one,
which is mine.
8
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:20,230
I don't recall a pocket watch.
9
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:23,983
Charlotte's father, my lover,
was Vivian's fiancé.
10
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:27,278
- You're a home-wrecker too!
- Vivian can never know.
11
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,614
I'm not gonna say anything to Vivan
about what you did.
12
00:00:29,781 --> 00:00:33,451
- Don't come for me, fella. I fight dirty.
- Why'd you fake your death?
13
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:35,912
Are you and the Pie-Maker
in cahoots together?
14
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,789
I died. He brought me back to life.
15
00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:42,001
- If you don't wanna tell me, just say so.
- What do you mean, I can't come?
16
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,254
There's a grave out there
that you supposed to be in.
17
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:47,090
People who are dead but not dead
come up against mobs...
18
00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:49,175
...with pitchforks and torches.
19
00:00:49,342 --> 00:00:51,469
I have a small confession...
20
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:54,556
...about Charles' pocket watch.
I do recall it.
21
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:59,852
We buried it with our niece,
"Lonely Tourist" Charlotte Charles.
22
00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:06,025
There once was a Pie-Maker
who had a gift:
23
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,611
A touch that brought the dead to life.
24
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,488
The gift followed these rules:
25
00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:12,865
Touch a dead thing once: alive.
26
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:16,619
Touch a dead thing twice:
dead again, forever.
27
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:19,205
Keep a dead thing alive
for more than a minute:
28
00:01:19,372 --> 00:01:22,000
Something else has to die.
29
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:39,017
At this very moment,
at the Longborough School for Boys...
30
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,853
...when it came to the currency
of popularity...
31
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,856
...young Ned was poor,
but not the poorest.
32
00:01:45,023 --> 00:01:47,150
Eugene Mulchandani's thick accent...
33
00:01:47,317 --> 00:01:50,903
...and unfortunate family history
of disproportionate jaw structure...
34
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:54,073
...made him both extremely difficult
to understand...
35
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,409
...and an easy mark for bullies.
36
00:01:56,576 --> 00:02:00,872
Young Ned knew that playing
with Eugene meant losing his marbles...
37
00:02:01,039 --> 00:02:04,500
...but he considered the sacrificed
aggies, steelies and shooters...
38
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:07,253
...an act of charity,
for aside from Ned...
39
00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:09,922
...Eugene had only two
other companions:
40
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:15,428
Bilbo, his lethargic Indian python,
and Ackbar, a bunny.
41
00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:35,740
Eugene was devastated
when he learned...
42
00:02:35,907 --> 00:02:39,035
...that upon attempting
to eat Ackbar the Bunny...
43
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:42,872
...Bilbo the Snake choked,
killing them both.
44
00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:45,583
Under the guise
of burying Eugene's pets...
45
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,586
...young Ned resolved to perform
another act of charity...
46
00:02:48,753 --> 00:02:50,838
...for his language-mangling friend.
47
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:54,092
He knew that giving Eugene
his friends back...
48
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:58,554
...would require
two innocent creatures to die...
49
00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:06,771
...and a lie about how he found them
both barely breathing...
50
00:03:06,938 --> 00:03:09,107
...when he went to bury them.
51
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,984
But as long as the benefits
outweighed the costs...
52
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:17,281
...he also believed an act of charity
outweighed the consequences.
53
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:24,414
Twenty years, 16 weeks,
four days and nine hours later...
54
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:27,917
...the boy had grown
into the Pie-Maker...
55
00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:31,587
...and the Pie-Maker was,
at this very moment...
56
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,340
...troubled.
57
00:03:34,507 --> 00:03:37,510
- You're stress baking.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
58
00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:41,889
You've been up since before the sun
and there's a traffic jam of pies.
59
00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:43,850
You're worried.
60
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,519
"Worried" would imply an urge
toward action.
61
00:03:46,686 --> 00:03:48,312
"Troubled" seems more apt.
62
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:49,939
About a man named Dwight...
63
00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:52,984
...asking questions about your dad
and is dating my Aunt Vivian?
64
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:54,527
Oh, you're stress baking.
65
00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:57,321
If he's dating your aunt,
he's going to see a picture.
66
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:00,450
If he doesn't have amnesia,
he's going to recognize you...
67
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:03,119
...if he hasn't already.
Why is he dating your aunt?
68
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:05,830
Not to suggest
that she's not perfectly lovely...
69
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:07,665
...but it does seem coincidental.
70
00:04:07,832 --> 00:04:10,001
Does Vivian's boy toy
have something to do...
71
00:04:10,168 --> 00:04:12,003
- ...with why you faked your death?
- No.
72
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:15,381
Maybe he's been after you all along.
Maybe he works for the IRS.
73
00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:18,342
If anyone can figure out
whether you're dead, it's the taxman.
74
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:22,180
Maybe he thinks you are dead. He's one
of those paranormal investigators.
75
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,849
He's the old priest,
and the young priest is coming.
76
00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:29,020
That would be a waste of religion,
because she's not dead.
77
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:32,482
- I find myself urged to action.
- Yeah, me too.
78
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:35,193
Public records.
We've gotta find out who Dwight is...
79
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:38,362
...and if he's after more
than just your aunt's companionship.
80
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:43,075
Counterintelligence via pie delivery:
like gossiping with a purpose.
81
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,203
My specialty.
82
00:04:47,205 --> 00:04:52,168
- Pie time.
- Olive! What a surprise. And with a pie.
83
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:56,547
- The second-sweetest treat of my day.
- Something sweeter than a Pie Hole pie?
84
00:04:56,714 --> 00:05:00,551
The first was a surprise visit
from a certain gentleman caller.
85
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:05,515
Oh, the lovely lady of the Hole,
and with a special delivery to heel.
86
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:08,392
No need to stand on my account.
Just here doing my duty.
87
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,895
No other reason I can speak of.
88
00:05:11,062 --> 00:05:13,231
And what type of duty
are you in again?
89
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:14,857
Clergy? Tax services?
90
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:18,277
Dwight collects
and appraises antiques...
91
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:22,406
...which I learned right after he told me
he's dating my sister.
92
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,409
Lily's naturally suspicious
of new liaisons...
93
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:28,454
...but I felt compelled to come clean
about our relationship.
94
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:32,083
Sneaking around is for politicians
in bathroom stalls.
95
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:36,045
Not for a brisk and bucolic
autumn-cum-winter afternoon...
96
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,089
...on the park. Ladies.
97
00:05:42,635 --> 00:05:44,387
Bye.
98
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,890
Seems nice.
99
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:52,728
I don't trust him further than I can spit,
and I can spit.
100
00:05:55,815 --> 00:05:59,944
Look at the way
he drapes himself all over her. Ugh!
101
00:06:00,111 --> 00:06:02,947
Makes me wanna stick a fork
in my eye.
102
00:06:03,114 --> 00:06:05,116
- I need a drink.
- You're holding one.
103
00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:07,952
I need a stronger one. And a fork.
104
00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:12,790
While Olive pondered one sister blinded
by love and the other by distrust...
105
00:06:12,957 --> 00:06:16,335
...Emerson Cod pondered
the exorbitant amount of cash...
106
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:17,753
...he'djust been given.
107
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,298
I demand justice for the decedent...
108
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:24,302
...and I will not rest,
settle or adjourn until I have it!
109
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,929
Mind demanding it
in your inside voice?
110
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:30,308
I'm sorry. Years of litigation
have made me a loud talker.
111
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:33,311
What makes a lawyer so willing
to shell out his own green...
112
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,105
- ...over a client's death?
- I have a special practice.
113
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:39,650
Gustav was my one client,
and that client is now dead.
114
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:43,154
So why you still hanging on?
Looking for a few stray cash capillaries?
115
00:06:43,321 --> 00:06:47,199
No. Gustav was more than a client.
He was a...
116
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:50,661
He was a cantankerous bombast
with a violent temper...
117
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,539
...and a lust for power and wealth.
118
00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:56,709
In lawyer speak.
I was in love with him.
119
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,712
You talk to the police
about your friend?
120
00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:02,340
The police station is run
by a bunch of monkeys.
121
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,342
You want the best,
you pay the premium.
122
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,010
Why ain't the family paying?
123
00:07:06,177 --> 00:07:09,180
His wife was his family,
and she was the biggest leech of all.
124
00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:10,389
Always after his will.
125
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,516
So she got to the will
through murder?
126
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,518
Well, I never trusted her.
127
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,354
I tried my best, as a lover...
128
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,690
I mean, as a lawyer and a friend,
to protect Gustav.
129
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:23,402
She ruined his life.
She's gonna ruin his legacy.
130
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:26,530
I smell a big old "but"
heading in my direction.
131
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,741
Gustav was robbed the night he died.
132
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:31,035
It happens
when you have a fortune like his.
133
00:07:31,202 --> 00:07:36,123
- What kind of fortune we talking about?
- The kind built upon your tight balls.
134
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,167
The facts were these:
135
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:41,253
Gustav Hofer
had lived the American dream.
136
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:44,423
His mechanized yarn-baller
not only gave a generation...
137
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:48,052
...of frustrated grandmothers
the means to make unwanted gifts...
138
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:51,722
...at the age of 19,
it was the first of countless inventions...
139
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:55,226
...that made Gustav Hofer
his first of countless millions.
140
00:07:55,393 --> 00:07:58,062
Before Gustav Hofer
could make one penny more...
141
00:07:58,229 --> 00:08:01,899
...someone arranged
for his permanent retirement...
142
00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:13,577
...and the lawyer who was in love
with him found his retired remains.
143
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:19,875
- He doesn't look like the richest man.
- They say he had the Midas touch.
144
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:23,462
You're a little bit like King Midas,
except substitute life for gold...
145
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,589
...and you don't have donkey ears.
146
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:29,385
Midas was a miser, like Scrooge,
but hungrier. I'm a philanthropist.
147
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,679
Just touch the sucker.
148
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:37,601
Hello. We'd like to ask
a few questions...
149
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,229
- ...but we only have a minute.
- I presume I'm dead.
150
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:42,898
Let's get to business.
First, the matter of my will.
151
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:45,735
- It's in your lawyer's...
- Not that will. A new will...
152
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,779
...and you're going to track it down
for me, roger?
153
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,990
- Roger. Now if...
- Kid, you talk too much.
154
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:55,244
The will is in my trophy room. Go to
the biggest trophy, center of the wall.
155
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,496
Turn it clockwise. Say it back to me.
156
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:00,291
- Who killed you?
- Who are you? Who is he?
157
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:02,293
Do you know who I am, Elmer?
158
00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:05,129
You about to be the first man
to ever be murdered twice.
159
00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:08,632
- You want justice...
- I don't want my hard-earned money...
160
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:10,468
...going where it doesn't belong.
161
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:14,263
Your generation has never understood
the value of a dollar...
162
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:16,974
Trophy room, biggest trophy,
turn clockwise.
163
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:22,021
Smartest one of the bunch.
I like your moxie, sassafras.
164
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,816
Find my will,
and make sure that no-good...
165
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:30,654
...gold-digging wife of mine
doesn't get one damn dime. Got it?
166
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:34,533
- Who killed you?
- The bellman did it.
167
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,921
The private investigator,
the Pie-Maker and Chuck...
168
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:50,883
...arrived at Gustav Hofer's mansion
to question his recent widow...
169
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:55,596
...and long-time porter
regarding the inventor's death.
170
00:09:56,514 --> 00:09:59,892
All right, me and Dead Girl
are gonna go chat up the bellman.
171
00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:02,561
You find that trophy room
and get ahold of that will.
172
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,105
I can do that. That said...
173
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,357
...what's your take
on Dwight dating Vivian?
174
00:10:06,524 --> 00:10:08,776
How long before he looks
at a picture and says:
175
00:10:08,943 --> 00:10:10,778
"There's that girl from The Pie Hole"?
176
00:10:10,945 --> 00:10:14,782
When I see an out-of-context picture
of a nice-looking young girl, I don't say:
177
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:19,203
"There's that young girl who served me
cappuccino in that one restaurant."
178
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:22,957
Oh, my gosh. This wallpaper
is vintage Osborne & Little.
179
00:10:23,124 --> 00:10:25,626
You could buy an island
for what this must be worth.
180
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,711
Cool. I never even noticed.
181
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,923
Isn't that weird?
I'm, like, the worst widow ever.
182
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:32,758
Elise. You must be the Pls.
183
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:35,386
Yes. Thank you so much
for agreeing to help us.
184
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,514
- Is there a restroom?
- Down the hall, second left.
185
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:41,308
We're very sorry for your loss.
You must be devastated.
186
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,643
Crushed.
187
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,229
- Please, pop a squat.
- Thank you.
188
00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:48,983
James Andrew, the bellman
you wanted to see, is on his way.
189
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:52,361
I told him to bring some of those
awesome champagne-juice drinks.
190
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:53,946
Mimosas?
191
00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:57,741
James Andrew,
they want mimosas instead.
192
00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,451
James Andrew!
193
00:11:01,996 --> 00:11:03,372
I'm sure he heard me.
194
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:09,044
Well, this is a very nice castle
that you have, Mrs. Hofer.
195
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:13,340
Thanks. It's a wreck right now,
getting it all set up for the wake.
196
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,259
You should totally come.
197
00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:20,014
Everybody who's anybody is gonna
be here celebrating Gustav's death.
198
00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:24,059
- You mean life.
- Sure, whatever.
199
00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:31,066
Oh, no.
200
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:47,166
"Turn the largest trophy clockwise."
201
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,251
Cheers.
202
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,046
Cheers. That is the best
champagne drink I've ever had.
203
00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:53,631
I know, right?
204
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,968
Mrs. Hofer said you wanted to see me.
I assume it's not just for my mimosa.
205
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,678
How does one become a bellman?
206
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:03,349
Bellmen wear monkey suits
and work in hotel lobbies. I am a porter.
207
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:07,436
Were you porting the night your boss
had a close encounter with his light?
208
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:10,064
I was at a key party.
At least 15 people can vouch.
209
00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:13,275
James Andrew
is definitely not the killing type.
210
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:15,653
Well, Mrs. Hofer,
excuse me for being blunt...
211
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,530
...but you stand to gain
from your late husband's death.
212
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:22,368
Oh, my God, you think I totally did it.
213
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:26,622
Well, FYI, I was at a charity ball
the night of the murder.
214
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251
Y'all sure got a big-ass dog.
215
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,682
The safe was empty. No will.
216
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,559
- Nothing but a cryptic Latin phrase.
- Poor Gustav.
217
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,229
He cared about getting that will
in the right hands.
218
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:52,523
If we find the killer,
we'll find that will.
219
00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:55,901
Problem is, our case just went
from a slam-dunk to a badunkadunk.
220
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:59,363
- Is badunkadunk bad?
- Badunkadunk means big...
221
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,865
...as in what our simple murder case
just became.
222
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:03,826
What happened
to "the bellman did it"?
223
00:13:03,993 --> 00:13:06,704
He's hiding something,
but 15 people at a key party?
224
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,957
- That's an airtight alibi.
- What is a key party, any...?
225
00:13:10,124 --> 00:13:11,959
Oh, I love that you don't know that.
226
00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:15,004
- It's a kind of raffle.
- Of the porno variety.
227
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,464
Oh.
228
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,133
Oh.
229
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,926
Back to the case. How does a safe...
230
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:23,262
...with cryptic Latin inside
change anything?
231
00:13:23,429 --> 00:13:26,265
You need to peel back
the pie crust you're working under...
232
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:28,142
...and turn on the news sometime.
233
00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:30,728
Rich people are getting robbed
by some hooligan...
234
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:33,397
...who leaves the Latin calling card
at every scene.
235
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,107
That's why it's a badunkadunk.
236
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:37,651
I gotta go see a buddy
at the police station.
237
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,403
Great. Gives us more time...
238
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,448
...to start work
on our research project on Dwight.
239
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,872
Seems like Dwight didn't exist...
240
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,374
...before checking
into the Come-and-Sleep Motel.
241
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:55,127
Who knows? Maybe he's not a bad guy.
He's charming.
242
00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,754
What do Lily and Vivian think?
243
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,507
What you'd expect:
Lily hates and Vivian is completely ga.
244
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,635
Good news is,
you're not even on his radar.
245
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:06,347
How about another cup
of coffee, please?
246
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,267
Dwight's got a strange preoccupation
with your father's pocket watch.
247
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,394
Maybe we give it to him
and he goes away.
248
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:15,439
Or we could wake my dad
and ask him.
249
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,649
- Chuck.
- It would be a shortcut...
250
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,443
...to finding out who Dwight is.
251
00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:21,653
You just have to touch him
and ask him.
252
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:26,784
But that was an act of charity
the Pie-Maker was not willing to commit.
253
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,495
I'm sorry. It's just...
254
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,163
I know you wanna say goodbye...
255
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:35,042
...and I know a lifetime of goodbyes
can't be condensed into a single minute.
256
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:39,463
Even if they could, you'd have to
watch him die all over again.
257
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,343
I love you too much
to make you suffer like that.
258
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:47,096
You understand?
259
00:14:48,097 --> 00:14:49,807
Well, I got us a good nugget.
260
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,728
The police say that our serial robber
always makes a donation to charity...
261
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,647
...the day after he robs someone.
262
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,192
Am I interrupting something?
263
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:01,652
- No.
- Yep.
264
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,531
Maybe Gustav Hofer was being robbed
by a latter-day Robin Hood.
265
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,574
- Killed by him.
- Call it what you want.
266
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:11,745
But I know where we can find
a bellman with a charity streak.
267
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:27,511
It's a new day, friends,
another opportunity to help the needy...
268
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:30,931
...so ring those bells,
collect spare change...
269
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,475
...and remember: Ring for right!
270
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:34,935
Ring for right!
271
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,104
Ring for right.
272
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,899
Which means "your ass is busted"
in PI lingo.
273
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,777
Welcome to the Bellmen's
Charity Headquarters.
274
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,863
Here to make a donation? Volunteer?
275
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:49,324
One of your ringers rang for wrong
to the tune of robbery-homicide.
276
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:52,786
That's outrageous and impossible.
We screen our Bellmen regularly...
277
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,831
...to make sure that all who ring
in these hallowed halls...
278
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,000
...follow our motto: Ring for right.
279
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,586
Which happens to be written
in crime scenes all over the city.
280
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,087
In a dead language, but still.
281
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:06,133
Friends, I assure you,
my Bellmen have nothing to hide.
282
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,760
I fling my doors open
to your investigation...
283
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:12,264
...and if there's anything else
that I can do, please don't hesitate...
284
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:13,891
To ring?
285
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,018
- Absolutely.
- Yeah? Well, somewhere...
286
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:19,229
...a starving street child
is chewing off his own fingers...
287
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:22,483
...because you're too cheap
to give 50 bucks.
288
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,319
Telemarketers. I hate these guys.
289
00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:28,489
I'm Emerson Cod, private investigator.
These are my associates.
290
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,741
Mind if we have a gander
at your phone list?
291
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:34,119
- What phone list?
- The one you just slid into that folder.
292
00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:35,954
- What folder?
- There's a comfort.
293
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,499
Telemarketers are just as horrible
in real life.
294
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,791
Shift change.
295
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,212
- He was very suspect-ish.
- Very.
296
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:48,509
Yeah, well, any of these phone numbers
match the one at Gustav's mansion...
297
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,428
...he's gonna be very jailbird-ish.
298
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,056
After unearthing the grave
of Charlotte Charles...
299
00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:57,893
...in search of a pocket watch
and finding neither girl nor watch...
300
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,563
...formerjailbird Dwight Dixon
used his masculine wiles...
301
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:07,903
...to determine if Vivian knew
of the watch's final, final resting place.
302
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,322
The clarinet is a lovely instrument.
303
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:13,200
I wanted to be a flautist,
but unusually tight tendons...
304
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,578
...in my pinkie finger
made hitting D-sharp impossible.
305
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:21,041
Well, they look just fine to me.
Perfect for holding.
306
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:25,212
I'm not the kind of woman who slips
notes into random men's coat pockets...
307
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,382
- ...but something about you...
- And what might that have been?
308
00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:31,718
The charm you force to cover
the brutish shell...
309
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,720
...around your damaged heart.
310
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:36,431
I like layers.
311
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:42,187
Dwight felt his cold heart
warm ever so much.
312
00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:47,484
Lily was under the impression you're only
looking to recover personal property...
313
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:51,905
...then disappear like a puddle
of gasoline in the sunshine.
314
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:56,201
I was saddened to hear Charles' watch
was buried with your dear late niece...
315
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:59,121
...but what a fine gesture that was.
316
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:01,873
I imagine the service was magnificent.
317
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,500
It was.
318
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:06,169
So others beside yourself...
319
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,589
...were able to see Charlotte
with the watch...
320
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:12,259
...before her dear soul
was committed to the ground?
321
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:16,430
Mary Suddbury leaned in
and peeled back Charlotte's eyelids.
322
00:18:16,597 --> 00:18:19,433
Said there was a vigorous black market
in stolen corneas...
323
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,894
...but I thought it was in poor taste.
324
00:18:24,396 --> 00:18:27,733
Charlotte. I encouraged her
to take the pleasure cruise...
325
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,068
...that ended so unpleasantly.
326
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:36,491
I was tired of being a shut-in,
but I couldn't bring myself to leave...
327
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:42,080
...and so I decided to leave vicariously,
and pushed Charlotte out the door.
328
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,500
Poor Charlotte.
329
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:50,464
Now. You've gone and set
those pretty peepers a-weeping.
330
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:55,469
In his search for a brass pocket watch,
Dwight Dixon found a heart of gold.
331
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:59,598
I've carried this with me
since the funeral...
332
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:06,438
...as a reminder to stop living vicariously
and start living living.
333
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,441
You've probably seen her face before.
334
00:19:09,608 --> 00:19:11,777
She was all over the news
after she died.
335
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:19,242
Oh, I've definitely
seen her face before.
336
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,340
Do you know if Gustav donated
to an organization called the Bellmen?
337
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,759
- The Bellmen?
- Every house that's been robbed...
338
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,762
...was called by a Bellmen telemarketer
named Tam Fong.
339
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:44,434
So Elise didn't do it?
This Tam Fong killed Gustav?
340
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,396
Well, where is he?
I'm gonna find that malfeas-ass...
341
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,065
- ...and slam him down!
- Inside voice.
342
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,234
- Not the gavel of justice.
- Outside voice.
343
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:55,529
I'm talking about Southern-style,
back-alley score-settling...
344
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:57,364
...doled out by me and a couple...
345
00:19:57,531 --> 00:20:01,118
- Conversational patio voice?
- Before you get to doling out justice...
346
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,787
...the smoking gun don't always point
to the bad guy.
347
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,623
So Tam Fong isn't the guilty party?
348
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,376
Yes. No. Maybe.
349
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:12,254
All we know is, maybe he had a hand
in marking the mark.
350
00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:15,799
Good news is, we have reason to believe
Gustav completed a second will.
351
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:20,220
A second will? Hopefully, that
tarnished trophy wife of his is excluded.
352
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,805
Wait, wait. I'm his lawyer.
353
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,766
If there were a second will,
I would have drafted it...
354
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,894
...and drawn a tidy 20 percent
commission for my troubles.
355
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,813
So how would you know differently?
356
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,983
Let's just say our procedures
would be inadmissible in court.
357
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,152
The will was taken during the robbery.
358
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,237
You people mix the good with the bad.
359
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,949
The world would be better if everybody
dabbed calamine on bad news.
360
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:44,161
Gustav Hofer deserved better
than the wife he had...
361
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:48,790
...and the wife he had
didn't deserve the money he earned.
362
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:52,169
You find that second will,
I'll double your fee.
363
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,755
- We'll find that will.
- We'll find that will.
364
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,925
Tam's calling the houses,
even if he's not robbing them.
365
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,261
What if we put our names
on the do-call list?
366
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,513
No burglar would take the bait...
367
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,184
- ...if they saw your tiny-ass apartments.
- We could use my aunts' house.
368
00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:10,645
Is there a sting? I wanna sting. Can I?
369
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,857
- That's a very bad idea.
- It's a good idea, made doubly good.
370
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:16,693
You figure out
who brought the lights down on Gustav.
371
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,196
I'll shine a light
on the true identity of Dwight.
372
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,865
I have an old cigar box
with my dad's letters...
373
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,533
...it's hidden in my bedroom.
374
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:27,204
Now, if my dad did know Dwight,
there'll be something about him inside.
375
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:30,373
The Pie-Maker considered
the wooden box in her old room...
376
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:34,544
...a better alternative to the wooden
box that contained her father...
377
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:37,798
...so a sting was set.
378
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:45,555
Mr. Fong, I am so sorry to interrupt.
379
00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:48,016
I'm Tessa Carville,
wife of Clarence Carville...
380
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:50,685
...who I'm sure you're aware
owns Carville Steel.
381
00:21:50,852 --> 00:21:53,897
I believe someone from here
called me yesterday?
382
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:57,651
Mrs. Carville, of course.
Please, take a seat.
383
00:21:57,818 --> 00:21:59,236
I won't be staying long.
384
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:02,739
Just long enough to explain
why I hate phone solicitations...
385
00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:06,076
...almost as much as I hate beggars
and panhandlers.
386
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:10,038
I have the right to a net worth greater
than most developing countries...
387
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:12,749
...without being hounded
by sponging ne'er-do-wells...
388
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:15,418
...and sanctimonious bleeding hearts
like yourself.
389
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:17,587
So unless you stop calling...
390
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:20,423
...I will take a tiny fraction
of my immense wealth...
391
00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:24,719
...buy this building, knock it down,
and turn it into a glue factory so big...
392
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:27,222
...the whole city
will be smelling horse.
393
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,099
If you please leave your number...
394
00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:32,435
...I'll see to it that nobody
calls you again. Psych.
395
00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:35,397
- Did you say "psych"?
- No.
396
00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:38,108
Good, because I'm getting
on a hovercraft...
397
00:22:38,275 --> 00:22:40,527
...bound for Saint-Tropez
early this evening...
398
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:44,239
...and I expect it to be dealt with
before I return tomorrow.
399
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:47,075
Here is my card.
400
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:53,456
The trap was set...
401
00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:56,960
...so the Pie-Maker and Chuck
returned to her childhood bedroom...
402
00:22:57,127 --> 00:23:00,630
...not to catch a thief, but to uncover
Dwight Dixon's true intentions.
403
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,966
They turned my old room
into a cheese locker.
404
00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:07,804
Can you smell the flowery overtones
of Stilton wafting through the air?
405
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:11,975
It's nice that they filled this room
with something you all loved so much.
406
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:16,479
Oh. It's amazing how a familiar smell
can wrap you in its arms...
407
00:23:16,688 --> 00:23:19,941
...and cuddle away any ugly memories
between now...
408
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:22,485
...and the last time you smelled it.
409
00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:26,114
Oh, thank you for letting me come.
410
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:27,324
I'm glad you came.
411
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,784
Oh, and don't worry
about getting caught.
412
00:23:29,993 --> 00:23:33,914
I'll hear anybody coming before they
even get to the bottom of the stairs.
413
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,334
Listen.
414
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,420
The other end's hooked up
to the Victrola in the living room.
415
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:42,756
I used it to eavesdrop
when I was a teenager.
416
00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:45,091
- That's very crafty.
- Yeah.
417
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,683
Alone in a room that was once hers...
418
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:56,853
...Chuck felt, for a moment,
like a little girl again.
419
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,272
Thinking of the mementos in the box...
420
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:03,526
...among them, the birthday present
she was never able to give her father...
421
00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:07,113
...Chuck thanked
her 8-year-old self.
422
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,741
Thank you, 8-year-old self.
423
00:24:09,950 --> 00:24:11,952
You must be out of your damn minds!
424
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:15,038
There is no way
in Tinker Bell's tiny butt cheeks...
425
00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:18,166
...that you are gonna roll out
the welcome mat on my porch...
426
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,502
- ...for thieves.
- We know it's an imposition...
427
00:24:20,669 --> 00:24:24,381
An imposition is ordering clams
at a kosher deli.
428
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,217
Robbers nowadays
are multihyphenate hoodlums.
429
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:28,969
They don't just rob. Oh, no.
430
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:31,721
They strip you naked,
lather you in lard...
431
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:34,516
...then slide you into the walls
and leave you there.
432
00:24:34,683 --> 00:24:37,394
- Then they rob you.
- When you put it like that...
433
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,231
Why don't I just get a shovel
and start digging my shallow grave now?
434
00:24:41,398 --> 00:24:46,236
- I find a dash of danger titillating.
- You've certainly made that clear.
435
00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:48,571
I assume
that's a passive-aggressive insult...
436
00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:52,200
...directed at my daring sashays
into romance.
437
00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:53,410
I choose to ignore it.
438
00:24:53,576 --> 00:24:56,413
You've ignored every other sign
on the road to heartbreak.
439
00:24:56,579 --> 00:25:00,041
I find that interjecting at precisely
the right moment defuses conflict.
440
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,669
- Wouldn't you agree?
- Lily Charles, you're jealous.
441
00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:07,590
It simply slays you that a man as tender
and as viscerally masculine as Dwight...
442
00:25:07,799 --> 00:25:10,552
- ...chose me over you.
- Missed it by that much.
443
00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:16,599
I am notjealous.
I'm worried about you. Damn it...
444
00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:21,730
...I love you. I don't wanna see
this fetish you have for raffish men...
445
00:25:21,896 --> 00:25:23,857
...hurt you the way it has in the past.
446
00:25:24,024 --> 00:25:26,609
- On the topic of Dwight...
- Keep out of this!
447
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:33,241
Is my patch on the wrong eye
or did it suddenly get very dark in here?
448
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,035
Is it dark? I didn't even notice.
449
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:38,788
They say that extreme photosensitivity
is a sign of rabies...
450
00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:42,208
...or a hangover,
or a delicate optical-nerve condition...
451
00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:46,212
Or a bunch of part-time Pis trying
to hoodwink a hoodlum...
452
00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:48,882
...by pretending my house is vacant...
453
00:25:49,049 --> 00:25:52,469
Wait a minute!
We're being robbed tonight!
454
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,387
Ooh! I just got a shiver.
455
00:25:54,596 --> 00:25:57,265
While the bickering
downstairs continued...
456
00:25:57,432 --> 00:26:00,894
...Chuck decided she had heard
all the fighting she cared to...
457
00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:05,648
...and turned her attention instead
to her father's dusty belongings.
458
00:26:05,857 --> 00:26:07,901
Seeing Dwight engaged
in male bonding...
459
00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:10,320
...with her father
and the Pie-Maker's father...
460
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:15,158
...Chuck still found no indication
of Dwight Dixon's true intentions.
461
00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:19,079
The secret behind those intentions
remained buried with her father...
462
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:25,627
...in the grave next to her grave,
a grave she may soon be returning to.
463
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:33,802
Fear not, madam.
464
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,639
- Shh! Shh!
- I mean you no harm.
465
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:39,849
Spectacular throw, by the way.
466
00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,519
To be fair, I should tell you
I have a gun.
467
00:26:42,727 --> 00:26:45,105
- To be fairer, I don't believe you.
- To be fair...
468
00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:48,108
...all I have to do is scream
and a cadre of big men...
469
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,860
...and sweet ladies with shotguns
will come running.
470
00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:53,822
Fair enough. And yet, you haven't.
Perhaps you believe...
471
00:26:53,988 --> 00:26:58,326
...that society has a moral obligation
to protect the least fortunate.
472
00:26:58,493 --> 00:27:00,703
- Where society fails...
- You pick up the slack.
473
00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:03,206
Which sounds incredibly noble
until you kill.
474
00:27:03,373 --> 00:27:08,169
I am no killer, merely a soldier
of fortune. Other people's fortunes...
475
00:27:08,336 --> 00:27:11,506
- ...for the underprivileged.
- Gustav would say otherwise.
476
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:14,509
He would if he could speak,
but he can't because he's dead.
477
00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:18,513
You and Tam Fong killed Gustav
two days ago, after you robbed him.
478
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,642
First of all, Tam Fong is but another
unwitting victim of my robberies.
479
00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,686
I swipe his phone list
to choose targets.
480
00:27:24,853 --> 00:27:27,397
- And Gustav?
- I robbed him. It's true.
481
00:27:27,564 --> 00:27:29,732
Not because he was stingy
and uncharitable...
482
00:27:29,899 --> 00:27:32,402
- ...because he asked me to.
- He asked you to rob him?
483
00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:36,364
He was writing a will, needed to know
whether to name his wife as beneficiary.
484
00:27:36,531 --> 00:27:39,117
I know how this must sound,
but the facts were these.
485
00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:42,704
- Huh?
- These were the facts:
486
00:27:43,163 --> 00:27:45,707
Gustav was in the midst
of a crisis of faith.
487
00:27:45,874 --> 00:27:49,836
His decision to rewrite his will made him
question whether his wife loved him...
488
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:52,338
...and if he had
any true friendships at all.
489
00:27:52,505 --> 00:27:54,424
And that's when we met.
490
00:27:54,924 --> 00:27:57,594
He wanted to make a contribution
but I wouldn't let him.
491
00:27:57,802 --> 00:28:00,597
He said, "Where I come from,
people get paid for services."
492
00:28:00,805 --> 00:28:04,434
But I said, "Charity is an impulse,
not a return for a friendly act."
493
00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:07,687
So we talked. He told me his problems
and I offered a solution.
494
00:28:07,937 --> 00:28:10,940
I agreed to rob him. He would appear
to be an innocent victim.
495
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:14,861
Ifhis wife stayed faithfully by his side,
his concerns could be laid to rest.
496
00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:18,031
I'd return half his fortune,
keep the other half for charity.
497
00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:22,952
But Gustav's wife intervened
and I had to get out.
498
00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:27,290
I read in the paper the next day
what happened to Gustav.
499
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:29,792
Even if you didn't kill him,
you're a criminal.
500
00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:32,128
My duty is to the downtrodden,
the meek...
501
00:28:32,295 --> 00:28:35,298
...those unable to reach their bootstraps,
let alone pull them.
502
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:39,636
I take what people can afford to lose.
That certainly doesn't include their lives.
503
00:28:39,844 --> 00:28:42,305
- Do you like puppies?
- Yeah.
504
00:28:42,472 --> 00:28:44,974
The county animal shelter
is to be shut tomorrow...
505
00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:47,477
...unless I get them money
to pay their mortgage.
506
00:28:47,644 --> 00:28:51,439
With nowhere to house these animals,
dogcatchers are calling it The Big Sleep.
507
00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:52,774
You can save them?
508
00:28:52,941 --> 00:28:57,153
Only if the help outweighs the hurt,
the act of charity always makes sense.
509
00:28:57,362 --> 00:28:59,822
You let him go?
What if he's a cold-blooded murderer?
510
00:28:59,989 --> 00:29:03,159
- Shut it. Kitchen.
- It was charity. There were puppies.
511
00:29:03,326 --> 00:29:05,912
And, besides, my Grueneberg ganglia
wasn't activated.
512
00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:07,413
Well, that sounds personal.
513
00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:10,917
One of them feminine conversations
you need to have with lady friends.
514
00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:14,254
Nerves at the tip of your nose
detect aggressive pheromones.
515
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,339
As in, you can sniff out danger?
516
00:29:16,506 --> 00:29:20,468
I could smell a swashbuckling do-gooder
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
517
00:29:20,635 --> 00:29:22,971
- Puppy crap.
- You shouldn't have let him go.
518
00:29:23,137 --> 00:29:25,807
- It was a mistake.
- You're really angry at me.
519
00:29:25,974 --> 00:29:28,184
I'm stress baking in my head.
520
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:31,354
- You're stress baking me.
- I'm channeling fear into anger.
521
00:29:31,521 --> 00:29:32,855
And anger leads to hate.
522
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:35,358
Hate leads to stress baking
the people you love.
523
00:29:35,525 --> 00:29:38,319
Bad, but better than releasing,
which you did for the Bellman.
524
00:29:38,486 --> 00:29:42,824
Maybe Rob was telling the truth.
Maybe it was Gustav's wife.
525
00:29:42,991 --> 00:29:45,827
You did say that the bellman/porter
was hiding something.
526
00:29:45,994 --> 00:29:50,039
He may have had an alibi
but he may also know who killed Gustav.
527
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:52,709
Eh.
528
00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,799
Stakeouts are only fun when
there are binoculars for everybody.
529
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:02,385
Stakeouts are fun if you got
a game to listen to...
530
00:30:02,552 --> 00:30:05,013
...and the stake is next to
a hot-dog stand.
531
00:30:05,179 --> 00:30:08,349
This seems like a good time
to have weighty conversations.
532
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:10,977
- No, it don't.
- If Dwight figures out I'm not dead...
533
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:13,354
...it may be the best thing
that ever happened to me.
534
00:30:13,521 --> 00:30:16,316
You're talking a lot like a dead girl
that wants to go back.
535
00:30:16,482 --> 00:30:20,486
- What's the worst that could happen?
- Pie-Maker becomes a show in the circus.
536
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:23,823
- I earn wages peddling tickets.
- This is a cavalier conversation about...
537
00:30:23,990 --> 00:30:27,410
- ...a deep, dark, touchy subject for me.
- How deep, dark and touchy is it?
538
00:30:27,577 --> 00:30:30,913
Since I was little, I'd have this dream
somebody found out what I could do.
539
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,750
It starts off with
lots of ice cream and balloons...
540
00:30:33,916 --> 00:30:35,585
...and ends in a small room...
541
00:30:35,752 --> 00:30:38,338
...where bits are cut out of me
until there's nothing.
542
00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:42,258
That's awful. If Dwight finds out
about me, then he finds out about you.
543
00:30:42,425 --> 00:30:45,261
You still won't wake my dad
and find out what Dwight wants.
544
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:47,722
You're putting my well-being
before your fears.
545
00:30:47,889 --> 00:30:51,100
That's so courageous and romantic.
546
00:30:51,392 --> 00:30:52,518
Ugh.
547
00:30:52,685 --> 00:30:55,271
- Thank you.
- Well, lookie, lookie.
548
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,774
That's Gustav's widow
and the bellman. Petting?
549
00:30:57,982 --> 00:31:02,278
Hello, motive, nice to see you again.
550
00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:08,076
All that remained for Emerson Cod
was to confront the bellman and widow.
551
00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:12,121
Across town, all that remained
of Charles Charles...
552
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:14,624
...was a loving box of memories.
553
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:17,710
And a pocket watch.
Although Charles Charles...
554
00:31:17,877 --> 00:31:22,215
...the man who had set so much
in motion, was long gone...
555
00:31:22,382 --> 00:31:27,303
...Dwight Dixon, the man who intended
to bring it all to a crashing end...
556
00:31:27,512 --> 00:31:28,679
...was still here.
557
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:34,602
We're close... Uh... Excuse me.
558
00:31:34,769 --> 00:31:36,979
What I meant to say was,
"We're closed."
559
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:39,565
Oh, you're here all by your lonesome.
560
00:31:39,732 --> 00:31:41,984
No, no, I'm not here
all by my lonesome.
561
00:31:42,151 --> 00:31:45,488
Manuel, the big cholo janitor,
is in the back.
562
00:31:45,655 --> 00:31:50,118
I think he used to be in one of those
super-dangerous EI Salvadorian gangs...
563
00:31:50,284 --> 00:31:54,914
...who murder white, older men
as a warning to the police to buzz off.
564
00:31:55,081 --> 00:31:57,500
Isn't that right, Manuel?
565
00:31:58,334 --> 00:32:00,128
He's probably cleaning the toilet.
566
00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:03,131
I'd like to leave a message
for your friends.
567
00:32:03,297 --> 00:32:05,967
Yeah, I'll just grab a pad.
It's around here somewhere.
568
00:32:06,134 --> 00:32:07,885
Boy, look at all this sugar.
569
00:32:09,470 --> 00:32:11,264
Yeah, I hope you don't need a...
570
00:32:12,348 --> 00:32:14,016
Hello?
571
00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:17,603
While Olive Snook was unable to provide
the pen and paper she sought...
572
00:32:17,770 --> 00:32:23,526
...she'd received the mysterious
Dwight's message loud and clear.
573
00:32:28,489 --> 00:32:31,826
One hour, 23 minutes
and 42 seconds ago...
574
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:35,079
...Olive Snook made
two alarming discoveries.
575
00:32:35,246 --> 00:32:37,331
First, that in time of duress...
576
00:32:37,498 --> 00:32:40,501
...the Pie-Maker's penchant
for stress baking was matched...
577
00:32:40,668 --> 00:32:44,589
...only by the petite waitress's
predilection for stress binging.
578
00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,592
Second, that the dark stranger,
Dwight Dixon...
579
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:52,513
...had discovered Chuck,
a.k.a. Charlotte Charles', true identity.
580
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,516
It did little to lighten the load
in Olive's heart...
581
00:32:55,683 --> 00:33:00,062
...as she anxiously awaited
the Pie-Maker's return.
582
00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:03,399
Having acquired the brass pocket watch
he so eagerly sought...
583
00:33:03,566 --> 00:33:06,569
...Dwight Dixon set his sights
on Vivian's heart of gold.
584
00:33:06,736 --> 00:33:12,200
But sister Lily was not about to let
that treasure go so easily.
585
00:33:15,912 --> 00:33:19,207
You can turn your fanny right around
and walk away, mister.
586
00:33:19,373 --> 00:33:21,209
We're done buying
what you're peddling.
587
00:33:21,375 --> 00:33:24,587
Now, Lily, that's not entirely true.
More accurate would be:
588
00:33:24,754 --> 00:33:29,383
"I'm not buying what you're peddling,
but Vivian will be right down."
589
00:33:29,550 --> 00:33:32,386
How long you suppose
she'll stay interested in the wares...
590
00:33:32,553 --> 00:33:34,555
...of a two-bit huckster pitching lies?
591
00:33:34,722 --> 00:33:36,474
I didn't think you were so concerned.
592
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:38,893
Shouldn't you be more worried
about the truth?
593
00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:40,895
Time to nip you
in the budding romance.
594
00:33:41,062 --> 00:33:44,148
Before Vivian convinces herself
you really are the Second Coming.
595
00:33:44,315 --> 00:33:48,653
I assume you are referring to
my friend, your lover, Charles Charles.
596
00:33:48,819 --> 00:33:51,489
- You're nothing like Charles.
- I think Charlie and me...
597
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:56,077
...are more similar than you reckon.
A few stark differences, of course.
598
00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:58,329
But we had the same ambitions.
599
00:33:58,496 --> 00:34:02,291
He made bad decisions.
You were a bad decision.
600
00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:06,295
My bad decisions landed me in prison.
His landed him with a baby girl.
601
00:34:06,462 --> 00:34:11,008
I don't think I ever had the opportunity
to express my condolences.
602
00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:15,471
You got your thumb on a big, red button
you definitely don't wanna push.
603
00:34:15,638 --> 00:34:18,599
Vivian said the service was beautiful.
604
00:34:18,766 --> 00:34:24,230
And what a lovely gesture, to bury
your daughter with her father's watch.
605
00:34:25,314 --> 00:34:31,529
You're such thoughtful women,
who have loved and lost so much.
606
00:34:32,321 --> 00:34:35,366
We're gonna lose you right now
before you get one inch closer...
607
00:34:35,533 --> 00:34:40,746
...to my little sister's heart.
Get gone and stay gone.
608
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:47,503
Lily's encounter with Dwight had stirred
the pot ofher sentimental soup...
609
00:34:47,670 --> 00:34:51,507
...one spoonful of which gave her
a terrible case of the yearns...
610
00:34:51,674 --> 00:34:53,342
...to visit her daughter's grave.
611
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:56,345
What in hell's kitchen...?
612
00:34:58,889 --> 00:35:02,685
But when she saw the overturned dirt,
she thought about the pocket watch...
613
00:35:02,852 --> 00:35:05,313
...and the man obsessed
with its whereabouts...
614
00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:08,816
...and wondered whether
Dwight Dixon had unearthed more...
615
00:35:08,983 --> 00:35:11,694
...than Vivian's buried emotion.
616
00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:14,739
Meanwhile, the private investigators...
617
00:35:14,905 --> 00:35:17,992
...had unearthed the buried motives
of Gustav Hofer's widow.
618
00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:19,493
You bumped off Gustav...
619
00:35:19,660 --> 00:35:22,872
...so you could bump uglies
with the bellman while inheriting.
620
00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:25,916
- I told you. Alibi. Key party.
- Your alibi never checked out.
621
00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:28,919
You never went to that ball.
Why'd you do it, Elise?
622
00:35:29,086 --> 00:35:32,340
I didn't do anything.
Except James Andrew.
623
00:35:33,299 --> 00:35:34,717
Who do you think got his key?
624
00:35:35,051 --> 00:35:37,845
Oh. I was still really wrong about
what I thought that was.
625
00:35:38,012 --> 00:35:40,556
You two backing up each other's alibis
means bupkis.
626
00:35:40,723 --> 00:35:43,184
You were canoodling
and you were cahooting to kill.
627
00:35:43,351 --> 00:35:45,603
We cahooted to keep quiet
about our affair.
628
00:35:45,811 --> 00:35:48,731
Adulteresses totally get the shaft
in estate law.
629
00:35:48,898 --> 00:35:51,233
I couldn't kill anybody
with these hands.
630
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,736
Since I grew these puppies,
my manicure means...
631
00:35:53,903 --> 00:35:56,364
...I'm a mani-can't for manual labor.
632
00:35:56,530 --> 00:35:59,867
You were a mani-can when it came
to pointing a gun at Robber Rob...
633
00:36:00,034 --> 00:36:03,746
- ...and almost pulled the trigger.
- As if. I never even saw the robber.
634
00:36:03,913 --> 00:36:05,873
And even if I did...
635
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:08,918
Why is everybody pointing their gun
at me?
636
00:36:09,085 --> 00:36:13,381
There is no way I could pull the trigger
on a gun. I'm too blinged out.
637
00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:16,634
- You could have taken off the rings.
- Would have taken forever.
638
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,968
Rob would have been out.
639
00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:21,430
If she's telling the truth
and didn't storm in on Rob robbing...
640
00:36:21,597 --> 00:36:23,933
Our Robbing Hood's
had us hoodwinked.
641
00:36:26,852 --> 00:36:32,108
So the private investigator, the Pie-Maker
and Chuck sought out their winking hood...
642
00:36:32,274 --> 00:36:34,360
...at the Bellmen's headquarters.
643
00:36:35,653 --> 00:36:40,157
I'll thank you to keep your sidearm
holstered, sir, lest I be forced to lunge.
644
00:36:41,909 --> 00:36:45,496
Well, at least it ain't another gun.
645
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,547
From one gentleman to another...
646
00:36:54,714 --> 00:36:57,633
...allow me to apologize
for our current situation.
647
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,804
I'd be receptive to that apology if there
wasn't a knife pointed at my gullet.
648
00:37:02,054 --> 00:37:05,057
You're a lying liar and a murderer.
Both of which are bad...
649
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:07,643
One is worse.
You slaughtered a senior citizen.
650
00:37:07,810 --> 00:37:09,895
That'll buy you a ringside seat in hell.
651
00:37:10,062 --> 00:37:13,232
You might get a refund on that ticket
if you put the knife down.
652
00:37:13,399 --> 00:37:16,485
Gustav was the victim
of a tragic accident.
653
00:37:16,652 --> 00:37:18,320
Born of good deeds, I might add.
654
00:37:18,529 --> 00:37:20,322
Running from the scene
was no accident.
655
00:37:20,531 --> 00:37:23,325
Did you stop to consider
the consequences of your good deeds?
656
00:37:23,534 --> 00:37:26,328
Those weren't good for Gustav's wife,
lawyer or legacy.
657
00:37:26,495 --> 00:37:30,249
Well, actually, now that you mention it,
I think I can make that right.
658
00:37:30,833 --> 00:37:32,752
Gustav's will. It was in his safe.
659
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:36,964
Now that that's settled,
I trust my quest to rob from the rich...
660
00:37:37,131 --> 00:37:39,842
...and give to the poor
may continue unabated.
661
00:37:40,009 --> 00:37:42,261
Oh, hell, no.
662
00:37:42,428 --> 00:37:45,806
You see, I plan on being real rich,
and I wanna see your ass in jail.
663
00:37:45,973 --> 00:37:50,144
I was afraid you might feel
that way, so...
664
00:37:57,485 --> 00:38:00,196
About time I get to do
the gun pointing around here.
665
00:38:00,362 --> 00:38:01,864
The facts were these:
666
00:38:02,031 --> 00:38:04,825
Upon coming to the realization
that his young wife...
667
00:38:04,992 --> 00:38:07,286
...may only have married him
for his money...
668
00:38:07,453 --> 00:38:11,791
...Gustav found himself questioning
whether he should rewrite his will.
669
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:15,169
Bellman Rob Wright afforded him
the perfect plan.
670
00:38:15,336 --> 00:38:18,798
Fake a robbery to learn
his wife's true feelings.
671
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,634
But Daniel Hill discovered
those feelings first.
672
00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:26,388
He deserves the créme de la créme,
not some sugar-stuffed Pop-Tart...
673
00:38:26,555 --> 00:38:29,058
...with a helium voice
and hooker heels.
674
00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:32,186
One word from me
and you are out of the will.
675
00:38:33,229 --> 00:38:36,232
Though his lawyer shielded Gustav
from his wife's treachery...
676
00:38:36,398 --> 00:38:38,067
...in order to protect his pride...
677
00:38:38,234 --> 00:38:41,237
...Gustav had not only seen
her adulteress ways...
678
00:38:41,403 --> 00:38:45,908
...but also the way Daniel Hill defended
his good name and honor.
679
00:38:46,075 --> 00:38:50,538
The billionaire resolved to leave
his estate to his esquire.
680
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:53,916
When the Bellman arrived,
Gustav refused to play his role.
681
00:38:54,124 --> 00:38:57,419
Rob Wright insisted Gustav keep his end
of the bargain.
682
00:38:57,586 --> 00:39:01,215
Gustav insisted more emphatically
that Rob leave his mansion.
683
00:39:01,382 --> 00:39:02,633
Give me the...
684
00:39:05,177 --> 00:39:08,013
It was Gustav who would be
the dearly departed...
685
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:11,559
...and Daniel Hill who would find
the body he left behind...
686
00:39:11,725 --> 00:39:13,686
...and pick up the pieces.
687
00:39:15,646 --> 00:39:17,606
Gustav's revised will.
688
00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:20,109
- You get the whole Hofer coffer.
- Me?
689
00:39:20,276 --> 00:39:23,612
All I ever did was give him
my friendship.
690
00:39:23,779 --> 00:39:25,698
That's all he wanted.
691
00:39:25,865 --> 00:39:30,452
Now, let's talk about
your next charitable donation.
692
00:39:32,371 --> 00:39:35,291
While Emerson Cod
was able to deliver good news...
693
00:39:35,457 --> 00:39:37,793
...Lily Charles sought to convince
her sister...
694
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,797
...that the mysterious Dwight
was bad news.
695
00:39:45,885 --> 00:39:47,720
Holy crap.
696
00:39:47,887 --> 00:39:50,139
Lily knew Dwight dug up
her daughter's grave...
697
00:39:50,306 --> 00:39:54,059
...but she needed more proof
than overturned dirt.
698
00:39:54,643 --> 00:39:56,896
Lily had found the proof she sought.
699
00:39:57,062 --> 00:39:59,148
Dwight had in his possession...
700
00:40:00,482 --> 00:40:02,526
...the watch
she believed was buried with Chuck.
701
00:40:10,075 --> 00:40:12,244
Dwight, believing
the girl-who-was-not-dead...
702
00:40:12,411 --> 00:40:14,496
...stole back the watch
he stole from her...
703
00:40:14,663 --> 00:40:19,251
...set off to retrieve his stolen,
stolen property.
704
00:40:30,804 --> 00:40:33,974
The girl named Chuck,
who had not been so lucky with death...
705
00:40:34,141 --> 00:40:36,518
...learned her death had come back
to haunt her...
706
00:40:36,685 --> 00:40:38,646
...in the form of Dwight Dixon.
707
00:40:40,648 --> 00:40:42,858
This left the Pie-Maker no choice.
708
00:40:43,025 --> 00:40:46,445
In order to unearth
Dwight Dixon's agenda...
709
00:40:46,612 --> 00:40:50,991
...he must first unearth
Chuck's father.
710
00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:56,288
I keep waiting for the high
to rush through my system.
711
00:40:56,455 --> 00:41:00,542
And instead, I feel
really nervous and uncomfortable.
712
00:41:00,751 --> 00:41:03,671
An awkward hello, tender acceptance
and a rushed goodbye.
713
00:41:03,837 --> 00:41:07,049
Euphoric high barely figures in it.
It's gonna be hard.
714
00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:10,386
I don't think I realized that,
and now it's too late to turn back.
715
00:41:10,552 --> 00:41:13,555
It's not too late. We have options.
We could leave town.
716
00:41:13,764 --> 00:41:16,016
With Dwight knowing,
you're willing to put...
717
00:41:16,183 --> 00:41:19,144
...my emotional well-being
before your deepest fears.
718
00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:21,897
If I knew, I never would have
alive-agained my mother.
719
00:41:22,064 --> 00:41:23,565
And I had her for seven hours.
720
00:41:23,732 --> 00:41:26,402
I'd rather chance Dwight
than make you go through this.
721
00:41:26,568 --> 00:41:31,407
When you lost your mother,
you were alone. I have you.
722
00:41:33,283 --> 00:41:38,414
You're the real swashbuckling do-gooder,
and I love you.
723
00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:42,501
I hope you still feel that way
when this is over.
724
00:41:56,557 --> 00:41:58,225
You ready?
725
00:41:59,184 --> 00:42:00,602
I am ready, I think.
64560
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