Original subtitles

♪ There's 104 days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe... ♪

♪ Building a rocket ♪

♪ Or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up The Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots ♪

-♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪ -It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, Painting a continent ♪

-♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪ -Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's A whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb ♪

♪ Are gonna do it all ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

[Phineas] What should we do today?

Build an underwater skate park? Sounds pretty wicked.

Fly with rocket-powered bat wings? Awesome.

Teach Perry tricks.

-He's just a platypus. He doesn't do much. -[chatters]

Oh, hi, Isabella.

Hey, Phineas, you might wanna go check up on Baljeet.

I was walking by his house and heard him scream,

"Aieee! I'm doomed to be an incompetent flunky forever."

Ever, ever, ever.

I added the echo part.

Sounds pretty serious.

Baljeet? It's Phineas and Ferb.

Why are all the lights off?

Darkness is a shroud that hides my shame.

Hey, buddy, why don't you tell us what's going on?

Because of the 17 summer-school classes I am taking,

I qualified for the science fair,

so I decided to design this.

A portal to Mars? Cool.

No, not cool. When I showed my teacher, he said...

A portal to Mars. And what does it do?

Well, without overcomplicating things,

it's a portal to Mars.

You step through it, and you're on Mars.

Well, this is very creative,

but unless you can build a working model, the best I could give you is an...

An A-minus?

That would be the worst grade of my life.

Why don't you just build one?

I'm not mechanically inclined like the two of you.

To truly understand my predicament,

I feel it would be best expressed in a song.

[Indian music]

♪ From the mountains of the Himalayas ♪

♪ To the valleys of Kashmir ♪

♪ My forefathers and their forefathers ♪

♪ Knew one thing very clear ♪

♪ That to be a great success in life ♪

♪ You have to make the grade ♪

♪ But if I cannot build a prototype ♪

♪ My dreams will be pureed ♪

♪ Pureed ♪

♪ Pureed ♪

♪ Eeeeee ♪

♪ I know what we're going to do today ♪

♪ Ferb and I are on the case ♪

♪ We'll help you build your prototype ♪

♪ You won't be a disgrace ♪

♪ Good. With your mechanical inclinations ♪

♪ And my scientific expertise ♪

♪ We are a team that cannot be beaten ♪

♪ Wait. Something just occurred to me ♪

♪ Where's Perry? ♪

♪ Where's Perry? ♪

Did you have him when you came over?

[spy music]

[record scratching]

Oh. Agent P.

It appears that Doofenshmirtz has made some rather unusual purchases.

Chicken wire, 3 metric tons of baking soda and lederhosen.

You know those leather bib-front shorts

that make you look like a walking cuckoo clock?

Man, he is one sick puppy.

[Indian music]

[Phineas] You're all set for the science fair tomorrow.

Inside, I am thanking you a thousand times,

even though on the outside, I remain quite frugal.

Wow, Baljeet, you're already set up.

I have been here since midnight waiting for everyone.

I can't stop smiling.

I have got cramps in my cheeks.

Here, let me help you.

There you go, buddy.

Ah.

Now I will just hang out

and "be cool" till my teacher gets here.

[creaking]

Uh-oh, it is happening again.

Oh, yeah, Jeremy. No one makes a corndog like you.

Oh, hi, Candace.

Nice binoculars.

[nervous laugh]

Yep. Yep, they definitely are working.

I just bought these from my Dad

and was just, uh... you know...

making sure that they work, and they sure do.

You can see really far away or really up close.

"Help wanted"?

Yeah. You should apply.

We could work together.

You mean side by side?

Hi there. I'm really, really motivated,

really, really, really positive, really, really high energy,

and would like to apply for the job.

Excuse me!

I would also like to apply for the job.

Well, ladies, I'm afraid I only have one opening.

How about a competition to see who gets the job?

Sounds like a great idea to me!

Good luck. Ooh, too slow! I think I'll call you Molasses.

Molasses. Well, I think I'll call you something...

slower than molasses, that's for sure.

This isn't part of the competition, is it?

Oh, Perry the Platypus, welcome to my Truck of Doom.

I suppose you're wondering why I'm wearing lederhosen.

What? I've got the legs for it.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Anyway, it will all become clear soon enough.

-[woman] Come on, Hansel, move it. -[honks horn]

Hey, wise guy, I'm ex--

Oh... Oh, sorry, madam.

Sorry. Heh-heh.

Her voice was so masculine and growly, I thought it was a man.

I mean, people must call her "sir" all the time on the phone.

It must be so em--

She's... standing right behind me now, isn't she?

[punch]

Not one word, Perry the Platypus.

Oh, great a line.

Oh, brother, what is this, a model of Pluto? Pwa-ha-ha!

That planet doesn't even exist anymore, you moron.

Thanks for holding my spot in line, little brother.

What were saying about Pluto?

-Nothing. I'm-I'm sure it's a... -[punch]

[grunts]

I suppose you are wondering

why I'm putting myself through all of this.

When I was young, I entered a science fair

with my very first Inator.

I wasn't very clever with names yet.

It was just, you know, Inator.

Just as I was about to demonstrate my invention to the judges,

a kid with a baking-soda volcano stole the show.

The next year, I tried again with my even bigger Inator.

And again, my thunder was stolen by a baking-soda volcano.

I'd had enough of science.

I decided to devote my life to poetry instead.

"The movies are grey, the TV is black,

the horses are running, please bring me some food."

Yet curiously, I still lost to a baking-soda volcano.

But never again! Behold!

The world's largest baking-soda volcano!

I mean, it's got to be the biggest one here, right?

It's gonna win.

I feel confident.

-[old man] Next! -Oh, we're next.

Aren't you a little old to be entering this science fair?

No! What makes you say that?

I mean, look at me, I'm wearing lederhosen.

OK, go ahead.

Ha-ha. See, I know what I'm doing.

Hi, Mr. McGillicuddy!

Well, I see you've built yourself a prototype.

But the question still remains... does it work?

-Well, I think... -Of course it works.

Baljeet, fire it up.

OK, so I see the science fair.

Take a closer look, Mr. McGillicuddy.

[gasps]

Whoa, a science fair on Mars.

Baljeet, you have just validated my entire career as an educator.

You get an A-plus-plus-plus.

I'm gonna go get the judges!

Soon, I will show them the havoc created

when an acid and a base combine.

But first I have to find an outlet,

'cause a nice little laser show that goes along with it.

[Doofenshmirtz] All right, we'll take this out and put mine in.

It's right over here.

Baljeet, show our judges what Mr. McGillicuddy has taught you.

Ah. Um... just a moment.

It takes the skilled hand of a master professor.

[chuckles] Hello? Mr. Martian?

It's Mr. McGillicuddy.

[chuckles] Uno momento.

Who's up for corndogs?

I am.

Aha. Turn it all the way up to high.

Yes, that should do it.

-I wonder what's wrong with the portal? -Oh, no matter.

Personally, I never cared about winning.

I just wanted a good grade!

-Ah. Well, who's up for corndogs? -Me!

Girls, your first task is to dress

these dogs with ketchup and mustard.

I'll be back in a little bit to check your work. Good luck.

[growls]

Hey, no fair! I ran out of ketchup.

Oops, now I'm out of ketchup.

Oops, now I'm out of mustard.

Oh, look, I'm out of relish.

Oh, it's gotta work. It's gotta... work!

Oh, uhh.

Huh?

[alarm chirps]

Now, just add some vinegar and... Aah!

It just wasn't plugged in.

There's an outlet over there.

[sinister laughter]

It's working. It's working!

Ew, gross. I smell like... salad.

[sputters]

Say goodbye to this pair of lederhosen.

Hey, I'm unhurt.

Yes! I am invincible!

Wait, wait, wait...

All right, so what was it you wanted to show us?

N-No. It was here.

Come on, let's go find a real winner.

[stammers]

But it...

Excuse me. Am I too late to enter?

Are those mechanical arms?

Why, yes. I used them to make this baking-soda volcano.

[gasps] A baking-soda volcano? Cool!

First prize.

[Doofenshmirtz] Oh, come on.

[stammers]

Well, seeing as how you've used

most of my ketchup and mustard to dress yourselves,

I'm afraid neither of you get the job.

Snail. I'll call you Snail. Hah!

Ooh, you're quick.

I can't believe you guys built a portal to Mars

and didn't go through it yourselves.

Oh, we did.

But that's another story.

Oh, look.

♪ There's Perry ♪

To truly understand my predicament,

I feel it would be best expressed

in a song.

[Indian music]

Let's see, who should I call first to hang out with?

How about Jeremy?

Hey, huh, it's Jeremy. You know what to do after the... [beep]

[bip] Hey, Jeremy. It's Candace.

Uh, just seeing what's going on today.

Call me back if you want to. OK. Bye.

Aw, man, that never gets easier.

Oh, well, I'll just call Stacy.

She's probably been waiting by the phone all morning.

You've reached Stacy's mobile. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

Hey, Stace. It's Candace. Where are you? Call me.

Hmm, that's weird.

Who else can I call?

I know. Jenny.

I haven't seen her since the boys built a beach in the backyard.

-Hello. -Uh, Jenny, hey, it's Candy.

Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Call me.

Hmm, who else do I know?

Becky, this is Candace.

I know we haven't talked since kindergarten, but -

Hey, Wendy, this is Candace.

We shared a seat on the bus to the planetarium.

Hello, Clarissa? This is Candace. We played volleyball at camp.

Jill. Nancy. Barbara. Olga. Chicago Joe?

-Information. -See a movie with me.

[Candace screams] Where is everyone?

Are they all out having fun without me?

So, all my friends need some time to themselves, huh?

Well, not without me, they're not.

I'm looking for Jeremy, too. I need him to work tomorrow.

[screams]

Our fry guy just defected over to Taco Teepee.

You win this one, Cooks With Grease.

-Am I that bad to hang out with? -[beeping]

Ooh, a text message, and it's from Stacy.

C, Y, L. B, F, F.

What does that mean?

Let's see, Candace, you loser, bad friendships fail, Stacy.

Harsh.

[coos]

Ah, feels like I don't exist anymore.

Like I'm a nobody.

I wish I could go to some cool faraway place

and start over.

Wait a minute. Those are Phineas and Ferb's bikes.

Inside, I am thanking you a thousand times,

even though on the outside, I remain quite frugal.

See ya tomorrow.

What are you guys up to?

We just built a teleport to a cool faraway place.

Well, that's all I needed to hear.

Candace Flynn is out. Peace.

-[Phineas] Welcome to Mars. -Mars?

No. The portal is broken.

Oh, now I will not get a good grade

at the science fair tomorrow,

and, uh...

there's also the issue of your sister

stranded on a distant barren planet.

Don't worry, we can fix it.

Huh. Candace is probably laughing about it as we speak.

Phineas!

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

Perry the Platypus? What's up?

Oh, are you here to...? Oh, no, no. I'm running a little behind.

I'm still in the middle of basic plotting and scheming.

Plus, I can't give you my evil scheme monologue because I write that last.

Sorry, that's just how I roll.

Wait. Why don't you help me?

That way, I can finish faster,

and you can defeat me faster.

It's win-win. Let me grab my coupons. We'll start by shopping for some supplies.

You guys are so busted. [echoes]

Now I truly am alone.

Hey, it's one of those Mars rovers. I'm saved!

[screams] I can't take it anymore.

I've been staring at red rocks for 20 years.

That's all there is on that stupid planet! Red rocks.

Face it, there's no life on Mars.

That's it, I'm shutting this place down. Game over!

Stupid rover. You're not gonna ignore me, too.

Take that, you ugly unmanned exploratory vehicle.

And that. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Huh?

What are you?

[speaks Martian]

[speaking Martian]

What's going on? What are you doing?

Put me down.

There, I think we fixed it.

No. That is Venus.

And that is Earth in prehistoric time.

[gasps] Aah! Oh my-- Change it, change it, change it.

Whoo. Hey, look,

it is us in the future fixing the portal.

Hello, Baljeet of the past. Just watch us.

That is how we learned to fix it.

Gesundheit.

Thanks.

It worked. Cool.

OK, give us 20 minutes to find Candace,

then open up the portal.

Oh, please be careful.

I still need your help at the science fair tomorrow.

Hmm, something tells me Candace was here.

Good thing you brought your tools. I got an idea.

[sci-fi music]

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, you're making me your ruler?

[speaking Martian]

Cool. Let's get this party started. Crank the tunes.

Uh, you know, music.

You guys don't know what music is?

Well, it's like... It's like this.

[up-tempo beats]

[Candace] That's it.

You're gettin' it.

♪ I was just a lonely girl ♪

♪ Lookin' for a little fun ♪

♪ Though without a friend in the world ♪

♪ I was forced to find a new one ♪

♪ Now I'm the queen of Mars ♪

♪ I was invisible on Earth ♪

♪ It only took the magic portal to Mars ♪

♪ To give me some self-worth ♪

♪ You put a crown on my head ♪

♪ And you all seemed to worship me ♪

♪ Well, you don't understand a word I've said ♪

♪ Still you treat me like royalty ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the queen of Mars ♪

♪ I was invisible on Earth ♪

♪ It only took the magic portal to Mars ♪

♪ To give me some self-worth ♪

Whoo-hoo. Follow that music, Ferb.

You are much more attentive than my friends on Earth

and better at building statues of me.

Come on, let's walk and talk.

'Course, I'll do most of the talking.

To make things easier,

I'll call you Good Stacy and you Good Jenny.

And... Huh?

[speaking Martian]

Oh, OK, what the heck.

[cheering]

Hey, Candace.

Phineas? Ferb?

[all speak Martian]

We're here to rescue you.

Why would I go back to being a nobody

when I could be the queen of here?

Well, there's a lot of-- Uh, Candace...

what's up with your friends?

Ah, ignore them. They're harmless.

Hey, why don't you hang out a while

so you can tell everyone how popular I've become.

[Doofenshmirtz] OK, I've already got the chicken wire.

Let's see. Here, you take the list and cross things off as we go.

Should we get something for later, like a...

like one of those big pickles or a three-bean salad? [crash]

Well, that was awkward.

[speaks Martian]

Uh, I'm gonna go for a walk.

Uh, guys, not now, OK?

N-No, really. I would just like to go for a walk alone.

Uhh, there you are. Where have you guys been?

Ferb was explaining to the Martians how we got here.

Oh. Wait, what?

Ferb speaks Martian.

They're really excited about the idea of a science fair.

Figures. I'm the queen of little green nerds.

Can you tell them I want a little time to myself?

[speaking Martian]

They say, "Fine, but not without them."

[grunts]

OK, just because I need to do things without you sometimes

doesn't mean I don't like you or don't appreciate your friendship.

-But, Candace, isn't that-- -Yeah, just like my friends with me.

Whoop-dee-doo.

[speaks Martian]

It appears the Martians are blaming us for their queen wanting to leave.

Quick, get in.

Queen Candace is out. Peace.

[speaks Martian]

[speaking Martian]

-Did you know they could do that? -No, but get this...

every part of their body is a musical instrument,

and they never even discovered music before.

Martians are so lame.

Hey, Candace, you got your cell phone on you? Hello? Baljeet?

How is it we have bars here?

We kinda need ya to open the portal now. They're gaining on us.

[roars]

Perry the Platypus, thanks for your help. I usually hate shopping.

But, you know, you make it fun.

What, that?

Oh, that's my first Inator.

Good story. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Well, I should probably get back to my latest evil scheme.

So long... sucker.

Mom. Mom.

Hello, Candace. Where have you been?

I want you to see my telescope.

A telescope? Perfect.

You know, I don't even remember what this does.

Oh, that's right. It just shoots a beam into space.

No wonder I lost to a baking-soda volcano.

Phineas and Ferb built this portal to Mars,

and I went through it and was crowned queen of the Martians.

Now, I know it sounds crazy, but this time, I have proof.

Who does that look like?

Hmm. Well, it looks a little like

a Rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig.

What? Let me see that.

[stammers]

[sighs]

[Jenny] Hey, Candace.

There you are, guys. Where have you been all day?

I was at the dentist.

I was taking my little sister to the movies.

Didn't you get my text message?

Call you later. Best friends forever. Stacy.

Oh. That's what I thought it said.

It's funny, I thought you guys were avoiding me.

Actually, I was trying to avoid you.

Do I know you?

No. That's how great it's been working.

Unknown guy is out. Peace.

I am invincible.

Wait, wait, wait...

Ehh. Ehh. Where am I?

OK, be cool, OK.

Oh, you're going to make me your king?

Well, OK, if you must.

I've-- What?

[Doofenshmirtz] Oh, come on!