Original subtitles

♪ There's 104 days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe... ♪

♪ Building a rocket ♪

♪ Or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up The Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots ♪

-♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪ -It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, Painting a continent ♪

-♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪ -Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's A whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb ♪

♪ Are gonna do it all ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

[Richard] And that is why the 18th century sewing thimble

was not only a slice of history,

but a compelling example of American grit and perseverance.

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Yes?

Great, Dad!

Oh! That was wonder... [fake snoring]

-Mom! -Oh, I'm kidding!

Hon, your speech is gonna be a big hit at the antique thimble symposium.

-It's gonna knock 'em dead. -Which we're gonna be late for

if we don't get on the road!

Thanks again for looking after the kids today.

Candace is skating at the park, all numbers are on the fridge...

Be good for your grandparents, boys!

Bye!

You wanna go down and embarrass your sister at the park?

[all] Yeah!

[Stacy] You got it, Candace!

You may be rusty, but you got it!

Uh... I can't turn around...

or stop... but I got it!

I wonder if Jeremy's skating here today?

Does this helmet make my butt look big?

See, I told you Ferb was a good skater.

Oh! That's my boy!

Hey, isn't that your family?

-[Clyde] Yoo hoo! -[Betty] Hello!

[Phineas] Hey, Candace, jump in.

I am so not with them.

Turn me around, Stacy.

So, Grandma, where'd you get the moves?

Well, boys... I was quite the skater in my...

[thud] Watch where you're--

[gasps] Betty Joe? Of the Tri-State Bombers?

Hildegard? Of the Saskatoon Slashers?

I thought I smelled the last of you back in '57,

when I whipped your sorry behind, took the trophy

and became the rightful Queen of the Derby!

Whoa, Grandma, you were in the rollerskating derby?

Not only was I in it, I was champ!

It was years ago...

The night of the final match between the Bombers and the Slashers.

We were on our final lap.

What was left of my team

used our signature move "The Whip"

to send me to the finish line.

Hildegard's team had the same idea.

The trophy was mine until...

[audience cheers]

You only won 'cause you cheated!

"Anything goes," remember?

Well, what do ya say we try it again, cheater?

Anytime, anywhere.

You skate like a water buffalo!

-Hi, Jeremy. -Uh, Candace,

why is my grandma yelling at your grandma?

That's your grandmother?

Come on, Jeremy! You and your little sister are on my team!

Suzy!

Yes, Grandma.

Me, you and Jeremy are a team, got it?

So I need two of you kids on my team, OK?

Well you can have Phineas and Ferb, Grandma. I'm not--

[Suzy] But that's not fair, Candace.

Our team has two girls and one boy,

so you need to be on your grandma's team so it's fair.

Cause it's not fair if it's two boys and one girl

against two girls and one boy,

so you have to skate, Candace, or else it won't be fair.

Then it's you, Ferb and Grandma!

You'll make a great team!

-But-- -I guess it's set, then.

We gotta do it for our grandmas, right, Candace?

-Yeah, ha-ha. Right. -Psst.

See you on the track, chump!

Yeah, great. Hey, wait!

There's nowhere to have a rollerskating derby, remember?

The old derby track got torn down and turned into a tattoo parlor!

Leave the rink to us!

[whistling]

Hmm... Ah...

Nice entrance, Agent P, but you do realize

there's an elevator right over there, right?

OK, just pointing it out.

Doofenshmirtz is up to something.

I want you to get out there and put a stop to it!

I can't be a part of this race.

I mean, what if we win?

Would Jeremy still like me?

All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.

[Clyde] There you are, Hon.

Know where your Dad keeps his glue gun?

Glue gun? What are they up to?

Later, Stace.

I knew it! I just knew you'd be up to something by now!

Et tu, Grandpa?

No, I just had one. There's more if you want.

Oh, just wait until Mom hears about this.

-[Betty] Heads up! -Oof!

Lace 'em up tight, Dearie. We've got a score to settle.

Win! Win! Win! [growling]

-Yeah. -Oh, yeah.

Will you cool it with the noise, Perry the Platypus?

I've got a splitting headache.

I was at this evil mixer until late last night. It was crazy. Ach.

Can you hang out for just one moment?

I'm almost there. Hold on.

Ow! Oh, I've got to get a quieter trap.

[grunts]

Now that you're trapped, I will tell you my evil plan.

I'm miserable because I can't grow facial hair.

It all started when I was about 15.

Oh. Don't make a note. My head hurts too much for a flashback.

Anyway, I've tried everything to grow facial hair.

It's all so painful.

I hate people with beards. Etc, etc.

So, who do they erect a statue of right next door?

Rutherford B. Hayes, our 19th president!

Only the president with the best facial hair of all!

Just look at that thing.

There's no beard like 19th century beard, Perry the Platypus.

Anyway, that horrible statue must be destroyed

as it is a constant reminder of my folicular failure!

Ooh.

Give me just a moment, Perry.

This hurts me more than it hurts you. Literally.

...and then on the final lap,

we'll use "The Whip" to launch the weak skater.

No offense, honey, but that's you.

Over to the finish line to victory!

[Stacy] All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.

Candace... have you no mercy?

Come on, Grandma, let's go home.

And remember, honey,

show 'em no mercy!

What am I going to do?

I can't beat Jeremy's grandmother.

And I can't let my grandmother lose.

[Phineas over intercom] Skaters to their marks.

Oh, great. Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a bus.

[Phineas over intercom] Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's main event.

The "anything goes" grudge race of the century

between Grandma Betty Joe and Grandma Hildegard.

I'm Phineas Flynn and I'll be your announcer

for today's action,

along with our color commentator, Grandpa Clyde.

-Yellow! Green! Blue! -Excellent color, Grandpa!

Glad to oblige.

And now, let's rock

and roller-skate derby!

Remember kids, two words... road kill!

Come on, honey. We got butt to kick!

[siren] [Phineas] And they're off!

♪ When Betty gets loose, everybody get out of the way ♪

♪ Round and round that Ring of Fun! ♪

♪ 'Cause she's lacing her boots up at 4 a.m. today ♪

♪ Round and round that Ring of Fun! ♪

♪ Grudge Match Grannies, you got nothing to lose ♪

♪ Grey-haired lightning wearing knee pads and boots ♪

♪ Cruisin' for a bruisin' ♪

♪ And you know they got a real short fuse! ♪

♪ And they go ♪

♪ Round and round that Ring of Fun! ♪

♪ Round and round that Ring of Fun! ♪

♪ Grudge Match Grannies gonna get things done ♪

♪ Going round and round that Ring of Fun! ♪

[cheering from audience] [applause]

[both] Yeah!

-And we're back. Grandpa? -Orange! Purple! Chartreuse!

So, Perry the Platypus,

in order to rid myself of that horrid, bearded statue,

I've invented the... [groans]

Ugh. Perry the Platypus, this is so heavy.

Can you just step out for a sec?

I've invented the Bread-inator!

Not only will this machine emit a ray

that will turn Mr. President into whole-grain bread,

it will also release a flock of hungry magpies

that will devour the doughy statue!

Beard go bye-bye.

Ow. Ow. Oh, my evil head.

[Phineas] We're coming to the end of the race.

The crowd is going nuts.

Come on, Candace, time for "The Whip"!

OK, 1, 2, 3!

[Candace screams] [Suzy] Go catch her, Jeremy.

It's Candace and Jeremy neck and neck as they come down the strait.

I don't think so. [beep]

[engine revs]

Wow.

Candace, you've gotta teach me how to skate like that.

[beep]

[engine revs]

[Phineas] Oh, wait!

Candace and Jeremy are back in the race,

but they're going the wrong way! And now, Suzy is going the wrong way too!

At least Ferb's still going the right way.

Spoke too soon.

And don't even think about

any rough stuff this time, sister,

or I'll kick your fat--

[engine sounds]

And it's Betty Joe pulling away!

It's Grandma Hildegard coming up on the shoulder.

And by shoulder I mean Betty Joe's shoulder.

Get off of me! I can't see!

It's Grandma Betty! It's Hildegard!

It's Betty! It's Hildegard! It's a tie!

A tie? Oh, Betty Joe ain't gonna like that.

Well, at least I won this race.

You won? You're crazy! I obviously crossed the finish line first!

Wrong! And get off, cheater.

Hey, Grandma, that was really fun!

I thought it'd be lame and I'd hate it but, I had fun!

How about you, Hilda? Did you have fun?

Yeah, I did. Maybe it ain't so important who won

but that we had fun with the kids.

Yeah, maybe it ain't important, but just for the record, I won.

You mean, even though you lost, it's having fun that's important!

Who are you callin' a loser, cheater?

Who you callin' a cheater, loser?

That's it! Race ya to the Rutherford B. Hayes statue! Go!

[sighs]

Perry the Platypus, my head is killing me.

This is all a wash anyway. I'll turn on the ray

and you'll turn off the ray, thwarting my plan.

Let's just get it over with, all right?

Ray on.

[Doofenshmirtz] And...

-Ray off. Good. - ♪ Perry ♪

[Doofenshmirtz] I'm just going to lie down for a bit.

I promise I'll be more evil next time, all right?

All right, all right, we've had our kicks,

but Mom's still gonna flip when she sees this.

[car door slams]

That's her car. You are so busted.

Mom, come on, come on!

The boys built a giant boomerang in the back yard! Uhh...

Giant loaf of bread?

Unh-unh-unh.

Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard!

[Linda] What? I thought you said it was a roller rink?

It was, but now it's a loaf of bread! Come on, come on! See?

Candace, what are you talking about?

B-b-bread.

Boys, I think she's finally lost it.

Hey, Dad, how'd your speech go?

Well, I have to say it was "thimbly" wonderful.

Hey, what's this thing do?

[engines revs] Wha...? [Candace screams]

Hey, guys, Candace around?

Good catch, Jeremy.

Hee-hee. He sure is.

[alarm buzzes]

Beat you to it again, slow poke. Ha-ha-ha!

Hey, Ferb,

ready to build the fastest, safest, most on-time backyard railroad ever?

All right!

[old west music]

You man the boiler, I'll handle the brakes.

Perry can be the station's mascot. [chattering]

Wow. It's really nice out today.

It's almost like everything in nature is simultaneously saying...

Aaaahhhh!

Aaaahhhh!

-Aaaahhhh! -Aaaah!

Ahhh!

You know, Ferb, everyday we do something really big.

But you know the one thing we haven't done?

Relax.

I say we take advantage of this perfect day

and have the best do-nothing day ever!

Hey, Stacy. Yes, yes.

I'm ready for Jeremy's band's outdoor concert at the summer festival!

Today's gonna be amazing!

[ticks]

[sniffs]

All right, what gives?

It's already 9:00 and there's no construction noise,

no delivery trucks, no...

[bird chirping]

No nothing?

They're just standing there.

Like statues.

Statues...

Good thinking, Ferb. We'll put these decoys up

so Candace thinks we're doing nothing.

Then when Candace isn't looking, we'll do something!

[gasps] Not today they don't.

-Hi, boys, whatcha doing? -We're doing nothing today.

Well, I'm off to the festival to set up my tea cozy stand.

Bye!

Bye, Mom. Hey, where's Perry?

[record scratching]

Oh, hey, Agent P.

Carl, give me a close-up!

So, uh, anyway... Stop Doofenshmirtz! Hit it, Carl!

-Hi, Candace. -I'm not here for "Hi's."

Today is a pivotal moment in my life.

You see, Jeremy's band is gonna play at the festival.

Jeremy's gonna see me in the crowd.

Not just because I have front row seats,

but because I'm gonna be cheering harder than anyone else.

Like this: Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! Baby! Oh, yeah, sing it!

Then we're gonna date through high school and college,

marry and have two kids. Xavier and Amanda.

So don't you dare ruin it with one of your little project thingies!

No problem, Candace. 'Cause today we're doing nothing anyway.

And don't try to give me...

Did you say "nothing?"

-Nothing. -[gasps]

Nothing?

Nothing.

Standing is something.

Hmph. Well, you can't do nothing forever,

and when you stop doing nothing,

I'll start doing something

and that something will be busting you!

Look at them plotting my downfall.

-[phone rings] -Hello?

Mom! Phineas and Ferb are doing nothing!

Nothing! In a relentless effort to ruin my day!

Candace, honey,

why can't you just relax

and let your brothers enjoy their do-nothing day?

Could it really be possible?

Could Phineas and Ferb actually be doing...

nothing?

You're right, Mom.

I should just try and relax until Stacy picks me up for the concert.

Exactly! Love ya.

Well, if they really are doing nothing,

I guess I've got some time to go about my personal business.

Let's see... what do I usually do?

I know, I'll call Stacy

and tell her how I'm busting Phineas and Ferb for...

Oh, yeah,

can't do that 'cause they're not doing anything.

Wait a minute! I know.

I'll put this camera in just the right spot

so when Phineas and Ferb...

Ugh!

And then when Phineas and Ferb walk by I'll...

Ohh!

Well, if there's one thing I know,

I'm gonna look so good when I bust them for...

Agh!

Face it!

You can't do anything unless you're trying to bust them for doing something.

And if they're doing nothing, then...

"Who is Candace?"

Ahhh!

Hey, Phineas...

is it the perfect day to build one of these or what?

Sorry, Candace,

it's like we said.

We're pursuing the best do-nothing day ever!

But if you put it in our inbox, we'll try to build it tomorrow.

Ugh!

-[tearing paper] -[Candace] Huh, huh?

Time traveling submarine. Come on!

Candace, now you're just taking pages from our project book.

How can I inspire them to build something?

Argh.

[man over TV] Are you a boy? Doing nothing with your stepbrother today?

-Do you like high adventure? -[both] Yeah!

Then we have the product for you!

It's the Amazing

Man-Eating Dinosaur-Themed Totally Sick Waterslide of Doom!

That's right, kids. The Amazing

Man-Eating Dinosaur-Themed Totally Sick Waterslide of Doom

can be delivered in just minutes!

And it's so easy to assemble, even a five-year-old can build it!

[boy] I did it! [man] Call now!

Well, that's the last of it.

By the way, aren't you a little too old to be building one of these?

Why, yes. Yes, I am.

OK, I'll get this thing started.

And then because they're men,

they'll want to take over and show me how to do it.

Then I'll call Mom and bust them!

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

Oh, hello, Perry the Platypus.

I'd like to introduce you to something.

-My Slow-motion-inator! -♪ Perry... ♪

This way you're too slow to foil my evil scheme

and I don't have to worry about capturing you.

Problem solved.

Anyway, let's get down to business.

I don't know if you've ever noticed, but I'm not exactly very...

What do the kids call it these days? Handsome.

My doctor says it's genetic, but I don't blame my parents.

I blame everyone else in the entire Tri-State Area

for being better looking than me.

So, I invented this.

My Ugly-inator!

It harnesses the horned frog's unpleasant appearance

to render its target ugly.

Let me give you a demonstration on handsome movie actor Vance Ward!

Hi, I'm Vance Ward.

If it can turn him ugly, it can turn anything ugly.

Are you ready, Vance?

I guess, but I didn't get a script.

I mean, what's my motivation in this scene?

Motivation?

Oh, I think it will be clear to you in a second.

Now onto the rest of the Tri-State Area.

Oh, and Perry the Platypus,

you know what the best part of my plan is?

I can do it from the comfort of my own living room.

With my favorite flat-screen TV and recliner.

Ah.

[birds chirping]

Oh, hey, boys. See you're still doing nothing.

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just carrying a few construction supplies

for a really huge super cool contraption.

[laughs] You know, like the ones you used to build.

[Candace] Well, I figured I'd get in on the fun today.

Oh!

Pardon my reach.

Just trying to get into the most convenient position

to drive this stake into the ground.

Oh, yeah!

I'm really having fun now!

-Uh, Candace? -Oh, I know what you're gonna say.

Of course you can take over the whole operation.

Uh, actually, I was gonna ask you if you could keep the noise down.

Uh... Well,

back onto the important things in life, like having fun.

Remember when you used to have this much fun?

All this fun could be yours too.

All you have to do is join me!

OK, OK, I don't want to brag,

but fun loves me more than it loves you right now!

[phone ringing]

Doo-bee-doo-bee-do.

Yoo hoo, Perry the Platypus, come and get it!

Oh I forgot! You're too slow to catch me now!

[Doofenshmirtz laughing]

Oh. Duh! Of course.

You were going for the Slow-motion-inator.

Wait! Wait, no! Don't touch the reverse switch!

[funky music]

[snorts]

You... you should see yourself! You're so ugly!

Candace, where are you?

It's time to go!

[gasps]

[Stacy] Candace?

Who's having fun now?

It's like boredom's a bad rash, and I'm a shot of cortisone!

Candace, what are you doing?

I've been trying to call you all afternoon!

What does it look like?

I'm busting my brothers!

But the concert's starting right now!

[Candace gasps] Jeremy! Oh, my gosh.

I spent so much time busting my brothers,

I forgot about the concert.

Candace, what's happening?

It didn't say anything in the instructions about being lifted up in the air.

[both scream]

♪ Beautiful, kind and gentle ♪

♪ And loving and softness and sweetness and candy and gum ♪

♪ Peppermint every-- ♪

♪ We're dead ugly ♪

♪ We're so ugly ♪

♪ We're ugly, yes, ugly ♪

♪ We're so ugly ♪

♪ I can't breathe ♪

♪ It's hard to breathe ♪

Who are these guys?

They must be the opening act!

Oh, no! Now I'm ugly!

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

Hardy-har-har.

My autographed picture of Vance Ward!

Oh, you've perverted my ugly invention

with something beautiful!

Thanks! Whoever you are! Now get me out of here!

[heavy metal]

♪ Bunnies and happy songs ♪

[cheering]

What about my TV and chair?

[screams] Get me off this thing!

[screaming]

[Doofenshmirtz] My balloon!

Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Hey, boys, I'm home.

Oh, I see you're still enjoying your do-nothing day.

Yeah, Mom, it was the best lazy day ever.

Oh, there you are, Perry!

[warped voice] Where am I?

And with handsome movie actor Vance Ward.

He seems much faster on TV.

Come on!

♪ Slow down and look around you ♪

♪ All around ♪

♪ Throw your to-do list away ♪

♪ The clouds look like sheep and vice versa ♪

♪ On a do-nothing day On a do-nothing day ♪

♪ On a do-nothing day ♪

[Candace] This is the best day ever!