Original subtitles

♪ There's 104 days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe... ♪

♪ Building a rocket ♪

♪ Or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up The Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots ♪

-♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪ -It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, Painting a continent ♪

-♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪ -Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's A whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us ♪

♪ 'Cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb ♪

♪ Are gonna do it all ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

I can't believe you guys dragged me all the way over here for this.

[sighs] Well, at least there's hunky guys in skirts.

Guys, come and look at this.

This is an actual replica of an artist's interpretation

of what some random guy of no significance believed

that the chariot of Asparagus might have looked like.

And this is Asparagus, the greatest warrior in all of Greece.

With this golden chariot, he would win every race.

And here he is defeating the Minotaur,

a creature that's half-man, half-bull.

Asparagus defeated him using the head of Medusa,

a creature so ugly

she could turn people to stone with just one look.

[Phineas] Kinda reminds me of Candace.

It does not look like me!

I know what we're gonna do today.

We're gonna have our own chariot race like--

Hey, where's Perry?

[Monogram] Psst. Psst.

Agent P, over here.

Sorry to disturb you at the museum.

We've just been informed that Doofenshmirtz has created a machine

to rid the world of platypuses.

Uh, platypi?

Platypeople? Whatever.

We've tracked Doofenshmirtz to the old abandoned movie house.

So get going

and don't look up my skirt.

[Phineas] OK,

the race will start here at home,

and through the streets of Danville, and over to the park.

From there we make our way

past Paul Bunyan's Pancake House...

[man] ♪ Paul Bunyan's, where the food is good ♪

But not too good, eh?

...and finish at the steps of the museum.

Hey, boys, whatcha doin'?

Just mapping out our route for the big chariot race we're gonna have.

Oh, excellent.

Well it's good to see you boys

taking an interest in Greek mythology.

I'm doing the same.

I've got over 12 hours

of gladiator movies here I wanna watch.

-Nice hat, Mr. Flynn. -Thank you, Isabella.

It's my movie-watching hat.

Isabella,

we're gonna have the greatest race in history,

complete with helmets and armor

and super-cool chariots with horses.

Spread the word! Spread the word!

-[Isabella] Wait! At what time? -[Phineas] In about an hour or so.

-[Isabella] Where's it gonna be? -[Phineas] Here.

-[Isabella] Who am I telling again? -[Phineas] Just spread the word.

Oh, and tell them to bring gladiator gear.

♪ Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Theater ♪

[Doofenshmirtz] Comfy, Perry the Platypus?

I've prepared something special just for you.

You see, until now, every attempt to eradicate you has been foiled.

-Then I came across a-- -[slurping]

Excuse me. Who are you and what are you doing here?

I bought a ticket to see this movie.

[sighs] OK, just roll the film.

Who is the enemy of the platypuses?

Or platypi, or platypeople? Or...

well, you know what I mean.

The platypus is one of our greatest friends in nature,

a humble but key component in Mother Nature's delicate cycle of life.

But as of late, worldwide populations

have been declining to near endangerment.

But why? Who is the enemy of the platypuses?

Or... well, you know what I mean.

This is the best platypus movie

I have ever seen.

Historically the enemies of the platypus were well known.

The poisonous swamp viper, the snaggletooth badger,

and duplicating imitable stunts seen on television.

But there is a new enemy of the platypus,

one whose tireless development paves over the platypus's woodland homes.

The greatest enemy of the platypus...

is man.

[cheerful voice] Hi there.

Ah, you see, Perry the Platypus?

For years I've been trying to rid myself of you

with traps and bombs and poisonous gas and...

automatic tennis ball machines.

I... I don't even know what I was thinking back then.

But now I have the ultimate platypus elimination weapon.

Perry the Platypus,

recoil in horror at my new creation!

A giant... killer... robot... man.

My name is Norm.

[Norm] The enemy of the platypus is man.

[evil laugh]

This is awesome.

I did not know this movie was in 3-D.

[Norm] Please, stop running.

[Norm] Perhaps we could discuss our differences over coffee.

OK, we're all set. Let's meet our racers.

In the first chariot is us.

Then we got Isabella and the Fireside Girls,

Buford and Baljeet,

and we have one for Candace, too, if she ever shows up.

Here are the maps for everyone.

The first chariot to reach the museum wins.

Any questions?

Um, yes. Should we not establish the rules first?

This is a chariot race. There are no rules.

No rules? Well, if those are the rules...

Hey, you!

You're goin' down!

But we're on the same team.

Then you're goin' down with me.

Each chariot will be pulled by a rocking horse

Ferb souped up with a lawnmower engine.

Phineas, just what do you think you're doing?

Candace, great! You're right on time!

Check out this cool-lookin' helmet we made for you!

And we built you your own chariot that looks just like you.

Oh, that's ridiculous. I do not have wheels!

To the winner of this race, I offer the spoils of the empire.

Dad, they're racing chariots.

Yes, that scene's just starting. Come in and sit down.

-Come on, Candace. -Dad.

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want some?

[groans] That'sit. I'll stop this myself.

At your ready, get set... go!

OK, you two, I've had enough of this-- Awe.

Hey!

-[engine starts] -Aah!

Dad!

Oh, now where'd she go?

She's gonna miss all the action.

[Candace screaming]

Looks like Candace made it after all.

Lookin' good, Candace!

♪ I got a motorized nag takin' me for a drag ♪

♪ Leave the others far behind ♪

♪ Baby, I ain't braggin', my anachronistic wagon's ♪

♪ Two millennia ahead of its time ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout my chariot ♪

♪ No, it's not street legal, but it gets me where I wanna go ♪

♪ Climb aboard my chariot ♪

♪ When they hear me come a-rumblin', then everybody wants to know ♪

♪ "Where'd you get that chariot?" ♪

♪ I don't need no oracle to tell me how good it feels ♪

♪ To throw a full-tilt coliseum killer toga party on wheels ♪

Aah!

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Remind me... why did we put spikes on Buford's chariot?

[laughs]

Reckless endangerment, disrupting traffic...

Ew, they are so busted.

And a bowling ball catapult?

I mean, what were we thinking?

Ah! My phone!

Why'd we give them all the cool stuff? What do we have?

Cup holders? Sweet.

Now we're cookin'.

The girls are still gaining!

Failure is not an option for me, my husky friend.

Well, use your head and think of something, genius!

Exactly! Use my head!

-[Buford laughs] -That is right!

Eat sparks, my opponents!

Ferb, do you smell something burning?

An unconventional way to use my head, yes,

but an effective one!

We should do this more often!

OK, girls, star formation!

♪ ...yeah ♪

-[Candace screaming] -Sorry. No rules.

-Now what? -Have to use your head again.

[Baljeet] Aieeee!

Hey, get back on your own chariot.

♪ Yeah, talkin' 'bout my chariot ♪

♪ A hundred horsepower and two big wheels of fun ♪

♪ Climb aboard my chariot ♪

♪ You can be my second 'cause I'm gladiator number one ♪

♪ Get a load of my chariot ♪

♪ Always go full throttle, ask anybody and they'll say

♪ If you see me a-comin' ♪

♪ Then you better get outta my way ♪

We should be coming up on Paul Bunyan's.

♪ Paul Bunyan's, where the food is good ♪

But not too good, eh?

[Phineas]Oh, there it is!

Are those slacks new? They make you look slimmer.

Honey, have you seen my keys?

[Candace screaming]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Look, it's Perry.

I gotcha!

Where you been?

What is that?

It's half man, half bull.

It's the Minotaur!

My name is Norm!

It's Norm the Minotaur! Hit it, Ferb.

[Norm] Wait! Come back! You can borrow my rake.

[Candace screaming]

Candace has the lead. Go, Candace!

Somebody help me!

See? I knew she'd love it.

Let's invite our wives next time.

[grunting]

[grunting]

Candace wins!

[Candace screaming]

[Candace screaming]

[Phineas] That was the coolest rocking-horse

mower-pulled chariot Minotaur chase ever!

[Candace] Oh! Oh, uh.

Gross.

[crowd] Phin-e-as and Ferb! Phin-e-as and Ferb!

[Candace] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

You can't just tear up the town with your chariots

and expect to get away with it.

When Mom and Dad find out about this--

Candace...

[Norm] The enemy of the platypus is man.

Listen, pal, you stay out of this.

She turned him to stone!

I did what?

[kids creaming] Don't look at me! It's Medusa!

Doh, that's it. I'm outta here.

Wait, Candace!

Norm! Oh, no, Norm.

What did he do to you?

Did the bad little platypus switch you off?

I'll fix that.

My name is Norm.

See? All you needed was a reboot.

Wait. What is this?

What happened to all the lights?

Wait, wait, it's coming loose. I think I can get it off.

The enemy of the platypus is man.

Ooh. Oh, well,nowit's stuck.

Aah! Somebody help me!

[Norm] Secretly, I'm very lonely.

Just wait until Mom finds out about this.

Candace...

looks like we owe you a big thanks for defeating the Minotaur.

Who knew you had the power to turn men to stone?

That is so not true.

Who ever heard of something as silly

as turning someone to stooo...ne?

No! No, it can't be!

Aah! I did it again.

Don't look at me. Ah! I'm a monster. Ah!

[Candace] Make it stop! [screams]

It's OK, Ferb. She's gone. You can look now.

No. Not taking any chances.

[growling noise]

Hey, look, there's Perry.

Still not looking.

Mooooooom!

Look! Look, look, in the backyard. Look!

They've done it again.

Just let me drop off the groceries.

[carnival music]

This was the best ride ever, guys.

[Russian accent] Ohh, that was very fabulous ride.

Now can you send us back to space station, perhaps?

Erimnevop Yelsgnik Nad.

Look, look, look!

OK, tell me you don't see a giant, enormous Ferris wheel in the backyard.

All right, I don't see a giant, enormous Ferris wheel in the backyard.

-Hi, Mom. -Hi, kids.

"Why don't you come in for snacks?"

Why don't you come in for snacks?

"Oh, there you are, Perry."

Oh, there you are, Perry.

And Ferb says...

You know, gladiators were Roman, not Greek.

[sighs]It's always the same thing every day.

The same insane routine.

My life is like a bad sitcom.

[man on TV] Do you live in the Danville area

and want to bust your brothers?

Then call now and you can be on the next episode of...

-"Bust 'Em!" -Yes, yes!

♪ When you're bothered by your brothers ♪

♪ And you can't convince your mother ♪

♪ And you don't think You can take another day ♪

♪ Don't swear 'cause they Got your back against the wall ♪

♪ And you think you've tried it all ♪

♪ There's a number you should call ♪

♪ To throw them underneath a bus ♪

♪ Just leave the busting to us ♪

Bust 'em! Bust 'em! Bust 'em!

Operators are standing by.

Hello, "Bust 'Em"? Do I have a show for you.

Bright, sunny and clear.

Yep, it's gonna be a hot one.

Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.

Well, I'm off to my cooking class.

You kids keep cool today.

Oh, good. Our stuff is here. Already?

Yeah, well...

OK, OK.

You guys keep doing whatever it is you guys do.

That seemed oddly out of character.

Hey, where's Perry?

♪ Perry ♪

[spy theme]

Morning, Agent P.

It's a beautiful day in the Tri-State Area,

just the kind of day that makes Dr. Doofenshmirtz a little verklempt.

That's why your mission is...

Sky... weather... rain... Doofenshmirtz.

Uh, we're breaking up. Let me call you on a land line.

[telephone rings]

[Monogram] So, just to recap... sky, weather, rain, Doofenshmirtz.

-[Lulu] Are you Candace? -Yes.

Get in. We're from the TV show.

My name is Lulu Jones, and this is my assistant, Fifi.

-Hi there. -So...

you really think you can bust my brothers?

[sarcastic laugh] You're so cute. Isn't she cute, Fifi?

Oh, yes, she is. [fake laugh]

You see, Candace, busting is my middle name.

It's my actual middle name, Lulu "Busting" Jones.

I was born for this job.

But you have no idea what my brothers are capable of.

Believe me, I know.

That's why I created this show.

My brothers used to drive me crazy.

Let me tell you a story, the story of "BUST" and "THEM."

"BUST" fights "THEM", but "THEM" fights right back.

It's the age-old struggle,

but in the end "THEM" wins-- always wins.

No, I'm sorry. Wait, uh. "BUST"... [nervous laugh]

"BUST" always wins. That's... it.

Yes, Bust Them. [laughs]

The point is, I feel your pain.

Mom never believed they were the ones breaking the plates

or scratching the records.

Um, uh, my brothers don't break plates or scratch records.

Well, whatever they're doing, we'll get them.

Our crew has planted cameras covering every square inch of your backyard.

Basically, if a squirrel breaks wind, we'll have it on tape.

Fifi, none of these cameras seem to be working.

Actually, I think camera number eight is working fine.

[breaks wind]

So... your show must be pretty popular, huh?

Well... not really.

I mean, we're having some problems with our ratings right now.

Our station manager is threatening to pull the plug, you know.

But with an episode like this one, it'll never happen.

-Come on, gimme one. -One what?

A "Bust 'em!" Gimme a "Bust 'em."

Come on!

[both] Bust 'em! Bust 'em! Bust 'em!

Well, you know, they must be done by now anyway.

-Done with what? -I don't know. It's different every day.

Come on, I'll show you.

So where is this thing I'm supposed to film?

So, what do you think?

[squeaks] I think we finally have our very special episode!

[Phineas] Hey, Candace, what do you think of the water slide?

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

Ha-ha! Oh-ho, Perry the Platypus. [crash]

I can't believe you fell for that old fake window trick.

Ha-ha-ha. Whoo!

[crash]

Wait a second. How did you--

[gasps]Oh, I can't believe

I fell for the old fake Perry the Platypus bit.

That was pretty good, Perry the Platypus.

I gotta give you props on that one.

I know, I know. You're wondering about the hat, right?

It's part of my new magic kit.

Ever since the seventh grade, I have wanted to be a magician.

But it was a pretty tough road.

Hey, wait. Where-- Where's Bobo the rabbit?

[audience laughs]

[grunts]

Can somebody please get me out of this?

Anyone? Hello?

But I guess my dreams faded into sepia tone somewhere along the way.

Oh, Perry the Platypus, your shoes are untied.

Psych!

Before you go,

I'd like to introduce you to the Gloominator 3000... inator.

[knocking]

Hmm? What's that?

Could it be Morse code for

"That evil gadget looks so manly and threatening.

What on Earth does it do?"

All right, I'll tell you. Sheesh, stop bugging me.

With this I will launch thousands of weather pellets into the atmosphere,

thereby plunging the Tri-State Area into a new ice age!

But before I do that,

I shall finally make Perry the Platypus disappear!

Voila!

Ha-ha. It really worked.

Maybe I should have stuck with the magic business, hmm?

Hey, Candace...

wanna join our maiden voyage?

I'm not gonna be a guinea pig

-for one of your harebrained-- -Candace, wait.

We need you to get on that ride with this secret hidden camera.

Now go get that footage and leave the busting to us!

Everybody ready?

Make sure your life vests are securely fastened

and in case we capsize,

your seat cushions can function as a headstone.

-Oh, you don't want to get this wet. -[stammering] But...

Come on, Candace, that wasn't too bad, was it?

Actually, that was kinda--

[all scream]

[gasps] That's it.

It's over, right?

[laughs]

♪ Summer, I love summer ♪

♪ We like summertime ♪ [Candace screeaming]

♪ Summer ♪

♪ Every 86,400 seconds that pass ♪

♪ Gotta make summer last ♪

-You wanna go again? -Are you crazy?

Oh, she'd love to! [fake laugh]

We need that footage if you wanna bust 'em.

We disguised the camera this time. Don't lose it.

[Doofenshmirtz laughs]

Now let's test my Gloominator 3000-inator.

A couple of these ought to be enough. Let's see.

Whoo-hoo!

Look at them go!

Perfect. Now for the real thing.

Hmm. Maybe I can squeeze a few more in there. Lemme see.

Perry the Platypus?

Bobo the rabbit.

Do you know that I've been looking for you since the seventh grade?

[sound of gun cocking]

Ah!

I can't believe you spent our entire life savings on a bunny farm

and forgot to buy any bunnies.

-But, dear, I... -I mean, what did ya think,

rabbits were just gonna fall outta the sky?

Looks like somebody owes me an apology.

[wife] Touché.

[Doofenshmirtz coughs and laughs]

[Candace] So, Lulu...

-did we get enough footage? -Did we ever!

Now we need you to call your mom

for the big confrontation scene,

and I'll call the station manager.

-Hi, Mom. -Hi, Candace. What took you so long?

Just get over here as soon as you can.

This time, it's gonna be different.

Sir, you should come over here right away.

This will be our best show ever, I guarantee it!

Hey, that evil scientist just stole my bike.

Hey, that nice duck just gave me 20 bucks for my skateboard.

Ooh, this is great!

I can smell that second season pickup.

What was that?

-[Candace] My mom is here. -[Lulu] My station manager is here.

Candace, what's going on?

Who are these people? Could you please.

Mom, Mom, we're gonna be on TV.

I can finally prove everything.

I'm talking about ratings dynamite here, sir.

Tell me that's not ratings dynamite!

That's not ratings dynamite.

That's a suburban backyard.

But I have-- I'm sorry, I don't understand. What?

Where is everything?!

Welcome to my world.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

The videotapes! All the proof is still in the van!

Come on, give me a "Bust 'em."

[both] Bust 'em! Bust 'em! Bust 'em!

-You get that a lot? -Pretty much every day around here.

It's in the van, it's in the van...

I don't think I could take this every day.

You get used to it.

The van. Where is the van?

[Doofenshmirtz laughs]

So nice of them to leave the keys inside.

That's what you get for being the good guy.

You have to stop at all the traffic signals.

[Doofenshmirtz laughs] Uh, oh, no, what is this?

Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

So, kids, keepin' cool today?

-Hi, Mom. -[Phineas] Hi, Mom.

-Oh, there you are, Perry. -[Phineas] Oh, there you are, Perry.

And Ferb says...

And that is why I will never wear suspenders in public.

And now for some snacks.

Why don't you kids come inside for some pie?

Yeah, I'll take some pie.

Now you understand my pain.

Want some pie?

[Doofenshmirtz] I'm getting dizzy.

Maybe I'm supposed to turn into a skid.

Whoooooa!

I can't believe you sold our lucrative bunny farm

and bought a van rental place,

and you didn't buy a single van!

[incoming whistle]

Not one word.

[crash]