Original subtitles

♪ There's a hundred And four days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem For our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something That doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪

♪ Creating nano-bots Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪

It's over here!

♪ Finding a Dodo bird ♪

♪ Painting a continent ♪

♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪

Phineas!

♪ As you can see There's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all! ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna do it all! ♪

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

-[Linda] Hey, boys. -[Phineas] Hi, Mom.

What are you up to today?

We're racing our remote-controlled monster trucks.

[clicking]

I don't see any monster trucks.

Oh, that's 'cause we rigged them to go light speed.

You how those stock motors are. They never give you enough action.

You boys have such active imaginations. You must get it from your father.

Let's see... Green goes to number five.

[laughs] I'm painting.

-[car horn] -Oh!

Charlene's here. I'm off to my cooking class.

-Bye, Mom. -[slam]

Final lap, Ferb.

Aw! Another photo finish.

I'm never watching closely enough to see who won.

-[sad music] -[phone ringing]

Despair speaking.

Care to explain why "Despair" isn't picking up

her cell phone this morning?

Because of a little thing called parallel parking!

[sobbing] See, yesterday, Dad was teaching me how to drive...

OK, Candace. All you have to do

is park between this plastic trash can, and that plastic trash can.

[Candace] So, I put it in reverse...

[Candace screaming]

[sobbing] Then Dad said my parallel parking needs a little work.

It means I'll never get my driver's license!

[Candace] Ah, I'm such a loser.

Oh, my gosh, Ferb, I can't believe it!

I've never noticed how soft our carpets are.

But more importantly, we have to help Candace get her confidence back.

-Any ideas? -[rock music]

[Phineas] This is perfect! The Candace Crusher!

Nothing says confidence like a monster truck.

Hey, where's Perry?

-[clicking] -[spy music]

[squeaking]

Oh, hey Agent P. So, get this,

I got this memo this morning on Doofenshmirtz.

And somebody abbreviated his name in it. Guess how they wrote it.

Doof! [laughs]

The Doof! [giggles]

It's times like these when you really appreciate

having a cool name like Monogram.

[Carl] And Carl!

I already told you your name's not that cool.

Anyway, do your stuff, Agent P, and stop that... Doof!

[laughs]

Take it all the way back. Keep it moving.

Waterfall, the orange cones, parts, left to the garage,

-bleachers, right, um. -[cooing]

Giant baby head... anywhere is good.

["Phineas and Ferb Theme" playing]

[drill whirring]

[fanfare playing]

[clicking]

[rumbling and whirring outside] [honking]

Oh, hey, boys.

Dad, you might want to wipe the queen off your face.

Oh, oh, yeah, thanks.

Crikey! A monster truck!

Yeah, isn't it sweet?

It's to help teach Candace how to parallel park and stuff.

We figured if she learned how to drive one of these monsters,

she'd have the confidence to drive anything.

Oh, yeah, brilliant.

But I better check with Mom about this.

Eh, hello, honey. Yes, yes. Oh, gosh, I love you, too, darling.

Uh, are you aware the boys have a monster truck in the backyard?

Honestly, you're as bad as Candace.

OK, OK, just checking.

It's a go, boys! I'll get your sister!

Ahem! Madam Flynn, I have told you a hundred times,

no phone calls in class!

[cell phone ringing]

[laughs] Hello?

It is for you.

Hello?

Mom, I think the boys are building a monster truck.

Um, honey, I gotta go.

No. B-Big chef. Big meat tenderizer in front of mommy. Bye-bye!

Oh, this seems like a good idea.

[Phineas] I gotcha.

Oh, what's the point? I'm never gonna be able to parallel park.

Don't worry, sis. It's just to build your confidence.

[Lawrence] OK, don't forget to buckle up.

But we can't drive here. It's just the backyard.

-[clanking] -[fanfare playing]

Meap.

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

-[epic music] -Gentlemen,

I have an unique investment opportunity for you.

I'm sure you're all aware of the popularity of monster trucks, right?

But you know, they are not really monsters,

just big, stupid trucks!

So, I came up with my own line of monster trucks. Behold!

[electric guitar]

Very evil, don't you think? There's even one that looks like me!

Look! Look! [chuckles]

We'll corner the markets!

And just to be sure, I have created the Monster Truck Away-Inator!

[dramatic music]

You know, to do away with the competition.

But is it safe to use?

Sure. Let me demonstrate.

[electronic buzzing]

See? It doesn't affect people at all!

Except maybe a little swelling, but don't worry, it will go down.

You know, probably.

Now, watch what it does to this miniature monster truck.

[men chattering]

I don't know where it sends them, maybe another dimension.

Oh! [chuckles, munches]

Of course, that was just a toy.

Let's try it out on a real monster truck, huh?

Which brings me to my next invention.

The Monster Truck Locate-Inator!

-[spy music] -Perry the Platypus? Guess what?

That's not a Monster Truck Locate-Inator at all.

It's a Chinese platypus trap!

[chuckles] I got you.

Here's the real Locate-Inator.

OK, now. Where is the nearest monster truck?

Yes! Right here in Danville!

OK, everybody, get in me, and we'll go.

[engine roars]

Are you sure you want to bring him?

[Doofenshmirtz] Perry the Platypus? Well, yes, of course.

He's my nemesis. I have to show him everything.

Good afternoon, Danville!

Dink Winkerson here, and this is little Isabella Garcia-Shapiro

from Fireside Girl Troop 46231.

And she's got a little announcement to make.

-[metal music] -[male voice] Wednesday, Wednesday,

Wednesday! Giant monster truck rally right here in Danville!

Candace the Crusher takes on all comers!

Be there, be there, be there!

We'll give you the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge.

[normal voice] Thanks, Dink.

[rock music]

All right, Candace.

[Phineas] All you have to do is maneuver through this traffic cone course.

Oh. So I put it into drive...

[screaming]

I don't think we're gonna get the deposit back on those cones.

[Phineas] OK, Candace. All you have to do on this test

is go up this gentle incline.

Dad, you look nervous.

No, of course not. I-I have full confidence in you.

Phineas, this incline is getting kind of steep!

[Phineas] Don't worry, Candace. It gets steeper!

[engine revs]

[crowd cheering]

Next, the break portion of the test.

[squeaking]

[gasps] I can't believe I did it!

Oh, well done.

-[funky music] -[Doofenshmirtz] OK,

left onto Maple Drive, and here we are!

Oh, great. There's no parking spots.

I should have invented a Parked Car Away-Inator.

Oh, ja! That is something that I would buy.

Oh, look at him. He's got a big head,

suddenly some sort of marketing genius.

Oh, well done, Candace. Next, we'll--

[engines revving]

-You're Candace the Crusher? -Yes?

I've heard pigs could fly, but now I've seen everything!

-[laughs] -That doesn't make any sense!

It doesn't have to. I got a monster truck.

Whoo-hoo!

Candace, those dudes need to suck our mud!

[engine revving]

♪ Now let me tell you all the story 'Bout a truck driving girl ♪

♪ In a custom made monster truck She took for a whirl ♪

♪ That little speed demon's Gonna be a star ♪

♪ With her learner's permit And an adult in the car ♪

♪ She may be out for a long, But she can't parallel park ♪

♪ She's a truck drivin' girl! She's a truck drivin' girl! ♪

-[electric guitar solo playing] -[crashing]

[screaming]

♪ Well, then someday she'll get Her license and she'll have it all ♪

♪ She can pick up her friends And take a drive at the mall ♪

♪ That little redhead's Gonna rock my world ♪

♪ She's a truck drivin' girl! She's a truck drivin' girl! ♪

♪ She's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding, Clutch-burning, backfiring ♪

♪ Paint-trading, red-lining, overheating, Throttle-stomping truck drivin' girl! ♪

[Phineas] It's a photo finish!

The winner will be decided by our final event...

The Parallel Parking Challenge!

-Parallel parking? -[chuckles]

You're goin' down, girlie. Check out the finesse!

[engine revs]

-[clang] -[scream]

[screaming]

See, Candace? Even a trained professional

has trouble from time to time.

Now, I want you to just relax, and park this car!

[engine revs]

Yes!

-Perfect! -[fanfare]

Time for some Monster Truck Away-Inating!

[clicking]

Okay, steady now... Here we...

♪ Perry ♪

Perry the Platypus? But-but,

but how did you get out of the Chinese platypus trap?

Ancient Chinese secret.

I don't remember inviting him.

No, wait! Perry the Platypus, no, no, please! Don't turn the dial to the:

"Doofenshmirtz-Mobile and Evil Investors Awayinator"!

[electronic buzzing]

I have to rethink my dials.

-Oh! -Hey, look, guys.

My swelling went down!

Oh, shut up.

[burps]

[Doofenshmirtz] Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

-[crowd cheering] -I did it!

I'm proud of you, darling. You really made them eat mud.

Ah!

[squishing]

Gotta admit it, girl, you're good.

Hey, aren't you Buck Buckerson? The famous monster truck rally promoter?

That's right. Me and my boys are headed to a rally up

in Badgertown.

Only, the track up there ain't near as good as this one.

You can have ours. We're through with it.

Well, that's mighty nice of you. Haul her away, boys.

-Thanks for the ride, Charlene. -[honk honk]

[beep] [clicking]

-Hi, Mom. -[Linda] Candace,

why on earth are you all covered in mud?

Because she's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding,

clutch-burning, backfiring, paint-trading, red-lining,

overheating, throttle-stomping truck drivin' girl.

And I learned how to parallel park!

Great!

[cawing]

[playing bugler]

It sounds like somebody is strangling a cat. It must be Grandpa!

Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!

[coughs]

I cannot believe we eat the same food.

[burps] Believe it.

Grandma, would you show me where the shower is?

Shower? Why, sure, honey.

Would you like a massage and a fruity drink, too?

How about a manicure and a mud facial

while you lay by the pool eating crab cakes?

I can do without the sarcasm.

Chow time's over, campers. Time for our nature walk to Badbeard Lake.

Why do they call it "Badbeard Lake"?

Well, it's a body of fresh water surrounded

-by land-- -No, the "Badbeard" part.

Oh, right. It was named after "Badbeard",

the most ruthless freshwater pirate ever to plunder a lakeside community.

[everyone] Cool! Wow!

[Clyde] And in the middle of Badbeard Lake lies Spleen Island,

where legend has it Badbeard buried his bountiful booty. Heh!

-Booty? -You know, treasure.

-[Baljeet] Treasure? -[gasps] Treasure?

Aye, mateys. Oh, just a sec.

-[marker squeaks] -[grumbling]

Why are you talking like a pirate, Grandpa?

[grumbling] I'm trying to tell the story of Badbeard the Pirate.

There's a song about it. Say, does anyone have a concertina?

-Buford? -Me?

Yes.

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, This is the Ballad of Badbeard ♪

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, This is the Ballad of Badbeard ♪

[birds chirping]

That's it?

Well, I didn't say it was much of a song.

So, meet me at the trail head in five minutes.

[kids] Aye, aye, Captain Grandpa!

[chuckle] That's the spirit!

Oh, dear. I seem to be missing my underpants.

[laughs]

[Clyde] Ah, you see kids, wherever you go, the forest is teeming

with life for us to step on.

Remember, always stick to the trail so you won't get lost.

And whatever you do, never touch the orange moss

that grows on the right side of the Jum-Jum tree.

Boring. I'm calling Stacey.

[Clyde] Left is right. Right is wrong.

I can't get any reception up here.

So, stay clear of the moss. The slightest touch,

and the orange moss will absorb through the skin,

causing wild hallucinations.

Huh? Oh, no! Was that the right side or the wrong side?

No, wait. The left side was the right side.

[gasps] Moss! Orange!

-[Candace screaming] -Thar she blows mateys.

-Badbeard Lake. -[kids] Oh!

And thar be Spleen Island.

The bones of them that hunted the treasure all be lyin' below in Davy Jones's locker.

-Cool. -Let's go!

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is The Ballad of Badbeard! Arg, arg... ♪

Candace? Where's Candace?

♪ This is the Ballad of Badbeard! ♪

[spy music]

[cawing]

[cracking]

Good morning, Agent P, and thank you for your help, Agent E.

Sorry to alarm you, Agent P, but we're remodeling our regular base here.

Actually, my wife's doing it Mexican-country style.

Distressed wood, wrought iron. It should all be very--

Woah! Hey, woah! Hey, Agent E, back off!

Uh, anyway, Agent E has spotted Dr. Doofenshmirtz on Spleen Island.

He's moving boxes and equipment into what's known as

the haunted cave of the old sea hag. Honestly, I'm not making this stuff up.

But anyway, we believe he's creating a new hideout there,

and we want you to foil his plans. Good luck, Agent P.

[Candace] No way.

This is so weird.

I see Perry with an eagle, and their both dressed up like secret agents

and they're talking to man inside an egg. [snickers]

That is so messed up. It must be the moss.

Hey, wait a minute. How did I get way up here?

-[screams, coughs] -[thuds]

[cawing]

Now Perry has a wetski?

[gasps] How strange can this get?

-Oh, it gets much stranger, Kevin. -[Candace screams]

En garde, you scurvy dog!

Ha ha! I don't even know what scurvy is!

Hey! I know what we should do today.

Let's be real pirates and go find Badbeard's treasure.

[chuckles] Sure, knock yourselves out.

I was just about your age when I first heard about Badbeard's treasure.

I'd come up here every summer and search for it.

But I felt drawn by the excitement and adventure.

Of course, then I discovered girls and the rest is a blur.

I never found the treasure, but I did find a treasure map.

-Treasure map? Hey! -[giggling] Whoa!

But be warned, mateys.

They say Badbeard's treasure comes with a curse!

[kids] "A curse"?

Aye. Them who disturb the treasure of Badbeard

shall be cursed with bad beards for the rest of their days.

You mean we'll be stuck with a big, ugly beard on our face

-for the rest of our lives? -That's gnarly.

Well, while you kids search for treasure,

I'd better go search for Grandma. Wish there was a map for that.

[classic rock music]

[screaming]

[engine revving]

OK, troops. We set sail from Point Plots,

sail through the Stones of Gall, and into the Cove of Incontinence,

and then continue on foot into the Dark Tunnel of Doom.

Well, that sounds delightful. And "X" marks the spot. Easy-peasy.

First thing we gotta do is, we make Grandpa's secondhand dingy

into a first-rate pirate ship. Ferb, any ideas?

Woah. Impressive.

[action music]

[engine revving]

[giggling]

[Doofenshmirtz] Is that the cable company?

So, Mr. Cable Man, you don't carry the Evil Science Channel? What's up with--

Perry the Platypus!

Oh, give me a break. I'm moving, legally.

I bought this place, and cheap, too.

It's supposed to be haunted by a terrifying old sea hag.

[giggles]

Look, Perry the Platypus, just because I'm evil

doesn't mean everything I do is evil.

Fine. You want evil, Perry the Platypus?

I'll give you evil!

[birds chirping]

Avast, me 'arties!

♪ We're sailing for the Island of Spleen To search for the treasure of Badbeard ♪

♪ I'm feeling sick ♪

♪ You're looking green ♪

♪ We search for the treasure of Badbeard ♪

♪ We'll plunder and pillage ♪

♪ And do some math ♪

♪ And all refuse to take a bath ♪

♪ We seek adventure and romance ♪

♪ I'm running out of underpants ♪

♪ There's ghosts who haunt The cave and worse ♪

♪ It's guarded by a pirate's curse ♪

♪ Why do my nostrils whisper to me? ♪

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is The Ballad of Badbeard ♪

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is The Ballad of Badbeard ♪

This is it. The Tunnel of Doom. Just like on the map.

[bird chirping]

Are you sure we're going the right way?

Sure, I'm sure. We just follow Ferb. He's got the map.

[wind whistling]

[Phineas] Uh oh. Oh well,

I'm sure it's pretty straightforward from here.

[giggles]

[Isabella] It doesn't look very safe.

I think you'd better test it.

-No problem. It'll hold us. -[creaking]

-No, wait! Not all at once! -[screaming]

[growling]

-[Phineas] Run for it! -[hard rock music]

[roaring]

Oh, my gosh! Buford, what are you doing?

Look! I found these nifty hand puppets!

Well, stop fooling around and let's go.

Oh, all right.

This place is creeping me out.

If I had any underpants, I am sure they would have been soiled.

Phineas, we're not getting lost, are we?

Yeah, Dinner Bell. What if there is no treasure?

Perhaps the real treasure is true friendship

and the spirit of adventure.

No, there it is over there!

[Phineas] "X" marks the spot.

Look. There's the chest.

-But who d-dare open it? -I'll open it.

But Phineas, what about the curse?

Bad beards forever, dude.

And you don't even have a chin.

That's a chance I'll have to take.

Shiver me timbers! The curse is true.

-We will have bad beards forever! -Oh, no!

It's full of bad fake beards.

-[tension music] -Now, Perry the Platypus,

why don't you say hello to my new pet crocodiles?

Susan and Susan. I named them after each other.

Now, prepare to be delicious!

[cackling]

-[gasps] The sea hag! -The pharmacist!

[beep]

Hey Perry, I'm gonna get a snack from the vending machine.

You want something? Suit yourself.

I'm gonna have me some beef jerky!

[man] Island Self Destruct Sequence activated.

-[alarm sounding] -Wait! My beef jerky!

Ah! Someone always finds my self-destruct button!

Oh, curse you, Perry the Platypus, blah blah blah.

These are the best bad bears ever!

-[rumbling] -Quick!

Grab as many beards as you can carry and let's get out of here!

[rock music]

[roaring]

[crash]

Cast off!

Put your backs into it, mateys.

[action music]

Whee!

[cawing]

-[kids] Oh, man! Woah! -[Isabella] Astonishing!

By the way, where's Per-- Oh, never mind.

Hey, Perry, what happened to your cute little secret agent hat?

Well, Ferb, me ol' matey, our first time out as pirates,

and we come home with a bounty of beards.

[Ferb] And perhaps the greatest pirate story ever told.

Wow! That's the greatest pirate story ever told!

Oh. How you feeling, honey?

Oh, better. Thanks, Grandma.

Can you believe I actually thought Perry was a secret agent?

[chattering]

Well, I learned my lesson. Stay away from the orange moss.

The orange moss? Is that what your Grandpa said?

Oh, he always gets that wrong.

It's the blue moss you gotta watch out for.

-Wh-what? -I guess it was all in your head.

Well, that's the power of suggestion for you.

You get some rest now, sweetie.

The blue moss. What? Oh.

Love the beard, Kevin.

Avast, me 'arties!

♪ We're sailing for the Island of Spleen To search for the treasure of Badbeard ♪

♪ I'm feeling sick ♪

♪ You're looking green ♪

♪ We search for the treasure of Badbeard ♪

♪ We'll plunder and pillage ♪

♪ And do some math ♪

♪ And all refuse to take a bath ♪

♪ We seek adventure and romance ♪

♪ I'm running out of underpants ♪

♪ There's ghosts who haunt The cave and worse ♪

♪ It's guarded by a pirate's curse ♪

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is The ballad of Badbeard ♪

♪ Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is The ballad of Badbeard ♪

[Buford] Bad beards forever, dude.