All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S05E04.en

And I thought he was dumb.

Damn it.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, bud. Knicks game's on.
I got some beer.
I got some Sushi.

No, no, Eddie.
This is very bad timing, okay?

My mom and Harry
are gonna be here any minute.

I gotta vacuum, change sheets,
put a bullet through my head.

- Let's go.
- You gotta let me hang here.

Nora's on her way
over to my place
to discuss our relationship.

Jeez, you sleep with
a woman 15, 20 times,

and suddenly
it's a relationship.

Okay, fine, fine.
Just help me clean up, will you?

Okay. Okay.

- So what are they
in town for anyway?
- I don't know.

They're flying in for some kind
of doctor's appointment or--

Suddenly there's
no doctors in Florida?

No, please.
Don't look for logic.
This is my mother, okay?

This is the woman who won't
stay in hotels because strangers
have slept in the beds.

Oh, just-- Shit. It's broken.

Well, it helps
if you plug it in, Mr. Wizard.

No, Eddie.

Unplug it.

Sorry.

Uh, I'll get the door.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute.

- Hi.
- Eddie.

Harry, is this a face?

So chiseled,
like a fine mahogany statue.

Thanks.
That's the look I was going for.

Hi, Mom.

Jesus, Martin.

Would it kill you to do
some vacuuming in here?

My dusting!
Oh, my dusting!

And thank you for
all the hors d'oeuvres.
I wouldn't know where to begin.

Come here, Mom. Have a--

uh, an egg roll.

What do I need it for?

I had a Salisbury steak
on the plane.

Martin, thank you
for your hospitality.

You are like
a regular Conrad Hilton.

My pleasure, Harry.

How are you feeling?
Everything okay at the doctor's?

Oh, it was nothing.
He just had some finishing
touches on his new penis.

Uh, okay.

Well, you two are in my room,
and I'll-- I'll bunk in
with-- with Jeremy.

- You have a new penis?
- Eddie.

Well, actually,
it's not really new.

It's, uh,
just sort of, uh, improved.

See, he had some problems,
so he had an implant.

Uh, you pump it up
like a football.

Mom, do we have
to talk about this?

Would you let me finish?

Anyway, it's fascinating.

They make an incision,

and you peel back the scrotum.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, I gotta go.

Uh, my girlfriend's at home.

Uh, we have to talk
about our relationship.

Yeah, I'll walk you out.

As long as you're going,
get some food.

We came all the way
from Florida.

Is some bagels and cream cheese
too much to ask?

And get some with chives,
not scallions.

Scallions give me gas.

Are you writing
all of this down?

Oh, Harry.

- Harry!
- Huh?

Harry.

- Oh, you're incredible.
- Yeah.

Ah, oh, baby.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, your breast is so luscious,

like, firm, right?

Careful!

Come to papa.

Oh, Harry!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Martin, come in here.

- I'd rather not.
- Quick, I think she's
having another heart attack!

Oh, my God.

Mom. Mom.

Mom, are you okay?

Do I look okay?

Oh, my God.

We got to do something.
What can we do?

Calm down, Harry.
Calm down. God.

Call 911.

It's okay, Mom. It's okay.

You're gonna be fine.

Norman.

- Huh?
- Norman.

The piano.

Tell him I'm sorry.

This conversation
is very confusing.

Mom, the paramedics are
gonna be here any minute, okay?

- They're on their way.
- Fix my hair.

- Huh?
- I don't want them
to see me like this.

Oh, my God.
This is all my fault.

It's nobody's fault, Harry.

She has a heart condition.
That's all.

No, I did this to her.

It was my penis.

I-- I over-pumped it.

Harry, please.
You're not helping.

The doctor said
pump three or four times.

I was excited. I--

I pumped six, maybe eight times.

I wanted to impress her.

Harry, this has nothing
to do with pumping.

They should put warnings on it.

They put warnings
on wine coolers.

Look, Harry,
she'll be fine. She'll be fine.

I mean, a couple of days,
she'll be back at Ketch's Diner

stealing the Sweet'N Low, okay?

- Set me up.
- Yeah,
I got the defib.

- Here you go.
- Is she okay?

- Clear the room, please.
- No, just tell me
she's gonna be okay.

Come on,
Mrs. Tupper, work with us.

Clear.

- Once again.
Let's go.
- Clear.

Martin, may I again commend you

on the funeral arrangements,

the music, the flowers.

Like a--

Like a float in the Rose parade.

Uh, have an egg, Harry.

It'll be like an egg.

Yes, an egg.

Is it a pack
of wild animals you are?

I will never make it through
seven days of this.

No, the Irish
have the right idea.

One wake, you eat,
you drink, you go home.

Well, we all grieve
in our own way.

How are you feeling?

What beats me
is I can't feel anything.

Fine. I'm fine.

It feels sort of like
she's back in Florida,

only she doesn't call as often.

I know, Martin. Death raises
very complicated issues.

I know, and I went through
all this last year when
she had her heart attack.

You know, I mean,
in a weird way,

it sort of prepared me
for all this.

Jude, Jude, it goes,
meat, cheese, meat, cheese.

- Not meat, meat, cheese, cheese.
- All right, listen.

If you need anything
or you just wanna talk,
you just let me know.

Because you were there
for me when Richard died,

and-- and I'm here for you now.

You know,
so you can just lean on me.

Oh, he was so young.

- Jude.
- Why did he die?

- You know, it's just not fair.
- It's okay.

Jude. It's okay.

My noodle pudding's done.
Could you get that, please?

Um, everyone,

could I have
your attention, please?

There's a lot
I have to take care of,

so I thought
while we're all here,

I'd just go through Mom's will.

If that's okay.

- I wanna see.
- I wanna see it.

Get back, get back.

This is just a piece of paper.
This stuff won't be here
till Thursday.

Now, go-- go sit down.

Just sit down.

Those shoes
are very modern and colorful.

You look like a spaceman.

Yeah, it's great.
You pump them up.

Wanna try?

What? What'd I do?

Does anyone have a handkerchief?
Dad?

Sure.

He took my wife.
Why not take my handkerchief?

I'm married to her for 40 years.
She's fine.

One year with him?
Now look at her.

Dad!

Either read the will
or bring us some more food.

- Yes.
- All right, all right.

Uh, "I,

Doris Tupper,
being of sound mind--"

All right, enough already.
Go on with that.

Who cares about that?

Fine.

"I leave my crab-shaped earrings
with the ruby eyes
to my sister Fay."

No, no, no, no, no.
Those are not hers to give.

I lent her those earrings
when Martin married that shiksa

who broke his heart,
that what's-her-name.

- Judith.
- Yeah, her.

Sadie,
if you'll excuse the expression,

but you're a goddamn liar.

The will says they're mine,
and the will is the law.

Yes, yes. Well, moving on.

"I leave my mink and sable stole
to my sister Sadie."

What?

She gets a stole,

and I have to walk around
with crabs in my ears?

- I contest this will.
- Oh.

I bought the goddamn fur.
I'll take it.

Why, so you can give it
to that fancy man you live with?

All right, all right.
That's enough.

If you can't behave yourselves,
I'm just gonna
put this paper away.

- All right.
- Who died and made him boss?

Next. "I leave my Steinway
upright piano to Norman Green."

Who? What?

Lorne Greene from Bonanza?

Green.

Norman, Norman.

- The piano.
- The piano.

Who?

Tell him I'm sorry.

This, your immediate mission,

is one upon which
the very existence

of our nation may depend.

Thank you.

That's it. Push it, there.

Yeah, watch it, son.

Yes, hi.
Is there a Norman Green there?

Hey, kid,
I'll go get the lamp.

Well, it's about an inheritance.

Yes, yes, I'll hold.

Inheritance?

You wanna invest some money,
I'm writing a musical
about movers.

It's called Movers.

Do you mind?
I'm right in the middle
of something, okay?

- Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.
- Yes. Yes, Mr. Green.

Well, it's about my mother,
Doris Tupper.

No, I don't want her killed.

Sorry. Wrong Norman Green.

Here's the opening number.

♪ We're moving ♪

♪ Packing boxes
Stacking clocks ♪

♪ As we're grooving ♪

♪ Bubble wrapping
Popping, snapping... ♪

Ow.

Ow.

Dick.

Norman.

The piano.

Tell him I'm sorry.

Yes, hi.
Is there a Norman Green
at this number?

Uh, Norman Green.
Is there a Norman Green?

No, not cream, Green.

No, I'm not selling cream.
I-- Okay, thank you.

Would you stop yelling?
You're giving me a migraine.

Toby,
where the hell have you been?

I asked you nine times
to help me make these calls.

How dare you?
I've called over 200
Norman Greens this morning.

My fingers are bloody stumps.

Really? That's very interesting.
Because these phone books
have been on my desk all day.

Well, uh...

I've been calling
all the unlisted Norman Greens.

The piano.

The piano.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Is there a Norman Green here?

I'm sorry. What?

I'm looking for Norman Green.

Oh, cream!

You're the fellow
I spoke to on the telephone.

I changed my mind.

I'll have a pint
of heavy cream, please.

No, forget it. Forget it.
It's my mistake.

Cake? No.

I don't want any cake.

Just the cream. Thank you.

I'll get my purse.

Fine. Fine.

I'll just run down
and get those cakes.

Norman. Norman.

Norman. Norman.

That's it. That's the last
damn Green in New York.

Do we have any Jersey
phone books, do we?

Relax. You don't have
to find him tonight.

Yes. Yes, I do. Because I don't
wanna wake up one more morning
looking at that goddamn piano.

I hate it. I've always hated it.

My mother was always
making me take those lessons,

practice all the time,
that awful "Blue Danube."

- You know, I can--
- All right.

- I'll take--
- All right, all right.
Just sit down.

Rest there.
You've hardly even given
yourself a chance to mourn yet.

Is it me, or is it, like,
4,000 degrees in here?

I can't breathe.
God, I can't breathe.

It's like all of her stuff
is closing in on me,

you know, and sucking the air
out of the place, I just--

Shh, relax.
Can I get you something?

- Maybe just an aspirin or...
- Yeah.

Dad, another passbook.

This one has almost $6 in it.
New record.

You see? The woman spread
$100 over 35 savings accounts.

How many free toasters does
one person need? How many?

Dad, maybe you should
get someone to help you.

Like who? My sister?
Oh, forget that. I have
to deal with the shit work

while she's flitting
around Somalia like
some goddamn prima donna.

Actually, when I said help,
I was thinking like a therapist.

I would like to know
all about your dreams.

I do not need a therapist.

I just have to get rid
of this goddamn piano.

She planned this.
She obviously planned this.

Only my mother could be
more annoying dead than alive.

Martin, this might cheer you up.

Oh, well, that's terrific.

New Tab, ten cents off,
now at [indistinct].
That's great.

No, no, not that. The envelope.

Look at the return address.

Excuse me. Hi. How you doing?

I'm looking for Norman Green.

We're closed. He ain't here.

Well, do you know
where I can find him?

If you happen to see him,
could you give him this card

and tell him it's about
Doris Tupper, please?

Man, that's a name
I haven't heard for a long time.

- You know her?
- I more than knew her.

She used to come
to the jazz club.

We'd ball all night long.

Ball? You-- you balled her?

Ball. As in balling, dancing.

Oh, I fucked her too,
but we'd always ball first.

You must be thinking
of someone else.

Man, that Dottie Mae
could rip it up.

Especially after
we scored some reefer.

No, no,
you're obviously confused, okay?

My mother didn't score reefer.

Occasionally she could
cheat at a canasta,
but that's about it.

- You Dottie Mae's boy?
- Hey.

- Here, let me get a look at you.
- What are you doing?

- Yeah.
- What?

- You got her mouth.
- Come on.

You know I was this close
to being your daddy?

White boy, come sit beside me.

I'm just gonna go now,
so if you'll excuse me.

I'm not shitting you.
We were gonna get married,

but her folks didn't
like the idea of pepper
in the salt shaker.

I loved that girl.

- She messed me up, but good.
- Well, that's
a very touching story.

- I really don't have time
right now, so I'm just--
- Where your manners?

You were my boy, I would've
learned you some respect--

I don't know what
your problem is, okay?
But if you see Norman Green,

- give him this card and tell him
it's about an inheritance.
- Inheritance?

I'm Norman Green.

Get out of here.

Look, my mother just died.

I don't need
your bullshit, okay?

Thank you. Good night.

- Thanks.
- Good night.

Good night. Good night, Lou.

Thanks for coming, everybody.

Thank us? Martin, thank you.

All week you've been a rock.

So dignified,

like a Jewish Gregory Peck.

Well, I've tried my best, Harry.

Now, you sure
nobody wants the piano?

- No, thank you.
- This is the last chance now.

Otherwise I'm gonna call
the Salvation Army.

Listen, I don't need a piano.
What I need is
a four-slice toaster.

I had one a minute ago.

Aha! Sadie's got it.

Now, give me that.

What do you need
a four slice toaster for?

- You live alone.
- What? I don't entertain?

Jesus Christ! What the hell
are you doing here?

- I came to pay my respects
to Dottie Mae.
- Oh, really?

What do I have to do?
Call the cops?
Now get the hell out of here.

- There a problem?
- I have it under control.

- Now, beat it. Come on.
- Don't I know you
from someplace?

Weren't you the conductor on
the 507 to North White Plains?

No, but maybe you saw me
play the skins at Birdland.

- Yeah, yeah.
- The jazz guy.
You're the jazz guy.

My wife used to drag me
to hear you play all the time.

- No, that can't be true.
- But it is true.

- She did?
- Norman Green.

- It's always nice to meet a fan.
- Oh, she was the fan.

To me, you sounded
like a traffic jam
in the Holland Tunnel.

- Look, Martin,
I'll call you tomorrow.
- Yeah.

You?

You're Norman Green?

All my life.

So the-- the balling,
reefer woman?

Your mother. God rest her soul.

I can't believe this.

Yeah, I can't believe Dottie Mae
playing canasta, either.

Anyway, I thought you might
wanna take a look at these.

Blast from the past.

That-- That's my mother.

Oh, my God.

That's me and Dottie Mae
at the club.

She was too sexy for daylight.

Well, she--
She looks like a chorus girl.

She was. For a week, anyway.

But then the manager
tried to cop a feel,

and she put
her tap shoe up his butt.

Mom! Mom.

I've got to sit down.

Sweetheart, we're leaving now.

You're crying.

Martin's crying, everybody.

Oh, honey,
would you like a tissue?

Oh, no.

- How about a hard candy?
- No.

Maybe he wants to throw up.

Get him a bowl.

Oh, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.

It's all right, Martin.
Let it out.

Your mother
would have wanted it.

- No. Nah.
- Yeah.

Mom, I did love you.

It's all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.
Salvation Army here already?

No, no. No. No, he's a--

He's not from
the Salvation Army.

Everybody, this is--
this is Norman Green.

Hi, Norman.

She and Mom were...

old friends.

That's not Lorne Greene.

There were no colored guys
on Bonanza,

unless you wanna count Hop Sing.

Now, can we move this along?
I'm parked at a meter.

- I would spend more money...
- Goodbye, sweetheart.

- Take care of yourself.
- We'll call you soon.

- Bye-bye.
- I got
lipstick all over you.

- It's okay.
- Take care
of yourself, honey.

- We'll call soon.
- Thank you. Thank you.

I bought this piano for your
mother on her 20th birthday.

Still sounds pretty sweet.

Look, uh...

I wanna apologize
for the way I treated you.

I-- I--

I-- I just never thought
of my mother as a--

a person.

We were all people once.

You meant a lot to her,
Mr. Green, and--

and she really, really
wanted you to have this piano.

You know, she-- she really did.

That a fact?

Yeah. Yeah, it is. So...

why don't you
give me your address,

and I'll have the movers
bring it over tomorrow?

Actually, my place is
little on the small side.

Maybe you could keep it here.

You know, sort of
take care of it for me.

It isn't much,
but it's better than nothing.

Thanks. Thanks.
I-- I-- I'd like that.

You mind telling me
how your mother died?

Well, she--

She choked.

Uh...

Chicken bone.