All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S03E25 AI.en

Good evening. Thank you
for being with us again.

Time to make the donuts.

Come on, come on.
Not here.

Why? Would it be a problem

if people knew you were doing
the bagel girl?

Sounds repulsive, doesn't it?
And it is.

What are you doing here?

This is Apartment 2, isn't it?

Very funny, Mother.

That's a pretty tough situation
with those gals.

I have a very successful
business,

a terrific daughter,
whom I believe you've met.

And who may have said you've
done a terrific job raising?

Kiss-ass.

In our story tonight,
you will see a very unusual
barter take place.

- I was thinking about
asking out your mom.
- My mom?

In this next scene, he plays
a new and difficult role.

I'm probably way
out of line here, but...

can I buy you dinner sometime?

I hope he makes it.

Well, let's get on
with the show, huh?

- Hello.
- Hi.

Could I use your front door?
I would climb
back over the wall,

but I left my ladder
on the other side.

Sure you wouldn't rather
shimmy up the drain pipe?

No, thank you, the--
the door will be just fine.

You may not be aware of this,
but right after you declined

my dinner invitation,
Hurricane Zelda moved in.

So I was wondering if I could
bother you for an old newspaper,
perhaps a trash bag?

Sure. Could you drip
over by the plants?

The ficus could really use it.

Okay, Miss Wisenheimer.

No problem.

So, what size are you?

Tall kitchen or lawn and garden?

- Whatever.
- Here you go.

Thank you.

- Sharp.
- Yes, well, I'm easy to buy for.

Good night.

- Sure you don't wanna take this?
- No, no, no.
See, then I'd have to return it,

and believe me,
I don't wanna have any reason
to bother you again.

You could bring it back
Saturday night.

Say around seven?

Whoa!

- Why?
- I don't know.

There's something
about a man in polyethylene.

She loves me.
She loves me. She loves me.

Okay.

We don't have to
wait until Saturday.

We can s--

Okay, great.

I'll, uh, I'll see you Saturday.

That's a bad date?
One night I was having dinner
with this guy,

I'm eating this really delicious
carrot soup.

Something lands in my spoon.
I look up.

- He's clipping his fingernails.
- Oh, okay, okay, stop, stop.

- That's it.
- Do I win?

You win, you win.

You know, I'm actually
having a good time tonight.

Hard to believe,
isn't it?

I admit, when I opened the door
and saw you standing there
with a bowling shirt--

You were skeptical.
I sensed that.

Well,
what moved me the most was
the personal nature of the gift.

Well, anyway, Guido,

I, uh, I-- I should get going.

Yeah. It is a school night.

- Well...
- All right, here's your chance.

...uh...

...listen, good night.

Do you really wanna go?

Unless you wanna do something.

Like what?

I don't know.

Take your time, Steve,
take your time.

Take your time.

Uh, you-- you wanna--
you wanna dance?

- Dance?
- You know, just a quick one
around the patio.

Sure. Why not?

If you'd like,
I can hum a little.

No, that's fine.

Oh, oh, all right.
I think we should just stick
with the simple stuff.

Yeah, that's--

Eddie, I'm telling you,
she was-- she was great.

Oh, you mean, like, great
or like really great?

Oh, would you stop
with the eyebrows?

Come on, we didn't have sex.

So, what was the great part?

- Bowling in '97?
- Look, I really like her, okay?

I don't want this to be
one of those situations
where you rush into bed

and then realize that the whole
thing is a big mistake.

Oh, you mean like what happened
with you and her daughter?

Yeah, yeah. There's an example.

So, did you guys have sex?

I-- I don't think
that's something

I care to discuss with you.

You didn't have sex, did you?

- Don't you have homework to do?
- Wow.

Martin and I did it,
like, ten minutes after we met.

Yeah, I'm so glad
you decided to share that.

Well, we know he's not gay.

It's not a medical thing.

Maybe it's you, Mom.

You know, Julie,
this may be foreign to you,

but for us,
it's important to go slowly

and-- and--
and build a good foundation.

All right.

But when you finally do it,

believe me, Mom,
you won't be disappointed.

All right, that's it.
Sharing time is over.

Okay, here we go.

I learned this
from my accountant,

from [indistinct].

Very nice.

I warn you,
this next move is illegal
in certain parts of Mexico.

Arrest me.

I'll call the police right away.

- Sorry.
- That's okay.
I'll take care of it later.

I'm worried about you, buddy.

Oh, really?
Well, don't be, okay?

Well, I am.

I hate to say it, but I think

you and Kate are gonna end up
being friends.

What are you talking about?
That's-- that's ridiculous.

Has it ever occurred to you
that friendship,

at best,
is a rather doubtful asset?

Fine. Don't listen to me.

It's ridiculous.

Do what you want. Be pals.

Oh, no, no, no,
come on, that is...

that is such bullshit.

Well, you can never have
enough friends.

You want to?

Yes.

Well, folks, the big day
has finally arrived.

The sky is blue,

the field is in
perfect condition,

and from here,
it looks as though every seat
in the stands is occupied.

- Martin, can you help me
with the back of my dress?
- Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Don't turn that dial,
ladies and gentlemen.

It looks like
we're in for some fireworks.

What a kickoff.
Enormous hang time.

Takes the kick at the 20.

Hurry up! Hurry up!

All right. Yes.

Oh, he's slammed!

We're teetering
on the edge of total disaster.

His mind seems
a million miles away.

It's all over.

Oh, cheer up now.
A football game isn't the most
important thing in the world.

Wow.

Yeah.

That was incredible.

Are you kidding?

Wasn't it?

- That was really...
- Really awful.

...really intense.

Definitely worth waiting for.

You bet.

You just have to do it

over and over and over again.

Man, you sucked today.

I mean,
you were unbelievably bad.

- Thank you.
- I'm just saying every
move you made was so lame.

Will you sleep with her already?
You're ruining my game.

- I did sleep with her.
- You asshole.

How could you not tell me?

So? How was it?

- Terrible.
- Terrible.

- Awful.
- Horrible.

- It was fine.
- Oh, come on, man.

You-- you're holding out on me.
How fine was it?

I am not holding out on you.
It-- it was good.

You know, solid. Very sturdy
and reliable and workmanlike.

Oh, stop it, stop it.
You're getting me hot.

All right, all right,
look, it's-- it's--

it's just something that's--
that's-- that's not clicking.

I wouldn't worry about it.
It's only the first time.

- Six times.
- Uh-uh.

Everything else with Kate
is perfect, you know?

It's just in bed.

- It's like you want it to be so
great, but it's not so great?
- Yes, yes, yes.

It's like you're going through
the motions, and you start
thinking about other things,

- like your income tax
and your ratings?
- No, no.

No, it's not like that for me.

- What's going on with you?
- Oh, nothing.

It's just that,
um, I can relate.

You? The King?

Oh, God. Come on.

Martin, man, the King is dead.

You got to be kidding.

What happened?

The King got married.

Man, let me tell you,
when you get married--

- Things change.
- No.

Things never change. Ever.

Yeah, I know how that feels.

Wow.

Yeah.

What's going on here, then?

Is it us? Huh?
Are we the problem?

Hey, man, let's not panic.
I mean, this happens
to everybody.

We-- we're just two guys
having really bad sex.

Not with each other.

Hey, I'm married.

I love sleeping with you.

Oh.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Me, too.

I mean, actually,
sleeping with you, you know,

getting into bed
and turning out the light.

Not necessarily even having sex.

Just being in bed together

at night

with you.

I know what you mean.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, we're--

we're comfortable
with each other.

We both know our relationship
isn't just about sex.

You know,
it's about closeness and...

- just being together.
- Martin,
is something bothering you?

- Well...
- She ain't gonna like
what I got to tell her.

- I know.
- ...it's the sex.

And don't get me wrong.

I-- I love sex,
especially with you.

I mean, only with you.

But it's not exactly

there yet.

Wow.

Kate,
I didn't mean to upset you.

I am so glad you said that.

- You are?
- Yeah, it's been really
disappointing for me, too.

Disappointing?

What are you saying, Kate?

I mean, what-- what
are you trying to tell me?

You know,
just what you were saying.

No, no. I didn't use
the word "disappointing."

No, that's-- that's your word.

Well, it's that everything else
in our relationship is so great.

So, what you're saying
is the sex is just
incredibly unsatisfying.

It's not that bad.

Not that bad?

How bad is not that bad?
That sounds pretty bad.

It's not bad.

It just could be better.

Such a humiliation.

A man who loves a woman
wants to ask only one question.

Have you ever even had an...

- Say it!
- ...orgasm?

A little one.

I don't think I can
talk about this anymore.

- You were the one who
brought the subject up.
- All right, but it's-- it's...

it's just a--
a situation, right?

And-- and we'll both have to
just, uh, just deal with it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just something
we'll have to work at.

I mean, if you want to.

Yeah, of course. Of course I do.

Come on. We've got work to do.

Martin, can you move
a little to the left?

More.
No, not a hard left,
a semi-left.

Great. [indistinct] lower?

Could you do the hand thing?

Oh, shit.

I lost it.
Maybe if I were on top.

Oh, Martin.

Oh, Kate.

Oh, Martin. Oh, Martin.

Kate, Kate.

What? What's wrong?

It's-- it's my...

Nuts, nuts, nuts.

It's the bouncing.
You think you could just
take it down a notch?

Just, maybe,
you know, half a notch.

Sorry.

- Let's try again.
I'll make it this time.
- This time we both will.

Well,
this intercourse position

is a little bit difficult
to balance

and somewhat tough
on Ted's knees.

Just the fun of doing it
makes it arousing.

Oh, yeah.

How are your knees, Dad?

Oh, that's good.

Oh! Oh, that's good. Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
I got it.

I think I got it.

He just watched the matinee.

- We'll be sensational.
- I hope so.

"God, you're so hot."

"Oh, baby,
I want you inside me."

-"I wanna taste you."
-"I want your cock. Fill me up."

"I-- I wanna grab my ass--
your ass.

I wanna grab--
I wanna grab your ass

and bury my head
in your love box

and lick you
till you come... buckets."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Do it again. Do it again.

We must keep trying in it.
We've got to try.

You're mine now, silly boy.

I don't think
this is gonna work for me.

I'm holding you back.
You're a great performer,
but not with me.

- Don't say that.
- I've got to say it.

- With another partner
as good as you--
- No, Emmett, no.

Maybe just without the whip.

Uh, Kate?

Kate?

In the cab?

Jeanette and I were
on our way downtown,
and it just happened.

In a cab?

By the time we hit Times Square,
we were rocking.

How-- how did--

I mean, you know, what did it?

Like, why?

Who gives a shit?
The King is back.

So, buddy,
how are things with you?

Uh, taxi.

In a cab? I mean,
in the middle of New York City?

Why don't we just
run a cable access channel?

You're not a public person.
I'm starting to get that, okay?

I don't know, Martin.
I'm beginning to get

a bad feeling about this.
I mean, you know what they say.

They say,
"Who are they that always say,
'But they always say...'"

No, no, not really.

Well, just, you know,

that sexual problems
are sometimes a sign

that something else is
wrong with a relationship.

What are you talking about?
What? What could be wrong?

I don't know, but something is.

What? What? What could be wrong?
We talk too much?

We laugh too much?
What, we-- we feel too good
when we're together?

I mean,
what-- what could be wrong?

Maybe we're just
supposed to be friends.

- Friends?
- Well, maybe what we have
is a really great friendship.

Or a very frustrating one.

No. No, no, no, no.

I don't think so.
I don't buy that.

And what are we?

Look, we--

we're-- we're--
we're two people, you know?

And-- and we just...

...I don't know.

Yeah.

Well...

I think I should be going.

Oh, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You-- you don't have to go home.

I-- I mean,

we're pals, right?

You know, we could, uh,

I don't know,
we could have a beer.

And-- and-- and watch the game.

Maybe some other time.

Well, I guess
I should say goodbye.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

In the beginning,

God created the heaven
and the earth.

I like being friends.

I'm really glad
we straightened that out.