All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S03E05 AI.en

Are you shitting me?

Are you shitting me?

Don't-- don't play
games with me, Irv.

Are you shitting me?

Oh, that's great.

Irv, I love you.

The Fudderman book.

Number 43
on the bestseller list,

over 100,000 copies sold.

You're shitting me.

Do you have
any idea what this means?

It may be part
of the divine plan.

I hope it means you can afford

to buy a tie that matches
that suit.

I'm out of here.

Have a nice weekend.

I know I will.

-

Hey!

Wow. What's with you?

The Fudderman book.
Number 43, 100,000 copies.

Great.

- So how was your day?
- Terrific.

I had lunch with my agent.

Just like Lenny
in the Fudderman book.

God, I just, I can't believe
we're number 43.

But enough about me, huh?

Hey, let's go celebrate.

Let's celebrate here.

Here?

Oh, I want you. I want you now.

Uh, well, what about--

Ah, no, no.
It's 6:30. Everyone's gone.

Well, it is number 43.

This is the world

where tremendous
forces are generated.

A world of intricate equipment
and complex calculations.

A world of infinite
opportunity,

always on the threshold
of new discovery.

A world in which
antenna reach into the air

for far-flung sounds and
sights.

New ways to transform energy.

New methods of transmitting
the giant forces

which had been so long unknown.

But to the man
who brought light

out of darkness
for all humanity,

the relentless pursuit
of knowledge took its toll.

Oh, thank God your book
didn't sell a million copies.

You got natural ability,
natural instinct

and good looks.

Come.

Looking good, Gibby.

Ghastly tie, Marty.

- Thank you.
- Sit.

Okay.

Hey, keep going though.

Oh, Marty, I believe
congratulations are in order.

The Fudderman book
is selling faster

than Scotch tape
at a leper colony.

Well, number 43.

You know, as a token
of my appreciation,

I'd like to give you
a nice big raise.

Of course, I'd also like to lick
the sweat off Madonna's rump.

That's not likely
to happen either, eh?

I'm, uh, I'm not following you.

Take five, love.

Marty, the company's
in a shitstorm,

and we're running out of hats.

Sales are down,
overhead is way up.

Now, I can't stop paying
the electric bill.

Can't stop paying
the phone company.

So I, uh,
gotta stop paying somebody.

What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?

How do you mean? Exactly.

Now, don't wet
your trousers, Sparky.

I'm not firing you.

You're one of the lucky ones.

I'm only
cutting your salary by 7%.

What about the Fudderman book?

Number 43, 100,000 copies,
all that stuff.

Now, that's the only reason

I'm not letting you go
altogether.

You must be joking.

I can't take a 7% pay cut.

I can't live on that.

Sure you can, Marty.

Look, you go out to dinner,
you don't leave a tip.

That's all.
You're 8% ahead right there.

I'm a hot commodity.

After the Fudderman book,

I can walk into any publishing
house in this city

and make more
than you're paying me now.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Gibby, if you let me
walk out of here,

I promise you...

You die.

One day, two days,
three days, you die.

...you'll be very, very...

very sorry.

Kelly, send the girl back in.

I don't think
my sideburns are even.

And, Marty, wait.

I was only kidding you.

What would you like
to do this afternoon?

When you pack up,

don't nick
any office supplies, eh?

You would never do anything
like that, would you, big boy?

So, where are you gonna go?

I'll know when I get there.

But it'll be a better place.

You know, this-- this--
this is a good thing.

Yeah. Sure.

I'll send for you.

Here. I want you to have this.

I know it's not much,
but it's always been

a source
of great comfort to me.

Thank you, Toby.

Hey, good to see you.

Really, really good to see you.

I was just gonna call you.

- How's life?
- Great, great.

You know,
with the Fudderman book and all.

It's a big one.

Fuck big. It's huge.

And it's all
because of you, Martin.

I mean, Fudderman
can barely write a stop sign.

Everybody knows that.

Look, Dan, I'm gonna get
right to the point.

You always talked about
us working together, right?

Are you kidding me?

Martin, I would poke out
my right eye to work with you.

- Do you really mean that?
- Yes.

Well, guess what?
Come on, come on, come on.

I can't.

I left the Whitestone.

You did? Wow.

Amazing, isn't it?
So, what do you say?

You and me here on the same team
working together?

- Come on, we'd be unstoppable.
- Nothing would make me happier.

Unfortunately, my whole division
got laid off last week.

I'm surprised you haven't heard.

As of Friday, I'm out of my ass.

Really?

Jeez.

I'm sorry.

So, who would I talk to
at Whitestone
about getting your job?

So, uh, you edited
the, uh, Fudderman book.

Yeah. Yeah. That's me.

I hate Fudderman.
I hated his first book.

And I hated that book
about the Dutch twins.

Have you read his last one?
'Cause it's--

It made me physically ill.

Well, I--

I guess
it's not everyone's cup of tea.

I love cooking.

I am a wizard
in the kitchen, really.

You give me
a dozen eggs and a bowl

and one of those things.

Those, uh, wire...

whipper things.

Let me divide
some fractions for you.

Or I could do the thing
with the two trains

moving in opposite directions?

Uh, please.

Please.
Could I send you my SAT scores?

Sometimes a man

has to learn
to back down from a fight.

It's a hard thing, but he must--
he must learn it.

What? I heard you were here.

- Toby!
- I'm in hell, Martin.

They made me a floater.

- A floater!
- You're tearing my jacket.

Today,
they put me with Mrs. Kindle,

that bitch in Accounting.

All day long,
she's tapping a pencil.

Tap, tap, tap.
Like some kind of
twisted Morse code thing.

Toby, did you finish my filing?
Tap, tap, tap.

Toby, did you get me my stand?

Tap, tap, tap.

Martin,
you gotta come back here.

- I'm begging you.
- Oh.

I'll see what I can do.

Toby, did you find my files?

You never saw me.

Come.

- Hey, Marty.
- Thank you for seeing me, Gibby.

That tie's
even worse than the last one.

Well, I appreciate
you taking the time.

Oh, let's cut
the koala shit, Marty.
What do you want?

If you'd let me,
I'd like to be your dog.

I just wanted you to know
I've received
a number of other job offers.

Oh, good for you.
Uh, sweetheart, could you do
that karate chop thing?

But, uh...

uh, I love this company.

And since we are struggling,
I'd be willing to take, uh...

4% cut in salary.

Oh, Marty,
as long as you're groveling,

I'll tell you what.

You can have your old job back.

Great. Well, great.

Course it'll cost you 12%.

Twelve? What happened to seven?

Oh, sorry. Seven's gone.

Seven was last week's number.

This week is 12.

Okay.

Okay, look, why don't we just
split the difference, okay?

Well, uh, 5.5%.

Oh, Marty, you make me giggle.

This isn't a negotiation.

The offer is 12%.
You take it or leave it.

I can't turn it down.
You know that.

Fuck you, Gibby.

Mmm.

You've made a real blooper.

Hey, man, we're in a recession.
I mean, the economy is shit.

Everybody's hurting.
Hey, hey, hey!

Don't put the caviar
too close to the Sterno.

The heat dries it out.

Sorry.

Yeah, so, buddy, how you doing?
You know, uh, financially?

I haven't got a dime, Mary.
Not a dime.

I've got enough in the bank
for three or four months' rent.

What about your portfolio?

You know,
like stocks, mutual funds,

KEOs, zero coupons.

What does that mean?

No. No, I don't, uh...

I don't think
I have any of those.

Any income instruments?

T-bills?

Nope. Nope. No.

No T-bills.

I have some, uh,
T-shirts and some teacups,

and, uh, maybe a few golf tees.

Man, where were you
during the '80s?

I told you.

I was watching
The Late Late Show.

I just never thought
about money that much.

Listen.

If you need any help,
you know, just say the word.

Please. Please. Please.

Thanks, but I'll be fine.

Now, could we not talk
about this anymore? Okay?

You know, I just wanna--

I just wanna
have some fun tonight, okay?

And just take my mind off
of everything, okay?

Huh? Hey, party, party, party.

Party, party, party.

I mean, I feel so guilty.

Unemployment's up,
people are homeless,

and I'm having
my best year ever.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

What, uh, what do you do?

I'm a bankruptcy lawyer.

What about you? What do you do?

- I'm a book editor.
- Oh.

Yeah.
You know the new Fudderman book?

That's mine. I edited that.

Oh, my God.

You're Eddie's friend
who got laid off.

I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

- Stop--
- Stop yappin' at me. Shut up.

Well, actually, you know,
I, uh, I didn't get laid off.

I mean, here I am
going on and on about

how wonderful I'm doing,
and meanwhile...

I feel so awful for you.

I'm fine. Really.

Of course you are.

But listen,
when the time comes,

call me.

I'll give you a deal.

Thank you.

What did you say your name was?

Um...

Yeah, but the best thing
about the recession is that

it is a great time
to buy property.

Oh, and it's a terrific
restaurant,

and two people
can get out of there
easily for under $100.

If they don't have any wine.
It's great.

After that, I said forget it.

From now on,
I'm taking a cab everywhere.

Having fun?

I didn't know
I could have this much fun.

- Thank God you're here.
- Sorry I'm late.

Tasha!

Mark!

Hi!

- Great glasses.
- Thanks.

- How have you been?
- Terrific.

I just got a part
in the new Woody Allen movie.

- Excellent.
- Isn't that?

Oh, um, do you know Martin?

Hi, Martin.

So, what's your story?

Uh...

Weight, 52 pounds.

Height, 36.5 inches.

I'm director of finance
for a multinational
conglomerate.

Uh, I'm a plastic surgeon.

See that woman over there?

I did her nose.

Eyes, chin, breasts, thighs.
That's all.

Well, it's not me,
it's her, but, uh, I did it.

And we make educational
software for kids.

I mean, we are expecting
big things this Christmas.

So, Martin, what do you do?

Yeah, what are you up to
these days?

Actually, I'm unemployed.

And you know what? It's great.

Yeah. I go to museums,
I go to the park.

You know,
there's no stress, no deadlines,

no dry-cleaning bills, you know.

You want to do
yourself a favor, do you?

Tomorrow morning,
you walk into your boss's office

and you say to him, "I quit!"

Because it's the greatest thing,

the greatest thing that's ever,
ever happened to me.

Oh, don't worry.
You'll find something very soon.

How long will it take,
Dr. Silver, to be normal again?

You can't get discouraged.
You just have
to keep on looking.

Martin?

But you will
never take over this company.

- Not while I'm alive.
- I'm listening, I'm listening.

You know, you don't have to just
shut the thing off like that.

Look, look, uh,
maybe you shouldn't limit
yourself to publishing.

I mean,
you have a liberal arts degree.

There are plenty of things
you can do.

Like me to check under the hood?

You're right.
You're right.

- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?

I'm gonna sit down right now
and I'm gonna retype my r

And then I'm gonna get a paper
and see what's out there.

There you go.

So you'll let me know
what happens?

Oh, you betcha.

Oh, and, Martin,
if you're strapped for cash,

don't worry
about the child support.

That's a good thing
to keep in mind.
But I'll be fine. Thanks.

I'm gonna go get 'em.

Okay.

- Thanks again.
- Yeah, okay.

- You are not my mother!
- Yes, Melissa, I am!

No! No!

No! No! Let me-- No!

Be there in a minute.

All right, just a minute.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

Are you on a lunch break
or something?

Martin, it's 6:45.

The movie starts in a half hour.

Have you been out
of this apartment once today?

Yeah.

Yeah, I, uh...

I went to the trash chute.

- Or maybe that was yesterday.
- You gotta start
getting out of here.

Take a walk. Go to a museum.

- Museum?
- Yeah.

Museum.

Do you know how many museums
I've been to in the past
three weeks, do you?

The Modern, the Met, the Frick,
the Frack, Monet, Manet.

After a while, they all
pretty much look the same.

You know, lights and shadows,
fruits and bowls.

If I see one more fucking
Madonna and child,

I'm gonna rip my own
fucking head off.

Martin.

I know you're going through
a rough time right now.

When you're in a relationship,
you expect rough times
and you work through 'em.

But we're just dating, so...

see ya.

Nobody loves me.

I felt puny and absurd.

A ludicrous midget.

Easy enough to talk of soul
and spirit and essential worth,

but not when you're
three feet tall.

I loathe myself.

Here a go, Dad!

Here ya go, mister.

Hello.

What are you all doing
in my apartment?

Uh, we're here to kidnap you.

We're forcing you
to go out to dinner
and then have a good time.

Oh.

So, buddy,
what did you do today?

Well, I, uh,

I took a walk in the park
and made some money.

And I, uh... I watched TV.

You know, they moved
Loves of our Lives

from 2:00 to 2:30,
so that's, uh...

that's-- that's been
a pretty big adjustment.

Geez, you'd think
with all that free time

you might
clean this place up a bit.

Wait a second.
You watch Loves of Our Lives?

That's opposite my show.

Come on, Martin. Come on.

Why don't you get changed?

Toby's made us
a reservation at Treviano's.

Might want to shower first.

Oh, you know, why don't you guys
go without me?

You know, I...
I don't feel like going.

Hey, if you're worried
about cash, don't sweat it.

Dinner's on Mr. Moneybags here.

That's all right.
That's all right.

I'm not hungry.

You can't sit home
alone on a Friday night.

Why not?

When you're unemployed,
what's so important

about Friday night, right?

It might as well
be Thursday afternoon.

But the reservation
is for tonight.

So let's go.
I'm starving here.

Mrs. Tap Tap Tap
made me work all through lunch.

Man watches 18 hours of TV
a day and doesn't watch my show.

Let it go, Eddie.

Martin, I know
what you're going through.

You're depressed.
You have low self-esteem.

You're feeling unproductive.
Worthless, even.

- This is helping.
- Listen to me.

You can't go on
defining yourself
in terms of your career.

It's not what you do that's
important, it's who you are

and the people
in your life who love you.

You're a lucky man, champ.
You got a million friends.

Oh, it doesn't matter much

whether they shine shoes
like Smiley here,

or live on Park Avenue
like Celeste.

The important thing
is they're going to go right on

rooting for you
no matter what you do.

You know what?

What?

It's not enough.

No, no, no.

Not by a long shot.

What am I supposed to say
when people ask me what I do?

Oh, well,
I don't have to do anything.

I'm me, right?
That's what's important.

And what if I want
to buy a new stereo? What?

I just walk
into the store and I say,

"Well, hi.
Hi, I'm Judith's ex-husband.
I'm Toby's ex-boss.

And I'm just
going to take that tape deck."

Martin, I think
you're missing the spirit
of what Judith is saying.

Well, it's easy
for you to say, right?

I mean, you have
your own TV show, right?

And if it's the people who
love you that are so important,

then why don't you call it

the Martin Tupper's
Best Friend Show?

Maybe then you'd watch it.

Looky, you have to understand.
I love you guys. I really do.

Please, please do not
take this the wrong way.

But I'd trade you
all for a job in about...

two seconds.

Well, then forget about dinner.

Marty.

Hello, Gibby.

Was there any choice?

We owed a great deal of money,

and I had no job.

There was no choice.

Okay, Gibby. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.
What's the number now?

It's 17%, Marty.

I don't know if he'll take it.

He's high-strung.

No. No, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

That's too much.
It's an insult to my integrity.

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

But I absolutely refuse
to work here for one penny,

less than 15% below
what I was making before.

You got me over a barrel, Marty.

15% cut it is.

I've still got some pride left.

Thank you.

- Can I have some coffee?
- What?

Did you say...

I'm coming back.

You okay?

Uh...

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm... I'm okay.

And in that moment,
I knew the answer

to the riddle of the infinite.

My fears melted away,

and in their place came...

acceptance.

All this vast
majesty of creation,

it had to mean something.

And then I meant something too.

Yes, smaller than the smallest,
I meant something too.

To God, there is no zero.

I still exist.