All language subtitles for James.Mays.Shed.Load.Of.Ideas.S01E03.WEB.H264-RBB

Hello.

These days I spend more and more time in
my Wiltshire home, and the pub I own,

thinking about all the big problems in
the world, and some smaller ones that

annoy me.

Luckily there's a place I can go to
solve them all, or at least try.

My shed.

Right.

It's here that I have the tool.

Let's just sort some wood up. The tea.

And a couple of other highly competent
blokes.

Very good. Brace yourself.

Who've agreed to help me rid the world
of problems.

Is she getting a ticket out?

Great. Early flight, I suppose.

And small.

The cereal has gone soggy. I'll also
have to take on other people's problems.

What is wrong with Peter?

He used to make a sound and now he
doesn't.

By which I mean the locals at my pub who
are always bringing me stuff to mend.

Is it a train set?

So join us and our excitable crew...
LAUGHTER ..who will capture our

endeavour... That was epic!

..as we create... ..make... That feels
like a terrible thing we've just done.

..repair... So it's never worked.

Not in my lifetime.

..and repurpose...

In my shedload of ideas. What do you
think?

This is just brilliant.

Here in Wiltshire, I have time to
reflect on those issues that concern us

such as how to preserve this beautiful
landscape, the muse of England's poets

and artists.

The rustling hedgerow, the delightful
babbling brook and the abject weeping

willow, the heart of the idyll that
nestles in the breast of every English

and woman. Oh, and the fly -tipping
sight, the blight of town and country

These people disgust me.

There are over a million fly -tipping
incidents reported in the UK each year,

and they cost local authorities hundreds
of millions of pounds to tidy up.

It's a huge problem, but no problem is
too huge for me and my two very handy

right -hand men. My trusty engineer,
Finn, with his big ideas.

Some kind of pivot from this point,
anywhere between here and here.

And my ever -ready carpenter, Tony the
Tool.

Don't worry, I'll just do everything
over here. You carry on chatting.

And so to my large and well -equipped
workshop where the very practical magic

happens.

So we've decided that our revenge on fly
tippers should be poetic. It is a fly

trap, or a fly tipper trap, if you like.
Taking our inspiration from good old

-school fly paper, which is this stuff.

It's really like a very big piece of
sticky paper, and you hang it up in your

house. Flies fly into it because they're
stupid. Their brains are absolutely

minute, and they stick to it. Ha!

And that's the end of them. So we want
to do something similar.

but that acts on human beings, which
means... Oh, God.

Which means we need a sticky substance
that will trap them.

We'll leave Simi to search for something
sticky enough to catch our human flies,

as Tony and I move next door to start
work on the actual trap.

Now we have to devise the trap itself,
how it will be... What would the trend

be? Delivered. It's Tony's idea, so Tony
will explain.

Collapsible cattle grid. Oh.

So we take a sheet of 8x4. Yes. We build
a frame around it.

Two supports.

All our sticky stuff in the middle here.

Box section.

Forming a grid.

Holes.

Attached by string.

Go into two pulleys.

And go...

That way to a single pulley with a
mechanism that pulls and collapses.

Why is the cattle grid there? Is there a
gate?

To stop cattle. No, I know what it does.

But it's not... Yes, so it's a gate.
Usually you dump... Usually I've heard

people who dump things dump it in a
field.

So the van pulls up, people get out with
the sofa, say, and they walk across the

cattle grid, which is positioned in
front of a gate and therefore is

normal because you get cattle grids in
front of gates.

They throw the sofa into the fly
-tipping area, and it triggers a

mechanism. We haven't quite worked that
bit out yet, have we? Which, through

this pulley system, concertinas the
cattle grid like a Venetian blind,

the sticky stuff.

The panicking fly -tippers run back to
their van through here and are stuck

flies on flypaper.

That's basically it, isn't it? Easy.

Right, so should we put this on the
floor and do a bit of... Spacing out.

Yeah.

Let's just rough it out.

Tony and I start laying out the steel
rods that will eventually become our

cattle grid.

How far apart are the rails of a cattle
grid? Does it depend on what sort of

animals you've got? Because cows have
got bigger paws than sheep, haven't

Obviously, if you're making one for an
elephant, you could make them a little

bit further apart.

Right, the dilemma is we have to balance
authenticity, i .e. the spacing of the

rails on the cattle grid, with the
requirements of the mechanism, because

got to pull all these together over
here. It's quite a weight, isn't it?

lot of steel.

I think that gap is too big, but it
could be bigger than that one, which it

be when they're evenly spaced. So
there's no getting around this, Tony.

going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.

So, for our 1 ,220mm wide cattle grid...
We're going to need ten bars, 107

.7 millimetres apart.

Yes, this is an exact science.

Oh, our arithmetic is spot on.

Well, nearly.

Nearly.

OK, that's our cattle grid, correctly
spaced out.

Come in with the sofa.

Yes, I think that's...

You'd walk across it carefully because
there's a cattle grid, because you tend

to walk carefully across a cattle grid.

I think, yes, I think we'll get away
with that.

Let's mark out the board with the exact
positions of our roofing battens.

We can fix those in place and go from
there.

Right, so the concept looks good. We've
just got to make the thing now.

First, Tony and I construct the wooden
base frame, keeping a close eye on our

math.

Then we need a bit of help from Simi to
cut the steel rods so that Tony and I

can drill very precise holes into them,
which we'll thread rope through to

collapse the grid, as long as we can
keep up with Simi's exacting standards.

I've to put the hole in the middle,
right? I mean, look at that.

How in the middle is that?

All is proceeding at pace until... The
problem is... There's no easier

way of putting this. It's Tony.

Sim has spotted that the board isn't
perfectly square.

It's just I didn't cut the factory edge
off because we were rushing.

I'll just recut these. 1 ,790.

All thereabout.

Thank you, Simmy. And once you've
squared off our mistakes, Tony and I

the poles together with rope.

which will make this cattle grid
collapsible.

What have you done to that?

We're going to have to flame it again.

And finally we get to see if our cunning
concertina plan actually works.

In three, two, one.

Oh, that works.

It doesn't need that much force either.

Collapsible cattle grid success, but we
still need to find some really sticky

stuff to fill it with.

We also have to drill all the remaining
pieces, devise the weighted mechanism

that will close this, and we have to
take the whole thing to a secret

in the countryside, fill it with our
gunk, and then wait.

For now, though, we take a break from
our war against flight tippers for a

-earned pint.

And it's now, when I'm at the pub, that
people start bringing me their broken

stuff that they want me to mend.

In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my
toolbox to the pub every time I go.

Hello. Hello, I'm Kirsty.

Hello, Kirsty. Hi.

What have you got for us?

I have got my teddy bear, Peter.

He's 53 years old.

Oh, younger than me.

Definitely younger than me.

And apart from being utterly furless,
what is wrong with Peter?

He used to make a sound sort of like a
sheep.

and now he doesn't. He's been in a loft
for 35 -plus years.

Poor sod.

Yeah. Is it one of those where you do
that and it... Yeah. You can hear it.

Oh, yeah. Whatever that is.

Something's moving. What noise did it
make? It was like a sheep, like, bah!

I think, well, I do know somebody who
used to run a thing called Teddy Bear

Hospital, and these old bears, they've
usually got a moving weight and some

of bellows. They used to be classified
as squeakers and growlers.

Right. One of them had a reed, and the
other one had... Some kind of diaphragm.

Yeah. Something like that. So you wanted
to try and make the sound work again?

If you could, that would be lovely.

And you've had him since you were how
old?

Before I was born, my grandmother gave
it to my mother.

While she was pregnant with me.

So it predates you. The teddy was
waiting for you as you popped out of the

He was.

And are these your initials? They are my
initials, yeah. My mum fixed them in

because they used to go everywhere with
me.

I've got a picture of him, actually.

Oh, that's when he still had his fur.

And his head was on properly. At what
point did Peter lose his speech?

I have no idea.

He's travelled with me. I was in the
army and he came everywhere with me. And

then he ended up in a loft and I thought
I'd lost him. And

then I got him back about three months
ago and he doesn't make any sound.

How would you feel about us opening
Peter up?

That's fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah. We'll have to ask you to sign a
consent form.

Absolutely. And I do not resuscitate.

Oh, look, there is my special superpower
magnifying spectacles.

And there is a scalpel.

Has this been opened before?

Not that I know of, no.

How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?

I'm slightly nervous.

Oh, swab.

We found something that has not been
exposed to the light since the early

Can I put my finger in?

You might want to look away. I am.

My God, it's huge.

We need a bigger hole. We need a bigger
hole.

I'm actually getting nervous.

Here he comes.

Is

that

the noise that you used to make?

Slightly.

But longer?

Longer, yeah.

Afford him some dignity.

We'll put him in the recovery position.

OK, we will take this back to the
workshop, Kirsty.

We will mend it, reinsert it in the
bowels of Peter.

Then we will stitch him back together.

He will be returned to you, growling as
he did in your youth, and you will never

know, and neither will he, that anything
had ever happened.

Excellent.

Either that or it will go wrong and
we'll chuck him on the bonfire.

Please don't.

Will we be able to perform this
important and life -saving operation?

Will Peter growl again?

Ah, Wiltshire, the beautiful
countryside.

But did you know that every 27 seconds
somebody ruins it by fly -tipping,

causing damage to farmland and wildlife?

Luckily, Tony, Simi and I have come up
with a cunning plan involving a

collapsible cattle grid that will expose
a sticky substance beneath to stop our

fly tippers in their tracks.

Now we just have to select our gunk.

The options we have arrived at are
cornflower, epoxy resin and

this one, which is a mastic, so it
remains plastic and...

Sticky, is that right?

Yeah. What should we try? Should we try
cornflour?

I mean, cornflour, isn't it thixotropic?
So if they run across a cornflour mix

quickly, they will simply... Go across
it. Go across it. But if they amble

across it... Yeah. How much should we
put in?

Let's put it all in.

You think? Yeah.

Cornflour's weird stuff, I think. I
don't like using it in the kitchen.

It's useful, Ron.

It is useful. I mean, it's a crafty way
to thicken up your cheese sauce.

That is quite... So it's solid, but if
you put gentle pressure, you... Oh,

Oh.

It's quite nice, actually.

And then it just goes liquid.

The trouble with this, it's so much fun,
you'd find millions of flight tippers

just frolicking in your cornflour.

This cornflour and water goo is non
-Newtonian, meaning it doesn't follow

Newton's laws, as it can act as both a
solid and a liquid.

And handily for us, this ambiguity makes
it very sticky.

So we put it on the floor and put some
shoe covers on. Who wants to try?

We can try one each.

Off to you. I'll do this one then, so...

Make

sure you use the right foot.

Yeah, good thinking, Batman.

So you've thrown your sofa away, or your
fridge, or whatever.

Fly tips.

Nobody saw that.

I'm off.

It's not very good.

What's the drag on your foot there?

No, it's...

It's pretty grippy, but I don't know
that you'll necessarily get stuck. The

is that the fly tipper is stuck to the
fly tipper trap.

I mean, let's reserve judgment until
we've tried a few other things.

Shall we try the math stick?

So it never sets.

No. It remains plastic in the true sense
and hopefully quite sticky.

Shall I? Yes, carry on.

It looks sticky.

It does look sticky.

This particular mastic forms an elastic,
watertight sealant that sticks firmly

to wood, metal, concrete and, we hope,
humans.

It smells fantastic.

Sorry, has anybody got any Bob Dylan
records?

Right, whose turn is it to try?

You're going to do it, Tony. Yeah, go
on, Tony.

Are you going to put both feet in? Yeah,
I don't want to get splashes on my

trainers.

So, remember to method act.

What are you dumping, Tony?

A telly. A telly, okay.

Whoa, we've done that before.

Whoa!

Hey,

that looked like it could be quite good.

Wow. It's slippy as well. Really slippy.

That's really sticky.

Oh, that's pretty good.

It's very good.

So the mastic works, but because Timmy
hates to feel left out, we decide to let

him test the epoxy resin option.

Also, he's got a bit of a thing about
shoe covers.

You ready, Tim? Right. With the big
fridge and action. I've got my fridge.

Over the hedge it goes.

That's not very good. It's not very
good, is it? It's all over the floor.

It is all over the floor. You can get
off the floor.

Very slippery.

So that's not ideal, is it?

No.

It's rubbish.

So to conclude this scene, men, because
we wanted to do it, you have one.

Are you ready?

In three, two, one.

The mastic is a clear winner.

It's the dickiest. We agreed.

Absolutely. Right, so that's what we'll
do.

Once that...

Dickymastic is added to our cattle grid
fly trap. We may just be able to protect

rural littles up and down the country
from the blight of fly tipping.

But there's another danger threatening
the countryside, and that's the worrying

demise of pub games.

As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on
fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.

But what about revisiting one of the old
standards?

Oh!

Oh! The game of darts, it's essential to
the formation of England's character,

because without our prowess at darts, we
wouldn't have been good at archery and

defeated the French at Agincourt, for
example.

Now, this is a standard dartboard,
probably the one you're familiar with.

got... Doubles on the outside, trebles
on the inner ring, and then a bull and a

double bull. But there are other types
of dartboard. For example, there is a

Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the
doubles.

And then there's a Manchester dartboard,
which has the numbers in a different

order. There's also a Bath dartboard,
which has some extra scoring areas

the outside, and so on and so on.

Wiltshire does not have its own
dartboard.

So we thought maybe we'd come up with
one.

What do you think, Tony?

Uh, yeah. What would you do, though?

When I was a kid, me and my brother used
to play drop darts, where you put the

dartboard on the floor.

We actually used to do it out of the
bedroom window with the dartboard down

below in the garden.

Let's try holding it by the... Oh, shot.

Is it in?

No, it's 25.

Miles off.

Yeah. I mean...

It involves a lot of bending down,
though. What if the dartboard starts

rotating?

Imagine how difficult it would be to
throw at a rotating darts board.

Yeah, we could do that.

That'd be fun.

Obviously, because we are, in fact,
engineers, we need to test out the

OK, so stand on the ocky, but about two
feet back from the ocky.

Oh, I don't want to throw a dart at you
like that.

No, no. Oh.

Are you ready?

Are you having a laugh?

No.

Yeah, three on the board.

OK, now it's my turn.

Crap rolling.

Crap rolling.

It's supposed to go under there. You
deflected it with your first dart.

So the rotation idea works, but not
rolling the board.

Now we need Phimmy's help to try and
make the board rotate in space.

Shall we have a beer?

Good idea.

While Tony and I head off for a pint,
Phimmy throws himself into creating a

mechanism that will rotate our Wiltshire
dartboard.

First he attaches a rotary switch to a
wooden frame, and then he rigs up a

variable speed controller.

before, after a quick swig, soldering
together a small motor with a manual

switch. Then he attaches the battery,
has another essential beer break, and

finally tests the rotating mechanism
that will eventually attach to the

dartboard, which we'll try out later,
once Sim's joined us in the garden for

another pint.

Exciting!

You find me back in my Wiltshire pub,
and for good reason.

There isn't enough entertainment in the
pub, especially since I've banned Morris

dancers and minstrels, so we're looking
at how to refresh the greatest of all

pub games.

With the introduction of the Wiltshire
dartboard, allow me to show it to you.

Here it is, hanging on the wall at the
regulation height, with the 20 at the

top. where you'd expect.

My two players, if you'd like to take
the ockie, gentlemen, then you will

remember where you were when you first
saw this, because the game of darts was

changed forever.

There it goes.

The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.

Doesn't look like much, but it makes the
game extremely difficult, and let's be

honest, it wasn't easy to start with.

We're playing highest score, three
darts. Your throw, sir.

It's making me dizzy. Here's the 20, but
it's going round and round, you see,

because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.

Rubbish. Oh, he's going for the bull.

Oh, it's tricky.

43.

12.

19.

Oh, rubbish.

James, come on. Do your best.

Oh!

Hang on again.

34. No.

No, no, no.

Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.

Oh!

Oh! Yes!

Wow! Shall we reverse?

Oh!

Oh, he's got 60.

I do believe I missed the ball, James.

We've only got this one left.

And I have to score 29 or more.

That means the winner is Tim.

But this invention wasn't meant just to
entertain the three of us. It had to

work on the seething, roaring mass that
is the general public.

Let's see if any of the locals would
like to play Wiltshire Darts.

No. It's not looking good.

Well, yes, you're right. It's not good.
It's 24.

But that's nothing.

At least I tried.

Five.

Six.

Ten. Congratulations.

That's truly terrible.

Eight.

Oh, dear.

That's 17, sir.

That's very poor.

I hope you don't mind me saying.

Scores may be low, but the game is a
huge hit with the regulars, and also, it

turns out, with our film crew, with
producer Lucy very keen to play.

You've thrown it away!

As everybody rushes to stand in front of
the board for their own safety, it's

probably time to sum this up.

I'm not entirely sure what to say about
Wiltshire Darts, apart from that it's

excellent. Thank you for watching.

That's one successful step along the
path to revitalise British pub

entertainment, and I've got plenty more
ideas up my sleeve.

But now we must return to the pressing
matter of Kirsty's Bear, who, after

in the loft, has lost his growl, and
Simmy and I have been entrusted with the

weighty task.

of giving Peter his voice back. Right,
viewers, our mission today is to provide

Peter the bear, beloved of Kirsty, with
a more impressive... ..one of

those. According to Kirsty, it was
originally louder and longer and we may

able to improve the sound as well.

We've never done this before, oddly.

First,

we need to remove Peter's growl box to
see how it works.

What if we made that just twice as long,
and this twice as long, and then you'd

get a longer... So it is, it's like...

Oh, God.

It's got a very simple reed there,
similar to something you would find in a

crude musical instrument.

And this seems to be some sort of very,
very simple amplifier.

We could remake that bigger, much bigger
and much longer.

There's a lot of room. There's tons of
room. It could go right down to his...

and up to his neck.

So we could, you know, we could put an
enormous growler in there.

Yes.

Right, that's the plan.

We're going to remake it bigger and
better, which in terms of a teddy bear

means longer.

To see if we can give Peter a larger,
longer growl, Tim and I want to see what

happens when we elongate the sandbox's
journey by throwing it down the longest

tube we can find. Three metres of
cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.

Is everybody ready?

Also known as a drainpipe.

Let her go.

I think it needs

to be...

Totally upright.

That was epic!

Nice!

You're trying with a shorter length?

Yeah. So Peter's growler needs to be...
Like that? Yeah. OK.

Now we've established how big we can
make Peter's new growler, we cut it to

size.

Let's just see how long a growl we get.

It's got to be a bit sadder than that.

To slow the movement of the growler and
thus lengthen the growl, we need some

sort of fabric cap with holes punched
through.

It's a bit on the womp, isn't it?

I mean, it doesn't matter.

I mean, no -one's ever going to see it
because it's going to be deep in Peter's

bowel, apart from all the people
watching it on television, obviously.

I think to get a result, we need to tape
this on to the end, to seal that one

end. The noise goes in that way? Yeah.

How could that...?

Is

there a plan B at this point?

No.

OK.

Anyway, we're not going to give up.

Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist, has an
idea that might help create the sound,

and it involves a pair of black rubber
gloves.

We're making a replacement bellow.

The old one is rather elaborate.

We're not sure what material it is.

It's almost like a waxed paper, but it
has been ironed so that it has

effectively a helix in it.

so it's ironed in two directions, so
it's got ridges on the outside and the

inside, but that seems unnecessarily
complicated in a world of modern

such as rubber gloves.

So we're making it out of the rubber
glove.

The theory here is that the rubber glove
should fill with air and force it past

the reed, which makes the sound.

OK. Are we ready?

I'm slightly...

How can that not work?

The addition of the bellows has made the
growler stick in the tube.

Oh, is that what it's doing?

That's so evil.

Situation update on... Situation update
is that...

Since Peter the bear was admitted to our
bear growler hospital, his condition

has deteriorated quite significantly.

Some of his stuffing's come out. He's
got a massive wound in his spine and his

voice doesn't work anymore.

But apart from that... It's not easy,
though.

I hate this bear.

So our attempts at repairing Peter's
existing growl box have run adrift.

But we can't let Kirsty and her precious
bear down, and so, after some

deliberation, Sim and I decide that
desperate times call for desperate

Are you sitting comfortably, children?

Kirsty had a very special bear called
Peter, and Peter could growl like a

grown -up bear. But one day, Peter's
growl failed, and Kirsty sent poor Peter

Simmy and James to be repaired.

It's proved rather difficult because
Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his

bellows have perished. But, of course,
you know all that, children, because

you've been on this incredible adventure
with us.

But now Simmy and James have had to do
something they've never done before on

this show, which is order a spare part
and fit that instead. Here it is,

commercially available growler from a
bear specialist.

Peter.

can growl again.

And now, Mr Oakley the surgeon is going
to sew it into Peter, and nobody need

ever know.

It's our secret.

There you go, Sim. Thank you very much.
Once Simmy is sewn up, the patient will

send him to convalesce. The bear, I
mean. Before returning him to Kirsty.

As good as new.

Well, almost.

You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm
coming up with ideas to solve problems

and small that bother us all. Whether
that's fly -tippers ruining the glorious

countryside, or that your lunch is just
lacking that certain something.

We have identified a problem, which is
that you go out to a pub or a restaurant

and you have some food, and it's all
jolly nice, but you think, I'd like a

little bit of garnish on that.

What if you could take the garnish with
you, and then you could garnish whatever

it was you were eating, wherever?

So we thought, why not incorporate them
into an item of clothing? To wit, a hat.

You see, this rests very conveniently on
your head. If the brim were full of

soil and herbs, you could merely pluck
one and add it to your cheesy pasta.

So, join me as we make the world hurt.

Herb hat.

This is harder than it looks.

The problem I'm experiencing is that the
brim of the hat is not as deep as the

typical English garden herb bed.

So maybe we need to get rid of some
bigger... But don't I have to retain the

root?

Yes, but if you just...

So if we get rid of those boys and keep
that one in its route... What, and

discard those?

I think snip that off.

I always have my comedy carrot -shaped
Japanese scissors in my pocket,

fortunately.

Snip those off.

We're now getting somewhere with the
herb hat, compacted soil and a sprig of

basil.

I've been in television quite a long
time now. I think it's about 25 years.

And because I understand the basics of
television, I know that we're going to

skip forward to a comedy shot of me
approaching my own pub with a hat full

herbs on my head.

And here I am.

Afternoon. Afternoon. Ham, egg and
chips.

Yes. Epic.

Nice hat, James. Thank you.

Yeah, you're rocking that.

Sorry.

It was a bit of a breeze.

Would you like some garni?

Have you got any coriander?

I have.

I believe it's there, isn't it? Yeah.
May I?

Yes, of course. Here are the exquisite
Japanese food.

Jim,

anything you'd like? A little barrel
would be nice.

Can Tony reach that?

Is that enough? Yeah.

I think ham, egg and chips. I would
like...

I'd like a few chives on the eggs and
the chips.

Allow me.

Here you go.

Thanks awfully.

What do you think of my hat?

I mean, be honest.

Well, honest?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you look like words of gummage,
but... It's a bit Morris -style, isn't

it? It is exactly very useful.

It's a top hat.

I'd say this works.

It's a little uncomfortable, but it's
very achievable at home. All you need is

hat, some nutrient -rich soil, some
herbs, a

low sense of self -esteem.

Robert's your mother's brother.

Next, spice shoes.

No, that's ridiculous.

Shoes covered in spices would just look
stupid.

Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of
the Wiltshire countryside, and we're

hoping to keep it that way with our
cunning invention to stop the curse of

-tipping.

We return to the fly -tipper, fly -trap.
Fly -tipping is becoming a blight. In

the countryside, we have devised a way
of... catching people in the act. It is

essentially a fly trap. It's based on
the idea of a retracting cattle grid

exposes a very sticky substance that
traps the miscreants.

so that they can be apprehended and then
they can pay their debt to society.

Now, in a previous instalment, we proved
the principle of the retracting cattle

grid, and now we've set it up in this
fly -tipping area. It's already full of

junk. It's a very popular location. You
know, saw horses, old records players,

speakers. badminton bats and so on and
amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle

or is it no it isn't it is actually the
trigger mechanism for the whole thing

let me explain to you how it works when
our fly tippers approach they walk over

the cattle grid which is closed and it's
outside a gate they suspect nothing and

they lob whatever it is their bread
maker whatever over here and it hits

trigger string this trigger string via
this pulley here pulls

on this hinged piece of wood which
releases the front brake of the bicycle

front wheel now free to rotate begins to
rotate under the tension of this bungee

cord until the sledgehammer which is
attached to the wheel passes top dead

center and then gravity does its work
the rotation of the wheel and the extra

torque provided by the sledgehammer
operates this pulley system which

the cattle grid. They think we got away
with that, run away, stuck, we turn up

with clubs and beat them to death.

Now, we're going to test this out with
some fictitious fly tippers. This is not

real, this is a set -up, but me, Tony
and Simi, to see if it works, are going

watch from over there behind the wall.
If you didn't understand the

don't worry, we're filming it all with
little cameras and we'll do a slow

-motion action replay and you can see it
all working in graphic detail.

Right, are we ready?

Let's prime the trap.

So, a few redesigned and repurposed bits
of junk could, if we've got our

calculations correct, trigger our trap
and catch some flytippers in the world's

first ever flytipping flytrap. It's
quite sticky.

Patent pending.

Right, I think we can go and hide.

So, the trap is set, and as if by magic,
a mysterious van pulls up.

Oh, he's stopping.

He is, he is.

He's got to be one.

That's a really tatty van, that's always
a sign.

He's getting out.

Oh, they've got hoodies on.

Oh, look at them, dirty fly tippers.

Yes, dirty fly tippers that do look
remarkably like members of our crew.

What is it? What is it? Washing machine?

It's a building.

Mattress. Oh, God.

I'm going to get a great door.

There you go.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh.

Yes.

Gotcha!

That's very good.

It accidentally works.

Oi, fly tippers.

You're in a fly trap and you're going
down.

Oh, well done, men. That is fantastic.

Oh, good job. That's an absurd idea, but
it worked.

And as promised, here it is in glorious
slow motion.

It may be a prototype, but the principle
is sound. Fly tippers can be caught

like flies in a trap, and that...

Is engineering and poetic success?

So, we've solved fly -tipping, pub
entertainment, garnishing on the move,

we've really struggled trying to fix
Peter the Bear, whose growler was no

fit for purpose.

I never imagined I would end up being
involved in the repair of a teddy bear.

was expecting clocks or lawnmowers, you
know. Not teddies.

Not a teddy bear.

What a pain.

I'll be quite glad to see the back of
him. Oh, I'll miss Peter.

I can see the back of him now.

I don't know how she's going to react
when we admit that we haven't really

mended him as such. What happens if she
throws one?

I don't think she will.

You don't think so? No.

What we've actually done here is a
transplant.

We have. And a successful one. And
that's really the cutting edge of teddy

medicine.

Hello. Hello.

Have a seat. Nice to see you again.

Hi. Here is Roger.

Peter.

Have you missed him? I've missed him a
lot.

Have you? I have.

Well, it's strange. We've become very
familiar with Peter. He's been a

lurking presence in our lives and looked
after very carefully, of course. I'm

glad. I'm glad you did.

Well, do you want to know what we've
done?

Yes, please.

Well, Jimmy began the... Quite difficult
operation with a long incision down his

spine. Yeah.

and then we successfully removed his
growler. Yeah. And that's where things

became a bit difficult.

It had sort of disintegrated a bit, and
his growl wasn't very strong anymore.

No. And we looked at making a longer
tube and a bigger bellows. We tried

fabrics. We tried a rubber glove.

Sounds a bit complicated. It was
complicated. He was on the table for

at one point we thought we might lose
him.

Eventually,

we consulted...

Well, a consultant teddy bear surgeon.

Yeah. Who said, I'm afraid he had to
have a new growler. So he's had a

transplant.

OK. But if you'd like to tip him on his
back.

Oh, it's the same.

It sounds exactly the same.

Oh, it does. It sounds exactly the same.

If you tip him right back and wait for a
bit for the brow to extend, and then...

It sounds just like a telephone.

So you're pleased.

Very pleased. Thank you so much.

So good.

Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased.
I'm very pleased because I thought I'd

lost him for a long, long time and now
he sounds exactly like he did when I was

a child. So, yeah, he's quite my son.

Well, you can take him back to your home
and enjoy the rest of your lives

together. I will. Thank you so much.
It's really appreciated.

That's OK. It's a pleasure. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye.

Bye. Bring him back when his head falls
off.

Can you see her? She's properly
delighted.

That bear is loved.

And if we as humanity could love each
other the way Kirsty loves that bear,

everything would be okay.

Apart from for me.