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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:27,220 Hey, wait, wait! 2 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:31,858 Shit. 3 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,260 Hi, this is Martin, my hands are full at the moment, 4 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,863 but your call is important to me, so leave a message. 5 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,065 Ah, fuck! 6 00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:40,934 - Hello? -"Fuck hello" to you, too. 7 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,136 Susan? 8 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,940 - Where are you? - I'm in Zagreb. 9 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:49,275 One of the finest cities in Florida. 10 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,578 Zagreb? What're you doing in Zagreb? 11 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,047 Translating for Boutros Boutros-Ghali. 12 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,549 Listen, I'm coming in Thursday around 5:00, 13 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:57,650 so save Friday for me. 14 00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,153 Great, great, great. What's going on? 15 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:03,356 Oh nothing, just flying in, getting married, flying out. 16 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,758 Terrific, so we can... 17 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,193 What? 18 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,561 Can you believe it? 19 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,630 He's a Swiss paleontologist. 20 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,565 You'll have absolutely nothing in common. 21 00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:16,069 Wow! Wow, congratulations. 22 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,238 Mom and Dad must be going crazy. 23 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:22,876 Martin, I love Mom and Dad, but the farther they are from my wedding, the happier I'll be. 24 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,478 Anyway, we're getting married at City Hall on Friday-- 25 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,682 Wait a minute, you're not inviting Mom and Dad to your wedding? 26 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,650 No, and you're not gonna tell them, either. 27 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,485 Now, we'd like you to be our witness. 28 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,021 No, no, you have to invite them, they're-- 29 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,994 your parents. Come on, you have to. 30 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,063 I think you're confusing me with you. 31 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,498 I get to do whatever I want. I went through therapy. 32 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,767 No, no, this is bullshit now, just because-- 33 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,035 Oh, come on, Martin. 34 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:51,271 Just pretend I'm eloping and you're invited. 35 00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:54,307 Look, they're calling my flight. I love you. 36 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,343 Keep your mouth shut. Bye. 37 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,211 No, no, no. 38 00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,914 Okay, sister, have it your way. 39 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,854 No, no, no, no, dad, really. You don't owe me anything. 40 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,523 Okay? Really, lunch is on me. 41 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,193 You think I can't pay for my own goddamn corned beef? 42 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,596 No! I just thought it'd be nice, that's all. 43 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,865 Okay, thank you. 44 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,736 Drops 12 bucks for lunch and now he's Mr. Big Shot. 45 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:29,042 So, Friday's Roger's birthday. 46 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,677 You want to come over? 47 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,313 I'd love to, but I sort of have-- 48 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,985 - Plans. - Plans, huh? 49 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,154 You think I'm some kind of a moron? 50 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,289 It's because of my lifestyle, isn't it? 51 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,891 What? That's crazy. 52 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,292 Crazy, nothing. 53 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,795 You're embarrassed because your father's gay. 54 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:54,000 - Shhhh! Don't be silly. - All right, then, what is it? 55 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,437 - Well... - Say no more. 56 00:03:57,437 --> 00:04:00,140 Come on, Dad, no, no, wait, don't do this. 57 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:06,112 Sister, I want you to know that I have not betrayed your confidence. 58 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,615 Goddamn it, Susan's getting married on Friday, all right? 59 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,651 Susan's getting married? Nobody told me. 60 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,019 She wants to keep it small. 61 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:14,921 I'm her father, for crying out loud. 62 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,190 Well, that's how small she's keeping it, Dad. 63 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,858 You know, Susan, she has to do everything her way. 64 00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:22,127 Don't blame her, this is your fault. 65 00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,931 - You should've spoken up for me. - I tried. 66 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,866 Obviously you didn't try hard enough. 67 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,438 My own daughter doesn't invite me to her wedding. 68 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,606 Some father I must've been. 69 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,209 Isn't there anything that you can do? 70 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,712 Dad, I'm sure she meant to invite you. 71 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,748 You know, it was probably just an oversight. 72 00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,950 You expect me to believe that crock of shit? 73 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,053 Uh, yes. 74 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,655 All right, then I'm coming. 75 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,125 Me and my big mouth. 76 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,207 This is one thing I'll have to handle for myself. 77 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,575 Oh! 78 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,344 Oh! 79 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,081 I can't stop now, even if I want to. 80 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,786 Hi, this is Martin. My hands are full at the moment, 81 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,455 but your call is important to me, so leave a message. 82 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:25,558 Hello, sweetheart. It's your mother. 83 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,560 Sweetheart, pick up. It's me. 84 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,830 Pick up, sweetheart! 85 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,200 Hi, Mom, hi. I'm here. 86 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,004 Oh, I thought you were out. What are you doing? 87 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,506 Sounds like you're out of breath. 88 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,841 Well, I was just uh-- 89 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,576 Beating, beating, beating, beating! 90 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,212 Riding the stationary bike. 91 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,314 If you know what I mean. 92 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,250 I want your cock! I want it all! 93 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,320 Is someone there with you? Who's there? 94 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,656 No one, no one, I was just watching TV. 95 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,058 What are you watching? 96 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,893 Hammer me! Hammer me! 97 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,361 "This Old House." Ah! Aaah! 98 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,230 Oh. 99 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:07,033 So, tell me what's new. 100 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,803 Have you heard anything from your sister lately? 101 00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,339 You're gonna keep your mouth shut, understand? 102 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,475 - Why do you ask? - Oh, no reason. 103 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:18,445 I just worry about her traveling alone, 104 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,448 God knows where, unmarried. 105 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:25,785 - Okay, who told you? - Obviously not you. 106 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,955 I had to hear about my own daughter's wedding 107 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,358 from Sadie Liftiger at the club. 108 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,326 Sadie Liftiger? How did she find-- 109 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,196 How? She heard it from Esther Kravitz, 110 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,965 whose daughter, Andrea, is the receptionist 111 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,936 at Dr. Zodikoff, who did your Aunt Lily's face, 112 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,739 who heard it from that horse's ass, your father, 113 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,141 who apparently heard it from you! 114 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,143 Aunt Lily had a facelift? 115 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,146 Oh, she looks like a football. She can't even blink. 116 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,415 How could you do that to me? 117 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,018 Me? What about Susan? 118 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,886 I know what you're doing. 119 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:02,856 You're punishing me for leaving your father. 120 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:07,027 God forbid I should even have one ounce of happiness. 121 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,929 Oh, Mom, I'm happy you're happy. 122 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,232 Well, I mean, I'm happy you're with Harry. 123 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:16,636 Listen, sweetheart, I have no time to chat. We're catching a plane. 124 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,539 Oh, great, great. Where are you going? 125 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,409 I am going to your sister's wedding, 126 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,644 whether you like it or not! 127 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,915 Come on, get into your clothes, 128 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:32,085 before your sister finds out you double-crossed her, too. 129 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,562 Whew! There. 130 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,100 Hey, hey, I got your ice. How's it going? 131 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,669 Great, just great. My parents are coming over 132 00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,305 to talk about a wedding my sister doesn't even want. 133 00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,675 - I wonder how she'll kill me? - Oh, I'm sure she'll find a way. 134 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:59,846 - What? - Nothing, really. It's nothing. 135 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,849 It's just that I was Susan's sister-in-law for 12 years, 136 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,417 and she is Jeremy's godmother, 137 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,353 and I just assumed, obviously wrongly, 138 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,854 that you would invite me. 139 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,557 Jude, don't, please, don't do this to me. 140 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:14,394 - Okay, forget it. - I know exactly how you feel. 141 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,931 You? I don't think having slept with a bride 142 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,899 generally entitles one to an invitation. 143 00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:22,969 - You slept with Aunt Susan? - Napped. They just napped. 144 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,504 - Yeah. - She dumped me. 145 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,406 She told me she didn't want a commitment. 146 00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,274 Now, when I tell a woman that, I mean it. 147 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:31,344 Don't worry, Uncle Eddie, she won't be married forever. 148 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,813 Jeremy, that's a terrible thing to say. 149 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,914 Why? Everybody gets divorced. 150 00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,916 You and Mom, Grandma and Grandpa, 151 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,318 Uncle Eddie and Jeanette. 152 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,420 Nothing lasts. Love sucks. 153 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,923 Karen broke up with him. 154 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,192 Ouch, I know that feeling. 155 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,862 Hey, I'm okay. I'm okay. 156 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,971 I guess I'm just hurt, that's all. 157 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,973 Fine, fine. 158 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,709 If you absolutely have to come, then come. 159 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:08,281 - Mom, hi. - Jeremy! 160 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:13,286 Your father didn't tell me how much you have grown. 161 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:17,857 Another secret. So, how is my favorite grandson? 162 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,627 - Life bites. - That's nice. 163 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,829 - Judith! - Doris. 164 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:27,767 - Aww, look at the baby! - Shh! I just put him to sleep. 165 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,336 Shh! 166 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:32,172 Why couldn't you be Martin's? Why? 167 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,041 - To your mother. - To mother. 168 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,312 - How was your flight, Harry? - Oh, was it smooth. 169 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,949 And all those magazines! It was like the Library of Congress. 170 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,618 I'm glad you asked that question. 171 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,421 Doris, you look great. 172 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,257 Eddie, I'm so sorry about your show. 173 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,093 No, that's okay. I got a new one. 174 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,762 - That's the one I meant. - Doris, heh. 175 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,632 That's Dad. 176 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,572 You know, Mom, please, please, behave yourself. 177 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,107 Don't you yell at me. 178 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,844 Dad. Roger. 179 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,279 There you go, Coach. 180 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:17,017 Jeez, you're, uh, you're both here. 181 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,918 Why not? She brought him, didn't she? 182 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:22,122 Well, yeah, but she doesn't know that you're... 183 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,225 What? You didn't tell her? 184 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:29,029 - I knew you were ashamed of me. - You told me not to! 185 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:34,034 Everybody, 186 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,771 this is my lover, Roger. 187 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,739 Hello, Roger. 188 00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:41,474 What did he bring his lawyer for? 189 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,843 Lover, I said this is my lover. 190 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,348 Your mother sure is gonna be mad. 191 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,582 Mom... 192 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,318 Have you lost weight? 193 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:56,956 Oh, this is a joke, right? 194 00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,759 - This is a joke. - No joke. 195 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,061 I love this man. 196 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,597 I've never been happier in my entire life. 197 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,533 It'll never last. 198 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,368 You! 199 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,537 You knew about this? 200 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:14,541 Well, sort of. You want some Kugel? 201 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,609 Kugel, yeah. My favorite. 202 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,178 I will never forgive you. 203 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,480 Mom! 204 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,048 Mom, please. 205 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,919 Coffee, anyone? 206 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,556 Mom. 207 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:32,359 Doris, sweetheart, please come out and eat. 208 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,893 This salmon is so fresh, 209 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,795 I feel like I'm on a fishing boat. 210 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:39,032 Come on, Mom, please. Don't do this. 211 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,135 Oh, what should I do? Pretend to be happy? 212 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,371 Maybe dance a little jig? 213 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,574 Your Phisohex is expired. I'm throwing it out. 214 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,643 Martin, she's obviously experiencing some anger. 215 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,879 She feels isolated, powerless. 216 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,981 Just try to be sensitive to her needs. 217 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,884 Thank you, Judith. Mom, get the hell outta there! 218 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,123 Nice going, Junior. 219 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:09,496 Mom, we're gonna start talking about the wedding plans now. 220 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,765 Fine, go ahead. I could care less. 221 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,034 What kind of plans? 222 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:19,105 Well, first we're all going down to City Hall for the ceremony. 223 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:22,175 City Hall? City Hall? 224 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,311 People go to City Hall for parking tickets, not to get married! 225 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,580 Mom, that's what Susan wants. 226 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,549 What about what I want? 227 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,755 I waited my whole life to see my daughter married at the Plaza. 228 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,491 Doris, she wants City Hall, let her have City Hall. 229 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,961 Oh, you don't want the Plaza because you don't wanna have to pay for it. 230 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:44,597 Well, fine. Harry'll pay for it. 231 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,066 Oh, absolutely. 232 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:49,369 I haven't met Susan, but already she's like a daughter to me. 233 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:53,540 Forget it. She's my daughter. I'll pay for the goddamn Plaza. 234 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,443 This is nuts, what're we talking about the Plaza for? 235 00:12:56,443 --> 00:13:00,080 I am not going to invite the Dermers to City Hall. 236 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,782 - I'll never hear the end of it. - The Dermers? 237 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,655 You can't not invite the Dermers. 238 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,924 If you invite the Flines and the Levines, 239 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:13,226 you have to invite the Dermers. 240 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,228 She's right, you have to invite the Dermers. 241 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,464 Oh, take that, you bastard! 242 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,267 Lambier fouled out. 243 00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,671 Forget about Lambier, forget about the Dermers, and forget about the Plaza. 244 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,873 I mean, people book the Plaza years in advance. 245 00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,576 You know, it's not gonna happen. It's impossible. 246 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,177 Actually, if you want the Plaza, 247 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,213 Richard can talk to Donald Trump. 248 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,049 - They're in the same bowling league. - Thank you, Judith. 249 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,318 Why, my son let you go, 250 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,987 - I will never understand. - Aw! 251 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:44,691 - The Plaza, it is. But I'm still gonna pay. - Fine. 252 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,927 Listen, I have to ask you a small favor. 253 00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,597 I'm a little low on cash right now. 254 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,932 Can you help me out with this wedding thing? 255 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,603 Sure. Sure, Dad. 256 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,606 - How much do you need? - I don't know. Whatever it costs. 257 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,988 Warning, do not look directly into the ring 258 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,023 without protective eyewear. 259 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,892 Oh, my God. 260 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,226 Hey! 261 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,496 Look at you! You look great. 262 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,799 Hey, oh, wow! What a rock. 263 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,767 I'm so pathetic with this thing. 264 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,803 I keep rubbing my nose like this. 265 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,705 I keep waving like this. 266 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,940 Sure, you're a bride. You want people to see you. 267 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,208 That reminds me. 268 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,577 Just like tomorrow. Your big day, right? 269 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,713 I mean, people should see you. Lots of people. 270 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,614 The more the merrier. 271 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,216 I'm gonna fucking kill you. 272 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,587 What was I supposed to tell them? 273 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:48,955 How about nothing? 274 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:50,990 Oh, I forgot. 275 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,926 You always have to be the good one. 276 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:56,062 It's easy for you, you don't have to deal with Mom and Dad. 277 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,765 You're always off in Zurich or Zimbabwe or something. 278 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,669 I wanted one day that was just mine. 279 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,571 One day where they couldn't hassle me 280 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,506 about my clothes or my hair 281 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,742 or that I'm marrying a guy who's 53 years old. 282 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,111 - He's 53? - Fuck you. 283 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,113 Susan. Oh, come on. 284 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,582 You're their only daughter and you know they love you. 285 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,118 - In their own sick, twisted way. - I don't wanna hear it. 286 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,221 Can't you give them this one moment of happiness before they... 287 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,025 Die? 288 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,060 Oh, no, not the death thing. 289 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,796 Mom smokes and Dad eats bacon. 290 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,732 - You little shit. - Thank you. 291 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,968 Thank you. 292 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,872 Just one more thing before I forget. 293 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,608 I think your wedding is at the Plaza. 294 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,276 You think? 295 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,780 Well, it is. It's definitely at the Plaza. 296 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,181 The Plaza? 297 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:50,450 The Plaza? 298 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,520 Who's coming to this thing? 299 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,121 Just the family. 300 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,525 And some friends. 301 00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,826 And Johnny Gleebo. 302 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,096 And his swing-time orchestra. 303 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,165 I am gonna kill you. 304 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,498 Jeremy, you'll spoil your appetite. 305 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,866 What does it really matter? 306 00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,168 Honey, there will be other Karens. 307 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,304 Oh, great, more girls who can dump me. 308 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:47,073 - Not if you dump them first. - Eddie. 309 00:16:47,073 --> 00:16:48,742 - Eddie, go. - What? 310 00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,310 - Go, go away. - What? 311 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,512 More good news, Uncle Hy-- 312 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,614 would you stop that, please? 313 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,484 Uncle Hy is snowed in in Queens, 314 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,952 The Dermers don't have any snow tires, 315 00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,820 and Aunt Faye can't find her hat! 316 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,823 Well, Susan wanted a small wedding. 317 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,192 You picked some day for a wedding! 318 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,262 I schlepped 13 blocks, in the snow, 319 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,598 in these heels! It's a nightmare! 320 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:15,735 Have you been outdoors? It's like a winter wonderland. 321 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,606 I'm going crazy in the middle of this loving family. 322 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,776 Where is Susan? Where's my beautiful daughter? 323 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,844 She's not here yet, nobody's here yet. 324 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,680 Jeremy, go wait for her in the lobby, will ya? 325 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,548 - You go wait. - Why-- 326 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,517 Jeremy, your father's a little... 327 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,419 So just, if you could... 328 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,188 Why don't I go with you? 329 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,190 I wanna see what this guy looks like. 330 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,593 What do you mean, that the bride is not here yet? 331 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,362 Let's not get excited. 332 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:47,233 - Everything's gonna be great. - You call this a function room? 333 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,502 What does it function as? A closet? 334 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,204 Just ignore him, he's a little nervous. 335 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,539 You'd think we were getting married. 336 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,008 You had to bring him, didn't you? 337 00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,143 You had to rub my nose in it. 338 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,546 - Mom. - You brought yours, didn't you? 339 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,948 And I'm having a lovely time. 340 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,217 It's not the same thing, and you know it! 341 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,920 Okay, okay, everyone, let's just calm down. 342 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,022 Can't you just take my side for once? 343 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:10,890 Don't you see what he's doing? 344 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,828 He's trying to humiliate me in front of my friends and my family! 345 00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,429 What are people gonna think? 346 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,632 I don't give a damn what your lousy friends think. He's staying. 347 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,234 Fine. Goodbye. 348 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,803 I'm gonna go freeze to death in the snow. 349 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,606 - Harry, come on. - All right, sweetheart. 350 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,876 - Though I'm missing all the fun. - Hold it, hold it! 351 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,112 Look, Mick, I don't wanna cause a problem here today, 352 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,780 I'll be in the bar watching the game. 353 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,716 You're not gonna spend your birthday alone in some bar. 354 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,718 Roger, happy birthday. 355 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,120 I'm goin' with him. 356 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:45,191 Hold it! 357 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:50,497 You see, this is exactly why Susan didn't want you here in the first place! 358 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,599 All you people can think of is yourselves! 359 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,134 Well, today is Susan's day. 360 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,403 And we're gonna stay right here, and we're gonna have fun, 361 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,972 we're gonna smile, and we're gonna do it for Susan. 362 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,341 He's right, come on. 363 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,183 Hey, uh, there's a call for you on the house phone, 364 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,018 - Right outside. - Okay. 365 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:18,191 Okay, everyone, just keep having fun. 366 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,667 - Hello? - Martin? It's me. 367 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,136 Thank God! Where are you? 368 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,405 Listen, we're not coming. 369 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,344 I just couldn't deal with them and their bullshit, 370 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,179 not today, it's too important. 371 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,681 What bullshit? You're crazy. 372 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,751 I mean, they've been great all day; Dad's telling riddles. 373 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,487 It's too late, we got married this morning at City Hall. 374 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,155 That's what I wanted. 375 00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:53,893 Who cares what you want, this is your wedding! 376 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,730 - Now, get your ass in a cab! - Actually, we're in New Orleans. 377 00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,832 We flew out before the storm got bad. 378 00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,238 Well, what am I supposed to tell Mom and Dad? 379 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,007 That I'm happy? 380 00:20:07,007 --> 00:20:08,475 They're not gonna like that. 381 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:11,144 I'm sorry, Martin, I really am. 382 00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,946 Just tell them that I love them. 383 00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,681 But Susan, you... 384 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,217 Okay, sister, have it your way. 385 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,653 Congratulations. 386 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,622 - I love you. - Me too. 387 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,990 Bye. 388 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,531 Oh! 389 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,541 Care for one? 390 00:20:51,051 --> 00:20:52,519 Uh, everyone? 391 00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,458 - Susan's not coming. - What? 392 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,695 I knew she couldn't go through with it! 393 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,496 The woman's incapable of commitment. 394 00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:05,465 She's not coming, because... 395 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,336 because she got married this morning. 396 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,538 Ah, mazeltov! 397 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,774 How could she be married? How could you let this happen? 398 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:18,144 - Me? - Well, you were the one in charge of this whole fiasco! 399 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,513 I- I can't believe that, you schlepped me 400 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,982 all the way from Florida for nothing! 401 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,684 I thought I had a family. 402 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,387 What happened to my family? 403 00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,156 No, no, no, no, I will not be blamed for this. 404 00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:33,259 I am not responsible for everything that goes wrong in this family. 405 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:35,061 All I've been doing, all I ever do, 406 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:38,098 is try to make everybody happy but Susan's right. 407 00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:41,167 Susan's right: it's not worth it because it's not possible! 408 00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:44,371 So why don't you all just go home, go on, go on! Goodbye! 409 00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,307 Well, okay, if that's how you feel. 410 00:21:48,008 --> 00:21:49,376 This is a hell of a night. 411 00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,910 I've had more fun at funerals. 412 00:21:52,846 --> 00:21:54,447 If you'll excuse my fingers, 413 00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:57,417 I'd like to take some of these zucchini sticks for the road. 414 00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,120 Have you tried 'em? They are fantastic. 415 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:03,089 No, but I'll have some of these spinach things. 416 00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:05,325 It's gonna be a long walk. 417 00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:10,630 I'm going out and get stinkin' from drinkin'. 418 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,417 No, no, no, no, no, no. 419 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,385 Yes, yes, yes. 420 00:22:37,257 --> 00:22:39,325 Do you think they heard me? 421 00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:40,927 Do you think they got it at all? 422 00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:43,930 Well, of course not. They're parents. 423 00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,567 - Right. - May I cut in? 424 00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:51,471 Cut in, I insist. It'd be an honor. 425 00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:57,210 So, our little girl got married. 426 00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,678 Yes, she did. 427 00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:02,515 Now no one will ever wear my wedding dress. 428 00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:08,655 What size is it? I'm kidding, Doris. I'm kidding. 429 00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:14,294 Roger seems nice. 430 00:23:15,328 --> 00:23:16,696 Thank you, Doris. 431 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:21,034 Well, happy birthday, and many returns of the day. 432 00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:23,603 Sure the hell is one I'll never forget. 433 00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:27,173 Well, Susan's married, I'm divorced. 434 00:23:27,173 --> 00:23:29,442 Things change, you move on. 435 00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:31,978 Life is funny. 436 00:23:33,013 --> 00:23:35,081 You know, a little baking soda and seltzer 437 00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,283 will take that right out. 438 00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:39,853 Would you like to dance? 439 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:42,522 Uh, no, but thank you, Harry. 440 00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:46,459 A lot of people say I look young for 19. 441 00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:48,528 I don't know, what do you think? 442 00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:55,168 So what do you know about this guy Susan married? 443 00:23:55,168 --> 00:23:56,736 Well... 444 00:24:00,407 --> 00:24:02,609 all I really know is that he's 53. 445 00:24:03,643 --> 00:24:05,378 He's 53?! 446 00:24:05,378 --> 00:24:08,081 - What? - 53? 447 00:24:08,081 --> 00:24:10,250 Time out, gents, here we go again. 448 00:24:12,318 --> 00:24:14,621 An old man with one foot in the grave? 33492

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