Original subtitles

Do you ever think, just a minute, that's not the right face for me?

Let me show you.

One of you must join me.

It works.

You're going to school, Nick, and that's that. Will you stop doing that, please?

Will you sort her out, Mitchell?

What? Will you tell your beloved daughter why she has to go to school?

Well, OK, um, reasons that you have to go to school.

Well, I think there are lots of reasons why she shouldn't, if that's any help.

That's one, Dad.

My face has gone like a Christmas balloon in February.

Look, on top of my glasses, she always... She?

Mother.

Top of the class, Mum.

What is it with you, Nick? Everything I say, she takes the opposite point of

view. See?

Come on, gang, let's not get aerated.

It's Friday.

I've arranged a fantastic party for you and her. She talks to me like I'm asking

her to walk the plank or something.

Could be a laugh, Nick.

Yeah, wouldn't it be great, yeah, if you could open your wardrobe and choose

what face you were going to wear that day?

The doctor's advised us not to go on any holidays.

So, if he needs you all disappointed, you know.

Of course I'm disappointed.

I think it was the thought of Tenby that was keeping him.

Anyway, the doctor's taken that away from us.

And I really don't think he's in the right mood for the party, Sandy.

Tell me. Yeah, all right. All right, yeah, I'll pop round later on, yeah?

Yeah, all right. See you then.

Who is it? Oh, it's just your mum.

Right.

Will you make sure she gets to school, Mitchell?

Will you make sure he gets to work, Nick?

What's that?

Bloody hell, Tintin, couldn't you sleep?

I could.

It doesn't matter to me, I couldn't.

It's a bit of a fancy contraption, eh?

Range Rover, mate.

Yeah, a Range Rover crossed with Reliant Robin.

I want some vino off of you. Are you doing a booze cruise tomorrow?

I've got a surprise coming in this afternoon. What do you want, babe, other

me? I'm a bit desperate. Not a lot desperate.

Hello? You having a party?

I'm coming.

Yeah. Look, if you can sort us out 200 mixed red and white and a couple of

bottles of champagne, the invitation could be winging its way to you. It's

and Mitchell's birthday on Sunday.

Hello, sweet. And Sheila Muck's nuts? Yeah.

Are you sure she's yours, Tintin?

She's got my nose.

Yeah, well, with all the money you're earning off of me in a couple of years'

time, you can get that fixed for her. Hey, darling.

Last year's bonfire, though, at the school, you told me I had a well

nose. Yeah, I'd had too much mulled wine.

She was conceived that night.

My birthday, I got this, I think it was called a kaleidoscope.

I can't stand it anymore.

You know that, don't you, Dad? Don't start.

Or I shall dance. Big fish, little fish, cardboard box. You won't listen to me.

Look, she's all right.

Please, try for me, mate. Try to get on with me. I don't even like anyone at my

school.

I mean, they're all right.

All right to say hello to.

But I wouldn't say... Well, if you want to play then, I'll call one over. Excuse

me, would you like... Don't be eggy, Dad. Eggy? What's eggy? I'm not eggy.

Embarrassing. I prefer a kaleidoscope rather than a party.

It'll be good.

It'll be hell.

Tell Mum it's got to be cancelled.

I mean, you don't want a party and I don't want a party, so what's the point?

For Mum.

Look, she's so keen on the party, why doesn't she have one on her birthday?

Oi, no gobbling out the window.

All right, Mitchell.

Yeah, but, listen, um, mate, I've just been, um, having a bit of a thing, well,

you know, more of a rethink about, um, I don't think, uh, Nick's been about

having a party. What, are you prattling on about now?

Well, no, she's, um, you know, she's like, you know what she's like. Well,

what's she got to do with her?

You're a grown -up. Tell her.

Well, is it you, Utah?

You're worried you might enjoy yourself.

I'm throwing you a magnificent party in my palatial bold. We're going to have a

laugh, Mitchell, that is all.

Chill out a bit, part your arse. No, no, you're all right. No, it's fine. I've

got some people there I've got to get back to.

Speak.

Hello, mush.

I've got your old man wrapped around me as he goes.

It's your wife.

You crack on and invite whoever you want. We're going to have a do and a

Oh, all right. It's just going. Yeah.

She loves you.

All right. See ya.

Sometimes shiny, sometimes curly.

Mitch. Mitch, you still trying to sell maid delivery at 70?

Am I?

Tonight, baby, I'm tanned all weekend from Alugo, the numbering, and a nice

couple of bottles of Merlot. Yeah, seven lots of my at 70. Do you want them?

Sorted. Seven lots on the buyer.

Sometimes I'm Zoe Ball and sometimes I'm Marley. Come on, keep up, Mitchell.

Chill, Jase. I'm getting back at carrying in. You're more than back at

me, mate. Your emeralds are pop.

Bares, I just sold you off seven lots of my at 70.

Right, cool.

How's that 72 now, the mate?

Hello, Sheila.

You all right?

He's on the bed, dozing. Are you coming in?

No, no, I'm not really. I was just passing because I'm on my way to work.

what I wanted to say was... Don't try and make us come to the party, Mandy,

please. Oh, Sheila, you've got to come. He's your son.

Did you tell him we're not coming?

Well, um, this morning was a bit, you know, um...

Well, no, I haven't actually mentioned it to him yet. I was hoping to persuade

you. Look, he doesn't feel like... Because Tenby was cancelled, he doesn't

feel like going anywhere.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mitchell,

could I have a word, please, mate?

Yeah, sure.

Danny. Hiya, Mitch. Come on in, yeah?

Shut the door.

Fucking hell, Mitch.

I suppose you know what this is about, yeah? Your birthday.

Pardon? Is it my birthday?

No.

Is it your birthday?

Yeah, Sunday.

Happy birthday.

Do you know, I thought maybe one of the lads had told you, you know, said

something. No.

Look, Mitch, we'll look after you and that. Don't worry about that.

I like you and that, yeah?

But I'm going to let you go, Mitch.

Let's be honest, you know what I'm talking about, don't you? You're not any

good. Nice guy, wrong planet. You're costing us money and the clients, your

clients, keep asking me for someone else, i .e. not you.

Is that all right, mate?

How do you feel?

I feel like I've been beaten up.

I feel like you.

That's beaten me up.

Christ.

I was hoping you'd save me all this and retire.

company called Mega Splash, right? And they've asked me to arrange this nice

little, you know, private, intimate function. So, I've hired a pleasure

for the day.

Do you really and truly enjoy work?

Yes, I love it.

Such a silly thing to do, isn't it?

Organising other people's parties.

Oh. Oh, and trading cocoa futures, isn't it, I suppose?

Oh, that is, er... Bloody hell.

That is.

It's just that sometimes everything's... What?

What do you mean?

Bloody hell, Mitchell, what are you doing?

You know when you drink a glass of water backwards to cure hiccups?

Yeah, I've heard of that.

Well, I'm trying out a way to get rid of migraine. Look, if you don't like your

work... It's dead on your head.

More blood to your brain.

More oxygen. Less migraine.

Oh.

You're trying to tell me you've got a headache.

Why?

Because I'm a woman, Mitchell.

I'm a woman with womanly desires.

Sometimes I just... Christ.

I spent more than half of my life getting on that train, going into the

office.

I'm a little blibby -blobby in this whole big blibby -blobby thing.

You've only got a giggle, haven't you? You used to laugh all the time.

You still do.

It's not much fun on my own.

I'm going to get you laughing.

Come on, Mitch.

What? What?

Look, I don't just want to have it off to forget about things.

What things?

talking about?

I don't know what you mean exactly.

I don't know, but I'm sorry.

What are you doing, Dad?

I can't get up anymore.

We've got to get up. It's our birthday.

Happy birthday, Dad.

Happy birthday to you and my old mate.

Nice little bow.

What have we got here?

So from now on, if you ever want a new face, you've got one.

Anything's better than the old one.

What happened to your pussy?

Mum's doing a special birthday breakfast.

Mobile phone?

So that you can call me up after every lesson and tell me what you've learnt.

They're banned at school.

Get up.

Oh, I haven't got the wherewithal.

What's that mean?

I feel like somebody's taken my... This party.

It's getting bigger and bigger, you know. You're 13.

If you was a boy, you'd be having a big bar mitzvah.

If I was a boy, I'm Jewish, Dad.

Oh, yeah.

Dad, you know what we were talking about the other day?

You know, about me and Mum.

School's in there.

I'd love to go to Kings Lake.

Kings Lake?

Kingsley, that's... That's the boarding school, isn't it?

I don't know what it's like for me here.

Well, so you prefer to go to a boarding school two miles up the road than stay

with me here?

It's not that.

Well, what the hell is it then? What are you talking about?

I'll write it. I won't go.

What do you mean you won't go?

Have you... I've got an interview tomorrow.

You've got... Have you?

Special breakfast in bed treat. Knees down, Trey, coming in.

Veggie special for my beautiful teenage daughter.

And a lot of dead pig for my old man.

Dad.

Ta -da!

Golf clubs.

Yeah.

Bernard's got your membership of the club. I wasn't supposed to say anything,

but it's a bit obvious, really.

Come on, eat up.

I can't go. I look like death.

What did you say?

Look at me.

What? I look like death.

We'll just go for an hour or so.

Oh, I smell like death.

We'll just show our faces.

Can't we send them a photo?

Don't know what I'd do without you.

You won't have to do without me, will you?

Well, here we go.

We can't stay long, Mitchell.

All right, mate.

Mum's done a cake.

Have you, Mum? Oh, I thought I'd help out Mandy.

We thought we'd have it at Bernard's.

You know our friends Bernard and Belinda? They said we could have it at

house. What?

The party.

Why? I just thought it would be... Oh, it's not going to be all right, Dad, is

it?

What? Your dad's been feeling under the weather, haven't you, Dad?

Have you, Dad?

As Mandy told you, we've had to cancel Tenby.

You'll be able to go later, though, yeah?

Won't you, Dad?

Have you been back to the hospital?

Oh, stop bleeding on. Everything's going to be fine.

So, they live near you, do they, these people?

Not these people, Mum. They're her friends.

Well, you know what I mean.

Got a swimming pool?

Good.

She's bought you trunks, Dad.

I think those days have long since gone, mate.

Got a car from Justin.

Which was nice.

Made it himself.

I mean, it can't be easy for him, can it? I mean, he's stuck in prison. I

it can't be... Enough, Mitchell.

What?

I think we should be able to talk about it. Why? What do you want to do? Upset

everyone? He's my brother.

He's my son.

Think how I feel.

Still have our house if it wasn't for him.

I did get you that bunker. That's yours.

We just live there.

Are you sure, Mitchell?

Excuse me, pal.

Do you mind if we park somewhere else? We're having a party, see?

Yeah, it's my party. Yeah, if you could just put it round the corner.

Much obliged.

Cheers, my friend.

There you go.

Everybody happy?

Hello, Sheila. Hi, darling.

Hello, Sidney.

Nice to meet you. Yeah.

Mum's had a little cake.

Oh, have you, Sheila? Who is it, Mum? Oh, I left it in the car. Well, it's

of a family thing, you know. Not nice to meet people.

Do you want a beer, Sidney?

Yeah, I suppose I could. Yeah, Mitch, do you want to get your dad a beer?

Yeah, sure. Where are they?

There's a big barrel around there with ice in it.

Oh, if it isn't my favorite person on her birthday.

Here.

Granddad. My father left it to me.

I wanted to give it to you.

Thanks, Granddad.

Oh.

Oh. Lovely, thanks, too.

Credit Suisse.

What? Are you with Credit Suisse?

Uh, no, no.

How do you know Bernard, then?

Oh, uh, oh, Batman, you know.

We just lived nearby, and our wives, they, you know.

I know from Deutsche Bank, before he moved on to Credit Suisse. Oh, right.

I'm with Lloyd's TSB now.

Everyone else here seems to be Credit Suisse.

Do they?

Still, he's had a good year.

Why not give your team a party?

Yeah.

Last one, mate.

Oh, thanks, Jason. Can I pay you later?

Yeah, no sweat.

You're hanging around, yeah?

Yeah, I need pound notes, though, man.

Yeah, all right. I've got the money upstairs.

Terrible black economy, eh?

Round here, who gives a toss if they get things cheaper?

I mean, even the ones that vote Labour and believe in taxes ask me if I can do

anything for cash.

Yeah. You all right, mate? Fine, yeah.

Where's Nick?

She's out there with her friends. She's fine. Just relax.

I'm relaxed?

I am relaxed. What's everybody keep telling me to relax for?

It's my party, isn't it? I'm having the time of my life.

And I'm about to be the hostess with the mostest.

Just ask where Nick was, that's all.

Shouldn't mean to relax.

Hi, ladies. Having a nice time?

What's the point in sharing your one and only life, ending up just another lost

and lonely wife?

You count up the years and they will be filled with tears.

Yeah, they will.

You've got an infectious laugh, man.

It's not always infectious. There's some things you've probably got.

Cheers.

There they are.

Some sort of nibbles.

What are they?

That's something hammy, I think. They've all got olive on it. No, thanks.

And your mother won't like them. Do you want one, Mum?

She won't like them.

Well, have one if you want one. Are you going to start a fight over a

volleyball?

No. I think they're fishy, I wouldn't like them. Well, how do you know if you

haven't tried one?

Right.

Have you all had a nice time?

Go on, tuck in.

That's, um... Well,

it looks like Mitchell's having a hard time.

Yeah, he told me he was miserable.

What about?

Oh, I don't know. Well, well, yeah, me, I suppose.

I don't know, our life, whatever.

Terrible? Yeah.

Don't touch me anymore.

What? You mean... Yeah, you know.

They're such funny little creatures.

Who are?

Men. Well, not funny.

Simple. What do you mean, simple? When they're happy, they're waving their

in the air. When they're miserable, it's not just their face that droops.

Well, I like a man who waves his dick in the air.

No, you don't.

You know what I mean?

I mean, we're attracted to people who are happy, aren't we?

There's so many more mysteries.

I know.

Come on, let's go and get some more champagne.

What are you doing?

Reading. I see that.

Yeah. Well, why aren't you downstairs having fun?

Don't know.

Are you serious?

Are you serious about leaving me?

Don't say it like that, Dad.

It's not like that.

I don't understand. What is it like?

I want to go somewhere where people don't think I'm odd.

You're not odd.

I am, Dad.

Around here I am.

Look, we're all different.

But I don't want to be different.

I want to be the same.

I want to find people the same as me.

I'm the same as you.

Exactly.

And you're old.

Oh, I'm not exactly old.

You need a fresh start.

Yeah, but... But I can't, you know, please, I can't do without you. You're

everything to me.

I just want to be average.

It's like having an extension done just underground, obviously.

Plastic, is it? No, no, it's concrete.

And then they put a liner in it.

That's the plastic round the side, is it? No, no, it's not plastic. It's a

liner. The heating's in there.

The shed.

The log cabin?

Yeah.

I tell you what, I'm from the rock and roll generation. I should be diving in

there fully clothed, shouldn't I, really?

It feels plasticky. I don't feel very well.

That's like a skin, Sidney. Feel it.

Go on.

Feel it.

Careful. Oh, God!

Jesus!

He's not been very well.

You all right, Grandad? Oh, this is fucking charming. That's my filter

bollocks. Shut up. Not well.

I want to go home.

Here, here's your chair.

You're all right.

So you're all involved, you know?

I will be when I can find my program.

Deal. You could be holding my phone in any day of the week.

You look in the mirror and you see someone quite attractive, don't you?

There you go.

735 big ones.

Or 700 and a Spanish kiss.

What's a Spanish kiss?

Well, it's like a French kiss, only further south.

What, down there?

Go on, then.

You'd run a mile if I actually did it.

Wouldn't run anywhere if you had it in your mouth, would I?

I'm pissed.

He wouldn't dare.

You housewives are all the same, all bunny and all.

Oh.

Yes.

That's good.

Oh, that's better than good.

Don't stop.

Where did you learn to do that?

It's a little trick you didn't pick up in Potter's Bar, I know.

Go on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Go on, girl.

That's it.

That's it.

Yeah. Go on.

Yeah. That's it. Good.

Good girl.

Go on.

That's it. That's it.

Excuse me.

See more cameras.

I should have let you go first, Bec.

Finish yourself off in the toilet. I won't say nothing.

Do you see him, Dad?

Hi, Nick.

I was just painting the wine.

Gran and Grandad want to go home.

Oh, really?

Grandad does not feel very well. He's been sick in the pole.

He's what?

Oh, Christ.

I'd better go and see if...

Yeah, you're almost asleep already.

You must see the consultant.

Yeah. Tomorrow?

Yeah.

Sorry.

What about?

I don't know.

You'd better get back to your party, hadn't you?

Yeah, later.

I'd like to make a cup of tea. No.

No, I'm going to get to bed myself soon.

How is he, Mum?

He's dying.

He's dying?

Is he? He doesn't want anyone to know.

Not me.

Not even me, Mum. He doesn't want anyone to know.

How long?

Tell me, Mum.

It could be any day.

He's got all those... He wanted to see Tenby

one last time.

He wants it over and done with now. He doesn't want... The doctors say there's

nothing they can do for him.

I can stay and look after him.

He's asleep.

You go back to your party now and come and see us tomorrow.

Will you tell him I love him, Mum, when he wakes up?

No more stupidness from now on. I can't help

myself, Mum. It's me brother.

You've got to. You're a grown -up.

Can't I even mention Justin anymore?

I've got to go to bed.

Go home now.

Go away and leave us alone, son.

We're tired to the bone.

Mitchell, consider him.

Consider him what?

You've been slaving up scrap meat.

No, no, I'm only jostling.

He'll get another job.

I mean, maybe not in the city, but then again, I don't know if he was really cut

out, but you know, it's like 25 years of trying.

He has told you, hasn't he, man, that he's been fired, I know.

Yeah, of course he has.

Maybe, maybe so he wouldn't.

Think about it, you know, till after the party.

Ah, good girl, eh?

Let's get a bit more champagne down that gullet.

Mitchell! In other words... Mitchell!

I'm sorry.

But you've got to go, or else I won't get paid for the plonk, would I?

Oh, Tintin, what did you eat there?

Oh, garlicky, nibbly crap, you know.

All right.

Three wood for this, I think.

It's your game, you nutter.

Don't you know?

Do you really not know?

It's your little bush there.

Oh, that... Fucking nut of it!

I'm going to fucking kill you.

Oh, yeah?

How's that?

You're not going to fucking kill me, you loader.

It's a kind of pin -pin.

He's picked up, babe.

Now, do yourself a favour and fuck off, Sharpish. Yeah?

You've been at it again, haven't you?

Yes, mate?

That was my wall.

That's my wall.

I was born here.

What do you mean?

Well, this was my house.

Me and my brother had that room up there in the front.

Are you... Are your parents the Greenfields?

Oh, you've changed the door.

No, I'd sit on that wall and wait for my dad to come home on his bicycle.

Men don't go to work on bicycles anymore, do they?

Well, some do, I suppose, but not like what they used to.

What do you want?

I wanted to see... Sorry.

I wanted to see... I didn't mean to scare you or anything.

I just wanted to sit on this wall and...

See if I could see my dad coming down the hill.

You can sit on the wall.

Well, if he dies tonight, maybe he'll come down the hill and... You can sit on

the wall and... Is your father dying? They say that your life flashes in front

of you.

Maybe he'll come down the hill and... Shall I make you a cup of tea?

Oh, please, please, don't... Don't be nice.

Don't be nice.

Sorry. Do you think Dad's staying the night, then?

Grandpa's.

Maybe he went back to see where he was.

Who knows? Who cares?

Yeah, I suppose you might, don't you?

Did you have a nice time?

Yeah. Good.

It was crap, actually.

Sorry?

You know.

Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

I can feel it.

I can feel it. Can you get it?

We're gonna lose...

You're going to open it?

What am I going to do with my life?

Well, you've got your time capsule.

You'd better go.

Where? Wherever you live.

This is my

predictions here.

Look.

There you are.

I have predictions for the future.

I should be married to Ingrid McCarthy.

We'll have six children and I should be an inventor, very rich and famous.

I will live at 42 Kitchener Road. My brother will live at 46 Kitchener Road.

parents in between.

What's that?

It's my Austin A40.

Oh, look.

A picture there of a cat.

Guinness.

More pleasures, more pleasures, who can deny us these?

Toddy, large megas, no skimping if you please.

I rough it, I love it, life is a game of chance.

Nick, are you going to stay so late in the streets all night or are you going

come in?

If you don't mind having a deal with Pagan, it's a fine life. It's a fine

life.

I should have married Ingrid McCarthy and saved myself all this fucking

Who?

That's what it's all about, though, isn't it?

Huh? Good drink, a giggle, a bit of infidelity.

Look, can you just...

The odd sucky fucky!

What do you mean, Mitch?

I saw you.

What? I used to think nothing else matters because I've got my family.

But now you've taken that away from me.

Who asked? Mitch, will you please come in? I'll show you, you bitch!

Tintin.

What are you talking about?

Don't make me think I'm going mad.

You are going mad.

Watch your lips.

Not too closely.

I'm sure my face doesn't do me any more, you know. Nick, can you go upstairs

now? We're coming up ourselves in a minute.

I'm so sorry, Nick.

Sorry that you gobbled off tooting.

I'm sorry that I caught you.

I've got to be enough tinted.

Please, don't.

Please, don't be horrible.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Do I offend you?

No. Hmm?

You were doing it to him, so what was it when he was doing it to you? Was that

serious?

I love you. You can't.

You can't love me.

How can you love someone who's so dull?

We stumble on so blinkered, if we were to rip those blinkers off, we'd burn the

world down.

We've got a plan, and we're sticking to it. We always said we'd go together.

I'm going to send the red ants in to defeat the black ants, and then I'm

to teach you how to drive. The only way Mitchell can sort himself out is if

we're not here to burden him.