Original subtitles

Robinson and his wild slave girls

Sex... sex...

So, is that enough, or do you need a few pills more?

Oh... excuse me, I'm terribly sorry.

I didn't want to aim that accurately. May I help you search?

- Mister Robinson Schmidt! - Thanks for the pills!

A strange method.

That's new. A slap in the face as payment.

Evening.

Take off your shoes! The carpet doesn't like dirty shoes.

- Naturally. - And close the door, there's a draft!

- Naturally. - And don't keep saying naturally.

Naturally. Sorry for existing.

And don't leave your shoes lying around.

Such nagging...

You'll never learn.

Excuse me, but when I'm 60, I'll have learnt for sure!

What a dreamer! What about a welcome kiss from my boy?

If I must...

- Your mummy-in-law also wants a kiss. - Now that will be fun.

Hang that jacket up.

Robby, please. It won't fly into the cupboard all by itself.

There are hangers too.

He is as sloppy as most men. Just don't get yourself kids.

Robby, can't you finally pull yourself together?

I'm toiling all day, and as soon as you arrive, it looks like a junk shop.

I will better myself.

Please, Robinson. Could you remove your feet from the desk?

Lout.

I get on your nerves with all this nagging, right?

Rather! If I didn't have my reading, I'd have ended up at the sanatorium.

No wonder, you always read the same old book, again and again.

'Robinson Crusoe - A Book For Children'

You said I was a dreamer.

Alright, find yourself an island! But we can have dinner first?

Robinson, don't lean on the table. It's too rickety for that.

An island...

The money's gone by Thursday again.

It's high time that dim-witted apothecary raised your salary.

Do something. Don't sleep all the time! We women are busy too.

Everything is so wonderful here, darling.

I'm waiting, Robinson.

Wake up! Dinner is ready.

- Why are you poking around like that? - You know I don't like tomato sauce.

So you're demanding as well. Give me that.

The second course.

Ahh, but that's got tomato sauce as well.

Oh, sorry. But I do have some tomato soup

- Or maybe some onion salad? - Sure.

Onions naturally... with tomatoes.

This bloke is terrible!

Does this terrible bloke have your leave to go to his lab?

If I were you, I'd give away such a man for free.

You know what? I'd serve him tomatoes until he turns into a tomato tree.

Boring stuff. Nothing but naked girls.

Hello Tonio. What are you reading?

Ah, but that's no literature for apes. I thought you were already at work.

I'm on the brink of the solution. I can feel it in my big toe.

It'll be the invention of the century. If it works out, we'll be rich.

Very rich.

And what could I buy?

An island, Tonio. The island of Robinson, you know?

There I'll be something.

Why d'you think I've spent years conducting experiments here?

To get a bit of money for the isle of my dreams.

To finally live in peace just like my grand-grandfather did.

Then I'll sell my patent and clear out, Tonio.

- Hello darling. - Hello.

Have you made yourself beautiful for tonight?

You look wonderful. Maybe a little pale.

I must get rid of the wrinkles you keep engraving.

- Done. Well, how do I look? - Ravishing.

Angelika. What would you think... I mean...

you know... when we both...

- I'd love to hit the hay with you. - Don't, Robby.

You know mother hears every noise. We just have to control ourselves.

- But how long am I supposed to wait? - All things need patience.

Can't you think about anything else?

It's also possible on a spiritual level, to live together.

You're just too demanding.

That's the limit!

You're right, my child. He's a pervert. A sex fiend. A lecher.

In the middle ages, they'd have burnt him at the stake.

Mother is right. This is perverted. Go to your lab and play around.

- Any chance of being attended to? - I've already waited 10 minutes.

- Did you swallow your own soporific? - It's done.

I'm sorry, it took a bit longer to find the right drug for your hair loss.

And even cheeky, the young man.

This will get you tits like Raquel Welch.

- Wake up, Robinson Schmidt! - All served, boss.

If anyone needs pills around here, it's a certain Robinson...

Schmidt!

This store starts to piss me off.

- You get mistreated and mis- - What did you sell us yesterday?!

A drug for hair growth and a breast enhancer.

Too bad you mixed them up. I've got breasts, and she's got a beard.

- Looks good on you, though. - I don't need you anymore.

You're a disgrace to our respectable profession.

...we'd be a good deal further.

Nature could breathe a sigh of relief, and the air would be clear again.

My invention would clean the air of pollution.

All motors would peacefully chug along without any fumes.

That'd be staggering.

I'm almost there.

Tonio, get those brain cells working! Maybe a monkey can do the trick.

You think it's this essence?

Raspberry-flavored! Worth a try.

- Try it! - Well why not.

Apish instinct. Let's find out.

I'll just pour this in there... Can't blow up anyway, can it?

Tony gave me many a good tip in the past.

Well it's running, for a start.

It runs and runs and runs...

The egg of Columbus!

Tonio, your tip was dead right. Fantastic.

What would I do without my assistant.

But the fumes bother me. Tonio, I can't see the wood for fumes.

That's not what the inventor intended. I feel nauseous.

I'm feeling so straaange...

Tonio, it's thinning out.

If you have another tip, speak up.

- Have you gone crazy? - Oh god.

You've stayed up all night... just to do experiments?

Naturally. They're well worth sleepless nights.

As your wife may I ask what you're brewing?

Yes. I'm working on an additive to gas.

If it works, tail pipes won't poison the air any more.

Plus, we'll make a pile of dough. What d'you think of that?

Really? Does that mean we'll be rich?

Very rich. You can't even put it in numbers.

Wonderful. I forgive you all those sleepless nights.

I'm on the brink. The solution lies in my secret formulas.

What's that awful creature doing here? D'you need the whole jungle?

That's my assistant Tonio.

Making money's fine, but get rid of this monster.

Poisonous spider!

Still, women are descended from those monsters.

Besides, he doesn't nag as much.

That's a nice way of saying it. Go ahead and marry your monkey!

You have my best wishes for your offspring!

Finally! Now I'll have some peace!

Let's see... should I take hydrogen?

I feel it in my bones, today it's going to work!

Come to the point, Mister Schmidt. We can't wait forever.

Okay. Let's start at the start.

At the start, I only had the thought how to get rid of all the pollution.

Isn't it terrible, all this fuming and smoldering?

I thought 'I have to invent something.' That's what I thought.

And I invented something which all of you will find amazing.

I found something against the fumes.

If I judge correctly, you can't quite follow me.

So I'll start again.

At the start, I drove my moped to work and helped to pollute our environment.

You do understand, don't you?

At the crossroads, I had a coughing fit and my blood pressure went crazy.

Instead of coughing in fits, I'd come to the point.

What exactly did you really find?

An invention that'll make your chemical corporation a lot of money.

Not only you, naturally. I'll have my piece of the cake as well.

Now listen carefully, this is the interesting part.

I know what you can add to the petrol to make the fumes harmless.

- If that's right, I'd be curious. - The boy is out of his mind.

I add it to the fuel...

and the fumes are getting... absorbed!

Listen... listen! You can't poison the board of directors!

I... I think you've invented... a new kind of...

...soporific.

Now that is amazing.

Strange.

I don't get sleepy.

Strange. Maybe...

Totally exhausted, those gramps.

That's IT!

Why do they call stupid people 'apes'? You're much smarter than we are.

Cause people are stupid, of course.

- Clear out. Don't let them bully you. - You can bet on that.

What can I do?

You see. Before I go, I'll make a big cloud of fumes for them.

With costume and mask this time.

What a complete loser!

You have insulted us apes. We'll take vengeance!

- Don't touch me. I take it all back. - No, dooon't!

Hey, what are you smiling at?

Stupid wench. Thinks it's art or something.

Hey, chief, listen. Could I have this old junk heap, just for 5 dollars?

- With all the extras. - If it runs, I'll take it.

- Nice neighbourhood. - Just where's the sweetie gone?

- Oh. Look to your right, boss. - That can't be true!

You bitch!

- Stay here, Tonio. - Let him have it, boss!

- Got enough, or want some more? - First, YOU get some more!

Damn it. You just ruined my shot, you idiot!

Are you brain dead, or did the competition send you?

- I don't even know the guy... - The shot is ruined.

It's because you were too realistic.

Come, Linda, we're wrapping it up. There are fools that can't be.

More of such slaps love, and we can recast your role.

- He must have seen the camera! - Get in! We'll finish with shooting.

Now let's get ready for the Pornoparty.

- That was the sweetie I dreamt about. - I know.

Clever boy.

I have to find her, even I have to follow her to the end of the world.

Stick 'em up, Django! Your last hour is here.

- Don't move! - Sheriff, you got a cool colt there.

- I'll have to surrender. - Or bite the dust.

- Show me this for a second... - I warned you, Django!

- I have an idea. Come here. - Is it a trap?

- No, business. A dollar for it. - You got it.

He strangled his wife and said, as her eyes were bulging, 'Now you see!'

It's a good one, Linda, ey?

- Yes, go to sleep. - I... I don't understand...

Don't worry, old lad, your labour union takes care of you.

Listen. 'A hotel guest in Miami wants to open the windows of his room...

he pulls and pulls, it doesn't open. Turns out it wasn't the window,

but the fire wall of the adjacent house!'

They should make movies from these jokes.

Got something wet for me?

Ladies and Gentlemen, a big surprise:

Our newest porn movie!

Finally it's getting naughty.

Pity there's no sound.

- Of special merit. - Ssst, Linda!

- Outside! - ... now is pornography time.

The transcendence of the scene is enormous.

- We should try this ourselves, Johnny. - I'd have to learn gymnastics first.

Don't you need a drink to cool off, with this movie?

Thanks. It's too boring.

Drink? Hold it, just for a minute.

Do you find that strange, with this host?

The statue! They're inside of it!

Hurry up, Linda!

- You have to turn the thing around! - Ah, I understand.

Listen: The rocks are under the socket.

- That's amazing! - Well done, angel.

Damn!

OK, I didn't see or hear anything.

Damn snoop. What the hell do you want from me?

Ahmm... I...

- What's that about? - They have me in their grip.

And around YOUR little hands there will be handcuffs.

- It was a coincidence, Mister Laszius. - Just a little coincidence, right?

- Let's play coincidence, too, George - With pleasure.

Where do you keep your gun?

Something new here. A water-pistol. Very ingenious.

Nighty-night, blissful countie.

Goodbye.

We must get out of here!

What happens with the sparklers?

I don't know. Outside Lucky and his friends are waiting.

Was the robbery really your idea? I have a better idea.

- Why are you helping me? - I know you from my dreams.

Come with me, I found a small island. Return the jewels to the count.

It's for the best. My name is Robinson, I want to be a Robinson... with you.

Tell me where your paradise is and I'll join you later.

First she wants to clean up the mess she produced.

- That we can understand, eh, Tonio? - Perfectly, boss.

Hey, I want to buy a boat. Mustn't be too expensive, though.

- Mustn't fall to bits either. - How much dough have you got with you?

- Mmmm roughly 200 $. - Ok.

- There was really an ape in your house? - A gigantic ape. My mother saw it too.

My husband's been missing since then. I hope the creature didn't take him.

Well I do.

The police just HAVE to find him.

Rest assured. We always find missing husbands.

- Don't you have some kind of clue? - Well, he always reads Robinson Crusoe.

He talks about desert islands and thinks he is a descendant of Robinson.

We have arrived, Tonio. Finally!

Ugh, you have to get used to that.

What's that? Sounds like in a Karl May novel.

Makes you nervous for sure.

These drums get on my nerves!

There's something flitting by. Something nude.

Stay away from me!

Why are you running away from us?

Don't be shy. We're wild and crazy for you.

Stay a few weeks longer.

You must swallow your vitamins, we girls are ready for action.

- I'll take him as fresh as he comes. - I always get them last. It's not fair!

- Both at once? That won't work! - Stay cool, we know every trick.

Smutty. Smutty. What they're doing?

Humans.

Fuck humans.

- Shut your beak, you don't know humans. - But now I do.

- Get sassy and you'll get slapped. - Shut up, you semi-ape.

I'll have to take care of that birdie soon.

Braggart, braggart.

Gotta look what the boss is doing. He sleeps, naturally.

- Who is that? - My constant companion.

- You really went for it all! - Sure we've waited for you a long time.

You were well loaded too, right?

Seeing how things are, I'll just sign off for a while.

Don't worry Tonio, you'll get yours too!

Tonio only says a little, but what he says is dead right.

- Does he know any good jokes? - It looks like the ladies please him.

- What are your names anyway? - I'm Samantha.

Samantha is a pretty name. My name is Robinson.

I'm Pepper. It must come from my hotness, you know?

- Are you shipwrecked or something? - Not exactly, but something similar.

Well tell me your story. How did you end up here?

- We were on a motor yacht. - Our motor gave up here so we got off.

We let the captain sail home alone. And you?

Simple. I allowed myself to fulfill a dream from my younger days.

Exactly. But there's nothing in the book about naked elves, he'd only his Friday.

I'm Robinson Schmidt and believe I'm the great-great-grandchild of the original.

- I found a map of this island. - Isn't there a mourning wife at home?

'Wife'? What a nagger. That's why I left home.

- Are we two better than she? - Much better!

Firstly, she has a screw loose. But she thinks I have too.

And as for her mother... What shall we do now? Take a swim?

- Are there sharks? - No, only small fish. And mermaids.

- Ah, I'll catch me one. - Well let's see if you can, boy.

- Does it taste good? - Yes, a good appetizer.

But I wish you'd take off your necklace. The beads tickle me.

Come, I'll help you take it off.

- Won't you feel cold? - You'll make me feel hot, I'm sure.

No! The smooching starts all over again.

Hope you're not feeling cold now...

Huh, watching this all day long! And no ape mate on the horizon!

That's what they call paradise?

Let's try it like this. I like different positions.

There's nothing about this in 'Robinson Crusoe'.

Oh, smutty! like a porn movie. But pretty sexy.

Don't eat up the chess pieces. If you play, try to concentrate!

- I'll take away your knight. - And I just took *your* knight.

- I'll take him back tonight. - He'll be checkmated by then.

- I'll get him working again. - Are we going to start quarreling now?

- The boy belongs to both of us. - But has he enough stamina?

Well, let's watch and learn. Where's the rook?

- You've swallowed the king as well. - He isn't the only one..

Don't nibble on it too much.

We must save his strength. Else the boy gets too scraggy.

- Four times a day should be enough. - Three times me and once for you.

When you can't manage, I'll take over the complete program with full verve.

Let's not quarrel. We should be happy to have a man here at all.

Alright, let's develop cohabitation program and stay friends.

Good day, boss.

- What's your name? - Cookie. - That's nice.

- Oh, my breakfast is burning! - What kind of housewife are you?

Sorry, Robinson. I know I'm better on the mattress.

An appetizer. Are we actually done with our daily workload?

You keep track. Sam had her turn already twice today.

A new variant: Up a palm tree. Nice, but shaky.

And what would number two have in store for me?

- I'll discuss it over chess, with Tonio - Ah, he always gives the best advice.

Robinson, how's our breakfast doing? Mmmm, smells delicious.

Even the Hilton chef couldn't match this, eh?

Robinson, where are you?

Who's walking around here?

What do you want?!

Robinson, what's happened to you? Don't you know me anymore?

Yes, I'm Linda. He still knows me.

It was difficult to find the island.

- How did you get here? - That's a long story.

I gave the jewels to the Count and he lent me his boat.

- And Lucky? - Luckily, Lucky is in jail.

- I'm very happy to be here. - Me too, but I sense some difficulties.

But that's...! Looks like we got competition.

Sister, it's getting serious.

I need to confess. We're not alone on this island.

A few natives don't matter. So long as we're alone together.

- After all, it's what you wanted too. - True, but something else came up.

Doesn't matter, Robinson, I love you.

I love you too, but there are things that aren't in my ancestor's book.

But let's discuss that later. Now, I have an urgent wish.

- To kiss you. - Nobody's keeping you from it.

- Tastes good. Again!... - No, I'm tired and want to take a bath.

- Good. I have a huge bathtub. - Wonderful.

And then... I'll show you my paradise.

All of this belongs to me. Here, I am the emperor.

Ah that's nice.

Wonderful!

Your grand-grandfather...

My dear boy, what a wench!

Wonderful!

Ahh, I could lie in your bathtub for hours.

Ahhh, Robinson, I feel like a new-born.

Your island truly is a dream.

But for two little things.

And now you can do with me whatever you like.

- Don't sit around like that! - I've got a bit of a problem.

You think I'm too big?

No, you have a wonderful body, especially in the... nether regions.

And if you stay nude, the sun will dry you.

But I'm not used to running around nude all day long.

Then you'll learn.

- Alright, I'll switch to Eve mode. - Reasonable enough.

- Take your time and watch it all. - I'm on it.

- It all looks very natural. - Not only nature. Me too.

This is Tonio, our fool and jester.

This is Pepper, my blonde angel of ecstasy.

And Sam, the girl from 1001 nights.

This is Linda. Be nice to her From now on she's part our commune.

What, commune?! Nice bit of naked truth. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have come.

Sam, please show Linda our mansion and the latest insular fashion.

Wait a minute. I'm not at all sure I'll go along with this foursome.

- I'll leave the island today. - That's a long swim.

Now there's only one free night per week if we have two each.

This chick's a little terrorist, but we have first rights.

Play along, Linda. With Robinson, morals are different.

Never in my life.

Come on. Here, one can live and love.

But how? With three women?

This is not the most important thing. Just take a look around this paradise.

Linda... I really didn't know that there were two girls here.

I only... only wanted to wait for you.

- And I should believe that? - Yes, you have to believe it.

Think about it, sweetie.

You sleep with both?

Yes, but... you don't have to be the third.

You could be the first.

She shall be, grant by your word, in our band the third.

Motion rejected. He couldn't cope with us three.

- Do you know another way? - Unfortunately not.

- If only a second man was here! - Mhm, for relief.

- You won. - That's a new outfit.

It's also more practical.

You won! You won!

And now we'll make a tour of the island.

To your left: lianas, and to your right: lianas.

And in the centre: a couple of melons.

Pammo, what's the matter?

Robinson, why aren't you here?

- I can't stand this. - Do you think I can?

Terrible.

And what can we do? Nothing.

Simply pack up and leave. But how can we get out of here?

Not at all. Why would we?

All right, let's play this game of four. But I've still got 2 days to wait.

You haven't forgotten anything you learned.

- You also haven't forgotten. - Weird bird! Weird bird!

If she comes one more time, I'm out of here.

Not even a cow's hide can bear that.

...or better: ape hide.

What an unjust world!

He's got the chicks, and what's left for me?

Peanuts!

- What are you doing? - We're giving the pasha a massage.

- Morning. My harem is complete again. - We can start again with full might.

- We'll get you up to speed again. - Yeah but I've lost 6 pounds overnight.

Oh, the poor guy...

Deep shit! In 25 nights, you'll be at zero.

Don't chicken out, come on. It's my turn!

Again!

- I'm loving the group sex. - You're bringing a new approach to it.

Even the bananas don't taste like they used to.

It's almost discount merchandise.

- Get yourself an ape mate. - But there's none around.

- What is that? White ones on island. - Where never were white ones.

- Maybe doctor who can help me. - Only the great Kalimi can help you.

What is that?

- Those are natives. - Maybe Ovagas, I've heard of them.

Take them as prisoners, the white ones.

Quick, back into the hut! Fast!

We won't harm you? We only eat your bananas and coconuts.

- Stop, don't kill the white ones! - That's a sweet gesture, chief.

Listen, old man, what do they want with the greenery?

Faster! Bring the twigs!

Be quick about it! All twigs at white feet!

Soon get very hot!

- For you it also get hot. - Go away, you ugly Indio!

Beat it!

You come to shoot us hole in head.

I don't even have my water pistol anymore.

All go and get twigs!

I don't want to die.

- They really mean to kill us. - How do you know this area?

My father knew this area.

Stranded gypsies mixed with the Indians. They speak our language.

Alright, but I wasn't born a hero.

You'll be our salvation if you understand their customs.

But what should I tell those apes?

Something about Winnetou or James Bond, if only they let us free.

I only just started to live. Please come up with something!

No, YOU must save us. Or are you a coward?

There's nothing about that in 'Robinson'.

- Will they eat us with side dishes? - No. They're vegetarians.

Good. I need time to think. Talk with them!

Nice paradise!

- Shut up! - You speaking our language?

You're magnificent. I'll give you an extra lay. Continue!

Shut up, white man!

Jacob�? I'll go get him.

Ah, you idiots!

What is she babbling about?

A very big one!

I told them our son descends from one of their gods.

- And they believe it? - For now, yes!

- Don't pinch! - I'm ticklish too.

Room for chieftain!

- You say white youngling is big Kalime? - Kalime! Kalime, son of big Kalime.

You lying. I only believing when you showing.

He speaks the language of the Gods and can't understand your tribal dialect.

I've almost turned gramps around. But you must persuade them he's a god.

- He is a god! - He will have to prove it.

And if that works out comes second test!

Another test.

In order to prove that you are a god, you need to pass two tests.

Oh no.

- You must operate on the chieftain. - No!

He feels a strong pain under the right hip.

Probably the appendix.

And then, you'll have to beat his strongest warrior.

Should be no problem for a young god.

I'm only a pharmacist. I don't even know where the appendix is...

You'll just have to search for it.

Doesn't seem to be the appendix.

You can do it, Robinson.

Kalime, help me.

- Go on, cut away! - Here is big big pain.

Summon your courage, open up his belly!

I've sold pills, maybe mixed up a few, but I never opened up bellies!

- You'll save our lives with this cut. - And when I miss?

Then this stupid tribe must hold new elections.

This is bound to go wrong.

It's the only chance for us will stay alive!

Alright, but I don't even have a white coat at hand!

So what! Just anesthetize him somehow?

If only I'd stayed home... with my witches.

- I can't bear the sight of blood. - Close your eyes when you whittle!

- What's that for? - Whittling. Your sword, Siegfried!

I'm getting nauseous.

- Be a hero for once! - But I am a graduate coward.

- No way! - Pure provocation.

The flask.

That stuff works like a sledge hammer.

Yes, on a board of directors. But will it work on a chieftain?

Thank you, nurse. Narcosis successful.

What would the Medical Association say?

We're in the bush and not in the big city!

And if I hit the liver?

That doesn't matter at all. Chieftains are drunkards anyway.

She's right.

Break a leg, break a leg.

Well then let's first have look just where exactly the appendix is.

I hope MY appendix doesn't get inflamed when I make the first cut.

- Terrible! - Did I hit it?

- Must be the right area. - I'll need a drink after that.

Down with head, or good day: what you like?

Operation successful, patient still not dead.

I made the long-lasting belly cut. Real easy stuff.

Chieftain alive. You understand?

Just one moment, Mr. vice chieftain. I'll be right back! One moment.

Chief, wake up! Come on now!

These hands have made many things stand up. Can't you feel anything?

Oh, boy!

Of course!

The chieftain is getting well. But we need to do a big Kaswamba!

WHAT do we have to do, Sam?

Summon a god. And not 'we', but 'you'!

Always hitting on the little ones. How's it done?

You must call to your fathers. Kaswamba Warna, and the chief wakes up!

- Do we do Kaswamba, great old warrior? - Kaswamba!

- Are you ready to do Kasbwamba? - Yes, but I need your drummers.

Take a step back, uncle.

I hope I can think of the right Kaswamba.

Kalime! Hear thy son! I am Persil, the white Sunlight giant.

And castor, one kilo each.

Inventing prayers with this smoke! It's too much.

Oh, Kalime, great Kalime! Open your ears! If you have any.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa-pothecary. I make three crosses if you help us.

Maybe he knows what a drug store is!

Aspirin and Natron make sulphur. It's nonsense, but it sounds foreign.

- Come on idiots. Call the white giant! - White giant, white giant...

And if that won't help, Omo will. Come on, call 'Omo' to the gods!

- And if that won't help, Purex will. - Pur-ex, Pur-ex, Pur-ex...

Sunlight, Omo and Purex, add Rinso and Clorox.

White is white, it's finally done! One two three and you are out.

I and thou and M�ller's cow. White is white, it's finally done!

Now it's time for morning gym. Bow down, arms to the side...

To the side and up they go!

Work it out, boy! Work it out!

Great Kalime!

Let that old senile grampa wake up, if possible without appendix.

Hope it was the appendix!

And now the whole thing as kazachok: Appendix, appendix...

Appendix as kazachok...

The chieftain!

There you go, German folklore beats it all.

Maybe gramps wants to dance with us?

Ow, that hurts a lot! He has made me well again!

Yes, wholly well!

You really are son of great Kalime!

The boy did his job well enough.

Incredible. How did you manage that thing with the appendix?

Small fish. I just closed my eyes and cut something off.

- That's the trick of many a surgeon. - I must tell you something.

Do you have appendix troubles as well?

No, but a sweet secret.

- Island news for you. - I'm listening.

- I have a sweet secret only for you. - Not another one!

Left, right, left, right...

They're knitting pants!

- A sailing boat's arriving! - What?

I haven't invited anyone for coffee.

Maybe you sent a message in a bottle? To get another woman for your day off!

That must be the island.

The police have done top research. Top research.

My wife with my mother-in-law. NO!

I'm seeing ghosts.

I'm splitting, I was never here. The crocs ate me, indios roasted me...

...and had me as dessert.

It's nice here! And the Interpol agent found it easily.

We like it here too!

The only thing missing is a man, a real man!

- Is Robinson really on the island, Mum? - I know men, especially yours!

- We'll see. - You will see.

Highly uncivilised.

- Who is that? - Still more broads!

Robinson, you can't hide all the time. It won't work!

- And we miss out too. - Three nights you haven't been with us!

When the two sail off, I'll catch up again.

But she's your wife. Why not tell her the truth!

Women stick together. If I tell her, she'll make me her jumping jack again.

But we're a democracy here. If that's what you want, you'll get it.

Ugh, horrible stuff.

Mr. Schmidt, you have made an incredible invention.

And our company will offer you a lot of money for that soporific.

- Your chance of a lifetime. - And yours You can bum around here for years!

- I'm not bumming, I'm living! - Like a Robinson, I know.

But when you return to civilisation you'll need money to live comfortably.

- What about my comfort. - And your mother-in-law's.

Well, that is all good, but... I've found the paradise I've dreamt of.

And when my soporific is famous, the island will be a tourist attraction.

- Isn't that right, Tonio? - And you don't care about me, Robinson?

Tsss, jumping jack.

- Robbie, I know I made many mistakes. - I as well.

Your island is truly wonderful! But there's more to life than a hammock.

smoking home-made cigars.

One day you will return, and it's much easier when you're rich.

And your three graces will soon have enough of it as well.

Since we're not divorced yet I could have sued you for bigamy...

and then your Robinson game is over.

I'm making a last proposition. Either you leave your soporific to me...

or I'll stay here, a nude, wild woman. - Blackmail, eh?

But that won't work. Watch this, my sweetie.

There is an indigenous tribe here, and I happen to be their young god.

I'll turn them up against you, and then I'm alone again.

And I won't sell the soporific!

I won't sell, especially not for you, who have plagued me for years!

- You even brought along that old goat! - This is too much.

The old goat is my mother, I won't let her be insulted. So you stay here?

Even if you fly in a dozen lawyers: I'm staying.

And that's that!

You're gonna be sorry for that. You don't know me yet.

- Better than you think... - Mummy?

Let's start the war!

Way to go.

- This boy is letting us down big time. - So what?

In the end, he'll obey his wife.

I'm not sure. You've made a mistake.

You haven't noticed that your husband has finally become a man!

I've waited for years for that to happen.

But still...

He'll end up doing exactly what I want.

You'll wreck your brains.

Ah, this will be great cooking.

Hey, who are you guys?

That's the way, pals!

- Aka, aka, akagei! - Exactly.

These people enemies of our tribe.

Way to go.

Kalamitees, Kalamitees...

My paradise will be destroyed by those wenches if I don't destroy them first.

Good luck with that.

She's still your wife. And she loves you.

You have to choose: us or her.

After all, we're all having a child by you.

Alright, you asked for it!

Sunlight, Omo and Purex, add Rinso and Clorox.

In board meetings, I always get my way with what I propose.

Stop it, guys! No more detergent ads.

I still have to win a second trial:

I have to win against your strongest warrior before I can be your God.

- That guy's your best wrestler? - Fells tallest palm with left hand!

And that's it? Sweet little monster.

Listen, fatso: We're gonna go and clinch a little.

And if I put you down, you'll let the 3 guys go. Don't wanna see 'em anymore.

Me win against you, and you sports let the two white girls

and the egghead go. Did you get that, dimwit?

Sorry, didn't want to tread on your toes.

But not below the waistline, still need those things down there.

- Kalime, me win! - You win?

We'll see. So it's set:

You let them go if I knock you out. If not: beheaded.

You too beheaded.

Me? But I'm your God!

- Not God! - If white man don't win, he no God.

- Nabucco, Cosima, Fantutte! - Cosima Fantutte...

Darling, you HAVE to win!

My boss always wins.

- Or why would he need an assistant? - I'll hack you up, you little rascal.

What's up with the Dracula routine?

Wait a sec!

No reaction.

Now let's get going. You bad boy you!

Joke. Now here's my famous header.

No!

I only tripped. Darned roots... Now here I come!

Ready... steady... up there!

Loser.

D'you know that one? So you DID know it.

Fuck karate cries. Here's a combination for your dimwit Indian tummy.

No? Drum solo for 2 fists and an abdominal membrane.

He had a D in gym class.

Fuck-up.

You got iron underneath your fat belly or what?

Still nothing?

If Beethoven's 9th wasn't -

Now watch this! You'll get a warning.

- Ready... steady... - Go!

- He's a hero! - Can't believe it. KO.

Sunlight, Omo and Purex, add Rinso and Clorox.

Kalime, Aspirin...

You dance as if born here in bush.

- In Europe, we dance the same way. - Boy, you even know the Kasachoc!

- Wanna be a secretary? - Sure, but only if you open office on the island.

- A little, private branch... - I speak tongues, especially French.

I'll think about it.

Maybe I can persuade Robert with much love to sell his invention to you.

He already has. The company'll wiggle with excitement.

Cha-cha-cha. You're a fantastic dancer.

Chief dance even better in bed.

Especially now, without appendix.

I've thought about it. Maybe I'll stay here.

- For how long? - Forever.

Young God Robinson will only allow it

if you form part of our tribal family.

- And why? - That's why.

Chieftain... chieftain...

What's got into my evil stepmother?

Driveling about the chieftain? That'll be some kind of father-in-law!

Sweet. Oh, the sweet, little Robinson.

Just like his daddy.

My sweetie.

What d'you think? We'll build a little Robinson too.

- Well chief, get ready for another go. - For another little Robinson?

No, for a little chieftain!

Now if that wasn't a lovely ending

Subtitles: Ironmaster and Corvusalbus