All language subtitles for Hard Soap Hard Soap_full xxx

THE END

Lou, I'm eating.

Fred loved them.

Honey, how many times do I have to tell
you the tops you're supposed to wear?

You've got to show them crotch.

With those tits, no wonder you can't get
it up anyway.

Okay, okay, I'll shut up.

Tell me it's not me.

Comfort me.

Well, it's not you.

Good. I'm glad to hear that.

He needs my help.

I've got to help him solve his problem.

Listen, your husband's a doctor, a
psychiatrist. He can solve his own

He's paranoid freakos like us to keep
him in business.

And you in cornflakes.

Four nights in a row.

It just laid there.

Limp.

Well, Penny, he works hard. He's tired.

There's a solution.

I know it.

Well, I don't doubt that, but it's not
kill or cure time either. It's my sex

life. My marriage.

I've got to solve it.

Want to borrow my panties?

It's at the office.

Something's going on at the office
that's causing this problem.

It's a cure.

You must understand.

The nature of the problem.

Well, why don't we get clinical about
it?

Lou, are you my friend?

Honey, we've been friends since dirt.

You've got to help.

Please, go to the office.

He doesn't know you.

You've only lived next door for a week.

Can I finish my coffee first? I'm
vicious without it.

You think I should change?

Let's settle. You go to the office.

Honey, I don't know if I should get
involved in this.

I've got it all planned.

They're all sickies down there. They'll
never know the difference.

Not that you're crazy or anything.

Mr. Holmes just phoned. He'll be a
little late.

Sir, why don't you wait in his office?

Do you want a glass of milk?

No, I've got some in the truck.

But I've got plenty.

Oh, you have a whole truck full.

I just don't know what to do.

I've had experience.

I can tell.

It's not your fault.

I just can't satisfy her.

Look, maybe it's the hours you keep.

Milkmen do get up early.

No. that's netted. I just can't satisfy
her.

I'm a lousy lover.

Can I be personal?

Sure.

Maybe it's your equipment.

I mean, maybe you're just not large
enough in that department.

I mean, I could judge.

I could be fair about it. Where she'd
never tell you for fear of hurting your

feelings. You know what I mean?

That's not it.

I'm sure of it. See? I knew it.

You're backing away from the problem.
I'm not, I'm not. Yes, you are. Now

up. Stand up. That's not it.

Come on.

Now look, I want you to know my
husband's a doctor. We've discussed

situations many times before.

I just want you to know that I've had
experience.

Relax.

Men are very sensitive about the size of
their organs.

Oh, the melt.

I didn't want to get spoiled by sitting
out there, you know, the heat and all.

That's not it.

It's all wrong.

I shouldn't be doing this.

I know this is definitely not the way to
solve your problem.

Oh, don't stop.

Oh, it won't. Not until we've done our
best to solve your problem.

The only way to know for sure.

Do me.

Hi.

I didn't really have an appointment, but
I thought maybe...

You were free. You could, um... Oh, yes.

Um, well, uh... Oh, you poor dear.

Must be terrible.

I mean, terrible with the mask and all.

Here, come here. Sit down.

Thank you. Believe me, I know how you
feel.

Believe me, I know just how you feel.

Tell me about it.

Oh, I can take the mask off. It's just
decoration. Oh, no, no, no. It would be

too traumatic.

No, really, you see, I just didn't want
anyone to recognize me because I heard a

lot of crazy people come here.

I know what you mean.

Believe me, I know what you mean.

There's so many of them out there, you
never know what they're going to say.

You have such a beautiful mouth.

Oh, well, thank you.

Can't really see, you know, the mask and
all.

Just two little holes and two little
eyes.

So, you give head?

Oh, only on Wednesdays and by
appointment only.

Just what I thought.

The minute I saw you walk through that
door, I said, there's a girl who gives

head and she's ashamed of it, so she
wears a mask.

I'm not ashamed of it. Yes, you are.

You'll be cured.

No, you can take off the mask.

You'll never have to wear it again.

Have faith.

You must have faith in me.

It'll be a long, difficult cure.

I can cure her.

I can cure her.

You are. You are.

Oh, here.

Let me lay down.

Oh, yeah. Here.

Oh, yeah.

Definitely being satisfied.

The problem's not yours.

Maybe a little longer?

If you want to be sure.

Yeah. Yes, yes.

You know, you're really quite good.

I can't imagine what your wife could be
missing.

Do you ever talk to her as you're making
love?

What is going on here?

I'm Dr.

Holmes. This is my office.

And I want to know what's going on here.

Well, Dr.

Dick!

Do you think you'll

be finished soon?

I'm expecting someone else.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm glad I moved the milk.

Oh, no.

Oh,

it's his heart.

I think he's coming around.

Coming, yes. That's some hell of a heart
massage.

Lou, I don't think you should be here
when he wakes up. It could be a shock to

his heart.

I'll be in the bedroom.

But, uh, try talking to your wife a
little more as you're making love. It

help.

It's a good feeling.

Well, she'd hope so.

To know that you've really helped
someone.

You're crazy. You know, you're really
crazy.

You sent me all the way down to your
husband's office to help you with your

problem. Then I come back here and
you're balling some guy down with his

problem. What about your problem?

You know, people need my help.

They have no one to turn to.

They're using you.

It's Willard.

Now, don't come in.

Well, who the fuck is Willard?

Willard's... The newspaper boy, he's
standing out there in front of the

looking in. Don't let him see you.

Dear, the batteries are almost dead.

What the hell are you doing?

Riller thinks he's a voyeur.

I'm helping him get over his problems
with girls.

Very shy, you know.

No, no, you're not that stupid.

You know, I really believed you when you
said you just wanted to help people get

over their problems.

You just like to get laid.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm collecting for the paper. Oh, with
your dick hanging out, huh?

No, no, no. Wait. Hold it. Hold it. Hold
it. Let me ask you something.

You ever had a piece of ass?

Well, I almost did once.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're never going to
get any standing in the bushes jerking

off.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what. You lay down, and
you're about to get your first piece of

ass.

But... But... What's the matter?

What's the matter?

I can't see through the window.

Oh, boy. Oh, you're really fast.

Oh, you're really fast.

Oh, brother.

Goddamn watermelon.

You're not going to get her if she's a
limp dick.

All right, I'll get you up.

Look at that.

Hmm.

Think you can do it now, huh?

Confidence.

It's like being troubleshooters.

Trouble, yes.

But what are we doing?

We're solving our problems, Lou.

Yeah, creating our problems.

First time I meet your husband, I'm
giving head to one of his patients.

I'm never going to be able to face him
now.

That's the first problem we'll solve.

You and Fred are coming to dinner
tonight.

Oh, I better go do the laundry.

Well, there's no need to dress.

No, you see, Fred's out of town, and if
I'm coming soon, I'm going to need a

date, right?

And I'm always getting picked up at the
washaret.

Dr. Holmes, what do you do when a fruit
comes to your office?

Well, first of all, and most important,
I spray them all over with insecticide,

and then I just prune them back a little
bit.

No, seriously.

I never discuss business from the
office. I mean, each individual case is

confidential. Oh, that's a relief.

I mean, you know, that you could go to
your office and get help and not worry

about anyone finding out about it.

Not that there's anything wrong with it,
of course.

That's very true.

But to further elaborate on your
question, right now I'm in the middle of

therapy. And I try to allow the patient
to realize his or her own problem.

And if it happens to be homosexuality,
then I feel that discussing it, bringing

it out into the open in front of other
patients in group therapy, allows them

alleviate a certain feeling of guilt
that they may have about it.

Oh,

excuse me. Be right back.

So you met Linda Lou at the laundry.

Excuse me.

She said it was by the dryers.

Yeah, it was just starting to load.

Is that that place where the machines
carry the 11 -pound loads?

I, well, I... Do you use the powders or
the liquids?

Well, whatever.

I always use the liquids myself.

You can pour them on stains and it just
works wonders.

You can't make the powder stick on the
stain. Do you know what I mean?

I have my own machine now.

So much more convenient.

Don't have to drag everything up and
haul it down to the laundrette and stand

around waiting.

You know, I did a lot more reading
before I got my washer.

Penny, do you... Scalping bag.

You know, you always meet such
interesting types there. People are so

intriguing. Yeah, I know what you mean.

I like to study their faces as they
watch their clothes go round and round

the dryers.

The colors all sort of blend together.

Wine stains are terrible to get out,
especially the polyesters.

Cotton isn't so bad.

Do you always go to that laundry?

No, my wife usually takes it to another
place.

What the hell is going on here?

What were all those calls?

My receptionist.

She's sick and she won't be coming in
tomorrow. And I've got to go to Los

Angeles.

Who's going to answer the phones?

Penny.

Oh, I can do it.

I'll run the office tomorrow.

Okay. You run the office tomorrow.

Do you want me to try some more?

Maybe tomorrow, huh?

But tomorrow, you'll be getting home
late from L .A.

You won't feel like... Penny.

Darling, listen. Hey, it's late.

I'm tired.

Maybe some other night.

Are you dissatisfied with me?

It's just work. That's all. It's just
work.

I try.

Well, as long as you're satisfied.

I'm satisfied.

Go to sleep.

Hello, Mrs.

Weingarten. This is Dr.

Holmes' office.

The doctor asked if you could reschedule
your appointment for 10 o 'clock on

Wednesday. He won't be in today.

Okay, fine, thank you.

Hello, Dr. Holmes' office.

Lou!

How are you?

You're at the laundry, Lou.

Lou, I don't think that's such a good
idea after last night.

Lou? What's the number there? I'll call
you right back, okay?

Okay.

Call you right back.

Hello, Dr. Holmes' office.

Could I take a message and have him call
you?

Okay, thank you. Goodbye.

Dr.

Holmes, pardon me.

No, the doctor isn't in the office
today.

Perhaps I could help. I've had
experience.

Your husband is fucking you to death?

I see. I mean, I don't really see. I
mean, I understand.

And he's doing it now. I see.

I mean, I understand.

Oh, he's doing it in your... He's doing
it in your rectum?

Oh. Oh, I imagine it does.

And it's the third time today. Oh, dear.

Well, is Mr.

Custard there?

I mean, I know he's there. Could I speak
to him?

Yes, I'll wait.

Hi, I'm Penny.

I was just wondering that maybe if you
had some free time tomorrow night, you'd

like to attend one of our group
encounter sessions?

Yes.

I know you'd enjoy it, yes. I'm sure
there'll be girls there.

You like the strange stuff.

I see.

Well, then I can count on you being
there.

I'll be looking forward to meeting you,
too.

Goodbye. Doctor, he isn't tomorrow
afternoon.

What's your... A double amputee and a
midget?

Oh, my God!

How could you?

Oh, I see. He's the right height, huh?

That's disgusting.

That's disgusting. That's the most
disgusting thing I've ever heard in my

You should see a doctor.

You enjoyed that?

You paid?

Oh, you should see a doctor. You should
really see a doctor. No, he does not

make house calls.

Hello, Lou?

Lou, this is Penny. Lou, I'm going
completely out of my mind. Completely

zonkers. I need some relief.

You must be the janitor.

I'm no janitor.

I'm a maintenance engineer.

I went to night school to learn what I'm
doing. You understand that?

Well, I know that your position in life
probably doesn't offer much, but... My

position?

Who the fuck do you think you are, lady,
huh?

Oh, I've just been here for the day, and
I was just... You're just here for the

day, and you're trying to tell me what
to do.

I mean, you even got a steady job, and
you're claiming you're better than me.

Look, it's all related.

Your attitude, your position in life,
it's all related to your sexual drive.

Sexual drive?

I'll show you some sexual drive.

You're trying to say you're better than
me?

You're trying to say I'm not a man, huh?

Come here.

Get down there.

Suck on this, cunt.

I... I... Suck on this, you two -bit
cunt. Come on.

Suck on that janitor dick. That's right.

Suck it.

Sexual drive.

I'm going to fuck you until you don't
want to fuck no more.

I'm going to fuck your ass right up.

Huh?

Suck it.

I'll show you sexual drive.

Come on. Now get your clothes off.

Get your clothes off!

Come on. Come on, you're too slow.

Stay back there now.

Now you take off your panties.

Rip them. Come on.

No, they won't rip.

Don't you do anything.

Watch.

Huh?

Now you want to get fucked, huh?

I'll show you sexual drive.

like the genitals.

in the kitchen.

Honey, he's coming to comfort you. He's
going to be comfortable wherever you

are.

Do I look all right?

He's not going to be looking at you.

You get it.

So nice of you to come, Father.

It's my pleasure, Mrs. Holmes.

Please, call me Reverend Hope.

You're not Catholic?

No. Universal Church of Life.

It's a common mistake.

Well, that explains it then, you see.

I called the phone prayer people, and
they referred me to you.

I felt like I needed a more personal
touch.

It's not that I have anything against
the work they do on the phones, but,

well... I've had experience.

I understand, sister.

What is it that seems to be troubling
you?

Well, my husband's out of town, you see,
and he called to say he wouldn't be

coming back home tonight.

And I had this very terrible experience
in his office today.

And, well, I just felt like I needed
somebody to talk to, somebody holy that

could console me in my time of trouble.

What was the nature of the experience?

Uh, I don't exactly know how to tell
you. You know, you're being a reverend

all. It was of a very personal nature.

It was sexual.

And this took place at your husband's
office while he was out of town?

That's it, right. Yeah, he's out of
town, and I was leaving the office, and

was accosted, attacked.

By the janitor. I mean the maintenance
engineer.

What did he do when he attacked you?

Terrible. It was terrible, the things he
made me do.

Could you be a little more specific
about what took place?

Rape. A little rape and a little not
rape.

If you want to hear it straight,
Preacher, it's like this.

She got fucked silly by some creepy,
sadistic janitor, and she liked it.

And now she thinks she's a masochist.

Simple enough?

Perfectly clear.

Perfectly clear.

I don't know how to tell you. I mean,
how do you relate to this problem?

You don't engage in any... Oh, sister,
I'm married.

You don't know what a relief it is to
hear you say that.

I thought that if you'd never done
anything, well, then you'd have no way

know. To help someone, it is not
necessary to have experienced the

yourself.

However, in my case, being married and
gay, I can relate rather well to your

cocksuckers, buggerers, and scumbag
motherfuckers.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

This world!

We're all gonna die!

Get out!

Get out!

Penny?

Just a little solid. A little...
Comfort? That's all I wanted?

I'm going to have to see a doctor.

I'm going to need professional help. A
psychiatrist.

God, if John ever found out, it would
break his heart.

He's very religious, you know.

Honey, look.

Just forget it. Just forget about... I
mean, forget it ever happened. I can't.

can't keep running away from my
problems, Lou.

I'm getting no sex out of my marriage.

No relief.

I'll end up turning into other men like
today.

I'll end up a vegetable.

Penny, it's only been four days.

I'll need professional help.

Therapy.

We'll attend John's therapy session
tomorrow night.

Okay, okay, listen.

We'll do that and everything will be
fine.

But tonight, you really need some rest.
I'm going to take you home with me

because you really shouldn't be alone,
okay?

All right.

Is that Paul ready, honey?

I've been waiting all day long.

Let me see your head first.

Okay, sweetheart.

Wait a minute.

I gave you head last night. Why don't
you give me some head this time?

What's the difference?

Honey, you give me head this time.

Okay, we'll do 69.

No, I want head.

Okay, I will, I will. Just finish me
first.

No fucking way. You finish me or you can
forget it.

Okay. I just wanted to make sure you had
nothing against even pussy.

You're really strange.

Honey, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Tomorrow night is the assholes.

I do tonight, except that my
girlfriend's asleep in the living room.

really funny, but whenever someone eats
my asshole, I start laughing because I

get the most terrific urge for it.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Well, that's how you never ate an
asshole before.

I led a sheltered life.

I guess so. You really are a straight
guy.

It's kind of nice meeting someone with
some normal needs and interests once in

while, though.

Move.

All right. All right.

But don't you worry about a thing,
honey.

All I have to do is stick my little old
finger up your little old asshole.

And that thing will pop right out. Oh,
my God.

Oh.

You really do have a tight air.

You know that? I always thought that had
something to do with hemorrhoids.

Oh, God, Lou.

Did I ever tell you about the time I
went to a costume party dressed as a

hemorrhoid? Oh, Jesus.

Stop it.

Oh, God.

success. Now you lay here.

But honey, there's nothing I can do to
ease my mind after a

hard day.

Thank you.

tensions, and I need some release. I
mean, I've been without John for four

nights, four days, and the pressure's
killing me. Do you know what I mean?

Poor baby. I know just how you feel.

You need some release, honey.

Oh, God.

Here.

You truly need some release. You just
lean over the edge of the bed.

Fred, we need your services, dear.

Do your thing.

I hope you don't feel bad when you're
feeling the pressure I'm under.

Oh, hon, I understand perfectly clear.
You just enjoy yourself, okay?

Lou, I don't know how to thank you.

Uh -huh. No need. I hate to see it get
harder and go away.

Lou, it's working.

I can feel the tension flowing out of
me.

You don't know what a relief that was.

It's like rehabilitation.

I exhausted just watching you.

Well, now... Now I can get some sleep.

You don't have to worry about me.

I'll really sleep now, boy.

Go ahead. Make all the noise you want,
Lou.

Nothing will ever wake me now.

You awake, Lou?

Fred?

That's okay. Don't get up. I'll come
back later.

Where is it, Penny?

The tensions are starting to build up
again.

Fred? Fred?

I don't think he's up for it this
morning, Penny.

He's kind of straight, you know.

You know, I never really got the chance
to thank him.

I was going to invite him to a therapy
session tonight.

Um, honey, don't worry about it.

Uh, the free lay is enough, thanks.

And, uh, besides, that's not a party,
you know.

Oh, it's not. I know it's not.

All those troubled people.

It's depressing to see so many fucked up
people.

Did you say fucked up?

Did I say that?

Did I say that?

It was a slip. It just slipped right
out. I don't use those words.

I can't believe this is happening to me.
I'm losing control.

I'm losing my focus on the problem, Lou.

I've got to help John with his problem.
That's it.

We are helping John. We're going to the
group encounter tonight.

Don't worry about it.

Everything's going to be all right.

Sucky. Sucky.

Bye.

some silly game or something. All this
romantic nonsense.

Our wives have left us, you idiot.

And they're going to take us to the
cleaners.

It's all your fault.

If we hadn't married two sisters, we
wouldn't be in this mess.

They were dykes.

Lesbo -conny dykes. A disgrace.

Bankrupt business and two limp dicks.
Over.

We're finished.

It's our karma. Oh, karma's ass.

Up yours, too.

Get the fuck out of here, you spastic
turd.

Hey, cunt!

How many cunts are in this fucking room
anyway?

Hey, you!

You look like a nice cunt.

You guys want to see my cock?

What a bunch of crazies in here.

Think I came here to fucking feed off?

God damn it.

Get over here. Give me some fucking
head.

Who the hell is he supposed to be?

He's a little red riding hood.

Can't he talk?

Nine to five, the wolf boxer.

Here we go.

Right up the ass.

What the hell?

That's Pierre.

He has a problem.

Shit.

Fuck that little cunt.

Come on, little red.

Get away.

You can do it.

Kick him in the balls. Get out.

Come on.

That schmuck is really falling for it
over there. He has a problem with his

bowels. I hope he doesn't get upset.

If he shits, I'm leaving.

Come on, Wolf. Fuck her.

Come on, Wolf. Fuck the shit out of her.

This has gone far enough.

Boo!

He didn't come yet.

He was going to come any minute.

Hello.

I'm Penny Holmes.

The doctor's out of town for the
evening, and I'll be in charge of the

session tonight.

Boo! Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
You're the cunt I talked to on the phone

today, aren't you? I beg your pardon.

God damn it, you promised me free ass if
I came down here.

Oh, you must be the asshole that was
fucking his wife to death. Ah, who the

asked you?

Fuck off!

Hey, now if we can all just settle down,
I'm sure we can get started.

Lou, why don't you talk to the Smith
brothers while I consult Pierre.

Pierre, would you like to step into the
office?

This way.

Hey, just a minute now. You promised me
free ass.

Well, why don't you talk to Miss Zombie,
I mean Miss Zorby here.

Shit, she doesn't even talk.

You better give goddamn good heads.

Pierre, why don't you just have a seat
right here?

Now, I know I can solve your problem.

So, two useless dicks, huh?

Hey, uh, your brother has a heart on.

I don't believe it. Let me see it. No,
no, no, no, no, no. You don't... You

in there until you get it up.

Hey, bird balls.

Can't get it up, huh?

Come on over here and I'll let you see
mine.

That man is disgusting.

Well, at least he can get it up. Would
you like me to go fuck him instead?

What exactly is your problem here? I've
had experience.

I come too quick.

The erection, it corrupts it.

You didn't say...

You didn't say anything about me fucking
you.

Well, you're not, not with this soft
dick.

Life's direction.

Yes, I can last two minutes, three
minutes.

That's what you call a premature shoot
-up.

Ejaculation. Yes, I go one minute, I...

I got one minute, I stop.

This is the best, the only way I can
make it last longer.

Control here.

C -O -N -T -R -O -N.

No, the doctor isn't in. He's in L .A.
on business, but he should be back

tomorrow. Could I give some assistance?

Yes. Yes.

I understand.

Yes, go on.

Uh -huh.

I see.

Then don't do it.

If it is not satisfactory to you, then
don't do it.

Mrs. Schwartz, it's your duty to your
husband to see that he's happy in this

marriage.

Yes.

Yes, I'm still here.

I'm still listening to you.

Hold on. I'll get a pen.

Hold on.

You're right with me.

You poor man.

Yes, I'm looking.

Hold on, Pierre.

Not now. I don't think I can ever
explain this to the phone company.

I've got it.

Okay, now, what was the address again?

If our wives could see us now.

They'd see two stiff dicks. Those dyke
freaks would be trying to eat out

everything in sight.

Your wife was never like this.

You fucked my wife?

She was my girlfriend before she was
your wife, remember?

Did you say Riverside?

What?

Okay, I got it.

Goodbye. We should have never swapped
and got married.

Your wife gave great head.

My wife gave you head, you filthy
bastard.

I said goodbye.

Okay, Pierre, let it go.

I...

Roxanne, I'm afraid you missed it.

I told you to hurry.

How was I to know?

Don't leave.

Don't leave yet.

She's a horny bitch, isn't she? And she
blames me. We're late because she wanted

a quickie before we left the house.

Lou, Lou, hurry. We've got to go home.

John called.

Patty's at the house waiting.

Where's Patty?

My sister.

John phoned the house and she answered.
He's never met her before.

Look, I promise you keep him called
tonight and I'm going to deliver.

You can be so brutal.

And you love it, bitch.

Is he really that big?

Patty! Oh, Patty, I'm so glad to see
you.

What is it?

What is it? Patty, something's wrong.

Is it your hemorrhoids? Patty, this is
my girlfriend, Brenda.

How do you do, Patty?

Patty's told me so much about you and
John.

Patty, you're blind.

As they say, like a bat.

Penny, don't make a spectacle of
yourself. Just relax, please.

When did it happen?

Look, it's nothing to worry about. The
doctors have assured me that the

condition is just temporary.

And I'll regain my sight just as soon as
I get over... As soon as I get over...

Get over what?

The shock. The sight of it. Of what,
Patty? What did you see?

She hates to talk about it.

Happened at the supermarket just last
week.

A flasher.

Right in the fresh fruit section.

Can you believe it? A flasher. Right in
with the produce.

Blinded by a flasher. It was so big.

Been a disgusting.

It was terrifying.

It was savage.

Big as a salami.

14 inches.

Where was the market?

And he was still soft.

She's lucky.

She went blind before he had an erection
or the condition would have been

permanent.

Blinded by a flasher. I should have
regained my sight by now, but the doctor

said that the experience was just so
traumatic that I can't seem to be able

face it.

Do you have a drink? Sure, sure, Patty.

A few drinks, please. Thank you.

Fourteen inches long.

There was no flasher. There was a
fucking horse.

Look.

I've got to help. I've got to do
something.

Oh, no, not again.

It's my duty to my sister.

What about your problem? John's coming
home tonight.

My sister is blind.

She'll be walking around bumping into
things for the rest of her life.

She'll need a cane.

Oh, you know...

Penny?

But if medical science can't do
anything, what can we do?

We've got it.

I know it'll work.

She'll see again.

Where is she?

He said his wife ran off with this
Frenchman, so he picked her up and

her over here. Oh, okay. Penny.

This really isn't necessary.

I'm sitting a certain mood. I want to
try a little experiment.

Well, she can't see a fucking thing
anyway.

It's the atmosphere that counts.

I know what I'm doing. I've had
experience.

Now, Patty, as painful as it might be
for you, I want you to try

to remember exactly how it happened.

Relive the experience. I don't like this
idea.

I saw it on TV one time. This girl had
been raped. Jesus, would you shut the

fuck up? This is serious.

I'm getting horny.

My God, you're all sex crazed.

Shut up.

Now, where was I? Oh, okay.

Tell us.

Tell us what happened, Patty.

Okay, I'll try.

I'll try. If you all just keep quiet for
a minute.

I'd gone to the store to get some
prunes.

Very tacky.

Anyway, I turned the corner, and there
he stood.

He was fingering the cantaloupes, one at
a time, just fingering them, each one.

He was wearing a raincoat.

It was a London fog, I think.

And he looked so sexy standing there.

And then he whirled around.

And I just can't go on. It's just too
painful. Go on. You must. Tell us.

Please.

You can't.

All right.

His back was tuned.

He turned around, and he ripped open his
raincoat, and there it was.

A real meat shot.

It hung halfway to his knees.

And I'll never see it again.

I'll never be able to touch it, to see
it rise. That's it.

You've got to feel one.

Then you'll get over the fear.

Where are you going to find a 14 -inch
dick?

What is going on here?

We're helping Patty. She's gone blind.

She fears the cock.

Penny, I do not understand what's going
on.

Oh, my God.

Glenda has a cock.

Penny, what the hell are you doing?

John, just be quiet and watch.

Hey,

no, stop it.

Stop. We're here to help Patty. Let her
try, okay?

Come on, Patty.

Patty, you've got to try.

I don't believe it.

I didn't know you people were so
depraved. Such animal lust. Go faster,

It's no use. It'll never work.

Of course not. That thing's too small.
You need a donkey dick.

A dildo.

John, you'll have to help.

John.

John.

You have to do this. I mean, it's our
only chance. You'll never see again.

Patty feel it oh My god,

oh my god

You're getting hard.

Lou, look.

John's getting a hard -on.

Penny, I've got to try. It's my last
chance.

It's 2020 or the cane.

Oh, yeah.

John, you've got to try.

It's my turn.

My eyesight hasn't been good either.

Hard Soap, Hard Soap was filmed before a
dead audience in Cucamonga, California.