Original subtitles

Who is it?

Me, Dad. Forgot my key.

Hey, Jeremy.

Hey, Dad.

So, we're going to the movies?

You know, I thought we'd hang out here tonight. I rented us a video.

- Really? - An action classic.

Oh, cool! What? Terminator.

Die hard.

What?

Stagecoach.

Come on, that's John Wayne! You know, the Duke.

Come on, Dad.

I mean, not another sucky old movie with nothing in it but dead guys.

So, it's all over, eh?

If you prefer, we can break out the old algebra books,

you know, practice our quadratic equations.

Stagecoach, huh?

Well, I'm back.

Okay, okay. I'm making some popcorn

and if you want, we can order out of-- Shit.

Whoa!

None for me, Dad.

Thank you.

Look at this.

What a mess.

What is that? What is that, a bruise?

Uh, no.

Wow.

You, uh, you like it?

It's, it's, it's look so... real.

That, that's because it is.

Real.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

The sign of the beast.

Oh my God.

You still like it?

No, I don't like it.

That's a tattoo. You have a goddamn tattoo on your arm.

Jeremy, what were you thinking?

Uh, I don't know.

- You watch that movie-- - Are you insane, huh?

Are you an insane person? I mean, did I say you could do that?

Well, you never said I couldn't.

I never said don't knock your front teeth out with a hammer either.

I mean, Jesus Christ, Jeremy.

What is the big deal?

It's my body, I can do whatever I want with it.

...I was kind of thinking.

This is permanent.

You know, it's not like a stupid haircut

or drawing on your shoe or something.

That skull is forever. Do you have any idea what you've done?

- Yeah. - No, you don't.

You've limited your career choices to...

long shoreman or truck driver--

Or rockstar.

Don't get smart with me, young man.

It's me, Judith.

- Does your mother know about this? - Uh, not really.

You think I'm mad, just you wait.

Just you wait.

Hi. Jeremy left this in the car.

Very nice.

Have you seen your son's new art project? Have you?

Let's go ahead show her, Jeremy.

- Go ahead. - Why?

Now. Roll up that sleeve.

But the real fireworks ain't started yet.

Well...

You have a tattoo.

On your arm.

And it's a skull.

Mm-hmm. Yes, it is.

It still kind of hurts.

Oh, well...

I imagine it would.

- What do you think of, huh? - Uh...

I'm surprised.

And, well, Jeremy, I have to say that I'm... disappointed.

Okay, Mom, I understand.

Disappointed?

Disappointed is when he gets a C!

This is a fucking skull.

Martin, I don't think that kind of language is necessary.

My language? Judith...

Can I speak with you for a second?

You, on the couch.

- What the hell was that? - Martin, will you please calm down?

Me calm down? You get angry. What, are you under sedation?

I am just as upset as you are.

No. No, no, no, you are not.

You are absolutely not.

Look. See? This is me. This is you.

Me, you, me, you. You see the difference?

Martin, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle this.

If we could just sit down and talk to him rationally...

Fine. Fine. Come on. Let's get to the wrong way.

Punishing him is not going to make it go away.

So that's, huh? He just gets away with it?

Well, I think that someday he'll come to regret this.

Why wait? That day could be now.

You are out of control.

Martin, you can't let your anger cloud your better judgment.

Stop being a psychologist, okay?

Be a parent. You think you could do that? Huh?

Oh! How dare you? How dare you!

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I am not going to go down that road with you.

What's important here is that we go out there and present a united front.

Fine. Fine. Let's go.

Jeremy, your mother and I have decided to ground you for a month.

That sucks.

We decided no such thing.

- Go, Mom! - Back to the bedroom.

Not another peep out of you, young man.

Look, if you want to discuss this--

Judith, there's nothing to discuss.

He's grounded. Okay? It's done.

I don't think so.

Nothing is done until we both agree on it.

Okay, well, then, come on, agree on it.

You know, I am not even going to

have this conversation with you

until you become a normal person.

Goodbye, Martin.

Judith.

Let me just tell you something, okay?

Where the hell do you think you're going? You're grounded.

Not at Mom's.

Now you know who's boss.

Who's the boss?

You are.

Hey, Who are you, anyway?

Have you got anything by one of the old masters?

Where do you live?

Ah!

Ha! It's true!

Toby, I need the Yellow Pages.

My hands are full. Bottom drawer.

What are you doing with my pencil sharpener?

What makes you think it's yours?

It has my name on it.

Maybe it's mine and I named it Martin.

Hey, Toby, come on.

What are you looking for?

The address of a tattoo parlor.

Gee, I never would have pegged you for the tattoo type.

Where you gonna get it? On your heinie?

I'm not getting a tattoo. Jeremy got one.

I'm going to kill the guy who gave it to him.

Yeah, sure. Tattoos are big trouble.

My cousin Cecile got one once.

A dainty little rose just above her left bosom.

Flashed it at the cable guy when he came to hook her up.

He offered her a lifetime supply of Cinemax

in exchange for 50 bucks and a second look.

- Really? - Very next day,

she got hit by a line drive at Yankee Stadium.

I still got the ball on my shelf at home.

What happened to Cecile?

Oh, she's fine.

Thanks for being there.

Ah!

This is the house of pain.

Okay, who runs this joint?

Oh, let me guess,

fire breathing dragon on the left bicep?

Look, pal, my 14-year-old came in here without my permission,

and somebody put a fucking skull on his arm. Now, was it you?

Well, jeez, I don't know you know, we do a lot of skull kids here.

Yeah? Yeah? Is this one of them? Hm?

Oh, yeah. Dr. Bernstein.

Hey, look, his ID said he was 21.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe it was a fake ID?

Well, what am I, Jake and the Fat Man?

Okay, pal, come on, let's go. Come on.

Hey, look, if you got a problem why don't we talk to the boss?

Hey, Tony.

Yeah, yeah, bring me Tony.

You're--

May I help you?

You're damn right you can help me.

You're looking at a big, fat lawsuit.

I'm gonna shut this place down.

What seems to be the problem?

You dissatisfied with your tattoo?

No, I'm dissatisfied with where you put it.

It's on my son. He's a 14 year old kid.

You think 14's too young?

Yes, yes, I do.

Well, you know, I was about that age when I got my first tattoo.

You want to see it?

It's really beautiful.

What I wanna see is your business license.

Look, here's where it started.

God, I was so nervous,

but he's really gentle, and experienced,

so I figured, what the hell?

Yes. Well, I'll, uh...

I'll need the name of your attorney.

It really hurt at first,

and there was even a little bit of blood,

but the further he got, the more I got into it.

I think we should keep this on a strictly... legal basis.

I don't think I have anything to regret, do you?

A snake!

Is that a regular garden snake, or...?

There's more. You want to see the apple?

Well...

Ow. Fuck, that hurts.

Well, you want a barracuda on your ass, it's going to hurt a little bit.

This has been a fascinating story,

but it doesn't get the tattoo off my son's arm.

Is that all you want? That's easy. Just have it removed.

They can do that?

Just call this guy.

Here. Tell him Tony sent you.

Thanks.

Just out of curiosity, where exactly is that apple?

Never mind.

Jude, I have very good news.

Oh, you've come to apologize?

I found a doctor who removes tattoos. Okay, they do it with lasers.

It's kind of expensive, but the good part is it's also pretty painful.

The sign of the beast.

- What? - Jeremy, I know you're not gonna like this,

but I made an appointment this afternoon to

get the old skull taken off the old arm.

- Okay, pal? Come on, let's go. - No way.

Now, look, you're gonna thank me for this someday.

Bullshit. You can't make me.

Oh, yes, we can. Yes, we can.

We're parents, okay? That's what we do.

- He's right. - Thank you. Now go get your coat.

No, Martin, he's right.

- Ow! - Excuse me?

Look, if he doesn't want to do it, you can't force him to.

There are two of us. I'll bet we can.

- Oh, Martin. - I cannot believe you're taking his side in this.

It's not his side, it's my side. He just happens to be on it.

Two against one, dad. Majority rules.

No, no, no, no... no.

Majority does not rule. Sometimes I rule.

Now get your ass out that door. We're going to the doctor.

God, dad. Now I know why she divorced you.

Jeremy! I--

Happy?

He sits there alone, a pitiable object.

Hey-hey.

We got super dogs. We got macho nachos.

We got popcorn, a small.

We got beer, a large.

Are we set or what?

Ready to go.

- What? - Come on. This game's a blowout.

Man, it's 14-10. You are really messed up.

Eat something.

Jeremy loves nachos.

Oh, give it a rest.

I'm sorry, but it's not so easy having a son who hates you.

Yeah, well, look on the bright side

if he didn't hate you, I'd be watching this game at home.

- It's very comforting. - Yeah?

You think you can manage to piss him off through playoffs?

Just a thought.

Boy... It was so much easier when he was little. You know, I...

I remember when he was three years old, he'd do anything I said.

If I told him to eat his carrots or quack like a duck,

he'd just do it, no questions asked.

Uh-huh.

Now, if I told him to quack like a duck, he'd probably just--

- Ah! - Just to spite me.

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

Now, why you want him to quack?

I don't want him to--

Look, I'm just trying to do what's best for him.

I mean, what's wrong with that?

Well, maybe you're being an asshole.

- What? - Look, I'm not saying.

I'm just saying from a 14 year old's point of view,

you're being a big asshole. A big dick.

I liked it better when you weren't listening.

Look, I'm just saying maybe you should just lighten up on him.

Why? Why should I?

Well, would you rather have a son who loves you with a tattoo

or a son who hates you, also with a tattoo?

Yes. Yes!

You know, he's right.

So? What do you think?

It's great, huh?

When we spoke last week, you said you weren't going to get any more tattoos.

I didn't. It's the same tattoo.

Just, um... it wasn't finished.

What are you talking about?

You can't have a skull without roses.

It, uh... doesn't make sense.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's your father.

It's going to kill me.

Don't worry, Mom. I'll back you up.

Ah-- uh, I'm having a craving.

Go get me a cupcake. Quick! Quick! Quick.

- Hi. - Now is not a good time.

- I just wanted-- - No, no, not now.

I'm... I'm nauseous. You know, baby nauseous.

Listen, just take 1 minute.

Jude, I'm... I've been doing a lot of thinking,

you know, and I realize I've handled things very...

- ...very badly. - Oh...

Well, you know, everyone makes mistakes.

But being a hard ass didn't accomplish anything, you know?

I mean, Jeremy hates me, and I'm fighting with you,

and I just think a lot of it's my fault.

Oh, let's not get into the business of assigning blame.

I mean, you and I both had Jeremy's best interests in mind.

I know, I know, but...

maybe I can try not to be such a...

- Dick? - Maniac.

Good. Good.

Listen, uh, the other day

you mentioned something about having the tattoo removed.

Why-- why, did Jeremy decide to do it?

Oh, well, we're going to have a little talk about that.

Tell me, just... just how difficult would that be?

It sounded easy.

Yeah.

They can get rid of any tattoo.

Yeah. As long as there's no red in it.

Ooh!

Baby kicked.

You know, I really must be getting to bed.

- Hi. - Did mom tell you about my--

What are you doing with that?

You know our rules about snacking. Just go put it away. Go on.

Go on.

Hang on, hang on.

I brought a present for my number one son.

Warning red. Warning red.

What's this?

What is this? What the hell is this?

It's my tattoo.

That is not your tattoo. Your tattoo is a skull.

This is a skull... in a flower shop.

A red flower shop.

- It wasn't finished. - Oh, really? What's next? Some redheaded customers?

Maybe a big red delivery truck?

All right, Martin, let's not get excited.

You deliberately did this to piss me off.

And you. This is all your fault.

I thought we weren't going to assign blame.

That was back when I thought it was my fault.

See? You see what happens when you let him run wild

like some kind of savage?

Will you just put this down?

If you hadn't grounded him, then he wouldn't have felt the need to rebel.

If we had grounded him, he wouldn't have been able to.

- Yeah, well, if you had-- - Hey.

You guys are so conceited.

Look, I didn't do this because of you.

And I didn't do this because of you.

I got a tattoo because I wanted one, okay?

I got it for me. Okay? For me.

And who the hell are you?

Yeah, you're not the one who makes the rules around here. We are.

You guys are so baked.

Act like you're the worst kid in the world.

So I got a tattoo. So what?

You should feel lucky. I could be stealing stuff or shooting up drugs.

Yeah, and we could beating you with chains.

So I guess everybody's lucky, huh?

Yeah, so just go to your room while we figure out what we're gonna do with you.

Yeah.

I'm 14. You can't send me to my room.

Fine. Fine.

- We'll go to your room. - No! No, no way.

Not going to my room.

I'll go to my room.

Jesus...

You're telling me.

Let me ask you something.

Do you like him?

What do you mean?

Well, I know you love him and all, but...

do you like him?

No. No, not right now I don't.

Me neither.

It's probably just a phase.

I mean, he'll grow out of it.

- What if he doesn't? - What?

What if he turns into...

Satan!

Billy Lepke?

Oh, come on. Billy Lepke was a prick.

So? I mean, he wasn't born a prick.

He had to start sometime.

I mean, maybe this is just who Jeremy's going to be.

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

I don't know, you know, I...

I always hoped he'd grow up to be... me.

- Or you. - Yeah.

Or at least not Billy Lepke.

No, no, no, I'm sure that this is just a phase.

He's most likely going through the Eriksonian stage.

You know, where he's dealing with identity versus diffusion.

Really.

Yeah, yeah, that's probably it.

So why doesn't he want us in his room?

Yeah, what... what's that all about?

- Jeremy? - Jeremy.

Careful! Careful! Careful.