Original subtitles

♪ Sweat ♪

♪ Gonna make you sweat ♪

♪ Sweat ♪

Well, it's a hot one, folks.

105 here in the Big Apple. Or should I say the Baked Apple?

Yep, it's a scorcher. Hey, did I mention it's hot?

But not for me. I'm here in the studio, cool as a cucumber.

Somebody ought to shut him up once and for all.

Here's a hot one for ya!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's me, Judith. Surprise.

Hi. This isn't a visit.

I'm just here to get Jeremy's bathing suit.

Richard's flying us up to the Cape for the International-- Whew!

- Oh, God, it's hot in here. - Hello, Judith.

So why don't you have on the air conditioner?

Oh! Oh, I don't know.

Maybe because it pumps out hot air, you know?

Shrieks. Something like this.

- Nice, huh? - Yeah, well, why don't you just call Paletucci

- and tell him to fix it? - I called him three weeks ago.

He said he'll get to it when he gets to it.

Martin, you know how it works. You just slip him 100 bucks,

it'll be fixed in 15 minutes.

No way. I will not bribe the Super to do his job.

Well, if it's the money, then I'll take care of it on the way out. Merry Christmas.

No, it is not the money, you know that. It's the principle.

Well, I hope you and your principle have a very nice weekend.

I'll send you a postcard from the Cape. Bye.

Did I say 102? Try 105...

Thank you. Bye, Judith.

Welcome to hell, New York City!

Next up, we've got the Tramps with "Disco Inferno."

All right, Paletucci! Where the hell are you?

Mr. Paletucci?

Hello?

It's, uh...

It's me, Martin Tupper. In 502.

What?

You're not Mr. Paletucci.

Well, what gave it away? The tits?

Well, it was a hint.

The old man finally retired.

Moved to Florida, thank God.

Yeah. Yeah! I hated that guy.

He's my father.

Smooth. Smooth.

Sorry.

I'm Deborah, the new Super.

Oh.

What can I do for you, Martin Tupper, 502?

Adopt me.

Well, I know you're probably very busy,

but my air conditioner isn't working.

And it makes this shrieking noise,

like there's this little hot person trapped inside it, and--

Well, let's go upstairs and let the little guy out.

Come on, get it up, get it up.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

- A little to the right. - Like this?

Yeah, that's good. Now put your finger there.

- Uh-huh? - Twirl it a little!

Now, you feel that little valve?

Yeah-- Ah!

I got it.

There you go. That's your screamer.

So, this is the little bastard, huh?

Whew!

Oh! It's an oven in here.

Yeah, yeah. Would you like to...

Take off your clothes.

- ...have a popsicle? - Sure.

Okay.

Is red okay?

Great.

- It's so hot. - And it'll get hotter.

Aren't you gonna have one?

No, no. It's the last one.

Oh, no.

Here.

Well, thanks.

Uh, you're dripping a little.

Mmm. Hmm.

Mmm. Mmm. You've got some on your face.

Oh. Oh, boy.

You want me to get that?

Ya-hoo-oo-oo-oo!

That'd be fine.

I think he's getting ready to vibrate.

Oh! Mm! Ah! Okay.

Yes!

Come on!

You can't miss.

Ahh!

Oh! Oh!

Whoa! Oh, God!

I--

Oh, positions reversed.

The best thing about your unit...

is that it was rewired back in the '60s.

Now, you take McVicker down in 307.

She's still got the original pre-War wiring.

She turns on her microwave and the stereo at the same time,

kaboom.

We can fix things-- together.

♪ It's bigger than both of us ♪

♪ To fight it is silly ♪

♪ When your heart Does a nip-up ♪

♪ Be careful Or you mustn't slip up ♪

♪ It's bigger than both of us ♪

Oh!

♪ Our love is a dilly ♪

♪ It's easy to spot it When you've got it ♪

♪ You're walking on a cloud High above the crowd ♪

♪ Feeling like a hero ♪

♪ You're doing loop-de-loops ♪

♪ Suddenly it's bing, bang Feeling zero ♪

♪ It's bigger than both of us ♪

Oh!

♪ Surrender to This tender giant ♪

♪ Called love ♪

Oh, it's good to be alive.

Everything is serene, peaceful, quiet.

Sorry, I'm almost done.

It's okay.

You know what? Why--

Why don't we go out and do something?

Sure. Like what?

You know what might be fun?

That exhibit of African masks at The Met.

You're kidding, right?

Okay, well, um...

We could walk to the Village, right?

And browse through some used bookstores.

I'm not really a big book person.

Uh-huh.

What could they have in common?

Hey, I know.

You wanna go over to Queens

and watch my cousin Sal demolish a building?

I'd sooner drink DDT.

Perfect.

Is this The Guinness Book of World Records?

Is that you, Mr. Guinness?

- Oh, yes, I see, yes. - It's not that, you know?

I just-- Toby, what're you doing in my office?

You have your own desk.

Well, maybe I like a change of scenery.

Whoa, Judith.

Puttin' on some weight?

I'm pregnant, Toby.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you know, my mom had kids at your age.

Oh, wait, I think they were grandchildren.

Any messages, Toby?

What am I, your personal secretary?

I've never killed in hot blood.

Thanks for dropping by.

Let's do it again real soon, okay?

All right, bye-bye now, take care.

Martin, I just don't understand

what your problem with Deborah is.

You've broken up with women before.

- What do you normally do? - Well...

Normally, I stop calling and then try to avoid them.

Unfortunately, she lives in my goddamn lobby, you know?

Hmm... Well, then your choice

is move or marry her.

Thank you, Judith.

Unless you're prepared to be honest.

I can't do that! I mean, what am I supposed to say?

Uh, Deborah, the sex was great,

but you bore the living shit outta me,

and by the way, could you fix my sink?

Well, maybe you should've thought about that before you got involved.

You've been very helpful.

Ah, hi.

Guess what I got for you?

Grounded outlet.

Great.

Thanks.

Deborah, can I talk to you for just a minute?

Sure. What about?

Well, it's about... us.

You know, I...

I think you're really--

- Boring. - Terrific.

And uh, you know, but the fact is...

I never wanna see you again as long as I live.

This may not be the best time for me to get involved.

Oh, my God. You're breaking up with me.

No! No, no, no, don't be silly.

It's just, I...

I may not be around much for the next few months,

and my boss is throwing all this work at me.

Oh, please.

You couldn't come up with a better one than that?

No, it's true. It's a big project.

And there's gonna be a lot of late nights

- and a lot of early mornings-- - Bullshit!

It's me, isn't?

- Yes, yes, yes, yes. - No, it's not you.

It's not even me. It's my fucking boss.

I mean, if anybody's breaking up with you, he is.

Fine, fine.

- I'm out of here. - Deborah, wait, wait.

Deborah-- Deborah. Deborah, wait.

You might want this.

What are these, parting gifts?

No, no, it's just some of your things, you know,

- and I thought may-- - Save it.

Right.

Nice knowing you.

This isn't even mine, you asshole!

Well! You're home early.

Done with all your work?

Oh, take it like a man!

Just a quick shower, and I'm back to the office.

Probably be there all night. Damn this job.

Oops.

She's gonna fix you.

- Hey, what was that? - Just an owl or somethin'.

Hmm.

Hey!

What- what're you doing here?

What are you doin' here?

Aren't you supposed to be at work?

Oh! Go!

Fuck! I must've overslept.

Oh, boy, am I in big trouble.

Damn! Argh!

Jeez.

But if you get too much of any one thing...

Oh, come on, let's get back...

Come on, the coast is clear!

A booby trap.

What would my fans do?

Is something wrong?

What are you looking for?

Hmm! No one.

What do you mean, no one?

What are you, married or something?

No! No, no. God, no.

Phew! It's warm in here.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like it that way.

You know what they say about air conditioning, right?

No, thank you.

Can I get you something to drink?

- Sure. Um, Iced tea? - Coming right up.

Satan still lives!

- Do you want me to get that? - Get what?

I think someone's knocking.

No. It's those kids next door.

Ever since they got that air hockey table,

it's been no rest for me.

Oh... oh, the Super. Jeez, what a surprise.

- What's the Super doing here? - Sorry to disturb you.

I didn't realize you had a date.

Date? What?

- This isn't a date. - What?

Well, I mean--

Fine, Martin. Why don't you call me when it is a date?

No, no, no, Joanne, please stay,

I'm sure whatever Deborah came for can wait.

- Weren't you leaving? - Wrong.

Gotta fix your pipes.

My pipes are fine.

I don't know, they could go at any time.

There's nothing wrong with my pipes.

Oh, so suddenly you're the expert.

Maybe we should do this some other time.

No, no, it's okay. Deborah's leaving.

- I'll call you when I need you. - Fine!

Ow!

- Take your chances. - Ow.

Sorry about that, she's a bit of a--

- Lunatic. - Workaholic.

- Always fixing things. - Really?

I have to give my Super a bottle of Chivas just to get him to come out of his apartment.

You don't know how lucky you are.

Oh, yeah, lucky me. Lucky, lucky me.

So, what do you feel like doing?

Say, I can use that.

Ooh!

- Now is it a date? - Oh, absolutely.

What?

Oh, God, I have soap in my eyes!

- Uh... hold on, hold on. - Oh!

- Ah! Hurry. - I- whoa!

Ohhh!

Ah! Ow!

Ow! Oh!

Aah!

You snake, I'll show you.

- Shit! - Hurry, they're stinging.

Oh! Arghhh!

Okay, okay, here!

Thank you.

Maybe you should've let her fix your pipes.

And the electrical wiring.

Fuck!

All right, all right, that's it, I've had it.

Deborah! Deborah!

What the fuck are you doing to me?

- Nothing. - Bullshit!

I want my water. I want my electricity.

I want my fucking air conditioner.

I'll get to it when I get to it.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You'll get to it now.

And if I don't, what are you gonna do?

Go crying to your mama?

What the hell is your problem, anyway?

My problem is you're a dick.

You liked me just fine when I was hooking up your ceiling fan,

But the minute you got what you wanted, it was bye-bye, Deborah.

- What did I ever get from you? - I gave you that pipe wrench!

Well, here!

Hey, hey, that was uncalled for.

Oh, yeah? Well, what about this?

Ooh! Hey! Hey! If you weren't a woman--

Oof!

- Are you crazy? - You fucked me over.

Ohhh!

Ah! All right.

All right, that's it, come on!

Come on! Just you and me now.

It's go time. Come on, come on.

Ha! Come on.

Oof!

Come on, chump. Get up.

- Oh, yeah. - Let's see what you got.

All right, all right, all right, just give me a minute.

- Oh! - Okay.

Are you through yet?

Your nose is bleeding, your eye is closed.

Your two front teeth are missing.

But do you quit?

You win. What do you want from me?

You should know.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I was a schmuck.

I should've been honest with you.

Okay, there wasn't any work thing.

I just, I didn't think we were--

Watch your tongue, my man!

Right for each other.

Well, you should've told me that in the first place.

All right, all right, okay? I'm really sorry.

Apology accepted.

No, no, no, you...

So, do you think you could turn my electricity

and my water back on?

I said I'll get to it when I get to it.

What? Come on! Deborah, please!

I'm dying up there. I mean, what do I have to do?

If you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you.

Oh, well, I don't know. I don't know what else.

- I'll give you 100 bucks. - Done.

That's right, New York, still no end in sight

for this record heat wave,

I suggest you stay in, stay cool, and stay with us.

There is no fury like a discarded lover.