All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S04E07 AI.en

Yeah, yeah,
we're on-- we're on 41,

so according to this map,
we should be there
in, like, an inch and a half.

Oh, man, I am so stoked.

I mean, how cool is this?

Yeah, gonna be great
seeing the old gang again, huh?

What, what?

...Kevin.

The beaded curtain
is still there

and all of Herb's
driftwood sculptures.

- You want a fry?
- No, and will you
watch the leather?

Well, will you relax?
It's a French fry,
not a blowtorch.

Don't ask. I'm huge.

I look like the underdog balloon
from the Macy's Parade.

Shit.

What? What happened?

Nothing, nothing.
I-- I thought I saw a moose.

Judith, would you mind? This is
costing three bucks a minute.

Uh-huh.
Oh, good news for you, Martin.

Allison called.
She's not gonna make it.

That's wonderful.

- I don't have a problem
with Allison.
- I don't know.

Ever since
somebody beat somebody out
for that scholarship.

Judith, aren't you talking
on the phone?

Oh, hi. Sorry.

Oh, man, we could've
flown there for what
this call has cost to me.

- All right, I gotta go.
I can't wait to see you.
- Judith!

Okay.

Guess who's there.

- I give up.
- Cara Prescott.

- Oh, man. Who invited her?
- I thought you liked Cara.

Liked her eight times
in one night and
never called her again.

Well, then you two should have
a lot of catching up to do.

Man...

You know, I think I will have
some of those fries.

Uh...

finish them.

- Don't worry about it, okay?
Just let me hear it.
- Oh, God.

- Just like that.
- Oh! Jude!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh, God, I hate you.

You even look thin pregnant.

Oh, Becka, come on.
I look like Alfred Hitchcock.

I don't even
wanna hear it.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey, Becka.

- Hey, man.
- Herbert!

Hey, Mr. Herb.

I hardly recognized you.

The living fossil. Immune to
the forces of evolution.

So, where's Sue?

What do you mean?
She's in her room, right?

Well, I don't know.
We-- we just got here.

Oh, man.
Don't freak me out. Sue?

- Scary.
- Mark!

- Hey, Martin. Hi, Judith.
- Hi, Mark.

Uh, where's Janet?

Uh, Janet.

Janet couldn't make it.

- Oh.
- Actually,
she's on her honeymoon.

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, I didn't know.

No, no, no, no.
Hey, it all worked out.

I mean, all she got
was the-- the house,
the money, and the dogs,

and I could spend
the weekend with you guys.

Oh, thanks. Well, you got some
wood stuff on your chest.

It's okay.
I got more chopping to do.

Well, chop away.

Chop away?

- What?
- Holy shit.

Look who's here. Judith!

- Cara.
- Oh, God, Cara's here.

- I'm not ready for this.
- Come on, come on.

You bitch. The last time I saw
you, you were knocked up.

Yeah, I know.
And you, of course, look great.

- Aw, sweet.
- Give me a hug.

Hey, Martin.

- Hey.
- Did you miss me?

- Come on, lie.
- Okay, yeah.

You were a bad liar.

And the famous Eddie Charles.

I heard you were coming.

Yep.
I'm here.

Well, it's great to meet you.

I love your show.

Uh, thanks.

Nice to meet you, too.

So, where did you say
Herb sculptures are?

We put them in your room.

- Lovely. I have gotta pee.
- Come on.

- You're even uglier
than I remember.
- Oh, yeah?

She's fucking with me.
Did you see that?

She's fucking with me.

I see this ending very badly.

- Who bought all the pot pie?
- Herb.

Sue, honey,
have you seen my bandana?

- That one?
- Huh.

There. Did you feel that kick?

It's just so amazing to me
that there's actually
a baby in there.

Now, how does this happen again?

Oh, the personal touch.

- Hey, that's probably Allison.
- No, no, no.

- Allison isn't coming.
- You wish. She called.

She got a later flight.

Great.

Martin, try to--
try to control yourself.

Yeah, we don't want a repeat
of what happened
at Herb and Sue's wedding.

What?

Come on.
She started it, you know.

Besides, I'm fine.
I'm fine, see?

- Hey!
- Hi!

Oh, Allison's here.

How you doing?

- All right, Sue.
- Hey, you.

Oh, you look great!

I got stuck at LAX
for two and a half hours.

But look, cheap plastic gifts
from the airport.
Oh, yeah!

- I fucking
love these things.
- Allison.

It's really good
to see you again.
You look great.

And congratulations on
the new book. I'm really
looking forward to reading it.

Whoa.
Martin, is that you?

I almost didn't recognize you
through all that bullshit.

Oh, right on.

I see this ending very badly.

I'm not going on.
No, no, no, no. No.

Now, look, I--
I would not call it cheating.

Herb and I,
we have an open marriage.

I screw around, and
he doesn't find out about it.

What's wrong with that?

Oh, God, I could never do that.

- I mean, I couldn't.
- You could if
you was married to Herb.

Who here slept
with Joe Del Vecchio?

You mean
crooked Joe Del Vecchio?

Oh, my God.

I tried, okay?

But it was like,
"Hello, what's happening?"

Wait, just a minute.
Um, uh, what do you mean?

Oh, he kind of veered
to the left, you know?

Oh, no, actually, I don't know.

I've-- I've really
only seen two,

and they were both pretty much
straight down the middle.

Two? That's it?

- Just two?
- God, that's not even
the most I've seen at one time.

Becka, wow!

And Judith, you have not lived.

I've lived plenty.

So tell us, Judith.

Who's bigger?

Richard or Martin?

Just what do you think
they're talking about?

There's probably some sale
at Bergdorf's or something.

Look at Allison,
sitting there drinking that beer
like the Queen of England.

Oh, geez, Martin,
give it a rest.

Yeah, man.

- Live in the present.
- It's not me, it's her.

Ever since she won that
scholarship, she thinks she's
hot shit.

Hey, let it go, babe.

I have let it go.
That's my point.

- She can't let it go.
- Jesus, Martin.

- I'm wrong? Tell me I'm wrong.
- Okay. You're wrong.

Oh, shit, Cara's coming. Uh,
pretend like you're talking to
me. Come on, come on, come on.

And then what happened?

- Oh, Cara. Hey.
- Excuse me.

So what were you guys
talking about?

Dicks.

That's one subject
I do not care to discuss.

I'm just gonna go
air my meatballs.

Excuse me.

Yeah, uh, me-- me too.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I was young, I was an asshole.

There's no excuse
for what I did.

Eddie,
what are you talking about?

You know, the-- the fruit cup
that you had in the fridge

on the top shelf
by the milk in the back?
Well, I ate it.

I didn't have any fruit cups.

Oh, thank God. It's been
bothering me all night.

- I thought for sure
you were gonna be upset.
- Not at all.

So, have you seen the lake yet?

Sorry about your review
in Entertainment Weekly.

A "D," huh? It's not too good.

Well, I don't really
listen to the reviews,

although I hear that the
New York Times really liked it.

Knife toward the plate.

Still, I think
it would really get to me

- if someone referred to my work
as "feminist waddle."
- Your work?

You put two spoons in.

Your work? What work is that?

Editing other people's
trashy novels?

You gonna let her get away
with that kind of talk?

- Don't have to be a chicken to
judge the quality of the eggs.
- What the fuck does that mean?

Done.

Martin, this isn't a race.

Of course not. But if it were,
I would have won.

Someone, we need more firewood.

- I'll get it.
- And they're off!

Floater first, Montezuma second,

Bonnie Lassie third,
running easily.

Cactus coming up on the inside.

Ooh, and a rider's down
on the ground.

- You tripped me!
- I didn't trip you.

- There was a root.
- Yeah, a root in
the shape of your foot.

All right, Martin,
what is your problem?

- Why are you always like this?
- Like what?

Oh, hostile,
competitive, take your pick.

What is it? Is it just
that you wanna fuck me?

What? I don't wanna fuck you.

Oh, please, you wanted to
fuck me since sophomore English.

No, I wanted to kill you
since sophomore English.

You're the last person
I'd wanna fuck.

Hi!

Oh, maybe next to last.

You mean to tell me that
if you knew you could have me

right here, right now,
you wouldn't be interested?

Not even a little.

Well, maybe a little.

Would you like
to do this inside?

Uh-huh.

Let's sneak in the back door.

Well, it's bedtime for Cara.

Good night, all.

Sleep tight.

Boy, am I beat.

Big day tomorrow.

Good night, all.

Settle, Eddie.

Yeah, it's nice.

I really should go to bed.

Oh, okay.

Oh, it's really chilly
when you get away from the fire.

I've got just the thing.

Good night, Judith.

Great. Great.

I win.

Listen, I have a question.

Um, back in school,
did you ever do anything really
mean to me behind my back?

Well, I-- I--

I sort of used to
write your name and number

on the bathroom walls
around school.

And all over Manhattan.
And once in Florida.

Well, that explains a lot.

It was really juvenile.

- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.

I have one for you.

What did you do?

Remember your application
for the Paris scholarship?

Well, I stole it off
of Professor Brennan's desk
before he could send it in.

I know, I know. It was really
a stupid and petty thing to do,

unbelievably stupid,
and I'm sorry.

It's been sitting in a box
haunting me all of these years.

So, here.

Do you hate me?

Yes. A lot.

I hate you a lot. How could
you fucking do this to me?

I was a kid. I wanted
that scholarship so badly.
I didn't wanna take any chances.

That's because you knew
I would've won!
This is my diner story

with a great soup paragraph.
It was a million times better

- than that thing you wrote
about your menstrual cycle.
- That's debatable.

The hell it is! The hell it is.
I would've won.

I would've gone to Paris,
I would've studied
with Henry Miller.

I would've written
She, A Woman Story.

- Or something very much like it.
- Martin, I'm sorry.

I don't wanna hear--
I don't wanna hear it.

You stole my fucking life.
What else do you want? Huh?

What else do you want?
Do you want my wallet?
My credit cards?

Here, go on, go on, take them.
Take it all.

It's one thing to muff a chance
when you get it,

but it's another thing
never to have had a chance.

- This is fun.
- I got you. I got you.

It's so bad.

Hey, I think you missed a spot.

No, you didn't miss a spot.
You've been doing that
for 20 minutes.

He'd be safe
in a nuclear reactor.

Somebody had a bowl
of cranky flakes for breakfast.

Have you seen Mark?

- No.
- Oh.

'Cause I just found
a salamander.

Remember that summer with
me and Mark and the salamander?

You know the one
we kept in the cereal box?

Well, anyway, I just thought
I'd show him to Mark.

- What are you doing?
- I'm showing him the salamander.

No, no, no. What are you doing?

- I mean, you're flirting.
- I'm not flirting.

It's a lizard.

Judith, I know you.

You're bouncing up and down.
You're playing with your pearls.

- This is you, flirting.
- Well, that's ridiculous.
I am a pregnant married person.

I am not flirting.

Mark.

Oh, Mark.

Middle age
and glandular deficiency.

Mark, look what I've got.

I just wanted to show you.

Wha-- what?

I just wanted you to see this.

- What the-- No!
- No!

Hold on, wait,
wait, don't move!

- How did he like it?
- Fuck you.

Some women are as sensitive
as a Stradivarius. Incorrectly
played,

the finest instrument will
give forth screeching sounds.

Fucking Mark.

Becka.

Jude.

- Fuck.
- What's the matter?

He's up there having sex
with Becka.

- So?
- Forget it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
What's going on here?

I mean d-- do you really
wanna have sex with him?

That's not the point.
I mean, I couldn't even
if I wanted to.

Oh, but you people.
I mean, you can just
come up here and jump into bed

with anybody you please.
But not me. Oh, no, not Judith.

Not the big, fat,
pregnant, married one.

Mosquito.

Martin, the last time
we were up here,
I had my whole life ahead of me.

I mean, I had all these
exciting choices and options.

Now my most exciting choice

is whether to use
cloth diapers or disposable.

Judith, come on. You have
everything you ever wanted.
You have a great career.

- You have a terrific kid.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.

And another one on the way
and a fabulous husband
and all this money.

What? What? What's the problem?

Two penises.

Excuse me?

My whole life
I've only had two penises,

and that's all
I'm ever gonna have.

Oh.

Two heads
are always better than one.

Jude, I mean, what?

Would you trade everything you
have for another penis or two?

Oh, I guess not.

Look, if it'll make you feel

any better, I--

I can always ask
Eddie to show you his.

I don't think so.

Thanks anyway.

Big one.

A star! A star!

Famous person, famous person.

Boy or girl famous person?

Famous person with arthritis.

Okay, it's a woman with breasts,
right, go on, go on.

Uh, what's he doing?

- Pianist.
- Famous masseuse.

Typist. Writer.

Writer. Writer. Book writer.

Book writer.
A snotty book writer.

- Gloria Steinem.
- Pearl Buck.

Pearl Buck?

- Stab in the back.
Stab in the back.
- Itchy!

Benedict Arnold!

He's doing me, you guys.

Jesus Christ,
Martin, give it a rest.

Oh, I see. You steal my life and
I'm supposed to give it a rest.

I didn't steal
your fucking life.

I'm sorry. But let's be honest,
Martin, if you were really
such a great writer--

If? If? What do you mean if?
I was.

- Oh, bullshit.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you wanna hear
something? All right.

You wanna hear
something great?
Listen to this.

Coffee to Go by M. L. Tupper.

"The antiquated
gerbil-faced creature beside me,

Jed, hungry from the inside out,

stretched his long, shriveled
reptilian limb across me."

Oh, just wait, wait, okay?

- It gets better.
- Okay, did Jed say that?

No, you idiot. I said that.

Okay, okay, wait.
Here's the soup paragraph.

I'll cut him deep
and let him bleed.

"The soup.

Blander than a comatose patient
at Mount Sinai.

Burnt my already
blizzard-blistered lips.

I reached for the bitter
white grains of which
Lot's wife was made."

Well, it's salt. Get it?
Come on. Lot's wife.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, come on, you guys.
I liked it.

Just read on.

Thank you, Judith.

Uh, Lot's wife was made.

"That awake in my mouth,

hoping to stir life
into the red breathing mass

I call my tongue."

My poor composition.
I worked too hard on it.

And now it's in ashes.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Martin.

I, uh,
I just wanted to say goodbye.

You're incredible.

Oh, Martin, please don't start.

I said I was sorry.

No, no, you are.

You're incredible, I mean,
this book, you know, it's--

it's great.

Really?

You know, you
may not believe this,

but your opinion,
it really means a lot to me.

Was that the red breathing mass
you call your tongue?

Go on home. You've seen it all.

- Bye-bye.
Good to see you. Take care.
- You too. Okay.

- All right.
- Bye, Allison!

Call me.

Well, it was great
to see you again.

Yeah, you too and, you know,

I wish you
all the best with Mark.

Oh, well, I-- I think

that was just a weekend thing.

Oh, really? Why is that?

Well, he's nice and everything,

you know,
but he's just sort of well...

You mean?

And you're
in that rocking chair.

Bye-bye now!
Have a nice flight.

- All right.
- Wow. Amazing.

- You're really okay with her
after everything she did to you?
- I'm fine. Really.

And you know why?

I swiped her plane ticket.

Oh, my God.

Thank you for a great weekend.

I'll give you a little "ringle"
when I get back.

"Ringle."
You're the "ringle" guy.

I remember you now, you fuck.

- You're not gonna call me back!
- Get in the car.

- You're not!
- Get in the car!

Get in the car!

If there's anything
more exhausting

than a quiet country weekend...