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1
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Bills, bills. Nothing but bills.
2
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,416
Butcher.
3
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,318
Laundry.
4
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,222
Gardener.
5
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,998
My Lord, when one
of your peasants fails
6
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,868
to pay his rent or his taxes,
we confiscate his property,
7
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,103
and chain him up in the dungeon
until he rots.
8
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,872
We're going to jail.
I just know it.
9
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:19,939
We're going to jail.
10
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,007
You're hyperventilating.
11
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,175
Now, just talk to me.
12
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,310
They want everything
for that year.
13
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:27,147
Everything... business expenses,
charitable contributions.
14
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,282
Jude, they want our Schedule C!
15
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,583
This is a nightmare, I mean...
16
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,453
What the hell is a Schedule C?
17
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,721
Did you talk to Shelly?
18
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,589
I called Shelly, he said
we just have to
19
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,367
organize the receipts,
and he'll do the rest, but...
20
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,226
Well, that was the last year
we were married,
21
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,195
so you have all the receipts,
right?
22
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,363
Right.
23
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:44,864
Then it should be a snap.
24
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:50,470
Oh, my God.
25
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,605
Dinner.
26
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,708
Gifts.
27
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,844
Theater tickets. Oh, God.
28
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,647
That horrible
Soviet production of King Lear.
29
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,782
The fortunate suitor,
30
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,918
left master of the field,
31
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,853
when all others
have been unhorsed.
32
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,255
Mm.
33
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,490
What?
34
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,592
Oh, that bed-and-breakfast
in Vermont.
35
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,095
Remember when we went up
to watch the leaves change?
36
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:18,331
Oh, yeah, and we had dinner
at that old inn.
37
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,266
Yeah, and then we had
that really big fight.
38
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,378
And you said maybe
you didn't want to be
married to me anymore.
39
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:25,505
And then you broke that really
beautiful antique pitcher.
40
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,607
Charged me a fortune for that.
41
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,175
$278.
42
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,844
Oh. Yeah.
43
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,313
Yeah.
44
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,148
Trees
sure were beautiful though.
45
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,251
Yeah. Yeah, they really were.
46
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,555
Makes you feel
pretty good, doesn't it?
47
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,424
This is weird.
What?
48
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:48,161
Did I over tip or something?
No, it's a hotel receipt.
49
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,295
So?
50
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,730
Well, it's
for the Knickerbocker.
51
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,699
The Knickerbocker
is here in town.
52
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,568
Why would we have stayed
at a hotel here in town?
53
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,471
Well, don't look
so worried, darling.
54
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,006
There's a very simple solution.
55
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,309
We file it away
under "case closed."
56
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,912
It's probably a mistake.
57
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,948
How can it be a mistake?
It's got your signature. Look.
58
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,017
It's a mystery.
What else have you got?
59
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,086
Why don't I remember this?
60
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,624
Unless you stayed there
without me.
61
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,227
That's silly.
62
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,096
Come on. Why would I do that?
63
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,765
Oh, look, look,
here's the receipt
64
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,143
for that
Chinese bracelet I bought you.
65
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,935
Martin,
in all of our years together,
66
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,770
no matter
how much we hurt each other,
67
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,106
we have always been honest.
68
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,809
Now, if there is something
you think you should tell me,
69
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,510
do it now.
70
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,413
It's okay, I mean,
whatever it is, I can handle it.
71
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:45,218
You won't be mad at me,
no matter what?
72
00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:48,688
Of course not, darling.
No matter what.
73
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,590
All right.
74
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,494
I was at the Knickerbocker
with... with another woman.
75
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,563
You son of a bitch!
How could you?
76
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,531
But... but we're divorced now.
77
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:01,110
I mean, doesn't that
sort of, like, you know,
cancel everything out?
78
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,136
Not on your life.
79
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,373
Besides,
look at the date on the receipt.
80
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,742
I mean, it's... it's two months
before you moved out.
81
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,144
Two months! Can't we just,
like, you know, postdate it?
82
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,379
Oh, you had an affair!
83
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,780
It wasn't an affair-affair.
84
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,848
It wasn't even a night.
85
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,349
It was...
it was just an afternoon.
86
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:20,120
Oh, were there others?
Never. No.
87
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,355
Just this one
regrettable afternoon.
88
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,890
And that's it. That's it.
89
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,193
"That's it"? What, you have
this nooner with some slut?
90
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,828
Who said she was a slut?
91
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,397
She was...
92
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:31,464
Yes?
93
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,034
Uh-oh. Now I've done it.
94
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,468
Who was she?
95
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,972
It's ancient history.
96
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,306
Please answer the question.
97
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,008
I mean, who can remember?
98
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,044
You must answer the question.
99
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,345
Who was she, Martin?
100
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,147
Don't be a fool.
Give yourself up.
101
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,348
Does it really matter who?
102
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:49,783
Oh, my God!
103
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,284
It's someone I know!
104
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,390
Please.
105
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,826
If our friendship
is worth anything to you,
106
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,161
you have got to tell me.
107
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,966
It's not too late
for you to make peace
108
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,769
with your god, my son.
109
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:10,837
Okay.
110
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,507
I'm sorry?
111
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,577
It was Nicki Rosen.
Nicki Rosen?
112
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:20,080
With the kabuki makeup
Nicki Rosen?
113
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,748
Oh, my God.
114
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:24,117
She didn't mean anything to me.
Come on. You remember.
115
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,385
I never really even liked her.
116
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:26,858
You know,
she was always your friend.
117
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,254
You haven't got a prayer.
118
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,059
What goes on
in there where you are?
119
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,461
Hi, guys.
120
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,862
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Tupper.
121
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,564
We're just going to...
Fine.
122
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,406
Type "X."
123
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,108
Enter.
124
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,909
Enter.
125
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,111
Type "Big ones."
126
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,021
Wow. They're amazing.
127
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,790
So, what are you going to tell
your parents about the party?
128
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,492
I'm just gonna
tell them I'm going.
129
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,559
No way!
130
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,794
Yes way.
131
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,362
Butt-head,
we're talking about a party
132
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,331
with no grown-ups,
eighth-grade girls,
133
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,899
and a lot of chocolate.
134
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,835
Chocolate?
You know,
'cause it makes girls horny.
135
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,737
No way.
Totally way.
136
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,273
The caffeine cranks
their hormones or something.
137
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,485
Why do you think we give 'em
chocolate on Valentine's Day?
138
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:25,812
Huh.
This party's gonna be historic.
139
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,814
You just gotta scam
your mom and dad.
140
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,315
I don't lie to my parents.
141
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,217
Everybody lies to their parents.
142
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,719
Parents lie to their parents.
143
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:35,588
Well, I don't. They trust me.
144
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,891
Don't worry. They'll let me go.
145
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,225
Two bucks.
146
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,461
Two bucks says they say no.
147
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,229
No.
No?
148
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,431
I'm sorry, Jeremy.
149
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,932
But, Dad...
150
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,534
You heard your mother.
151
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,270
But... but I thought
you guys trusted me.
152
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,739
I do trust you,
153
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,241
more than some other people
I could mention.
154
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,943
Look, how long
you gonna keep this up?
155
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,778
You're just too young
to go to a party
156
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,447
without any adult supervision.
157
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,349
Come on, Jeremy.
You're not even 13 yet.
158
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,650
That is so arbitrary.
159
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,194
Well, that's our decision.
I'm sorry.
160
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,387
You know, you guys argue
about everything else.
161
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,390
I think this is so unfair
this is the one thing
you agree on.
162
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,258
Hey. Hey!
163
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,728
Mr. and Mrs. Tupper,
I just want you to know
164
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,796
that I personally
respect your decision.
165
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,864
Have a nice day.
166
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,700
Two bucks.
167
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,537
Nice boy.
168
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,640
Nicki Rosen?
169
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,863
You think you know people.
You think they're on your team.
170
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,489
But they're not on your team.
171
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,124
Everybody's
got their own agenda.
172
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,793
Face it, when it comes
down to it, they're all parents.
173
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,828
Whoa, whoa.
174
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,797
Run that back.
You had an affair?
175
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,166
It... it wasn't
an affair, I just...
176
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,202
Had sex in
a hotel room with a woman
that wasn't your wife.
177
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,971
It happened once.
It still counts.
178
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,339
Quickly.
It still counts!
179
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,573
No, it doesn't!
180
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,375
It took you four years
to tell Judith?
181
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,345
Well, yeah.
It definitely counts!
182
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,780
All right, button it up.
183
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,648
Just button it up, rube.
184
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,583
Let me ask you something.
185
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,652
Why does this
make you so happy? I mean...
186
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,622
I'm sorry, but, Martin,
man, whenever I used to think
187
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,199
about getting married,
I'd think, "Okay.
188
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,292
I'm ready for responsibility,
189
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,394
I can handle the intimacy."
190
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:25,265
But the concept of having sex
with the same woman,
191
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,535
day in and day out
for the rest of my life?
192
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,836
Whoo!
193
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,037
And then I'd look at you,
194
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,572
and I'd think,
"What's wrong with me?
195
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,773
Martin can do it."
196
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,643
But you couldn't do it,
could you?
197
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,649
This had nothing to do with sex.
198
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,120
Well, it had
something to do with sex,
but that's not why I did it.
199
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,656
Okay. Why'd you do it?
200
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,757
I did it because...
201
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,193
I did it because...
202
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,896
This is your big
$100,000 question.
203
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,000
And can we have it
just as quiet as possible,
because this is very important.
204
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,968
Can I get back to you on that?
205
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,303
Yeah.
206
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:16,016
Okay, now, we are going
to go through this item by item.
207
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:19,185
Why? Is there something wrong?
I tried to be very careful.
208
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,121
This was your last year
filing jointly?
209
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,157
Uh, yes, the Tuppers
separated in January
of the following year.
210
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,626
Although some of us left
a little sooner than others.
211
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,597
I got a notion
there's trouble brewing here.
212
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,833
What a kidder.
213
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:37,470
Travel, medical.
214
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,672
Professional gifts are, uh...
215
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,540
That would be this column here.
216
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,943
Um, the receipts
are in the envelope attached.
217
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,012
That's a lovely blouse.
218
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,447
Mm-hmm.
219
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,750
What is this item here?
Twenty-seven dollars?
220
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,688
Um, uh, that's a Christmas gift
for one of my writers.
221
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,389
If you can believe that.
222
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,894
So, what else you got?
223
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,964
Now, this dinner January 8th
with Roberta McMillan.
224
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,467
She is a business associate?
Yeah, she's an MD.
225
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,102
Who frequently
gives me referrals.
226
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,737
I see.
227
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,972
And on January 15th,
228
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,241
lunch with Len Booley?
229
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,576
He's a writer's agent.
230
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:20,213
January 28th, you two had dinner
with Nicki Rosen?
231
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,948
Look out, Joe!
232
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,050
Well, she was
a colleague of mine.
233
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,652
And it seems, she also was...
234
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,053
Don't say it.
Don't say what?
235
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,588
Why don't we just move on
to February?
236
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,790
Judith,
what do you want from me?
237
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,392
What... what do you
want me to say?
238
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,327
How about start with
"I'm sorry"?
239
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,895
All right, all right. I'm sorry.
240
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,198
No, you're not!
All right,
I'm sorry you found out.
241
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,633
Have you seen
their charitable contributions?
242
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,545
This wouldn't by any chance
involve your Schedule C?
243
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,480
You really don't see anything
wrong with this, do you?
244
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,439
I mean,
you violated our marriage.
245
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,907
What marriage? It was over!
246
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,719
The only time I ever saw you
was in counseling.
247
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,687
Uh, the receipts for which,
by the way, are in the file...
248
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,190
Then you spent
most of your time telling me
how you didn't love me anymore!
249
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,484
Maybe Nicki Rosen was
willing to lend a sympathetic
ear for an afternoon.
250
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,786
Maybe that was something
I needed at the time!
251
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,288
Was it?
I don't know! I don't know.
I said "maybe."
252
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,766
I mean, maybe
it was all so traumatic,
253
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,291
I blocked
most of that period out!
254
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,861
So, now you're
saying that it was my fault?
255
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:13,667
Maybe. Maybe
that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
256
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,201
Come on, kids.
We're all friends.
257
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,436
Oh, no we're not.
258
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,239
Oh, oh, well,
if that's how you feel,
259
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,473
why don't you divorce me?
260
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,949
Did I mention your blouse?
261
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,334
Get me the Raphelson contracts,
I want to see the Bluestone
galleys on my desk,
262
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,569
and get production on the phone,
and you're out of coffee.
263
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,863
Hold it! Do you think
you're the only person
having a lousy day?
264
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,598
Since you left here
this morning,
265
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:49,169
I have received an obscene fax
from a guy named Luigi,
266
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,204
I have a puncture wound
from a paper clip,
267
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,807
and I'm still tasting
the kielbasa from lunch.
268
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,142
And yet, somehow,
despite all this,
269
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,978
somehow, I manage to smile,
270
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,181
and say, "Good afternoon."
271
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:05,151
Is it really so damn hard
for you to do the same?
272
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,319
Good afternoon.
273
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,088
That's better.
274
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,939
Yo, sunshine!
275
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,374
Your kid's on three.
276
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,011
Hello?
277
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,412
Hey, Dad, listen.
278
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,147
Are you and Mom,
like, talking yet?
279
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,549
Only if we have to. Why?
280
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,452
Uh, just curious.
281
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,055
I was planning on staying here
at Mom's tonight, okay?
282
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,690
Oh. Okay.
283
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,267
If you change your mind...
Yeah, great, Dad.
284
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,559
Catch you later.
285
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,629
Hey, Mom, how'd it go?
286
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,365
Oh, just great. Any messages?
287
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,036
Yeah. Richard called,
and he said he discovered
some vaccine or something,
288
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,371
and he probably
won't be home for dinner.
289
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,641
I, uh, was planning on staying
at Dad's tonight, okay?
290
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:03,777
Fine.
291
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,481
Yes!
292
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,428
Hey, you made it!
Yeah!
293
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,431
Check out the jewelry.
Too much?
294
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,099
It's a little '80s.
295
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,801
Is this outstanding?
296
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,704
Kathy Menlowe is here,
Cheryl Rubin is here, and...
297
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,106
Oh, my God!
Here comes Ashley McNeal.
298
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,442
Hi, Bobby. Hi, Jeremy.
299
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,545
Ashley, hey,
glad you could make it.
300
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,480
Jeremy, great earring.
301
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:41,548
Thanks.
302
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,784
Chocolate?
303
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,889
What?
304
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:50,957
It's Tanya.
305
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,426
Tanya?
306
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,894
You don't remember?
307
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,603
We have a date.
308
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,507
Oh, ja! Oh!
309
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,276
Now I remember.
310
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,778
I know that.
311
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,979
Are you okay?
312
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,282
I'm going through this thing
with my ex-wife.
313
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:18,318
She's...
314
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,292
You know what's in here?
315
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,328
Well, if it's
more whipped cream,
316
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,438
I don't know if we should jump...
317
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,731
I'm into an Italian thing now.
318
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:35,168
Chianti. Extra virgin olive oil.
319
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,703
The wine is for now.
320
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,072
The oil is for later.
321
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,075
Ah.
322
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,986
Personally, I think you'd
save yourself a lot of grief
323
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,812
if you'd just turn her out.
324
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,080
Come on in.
325
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,885
It's no big deal.
I know.
326
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,496
You spin the bottle,
you go into the closet...
327
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,854
I know.
328
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:56,056
Then you stick your tongue
329
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,291
down her throat
as far as it'll go.
330
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,493
Right. I know.
331
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:07,400
Anyway, I... I don't need
my ex-wife to be my friend.
332
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,003
You're right.
I've got plenty of friends.
333
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,505
I mean, there are lots of people
I can talk to, you know?
334
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,407
I can talk to you.
335
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:15,475
Sure.
336
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,519
Hello?
337
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,756
Hello, Nicki.
This is Judith Tupper.
338
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,492
Judith. How are you?
339
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:33,760
Fuck you!
340
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,014
There's a reason
you get divorced from people.
341
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,916
You don't get divorced
from people so they can
stay in your life.
342
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,220
I mean, that's why they
call them ex-wives, you know?
343
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,892
Martin, are you gonna
keep talking about your ex-wife,
344
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,695
or, uh, are we gonna
have some sex here?
345
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,500
You know
what really burns me up?
346
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,068
You're next, Jeremy.
347
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,476
Sorry.
348
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,544
Try again, Tupper.
349
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,723
Ugh!
350
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,538
I don't want
to overstate anything,
351
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,964
but I gave
my life's blood to that woman.
352
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,708
Sorry.
353
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,411
Hello?
354
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,414
It's me, I think we should talk.
355
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,915
You got any bread sticks?
356
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:36,983
Who's that?
357
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,686
Do you have a woman with you?
358
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,390
Yes, yes, I do.
359
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,624
I don't believe you.
360
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,326
How can you do that
with Jeremy there?
361
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,737
You know, every time
I start to give you
362
00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,171
the benefit of the doubt,
you pull this...
363
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,964
Just wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
364
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,032
Jeremy's with you.
365
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,333
No, he's...
366
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:58,505
And we fell for it.
Boy, are we dumb.
367
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,274
Hey, come on.
It wasn't that bad.
368
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:04,377
I made her gag.
She bit my tongue.
369
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:07,380
For my first sexual experience,
this really sucks.
370
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:12,752
Well, look at the upside.
Things can't get any worse.
371
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,255
Where's Jeremy?
372
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,365
We had no idea where you were!
373
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,624
We were frantic!
374
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,268
I mean, if you only knew
what you put us through!
375
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,495
Judith, Judith.
It's okay, calm down.
376
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,297
I'll handle this.
377
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,565
You had us worried sick!
378
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,909
What if you
weren't at Bobby's, huh?
379
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,002
We didn't know!
You could have been under a bus!
380
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,371
I mean, what are we
gonna do with you?
381
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,349
I say let's string him up now
and ask questions later.
382
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:37,310
Jeremy, what were you thinking?
You asked us if you could go.
383
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,213
We told you explicitly
that you could not.
And then you go anyway!
384
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:43,292
Taking advantage of the
fact that your mother and I
don't live together anymore.
385
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,761
Well, let me just tell you
something, your father
and I may be divorced...
386
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,721
But we're still a family
and all rules apply.
387
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,256
Everything would have been fine
if you hadn't found out.
388
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,460
Forget it, mister!
That doesn't make it right.
389
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,096
Jeremy, we have to be able
to trust you.
390
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,565
We've got nothing if we
can't trust each other, right?
391
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,866
Right.
392
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,135
If there's one thing
I learned as a kid,
393
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,838
it was the value
of fair play and honesty.
394
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,874
Those are two of the most
important things in this world,
395
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,976
and don't you forget it.
396
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:13,446
Okay, okay, okay,
I got it, I got it.
You don't have to look so smug.
397
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,191
Now, young man, I think
you should go to your room,
398
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,083
and think
about what your father said.
399
00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:20,120
I'll come over in the morning,
and... and we'll all talk
about it some more.
400
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:22,022
That'll be fun.
Hey!
401
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,861
Look. I'm sorry, you guys.
402
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,007
Well, we really are parents,
aren't we?
403
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:43,376
We really are. Huh!
404
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,754
A husband and wife
have got to be able to talk
to each other to say the truth.
405
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,154
Look, I'm sorry
about the Nicki Rosen thing.
406
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:57,724
I mean, I... I really
wanted to hurt you then.
407
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,628
Oh.
Of course, I... I never
meant to hurt you now.
408
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,696
Oh.
409
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,533
Okay.
Okay.
410
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,336
So, uh...
411
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,580
Making a salad?
412
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,018
Well, people,
according to my calculations,
413
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,487
Mr. and Mrs. Tupper
owe the American people
414
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,957
$3,257.
415
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,225
Sorry.
416
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,560
I'm afraid I had to disallow
417
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:34,794
certain deductions.
418
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:39,265
"Item one, the United States
government does not consider
419
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:41,368
a pedicure a medical expense."
420
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:43,670
We tried, eh?
421
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,271
"Item two,
422
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:48,375
a pet cannot
be claimed as a dependent."
423
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,644
Oh, well, we...
we really loved that rabbit.
424
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:53,580
"Item three, Mrs. Tupper's
425
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:56,549
purchase of an antique desk
as an office expense."
426
00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:58,494
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
427
00:21:58,518 --> 00:21:59,853
We didn't buy that desk.
428
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,821
That was a gift
from... from Judith's parents.
429
00:22:01,855 --> 00:22:04,391
Uh, no, it wasn't.
430
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:07,160
Actually, I...
I bought that with money
from my personal account.
431
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,305
Well, you and I were
fighting so much then,
and I just thought...
432
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,564
So you lied.
433
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:13,066
There's a saying that goes,
434
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:17,370
"The pendulum swings,
and time discovers the truth."
435
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:19,205
That's kind of dramatic,
isn't it?
436
00:22:19,239 --> 00:22:21,841
There is a big difference
between adultery and furniture.
437
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:24,044
Oh, is there?
You lied?
438
00:22:24,077 --> 00:22:25,645
Yes, she did. She lied.
439
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:27,681
That was an out-and-out lie?
31616
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