Original subtitles

What is it?

Come on!

Come on, please!

Here we go again.

Hello!

-So how was your day? -Good.

You come home and the first thing you smell is piss.

Well, he's an old dog, isn't he?

When I know I've got an old dog, I keep an eye on him, don't I?

Yuck!

Sorry, I didn't notice. So, how was your day?

Not bad.

Did you check your WhatsApp? I wrote you a message.

My phone's out of power. What did you need?

-We need wine. -Why?

What's all this?

And this?

All this, you mean? What do you think?

-Dinner? -Yes, I'm making dinner.

So, dinner, eh. Are we expecting somebody?

The neighbours.

I see.

-Our neighbours. -Hmm.

Hello, darling.

She's got her earphones on, probably.

-In her ears, that is. -Or she doesn't give a shit about us.

I told you about them yesterday. You've forgotten already?

No. I remember it very well.

You said you wanted to invite them round, and not that you had already done so.

The tense fundamentally changes the meaning. Don't you think?

-No way! It changes the meaning? -Yes, Anna.

It changes the meaning fundamentally.

I'll record your wise words one day and then play them back to you.

The tense fundamentally changes the meaning. Don't you think?

Yes, Anna. It changes the meaning fundamentally.

Or she doesn't give a shit about us.

I can send it all to you on WhatsApp, Mum, if you want.

-Fuji, heel! -What d'you mean, all?

-Have you got more? -Several hours, Evžen.

Don't call me “Evžen”!

Don't call me “Evžen,” madame! I deserve some respect and consideration.

What's that?

If you're going to smoke, close the door.

We've owed them this meeting for the last six months.

Why do they have to come here? Who said that? Where's it written?

Nowhere. And no one.

Take this.

Calm down…

-No need to lose your nerve now. -I'm not losing my nerve.

-Want to know why, dear? -Tell me.

Did they help us when we were refurbishing the flat?

-Yes. -Did they put up with the refurbishment?

I suppose so.

We promised to show them the result. Six months ago. Understand?

Get changed.

But they seem nice, don't they?

-They're always saying “hello.” -How awful.

-They're annoying and nosy. -Unbelievable.

-They must be really strange people. -You know what I mean.

You're always standing in the corridor talking nonsense.

They keep asking how things are… Doesn't that seem suspicious to you?

But people do that all the time,

they show their interest in other human beings, you see?

Listen! The recordings, that's… Why's that? What does it…

Is that really necessary? Listen!

Mum, I'm going out in the evening, okay?

-D'you know where the problem is? -Where, Evžen?

That you two haven't noticed that I live here, too.

But of course we have.

Shouldn't you ask me first before you invite other people in?

No, I shouldn't.

-And do you know why? -No.

You'd say no. Like every time I suggest something.

Anna?

Yes?

-What's this? -That's a dress, Evžen.

A dress.

-Isn't it a bit too… -What?

-Red? -Wow.

-You bought that for those… -No, for myself.

No, you bought it because they're coming.

-No, because I want to feel good. -In this, yeah?

-Money down the drain. -Do you like it, Evžen?

Well, the main thing is that they like it, right?

-Do you like it? -Depends how much it cost.

Get up. Come on.

You go away, you come back,

and we'll try again from scratch, okay?

Darling, I'm home!

How are you?

How was your day?

Oh! Lovely flowers. Is something up?

Are we expecting someone?

Now I've remembered.

The neighbours! You told me.

Xenia, darling, Dad's home!

Xenia, Dad says hello!

Hi!

Thanks for asking. It was great, darling.

Right. Now you can go and buy the wine.

Fuji! What have you done?

Okay, let's go.

You'll be eating carrot for a week.

No granules, no sachets.

Carrot!

Stop pulling me! I'm not going home yet.

What are you looking at me like that for?

I don't have to explain anything to you. I just don't want to.

Come on, pass me the ball!

Pass it!

He didn't call?

-No. -Not even you?

He never calls me.

Come on.

This is unbelievable.

Still not picking up.

Evžen? Christ.

Stop calling him “Evžen.”

Why? He doesn't respect that fact that I'm Xenia either.

He's never done this before.

Maybe something's happened to him.

Or he's found someone.

-At last, good riddance. -Don't be daft.

-Hard luck. -Don't provoke him today, okay? Please.

Yeah, don't worry, I'll go.

-It's great that you're home. -Yeah.

Could you tell me where you've been?

-In the park. -In the park?

-And was it nice in the park? -I have no idea, really.

But I guess so.

S'pose.

S'pose?

They'll be here any minute and you've left everything for me to do.

But you're so smart.

I see you've roasted a chicken and even made hummus.

That's lovely.

And I've been helpful and brought some wine, like you said.

It'll be a nice evening.

-What's up? -You tell me, what's up?

You praised me, which, in itself, is strange,

and you can't stand hummus. So, what's up?

No, no, no.

-I really love hummus, darling. -No way.

Yes.

It just took me a moment.

You have to get used to new tastes, you see?

On the other hand, there's some things I'll never get used to.

For example? That you have a daughter?

I'll be going now, okay?

That you call me “Evžen,” for example. Since you're asking.

And that you change your name every six months.

I understand you're trying to find yourself,

but I never know who's going to come home.

-Evžen, please. -Sorry!

So sorry that I don't like

my only daughter even changing her last name,

so that no one at school knows I'm her father! I sincerely apologise!

Why does that person have to behave like an imbecile?

Xenia, please.

-Evžen! -Mum!

Well done, congratulations.

Are you doing that on purpose? You want to unnerve me!

Maybe you should protect your teenaged child a bit more.

What?

What the folk up above keep doing could cause her psychological trauma.

She could become a porn actress, or even a nun.

I don't want to talk about it now.

Now is exactly the time to talk about it.

We'll mention it as soon as they start munching our organic chicken.

-For which you paid a right packet. -There we are!

You're angry about how much it cost.

If it was up to you, you'd just give them peanuts.

If it was up to me, my darling, I wouldn't give them anything.

-You see? Nothing. -Yes.

All our paintings are battered from the walls shaking.

So they shake, so what?

We kept hammering and drilling here for six months. What's the difference?

A vital one. Vital!

They shag like rabbits up there. Not rabbits, giant rabbits!

But if you want to have dinner with giant, shagging rabbits, go ahead.

I'll join in.

Why aren't you wearing the new dress?

I don't know.

I thought it was…

…a bit too much.

That's good.

Sorry.

This one's great.

How about opening a bottle of wine

and starting again?

Yeah, that'll do us good.

But first call the neighbours and tell them not to come.

D'you know what I think about it all?

What?

That we're envious of them.

-Of who? -Them.

Them?

-Yeah. -Why?

Whenever I hear her moaning like a cat when they're making love,

I feel envy.

That's why I don't want to say anything.

I'm glad that some people can still let loose.

Great.

So now we'll start being jealous of our knuckle-dragging neighbours.

Amazing!

And what about your daughter?

We'll have to give her earplugs for the night!

What if she wakes up terrified that the ceiling's going to fall in,

but doesn't dare to come to our bedroom

because she'll think it's you who's moaning?

And that I'm jumping around you

like a gorilla? What shall we do?

Having a good orgasm is harder than you think.

If she has them, then let her enjoy them.

I really do need a drink now.

Of course, help yourself. Go ahead.

I know you men don't understand it, but that's how it is.

It's not easy to have a good orgasm. Where are you?

Listen to me.

If we tell them that we can hear them, and that it bothers us,

then every time they're close to climax,

they'll see our faces.

-Yeah. -Our faces?

Yeah. As if we were sitting on their bed, lecturing them.

Maybe she'd never again feel such bliss. Understand?

I'd never forgive myself.

Don't make me feel guilty, Anna, okay?

Quiet!

Am I to believe they don't know that we can hear them?

And now I even have to feel responsible for their orgasms?

Put it on the table!

They scream and moan because they don't give a shit about us. Period!

And when I make a racket at night, I'm well aware that I'm disturbing others.

They should go and screw in a hotel. But they won't. And do you know why?

Because they want to be heard. It turns them on!

Come on, when did you last make a racket at night?

Now you've gone too far.

You win.

-I'll tell them not to come. -Really?

-Thank you. -Don't mention it.

What'll your excuse be?

Well, I'll just tell them we're arguing, as always.

Okay, good, that's fine.

That sounds credible.

If they don't leave within ten minutes,

I'll have an urgent phone call and I'll go.

It's up to you.

Evžen, I'm nervous.

-Shall we agree a truce? -For ten minutes.

-And touch me now and then. -I should touch you?

-Yes. -Where?

-Anywhere you want, as a loving gesture. -Anywhere I want.

You give me a sign and I touch your bum, for instance?

Yeah, sure. The bum's fine.

It'll look as if there's still a spark between us.

Yeah, bum. Agreed.

Shall we test it first?

-I touch my fringe and… -And I…

-Fine. -So I'll open the door.

Hello! Here you are.

-How are you? -Very well.

Good evening, Anna.

I'm… We're delighted you've come.

Evžen, look, they're here already!

Hello.

-Hello. -I hope we're not disturbing you.

Since it took you a while to open the door.

What?

-No, of course not. Come on in. -We can come later.

No, come in, come in.

Come in.

Laura said you were having sex, but I thought you were arguing.

-Tomáš always speaks his mind. -We made a wager. Who won?

We were just talking to each other, slowly finishing off a conversation.

On a sensitive topic. Do you like sensitive topics?

Sensitive topics?

-We love them. -Perfect.

-What a lovely flat! -Thank you.

-For you. -Thanks.

-It's much bigger than ours. -Really?

-Sure. -It has strong energy.

You don't say! Where?

Evžen.

Everywhere. One can feel that you like it here.

I love it here. A lot. Yes, I really do.

I'm proud of what I…

we've achieved here.

-The refurbishment. -It must have been such hard work.

-I can't even imagine it. -I can, but it must have been terrible.

It was terrible. Sorry.

Things often move her to tears.

Yes.

Don't they?

You know, I'm just like you, it's easy to make me cry. Often.

Often.

-I thought so. Shall we have this? -Of course.

-My specialty, a recipe from India. -You didn't have to, thank you.

But it's a bit spicy. I hope you don't mind.

No.

And also…

it's an aphrodisiac.

-I see. -An aphrodisiac.

-That's fantastic. -Yeah.

Shall we?

-Can I help you with something? -No, there's no need.

-Take a seat. -Thanks. What about your daughter?

-She's very happy. -No, I meant, where is she?

I see. On a date.

She'll sleep over at her boyfriend's today. But hush.

Ooh.

-Evžen. -Yes?

Show Tomáš your study.

Come on, darling, no one cares about my study.

You've got a study? That's amazing, I haven't got one.

It's his kingdom.

He doesn't even let me in unless he has to.

Laura, look what they've got in here.

A grand piano?!

Hey.

Evžen, calm down, please.

Who plays it?

Me.

And our daughter Martina.

Our daughter Xenia, that is.

You've got two daughters? I only keep seeing one.

We've got several daughters.

Martina, Iva, Jessie, Xenia.

And I think it's not the final number yet.

Evžen's joking.

Our daughter's trying to find herself, so she changes her name now and then.

-About every six months. -That's true.

I don't mind it,

but the registry office isn't cheap.

Of course.

I…

I do apologise, but he's really sensitive about it.

Sorry.

I'm not, darling, I just don't like it being touched by someone

who cannot play it.

It's the only item of furniture that Evžen dusts.

You're a musician?

-Yes, but… -Are you famous?

Can we find you on Google?

Only amongst people from the industry.

We love music, and art in general. Do you play at concerts?

-We could go and see you. -He's teaching at a school at the moment.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Wow! This is what I call an armchair.

-You like it? -Yes. I love armchairs.

-Me too. -Can I?

Yeah, of course. Oh, sorry. Evžen doesn't like it at all.

-He wants to throw it out. -Why? Armchairs are great.

One can have a nap in them or…

-He gets it. -No.

He doesn't.

-What else can you do in an armchair? -Shag?

-Tomáš. -What?

Wine?

-Would you like a glass, Laura? -I'd love one.

-I'll have some, too. -Anna, can we smoke in here?

-What? Smoke? -Yes, of course, go ahead.

-We'll open the windows later. -You should come more often.

Anytime you want, Evžen.

Evžen! Could you open the wine?

-Darling, a moment ago I… -But that bottle is already open, right?

Yes, of course, I'll open a new one.

Maybe we should put a Michelin star instead of our names on the door today.

-Have you got an ashtray? -Just put it on the floor.

-That's how we do it here, am I right? -Evžen's a joker.

-I noticed. -You can't not notice.

Yes. But only when we have guests.

Don't worry, if something catches fire, Tomáš'll put it out.

-What do you mean? -Tomáš is a fireman.

-Aren't you, love? -For four years now.

Fireman!

Bombero!

-Bombe what? -It was in Portuguese, it's nothing.

Actually, I'm one of the bosses now, I'm the chief.

I see, a head fireman. Now I understand.

I feel much safer now when I know my neighbour's a fireman.

Why?

If there was a fire, you see?

Or if, as a result of certain vibrations, this building collapsed.

Vibrations?

-What vibrations? -Laura, could you help me with something?

-Sure. -Shall we put this in the fridge?

-Yes, we shall. -There. Thank you very much.

-Evžen, an ashtray, please. -Of course.

-Can I have a look? -Yeah.

Well, that looks great.

-Lots of onion. -I hope you'll like it.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't like your specialty.

Undoubtedly. I'll pour you some more. We love new flavours.

-Don't we, Evžen? -You know me so well, dear.

Watch out, watch out!

-I'm sorry, I do apologise. -Don't worry about it.

Whenever we have guests I get really nervous.

-It's fine, it was very sweet of you. -Well, I don't know about that. Sorry.

-More like stupid. -No, not at all.

Really?

We're all scared of being judged by others.

-That's how it is. -I'm sorry?

What did you say?

That we are strongly influenced by the opinions of others.

I see.

She's a good psychologist.

You're a psychologist?

-Wow. -Wow.

A psychologist.

And a fireman.

What an interesting combination.

It's so… Yeah.

-Here. -Oh, a casserole.

-We don't have an ashtray. -Aha.

-We only have a casserole. -We do have an ashtray.

Yes, we do have an ashtray, but it's on the roof because…

Because it likes being alone.

Yes, that's true.

Yes, it's his mate. He often goes to it for a chat on the roof.

-Is that right? -Exactly.

Well, you're going to have it soon, right?

See the spark between them?

-Exactly. -Most of the time you can't see it.

When we bump into each other outside you usually don't say anything.

We try to keep quiet in the building, you see?

Out of politeness.

Hungry already? We should start or it'll get cold.

The chicken's in the garden. I've roasted a chicken.

I hope you'll have some.

-Of course they will. It's organic. -I'm vegan.

-Oh, really? -It doesn't matter.

-But I'm not. -Oh, that's good.

Well, what a relief.

Oof.

The chicken's really good.

And very healthy.

Organic, I know.

Not even a small piece?

You don't even eat fish?

-No. -But you can surely have this.

Evžen bought some carrots, luckily.

Carrots.

-Christ, that's delicious. -You should definitely try it.

That's Anna's specialty.

-It's really excellent. -Really?

They do look like giant, shagging rabbits.

What?

-Evžen, have some as well. -No, thank you.

Oh, come on! You love hummus.

-I can imagine the taste, darling. -Have some, Evžen.

Any joy you give your wife is returned to you a hundred times over, isn't it?

I see. You're also a mathematician.

I won't eat carrots

when my wife bought a chicken for the price of caviar.

Would you like to see the rest of the flat?

Of course.

Great.

-Not coming? -I've already seen it, darling.

I don't want to smoke indoors.

Fine, but don't talk about anything interesting.

-Evžen. -No, no.

We'll only talk about neighbourly matters.

-Yes. -See?

Nothing to worry about.

We've made a few changes here.

This building was built by Evžen's grandfather, an architect.

-Aha. -His dad was also an architect.

So only Evžen is a bit different.

-Evidently. -He used to sleep in this room.

Now it's our daughter's. She even has her own bathroom.

-May I? -Of course.

-Nice. -Hmm.

-An extra bathroom's a massive advantage. -It is.

I find bathrooms very inspirational.

Never mind.

At least we're getting to know each other better, eh?

That's true. It's difficult to do it on the staircase.

The staircase?

We run into each other, neither of us knows what to say,

we're looking in opposite directions…

It's awkward.

Do you also feel awkward?

Yes, I do.

I don't like running into strangers…

-in enclosed spaces. -You see?

You'd never say this to me on the staircase.

That's true, I wouldn't.

This is our bedroom.

Oh!

-What a big bed. -It is.

You could fit several people in there, eh?

I suppose so.

May I?

Of course. Please.

-Yes, it's comfortable. -Yes.

And soft.

Yes.

-It doesn't creak. -Not at all.

-That's very important. -It is.

We need a new mattress, the one we have now is completely…

-What? -Fucked.

-Your glass is empty. -What?

-Would you like some more wine? -No, I'd get drunk too quickly.

And then nothing could stop me.

You're not like that, are you?

Oh, but I am. I am like that.

Not Evžen, though. He can drink without losing his self-control.

I like it.

What?

-Losing self-control. -Aha.

Sometimes, we all need that, don't we?

I love dancing.

A lot. But Evžen doesn't.

-Really? -Yes.

-I love dancing. -I can see it.

Really, how?

-I hooked up with Laura at a dance. -Really?

-Yes. -I'm so envious.

Yeah. Excuse me.

-May I? -Of course.

It's a lovely dress.

-Let me see. -Come on.

Yeah. It'd suit you.

You think?

I do.

-Try it on. -No.

-Why not? -It's a bit too…

-What? -Too red for me.

-Yes, it is red, but… -No, it's not appropriate.

-Oh, come on, be brave. -No. No.

Be brave!

I need to powder my nose, so…

Excuse me.

Whatever you say.

I was lucky to meet Tomáš.

I found freedom that I didn't even think existed.

No way.

And joy.

Suddenly I discovered joy in life.

I used to have the same face.

It's as if we knew each other better than we really do, right?

That's true.

We actually barely know each other.

That's how it is with neighbours.

Have you ever met someone for the first time and…

And what?

And you immediately felt a connection?

Maybe.

Let's go for a smoke.

-I fancy a cigarette. -Of course.

I don't really smoke, only from time to time.

-Of course. -Just one puff and I feel better.

Evžen keeps them somewhere up here. I'm sure of it.

He doesn't know I know.

-They must be here somewhere. -I'll give you a hand.

Oh, yeah? Thank you. Here. On the left. More to the left.

-Yeah, left. -More to the left, yes.

Yes. Here.

Good.

Got them.

I've found them.

Hello.

I've got them, Tomáš.

Do carry on.

Who needs a ladder when we have a fireman at home, right?

Has something happened?

No. Nothing.

Laura, we haven't tried that specialty of yours yet.

Go out and I'll bring plates and forks, okay?

You heard her, she's the boss around here.

Go ahead.

Have you met the new neighbours from the first floor yet?

They seem decent to me.

They respect all the elementary rules of community living.

-Evžen. -Yes, dear?

-Will you put some music on? -If you insist.

What would you like to listen to?

-Country. -I actually meant music.

We love country music.

We're members of the Society of Lovers of Country Music.

We go dancing once a month. Would you like to join us?

Darling, I'm afraid Evžen is not into dancing at all.

-Or am I mistaken? -Not at all.

I'm not into dancing.

And do you know what, I won't put any music on.

At least we'll be able to talk about more important things.

You don't look very well, darling. Perhaps you're a bit under the weather?

-Yes, I feel a bit faint, but… -If you don't feel well, we can go.

-No! Please don't. -No!

Sit down. We still have to discuss one more sensitive topic.

-Darling, more wine. -Oh, the glasses.

No! Sit down. I'll bring them myself.

Here we are. I must try that, too.

It looks amazing, Laura.

A bit of cinnamon, ginger, and chilli, first and foremost.

-Laura… -Thank you so much for inviting us.

Don't mention it. You helped us a great deal.

We gave you the hammer back, didn't we?

Hammer? What hammer?

Tomáš, could I have another glass, please?

-Oh, off you go. -Thank you.

-Chilli. -Yes.

I love chilli.

Well, I hope you can handle it.

-Definitely. Thank you. -So, dig in.

-Very good. -Excellent, isn't it?

Excellent.

In fact, we also wanted to talk to you about something.

Really? What a coincidence!

Coincidence?

What is it about?

-Don't worry, nothing serious. -Yeah? We also have something for you.

For us?

Yeah, we also wanted to tell you something.

-Really? -Yes.

-Well, you go first. -No, you go first.

-No! -Go ahead.

No, you start. Come, they should start.

This is your home, you have priority. We'll wait.

-We can start. -No, you start.

Stop it. You start, really.

You start, because you're our guests.

Very well. Tomáš.

We wanted to apologise to you.

-Really? -What for?

It's clear that we've been disturbing you.

Us?

-Particularly during the night. -When?

-When having sex. -You?

-Yes. -Yes?

Yes. We make love, sometimes.

Yes.

-Of course, but that's normal, isn't it? -Totally normal.

You must be able to hear it.

We do our best to be quiet, but…

sometimes it's hard not to lose control.

Particularly when you're a bombero!

If it's been too much for you, we'd like to apologise.

Oh, no need for that. Am I right, Evžen?

Anyway, it happens to all of us from time to time.

But we've never heard you.

Really?

But why would you?

Yeah.

-Why? -Well, because…

Because we live downstairs. That's why.

Of course. We're fully aware

that there are days when the furniture jumps about at our place.

At ours too. Not long ago I found a chest of drawers in the kitchen sink.

Darling, come on.

So we thought we'd use this opportunity to apologise.

No, it's fine.

We really didn't hear anything, did we?

No. I sleep like a log.

You're not being totally truthful, Evžen.

-Me? -Him?

Yes. He's a liar.

Why do you think so?

Because we know you once phoned us at night.

-When? -About a month ago.

-About three times. -Yeah.

You phoned them three times?

-Really? -We were noisy.

-Especially you. -No, you!

Really?

And when we picked up, you just hung up.

-That's so embarrassing. -No.

So low.

No, it's our fault. It's our mistake.

Why didn't you tell me you wanted to phone them?

Originally, I wanted to call the police.

Don't look at me that way.

We've been talking about them and their orgasms for months now.

You talk about my orgasms?

Oh, come on…

We talk all the time and about everything.

Maybe we've mentioned it once or twice, but in a completely different context.

It wasn't once or twice, but almost every evening!

Okay.

She didn't want to tell you, but as neighbours,

we can talk about anything, right?

With us you certainly can, definitely.

She was scared

you'd lose your epic orgasms if we mentioned it.

That's so considerate. Very kind.

But it's not Laura who has those epic orgasms.

-Really? -Karolína does.

-Aha. -I see.

-And who is Karolína? -A friend of ours.

And she lives with you?

No, Karolína lives in the mountains, with Karel.

-Who's Karel? -A friend of ours.

Karel is a huge man. And breathes heavily.

You just hear…

Sorry. He's just like a bison.

-Maybe you've heard him as well. -Who?

-The bison, of course. -Yeah.

And why does Karolína have orgasms at your place?

-We have group sex from time to time. -That too.

Only occasionally.

-Of course. -It's not that we…

If it's only occasionally, then that's fine, right?

-Sure, occasionally is great. -Yes.

-That's fine, only occasionally. -Yes.

-Yeah? -Yes.

I need to go for a smoke.

Yes, I won't mind a cigarette either.

Next time, we should meet at your place.

Sure.

Our sofa can be folded out into an oval-shaped bed.

-Very practical. -We had it made to order.

That many people don't usually fit into a normal bed.

To tell the truth, at first we did it on the rug,

but my knees were like a boy who's just learning to ride a bike.

Maybe we can lend you our armchair. To make things lively.

Like an upholstered aphrodisiac!

But it's only suitable for certain positions.

Naturally.

Yeah, so it's with Karel. And Karolína.

-Yes, the four of us meet up regularly. -Regularly?

-And sometimes others join in. -Sure, for variety.

They're all people that we know, and we trust each other.

How comforting.

And also exciting.

You learn a whole load of new things.

That's…

Well, we don't do things like that, but we'd surely get to like it.

-It's impossible not to like it. -Yeah.

Well, those aphrodisiacs in the food are starting to take effect.

-I'm totally on fire! -Come on.

So, sometimes we exchange partners.

-Exchange? -And do threesomes.

-Threesomes? -Not just threesomes.

Sometimes a lift full of people comes up to us and others have to take the stairs.

Kind of a small, intimate orgy, if I understand it correctly.

-Sure, everyone with everyone else. -For variety. Oh, sorry.

Orgy? No way. There're never more than eight of us.

What d'you mean, “never”? There were ten of us that time.

-Ten? -Good God, ten?

Please, don't bring God into this.

Yes, that was Karolína's birthday!

-It was a birthday party. -Birthdays are birthdays.

-So now you understand why it was noisy. -Of course, with that many people.

So we're actually apologising on behalf of Karolína.

Karolína simply loves sex.

Didn't you want to say something, Evžen?

No.

I'll get my telescope.

I'll have a look at Jupiter just to be sure.

I hope it hasn't left its orbit.

Evžen!

I apologise if it is too much for you.

Too right it's too much.

It was too much when you first came in.

Well, everyone can do what they want with their own body.

Well, Anna, sex isn't just about the body.

What's it about?

Sex is at home here.

But you're shaking.

I'm not used to being touched.

Are you really a fireman?

Evžen!

Have some wine.

No!

I need water. Cold water. Very cold!

And you know what? What I want to do is jump right into it

to wake myself up and find out that all this is just a bad dream!

Christ alive, Evžen, what are you doing?

You'll catch a cold!

-We didn't want to make you angry. -Too late!

Take that off, you can't wear it when it's wet.

-We didn't want you to feel embarrassed. -It's perfectly fine.

We're neighbours, we can tell each other things.

-It's all about respect, isn't it? -Yes. Plus we're not narrow-minded!

It seems you haven't yet had a similar experience. Please.

I'd love to, but I'm just a normal musician.

-I'm so sorry. -Don't worry about it.

There's nothing worse than boredom and routine.

I agree.

I understand that it's not for everyone.

-Oh, isn't it? -No.

-Only for stable couples. -Okay.

Unfortunately.

Excuse me.

So this is your telescope.

Hard to say.

Maybe it's just a massive vibrator.

Evžen, you have a sense of humour, I like that.

When I met Laura, I actually had two girlfriends at once.

I had to sleep with them alternately, it was tiring.

-I should have been a fireman. -Maybe.

Once, I don't know even how it happened, all three of us ended up in bed together.

We liked it and kept doing it.

She said that it's only for stable couples.

And we definitely aren't stable.

-We started to form a group. -Sure.

The Society of Lovers of Country Music. The Society of Lovers of Sex.

-Wow! -But no drugs.

-They're banned. -Good.

I say that to my daughter all the time, no drugs.

-Evžen, show our guests some stars. -Yes, I have to set it up.

Well, sometimes we smoke marijuana.

-Who doesn't? -And sometimes a bit of ecstasy.

I see.

-Have you ever tried it? -No.

No. All I take is fizzy aspirin.

Evžen, sometimes it's good to let loose.

-That's enough. -Evžen, I'm just teasing you.

I'm beside myself with laughter.

-Oh, I can see one. -Really?

I don't know what it is, but it's beautiful.

You wouldn't believe how many people are ashamed of their bodies.

-I'm not ashamed to be naked. -I didn't mean us.

And us neither.

Yeah, I know.

We work with music a lot during the process. It's like a dance.

Yeah? I can see it already.

Sex and country music.

So…

-Don't worry, we didn't hear anything. -Careful.

No, we only hear the bison.

Laura, I have something to show you.

-Can I have a look? -Sure.

Can you see it?

-Yeah. -That's the constellation Canis Major.

I can see a very bright star. Which one's that?

That's…

Yes! That's Sirius.

You'd better stop asking, because he can talk about the sky for hours.

Everyone has a hobby and that's good.

Shall we have some cake? Chocolate cake?

-We'd love to. -Evžen.

Thank you.

It's not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

-I see. -A way of thinking.

What matters is to know what one likes and how one likes it.

No one is allowed to leave without orgasm.

-Really? -It's not permitted.

And nothing happens without consent.

Including fellation and anal sex.

Anal sex?

Yes. For example, Laura here really loves anal sex.

Yes, I do, but not everyone does.

Everyone does a certain extent.

-Everyone does to a certain extent?! -Yes.

-You too? You never told me. -Maybe you never asked.

Would you like some cake, dear?

Yes.

Right.

Thanks.

We'd never talk to the Zdražils from the first floor about this.

No, definitely not to the Zdražils, I understand.

I wouldn't say anything to them either.

All that members of Opus Dei do in groups is pray.

The Zdražils.

I don't know if you also feel this way,

but we've felt the connection from the start. With you. The energy.

Yes, there was a lot of energy there.

See? I told you.

-What did you say to her? -That you like similar things.

Like you, Anna, you enjoy being naked.

Hang on a moment. You…

You've seen my wife naked?

Yes. Through the window to the courtyard, I go there to smoke.

You've seen Anna naked through the window?

And which one exactly?

Wasn't that Mrs. Zdražilová by any chance?

I'm sure about it. Mrs. Zdražilová certainly isn't so appealing.

Do you have anything to say about this revelation, dear?

-Maybe it happened once. -No, it was more than once.

-What? -But…

-More than once? -The first time it was by chance, sure.

But after that, every time I go to smoke,

you walk about the flat naked, so I can see you.

-Tomáš can't keep a secret. -I see.

-Now I'm definitely going to the roof. -Evžen!

We also love walking about naked at home.

I don't.

And definitely not when being watched by a pervy neighbour!

Did I say something wrong?

That's you all over. Every time we go deep, you run away.

-Do you want to justify yourself? -No.

It's true. Sometimes I do it, that's just how it is.

-Great! Tell me your excuse. -I'm not like you. I don't make excuses.

And that's another thing we have in common.

What? What else do you two have in common?

We both like dancing.

I see! My wife enjoys dancing.

But you don't go dancing with her, so she has to walk about the flat naked.

What an interesting comment from a porn fire hydrant.

-Evžen, they're our guests! -No. They're your guests, dear.

-And I deserve an explanation, don't I? -Yes, apparently you do.

-So you'll have one. -Alright, then.

Excuse me, let me pass. Ow!

Make yourself at home.

The first time, I came out of the shower.

-Out of the shower? -Yeah.

I came out of the shower, naked,

and as I walked past the window, I noticed him.

He goes to the courtyard to smoke after having sex.

He looked at me and I walked on.

Yes, that's exactly how it was.

Since then, whenever I have a shower and hear them having sex,

I know that he might be there.

Sure.

-So now it's kind of a routine. -Yeah.

It's pleasant and liberating. What's so bad about it?

Nothing. It's important to have such intimate moments.

-But I never looked him in the eye. -Yeah? And what's the difference?

-A big one. -In that case, I feel much better.

So if you're so jealous because of that, I'll look at him from now on.

Hang on a moment.

What's that supposed to do to me, Doctor?

You're jealous, that's good, it's a sign of love.

Of course.

He used to look at me, he couldn't get enough of the view.

Next time just let me know. I'll film you, put it on the Internet,

and just you wait and see how many people will look at you!

-Evžen! -No, I'm not going there.

Where are you going? Evžen!

Stop!

Evžen! Evžen, wait!

I can't believe it!

Evžen!

Wait!

What do you think you are…

Damn it!

Evžen, strop running away!

Evžen?

Evžen, we haven't finished yet.

Evžen! Let me in!

Evžen.

Evžen?

It's just fantasies.

Intimate fantasies, every single one of us has them.

Don't blame her, it's not fair.

After you stared at Laura's breasts on the staircase, you had a wank anyway.

He stares at your breasts on the staircase?

All the time. But I don't mind.

That's what life's about. It's playful. What would it be about otherwise?

Evžen!

I really like it when you look at my breasts.

Oh, my God!

So when you shut yourself in the bathroom, you think about her breasts and not mine.

I like hers better.

I just didn't want to tell you.

Amazing.

We can start comparing them now.

Calm down, you two, please.

Enough!

Evžen.

I bet you just perv on women in the neighbourhood with that telescope.

So that's why you love going there so much.

No.

I like being alone, I think about things

and gaze at the stars.

But when it's overcast, I perv on the neighbours.

There're some lesbians living nearby who have sex all the time. They're amazing.

There you go!

You like going about naked, he likes looking at amazing lesbians.

-And at your wife's breasts. -Exactly. So what's the problem?

-Evžen, are you alright? -Yeah.

But I think there's a tumour growing in my head.

Well, I think it's time we left.

I suppose so.

-Cheerio. -Cheerio.

But in the end it was pretty good, wasn't it, Evžen?

You slap me once more and I'll whack you.

I like this chap.

-So we're off. -Yeah.

-Our place next time. -Fine.

-We'll get the oval-shaped bed out. -Why not.

-Really? -What?

-What did I tell you? -What did you say to her?

-That's enough for today. -What? That's why we came here.

-You didn't want to see the flat? -No, that was only a pretext.

-A pretext for what? -We'll talk about it next time.

-Next time? -So why did you come?

We wanted to invite you to have sex with us.

Did you hear that, Evžen?

I did, but I'm pretending I didn't.

Don't be ashamed. Laura, we've been talking about it for months.

-You really talk about wanting to… -Yes, a lot.

-We also only talk about you. -Exactly.

We can feel it. We're sensitive to these things.

Tell them.

We think you're a really attractive couple.

-Thank you. -You too.

And also sexy. We'd love to have a sexual experience with you.

-Exchange partners… -A swop, you mean?

-Or all four us together. -At the same time?

-Anything you want. -Sky is the limit.

Think about it and if you feel up to it, we can do it.

-Wonderful. -But when?

-We spend the weekends with our daughter. -Anna!

They've invited you to an orgy. And you answer like that?

Well, I'm all agitated. It's the first time I've been invited to an orgy.

-I'm a bit nervous. Is that odd? -It's not odd, we're friends.

If you don't want to, don't worry about it.

-We'll forget about it. -Yeah.

Thank you for the invitation. We'll think about it.

Actually, if I can just add my two cents,

you have to jump right in without thinking. Head first.

-Even right now, if you want to. -Right now?

-I told you that today was too soon. -Darling, it's not too soon.

We're here, we've had a drink, we're relaxed,

we're attracted to each other, I've got condoms with me…

I'm sorry. I haven't finished my depilation.

Oh, there's no need to worry.

Listen, Mr. Fireman…

Excuse me.

Hello, Iva.

No, not now, now we're getting ready for an orgy.

Yes, with Anna, naturally.

And with Karolína, her bison, a fireman, you know…

What? You don't go to orgies?

You're a bit behind the curve there, girl.

No, I'm fine, I feel great.

Okay, I'll be in touch. Bye.

My sister.

Should I invite her too?

You're taking the piss. But why not? Your sister, why…

Well, hang on. Do the rules allow it?

-I see. Thanks, take care. -Yes.

Christ, the bowl.

-What? -The bowl we brought.

I'll get it another time.

-It's quite precious. -Come and get it.

-It's no problem. -Very precious.

Come on in.

I think I've got déjŕ vu.

-It's in the sink. I'll wash it for you. -Don't worry about it.

It's a shame anyway. What else would you do?

-What else would we do?! -Yeah.

I see. Watch TV or argue.

What's it got to do with you, you imbecile?

Evžen!

-You're an imbecile and a perv! -Evžen!

-Please. -What d'you mean “Evžen, please”?

This man's an imbecile!

And he's been pushing our buttons this whole time!

-See? You're already arguing. -Yes, sometimes we argue.

-And you shout, too. -When did you hear us shout?

When you were hysterical, like now.

I don't get hysterical anymore!

-I'm sorry. -No, I am sorry.

You're right, let's forget about it.

I don't think you're ready. Not at this moment.

Yes. Unlike you, we definitely are not.

Because we haven't taken a course for deviants on an oval-shaped bed!

-Tomáš just wanted to say that couples… -Just a moment. Sorry.

Are you really a psychologist?

Careful. Careful!

-Good night, then. -Hummus. With carrot.

Since you liked it so much.

Excuse us.

Thank you.

The next time I hear you moan, I'll call the police.

I bet there're some minors in that sadist shag-parlour of yours, too!

-We never invite minors. -I do apologise.

Anna?

You're supposed to be on my side, not theirs.

I'm sorry if we've offended you. Tomorrow is a new day.

-Don't worry about it. -Exactly.

I can assure that I'll do my best to make you move away!

I don't want our daughter to bump into deviants

from a satanic cult in the corridor!

It's not satanic.

Evžen, don't overreact, they only invited us to an orgy.

-What?! -They only invited us to an orgy.

You've got a great sense of humour. Can't you just take it in your stride?

I think my tumour's just exploded.

Is it my fault?

Do you think I'm overreacting?

They came here to boast about how modern they are. And us?

We're not brave enough, we're cowards, we don't take drugs.

Yuck! All we do is gawp at the telly and argue. And you agree with them?

-Yes. -But of course.

Because you always agree with everyone, don't you?

-Because everyone behaves differently. -Yes. And how are you behaving now?

Like a liberal woman who gets turned on by anal sex!

You're so pathetic.

Pathetic!

Sure.

-I'm sorry, we're not normally like this. -Don't worry about us.

Don't leave yet, maybe we'll have a shag after all.

-We shall see! -We're pitiful.

-No, not at all. -Sorry, so shall we stay or…

Do you want to go for it, Anna?

Shall we have a foursome? Or will it be just you and the hydrant?

He could have you on the washing machine.

Yeah, maybe he could, right?

Then I'd feel so good. What a great idea! Yeah!

-I want a real good screw! -I have condoms.

She's yours, muscle-man.

Wherever you want.

-Say in the armchair. -In the armchair?

In the armchair?!

We're behaving like idiots. It's so embarrassing!

Sad and embarrassing.

It'd do you a lot of good, you know?

Maybe you'd calm down a bit and get rid of the anger

you wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night.

You think you have the right

to drag me down to the bottom, too, but you don't!

No one has the right to destroy someone else's life!

Pour us some whiskey, hydrant, we'll need it.

I don't even know when we last made love.

And last orgasm?

Even a tiny one, like our daughter's hamsters have?

-Anna? -Yes?

I want to point out that what is happening right now

is very important, but be careful what you say.

-There're words you can't take back. -Sorry, Doctor.

Hang on, I'll get a notebook. For notes.

Enough!

You defend yourself with sarcasm.

That's the only thing your intelligence can do.

Blimey!

There's been tension and mutual reproaches between you two for ages.

Yeah. Reproaches.

Reproaches.

-You should discuss it in peace. -I see! In peace?

-Okay, then. In peace. I have it. -Why can't you just be nice?

It's you who's avoiding me! When I approach you and want to make love!

But you don't approach me!

How can I trust a person who treats me badly?

You'd even screw the hydrant! And you barely know him.

What's wrong with us? I don't recognise us.

Don't be so dramatic, Anna.

It's great, isn't it?

We're actually warming up that oval-shaped bed already.

You? You wouldn't be capable of it. You've got a big mouth, but…

But I'll go for the orgies, or whatever it is. And do you know why?

-I've no idea. -Because I'm not a coward like you.

You lack the courage to do any of the things we've been talking about.

Do you have anything to add before our guests leave?

Excuse me.

Your whiskey.

Your whiskey, Evžen.

I think we'll hang about for a bit.

We are partially responsible for this. And mainly you, darling.

Very well.

How about if we calmed down a bit

and discussed what has happened here today?

Are you taking the piss?

Now you want to give us therapy? I'd even prefer anal sex.

What a party!

Anna?

What are you thinking about now?

About David.

Who's David?

-A lover I've never had. -Do you regret it?

At this moment, a great deal.

What kind of relationship did you have?

He was a colleague of mine.

We used to go for lunch together. I was crazy about him!

Evžen?

Yes, love doctor?

Do you remember something about that?

Yeah.

He was all over her for days on end. And he wasn't the only one.

Ever since we've been together, she wants me to know

that there're men around her who are crazy about her.

That she can leave me at any time.

Anna, do you still love David?

No.

So why did you remember him?

Because I might have been happier with him.

Give him a call. We'll have a threesome!

And he also wanted to have children.

So did I.

But you have a daughter together.

I wanted more.

And Evžen didn't?

If he did, they'd be running around here. He bought me a dog instead.

Are you angry with him because of it?

No, not any more.

But you are angry with him in general.

Yes.

Because I'm 40 and I can't even buy a nice dress without him screaming at me.

And I like cats, but Evžen doesn't.

And it's like that with everything else.

Do you see any cats around here?

No, not cats.

Nice shoes.

Evžen?

Sorry.

I want to go up there to have a look if the lesbians are in bed already.

You wanted to be a pianist, didn't you?

But you're a teacher. How did that happen?

I'd think I'm really unlucky if I were you.

Or not talented enough.

That's why you're so angry?

That's why you didn't want to have more children

so that your dream wasn't even more distant?

That's why you keep running away up there.

Because down here you still have it right before your eyes.

No.

I go there to satisfy my urges and perv on the city's sex life.

So you never give a direct answer?

Definitely not to a psychologist who listens to country music.

Why not?

May I have the pleasure?

Want to join in, darling?

Go for it, girls!

Anna! Anna!

That's enough! Get out!

You always have to win, don't you?

-Stop it, Evžen, you'll hurt yourself! -Yes! You always know better, don't you?

Evžen, now you've really gone completely mad.

Thank you, it was really nice.

Tea. Would you like some, Evžen?

No, thank you, hydrant.

Anna? Milk, sugar, honey?

I'll have a bit of ammonia, please.

-Anna? -No, thank you. Just tea.

-Here you are. -Thank you.

-What is your sexual relationship like? -Shared or individual?

When was the last time you had sex?

Sorry. It must be…

A year ago.

I'm sorry.

Alright, then.

Doctor,

it doesn't look very good, does it?

No, not at all.

And, in your experience,

what would do us good?

Splitting up.

I told you that inviting them for dinner was a stupid idea.

I'm sorry, do we still need this?

You should split up.

Before the wounds get so big that nothing can heal them.

And all I wanted to do was to invite you to dinner and show you the flat.

The problem is not that you argue.

But that you don't know how to apologise.

Right, it doesn't happen here at all.

That's why the rage just keeps building up.

In both of you.

Don't worry about me. I'll go and live in the mountains.

With Karolína.

She's right, you know.

You never want to talk about it.

What do you want us to talk about?

The tension's nearly over, you finally got to dance,

so what do you want?

It's about what's happening between us. About what happened to us.

And what happened to us?

Life's difficult. Even living with oneself is difficult.

Nothing works out according to one's expectations.

For instance, it would never occur to me to invite mentally deranged neighbours.

-I'm being serious. -And I'm serious all the time.

Even if it doesn't seem so. Don't you know me at all?

Bloody hell, that's what I'm like! That's what I am like!

We can't go on like this. We really can't.

What a shame, I'd only just started to enjoy the party.

Exactly. You won't say anything else, will you?

We'll split up.

That's what couples therapy's for, isn't it?

Alright, then.

Let's just split up.

It won't be easy, being without each other.

-But you'll get used to it. -Really?

That's probably the first time I've tasted it.

What do you taste?

The difference between chickens.

Between an organic chicken and a normal chicken.

Excellent.

And now the hard part.

You can't shock us anymore.

What worse things can possibly happen to us?

You have to say goodbye.

Say goodbye?

Us two?

Yes. You've been together for many years.

You have to thank each other

for what you've experienced together.

-You have an amazing daughter. -Yes.

Yes, we do.

Once you were really in love.

Yes, a lot.

You were a good couple.

You should be proud of that.

Embrace each other.

We should embrace?

We haven't embraced for a long time.

That's why you should do so now.

-I don't know if… -I also don't know, but…

-Embrace each other. -Alright, fine…

Good. And now step apart.

How was it?

Good.

Tears came to my eyes.

Mine too, but…

I hid it.

Me too. I feel terrible, all I wanted to do was to have a shag.

Okay.

Shame that you're leaving already.

I don't know what to say.

Be strong.

It was a really

nice evening.

Farewell.

-And if there's a fire, call me. -Any time.

-Good night. -Good night.

-Listen… -May I?

After you.

-I'll do it. -No, it's fine.

I'll tidy up tomorrow.

Don't worry, I'll do it.

-Anna? -Yes.

We have to discuss the separation.

-But I'm too tired now. -Yeah.

Alright. So tomorrow?

I'm going to bed.

Perhaps I should sleep on the couch.

Sleep wherever you want, Evžen.

Anna?

I'm sorry we don't have a cat.

And I feel bad about how I behave sometimes, and it's true

that we can't carry on like this.

We said a lot of things and…

Anna?

I don't want to give up.

I don't want to throw in the towel.

And you?

Fuji, bed.

Look. What is that?!

Fuji, heel! No!

It's really strange, isn't it?

Come on. Let's go.